Hello and welcome to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Deanna.
Hi.
You were not ready.
That was funny.
You had your head down like prayer, contemplation.
I did.
I was like boom.
It's fine.
No, it's good.
It's good.
Hey babe.
Hi.
How are you?
I'm good.
How are you?
I'm good.
I am well.
Yes.
It is well.
We're not doing that again.
We're not going to go through the whole well thing situation.
I am well.
It is been, we are, it seems like we're doing every two weeks right now.
So part of my brain kind of goes, it's okay if we do every two weeks.
We let everybody know what was going on.
So we have an update that they found, what did you say?
An enhancement?
What did they call it?
Yeah, they called it an enhancement on your MRI.
On my MRI, they were just wanting to make sure that there was nothing else, little tiny
tumors or anything of that nature.
And by enhancement, that's what they say, that's the term they use when they find a
bright spot on an MRI.
I lit up.
Yes.
One spot of you lit up.
That's true.
I mean, look, so yesterday you did a bone scan and a CT and I was able to sit with you
during the bone scan because they took pictures of your skeleton.
And I can confirm it wasn't quite her nose that lit up like the old operation game, but
there was a spot like on right above on one of her left ribs that lit up like a little
light bulb.
Yeah.
And they said that's a good thing because it was from her tree pruning incident.
Yes.
Back in June.
And not from anything serious.
Yes.
So.
And they let us know that today in our little portal, whatever patient thingy.
And so, yay for that.
So we're excited about that.
And we had a really amazing time with the technician.
Kind of like what we've been saying just over time that we, when we do walk these kind of
journeys that it's not necessarily just us that is going through whatever we're going
through, but it's one of those where your, when your hope and your foundation is firm
on Jesus and just it's like, all right, father, even in the midst of.
It's been a blessing and a treasure to be able to encounter different people that we've
had the opportunity to be around that we probably wouldn't have.
And so the technician, she was absolutely precious and adorable and she teased with
us and just let us just be in the best space that we could be and under the circumstances.
And then right when we were done, I just simply said, can I hug you?
Because anybody and everybody that knows me knows I am a hugger.
And that's kind of one of the sex of this because it hurts a little to have people right
now, but she's, oh my gosh, I was just, I was going to say, I just hug you guys and
blah, blah, blah.
And I hugged her and then immediately God just let me just bless her.
Just speak a blessing over and Luke can confirm that apparently that's what she needed in
that moment because she immediately teared up and started crying and just said, thank
you.
So it's, it's, we have to remember that in the midst of some of the storms that we're
going through in life that other people have got to see that, you know, there's peace in
the midst that Jesus is very much in the boat and that, you know, we're going to make it
to the other side and it's going to be okay.
Yeah.
And, and I know, and I know we were talking like right before we hit record that it was
one of the things that, you know, because again, we were talking about having, you know,
good days and bad days and this is more of a kind of a, Hey, how's your week?
How's your two weeks?
And kind of an update for all y'all, but again, it's like, you know, dealing with something
like this and, and, you know, you're personally dealing with it.
I'm a spouse that's watching you with this and it's, you know, cause you were like, you
know, Hey, for some reason it just feels heavy today.
And it's, and it's like, I think it's, you know, stuff like this, it just comes in waves,
you know?
Yeah, you know, I'm looking at it as my wife has been diagnosed with cancer and you know,
even when you were pregnant with Sebastian, it's like, you know, okay, they're saying
all this stuff about my future child.
I mean, this is my child, but you know, before my child is even born, this is what they're
saying.
Right.
Um, you know, and it is, it's like, you have your days.
I mean, every day you, you stand and you walk that God's got this and God's going to have
the victory at the end of the day.
You know, the, the whole joke of, you know, we read the, we read the book, we come out
and on top at the end, you know, it's like, Oh cool, sweet.
You know, but, but still while you're going through it, you know, I mean, even Job, you
know, with, with all the stuff that he went through and knowing that, you know, God's
got this, he, he still went through some suck.
You know?
I'll say it lightly, just some crap, like, like, like, you know, but he lost family.
Yeah.
You know, so it's like, so it's, so it's one of those things that it's, you know, I, I
know it's, I know it's important for us to remember.
And I like to, you know, I know that we like to share with, with those around us and with
those listening to us that, you know, even though you're going through the sock doesn't
mean it's not good.
Oh, that's, I like that.
See I like that because it's, it's, I was talking to a precious friend yesterday and,
and then even just right before we hit record, one of my besties is like, hello friend, how
are you today?
It's a beautiful day, blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, I'm out the front yard, I'm out the backyard.
And I did, I did, I'm out today because I had energy and I felt good and I needed to,
I needed some sun therapy just for my mental state.
And but it was, it's, it's, it's one of those where it's okay to say, you know, I'm okay
today, but I'm not, but I am, but it's going to be okay.
And when I was talking to my friend yesterday, it was like, I'm not, I'm not in the space
of we're not in the space.
Not even our kids are in the space.
We're not facing it until we make it kind of situation.
God is very much in charge and we so very much trust him.
And, and you know, and when he's literally talking to me in these spaces right now, you
know, like if you want to be Daniel in the lion's den, if you want to be Matt, she'd
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the furnace, you got to let God talk to you in a completely
different manner and a completely different space.
And can God absolutely heal me?
We talked about it last week or two weeks ago.
Yes.
And is that seem to be happening in this moment in that capacity?
Not today, but it doesn't mean it can't.
We, we very much are in the space of father, we are on this ride with you and we know that
you will use this opportunity to bring forth glory that will bring forth freedom, that
will bring forth hope to other people.
It's going to be something that will be good.
And it's actually going to bring us even closer to you and have a greater, I want a greater
understanding of even who you are and you're a good father and you know, and us being good
parents in parenting, everybody knows parenting 101, part of parenting 101 is being able to
say no, not this isn't the way we're going to do this.
There's a better way because listen, I know, I know roughly how this goes.
Like we literally have the creator of the universe.
He actually knows the end of this part.
So I'm going to follow your lead, God, I'm not going to sit here and throw a fit like
a four year old.
I might cry for a second.
I might break down today.
Like I said today, just heavy.
I got, I don't know why guys, it's okay because we had a good report.
Everything's fine.
You know, is, is the cancer still there right now?
Yep, it is.
But it's like, thank you Jesus.
It wasn't more than, but I think just, it's okay for us to say we're human.
God's showing me the humanity of even who he is.
You know, he took all of this time to create everything and then he took, you know, that
seventh date arrest.
Okay, father, I'm going to just enter into your rest today and I'm going to trust you.
I'm going to trust you because if I try to sit here and worry or figure it out or do
it in my own strength, it's, I'm going to make myself even more sick or I'm going to
jail because I'm going to hurt somebody.
And it's just, that's not our God.
Yeah.
And, and kind of, if I can kind of pivot, so back to the, you know, when you're going
through stuff and sometimes when you're going through stuff, um, it's actually kind of what
I was going to talk about what we were going to talk about today.
Yeah.
Um, the main focus of the episode was, I know sometimes some couples go through stuff.
Um, you know, whether it's self-inflicted life-inflicted, um, you know, enemy inflicted,
enemy inflicted, you know, what have you.
And it's, it's one of those things that, you know, when, when, when stuff happens and you,
you've made the, you know, you, you've made the vows, you've made the commitments that
we're married, we're together, but now what, you know, and, and, and where do you get to
that point of, you know, or not, where do you get to that point?
But, but how do you come away from that point of, I feel like we're just going through the
motions or I feel like we're roommates or I don't, I don't really know who my spouse
is anymore.
Yeah.
And it's, it's one of those things that, you know, I mean, it's, it's a good question,
you know, because again, it's, you know, regardless of how long or short people have been married
or together or, or what have you, or, you know, even just straight up friends, you know,
over the years, over months, even it can be, is, you know, your personalities can change.
Your, your interests can change.
I probably shouldn't have said personalities, but I mean, in a way that, in a way, yeah,
in a way, yeah.
You know, but it's like, we grow and develop as humans.
Yeah.
We grow and develop as, as, as believers and it's like, you know, when you, when you get
to that point or when you get to that realization, it's like, what, what do you do?
Yeah.
You know, and it was, you know, I think if somebody were to say, what can I do is, you
know, it's, it's been said by us and by others on this podcast of, you know, get back to
dating your spouse.
Yes.
You know, and, and when you do, you live, you do your best to live in the moment.
Yeah.
You know, why, why are we here?
You know, not, not the grand philosophical question of why are we on this planet, but
you know, again, why, why did we get married in the first place?
I love that.
You know, why did we have kids?
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah, no, I love that.
You know, and, and, and I know, you know, cause I know there are times, you know, there
have been seasons where we're not the best at, at taking each other out on dates, aside
from like the grocery store.
Right.
You know, and it's like, there are weeks that even though we are together and, and everything,
it, there, there are times where it does.
It feels like I haven't seen you.
I have not seen your face.
Right.
Yeah.
But it's like, we've been together all week.
Yeah.
It's like, where have you been?
Yeah.
No.
It's like, it's like those, like almost the heart connections.
It's like, did we, did we, what is it?
They always say the quality over quantity.
Yeah.
Time.
It's like, we could have all the time and spend, what are you talking about?
Like, like some of our friends, they actually work together and are married or have a business
and they're married.
And my godparents, like they literally, like they ministered constantly 24 seven, always
with each other kind of thing.
I remember my godmother actually saying that, you know, in those moments, like my godpapa,
he would literally go out into his workshop and then he'd go tinker and then she would
go do her thing like knit or whatever it was that she was going to do.
But it's one of those where it's, it's good to have that separation.
It's good to be like, Hey, like I even in this journey, right.
In the middle of this journey, I'm looking at you going, baby, I want you to, I love
that you take care of me and you do.
And you're so good at this.
Like you did take me out on a date the other day, even in the midst of all this stuff,
right.
But there's those times where it's like, Oh, Hey, I think it's time for you to get back
out in that garage and get your mind back into a space to where you can regenerate and
rejuvenate everything that needs to happen with you so that way you're good because I'm
about to maybe potentially we're not speaking this guys, but like after the surgery, they
said, I'm going to be a little for a second, right.
And it's and that's going to probably be when I need you the most.
And so it's like, I need you to be good.
I need you to be okay.
And then there's those times where it's like you have the babies, right.
Like all of a sudden it was just the two of you and then you have babies and then it's
like you get lost because all of a sudden you're like pouring all your stuff into your
kids, which is commendable and lovely.
But those kids are going to grow up one day and they're going to leave and you're going
to look at each other and the empty nest or syndrome.
That's a big, that's a, that's real.
And so you've got to, the kids have got to see that mom and dad, their relationship is
priority because what happens is you're, you're setting that example.
So when it's your turn, when it's your kids turn to get married, they have a healthy relationship
with their spouse that they don't get lost in the noise and in the mess.
And it's like, it's so many different things of just get, get into a good head space with
yourself.
And I say for myself, like the days that I look at you guys and I say, I don't like not
one of you.
I don't like not one of you.
I know that I'm the one that's having the problem.
So that's where I need to say, okay, father, I need you to show me what I need to do in
this moment.
Do I need to pour out onto my spouse?
Do I need to take a second to go breathe and just like punch the air and jam out onto some
music?
What do you need me to do in this moment?
So that way I can get back into a good space.
So I'm good for you.
Yeah.
And, and, and I, and it is it that that is that and it's, it is, it's those, it's those
reconnections.
It's that, you know, it is those heart moments.
It's that quality time of actually spending quality time together or time of quality.
Yeah.
You know, and it's, you know, and it's also, it's not even so much, you know, reconnecting
after life has taken a toll, but you know, like if, you know, cause, cause I remember,
you know, like when we had interviewed Patty and Stuart and you know, they had talked about
some of the stuff that that, that had gone on in their marriage and, and all that and,
and how sometimes it's there, there can be those questions of what about in the past,
you know, or right.
And, and you know, if, if, you know, Oh, if they're looking at their phone, are they,
are they reconnecting with, with what happened in the past?
And it's like, you gotta remember that what's happening now is happening now.
Yeah.
You know, and, and if, you know, yes, have a conversation about that of, you know, Hey,
this these are some thoughts and feelings that come up.
Yeah.
But be real, but also let it go.
Yeah.
Because again, you know, Corinthians, you know, love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love doesn't keep a record of wrong.
Yes, sir.
That is right.
You know, and yes, hurts can come up.
Um, but again, you want to have those conversations and say, I know this happened in the past.
Yeah.
I want us to get past it.
Yeah.
And, and even if it, I, it's like, even if that conversation causes a fight, you're having
the conversation.
You know, the thing that keeps hitting my head is, um, when you're saying that when
you have the conversation, okay, Luke, Dina, how do we do this?
Right.
So, um, you keep saying as far as the conversation, um, when, if and when those moments come up,
okay, so, uh, Facebook, it's phone, you're connecting somewhere along the way, um, or
something triggers, you know, this is something that's person used to do, but now if they
do it, it triggers me.
And um, you said it, but I want to expound on it because you said like, say it out loud,
don't do it in a condemning way.
Don't do it as a, um, like you're even, um, what am I trying to say?
Accusatory.
Yeah, accusatory mariner.
It's Hey babe, when, when you do this, this is what happens and I am, I'm desperately
trying to heal and not be this person could maybe, could maybe we could compromise and
maybe we could do this.
And if you come up with a plan or again, your spouse is like, okay, well it's, we're forgiven,
we're forgotten, we're moving on, um, and they're trying to do their best to live into
a normal space and they're just doing normal everyday things.
If you just, even if it's just, Hey, for a season, like I know I'm trying, but, but again,
have, have the conversation, talk it out, um, and then come up with a plan that is good
for both of you.
Yeah.
And I do have that conversation, you know, I've, I've heard it from, from teachers and,
and counselors, therapists and stuff like that, you know, do I statements, um, do you
know when this happens, this is how I feel.
Yeah.
Or when this happens, this is, this is how I see it or this is how it happens in my brain,
you know?
So it's not so, you know, it's not, this is what you're doing.
It's not, you know, this is what's going on or Hey, I think you're doing this.
Right.
It's, this is how I feel.
Yeah.
And, and again, come at it in a, in a mature way.
Very much.
And, and you know, I'll say is, you know, especially with husbands, it's, it's really
hard for husbands to communicate their feelings.
Yeah.
Um, partly because of how we're wired, partly because of how we've always been raised.
Um, you know, it's, it's just a vast majority of men.
That's like, that's how we were raised is don't talk about feelings, you know?
And you know, kind of along those lines, I mean, how many people it's, I think the focus
is starting to shift, but how many people were raised with happy wife, happy life, you
know?
So regardless of what's going on in the home, regardless of how the husband feels, you know,
we'll just suck it up, bow, bow over, you know, bend over and, and let your wife do
it because she needs to be happy.
Right.
You know, we like to say, yes, and happy spouse, happy house.
Yeah.
And both of us.
Yeah.
And it is, it is changing.
And I, and I do appreciate the, the, that it seems like that's, you know, coming across
the board of, of it's, it's looking, no, it's, it's, let's look at the home, let's look
at the marriage, what's, you know, what's going on in the, in the great, you know, the,
the bigger picture of the greater, you know, grander scheme of things.
So, but I, but I do, I think, I think that's what you need to do.
You know, when, when, when you're coming back to things and when you want to reconnect,
you know, if, if something happens or, you know, life gets you down and you're like,
man, where, where have we been?
You know?
Yeah.
Just be real about it.
Just like, Hey, I, I miss you.
Like, I just, those words, cause we say that to each other, like a lot, like not a lot,
a lot, like, but you know what I'm saying?
Like when we do have those moments of like, where'd my, where you been baby?
Like just, it's more of a, I miss you.
Hey, I miss your face.
You know, can I just have some time with you?
And, and if it has to be the small baby steps, I know we've talked about this before in the
past, but we're just going to reiterate and revisit.
It's like, when was the last time you just held your spouse's hand just, or just went
for a walk or, um, you know what?
Let's go do something and let's do our best not to talk about the kids.
Um, let's, how are you doing?
Like, even if it's like, well, what, what are some of the questions I could even ask
my spouse, like on our date, if we go on a date, how you doing?
What's going on with you?
What are some, what are some dreams that have you been dreaming lately?
Is there anything that you, that you see that you would really love to do or, or, or even
some of, some of the wacky off the wall questions, because even those can cause you to reconnect,
you know, like, Hey babe, if there was ever a movie about my life, who would play me?
I love that.
We actually have a book, guys, listen, we have a book that we, we, we took to our young
married group once.
Um, and the times where you're like, I don't even know what to say.
And it feels so weird because you're like, I'm married to this person and it's awkward.
And now there's this, it feels like there's this chasm between the two of us.
It's called four, what is it?
400 questions.
We'll put it on our thing.
Yeah.
Like 400 questions for couples or something like that.
It's, it sits on Luke's nightstand.
And then there's those times, there are those times where I'll be like, Hey babe, let's
just pull out the book and let's just, let's ask each other the question because it is,
it's randomness.
Some are really deep.
Yeah.
Some are incredibly shallow.
And some are just funny.
And you just, but it, it takes you on a, it takes you on a journey together.
Like one of our pastors, it's actually said, he goes like, find something new about your
spouse that you never knew.
Yeah.
You know, like, like go explore, go dream, go figure things out.
Or one thing we like to do, Hey, I've never done this.
Oh, wow.
I've never done this either.
Well, by all means, let's go do that.
You know, even if it's something that is random and, and, and something else, you know, along
those same lines, I remember, I think it was Eric and Lori were talking about it, how,
you know, he really enjoys golf and she had no interest, but she's like, you know what?
I love my spouse.
I want to hang out with him.
And he asked her and he asked her and all of a sudden she's like, Oh yeah, this is fun.
I'm not good, but it's fun.
Well, you know, or is she?
Yeah, that's right.
She did get improved.
Yeah.
But I think it's just ask, ask your, not even ask your spouse into this space, invite them,
invite them and welcome them into that space with you.
And for the spouses that that's not your thing.
Go freaking do it.
Yeah.
I was about to say, yeah, suck it up.
Just go freaking do it.
It's like, I hate to say take one for the team, but it's like, no, if you love this
person, listen, I'm going to talk to the wives, I'm just going to get real.
Like girlfriend, this, this ain't about you.
Like you do this for your children.
You'll go play pretend and all of the things, the 40,000, I'm going to be real.
The 40,000, I don't know how many times Sebastian wants me to go do something, you know, like,
oh mom, we're going to, I'm thinking Jesus, Jesus.
All right, here we go.
Into the mind of an eight year old.
Right.
And it's like, we do it for our children.
We constantly are laying down our agendas and our thoughts and our frame of mind for
these amazing tiny little humans to help grow them into these amazing mighty adults.
Like sweet girl came down earlier.
We're having two of us are talking with her and she's talking with us and we're just downloading
life stuff.
Right.
It's just, it's never ending, but it's like, put a pause.
Listen, like this is, there's days.
You want to go, you should know how to do this.
Even with your spouse, you want to go, you think we should be better than this.
Guess what?
Do it anyway.
Yeah.
Go, go freaking do it anyway.
And, and even if it's not your thing, don't be a wet rag.
Oh man, don't do that.
You know, because you might actually enjoy it.
Your attitude is everything.
Yeah, it truly is.
I get to go do this with my spouse today.
I mean, this is one of the big lessons we teach our kids of, you know, it, you know,
your attitude is everything.
You know, how you respond to something is everything.
You know, I've, I've, I've seen, I've seen it with kids.
I've seen it with dogs.
You know, I've seen it with spouses.
You know, if, if you go somewhere and it's not your thing, but you respond in a positive
manner or if you actually like act like you want to be there.
Yeah.
A, it's, it's encouraging to the other person.
Yeah.
B, it can actually help your outlook.
Oh, absolutely.
You know, and because it is, I mean, I've done things that I don't want to do.
Yep.
And I'm like, this doesn't, this doesn't sound like my jam.
I'm like, oh goodness.
I don't know why.
Why did I just agree to do this?
Um, all right.
I love my wife.
And I ended up having fun.
Yeah.
And I do, I go into it with, even if I've done it before, even if I've done it a hundred
times before on my own or with other people.
And I'm like, this, this really is not my jam.
Yeah.
But it's something about seeing it through your eyes, you know, seeing, seeing your passion
for this thing, you know, and, and trying to experience it with you and through you.
And you know, that is, I think that's the, that's the big thing.
And I think that's, that's what really helps out is just finding that new way of experiencing
it.
I like it.
You know?
So it's important to you.
It's important to me.
Yes.
It's important to our eight year old.
It's important to our 18 year old.
It's living in that moment.
It's not trying to squash their dreams.
It's trying to help.
Even if it's a, you know, babe, I'm not too keen on this, but I want to do something like
that with you because that seems to make you excited.
If it's one of those like, man, like, no, like they're asking me like blah, blah, blah.
Okay.
All right.
No, I hear you.
Yeah.
Then find an alternative.
Yeah.
Find or find a compromise.
Find something.
That's the point.
The point of this podcast today is take the time to find the time.
If it's important to you, you're going to make time for it.
If it's not important, you're going to find an excuse to just completely bypass it.
So take the time, make the time.
Just do what you need to do and in and love life, even if it's through the eyes of them.
Right?
And enjoy the journey, even if it's a little bumpy or it's not quite like you keep saying,
it's not quite your jam.
But just the fact is that you're in it.
You're there.
Yes.
You're present.
You're not jacking around on your phone or trying to find everything and anything else
to just completely distract you.
Get in there and be present.
Be present and purposeful.
I love that.
There you go.
That's good.
I need to be tattooed somewhere.
Yes.
No, I like that.
Yeah.
I like that.
That's what I'll leave y'all with.
So guys, that is it.
That is us.
That's what's happening.
Yes.
All right.
Again, we appreciate you guys.
We appreciate you being patient.
We appreciate your prayers.
I know that a few of you guys have reached out and just, hey, praying for you guys and
we do.
We appreciate you guys very much.
God is very much on the throne and we know that he is doing great and mighty things in
people.
And so again, get outside your belly buttons.
Get outside of your stuff.
Get outside of whatever is happening with you in the moment and see where God is moving.
See what he is doing.
And then joining because he has got a good hope, a future for us.
Yes.
And we're excited about it.
Yes, we are.
All right, guys.
Have the absolute best week.
Enjoy the journey.