Hello and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Hi.
Hey babe.
How's it going?
It's good.
How are you?
I'm good.
Good.
It's another beautiful day.
I think it's a beautiful day.
I have been enjoying our weather lately.
It's overcast.
It's gray.
It's drizzly in the mornings.
It was a sleepy weather according to our daughter and according to your mom.
So I went and cleaned for your folks because that's what I do every other week.
Excuse me.
And so our cute little man decided to have a sleepover with grandma on pop pop.
And it was spontaneous, had absolutely no clothes, all the things and stuff.
And Amy got to go take him do some shopping because that's what they do and that's fun.
But I asked Gabri, you know, hey, because her job isn't quite the most consistent with
the time, but you know, in all the things.
But I said, hey, how about you?
You want to make some extra money?
You're already on that side of the world.
Just go ahead and come meet me grandma on pop pops.
So her and I roll up probably within a couple of minutes of each other.
I walk in Hank, which is their dog, is like barking like crazy, like high pitch hard bark.
Right.
And I'm going, why isn't anybody saying anything yet?
Right.
I walk in our little boy is his nose is stuck in a book.
And your mom, bless her, is asleep in her chair and not hearing a thing.
And then your dad's in the back of the house, you know, and just like probably with his
ears turned off doing his own little thing.
He was in his office and to the point where I pop in and I go, hi, dad.
And he goes, hi.
He goes, did Hank greet you?
And I said, you heard him.
So I said, but nobody else did.
Mom's asleep.
But he goes, she slept through that.
And it was one of those things where she, you know, it's, it was spitting on me on the
drive over and it's just overcast.
And it wasn't until we left this afternoon that the sun finally decided it was going
to come back out again.
And then I think, I think it's, I think it's hiding again.
I don't know, but I'm not mad about it because like we went out to lunch afterwards.
Your parents took us out to lunch, me and the kids, and I think every one of us agreed
and decided that we are so ready for fall, just bring on fall.
Like we're, you know, summer has been nice.
It can go now.
And I haven't looked directly at our weather maps or our forecasts, but I think for the
most part, it seems like we're pretty much done with the 90, 90, 90s, like high 90s.
I think it's supposed to get low 90s like next week, I think.
But only for like a day or two.
High gross weird stuff.
And then next week we start school.
That'll be interesting.
I have it.
I have mixed emotions and the conversation that we had today at lunch was, I said, Hey,
I want to let you know that Luke has a theory.
We're like, okay.
And we're watching kind of like Olympic stuff and whatever the highlights and stuff on the
TV.
What's my theory?
The theory is the reason why people love summer so much is because of school.
It's summer vacation because I looked at your mom and dad who both were Air Force retired,
all the things, but then went into the school district and started teaching or counselors
and things.
And, and it's like, what, why are you so excited about?
I'm excited about summer.
Why?
Because I get a break from school.
And then I was like, cause you know, Gabriel turns and looks at me.
She was, when is your favorite season?
Mom.
And I said, fall, fall all day.
She was like, I would have guessed spring.
And I go, Oh no, no, no.
Like fall.
Like I love fall.
I love fall.
I love the way it smells.
I love the things that comes with it.
All of that.
You know, me, I'm a leaf peeper, leaf peeper, leaf peeper.
I love that.
Like watching all the leaves change colors and the beauty.
And it's like, one of my favorite sayings of all time ever is, um, God created trees
to show us how easy it is to let go.
Yes.
Yeah.
But yeah, it's, uh, you know, from kindergarten until you're a senior in high school and sometimes
college years, depending on the college you go to and the classes you assign, you decide
to take, but it is, it's, you know, so that's 13, possibly 17, 18 years of your life, especially
your formative years where you are taught summer is break.
Summer is when fun happens.
Yeah.
No, I'm good.
I'm good.
And so again, it's kind of back to our theory of if we went to year round school, I'm for
it.
We had that conversation today too.
Would that attitude of everybody thinking summer is the greatest?
I don't think so.
Would, would that change?
Yeah.
I think it would change tremendously because it's like, I know that there's going to be
people that naturally love summer.
They just love them.
The heat are our girls, one of them, but she, she's hard pressed on that fall.
She loves her fall.
And it's like, um, I'm, I'm in the space of what is it?
Fall, spring, winter, summer.
That's how they line up for me.
And I'm like, and again, not that I'm against summer.
I enjoy summer, but, um, no, I'd much rather go snow or snow, go snow, go ski and decide.
I don't even know how to ski, but I probably would learn if I had a little bit more of
an opportunity and all the things, but it is, it's, it's, it's enjoying the things,
all of the different seasons of life, not just the one, you know?
So I think, I think it would be a good thing.
So I'm for it and if that bothers some people, sorry, but I, I, I've literally had this
strain of thought since I was like junior high when they were even having conversations.
Um, you know, they were doing polls in schools and ask, ask the students, you know, ask their
opinion and I'm like, everybody's like, no, I don't want all year round.
And I'm like, it's the same amount of time.
And you actually, your brain gets a better break and you're able to retain things longer
and things become settled.
And it just, it's a natural kind of circadian rhythm that you just get to go fall into.
Yeah.
Let's go.
Cause I do.
I mean, I, I know there's, I know there's kids that talk about it, but it seems like
more often than not, there are kids that just get bored of summer break, you know, because
you're at two and a half, three months of just, you now have almost no structure.
Right.
It's like, I have Phineas and Ferb in my head now.
104 days of summer vacation.
Yeah.
You know, and you're like, that's a long time.
And what are you going to do with it?
Yeah.
You've already been spent out probably the first two weeks.
Yeah.
And then you're like, I'm ready to do something.
And now it's no longer that many days of school of summer break.
It's not.
Yeah.
See, sorry.
Let's go on a rant.
That is, that's our rant.
That's kind of our rant.
Not a rant.
Just.
These are our thoughts.
It's legitimate thoughts.
Yeah.
We ever decide to homeschool, I think we should do the all round.
Oh yeah.
We probably would.
I think that that would be the best way to go about it.
I mean, especially because, I mean, I know there are people that are, that are experts
in this and know a lot more than us, but you know, I mean, the fact that you, you know,
especially if you break it up and spread it out, you can, you know, you can do just three,
four hours a day.
With that and it's like, you know, well, yeah, as long as I'm teaching my kid.
Yep.
And you can do like the non-traditional thing is to teach them stuff.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
It's like we've got big, we actually got quite a few people in our pockets that have done
this and are doing this successfully.
So I need to just sit down and really have a chat and y'all know who you are.
So when you hear this, just kick my chair.
Please.
Yes, please.
Because we are, we're sincere.
We want to, we know that God's got some things on the horizon.
We know that there's some things that our family itself wants to do.
We've got some desires that, you know, we've, we want to enjoy the journey.
Part of that, part of enjoying the journey is, is the education of our children.
And I'm saying children, Gabriel included, she is still very much in that vein.
And we are too.
We're still learning too and we never stopped learning.
Yeah.
But I do, I want to get on, I really want a sound situation that we can stand back and
say, yes, that's it.
That's exactly where we're going.
And that's the way that we know that God wants to do it.
So anyway, all right, babe.
So speaking of seasons of life.
Yes.
I was like, I will segue.
I will segue from one to another.
Yes.
Speaking of seasons of life, we were, we were thinking earlier, you know, I make this sound
like, you know, there's this great big brainstorm that happens when we sit down and contemplate
what we're going to talk about.
It's not as big as you might think people.
But we were, we were thinking of it kind of in my mind, I saw something and it made me
think of what's something that we can do daily or weekly to, you know, be focused and kind
of recenter ourselves, reprioritize our relationship, our marriage.
And so for fun, I'm calling this take your vitamins.
I like it.
And I looked at you and I was like, Hey, wouldn't that be really cool if we came up with things
that started that like the first word of all these things spelled out vitamins.
And we literally busted it out within like five minutes.
It was like, Oh, okay.
I'll play this game with you.
Yeah.
So we're going to, we're going to break these down.
We're going to talk about these, but really quick.
So take your vitamins, vocalize, intentional time, admire, move, initiate, negotiate and
sexy time.
That's right.
Yes.
I like it.
Cause you, cause you want to take vitamins, not just with vitamin.
That was my cheesy line for the day.
I mean, I, I, I take vitamins on a regular and my packet is probably about eight, eight
different vitamins on, on top of like four or five others that I take just for.
Actually, I think in your pack, it's only like four or five, but it's more, it's broken
up into.
Oh, is it?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Cause I'm like, man, I am rough.
Yeah.
It's your, your multi pack is only like four or five different vitamins.
It's just for like a couple of them.
That's like their multiple pills, like, like two capsules for this one vitamin.
So it's like, you know, for those, it's like two a day type thing instead of one a day.
I feel better.
Okay.
Well, that's fine.
It's fine.
So I take a lot.
I take a lot.
You do.
I mean, like I sound like a maraca if I'm not careful, but I'm not mad about it because
it keeps me spray, spray.
Yeah.
Sure.
We'll go with that word.
Spray.
I'm almost 50.
I say almost 50.
I'm not almost 50.
I still have, I'm just now knocking into 49.
Let's go.
What?
I'm not almost 50.
I didn't say a word.
You're looking at me crazy.
I mean, you're almost 49 and a half.
Babe, stop talking.
That's enough because see what I did there?
I have, baby, I just vocalized.
You see what I just did there?
Okay.
So V, so let's, let's, let's jump in it.
Yeah.
We had the opportunity and the ability to, and the honor to speak Wednesday night at
our church and we were gifted a time to basically give some fundamental truths of what we believed
were some really good solid basis for our family and for who we are.
And I did, I kept thinking like, cause I went and I rewatched it and just because I was
wanting to pull some nuggets out of it too.
And I was thinking at any given time we could have said, and it, you know, it starts with
your marriage.
It starts with your marriage and this starts with your marriage and this starts with, and
so I was really grateful that our pastor, you know, one of our pastors had just basically
said, yeah, no, like, you know, they didn't specifically touch on, but this absolutely
goes into what your marriage should be, what you should be striving for.
And so I would say one of the number one things that we, that you need to start off on anything
when it comes to relationships, marriage in particular here, but any kind of relationship,
specifically this is your vitamins because sexy time, you can only do sexy time with
your, with your married partner.
Right.
But vocalize.
You need to let them know what you want.
What's going on with your mind?
Yeah.
What's going on with your head?
What are your concerns?
Are you doing okay?
Hey, what's going on with you?
Like you and I have been away from each other all day for the most part.
You know, it's like, well, text kind of check in.
Hi, you know, like you and I are very, very good about letting each other know that we're
safe.
Yeah.
We have arrived at the destination that we said that we were going to be at.
And then, and then what would you usually do is like, Hey, do you need anything while
I'm out?
Hey, are you good?
What's going on with you?
Like when I got home, come sit down in my little chair in your office and then just
say, Hey, how are we?
What's going on?
How's our day?
What are we thinking about tonight?
What are our thoughts?
Do we have anything that we're, you know, like, what do you want to accomplish today?
But it's like, just every day that seems so silly and mundane, but like every day, check
in with each other.
Yeah.
Vocalize.
How are you feeling?
I feel a little, I feel a little stressed today.
I feel a little extra or, Hey, you want to go on a date?
You know, or just whatever it is.
Vocalize what's going on with you.
Vocalize what it is that you want.
Our last episode, we're talking about the things that we like versus the things that
we don't like, you know, and it just vocalize.
Be honest.
Yeah.
And in, in your making your requests known because it's like, I guarantee 99.9% of the
time your spouse wants to bless you or wants to be a blessing to you or, or, or genuinely
cares about what's going on in your head.
Even if it just sounds like you're rattling, cause I'm very good at rattling to you.
Like babe, just, I'm just going to just like word vomit right now.
And you're like, okay.
And so just vocalize like, do you want me to try to fix something?
Are you wanting me to come along and collaborate with you?
Or is this something that you're just sharing?
Do you want me to genuinely be excited?
How do you, what kind of energy are you winning from me in this?
So I think vocalizing is, is one of the number one keys to make a successful marriage work.
Yeah, totally.
Definitely.
And my next one I thought of was being intentional and a lot of it kind of goes hand in hand
with the vocalizing in my mind, because when we're being intentional, like 24 hours in
a day can go really quickly.
All of a sudden you're scrolling through Instagram or some of the socials or whatever social
media and the next thing you look up and it's like two hours later.
And so it's like, I think you as a couple need to be intentional.
Like we need to be intentional with our time.
We need to be intentional with our words, intentional with how we're feeling in the
moment.
Live a life that is intentional.
I know one of the signs in our living room, it's, you know, live a life with intention.
Know that no, no moment is wasted.
Your words aren't wasted.
Be intentional with even how you think.
What are you meditating on throughout the day?
If you're thinking about your spouse and you're wanting to have a date or you're wanting to
spend some time or maybe you had a fight or maybe something went wrong or something isn't
right.
Be very intentional with your thoughts.
Make sure that they're not going off in a spiral in a place where they don't need to
be.
Be very intentional with thinking that are things that are just and true and holy and
of good report, thinking the best of the person, believing the best of this person.
You know, well, baby, you might've said something that cut me kind of wrong.
Well, I need to be intentional and say, number one, he made that hurt.
And then number two, being intentional of my forgiveness or being intentional of, I'm
sorry, my understanding wasn't as good there as it could have been.
But be intentional with your thoughts, with your actions, with your words.
And then that helps build onto that foundation.
Yeah.
And also it's, you know, when you're being intentional about stuff, it's like when you
are spending time together, you're spending time together.
Yes.
Yeah.
You're not looking at your phone.
Again, it's that you're doing it on purpose.
You're spending time on purpose.
You know, we're not just in the same room together, but we're spending time together.
Right.
Yes, there are times where you're going to just be in the same room together and be in
the same space together.
But it is, it's the times where it's like, no, we want to spend time together.
So we're going to spend time together.
Yeah.
Again, when I have sat in and talked to you about the devotional that you're building
right now, or, you know, if when we have conversations about what's going to happen with our podcast
or stuff like that, it's like, we're going to sit down and we're going to be intentional
about that meeting and that interaction because we have a goal or we're setting a goal.
What do we want the goal to be?
So yeah, so it's intentional.
It's on purpose.
I love that.
Yeah.
I love that.
Tea, babe.
So the next one is time.
And again, it's kind of like with the intentional, but it's, you know, you're spending time together.
You know, it's in a way, this is almost that quantity over quality.
I mean, you still want quality.
But again, there's that point where spending time together, you know, even if you are in
the same room, you know, it's that you're still spending time together because when
you're together, I mean, yes, people can do all sorts of crazy stuff on their phones,
but you know, if you're together, you're going to have a tendency to be more mindful of each
other, you know, and it's those times of, you know, the time can be silly, the time
can be serious, the time can be long, the time can be short, you know, and I'll say,
you know, kind of as we talk these through, a lot of these will interact with each other.
Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely.
You know, but it is, it's the, you know, the time, it's not complicated.
It's just spend time together.
It's a go for a walk.
Yeah, go for a walk, sit down, have meals.
Yeah.
Her head just perked up.
It did.
Sorry.
She's in the bathroom, so she's like, she heard walk, what?
Or go cold.
Tick tock.
Yeah.
But it is, it's that, it's the time, it's the, write it in your calendar if you have
to.
A lot of times people are like, well, that's just, there's not romantic or that's horrible.
We had the privilege to go and have some brunch with some friends and they told us like at
least once a week, they said every Tuesday, but if we can't hit it on a Tuesday, at least
once a week, we go on a date and we just, you know, and I was like, you and I say it
all the time and it's like, part of me goes, I feel bad because it's like we want to, we
want to do these dates and then just life, life's see what happens, life, life's and
you, but that shouldn't be your excuse.
It should be, Hey babe, at this, at this such, such and such time, you know, even if it,
what does your calendar look like?
I mean, Luke and I share a calendar so it's like, we can see each other's what's going
on and things, but it's like, okay, I see right here.
We probably have two hours.
What would you like to do in these two hours?
Is this a two hour time of rest?
Do we go take a nap?
Because we have had those before.
Do we go for a walk?
Do we, I'm going to stop saying that word because she's like, Hey, do we create a time
to where we can get to go be intimate?
Is this, what is it that we need to do?
And it's like, always make sure that you are creating the time to make the time, make the
time to create, create the time to make the time or make the time to create the time.
What do you think it would be either way?
Yeah.
It could, yeah, it could go either way, you know, because again, it's, it's that, you
know, it's that being intentional.
Yes.
Being vocal about your time.
Yes.
Yeah.
So yeah, I like that.
Okay.
Uh, Hey, Ed Meyer, Ed Meyer.
During our talks, um, on Wednesday, um, I shared with, uh, the group that my absolute
favorite thing in the whole wide world is you.
And then it's like the whole room goes, Oh, you know, and then I actually had the time
had somebody come up to me afterwards.
Um, uh, the following time that we, yeah, a couple of days later, um, at one of our
services and they said, um, I've been practicing looking at my husband, the way that you look
at Luke and I'm thinking, I'm so glad.
Yeah.
I'm so glad if that's the only takeaway that you got out of that, which I don't believe
it was, but like, if that is one of the main takeaways you got that you literally look
at your spouse and, and they can see how much you admire them, how much you desire them,
how much you appreciate them, how important they are to you when they can see that, when
they hear that, when you vocalize how important they are, what, what, you know, just not just,
Oh babe, thanks for taking out the trash or think those are nice too.
Listen, those are nice too.
Like drive home yesterday, um, I was telling you about the conversation I had with my mom
on the phone and how like, I was just buzzing around and I was getting all the laundry folded
and then not, not just folded, but actually put away.
Cause that's a big deal in my world.
Like I don't like that doing laundry is not a problem for me, but it's all of the other.
And I was like, cause you know, and she's like, Oh, that's so good.
I don't have problems with laundry and I like laundry.
And I'm like, no, listen, mom, like, it's not that I don't like laundry.
It's I love laundry.
I love to do laundry.
My family does not go without dirty clothes.
And you immediately said, and I sure do appreciate that babe, you know, and you meant it.
And it was like, even if it's in the things that we do for each other, you know, speaking
appreciation, um, that's another a appreciation, um, affection speaking, lavishing our love
with just the words that we say and the way that we treat each other with honor and admiration.
I mean, that looks different.
Yeah, it does.
So I'm going to, so as we move on, Oh wow.
I did not intend that, but so M is move.
I really did not intend to say it like that, but that's what it is.
Uh, M is move.
You got to move it, move it.
Because again, it's, you know, it's, you know, it's that, you know, physical activity, but
it's also, you know, moving in, not just the physical, it's, it's moving in the spiritual,
it's moving in the emotional, it's the, you know, almost like the, the take action, you
know, we've had these conversations, we've, we've map map mapped out a goal.
You know, we, we've got stuff that we want to do, you know, now let's take action on
that.
Let's move on that.
Let's put some food to it.
Yeah.
You know, so it is, it's that, it's that, okay, you've talked, you've planned.
That's awesome.
But it is, it's like, well, what are you going to do about it?
Yeah.
It's the, it's the now what, if you will, of, you know, again, it's, we can pray every
day all day about stuff, but it's, you know, I, I'm a firm believer in, you know, there's
there's, there's a lot of stuff that we pray for that to a degree, God is waiting on us
to take steps about.
I agree.
Yes.
You know, it's yes, he wants to bless us.
Yes.
He wants to see us prosper, but you know, it's, there are things that it's like, you
know, again, I can, I can pray.
God helps me find the time to finish my woodworking projects.
Yes.
And if I don't actually go out into the shop and do stuff, come on, it's, it's not going
to happen.
Yeah.
You know, it's, you know, we can sit here and pray for things in our marriage, in our
lives, but you know, again, if we don't take action on those things, you know, oh, you
know, God, you know, work out my schedule so that I can have more dates with my wife.
Well, just schedule and go on a date.
Yeah.
You know, it really is that simple, you know, so it is.
So, so M is move.
Yeah.
Take action.
I'm going to add to that too.
Yeah.
Because whenever you were saying move, when we were doing, when we were popping these
out really fast, the thing that hit me when we said move was the times where people say
Luke and Dina, I'm stuck.
Like I'm stuck.
I feel like, I feel like I, you know, like I love my spouse.
I love my spouse.
Love them.
Adore them.
I wouldn't, you know, I've never do anything to harm them, hurt them, anything, you know,
like all of the things, right.
But I feel stuck.
Like I don't even know what to do.
And it, in what I immediately saw in my head was like somebody just like, they're just
kind of hanging out on the couch, right?
Just laying on the couch, just hanging out the couch, either watching some TV or scrolling
on their phones or just on their computer, whatever, just they're together.
But like stuck, right?
And I, like, I see somebody all of a sudden like hit play on some sort, like their tablet
or something, music starts playing and then the other one just grab, you know, gets up
off the couch, grabs the other one by the hand and they start dancing.
They start moving.
And it's like, well, you know, I mean, like some people might do that and other people
are like, well, I would, my spouse would never dance with me or anything like that.
Move.
Do something different.
Be intentional, you know, like, well, that's not our personalities.
This isn't really who we are.
It's not really what we do.
Sometimes you need to do something just a little extra.
You need to go a little more extreme to kind of like shift that pendulum to go the other
way.
So there starts to be kind of like a balance again.
There starts to be a good rhythm going again with your family and with your, with your
spouse.
And also kind of with what you said, you know, for the people that are trying to, you know,
better their marriage or they feel like they're stuck in a rut or something like that, it's
like, well, then yes, try something that you don't, well, that's not normally us.
That's not what we normally do.
Well, obviously what's normal is not working.
No offense, but what's normal is getting you into a rut.
So try something different.
Try something that's off the wall.
Yeah.
You know, go do some swing dancing.
Find a scavenger hunt around, around town or something.
Yeah.
But yeah, there's plenty of couple things that are good.
Yeah.
Like we did that meat box or whatever.
M E E T, wasn't it?
Was it meat?
M E E T.
I forget what it was.
I don't remember what it was.
There was some sort of something that we did that we ordered a box and they basically plan
out your date.
You do a quick little survey and they plan out your date.
So there are things out there that can help you.
If you're somebody that says, I don't even, that's not even the way my brain works.
Hey, get somebody else involved.
Yeah.
There's, there's people out there that do this.
This is what they do for a living.
They've created these things that makes it easier for couples.
Or if you have a friend like you have a, or a family member, that's like, they're really
good at the adventures.
Their marriage looks like, man, you guys look like you're happy and just doing stuff constantly
and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
And then maybe get with them and just say, what would be something?
Well, our budget.
We'll be mindful of your budget because a lot of our dates guys literally genuinely
are, we head to the grocery store.
We hold hands.
Sometimes we dance in the middle of the grocery aisles.
I'll usually dance and he watches me or, you know, there's paddings of the booties, you
know, but it, but it's just being together and moving.
Then again, if, you know, if, if you go online and search, there are several, I'm, I'm sure
there are several things to do that are free in your area that you can just be like, you
know what?
Here, I'm going to go wander here for free, you know, and, and this is what we are going
to do.
Yeah.
You know, it's like, I hate to say it, but even if you go to like the mall or something,
wandering the mall is free.
People watching is free.
Um, jump in your car, go house looking, just go look around and, or go hit a lake, go for
a walk, you know, well, we're not really outdoorsy people or we're not just, or we're not physically
fit to do certain things.
Guess what guys, if you move, you will start getting better.
And then a couple of few months, there's, there's going to be Christmas lights, you
know, hop in your car and go scope out Christmas lights.
Oh, come on.
Not that I want Christmas, but come on, come on with the cold.
I like it.
Okay.
I babe, the other eye, the other eye, the second eye initiate.
And this is, you know, again, this is on, on several levels.
Um, this could be taken, but again, don't be afraid to take the first step.
Don't be afraid to be the one that says, you know, Hey, I think this is a good idea.
Yeah.
Or, Hey, I think we might be in a rut.
Let's try this.
Yeah.
Or, I mean, not that we've done it, but I know one time you were like, Hey, I found
this place where you can go swing dancing, learn how to swing dance and stuff like that.
It's like, we will.
We will.
Yeah.
Or maybe this is your turn to, to just, you know, Hey, I said, I said a time we're going
to go.
I'm going to start looking.
I might've just put my foot in my mouth and that's okay.
That's okay because part of it is being a good sport.
Part of it is being a good sport because at the end of the day, the two of you are together.
And if, if you have a lot of fun and if I fall on my face, we will still end up laughing
about it.
You know, as, as we're, as, as I'm limping out of, out of urgent care, we will, we will
be laughing about what happened and the good time that we had.
It's not going to be that ins...
Come on.
I'm just, I'm just saying, I'm just saying if that were to happen.
I got great faith in you.
I have great faith in us dancing together.
Yes.
I'm just saying if it, if it were to happen like that, you know, we would, we would be
laughing about it the whole way.
Yeah.
So even if your spouse initiates something that is a little outside of your comfort zone,
I think is what you're trying to say.
Because it's like, again, we are two totally different personalities and as much as we
are so very charismatic and just love people to bits, I am a lot more adventurous when
it comes to a whole lot of different things.
Yes.
I am, I can't say that because you are incredibly adventurous, but your, yours is very focused
and kind of tunnel vision on certain spaces where mine is like, well, yeah, let's go.
Yeah.
We're going to go do yoga with goats.
Let's go.
We want to go in a hot air balloon.
Yeah.
You know, it's, it's like, but my, but my spouse may not, my spouse may not, but what
if they do?
Yeah.
Kind of like what you said, but, but what if, what if this is something I think you even
mentioned at last week or the last episode where here's Eric and Lori going golfing.
She doesn't really like to golf, but she sure does like him.
Yeah.
And then she ended up falling in love with the sport.
Yeah.
And that's one of those opportunities where you get to say, wow, I didn't even realize
that that was something that I liked because it's never been something that has been even
presented to you.
So if even remotely within the boundaries and confines and the things and the safety,
right?
The things that, that, that are good.
Okay.
I'm not trying to be weird guys.
Okay.
I'm saying like those things, making sure try worst case scenario, you just go, well,
we won't do that one again because we have done things in our path.
Yeah.
Well, almost 13 years of marriage, we've gone on adventures and done things inside.
Okay.
Well, I mean, we can scratch that off.
We'll try that one again.
That wasn't fun.
And I'll also say, you know, kind of like with the initiate is, I mean, how many times
I know it's happened several times in our marriage, but for all of you listeners, how
many times has it happened for you of, oh my gosh, I was thinking the same thing.
I'm glad you said something.
Yeah.
You know, it's like, yeah, it's back to the V, you know, it's back to vocalize, you know,
what it is, it's like, there are so often where we as a couple, it's like, we're thinking
almost the same thing or the same direction.
Yeah.
And it's like, but I don't know how they'd feel about it.
Oh, I really want to say this, but I don't know how they'd feel about it.
Yeah.
Man, I really want to go out and get food, but I don't know if they're hungry or not.
And all of a sudden it's like, you're wrapped up in this like spiral of, I don't know how
they'd feel if I said this.
Right.
And then you're thinking almost the exact same thing.
And then by the time somebody possibly says something, the time has come and gone.
Yeah.
And then you're standing in the middle of regret or standing in the middle of a missed
opportunity.
And so it is, it's be, don't be scared to initiate.
Yeah.
Because listen, girls, I'm going to talk to the wives.
Okay.
Ready?
Or the girls.
Here we go.
Please, please, please, please, please, please, please.
Don't expect your husband to be the one that's doing the romantic gestures all the time.
Please, please, please don't be the one that's constantly saying, you know, Oh, I wish my
husband would plan a date.
Please, please, please don't be.
He loved me.
He would do all this romantic stuff and he would know what I want.
Please don't do that.
Please don't do it.
Please don't do that to our guys.
Don't do that to the men.
Don't do that.
I have been raised in a household full of nothing but guys.
Okay.
So I, I literally am the first girl out of seven generations of boys in my world.
And I am the baby girl of like 11 siblings, his, hers, theirs kind of mixtures, right?
I've got, but I've got three sisters, only three sisters out of all of those siblings.
The rest of them are guys.
And if I have learned nothing else in my 49 years of this walking of the planet, it's
that guys, and I, and this is not being derogatory.
This is not being rude.
Are you guys deep thinkers?
Yes.
Is, is this something that you deep think on?
Not really.
And that, and that is okay.
If I was to look at you and say, babe, I would really love for you to just plan something
romantic for us.
I believe with everything in me that you would do everything in your power to make it happen.
I have to initiate the fact that that is something that I would like for you to do.
You have literally said, Hey, I need you to go ahead and just pack up your bags and we're
going to, what do I need?
I don't know.
Just go ahead and just pack up your bags.
Well, that doesn't help me.
Just go ahead and pack up your bags and then we're just going to take off.
Right?
Like, but it's, it's, it's if you at least let them know that there's something that
you're desiring, something that you're wanting and don't be, um, I know that we haven't gotten
to us yet, but I will say, don't be the only, don't expect your husband to be the one that
initiates that constantly.
The intimate part, you know, girlfriend light the candles, you know, throw the rose petals,
do the things cause I don't know the last time I checked, babe, you like to be romanticized
as much as much as I do.
You like to be made, made to feel like you're wanted just like I do.
And I think that too many times we forget that we need to, um, initiate the fact that
we desire each other in a space and that we want that person in that space with us, whether
it is in that intimate part or if it's worse, we're dancing or we're hiking or whatever
it is.
The fact is that we desire that person's attention and, and we need to be the ones that says,
Hey, so don't, don't expect your spouse to do it.
And don't be the one that makes that gets mad.
If you are the only one that does it, if you want them to do it, if you, if you are the
one that does it all the time.
Okay.
So that's a simple thing to do it.
Ready?
Here you go.
Hey babe, I feel like I'm the one that really does plan a lot of the vacations and the things.
Yeah.
I would really love for you if you could do this for me.
Yeah.
Do you think you could do that?
Excellent.
And then you proceed.
And even if it's just, Hey, can you take this one?
Yeah.
You know, I know, I know we're about to go on this trip.
Can you, can you plan the stuff?
Yeah.
Or can you come and sit?
I want to take a break on, on, on not planning this trip.
Yeah.
Or come sit down next to me and let's plan it together.
Yeah.
Just initiate, be the one that says, Hey, we're a team.
Let's do this.
This is what we get to do.
And the end result of it all is we're all together.
Yes.
So, okay.
What's the next one?
So N is negotiate.
Negotiate.
That kind of tags along with.
It does.
But it also, you know, and it also is kind of the whole, you know, when you are having
conversations, if you, if you have, you know, differences of opinion, because believe it
or not, you are two individual people with your own opinions, your own thoughts, your
own ways, you like things, your own preferences.
It's always crazy to me.
The scripture that comes to my mind, the two shall become one.
And I want to go, but they have two totally different brains.
Yes.
Like, how is that work, God?
Because now you literally have created a two for one and all of the things.
And we could go into all of the super spiritual stuff of how that even looks.
But ultimately, there's days where I just stand back and I just go one more time, God,
you're just showing us that how much we need you.
Because here, I'll say it this way.
I mean, especially if you have a lot of these conversations and you are focusing on a lot
of the stuff that's, that's on this list and some of the stuff that we've talked about
in our, you know, in a lot of these episodes, you know, when it comes time to negotiate
and when it comes time to think of that scripture of the two shall become one on the big things,
you know, that's what you're going to have your conversations about before you get married
or shortly after you get married.
You know, when they come up, you're going to have the conversation of the big things.
Yeah.
And then it's like, in a way, it's like after the big things are settled, it's just preference.
You know, it's so it's like, you know, hey, we're going to go on vacation next summer,
you know, and it's like, well, I really want to go to this location, but you really want
to go to that location.
And it's like, it's not a big thing.
I mean, it is because it's like, hey, this is where I want to go for vacation.
But it's if we go to your destination instead of my destination, it's not going to ruin
our marriage.
Right.
It shouldn't.
It shouldn't ruin your marriage.
You know, again, but it's it is it's just one of those things that it's like, in my
mind, that almost falls into just preference.
Yeah, I like that.
You know, or it's like, you know, how should we rearrange the cabinets and what goes in
what cabinets like that's preference.
You know, this if that's something that like could potentially wreck your marriage, you
need to go talk to somebody.
Yes, yes.
And get that worked out.
Because you guys are control freaks.
Yes.
And that's not good.
That's not a good thing.
No.
Because when I think of negotiate, I think of compromise.
Yeah.
I mean, that's just another way of saying it.
It's like we're going to sit.
It's like we're big merger companies coming together.
And it's like, so we're going to negotiate.
Yes.
We're going to negotiate our time, we're going to talk talk about our worth.
We're going to talk about what are we bringing to the table?
And what are you willing to give?
What are you willing to to let go of?
What are you willing to take?
What are you willing to say?
This is this is like, this is a non negotiable.
I can't I can't be like, like, this is this is how important this is to me.
You know, and it is it's it's if you both come to a bypass and you just stand back and
you say neither one of you want to budge, then, you know, just take a step back for
a second and say, in light of eternity, what is this going to matter?
Like how incredibly important is this?
Like is this is this a do or die?
Or is this something that we can say?
You know what?
It's it's OK.
OK, well, if if if you if you get to pick out this, then then can I pick out that?
Or if we're going to go here to where you want to go vacation, babe, then then can I
look around and see maybe an activity that I would want to do?
You know, it's it's like just just find a balance there.
Yeah.
Find find what is going to make both parties happy.
We have sweet friends that are in the process right now of finding a home.
It's like, how do you navigate that?
I know for us personally, we we like thought long and hard and we wrote on a whiteboard
all of the things that we really desired out of a home.
But by the time it was all done and said and done, we had dwindled it down to maybe like
six main things.
And if even if those things weren't completely accomplished, were we willing to say, it's
OK, I'm willing to compromise or I'm willing to let that go.
It's not going to break the deal here.
And also, it's it's something that if you if in some of these conversations and in some
of these moments, you find out that, oh, my gosh, that really is something that's really
important to my spouse.
But it's really not that important to me.
It's like, OK, fine.
You know, go for it.
You know, this is this is not important to me, but I see that it's important to you and
vocalize vocal that you recognize that it's important to them.
And say, you know what?
I see that it's really important that the the glasses are in the cabinet right above
the sink.
So, you know, that's that's what we'll do.
Yeah.
You know, because, again, it's not important to me.
I just want to know where they are.
So when I go to grab orange juice in the morning, I'm not opening every cabinet.
It makes me think of that really sweet couple that we met when we went out to Chicago for
our anniversary at the church.
Our sweet friend's church.
And he's blind.
Oh, yeah.
And I was like, I was like, where are you talking about?
They had just moved into their home.
Yeah.
And she's decorating it.
And she's so excited.
But it's like she's nesting and trying to figure out, like, where should the coffee
table go?
Well, maybe it needs to go over here instead of over here.
And again, remember, guys, I preface this with he's blind.
And so he would walk into the home and he's learned how to memorize things as he goes.
So that way he's not having to walk with his cane as much.
And he just simply vocalized to his wife, sweetheart, if you could just warn me that
you've let me know that you've moved something or just if you could please just leave it
be.
Yeah.
Find it, love it, and then leave it.
Because that will help me maneuver around easier.
And so he didn't mind her moving things.
It was just if you could let me know where you moved it so I'm not slamming my shin every
time I walk through the room because you've moved it two more feet to the other way.
So I think it's just vocalizing, being intentional, really, really bringing those things home.
It'll make things a lot easier.
So our last one.
Yes.
Sexy time.
Sexy time for those who I mean sexy time.
It is what it is.
Yes, it is.
You make it whatever you need to.
Yeah.
You make it look like however you need to.
And sometimes sexy time is you get to do the long lavish all of this stuff.
Sometimes it's got to be quick.
Sometimes sexy time looks like just holding each other in a brace and just coming into
a space with each other.
Again, being an intentional.
But make sure you're being intimate because that is something that is so incredibly important.
I always get mad at the enemy because it's like at the beginning of relationships before
people get married, he's so trying to push your bodies together and trying to get you
intimate too quickly.
And then when you do finally get married, even if you haven't been intimate before,
like we were not, he does everything he can to tear you apart because he knows how powerful
that intimate, that physical intimacy is.
He knows what the benefits it has for your brain, for your hearts, knitting you together.
It causes a desire, the admiration.
It causes people to not be resentful.
And then it also just all the physical benefits that come with it too.
What it is, you sent me that reel that one day.
It's like, I'm going to tell you the top five things of why you should have sex or something
like that.
Oh yeah.
It helps make you thin or helps make you skinny.
And then this lady comes into the frame and she's big pregnant.
She's like, ah.
So just take that time to be intimate.
Take that time to be intentional.
And again, intimacy is more than just sex.
It is more than.
It is.
It's even speaking, it's what is it that women are the crock pots and guys are the microwaves.
I don't believe that as much either.
I believe that we are complex beings that God made.
And you see things visually, like visual stimulation and women are built a little bit different,
but I don't know.
I would say that it's kind of all of it, verbally, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually,
praying for your spouse.
That could be intimate.
That could be very much puts your heart with their heart.
And then we've also, I know there's been podcasts in the past that we've spoken on, even the
times where physically maybe somebody's not able to do something in that moment.
There are other ways you can be intimate.
Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you.
Ask him to give you wisdom.
Reach out to somebody that you trust.
Reach out to a pastor.
Ask them if they can give you some advice on how to rekindle even that, the sexy time.
We seem to be, again, we seem to be in a rut.
What do we do?
You throw this pendulum the other way.
Well, sometimes the pendulum the other way looks a little too far out.
What is it?
Maybe do something different.
Maybe go to a different room.
Maybe a different time of day.
I don't know.
I'm just trying to help everybody out here, babe.
I'm not trying to be weird about this, but it's like I'm trying to think in my brain
like some of the things that just might help break some people out of that everyday mundane.
You might even have sexy time on a regular amount of time, which God bless you if you
do.
And that's great.
It's something that I think all of us should try for.
It's one of those where, okay, don't let it be mechanical.
Don't let it be mechanical.
Remember that you're there to be with each other.
That you're there to breathe each other in, so to speak.
Yes.
I like it.
So there's your vitamins.
Take your vitamins.
Take your vitamins weekly.
I think a weekly vitamin.
Vitamins would be good.
Vitamins.
Spoonful of sugar.
Yes.
But yeah, I think when we walk out these things, it will.
A lot of all of the noise and a lot of the other things will kind of just fall into place.
Yes.
So we hope this helped you guys out.
We hope you have the absolute best week.
Yes.
All right, guys.
Have the best week.
Enjoy the journey.