Just like you, I know that this investment pays
way more. It has much bigger ROI than me talking
to my team in this moment. Me investing one hour
into pleasure and showing up so confidently throughout
the day, making decisions with much more clarity
in my mind because I've had pleasure for the
day is significantly better for business and
for growth and for and for money. You are listening
to the Feminine Power Podcast, your portal into
embodiment, feminine awakening, and the true
power of your life force, sexual energy. I'm
your host, Mariya Grinina, founder of Feel, a
global platform for feminine embodiment and a
coach for women ready to live with magnetism,
love, and full aliveness. If you're ready to
rise, you're in the right place. Follow the show
and let's begin. Today's episode might make you
rethink productivity and ways of getting motivation,
inspiration and more energy. Because my guest
doesn't even drink coffee. Neither does she overload
on some extra special trendy supplements. And
she is going full force after her dreams, launching
and running multiple businesses, writing a book
and runs a community of over 5 million people
on social media. She is also a tenured professor,
award -winning researcher and a daily expert
on the UK's hit reality show Celebs Go Dating.
She sources her energy from daily orgasms and
a lot of pleasure in small and big things. She
nourishes her feminine energy by being a truly
supportive sister to other women and by intentionally
practicing sensuality. Keep listening to this
conversation with Dr. Tara if you want to learn
why pleasure is the ultimate source of power,
what investing in our bodies and orgasms does
for our businesses and creativity, and how to
build a personal brand, hire the right team,
and love and embrace money as a woman. When we
recorded this podcast, Dr. Tara was just back
from orgasmic hypnosis training by David Marius,
one of the teachers you might have met inside
our course Feminine Power Blueprint. So I asked
her how was it? My weekend was multi -orgasmic.
I joined David's orgasmic hypnosis workshop.
It was really really interesting. I was a bit
shocked how simple it is because before I went
into the retreat, I didn't know much about hypnosis
or hypnotherapy. I've done it before as a participant.
I've done hypnotherapy for food or for other
things, but I just thought it would be very,
very complex. But the way David taught it, it
was not that complex at all. The first day, it
was a lot of theory, but then there was also
some practice, and I was able to practice with
his partner, Maia, and she made me come really
hard. My face, numb. Yeah, my face was numb because
it was coming so hard and she didn't even touch
me. Then the next day was practicum. So it was
a lot of practicing and on each other. And I
apparently got really good because David was
like observing me doing it on two different women
and both of them came multiple times. From my
hypnosis. What a weekend. That's not the usual
answer to a question. How was your weekend? I
feel like all my weekends are not the usual answer
though, babe, to be honest. I try to keep it
that way. And then on Monday, before I left Ibiza,
I was able to go in for a Shibari session. Are
you a fan of Shibari? I do host some amazing
workshops regularly. I love it. So you're the
Shibari master, like you're the practice. No,
not at all. I am the one who holds space and
enjoys it a lot. I set a tantric container and
then I work with Marie Savas. I was one of the
best in the world and we do stuff together. Yeah.
It's incredible. I have done a lot of sort of
BDSM and bondage, especially in LA. But this
was my first full Shibari session with a very
sensual and soft dom. My David's partner, I think
she goes by Catharsis. So yeah, I have not experienced
a lot of sensual, soft doms. And I actually really
love it because she presents very feminine and
soft, but when she talks to me in my ears, I'm
like, yes, mistress. I'll do whatever you want
me to do. She's like, she has a French accent.
Oh my God. Yeah. She told me to surrender. I
surrendered for sure. And you know, the most
shocking part about this whole Shibari experience
was when I came out of it, I cried hysterically
and I rarely cry. I was so emotional and I cried
just happy tears. I cried a lot. I record all
of it on camera just like to remember how it
felt like the very first time I did it and I
can't wait to do it again. It's so intimate.
It's one of my favorite practices and I love
that you mentioned this soft dumb experience
because Domination for me, I know we look at
BDSM and domination is something that must be
necessarily dark and degrading. But very often,
and for me, for example, I love BDSM experiences,
but I hate humiliation. I need to be spoken to
as to a queen or someone beautiful and special.
I don't like someone telling me I'm shit and
I'm a slut. Like that's not me. I don't love
that. But at the same time, I love to be dominated.
I love to be told what to do and I love to serve
and it's another side and very often it's about
surrender really because as you say, you cried
after your experience and that often can happen
because your body actually released so much in
the experience of full softening in the rope.
So much, so much. For the time that I was tied
up, and the inability to move any part of my
body, because my whole body was tied up and I
was suspended. You really just couldn't do anything
except just, yeah, just say yes. For me, as someone
that has a lot of control in my life and managing
a lot of people and business, it's really nice
to be on autopilot and just do nothing for a
change. Yeah, I feel very taken care of by her
energy because she's, she presents soft, but
she's very commanding. And God, that accent,
like the French accent gets, it's so, so hot.
I'm so turned on by certain accents and some
accents are just really, really hot. A year and
a half ago, they did a BDSM workshop at our event
as a couple. That was amazing. The whole room
was grooving. They were teaching electric shock.
Oh, like cattle prod. Yeah, yeah. In the group
setting, that was fun. So that was fascinating.
Wow. We should come to our events. I will. When
is the next one? I'm over there. Yeah, next one
is October, except I know you have a book launch
and stuff, but there will be more. Yeah, I'm
so fascinated because you have created such a
beautiful, open -minded community. And that's
so hard to find, especially when we live in a
very rigid, masculine world. I think you've created
such a beautiful space and really just all the
praises for you. Good job. Good girl. Good girl.
Yes. You're doing so well. You're such a good
girl. Oh, thank you. I love that we're starting
this podcast with this deviation into the power
dynamics and your memorable experience from this
weekend. Actually, I want to talk about business
and how you as a woman are being so brave and
being so unapologetic and really going for it
and building and creating and being successful.
So I want to know. how and what is your secret
and also now being the fact that you're in a
sexual wellness industry and there is so much
stigma and I'm sure like so much to work through
and being the face and being out there. It does
take a lot of courage and also most people would
really struggle with that. So I want to learn
from you how you overcome these struggles and
also all the nitty gritties around building a
business these days, especially digitally, especially
when it comes to your personal brand. Now, as
we, after this spicy talk, can you tell me a
little more about who you are, especially for
those who don't know? So hi everybody. My name
is Dr. Tara and I am... a sex and relationship
expert. I wear four hats. First, I am a 10 -year
professor of human sexuality at Cal State University.
I teach a few hundred students every semester
how to understand their sexuality better, how
to become more tolerant towards non -traditional
sexual practices and attitudes, and I help them
just become better lovers and better people.
So that's my first hat. My second hat is a social
media influencer. I have a really big community
online called Lovebites, where I have cultivated
over 2 .5 million people to really just get together
and enjoy sex positivity through media. And that
can be from either like TikTok, Instagram, but
also my newsletter, my blogs. And that part generates
the most money in which we can go into later
because I know I'm very transparent with finances,
especially for other women in the industry. I
want everyone to make a fuck ton of money and
become successful. There's space for everybody.
So we'll talk about that. Third is I'm a media
personality. I am a sex expert. This is my third
season of the TV show called Celebsko Dating
in the UK. I have done a lot of TV in LA in terms
of like morning shows and news segments on KTLA,
ABC News, Fox. And usually I just give intimacy
advice. Within the media realm, I also have a
radio show called Love Line, which is a really
huge, iconic radio show from the 90s that was
brought back by me and Kevin Kenny, who's also
a TV host on MTV. And I write my own column for
women's health magazine called Sixth Floor with
Dr. Tara. Okay, my fourth hat is which is really
like it encompasses all these hats. My fourth
hat is an entrepreneur. I am an entrepreneur
and I have various businesses. I have my books.
I have my investments. I invest in a few different
female -owned companies. I invest in, of course,
my business. I have a big team. because you gotta,
you gotta spend money to make money. And I'm
gonna have my, my book is coming out in October.
It's called, How Do You Like It? How to, a guide
to getting what you want in bed. And my loop
line is coming out this holiday season. It's
called Drip by Dr. Tara. So yeah. That's me.
I hope none of you are sleeping. I hope that
was engaging, but I just do. I do many different
things because I enjoy it. I get bored easily.
I'm a Sagittarius rising. I need to have different
things going on. Oh, that's amazing. And what
is the coolest part here is that you are thriving.
You look great. You are in your beautiful, sexy,
feminine totally. And the bravery and the drive
is really inspiring because for most people out
there, it's like, oh, to succeed, I have to do
so many things and I have to sacrifice things.
Of course we do the sacrifices and everything,
but you have this energy of really doing it from
love and from drive and from inspiration. So,
what's the secret? Orgasms? I know that for sure.
I am powered by orgasms. I really am. Because
first off, I don't drink caffeine. People are
like, you feel like an energizer bunny. Do you
just pound coffee and Red Bull? I actually don't
consume any caffeine. So my energy is 100 % organic
and natural from my body, from the chemicals
that I produce in my body. And I make sure I
take care of my body. I do, you know, breath
work. I try to like exercise. But a lot of it
is really from pleasure and finding pleasure
in like little things in life too, not just sexual
pleasure, but of course a lot of sexual pleasure.
And that's a real answer. It's hard for people
to grasp if they haven't consistently have orgasms
for this long for my life, in my life. But when
you really start having a route, like not a routine
per se, but a prioritization of pleasure in your
life, you realize like a lot of energy just comes
from your body because you know all the natural
chemicals. I get dopamine, right? oxytocin, serotonin,
all of that chemicals from just... my own body.
And this makes such a perfect sense from health
perspective, from spiritual perspective, sexual
energy is a creative energy. That's how you get
more creative, how you build more vitality. But
also from the chemical perspective and hormonal
perspective, know how most people seek relaxation
or any sort of dopamine hits from usually unhealthy
sources. The stigma out there is more around
women who love sex and not around most people
who like to find unhealthy sources just to feel
okay. And that's... 100 % because you get dopamine
from alcohol, right? You get dopamine because
these are instant gratifications. So you get
dopamine from alcohol, you get dopamine from
junk food, overeating and drugs. And for some
people, sort of toxic relationship, right? You
get dopamine from the push and pull of toxic
relationship. So yeah, I think living a healthy
life means different things for different people.
But for me, it's prioritizing pleasure. That's
amazing. And how do you do that? In so many ways.
I mean, the most obvious way is having great
sex, but that doesn't come easy. It doesn't come
easy. You have to be really in tune with your
body. Which I help a lot of women become more
in tune with their bodies. You do too. Why don't
you talk to me about your processes of helping
women become more sexual and build agency for
their own sexuality? Because that's what you
do. You know that it is the most natural thing
for us people and especially for women to feel
pleasure. When we are healthy and our baseline
is healthy and our nervous system feels safe,
pleasure and ecstasy are the most natural things
for us to feel and therefore it's so much more
about releasing and letting go of toxic things
and negative things, negative patterns, rather
than trying to go and get something. Because
pleasure is already there. It is that we are
so stressed, so focused on other things, so full
of crap very often. And we need to release and
let go of these things before we can start feeling
that natural pleasure. And that's why the path
to pleasure very often first involves changing
the lifestyle and changing how we live and how
we speak to ourselves and creating the safety
in the nervous system. And then that can be done
through a pleasure practice. Really the first
and foremost that that actual thing we can do
apart from creating a healthy lifestyle that
allows our nervous system to be safe is to start
practicing pleasure. Just as you say. Of course,
finding it in small things, slowing down, starting
to notice how food tastes. Food is a big part
of it. That's where we can get our healthy pleasure.
Then learning to touch ourselves and actually
slowing down and doing it not like in porn. or
starting to masturbate or having self pleasure
without any external stimulation, but actually
being with our own bodies and learning to breathe,
learning to see and feel how our skin feels with
different kind of touch and learning to spend
time and invest in time. And one interesting
thing here is that Most people learn to self
-pleasure or have an orgasm as children early.
And we have mostly one way. So like there is
this rub of clitoris quickly before parents notice.
And it's always this kind of external and really
focused down there. But rarely do we learn a
different way where it's about us giving us half
an hour or... an hour of massaging the skin,
breathing into our yonis, moving, dancing, caressing
ourselves in different ways outside, inside,
and allowing ourselves to reach orgasm from a
place of pure surrender and relaxation, which
is much deeper. It's very rare that people do
that. But the point there is If you invest the
same amount of time as into this kind of deeper
pleasure, as you did into learning how to rub
your clitoris to come quickly, you will learn
that too. It's just about the time investment.
Oh, I love that. Yeah. You're like, oh, I can't
come from my internal stimulation or I cannot
have a deeper orgasm. But I'm like, well, have
you tried investing about like at least 30 %
of time into practicing that as you did into
practice the other way. You know, I can tell
that you're so business oriented because you
talk about pleasure as investment. And I'm there
with you. I'm there with you because I love talking
about business and it is investment. It's investment.
Yeah, it is. Definitely like you lose opportunity
costs, right? Because when you are having pleasure
and you're focusing on that and you're spending
time on that, you're not doing these other things,
right? Maybe you're not trading stocks. Maybe
you're not meeting your team. But just like you,
I know that this investment pays way more. It
has much bigger ROI than me. talking to my team
in this moment. Me investing one hour into pleasure
and showing up so confidently throughout the
day, making decisions with much more clarity
in my mind because I've had pleasure for the
day is significantly better for business and
for growth and for money. Yeah. I think that's
the secret then. That's the secret. It's investing
in pleasure. See, we came... We came together.
This conclusion together, I love this. This is
such a bonding moment between us because you
have to invest in pleasure and the ROI is fucking
great. So listen up and start doing it. I had
this coaching session recently that on my mindset,
actually with David, who you've just spent the
weekend with, and we've been finding out what
am I driven by? How do I make my choices? And
different people make different choices depending
on, okay, this thing looks good. This thing feels
good. And my decision is driven by ROI. This
thing will pay off. Wait, wait a minute. What's
your zodiac sign? I'm a Capricorn and rising.
Oh, yeah, of course. So you're driven by ROI.
I see. Yeah. That makes sense. Is this worth
my time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if I put this
amount of effort, how much more will it pay back
to me? That's how I make my decisions about everything.
And I know, I know Capricorns really well. Yeah.
I know, I know your motivation. It's got to make
it worthwhile, right? Yeah. Like what, like if
it looks good, but it's not going to pay off.
I don't care really, like, whatever. Right, right,
right. I deeply understand that. Deep, deeply.
With that, that's, I guess, why I've picked this
business. I know pleasure, feeling good, harmony.
balance that actually pays off long -term so
much more. You live longer, feel better, your
relationships are better, you make more money,
everything is better. So, so much better because
you invest in your body, in your pleasure, in
how you feel and how you feel shapes your entire
life. Okay. Yeah. Back to your practices. What
else do you do to feel more pleasure and how
do you invest in it? So... Self pleasure is a
big part of what I do. When I'm not, you know,
spending time with any partner, I make sure that
I spend time on my own body and I don't necessarily
always go to the clit first. One of my favorite
spots. is really like the nipples and the areolas
and sort of spending time there. Sometimes I
orgasm from just my nipples, like nipple orgasm.
And that can feel really good and I have no pressure
in trying to orgasm in a different way. But sometimes
I spend time sort of breathe. I do these sexual
meditations. breathe really deeply and try to
feel my pelvic area and try to send blood there
and energy there before I touch myself. And usually
I get really wet when I spend time. I have to
spend time. I can't just, you know, like get
wet like that. But when I spend time, I get really
wet and when I touch myself, I can come up like
super fast. if I spend the time, but you got
to do the leg work. Like you got to spend time
stimulating like your mind, your body, your skin.
I have different tools. I don't call them sex
toys just because I don't feel like they are
just toys. I feel like they are tools because
tools make your life easier and better. And I
have a lot of sex tools that, you know, I have
stuff that like caresses my body. I have nipple
sucking tool that's like really hot and not a
lot of people use them because I think a lot
of women are like oh no like I don't like playing
with my nipples but I'm like oh my god you are
missing out If you're enjoying this episode,
I'd love your support. Just tap three dots next
to the podcast name wherever you're listening
and select rate the show and leave us five stars.
It takes a few seconds and it really helps more
women find their space, connect with their bodies
and come home to themselves. Thank you for being
here with us. And that's one way I do it. Of
course, you know, masturbating like with clitoral
tools, like clitoral vibrators. Um, I like those
little ones, like the little quiet ones. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I remember you showed, you showed
me how, what are they really cute ones. Crave.
Yeah. They're called craves. Oh my God. Beautiful.
18 karat gold. Like I know you're a Capricorn,
so you like nice things, right? So like I just,
yeah, I love those tools. Beautiful. It doesn't
feel intrusive. Um, I also really love giving.
Touch I love physical touch. So I love giving
people physical touch and I get a lot of pleasure
from cuddling massaging another person maybe
like just Holding hands kissing their neck like
that gives me a lot of pleasure to gives me oxytocin,
which is really good cocktail for energy Let's
see what else I do. I look at my business growth
and I write like my journal. I have a thankful
journal that I write in every day and I write
about at least three different things that I'm
grateful for and it's typically like related
to my health, related to my life overall and
then related to my business. Yeah. And I'm just
so grateful for all the opportunities that I've
had and I thank the universe and God every day
for, you know, Helping me get to a place where
I can help as many people as possible So I have
that thankful journal, which is also a part of
my pleasure practice after I'm done writing it
I feel a lot of like pleasure in my body And
then just I didn't just sex. I love sex. Yeah
Yeah, but all of this like it just depends on
the time and where I'm at and who I'm with at
the end of the day is purely about prioritizing
and investing time in pleasure. Yeah. And that
bit is very often so many people, like most people
out there these days, they feel guilty around
prioritizing pleasure or feel like it's not productive
and indulgent. Well, once again, the point we're
raising here, this is what pays off, which is
fantastic, isn't it? If we flip the idea... Yeah,
you know, I love, I love your perspective because
people do say it's like an extra thing. It's
not a core thing, but it's a core thing. Yeah,
it is. It is. Hmm. Okay. So now you are, you're
powered by orgasms. You're powered by pleasure.
You invest in it and then you have so much energy
and output to build your business. How did you
even start? How did I start my business? How
did you start it? Like what was... What was the
spark first? Were you always an entrepreneur
or it just happened at some point? When did you
find the courage? I did sell orange juice when
I was a kid. My dad asked if I wanted to own
a business and if I wanted to try something easy
and I said, yeah. So I made orange juice, packaged
them in little bottles and went to this mall
and sell it at the mall. So that was my first
entrepreneurship experience. But you know, this
business really, I have to sort of go back a
little bit. My background is an academic. I am
fully an academic. I have published a lot of
research. I have written a textbook that's used
across the United States for the sexual communication
classes. I started my whole career as an academic
and I have been an academic for over 12 years.
The main shift into business happened at my fifth
year at Cal State University because I worked
really hard. I was on this academic hamster wheel
and I published and I published and I got really
good reviews from students. So I was able to
earn my tenure and a promotion at my work. Just
five years in like people take much much longer
to earn tenure and promotion, but it only took
me five years So when I got tenure, it was like
the pinnacle of an academic career So then I'm
like what's next? Right, like I could I could
be a professor and live a more sort of stable
life and teach two days a week and have lots
of free time and maybe Have a family and here's
where we're gonna talk about sacrifice But I
did not. That's not the life I wanted. I fully
respect people that want that life, that have
that life. But it's not the life I wanted. I
want novelty, excitement, passion, desire, and
new things. I want to live an expansive life.
So I was talking to some of my students and they
were like, Dr. Tara, you're so funny and engaging.
You should have social media. Yeah, you should
have social media and a podcast. And at the time
I did not have social media. Wow, that's cool.
Yeah. Yeah. This was only like four and a half,
five, like four and a half years ago. Five years
ago. Cool. Yeah. They were like, you should have
a podcast and you should have social media. And
at the time I was not confident in like making
content on social media. So I started making
like, you know, graphics and... teaching sex
ed, but like through graphics and not showing
my face. But then I had a really huge epiphany.
I went to Costa Rica for an Ayahuasca retreat.
And I had really difficult trips, very difficult
journeys. I did three ceremonies, very hard.
I mean, I felt like... It was one of the most
painful physically, like most painful experience
I've ever had. And yeah, and that trip changed
everything for me. It changed everything. And
you know, it's not, it's not the psychedelic
per se, it's how you integrate, right? It's because
you can do so much psychedelic, but never apply
it to your life ever and not actually take action.
And to me, the more commendable part is whenever
I observe people who change their lives in a
way they want to, right? Like you can change
your life any day, any time, but you have to
do it. You can't just talk about it. Yeah, I
was telling some of my friends, like, I think
Mother Ayahuasca gave me balls. Because my balls
were so big. I was just shooting big loads. And
I came back a completely different person. I
changed everything in my life. Yeah, I mean,
I got a divorce. I started just throwing myself
into my business and work and knowing that I
am the person to like bring this to the community
that needs me. So yeah, I changed everything.
So I started showing my face more. I started
networking more. I started just meeting. I've
been just meeting all the right people that really
helped me. Like I met my publicist early on,
my LA publicist, and we can talk about this too,
like how I structure my business and what like
stakeholders you need in your business to grow
fast. But I met my publicist early on and I trusted
her even though she was new. But when we met,
I was like, wow, I feel this energy. She's a
go -getter. She's a Capricorn. And I didn't know
she'll get shit done, even though she just started
and she's very young, but she went to UCLA. She's
very connected. So I'm like, you know what, let's
work together. Like I'll pay this person to be
my publicist. And here we are. She has a big
PR firm, so successful, just four years later.
right? I knew it. I bet on her and she bet on
me and like we, we grew so much together. I was
in so many like press and we, from then on, it
was just like, let's go, go, go. The second person
that I hired that was like vital to my business
is my social media manager. And I first hired
him as my personal assistant. So he was like
picking up my laundry. doing like buying flowers
for my house, like you know doing all the shipping
my Amazon packages. also like help me edit videos
and post, but at the time I wasn't posting as
much. But then we together learned so much about
social media. We knew at the time we had to post
three times a day, if not more. And we were like,
oh man, I thought about it. I'm like, am I ready
for this? Like posting three times a day, every
fucking day. But you know what? I'm like, I'm
a new person. So I'll do, I'll do whatever it
takes. So that's what I did. You know, I was
still teaching full time. I teach like four classes
every semester, hundreds of students still publishing.
research, presenting talk, giving talks at conferences,
doing press and posting three times a day. So
when people say they can't, I don't know. I think
it's limiting beliefs. So yeah, we, we did that.
We did that for a year and we grew the community
to 1 million. And from then on, I mean, this
sounds like a little cocky, a little cocky, but
from then on, it was really easy. When you hit
like critical mass, it's easier. Yeah. So after
growing my community to one million, I had, naturally
I had so many brand deals. I had so many like
press that wants to feature me. The TV show came
in three years ago, long time ago now. So it's
just, yeah, you gotta hustle at the beginning
in order to hit your pivotal point. And then
it's sort of easier from then on, but it doesn't
mean I'm not still like hustling and trying to
grow. I mean, I'm working all the time every
day. And I love it that way. Don't talk to me
about work -life balance. I don't have. I don't
have work -life balance. I have lots of orgasms
and lots of work and lots of deals. And that's
the way I like it. But I think when you... hustle
a lot at the beginning and you really have to
give up so many things. And like I said, I sacrifice
a lot. I sacrifice time. I didn't hang out with
friends. I didn't party. I didn't have a lot
of free time. I don't have children. That's the
sacrifice that I made. I could have had children.
five years ago and life wouldn't be the same,
right? Like I could have stayed married to my
ex -husband, have multiple children, have a house
with white picket fence, have a golden retriever
and just live that life, you know? Go get my
nails done, go to Pilates, go shopping. But that's
not the life I picked, right? Like this is the
life I wanted and here I am. I feel significant
amount of like gratitude every single day because
I get to live exactly how I want. I'm seeing
here Oh, full ownership and feeling unlimited,
especially in the beginning. You said you've
had this feeling of having new balls. That's
often what is required, right? To go and just
do it. Is it difficult to be on social media
three times a day and like show your face first
time and then go for it nonstop? Of course it's
difficult. And I'm sure - And getting a kind
of backlash. Yeah, I can't imagine the backlash
you can get, especially being in sexual wellness
as a woman on social media. You must be getting
a lot and you have to deal with it, but you also
have to not care really and just keep going.
And this feeling of being unlimited is what is
so important. And very often it's so hard to
get. Have you always been like that or was...
No, no, I grew into this person. I mean... I've
always had like, a part of my essence is assertive.
And even as a kid, I was a little bit, I think
a little bit more assertive than others. But
when I was a teenager, I started doing like modeling,
like teen modeling, like magazine shoots. I did
like teen catwalks. I walked for like Roxy, Volcom.
and I did like music videos and commercials.
So I think that work helped me become okay in
my skin. because in that work, you get a lot
of rejection. You know, I would go to go -sees,
right? Go -sees are like auditions. I would go
to these go -sees and, you know, they would say
that, oh my God, like, this is perfect. We love
you. You look so good in this. And then the next
day, they'll be like, oh, we're sorry. We're
not picking you, right? So I think from a young
age, I experienced a lot of rejection. I also
had a whole year in middle school of bullying
where I was bullied like relentlessly. And I
like, I didn't eat lunch with anybody for a whole
year. Oh, like I ate lunch alone for the whole
year. Imagine being like 13 and you know, so
yeah, like I, I feel like there were many different
moments in life, like that happened. And then,
you know, all the modeling and commercials that
happened, a lot of rejection, but also a lot
of success, right? I was able to make my own
money, which was Delicious right like being 14
getting big paychecks from you know, these things
buying I remember vividly I bought What is it
called now it was like those Nokia phones that
slide up and down and it's cool, okay Yeah, 9919
or something like Nokia. I remember vividly like
I made money and I bought this phone myself and
it was it was Delicious. It's a delicious feeling
to like be able to do that. So yeah, like I think
in terms of assertiveness and being okay, I mean,
hey, I'm not invincible. Like when I get a rejection,
even these days, I still feel it, right? Like
I'm still hurt, but I come back quite fast. Like
I bounce back, you know, in maybe I'll be hurt
for an hour. I cry over it, write about it and
I'm done. I'm done. I'm what's next. So That
from my childhood really helped. And then I don't
know if I told you this, I moved around a lot.
So I went to high school in Finland. So I lived
in Europe before. And you know, going there and
having to adjust and fit into a new culture and
acculturate and learning new. customs and norms
really helps me become like super adaptable and
dynamic and also help me see that people live
different lives. People live in different ways.
People in Finland live so differently than people
from Thailand or LA or Arizona or London. So
for me, all of those experiences had helped me
become who I am today. But the most I would say
the most pivotal part of it all that helped me
become so confident and so certain about myself
and where I'm going because I know where I'm
going, right? Like definitely to the top. I think
everyone can see it, but it really comes from
the ability to go through divorce because it
was really, really hard. I think I downplay it
a lot, but it was a very, very hard time. But
choosing myself over people -pleasing and staying
in that marriage, that was everything to me.
That gave me a lot of big balls. Yeah, yeah.
What was the hardest part about it? I feel like
it really did. So in my culture, like where I'm
from, nobody gets a divorce because it's very
shameful. You stick it out. You stick it through.
Yeah, my parents, I mean, they always like that's
their mantra, right? Like whatever it is, you
start a business, you finish it. You start this,
you finish it. So when you're in a marriage,
like if it doesn't work, you work it out. You
know, you stick it out. So for me, I had a lot
of shame for a long time because I knew I wanted
a divorce literally like a year and a half into
the marriage. but I stayed for three. So a full
year and a half of feeling so guilty and shameful
and it showed in my body. I had like rashes,
my hair was falling, my skin wasn't as good.
I didn't even masturbate because I just didn't
feel like it. So, oh man, I think it's hard for
people to... understand because it's where I
come from and the shame that you should be feeling
for going through such a failure. That was really
hard for me considering I'm also a Virgo that
likes to achieve and also someone that really
cares about having like a healthy unit, right?
Like a healthy team and you know, a marriage
as a team. So it's shameful. And living with
shame for a year and a half really fucked me
up big time. Shame is one of the most powerful
feelings. Very, very strong and so hard to get
out of. And it does cause a lot of trouble in
the nervous system level. So I can understand
because I'm also from Asian culture. And marriage
is something you're supposed to get into and
you're supposed to stay in, especially for a
woman. It's much lighter for a man, but for a
woman, this is your main failure of your entire
life. Yeah, like oh you're a divorced woman like
I know one's gonna like you like you're not gonna
go anywhere or do anything Right, like it's so
shameful. But at the same time I was blessed
because I live in LA and like all my friends
are divorced so So I had help and I had a ton
a ton of support especially my female friends
and my gay friends like I mean, the feminine
is so powerful and I never take it for granted.
Like women in my life are the most important
thing. Like I make sure that I spend a lot of
time taking care of these relationships. They
all know that they are important to me and I
would drop anything to come help them if they
need help. Yeah. High five to that. Yay. Yeah.
Women first. Yeah, so you've chosen yourself.
You've chosen yourself and I feel like you...
Yeah, you've got to bet on yourself. Yeah. Universe
always rewards that and showing that you can
choose yourself even when there is so much shame
and cultural conditioning is a big test and you
want it. Investing in myself has been the best
ROI so far, so I think that's my lesson. Right.
And what about building that personal brand?
What are your main lessons? What would you share
with people now? Hire a team. Like you got to
invest money. And I know people talk about money
a lot as in like, well, but I'm not there yet.
Well, get a loan. I mean, that's what I did.
I know you have to spend money to make money.
So I have a very like intense, high -powered
jobs parents. And they've always taught me these
like weird things that I didn't really understand
until I became an adult. Like a lot of times,
like, you know, they will tell me things like,
so I was, I was never taught how to do a lot
of chores because my mom believes that we should
hire people to do chores because her time is
more valuable and she'd rather spend working
and spending time with me. So things like that.
Right. And then my dad saying things like, you
know, when I started business, I like you know,
had to loan, like basically get a loan for like
six million to like do this and was in debt for
a long time before like they hit, you know, break
even or a stabilized time. So I've always learned
that risks are good, but I've never had to do
it myself because I was an academic, which is
like the safest job you can have. Yeah. And I
was also married, which is like the safest relationship
you can have. So I was in a very safe space.
but it was in the space that I was meant to be
in. So when I started building my personal brand,
I started sort of sitting down and reflecting
on what lessons have I learned from my parents
and also from all the successful people around
me that I admire so much. Every single person
that I surround myself with has something to
teach me and something I can learn from. Whether
it's small or big, I sit down and I sort of...
reflect on the lessons. The first one is you've
got to spend money to make money. So building
a team was a huge shift for me. I wouldn't be
here at all without my team. And like I said,
the first person I hired was my publicist. Because
if you want to be a public figure, you have to
be impressed, right? You got to play that game,
the traditional media game. right? Because you
can be an influencer, but you still need acknowledgement
and pedigree from press, unfortunately, right?
We still live in that sort of world. So hiring
my publicist was the first thing. Hiring my social
media manager to work full -time, basically filming,
editing, posting three times a day. And now,
I mean, I seriously have been on the right people
every time because my publicist started with
me just an independent contractor. Now she has
a big PR firm with tons of accounts. My social
media manager started as my personal assistant.
Now he has a big social media agency in LA that
has a ton of clients. So I've been betting on
the right people. Yeah. And I pride myself in
that too. I can see people and I can be like,
Ooh, that this is a person that's worth the time
and investment. And then the third person I hired
was my executive assistant because you know,
like doing so many different things. Like someone
needs to run my life, right? Someone needs to
be able to tell me to do this, to go there, to
book restaurants, to do all these things. So
that's sort of my initial team. And then growing
from there, when I started having a little bit
more stable business, meaning like I have a brand
deal every month, then I reached out to my friend
who owns a talent agency. Uh, actually it's for
Asian American actors and actresses like in Hollywood,
but I was her like sort of first expert client,
um, because at this point I can't negotiate all
my brand deals myself. And here's why one, when
you negotiate yourself, there's this like loosing
phase, you know, like, because I'm talent, right?
I'm the talent. I need to be like protected.
Right. So. There's that like losing face moment.
And then there's also like chasing for money
moment. And then there's also sending invoice
moment. And all of these moments sort of like
lose, it's losing my magic, right? Like I need
to stay magical. I need to be like the unicorn
and work with brands and present them in the
most optimistic, pleasurable, orgasmic way. And
I can't do that. I'm bogged down by like logistics
and admin. So I figured I need a manager and
I reached out to the right person. We went to
grad school together and now we've been together
for two years and it's been really awesome to
have management. I pay her 15%. I can also talk
about any of these in terms of like transparency.
If you have any questions for me, I pay her 15
% and so all the brand deals that come in. she
gets all of them 15%. And if I get a new book
deal, she gets 15%. If I sell a new show, when,
not if, because I will, when I sell the new show,
she will also make 15%. So she's just sort of
managed my whole career. Exactly. So that's fantastic.
How many people do you have now on your team?
So now I have seven. So I have my LA publicist,
social media manager, executive assistant, my
management. My management is a few different
people. They all work together. I have my UK
publicist. Cause like when I'm here, first labs
go dating, I have a UK publicist as well. I have
my podcast editor and I have my lawyer. Do you
manage your finances or is there a person who
does that for you? I manage my finances. Yeah,
that's how I thought. I don't trust anyone with
finances. My family is the only people I would
trust, but they don't live in America. Like if
my sister moves to LA, I would have her manage
my finances. A lot of people, especially women,
have a lot of shame around money or a lot of
blocks around money. And they also have this
persona of, oh, I'm not good at money. Somebody
else needs to do this for me. And if I do the
business, I want to do the creative part, but
the finances somebody else needs to do. I was
like that when I was in my early 20s, when I
started my first business. And the lesson I received
very quickly from my mentors was, if you don't
run your finances, you don't run your business.
If you don't understand your finances, you have
no idea, you are hired by someone. Like that's
not your business. It's very important. I hope
that I will get to a place where I have a CFO
and then I can be inspired all the time and not
have to like look at numbers. Then I can just
be inspired, go live my unicorn life, run around,
maybe go on a yacht in the Aegean Sea and swim
in Greece and make content and have all my businesses
make money. But before I get there, I need to
know all my finances. I need to know my taxes.
I need to know all my write -offs. I work directly
with our book. Well, I have a bookkeeper and
an accountant. which are the best people to pay.
Oh, yes. If you're an influencer or like a celebrity,
like you don't know how to do it. So just hire
someone to do it. My bookkeeper is freaking amazing.
I want to give her a shout out if you guys ever
need a bookkeeper. Her name is Jessica. She's
so organized. She's so available. Like anytime
I need something, like, hey, I need this to get
a loan. She's like generating documents immediately.
So she's so great. What you're saying, yes, it's
amazing to get yourself to a space when you have
your CFO. But before that, you learn all of this.
You understand it. You build your business by
understanding the money, understanding the finances,
and you get yourself to a space when you can
have somebody else running that. But you, by
that time, already embody this knowledge, already
have a grip of it, and already understand it.
Yeah, I need to know. I need to be able to understand
it. I can't just be like, oh, how much are we
making? What are we investing in? I need to know.
My goal is that my brand that's coming out, Drip
by Dr. Tara, is going to grow really big and
it's going to be in all of Target stores and
that's going to be sort of where I like semi
-retire. Yeah. Like that's my 10 -year plan is
that I... What, how old am I now? I'm 36. So
by 46 that I can sort of semi -retire. I would
never retire because I fucking love what I do.
I want to do it every day all the time, but then
I won't be like so full on. Right. Then I can
sort of sit back. And of course, when drip is
so big, I would hire, you know, COO, CFO and
potentially CEO. And I'm sort of just advising.
Yeah, that's the best. One point I really want
to highlight in this podcast for people listening
who are like, oh, orgasms, make more money. Okay,
what's this title? Orgasms definitely help, but
also financial education is so important. Even
from the energy perspective, if anybody is, especially
a lot of people who are in a spiritual world,
in a tantra world are listening to this podcast.
It is beautiful when we can be financially supported
and we grow and a lot of people want exactly
that whole listening to this podcast as it's
called feminine power and power is not being
able to create what we want. We can't really
reject the structure of our finances if we want
to build successful businesses and brands and
we cannot outsource that. And we need to love
the money and to love them, we need to see them.
And to see and understand them, be close to them
and understand how they work. So that's amazing
that you do that because I was wondering, you
have all these people who does the money, you
do the money. Perfect. I do the money. Yeah,
I do the money. I know my finances. I know the
business. I know how much it's on my payroll.
I know. Yeah, there are a lot of especially women
out there that are afraid of money or afraid
to say they love money because it's dirty right
because like you have to have pure intentions
you have to have like you know like money isn't
everything money can't buy happiness right like
that word but when you do that then you project
into the universe that you don't want it yeah
yeah and no i love money give me more like i
love money money finds me everywhere i go i mean
i've been on on vacation for for so long i still
get money so it's like to me what you said is
really powerful especially for women entrepreneurs
out there, don't think money is dirty. Money
is amazing and money allows you to grow your
influence and to help more people. And the point
of being alive, really, for me at least, it's
to help more people. What's the point of being
just here and not helping any fucking buddy?
Right? For me, the whole reason I exist is so
that I can help more people and I'll die very
happy if I've known that I have helped so many
lives yeah and you're helping people to experience
more pleasure i'm excited for your loop product
to be coming out that's that's amazing so i have
been using it and the feedback i got is that
it's fucking amazing and it kind of feels like
my pussy so amazing there's that so i think it
will do really well it's uh yeah it's really
really nice um very clean And I'm working with
a really good, a really good team. Yeah. So how
did you find, like my question, that's for me
personally, interesting. You don't know if it's
interesting for people on the podcast, but for
me totally. How do you find these amazing people?
Of course it is. What you find interesting is
what everybody else finds interesting. How do
you find these amazing young talents? You know,
hiring can be so difficult and usually you want
to find someone experienced, la la la. I also
prefer finding someone who is a true talent and
seeing them grow. How did you do that so well
with your first shots? So I have to admit I have
the advantage because I'm a professor. I get
access to a lot of college students and I know
who are the A students, who are the responsible
ones, who are the ones that take initiatives,
who are the ones that are really good at talking,
who are the creative ones and two main players
in my team. are from school. So I have Adam and
Victoria. They're both from my classes. And Adam
has always been like a C student, but super creative,
does not fit in the box. Very creative, takes
initiative, and has a ton of energy. He's a Gemini,
a little crazy, but that's where social media,
like he's thriving. That life is crazy. Owning
a social media agency is crazy. I hired him for
that and to also be my personal assistant and
my zodiac, like sort of a guru, because he loves
reading tarot cards and the charts. And then
I hired Victoria to be my executive assistant,
which I'm planning as soon as we hit our like
critical goal for revenue, I'm promoting her
to CEO, I'm sure she needs to be. She needs to
be doing all my operations, but currently as
my executive assistant, I hired her because she
was an A student, A plus, 4 .0 GPA, right? Do
everything that's asked. Really amazing at following
strict instructions, right? Maybe she's not the
most creative person, right? Because Adam, the
C student, is creative. Victoria is so good at
carrying out whatever I say and exactly the way
I want it. So it is like, oh my God, talking
about it, almost I'm crying because I am so grateful
that I met these people and I was able to pull
them into my life. My publicist though came in
naturally. She emailed me. She cold emailed me.
She, she cold emailed me. And this is where I
don't, don't sleep on people that cold email
you and LinkedIn you because I also hired my
editor from LinkedIn who emailed me. She told
me, yeah, took initiative, took my podcast, edit
clips and send it to me and see, do you like
this? I'm like, fuck yeah. Yeah. So I actually,
you know, I used to think like, ah, this is all
spam. But I actually take a glance. I take like
a quick 10 second glance to see if it's worth
my time to have a call. And that's what happened
with Holly, my publicist, is like, I took a glance
and I'm like, oh, she seems interesting. And
then, yeah, the rest is history. We're still
together many, many years now. Are you looking
for a social media manager? Yeah, I'm looking
for someone. I want someone young, creative.
Always, always the one young. Like just thinking
out of the box, coming up with their own ideas
because mostly I struggle with people who just
want instructions. So like, okay, so what would
you like me to do? I have no idea. I want you
to tell me. But that's a good executive assistant
and COO. Yeah, that I have. The assistant I have.
That I figured out. Finding someone who's like
self -driven. Come on, guys. We're going to find
you someone. We're going to find you someone.
Anyway, this conversation is turning into a hiring
conversation. Hopefully, someone will get into
this podcast and we'll just apply for a job.
Yeah, got to put it out there. And hey, like,
you know, I can always post for you. I can post
on my story saying like, hey, my friend, a female
entrepreneur is looking for a social media manager
because lots of people pitch me and I have to
tell them I already have someone, I don't need
another person. But when they pitch me, maybe
I'll send it to you. Thank you. Yeah, of course.
Always. And I'm always here to help with whatever
you need. Yeah. So supportive. Thank you so much.
I know you are so supportive for women. It's
like I can still feel it because you've shared
with me so many different cool companies that
you invested in or connected with. Always. I
will always bet on women entrepreneurs. All right.
So what would you share with people who just
want to start their business? They've never started
the business before. It's like you were, basically
five years ago, a college professor. What would
you share? What is one most important thing to
focus on? I'm going to share something that's
really controversial. When you become an entrepreneur,
there's no work -life balance. It's work -work
balance. And if you want work -life balance,
perhaps extreme entrepreneurship is not for you.
And it didn't mean that I had a miserable life.
I had an amazing great life because I consistently
achieved something and that gives me satisfaction.
But it takes a certain personality to do this
as well. Not everyone is meant to have high pressure,
entrepreneurial journey. And that's okay. Like
people can exist and thrive and have a very fulfilling
life in many, many different ways. But if you
want to build a business, a brand and become
an entrepreneur, know that like your first year,
there is no work -life balance. It's just work
-work balance. And I know it's controversial,
especially for women and in wellness space. People
always talk about self -care, but all I did was
fucking hustle, like all day, every day, all
day, every day, all the time. And I mean, I'm
pretty happy where I'm at. Yeah, yeah. Well,
I must say, I can resonate with that. In an ideal
world, you can create balance, but unfortunately,
most of the time, it's not the case. Very often,
we hear this, we can see and we can witness stories
of balance, but that most likely came after the
lessons were already learned and after foundation
has already been built. After the first year.
Yeah, or sometimes first three years, like, you
know, you never know. Yeah, it can take longer
and it does require a lot of sacrifice. I find
it extremely important to be able to balance,
at least have a massage, definitely eat really
well. Another thing is we teach this amazing
course, Feminine Power Blueprint, and it's about
healing and stepping into your power as a woman.
And in the healing world and in the space of
spiritual connection and reconnection, there
is one piece that is very rarely unspoken of,
very similar to this piece of work -life balance.
Always, I feel same as we start in a business
or starting your healing journey, starting to
your spiritual journey. First, there will be
a very difficult period of time. You have to
work really hard, you have to cry, you have to
release all the fears, pains, limits. It's not
going to be beautiful right away. And especially
when it overlaps so much, If you, for example,
now have a great comfortable life and you suddenly
want to start a business, or you suddenly want
to have better orgasms after you've been just
having very average orgasms, or you want to enter
into a more devotional and spiritually alive
space, neither of these things, better orgasms,
spiritually alive space, or business, are going
just to start nicely. All of these three things,
first you have to go through shit. All of them.
Either you have to learn how to unlock your numbness
and completely notice it in your organ. You have
to go through shit first. Yeah, it's not always
like rainbows and butterflies, right? And those
that can get through that first part will reap
the rewards. And I feel like, you know, in a
grand scheme of things, and this is where my
like... psycho -vergo thing comes in, right?
In this grand scheme of things, I feel like I'm
just starting. I'm only in the starting phase,
right? There's so much more. Just 40 years from
now. Like, what happens? What happens in 10 years?
Because I've only started less than five years
ago. What happens five years from now? What happens
another 10 years, another 15 years, another 20
years? So I'm in the grand scheme of things,
still in a very startup, startup phase. Yeah.
And you're right, seeing that things are getting
much easier, as you said. How do you self care
now? As my last question, you do lots of pleasure
practices. Is there anything else you'd like
to do? Like maybe Shibari is a new thing or?
Could be, Shibari could be my new thing. Because
I tried that full session with mistress catharsis
and I really, really loved it. So, and it allows
me to surrender for a bit. I would like to go
into more intensely like taking care of my body.
So like, I already have a personal trainer, but
I don't think I see enough. He also yells at
me when I see him. So, but like, I just want
to make sure that my body is getting ready to
like, you know get older because I'm 36 now and
in four years I'll be 40 and I'll be 45 and I'll
be 50 like I just want to make sure my body is
like really healthy so that I can live longer
and help more people. We must invest in our health
as entrepreneurs and the more we progress the
more things really depend on how we feel and
in this external world. If you get sick all the
time you can be making money. Yeah, you can't.
Yeah. So health is first, right? Health is wealth.
Yeah, health is wealth. Thank you. Yeah. Thank
you for having me. This conversation has been
orgasmic. I really appreciate your energy and
all the teachings you put out there. You're such
an inspiration to a lot of women entrepreneurs.
I just can't get enough of you. I love your drive.
And that gave me a lot of inspiration even for
today. I'm like, I want a real review where I'm
placing my energy and especially the team. Oh
my God. That's amazing. That's so beautiful.
And thank you for creating all that you create
for pleasure for this world and all your content
and especially your upcoming book. I can't wait
to do it. Yeah. It's called How Do You Like It?
the guide for getting what you want in bed. I'm
going to send you the link for pre -sales. Let's
manifest that I become a New York Times bestseller
because that's what's going to happen. That was
Dr. Tara and you can find her on social media
at luvbites .co. Her book, How Do You Like It?
A guide to getting what you want in bed is coming
out this holiday season and the details are in
this episode description. You've been listening
to the Feminine Power Podcast, your space for
embodiment and feminine wisdom. And if you're
feeling the spark from this conversation already
inside of your body, and if you're ready to not
just listen, But to live this way, there is a
path. Feminine Power Blueprint is our 3 -months
initiation for women, ready to reclaim their
bodies, their energy and their power. You'll
be guided by 11 incredible teachers, through
embodiment, love, money, energy and pleasure,
to build a life that's resourced, magnetic and
fully your... own. It is truly a full body shift.
And our next life round begins in October and
the early bird enrollment is now open. Find the
link in this episode description to join now.
I'm Mariya Grinina and until for next time.