1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,680 Hello and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.. 2 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,680 Hi. 3 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:15,680 Hey. 4 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:16,680 How's it going? 5 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:17,680 She's so funny. 6 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:20,680 Like I want to, hi babe. 7 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:21,680 Hi. 8 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:22,680 I want to. 9 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:24,640 We've got Sparx with us. 10 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:30,600 We have Sparx with us and it's like, I think of, cause I do the intro for In the Real with 11 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,600 Marsha and Heather, right? 12 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:40,080 And I've now fit Albus and our silent sound guy who is you in my intro. 13 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:44,720 And I'm like, do we need to start putting Sparx in here? 14 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:47,760 Cause like, she is passed out. 15 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:48,760 Just about. 16 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:49,760 Yeah. 17 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,760 She is like, I'm home. 18 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:57,840 Her and our son just are like, I'm surprised he didn't get in PJs. 19 00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,880 So yeah, I'm good. 20 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:00,880 I'm good. 21 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:01,880 I just think she's funny. 22 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:02,880 I think she's funny. 23 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:07,360 Cause hi, welcome to Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dina. 24 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:13,560 It's sparks. 25 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:14,560 How are you? 26 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:15,560 I'm tired. 27 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:16,560 How are you? 28 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:20,640 I mean, I think that that's probably what our people are going to come off of listening 29 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,080 to this one going. 30 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:23,080 You guys are right. 31 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:24,080 Yeah, no, we're good. 32 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:25,080 We're good. 33 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:26,080 We're good. 34 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,080 We are good. 35 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:28,080 We're good. 36 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,080 Yeah. 37 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,080 Tired. 38 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,080 Yeah. 39 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:34,240 I've been doing a lot of subbing. 40 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:37,800 You're doing a new position of detail. 41 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:38,800 Yeah. 42 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:45,720 We'll just call it a detail because it's a, it's a, it's for set time, but it's like a 43 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:51,600 short term new job, but whether you want to do it or not, it's you. 44 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,560 You said it best to me. 45 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,760 Can I, can I say what you said? 46 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:56,760 You said it best to me. 47 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,440 Cause I was like, are you okay? 48 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:07,760 And you said it's like going from first gear to fourth and anybody that has ever drive 49 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:13,200 driven a manual knows that that is really rough. 50 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:14,840 That's a rough transition. 51 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,600 You may not recover your transmission. 52 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,720 Like it could be bad. 53 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:24,600 It could create some serious damage or you have to like do some quick footwork on the 54 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:25,600 fly. 55 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,520 And that is what you feel like you're doing right now. 56 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:38,240 And unfortunately, um, I keep reminding you that a lot of what is happening really isn't 57 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,240 on you. 58 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,080 You're doing the best you can with what you have. 59 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:47,920 And if you do not have all of the pieces that you need for the puzzle, you can't complete 60 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:49,880 the puzzle. 61 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,760 You can only do what you can do. 62 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,160 So there's your side note guys. 63 00:02:54,160 --> 00:03:00,480 If sometimes you feel like you're a little like, ah, am I tired because I'm exhausted 64 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:09,880 from doing multiple things or am I mentally, emotionally, maybe spiritually tired because 65 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:13,000 you're just, everything is just everything. 66 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,160 So but that's not what we're talking about today. 67 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,440 No, not today. 68 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,200 But we're just being real with you tired, tired. 69 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:26,160 And I'm dealing with a whole bunch of substitute or substitute positions, places, things. 70 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,560 I had a really good compliment though. 71 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:34,520 I told you about it for one of the teachers that told me that she's about to retire. 72 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,800 And it was like, so what are you going to do after? 73 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,080 And she's like, I said, you could substitute teach. 74 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,520 She goes, no, thank you. 75 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,400 And I was like, there's a special breed. 76 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:44,400 Aren't we? 77 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:45,400 And she was, you really are. 78 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:49,880 It takes a special human being to be able to, and I'm not tooting a horn, but it is. 79 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:56,040 It's like you're literally thrown in a classroom in front of students that there's a good chance 80 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,760 you may never have known. 81 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:03,600 And I'll say it's, for you and others that are in that position, it's refreshing to hear 82 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:12,160 a teacher say that because there are, it's such a, you've told enough stories and my 83 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:15,320 parents and sister being educators, I've heard enough stories. 84 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,720 And other friends that are educators. 85 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:30,800 And it's just, there's such a wide variety of teachers that have different views of substitutes. 86 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:34,040 I'll say it that way. 87 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:39,400 And you've run into a lot of the different types. 88 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:44,480 There are some teachers, full-time teachers out there that can't stand substitutes for 89 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,880 some reason. 90 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:51,520 And then you have the others like you had just a few days ago that truly appreciate 91 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:55,520 subs and then everybody in between. 92 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:59,280 It's the in-betweens, which kind of throws me a little bit, but it's okay. 93 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:05,040 And I think because she started off doing substitute work at the beginning, that helps. 94 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,560 I've also had other people say, yeah, I was, what do they call them? 95 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,560 The- 96 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:11,560 Paras. 97 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:12,560 Thank you. 98 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:17,760 Or they're the student teachers. 99 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:18,760 What am I trying to say? 100 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:22,080 Like the ones that are still in the process of getting their degree, but- 101 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,080 Yeah, they're student teachers. 102 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,080 Is that what they're called? 103 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,080 Student teachers. 104 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:26,080 Yeah. 105 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,480 I usually do that like your last or second to last semester before you graduate. 106 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:34,440 And so it almost, you almost are kind of para or kind of a replacement. 107 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:35,440 It's like being engaged. 108 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:36,440 Ooh, I like that. 109 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:37,440 Yeah. 110 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:38,440 It's like being engaged. 111 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,960 You're not quite boyfriend girlfriend. 112 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,480 You're not boyfriend girlfriend anymore, but you're not quite married. 113 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,680 It's like, I'm almost a teacher. 114 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:48,200 I'm not just a college student, but I'm not a teacher. 115 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,200 Correct. 116 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:50,200 I could do this. 117 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,200 No, I can't. 118 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:55,760 I can do this, but I'm really glad I've got somebody over me. 119 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:56,760 Right. 120 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,080 Right, right, right, right, right, right. 121 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,680 That part, that part. 122 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:00,680 And so yeah. 123 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:01,680 Yeah. 124 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:07,800 And so it was, it was, it is, it's nice when the people come in and they're like, you know, 125 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:11,440 cause it is, it's like, well, how long have you been teaching or what is your degree? 126 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:19,240 And I'm like, not this, not this, but I love kids and they seem to respond fairly well 127 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,240 to me. 128 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,560 So this is what I'm doing right now. 129 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:28,240 And it's, it's working for the moment until we move on to the next thing. 130 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,280 That's right. 131 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:30,620 So what are we doing? 132 00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:32,040 What are we talking about today? 133 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,000 What are we doing? 134 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:40,920 So today kind of, it's like, it was like a springboard from an earlier conversation. 135 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:41,920 They usually are. 136 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,280 They usually are. 137 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:48,120 But for fun, I'm going to call this episode Ripple Therapy. 138 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:52,520 I, you're so funny cause that's exactly, and that's why I said, let's just go record them. 139 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,560 I always put titles on everything. 140 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:55,560 It does. 141 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:56,560 I like that you put titles on things. 142 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:57,560 I do. 143 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:58,560 It's like, I want to like name everything. 144 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,520 It's like, I got a name for this and a name for that. 145 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:02,520 Yeah. 146 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:03,520 Yeah. 147 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:04,520 Ripple therapy. 148 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:05,520 Ripple therapy. 149 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,760 So what got you to say ripple therapy? 150 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:12,840 So we were talking just about relationship stuff, marriage stuff. 151 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,320 Cause that's what we do. 152 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,800 Cause that's what we do. 153 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:21,600 Cause we're boring and that, that, that, that, that's a lot of our conversations. 154 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:22,600 We talk about marriage. 155 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:23,600 We're not boring? 156 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,880 I, I'm okay with being boring. 157 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,720 I wear it like a badge of honor. 158 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,960 I don't know about y'all, but I wear it like a badge of honor. 159 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,120 I'm okay with being boring. 160 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:32,120 I'm all right. 161 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:36,880 We are not boring. 162 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,560 We just came back from a great adventure of a whole bunch of dogs. 163 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:44,040 That's why her puppy is laying on my foot tired. 164 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,040 Anyway. 165 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:52,880 But so I say, I say ripple therapy cause we were talking and I was like, you know, cause 166 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,640 we were like, you know, okay, marriage is going good. 167 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:56,640 Marriage is going good. 168 00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:03,520 And then something happens and it's like, you know, sometimes spouses get over a bump 169 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:08,200 in the road at different, at different speeds. 170 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:13,520 You know, sometimes, you know, like, let's say I messed something up, you know, I might 171 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:18,560 get over it quicker than you did, you know, or something like that. 172 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:24,240 And so all of a sudden in my mind came the image of if you picture the ideal marriage 173 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:29,680 or, you know, everything in your marriage is going good, going well, going smooth. 174 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,240 You guys are clicking and all that. 175 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,200 Think of it like a still calm lake. 176 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,920 You know, you've got, you know, that's, it's that mirror image. 177 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,800 It's that, you know, nice and calm still. 178 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,960 And then you throw a rock in it. 179 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:52,900 And you know, that initial splash will go away, but how far out do those ripples go? 180 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,600 And how long do they still go out? 181 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:55,600 And then you're like, yeah. 182 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,960 And also how deep do those, does that splash go? 183 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:05,440 You know, so even though that initial splash, that initial crash, that initial obstacle, 184 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:10,800 whatever happens, it's like you can still deal with the after effects. 185 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:11,800 Right. 186 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,320 You know, those waves that are still going. 187 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:21,080 And even though the waves aren't turbulent, they're enough to disturb the calm surface. 188 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,080 Right. 189 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:26,160 You know, or the calm, what's, you know, the calm that's under the surface. 190 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:27,160 Right. 191 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:31,120 And I think that's, that's one of those things that we, we kind of want to talk about today 192 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:38,120 because you know, if, if something happened, let's say I completely messed up. 193 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:42,160 Let's say I forgot our anniversary, totally blew it. 194 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:43,160 Yeah. 195 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:47,000 You know, and you know, after a while it's like, you know, yep, I'm good. 196 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,000 Okay. 197 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,000 I messed up. 198 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,000 We move forward. 199 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:58,620 Even though you might be okay, there still might be some after effects dealing, you know, 200 00:09:58,620 --> 00:10:00,120 you dealing with that. 201 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,120 Right. 202 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:06,560 You know, or I come to you and I say, you know what, something happened at work. 203 00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:08,800 I'm not working there anymore. 204 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,440 I'm going to find a new job. 205 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:11,440 Right. 206 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:17,120 And you know, that, that initial splash of I'm not working there anymore. 207 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:18,120 Right. 208 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,280 And then it's like, okay, but you know, then we're, we're moving on, we're moving on. 209 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:27,160 But then all of a sudden, you know, there's still, there still could be some, some waves, 210 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:35,920 some turbulence of, oh my gosh, Luke just lost his job or Luke quit his job. 211 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:42,440 And we've talked many times about one of the things that a lot of women consciously or 212 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:49,640 subconsciously look to men as the provider, you know, and a lot of men see themselves 213 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:56,320 consciously or unconsciously, subconsciously as I am the provider for my family. 214 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,320 Right. 215 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:03,240 That might cause some turbulence in your mind or the mind of a wife and say, is he that 216 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:04,800 stable provider? 217 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:05,800 Right. 218 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:06,800 Right. 219 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:11,680 If that splash happened there, could another splash happen over here? 220 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:12,680 Right. 221 00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:19,880 And I think a lot of what needs to be set because ultimately things will happen. 222 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:20,880 Life happens. 223 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:21,880 Yeah. 224 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:26,000 And whether intentionally, unintentionally, sometimes also the worst case scenarios, you 225 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:32,960 know, somebody, maybe something happened, somebody became unfaithful, maybe, you know, 226 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:38,040 something tragic happened, just physically, somebody can't do things anymore, stuff of 227 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,040 that nature. 228 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:43,320 So that's what we have talked about, we have talked about in the past. 229 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:47,400 I think a lot of times, you know, like when you hear, when you're talking about ripple 230 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:52,400 effect, I also hear, oh, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. 231 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,400 Right. 232 00:11:53,400 --> 00:12:04,560 And I think how you recover from the ripples is what's going to help you move forward on 233 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:12,440 how you recover for the rest of that leg of the journey. 234 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,440 Does that make sense? 235 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:14,440 Yes. 236 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:22,320 Kind of like having a real conversation because one of the things was, is here's the deal 237 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:25,680 guys, Luke and I are incredibly observant. 238 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:29,600 Also a lot of, a lot of people come and they talk to us. 239 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:37,680 We never ever, ever, ever, ever, please understand, ever want to ever uncover anybody that has 240 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:40,240 ever come to us to have any kind of conversations. 241 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,720 That's not who we are. 242 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:50,000 We do take these things that are brought to us or that we observe and we'll say, man, 243 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,320 okay, how would we handle this? 244 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:53,800 How could we handle this better? 245 00:12:53,800 --> 00:13:01,560 So that way we can bring it to the table maybe and help use it as a springboard for either 246 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:06,420 that same couple or somebody else instead of a stumbling block. 247 00:13:06,420 --> 00:13:12,320 So that way they can successfully get through whatever it is that season that they're in. 248 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:17,980 And so when we, when we see different people in the ripple effect that we were talking 249 00:13:17,980 --> 00:13:24,360 about was, you know, had a friend saying, Hey, like I, we, we still want to come and 250 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:25,720 talk to you guys. 251 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:26,720 Okay. 252 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:31,120 Well, we understand that it's been a really long time since we even initially brought 253 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:35,720 this up, but you know, this is, this is still what we want to do. 254 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:37,320 And I was like, Oh, okay. 255 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:41,320 And I said, or we could just get together and we could talk and this would be me and 256 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,320 the other wife. 257 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,320 Yeah. 258 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,360 And she says, but it's like, no, all of us. 259 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:49,120 It has to be all of us because it concerns him. 260 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,760 And I'm like, okay. 261 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:57,620 And I'm standing back going, okay, where the husband might've already gotten past it. 262 00:13:57,620 --> 00:13:58,620 Everything is fine. 263 00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:03,880 Or they, they themselves have gotten past it, but there's still, there's still a stirring 264 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,080 and I'm showing like my hand underneath the water. 265 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:11,460 Like there's still this stirring of like, yeah, we might surface be good, but like, 266 00:14:11,460 --> 00:14:18,240 I want to be able to recover from this because I want, I want to be able to continue to walk 267 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:21,200 this path stronger, better together. 268 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,200 Yeah. 269 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:27,800 It's, you know, again, it's, it's kind of like, you know, you know, a lot of, you know, 270 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:33,560 that, you know, and we've talked about it, that we're starting our relationship coaching. 271 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:34,560 Correct. 272 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:39,800 In fact, I just, well, you just signed me up, but I agreed to it. 273 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,920 I was going to say with your permission. 274 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:46,600 But I am now signed up to get my certification as well. 275 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:47,600 Correct. 276 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:48,600 To be a relationship coach. 277 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,000 So we're both going to be armed, dangerous and certified. 278 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,000 That's right. 279 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,400 Literally, cause you just got a pew pew. 280 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:55,400 I did. 281 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,520 So yeah, so that's fine. 282 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:02,800 But, you know, but again, it's, you know, when it comes to that, it's, it's, we're 283 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,800 not just going to say, well, this is what we've done. 284 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:06,800 Right. 285 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:07,800 Or this is what we would do. 286 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:08,800 Right. 287 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:14,480 So we're going to still look at, you know, just like any kind of coach or any kind of, 288 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,360 you know, teacher, it's like, we're going to look at case studies. 289 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:20,640 We're going to look at past scenarios. 290 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:24,600 We're going to look at, you know, Hey, I've seen this happen. 291 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:25,840 I've seen this work. 292 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,400 I've seen this not work. 293 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,120 I've seen this turn into a dumpster fire. 294 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,120 Right. 295 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,560 You know, it's like, when you were saying that, it's like, I almost wanted to go back 296 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,800 to, you know, our earlier conversation of, you know, teaching. 297 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:42,040 It's like, you know, when you're, when you, because I did go to school for a little while 298 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:43,360 to try to be a teacher. 299 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,360 You did. 300 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:50,280 You know, so you get a lot of those, oh, student A was acting like this in the classroom. 301 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,000 How would you as a teacher react? 302 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:58,160 It's like, you know, they're obviously not going to say, well, Johnny, it, you know, 303 00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:03,360 PSA 14 in New York City, you know, in 1924, you know, they're not going to, they're not 304 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:06,640 going to give the specifics, but they're going to give a general. 305 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,640 Yeah. 306 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:11,800 You know, and, and that's, that's like, that's what we'll do. 307 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:12,800 Yeah. 308 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:13,800 That's what we do do. 309 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,680 We're not making you guys case studies. 310 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:16,680 No. 311 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,280 But we are, we're in this together. 312 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:22,200 I mean, I think that that's what I want to tell a lot of people is like one of the main 313 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:26,780 reasons why we bring a lot of these conversations up to the surface. 314 00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:31,040 Number one, I mean, it's so funny because we're upfront, we're undivided, right? 315 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:35,800 You want to, but you can't, you can be undivided on something and be like, all right, we're 316 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:36,800 in, you know, it. 317 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:37,800 Yeah. 318 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:41,800 Uh, formidable force and whatever, and all the things, but it's like the, but if, but 319 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:48,280 if we aren't upfront and we have questions and it's like, we go into battle, okay, we'll 320 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:53,280 talk about military stuff and you and I, we go into battle. 321 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,560 I got to know that you have my back. 322 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,680 I got to know that you're in it. 323 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,200 Like you're in this. 324 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,160 And I, I know that I'll even tell them myself. 325 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:03,160 What was it? 326 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:08,320 It was just Friday when I looked at you and I'm like, I'm having a really hard time. 327 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:11,240 And you're like texting me and saying, I love you. 328 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,440 I have only eyes for you kind of thing. 329 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:15,440 Whatever. 330 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:16,440 I was being a girl guys. 331 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:17,440 That's all I can tell you. 332 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,920 I am a girl and thank you. 333 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,800 But it, it, it was one of those things. 334 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:28,280 I just needed to have some reassurance of, Hey, you got my back, right? 335 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:33,160 Like for better, for worse, for thicker or thin, cause like, I don't feel very pretty 336 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,200 right now in all of the things. 337 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,200 Right. 338 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,440 And like, we're in this, right? 339 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:39,440 We're doing this. 340 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,440 Right. 341 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:41,440 And you're like, absolutely. 342 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:42,440 I haven't changed my mind. 343 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:43,440 You know? 344 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:53,560 And I think even in the midst of the hard, you know, when we've been through hard situations 345 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:58,400 in our lives, when we see other marriages that are going through hard situations, whether 346 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:12,200 it's an addiction or porn or infidelity or just no communication, no communication. 347 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,200 And what do you mean Dina? 348 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:14,200 No communication. 349 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,200 Like they don't talk. 350 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:19,360 They don't think they're in the same space, but they're living different lives. 351 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,240 Or they don't go anything beyond the surface. 352 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,680 They don't go beyond the surface. 353 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:28,040 Like we, and we have encountered all of y'all, I think for the most part. 354 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:33,080 But the thing is that we want to look at you guys and say, I promise, I promise, I promise. 355 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:39,520 If you guys get on the same page and you're honest and, and you're, you're honest even 356 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,360 about the ripples, you're honest with each other. 357 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:46,880 When one says, maybe the one that made the ripple says, but like, I thought we were past 358 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:47,880 this. 359 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:52,480 And the one that had the ripples done, they just go, yeah, but if you could just give 360 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,560 me a second, let me walk through this. 361 00:18:55,560 --> 00:19:01,360 Or even if they are past, you know, it's, they're still sometimes dealing with the after 362 00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:02,360 effects. 363 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:03,360 Correct. 364 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,480 You know, it's like, no, I'm, I'm, I'm past that. 365 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:06,480 Yeah. 366 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,720 But I'm still having some aftershocks because of it for some reason. 367 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:10,720 Yeah. 368 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:11,720 Can you, let's just talk. 369 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:15,840 Like I, for better or for worse, or well, they did this. 370 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:21,720 And so like I'm bouncing and you want to say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 371 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:28,400 Like just because things get hard and the ripples happen or the storms come, that that's, 372 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,120 that's not time for you to abandon ship. 373 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:35,940 That's time for you to lock down and look at each other and say, Hey, there's some stuff 374 00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:36,940 we need to fix. 375 00:19:36,940 --> 00:19:38,880 We need to work on this. 376 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:43,480 What can I do to either help you or what can we do to fix this together? 377 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:44,620 Yeah. 378 00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:50,720 And one thing we've learned, you know, we've, we've, it's, it's happened with us, you know, 379 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,400 we've, we've, we have firsthand knowledge and experience with this. 380 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,040 We've, we've witnessed it in others. 381 00:19:55,040 --> 00:20:01,760 We've heard it from others, not just in marriage, but throughout so many parts of life that 382 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:09,480 if you have a question about something, if we have a question about something, there's 383 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,800 a whole lot of people that have the same question. 384 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:12,800 Oh my gosh. 385 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,440 Or the same issue, if you will, or the same concern. 386 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:17,440 Yep. 387 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:18,440 We tell our daughter a lot. 388 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:19,440 You are not an anomaly. 389 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:20,440 Yeah. 390 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:24,280 And it's like, I think back to, you know, we were doing a marriage thing and we had 391 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,160 split the guys and the girls. 392 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:33,320 And one of the guys brought something up and all of a sudden, like, it seemed like it was 393 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:34,320 really weird. 394 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,640 Like you said, like four or five other guys. 395 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,840 There were, there were like, you know, all of a sudden it was like going around the circle, 396 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,760 you know, it was like, Oh my gosh, I deal with that too. 397 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:41,760 Oh, I deal with that too. 398 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:42,760 Yep. 399 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:43,760 I deal with that too. 400 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:45,520 I deal with, you know, and all of a sudden all these guys were like, I thought I was 401 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:46,520 the only one. 402 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:47,520 Man. 403 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:48,520 See the enemy. 404 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:53,240 The enemy is a punk because he genuinely makes you think I am the only one that has ever 405 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:54,240 dealt with this. 406 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,760 And it's like, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. 407 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,900 You know, it might be happening to you. 408 00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:01,800 It's happening to two of you, maybe in a different kind of way. 409 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:02,800 Yeah. 410 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:08,920 But ultimately like, how are you going to move forward successfully together? 411 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:09,920 Yeah. 412 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:15,720 And that, and I think that's why we do bring up the, you know, the, the examples and the 413 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:20,280 case studies and the, you know, well, we've heard this question from other couples or, 414 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:25,520 you know, we, we know couples that, that have gone through this or have had these concerns. 415 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:33,640 And it's like, because it's, it's that reminder of, Oh yeah, we're not that unique, you know, 416 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,640 or we're not an anomaly. 417 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:42,160 You know, it's like, yes, every, or not every, but most marriages have that thought or have 418 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,520 that concern or have gone through this phase. 419 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:45,520 Yeah. 420 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:46,760 It was like, Oh, okay. 421 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:47,760 Yeah. 422 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,960 Well, they're strong and all these other couples made it through fine. 423 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:50,960 So we're okay. 424 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:51,960 Yeah. 425 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:57,400 Or let's be honest, because I think probably potentially the majority of the people that 426 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,520 do listen to us are Christians. 427 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:00,560 Yeah. 428 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:04,600 A lot of people say, Oh, well, we're Christians. 429 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,760 We shouldn't be going through this. 430 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:13,120 Maybe there's something wrong with us or somebody's going to think less of our walk with God. 431 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:16,160 If we tell them what's going on with us. 432 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:21,880 And that is, that is an absolute bonafide number one lie from the enemy. 433 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,720 And you are not the only one that is dealing with things. 434 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:25,720 Yeah. 435 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:29,000 Cause I mean, how many times have we, you know, just in generic, you know, just not 436 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,840 even church leaders, but leaders in general, it's like, how many times have we had the 437 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:37,800 conversation of, you know, if they would just say, you know what I was wrong in this case 438 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,360 and here's how I'm going to make it better. 439 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:40,360 Yeah. 440 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,200 It's like, man, how many people would be like, Oh, that's awesome. 441 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:43,480 I will follow you again. 442 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:44,480 Yep. 443 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,120 I will keep following you because you know how to admit when you're wrong. 444 00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:48,120 Yep. 445 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:49,360 Or, you know, you know what? 446 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:54,120 I, I said this or I started us off in this direction and that is the wrong direction. 447 00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:55,600 So we're going to course correct. 448 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:56,600 Yep. 449 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,800 I babe, like that's it. 450 00:22:58,800 --> 00:22:59,800 Right? 451 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,360 Like I'm sorry. 452 00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:02,360 Yeah. 453 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:03,960 I was wrong. 454 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:04,960 Yeah. 455 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:06,840 I messed up. 456 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:11,040 Whatever it is, however you want to play it out with your spouse. 457 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,400 I was wrong. 458 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,000 I didn't handle that well. 459 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,000 Yeah. 460 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,320 That was, that was my bad. 461 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:17,320 Yeah. 462 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,320 Right? 463 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,920 Like you say those kinds of words to your spouse. 464 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,320 I know that you and I have said it to each other. 465 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:29,160 Like that you just stand back and you just like that person, you go, okay, excellent. 466 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:32,920 You know, now what, where do we go from here? 467 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:33,920 Right? 468 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,920 But the fact is that it's been acknowledged. 469 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:41,160 The thing has been exposed and now you can kind of just use, you get to start laying 470 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:45,000 some groundwork and figuring out how to get your footing back. 471 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,000 Yeah. 472 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:52,200 And that's, that's the key because it is, it's the, you know, it's like, I've heard 473 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:53,200 it so many times. 474 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:56,640 It's like, don't just, don't just come up with a, Hey, here's what's wrong. 475 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,760 But you know, come up with a solution, you know, propose a solution. 476 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,320 It's like, you know what? 477 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,400 We are wrong or I was wrong. 478 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:09,280 Or you know, I know we messed up here or I messed up here and I want to make this right. 479 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:12,000 So I think this is what we should do going forward. 480 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:16,480 And let's have a conversation of, is that even a good path forward? 481 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,320 Or should we shift it into another direction? 482 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:20,320 Yeah. 483 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:27,120 You know, it's, it's so much, it's like, there are times I'm like, we're so boring 484 00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:31,860 because we have like, we have like three solutions, you know, to like everything that happens 485 00:24:31,860 --> 00:24:33,520 in a marriage, we have like three solutions. 486 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:42,320 It's, you know, you know, pray about it, talk about it, go on a date. 487 00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:43,320 There's more to it than that. 488 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:44,320 I promise. 489 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,760 When you come to our coaching sessions, we will have, we'll give you like four or five 490 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:48,760 solutions. 491 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,760 But you don't want to give someone too many. 492 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:52,760 You know what I mean? 493 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,680 It's like, it's gotta be cut and dry. 494 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,040 It really, and it is, it's like, I do, I joke, I joke, we're boring. 495 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:00,240 It's like, just talk about it. 496 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,600 It's like, I do. 497 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,280 I feel like there's so many things it's like, we talk about it. 498 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:07,400 It's like, this is going on in marriage and this is going on in marriage. 499 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:10,480 It's like, are people talking? 500 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:11,480 Did you talk about this? 501 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,120 Did you have a conversation with your spouse? 502 00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:17,400 Oh, I can't, I can't, oh, this bugs me. 503 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,000 Have you talked to them about it? 504 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:24,040 No, no, I just know it's just gonna make her mad and you want to go. 505 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,920 I think our marriage needs to go in this direction. 506 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,840 Have you prayed about it? 507 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,600 Have you prayed about that? 508 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,160 I think we should buy a new house. 509 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:33,160 Have you prayed about it? 510 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:35,840 Did you have a conversation with your spouse about it? 511 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:38,640 Or are you just gonna like, what is it? 512 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:43,080 It's the running joke of showing up on the commercials that they do around Christmas 513 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:44,080 time. 514 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,720 Look, I bought you a new car. 515 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,600 It's like, how are you going out and spending 40, $50,000? 516 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:51,440 Was it a parody kind of thing that we saw? 517 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:52,440 There was a parody. 518 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,560 She's like, are you crazy? 519 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:56,600 You haven't been working for nine months. 520 00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:01,000 The son's like, dad? 521 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:05,320 But even the commercials that aren't a parody, it's like, how are you? 522 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,920 How are you doing this without your spouse knowing? 523 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:15,240 You're going and spending $40,000 to $50,000 on a vehicle and complete surprise, not even 524 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,280 in roping your spouse in on this conversation. 525 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:19,280 How are you doing this? 526 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:20,280 Why are you doing this? 527 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:25,040 In my mind, listen, because one day you and I, we're gonna have money. 528 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:31,000 I would love to do it for you, but I think... No, no, here's what I would do. 529 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,360 We win the lottery. 530 00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:37,920 I would love to just take you to a car lot and be like, babe, pick. 531 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,620 The world is your oyster. 532 00:26:40,620 --> 00:26:42,640 Drive away in whatever you want to drive away. 533 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:43,640 Right, right. 534 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:49,080 But I think even if... Gosh, I don't know. 535 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:53,920 Maybe millionaires and billionaires are a completely different breed, and I understand. 536 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:59,680 I'm sure we have some 30,000 feeder people that maybe listen to us. 537 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,480 Maybe I'll give a benefit. 538 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:07,840 Okay, for those of y'all that do, listen, please, please, please still be the person 539 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:13,160 that has a conversation with your spouse with the smallest of things, because I think that 540 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:14,960 that is the key. 541 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:16,120 See it hit me. 542 00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:19,360 That jumped in my spirit, because it's like, that's the key, Dina. 543 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:20,760 What's the key? 544 00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:24,240 The key is you keep communication open, constant, constant. 545 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:25,240 You talk about it. 546 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:26,480 You talk about it. 547 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:33,600 You have conversation, because it is... Listen, we have friends that are blessed in that space, 548 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:38,840 and they talk, and then we also have friends that are blessed in that space, and we go, 549 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:40,560 do you guys even talk? 550 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:41,560 Right? 551 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:53,800 It's like it's the space of... Because in my mind, when you live in that kind of realm, 552 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:59,200 even if you're a thousandaire, hundredaire, a hundred thousandaire, right? 553 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:05,320 Okay, we'll even go with a smaller. 554 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:08,600 You are hooked to this person. 555 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,880 You are my ride or die. 556 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,280 Like I have purchases. 557 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:14,560 I'll do grocery shops. 558 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:19,240 I'll do the things, but for the most part, for any major kind of situation, like this 559 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,000 is... It's a conversation. 560 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,360 It could be the fastest conversation. 561 00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:24,040 Babe, what do you think of that? 562 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:25,040 Oh, absolutely. 563 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:26,040 Yeah. 564 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:27,040 Don't even think twice about it. 565 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:28,040 No, that's fine. 566 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,040 I have a piece about that. 567 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,040 Let's go for that. 568 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:31,680 Is that something that we can do that's in our budget? 569 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:32,680 Excellent. 570 00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:33,680 Okay, yeah. 571 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:34,680 There we go. 572 00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:35,680 Just with our daughter's car, right? 573 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:39,840 Just the whole thing of, okay, well, yep, this is what she brought to the table. 574 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,640 Do we have it to match it? 575 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:42,640 Yep, we do. 576 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:43,640 Okay. 577 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:44,640 Thank you, Father. 578 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,800 Thank you, Father, for blessing us to where we can bless our daughter. 579 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:47,800 Excellent. 580 00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:48,800 Let's move on. 581 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:52,600 But I think it's a trust. 582 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:55,400 It's a trust thing because I think of Karen and Charlie, okay? 583 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,000 So Mama Karen, Papa Charlie, right? 584 00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:02,840 I remember them distinctly telling me this one day, and I told you this. 585 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:08,920 He's like, I trust Mama to go to the grocery store with a certain amount of list, with 586 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:10,920 a certain amount of money. 587 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,320 I've learned that I can trust her in the small. 588 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:15,320 The Word of God. 589 00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:22,080 God will, if he can trust you in the small, he can bless you with more, right? 590 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:23,200 It's a place of trust. 591 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:29,840 It's a place of having a space where you say, I can trust you with my heart. 592 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:31,100 I can trust you with finances. 593 00:29:31,100 --> 00:29:32,100 I can trust you with this. 594 00:29:32,100 --> 00:29:35,120 I can trust you with that. 595 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:42,360 Would I love for you to bless me with a surprise trip, like me texting you yesterday and saying, 596 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:43,600 when is your 50th? 597 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:45,880 And you laughing at me going, in two years, babe. 598 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,640 And I'm like, no, dad, silly. 599 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,040 That's not what I'm asking. 600 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:51,280 I didn't finish my thought. 601 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:57,480 I'm literally thinking about this as I'm sleep texting you, when is your 50th? 602 00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:04,360 And no, when is football season, babe, in two years? 603 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:08,080 Because we said it on last week's episode. 604 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:13,520 We want to bless you with a 50th to do whatever you want. 605 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,720 But you're going to be involved in this conversation. 606 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:20,160 Would I like to be able to surprise you in that kind of manner? 607 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:27,760 But I want to be able to look at you and say, maybe you had some other plan. 608 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:30,760 Maybe there was something else that needed to be handled. 609 00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:34,240 Maybe something else was that it's under my radar. 610 00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:38,680 It's not because I'm wife, you're husband, because I expect the same from you. 611 00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:42,520 I'm husband, you're wife, but you're also the one that manages our household. 612 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,920 Babe, is this something? 613 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:49,400 So not that we're trying to tell you guys what to do with your finances, but we're saying 614 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,280 just even the smallest of things. 615 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:55,920 You may not know all of the 15 things going on with our children. 616 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:59,200 I give you a rundown of what's happening with our kids. 617 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:00,560 Do you have to know? 618 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:01,560 No. 619 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:02,560 Do you like to know? 620 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:03,560 Yes. 621 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:04,560 Because it's important. 622 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:05,560 Yeah. 623 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:06,560 Is our daughter coming home today? 624 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:08,200 Is she, where is she? 625 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,040 I'd like to know what's going on with her. 626 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:11,520 You know, kind of thing. 627 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:12,840 What's happening with our son? 628 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:13,840 Okay. 629 00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:16,800 Is there something we need to be taking care of? 630 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:21,040 You know, it's like, it's the small things. 631 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:24,760 It's being engaged in the things. 632 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:25,920 You tell me about work. 633 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:29,760 I step into your shop just yesterday, day before, Friday. 634 00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:30,760 Friday. 635 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:31,760 Yeah, Friday. 636 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:32,760 Step into your shop. 637 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:33,760 I'm looking at you. 638 00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:35,360 Are you okay? 639 00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:36,360 No. 640 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:37,360 Yeah. 641 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:38,920 What can I do? 642 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:42,640 I can't do anything, but I can listen. 643 00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:45,320 I can be in that space with you, right? 644 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:50,520 I can be in that ripple with you because I didn't do the ripple. 645 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:51,520 Okay. 646 00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:56,280 So let's take away the ripples that like, well, Dina, my spouse and I, like, we're cool. 647 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:57,640 Like we're doing all the right things. 648 00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:58,640 Okay. 649 00:31:58,640 --> 00:31:59,640 But there's life. 650 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,360 Life creates ripples. 651 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:05,400 Be in that ripple with your spouse. 652 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:10,800 Maybe you just need that, just that reassurance of me looking at you and saying, baby, this 653 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:12,080 has nothing to do with you. 654 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:16,040 This has everything to do with what you have literally been brought into. 655 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,840 This is, you're not incompetent. 656 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,420 This is not a complete picture. 657 00:32:21,420 --> 00:32:23,320 So it's going to be difficult. 658 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:24,320 Right? 659 00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:30,600 So it's like us reminding each other, even in the midst of the ripples that we ourselves 660 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:35,800 have not created, but have been created to us being in that space with your spouse and 661 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,760 saying, what do you need from me right now? 662 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:40,520 Do you need me to figure it out? 663 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:41,720 Do you need me to listen? 664 00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,160 Do you need me to shut up? 665 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:48,920 What do you need to go for a drive and just let me, like, just let you be? 666 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:59,080 What do you need from me so I can help you regain the calm in the midst of this? 667 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:00,680 Yeah. 668 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:05,200 That was a lot of talking. 669 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:08,200 That was me a whole lot of talking. 670 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:09,200 Sorry. 671 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,080 I apparently had more to say about this than I thought. 672 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:12,080 Yes, you did. 673 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:13,080 That's okay. 674 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:18,600 But I think it's just, it is, it's just coming from a, I'll say just from the wife's standpoint, 675 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:24,960 you know, and I think sometimes just based off of the DNA of how God has designed men 676 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:30,760 and women, I'm not going to, I'm not going to blanket statement it across the board, 677 00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:36,120 but you know, a lot of times fellows do respond differently than females. 678 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:40,520 And that's okay, because I believe that there's certain things inside of you guys that God 679 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,360 has designed specifically for that reason. 680 00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:46,520 Like there's some things that just have to roll off your back. 681 00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:48,920 They just have to, right? 682 00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:57,720 Because if they don't, it's going to crush you where we, you know, our favorite thing, 683 00:33:57,720 --> 00:33:59,680 you and me, like you're the headline guy. 684 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:00,680 Yeah. 685 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:01,680 Babe, what's going on? 686 00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:02,680 I don't know. 687 00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:03,680 This is what I know. 688 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:04,680 Yeah. 689 00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:05,680 What about this? 690 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:06,680 I don't know. 691 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:07,680 This is what I know. 692 00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:08,680 Yeah. 693 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:09,680 But what about that? 694 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:10,680 Yeah. 695 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:11,680 I don't know. 696 00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:12,680 This is what I know. 697 00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:13,680 Yeah. 698 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:14,680 This is, you know, and where I'm incredibly detailed. 699 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:15,680 Yeah. 700 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:17,560 You know, or it could be vice versa, but. 701 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:21,000 And there are times I want to tell you, I just, just give me the highlights. 702 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,000 Just give me the highlights. 703 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:23,000 Just give me the headlines. 704 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:24,440 You're like, I don't want to know all this. 705 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:25,440 Yeah. 706 00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:26,440 And I'm like, you know what? 707 00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:27,440 This is, this is who you are. 708 00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:29,440 I just, I just got to roll with it. 709 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:30,440 Yes. 710 00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:31,440 And I appreciate that. 711 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:32,440 Yeah. 712 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:40,280 And I think I've said that enough to you personally, privately, but I will say this to the listeners. 713 00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:44,040 And I want you guys to take a page out of our book. 714 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:50,120 Luke and I look at each other on a fairly constant basis and say, I sure do appreciate 715 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:51,120 you. 716 00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:55,400 Can I, can I just tell you why I appreciate you? 717 00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,400 And then fill in the blank. 718 00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:06,040 Like, like, especially Luke and I coming from, this is our second marriage, second and final 719 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:13,320 marriages of looking at him at times and saying, thank you for giving me space. 720 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,520 Thank you for giving me space to be. 721 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,080 Thank you for giving me space to cry. 722 00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,520 Thank you for giving me space to process. 723 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:22,960 Thank you for giving me space to give you word vomit. 724 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:33,360 If that's what I need in that moment, you know, you know, learn your spouse, learn, 725 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:37,920 learn what it takes for them to process the ripples. 726 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:44,760 Be the safe space for them to process the ripples and then don't, and also don't get 727 00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:52,560 upset if you may not be part of their process or if, if maybe you're causing part of the 728 00:35:52,560 --> 00:36:00,840 ripples and they just need to have a conversation or if they need to whatever they need, like, 729 00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:06,240 and then the one that is maybe feeling like they're getting rippled up, like don't live 730 00:36:06,240 --> 00:36:10,480 there too long, please, because that's also dangerous. 731 00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:15,880 Don't don't think that every pebble that's getting dropped that, that your spouse or 732 00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:20,520 is trying to sabotage you or trying to whatever, like, oh, they don't care about me because 733 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:22,520 look like they don't care. 734 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:23,520 Don't do that. 735 00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:28,400 Like, like learn each other, figure each other out, figure out what needs to be done, figure 736 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:34,280 out what needs, what needs to, what needs to be done in that moment. 737 00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:46,520 So that way your spouse feels safe to come back to center or peace again. 738 00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:49,280 Feel safe enough to be your spouse. 739 00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,960 Feel safe to be your, say it again. 740 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:53,320 Feel safe to be your spouse. 741 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:54,680 Feel safe to be your spouse. 742 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:55,680 Yeah. 743 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:57,920 Cause we're supposed to be in each other's safe space. 744 00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:58,920 Yeah. 745 00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:00,600 Like I want to be married to you. 746 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:01,600 Yeah. 747 00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:05,000 Cause I know sometimes, you know, when people, you know, aren't, you know, when they are 748 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:10,520 dealing with some of these, these, these moments and the impacts and the splashes and the ripples, 749 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:15,560 it's like, you know, I, I need, you know, right now they need a friend or right now they 750 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:17,640 need this, right now they need this. 751 00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:21,000 It's like, you know, be, be in that safe space where you can be their spouse. 752 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:22,000 Yes. 753 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:25,080 You know, cause, cause ultimately that's, that's going to help more than anything. 754 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:26,080 Agreed. 755 00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,120 You know, they might need these other things, but, but ultimately they need you to be their 756 00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:30,120 spouse. 757 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:31,120 Yeah. 758 00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:37,760 You know, if, if they need, if they need something more, help them find that. 759 00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:39,040 Yes. 760 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:41,040 If you need to give them extra support, cool. 761 00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:46,200 Be extra support, but, but ultimately be their spouse because that's, that's what's needed. 762 00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:47,600 That's good. 763 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:52,600 You know, and maybe understand when they need the friend outside of you. 764 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:53,600 Yeah. 765 00:37:53,600 --> 00:38:00,560 Or if they need the pastor or if they need the confidant or they need the, yeah. 766 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:05,320 The phone call on my way from work, off of work. 767 00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:11,160 So that way I can just talk to you, you know, to be that person, whatever it is, just be 768 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:15,800 the encouragement to say, I understand that I am not your answer. 769 00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:21,800 God ultimately is your answer, but thankfully he also uses people in those spaces. 770 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:25,280 So yeah, I like that. 771 00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:26,360 I like that a lot. 772 00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:27,360 What is he doing? 773 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:28,360 I have no idea. 774 00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:29,360 Sorry guys. 775 00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:32,560 It sounds like thunder is above our heads and it's our son. 776 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:37,360 I think he's like trying out for the new Dumbo play that's coming out in his mind. 777 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:38,360 Something. 778 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:39,360 He's so funny. 779 00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:40,360 Yeah. 780 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:41,360 This is our world. 781 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:42,360 Welcome to it. 782 00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:43,360 Yep. 783 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:44,360 I like it. 784 00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:45,360 Yeah, that was good. 785 00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:46,360 Was there anything else? 786 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:47,360 No, I think that was it. 787 00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:48,360 Yeah. 788 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:49,360 I think we hit it. 789 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:50,360 I think we hit it all. 790 00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:51,360 I like it. 791 00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:52,360 Yeah. 792 00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:55,160 Take time, make time to take time. 793 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:56,160 Take time to make time. 794 00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:57,160 Take time, take time to make time. 795 00:38:57,160 --> 00:38:58,160 Is that my thought? 796 00:38:58,160 --> 00:38:59,160 Yeah. 797 00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:02,160 Make sure you do that this week guys. 798 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:03,160 Hold hands. 799 00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:04,160 Yeah. 800 00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:05,560 Go for a walk. 801 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:07,160 Be intentional. 802 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,600 Be up in each other's business. 803 00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,280 Pray talk and date. 804 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,960 Pray talk and date. 805 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:15,960 I do like what one of our pastors says. 806 00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:16,960 What is it? 807 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:19,320 He says play and pray and play. 808 00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:20,320 What does he say? 809 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:21,320 Yeah. 810 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:22,320 Pray together and play together. 811 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:23,320 Yeah. 812 00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:24,320 Something like that. 813 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:25,320 I like that too. 814 00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:28,920 But yeah, be intentional guys and don't forget to laugh in the midst of it. 815 00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:29,920 All right guys. 816 00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:30,920 Have the best week. 817 00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:31,920 Enjoy the journey. 818 00:39:31,920 --> 00:40:00,640 Take time, make time for prayer.