Hello and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Hi.
Hey babe.
How's it going?
I'm sweaty.
You are sweaty.
You just worked out.
I did.
I was like, I have music playing in my head from a workout thing so it wasn't even ours
at this point.
Then I posted it because I try to do my best to like, hey, I'm being accountable.
I'm posting the work out.
Not trying to be like that girl but it's more for me than anybody.
It's just honestly that's the reality.
I'm trying to be accountable to anyone in particular.
But then I'll put music with the picture of just like what I worked out.
Today I put it's quality over quantity because you were actually standing there when I was
finishing up my workout and you're so sweet because you're good job, babe.
And I was like, I can't breathe.
And then it was like the music is like.
So that's what was playing in my head while you were just another just another sound bite.
It's just that's it.
It's just quiet intros.
You know, that's it keeps me entertained.
I can't hear anything.
I say quite intros for us.
It's quite it.
It is because they hear all the things and we're sitting in silence.
Yes.
Like just very quietly.
Again, this is where we need video because like I just nine out of 10 times my eyes are
closed when you're you're doing it.
So I'm just like to get myself ready in the game with you.
So yeah.
You're doing air drums and then your eyes are open to make sure not to hit the mic.
Correct.
Because I've been known to do that and that's not good.
How are you?
Good.
How are you?
How is your week?
In a way, it could have been better.
Yeah.
Do you want to tell everybody what happened, baby?
So I got pink eye.
You look so sexy in your glasses.
Thank you.
Because you hate them.
I am not a fan of me in glasses.
You're so you're so handsome.
You are so serious.
You are so handsome.
Okay.
You are so handsome and I have determined part of me two things.
Okay.
So here's my synopsis of you.
So my two things.
Number one, you have been wearing glasses since you were fourth grade, right?
Third grade?
Fourth or fifth?
I think maybe fifth.
Okay.
So you've been wearing them for a while.
Yes.
And the moment that you got to do contacts, you were on it.
Yes.
Sixth grade.
Okay.
Oh, so not for very long.
No.
Wow.
They let you wear contacts at sixth grade?
Oh, yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
That's interesting.
Wow.
Times, listen, y'all, 80s and 90s, it changes.
You know what I'm saying?
So that is my one thing.
My other thing is because you are in the military, everybody that has any kind of stigmatism
has to wear what?
BCGs.
I'm looking for birth control glasses.
That's just a horrible name.
It's true though.
So I think you have some things in your brain that you are, you know, fourth grade, fourth,
fifth grade glasses.
I remember my fourth grade glasses, they were not cute.
Listen to me.
They were not cute.
Not stylish at all like the ones they are today.
And I have seen military glasses and they're all the same.
So part of me goes, I think you might have it in your brain that that's what you still
look like and it's not.
You're incredibly handsome with your glasses, babe.
I think part of it is just because it's, I mean, I know there's, because I've done
enough self introspection, if you will, as to why I'm not a fan.
And part of it is because, I mean, for the longest time, because my eyes are so bad,
I've always had to have really thick lenses.
Yeah.
You know, with technology, they've been able to get the lenses thinner.
But they're also more expensive because they're thinner.
And it's like, well, okay, that stinks.
That's no fun.
Yeah.
Thank you, Jesus, for insurance.
Me now as an adult insurance, you say.
Yes.
Insurance will pay for contacts or glasses.
Yeah.
You get to do one or the other.
Yeah.
And so it's like, okay, well, I'd rather wear contacts.
So that's the free or that's the discounted.
You know.
And then we'll put the money into your glasses.
Right.
And you have some really nice ones.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You have some really nice.
But you also take really good care of your stuff.
So I don't mind spending a little extra coin.
But it's also like, I don't like being able to not see.
I know.
That drives you crazy.
It does.
And.
Especially in the middle of the night.
Yes.
Yeah.
And it's, you know, so it's like the middle of the night, it's like, I don't, you know,
if something were to happen emergency wise or something, I don't want to have to worry
about fumbling for glasses.
Right.
Or, you know, or again, wearing glasses, it's like they work really well if you're looking
straightforward through the center of the lens.
Right.
And it's like, if you're a little bit off, your vision is a little bit off and it's like,
it's just, it's a pain in the butt.
Yeah.
I know.
You're still handsome.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
I got, I got a lot of compliments, actually.
A lot of people noticed them and mentioned it.
They look sharp, babe.
They are.
I appreciate that.
It's like, we see the glasses, but we see you.
And then you got me some new glasses.
I got you new glasses.
And my nine new glasses, not your new glasses.
Yes.
Which are really fun.
So we get to both look really sharp, maybe come Wednesday.
I might wear them Wednesday.
We'll see.
There you go.
We'll see how I feel.
Yeah.
So we're in the Kansas City area that might be looking for a space or looking for, I don't
know, a church, but more than anything, just maybe wanting some, some really good nuggets
to kind of plug into their marriage and their family.
Luke and I will be speaking this coming Wednesday at Revive Church in Kansas City, Missouri.
And it's going to be a, what is it, marriage and family?
Something like that?
I think they wanted to call it like a family series, but they didn't tell us.
They didn't tell us until.
That it was a series or the topic of the series until much after we, they said, hey, you guys
want to talk?
But what we can say, and I do, I think this, you know, like what we can say is for anybody
that knows us and we actually are really grateful because some of the, some of our closest friends
that literally are probably around us more than anybody have a front row view of our
family and our marriage.
And so they can probably attest to the fact that the things that we were going to share
anyway, very much contribute and are the foundations of who we are as far as a couple.
And just the, just the foundation that we even have laid for our children.
So I think it's going to be kind of an easy way for us to kind of transition it over and
just say, okay, I mean, you and I both have talked it through.
That's actually something else that we get to do.
It's on our checklist for the next day or two to really just hash it out.
But if you are, if you are interested, if you want to get some really good solid godly
principles for your family, for your marriage, we invite you to revive church in Kansas City.
9900 U High Drive.
That's it.
At 7 o'clock.
Yep.
At 7 o'clock.
So we will be there.
We get to be the first ones.
We get to come right out of the gate.
Yep.
Wednesday.
August 7th.
Is that right?
Yes.
We have a lot of things on our socials.
Yes.
Because I was going to do that today and I got sidetracked with another project that I'm
working on.
But it's good.
It's good.
Okay, babe.
Okay.
Enough chit chat.
Chit chat.
Now for the real chit chat.
Yes.
What you got?
So something kind of hit me earlier that it was like, it was one of those things I was
like, ooh, this would be a fun topic to talk about.
And I dropped it in your lap and then I went away.
And after I went away, I was like, I don't know, does that make sense?
It's like it made sense at first, but then I'm like, I don't know, that seems kind of
harsh and I don't know if it, so it's like it would need to be fleshed out more.
And I know we kind of fleshed it out a little bit.
And it makes sense in my mind.
It makes sense in my mind.
And I think it's making sense in your mind from what I was explaining and describing.
So we're just going to kind of run with it.
And see what happens.
I like it.
You know, so, so yeah.
So what was your statement?
Because do you want to do the premise of how the statement even showed up or just make
this, I'd say just make this statement.
Yeah, just making the statement.
So if this is the title, cool.
If not, it's a working title.
And that's how it goes.
But creating a safe space to say this is dumb.
Yeah.
And it's kind of, you know, I almost said, you know, this is stupid, but it's like, you
know, we're not a fan of that word.
We don't like that word now.
But it's in a marriage, in a relationship, you know, we always talk about honesty, you
know, being upfront, you know, being undivided on the same team, you know, creating that
safe space so that your partner, your spouse, you know, what have you can be open, be vulnerable
and, you know, express how they're feeling, express how they're thinking.
And, you know, knowing that, you know, if I say something or if I disagree, then it's,
you know, it's not going to be taken as an attack.
You know, it's, it's, okay, we're commuting, kidding, and we're talking about this.
And, you know, it's not so much a, this is how I feel in the moment.
But it's like, I think one of the examples I used, and I'm not going to get really anything
specific, I could, but I don't want to right now.
But it's like, let's say we're going to do, let's say you enjoy doing an event.
Yeah.
And I don't.
Yeah.
You know, if I say, well, I, I don't like this.
I don't, I don't want to do this.
Yeah.
I don't have no interest in doing this.
Please don't involve me.
I'm trying to think of what that would even be.
I know.
Which is crazy.
It's kind of, that's cute.
Yeah.
Continue.
Sorry.
Yeah.
But, you know, but it's like, you know, so it's, it's one of those things that, you
know, you know, you don't have to necessarily say it.
But I mean, if you did, you, you could say, this is dumb.
I don't want to do it.
Right.
And it's, it's okay to say that.
Yeah.
It's okay for you as a spouse or partner, whatever, to hear that.
Yeah.
Because as fun as it is to be doing adventures together, to be going on the journey together,
it's still fun to go and do things like either on your own or as, you know, with you and
your friends.
And then you come back together to be spouses.
Yeah.
And so, anyway, so the other night, I went to go watch fights with some friends.
Yes.
I know you are not a fan of fights.
That really, yeah.
Disturbs me.
Right.
Yes.
So it's like, I know you have zero interest in doing that, but it's like, it was kind
of entertaining to me.
So it's like, I'm going to go do that.
And I mean, I didn't ask you if you wanted to go because I knew you were staying us ahead
of time.
Well, that, and it's a whole bunch of the husbands and all the beds.
That too.
It was more of a guy's situation.
It was a guy thing.
But yeah.
But even if you had asked me, because when you were telling me this subject, I was like,
okay, let's remove the word dumb because I think that that's part of, I think that that's
part of the communication problem.
And I think that that's part of what causes people to shy away.
And because they think, well, I don't want my spouse to think less of me if I like something
that they don't, or I don't want them to our children.
And I don't want, because I don't ever want me to be interested and excited about something
that you think is an absolute waste of time.
Right.
And it's part of who I am.
It's part of something that I enjoy.
And I think more often than not, it's all in the delivery of how we even say it.
Because if you were to say, hey, babe, would you like to go to the fights with me?
Well, that's so dumb.
It's so barbaric.
Oh my gosh, a bunch of guys just jump.
You heard him saying like it goes into a whole other weird spin and it becomes very
belittling.
Yeah.
And that's, I think that's kind of the topic that you're really, that's what hit me anyway.
I was like, okay, what would be a topic of this?
And I'm like, trying to be a safe place to tell somebody that that's dumb.
Okay, it's basically trying to express to somebody I'm not interested.
Or maybe something is a very bad idea.
Like you can say it in a way that's not belittling your spouse or your children or whoever it
is that you're having this conversation with.
You can say, you know what, I don't think that's the best idea.
We say that a lot to our girl, right?
Like if she goes and does some same thing with our boy as our children are growing and
they're learning to make different decisions and things of their own and they're choosing
things.
We're trying to do our best to let them grow into the amazing human beings that they were
created to be without discouraging them or without trying to disrupt too much of what
God wants to do.
But the enemy has play in there too.
Okay, play in with your spouse.
Like all of a sudden it's like, hey, I'm going to go to a bar and I'm going to do the, well,
that's dumb.
Why would you do that?
You know, like you could say that's dumb, probably to a friend, potentially faster than
with maybe your spouse.
Just because like that's more of a, like I could see you saying this, I literally had
flashes of faces of your friends in my phone that you guys could look at each other and
say, dude, that's dumb.
Don't do that.
But if I was to say that to some of my friends, I think it would almost like they would start
to recoil and be like, oh, well then I shouldn't say anything.
And my response, and maybe this would be marriage 101 or conversation 101 would be, why do you
want to do that?
I go back to our first date when I'm asking you about the tattoos and the piercings and
the things.
And I'm asking, I'm not saying, wow, that's demonic or wow, that's really outlandish or
wow, you were really far gone.
It was, huh.
Yeah.
Well, what made you do that?
Well, what made you want to do, and instead of saying this is a peer pressure thing or
this is a this thing or that thing, because again, anybody that has ever seen my husband
in real life, for our listeners that do not know physically what my husband looks like,
he's a most amazing six foot three sexy glass wearing, but he he is tatted, you're tatted
kind of not so much head to toe, but you know, shoulders maybe one day, one.
Nope.
That would be dumb.
See is like, no, why would you want that babe?
Why would you want, you know what I mean?
And that would be the conversation, well, why, why did you do what's the story behind
this or what's the story behind that?
And I think that what that does is it keeps it keeps you in a place where you are a safe
place for that person.
You're a safe place for them to, to share their ideas to share even maybe their beliefs
or share just what they're thinking in the moment.
And what is our favorite one of our favorite sayings to say in our house, think your thought
through, right?
So when our children come to us or even each other and we come with an idea, okay, think
your thought through.
Okay, cool.
That's great.
That's a great thought or maybe that's not a great thought, but let's think the thought
through.
Why would I say that that might not be a good idea?
Yeah.
And that's, that's the bonus of me being an overthinker is I have thought the thought
through and I've thought 10,000 thought through.
It's true.
Again, with the idea of us bringing cameras into the studio.
Yes.
I mean, I have been as I'm burping and blowing it the other way.
That's all right.
That's it's live.
It's life.
It's life is the realness of being a couple.
But it's like, I mean, I think I've been batting around the idea of what would it involve?
What would camera?
What would it involve to get cameras in here?
Yeah.
Probably for over a year.
Yes, you have.
If not since we shortly after we started this.
It's true.
You know, so it's, it's I've definitely thought the thought through.
Yes.
So, so to go back to the conversation, right?
Like as far as like becoming a safe place to basically tell somebody that it's dumb.
I think number one, you need to know what kind of lingo and what kind of language that
you can speak to that spouse.
Because another one of the sayings that we say in our household that we stole from my
sister-in-law was you need to know what dance you have.
Like that's their dance because some, some of our friends, they speak to each other,
there's them as far as their spouses and I just go, wow, I could never say that to you.
Or I would hit you with a frying pan if you were to speak to me like that.
You know, and they're cool with it.
Like they're fine with it.
I, I think too many times though, even in those kind of realms, we need to slow down
enough and be respectful and honorable enough to each other's thoughts to where even if
it is a dumb thought, takes a time to, to, to unwrap the thought, takes a time to have
the conversation.
Because if, if they're having that thought to begin with, you kind of want to know why
they got to that space anyway.
Yeah.
Especially if it is something that is, that's deemed dumb or potentially toxic or, or harmful
or something that could become, you used the word earlier, somebody would end up being
very, what was it that you said?
Shoot, what's the word?
Resentful?
Resentful, thank you, baby.
You know, because you don't, you, you want to, you want to say, Hey, I know that this
is, you and I've had these conversations where I am, and it's usually me, where I am
spiraling in a really weird space.
And it's usually potentially hormonal or it's something that's just, I'm just off.
And I'll say, just bear with me.
Give me just, give me five minutes to, to vent or give me the five minutes to just kind
of unwrap this and, and just, just lose my ever loving crap everywhere.
And then, and then, okay, now let's put the pieces back together.
Okay, let's pray.
Hey, let's, let's take the time or just hold me while I cry.
Because I'm, I'm trying to think my thought through and not, and have a greater understanding
myself of even what I'm having to deal with.
Yeah.
And I'm, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna turn it a little bit to, to kind of play with the
word dumb.
Okay.
Because I think, I think when I initially said it, and, and with some of the conversations
that we were having before we hit record, I'm second guessing, I'm not regretting, but
I'm second guessing the use of the word dumb because it's, it's not so much, I mean, yes,
if something's a bad idea, it's like, you know, hey, no, that's not a good idea.
Oh, hey, I'm thinking of getting a tattoo, you know, right below my chin.
Maybe not.
Let's, let's think about that.
I'd suffocate you in your sleep.
You would.
I really wouldn't guys, it's okay.
But I think, I think it's, it's more of not so much this is dumb as in this is a bad idea,
but more of I have no interest in doing this.
Correct.
Because I think, I think what it is, is, you know, sometimes it's, it's, I have zero interest
in doing this.
And I, as I say that, I think back to our conversation with Eric and Laurie.
Yeah.
And, you know, where it's, he loves to golf.
Correct.
She has no interest.
Right.
But yet they, she went because she likes to be with him.
And it's, it's like, that is important as, as a couple.
That is, that is important to help maintain and, and keep life in your marriage.
Yeah.
But it's also, there, there are things that I'm going to do that you have no interest
in it or that you do that I have no interest.
Yeah.
I have to say, I, I don't care about that.
I have no interest.
I'm good.
I don't, I don't want to participate in this.
You know, and it's...
Go call your girls.
You're fine.
You know, oh, you want to sign up for a, for a half marathon?
Sweet.
Go for it.
I will cheer you on.
I will support you.
I will drive you to the venue.
Yes, you will.
I do not want to partake in that.
No.
You know.
Yeah.
Um, you know, so again, so it's that, it's that, that freedom to say, I don't want
to do that.
Yeah.
I have no interest in that.
I don't want anything to do with that event.
Yeah.
Um, you know, but again, it's, it's that.
It's like, it's, it's also, it's like, I want to tag on.
It's also, that's not important to me.
I don't care about that.
You know, but, but saying it in a nice way or, or having that, that safe space to say,
I don't care about that.
And not to be like, Oh my gosh, you don't care about this thing that I care about.
It's like, okay, I care about you and I care.
But I don't care.
Right.
You know, I mean, I mean, yes, you know, some of this was prompted.
I love our friends, friends know that I love you, know that we love you.
Um, love you bits.
But they are having some discussions these days and some things are important to one.
And some things are important to the other.
And, and they're individually like almost saying that's not important to me.
Pick whatever you want.
And it's like they, they're not flat at times.
It seems like they're not flat out saying it in front of us.
I mean, I don't know what conversations they're having in quiet and private.
Not my business.
But the, the conversations they have in front of us, you made it our business because you're
having it in front of us or you're asking our opinion.
You know, but it is, it's like, you know, it was.
It would be like, you know, when we're decorating, you know, when I was setting up my office,
you know, the studio and I would be like, well, I'm thinking about going this, this
kind of setup or that kind of setup.
And you'd be like, I really don't care.
This is your office.
Right.
Yeah.
You know, I mean, it's kind of turned into our studio, but it's like, but if I was like,
what belongs here and that is mine, that chair in the two blankets.
And I'm aware.
But still our studio.
I didn't say that.
No, I know.
I know.
See what just happened there guys.
But, but it's, but it's one of those things that it's like, you know, you could say, you
know, if I'm trying to figure out how to set things up or what's put in here and you could
be like, I don't care.
Yeah.
You know, and, and I'd be like, okay, well, she really doesn't, you know, it really doesn't
affect her.
You know, as long as there's space for her.
Right.
You know, this is, this is where you get to be like, you're here probably not seven days
a week, but at least a good five, four or five solid.
Yeah.
And this is your domain and I get to live in it.
Yeah.
I get to visit.
I get to come and visit.
I don't even get to live in it because I do get kicked out on time from time to time.
And in, and that is, and that is okay.
That's okay.
It's, it's okay to appreciate that's the word, to appreciate the differences that your
spouse brings to the table because like in the midst of my workout, this was what was
funny because I almost recorded it onto in the rail on our Facebook.
So you guys get to have my thoughts before they do.
The guy kept saying there's, everybody's going to come to the table and be able to do something
different.
Not everybody is going to come with the same amounts of strengths and the same amount of
tenacity and abilities.
Like you hear the guy, like again, you were there when at the last part of it.
He's very positive.
Oh yeah.
You know, but he's pushing you, but he's pushing you in such a space where it's like he's,
he's reminding you, you do what is good for you that is not going to harm you or hurt
you and just know that you're building a better body.
You're not trying to run away race.
You're not trying to look like the person next to you.
You're not trying to, you're not my competition.
You're not, it's okay that we have different interests.
It's okay that we, we have different parts of our house that this is your domain.
This is where you get to be.
There's certain parts of the house for the most part.
I mean, we share everything in the house, but you're so sweet because you're like, you decorate
the rest of the house any way, which way you want to, right?
Do you have input?
Absolutely.
Please understand.
I take this man to Ikea.
I take him to paint shops.
I take him to all the places.
You are very hands-on, very in it.
And you have a definite opinion.
I do not want our kitchen to be purple, babe.
Okay, no problem.
You know what I mean?
It's, it's finding those places where you say, this is really important to both of us.
This is really important to you.
This is really important to me.
And then just figure out what your non-negotiables are and then find out where the other things
are, but don't make the other person feel inadequate or less than or that they have
to, to go your way or no way.
That's not fair.
Yeah.
They're again, it's like, it's, it's the small and the sounds probably pretty trite and just
very simplistic, but it's the simple things that could cause the frustrations that can
cause the, what was ordered.
I don't know why I can't seem to keep that in mind.
The regret.
Resentment.
Yeah.
Because, because seeds, seeds of resentment start at the smallest of things.
I, I would much rather just be like, okay, well, we're just not going to touch this at
all until we can come to a place of either agreement or just somebody just says, it's
really not that important to me.
It really is okay.
We can move on.
And I think, I think sometimes that comes from, it's almost an external resentment through
keeping up with other couples.
Yeah.
Well, they have a marriage like this.
Why don't we have a marriage like this?
You know, they, they have all these interests together.
We need to have all these interests together.
Yes.
Yeah.
You know, I've, I've heard it in, you know, I've heard it from coworkers, you know, it's
like, you know, I have a coworker that really loves going to the gym and his wife's like,
well, I want to go to the gym with you.
And he's like, okay, cool.
And he buys gym memberships.
And then he says that she doesn't use them as often as he does.
And he's like, why am I paying for this?
You know, but it is, it's, it's that, you know, it's, it's that keeping up with the
Jones's mentality.
Right.
And I think it's also that, that microwave mentality, you know, kind of like, you know,
like when, when we pray to God, you know, we, we need that instant response.
We need that instant answer to prayer.
And if it's not, then all of a sudden it's like, well, what am I doing wrong?
Or why isn't God listening?
You know, well, what, what do you mean we don't have a hundred percent of our interests
in line as a couple, you know, what's, what's wrong with us?
Why are we struggling?
It's like, you're not struggling.
You're doing fine.
You just, it's okay that you guys don't have the same interests.
Right.
That's what helps keeps things spicy.
It's, I mean, and genuinely, right?
Yeah.
Because again, and back to, because what I was thinking was there's going to be times
where you come to the table and you're, you're like hitting a hundred percent on certain
spaces and I may not be, right?
And then it'll flip or there'll be, or there's just something, there's just, again, you're
wicked smart.
You are Google and I am common sense.
I get to bring certain other things to the table and is it that you don't have common
sense?
No.
Is it that I'm not smart?
No.
But you, we have different strengths that we get to walk in and when you aren't walking
in the same thing, because especially when you're in a marriage, like you said, not just
keeping it spicy, but you guys get to bring a full package to the deal when you're both
there together.
There's, it's not that one person is completing the other.
It's just you now become a little bit more well rounded.
Yeah.
Well, my, my spouse really loves this.
I, oh, are you interested in that?
Not at all.
But I'll get you in touch with my spouse because they have all the knowledge and they can tell
you all of the things, you know, it, in, in understanding the strengths and not making
that person feel less than because they don't think like you or act like you.
You're not created to, there's only one God only needed one you.
Why is he creating another one?
And why is he making them marry you?
That just seems absurd.
Why would you do that?
You don't want to do that.
So, um, I think, I think giving each other a platform when you say there is no wrong
answer, you sent that real to me today.
It was beautiful where the lady was like this marriage 101 because immediately somebody
will say, well, when you're asking a question, she said her husband would get really defensive.
Yeah.
And I'm like, well, what do you, what do you mean?
Like, what do you mean?
Yeah, even something as, you know, what time will you be home tonight?
Yeah.
And he's like, well, and he always felt kind of attacked.
And I was like, whoa.
And she says what she started doing was she would promise the question with there is no
wrong answer.
Yeah.
Could you tell me?
Yeah.
You know, there is no wrong answer here.
Which do you prefer?
Yeah.
There is no.
And you yourself have to follow up with, you really don't care about their answer.
It is, it is not that big of a deal.
If you have a certain preference, you need to be honest.
Yeah.
And you need to make your requests known and then maybe give them some back history, give
them some understanding.
Maybe the reason why your, your spouse isn't as crazy about something is because they don't
understand the full fledged gravity of what it is that it means to you.
And whether they come alongside and say, ooh, I think that would be fun.
Let's do that too.
At least it gives them a greater understanding of my spouse isn't just going and doing something
dumb.
No.
They're genuinely just enjoying this moment and this time and they come back better after
they've done this, you know.
Or in the cases of people like us, relationships like ours, sometimes it can be, I'm not a
fan of that and my ex was a huge fan of that.
So I'd rather not.
It is true.
Yeah.
You know, again, and again, saying, you know, you can totally be delivered in the field of
that and focus on, you know, this is, this is my marriage now.
This is my spouse now.
You know, unless it's something that caused deep hardcore trauma, you know, we can, you
know, we can do anything and overcome anything with Jesus and God.
But again, I know there are things, you know, it's like, you know, you could, you know,
maybe there are those things that it's like, you know, my ex was really into this and I'm
really not.
I want nothing to do with it.
Yeah.
Is there something I need to know?
Not that I can think of.
No.
I just wanted to make sure that this was like, are you just trying to tell me something?
No.
I'm just trying to tell you something.
For all of everybody else.
The broad, the broad.
I'm making like these gestures like, like we're already on video.
This is just a broad general statement just because, because I know it can't happen.
Absolutely.
You know, and.
Or the way that you were raised.
Yeah.
Right.
Like just whatever your home life might have been or something of that nature.
Yes.
Like this is, this is, this is how it's always been, you know, that, you know, and this is
how it's always going to be.
And then that bleeds into your marriage.
So there's, there's some.
And in a way that can, that can work out for the positive.
Yeah.
You know, it's like, well, I do this because that's how it's always been.
That's how, well, what, but.
Why?
Do you like doing it?
Well, not really, but that's how you do it.
I know your dad was into it, but just like, do you really like it?
No, me, no.
Again, that safe space to say, well, then why are we doing it?
Yes.
Come on, babe.
See that part.
Yeah.
So give, give safe space so people can, can reflect and they can, the introspection, like
you were talking about, like you can just, you can say, why do I do that?
Why do I seem to be drawn to that?
Why do I, you know?
And again, it's not like you have to dissect everything, but if it is a place of potential
contention or if it's a place where like you feel like, well, my, my, I want my spouse
to be here.
And you, I like you everywhere I go.
It's just you, you, you my ride or die babe.
Like you're my bestie and I like it and it's good, right?
You're not just my hubby.
Um, but it, but I know that there are times too where it's like, I would like to just
be by myself, please.
You know, I would just, if you could just stop breathing on me, that would be great.
Um, but do it in a space where you just mind your tone guys.
Just mind your tone.
Make time to say, well, this is how I always say it.
This is what it's always done.
Don't do that to your spouse.
Give your spouse a little bit more respect and honor than that.
Um, be, be more mindful.
Um, just because it might have been, this has always been the way that it's been done.
Doesn't mean that it always has to continue to be that way.
Um, just be really, just be a safe space.
And again, me and you over, you know, almost 13 years now, um, I, I can say that you and
I take that scripture into, um, it's, that's kind of a stock in our world where it's be
quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to respond and, and take that time.
Listen to your spouse, hear their heart.
Yeah.
Sometimes their words don't come out quite the same way, but just be, you know, and,
and if you continue to say, I, you know, I, I don't, I don't want to do that.
Or this isn't interesting to me or I don't think this is the way we should go.
At least take the time to listen.
Make sure you're listening.
Make sure you are walking away and you're listening with, um, ears that want to have
an understanding, not just to respond.
Yeah.
Make sure, make sure you're taking the time to say, okay, if I hear you correctly, this
is what you just said.
Instead of even, um, trying to have a preconceived idea of what you think is even trying to be
said or just, well, this is just how it's always been.
And this is what we do.
Why?
You know, you have room to grow.
Take it.
Yeah.
And again, the, the, the, the listening ears and the mindset of your spouse is on your
team.
You guys are on the same team.
You are genuinely both looking out for the betterment and the growth of your marriage,
your relationship.
That's right.
You know, don't like, don't have those listening ears of, oh my gosh, they're always tearing
it down.
What I want to do.
Right.
Or they're, they're always, you know, they never, they're never interested in what
I'm interested in.
You know, don't, don't do that.
You know, you know, be, be open, be open to, you know, the changes that make sense.
You know, if, if it seems like it's a change or something that's just a little outside
of your comfort zone, pray about it.
That's it.
You know, pray about it.
Like, oh my gosh, is, you know, should I, should I be changing?
Should I be doing this?
You know, why, you know, why do I do it like this?
Right.
You know, God, you know, should I keep doing this or should I change?
You know, but have those conversations, have those prayers, have those, have that mindset
that you are genuinely on the same team looking to grow and better your marriage.
That's it.
Yeah.
Period.
That's good.
Yeah.
So I think that's good.
I think that's good.
Yeah.
It got fleshed out the way you wanted.
It did.
I think it did.
Yeah.
Good.
Yeah.
So I see that, Paul.
She's so cute.
Because when you were saying it, one thought did trigger and it was also when you were in
those spaces, find where your common ground is.
Make sure you're finding the common ground.
Make sure you are in the space where you are also the one that's saying, well, they get
their way all the time.
They get what they want.
I just live in their world like I tease about your office.
But if it is not, if it really bothers you, if it's really something that is important
to you, talk it through.
Express your concerns.
Hey.
I know you don't want to do this or you don't like to go here.
But man, it would really mean a lot if or this is how I feel when.
Make sure you are letting your voice be heard.
And just know that again, like you said, you guys are on the same team.
Yes.
I like it, babe.
Thanks.
That was good.
All right, guys.
Have the best week.
Enjoy the journey.
Bye.