Hello and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Hi.
Hey babe.
How's it going?
It's good.
How are you?
I'm good.
It's episode 100.
Come on!
We don't have pizza, but we have guests.
Oh, that's right.
We have gummies.
We have a Caila.
We have Albany's gummies.
We have a Hunter.
We have gummies.
Yes, we have.
Okay, we...
What do we call them?
They're gummy worms.
I mean, they're gummy worms.
Gummy worms.
They're normal gummy worms.
That's bad.
That's so bad.
If we had the other gummies, this would be a completely different episode.
Yes, it would.
And we'd have to be check marking boxes.
Yes, we would.
All sorts of different tags and hashtags.
And we have extra giggles in the background.
We do have extra.
I'm excited about it.
Yes.
I'm excited.
Because we have Hunter and Caila Driscoll.
Sorry, guys.
Welcome.
We don't have a canned situation.
I love it.
Welcome to the studio, the cave, the office, whatever you choose to refer to it as.
Nerdville.
Yeah, that's right.
That's right.
It looks good.
It looks good in here.
It's fun.
Y'all found out that we found out more and more.
We do.
It's so funny because Kayla and I, we're buddies.
We hang, we do things, we giggle, we talk.
And periodically, I mean, we talk about y'all.
Yeah, I'm aware.
And it's funny because the more we talk about y'all, the more we go, dang.
Y'all need to hang out more.
Let's just say that.
Y'all just need to do it because y'all are a whole lot alike.
And her and I are a whole lot alike.
And it's fine.
And it's because she is.
Caila is one of my absolute favorite people on the planet and she loves big.
Not that I don't care about you, Hunter.
We care about you, buddy.
But you already know.
It's okay.
You already know.
She's very easy to love.
She is very easy to love.
Yeah.
And you came into my life about the time that I really needed a Caila.
And God just knew.
And you're the real deal.
You and Hunter both are the real deal.
That's actually one of the main reasons.
Because listen, if y'all weren't, you wouldn't be sitting here.
It's just that simple.
You guys have so much to bring to the table.
There's such strength and such wisdom that comes out of the two of you.
And we just we wanted to bring you in and just have conversations like good solid conversations
on that.
So it's like to tell a little back history, Caila and Hunter are married.
In case y'all didn't catch that.
Y'all been married for almost 10 years.
Congrats.
Getting up on it.
I love that.
What are we doing for 10 year anniversary?
Secret surprises.
That's so good.
I was hoping he was going to say that.
That is husband talk for I don't have all the details down yet.
Yes.
I love it.
We won't tell anybody.
It's fine.
It's going to be good.
And you guys have how many babies?
We have three beautiful girls, six and under.
Shoot.
I know.
It's a wild ride.
Isn't it Hunter?
Yes.
Very busy.
Lots of emotions.
We literally were having conversation about those emotions right before we hit play.
Jesus help us.
And you know what I'll say because I was thinking about this because I was also thinking about
one day I want to grab Hunter for my podcast.
Absolutely.
But of all it seems like a lot of people that we know there's not many people that have
just boys.
We know a lot of people that are straight girl parents or mixed parents.
But I mean because again y'all are three girls.
Three girls.
Or Hunter.
I know.
All of Hunter's side is boys.
It's a sister.
So this is like Holy Spirit I need you territory isn't it Hunter?
It is.
It's like Lord I thought we talked about this.
I thought we were going to have at least one.
There's still time.
I don't think so.
It's going to have to be miraculous.
Listen, Caila and I have already had the conversation baby.
They have the same situation we do.
Oh gotcha.
It would be a miracle from the Lord but it could still happen I guess.
You're not opposed to it but you know you took some steps to this.
We did didn't we?
Aww.
I love that.
Your girls are the best though.
You got some of the sweetest girls.
You got Elena who just turned six.
Yes.
We got Miss Elena, Miss Ember our cute little wild middle girl.
Listen, that girl's my spirit animal.
She's going to be four in July.
Four in four months mom.
Four in four months.
I'm going to be big.
Four months.
Yup.
Yes.
So big.
Baby, I'm going to call her baby forever because she's my baby.
She's going to be ten.
And baby Estelle.
Aww.
My little baby Estelle.
She's going to be 18 months next week or no two weeks from now.
She'll be 18 months which is flew by.
Crazy.
Just the sweetest little.
All three of them are just so different.
It's cool how God does that.
Makes them all so different huh?
Yes.
It is amazing how different.
All three of them are.
Same house.
So much difference in personalities.
I know.
It's good though.
It's not cookie cutter.
Everybody in the house needs something a little bit different.
A lot of molding.
A lot of times you're just that like Lord I know that you're the ultimate potter but
I'm needing some of that help right now.
I need some help sculpting very much.
Or I'm going to break it.
And Hunter is like the man of consistency.
So that has been just being a daddy of girls having that just safety and consistency.
And Hunter is just amazing at that.
Not so much me but at least one out of two.
Hey listen somebody's got to do it.
And you got the broad shoulders.
You got it.
It's fine.
Aww.
I love that.
I'll say I mean not only are you married, you're parents, you're business owners, you're
entrepreneurs.
You guys have been through like ministry school.
You guys have done ministry.
And I'll say from my opinion I enjoy watching the two of you minister together because you
guys really like play off of each other and strengthen.
It's stronger when you two are together.
It's like you guys bring something when you come together and it's really cool to see
that come to the table.
You want to talk on that some?
Yeah it's interesting with our business.
We actually use one of our tools is a personality test to kind of help us gauge different house
strengths to put people in their lanes where they're going to flourish right.
And so we are literally exact opposites on this chart.
To the dot.
That's crazy.
There's no similar part of us in that way.
But like something Hunter and I have always said because we got I was 20 when we got married.
Hunter was 25 but I have known Hunter since I was 16 and we were just like best friends.
We go fishing together.
We would just be with groups of people.
We love Jesus together.
Did things and I said even though we are 100% opposite and almost absolutely everything
we have the same vision.
We have the same goals about what family looks like about what business looks like about
what ministry together looks like.
So to be able to operate together and those things we really are like I am a piece he
is a piece.
I love that.
You know so I think that's so important for couples that you know kind of going on a tangent
here but couples that are so opposite but yet have that same vision have that same goal.
You are literally like a powerhouse for the Lord when you can get to that place because
I see so many marriages they will go like once you know they have they are just very
different and then they aren't going the same direction and that's like chaos.
That's just burn the bridge chaos.
I mean it can work.
It can work as long as you come together as a couple and you have those conversations.
Our joke on the way here was that the reason that we have a business is because of Kayla.
You know her outgoing and joy and just everyone loves her.
I mean she goes out and she quotes still for us and wins over all the clients with her
you know demeanor and personality and who she is.
And our joke was we have a business because of Kayla but we still have a business today
because of Hunter.
We are in this house because of Kayla but we still have this house because of Hunter.
Yes.
Because you are the anchor man.
Like literally like you are the anchor in the midst of all of this stuff and you have
okay because you have your cleaning business.
We are going to give your shout out so Kayla's cleaning business.
Kayla's cleaning crew.
And so it's like so you do house cleaning.
Yes.
And I bless you Hunter you are working with nothing but girls.
Yes.
Good Lord dude.
Surrounded.
Completely surrounded.
And you are the one that trains them right?
Is that what I understand?
I have and then we have worked it in now to where I have an awesome field manager that
also does it with us.
Good.
Yes.
She is taking some of that load so I am going to work myself out of a little bit of it.
I could see just freaking killing it already.
It's so cute.
And that's why I tell him like he comes in with just those sometimes those father eyes
you know with some of I mean some of the girls that we have had that have come through like
they have even said to me you know like I have never had a dad or you know I remember
one specifically I come out of like she was just fostered.
Yeah.
And then she came in to our company and really bringing the Lord to them in a tangible way
and Hunter just has that like just that dad.
Like you he I've heard that before from the girls like he like walks in and like okay
dad's here so everything's going to come in order but I'm also maybe scared a little.
Yeah.
I might be in trouble.
That's awesome.
I love that.
So yeah we started out like seven years ago now.
I think about seven years and then about two years and I would say I started growing to
the point where I said Hunter I need help.
I remember sitting down literally like trying.
Okay this is part of my this is where Hunter is my what I need.
I'm like sitting there 22 years old or 23.
I've literally cleaned for three months and I'm going to reconcile right now for the last
three months.
I have not kept track of who's paid me and who hasn't.
I have.
Yeah I just assume everyone's paid me.
I assume everybody has you know like you know I haven't missed anything I'm sure.
And like I'm trying to reconcile and I'm sitting down I'm just like bawling I'm like I'm like
three thousand dollars off.
I can't figure it out.
And then finally it was like Hunter's like all right I'm taking I'm reconciling every
single day I'm taking over this I'm doing that just that side like that's beautiful.
I know.
Yeah.
No that's beautiful.
He's like Kayla even though you think everyone means well and everyone's paid you people
forget you know.
Yes.
No it's true.
Absolutely.
So just that kind of stuff where he just filled in in that way you know as we grew and really
kept you would just do that like problem solving in the background.
Okay this is a real problem now let's take the emotion out.
How can we actually fix this you know.
Yeah.
Able to really remove that emotion with our team because us women we bring emotion we
bring care and good emotion you know to really help drive us to do a good job and Hunter
can he's good you're really good at that babe.
I'm just going to shout you out to that you're able to separate emotion and say okay like
what do we need to do to fix this.
Yeah no drama.
Let's just fix this together and move on happily you know.
So you've been.
Yeah I mean I have a big heart like I really do care for everybody on our team obviously
and we have people that come from every walk and different areas of life and having them
come in we are acronym for our company's peace so you know having the passion the excellence
the adaptability the communication and an eagerness to help each other succeed in our
around our clients and so we try to create that as an atmosphere for each other and for
our clients and so that we're bringing peace into every home and so I try to you know we
try both of us all of our team we try to hold each other accountable to creating that kind
of atmosphere for each other so that we want to come to work together we want to be a part
of this team and enjoy our jobs and so I'm being able to I try to come in is that always
that anchor point you know there's I know our girls face a lot of challenges and situations
and they have lives you know outside have a lot of you know pull on them yeah and so
being able to come in and help them just to be that consistency and just you know steadiness
for them to be able to have because they're gonna have off days but then you come in you
come alongside them and you say how can I help.
How can I help you in this circumstance we've really reached and we've tried to it's hard
not to mix the personal and the boss you know but we have really tried to reach out and
help a lot of our girls through some different circumstances to succeed in life so.
That's beautiful that speaks volumes of both of you though like like genuinely okay it's
one of those like I'm listening to you just say I need help and the fact that you're coming
alongside like here's Kayla like literally just she's drowning right and you see as opposed
to pushing any more pressure on her hunter it's like all of a sudden you're like you
know listen let me what can I do to help you succeed because understanding that when we
as that's where the married couple comes into play right it's like when we understand that
our spouses are in desperation our job is not to go well if you gosh Kayla if you had
just you didn't do that like and that that's beautiful and then the fact that Kayla here
you are this is your baby like right like this is your business this is your baby and
the fact that you're just like here I trust you to help me do whatever needs to do and
so it's like both of you coming in and in understanding just not just the dynamic of
the situation but understanding each other and it's like that that speaks volumes when
it comes to just marriage relationships you know business businesses I mean that these
are just practical applications that you're just putting into play and saying this is
actually something that can work in every area of your life if you just apply it and
start with yourself yes and so what would I love all that so like what are some practical
applications maybe because one of the things that I sent you a list yes and I see that
you have notes I think you guys are the first people that have ever come into our room and
have notes this should not surprise us because ladies and gentlemen this is also the the
people that are over our marriage group at our church and so they they are so so prepared
y'all are cool y'all are cooler than cool I literally am reading the text that I text
you at whatever time that's how prepared I am but it's like what are some practical things
that you guys do to keep yourselves like not just in the business aspect but just keep
yourselves in love keep yourselves in the relationship like before you guys came like
I'm hollering at you going oh my gosh I'm having to work today and I forgot about voting
and can we push this back an hour can you just go look at your husband face and just
have something to eat and just be still y'all go have a date like go actually have a date
you know but it's like what are some practical things that you guys can do on it on a daily
just even if if like talking to the business people the couples talking to just married
couples what would be some things that you guys would say so I will say that all of these
we are still working on and we are not mastered at oh girl girl at all there's no judgment
here but I'll kind of go on one of them and let you take a hunter we just kind of wrote
little snippets down so okay yes prompt me to remind me to mention this here but one
thing that we really had to learn especially having littles and owning a business and at
home a lot even because we have a small office but we're not like in an office in front of
people all day long right so we're at home we're homeschooling we're we've got kind of
it's very every day is different right hunter we've kind of got things are just moving and
flowing all the time is really setting scheduled times to talk about business stuff because
I am naturally me knowing me I am like if I have a thought I'm just gonna say it like
and it could be a thought way over here about finances or it could be a thought way over
here about this friend that I met the other day and girl yes yes and it could be a thought
about like wow like my own mental health or whatever it could be and hunter is naturally
you would say hunter you are very like task in and out like I'm a processor yes so you
want like let's talk about this until it's done let's talk about this and then finish
this point and you like tasks so yeah I mean I like to complete things it's just naturally
my personality to wanna you know I think that's a lot of guys is you wanna cuz when she's
thrown out those ideas you know I've been guilty of this and I'm I think a lot of guys
are like okay is that I have to take a pause and here you just wanting to share and and
you are you wanted me to just listen or you wanted me to try to solve because I naturally
am a solver and do I need to do something right yes I'll solve it but do I need to take
action on yes yeah yes so that's kind of what we've had to learn is I want her to be able
you know talk out loud and be able to that's how she processes and then I'd sometimes need
that time to think about what she says and so when it's popcorn it's like okay okay okay
okay yeah and then it creates a really stressful environment really quick so we we work our
best together in business realm when I have a thought write it down I love that write
it down it could be about anything like like with business if I have thoughts write it
down and we have scheduled times that we look each other face to face yeah and we say okay
in this area this this this this how do how can we go about this in this area kids homeschool
this this this this this you know how can we do this and so really actually having scheduled
times so that it's not this well remember I talked to I talked to you about this like
yesterday well that was in the middle of Hunter making breakfast over here and this employee
calling because they can't find the trash bags you know underneath the client's kitchen
cabinet you know right right so creating those times especially if you are in a job together
you are home together all the time schedule them like seriously schedule out those times
where you can look each other in the eyes and like really go to either solving or put
it in the solve box put it in the think about box put it in the we're gonna touch on this
three months later box and I mean we do if we do that quite frequently which is the high
level that we're at with yeah I think basically yeah and being intentional right yes being
intentional because there is so many things coming at us and when you're working together
as a couple the tendency in the rut to fall into real easily the snare is that what you've
spent all day you know co-laboring doing things but at the same time has that really been
quality time has that been intentional and that's that's the snare that we have to really
navigate and say okay even though we've been plowing you know and sometimes even button
you know heads at times to really you have to get through some of the days because we're
working out each other's strengths and just how we need to handle situations then being
able to take that time and say well you know we really need quality though now so that
is that is something we've had to practically walk out is having the quality still and really
like yeah just scheduling out and then one other thing that we frequently do is we ask
ourselves okay what percentage are you on today babe 10% 30% like sometimes I'll look
at hunter and I can I'm like where are you at on percentage and he'll say it's usually
when we're getting trying to get the girls in the bed yeah something like that or like
it's the middle of the day and it's crazy you have anything left in your tank Hunter's
like you know 10% you know I'm like all right then I know where I need to pick up or he'll
ask me where you are I'm like three go take a shower I'll take care of the rest you know
that's our way of like really communicating when we're trying to in the ebb and flow of
work and ministry and it's like okay where are you at where can I pick up the 97 if you're
the three or the 50 if you're the 50 or whatever you know yeah and that's me being able to
communicate without or hunter being able to communicate with out having to like explain
all of his exhaustion frustration you know at that moment like I'm 20 yeah I need a break
you know that's really good that is good we should try that yes we should see look at
y'all y'all teaching us stuff yeah oh dogs new tricks and then I wanted to say this because
um maybe maybe it's just a me thing or maybe it's kind of a woman thing yeah um is allowing
like one of the struggles when we first really moved into working together 24 7 yeah um was
really allowing me letting go and allowing hunter to fully run in his lane love that
I love that and if that if like literally I know it sounds however you want to take
it but like if that's even letting him like I would rather him make a mistake yeah in
his lane than me like come over and get in his get in his lane make him trip because
I'm in his lane come on you know yes or uh not letting him just be fully who he is yes
in our business or fully who he is as my you know as my husband who fully is as the father
of our kids absolutely letting him fully be in it and I think that's part of you know
when God does that with us right let's just fully be in it and he's not he's not he's
not always you know let he lets us fall down yes he does yes he does you know so letting
go of that control like hunter's so good about that already like he's like Kayla you do it
you go you go be everything you know and then I still sometimes like still sometimes will
like try and like well don't you think we need to do this over here or what about this
he's like am I in my lane or am I not in my lane I'm like oh you're right you're so right
I love how y'all talk to each other that's so good it's cute she usually she asked me
even like today like two or different two or three different things and like I don't
even notice it sometimes and then it's like and but it was funny because it was our other
employees were involved too and it's like oh yeah he's already done that oh yeah he's
already done that oh yeah so it's it is fun it's she she she she cares and that's what
and I and that's what I have to recognize too and it's not that she's trying to nitpick
or anything like that she just she really loves and cares a lot about you know helping
people succeed and we care about you know we're we have found something that we enjoy
really this is something that we can care for people we're going into their homes we're
going into their spaces and we're taking care of kind of their their places their their
places of with their families of intimacy and their places where they're doing life
together and so we get to we get invited into that and so we really care about who we're
sending into people's homes and taking care of those people so so that's what I have to
just recognize and step back and like okay she just cares she cares she cares she cares
she trusts me don't want this to get missed over here you know did this get done I don't
want anyone to fail I never want anyone you know and but yeah I just letting people fully
be in their lane letting them make mistakes or rise like letting I mean Hunter lets me
make mistakes mistakes aren't a bad thing though no see and I think that that's what
that's one of those stigmas right it's like you made a mistake no man you just tried right
now you get to learn and now we get to do it better next time you know it's like teaching
you got three that are learning to the walking and this stuff right I was gonna say I had
this conversation with Sebastian yeah Sunday did you know after Easter lunch and everything
because my parents brought him like he had they got him a slinky like the old school
and they decided since it didn't go down the stairs very well they were gonna buy the three
pack of all the three different sizes you know so you get the small medium large and
he's he's had plastic slinkies in the past and now these are like the original metal
slinkies and he was playing with the smallest one maybe 10 minutes you already know I'm
looking at hunters face and it got twisted and kinked and he's like oh no and so I like
straightened it out for him and he looks at it he's like but it's not going back I'm like
yeah it's metal it's not going to waterworks tears just I'm like okay and I pull them aside
put them in a closed room and I'm like okay it's a mistake it's it's it's a mistake we
get to learn this is you know you can you can still use it it's not like the original
but you can still have fun with it yes you can still it's a still a toy then I come in
behind you because he's playing with it down here and like throws it in a bucket and I
went no no no that's going in the trash and he goes looks over at Luke he's like but you
said I could keep it and I'm like no no we're not no the cleaner and me see I just no no
it's broken we're throwing it away it's it's okay again you learn you you take the moment
and then you just and you grow yeah our kids teach us life lessons don't they and I was
going to say I mean kind of what Kayla you were saying about you know hunter you know
staying in his lane and thriving in our lanes and stuff like that it's like it reminds me
of a couple things you know Dina one of your favorite things is sayings is let the boy
be the boy yeah you know she and and when we were early in our relationship I think
it was before we were married she was actually getting prayer you know hearing from hearing
from God yeah and you know the question you know because I was I was still a new Christian
when we got together and she was having conversations with God of you know are you serious what's
going on but what about what about and he said something long lines of Dina if you try
to change him or fix him you are going to destroy him yeah exactly loud right there
it's loud yes and it was it was one of those moments where you just stand back and you
say whoa and he started saying you need to let the boy be the boy yes because me being
a single mom I was mom and dad for a very long time right and I was raised in a household
of blessings man but I was raised with all the boys right like all the boys and I'm the
I'm the surprise girl I'm the first girl out of seven generations of boys that's how long
it came right and so it's and then I have a mom who's very tomboyish and this is what
we're going to do and like she is fascinating but it was one of those where so it's like
when when he said that it was it wasn't a thing of like you always hear the negative
of you know boys will be boys and they're just whatever the right the yucky that comes
with it this was he is designed specifically to do certain things and yes you can but why
would you want to yes why would you want to there's like you guys are designed to do certain
things that like yes we can like what you're saying Kayla like you know like you're looking
at Hunter going like no I trust you I know you can do it I know you can do it this isn't
a thing of it like it but I'm a control freak and I'm having a problem right now and this
is just what's going on I will speak for myself okay I'll just take you out of the equation
but I'm pretty sure you're in that boat with me you know and it was it was just like let
the boy be the boy let let let him open the door you know you're just because somebody
cares for you like it took Gabriel long oh my gosh it took Gabriel very long time I'm
not a baby for her to let Luke open the doors for her yeah you're talking about vulnerability
really yeah because it takes it takes vulnerability to allow people other people to run in their
lanes and even stumble and fall like because it because I don't like seeing you don't like
seeing your own kids you don't like seeing your spouse yeah no you don't like it you
know when they have to fail at times and it hurts because sometimes it hurts you know yeah
and but I've had to learn that with just some of our kids too right you have to allow them
just to see for themselves sometimes in a safe atmosphere you know I'd rather have them
learn under my wings and help you know then I'll just learn from that in a positive way
then then get out in the world and experience and choose a path then you know so correct
yeah the vulnerability of allowing people to be who they are is it sometimes hurt your
heart at times and it leaves you in a state of oh you know like I've got to allow this
person to run the race and run their lane you know yeah and it takes a preconceived
ideas out of it right and just like all of a sudden we're morphing each other into people
that we we weren't created to be even our own children like right and it and it's like
it was it was when when the Holy Spirit like he loud and clear said you know if you change
if you try to change him you're going to destroy him and everything that in my mind that needed
to be fixed was everything that is beautiful that people see with Luke like is everything
that's good right how twisted and how sad so that shows the brokenness inside of me
kind of like what Hunter saying like just being vulnerable saying okay I'm not going
to try to fix you Holy Spirit you come the fact that you guys are are literally mirror
opposites shows you how much you allow the Holy Spirit to come into both of your lives
and just meld meld together and and take the competition off you know let's we're going
to take the gloves off we're not fighting each other but we're fighting for something
and and that's that's what's beautiful to see and to hear from you guys yeah so good
so one of the other things that I had mentioned to you guys because again we mentioned how
you guys are over our marriage group at our church and can I just give you all a shout
out like y'all are legit like I already said it but to see that you guys have such a heart
for the marriage you you have such a heart for the generations and you know you know
the gravity that comes with us and you know and you guys don't take it lightly like you
know just kind of the conversations we've had just kind of you know like why are we
not doing more why are we what can we do what can we do how can we do more you know and
a lot of it is because the last question that I had sent to y'all was what I wanted to know
what you guys see as the attacks of marriages in the body of Christ because it's there and
it's alive and there's a lot and there's a lot wow it's like which one do we want to
even touch on first I guess I think one of them I mean specifically talking about the
body of Christ rather than even necessarily like the world right yes I would say busyness
for the cause of Christ quote quote shoot girl right come on busyness for the sake
of Christ is unbiblical unbiblical where people have literally laid their marriages
down for like women lay down their own marriage for their own ministry you know or just couples
putting ministry before their marriage or putting the church before their marriage and
it's almost like this religious thing that gets in our heads or we have to look a certain
way because we're in ministry or we have to look a certain way because we go to church
three times a week that is putting ministry before your marriage like not allowing God
you know and I've noticed that like even when I've been in any service like not even specifically
to our church but just how much like if you ask a past if a pastor asks okay anybody that
wants prayer for their marriage to come up it's like it's like you almost feel this like
just tightening in the room like oh I can't say anything's wrong with my marriage right
right right right but that's putting ministry before marriage it's true it's preaching it
is and you know if you say oh come up here if you want to get healed everyone comes up
yeah but when we start asking okay if you are you know you have some obstacles you're
facing or you want to get prayer for your marriage nobody comes up yeah that's true
and why is that you know and yeah I've said well that's just putting ministry before marriage
that's putting you're putting now your look and in the church over the healthiness and
the sacred covenant that your marriage if if our pastors say hey who needs prayer for
like marriage I'm like my marriage could be 100% the best marriage I could be in the best
place in my life but I'm getting prayer for my marriage yeah it is like the kingdom it
is the kingdom force I mean like we hunter and I we are a team for God like we like that
is the number one thing I would say one of the number one things enemies after his marriage
because the covenant yes you are the representation of the covenant yes and I'm I'm gonna get
prayer like that's like my most main priority of being on earth yes to make sure that my
marriage is covered yes insecure and what and and you know taken care of by the Lord
like yeah but for some reason we just think that if we have to come up and get prayer
for our marriage and we must be you know and a divorce I don't know or in our hearts or
you know we've got it's like two people that's because that vulnerability wants to come in
and you just tapped on I can come up and say oh I need I have really bad migraines I need
prayer it's a lot easier for some reason than saying you know I struggle with control I
struggle with we anger I struggle with pornography whatever it is and in the middle of the marriage
like for some reason we just allow ministry before marriage in that way so that was one
yeah I was like wow that is that is so sad but that is true yeah I can just speak to
that a little bit too it's kind of like that airplane analogy where they they always tell
you to put the mask on first right before you have the kids you know and so I think
that's you know you hear that a lot even whether it be worldly realm or Christians you know
you get so busy so busy so busy that when you get the kids get out of the house you
have that empty nest quote unquote like you look across and some people just see a complete
stranger you know because they've just forsaken that covenant because they've you know even
their children a good a good relationship right to pour into but if you're not putting
that relationship with your spouse first yeah and you're not sowing to that yeah and you're
not actively you know pursuing that intimacy and that covenant reality that you pledged
you know on your wedding day to be in pursuit of then you're gonna find you know you have
a stranger a little bit once that road comes to an end of the empty nest and so that's
what Kayla and I talk about too is being intentional because you know we have to we have to keep
obviously a relationship with God first and foremost but then right there on the same
level is our relationship with our spouse right so that we can then flow out of that
relationship to our kids and be an extension do you think you would also speak to because
when you have that like our boys and baseball our girl was volleyball all of the things
you know you're constantly going running doing you're creating this amazing human to do the
thing but I think the enemy and the world has so inundated us as people like we forget
that our kids are also looking at our marriage and we're we're missing a piece of the puzzle
for them when they grow because it's like when Luke and I were together we decided we
were gonna do the courtship and do our dating even differently for Gavrey's sake so that
way she knew that there was something different and then also with our marriage we don't hold
back we're loving we'll do dates we do the things so she knows right what to expect like
you're the dad of the three girls and you're teaching these these young ladies that are
going to be grown women one day what to expect when it comes to their spouses coming into
their lives and then Kayla the same thing like what you look like as a wife as a mother
as you know the examples and I think we do a misjustice in that space because they are
they're looking like okay well I mean thanks for coming to all my games but like do you
guys even like each other like I mean what's that right so right and we're putting the
gifts of God over the covenant shoot yeah yeah it's true that's what we're doing when
we do that so we're putting the gifts of God before the covenant before the covenant that
we created that he created with that hunter and I decided if we and that's where then
they all of a sudden the kids are gone and they're also then taught to put the gifts
God gives them over the covenant that they've made with God yuck and it just becomes a cycle
yeah yeah so that was one that was one I see your list this was another one that kind of
just really spurred out of us as we were talking about it was letting the culture of the world
define sex instead of the Bible that that is an attack on marriage and the body of Christ
that we need to be teaching our children how God sees sex and and so then I asked her I'm
like okay well then how does God see sex you know and you had a lot of really good things
to say about that yeah some of the words that I think of are vulnerability right unifying
innocence passionate you know passionate it's a covenant between a man and woman right and
it's a gift yeah you know it really is a gift from God and I think that is how we need to
be defining it you know showing and then simplifying in our relationship to our kids obviously
with actions but then also telling them you know I know that growing up personally you
know I didn't have a real good scope and a healthy I didn't grow up in a Christian home
so I didn't have a scope on what a godly relationship and you know why I should be saving myself
for marriage thank God that we both did miraculously we both did but it was I got ahold of God
just at the right time pretty much in high school but it was now looking back it's like
wow okay I made it through the fire but now how much more do I want to help define for
my girls just the culture and the beauty of what a marriage is supposed to be and like
why you want to not just the legalistic right like this is something God doesn't want you
to do because it's a law or you know he just you know this or that but there's there's
so much blessing there's so much empowerment there's so much life that he wants to and
innocence that he wants to preserve yes you know and I think that is what really burns
in our hearts yes is to just keep that innocence for people yeah and when you can define that
for your children and portray that then you don't allow the world you know to define that
they don't they don't get to be robbed because we're going to take an active participation
in defining what how God sees this is something of beauty you know something of that's not
shameful that doesn't that's not like that at all that it's just something designed by
him to honor him to yes unify two people together to help you empower the kingdom of God and
just keep pushing and advancing and like for us you know just that picture of being able
to help each other like I want Kayla to succeed in her lane as much as possible you know I
want to see her succeed I want her to be all that she is called to be in God and you know
there's that's what's beautiful is when you have two people that just I'm not in competition
with you like we were talking about earlier I just want to see all that God has for you
yeah and so being able to define that for your kids and for your children and exemplify
that I think that's definitely our heart for sure and it's just I feel like such a missing
piece in the body of Christ like in the church itself because like thankfully like I was
I wasn't like full on in church like from babyhood and this religious idea of like you
know sex is bad and like it's dirty and we can't talk about it and oh my gosh we don't
even talk about it and you just do it when you get married and you know like and that
is so like that's why it almost brings me to tears like even as hunters talking because
it's such a beautiful way and especially I think of this for my daughters I think of
this for my daughters like it preserves innocence yes it does and like the innocence of I just
thank God and thank God and thank God I look back on it not that even if you have had sex
before marriage that God can't totally restore that and absolutely every single way but like
for me I look at I'm like how much innocence and how much I get to I enjoy my husband because
there's no restriction yeah you know when you really like and maybe you know if someone's
listening this that hasn't even married yet and they're thinking oh my gosh like you know
like like I don't know they think of it in whatever way but I'm like there's just no
restriction there's no comparison no comparison no thumb on your come on no thumbprint on
your heart or on your chest it's like I and I still think like not even are you preserving
innocence in a sexual way but in a heart way like I really do just see the best in every
single person I'm not ever thinking anyone's taking advantage of me because I've never
been taken advantage of you know I'm I'm I can walk around like that even to my own hurt
sometimes seeing like this person and Hunter says it a lot Kayla like like and you have
discernment which is good because you're not like cynical you know we're like okay Kayla
like pull it back a little bit like because I just really it because of that decision
that I made to stay pure and innocent I mean we were I mean we really loved each other
for good I mean we were best friends like I was 16 at time we knew we had to wait so
nothing was gonna be happening you know yeah cuz it's gonna be a while before I get married
but I mean we waited like we knew each other 16 I got married at 20 so that's huge really
really really in love like for two years two and a half before we got married and I it
was like God was saying because you made that decision for me because you did that like
it's like it just stamped this innocence on my life yeah yeah like on my life and I just
want every young girl every girl every woman even yeah walk in newly in Christ to know
that that is 100% worth it and the church needs to describe sex as a beautiful sanctification
yes innocence joy a passion a peace it's a it when we fought you know or whatever it
brings us back together it snaps back together you know it's like God's like you guys you
need snap back together yeah go kiss that boy instead of snapping us apart you know
and so I just think 20 years from now it's like church never even talks about it you
know agreed agreed so they learn it from the world and then or they are totally restricted
and they like hate sex yeah yeah they waited and then they hate it it's it becomes a chore
right as opposed to the gift that hunter I mean give like hunter literally said it he's
it's a gift yes it's like here like this is something that but but you can't it's like
Christmas you can't unwrap it yet right but but man it's but let me tell you why not just
the goodness of it too but like like the destruction like what you were talking about like I know
the fingerprints right like Luke and I know what you the fingerprints we understand the
comparison we understand the things the torments we also understand the restoration we understand
the goodness that God can even bring into that space with you but it is it's it's you
guys are in that space of saying man if you don't have to don't just just just know that
on the other side of this the goodness is so much better the reward is so rich and so
good but it is it's it is a thing of it is it's it's portrayed as dirty it's portrayed
as you know premarital sex well okay well how about we talk about what the good stuff
is like let's talk about the good stuff like why you want to wait not just because but
why you want to like why like yeah and I'll and I'll say you know Kayla because you're
talking about you know the the you know especially the benefits and the innocence and all for
for young women and for women it's the same for men you know because yes Deena and I saved
ourselves for each other prior to us meeting especially prior to me being a Christian we
did not save ourselves from the world right you know so right so it was like we joked
we're like we know what it's like but we took steps from God to say we want to restore ourselves
and I I will say I can say with confidence that our wedding night it it it felt like
we were a pair of virgins right it was really I mean and and so it's like I mean again as
as as much as you're saying yes it can it can you know this is what it's like for you
know saving yourself the fact that that that everything can be restored yes you know even
even if you didn't live a clean and perfect life it can be restored through the power
of God oh yes absolutely yeah just as miraculous yeah sincerely both ways yeah sincerely and
I think too let's touch on that just real quick because I do want to get to another
thing that you guys want to talk about but let's also put in those that are even married
now because you said that like there's pain right there's there's regret there's there's
hurt there's it's a chore it's right it's all the things or somehow you kind of fell
out of love and you're just kind of going through the motions or you're just doing the
things and so it's like that's that's why I was like what are some things just even
practically in that space that you guys would maybe suggest that some of our listeners that
are like we're struggling like Kayla Hunter we're on the struggle bus like we're trying
to figure this out how do we even get back into that space what would you guys suggest
we're we're on the struggle bus and we're not brave enough to run up for prayer be sincerely
yes yes so what would be some things one thing that just comes to my mind is I heard this
one time this lady said sex is 80% brain 20% friction absolutely agree and I was like wow
that is so powerful it's so true yes so I think a lot of it is in your brain right so
even like even with Hunter and I it's like like I'm already knowing like if I am thinking
okay like I want to have sex yes I'm already like thinking about like my brain's already
kind of on the topic of it with him I'm already thinking about it I'm like okay like and honestly
I go into like serve mode for him I'm thinking like okay how can I and I know Hunter you
can talk to it too but like like okay I know his stressors I know things that totally like
fire him off it just with life you know like different things that can come up or go on
or whatever and yeah so I even prep my mind for it I prep my words to him you know and
honestly even sometimes it's like like even kind of like a scheduled thing but I think
a lot of it is getting I mean again it's like the easiest thing to say like getting closer
to God and allowing him to really like pinpoint those things and even like talking I mean
talking to your spouse about like being open again like instructable having indestructible
communication like being able to open up and tell him like I was listening to someone talk
about like how it was painful you know or this or that and being able to even just be
open again vulnerable right and happy that is the most I think the most turn on for men
is you being a vulnerable person and a happy person yeah that's what a husband wants it's
a happy vulnerable person yeah you know so I mean would you agree with that Luke? Yes
I would. Happy and vulnerable that's like the best thing and naked yes there you go
but that just really hit me and Hunter you can talk about it too but just really we always
think like oh it's a certain position or this or that but a lot of times it's where's your
brain I love that where's your brain and the communication and communication is so involved
with what's in your brain if you can't communicate what's in your brain yeah and really settle
that and get healing or talk with your spouse about it then like no amount of friction truly
is gonna make heal anything or make it better that's so good yeah that's so good yeah when
we've listened to a lot of our premarital uh just counseling and different things that
we would listen to um basically most of the time we would remember the saying saying and
phrase that sex begins in the morning right oh yes and I think that is what you have to
continually remind yourself of is like if you're wanting to have this special time like
I think we've allowed and that's one of my topics we can touch on it more a little bit
later but we've allowed culture technology movies facebook you know the Cinderella stories
you know that everybody portrays their life to be out as right we've yeah we kind of fantasize
and we've you know romanticized all of these things of how life should be and it really
is about sewing you know you have to be willing to sew if you want great sex you have to sew
for it yeah and that's gonna look different for every marriage for every person you know
every different love language people have different love languages mine is I naturally
like to serve others and I don't like to be in the forefront I like to be more like just
making things come together and making things happen right so I naturally am serving whereas
my wife has a totally different love language we've been working together all day and she
still wants the cuddles and quality time and I'm just like I need a quiet place for just
a little bit please and then we can come together yeah like when I'm upset like hunters like
he's back I know this sounds so mean of me but like he's vacuuming he's doing the dishes
he's doing all the acts of service he's doing all the things that he's thinking that doesn't
count sweetie literally and I'm just like it's like for me it's like I don't care I don't
care if you've done the dishes I know it sounds so bad like it was like oh Pastor James would
be like you know just go to the dishes I'm like I don't even care about the dishes I
don't care about the vacuuming or anything like that like like have you looked me in
the eye and given me a hug and told me you love me and spanked my butt in the kitchen
have you done those things like have you smiled at me and looked at me today you know like
it's so bad and so it's just we've had funny moments like that we're hunters like I am
you know whatever kind of mood sometimes I'll get funky he'll just be like okay like what
else can I do like I've done these dishes I like dress the girls and put them in bed
like I don't know what you want from me I'm like just a hug like none of that matters
anyway I just need you to touch me and he's like okay the girl like you know Amber and
Elena have been like all over him all day long oh and you're touched out oh crap I'm
at a zero with my touching oh no so yeah so I think that's kind of what I go back to is
the sewing yeah sewing to each other's love languages sewing intentionally and being able
to kind of come back to that just in being intentional I mean we all know when people
are just kind of just faking it to make it right right but when you're being sincere
and you're taking the time to really really be intentional towards those different areas
that your spouse needs and I think that's I mean even and I know that like we talked
about going back to you know those couples that are you know on rocky ground right in
order to soften that ground you're gonna have to do some watering that's you're gonna have
to you're gonna have to you know you might have to break some things off you know break
off some patterns some different things you know break up the ground and then you got
to start so watering you know so that those seeds can actually start so there's different
things different stages if you're in a in a hard place you know you might have to look
at things I would always it's always easy right to just try to look at your spouse and
like what they're doing or what you think they're doing wrong but if you really want
to have fruit in your marriage I feel like you're gonna have to look in the mirror first
yeah that's good and allow yourself that that's really good because I thought of that picture
you just said when you're looking at yourself you're allowing that well from the inside
of you right you're fixing up the well on the inside of you so that you can properly
water that ground that's good for your spouse that's so good what was the other thing that
you wanted to touch on well just I think we kind of touched on it a little bit already
but the culture of the world and just the busyness I mean allowing not allowing the
comparison I think everybody everybody I mean I'm not a social media person but I because
I just I can kind of see through a lot of it and so it's like yeah but you're probably
this and I you know you see through some of the just the facades of what people want to
just push out there is like this is my life this is they always post that on the beach
right it's always the beach photo and life is amazing and we're smiling and everything
but it's like okay you know but on the day to day what kind of saw the ground are you
really walking on yeah let me see how you're how you treat your children in your home when
no one's watching you know or each other yeah and so that that is kind of the ground that
we kind of have to renew and just look at and I would not get I think the comparisons
are just something that you really can fall into and look in other people's lives and
taking for granted the guy the gift God gave you how are you stewarding this relationship
it's okay you know and just looking around too much I think sometimes too with social
media and I think you even said this one time hunter I don't know if you remember it or
not but like when you're looking on social media and you're seeing these couples and
they're putting out their best face right and like you like it's almost like then you
might see them in church and dismiss what God might be telling you to go and tell them
or talk to them about or pray for them yeah you might dismiss it because you've already
seen they're doing great you know what I mean and then you're allowing social media to be
the dictator of your walk with Christ to help others rather than what the Holy Spirit's
really saying like no those that couples drowning well yeah yeah but we're believing in what
they so I've noticed that even personally and me is like I went through a really big
season of just I cut it all out and then I was able to really hear for people it's good
so much better and more clear because I wasn't allowing anything I was reading on social
media to dictate what the Holy Spirit was telling me for them you know or to pray for
them or to speak over them like oh that person's always good they always talk about how great
it is and they've got you know their kids do get straight A's and you know all this
is amazing for them but really like they could try to be faceting what's really deep down
in there that's so good yeah I mean in a way that they kind of and I know this is kind
of kind of be a little bit of a late left turn but you know speaking of that facade
it kind of reminds me I think it was Robin Williams that said you know some of the happiest
people are the most depressed yeah you know because I mean along those lines I've seen
so many especially with talking about men's mental health of just like oh here's like
the last video that they took of you know before they and it's like everybody's laughing
everybody's you know they're they're cutting up they're joking they're having the best
time of their life and it is it's I mean we this is something you know with with Gabriel
you know 19 trying to experience you know what's what's going on how's it like to be
an adult it's like that's not real yeah what you see what you see on social media is not
real what you see on movies and TV that is not real that's you know I remember you know
five six years ago when she first started high school she's like high school is gonna
be like this it's gonna be like this it's like no no no it's not it's not high school
musical babe it's not the best years of your life it's not glee yeah it's not no wow yeah
people gabrie's age they've always only known yeah social media unless their parents have
parented it you know but still yeah like I mean I didn't get my first phone till I was
16 yeah I didn't have a smartphone till I was 20 you know I missed all of that high
school so good you know I'm like wow thinking of that just like yeah they get social media
literally tries to tell you what every stage of life is gonna be I mean with we had this
conversation we were talking to some people yesterday I mean our our nine-year-old Sebastian
third grade hey mom dad when can I get a phone like some of my classmates like he's had classmates
that have had phones since they were first or second grade it's like why yeah one of
them said you don't even know how to spell how can you text your friend it's like but
sincerely though it I mean it just it yeah yeah yeah but it is it's it's that it's that
it's that window into what the world is trying to say it's it's the window into what the
world is trying to dictate yes life yeah yeah yeah yeah because I know that one thing um
gabrie got she's sitting in the back seat and she was talking no we were talking and
she's listening to this talk and she goes is this what marriage is like just because
we're talking about just everyday stuff right like it's like it's not rocket science we're
just y'all are each other's best friends for each other's best friends this is just how
we just so what are you thinking like dinner something good or talking about the different
produce at the grocery store or right and it's like because kind of like what you're
saying hunter like it's it's become so romanticized or so elaborate well this is what this is and
it's must be together in the rain or else yeah I mean that is pretty sexy but anyway
but it's it's the everyday like you said every day you're grinding in there and you're you're
putting in the work and I love what you said Kayla when it comes to stress like I think
that that's one of the other things too the pressure even the pressure of being so perfect
like I have to have an orgasm every time we're together whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa hold the
phone the fact that you're together and you're in this space together and you're spending
this time and you're having your your intentional I've heard that several times from both of
you just being intentional in that time and it's like you this isn't a this isn't about
that it's not the perfection it's the we're here we're together we get to we get to do
this life and create and be something better than what we would have been solo you know
and that's that's what it is or even comparing yourself just you guys are nailing it like
you guys are nailing it these are these are some serious things that just need to be exposed
yeah another area I don't know how much time we have but another big area that Kayla and
I see a major attack like we kind of talked earlier about what are some different areas
that you see kind of coming against you know Christians in the body of Christ and I think
always another two topics that come to my mind are finances and health yes yes yes
yeah you know those are huge huge open links in your armor if there's holes there you know
the enemy loves those footholds oh yes because if he can get a hold of your health then it's
ultimately gonna lead to draining the finances too right yes so it's like a two-fold whammy
that he kind of comes after because it's kind of a compounding snowball and that's kind
of our hearts too has really been focusing on like when it comes to finances when it
comes to health our backgrounds we've been miraculously touched I mean so like very powerfully
touched miraculously healed both of us just amazing and again I was touched just out there
just so that people can hear it just real quick is that I've never knew God growing
up until I was like 17 18 and my daddy got a hold of God and I hadn't done anything for
the Lord you know I've been to a few vacation Bible schools as a kid or whatever but the
first time that I encountered the father was being healed yeah and just that rebel you
know that revelation that I have done nothing for you Lord I haven't earned this in any
way capacity shape or form yeah and your goodness just overshadows me and heals me so we've
had moments like that and so that's big in our lives you know really have been impacted
by the healing hand of God and then finances or something that really being burnt into
us and I think that kind of goes with stewardship you know like we want to be a couple that
can be entrusted with more you know and I think the body of Christ is just kind of starting
to wake up to the fact that you know stewardship and having money is not a bad thing right
if money has you then yes the love of money is going to be a bad thing right but stewardship
and having the ability to I mean you actually were mandated to multiply yeah like it's not
even an option yeah like we need to get out of the ditch where it's like oh you know like
we're you know like we're struggling just to like you know not sin with finances where
you know like I want to entrust you with more yeah like money is the least of these things
right Jesus talked about like this is the least yeah you know money and what you do
with it is like the least and I want to give you the whole point of money is so that I
can change kingdoms yeah so I can make ambassadors to change culture to change the world to have
influence and so finances for us has been another passion of stewardship and just wanting
to be that in you know because we went to school of ministry right we went to school
and then it was being faithful in a little yeah coming in at like 530 6 o'clock to clean
the school yeah before certain before the school would take place and somebody saw our
faithfulness and said hey here's here's some clients that I want to give you because I'm
moving and that's how it all began right it was faithful yeah it was faithfulness it was
just stewardship it was just running after God yeah and then the blessings just begin
to overtake you right so when you're pursuing God like all of those things are going to
just begin to pursue you and when one of your spouses is attacked in your health the other
one is yes ma'am yeah yes ma'am and and what and that is that is why health is so important
that's where the enemy what you said that hole in that armor if you know I've even recently
I've gone through my own battle in an apartment and hunter sell to two you know and because
we're one flush yes ma'am yes ma'am and so that's just to hit on that that health finances
is like the two things I want to become hunter I say this on podcast I'm hunter and I want
to be able to never ask money permission to do anything that God wants us to do I love
that yes amen amen that's the body of Christ like every single amen no one no marriage
in our body is a debt amen what could we do how much less sickness would be on our body
how much less heaviness bondage yes depression yes like no debt yeah that's powerful man
I love that yeah I love that so anyway it's really good yeah so any final thoughts thank
you thank you thank you are my I am this is the very first time I've ever been on a podcast
so cool 20 years from now I'll say my very first podcast and you were on the 100th episode
yes that's a big deal that's a big deal thank you thank you both so much it's fun to be
able to just have that time to be able to just express for me like even being able even
as I've spoke tonight or as I've heard other people spoke it's like I can hear God yeah
you know that's why for me I like to be able to talk about the things of God with people
that love Jesus because even as we're talking like oh that's really good oh lord that's
really good oh that you know yeah it's just a fun space so thank you so much thank you
thank you guys yeah you don't have anything else on that paper well I mean we could keep
going but I was gonna say do you have one final thought because here's the deal hunter
we don't hear a lot from you but I know we do you when all we do there there is such
goodness that rolls out of you brother like sincerely and you're a treasure and so when
you speak we listen so if there's any anything that you could speak out into the airways
break off some stuff or just speak some goodness yeah yeah well I'm gonna kind of declare just
over our I can kind of declare of our marriage and just over the marriages in our body I
mean I want to see you know I want to see goodness and fullness you know I think that's
what Christ died to give us yeah was that fullness back and the fullness of it in the
reality of who he was right and the fullness of relationship with each other as human beings
in in particular obviously we're talking about the covenant between a man and woman and our
spouses and so I think I think that's what he really wants to encompass and is a fullness
you know fullness to where we're being intentional you know and we're encompassing him into every
area of our lives obviously and it's that fullness of that joy you know I want that
joy to really break heavy yolks heavy chains you know and I think that begins when you
have two people that are running after him and you allow each other like we've talked
about tonight to really function in their giftings right you allow them to to function
to be able to lift them up you know I think that's another thing that I really enjoy about
our marriages we try to lift each other up yes oh man like I've really enjoyed she's
had opportunities now and different things that she's getting used for and I love that
you know I love being able to have her be lifted up you know into who she's called to
be and I think if we can capture that heart the heart of the father that wants people
and wants your spouse to reach their full potential yes you know I think that's when
you're going to really have a lot of healthy fruit in relationships because you know you're
not centered on yourself yes you know there's just so much so much swirling in the air waves
about self self self self and when you can just discard all that when you can set all
that by the wayside and say how can I help my spouse you know how can I elevate them
to be all that they're called to be in Christ and allow them to bear the fruit for the king
I think that's a very beautiful picture and that's that's my hope for everybody out there
that we can get to that place to where we're serving each other we're wanting the best
for your spouse and we're reaching into that depth you know that well that we talked about
in God and then we're allowing him to pour out I love that can we have you guys back
sometime yes yes she adores you man she's been half teary all over the entire episode
baby I got Kleenex right there strategically put tissue in spaces yes we love you guys
we honor you guys and we appreciate you all thanks for bringing some stuff to the table
and not being scared to talk about it yes yeah don't we appreciate that you are friends
that have no problem bringing what's in the dark to the light you guys aren't scared yeah
and and we're here for it yeah let's start healing some marriages yeah yes I love it
I love it all right guys have the best week enjoy the journey