1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,280 Hello and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na. 2 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,280 Hey babe. 3 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,280 Hi babe. 4 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:16,280 How's it going? 5 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:17,280 It's good. 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:20,040 I was like, oh, don't look at you this time. 7 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:21,040 Just in case. 8 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:22,720 Just in case you forget who we were. 9 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:23,720 I know, right? 10 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:24,720 That was weird. 11 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:25,720 That was weird. 12 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:28,320 I don't know. 13 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,000 And you notice I'm sitting in the same space that I did the other day. 14 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:39,600 And I was like, okay, I am trying to get myself into a habit of being in this space. 15 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:44,160 Because it's like, because you said this is where you want me, right? 16 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,160 Yes. 17 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:49,960 For not just you and I, but for me and the girls in the real. 18 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:50,960 Yeah. 19 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,160 Well, I mean, that's where you're sitting now. 20 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:59,560 And I know this is going to make a lot more sense when people do see video and probably 21 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,520 pictures of where we sit and our setup and all. 22 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:07,240 But where you're sitting now is where you normally sit. 23 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,240 Correct. 24 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:09,840 With, in the real. 25 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:16,640 So I think it was just one of those things that I think initially, initially my thoughts 26 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:24,240 are because the three of y'all are the biggest group show. 27 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:25,760 Oh, okay. 28 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:26,760 I'll say. 29 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:27,760 Okay. 30 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:31,640 Kind of like plan to shoot y'all. 31 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:32,680 Okay. 32 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:36,720 And then pare it down for smaller and smaller. 33 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:37,720 Okay. 34 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:41,520 You know, so it's like, so if we can get the three of y'all. 35 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:45,400 We can master the three of us, then everything else is gravy. 36 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,400 Right. 37 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:47,400 Yeah. 38 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,760 Because we get the three of y'all and then it's the two of us. 39 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:50,760 Yeah. 40 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:54,880 And then if there's any solo recordings. 41 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,160 And when you get yours moving again. 42 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,160 Yep. 43 00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,160 Yeah, I know. 44 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,760 I made you yawn, didn't I? 45 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:01,760 I'm sorry. 46 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:02,760 Y'all heard sparks. 47 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,400 That was sparks yawning. 48 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:11,160 But then also if we can get to the point where the three of y'all are getting recorded, then 49 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:18,040 that could possibly also be good for filming, like if the two of us interview another couple 50 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,040 again. 51 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,040 Ooh, yes. 52 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,040 Yes. 53 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,040 So. 54 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,040 Yes. 55 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,040 No, I like that. 56 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:26,040 That's my goal because right now we have four microphones. 57 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:27,040 Yeah. 58 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:34,080 And so it's, can we, I mean, right now we can't, but eventually we will be able to capture, 59 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,440 video capture all four participants. 60 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:37,440 Yeah. 61 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,600 No, I like it. 62 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:40,600 I like it. 63 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:45,360 Until we grow into a bigger space and I get a bigger board and. 64 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,640 And then our tiny sound man. 65 00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:48,640 Yes. 66 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,520 You're my silent sound man for in the real. 67 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,000 And then we can have now a tiny sound man. 68 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,000 Yes. 69 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,000 Little man sound man. 70 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,000 Yes. 71 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,000 For us. 72 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,000 Yes. 73 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,480 When we start training him. 74 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:00,480 Yes. 75 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:01,480 Because Sebastian wants to learn. 76 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:02,480 He does. 77 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:03,480 And I love that. 78 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:04,480 I think that's fantastic. 79 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:09,200 And we just need to get that beautiful girl of ours on board on our social media. 80 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,200 Yeah. 81 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:15,200 And then we can have a little family business going on. 82 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,080 That would be fun. 83 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:18,080 I think so. 84 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,080 I would enjoy it. 85 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:20,080 Yeah. 86 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,080 Yeah. 87 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:22,080 That's just me. 88 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,080 I'm mom. 89 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:24,080 It's fine. 90 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,080 I go, Ooh, something my kids can flourish in. 91 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,080 Let's do that. 92 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:28,080 Yeah. 93 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,080 Yeah. 94 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,880 Anyway, how are we? 95 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:32,880 There's a lot. 96 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:33,880 Yeah. 97 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:34,880 Yeah. 98 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:38,120 I know we were earlier, we went to the grocery store. 99 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:39,120 Yes. 100 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:46,700 And we had the fact that this is getting recorded the day after we prefer to release these. 101 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:48,140 Correct. 102 00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:58,200 But it's just between life happening and it's like, I don't want to sit here and name off 103 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:02,420 all the things that we've got going on, but it's like, I know our audience would probably 104 00:04:02,420 --> 00:04:03,420 appreciate it. 105 00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:04,420 Sure. 106 00:04:04,420 --> 00:04:13,280 But your dad and stepmom or well, your stepmom is having some health issues and she's battling 107 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,280 some stuff. 108 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:18,200 And I think we're going on what week two now she's been in the hospital. 109 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,200 I think so. 110 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,200 Yeah. 111 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,200 Because wasn't it like on a Wednesday or something that you and I took off? 112 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,200 I think it was. 113 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,200 Yeah. 114 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:27,320 So yeah, we're going or is it a week, two weeks? 115 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:28,320 No. 116 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:29,320 Two weeks. 117 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:33,960 It's two weeks because the first surgery she had already been there for almost a week. 118 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:34,960 Interesting. 119 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:35,960 Yeah. 120 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:45,800 So if you guys could pray, yeah, pray for my stepmom because apparently she also had 121 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:50,840 a stroke that is affecting her left part of her body right now. 122 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:53,600 So two surgeries and a stroke. 123 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:54,600 Yeah. 124 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:59,240 And they're not quite sure when they're going to let her out. 125 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,400 And yeah, checking on my dad. 126 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:06,960 You guys got to understand, like my dad's in his 80s and I think my stepmom's like if 127 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:12,280 she's not in her 80s, she's high 70s, early 80s. 128 00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:18,080 So not spry, but not done. 129 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:24,040 So there's still a lot of life to live and we need to just continue to pray strength 130 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:29,240 and health and wisdom for the doctors, physical therapy, miracles. 131 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:30,240 We're all for the miracles. 132 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:31,240 Oh yeah. 133 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:40,960 And just trusting God to work all things out and give my dad just peace of mind and rest 134 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,720 that it's not heavy on him. 135 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:48,400 I'm genuinely asking the things that I've been praying here in the middle of the night 136 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:54,720 or when I wake up in the morning, it's usually, father, if you could just carry my dad today, 137 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,520 that would be great. 138 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:57,520 Yeah. 139 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,520 Just kind of carry him. 140 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:00,520 Yeah. 141 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:05,240 Because we can feel the difference when God kind of carries you in a situation as opposed 142 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:11,040 to when you're having to trudge through and it's like, you're still in the midst of it. 143 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,640 You're still in the midst of the battle. 144 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,520 You're still in the midst of the mud. 145 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:16,520 Yeah. 146 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:22,760 But yeah, there's a difference when he carries you and guides you through it as opposed to 147 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:26,960 you doing it and taking it kind of by yourself. 148 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:30,080 So we've got that going on. 149 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:34,520 We just found out some friends have had some news. 150 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:40,080 So me and another friend of ours took off today to the hospital to speak the word of 151 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,360 God over there and remind them hope. 152 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,740 They actually hope was already in the room, which was beautiful. 153 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:52,640 It was beautiful in the midst of tragedy when you have your source and where your source 154 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:57,800 lies, instead of getting angry at God in the midst of the circumstance, it's you grabbing 155 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:05,720 hold of him and allowing him to grieve with you and get you successfully to the other 156 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:06,720 side. 157 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,040 So we pray for them too. 158 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,840 So it's just kind of a lot. 159 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:11,840 It's just a lot. 160 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:12,840 Yeah. 161 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:20,240 And just changes and shiftings in our lives and new schedules and stuff at work and stuff 162 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,520 at church. 163 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:26,240 I'm working up at the school more and doing all the things and it's just- 164 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,120 Again, not like bad things. 165 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,120 No. 166 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,320 It feels like a lot of shifting. 167 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,400 Yeah. 168 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,440 It's learning how to maneuver. 169 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:43,520 The best way I can describe it is, and I think it pertains to this situation too, it was 170 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:48,840 a husband and wife that we went to go take care of today and looking at the husband and 171 00:07:48,840 --> 00:08:01,000 saying, I remember distinctly talking to a family member that had lost their spouse and 172 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,640 you and I got a chance to kind of just be still with them for a second and be like, 173 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:05,880 how do you do this? 174 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,280 So how are you doing? 175 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,080 How do you do this? 176 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:16,440 And their response was, I ride the waves with God. 177 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:20,800 I let him help me ride the waves. 178 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:25,880 And it's like the waves of the joy, the waves of the anger, the waves of the emotions, the 179 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:30,200 waves of the heaviness. 180 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:36,320 When we almost surf those waves with God, sometimes we're walking on the water. 181 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:41,460 Sometimes we're literally drowning, almost drowning and he just grabs us. 182 00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:45,240 Some days we feel like we're body surfing and we're like, whatever. 183 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:49,000 And then there's other days it's just like you're floating and he's carrying you. 184 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:53,240 So it's like, that's kind of how it feels right now. 185 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,560 Just like, okay, father, what's the next thing? 186 00:08:56,560 --> 00:09:01,520 Because I like as we're shopping, grocery shopping, I'm looking at you and I'm saying, 187 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:05,360 and today, today school got canceled. 188 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:09,520 And so I was going to, you know, I worked out and then I was going to go clean and then 189 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,120 heard this, the news about our friends. 190 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:17,080 And so instead of doing that, we dropped everything and then went and loved on them. 191 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:26,120 And it's like, just letting God move you in those moments as opposed to, you know, again, 192 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:31,680 walking with him and letting him carry you or walk with you, just walk you through it, 193 00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:32,680 walk with you. 194 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,840 It just, it hits different. 195 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:41,560 So I came home heavy, a little heavy, but it's understandably, but at the same time, 196 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:45,880 full of hope, full of hope, full of peace, knowing that God is very much on the throne 197 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,440 and in control. 198 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,760 So that's where we've been. 199 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:55,640 Not to be Debbie Downers or anything. 200 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,200 Again, nothing to be down about. 201 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,440 It's just life is shifting. 202 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:05,320 We're in a new transition, a new season in our family and our jobs. 203 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:09,480 Yeah, like you said, everything. 204 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,000 I'm repeating it. 205 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,000 That's fine. 206 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,680 Do you know what we're talking about today? 207 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:15,680 I do. 208 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:16,680 Oh, okay. 209 00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,360 I mean, unless you want to talk about something else. 210 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,600 I don't know what we're talking about, but I'll follow your lead. 211 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,400 It's been a second since we've gotten into that where it's like, what are we talking 212 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:26,400 about today, babe? 213 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:32,080 I mean, I was actually going to go back to what I originally was going to talk about, 214 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,200 what we were originally going to talk about last episode. 215 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,920 Oh, that we bypassed. 216 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,800 But last week was so good. 217 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:46,120 Like I've actually gotten quite a few people come up to me and say, wow, that was really 218 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,120 good guys. 219 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,720 I was like, oh, thank you. 220 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,040 Well, thank you. 221 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:54,200 That's just us talking and just being real. 222 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,600 Cool. 223 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:56,920 Yeah. 224 00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:00,280 So anyway, I liked that we bypassed it. 225 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,920 So what are we talking about this week then? 226 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:08,200 So I know a lot of times we talk about flags. 227 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:15,840 And warning signs and a lot of people, I'm trying to not say red flags right away, but 228 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:22,000 I eventually want us to talk about red flags. 229 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:29,360 Because I know this has been a discussion just from stuff we see about how people treat 230 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:37,960 their marriages and how people treat relationships in general, even before they get into a marriage. 231 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:44,720 And you've used the phrase when we have talked about this, when this topic has come up, you've 232 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:49,160 used the phrase when is enough enough. 233 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:56,960 So it's like, I almost want to say, it's like I was toying and playing with how red does 234 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,280 that red flag need to be? 235 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:05,080 Or at what shade of red does it become a bad sign versus a good sign? 236 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,960 No, it's OK. 237 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:07,960 It's like it's beige. 238 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:08,960 It's beige. 239 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,560 It's like, no, that's red. 240 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:11,560 That's a shade of red. 241 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:12,560 Right. 242 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:13,560 Right. 243 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:14,560 It's pink. 244 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:15,560 It's just who they are. 245 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,560 They're going to be OK. 246 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:17,560 It's like, no, no. 247 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:18,560 I can change them. 248 00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:19,560 No, no, can't. 249 00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:20,560 Yeah. 250 00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:21,560 So. 251 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:22,560 Only God can. 252 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:23,560 Yeah. 253 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,560 Yeah. 254 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,720 But it was like, I think I just, it's like, I wanted to kind of touch on some of those 255 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:28,720 things. 256 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:29,720 OK. 257 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:30,720 No, it's good. 258 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:39,400 I know it's I know a lot of times we talk about, you know, it's like, yes, we talk about 259 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:40,840 some of the hard. 260 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,200 Yes, we talk about some of the difficult. 261 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,760 We talk about some of the good. 262 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:45,760 Yeah. 263 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:49,800 The blessings. 264 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:54,160 You know, but it's like, I know we talk a lot. 265 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:57,160 I know we've talked in the past. 266 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:02,600 I don't know how much we've talked about it on the podcast, but we've talked about. 267 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,600 Like premarital counseling. 268 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:05,600 Yes. 269 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:06,600 Stuff. 270 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:07,600 Yes. 271 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:14,080 You know, and like, I know a lot of churches are good with premarital counseling, but I 272 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:19,040 know that we've also talked to some couples where, you know, premarital counseling is 273 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,440 just a handful of meetings. 274 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:22,440 Right. 275 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:26,720 And it's like, does that really prepare you for marriage? 276 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:35,880 Does that really look at somebody's relationship and what you're really getting into as far 277 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:40,880 as, you know, hey, you're you're about to spend the rest of your life with this person 278 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:49,280 about to spend, you know, every decision, whether consciously or unconsciously, whether 279 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:52,480 spoken or thought. 280 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,120 Right. 281 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:57,040 Every decision is going to be going across that person. 282 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:58,040 Right. 283 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:03,520 Every, every action will affect that person. 284 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:04,520 Right. 285 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:05,520 You know, everything. 286 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:06,520 Yeah. 287 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:15,120 You know, even if you're at work, your spouse is nowhere near you, what you do at work is 288 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,480 going to affect your spouse. 289 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,480 That is correct. 290 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:27,280 You know, and it's like some of those questions of are you really ready to get into a marriage? 291 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,640 Are you ready to get into a serious relationship? 292 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:30,640 Right. 293 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:35,480 You know, it's like they your person does this now. 294 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:36,960 Is this going to be an issue? 295 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:37,960 Right. 296 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,320 You know, is this a deal breaker? 297 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:40,320 Right. 298 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:41,320 Is this a deal breaker? 299 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:45,480 Or, you know, hey, it kind of bothers me now, but I can sweep it under the rug because I'm 300 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:49,920 sure I'll get used to it after four, five, 10, 15 years. 301 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,560 And it's like, will you though? 302 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:53,560 Right. 303 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:58,000 You know, and it's so it's so it's like those things. 304 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,080 So it's that kind of. 305 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:01,080 Yeah. 306 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,080 Yeah. 307 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:05,120 So I remember when we had this conversation. 308 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,240 So I went back onto our feed. 309 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,240 Yeah. 310 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:13,200 And I, I know we did not, we did not do an episode of this. 311 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,200 I just posted something. 312 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,000 I did post something. 313 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,040 And can I read it real quick? 314 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,040 Yeah. 315 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,040 OK. 316 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:23,800 So one of the latest conversations Luke and I are talking about and kicking around is 317 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,080 when is enough enough? 318 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:26,640 OK, so here we are. 319 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:27,640 Here we are. 320 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:28,640 Here we are. 321 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:33,560 We are huge believers and people can change and lives can get better. 322 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:43,840 OK, so interjecting onto myself, we are products of people that can change and lives that can 323 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:47,480 get better and be restored and redeemed. 324 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,760 Right. 325 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,000 Marriages can get better. 326 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,040 But what if they don't? 327 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,800 What if the person in the relation? 328 00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:02,680 What if the person in the relationship won't? 329 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:06,800 What if the toxic toxicity is that city? 330 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:07,800 Thanks, babe. 331 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:08,800 Yep. 332 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,160 Is so ingrained or the abuse is so severe. 333 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,480 That it's harmful to you and those you love? 334 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:20,280 Or why are you waiting to see if and when it does get severe? 335 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,320 What if this is where God says enough is enough? 336 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:27,600 If you find yourself making excuses. 337 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,200 Making excuses. 338 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:36,040 OK, instead of making changes, I'd say you're walking into the place of enough is enough. 339 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:41,000 If you find yourself going around and around and things aren't getting better, what if 340 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,320 things are getting better or you see them slowly digressing? 341 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:49,760 I pray you have the courage and the wisdom to say enough is enough. 342 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:50,760 Yeah. 343 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,760 And I think that's what it is. 344 00:16:53,760 --> 00:17:00,360 It's the looking at the situation. 345 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,960 Looking at how this person acts. 346 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:04,960 What do they say? 347 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:08,560 How do they say it? 348 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:14,240 If you're having a bad day, how does this person react to you having a bad day or to 349 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:17,000 you making a mistake? 350 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:25,560 And those times where you... 351 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:30,400 The trusted friends and family members that are around you, because if you don't have 352 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:35,320 trusted friends and family members around you, find them. 353 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,320 Find them. 354 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:37,320 Find them now. 355 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:41,480 Like you say that with urgency and it's true. 356 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:42,480 It is. 357 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:46,600 It's very true because as much as you may or may not... 358 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:54,040 As much as you think that you have just met Mr. And or Mrs. Wonderful. 359 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:58,320 Just or, not and or, just or. 360 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:02,700 That's another podcast altogether. 361 00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:07,800 But as much as you may think that you found your perfect 10, your one, your forever and 362 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,480 always. 363 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:22,320 If you don't have people around you that can confirm, can be a second year, that could 364 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,840 be a red flag in my mind. 365 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:33,760 To a degree, because again, you need that circle around you just in everyday life. 366 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,440 Like sounding boards. 367 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:40,160 I would say like a sounding board because again, you and I have been married before 368 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:47,560 and had I heeded... 369 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,520 I had people around me. 370 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:53,240 I did not heed the warnings. 371 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,640 I didn't. 372 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:57,680 I was bent. 373 00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:58,920 I was bent. 374 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,160 I said, nope, this is how I'm going to do it. 375 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:04,440 This is what's going to go down. 376 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:10,080 Nobody's going to tell me nothing because I'm grown now. 377 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,080 And I'm serious. 378 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,080 I'm sincere. 379 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:17,920 And it just, it breaks my heart and makes me want to throw up when I think of this. 380 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:23,320 But I've also learned that sometimes it's horrible, but in these red flags, sometimes 381 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:29,640 that red flag has got to fly so hard and so high that it literally will only take the 382 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:33,440 hand of God to absolutely get you out of that situation. 383 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:46,320 Because otherwise, if I had not heard audibly, this is probably less than a handful of times 384 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:52,480 I've ever truly believe I hear, I have heard the voice of God. 385 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:57,560 If I had not heard audibly, get out. 386 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,240 Or no, I'm sorry. 387 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,240 It's time to go. 388 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,280 That's what he said. 389 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,600 It's time to go. 390 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,560 Wakes me up at like three in the morning, five in the morning. 391 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:09,560 It's time to go. 392 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:17,760 And if you don't understand and get out in that space, it very well could cost you. 393 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,600 It could be so detrimental. 394 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:26,440 Sometimes it could be something, and I do not take this lightly at all. 395 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:32,000 It could be you being cut off from your family. 396 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:36,400 This person has decided that, hey, it's either me or them. 397 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,760 This is how we're going to do this. 398 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:43,600 It could be, which that in itself is horrible. 399 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:52,080 It could be something of the nature of they're so possessive and so you can't go anywhere 400 00:20:52,080 --> 00:21:00,520 without either without me or you have to constantly check in, check in and not a healthy manner. 401 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,840 Because you and I check in with each other all the time. 402 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,640 There's a difference. 403 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:06,880 There's a difference in that. 404 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:11,920 And so it's like, it can cost you your freedom. 405 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:20,040 That being said, if you continue to move down a certain path, if you see anger issues, if 406 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:27,040 you see them throwing fits or throwing things or throwing hands, that is a pretty good size 407 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:35,320 red flag because ultimately it could cost you your physical health or it could cost 408 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:36,320 you your life. 409 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:43,200 I mean, I'll say, because we're thinking about this, we're talking about this and it was 410 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:51,440 like, I was thinking back and for my first marriage, I did not have anybody around me. 411 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:59,200 You know, yes, there were probably enough red flags, but I frankly didn't care at the 412 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,640 time. 413 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:04,400 But yeah, I really didn't have anybody around me. 414 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,880 I was flying solo. 415 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:10,600 Like even my closest friends and family were half the country away. 416 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:11,600 Wow. 417 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:12,600 Yeah. 418 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,600 You know, so yeah, I had nobody. 419 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,560 But you know, I learned. 420 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,960 And I want to say, you did. 421 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:25,480 Relatively unscathed. 422 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:31,080 You know, but it is, it's, it's, you need that, you need that sounding board because 423 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:32,080 it is. 424 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:40,400 But they're going to see something that you are probably going to pass over. 425 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:45,760 You know, either through rose-colored glasses or, oh, it's not that big of a deal. 426 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,840 It'll, it'll be fine. 427 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:53,440 Or again, it's one of those things that, you know, those people in your corner that are 428 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:59,100 also going to pray for you, you know, that, that are going to make sure that you're covered 429 00:22:59,100 --> 00:23:05,280 in prayer and that, you know, that you are, you know, I'm listening and, and, and being 430 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:11,440 obedient and all that in your walk, not just in your walk as, as a couple, but in your 431 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:12,760 walk as an individual. 432 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:13,760 Yeah. 433 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:14,760 Singularly. 434 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:15,760 Yeah. 435 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:19,480 You know, because I know that when we got together, you had your, your powerful praying female 436 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:20,480 friends. 437 00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:21,480 I had a, I have a posse. 438 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:22,480 Yeah, you did. 439 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:23,480 Yeah. 440 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:27,480 You know, and, and then it was kind of the other way around. 441 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:34,000 I, I always, always, always laugh because you would always, you, you got it from your 442 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,560 mom, I believe. 443 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:40,280 I think that's what you said that, you know, she would always pray God, if this isn't it, 444 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:41,560 yeah, take it away. 445 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:42,560 That's it. 446 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,720 You know, and then you would do that to your friends. 447 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:49,160 And one woman eventually looked at you and said, I need you to stop praying. 448 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,160 Yeah. 449 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,640 Cause I keep getting boyfriends and they keep leaving me. 450 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:53,640 Yeah. 451 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,400 Which it's, it's funny cause it is, it's like, um, 452 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:02,480 Listen, for my friends out here that actually do listen to us, right? 453 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:03,480 Yeah. 454 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,160 If you ask me to pray for you, just know that I'm going to pray for you. 455 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:07,160 Yeah. 456 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:12,280 Like I, I will not, you, you are not allowed to come in here and tell me how you want this 457 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:13,680 to be prayed. 458 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:14,680 You know what I mean? 459 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:19,720 And it's, and it's not for any other reason, except I love you enough to tell you the truth. 460 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:24,880 I love you enough to war in a position and in a place to where I can look at you and 461 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,080 say, no, no. 462 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:28,280 You got this twisted. 463 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:34,680 You have this, or you're looking at it from a perspective as opposed to the whole picture. 464 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:42,400 And I had enough friends around me that, that, that do that for me, that did that for me 465 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,700 and that do that for me. 466 00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:47,440 Because it's like, even though I don't have the same posse of friends, I call them my 467 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:48,440 posse. 468 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:49,440 That's so funny. 469 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:50,440 Um, is my posse. 470 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:55,640 Um, even though I don't have the same friends that I did there, they are still my friends. 471 00:24:55,640 --> 00:25:00,720 Let me say it that way, but they're not in my close, they're not in my close physical 472 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:01,720 sphere. 473 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:02,720 Right? 474 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,480 I know I could call any one of them at any given time. 475 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,320 Like I know that. 476 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:07,320 Right. 477 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:15,280 And, um, but God's also gifted me with other people now to where we're in a new space in 478 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:20,320 our lives and in our walks and they get to call me higher. 479 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:21,320 Yeah. 480 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:22,320 Yeah. 481 00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:28,160 Like in places to where I get to be a better wife, I get to be a better mother, I get to 482 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:32,360 be a better woman of God, a woman of God first before anything else. 483 00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:36,600 Cause if we fix that, baby, if we fix that woman of God situation, everything else gets 484 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:37,920 to just kind of line in. 485 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:38,920 Right. 486 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:43,040 But it's like, and I think, I think that that would be probably one of the things that I'd 487 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:47,360 really want to talk about and unpack a little bit with you on this, because it's like, we 488 00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:49,960 talk about the red flags of the people. 489 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,240 Right. 490 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:55,760 What are some of the red flags that you would see in a person that, that you would say, 491 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,400 Ooh, you might want to double check that. 492 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:07,200 I, I want to continue on that, but I also want, can we talk about just a little bit 493 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:12,120 of the person on the other side that sees the red flags, but they don't want to acknowledge 494 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:13,120 it? 495 00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:16,000 Like I want to speak to that a little bit. 496 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,680 Like I want it because I'll speak for myself. 497 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,560 You and I are talking about our past. 498 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:26,400 We're talking about who we were somewhat to a, to a point, right? 499 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:32,800 That we saw all the red flags in our, our ex spouses. 500 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:40,200 What was going on inside of us that caused us to say, I see them, but I, I'm going to 501 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,100 continue to move forward in it. 502 00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:43,480 What do you think? 503 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:53,600 Why, why do you think people will dismiss a red flag? 504 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,860 I mean, I'll say low hanging fruit. 505 00:26:56,860 --> 00:27:03,440 I'll say the easiest one of the easier answers is there's a lot of people out there that 506 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:05,240 do not know their own worth. 507 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:09,240 They don't know the value that they carry inside of them. 508 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:10,680 Right. 509 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:17,600 You know, whether it's life has, has beat them down enough or, or whether their upbringing 510 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,560 has squished them down under the thumb. 511 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,120 It's like, well, this is, this is what I deserve. 512 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:30,760 I mean, unfortunately we know somebody in real life that we've interacted with that 513 00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,360 we hear all the horrible things about the relationship she's in. 514 00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:35,360 Right. 515 00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:36,840 And it's like, why would this person do this? 516 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,600 And it's like, you learn a little bit more about this person's past. 517 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:44,520 And it's like, dang, they didn't have a fighting chance. 518 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:45,520 I mean, they did. 519 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:46,520 They did. 520 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:50,040 If, if, if, if they went to God, they would have a fight. 521 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:51,040 Absolutely. 522 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:52,040 Absolutely. 523 00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:55,920 But it's, it's one of those things that it's like, if this is what you know, come on, babe, 524 00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:59,600 that part, if this is what you know, then this is what you're going to go after. 525 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:00,600 Right. 526 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:05,280 And even though, you know, it's like the thing that is hitting me and I'm probably going 527 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:09,320 to say it wrong, but it's that it's almost like that verse that a dog will return to 528 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:10,320 its vomit. 529 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,720 You know, because a dog doesn't know better. 530 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:13,720 Yeah. 531 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:14,880 That's what they're familiar with. 532 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:15,880 Yeah. 533 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:16,880 Yeah. 534 00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:22,120 You know, and it's, you know, if, if you've always been taught, you know, that, you know, 535 00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:26,080 especially a woman, you know, if you, if you were raised from a little, as a little girl 536 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:35,280 that the husband is going to be an alcoholic, that's verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, 537 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:43,520 and at times physically abusive towards your mom, then you're going to assume that's how 538 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,000 it is supposed to be. 539 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:46,000 Yep. 540 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:50,720 And the only time you got attention was when you were getting belittled. 541 00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:53,520 You're going to assume that's how I get attention. 542 00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:55,160 This is what a marriage looks like. 543 00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:56,160 Right. 544 00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:00,560 And then when they go, they become an adult and they go from relationship to relationship 545 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:05,880 with alcoholic abusers, you're going to be like, oh my gosh, what's wrong with you? 546 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:06,880 Just stop. 547 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,720 And they're going to be like, this is, this is it. 548 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:10,720 This is what I know. 549 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:11,720 This is what I know. 550 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:12,720 Yeah. 551 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:18,160 You know, and it's like, as much as you want to shake them and say, stop the cycle, your 552 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:21,960 heart breaks for them because that's all they know. 553 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:22,960 Right. 554 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:23,960 Right. 555 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:24,960 Right. 556 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:25,960 Right. 557 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:29,880 You know, and it's, so it is, it's, I, I, that, I think that's going to be my first 558 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:35,040 answer as to why do people ignore red flags? 559 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:36,040 Yeah. 560 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,840 Is because they don't know their worth. 561 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:39,840 Yeah. 562 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:40,840 Yeah. 563 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:41,840 No. 564 00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:46,120 There's also that part of me that says, um, is there a familiar spirit? 565 00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:51,920 Is there something that you're, again, it's knowing your worth, maybe that's what you 566 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:56,520 were raised around, but also I think, is there something inside of you? 567 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:58,160 Like do a heart check? 568 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:04,640 Is there something inside of you that creates, well, let me think my thoughts through cause 569 00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,920 it's going to kind of almost sound bad. 570 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:15,680 Like, um, do you attract incredibly horrible people? 571 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,160 You know what I mean? 572 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:26,560 And um, is, is there, we, we hear with women like the bad boy syndrome and it's like, it's 573 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:31,720 exciting and oh, they're mysterious or this is a little, you know, they're a little dangerous 574 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:35,320 or all of the things, bad girl syndrome too. 575 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:38,880 I mean, I think guys kind of think that's cool too with the girls, like a little bit 576 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:42,840 more, Ooh, she's a little, you know, something's different there. 577 00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:50,280 But I think ultimately what happens is you see a destruction like, and then there's ultimately, 578 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:53,560 um, like it can get scary. 579 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:57,960 Like it can get like really, really scary. 580 00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:04,720 And it's like, is, is there, is there a little bit of something inside of you that says I'm 581 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:08,800 kind of attracted to the bad boy? 582 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:15,160 I'm kind of attracted to how, how he makes me feel like that a little bit. 583 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:21,960 And again, I'm speaking out of an experience, you know, just like it's, it's, it's that 584 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,120 weird space. 585 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:28,960 And it's like, I know everything that we're going to be talking about literally goes back 586 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:34,360 to our identity and how we see ourselves and what our worth is. 587 00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:40,280 But part of me is like, let's keep kind of just going a little bit higher because I think 588 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,840 sometimes people go, Oh, well, I know who I am. 589 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:46,720 You know, I'm a child of the most high God and I'm a Christian or, you know, I'm a great 590 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:48,440 person and there's nothing wrong with me. 591 00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:53,680 And I want to go, but look at what's going on in front of you. 592 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,680 Are you having to make excuses? 593 00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,520 But sorry. 594 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:00,520 It's okay. 595 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:04,000 I also want to say like when you're, when you're saying that, you know, though I'm the child 596 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:06,760 of the most high God, I'm a child of God. 597 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:10,440 I'm you know, I'm this in, you know, it's like, it's like with our children, you know, 598 00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:11,440 it's like, you know, who are you? 599 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:14,360 I'm, you know, I'm a child of God. 600 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:15,360 What are you? 601 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:16,760 I'm strong, mighty, brave, and I can do anything. 602 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:18,120 And I put my mind to. 603 00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:27,840 And it's like, when people are rattling that off to say, Oh no, I know who I am. 604 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:28,840 I know my worth. 605 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:31,920 It's like, but do you know that? 606 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,880 You can say it, but do you know it? 607 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:39,600 Or you can say it, you can know it, but are you being it? 608 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:43,880 Are you following through? 609 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:49,520 Are you living the life out loud that you that you are you portraying what it is that 610 00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:50,520 you're saying? 611 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:51,520 Yeah, that's pretty good. 612 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:52,520 That's pretty good. 613 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:53,520 Yeah. 614 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,820 I didn't mean to rhyme, but that was cool. 615 00:32:55,820 --> 00:32:56,840 But it's like it is. 616 00:32:56,840 --> 00:33:00,160 It's like, are you being that person? 617 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:01,160 Yeah. 618 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:07,880 Because if you feel like you are somebody that has to make excuses, if you feel like 619 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:17,960 you're somebody that isn't completely living your life honestly in a space that you feel 620 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:23,160 like you can't be completely honest, you can't be you can't share. 621 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:24,160 Right? 622 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:26,080 Like we're huge on communication. 623 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:27,240 We're huge on trust. 624 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:30,480 We're huge on on like, let's have a conversation. 625 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:31,480 Right? 626 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:32,900 Let's talk about this. 627 00:33:32,900 --> 00:33:39,320 If you cannot talk about your relationship with your bestie, with your mom, with your 628 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:45,240 dad, with the people that are around you, somebody that you trust, if you cannot, like, 629 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,720 hey, how are you and Dina doing? 630 00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:48,720 You know, you know what? 631 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,720 You know, we're we're doing all right. 632 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,320 We're doing you know, we're doing pretty good. 633 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:59,400 And or you just or you go the opposite like of man, everything's wonderful. 634 00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,080 We're doing we're overcoming everything's doing great. 635 00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:03,160 You know, we're on this journey. 636 00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:07,040 We're doing all these, you know, we're working some things out and all this stuff. 637 00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:10,080 And all inside of you, everything inside of you says, 638 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:13,560 Why don't you tell them the truth? 639 00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,880 Why don't you tell them the truth? 640 00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:18,520 Tell them the truth. 641 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:21,080 Tell them tell them how you're scared. 642 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:25,840 Tell them how this wasn't what you signed up for. 643 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:26,840 Tell them the truth. 644 00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:32,560 Tell them that wow, you know, who they said they were, what they portrayed before we got 645 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,000 married and who they are now are not the same. 646 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:39,840 Like, they used to have all night worrying about finances and bills, right? 647 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:41,320 Like those things. 648 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,120 I fear for my safety. 649 00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,080 I feel for fear for my welfare. 650 00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,520 I haven't seen my children. 651 00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:52,240 I'm estranged from the people that I love because XYZ. 652 00:34:52,240 --> 00:34:56,200 Like, like, tell them the truth. 653 00:34:56,200 --> 00:35:02,960 Tell them the truth because a number one, you're already losing ground. 654 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:08,040 Like, we lose ground with people when we're not honest. 655 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:12,800 You know, like, do all marriages hit spots? 656 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:13,800 Yeah. 657 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:14,800 Yeah. 658 00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:19,520 In the the initial thing that I read that I wrote, like, way back, actually, it was 659 00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,120 like the 14th of December. 660 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:23,440 Yeah. 661 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:30,360 If you feel like you're literally going around and around the same mountain, if you've constantly 662 00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:35,720 are separating or you're saying I'm filing for divorce or I'm screaming or I'm saying 663 00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:37,680 I'm not going to do this anymore. 664 00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:41,840 Like it's like every week or every other week, you're having the same argument, the same 665 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:43,160 argument. 666 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:44,760 And there's no resolution. 667 00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:48,440 There's no it's just constant conflict. 668 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,000 Maybe maybe step back. 669 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:52,000 Yeah. 670 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:57,080 And again, you and I believe with everything in us that, yes, God can restore things. 671 00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:58,080 Okay. 672 00:35:58,080 --> 00:35:59,560 But here's the revelation. 673 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:03,680 This is one of our friends, our sweet friends gave me this revelation one day and she just 674 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:11,920 looks at me and because she says my first marriage, she goes, I kept I she goes, I kept 675 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:17,080 yelling like, God, you know what, what you've put together, no man can separate. 676 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,240 And he goes, I didn't put that together. 677 00:36:19,240 --> 00:36:20,240 Yeah. 678 00:36:20,240 --> 00:36:21,240 You did. 679 00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:28,240 And it's like, Chuck yourself. 680 00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:32,240 It's okay for you to say, you know what, dang it, I blew it. 681 00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:33,240 I blew it. 682 00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:34,240 Yeah. 683 00:36:34,240 --> 00:36:35,240 I messed up there. 684 00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:40,280 This, this is not, we are not giving people license to go run around and take, get divorced. 685 00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:45,080 Like this is a completely different podcast than our episode that I know that we've talked 686 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:48,840 about before because we are, we're huge advocates of saving marriages. 687 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:49,840 Yeah. 688 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:57,360 And we don't believe that every marriage was absolutely ordained by God. 689 00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:58,360 Yeah. 690 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:04,240 And he doesn't have any obligation to bless your mess. 691 00:37:04,240 --> 00:37:05,240 Right. 692 00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:06,240 Yeah. 693 00:37:06,240 --> 00:37:15,960 I'll also say to kind of go back to the, why did you overlook this? 694 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:16,960 Yeah. 695 00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:25,160 The reason I didn't go back to this at all is, you know, I know you've, you, you introduced 696 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:32,960 me to the term missionary dating, you know, the whole, you know, it's, I can change them. 697 00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:37,000 You know, and I think, I think a lot of it is, you know, it's like, well, they're wild 698 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:41,960 and free now, but you know, as soon as we get married, it'll settle down. 699 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:42,960 Right. 700 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:45,960 You know, when we get married, this behavior will change. 701 00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:48,520 When we get married, this behavior will change. 702 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:52,760 When we get, when we have kids, this behavior will change. 703 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:56,680 And you know, we've, we've seen relationships like this. 704 00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:58,360 We've seen marriages like this. 705 00:37:58,360 --> 00:37:59,360 Yeah. 706 00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:06,440 I unfortunately knew a gentleman in, not a gentleman, some guy. 707 00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:10,840 It's like, I don't want to talk nice about him, but I don't want to totally trash him. 708 00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:15,000 But I knew this person, this individual when I was in college in my fraternity. 709 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:20,160 And it was, it's like almost everybody knew he was a sleaze ball. 710 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:24,880 And it's like the people above us were like, well, if we, if we, if we let them get to 711 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:27,040 this point, you know, maybe he'll get better. 712 00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:30,640 And then, well, what if we, if we let him get to this point, maybe he'll get better. 713 00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:34,560 And what if we get to this point, you know, if we, if we let them go to this, if we do 714 00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:39,480 this, if, you know, if we let them become a member, oh, he's talking about going into 715 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:40,960 the, to the national guard. 716 00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,520 If he goes into the national guard, he'll become a better person. 717 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,560 If he does this, he'll become a better person. 718 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,560 And he never did. 719 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:49,640 Right. 720 00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:50,640 Nobody held him accountable. 721 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,040 I wouldn't trust him to watch a slice of bread. 722 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:54,040 Dang, babe. 723 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:55,040 Oh yeah. 724 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:56,040 Shoot. 725 00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:57,040 Yeah. 726 00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:00,040 He was a, just use the word. 727 00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,760 I don't want to say, I don't want to, no, it's like, I just, it's like, I want to say 728 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,320 he's, he was just a dirt bag of a human. 729 00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:06,320 That's true. 730 00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,080 And he was just, he was sleazy. 731 00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:09,080 Yuck. 732 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:10,080 He was creepy. 733 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:11,080 Ew. 734 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:12,080 Yeah. 735 00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:16,720 And it's like, to the point where it's like, I don't even want to say this out loud, but 736 00:39:16,720 --> 00:39:20,560 it's like, he was accused multiple times of date rape. 737 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:21,560 Yeah. 738 00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:22,560 Yeah. 739 00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:23,560 That level. 740 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:24,560 Yeah. 741 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:25,560 Yucky. 742 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:26,560 Yeah. 743 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:35,560 And I found out later that the officers of the house found out about the accusations. 744 00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:37,560 And didn't do any. 745 00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:38,560 Yep. 746 00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:39,560 Yep. 747 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:40,560 Yep. 748 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:42,560 And then they yell all guilty. 749 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:43,560 That's not okay. 750 00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:44,560 Yeah. 751 00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:45,560 That's gross. 752 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:48,200 And again, I didn't, this is stuff I didn't know. 753 00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:49,200 I didn't find out about until after. 754 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:50,200 Until later. 755 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:51,200 Until after. 756 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:52,200 Sure. 757 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:53,200 Sure. 758 00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:55,960 I was like, it's like, I knew he was a dirt bag, but it's like, he was even more of a 759 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:56,960 dirt bag. 760 00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:57,960 Awesome. 761 00:39:57,960 --> 00:39:58,960 Great. 762 00:39:58,960 --> 00:39:59,960 Thanks. 763 00:39:59,960 --> 00:40:00,960 Appreciate it. 764 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:01,960 Yeah. 765 00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:02,960 And you just let me in with them. 766 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:03,960 Cool. 767 00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:04,960 Yuck. 768 00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:05,960 Sweet. 769 00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:06,960 Yeah. 770 00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:07,960 Cause him and I joined at the same time. 771 00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:08,960 Yucky. 772 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:09,960 Yeah. 773 00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:19,320 And there's those times where it is, it's, you know, I mean, I remember like my first 774 00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:26,200 marriage, it's like we did, I'm so silly. 775 00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,640 I am so weird. 776 00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:35,520 It's like when we first got married, it was like a pagan witchcraft ceremony in her friend's 777 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:36,920 backyard. 778 00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:44,680 And part of her vows was like, she admitted that she was not going to be faithful to me. 779 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:48,840 And it was like, surely that's a joke. 780 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:51,420 Surely that's a joke. 781 00:40:51,420 --> 00:40:52,420 She told you. 782 00:40:52,420 --> 00:40:54,720 Because it, it had never come up before. 783 00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:55,720 Wow. 784 00:40:55,720 --> 00:40:58,080 And it had never been even suggested before. 785 00:40:58,080 --> 00:40:59,800 And it was like, surely that's a joke. 786 00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:00,800 But yeah. 787 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:01,800 Yup. 788 00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:02,800 Wasn't a joke. 789 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:12,680 This is like, everybody's like, I really wish you guys had video right now to see our faces. 790 00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:13,680 Yeah. 791 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:18,920 Like you tell this story and I'm just like, dang baby. 792 00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:20,400 This is not the first time I've heard this story. 793 00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:21,400 No, no, no. 794 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:22,400 We've heard this story before. 795 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:23,400 Yeah. 796 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:24,400 First time y'all are hearing the story. 797 00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:25,400 Yeah. 798 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:26,400 Welcome. 799 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,400 And this is why we are here. 800 00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:30,400 Yes. 801 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:31,400 You know, so it is. 802 00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:37,400 I think it's all those things that it's, you know, when going into a relationship, when 803 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:41,280 going into a marriage, you know, it is. 804 00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:48,000 I think part of it is all those reasons as to why people just keep going. 805 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:49,000 Right. 806 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,000 Right. 807 00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:51,000 Gaslighting. 808 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:52,000 Yes. 809 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:59,200 Like, I know that that didn't have anything to do with what you said right there. 810 00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:00,200 But it is. 811 00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:05,760 I wanted to say it out loud because I was like, I've been sitting here thinking, what 812 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,120 would be another fairly good red flag? 813 00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:10,560 Yeah. 814 00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:12,720 If this person gaslights you. 815 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:13,720 Yeah. 816 00:42:13,720 --> 00:42:14,720 Oh yeah. 817 00:42:14,720 --> 00:42:15,720 Okay. 818 00:42:15,720 --> 00:42:17,360 Can you describe or define what gaslighting is? 819 00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:18,360 My Google? 820 00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:19,360 Yeah. 821 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:23,160 So it would be like, if you caught somebody doing something. 822 00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:24,160 Yes. 823 00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:25,960 Or caught somebody saying something. 824 00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:27,120 Yes. 825 00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:36,560 And they make you feel like you're wrong or you're bad for even bringing it up. 826 00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:37,560 Right. 827 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:47,600 Or they do their best to psychologically manipulate you to make you think that what you saw, heard, 828 00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:50,320 did, didn't actually happen. 829 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:51,320 Right. 830 00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:52,320 Right. 831 00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:53,320 You know, like. 832 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:54,680 It's like psychological warfare. 833 00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:55,920 It is psychological warfare. 834 00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:56,920 Yep. 835 00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:57,920 And manipulation. 836 00:42:57,920 --> 00:42:58,920 At its finest. 837 00:42:58,920 --> 00:42:59,920 It is. 838 00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:01,720 It's like, I almost wanted to say at its finest. 839 00:43:01,720 --> 00:43:05,040 And it's like, but I don't want to say nice things about manipulation. 840 00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:06,040 Yeah. 841 00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:07,040 Yeah. 842 00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:08,040 But it is. 843 00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:16,640 It's, you know, again, it's the, you know, it's like, it's like in politics, you know, 844 00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:21,400 it's like, oh, this person, you know, said this during a speech. 845 00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:27,360 And then two hours later, you've got like their spokesperson or somebody else. 846 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,600 Well, that's not what they said. 847 00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:30,600 That's not what they meant. 848 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,080 That was not the intent of what they meant. 849 00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:33,080 Right. 850 00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:34,080 It's like, how do you know? 851 00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:36,120 You are not even near this person. 852 00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:38,000 You're not communicating with this person. 853 00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:39,480 That's not what they meant. 854 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:40,480 That's not what they said. 855 00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:41,480 How do you? 856 00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:42,480 It's like, I have the transcripts. 857 00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:43,480 That's exactly what they said. 858 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:44,480 That's what they said. 859 00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:45,480 Yes. 860 00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:46,480 No, that's not what they said. 861 00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:47,480 That's not what they meant. 862 00:43:47,480 --> 00:44:01,080 Or, or again, it's like somebody getting caught drinking, you know, hey, you made a commitment 863 00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,600 that you're not going to drink on the weeknights. 864 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:05,600 Right. 865 00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:08,920 You know, hey, I see that you have alcohol with you. 866 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:10,800 No, I really don't. 867 00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:12,360 Why are you always attacking me? 868 00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:18,120 You know, and all of a sudden it's like, they either do their best to convince you that 869 00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:23,760 you didn't see what you saw or they completely flip it to all of a sudden, you're the bad 870 00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:28,320 guy for calling me out, for catching me. 871 00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:29,320 Right. 872 00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,320 You know, and that's what it is. 873 00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:32,320 It's the... 874 00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:33,600 They don't own the responsibility. 875 00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:34,600 They don't. 876 00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:35,600 They don't. 877 00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:40,680 And they want to turn it around and all of a sudden, well, you're the bad person because 878 00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:42,040 you saw this. 879 00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:43,040 Right. 880 00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:44,600 What are you doing spying on me? 881 00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:45,760 Why you don't trust me? 882 00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:46,760 Why are you trying to... 883 00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:51,440 Oh, see, and all of a sudden it's like, I heard in my mind, it's the whole like, you 884 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:55,120 know, why do you make me treat you this way? 885 00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:56,120 You know? 886 00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:57,120 That one movie. 887 00:44:57,120 --> 00:44:58,120 Yeah, that's crazy. 888 00:44:58,120 --> 00:44:59,120 Yeah. 889 00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:00,120 Yeah. 890 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,640 You know, why do you make me do this to you? 891 00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:02,640 It's like, didn't. 892 00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:03,640 Yeah. 893 00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:04,640 Didn't. 894 00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:07,360 You make me so angry. 895 00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:08,600 Why do you make me hit you? 896 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:09,600 Yeah. 897 00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:10,600 You make me, you know, or whatever. 898 00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:11,600 You drive me to drinking. 899 00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:12,600 No. 900 00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:13,600 No. 901 00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:14,600 You drive you to drinking. 902 00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:15,600 Right. 903 00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:16,600 Right. 904 00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:17,600 So yeah. 905 00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:18,600 Right. 906 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:19,600 Yeah. 907 00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:24,600 You know, but it is, or, you know, you've got stuff on your phone and all of a sudden 908 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:28,600 it's like, you know, oh, you don't trust me and why are you looking at my phone? 909 00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:29,760 And that's not what that is. 910 00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:30,760 That's something else. 911 00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:31,760 Right. 912 00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:32,760 Yeah. 913 00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:36,960 It's just all the nasty manipulation. 914 00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:44,640 As opposed to if, if you have somebody, if your spouse, okay. 915 00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,800 If you have your spouse and they are in that space. 916 00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:55,160 Again, do we understand that marriages are not perfect? 917 00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:56,400 Absolutely. 918 00:45:56,400 --> 00:46:03,280 Do we understand that some marriages like just we've had, again, we've had people on 919 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,760 our, our podcasts. 920 00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:09,920 We've had the opportunity to sit and talk to different ones along the way. 921 00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:14,840 You know, like, um, you have, you all porn or you have alcohol or you have, you know, 922 00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,600 drugs or whatever it is, whatever's going on, right? 923 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:22,880 The things we've even had, you know, like extramarital affairs, you know, just different 924 00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:23,880 things. 925 00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:28,280 But when you have somebody that comes to you and says, I want, I want to change. 926 00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:30,040 I don't want to be this person anymore. 927 00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:31,040 Yeah. 928 00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:32,480 Like they own the responsibility. 929 00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:34,600 They own, they own their part of it. 930 00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:36,360 They own what they've done. 931 00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:41,600 And then, and then that's when we know that God can come in and some forgiveness can come. 932 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:42,600 Yeah. 933 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:50,760 If your person is not willing to walk in that space though, that is when you need to start 934 00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:53,080 considering is enough enough. 935 00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:54,080 Yeah. 936 00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:58,920 Is, is this, okay, God is, is this where we part ways? 937 00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:02,480 Is this where we, we got to do some deep sea diving? 938 00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:03,480 Yeah. 939 00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:07,200 Is this where, Hey, can we go to counseling? 940 00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:10,200 Oh, you're denying that, or you don't want to go to counseling. 941 00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:14,160 You don't, you don't want to bring in another party that will keep us accountable or you 942 00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:16,720 don't want anybody else to know what's going on. 943 00:47:16,720 --> 00:47:21,480 Like, these are some pretty good size flags. 944 00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:22,480 Yeah. 945 00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:29,880 At least some really humongous caution tape that needs to be wrapped around everything 946 00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:34,600 and just do not go any further until you get this fixed. 947 00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:35,600 Yeah. 948 00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:36,600 Yeah, definitely. 949 00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:42,840 Cause it, cause it is, it's, if it's, you know, like with so many of the things, if, 950 00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:50,200 if these things aren't addressed properly, if they aren't taken care of, you know, if, 951 00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:54,960 if they aren't resolved, you know, they're going to fester, they are going to get bigger. 952 00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:55,960 Yeah. 953 00:47:55,960 --> 00:48:00,920 And it's, it's, it's like, all of a sudden I said fester and I think gangrene and it's 954 00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,800 like, you know, Oh, I was just thinking about a giant zit. 955 00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:04,800 Yeah. 956 00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,640 And see, and I thought, you know, like, Oh, you know, it's like, if you get like an injury 957 00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:12,120 on your toe or really bad cut on your toe, all of a sudden it's like, if you don't treat 958 00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:17,000 it, if you don't take care of it, especially when it's small, it could get infected. 959 00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:19,920 And then all of a sudden it's like, they're going to want to take your toe. 960 00:48:19,920 --> 00:48:22,560 Then if you don't get that taken care of, they're going to want to take your foot and 961 00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:23,560 eventually your leg. 962 00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:26,880 And it's like, how much more are you willing to lose? 963 00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:27,880 Right. 964 00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:28,880 Yeah. 965 00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:32,960 You know, so it is, it's one of those things where it's like, you know, and, and I think 966 00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:38,120 that's where you need, you know, it's, it's like I said, we said it before it's where 967 00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:42,240 you need that, that circle around you, that, that sounding board, those, those trusted 968 00:48:42,240 --> 00:48:48,240 friends, those close friends, those, you know, those trusted family members that when they 969 00:48:48,240 --> 00:48:55,040 speak into your life, even if they're speaking the hard, you're going to listen. 970 00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:56,040 Yeah. 971 00:48:56,040 --> 00:49:02,760 Even if you listen hesitantly and begrudgingly at first, because you're like, I don't want 972 00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:07,880 to admit that you're right, but I know you're right, but let me be frustrated first. 973 00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:08,880 Right. 974 00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:09,880 Right. 975 00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:10,880 No, right. 976 00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:11,880 Absolutely. 977 00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:12,880 Absolutely. 978 00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:18,600 So let me, let me mourn the loss of this and then we can talk about fixing it or going 979 00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:19,600 forward. 980 00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:24,560 You know, let me, let me mourn the fact that I was, I got into this situation and now let's, 981 00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:28,600 let's figure out how to get me out, either get out or go forward. 982 00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:29,600 Yeah. 983 00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:35,360 Like, and it's like, and it's that whole, do not surround yourself with yes men. 984 00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:36,360 Yeah, definitely. 985 00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:40,800 If, if you are surrounded by people that constantly are in the place of agreement with you all 986 00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:44,000 the time and they're not giving you the hard truth. 987 00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:45,000 Yeah. 988 00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:49,240 I would question who these people are. 989 00:49:49,240 --> 00:49:50,240 Or sorry. 990 00:49:50,240 --> 00:49:51,240 No. 991 00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:55,200 Or the people that will agree with you blindly. 992 00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:56,200 Yeah. 993 00:49:56,200 --> 00:50:03,080 Cause, cause I know I'm going to step on a, on a lot of toes on this one, but I've, I've 994 00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:07,360 learned Christians are especially bad at it. 995 00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:10,840 Like I need you to stand in agreement with me on an unspoken prayer. 996 00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:13,160 I'm like, Nope, I need to know what you're wanting me to do. 997 00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:14,760 I do not do those anymore. 998 00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:15,760 Yeah. 999 00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:18,120 Like, no, you got to tell me straight up what you're about to pray. 1000 00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:20,880 Cause I'm not about to agree with something that is not of God. 1001 00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:24,080 Like before I was a Christian, I'd never heard that before. 1002 00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:25,080 Yeah. 1003 00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:27,920 You know, I'm not going to tell you what's going on, but I need you to agree with me. 1004 00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:28,920 It just frustrates me. 1005 00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:29,920 Like what? 1006 00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:30,920 Freak out of me. 1007 00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:31,920 It just does. 1008 00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:35,760 I need you, I need you to pray really hard for an unspoken prayer. 1009 00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:39,200 Well I can't pray for really hard for something. 1010 00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:40,200 Tell me straight up. 1011 00:50:40,200 --> 00:50:44,080 It's just so dumb. 1012 00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:45,080 Just dumb. 1013 00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:50,400 If you cannot tell me your freaking prayer, no, or at least give me a general idea. 1014 00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:52,600 We don't have to go into great details. 1015 00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:54,200 Am I praying for prosperity? 1016 00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:56,720 Am I praying for a job? 1017 00:50:56,720 --> 00:50:59,480 Am I praying for healing? 1018 00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:04,640 Am I praying for something to die? 1019 00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:06,320 Give me a direction. 1020 00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:07,800 Give me a general direction at least. 1021 00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:09,320 No, it's an unspoken prayer. 1022 00:51:09,320 --> 00:51:10,760 It's just between me and God. 1023 00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:15,560 Well then you and God are going to have to talk about that. 1024 00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:21,160 Nobody has said that to me, but I've heard it enough and it is, it is one of those weird 1025 00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:24,720 things that it's like, so again, you know, don't surround yourself with yes men and don't 1026 00:51:24,720 --> 00:51:28,920 surround yourself with people that will just blindly agree with you. 1027 00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:29,960 Correct. 1028 00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:35,360 Because yes, 100% word of God says, where two or three are gathered in my name, I am 1029 00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:36,360 there. 1030 00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:38,520 But y'all got to have a talk about it. 1031 00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:39,760 You got to touch and agree. 1032 00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:47,400 You have to, when two or more are gathered in my name, agreeing on anything. 1033 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:53,080 It's that part, like touching and agreeing in my name. 1034 00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:54,080 Okay. 1035 00:51:54,080 --> 00:52:00,320 But again, if he didn't ordain it, he doesn't have to keep it alive. 1036 00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:06,120 Like I think of the scripture where it says, God will finish all things. 1037 00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:07,120 What is it? 1038 00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:10,080 He's, he's faithful to finish the things that he started. 1039 00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:14,440 I'm trying to remember how that scripture goes exactly, but that's the gist of it. 1040 00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:15,440 Right? 1041 00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:17,720 He's, he's faithful to finish what he started. 1042 00:52:17,720 --> 00:52:18,720 Okay. 1043 00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:23,360 Well, if he didn't start it, he didn't have to. 1044 00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:25,840 He doesn't, do we have a God of rescue? 1045 00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:30,880 It's my whole thank you Father, grace and mercy, grace, mercy and rescue. 1046 00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:31,880 You know what? 1047 00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:33,160 I was silly enough to build my house on sand. 1048 00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:35,040 God, I need you to help me. 1049 00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:38,440 Can we like throw a foundation down? 1050 00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:39,440 That'd be great. 1051 00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:40,440 Yeah. 1052 00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:48,320 But like it's, it is, it's, I, I would beg to like someone's, Oh, you know, the grace 1053 00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:49,600 of God and the mercy of God. 1054 00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:51,160 And I'm like, yeah, but you know what? 1055 00:52:51,160 --> 00:53:00,480 He may, he might look at you in that one moment and say, you know, you actually knew better. 1056 00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:01,480 Yep. 1057 00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:02,480 And you didn't. 1058 00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:03,480 Nope. 1059 00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:04,480 I'm going to let you bite this one. 1060 00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:06,080 I'm going to let this one bite you. 1061 00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:07,080 Yeah. 1062 00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:08,760 I mean, my marriage. 1063 00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:09,760 Yeah. 1064 00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:10,760 You weren't a Christian. 1065 00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:11,760 I wasn't a Christian. 1066 00:53:11,760 --> 00:53:12,760 So you, you, you have an out, sir. 1067 00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,240 That's my little get out of jail free card. 1068 00:53:15,240 --> 00:53:16,240 You have an out. 1069 00:53:16,240 --> 00:53:17,240 I do not. 1070 00:53:17,240 --> 00:53:19,840 I was loving Jesus, all of it. 1071 00:53:19,840 --> 00:53:21,800 I just wanted to have legal sex people. 1072 00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:22,800 That's what happened. 1073 00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:26,160 I just, Gabri's dad, he's pretty. 1074 00:53:26,160 --> 00:53:27,160 He's a pretty man. 1075 00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:29,840 Yeah, no, that was it. 1076 00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:35,160 That was, that was just, I say that I tease at times with you most mostly, cause I don't 1077 00:53:35,160 --> 00:53:40,040 want to sit here and say, you know, like he was incredibly talented, very smart. 1078 00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:45,960 Like we actually had stuff in common, but there were, there were more red flags than 1079 00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:46,960 anything else. 1080 00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:47,960 Yeah. 1081 00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:49,960 But it was a good friend that should have stayed there. 1082 00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:50,960 Yeah. 1083 00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:51,960 It wasn't even a good friend. 1084 00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:52,960 Just he was, he was a friend. 1085 00:53:52,960 --> 00:53:53,960 He was friendly. 1086 00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:55,960 It should have stayed there. 1087 00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:56,960 Yeah. 1088 00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:58,960 You know, but dang, you're pretty. 1089 00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:01,960 Oh, you think I'm cute. 1090 00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:02,960 Sweet. 1091 00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:05,960 Do you want, do you want to put a ring on it? 1092 00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:06,960 Yep. 1093 00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:07,960 Okay. 1094 00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:10,800 That's, that's how it broke down. 1095 00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:13,240 And it's like, there's much more to it than that. 1096 00:54:13,240 --> 00:54:16,200 But again, kind of like you, I will not speak ill of him. 1097 00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:21,200 I don't want to speak ill of him because we do pray for him and it is Gabri's biological 1098 00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:24,560 father, but we want to be respectful. 1099 00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:29,520 That being said though, guys, like it was not supposed to be, it was not supposed to 1100 00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:30,640 be. 1101 00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:42,100 And so in those moments, you can sit here and wish and preconceived idea and have your 1102 00:54:42,100 --> 00:54:45,920 own little imaginations of how you think something needs to go. 1103 00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:54,120 All you want to, but if God is like, no, like he's so faithful to like give us signs. 1104 00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:56,160 He gives us warnings. 1105 00:54:56,160 --> 00:55:00,920 He brings people alongside of us and says, dumb idea. 1106 00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:01,920 Yeah. 1107 00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:02,920 Let's not do that. 1108 00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:07,560 Or if you see yourself kind of like what you did, right? 1109 00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:11,760 Even if you don't know God, he's so very much there still in the midst of it. 1110 00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:15,720 Even if you didn't know he was around, he's still around you. 1111 00:55:15,720 --> 00:55:20,680 And there's is probably a pretty good chance that he's like, Hey, you're starting to isolate 1112 00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:21,680 yourself. 1113 00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:25,680 Hey, you're kind of running across country to try to chase after this chick. 1114 00:55:25,680 --> 00:55:26,680 What are we doing? 1115 00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:27,680 Yep. 1116 00:55:27,680 --> 00:55:30,520 You know, like you're not really thinking clearly here, sir. 1117 00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:32,120 Like what do we do? 1118 00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:33,120 Right? 1119 00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:38,800 Like if you find yourself doing things that are out of character. 1120 00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:40,520 Yeah. 1121 00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:42,040 Spending way too much money on jewelry. 1122 00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:43,040 Yeah. 1123 00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:45,040 It's probably a red flag. 1124 00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:46,040 Yeah. 1125 00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:55,280 You know, like we're not trying to berate or trying to, we're, man, we're trying to 1126 00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:56,280 help you guys. 1127 00:55:56,280 --> 00:56:07,320 Like we're trying to help you guys because we genuinely believe that not every marriage 1128 00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:09,320 is God. 1129 00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:11,360 Yes. 1130 00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:16,080 And a lot of times people feel they're stuck. 1131 00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:22,120 And again, we never ever want to say the D word. 1132 00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:24,760 We do not speak the slightly. 1133 00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:25,760 Yeah. 1134 00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:33,120 But we know that if abuse is abuse is abuse, whether it's emotionally, mentally, spiritually, 1135 00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:34,760 financially, physically. 1136 00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:45,800 Like if there's some major, major, like if any of this, a lot of this, even one or two 1137 00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:54,280 bigs of this hit you, I would say like really like go to somebody that maybe you've been 1138 00:56:54,280 --> 00:57:03,960 dodging that you usually get really good solid advice from and you want to dodge them because 1139 00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:06,280 you know if they eye check you. 1140 00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:07,280 Yep. 1141 00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:13,680 Like go find, go find that person because I guarantee they love you. 1142 00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:16,000 They love you and they want the best for you. 1143 00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:20,960 And they don't want to see you continue to go around this mountain because maybe one 1144 00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:26,600 of these days that that mountain might crash down on you and cause more harm than you have 1145 00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:28,600 ever even dreamed. 1146 00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:30,400 Yep. 1147 00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:33,600 It's true. 1148 00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:37,600 So yeah. 1149 00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:39,560 Yeah. 1150 00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:41,480 Yeah. 1151 00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:45,560 I hope this helped people. 1152 00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:49,040 I do too. 1153 00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:54,760 I pray that eyes are open, that ears are open, that hearts are open. 1154 00:57:54,760 --> 00:58:03,000 I pray that people understand that there's a difference between fighting for something 1155 00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:06,600 and then just eventually letting God fight for you and walk away. 1156 00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:07,600 Yeah. 1157 00:58:07,600 --> 00:58:08,600 Agreed. 1158 00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:16,560 And then trust God with the person that, with the person that's given off the red flags. 1159 00:58:16,560 --> 00:58:21,160 And then ultimately guys, ultimately, because this is where Luke and I had to eventually 1160 00:58:21,160 --> 00:58:22,760 come into our lives. 1161 00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:23,760 Okay. 1162 00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:25,460 We both had red flags. 1163 00:58:25,460 --> 00:58:29,360 We both totally bypassed our red flags. 1164 00:58:29,360 --> 00:58:32,160 Had really not good things. 1165 00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:43,320 And then eventually we had to ask God to remove the red flags inside of us and to heal those 1166 00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:52,200 places to where we understood who we were so that way the green flags could show. 1167 00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:53,700 Yes. 1168 00:58:53,700 --> 00:58:56,520 That we knew that we were worthy of the green. 1169 00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:57,780 Yes. 1170 00:58:57,780 --> 00:59:02,480 And that's our prayer for you guys. 1171 00:59:02,480 --> 00:59:05,480 All right guys, have the best week. 1172 00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:28,480 Enjoy the journey.