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Hello and welcome to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.

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Hi.

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Hello.

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How's it going?

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It's okay.

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How are you?

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Good.

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Good.

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There have been some changes.

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There have been some changes.

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Growth, some changes.

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Yeah.

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I think changes is a good word.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's been a good week.

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A few weeks, a couple weeks.

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It's been a stretching.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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Because I forget, had we gone on our trip before the last one?

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I don't think we had.

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No.

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I think we had talked about it.

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No.

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I think we were about to.

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We were going to have anniversaries.

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So 12 years.

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12 years.

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We went to Chicago.

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That was fun.

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That was fun.

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We had Aaron and Whitney Lage.

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They were kind enough to host us in their little cute little apartment Airbnb.

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Yes.

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Highly recommend.

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10 stars.

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Sincerely.

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And then with our sweet, sweet girls loving on us and taking care of us and just making

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us feel very, very welcome.

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And then very sad because we left.

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But it was good.

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It was a good trip.

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It was an opportunity to slow down.

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Actually have a conversation like not being interrupted.

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That was different.

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Our sweet kiddos stayed behind and Gavrey sweetly took care of her little brother as

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also your parents, which we appreciate them very much.

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But it was one of those opportunities to where we got to be poured into.

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But then we also got to pour out because Whitney and Aaron have a branch of, I guess kind of

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it's a not a satellite church, but sort of.

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It's associated with the church that we go to.

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And anyway, they they're pastors up in the Chicago area.

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And they had a marriage workshop happening, just happening to be happening that Saturday.

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I said happening several times there.

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Just happened to be happening.

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Happened to be happening.

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And they were so cute because they said, do you think that they would want to say something?

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And so they had to stand up and speak.

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And it was interesting because it's like share something.

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And people say that you just kind of want to go because we had a really great evening

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before and even Aaron said that he learned things about us that he didn't even know.

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And so as much as you may know somebody or because he's one of our pastors and she's

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one of my friends, but her sister more so just you're around people, you know of people,

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but to actually sit down, break bread, find out who they are, maybe even get a little

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bit more into why they are what who they are.

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Then it it it brings other things to life.

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But it also I think almost even more so it not just brings things to life, but I think

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it gives people a better understanding plus an appreciation of just, oh, yeah, this is

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what you went through.

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But wow.

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But God, like you, you don't even smell like smoke or oh, I understand now why your sense

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of humor is a little twisted or whatever.

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You know what I mean?

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Whatever it is that people might say.

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So they were kind enough to give us, you know, some time.

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I think they would have given us a whole lot of time, but they they gave us enough time

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at the end.

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I spoke kind of like long winded like I do.

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And then Whitney, I hand the mic to you and then Whitney asked you to share your background

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as far as where you came from and, you know, being Catholics and witchcraft and then coming

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into Christ and what does that look like and how did that go about?

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So it was it was phenomenal because long story short, after we shared, we had several couples

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come up to us afterwards and then the following Sunday, the next morning, we went and worshiped

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at church with them.

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And you're cornered by a couple not in a bad way, just, you know, they that sounds bad.

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I'm sorry, but they came up attacking.

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Yeah, they just they immediately wanted to gleam everything out of you.

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And then we had the opportunity to minister and to share with a couple of other couples

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even after church.

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So it was it was so that's what I mean by it's like we had an opportunity to be poured

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into they minister to us, loved on us, give us a space to just breathe.

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And then and then just kind of the things that we do.

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And I don't think I passed out so many of our cards for our podcasts ever like in one

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space, just here, here, here, here.

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And so so if our group is listening.

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Yeah.

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So welcome to all the new listeners.

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Welcome to all of our new listeners.

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And more so than anything, thank you guys for being so gracious and kind to us on our

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trip.

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It it was it was it was refreshing.

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And it's it's beautiful to have people come in contact with you and you in in contact

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with them that are so hungry and so teachable and so want to know how can I do this?

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Like how does this work?

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Even if it's not we don't have all the answers or maybe our answers aren't the answers for

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you.

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The fact is that we're able to bring you into a space to think maybe outside of what the

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norm, what culture says is normal.

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And say, hey, there are alternatives.

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There are other ways to go about this.

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So it was just it was just precious.

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So it was very, very sweet.

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So and then last week we got real busy.

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Yep.

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So it's just it's been a lot for the last two weeks.

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Not bad.

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Our boy is playing baseball.

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Our girl is still healing from her surgery.

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She has a new thing.

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We had to take her to urgent care.

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She got bit by a spider.

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Dear God, we were waiting for her to turn into Spider Girl.

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She was like, it didn't like we so we were health.

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All four of us were cheering it on.

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Yeah, we were.

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I mean, she like is even doing the little hand flick to try to see if there's webs coming

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out of her or something.

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But yeah, it's good that everybody had a good sense.

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You remember about it.

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And then we celebrated Mother's Day.

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Yep.

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So happy Mother's Day to all of the moms.

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Every day is Mother's Day.

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Yes.

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And we had hiccups is what's happening with me.

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And and you guys were gracious and sweet and loving like you always are and took me to

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go get plants and fed me all sorts of food and then plus ice cream.

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And then Tuesday, babe, we we have a new addition to our family.

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We decided to pitch pick up a hitchhiker.

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We I mean, it did kind of feel that way.

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It was kind of weird.

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Here, meet us at this gas station.

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It's the gas station along the highway.

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OK, here we go ahead up in the backseat.

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We'll welcome you into the back into our home.

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That's I mean, that's it.

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And our our sweet hitchhikers name is what her name is Sparks.

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Her name is Sparks.

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She is a ridgeback Labrador.

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So she is the most beautiful red color.

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She really is.

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She's a little three year old.

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Because she is going to her and I are going to go on a journey for her to be my service

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dog.

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Yeah.

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So that will be fun.

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Yeah.

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So for all of you that listen to in the real and hear special appearances from Albus.

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Yes.

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One day you will probably also be hearing guest appearances from Sparks.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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You'll hear that the jingle the jingle of the of the caller.

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Yeah.

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And the little chain and stuff.

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But yeah, she's she's precious.

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She's you know, she's hung out with us now for just a second.

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But she seems to be acclimating really well to the family, the family to her.

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Our beautiful girl.

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She lights up every time she comes to find her and our little guy.

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He's you know, he's he thinks she's cool.

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We went and picked him up today from school.

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First time in the backseat of my teeny tiny car.

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That was fun in itself, because she is a big girl.

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Like she's seventy five solid pounds, not a tiny dog like our ginger was.

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And it's sweet.

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Yeah, it was just it was sweet.

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So she she rode really well and got in, got out.

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No problems.

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And so, yeah, she she's we might keep her.

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Yeah.

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For the most part, I think we're I think we've we got like a trial run.

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Yeah.

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As the person that we haven't subscribed yet.

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We haven't subscribed yet.

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But according to the lady that's over the program, she's it's really cool because she loves God

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and just really is big in that space.

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She's like, I think I have a real good feeling about this.

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So we're going to see how it goes.

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And just so just stick with us on this journey.

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If we sound a little extra tired today, that might be kind of the reason why.

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Maybe just me.

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All the journeys, all the journeys, converging into a journey.

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Yeah, I'm still working towards my certification for the relationship coach, coach, person,

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mediator thing.

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And I'm feeling a little overwhelmed just because, like, there's so much change going

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on.

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And then next week is the last week of school for Sebastian.

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And it's just it's like just a lot.

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It's it's it's a lot.

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It's a lot good.

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It's it's not bad.

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Nothing bad.

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Just a lot good.

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It's like everything's happening all at once.

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A lot of change.

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And and sometimes we get in a space where we don't want the change.

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We don't like the change.

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But if we don't start heeding to it and bending to it, then something breaks.

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And that's the last thing we want.

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And I think I don't remember if we've said it in the past, but I know we've we've talked

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about it a little bit, at least you and I have.

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But sometimes change can bring grief, a touch of grief, because because it is it's it's

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changing from one season to another.

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It's changing from, you know, one position to another.

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You know, it's it's there.

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There is sometimes like again, even if it's if it's 100 percent good change, sometimes

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there's some grief that comes along with that change.

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So it's like not only are you shifting and growing and changing and learning, but it's

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also a touch of grief about that.

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Old season position, what have you, that you were on.

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Right.

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So and I would I would I would say that that's probably some of the stuff that we're feeling

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me in particular.

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I mean, you also.

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But it's you've got to.

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I say it respectfully, you it's like you have a new toy.

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Yeah.

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So where it's you know, it's it's that learning process for me of stepping back because I

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used to be your your support dog.

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And now, you know, you you actually have a doggy, which is a good thing.

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She's all of ours.

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But yes.

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But even though we we joke, you are still my emotional support.

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Chihuahua.

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That's you know, it's true.

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It's true.

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Nobody can talk you off a ledge like me.

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That's right.

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So but it's going to be good.

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Yeah, it's going to be good.

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So what are we talking?

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So all of that said, yes, that was a lot.

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How much time was that?

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That was a lot over 10 minutes.

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You know, that's fine.

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It's fine.

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Welcome to our world, guys.

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This is kind of what's going on.

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And it's like I do.

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I always feel like I want to apologize to people when I tell them kind of what's going

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on with us.

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But at the same time, it's like sometimes it feels like we're hit and miss.

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And I don't ever mean us mean for us to be hit and miss.

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00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:14,480
I think the beautiful thing is, is we also have those other two projects, podcast projects

257
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,280
that we do.

258
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,480
You with the fellas and me with the girls.

259
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:24,120
And and a lot of this takes time.

260
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,120
Time that we are willing to invest.

261
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:31,560
But you guys just be praying and bearing with us because we're just we're trying to figure

262
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:37,280
out like I have a journal I write in every day.

263
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:43,400
And my thing was, Father, help me be disciplined in this next leg of the race, because I have

264
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:48,680
got to be on my game like I have never been on my game before.

265
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:53,920
Like, I need to get up early in the mornings and I need to do the things that I that I

266
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:57,040
have been requested to do.

267
00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:01,800
Especially when you know that God has asked you to do something, a lot of people go, oh,

268
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,040
well, that makes it easier.

269
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:04,040
Not really.

270
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:07,680
Not not really at all.

271
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:12,840
So sometimes it makes it harder just because now you have an adversary and now you have

272
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:13,840
the things.

273
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:20,600
But but it also is that kind of like what you were saying, the grieving of the the last

274
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:28,280
season, but also the not even just the grieving, but just the the weightiness of of the new

275
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,080
responsibilities that are coming in.

276
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,600
And so it's it is good.

277
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,600
Growth is happening.

278
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,780
Yes.

279
00:14:38,780 --> 00:14:40,440
And it is good.

280
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:46,660
So I think that actually kind of takes us into I think so our last.

281
00:14:46,660 --> 00:14:49,120
So we've been doing the questions.

282
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:54,960
We've been asked by several of our people.

283
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,000
I don't believe that this is the last question.

284
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,600
All of a sudden, I was like, I don't think this is the last question, but this is the

285
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,080
question we're doing today.

286
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,080
Yeah.

287
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,360
So this is part three.

288
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,640
This is part three questions from the audience.

289
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:06,640
That is right.

290
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,400
That is right.

291
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,080
Did you want to read it or did you want me to read it?

292
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,080
I can't.

293
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:12,080
Okay.

294
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:13,080
Yeah.

295
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:18,080
So so today's question that we're going to be talking about, explain the process that

296
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:24,480
you two went through in becoming one in marriage the first five years, coming from different

297
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,640
lives to one life.

298
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,160
Was it hard?

299
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,280
Easy?

300
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:30,960
What were the challenges?

301
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,960
What was the fun part?

302
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,120
Sorry, radio voice.

303
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,400
A little bit, a little bit.

304
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:39,400
All right.

305
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:47,160
So explain the process that you went through in becoming one in marriage the first five

306
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,680
years.

307
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,880
We courted, then we got married.

308
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,160
That's the start of it.

309
00:15:55,160 --> 00:16:02,480
But it's like the process that we win, win the first five years.

310
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:03,480
So here's the deal, guys.

311
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:04,880
We didn't talk about the answer.

312
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,560
Like we're doing this on the fly with you guys.

313
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:08,560
Wow.

314
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:09,560
Let's see.

315
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:14,840
I want to, I want to kind of joke, but also be serious.

316
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:21,640
What you guys listen to is a lot of the process that we went through while we were courting

317
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,960
our first five years of marriage.

318
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:27,040
I mean, that was, that was a big part of the process.

319
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:33,640
And that's, I think that's one of the reasons why, why with the two of us, whenever we talk

320
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:39,140
to couples, whenever we talk about marriage, you know, with, with us wanting to go on the

321
00:16:39,140 --> 00:16:44,480
journey of being relationship coaches, you know, we have experienced and we have witnessed

322
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:53,160
the, I mean, basically the power of having productive conversations, of having even unproductive,

323
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,200
I mean unproductive conversations.

324
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,560
I don't really want to say it that way.

325
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,000
But I want to say like serious versus unserious.

326
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,720
Yeah, no, I think it's true.

327
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:06,840
I think I will say the way that, the way that I interpreted that when you said that.

328
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:11,240
So productive, productive is like we get to the heart of the matter and we just, we, we

329
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:15,080
get into it and we do what we need to do, right?

330
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:18,400
We sort through the mass, we do all this stuff and whatever.

331
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:27,800
I would say like when this, when it seems unproductive, it's like even the unproductive

332
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:32,920
can become productive because it's like you're learning, even if the unproductive seems like

333
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:37,760
you're falling over your words or you're not quite getting your thoughts across, you're

334
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:43,840
learning how to sit in the quiet or you're learning how to sit in the midst of the, ah,

335
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:50,520
I don't even know what we're saying right now, but learning how to sit even when you

336
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,320
don't quite understand.

337
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:58,600
Yeah, I, all of a sudden it's like, you know, I thought about, you know, like when you're

338
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:04,080
learning making love and sex for the first time as a married couple, it's like there

339
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:05,320
will be fumbling.

340
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:06,320
Yes.

341
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:07,320
There will be pleasure.

342
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:11,000
There will be the exploration and the curiosity.

343
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,000
Yes.

344
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:16,040
And you know, so it's, so it's, it's like that, you know, there, there will be fumbles.

345
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:17,040
Yes.

346
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:21,440
You know, there will be bursting out laughing during very serious times.

347
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:22,440
Yes.

348
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,080
You know, you will sometimes be in the mood to talk.

349
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:29,360
You sometimes not be in the mood to talk, but you still need to talk.

350
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:30,360
Yes.

351
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,360
Yeah.

352
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:32,360
That's why I started laughing.

353
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:33,360
I was like, ha ha.

354
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:34,360
No, no.

355
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,360
It's like sex.

356
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:40,320
That's fantastic.

357
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,840
I would say, let's see what, let's see, explain some of the process.

358
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:49,080
So I would say some of the process, like number one, communication.

359
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,440
One of the main things is you've got to know that you've got to trust this person.

360
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:53,440
Okay.

361
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:57,200
Well, Dina, that's great that you say that, but like this person screwed me over or just

362
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:01,960
like the, they fumbled, like they didn't, they didn't follow through on the thing.

363
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:08,440
So I would say, well, a lover love covers a multitude of sins and it doesn't keep a

364
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,720
record of wrong.

365
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:10,720
That's right.

366
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:14,680
And it, it has a tendency to say, let's start again.

367
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:15,680
Yeah.

368
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:16,680
Let's try this again.

369
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:17,680
Okay.

370
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:20,960
I, I see where we messed up here or I see where you messed up here.

371
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,840
I see where I messed up here.

372
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:29,600
However, the combination is the thing is, is when you walk through the process, sometimes,

373
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:34,040
and this isn't even just five years, like maybe you're 15, maybe you're 25, maybe you're

374
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:39,560
whatever, how for many years and maybe, um, maybe something happened, right?

375
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:46,880
Like maybe, maybe it was a major fumble and you have to say, um, am I willing to choose

376
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:50,960
this person even in the midst of the failing?

377
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:57,440
Am I willing to, uh, fight with this person, not fight at this person, but fight with this

378
00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:03,000
person to say, okay, process processes.

379
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:09,320
Hey Luke, like we didn't talk all the way through on this, this particular situation.

380
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,320
Yeah.

381
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:16,240
We, I, let me tell you how I'm feeling XYZ and then ABC and then one, two, three, and

382
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:17,960
all of the things in between.

383
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,520
Let me, let me process this through.

384
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:27,560
And you as, as a loving husband choosing to walk with me and fight with me to get to the

385
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:36,680
other side of this is willing to say, even if it gets messy, um, you are safe with me.

386
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:41,740
You, you are, your heart is now safe with me again.

387
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,480
Let me prove that you can trust me.

388
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:45,480
Yeah.

389
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:52,400
And, and even when, cause even now when we have conversations and if it's something that

390
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:59,040
we're having to process or something has been, um, fumbled, that's just a great word, fumbled

391
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,360
along the way.

392
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:07,320
Um, one of us will say, listen, I need you to hear my heart as I fumble over my words

393
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:11,480
because what comes out of my mouth may not sound pretty.

394
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,680
It may sound, um, not polished.

395
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,560
It may not come out right.

396
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,360
Even how my brain or my heart is processing it.

397
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:24,320
I need you to give me a second to just try to walk it through.

398
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:33,040
And then as the person is done talking, you, as the listener gets to say, are you, okay,

399
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,040
are you done?

400
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,040
Yeah.

401
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,040
Okay.

402
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:40,400
What I believe I heard you say was XYZ.

403
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,200
Did I hear you properly?

404
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,080
Did I hear you correctly?

405
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,040
We do that even now.

406
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:53,040
Um, we don't go quite into that formality like we used to, but I think it's because

407
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,640
we were still learning how to even do that.

408
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:59,840
Now it's just, I can look at you like I did the other morning and say, look at me.

409
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:03,580
I'm going to talk to you as my best friend and not as my husband.

410
00:22:03,580 --> 00:22:08,120
And when I say stuff like that, you know what it is that I'm, I'm about to say.

411
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:10,040
I'm not coming at you to attack you.

412
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:11,400
I'm not coming at you.

413
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:17,320
I'm coming at you as I'm, I'm coming towards you as your friend and saying, this is what

414
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:18,320
I'm seeing.

415
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,320
Yeah.

416
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:25,640
Cause I think apart, I think a lot of it is, you know, when, when early on in a marriage,

417
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:30,520
early on in a relationship you are, you're still, you're still learning each other's

418
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:35,600
basically communication styles, you know, so you're learning, you know, well, when they

419
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,640
say this with this tone, this is what they mean.

420
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,680
You know, you're not going to know that right away.

421
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,800
We did not know that when we first got married, you know, there was a lot of explaining of,

422
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:49,000
yeah, wait, this is what I meant or why are you yelling at me?

423
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,000
I'm sorry.

424
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:54,040
This is going to come out really wrong and it's going to sound horrible, but let me fumble

425
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:57,280
over my words to explain my point.

426
00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:58,280
Right.

427
00:22:58,280 --> 00:22:59,280
You know?

428
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,960
And, and so I think that's, that's, I think that that is, that's, that's what you got

429
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:08,520
to keep in mind is you were, I mean, you are learning each other.

430
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,440
You're ultimately learning each other.

431
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:17,080
And you know, I would say, you know, I know we did a couple of the, you know, like find

432
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:22,520
out what your love language is, you know, find out, you know, if you want to do like,

433
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:29,480
you know, someone like the little simple personality tests or something like that, you know, I,

434
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:35,560
I will encourage that, but here's my huge caveat.

435
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:36,560
Biggest but.

436
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:41,160
My biggest but caveat is do not get locked into that.

437
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,720
Please don't.

438
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:51,400
Because a, a lot of those are just a snapshot in time of how you are at this point.

439
00:23:51,400 --> 00:24:00,040
And B, you know, God can change all things.

440
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:01,040
Yeah.

441
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,680
You know, we as Christians believe that God can change our DNA.

442
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:05,680
Yes.

443
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:12,840
And why would, why would he have the ability to change our DNA, but not change a personality?

444
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:13,840
Come on, sir.

445
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:18,200
You know, cause I mean, cause we have, we've, we've known people that they're like, well,

446
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:22,200
I'm according to this personality test, I am a hardcore introvert.

447
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:23,760
So I will always be an introvert.

448
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,500
I can never change from that.

449
00:24:25,500 --> 00:24:26,500
And that's who I am.

450
00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:28,640
And so everybody around me has to just deal with it.

451
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:29,640
And it's like, no.

452
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:37,120
And instead of growing and becoming better at social skills, I'm going to crutch on this.

453
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:38,120
I'm an introvert.

454
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:39,120
Yeah.

455
00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:40,120
Yep.

456
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:43,440
You know, and, and the same can be said of, you know, the extreme extroverts or like the

457
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,440
type A personalities.

458
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:45,440
I'm just loud.

459
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:47,600
You don't have to be that loud, bro.

460
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:51,640
You know, it's like, well, I, because of my personality, I will always act like a bull

461
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:52,640
in a China shop.

462
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,160
It's like, no, you shouldn't have to do that.

463
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,240
So self control is a gift.

464
00:24:58,240 --> 00:24:59,800
Yeah.

465
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:05,360
So again, take some of those, you know, learn kind of who you are at the moment, learn who

466
00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:09,160
your spouse is at the moment and work from there.

467
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:15,360
You know, if, again, if you need to use that as a starting off point, do it.

468
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:20,800
But I will also say if you find a personality test that says, you know, what kind of potato

469
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:27,720
are you take that one too, because that starts, I'm a potato.

470
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,320
Because that could start some really good conversations.

471
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:31,880
You know, Oh, you're a Yukon gold.

472
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:32,880
Oh, wow.

473
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,880
I didn't realize that I'm a red.

474
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:40,240
I just blew your mind.

475
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:41,240
I think that's fantastic.

476
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:45,680
I was like, I am a Yukon gold by golly.

477
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,680
I have no idea what that means.

478
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:49,680
It's fine.

479
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:51,120
You know, so use those.

480
00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:52,120
Yeah.

481
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:53,120
No, that's a fun.

482
00:25:53,120 --> 00:25:54,120
But have, but have fun with those.

483
00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:55,120
Yes.

484
00:25:55,120 --> 00:26:00,640
Because, because again, even even with the like the love languages one.

485
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:01,640
Yeah.

486
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:06,400
You know, I don't remember exactly what it was, but what what it was, what our results

487
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,320
were at the beginning of our marriage is not what it is.

488
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:10,320
Crazy.

489
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:11,320
Absolutely crazy.

490
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:12,320
Yeah.

491
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:13,320
Yeah.

492
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,320
Absolutely crazy.

493
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:18,120
I think one of the main things don't take yourself so seriously.

494
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:19,120
Yes.

495
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:21,440
Just don't take yourself so seriously.

496
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:25,760
Because it's like it says coming from different lives to one life.

497
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,400
Like how does that happen?

498
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,680
How do you, you know, what kind of process do you do?

499
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:37,280
You you explore, you learn, you you get excited about the journey.

500
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,000
You you celebrate the differences.

501
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:44,040
You don't sit there and go, oh my gosh, like we would randomly.

502
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,440
This is some of the fun things that we would do.

503
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,520
We would listen to music in the car.

504
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:54,240
And we are incredibly eclectic with our musical listening pleasures.

505
00:26:54,240 --> 00:27:00,400
And it's like a song would come on and you would just start like spouting out and I would

506
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:04,040
just go, oh my gosh, who are you right now?

507
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:08,600
I haven't listened to this song in 15 years, but I for some reason remember every word.

508
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:09,600
Every word.

509
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:13,440
And it's like you what are singing what?

510
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:17,600
And it's like, but it's it's, you know, I don't even know you.

511
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,800
And that and we would laugh and joke about it.

512
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:25,280
But it's like the beautiful thing of you get to discover somebody.

513
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:31,600
And even if you've been married for 15, 20, 30 years, you still get to continue to discover

514
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:33,320
somebody.

515
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,200
Because you're constantly growing.

516
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,640
You're constantly changing.

517
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,800
Some are very, very subtle.

518
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:42,520
Some are very, very slow.

519
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:44,560
Some are going to be overnight.

520
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:49,760
Some things you're going to just stand back and go, whoa, whether it's you've experienced

521
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:53,920
the presence of God in a in a tangible way, in a crazy way, right?

522
00:27:53,920 --> 00:28:00,080
Like your life is completely like restored or something's changed.

523
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,400
Something traumatic happened.

524
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:07,040
All of a sudden, it's like stuff that you thought that you had dealt with all of a sudden

525
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:08,280
is coming to the surface.

526
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:13,520
And now you're having to go, whoa, we need to we need we need to soldier through and

527
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,040
we need to figure out how to do this.

528
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:17,040
Yeah.

529
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:20,200
Or all of a sudden, a health scare.

530
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,200
Yeah.

531
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,200
Like a motorcycle accident.

532
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,200
Come on.

533
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,920
That you know, because that happened within the first five years of our marriage.

534
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:26,920
Dude, that was legit.

535
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:32,200
You know, all of a sudden, it's like, oh, wait, your husband is now at the trauma room

536
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:33,200
at KU med.

537
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:34,200
Yeah.

538
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:35,200
Yeah.

539
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:36,200
Go.

540
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:37,200
Yeah.

541
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:38,200
Yeah.

542
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:39,200
And it is.

543
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:40,200
And it's and it's so you have that.

544
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:46,360
But that was even after your first out the situation where like you had lead poisoning.

545
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,440
Your body is literally doubled over.

546
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,800
You're walking with a cane.

547
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:55,980
All of the things I'm literally having a conversation with the Holy Spirit going, I did not sign

548
00:28:55,980 --> 00:28:56,980
up for this.

549
00:28:56,980 --> 00:28:59,440
And he goes, Yes, you did.

550
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:05,760
You said for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, it just happened to show up

551
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:07,560
a lot faster than some people.

552
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:08,560
Right.

553
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,400
And then what the first two, three months of our marriage, something like that, like

554
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,840
fast, like fast.

555
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,320
And so what do you do?

556
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:22,400
Yeah, you you say, Okay, Father, you've given me a good gift.

557
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:26,800
You you have placed this person to walk with me the rest of my days and me the rest of

558
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:27,800
theirs.

559
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:31,040
So I am going to continue to choose them.

560
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:32,280
I'm going to wake up every day.

561
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:33,980
I get to choose them.

562
00:29:33,980 --> 00:29:39,440
No matter what the obstacles or if there's new things in play, I'm going to choose them,

563
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,600
because that is the right thing to do.

564
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:42,640
We made a covenant.

565
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:43,640
This is who we are.

566
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:44,640
Yeah.

567
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:52,040
And I get to it's not even a have to it's I get to coming from different lives into

568
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,040
one life.

569
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,640
I keep going back to that.

570
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,360
Just you say it all the time.

571
00:29:58,360 --> 00:29:59,840
Enjoy the journey.

572
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:03,560
It's like people go, Oh, well, that means be joyful and have a good time constantly

573
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:04,560
all the time.

574
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,920
No, actually, no, no, it doesn't.

575
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:08,000
It really doesn't.

576
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,080
It's be present.

577
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:11,920
Be in the moment.

578
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:13,520
Did you we go?

579
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,360
We always talk about Gabriel and I shopping.

580
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,040
Did you enjoy the journey?

581
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:24,240
Which ie means hey, mom, did were you intentional with your time that you spent with your daughter?

582
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:28,400
Hey, babe, we enjoyed our journey in Chicago.

583
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:29,920
We didn't laugh every day.

584
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:31,440
We didn't constant you know what I mean?

585
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,920
It was and it wasn't like we were arguing there was anything.

586
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,200
There were some days we're just walking.

587
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,060
But it's like we're being intentional.

588
00:30:39,060 --> 00:30:42,320
You're being present in that moment.

589
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,220
Whether it's in the worst of the worst.

590
00:30:44,220 --> 00:30:45,680
Are you intentional?

591
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:46,900
Are you present?

592
00:30:46,900 --> 00:30:49,000
Are you present to the person that you're in this with?

593
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:50,520
Are you present to the Holy Spirit?

594
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,060
Are you present to God?

595
00:30:52,060 --> 00:30:55,320
Are you present to the people that maybe God is putting in front of you right there in

596
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:56,320
that moment?

597
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:58,280
Hey, you're okay.

598
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:03,400
Like I literally walked up to you when you were on the gurney and your head is all like

599
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,560
has missing skin, missing skin.

600
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:07,560
Yep.

601
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:09,520
And I go, are you like we cried.

602
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:10,520
Yeah.

603
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:12,320
And I said, Are you okay?

604
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:13,320
I'm okay.

605
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:14,320
Okay.

606
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:19,480
And I literally said, Now let's see who it is that we're here for.

607
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,160
And that we know that that was God.

608
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:22,160
Oh, yeah.

609
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:23,160
Coming out of my mouth.

610
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:24,160
Yeah.

611
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:30,920
And it's like, Okay, if you're fine, and I'm fine, then that means Father, you've got us

612
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:32,720
here for some reason.

613
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:38,840
What the enemy made to literally kill you, what the enemy has made to steal, kill and

614
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:45,960
destroy God will bring forth his glory if we pay attention.

615
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:52,280
And we learned early on in those years in the hard to pay attention, to pay attention

616
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:53,480
to each other.

617
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:58,560
But more than that to pay attention to Holy Spirit, what are you doing?

618
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:00,160
What are you doing?

619
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:05,480
Because if my spouse right now is having a very hard moment and having a hard time, maybe

620
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:10,520
mental health is happening, cancer is going on, whatever it is that's going on in that

621
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:17,480
moment, a hard pregnancy, Father, what is it that what do what part do I get to play

622
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:21,600
to help the hard not be so hard in this moment?

623
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:22,600
Yeah.

624
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:29,160
And I think I think in a way, kind of kind of what you were saying makes me makes me

625
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:35,680
think of some of the things that you know, some of the things we went through and did.

626
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:47,880
But also, I would kind of hand out as advice, if you will, of, you know, don't like I want

627
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:53,000
to try to say this really carefully, but I also want to like, get my meaning out, get

628
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:56,520
your meaning out, then try to go careful.

629
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,600
Just listen to his heart guys, not just his words.

630
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:00,600
See?

631
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:06,960
So as important as it is, when you're in a new marriage, new relationship to focus on

632
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:11,760
each other, and learn as much as you can about each other.

633
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:19,520
Also, don't get so focused on yourselves and each other that you ignore everyone and everything

634
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:20,520
around you.

635
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:21,520
Thank you.

636
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:30,640
You know, because a that's like, I almost want to say that's not fair to your new spouse

637
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:32,640
to make them your world.

638
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:33,640
Yeah.

639
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:38,720
You know, because again, you there's so much going on, you know, because you still have

640
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:43,520
friends, you still have family, you still have responsibilities, you know, you still

641
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:47,480
have life that you're living.

642
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:55,280
It's just now that you are married, your two lives get to get braided together.

643
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:56,280
Yes.

644
00:33:56,280 --> 00:34:04,000
You know, it's like I, it is, I think I think I want to say it like that, you know, it's

645
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,000
braided together.

646
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:10,640
I know there's the, the saying about, you know, Jesus being the, the, the triple braided

647
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:11,640
cord.

648
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:12,640
Yep.

649
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:13,640
You know, it's not easily broken.

650
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:15,320
And Jesus, what's that?

651
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:17,040
It's not easily broken.

652
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:18,040
Right.

653
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:28,840
But it's also, I want to say I like that image because it's also you and your spouse, you're

654
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:33,080
still easily identifiable in that triple braided cord.

655
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:34,080
I like that.

656
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:35,440
You're not separate.

657
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:38,840
You're not individual, but you are intertwined with each other.

658
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:39,840
Yeah.

659
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:40,840
But you're still individuals.

660
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:41,840
You still have your lives.

661
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:43,160
You still have your friends.

662
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:44,160
Yeah.

663
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:45,160
But you're now together.

664
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:46,160
Yeah.

665
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:51,000
You know, you, you and I, there are times we'll go out and it's like, Hey, I'm going out with

666
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:52,880
the guys or I'm going out to do this.

667
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:55,120
And you're like, Hey, I'm going out with the girls.

668
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:56,120
Yeah.

669
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:59,440
You know, just because you're going out without your spouse does not mean all of a sudden

670
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,520
your spouse means nothing or, Oh, I'm single for the night.

671
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:03,520
Come on, babe.

672
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:04,520
You know?

673
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:05,520
Yeah.

674
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:10,440
So, you know, because it is, it's still important.

675
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:16,560
It's important to keep those relationships in addition to your marriage because those,

676
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:20,880
those relationships help strengthen your marriage.

677
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:28,280
I was going to say, especially the ones that, that are feeding goodness to your marriage,

678
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:32,280
the ones that are, that are toxic, the ones that are pulling you away, the ones that are

679
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:36,840
encouraging you to maybe be single while you are still married and out and about.

680
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:40,280
Or friend groups that are, that participate in spouse bashing.

681
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:41,280
Oh, yuck.

682
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,440
See, just run as fast as you can from those.

683
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:48,840
But if you've got accountability partners, dude, you've got friends that are going to

684
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:52,640
build you up and say, Hey, Hey, have you thought about this?

685
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:55,680
Hey, I went on this really cool thing and then it really helped on marriage.

686
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,720
Have you ever thought of that?

687
00:35:57,720 --> 00:35:58,720
Yeah.

688
00:35:58,720 --> 00:36:00,760
You know, be with those people.

689
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:01,760
Yeah.

690
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:02,760
And be with those friends.

691
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:03,760
Yes.

692
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:04,760
Yes.

693
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:08,280
Cause I mean, I would say that the people that are in our lives that we do hang out

694
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:12,880
with, which, uh, with all due respect guys, for the most part, like we don't have, we

695
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,720
don't go out separate very often.

696
00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:23,520
Um, but, but when we do, it is, it is a space where it's, um, it is uplifting.

697
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:27,000
We come back encouraged, we come back strengthened.

698
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:34,320
Um, so that even if it's just strengthening us individually in that moment, uh, ultimately

699
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:38,520
when it strengthens us individually in that moment, we do come back and it strengthens

700
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:40,360
us together.

701
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,440
And that's, that's when you know that it's good fruit.

702
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,960
That's when you know that you're surrounded by good people that they're standing back

703
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,800
there and they're, they're cheering you on.

704
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,520
They want nothing but the best for you.

705
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:58,480
So, uh, I think, I think we kind of answered some of the questions, but actually I was

706
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:05,720
going to, I was going to go a little more, especially with our first five years together.

707
00:37:05,720 --> 00:37:08,400
Because I know that we're not totally unique.

708
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:15,600
There are other people like us, but it, it feels like, I don't know, in a way it feels

709
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:23,200
like it's not as common or it's at least in the minority of the fact of our first five

710
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:28,400
years of marriage, our courtship, not only were we getting to know each other and learning

711
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:32,800
how we were going to be as a couple, but we also had Gabriel in the mix.

712
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:33,800
Goodness.

713
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:34,800
Yeah.

714
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:40,400
It was, you know, from, from day one, from pre day one, we were learning to be a family

715
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:41,400
together.

716
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:42,400
Yes.

717
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,560
While we were also learning to be a married couple.

718
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:45,560
Yes.

719
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:47,160
And it's like, how are we a couple?

720
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:48,160
So that throws one more.

721
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:51,240
Plus how are we a married or a family?

722
00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:57,120
Plus how am I learning to be stepdad dad?

723
00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:58,120
You know?

724
00:37:58,120 --> 00:37:59,120
Yeah.

725
00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:00,120
Yeah.

726
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:05,560
You know, so it's like, that was like another dynamic that was thrown into that process.

727
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:06,560
Yes.

728
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,220
And there were, there were a lot of raised voices.

729
00:38:09,220 --> 00:38:10,580
There was a lot of frustration.

730
00:38:10,580 --> 00:38:15,200
There was a lot of throwing hands up and oh my gosh, I don't know how I'm going to do

731
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:16,200
this.

732
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:17,200
Right.

733
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,320
I'm just, I'm just going to, I'm just going to focus on you and I'm not going to worry

734
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:24,480
about her, you know, and you would be like, Nope, can't do that.

735
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:25,480
Can't do that.

736
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:26,480
Can't do that.

737
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:29,800
And yeah, much as I wanted to, I did not.

738
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:30,800
Yeah.

739
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:31,800
Yeah.

740
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:36,160
And I am, I am super, super, super, super thankful that I did not.

741
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:38,960
I think, I think it helps.

742
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:42,400
Cause the following up, the follow up questions was, was it hard?

743
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:43,400
Okay.

744
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,000
And we've already told you guys a couple of the things that are hard.

745
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,000
Okay.

746
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:48,120
This was also what was hard.

747
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,880
Like was it hard?

748
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:51,200
Was it easy?

749
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:52,480
What were the challenges?

750
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:53,480
What was the fun part?

751
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:54,480
Okay.

752
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:55,480
So here's your challenges.

753
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:56,480
Here's the hard.

754
00:38:56,480 --> 00:39:01,440
It's you, you don't just have two different personalities in the mix here.

755
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:10,080
You literally have three of us now and our, our beautiful brown eyed girl, like she enjoyed

756
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:14,040
the thought of you, but she didn't like sharing me with you.

757
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:19,400
And she didn't, she had a hard time.

758
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:23,240
And again, in her defense, you know, like a big majority of the people that had come

759
00:39:23,240 --> 00:39:26,800
into our lives had walked away at some point.

760
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:30,240
And so, and you did look scary.

761
00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:32,200
And it was, which is so funny now.

762
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:35,440
Cause like she just, she looks at you, she adores you.

763
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:38,760
She, you know, there's those moments where she'll just say, you just have glowed up so

764
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:41,120
well and it's really cute.

765
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:45,280
Y'all got a really sweet relationship, but, but we had to build that.

766
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:46,280
We did.

767
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:55,320
And I remember being referee at, at several occasions, several occasions in looking at

768
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:59,840
the two of you and saying, do not give up on her.

769
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:06,560
And then looking at her and saying, you can't push him away because I have been the product

770
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,960
of a divorced home.

771
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:14,520
And then the, the stepchild and pushing myself down away.

772
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:20,520
And, and, and then him just kind of like doing that, like focusing on my mom.

773
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:27,760
And, but then the moments coming into my life and, and where I really needed a dad, he would

774
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:30,200
step up to the plate.

775
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:35,240
But I kept looking at you and saying, I don't need you just to step up on a plate.

776
00:40:35,240 --> 00:40:37,040
Like I need you to own the plate.

777
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:40,480
Like you can't just come up on the plate when you're ready.

778
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:43,640
Like you need to, hi, your dad.

779
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:44,640
This is what we're doing.

780
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:50,000
There is no steps and haves and twice removes in our world.

781
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:54,440
This is you are family and this is how we do this.

782
00:40:54,440 --> 00:41:00,800
And teaching Gabri in that same space, she still, you know, after 12 years does not call

783
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,440
you dad, but you are dad.

784
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:04,440
Yeah.

785
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,120
She treats me as she treats you as dad.

786
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:11,200
She has a very high respect for you.

787
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:16,880
There are in, and I joke, but I joke, but you're laughing because you already know what

788
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:17,880
I'm about to say.

789
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:21,400
I, I joke, but guys, I wouldn't have it any other way.

790
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:26,480
There's most days, most given days anymore.

791
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,640
This beautiful girl of ours will listen to him before she'll listen to me.

792
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:35,840
And I am, I am absolutely cool.

793
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:42,040
That doesn't bother me one bit because you and I are on the same page.

794
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:43,160
We're on the same team.

795
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:48,760
We're saying the same thing, but it just happens to be coming from dad who you genuinely do

796
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:53,200
deliver things to her in a place where I can't.

797
00:41:53,200 --> 00:42:02,960
And, and where once upon a time, listen to me, mamas of, of kiddos that are either single

798
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:08,320
or that are in the verge of relationship and then eventually married.

799
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:12,160
One of the biggest racks that you can do, okay.

800
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:15,600
Even the guys that have the babes that are bringing in to single parents.

801
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:16,600
Okay.

802
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:21,880
The biggest wreck that you can do is walk up to a new marriage and say, my kids come

803
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:22,880
before you.

804
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:23,880
Yeah.

805
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:30,000
That is the absolute biggest wreck that you can do to your marriage, to that family.

806
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:31,840
That is not the way that God designed it.

807
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:35,040
Well, do you know, Luke, like it's my second marriage.

808
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,000
Hi, welcome to our world.

809
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:39,680
This is who we are.

810
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:45,520
I I'm going to challenge you and say, no, your marriage comes first.

811
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:50,800
And when you, when you, when you put that marriage first and when you create that foundation

812
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:57,080
and you're, you're showing that love and that respect to your spouse, it's teaching that

813
00:42:57,080 --> 00:43:00,440
child that that's what they get to be too.

814
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:04,940
That's who they get to, how they get to respond to that new parent.

815
00:43:04,940 --> 00:43:07,740
They get to respond in the same way you do.

816
00:43:07,740 --> 00:43:14,520
And then at the same time, you're also teaching them how they one day are going to treat their

817
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:21,360
spouse and then their children because there's too many times where everything gets out of

818
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:22,680
order.

819
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:28,240
And then you wonder why, like, it's just not as solid as it could be.

820
00:43:28,240 --> 00:43:33,480
Cause I mean, I, again, I don't know where it is and I could be completely missing the

821
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:38,800
mark on this, but I'm pretty sure in the Bible it talks about, I mean, I know it's mostly

822
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:41,600
talking about like widows and such.

823
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:46,600
But you know, like the new husband would come in and marry the woman and all of a sudden

824
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:48,080
it's like his family.

825
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:49,080
His family.

826
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:50,080
That's it.

827
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:54,000
It's, it's, it's not like a, oh, you now get a new wife and her kids.

828
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:55,000
Yeah.

829
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:56,480
No, it's you're now family.

830
00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:57,480
Correct.

831
00:43:57,480 --> 00:43:58,480
You're now taking care of them.

832
00:43:58,480 --> 00:43:59,480
Right.

833
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:01,720
I mean, I know it's sometimes in some ways it's, it's more of like a caregiver thing,

834
00:44:01,720 --> 00:44:03,160
but it's still, yeah.

835
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:04,160
Nope.

836
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:05,600
This is, this is now my family.

837
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:06,600
Right.

838
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:07,600
Right.

839
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:15,640
And I'll say, you know, kind of, kind of public kudos, if you will, to you is, you know, I've

840
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:24,120
seen some marriages, relationships where a single parent comes into it and they look

841
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:30,200
at their new spouse and say, you're not allowed to discipline my child.

842
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:31,200
Yeah.

843
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:35,440
You know, and that, that kind of comes, that kind of goes along with the, I put my kid

844
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,400
above in front of you.

845
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:41,840
But you know, even if they say, oh, I'm not going to make my child a priority over you,

846
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:44,480
but that's still my child and you're not allowed to discipline them.

847
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:45,480
Right.

848
00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:48,480
You know, so it's like, but wait, you know.

849
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:53,920
But, and I think in that space, okay, cause there's going to be people that go, okay,

850
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:54,920
then what did you do?

851
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:55,920
Okay, do you know, what did you do?

852
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:57,440
What did you guys do?

853
00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:00,340
I looked at you and I said, okay, here's the deal.

854
00:45:00,340 --> 00:45:06,640
This is how I discipline Gabri and you are welcome to come alongside me.

855
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:11,640
If you see that I do something, maybe out of step, or maybe if you want to call me out

856
00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:13,720
on something, let's go to the side.

857
00:45:13,720 --> 00:45:17,280
Let's have a conversation about it and then let's redirect it.

858
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:18,280
Let's fix it.

859
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:19,280
The same with you.

860
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:23,480
It'd be like, if you handled something that I did not think you handled it properly, or

861
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:29,160
I'm literally watching our, our sweet girl, like, like either blow up or it just not working

862
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:30,320
out in that space.

863
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:31,320
She's not responding.

864
00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:37,560
Well, it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's hold on, let's back up from this situation and

865
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,560
let's try again.

866
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:47,760
And that's, that's hard, but it's worth it because what you're doing is you're creating,

867
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:51,640
you're creating expectations, you're creating boundaries.

868
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:56,380
You're also creating a safe space, not just for the child, but for that parent.

869
00:45:56,380 --> 00:46:01,080
And you're also showing that child that mom and dad.

870
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:02,080
Or a team.

871
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:03,080
Are a team.

872
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:04,080
You're a unified force.

873
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:07,480
And in a way that kind of goes back.

874
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:10,640
I think I said this, we said this a couple episodes ago when we were like, when we were

875
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:14,820
talking about dating, but you know, I think this is one of those conversations that you

876
00:46:14,820 --> 00:46:22,880
have when you're courting, you know, or, you know, and, and also not or, and also when

877
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:27,720
you're newly married, you know, before you have kids, but you know, especially courting,

878
00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:33,720
you know, when one of you is a single, a single parent, I almost said single spouse.

879
00:46:33,720 --> 00:46:34,720
That's not right.

880
00:46:34,720 --> 00:46:42,440
That's not, you know, but again, those conversations of, Hey, when we become parents, what kind

881
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:43,720
of parents are we going to be?

882
00:46:43,720 --> 00:46:46,920
What's, you know, what, how are we going to discipline our child?

883
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,040
You know, where's the line?

884
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:53,160
You know, and, and also keeping in mind that every child is different.

885
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:54,160
Yeah.

886
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:55,880
You know, every child is going to respond different.

887
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:59,240
Every child is going to respond to discipline different.

888
00:46:59,240 --> 00:47:00,240
Yes.

889
00:47:00,240 --> 00:47:05,880
You know, so again, it was, yes, that was one of those conversations that we had to

890
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:07,480
have almost immediately.

891
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:08,480
Yes.

892
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:09,480
Yes.

893
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:13,840
Very, very early in the process, we had to have that conversation versus, you know, a

894
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:17,240
couple that's getting together and they don't have children and they're planning on, okay,

895
00:47:17,240 --> 00:47:19,080
well in three to five years, we're going to have kids.

896
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:20,080
You know, okay, fine.

897
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:22,680
You have at least three to five years to have these conversations.

898
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:23,680
Right.

899
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:24,680
Right.

900
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:26,440
And then you have it almost day one.

901
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:27,440
Yes.

902
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:28,440
Um, and that's okay.

903
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:29,440
Yeah.

904
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:34,200
You know, but again, have that conversation, have those conversations, talk about those

905
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:35,200
things.

906
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:42,640
You know, it's, they're not the fun, joyful laughter, hurting my side conversations that's

907
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:47,320
all about hearts and butterflies and rainbows screaming through the sky, but they're the

908
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:48,800
necessary conversations.

909
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:51,760
They're the, they're the kingdom conversations.

910
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:58,360
They're the conversations that's going to cause your relationship to be strong and last.

911
00:47:58,360 --> 00:47:59,360
Yes.

912
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:04,880
You know, we're, we're having a conversation today with my parents at lunch talking about

913
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:08,880
how they've been married for 51 years, over 51 years.

914
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:10,400
It's beautiful.

915
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:14,320
You know, and then my mom's parents were married 50 years.

916
00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:17,840
My dad's parents were still not a hundred percent sure, but they were married somewhere

917
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:18,840
around 50 years.

918
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:19,840
Yeah.

919
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:21,320
Either just shy of, or just over.

920
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:22,320
Yeah.

921
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:26,240
You know, so it's like, you're looking at that kind of legacy.

922
00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:28,360
You're looking at those marriages that are lasting.

923
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:32,320
You know, I want to say your mom and dad, you know, probably what over 40 years.

924
00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:33,320
Yeah.

925
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:36,240
I think, uh, yeah, yeah.

926
00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:38,280
Cause they got married when I was nine.

927
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:39,280
Yeah.

928
00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:40,280
Um, I'll be 49.

929
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:42,280
You're about to turn 49?

930
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:43,280
Babe.

931
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:44,280
Listen, y'all.

932
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:45,280
Yeah.

933
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:48,560
I, I, I take gift cards and I will put my cash up up.

934
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:54,560
I'm about, yes, on the 31st of May, I am going to be turning 49.

935
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,520
My parents got married when I was nine.

936
00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:01,120
And um, yes, here's the funny, funny.

937
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:03,920
Haha is my, my mom and my stepdad.

938
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:09,920
Um, he's been my dad since I was nine and, uh, for a season they were divorced.

939
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:14,880
They divorced for about three years, stayed friends and then got remarried.

940
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:23,320
So, um, so, so not their heart skip a beat, but so did their marriage.

941
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:26,240
I will let you tell them that joke.

942
00:49:26,240 --> 00:49:30,620
She will laugh because she's got a fantastic sense of humor.

943
00:49:30,620 --> 00:49:31,620
She really does.

944
00:49:31,620 --> 00:49:34,560
Um, I don't fall far from her tree.

945
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:35,560
It's fine.

946
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:42,300
Uh, but she's, uh, she's so as much as we say that three years has kind of been like

947
00:49:42,300 --> 00:49:47,440
ejected out, so less than 49 years, they have been together off and on.

948
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:48,440
Yes.

949
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:49,440
For 49 years.

950
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:50,440
That's a 40, 40.

951
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:51,440
Yeah.

952
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:52,440
40 years.

953
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:54,560
That's, that's a, that's a big deal.

954
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:55,560
That's a big deal.

955
00:49:55,560 --> 00:50:02,800
So it is, and it's, it's, um, it's, it's like, I'm looking, you know, was it hard, easy?

956
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:03,960
What were the challenges?

957
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:04,960
What was the fun part?

958
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:06,320
Like we're going over all of it.

959
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:12,120
You guys can really, yeah, it's, it's like, you guys can decipher it for what it is.

960
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:13,240
What was the fun part?

961
00:50:13,240 --> 00:50:16,960
The fun part was that, I don't know.

962
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:21,580
Part of me just goes, you just finally just say, this is it.

963
00:50:21,580 --> 00:50:23,600
This is what we're doing.

964
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:30,440
And I got to be honest, like the first couple of years, it was a lot of yelling in our house.

965
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:37,160
There was a lot of, um, uh, a lot of raised voices, a lot of slamming doors, a lot of,

966
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:42,480
a lot of crying, a lot of, um, out of control, uh, moments.

967
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:46,840
And, and so when we tell you guys like, yes, we did the courtship.

968
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:47,840
Yes.

969
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:53,240
Our foundation is built on certain things, but it was almost like, let's, let's kind

970
00:50:53,240 --> 00:50:55,600
of what you're looking at.

971
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:56,600
Sorry.

972
00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:57,600
Yeah.

973
00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:01,800
I just, I had an image in my head, an image just pop in my head to kind of explain what

974
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:03,960
our first years of marriage were like.

975
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:04,960
Okay.

976
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:05,960
A blacksmith.

977
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:13,920
A blacksmith heating and hammering three different pieces of metal together.

978
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:14,920
Man, babe.

979
00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:19,480
I mean, I know earlier we talked about the triple rated court, you know, the man, the

980
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:28,640
wife and Jesus, but bringing your family together, it was like the process of us coming together

981
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:29,640
as a family.

982
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:35,520
It was, it was like, man, because you, you, cause that metal has to get heated so high.

983
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:36,520
Yeah.

984
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:38,840
And the hammer does not come down gently.

985
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:39,840
Yeah.

986
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:41,400
You know, sparks fly.

987
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:45,880
There's sweat, there's soreness, there's just, there's noise.

988
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:46,880
Yeah.

989
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:52,480
And you know, but, but at the end you've got a beautiful product that lasts.

990
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:53,720
Man.

991
00:51:53,720 --> 00:51:54,720
Aw.

992
00:51:54,720 --> 00:51:55,720
Man.

993
00:51:55,720 --> 00:52:01,920
Cause when I was trying to explain it, like it's funny you say, it's not even funny that

994
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:06,720
you say it because I immediately thought of gold, like being purified, like the dross

995
00:52:06,720 --> 00:52:08,640
coming to the top.

996
00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:12,960
And again, we've got some of our listeners, like again, guys, it's not even like, you

997
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:17,960
might be married for quite some time and you guys have hit a space and you're standing

998
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:20,520
back going, okay, now what?

999
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:27,480
Let the heat come on, you know, let, let the Holy spirit comment and refine the places,

1000
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:34,360
you know, because every season, you know, is even though there might be hard seasons,

1001
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:38,520
there might be fun seasons, there might be easy, what seems to be easy seasons.

1002
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:45,480
The fact is that every season it comes with something and, and you get to, you get to

1003
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:49,320
rediscover something that's inside of this person.

1004
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:56,400
I say this all the time to our children, like you literally have the potential of heaven

1005
00:52:56,400 --> 00:53:01,560
residing inside of you and God has planted everything inside of you, that everything

1006
00:53:01,560 --> 00:53:04,520
that you're going to be and all the things that you're going to become and the stuff

1007
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:09,720
that you get to do and, and just all of the beauty and all of the giftings of who you

1008
00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:17,200
are is literally, he put it in your DNA when he made you, formed you in your mother's womb,

1009
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,200
wonderfully, fearfully made, right?

1010
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:23,480
So knowing that there is literally everything inside of you, people are like, yeah, but

1011
00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:25,200
then you, you grow and you learn.

1012
00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:29,800
Yeah, but God, he, he graced you with certain things inside of you.

1013
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:32,480
And so I'm not saying that you're not learning.

1014
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:38,400
I'm saying that like those things are sprouting, they're taking root, they're unearthing themselves.

1015
00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:45,720
And then sometimes like our backyard as for instance, our home is over 20 years old.

1016
00:53:45,720 --> 00:53:51,240
Things that were planted here by the previous owners are starting to fade away.

1017
00:53:51,240 --> 00:53:55,080
Their time has, it's come to an end.

1018
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:59,800
The beauty and the stature of this tree, okay, it's now needs to go.

1019
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:04,960
And so it's like, even though there may be some things that you stand back and say, wow,

1020
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:09,820
that's not even the same, or maybe, wow, that, that, that seems to be dying.

1021
00:54:09,820 --> 00:54:12,180
What if that's in, that's the intent?

1022
00:54:12,180 --> 00:54:14,240
I'm not talking about your marriage.

1023
00:54:14,240 --> 00:54:19,060
I'm not talking about your family, but I'm talking about maybe this is a, this is a season

1024
00:54:19,060 --> 00:54:20,360
of your life.

1025
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:23,060
Maybe this is just who you've been for so long.

1026
00:54:23,060 --> 00:54:28,480
Maybe this business transaction or maybe this career or maybe this, this pathway that you've

1027
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:29,480
been going.

1028
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:33,720
And then all of a sudden you're standing at a crossroad and you're saying, now what?

1029
00:54:33,720 --> 00:54:35,920
What's the next step father?

1030
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:40,140
And he's like, I want you to drop off that thing.

1031
00:54:40,140 --> 00:54:44,600
And I want you to start unearthing the thing that I have created for the next leg of your

1032
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:45,600
journey.

1033
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:46,600
Yeah.

1034
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:52,520
And that, so, so the 10 minutes of our explanation at the beginning of our podcast today was

1035
00:54:52,520 --> 00:55:06,720
literally you guys listening to us as we're saying, wow, I'm going to cry.

1036
00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:11,760
And it's about those moments that embracing, embracing the moments when it brings a tear

1037
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:17,280
to your eye to know the things that you've dropped off, the things that you've picked

1038
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:18,280
up.

1039
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:19,280
Yeah.

1040
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:20,280
Yeah.

1041
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:21,280
And it doesn't mean that they've been wasted.

1042
00:55:21,280 --> 00:55:22,280
Not at all.

1043
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:26,400
The enemy is going to tell you that those time, that time has been wasted.

1044
00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:34,640
Even the hard, even the stuff that you go, man, that shouldn't have happened.

1045
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:37,880
Nothing is wasted in the kingdom.

1046
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:41,080
There's nothing wasted.

1047
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:43,960
Learn from that moment.

1048
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:45,680
Rejoice in that moment.

1049
00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:48,240
Appreciate, celebrate, grieve.

1050
00:55:48,240 --> 00:55:51,400
Like you said at the beginning, grieve.

1051
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:54,320
But then don't let it keep you there.

1052
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:55,320
Don't stay there.

1053
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:56,680
Don't stay in that grief.

1054
00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:57,920
Bless it.

1055
00:55:57,920 --> 00:55:58,920
Thank it.

1056
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:00,880
And then keep walking.

1057
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:02,320
Thank him.

1058
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:05,140
Thank him for getting you through it.

1059
00:56:05,140 --> 00:56:10,320
And then lean into him knowing that he has nothing but good.

1060
00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:11,320
Yeah.

1061
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:17,240
And he will grace you and he will equip you and he will bring people along the way with

1062
00:56:17,240 --> 00:56:22,400
you to remind you that you can do this.

1063
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:27,000
You will do this and you will succeed and it will be better than what you even asked,

1064
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:30,000
thought or imagined.

1065
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:33,240
That's right.

1066
00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:35,120
Amen.

1067
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:38,120
That's good.

1068
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:40,640
Tissue.

1069
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:42,840
Yes.

1070
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:50,440
I think we hit it.

1071
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:52,440
Yeah.

1072
00:56:52,440 --> 00:56:55,480
Yeah.

1073
00:56:55,480 --> 00:57:00,520
Let today be the beginning of a new day.

1074
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:02,000
Yes.

1075
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:07,400
And let today be the start of the chapter that gets to unfold of you.

1076
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:13,360
That gets to unfold in front of you even tomorrow.

1077
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:14,600
Yes.

1078
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:16,560
Trust him.

1079
00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:17,560
Trust him.

1080
00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:18,560
Yeah.

1081
00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:29,360
And when you don't know, take a deep breath in, let it out and then just be still and

1082
00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:31,360
let him be God.

1083
00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:33,880
Yes.

1084
00:57:33,880 --> 00:57:34,880
Have the best week, guys.

1085
00:57:34,880 --> 00:57:37,640
Enjoy the journey.