Hello and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Hey babe.
How's it going?
It's good.
We're going to be working on videos soon.
So people can see how crazy looking we are.
Yes.
What it takes for us to engage at times.
Yes.
Because listen, you're tired.
I am.
I'm tired.
Part of me is like, oh, I'm going to have to clean my desk then.
At least somewhat.
I mean not necessarily.
But maybe we lose the Girl Scout cookies.
Yeah.
I don't know.
But it does bring character.
That shows people that, oh, we have something going.
Yeah.
They just show you what season we're in.
That's true.
Girl Scout cookie season.
It is Girl Scout cookie season.
And thankfully when we went to Sam's the other day, because we have not, like, listen, I
don't know where you Girl Scouts are, but like we need to have a map and we need to
have like.
Or they just need to start selling them online.
Somebody please.
Yeah.
Somebody please because it is it's like, what are we doing?
Because so we go to Sam's and we come out and you're pointing is Sunday.
And so they're closing really fast.
And we're like, OK, we're about to leave.
Sure enough, you pointed the sign and I was like, first thing I said, come out of my mouth.
I look at the lady and I go, where have you all been?
Where?
Where are you guys?
Is there like, is there an app for y'all?
Helps us track.
It's like, what is it?
My family needs their cookies.
Thank you.
It's like, what is it?
They talk about how like the pop up like the pop up restaurants, the pop up food trucks.
Yes.
Where it's like, I'm not going to be in the same location two days in a row.
Follow me on social media.
That's so we where's your social media?
I need to like, is it Girl Scout dog work?
Girl Scout cookie.
What are we doing?
That actually would be brilliant.
That would be brilliant.
See, I just.
I just marketed somebody's you're going to about to make a million dollars off of that.
Let's bounce on that.
What do we do?
Yeah.
Sign me up.
We're about to make some money.
Yes.
So we can fund what we're doing now.
Because dang it, we got to do things.
Yes.
It's important.
Yeah.
We have, we have, we have marriages to save.
We have lives to restore.
We have stuff to do.
That's right.
We have cows to raise.
Yes.
We have chickens to grow eggs.
Yes.
Ducks.
You are my latest thing.
You are on this thing is I want to try duck eggs.
I want to raise ducks for duck eggs.
Let's try the duck egg first.
Yeah.
Because I've never had one.
Yeah.
She kept saying it's good for baking and I'm like, we don't bake that much.
But if we start making our own bread again and doing the things.
But even then it's like we scramble eggs and do stuff like that.
They say there's because there's more yolk.
They say they're creamier and they just taste better.
I am intrigued.
Yeah.
I'm intrigued.
We'll figure it out.
Yeah.
Or if anybody out there has had a duck egg or has ducks and wants to sell us some eggs
or in the market to buy.
Yes.
Yes, we are.
Yeah.
We're all about it because we buy chicken eggs.
We do.
From, from friends that have, we bought four this last time because our family likes protein.
Yes, we do.
And it is a cheaper source of protein, believe it or not, as much as the egg prices go up.
But ours do not.
Yeah.
They went up a dollar, but that's it.
That's it.
Still, it's fine.
Yeah.
And they are, they are literally farm raised.
Yes.
They have the poop on them and everything's still.
It's awesome.
Every so often.
Just adds more flavor.
I really should probably clean this.
Really should probably.
You know what?
It's not touching the yolk.
It's fine.
Right.
It's flavor.
Yes.
So how are we?
It helps strengthen and teach your gut microbiome how to fight.
Yes.
It's, it's, it's true.
It's the immune system.
Our immune systems are pretty cranking.
Yeah.
That's all I can say.
It's fine.
So how are we doing outside of that?
We're good?
I think so.
Um, anything excitingly important that we need to tell any listeners, catch up anybody
on anything?
I don't think so.
We're building a website.
We're.
Yes.
Yeah.
And I was about to say, yeah, it's like, I know we're working on stuff, but I don't
want to like say too much because I don't want to be like, oh, we're dragging our feet
on this or.
I don't, I feel like we've been talking about.
I think this is the first time we've talked about that.
Yeah.
Our second book is out.
Our devotional is out.
Yes.
Eight week devotional.
That's done.
Yep.
According to my brother, Bobby, we're like incredibly productive people, which means
a tremendous amount.
And I don't think he would just say that to us, especially because he's one of the busiest
men I have ever met on the planet.
He truly is.
I'm just saying.
Yeah.
But we enjoyed them last time.
Yeah.
When they were here.
I've gotten a lot of good feedback.
There's a lot of people out there that have said how incredibly cute my brother and sister
in law are.
And I agree.
Um, but it's neat.
It's neat to, um, be surrounded by people that cheer you on that want to speak goodness
over you that want to be life.
Um, and that don't remind you of your past or the pitfalls that might've tripped you
once upon a time.
Yes.
It's a good thing.
It is a good thing.
So that kind of takes us into our thoughts.
Yeah.
I think so.
A little bit.
Yeah.
Do you want to say your thoughts or did you want me to say that?
I'll let you say it because you, you kind of came up with it.
Okay.
It was really hitting on you.
It did.
So if anybody out there that listens to us, that listens to In the Real with me and Marcia
and Heather, um, I, I got to be sound person.
I got to be sound man, um, on this past episode and I had the most wicked, uh, echo in my
headset.
Yep.
And it was bothering me so much that what, like the first five minutes or so I, like
I'd be okay, but then I couldn't shake it.
And then I'd be like, let me try something else.
And then like I'm fiddling with stuff and I'm not as familiar with this board as you
are.
Um, but I'm learning.
Yes.
And it's like, I'm Tinkren and then all of a sudden Heather's like, I can't air myself.
I was like, Oh yeah, you're right.
That's bad.
Let's turn you back up.
And so you just discovered apparently what was going on on the, on the desktop as far
as like just there's a certain.
Yeah.
And I had, uh, I had added another layer of effects to try to, because, uh, cause it does
get kind of chilly down here in the studio slash office.
Yes.
Um, and so I've got a little space heater and so I added, uh, an effect on the main,
on the, like on the master volume, the master track, um, to try to eliminate the sound of
the space heater.
Right.
And then apparently if that effect is on while you're recording, it creates a weird little
echo in the headsets.
It's not like a delay or something.
It's not recorded.
It's nobody else can hear it except for in your headset.
Yes.
So then I seem crazy and then Heather wants to give me gummies.
So that way I'm not crazy or at least I'm high.
Not the Albanese.
The Albanese that I have sitting in front of me, like the stuff that, you know, makes
you loose it.
So I was in the middle of, uh, working out.
Was this two days ago?
About two days ago.
Yeah.
And mama Karen, she ends up sending me a message and she's like, honey, I'm listening to your
podcast and I'm not hearing any echo.
And I said, no, no, no, like it was, I explained to her that it was in my headset that nobody
else could hear it.
It was just because I'm even asking, I'm looking at the girls going like, am I, am I crazy?
What's going on?
Um, and I said, what I finally had to do was I had to find the rhythm of the echo and start
playing off of the echo.
But instead of being fixated on the fact that I was going echo, echo, like literally, um,
I had to fixate my, my focus on what we were talking about and the goal that was at hand.
Because if I kept getting tripped up on the echo, then I was going to be distracted and
I wouldn't be able to engage into the conversation or what was happening in front of me.
And so I even did like a quick, um, like a blurb out video blurb and it was like, it
hit me.
How many times do we get caught up with the echoes of life, whether it's our past, whether
it's our circumstances, whether it's even what's going on with us today.
Um, how many times do we get so fixated on what's going on that the thing that's in
front of us, if we're not fixated on the source and fixated on, on the task at hand, then
we're going to get tripped up and then we're not going to be able to move forward.
Yeah, that's true.
Because I know that that voice can come.
Um, and it can, you know, at times it can seem just like a little whisper in the background
and you can just ignore it.
Um, you know, it's, it's almost like, you know, it's, it's kind of an annoyance or bother.
It's like, that's fine.
It's fine.
It's like it's, it's drawn itself out.
Um, but then at other moments where it's, it's, it's almost like a loud screaming in
your ear.
Right?
You know, and sometimes it's a, here's who you were, here's who you are.
Here's who you'll always be.
Yeah, here's what you did.
You're always going to do that.
Right.
And then I, and then I thought about, like, cause I'm saying this to you today and you're
like, yeah, let's talk about that.
Cause I immediately thought how many times do we do that with our spouses?
How many times do we do that in our marriages?
Like, here's somebody that's trying to break through to the other side, but they're so
caught up in the noise of the, um, disappointments or they're getting caught up in the noise
of, well, you hurt me this at this one place.
So I'm going to recoil or it's going to have an echo effect if I see you even remotely
moving into that space.
And it's like that person isn't even that person anymore.
Or they're desperately trying to recover and not be that person anymore so they can heal.
Yeah.
But you're the person that's living with an echo and you're fixated more on the echo
than actually trying to regain the ground and make it solid again.
Or I'll throw this one out there.
The echo of comparison.
Ooh, yeah.
You know, cause either, you know, either compares comparing, you know, what you have now to
past relationships or to, well, you're not like, you know, my, my parent that took care
of me or you're not taking care of me.
Like their spouse takes care of them, you know, and it's, it is, it can be, it can create
that weird little echo, that weird little voice inside your head that drops just enough
of an edge of a wedge.
An edge of a wedge.
Yep.
I like that.
So yeah, but that's what I would, you know, cause that's, that's another one of those
little echoes that I would add into this.
I like that.
No, I like that.
Yeah.
So it's like, so how do we drown out the echoes?
Because I know with me, I, I had to be intentional.
I had to be intentional.
First of all, actually, let me back up.
First of all, I had to let other people know that I was dealing with an echo.
Yeah.
I had to, I had to verbalize.
I, I seem to be having, like I can hear myself.
I sound like I'm in a canyon right now.
Or a tin can.
Yes.
I, I am dealing with an echo.
And so that way, if I am responding in a manner that does not seem to be, you know what I
mean?
Like, I'm dealing, I'm just, all of a sudden it's like, I'm dealing with an echo.
Like I'm distracted.
Yeah.
Or I, I'm just very, or I seem agitated.
Yeah.
I was all of the above.
Like I was getting agitated.
And then it's like, and then I'm like, I need to let them know what's going on with me because
they're going to think I'm crazy.
Yeah.
Or they're going to just think that like, why, why is she all upset all of a sudden?
Like what's going on?
You know?
And it's like, I hear an echo and I need to figure out how to fix it.
And it was like, all of a sudden they wanted to try to engage and try to figure out how
they could combat it too.
So it's like, I think one of the things that I am learning that you and I actually have
done over the years in my mind, I'm like, have we ever even talked about this?
I'm not sure we've even talked about this before.
Maybe similar, but not really.
Yeah.
I think we've talked about similar things.
Not necessarily on the podcast, but.
Yeah.
I guess that's what I'm saying.
Like on the podcast, I don't think we've ever talked about this.
I don't think so.
Yeah.
So when you and I have an echo and we do, because we both, again, we both have been
married before.
We both have had past before.
We've both been with other people outside of even being married before.
Yes.
And that comes with stuff, right?
Yeah.
And there have been times that we have been together, whether very intimately or just
everyday living.
And it's usually me.
We've done it a couple of times, but usually it's me where I'll go to the extreme and all
of a sudden, I have a flashback of somebody that is not you.
And I either, I kind of recoil from you or I just flat start crying.
And I will look at you and I'll say, babe, that's not okay.
I literally, and I will tell you where I was, who I was with, what was happening in that
moment.
So I can paint you with this picture.
And it's like, and you, so that way immediately you can come into this space with me and say,
you're safe.
Yeah.
You're okay.
I've got you.
I'm not that person.
You know, kind of that reminder, not trying to compare you with somebody, but trying to
express to you that right there in that moment triggered something inside of me.
Yeah.
Because I think it's important to bring it to light because A, we are in this together
and we want to know when the other one is struggling or being attacked or is dealing
with something or, hey, I just got a weird flashback.
I heard a weird echo.
Yeah.
And you turned over this book and it took me into a weird place.
Yeah.
You know, A, it's good to recognize that so that we can, you know, that reminder of we're
in this together and we're going to come at this together and we're going to take care
of this together.
Right.
But also it's like, okay, is this a behavior that I need to take care of that I need to
make sure that I don't do this again?
Right.
Or is this just something that, hey, I'm going to do that again and we need to kind of come
together and pray that that gets removed, so to speak.
That's another space that gets to get healed.
I like that.
So it's like, because again, I mean, I use the silly example of flipping over a book
or something.
It's like, I'm going to flip over books or I'm going to move stuff around and it's going
to happen.
Right.
And it's like, hey, the way you did it or the way you said this or...
Right.
...and sometimes it's subconscious, sometimes it just happens, but it is, it's that recognition,
it's that calling it out.
It's that so often we talk about like sunlight is the greatest disinfectant and how so many
things with the kingdom of God and with the kingdom of the earth, the darkness, and as
soon as we recognize it, as soon as we call it out for what it is, all of a sudden it's
like that takes the power away from that thing.
Right.
And so it is, it's good to bring that up of, hey, this happened and it made me feel
like this or it reminded me of that.
Right.
Again, it's...
I am, it's like I'm going to say it again, it's that reminder of, okay, we'll take care
of that and we will remind each other and walk together that we are in this together,
that we are united, that we have the best outlook for each other.
We have, we want to always build each other up and we always want to encourage each other
and we always want to...
It's this, we're building this, we have built this and it is, I keep saying together and
you...
Yeah.
So yeah.
Yeah.
Because I immediately thought of our trip, our most recent trip when we took off kind
of on a quick little Valentine weekend.
And you took me and we went walking and you're showing me all these shops and then there
were some shops that we just don't go into that or there was one shop that you're like,
I want to show you all of the record shops.
I want to show you all the records.
And I'm like, okay, I'm ready to go.
And it was like, you could feel all the feels, all the things, all the stuff that lived there.
And it's like recognizing that in a person knowing that...
Saying it in a way, I think saying it in a way to where you're not causing an offense,
you're not causing...
Yeah.
What am I trying to say?
Remind, you're saying it in a way that I'm not attacking you.
No.
I'm coming against this.
Yeah.
Because it's like, you're so excited to show me all the things.
And it's like, I'm excited to be engaged and in this with you.
And the majority of the places that we went were fine and it was good.
And then again, the places that you knew that things were there, you're always so sweet.
You're so cute.
Anybody that ever watches us when we walk, they would think, man, he's awfully aggressive
with her and you're not.
You don't look aggressive at all.
But you actually steer me with my hand because we'll hold hands and then you'll like...
It's almost like a joystick.
Just kind of move my hand in the direction that we're going.
And it always cracks me up that you do that to me.
But it's a sweet way of just reminding, I've got you.
I've got you.
I'm going to protect you.
I'm going to make sure that I do not take us anywhere that is going to cause an echo
because even back when you did the Highland games, we would go and there would be some
Renaissance or some sort of fair stuff that it would be attached to.
And you would start walking us down one space and then you would stop and turn us around
and you'd say... because you recognize the things that you used to play with.
And it's like, I think when we take the time to get to know our spouse in that kind of
capacity and that kind of place, yes, number one, I love what you said, bring it to the
light, it disinfects it and it loses its power on that.
But I also like because what you're doing is you're finding out even if it causes your
spouse to get triggered or kind of just go off just for a second, what you've done is
you've exposed something that needs to be exposed so that way it can be dealt with.
You're not tiptoeing around it.
It's now can be dealt with.
You guys can come up with an action plan on how to handle it.
Pray, maybe again, make sure you know where you're going and that if you feel... have
a signal.
Our signal is, are you ready to go?
It's just kind of... or we'll go, hmm.
Our heads tilt and we're just like, nope, we're not going to go here.
We should check out the next store.
We should probably go somewhere else.
Do you want to go... yeah, let's go here instead.
But not making the other person feel ostracized or weird about their echo, but helping them
heal.
And I think also part of that recognizing and calling it out and healing is when you
do call it out and recognize it, you're talking it through, it can be something you can recognize
and when you come up with a solution of, is this something that is... can this be an immediate
fix or is this something that needs to be worked on?
Do we need to work on this?
Do we need to call in a pastor?
Do we need to call in a counselor or a therapist?
So that's the other part I think that I just thought of when we call these out is like...
because I know we're really good at... we have been walking this and we've been working
on a lot of this stuff for a long time.
But it is.
We still have things that pop up and it's like, okay, we want to work on this, but this
isn't going to be an immediate fix.
We haven't really run into anything that's been a long term, but we attribute that to
a whole lot of God and a whole lot of conversations and we've done a whole lot of work on ourselves
before we came into this marriage.
Truly, truly.
So yeah.
Yeah.
And I've done a lot of help.
I've gotten a lot of help individually from counselors and licensed professionals for
other stuff.
Yes.
Sincerely.
Yeah.
Because even those echo effects can create those things.
Those things can create the echoes.
They can create like... what is it?
I keep saying like the echo chambers.
Like you get into like an echo chamber or you can almost get into like something that's
so deafening that you like all of a sudden your person... what is it?
Someone calls you... you're meant to be.
You're meant to be.
So cute.
All of a sudden you're meant to be like freezes or starts responding in a completely something
out of their character and it's like have the conversations of how would you walk this
person through it?
What are some things and this is going to be an individual by individual basis.
Like I know with you, I'll grab your hand or I'll just... I'll reach for you and just
like to remind you, okay, I'm right here.
I'm right here.
Same with you.
It's like just being patient with each other in those places.
Because a lot of... I know a lot of my echo stuff came when we're being intimate and having
to... and that's not going to stop.
Like that would totally shut us down in the space that we don't need to be getting shut
down in.
You know, and you have to stand back and say, I'm here.
You're safe.
And then just that reassurance and reminder that we're going to make it to the other side.
It's going to be okay.
And then the more that you're in that with that person, almost like, hey, focus on me
to see my eyes.
Let me pull you farther away from that echo and the farther away we go, the less hold
it has on you.
Yes.
Yeah.
Agreed.
Yeah.
I think that's good.
Yeah.
I think so.
Yeah.
I think we hit it.
I think we...
We're going a little short on this one.
We are going a little short.
And I keep hearing noises outside the door.
I know you keep hearing noises.
Yeah.
So we're going to...
Yeah.
I think I keep hearing our boy, but yeah.
But I would say for this episode, even though it's short, I think it's full of a lot of
impact.
Yeah.
And maybe we'll come back and visit this one again.
Yeah.
But...
I will jump in real quick.
Yeah.
And I should have looked this up because earlier when you said that we don't think we've really
talked about this.
Yeah.
I think in a way, this almost relates back to the fingerprints.
Yes.
Very much so.
Because I know we have talked about fingerprints.
So in a way, it's kind of similar.
They're adjacent topics.
Yeah.
Agreed.
But yeah.
But I think just when that revelation hit me, it's like, what do you do?
Because it is, it's the noise.
It's the noise and the cares of this world that will get your mind so clouded or so clustered
that it's like, you can't think anymore.
And then it's like, you can't engage in the things that bring life because death is trying
to so come in and consume you.
Yeah.
And it's like, eventually somebody has got to kick in the door, so to speak, even if
it's just, I'm not kicking you, but I literally I'll grab your hand or you'll grab mine.
Yeah.
Because it's just reminding each other that we're very much in this, that these things
do not get to determine or dictate who we are today.
Even if we're dealing with something today, it does not get to dictate our tomorrows.
We can overcome it by talking it through, by praying it out, and then just re-establishing
those things of, hey, I got you.
Yeah.
And I was also thinking that some of these echoes, if we're not careful, can drown out
the voice of God.
Come on, sir.
Yeah.
And that's the enemy's tactic, ultimately.
That really is.
That's ultimately it.
Yes.
So we pray this week that you recognize the echoes.
Yes.
And even if it's your spouse now or your partner now that has unknowingly or knowingly created
an echo themselves, give them that opportunity to come out of that echo.
Give them the second chance.
Give them the opportunity to prove themselves.
Forgive them.
Yes.
And let them grow, so that way the echo becomes less and less and you guys become whole again.
Yes.
I like it.
Me too.
All right, guys.
Have the best week.
Enjoy the journey.
Good-bye.