Hello and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Hi.
See, again, this is why we need video.
You and your little air drums.
Because it's true.
People want to see you dance.
People want to see you sing.
People do not want to see.
They want to see the animated awesomeness that is you.
Unhinged.
There's a lot of people that get to see it, but even more people need to see it, want
to see it.
See, what's going to happen is I'm going to become so self-conscious.
Thanks, babe.
I'll be like...
I don't think so.
I'll just sit very, very quietly and be like, what's going on?
Hi.
How are we?
How are we today?
How's my makeup?
What's going on?
I think maybe the first, maybe one, two at the most episodes, and then you're going to
be like, whatever.
This is me.
This is what we do.
Welcome to me.
I almost said welcome to in the real, but this is Upfront and Undivided.
We are Upfront and Undivided.
But yes, once those cameras get going and people will see us in the real too.
We might have to figure out an Elvis cam.
Oh my gosh.
How cute would that...
Could we get him a little collar cam?
Oh my gosh.
How cute would that be?
What's up?
He sees life from our point of view.
Oh no, you're right.
You're right.
Because dogs do what dogs do.
Yeah, no, never mind.
It's fine.
I'm thinking, yeah.
We don't need to stream that live to the world.
No.
It's really bad.
So if you're joining us now, how are we doing, babe?
I think we're doing good.
Yeah.
How are you?
Are we doing well?
I don't feel good, but yeah, it's fine.
We are here.
You and the boy have been hit by stuff.
Some sort of stupid bug, apparently, so when our beautiful girl came down to get her laundry
started, she just...
I said, hey babe, I haven't seen you all day.
How are you?
Right?
Because we ran and did some errands even though we needed to, but they were very slow errands
and there was a lot of trips to the bathroom.
TMI, but there you go.
And it's like when we ran the few errands, so we hadn't seen her and she's like, I got
really lightheaded and I feel really nauseous and I haven't been feeling very good.
And I was like, excellent.
All three of us have this thing.
So that's, yeah, but we're here.
We're here and it's good.
And I don't know what else is on my stomach to discharge anyway, so there's that.
Yeah.
And here we go.
But it's been a good week.
Has it been a good week?
Last week was a good week.
I mean, it's Tuesday.
It's a Tuesday, but like last week, because we didn't do this last week.
Right.
What did we do last week?
I think it was just a lot of just...
Life.
Yeah.
It's just been a lot of life lately.
Yeah.
We've been helping friends and trying to help them get settled.
Yes.
Just, yeah.
We do have some friends that have really great, amazing things on the horizon for them.
And then we're in the process of...
I've been working on getting a project done for Marsha and then we're going to be recording
that here soon.
You guys will actually see our faces, but it will not be on any kind of platform that
is readily available unless you have a teenage daughter or I guess son too, but mostly a
teenage daughter that is wanting to stick with the land of purity and even know her
worth and knows what that means.
So she asked Heather and I to record some stuff about just that kind of stuff.
So I've been working on that.
And then you've been helping me set up Canva so we can start working on our devotional
and eventually a book.
And I just literally just read something today and it's from a sweet Mandy Windsor friend
of ours.
And she said, I'm just going to put this out here.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but if you like to read, then you like to write.
And if you like to write, then there's a book inside of you and there's stuff that needs
to be.
And here we go.
So you guys just keep praying.
I mean, it's one of those slow and steady wins the race.
And we know that there's a lot of stuff.
You're finishing up a project.
We got some stain and woodworking project.
So we're working on that.
You're getting that done.
And summer is happening.
And so it's just good.
I've determined that it's just okay that we don't have to be in a constant state of let's
go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
That we don't have to be in that constant state of like, you have to always have something
going on.
There is rest is a weapon.
And that's something that I'm learning.
That's something that I'm trying to help impart to friends that are going through some stuff
right now that I've also had to go through.
And in letting them know that it's rest is a weapon.
It's rusting in God, rusting in his knowledge, rusting and knowing who he is and also rusting
your body because rest is healing.
So it's good.
Yeah.
So what are we talking about?
Cause I don't know.
Yeah, I know.
I'm excited.
I actually told you not to tell me.
Yeah, you did.
So this hit me a couple of few weeks ago.
Oh, cool.
Okay.
So it's sitting not like heavy, just marinating, not really marinating, but it's like, it's
been there.
Yeah.
So to speak.
It's like, I've kind of been watching it on the back burner.
Okay.
But I want to title it, don't marry potential.
Yeah.
I think I know we've talked about this before somewhere.
Little bit.
But yeah, I don't know where and I don't know how in depth we got into this.
So I'm excited.
Okay.
So what, do you want to tell me what triggered this or was this something that...
It was just, it was one of those thoughts that just kind of like came in because every
now and then I just, you know, cause I do, I, that's one of the things that goes through
my mind of, cause even though I can think about nothing, it's like, there are times
where it's like, my brain is just racing.
Yeah.
Like, especially when, you know, wake up in the morning before my alarm and I'm like,
I want to go back to bed.
And it's like, we should think about this.
I'm like, why shut up?
You know, but it's like, it's the, you know, because it is, I, you know, every now and
then it's, you know, not that I sit out and try to, it's not like my goal is to think
of podcast episodes or topics, but it happens.
Yeah.
Either for us or for the equipped man, it just, it just pops in there.
And you know, sometimes it gets fleshed out and sometimes it's just like a topic that
just kind of sits there, like a one word or two word, you know, and it was just, it just,
it does, it just kind of sits there.
And sometimes, like I said, sometimes my brain will just go and all of a sudden it's like,
I feel like I have, I wish I had a recorder in my brain because it's, I don't, it's by
the time I have, I can write something down.
It's like, it's already all like 75% of what I wanted to say.
I'm like, Oh, that was really good.
And it's like, and it's gone.
Yeah.
And then some of the things like that we talk about on here, it's like, you know, I'll say
something.
You're like, Ooh, that was good.
Say it again.
I'm like, what'd I say?
Right.
It released it out there.
I said it's gone.
Yeah.
No, that's good.
My, my, my, my hands did not hold onto it as it left.
It just kind of, it went.
Yes.
I joke that that's the bonus of being honest and having integrity and character because
you can, you can let it just fly.
Yeah.
And you know, you, you don't have to be as guarded.
Yeah.
So to speak.
Yeah.
Um, you know, yes, you want to try to measure your words and in some sense, you know, and
in some scenarios and all, you want to think more on what you're going to say.
But you know, at times when it's like, you know, especially if the Holy Spirit's involved,
it's like, you know, you just, you just open your mouth and talk and it's, Oh, that was
cool.
I love that.
So that's where, so yeah.
So this is talking about potential.
Don't marry potential.
Um, cause it is, I think we've talked about it before.
Um, you know, you can sit there and, you know, in the dating world or marriage, you know,
hopefully it doesn't get to marriage, but you know, dating world and stuff like that.
It's like, I can see that, you know, I can see the potential in them.
And so therefore that's what I'm marrying.
And it's like, you're not marrying potential.
You're marrying a person.
Right.
You know, you're not dating potential.
You're, you know, I mean, when, when we got together, I mean, technically I had the, I
still have, um, the potential to be a millionaire.
Come on, sir.
I'm not a babe.
It's happening.
I'm not.
I definitely wasn't when we got married.
No, no.
I mean, I was, I was a thousandaire.
Yes.
I was, I was four figures, babe.
You were baby.
And our pastor said, if this is as good as it gets, are you good with that?
And I said, yes.
And I don't think it was a thing of settling in my mind because once upon a time I settled,
hi, hi, hello.
I have a previous marriage.
I've had previous relationships.
It's one of those where it's like you, you settle or you see the potential, right.
And then you don't see the potential, um, come to fruition.
And I would like to bring, um, I love that you didn't tell me what this is because I
would love to bring, um, the, the, uh, train of thought.
That's a good way.
So my little train of thought would be if you feel like you are supposed to walk with
this person.
Okay.
So we're going to talk about relationships, but I'm going to say just even friendships,
okay, some friendships or just whatever.
So if you feel like you are supposed to walk with somebody, business opportunities, any
of those things, and you're like, man, like I can see the potential of this person and
blah, blah, blah.
And some, I would say there's those times where you have to say, I'm not necessarily
going to try to cultivate something inside of you.
I'm not going to sit here and say that I think that this is the way that it needs to go.
Um, I'm going to say, what is it that I can bring to the table that can help like, um,
grow or help assist the potential that lives inside of you?
Because sometimes it's not always a thing of, um, you know, like, like here, I'm going
to be your support system.
I'm going to be all the things.
I think we also have to stand back and say, um, and I, I'm, I know I've said this to
myself, we've said this to our beautiful girl.
Um, this may not the potential that the potential of heaven that's inside of you, it may not
come out and be cultivated in the way that you think it's supposed to come and be cultivated.
It may not come in the timing.
It may not come in, um, the, the way like the vehicle or whatever it is that you think
I, well, this is how I think I see life.
This is what I see.
Okay, I see the potential of this woodworking business inside of you.
Okay, cool.
So like, we're going to just, you're going to quit your job and we're just going to sell
it all.
What are you going to do?
And the whole time, like Holy Spirit's like, nah, like, nah, like, like, like there's a
good potential there.
There's goodness there, but, um, we're going to go a different way.
We're going to, we're going to, we're going to grow and we're going to, um, finesse and
we're going to make this better, but it's not in the way that you think.
And I think too many times when it comes to marrying potential, um, and, and I see it
time and time again, and it was with you and I too, like, okay, God, I see the potential
in this person.
He's an amazing man.
He's like, babe, you're like wicked smart, right?
I tell this to people all the time.
You are my Google.
Yes.
I do not need Google.
Anybody that has played any kind of board game with us understands you are Google.
And but it's like, what does that look like?
How, how does the Holy Spirit want to mold that?
What does he want to create out of this?
Because even though there might be potential inside of you, he might be going a different
way.
Okay.
That's great, Luke.
Like you're stupid smart, like, yeah, like off the charts smart.
You know what?
I'm going to make you do something that is completely outside of your character and outside
of your comfort zone.
Yeah.
And we're going to build on that.
Yeah.
And you yourself would go, Oh, yeah.
Shoot.
Okay.
I don't know what I'm doing.
And then me who knows the potential inside of you could say, but that's not your gifting.
That's not who you are.
While the whole time the Holy Spirit's going, Hey, but I'm asking him to cultivate this
and to grow this because this, this is what I'm asking.
I know what he has the capability of.
I know what and it's like, I keep saying you, but that's, that's kind of where we are in
our lives.
It's that space of, we could naturally try to help move even the potential of people
in our lives and say, Oh man, you're really good at this.
Our daughter, you're really good at this whole baby thing.
Yeah.
But I, I mean, she has said this, but I, but I also like, um, the video part of things
and I also like social media and I also like, and like all these other giftings.
I love photography, the baking.
I love all of this.
And it's like, okay, why am I putting you in a box then?
Right.
Like, okay.
Then why are you trying to put yourself in a box?
That's it.
Yeah.
And, and it's not just, did it go off on a tangent?
No, no, no, no.
It made sense.
And, and I want to say it's, it's not just, you know, I'm, I'm glad you brought up the
giftings and the abilities and all that because it's more than, I know I use the example of,
you know, the potential to be a millionaire, you know, but it is, it's, it's more than
financial potential because it's, you know, because again, with us, um, being a little
different than other couples because I was, when we got together, I was a brand new Christian
and I was growing and learning in that so much.
And so it was one of those things that, oh my gosh, you know, he has the potential to
be X level in Christianity.
Right.
You know, in his walk with God, you know, he has the ability to, to be, you know, go
so deep and go so high and all this.
And it's like, and that's, you know, and again, that's when our care pastor at the time looked
at, looked at you and said, well, what if he doesn't grow anymore?
You know, what if, what if where he's at is where he's at?
Yeah.
You know, and it's like, is that good enough?
You know?
Yeah.
And so what if, you know, spiritual level work in full time job at McDonald's, it's
like, you know, that's, that's, that's where you end up.
Yeah.
You know?
And it's like, you cool with that.
Yeah.
You know?
Um, you know, I, it's like, I, I, it's, I, I'm not a huge fan that I go keep going back
to the financial, but it is, I think it's because that's in a way, almost the, the more,
the easiest example of potential in a way, especially when it comes to like relationships
and stuff like that, you know?
Yeah.
But, but it is, it's, you know, again, like you said, you know, with talent and stuff
like that, you know, it's, you know, for musicians or, or athletes, it's, you know, you've seen
it at times where, you know, they get together in like high school or something or early
on in the, the, the hobby or the, the sport.
And it's like, well, they have the potential to go really far.
You know, they could be a superstar.
And so I'm going to get with them now because that's what I'm banking on.
And it's like, you can't do that.
No, no.
You know, you're going to end up getting burned.
Right.
You know, or you're going to hold on for the wrong reasons.
Right.
And I mean, I think of like, um, contentment.
Yeah.
Like contentment seems to be a big word.
And I know that that was something that when you and I, at the very beginning, um, you
know, when somebody says, are you good with this person where they are?
Yeah.
And I think, are you content?
Yeah.
Are you, are you satisfied?
Are you satisfied with your care?
Right.
So are you, are you, um, is, is this enough for you?
And I believe when we see the potential of heaven inside of somebody and they're not
maybe possibly, um, hitting the spaces that we think that they should be hitting, um,
are we doing them, um, justice or are we doing them a miss service?
Because it's like, I could sit here and say, babe, like, this is who you are and this is
amazing and all the things.
And, and I could see sometimes even when I'm speaking so much goodness over our children,
or it almost exasperates them because it's like, you're asking more of me than what I
think I can give you right now.
And are you, are you content mom and just me being me?
And it's like, and it's, it's not giving somebody an escape to where they're, they're allowed
to be, um, we're not saying abusive or ugly or, or whatever.
But if this person, all they've got to bring to the table is, and I can't even say all
because that sounds like it's, it's less, but you, one of the reasons why I said it
was easy for me to say, yeah, when it, when our care pastor asked, you know, if this is
as far as he goes, are you content with that?
And I said, yes, because what I saw was somebody that was gentle and kind and loving.
I saw somebody that was already walking in the fruit of the spirit of God.
And to me, that is the potential that is, it's not even the potential that, that you,
you already exceeded a lot of the expectation you already exceeded where a lot of my past
had already been, you know, I, I, you were selfless, you are somebody and you still are,
right?
But that's, I want people to understand the, the picture that was painted in front of me
when this pastor is asking me.
So it's like, well, what do you, how, what did that even look like?
Cause you know, you guys got married with the thought of, okay, yeah, I don't think
we ever really talked about like a five year plan, even a 10 year plan.
You know what I mean?
Like when we got married, it was more of, I really like you.
I like hanging out with you.
You make me a better person.
You make me want to be a better person.
You're amazing with our daughter.
I, I, I can see going on amazing, beautiful adventures with you, even if it's in our backyard.
Um, I, I like doing everyday mundane, simple day to day things with you.
And I, I think that that, that is what has been really good for us.
Um, and in all I could hear in my spirit is, um, to some of our listeners, that is, that
that's what you need to base a lot of your stuff on.
Like I like you.
Yeah.
Like, why do I like you?
Okay.
We're talking about marriage, but we're also talking about family.
We're talking about friends.
We're talking about, um, children, right?
Like I told you it was, oh, it was last week when I got a chance to be, spend a day, kind
of a full day with both of our kids separately.
And I was like, literally in the car, almost in tears driving with Sebastian, you know,
like Gabri the day before and just loving, just doing the things, just spending time
with her laughing, joking, same thing, Sebastian, him just going, you know, cause he just, that
cute little boy just goes mile a minute.
He's sitting there, he's watching, he's looking outside the car and he's looking while driving
and all the things.
And I'm like tears in my eyes going father, just thank you.
I genuinely like my kids.
Like, I love being with them.
They're, they, they are allowed to be unapologetically them.
You get to be unapologetically my husband.
I get to be unapologetically your wife.
That is, it's like, are the potentials there?
Are the things there, the goodness there?
Yes.
But I think if we don't take the time to enjoy the base camp essentials of who we are, right?
Just without the fluff, without the, without the six figure income, without the, you know,
without the books, without the talking, without the hair, without the makeup, with all this,
you know what I mean?
If we can't take the time to just sit and just enjoy that space with each other, I think
the potential doesn't matter.
Yeah.
And then kind of along those lines, I mean, not kind of, but along those lines, something
I did write down with this was yes, you don't want to, yes, it's, you know, it's, it's good
to recognize potential.
I mean, we all have potential.
We all have, you know, we all have potential for, for greatness.
We all have, you know, the full potential of heaven inside all of us.
You know, so it's, it's good to see that.
And it's okay to recognize and encourage that, but you don't want to bank your entire relationship
or base your entire relationship on that, on what could be.
Yeah.
Because again, it's one of those things that, you know, when you're 20, it could look like
your life is going in one direction.
And by the time you're 25, 30, it could be going in a completely different direction.
So you know, it's, it's one of those things that's, that is, that is something I wanted
to say is, you know, that feel free to encourage that, you know, because again, we should be
encouraging our spouses.
We should be encouraging our children, our friends, you know, our coworkers, you know,
all of it.
Yeah.
But don't, I mean, again, it's, it's kind of like we were talking, you know, don't put
them in a box.
Right.
And it's because if you put, if you're, if you're banking so hard on that potential,
yeah, that's, that's what you're doing.
You're pigeonholing them and you're almost setting up, you know, kind of what we've talked
about also, you're setting up those false expectations or those on unspoken, unrealized
expectations of, well, you should be this.
No, no, don't do that.
Right.
Because we do that to ourselves.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
So, Sunday after church on the prayer floor, talking to some friends and just loving on
them.
And one of them says, I said, I didn't come up, I didn't come to have you pray for me.
I just wanted to come and give you a hug.
And she says, good, then you pray for me.
And the only thing that came out of my mouth was you need to stop putting God on a timeline.
Yeah.
You, you need to stop being, you need to stop putting him on a timeline and know that he
is going to do what he's going to do when he's doing it.
And you need to stop putting yourself on a timeline thinking that you have missed it.
Yeah.
And it was like, and it wasn't just for her, but it was also for the young lady that was
just right next to her.
And it was like, and there was a whole lot more stuff that was said too, but, and I won't
go into that, but it just, that, that hit me hard because I think I needed to hear that
too.
Like, why are you?
Are, are there good things to have like, you know, Hey, we have a time limit.
We've got, we're going to put ourselves in, in this space, right?
Like we're working on a project.
We want it to be done within X, Y, Z. Okay.
That's good.
So that gives us a base.
And so that way we're not just lingering and just whatever.
But when it comes to developing your character, when it comes to walking in integrity, when
it comes to learning how to discipline and walk in the fruits of the spirit and learning
who you are and whose you are, that is a lifelong journey.
And some days we're really going to be good at it.
And some days we're going to fall flat on our face and go, am I even saved?
Do I even know God?
I don't even think I like people today.
And it's like, I think we as the people of God specifically need to stand back and say,
all right, father, is this something you want to put a time limit on?
Or is this something that you're just developing inside of me so that way, because it's going
to be for the next leg of the journey?
Or is this something that I'm needing to develop inside of me because eventually somebody else
is going to need what it is that I've got.
Right.
And I think what that does is number one, I believe he'll tell you.
I believe he'll tell you.
Because again, you and I have said for over a year now, I'm looking at God go and tell
me the hard.
I want to learn how to hear you in the hard.
And sometimes the hard is you got to step up your game, girlfriend.
Hey, you know what?
That was not kind.
Yeah.
Or whatever.
Or hey, I need you to start working out and stuff like that because your body is not in
the shape that I need you to be in to do what needs to be done.
You know what I mean?
And it's like, there's going to be times where we know that I need to do something better.
I need to do something more.
But I think we need to stop putting ourselves, putting God in such a timeframe, even with
the potential that lives inside of the person in front of us.
You are like, I'd like to do this and I'd like to do this.
And I'm applying here and I'm applying here and I'm doing this and I don't know what's
going on.
And I'm looking at you going, it's not because you don't lack anything.
It's because this may not be the direction God's got for you.
And so when you have somebody that comes alongside you that even speaks that kind of truth into
you and says, or maybe it's just not your time.
Why are we trying to force a hand of God on something where he might have something completely
different or this may not be what he wants to do at all.
And it's like, so be present in those moments and be present in what God's doing today.
And then eventually I believe the potential will start flourishing and start growing in
a way, in a place that you didn't even think existed.
And I think a good illustration that I've seen as far as potential and especially the
fact that only God really knows our true potential and where we're going to end up in all of
this.
But I think that the coolest thing I heard and the greatest illustration of this that
I've heard is anyone can count the seeds in an apple.
Only God can count the apples in the seed.
And so it is.
It's that you cut in and it's like, okay, there's like five or six seeds in an apple.
You and I, we eat enough apples.
We've counted, we've seen it.
But again, we should be growing apples in somewhere.
But it is.
And how many, one seed can turn into a tree that can produce thousands upon thousands
of apples, if not millions, depending on how long and how fruitful the tree is.
Right.
Now I want to do research.
So it is.
And in a way that's kind of, it's like as I say it, that is, not only is it a really
great illustration of only God knows our true potential and we as humans cannot really get
a full measure and full idea of what potential is.
But when that tree is growing, when that seed is planting, that is when we can sit and we
can encourage, we can water, we can take care of, we can make sure that the right environment
for growth is there.
So it's like we can encourage it, but only God truly knows it's full realization.
That's it.
I love that.
Yeah.
I love that.
So I think a lot of it right now is just teaching people, teaching ourselves, teaching ourselves
how to be content in the waiting and then asking him how to cultivate the potential
of heaven that resides inside of ourselves and then resides inside of the people around
us.
The ones that he's entrusted us with, right?
To be very careful with our words, to be very intentional of how we speak of when we have
a word of encouragement or maybe some knowledge or something, some wisdom to bring to the
table that we're being people that uplift and help, like you said, water those things
in a way to where it's not heavy.
It's not something that is unattainable, but it's something that you can look at somebody
and say, you're more amazing than what you even have an idea of.
And then when they look at you like, well, what do you see?
I see the goodness of God and I know that he's going to complete what he started inside
of you and whatever that is, it's going to be good.
And so I would say as far as like, I understand don't marry potential.
Absolutely not.
But not but, but also when you do get married, when you do have the children, when you do
have the friends, when you do have the people surrounding you that you know that God has
placed inside of your life for whatever season, for whatever reason, then I would say be very
intentional.
Ask the Holy Spirit to show you, right?
To show you so that way when you're looking at your loved one and they're saying, I feel
like I just need to scrap everything and I don't want to do anything else and I'm just
going to take my little paper in color that we can stand back and say, no, but I do think
you need to be at the foot, the feet of Jesus right now.
I do think that you need to go sit in the presence of your father and have him talk
to you and ask him, where should I be putting my efforts right now?
Where, what, what potential is inside of my spouse, inside of my children that I could
be encouraging?
What is it that I can be helping them obtain?
And nine out of 10 times, the thing that I always hear, especially with you and especially
with our children is you encourage them in the goodness of who God is and everything
else will start falling itself into place.
You remind them who they are and I will do the rest.
You know, it's, it's, it seems so trivial.
It seems so easy, but what is it?
The, they say that talent can only take you so far, but ultimately it's your character
and the integrity of who you are is what's going to keep you.
And so if you feel like even the potential inside of yourself right now is a little weighing
that you're not quite where, where am I?
What am I supposed to be doing?
Maybe asking him if he's taking you through bootcamp, asking him what, what could I be
polishing just as a good human being?
Because no matter what you do, it's not going to succeed to the fullest if you don't be
who it is he's created you to be.
Yeah.
I like that.
That's good.
Do you want to add anything else?
I think we hit it.
I think so.
Yeah.
I think so.
I'm going to go walk on a treadmill now and try to feel better.
So y'all encourage us in our potential, can you?
Cause I am floundering right now.
I'm trying to figure out what we need to be doing the next step, but we know that it's
good.
Yeah.
We know that it's good guys.
We know that it's good.
Know that whatever it is that's in front of you and I'm speaking to myself right now,
whatever it is that you see that's in front of you that looks like it's bigger than you
are, remember that greater is he that's in you than the thing that's trying to overtake
you and that God wouldn't ask you to do something if he wasn't going to help you and help make
a way for you.
Yeah.
So again, I'm speaking to myself right now.
It's going to be good.
All right guys, have the best week.
Enjoy the journey.