1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,280 Hello and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na. 2 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,280 Hi. 3 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,280 Hey babe. 4 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:16,280 How's it going? 5 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:17,280 I was taking a nap. 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:18,280 I saw it. 7 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:19,280 It's okay. 8 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,000 It's like a gloomy, it's a gloomy rainy day. 9 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,000 Yes. 10 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,000 It's not gloomy. 11 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,680 Like you and I, we actually like rain. 12 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:25,680 Yes. 13 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:26,680 Like we like the rainy days. 14 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:30,360 But like it's, I like close my eyes. 15 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:31,360 We made some nice lunch. 16 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:32,360 We went to the gym. 17 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:33,360 Yes. 18 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:41,580 Had a good lunch and now my body's full and it's raining outside and we have big plans 19 00:00:41,580 --> 00:00:46,360 for our backyard and we're talking about stuff and then like you're like, let's record. 20 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:51,120 And I'm like, I'm going to take a quick five second power nap while you. 21 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:52,120 Yes. 22 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,120 During the intro. 23 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,120 That's it. 24 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,120 Close my eyes. 25 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:59,960 And then you hear the rain and just get into the mood and here we are. 26 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:00,960 Yes. 27 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,200 Hey, we have an anniversary coming. 28 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,200 We do. 29 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,120 So whenever, uh, is it the. 30 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,720 When this comes out, we're going to be leaving in two days. 31 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:10,720 Yep. 32 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:11,720 Yep. 33 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:12,720 Yep. 34 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:13,720 So wait. 35 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:14,720 Yes. 36 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:15,720 Yeah. 37 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:16,720 Yes. 38 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,040 Like, cause seriously what happened to me? 39 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:19,040 I just went, wait a minute. 40 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:20,040 No, that's not right. 41 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:21,040 And I'm like, nope, that's it. 42 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,040 Front. 43 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,040 That's upfront and divided and oh, and that's in the real and oh, that's the equal. 44 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:30,480 And yeah, we got to get our schedules and our everything sorted. 45 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:31,480 It's going to be good. 46 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:32,480 Yeah, it is good. 47 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:33,480 It is good. 48 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:37,080 I appreciate that our listeners just fly by the seat of their pants. 49 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:42,360 Like we do most days, they watch our train going and they just, they just watch it go 50 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:43,360 by and they follow. 51 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:48,240 I was going to say they jump on, but there's periodically I'm like, you may not want to 52 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:52,000 jump on because we definitely don't want to have a train wreck. 53 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,000 No, that would be bad. 54 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,000 Yeah. 55 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,080 I think we've had any train wrecks. 56 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:56,080 I think we're doing okay. 57 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,120 And then we've got our little, what is this? 58 00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,120 What are these called? 59 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,120 What are the gummies? 60 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,120 Gummy worms? 61 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,120 The little gummy worms. 62 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,120 The Albany's. 63 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,120 Albany's brand. 64 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:07,320 Because Heather told me that I need to tell people we're not eating gummies on air, but 65 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:11,040 we do eat gummies on air, but they are not, they're not the fun gummies that some people- 66 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:12,040 They're store bought gummies. 67 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,040 They are store bought gummies that you get from like Hy-Vee or Walmart. 68 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,040 A local grocery store. 69 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,040 Yep. 70 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,720 And, and I have them all laid out. 71 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:20,720 Yes. 72 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:21,720 Not like you do. 73 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:22,720 Not like me. 74 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,640 I'm pretty color coordinated, I think, at this point. 75 00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:25,640 That's pretty good. 76 00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:26,640 That's not bad. 77 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:27,640 Pretty good. 78 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,760 So what, what are we, what are we talking about today? 79 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:34,080 So due to the overwhelming success of last episode- 80 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,760 I'm kind of jazzed about this. 81 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:36,760 Yes. 82 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:37,760 I am too. 83 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:41,840 And I am, I'm kind of enjoying the, you know, it's not quite somebody interviewing us, but 84 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,520 it feels like interviewing us. 85 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:44,520 It does. 86 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:45,520 Because I do. 87 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,880 I, I think, I think it's more fun when we field questions. 88 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:49,880 Yes. 89 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,560 You know, when, when somebody is like, you know, even if somebody's like, you know, hey, 90 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,360 can you talk about this, you know, what are your thoughts on this subject? 91 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,640 It's like, okay, well, let's talk about the subject. 92 00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:58,640 Right. 93 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:01,840 But it's like, I do, I like the, I like the question and answers and stuff like that. 94 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,400 I like, I like that format. 95 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:08,860 Because I think even one of our more popular ones were actually 10 things that I learned 96 00:03:08,860 --> 00:03:10,360 in 10 years of marriage. 97 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:11,360 Yeah. 98 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:16,200 And it's, it's funny, just people seem to like, they like the, our daughters just got 99 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,200 home. 100 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,200 Oh, nice. 101 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:21,040 They like the, like, let's, let's lay it out. 102 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:25,960 Give me some, give me some nuggets, give me some things, give me, yeah, that kind of space. 103 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:32,800 So I like, I like that they, I like that they are asking us questions and just, because 104 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,320 it is, you and I could talk about anything and everything, which we have proven, like 105 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:41,320 during lunchtime, we're talking about tattoos and piercings and splittings of tongues and 106 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:42,520 things of that nature. 107 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:47,520 And then we're also talking about scratching in public, men scratching in public versus 108 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,840 women scratching in public, things of that nature. 109 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:53,080 And guys, like there's probably people that are like, what are your thoughts on this? 110 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:54,600 Like, we want to know these thoughts. 111 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:55,600 Yeah. 112 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,000 We'll talk about it another time, maybe. 113 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,000 Yeah. 114 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:03,400 But it, it's, it's just, it is, I like getting into other people's heads. 115 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:04,400 Yeah. 116 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:05,400 It's, it's good. 117 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:11,840 So part two, the, the big question that we're going to start with is what are two or three 118 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:17,640 hooks the enemy tries to bring into marriage to get Christians off course? 119 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:18,880 I like that. 120 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:24,160 And then we have a second question, which we will share later because we feel that it 121 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,160 goes really well with that, that big first question. 122 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,160 Yeah. 123 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:36,320 So, so two or three hooks that the enemy likes to throw at us to make us forget our purpose, 124 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:44,680 our identity, our plan, our path, how to get us off course, how to stop us running the 125 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:50,960 race, how to forget the weapons that we have that we can fight with. 126 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:51,960 Come on. 127 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,680 Against the enemy that's trying to throw us off course. 128 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:54,680 Come on. 129 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:56,760 So what are two or three hooks? 130 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:57,760 Okay. 131 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:02,200 I'm going to read it again because you, you went into that long dissertation and it kind 132 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,200 of threw me. 133 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:09,520 So what are two or three hooks the enemy tries to bring into, into marriage to get Christians 134 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:10,520 off course? 135 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:18,280 I mean, I'm going to, I'm going to start off with, it's like, I almost said, I'm going 136 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,560 to start with kids. 137 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:21,880 Not that kids are from the enemy. 138 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,080 No, no, no, no. 139 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,500 Far from it. 140 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:31,080 But I think the mentality of placing your kids first, because I think, I think the enemy 141 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:39,240 loves to play that card because if, if, because when you're married, this is a priority because 142 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:44,440 God marriage, you know, in the hierarchy of things. 143 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:52,200 And if the enemy can convince you to, to twist that, to put your kids before your marriage, 144 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,600 then that can, they can, it can really throw things off. 145 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,940 It throws off, you know, the God's plan. 146 00:05:56,940 --> 00:06:01,960 It basically throws off God's plan for your marriage, for your life together. 147 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:10,080 And you know, because it is you'll, you'll spend, you know, 18, 20, 25 years focusing 148 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:15,440 on your kids and putting their needs first and all of their stuff first. 149 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:20,480 And all of a sudden it's like you to become empty nesters and you're now strangers that 150 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,480 are roommates. 151 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:22,480 Correct. 152 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:23,480 Correct. 153 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:24,480 You know? 154 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,840 And so I think, I think that is, that's one of those things. 155 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:33,960 Or sometimes before you even get to that point, you know, one spouse will all of a sudden 156 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:39,000 start to resent the other spouse because the kids are always coming first. 157 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,000 And it's like, you know what? 158 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,000 I'm out. 159 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,000 Yeah. 160 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:46,720 You know, possibly, you know, and that, that can open the door to divorce or, you know, 161 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:52,680 affairs and all of that extramarital stuff or, you know, even, you know, porn and, you 162 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:53,680 know, all of that stuff. 163 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:57,960 And so I think, I think I'm going to say that's, that's my first. 164 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:58,960 Yeah. 165 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:05,560 The one, the first thing that pops to my mind is skewing the order of putting your children 166 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:06,560 before your marriage. 167 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,560 That's good. 168 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,680 I mean, it's not good, but that's good. 169 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:10,680 Yeah. 170 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,680 No, I like that. 171 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:17,120 I would also say one of the hooks again, cause this was given to us by sweet, sweet friends 172 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:18,600 of ours. 173 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:29,520 I would also say not being honest in finances, not being honest in, not being on the same 174 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:30,520 page. 175 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:31,520 Let's say it that way. 176 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,000 Not being on the same page. 177 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,000 Okay. 178 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:40,800 That sounds very broad, but when, when you don't have, when you have not sat down and 179 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:45,840 had a talk financially, where do we want to go? 180 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,760 And spiritually, mentally, emotionally, all of the things. 181 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:49,760 Okay. 182 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:55,880 So, what is sometimes even those plans kind of like the five year plan, like what, what 183 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,120 are we even striving for? 184 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,120 What are we doing right now? 185 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:03,200 Cause again, you know, we've, we've, we've let everybody know the new thing that's going 186 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,720 on in our lives right now. 187 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:08,120 Well, this is something that just not, we didn't go on a whim. 188 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,480 This is something that we've talked about, that we've, we've thought about. 189 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,760 We've said, okay, we've prayed about, we've, we've sought counsel. 190 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,680 It's all about, we have sought, you know what I mean? 191 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,720 Like it's that stuff. 192 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:23,520 And then following through it's, it's the follow through. 193 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:27,760 It's like, um, Hey, we're going to be saving money for this and such and this and such. 194 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:32,680 But if one of the spouses says, you know what, I'm just going to spend and I'm going to spend, 195 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,920 I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. 196 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:38,640 Or um, physically, you know, you and I want to get it. 197 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:44,080 We want to be in shape and we want to have goals and we want to have healthier lives. 198 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:47,600 But if, if one is like, you know what, I'm just not feeling it anymore. 199 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:53,960 And then you're not standing up to the commitment and the promise that you made in that space. 200 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:58,960 I think that that could become a hook too, because it is, you start becoming very resentful. 201 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:04,400 I resent the resentment does seem to be a big play in this. 202 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:12,280 But it's like you, you start getting frustrated because you are trying to create a life and 203 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:16,680 a future for your family, for you with you and your spouse. 204 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:20,440 And then the other spouse is like, you know, well, listen, I'm just going to do whatever 205 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,440 I want to do. 206 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:27,400 You know, whether if, if it's whoever, you know, like you and I, you're very kind to 207 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,400 me. 208 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,400 You're always good to me. 209 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:30,400 It's our money. 210 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:31,400 Okay. 211 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:35,600 So, um, I think that that could also be a hook, you know, well, this is your money. 212 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:36,600 That's my money. 213 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:42,640 And, and as opposed to, wait a minute, we're all, we're, we're literally building something 214 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:45,600 together and it's our money. 215 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:51,320 You know, you're the one that brings them more money than I do, but I also bring in 216 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:52,680 taking care of and doing things. 217 00:09:52,680 --> 00:10:01,280 So it's like when, when you are not on the same page, when it comes to life goals, I 218 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:05,000 will say financially that finances are a big thing. 219 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:10,360 But if for your life goals, then I think that that could create a hook. 220 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:15,800 And then all of a sudden you're like, well, this person, like, we're not even, we're married, 221 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:19,600 but we're not even doing, we're not pursuing the same purpose. 222 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:20,600 Yeah. 223 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:21,600 I was going to say, yeah. 224 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:25,960 And I'll, I was going to say just to kind of like, yeah, I'm glad you said it that way. 225 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:30,640 Cause I was, I was listening to all of you said, and it was like, it did it almost, I 226 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:34,400 was about to say, you know, so it sounds like, you know, the main thing is not being on the 227 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,400 same page. 228 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:41,200 So yeah, and I do, I agree a hundred percent, you know, because again, it's, you know, if 229 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:45,760 you're not on the same page, you know, again, it's, you know, if you're not looking to go 230 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:50,640 in the same direction, you know, and, and not that we have to have all of the same hobbies, 231 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:56,480 all the same interests and all, but we should, as a marriage, as a married couple, we should 232 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,320 want to move in the same direction. 233 00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:59,320 Correct. 234 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:01,960 You know, and, and yeah, that's, that's really good. 235 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:09,440 Cause I will say with us, even just recently, what within the last month or so, where we 236 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:13,120 sat down and I said, what's, what's on your head? 237 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,200 Like what's heavy on your heart right now? 238 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,200 What's in your brain? 239 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,680 And we made a list. 240 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:24,560 And the thing is, is it's not just, this isn't just Luke's list. 241 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,720 This is something that affects both of us, right? 242 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:31,480 Or even if it is, there's a couple of things like, Hey babe, I really need you to get this 243 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:36,480 done so that way I can, you know, we've, or, or sometimes it's, you know, stuff that I 244 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:40,160 need to get done so that my head can be on straight so that I can be a better husband 245 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,280 and father and all the other fun stuff. 246 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:48,400 And that, and, and knowing that being in, being aware of that, being sensitive to one 247 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:57,440 another in that, I think that that, that would help probably eliminate even some of that 248 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:04,680 to where, you know, I, I'm doing this not just because like it benefits me, but I'm 249 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:07,720 doing this because this is going to help my spouse. 250 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:12,880 This is going, which inadvertently will help benefit me, but ultimately I want to make 251 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:19,300 sure that they are okay first and then let's keep going and move forward and start pursuing 252 00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:20,400 the things together. 253 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,920 Yeah, I like that. 254 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:30,160 The, I'll say moving on to a next, another hook, which I'll go ahead and bring up the 255 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,560 second question that we got for today. 256 00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:34,760 So good. 257 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:39,540 Because I do, it's, you know, different people sent in these really good, great questions 258 00:12:39,540 --> 00:12:44,400 and it's like some of these questions really go along with each other. 259 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,400 Yes. 260 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:51,240 So I think, I think this question really goes along with this, this main question of the 261 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:52,440 hooks and stuff like that. 262 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,160 And it's from two totally different people. 263 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,220 Yeah, it is two totally. 264 00:12:55,220 --> 00:12:57,220 So it's, it's awesome. 265 00:12:57,220 --> 00:13:05,000 But the question is, what is the thin line between comparing a relationship and admiring 266 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,000 a relationship? 267 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,000 Man, man. 268 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:13,520 And, and it is, I, you know, I, I know on the equipped man, I talked with the guys about, 269 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:19,600 you know, the comparison and all that and competition and, you know, a lot of times 270 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:23,520 people talk about how comparison is the thief of joy. 271 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:24,680 Yes. 272 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:28,440 And I think we might've even talked about that in a previous episode. 273 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:35,040 But what I also say, and this is, you know, something I talked about with the guys is, 274 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:40,640 yes, comparison can be the thief of joy, but what happens is, but what happens when you 275 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:44,760 turn that comparison around to push you to do better? 276 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:45,760 Yeah. 277 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:49,600 And you're like, you know, Hey, I see that they're better dad than I am. 278 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,080 How can I improve what I do? 279 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:53,080 Right. 280 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:59,400 It's almost like that, you know, the conversation that we had last episode about my coworker 281 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,400 that saw me give you a kiss goodbye. 282 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:06,120 He's like, wait, I want to be no way he can be better at me than that. 283 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:07,120 Yeah. 284 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:08,120 You're at that than me. 285 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:12,120 And so I'm going to, I'm going to up my game to do better. 286 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,120 Yes. 287 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:19,720 And I think that's, I think that's the way you got to look at it is, you know, because 288 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:27,480 in a way like you can look at all these couples around you, you know, at your church, at work, 289 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:34,680 you know, wherever you go and you can say, I like what they've got going on or it seems 290 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:38,960 like they've got something that really works for them. 291 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,920 Maybe we can try to incorporate something like that into our marriage. 292 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:42,920 Yeah. 293 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:46,800 Or this is what it looks like from the outside. 294 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:50,880 Maybe we should get to know them so we can really find out what's going on. 295 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:51,880 Yeah. 296 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:56,000 Not that it's a bad thing, just, you know, hey, how do, how do they do it? 297 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,000 Right. 298 00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:03,360 Um, and I, I do, I think that's, that's important, but I can see also where it can get twisted 299 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:09,920 because we have, we have friends that have, have moved away out of the area and they, 300 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:18,200 they told us a story how, um, when they were new to our church, they were, they were really 301 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,540 trying to go after God with everything in them. 302 00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:25,760 And they looked at a couple that was, you know, they were in a leadership role and they 303 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:30,520 were, you know, doing all the things and they had, you know, six kids and they were just 304 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:35,800 really pouring and going, you know, it seemed like they were going hardcore 24 seven after 305 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:36,800 God. 306 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,800 Yeah. 307 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,360 And then this, this young, you know, this young couple, friends of ours, they're like, 308 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:43,680 you know what, if that's what they're doing, we're going to do it. 309 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:44,800 We're going to imitate them. 310 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,760 We're going to do everything that they're doing. 311 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:47,760 Right. 312 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,400 Because they were like, that will help us be better married couple. 313 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,680 This will help us in the kingdom of God. 314 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:57,640 And it, it kind of made them miserable and burn them out. 315 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,640 Yeah. 316 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,760 And so it's like, it almost destroyed their marriage. 317 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:01,760 It did. 318 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:02,760 Yeah. 319 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:07,720 You know, so it's like, admire them, you know, kind of compare yourself in a good way. 320 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:08,720 Yeah. 321 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:13,520 Um, but don't, don't imitate, don't say, well, that's what they're doing. 322 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:14,760 So we have to do it too. 323 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:15,760 That's good. 324 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:21,320 You know, and I, and I think that's where it needs to be, you know, because I'm assuming 325 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,720 the person that sent this question, you know, they're, they're talking about the comparing 326 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,360 a relationship, like almost in a negative way. 327 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:28,360 Right. 328 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:33,720 And where it's, you know, because it is, if, if you start comparing yourself, if you start 329 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:38,720 comparing your marriage to other people, well, we're not doing it like that. 330 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,000 We're not doing it like them. 331 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,360 So we're failing. 332 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,360 It's still, it does. 333 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,480 I mean, you said it, it steals the joy. 334 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,560 It steals the uniqueness of who you are. 335 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:48,560 Yes. 336 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:49,560 Right. 337 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:53,040 Because like when we had our women's conference and I had told you this and I'd actually said 338 00:16:53,040 --> 00:17:01,120 this on in the real, uh, with the girls, but, um, it, it, it very much, um, pertains to 339 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,960 even with the couples, right? 340 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,360 Um, like we could even do it as a family. 341 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:08,200 We could be trying to compare our family compared to other families. 342 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:16,360 And it just, it's going to absolutely annihilate the uniqueness that God has placed on us because 343 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:21,300 one of the things that was spoken, and I know they were, they met really well when they 344 00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:28,760 said it and please hear me when I do repeat this, but they said, you know, you could be, 345 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:33,040 you could be raising up a Maddie Ray or you could be raising up a Sally Quintanilla. 346 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:38,440 You could be raising up all of these really amazing people, amazing women of God. 347 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:42,400 And I turned and I looked at our beautiful brown eyed girl and I said, or I could be 348 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:46,400 raising up a Gabriel Porter because that's who you are. 349 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,400 Yeah. 350 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,400 Right. 351 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:53,040 And she had the biggest, biggest, most beautiful smile when she, when I said it, because what 352 00:17:53,040 --> 00:18:03,560 it did is it released her from having to, to live in a space or in a box that is not 353 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,560 hers to be in. 354 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:05,560 Right. 355 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,680 It's like, yes, there's qualities. 356 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:12,740 The Bible is full of, of fundamental things that we should be living by. 357 00:18:12,740 --> 00:18:14,440 We should be having the fruit of the spirit. 358 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,040 We should be walking in the joy of God. 359 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,960 We should be walking in love that is patient and kind and gentle. 360 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:21,960 Right. 361 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:25,400 And we should be walking in certain attributes, the character of God. 362 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:26,400 Yeah. 363 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:31,040 But he made us so wonderfully, fearfully made individually. 364 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,440 There's no other Luke Wants on this planet. 365 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:34,440 There's no more. 366 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:35,440 There's no other Dina, right? 367 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,640 Like, like we are who we are. 368 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,480 Our kids are our kids. 369 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:44,660 And it's like, if we start putting a comparison, the only thing we should ever be comparing 370 00:18:44,660 --> 00:18:46,640 our lives to is the word of God. 371 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:47,640 Yeah. 372 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:52,320 So our marriages should be a reflection of Christ loving the church and willing to lay 373 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,720 his life down. 374 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:59,560 And then the church willing to die and just be a representation. 375 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:06,200 Like when I walk into a space, people should know that I am married because like, I carry 376 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,880 a presence about me because of who you are. 377 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:09,880 Yeah. 378 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:10,880 And vice versa. 379 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:11,880 Right. 380 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,280 We should be making each other look good. 381 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:14,280 Yeah. 382 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:21,920 So it's one of those where it's like, when we compare, it does it, I think it, I think 383 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:30,120 it destroys the unique fabric of, of who God has created you to be as a couple. 384 00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:31,120 Oh yeah. 385 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:35,640 Like you and I bring something to the table that some of our other pastors, some of our 386 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:40,840 other leadership, even our sweet friends that had sent us these, these messages, right? 387 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:45,440 Like these are couples, strong, mighty, godly couples. 388 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,440 These are friends of ours that are asking us these questions. 389 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:54,720 And if we were to try to be the Garrett's or try to be the Driscoll's or try to be the 390 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,080 Pfeiffer's, you know what I mean? 391 00:19:56,080 --> 00:20:00,520 Like if we tried to be these people, we would no longer be the Wanses. 392 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:01,520 Yeah. 393 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:06,880 And I think we, when you do that, you do a misjustice to the kingdom. 394 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:11,840 You do a misjustice even to your own spouse and what God wants to do through you guys. 395 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:16,040 Because again, that's, you know, it's, it's like you said, you know, that's not what God 396 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,640 has called you to be. 397 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:18,640 No, no. 398 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,100 You know, and, and it is, it's. 399 00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:22,520 If he hasn't graced, what was it? 400 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:29,640 If he hasn't graced you for that battle, to be in that position, to be that person, it 401 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,040 will destroy you. 402 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:32,040 Yeah. 403 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,040 Yeah. 404 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:34,040 Yeah. 405 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:39,560 And, and, you know, again, admire, admire a couple, you know, see the, see the things 406 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:47,040 that they've got going, you know, but, you know, again, just, it doesn't necessarily 407 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,040 mean that you have to do that. 408 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,040 Right. 409 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:53,880 You know, I know, I know some people that are really good at, you know, being entrepreneurs 410 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,520 and that doesn't mean that's what you need to take on. 411 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:57,520 Correct. 412 00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:58,620 You know, so yeah. 413 00:20:58,620 --> 00:21:06,560 So admire, admire other couples for what they've got going on and, and say, you know, again, 414 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:07,560 find out how they do it. 415 00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,640 Don't just look at it from the outside and say, Oh, that's what's going on. 416 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:11,640 Yeah. 417 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,960 Get to know them and get into their lives. 418 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:19,160 And then, you know, in a way, judge for yourself as to not whether or not that's something 419 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:22,880 you want to try to incorporate into your own marriage. 420 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:28,280 Or if it's something that you want to incorporate, maybe you get to do it in a different way. 421 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:31,040 Yeah, that's what I was trying to say. 422 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,040 Yeah. 423 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,920 You know, but the, see, see how you can incorporate that kind of stuff. 424 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:35,920 I like it. 425 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,000 No, I like that. 426 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:45,520 And I like, even more so, this is where you and your spouse get to pray, pray together, 427 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,160 get in God's face together. 428 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:51,060 Father, how, how do you see where we can improve? 429 00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:56,440 What do you see that we, that we could do, you know, do it separately as a husband and 430 00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:02,880 wife, but then do it, you know, together, find out maybe, you know, he might be looking 431 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,200 at you saying, I think what you guys are doing is great. 432 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:10,560 You don't need to, even if you're admiring somebody else, you can absolutely appreciate, 433 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,400 respect, honor. 434 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:19,160 But even then you don't, if it's not yours to grab hold of, then just appreciate it and 435 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,200 then move on. 436 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:22,200 Right. 437 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:23,200 Yeah. 438 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:24,200 Yeah. 439 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:25,200 So next hook. 440 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:26,200 Next hook. 441 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,200 Why? 442 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:28,200 You. 443 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,200 Oh, me. 444 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,200 Yeah. 445 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:34,880 I would say the next hook that I see is, well, you kind of talked about it a little bit, 446 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:39,080 would be pornography or emotional affairs. 447 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:40,080 Yeah. 448 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:44,400 I would say that that, that is a hook because, or not even emotional affairs. 449 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:50,040 Let me, let me, let me, cause I'm going to say predominantly, listen, it can be guys 450 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,040 and girls. 451 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,600 They can both be in pornography. 452 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:59,200 And if somebody immediately goes, well, Dina, I don't, I don't, you know, I don't watch 453 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:04,200 porn or I don't, you know, okay, but do you look at certain pictures? 454 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:08,640 When reels come across, are the people half naked? 455 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:13,480 If hey, hey, girlfriends, cause usually the girls are more into this than the guys, but 456 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,720 if the guys do, then grab it. 457 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,600 Are you, are you watching romance? 458 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:20,880 Are you reading romance novels? 459 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:26,440 Are you fantasizing about somebody other than your spouse? 460 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:33,080 Because you aren't feeling fulfilled or maybe stress, whatever it is that might be trying 461 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:34,080 to trigger. 462 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:43,080 I would say that these are hooks that try to come in, especially when, when things seem 463 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:46,880 to be going just fine. 464 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:49,520 Like boredom starts creeping in. 465 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,800 You haven't spent enough time with your spouse. 466 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:57,880 Maybe the face to face time is a little lean cause you're in a busy season or whatever 467 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:02,880 it might be, um, stress, uh, just things that work. 468 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:07,240 And then because of the things that work and the stress, you're not having conversations 469 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:12,640 and expressing to your spouse what's going on because he, I'm having a really hard time 470 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:13,640 here. 471 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:14,640 This is what's happening. 472 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:22,160 Um, and so instead of getting real and honest and in each other's faces, what we'll do is 473 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:26,960 then we'll hide behind something else to keep us occupied. 474 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:31,540 And I'm even going to go as far as not just porn or emotional affair. 475 00:24:31,540 --> 00:24:34,760 When I talk about an emotional affair, you could even be having an emotional affair with 476 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,360 your phone, with social media. 477 00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:42,000 You could be getting so caught up in looking down all the time and not having that face 478 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,280 to face. 479 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:48,920 We've been guilty of that to where it's like, all of a sudden we're sending 50,000 reels, 480 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,880 which is cute and that's fine. 481 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,120 But like, have I actually talked to you today? 482 00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:54,120 You know? 483 00:24:54,120 --> 00:25:02,320 Um, and, and so we've got to be careful what we're doing kind of on our down times. 484 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:06,080 How are we responding to times that are stressful? 485 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:10,840 How are we dealing with, with times where we're just by ourselves with our thoughts? 486 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:16,480 Um, how are we doing when we haven't had the proper amount of time with our spouse? 487 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:21,960 Are we, are we being vulnerable and enough to say, hi, I need you. 488 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:22,960 How are you? 489 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:24,360 I miss your face. 490 00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:25,360 Right. 491 00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:32,240 Um, so I would say that that would be one of those hooks also, um, again, in the same 492 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:36,040 vein and you're going to see what I keep talking about. 493 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:42,120 Like when you become a workaholic, you know, are you putting business before your marriage? 494 00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:47,560 Are you putting, um, you know, we got to get that next, we got to get that next bid. 495 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:48,840 We got to get that next job. 496 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,480 We got to get that next. 497 00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:53,040 And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 498 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:55,080 These things can wait. 499 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:56,080 Have you spent quality? 500 00:25:56,080 --> 00:26:03,360 It's not always quantity because we understand life happens, but the quality of time with 501 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:08,520 your spouse to where they've connected with their heart, with yours, because that's usually 502 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:14,560 when these snares and these hooks come in, all of a sudden you start becoming disconnected. 503 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:19,520 You start becoming, um, absent from each other. 504 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,600 And I think that's almost more, more of it. 505 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:29,280 I mean, it's like, yes, like all these other things come into it. 506 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:30,280 Those are symptoms. 507 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:36,880 So yeah, you know, with the, the emotional, uh, affairs, you know, with the pornography 508 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:37,880 and all that. 509 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:43,240 But I think, I think it's, it comes down to it's that distraction. 510 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:52,100 It's that, um, you it's, it's the, we're not making our marriage our priority. 511 00:26:52,100 --> 00:26:56,600 You know, it's, it's the, you know, it's kind of back to like with the kids and, and in 512 00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:00,720 a way you could kind of like throw, throw that out with, you know, this trumps that 513 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:08,640 of if, if you're not putting your marriage in the proper order, you know, again, God 514 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:13,920 marriage, you know, this, this is your first ministry, so to speak. 515 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:17,160 I know people have said that a lot. 516 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:24,080 And if you're not putting your marriage first before everything else outside of God, then 517 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,720 it's going to lead to problems. 518 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:27,720 Right. 519 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:28,720 Right. 520 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,320 You know, it's kind of like, what is your marriage built on? 521 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:36,680 It's like, okay, you might have a really solid foundation, but if you're not making your 522 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,680 marriage a priority, all of a sudden, those walls are not solid. 523 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:41,680 Right. 524 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:47,520 You know, the stairs are a little wobbly, you know, yes, you can, you can tear down 525 00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:51,280 those walls and you can go back to that good solid foundation. 526 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:59,080 But if, if your walls and your stairs and all that other stuff is not sturdy and stable, 527 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,400 you can completely lose your foundation. 528 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:02,400 Right. 529 00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:03,400 Right. 530 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:04,400 So, yeah. 531 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:08,320 So I'd say, I'd say a lot of it boils down to that. 532 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:09,320 Yeah. 533 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:10,320 Just connecting. 534 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:14,920 Just, it's because even church, we can get so caught up in church and be so consumed 535 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,720 with church and consumed with ministry. 536 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:19,880 We could be consumed with, right. 537 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,620 We can be consumed with all of it. 538 00:28:21,620 --> 00:28:27,200 And it's like, be consumed with God, but I guarantee, I guarantee it's not even a but, 539 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,160 I guarantee. 540 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:37,080 If, if there is something that is shaky on your foundation, as far as with your marriage, 541 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:42,920 and you're going to the father and you're asking him directly, what do I need to do? 542 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:46,880 You know, yes, there would be that time where you get into his face and you pray and you 543 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:51,520 worship and you, you, you speak with him and you have that, that communion, you have that 544 00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:52,720 time. 545 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:57,640 He's also going to download that, that love for your spouse. 546 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:07,760 He's going to download ideas, wisdom on how to even repair the breach, to repair the spaces 547 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,080 that that might be unsure. 548 00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:11,080 Right. 549 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:15,600 He might tell you, Hey, I want you to go and I want you to go to church and I want to, 550 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:19,320 I want you to hold your spouse's hand and I want you to get into the presence of me 551 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:22,640 and I want you to worship and I want you to wrap them up and I want you to remind them 552 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:24,400 that you're in this together. 553 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,440 And then there's other times where he's like, you know what? 554 00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:27,440 Nope. 555 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:30,760 I want you to stay home or I want you to go do this with your family and I want you to 556 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:36,120 go spend this time and I want you to reconnect in another area because he knows what you 557 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,100 need, when you need it. 558 00:29:39,100 --> 00:29:46,320 And sometimes back to our friends, right, that were trying to, to compare their lives 559 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:50,420 with this family that's running hard, running hard, running hard. 560 00:29:50,420 --> 00:29:52,780 That was not the space that God had called them. 561 00:29:52,780 --> 00:29:55,560 He did not grace them to be in that place. 562 00:29:55,560 --> 00:30:00,280 And if he has not graced you to go a million miles an hour or all of a sudden you're running 563 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:04,760 really hard and your intentions are really good and God is very much glorified. 564 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:08,640 But if you're turning and looking all of a sudden your spouse is looking at you like, 565 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:13,040 I have not seen you all week. 566 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,960 Where are you? 567 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:22,280 Then you might want to take a step back, reevaluate and then reconnect. 568 00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,280 Yeah, I agree. 569 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:25,280 I agree. 570 00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:26,520 This was good. 571 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:31,120 It's like, it feels like the more we kind of talked about it, the more it just kind 572 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:34,680 of boiled down, boiled itself down. 573 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:35,680 Yeah. 574 00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:43,600 And it's, you know, because it is, it's the, are you putting things out of order? 575 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,680 Have you put idols in your life? 576 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:46,680 Come on. 577 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:53,760 Between the phone, between the job, between whatever, you being involved in a ministry 578 00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:55,080 at church. 579 00:30:55,080 --> 00:31:01,620 Are you, you know, it, and so it's like, I think it's those things and as simple and 580 00:31:01,620 --> 00:31:07,640 basic as they may seem, they really are the big ones. 581 00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:14,480 You know, they're, they're the biggies, you know, it's, you know, again, it's, it's the, 582 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:20,880 the fact that the enemy is, you know, he, he's not creative, you know, I'll say he's 583 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:27,660 not creative, but it's, because, and it's, you know, he uses the same tricks over and 584 00:31:27,660 --> 00:31:28,660 over again. 585 00:31:28,660 --> 00:31:29,920 You know, he's always going to find your button. 586 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:33,840 He's always going to find that one shiny ball that can distract you. 587 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:34,840 Yeah. 588 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:39,240 You know, and, and it's, and it's until you find, until you get to the point where it's 589 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:42,320 like the shiny ball no longer affects me, right? 590 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:46,600 You know, then he'll, then he'll, he won't really be sure what to do. 591 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:47,600 Right. 592 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:55,480 You know, and, and again, so it's, it's the, is, are, are your priorities out of order? 593 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:56,480 Right. 594 00:31:56,480 --> 00:32:00,040 So what is, what has become an idol in your life? 595 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:01,040 That's good. 596 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:06,160 And then also kind of where is your identity? 597 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:09,440 Yeah. 598 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:14,560 You know, and it's, it's just down to, you know, those things, you know, if, if those 599 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:25,440 things are skewed in your life, in your marriage, then that is going to just open you up so 600 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:27,200 much to attacks. 601 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:28,200 Yes. 602 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:34,560 I mean, we as Christian married couples, we are, we are open to attack as it is. 603 00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:35,560 Yes. 604 00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:39,760 But the fact that we are unified, that we have this, these vows that we've said to each 605 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:46,340 other, this covenant that we've shared with each other, that we are bonded in such a way, 606 00:32:46,340 --> 00:32:51,000 we together are able to fend off all of those attacks. 607 00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:52,000 Yeah. 608 00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:57,760 And so, but when we, you know, again, it's, it's kind of like with, you know, like an 609 00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:01,320 old school, you know, soldier or something like that, you know, if your armor is not 610 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,720 put on the right way, you're open to attacks. 611 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:05,720 Right. 612 00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,040 That you never would have thought would have been a thing. 613 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:09,040 Yeah. 614 00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:10,040 You become vulnerable. 615 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:11,040 Yeah. 616 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:12,040 Yep. 617 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,280 You know, so I think, I think that's what a lot of it comes down to. 618 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:15,280 Yeah. 619 00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:16,280 Yeah. 620 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:20,760 So I think a lot of it would be self-evaluate, really get into the, the presence of God, 621 00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:27,440 really find out what it is that He, He's saying to you right now to where you're not comparing, 622 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:33,840 but you, you are examining, you're putting your, your marriage under kind of a microscope. 623 00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:35,660 Be very careful. 624 00:33:35,660 --> 00:33:42,260 Be very careful though, when you do that, that I would say before you do anything else, 625 00:33:42,260 --> 00:33:46,200 before you start talking about the things that are wrong or the things that need to 626 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:56,640 be fixed, that the appreciation and the acknowledging the good is something that is very prevalent 627 00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:03,200 in that comes out of your mouth, that, you know, you, you celebrate your spouse, you 628 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:04,960 appreciate them. 629 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:10,940 It's like, you know, coming into his courts with Thanksgiving and praise, right? 630 00:34:10,940 --> 00:34:14,920 Before you make your requests known before God, you go and you, you tell them who He 631 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:15,920 is. 632 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:16,920 You acknowledge who He is. 633 00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:19,320 You tell them how much you appreciate Him. 634 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,400 And then you have the conversation. 635 00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:26,400 It would just be just like with your spouse, listen, thank you. 636 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,920 Thank you, babe, for being such a hard worker. 637 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,480 Thank you for constantly providing for our family. 638 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:35,080 Thank you more than anything that my heart is safe with you. 639 00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:36,080 Yeah. 640 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:37,080 Yeah. 641 00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:39,840 Now, these are some things that I, you know what I mean? 642 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:48,600 And it's like when you acknowledge the good, when you acknowledge the things that are beautiful, 643 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,840 maybe some of the hooks probably would even go away. 644 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:52,840 Yeah. 645 00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,560 Like, are you, what are you fixated on? 646 00:34:55,560 --> 00:35:00,200 You know, I know that sometimes we have a tendency to, to see so much of the bad or 647 00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,040 where we could constantly be better. 648 00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:05,120 Like, you know, as girls, we get in the mirror, guys too, get in the mirror. 649 00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:08,840 Oh man, like I could do better here in this that what we pick ourselves apart. 650 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:14,760 And it's like, no, listen, let's celebrate what God has done, who he is making us to 651 00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:16,720 be as a couple. 652 00:35:16,720 --> 00:35:20,280 And then father, how would you like us to be tweaked? 653 00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:23,080 Because ultimately he is the one that gets to have the say. 654 00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:24,080 Yeah. 655 00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:25,080 It's good. 656 00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:26,080 I like that. 657 00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:27,080 It's really good. 658 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:28,080 I think we said it. 659 00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:29,080 Is that good? 660 00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:30,080 I mean, yeah. 661 00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:33,880 I mean, do you think there's anything else that needs to be said on this? 662 00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:35,560 I know they say they asked for two or three. 663 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:37,560 I think we gave them a little bit more than that. 664 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:38,560 I did. 665 00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:41,000 I mean, I think ultimately we blow it down to three. 666 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:42,000 Do we? 667 00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:43,000 Yeah. 668 00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:44,000 I think so. 669 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,000 Yeah. 670 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:46,000 I just be vigilant. 671 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:47,000 Be vigilant. 672 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:48,000 Yeah. 673 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:54,800 Be vigilant knowing that your marriage is something that is sacred. 674 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:55,800 Yes. 675 00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:58,960 And do everything you can to keep it sacred. 676 00:35:58,960 --> 00:35:59,960 Yeah. 677 00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:02,880 Now that we're cheering for you guys. 678 00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:03,880 Always. 679 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:04,880 Always cheering for them. 680 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:05,880 Yeah. 681 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:06,880 We really do. 682 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,480 We believe in you guys and know that we're praying for you all. 683 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,600 There's quite a few that reach out to us. 684 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:13,560 Just know that we're standing in the gap with you guys. 685 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:14,560 We're believing. 686 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:20,760 We're standing and believing that God is going to rescue, redeem, restore, and then rejuvenate 687 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,640 everything as far as your marriage is concerned. 688 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,120 And that God gives you wisdom. 689 00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:30,040 He gives you a greater understanding that He shows you from His point of view, not yours, 690 00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,760 but you see things from His point of view. 691 00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:40,280 So that way you don't get overwhelmed, but that you move forward in victory, that you 692 00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:43,720 fight from a place of victory, not fighting for victory. 693 00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:44,720 Yes. 694 00:36:44,720 --> 00:36:45,720 The battle's already won. 695 00:36:45,720 --> 00:36:47,720 Yes, it is. 696 00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:48,720 Yay. 697 00:36:48,720 --> 00:36:49,720 All right, guys. 698 00:36:49,720 --> 00:36:50,720 Have the best week. 699 00:36:50,720 --> 00:37:06,720 Enjoy the journey.