Hello and welcome back to Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Hi.
Hey babe.
How's it going?
Good.
I think I have something in my eye.
I caught you like mid-lap deep eye rub.
I think I got a fuzzy off my mic.
Oh.
And went into my, like my eyelash.
Yeah.
I think I'm, is it there?
You see it?
I don't, I can't see past your hat.
I know.
I have a baseball cap on right now.
Yeah.
It doesn't help.
I'm good.
Hi babe.
Hi.
Give me a second.
I'm good.
How's your day?
Good.
It feels like this is the first time I've seen your face today.
Like really seen your face.
Hi.
Yes, hi.
How are you?
I'm good.
How are you?
I am good.
It's been a busy day.
It has been.
We've had a lot of doctor appointments and clients and work and school and base lessons.
Yes.
And now babysitting.
And that's not all.
Not that we're babysitting.
Not just you and me.
No.
This is like literally the world of our family.
Yeah.
And then our beautiful brown eyed girl.
She's got her new job going.
Yeah.
So she's in full swing of that on top of babysitting.
And so she's, she's going to be rolling in some, some dough here in a second.
Yes.
And that's a good, she needs it.
We've seen her bank account.
And our lives are starting to settle back into a pattern.
Sort of.
So we'll hopefully be able to, I know we said this last time and then we took a couple weeks
off.
We only took one.
Only last week was the only week we took off.
Was it?
Yeah.
Okay.
And the reason was because our, well I woke up with a fever that I could not shake and
then our little guy woke up the next morning hot as can be and sore throat.
So he got to stay home.
And then that, that evening into the next morning, you decided that you were going to
throw up.
Yes.
Just only once.
Only the once.
But it was one of those where it was like boom, boom, boom.
And then Gabri's like, I want out of here.
Get me off this ride.
I don't want to be around any of you sick people.
Yes.
And it helped that one of her best friends got to come back in town for college and have
a visit.
And she got to go do that.
But yeah, it was a very off week.
So that is where we were last week.
And we promised we would do better now that I'm feeling better.
And now that we are getting on a schedule.
I think the only thing that we have left is we have an appointment tomorrow, but we're
at this point, I think we're at the home stretch finish line and we're done.
Right.
As far as your journey.
As far as my journey.
Yes.
Yeah, as far as my journey.
You're still smack in the middle of yours.
We need to find out some stuff about your MRI on your knee.
Yes.
And how you're feeling there.
Yes.
And how you're getting better in every avenue.
Yes.
And that's a journey.
That's a journey.
It's a journey.
Yes.
And so that's kind of a little bit of what we want to talk about tonight, right?
It is.
Yeah.
Okay.
So like we talked about, we've talked in the past, kind of talked about love languages
and stuff like that.
And yes, we love to talk about communicating and being married couple and all that.
And so what I wanted to call today was, what is your love on language?
I like that.
Yeah.
I like that.
So, because it was, it's in the middle of being sick, recovering from a surgery or
an injury or whatnot, you know, life happening.
And it's like, I want to be with you.
I want to be intimate with you.
Yeah.
But right now I can't.
Right.
We can't.
Right.
So how can we almost like fill that space of intimacy without being intimate?
That's good.
Yeah.
I like that.
And we're not trying to rip off Danny silk.
No, not at all.
I'm not talking about language, but it is.
He talks about the multiple ways of going about as far as keeping your love on.
It's a really great book.
We highly suggest that you read it.
It really is a very good book.
It takes you through journeys.
It takes you through some of the things that he and his wife have experienced in their
own right.
And it's basically, let me back up a little bit because we talked a few Saturdays ago,
right, to our young marrieds class or just our marrieds group.
Yeah.
Because we had that one couple in there that had been married 40.
48 years.
Something like that.
And I'm like, can I just hand you the microphone and I want to sit down and I want to listen
to everything that you guys have to say.
And I actually did in the middle of our talk ask them, what is the secret to your success
as far as your marriage?
The husband said, what did he say?
Forgiveness.
And the wife said, do you remember what she said?
I don't.
I think she was like, forgive quickly.
And I think he was like, keep God kind of the center and be kind.
I think one of the things was just being kind.
You're kind to each other.
You allow God to be the center of it and then you forgive quickly.
And I think that I'll have to ask them again.
But it was just the simplicity, right?
Just the simplicity of it.
And the title of our talk was basically talking about familiarity and the failures of familiarity
and the successes kind of of familiarity.
I was going to say the pros and the cons.
There's good and bad.
And so in the talk, we kind of mirrored it off of, was it Tony Evans?
Is that his name?
Jimmy.
Jimmy Evans.
And he had given the example about Jesus starting to do miracles and things and how he wasn't
even received in his own hometown just simply because they were familiar with him.
He's like, well, that's a carpenter's son.
Surely he can't be the Messiah.
Surely he can't be the son of God.
I know him.
Right.
Like we played stickball together, you know, kind of situation, right?
And so he had to leave and go somewhere else.
So he kind of attributed that to our marriages and the relationships that we have.
Sometimes we can get too familiar.
And when I say too familiar, familiar in a laxing kind of way, laxadaisical, like, you
know, well, you're my husband.
We've been together for over a decade and, you know, there's just certain things I know
about you.
And so I just know that this doesn't bother you or maybe it does bother you.
And I don't think anything about it.
You know, it's almost kind of like the honor starts lessening.
The respect, the just kind of the awe.
I think that's something that we had also said, because we do the same thing with God,
that there's moments where we get so familiar with God, the Father, that sometimes we forget
about God, the creator of the universe, you know, the awe and the wonder, the God, the
majestic majesty of who he is, and that there is nothing that he cannot do.
And so when we're looking at our spouse, when it's like we're in the middle of, you know,
we're getting better, or we're in the middle of we're healing, or with me, we're in the
middle of a menstrual cycle, or we're in the middle of whatever it is, right?
And just your body just starts shutting down and says, No, no, thank you.
We're not doing this right now.
You know, it's one of those things where you say, Okay, what other avenues can we go?
What other spaces can we explore?
You know, what are some other love languages?
Or what are some other things that I can lavish my love upon you to show you how much I appreciate
you, how much I adore you, how much I want you in this space with me.
And that way it fills up that need, fills up that desire.
Even if it's just you almost you don't want to say just like you suffice it, like it just,
you know, I'm going to just kind of put a bandaid on it, we're just gonna move on.
But that's in those moments, you have to kind of say, I need to, I need to step back out
of me and see what it is that I need to give out to my partner to help fill this space.
Yeah.
And one thing I liked that we had heard in the kind of our prep and that I repeated was,
you know, how it's that I think it was, I know it's in Genesis, like, like 218 or something
like that, where it says, you know, God recognize that it's not good for man to be alone, right?
You know, and it's, you know, if we were complete people, we wouldn't need a spouse.
Right.
You know, and it's so it's like, I appreciate that, you know, so it's recognizing the biblical
principle that we need to be together, you know, that we need each other.
And it's not just as a helpmate, it's not just as a partner, it's we need that touch
of intimacy.
Yes.
You know, we need that those communication skills we need that, you know, yes, it's the
co laborers.
Yes, it's the co teachers, the co trainers, the co warriors, you know, it's it's the whatever
you want to put co in front of, right?
You know, that's that's what we get to do.
And because because we are joined together like that, because, you know, yes, we can
go back to the original of, you know, Eve was created out of the rib of Adam.
So therefore, you as a married couple, we're we're part of each other, right?
You know, we're genuinely part of each other.
And so it's it is it's it's how do you how do you remember that bond?
How do you honor that bond?
How do you refresh that bond?
Yeah.
And you know, through these different seasons in your life, you know, I heard a teaching,
you know, kind of kind of like this actually.
And it was, you know, they talked about different chairs of different seasons that you can be
in in your marriage.
And, you know, like like one of the seasons was a wheelchair, you know, so like if somebody's
injured or something, you know, because, you know, again, you've gone through surgery,
recovery, right, you know, not just you for your lumpectomy, but your gallbladder was
out.
See, I just yeah, I just blank.
I'm like the baby thing.
Baby thing.
And whether it was a C-section or whether it was right vaginal, it's girls have got
they give us time for our bodies to heal.
Yeah.
And you guys have to patiently wait.
Yes.
And you know, and I've I've gone through surgery recovery, you know, for my knee, for my shoulder,
for my appendix.
I've had a vasectomy.
That was off limits for a season.
You know, so it's so it's one of those things, you know, and and it's.
Embrace the times where you can do all the things.
Yes.
And be all the things to each other.
Yeah.
And also remember and and pull back when when you can.
When you need to.
Yeah.
You know, because again, I it's like I keep wanting to go back to it, you know, with a
lot of the stuff that we talk about.
It's that it's that foundation.
Yeah.
You know, it's it's always that foundation of of of what is your marriage built on and
what are you what are you cultivating in your marriage?
What are you planting in your marriage?
What are you sowing in your marriage?
Or, you know, even even harvesting in your marriage? Yeah. You know, it's it's all these
things.
It's what are you doing on a daily basis, on an hourly basis?
Yeah.
To again, it's it's back to that bond of, you know, to remember, to honor, to refresh,
you know, to.
Nurture.
Yeah.
That bond of you two being together.
And and again, I know for some people, they're going to be like, well, this is talking about
marriage and intimacy.
I'm going to I'm going to turn off.
And for those people, it's like I want to say it's like, you know, put this in your
toolbox because this can be for the future.
Yeah.
But also.
In a way, this can be more than just intimacy in a marriage, you know, because it can be
good for those, you know, those close friends.
It's, you know.
I've I've dealt I am dealing with some mental health issues.
And you know, so it's like so it's it's more, you know, so it's like.
At times, let's say I'm somebody that that goes out and does big social things.
Right.
But because of my mental health, I'm pulled back.
Yeah.
Well, it's good to have friends that recognize that that can be like, hey, I know you're
feeling you're going through what you're going through right now.
You're not up for this.
But let's maybe shift gears and do something so I can still get you out of your shell.
Yes.
And remind you that we're here for you.
Right.
But yet I'm not going to put you in a situation that's going to completely want you to explode,
implode, right.
Withdraw and check out.
Right.
No, absolutely.
And I would say while you were talking, I was thinking of different scenarios per se,
because again, you and I, we have a healthy relationship.
We have a healthy marriage.
There are, like we said, the moments where we have to we physically maybe aren't able
to be with each other, but we know that the other person wants to be with the other person.
Yeah.
That that in itself is huge.
Right.
But I want to speak to the couples maybe that have either had infidelity, or maybe there's
been a pullback somewhere, or they feel like they're falling out of love.
And it's like, I want to be intimate with my spouse, but they don't seem to be even
really wanting to be into me kind of thing.
Or, you know, they were unfaithful.
And so now I don't want to be intimate with them kind of thing.
But I want to save my marriage.
I want to try to make this work.
How do I do this?
I don't even want to touch them.
They don't want to touch me, blah, blah, blah.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
And I would want to speak to that space and say, you can actually use these same tools.
Because what it is, is you're rebuilding or you're reforming that foundation.
Yeah.
Maybe the foundation is broken a little bit right now.
And you're like, well, I want to be physical with my spouse.
I want to show them that I love them, that I'm here and that I'm all for them and this
is what I want to do.
But they don't want to reciprocate.
What do I do?
I would suggest then you need to woo them back to you.
You need to do what you did at the beginning.
Yeah.
If not more.
Yeah.
Because one of the things that we were talking about with our talk with the Marrieds Group,
sometimes when we get so familiar with the person that we stop trying as hard.
I suggested, I always go back to the yoga pants, which always feel bad because babe,
I literally look like, I'm always just, this is what I look like a lot of days.
But I look cute for you.
I try to.
You do.
But you know what I'm saying?
It's one of those where we're giving each other our leftovers.
Yeah.
And if you're so worn out, the wife is worn out with the kids or the husband might be
worn off with the kids.
I'm not going to be presumptuous at all.
Somebody is being worn out from children.
Yeah.
And it might very well be both of you kind of situation.
And both are being worn out from work or the cares of this world and cares of life, the
heaviness.
And it's one of those where we've got to lay some of, we've got to lay those burdens to
the side.
And we have to look at our spouse and go, Hey, hey, how are you?
What can I do to help make your life better?
How can I make this burden lighter?
What is it that I can do to come into this space with you?
I don't want to give you my leftovers anymore.
I want to show you everything that you mean to me, however that looks, writing a love
letter, bringing the flowers.
You bought me a shampoo, but that wasn't for anything except just because we needed one.
And you do love me and I'm a practical girl.
But, but see, see a need, fill a need, right?
Like you saw that this was driving me crazy.
You saw that this was bothering me.
This was, and our old one broke and our other one broke, which, you know, it sucked.
And this one, this one sucks.
Like it's nasty guys.
Like I, in such a good way, like it's, it's like to see it's just gross.
It fascinates me.
Things fast, things like this fascinate me and charge me up.
It's that instant gratification.
It is instant gratification.
It just makes me happy.
But so, so tap into these spaces with your spouse.
Maybe relearn something or, or find something new because we're constantly evolving.
That was one of the things that we wanted to bring to the table to people and say, we're
constantly evolving.
Like who we, who you and I were 10 years ago, babe, we are not the same people.
And for us to think that, that like our spouses are just like, well, this is just who they
are and this is who they're always going to be.
And this is, they're never going to change.
And then you almost give up on them and we're just going to be roommates.
And it's like, no, you can't live like that.
And to kind of, to kind of look at the, the, the positive negative of familiarity, you
know, kind of as a, as a visual, I'll kind of say, you know, familiar could be like your
comfy old hoodie, you know, it's, it's kind of tattered.
It's faded.
You know, it's, it might not be warm anymore, but it's, it's your comfy go to hoodie.
It looks kind of like trash.
You treat it kind of like trash, but it's your comfy good old hoodie.
You know, and it's, it's just, it's always there.
Yep, we do.
You know, but it's like, it's like, you don't, you know, you don't really care if you treat
it rough, right?
You know, cause it's, it's, it's your comfy hoodie.
Yeah.
But it's the one that you go to too.
It is. So it almost has a place with you that the other ones don't.
But you don't always treat it the best.
You are right.
But then I'll go the other way.
And I know that this example doesn't work for a lot of people, but it makes sense in
my brain.
It's like that old car that it's like your old favorite car or your favorite old car
that you wash it every weekend.
Yeah.
You always make sure to put the special gas in it.
You, you, you know, make sure everything's polished.
You make sure that no trash is in there.
And it's like, you, you know, you know, all the intricacies, you know, the funny little
quirks about this old car, you know, you've, you've always taken care of it.
You've always pampered it.
You know, you won't take it on rough roads.
You won't take it in bad weather.
You know, it's your, it's your go to that you take care of.
You know, and it's like, so it's like the people in your lives, are they your comfy
old hoodie that you treat however?
Yeah.
Or are they that classic car that you want to, you want to keep pristine and pamper?
Yeah.
So to speak.
And I would say that you would need both of them in a space.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
I would say that because I don't want to have to perform for you.
No, you don't want to have to perform for me there.
So we, we are saying that there has got to be a balance there.
Yeah.
But if you feel like you're starting to, um, you, you speak to your spouse in a way, you,
you, your tone of voice is a little more graph, right?
You don't talk as kindly to them or speak to their heart as much.
Um, but at the same time, they're the one that you can fall into and you can crumble
in front of and say, I'm having the worst freaking day and I just, I need you just to
hold me or whatever it is, you know?
And it's like, um, but allow each other to grow.
Um, there was a sweet couple there that was kind of younger couple and she said, um, she
was, I wrote something down and I don't remember what it was that you said, but, and she started,
she started telling me and I said, Oh, give them room.
You want to give your, your spouse room.
You want to give them room to grow.
You want to give them room to fail.
You want to give them room for God to come in and do whatever needs to be done.
And that moment in their life, um, because we're not each other's saviors.
We're not each other's Holy spirit.
We are each other's counterparts.
We are each other's help mates.
We are each other's, um, person, you know, you're my person.
And it's like, you hold a place in me with me that nobody else gets to have.
And when we start lowering that, lowering that, and then other people or other things
take precedence over, over me and you over the one, the number one relationship literally
outside of God, then that's when you need to check yourself because you're about to
wreck something very, very badly to the point where we don't believe that it's of non-repair
but maybe step back.
Am I giving them the attention that I used to?
Am I speaking to them?
Am I looking at my phone instead of listening, looking in their eyes as they're talking?
Am I, am I distracted by the TV?
Am I distracted by the game?
Am I distracted by our children?
Am I, am I distracted by the housework?
If I'm distracted by, you hear what I'm saying guys.
It's like there's 5,000 other things that could get our attention.
But when that person walks into the room, whether it be God, whether it be our spouse,
whether it be friends, whoever it is that needs our attention in that moment, we need
to give them the honor and not the familiarity that fails but the one that says you are important
to me and you now have my attention.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's good.
I mean, I was just, I don't know.
It's like there's so many, like all of a sudden there's so many different ways we can go with
this and it's, I think it's, you said something and I almost want to go back and cause you
were talking about performing.
Please.
Yeah.
And I was like, in a way it wasn't, you know, when I have that illustration of like the
classic car, it's like in my mind it's not performing.
It's the-
It's taking care.
And well, and you kind of went back to, you said it too.
But it's the speaking to their heart.
It's the speaking life.
It's the trying to build them up.
It's not this performance mentality because I mean, breaking down in front of somebody,
I mean, that is part of intimacy.
That is vulnerability.
That is being open and honest to the ones you love.
And it's, that's, I don't see that as performance.
If you're doing it to try to get a certain reaction from somebody, that's performance
and that's manipulation.
But yeah.
So it's like, so when I, I use that illustration of like the classic car, that's not, yeah,
I did not mean that in any way like performance.
So yeah, but I just, yeah, I just wanted to just lay that out there and it's, and it's
one of those things that, and I know we said it and I know you said it.
It's that reminder of even if we just talk out loud to each other of this is how I want
to be.
This is the person I want to be.
This is the marriage I want us to have.
This is the relationship I want us to have.
Even speaking that out, even if you're not necessarily walking it out, the fact that
you're vocalizing that this is a goal.
This is where I want to go.
In my mind, that's a step in the right direction.
That's huge.
And again, it's, I know we've said it in the past and I think it's been a while since we've
said it on the podcast, but we had a pastor years ago that would love to teach that eternity
starts now.
Oh, so good.
So good.
Eternity starts now.
Yeah.
His mercy is new now.
It starts again.
And it's that fun reminder of, you know, kind of Patty and Stuart talked about it when they
were here.
And it's like, it's never too far gone.
It's never too far lost with God.
Yeah.
Even if we looked at God and said, God, I'm done.
Yeah.
I'm done.
I'm walking away.
Yeah.
It's still not too late.
Yeah.
We can always come back.
We can always come back to step one.
Yeah.
And, and when we do hit that reset button, when we do say eternity starts over, let's,
hey, babe, we haven't walked the best on this.
I want us to have a better marriage.
Let's hit restart right now.
Yeah.
We are not starting over from blank slates.
Come on, babe.
We're starting over from that experience, that wisdom, that knowledge.
You know, you, you and I joke and, and that's part of the reason why we do this.
And I think part of the reason we get invited to talk and some places is we joke that we
know how to do a bad marriage.
Correct.
You know, we know how to do bad relationships.
Yeah.
So when we got together, we made the conscious efforts to say, we're not going to do that.
Yeah.
You know, it's not that we sat there and said, Oh, maybe we'll try.
Right.
I'll try in my mind, I'll try on my own to not do that.
Right.
We, we had conversations and we sat there and said, you know, not that we completely
said this is all I did and I'm not going to do it again, but we, we made the conscious
decisions to, to, to speak to the positive, to, to speak to the, what are the things that
are going to build our marriage?
What are the things that are going to build our family?
What are the things that are going to move us closer to God, move us forward?
You know, where, where can we, what are those areas in our lives that we can, we can do
this and then point and say that was successful or that's something we need to work on, you
know, but it was, it was always the, it, it is, I, I want to shout from, from so many tall
buildings and to, to so many people that it's, and I'm guilty of this myself, so I'm pointing
the finger at me.
How you speak about yourself, how you speak about your spouse, how you speak about your
relationship, your family, your job, that will manifest itself.
Yes, sir.
God said so.
Yes, sir.
God said so.
Yes.
God said, if we speak it, it can be.
Right.
So why are we not speaking life, life and success and building into ourselves, into
our spouse, into our marriage, into our friends?
One of the things that I know that you and I talk about a lot, and I talk about this
with the girls, I talk about this with our kids, right?
You tell me the problem.
Okay, cool.
You've told me.
Yeah.
Yes, I'm recognizing it.
I understand it.
I see it.
Now what?
Yeah.
Now what?
What do we do?
Right.
What do we do?
Okay, babe.
I'm falling apart and this has happened and it's gone way off the track.
I do not know how to recover.
What do we do?
And what you and I did at the very beginning of our relationship and our courtship, because
again, we were hardwired, hardwired guys, hardwired into knowing how to do things very
badly and we continued these patterns.
It wasn't just in our ex marriages with ex spouses.
It was other relationships that we had had along the way.
We were continually doing these things over and over and over.
Your favorite line.
My favorite line.
Same girl, different t-shirt.
Or same guy, different t-shirt.
And so it's like, what do you do?
And so what you and I did was we sought out wise counsel.
We looked up what does courting even mean?
What does that even look like?
What are some of the things?
We asked people to be accountable in our lives, both of us, not just one, both of us.
How do we do this?
We go and we find marriages that are being successful and we sit down with them and we
talk to them and they invite us into their space and number one, they're checking you
out to say, is this guy even good for Dina?
What are we doing?
That was the joke, but at the same time, not.
It was a situation of who are some good solid people in our lives that we can stand back
and say, can you just tell us some basic foundational truths?
Like the practical, because you and I, that's the reason why we even do this and do the
other podcast is just, can we talk about the practical real truth of how to literally equip
you to where you can walk this out successfully?
How can we do this?
How do we do this?
And so find people, find people, find the word of God, get into the word of God, get
into prayer.
I don't know how many times I'd lay flat on my back in the middle of the prayer floor
and I'd look up at you with just tears streaming down my face because God's dealing with me
and you gave me room to be dealt with.
You didn't say, oh, sweetie, you're just, you're just precious the way you are.
I just love you the way you are.
You let God deal with me and I let God deal with you.
And that's, that's where we need to be.
We need to know that this, this person, this amazing person that we get to walk this life
with, they're going to be, that God has gifted us.
They are a good gift.
Even if you're like staring down the eyes of like, what the freak happened to our marriage?
What happened?
Yeah.
All of the things, things blown up, stuff has happened, right?
You've made some really dumb, dumb, I want to cuss stuff, choices, right?
You made some really dumb, dumb decisions.
But the thing is that person is still a gift.
Yeah.
And God can salvage, not just salvage it to the point to where it's good.
He can make it better than what it was even at the beginning.
And so run hard after whatever it is.
Woo that person back to you, whether you're the person that has quote unquote fallen out
of love, or you're the one that's grappling and saying, I feel like I'm just going through
the motions and we're just roommates and they've checked out and I don't know what to do.
You do what you got to do.
You do what you've got to do.
Yeah.
Use, hold hands.
Yeah.
I haven't been with my spouse in, I don't know how long.
Have you held their hand lately?
No.
Have you just hold, have you just held them?
Because to go back to the very beginning of what you and I had even said, how do you keep
your, what did you say?
What is your love on language?
How do you love on your spouse?
Not just the, you know, I'm going to gift them.
I'm going to bribe them, but gift them.
I'm going to do whatever I need to do, but to woo them.
But just, even if it's just a physical touch, you know, you and I physically, like parts
of me would hurt.
You can't, it hurts.
You know, I want to be with you, but babe, this hurts right now.
And just skin to skin or just, can you just hold me?
Just one of my favorite things with you and I, you'll kiss my forehead.
Oh, you'll just put your cheek up against mine.
That skin to skin, something about that.
It doesn't even have to be, you don't have to even be naked.
Trust me, because that person may not want to be naked with you right now.
Right.
You have to, you have to get back out of, you have to get back into trust again.
Yeah.
You got to get back into that place of, like, I want to trust.
How can I trust you with me naked if I can't even trust you with my heart?
Yeah.
You got to show that you can be trusted again or that they can trust you, however that goes.
But just the holding of the hand, the just arm around the shoulder, the whatever it is,
do what you need to do and be patient.
But do what you said too, like, because I think that this is a twofold thing.
Vocalize.
Yeah.
Talk it out.
What do you need?
What is going on with you?
Even if the person is like, well, I can't really say, I can't put it into words.
If you're the one that can't put the words together, then you say it.
Yeah.
You say, this is what I desire from you.
Yeah.
And I'm willing to be patient.
Yeah.
You just tell me, is there something that I can do for you?
Otherwise, this is where I stand.
I am not going to leave you.
I'm not going to walk away.
But I will fight for this and this will be better than what it was before.
We will not live as roommates.
We will not live as unfulfilled.
You know, again, even if you have a good marriage, it can always be gooder.
Oh, yes.
It can always be better.
Right?
Yes.
It could always be better because there are days where you and I will look at each other.
I'll be like, I just I feel a little flat and I don't know what's going on.
And I just I need you.
Yeah.
And there's some days you can give me stuff.
There's some days you can't.
And that's OK.
And that's where it's like, let me just touch you.
Let me just remind you that I'm here even when you're having a hard time or you do the
same for me.
You just wrap me up.
I got you, babe.
Yeah.
I say that a lot.
I got you, babe.
You know?
Yeah.
So just give each other that space.
Yeah.
I hold space for you and only you.
And nobody else gets to come into that space.
And when I think we hold that that space precious and priceless and sacred and that person sees
that that space belongs to them and them alone.
Yeah.
I think it makes them want to come into it a little bit easier.
It draws them in.
Oh, you're not trying to substitute physical intimacy with something else.
Right.
You're not trying to substitute here.
Yeah.
I'll just say it because all of a sudden I'm not going to try.
We're not trying to be whatever.
But like porn.
Yeah.
You're not trying to make a decision.
All of the things you're not trying to satisfy your own flesh.
Right.
You're willing to hold space for me until my body and my heart and everything else that
comes with it is ready.
And that that God honors.
Yes.
And I believe that that's what destroys the fragility of the familiarity.
Yeah.
It's very good.
I like that.
So remember, remember that speak life.
It's never too late to reset and there's always room for improvement.
Yep.
Even if you have to go get some dice from a game or a card game or some books.
I mean, you and God and your spouse have a conversation.
We're not saying bring other things and other people in.
No, not at all.
No.
But if you need if you need ideas that are within the parameter and the bounds of what
the word of God says is good.
Yeah.
And it's good with you and your spouse.
Explore.
Yeah.
Because again, bodies change, desires change, things change.
It's OK to say, hey, maybe this and maybe it's one of those things where just you're
in a rut.
You know, you just you you want to figure out other things or just other ways of going
about it.
And I'm like, I just want to be with you and I want to know how to better be with you.
You know, don't be don't be scared to to find good, godly sources.
Right.
That's the best way to go about it.
Yes.
All right, guys, have the best week.
Enjoy the journey.