What if reclaiming your pleasure was the most
healing thing you could do for yourself? In this
intimate conversation I speak to Coral Osborne
who opens the door to her unique story. As someone
who started sex work to fund her startup she's
always been seen as a very open and hypersexual
woman and yet she found herself disconnected
from her own pleasure. She then embarked on a
journey of full reclamation of her own power,
sovereignty and spiritual aliveness through embodiment,
through studies, through practices. And she's
going to share the tools that she's been using
to get herself back to full aliveness and a sense
of own divine power within in this episode. You
are listening to the Feminine Power Podcast,
your portal into embodiment, feminine awakening,
and the true power of your life force, sexual
energy. I'm your host, Mariya Grinina, founder
of Feel, a global platform for feminine embodiment
and a coach for women ready to live with magnetism,
love, and full aliveness. If you're ready to
rise, you're in the right place. Follow the show
and let's begin. Before we begin, I would love
to hear a little bit about your journey and your
story. What made you step on this really brave
and beautiful and powerful path? Sure. So I was
always very curious about sex. I think a large
part of that was because it was so stigmatized
in my household growing up. My mother was a social
worker. and she had been a victim as well. So
she went the route of like kind of sexual preservation
and sex wasn't to be had outside of being in
love and, you know, boys under the age or in
their adolescent years were kind of like dangerous,
like you weren't going to get anything from them.
And then I sort of split, I rebelled when I was
a teenager, became very... promiscuous and that
was an empty promiscuity which I mistook for
liberation. It was a people -pleasing tendency.
That eventually led me to getting into sex work
when I was looking to fund my startup in my mid
-20s. And I was always very curious about that.
And I found the power dynamic super interesting.
And it wasn't at all what I thought it was going
to be. And that was the first moment I kind of
realized, wow, there is so much more to sex than
just sex. Like, what are people looking for by
taking sex out? What does that mean? Whether
that was validation, whether that was real connection,
I got to experience various archetypes of men.
And that's way before I looked at my own stuff.
Then in my personal life, in my own relationships,
I was completely disconnected. I would dissociate
completely because sex work was insidious in
the way where I was having performative sex.
When it came time to connecting with a partner,
I... would not know how to do that. And I would
kind of like reach this intimacy impasse, which
I didn't know how to shut off. And then it wasn't
until I was doxed, which means outed for my history
and sex work that I just had this incredible
revelation. All the things I feared happening
happened. And on the other side of that was a
bit of a sexual and spiritual rebirth where I
was like, oh, I'm living my life in fear, just
like that was being mimicked in sex, that was
being mimicked in my personal relationships,
in my career and everything. And that's when
I realized that sexuality and our relationship
to sex is kind of a through line to our relationship
with ourselves and with everyone in our lives
and our relationship to life. I went back to
school and I became a certified sexologist. And
then that was a very clinical program that I
initially took. And then I was like, wait a second,
okay, so I know all this stuff, but yet still
I'm coming up against like faking orgasms and
all of this in my relationships. I'm like, I'm
not embodying this, like there's something else
here. Which is when I realized how intrinsic
spirituality is to... to sexuality as well. So
then I started exploring, you know, embodiment
practices. I worked with, I am still working
with Dr. Saeeda Thasale on her psychosexual embodiment
program, as well as I went to Somatica Institute
and did their coaching program. I've started
exploring tantra, and I really think it's this
kind of never -ending quest. this path is definitely
the seeker's path and you know I'm nowhere near
the finish line but what happened was concurrently
with healing myself and not just my relationship
to sex that was kind of the the portal but I
started realizing my my abilities and gifts with
healing others namely men because there was this
kind of innate trust that They had it with me
given how stigmatized my background was. So I
was able, I am able to help them with the de
-shameifying piece, which is, you know, really,
really a difficult part for men. I personally
adore women who are brave and open and really
own their story. And it is very often not the
case for people who have had experience with
sex work. A lot of people are so ashamed and
shy. while actually owning the part of the story
and also looking beyond the societal shame and
seeing what it truly is, is really powerful.
And I wonder if you would share how did this
experience of seeing the truth and the depth
beyond what people really think about such work
affected your path and if there is anything powerful
there that you want to share? Yeah, well, I mean,
like in any profession, There's all different
types of people and all different types of reasons
and incentives why people get into the line of
work they do. We can look at, you know, the entertainment
industry, for example. You've got the Harvey
Wein scenes and you've got, you know, the better
reputable documentarians that are making profound
monumental work. You know, it's very, very nuanced.
But unfortunately, in Western society, we do
have this kind of blanket interpretation of sex
workers for like lazy women or women with daddy
issues or women with trauma and God forbid you
would enter it autonomously like I didn't have
Capital T trauma. I mean we all have trauma lowercase
t right, but I didn't have that I had a really
great family There's all these micro reasons
why I could say it led me to that but it really
was a decision that I made and I just and a decision
that I continued to make and interestingly the
shame came up for me because I didn't feel shame.
I was like, what's wrong with me? Because I don't
feel things that I'm told I'm supposed to feel.
I don't feel bad about this. Also, which is something
that confuses people a lot, is I never did it
when I was in a relationship. And I never told
partners. So that was a whole other piece because
I was constantly in fear when I had a boyfriend.
But I have never cheated on a partner in my life,
right? And I can't tell you how many civilian
women and men I know that have definitely experienced
infidelity and have cheated on their partners
as well. So that's a major misconception that
I just want to call out. And then the interesting
piece with sex workers is like I do really see
a couple like two major subtypes. So you kind
of get the disempowered, hiding in the shadows,
living this double life, which ironically I find
is more like prevalent in like a city like Los
Angeles, right? Where it's like influencers and
but no one really knows what they do and blah
blah blah blah. No one's talking about it, but
they kind of tacitly accept it. It's just like
look the other way. And then in New York, for
example, it's like a very raw, raw, I'm so liberated,
you know, like kind of a calloused approach.
Neither one are great because neither one of
them are like, you feel like you need to choose
a side. Like you're either hiding in the shadows
or you need to wear it like it's your only identity.
And like it's not our only identities, right?
So I really dislike the glorification of sex
work, just like I dislike the vilification of
it. I mean, we all contain multitudes. There's
so much more to people than just that. So as
soon as you start hammering and I'm like, oh,
my identity is a sex worker, then I just, I,
you know, I have like strong aversions to that.
But I will say, you know, the empowered sex workers
that I've met, a lot of them are like published
authors, like New York Times bestsellers authors,
or they've gone on to be. renowned sex therapists
and do incredible work because the big part there
another misconception is when you're Addressed
when you have to meet so much pushback from society
you face so much stigma Especially if you're
out or you're outed like kind of everything that
no one would ever anticipate or expect to deal
with in a lifetime You're dealing with and in
relationships. You can't avoid it because it
would come out eventually so it does kind of
allow you to accumulate wisdom by rapid fire
there. And I would say, I wouldn't have said
it at the time, that that is a gift. So you develop
a lot of skills, a lot of resilience. And yeah,
those are what I would say the major misconceptions
of that work is. But there's another big piece
which is what I like to call provider privilege
or escort entitlement where it's hard to switch
gears from those hard staunch boundaries that
you have with clients into relationships. Lots
of people think, oh, sex workers don't have boundaries.
They have the most hardcore boundaries where
it's really hard to switch off in interpersonal
relationships. And this wasn't the case with
me, but a lot of women will also take the...
feel like they need to be compensated for their
time, right? Like, my time is precious, and it's
valued exponentially high. Or if you're like
me, then it was like, it's so incredible if someone
finally accepts you of the opposite sex when
you're in a relationship, that you kind of just
give, give, give, and you suck at receiving,
because you're like, oh, finally someone's going
to accept me and my past and who I was, so I'm
just going to give them... Everything in the
world, even if it's undeserved. So there's a
lot of like contradictory pieces there and it's
truly fascinating I recently took a poll and
then a sex for a group that I run there's over
like 500 members in it on What their relationship
to pleasure was and it's really interesting to
see how some women really gatekeep their pleasure
and completely shut off. And that was certainly
the case for me. And others sort of fetishize
it and they can kind of relinquish control because
they feel like, oh, it's not a personal relationship.
I can just let go. So there's truly so many layers
that kind of mimic the sex work, like the provider
-client relationship. is kind of a hyper -focused
metaphor or analogy for real -life relationships.
You get to see things and interpersonal dynamics
play out in rapid -fire settings, and that's
really, really cool. Yeah, I've had these conversations
with quite a few amazing women that I really,
really respect, who either were sex workers or
are sex workers now. And all of them, I must
say, had this same thing that you described,
kind of disassociation from pleasure or gatekeeping
pleasure. while themselves being these goddesses
of pleasure, goddesses of giving, creating pleasure,
like being the absolute experts of that. as those
who give that and create, but not so much for
themselves. And some of them found their journey
against their spirituality and certain practices
to really, really reclaim pleasure in their bodies
for themselves. And some are still going through
that process. But that is no different to women
who are not sex workers. It literally happens
to all of us. A lot of us have this conditioning
of being like... Oh, I need to please my lover.
I need to learn to do the best blowjob and like
to do the street dance and like to be all this
like give, give, give and not so much. Oh, how
do I feel good? How do I open up? It's a universal
theme. And yeah, how did you address that? I'm
still addressing it. For example, I just got
back from a nine -day retreat with my mentor,
Dr. Saeeda Deslai, who also runs the program,
the Embodied Psychosexual Program. When I started
that program for several months, it was weekly
Zoom sessions, and I was getting extremely frustrated
because the whole part that she preaches is that
the integrity piece in the embodiment is missing
in this work. If you're a clinical sexologist,
I can't tell you how many sexologists are pretty
much inactive, it's not asexual. And it's all
of their cerebral brains. And I was that, and
I was like, I don't want to be that. And also
for my own life, because I've had glimpses of
the transformative power of connection and orgasm.
And I know the potential that lies there. So
I was like, I want to see what's on the other
side of that. But when I would Just did this
retreat this nine -day training retreat part
of our retreat or our training is the j -day
practice and when I first started that months
ago I would get really frustrated because the
premise of it is you're sipping in the egg and
it can sometimes take you weeks if not months
to get there. It's not like forcing things in
and if we look at how we have sex it's like friction
-based, it's high sympathetic state, it's one
-dimensional as opposed to multi -dimensional
and it's all about patience which is the key
to embodiment. So that was a pretty transformative
experience just that this past week I also had
an incredible my first heartgasm which I would
have laughed and rolled my eyes on if you told
me this last year that this was a thing. But
the sexual reflexology and the vagal nerves and
the connection between our cervix part is a real
thing. And that was as profound as or more profound
than like me doing like a psychedelic induced
like journey work that I've done, right? That
was extremely art opening. So that just kind
of reinstilled the faith that I have in this
work. And to speak more about my quest on my
own path, I'm doing ISTA training this summer
in Andalusia, and I'm doing orgasmic hypnosis
training in Berlin, and I'm going back. I used
to train with Dr. Saeeda and Erin Michael, her
partner, who's a sexological body worker and
coach as well, to deepen my own journey. So it's
never -ending and that's the fun part. Like I
said, it mimics spirituality and the seeker mindset,
always have the beginner's mindset. And that's
the exciting part for me is the more I... get
closer to my own embodiment and my own fulfillment
and see what the potential is there, the more
I feel capable of holding others into leading
them to the same. I don't see how it's possible
otherwise. And sadly, in the Western world, with
a lot of sex therapists and gynecologists. I
read a stat the other day that it takes 15 gynecologists
to get you one that will actually address like
pleasure anatomy. Go there and you're like, I'm
numbing out. Including that was my experience.
I think it took me about six. They're just not
trained in this. People can talk about sex a
lot more comfortably now, but you know, they're
not talking about the embodiment piece. They're
talking about like, oh, how to give a great blowjob,
you know, like how to give and like what anal
lube to use. And it's like none of that matters.
It's kind of like putting a lipstick on a pig
unless you have that foundational embodiment.
Yeah, this is something that really makes me
sad when I go to like any sex tech conferences
or in London, we have like communities that are
focused around the innovation and involvement
in sexual wellness. And it's always all about
sex stories, loops, robotics, AI, all of that.
And I'm like, how about take a breath and feel
into your body and notice what's there, what
do you need? Like these things, it's always about
the quick fix, how to feel a bit more and never
about... What is it truly that's underneath?
And that's what you can truly find in places
more like say ISTA or orgasmic hypnosis with
David Marius and through real personal, soft,
no goal oriented connection. And it's really
important to mention it here because for a lot
of women listening, it could be like, oh shit,
now I have to like make it my whole life's journey
because there is so many things I need to do
to be able to feel again. But that's again...
not what needs to happen. There is no pressure.
There is just your body and you can take your
time and you can take years and years and years
in this reconnection, but it doesn't need to
be or it shouldn't feel like work. It's just
a deep, beautiful reconnection. And to your point
about sex toys and all that, we're hearing so
much about the orgasm gap, right? There's a few
reasons for this, and I could say it's the patriarchy,
but then what? We need to, as women, advocate
for our own pleasure, and we've been very passive.
For example, the fact that I was perceived for
the longest time as the most hypersexual person
in my friend group in every circle, even though
I'd never been able to experience partnered orgasm,
goes to tell you a lot. I was still performing.
People had this perception of me, and it's not
to say I wasn't I was very capable of staying
in a highly aroused state, but I wasn't experiencing
like true pleasure. And the pleasure that we
are conditioned to is sympathetic pleasure, like
quick, fast. So there's all this bullshit on
the internet that we can't get addicted to our
vibrators and like it doesn't, they don't desensitize
us. And this would drive me insane because this
is even when I was taught in my sexology training.
And I was like, how is that the case? Because
if I think about myself as a young girl, I would
touch myself and like very quickly within probably
less than a minute, I would be able to orgasm.
And then when I discovered sex toys, it was super
profound for me and like electric. And then within
like a few years, probably four or five, I would
be like using my attache for like 10 minutes
at the highest speed and feel nothing. I would
go on detoxes for like, they say, you know, it
takes a couple of days. I would try a week or
two weeks and it would hardly make a difference.
So something interesting I learned in this embodied
psychosexual training was that, you know, if
we're using a vibrator, that's triggering an
external sympathetic state. In no world, naturally,
is that a familiar sensation on our genitals,
right? It's not natural. That can't be co -created
with a partner. So that's what we're training
our bodies to respond to. And again, this cannot
be co -created with a partner. So when we think
of how we perceive a lot of men that are like,
you should let us bring sex toys in the bedroom.
We should let us bring our vibrator, blah, blah,
blah. We're bypassing intimacy there. or bypassing
connection and what two people can co -create
in that space. So it's like you kind of wonder
like well of course some men are going to be
threatened and intimidated by sex toys because
that's that's keeping them further away from
connection. So I very recently got rid of my
dozens of vibrators many of which I've been gifted
or sent by various brands and if you're capable
of having both great I was not capable of having
both I'm on the path of like deconstructing what
I've been accustomed to for so many years in
order to build back up but we shouldn't be afraid
of going deep? Am I going deep? You're kind of
going to deconstruct it, like you said, slow
it down. And as you know, with tantra, if you've
been accustomed to that high arousal, high sympathetic
state to enter relaxed arousal, which is really
incredibly transformative on the other side.
It takes some discomfort and like you're probably
gonna get a little bored. It's probably gonna,
you're gonna feel desensitized and you're gonna
slow it down and it's gonna be awkward and weird.
But on the other side of that, it's profoundly
transformative and you've got to recondition
yourself to get there. It's like having sex for
the first time really. And I think that's been
the interesting thing is, you know, I like to
use this analogy of like sex is like food. Sometimes,
you're eating McDonald's and other times you're
having a Michelin star meal, right? And like
the McDonald's sex is nothing, the McDonald's
is nothing like the Michelin star meal. Like
the Michelin star meal, you're walking away and
you're like... That was transformative like I'm
gonna remember that for the rest of my life.
I feel amazing Like I'm gonna keep sharing this
I want to tell people about how transformative
it was and send people that way and McDonald's
you're kind of basking in shame and it like it
did that short -term thing It was like oh you
craved it so bad you got the fix and then after
you like I feel kind of disgusting So that's
really what sex is And not to say that also there's
a place for quickies. There's a place for those,
you know, short fixes. Absolutely. But let's
look at our landscape, our erotic landscape and
see what else there is to offer because there's
so much available to it. Yeah, and just like
with McDonald's or really high quality, being
Michelin star, being extremely beautifully home
-cooked healthy meal, another similarity there
is that the first one is easy and cheap to get.
It doesn't require a lot of time to prepare.
You can get it in seconds for a very affordable
price. It's not going to give you any health
benefits. And the second one will give you deep
health benefits and will really nourish you,
but it does... They require a lot more effort
either to receive it from someone you love or
to go and pay a good amount of money But there
is like this kind of effort space there as well
Hmm before I before I switch to a different topic
that I'm excited about I want to know what's
your favorite sex toy now and share a little
bit about mine favorite sex toy well, I have
recently like I said, I got rid of my Hitachi,
my Magic Bullet, my Rosebud, all of my vibrators.
And what I've really been exploring, I have used
a V -Well pelvic tool for my pelvic floor. But
what I'm really exploring now and getting into
fully is just focusing on my jade egg to really
create that sensitivity. And for me, that's because
I am prone to numbing out. And interestingly,
and I thought that might have been an anatomical
issue. And I went to a gynecologist last week.
She was actually involved in the training as
well, Dr. Deborah Wickman. She's incredible.
And it was so cool because I went in and she's
like, do you have any concerns or issues? And
I'm like, I'm kind of freaked out that I might
have a hyper tense pelvic floor because I'm not
really feeling anything. or I might have clitoral
adhesions or something because my clitoris is
not as sensitive as it was. But I also know that
this could all be in my head. I'm just looking
for clarity around that. And sure enough, she
goes in there and this is what every gynecological
exam should be. She goes in there with the camera
on the screen. You're able to look at all of
your anatomy. Blending it all to you so you feel
so empowered. That's the first step. You can
look at a mirror, which most women will never
do in a lifetime, but to go inside and look at
your cervix and like look at what she calls your
mermaid gills, female prostate and all of that
and see the functionality and your pleasure anatomy
and your reproductive anatomy and how it all
works is incredible. It's a really beautiful
experience. And sure enough, nothing anatomically
wrong with me. So that's when I was like, oh,
yeah, okay. We've got to stay away from those
quick fixes and the toys which I've been accustomed
to because I need to go low and slow and really
take in ritualizing my my pleasure practice,
which I've never. I really am a believer in ritualizing
that. I think it's really beautiful if you can
wake up. If you're a morning person like me,
you can wake up at like 5 a .m. or let's be honest,
4 a .m. these days and take a couple hours or
at the end of the day or whenever you can find
that time. It's so beautiful because it's really
meditative too. You can bring in your other practices,
whether that be your morning practice or meditation.
Qigong to journaling and have that all be a part
of it, then it's a really beautiful embodied
way to enter the world. Yeah, so good. I just
had my pleasure practice today before this podcast.
I often do it before recording podcasts and then
I have a whole content day like it's my thing.
How I do it, I put like I have a... Ritual practice
like dark red silk piece that the symbolizing
for me like this is my ritual space so I put
like this big sheet of silk and I put my JDAG
my cervical wand because you've touched upon
the cervix. I feel like it's so important to
really mention women. You need to look into your
cervix. So like my glass cervical wand and then
I put on music and I dance first and I seduce
myself and then I cover myself in oil. Then the
whole sheet becomes full of oil and I put myself
in front of a mirror and then I like give myself
a massage and like saying to me how I'm this
goddess and look at this and then I go into self
-pleasure into my genitals into my breast massage.
And then I don't use any vibrator. I get myself
to an orgasm through self -touch using the hands
or the glass wand. And that makes me feel super
connected to my own power. And I use that before
work stuff because I know how that just makes
me feel like I am myself and I'm connected. And
I really hope more people get into that. It needs
to be a ritual. It needs to be like a self -honoring,
self -love deep practice. I didn't get here to
speak to what you've said. It took me about maybe
two years of real commitment to self -pleasure.
without any external vibrator stimulation or
anything like that. It's a lot of practice, but
I so love it now and I find so much power in
it and I feel more that's why we were disconnected
from it because there is so much power in it.
So it took you two years from de -conditioning,
from using vibrators? For me, it was more about
shame. From a place of like, oh, I'm really ashamed
to even put my hand down there, maybe that was
seven years. But from a place of like, doing
self -pleasure for two hours, who has time for
it, why would I do this? So boring. That's about
two years. So it's so interesting that you say
that because before I had my sexological bodywork
session with Aaron Michael, who is an incredible
bodyworker and sex coach, who was able to facilitate
that heartgasm for me, is he said, what comes
up for you? You know, what are your intentions
here? And I'm like, honestly, like I I just don't
really feel anything. Like I just don't really
feel anything and I want to so bad and I know
this for a lot of like I was talking to my former
adult star girlfriend who's like a very well
-known like retired porn star and she has the
same thing and I'm like this is so hilarious.
We're actually thinking about creating like a
little docu -series on our journey to pleasure
and resensitizing ourselves because the assumption
of what we are versus what we experience is just
And it's like, if we can solve this, then like
anyone can. But he was like, so on the other
side of boredom and numbness is curiosity and
novelty. And that's certainly been my experience.
And it's like on the other side of fear and anxiety
is exuberance and joy. So it's like when through
doing this work, I can correlate that exactly
to the experience. You know, I was like fascinated.
I was like, what else is here? You know, like,
and that's where the piece, like, really comes
from. And people think that novelty, I mean,
the Western world conditions us to think like
novelty is like different partners or like sexual
gymnastics and aerobics and let's try reverse
cowgirl all these positions. And it's like, that
could not be further from the truth. Trust me,
as someone who's had all this literally all the
people like, that's exactly what made me numb
out and the novelty. I've experienced not only
with myself as of recent, but with partners now
that I'm in this state, one partner in particular,
because once you realize what type of person
you need to meet you on that level, it's like
few and far between, right? Hopefully not for
long, hopefully we're sharing this and people
are starting to rise to this work and become
familiar with it, but you can't just have that
with anyone. it really takes like profound connection
and you know mutual respect and trust and curiosity
and all those things. But yeah it's just you
can experience profound novelty energetically
with the same partner and that's what I really
want to share with people too because you know
we hear about desire discrepancy kicking in long
-term relationships and To that extent as well,
there's this incredible book called The Anatomy
of Desire that Emily Jamia wrote, and she talks
about tapping into flow state and sex. It's a
really practical guidebook of how to tap into
flow state, how to emulate flow state, kind of
coming off the heels of Peggy Kleinpatz's Magnificent
Sex, which talks about the, what is it, nine
fundamentals that... encompass magnificent sex
because there's good sex there's great sex and
then there's like that like what just happens
like and again it's not about any positions you're
doing or you know what the relationship is even
really like outside that it's they they speak
about couples that experience that speak about
like innate trust you know erotic like literacy
communication It's the big piece that really
stuck out for me that it wasn't, that no one
mentioned love. It was like, it wasn't love at
first sight. It was like innate trust. Like,
like just being, which is the being seen element.
So if I can share with more people and teach
them how to tap into those energetic spaces,
you know, with their partner, then that's what
it's all about for me. Daily practice is what
truly transforms inspiration into embodiment.
It is how this path moves from something you
know to something you truly live. This is why
we created Feel, a platform where you can access
daily embodiment sessions, tantric meditations
and feminine energy and sexual energy activations
to nourish your journey day by day. Join the
film membership to start your practice and sign
up for our newsletter to stay close to our offerings,
our courses, events and so much more. You'll
find all the links in the episode description.
This is one of my big fears about relationships
growing up, and this is something I'm really
happy to completely change now through this work
and seeing the reflection in what you say, was
this fear of like, oh... But everyone says love
ends after three years, everyone gets bored of
each other, sex gets boring, everybody's cheating
and all of that. And through this work, through
all that I can see in the Tantric community,
in these teachings, I can see that actually if
you continue learning and growing and deepening,
there is a whole lifetime of adventure that is
there. It's just most people never really open
that door. And that is incredible. Yeah, totally.
And that's similar to you. I mean, I think most
of us are raised on that narrative, right? Like,
oh, honeymoon stage, it fizzles off three years,
then you're just putting up with each other.
And I'm pretty sure you and I can attest to,
mind you, I haven't been in a relationship longer
than three years and I started doing this work,
like, you know, the embodied part only a couple
of years ago. But everyone in the community that
I've met who are in committed relationships.
I mean, the proof is right there. Like, you're
witnessing it, right? Like, you don't see those
kinds of connections with people that aren't
doing that kind of work. And, you know, I think,
you know, tantra has a lot to do with that. I
know that that is... A key factor, even if you're
not embodying all of tantra practices militantly,
like if you're able to tap into some of those
love keys, then like you're really having that
sustained attraction and connection. And that's
really what I'm interested in in partnership.
Yeah, it's like some, there is a lot of like
couple therapy. There is a lot of work around
relationships and people are very comfortable
with an idea that relationships are work, but
very often most people are not comfortable with
an idea that sex requires work or good sex requires
work. They just think it either is there or once
it's gone. It's gone. And not many people are
like, oh, it's actually something this is something
we should be investing our time into. Yeah, it's
so funny because if you talk to a lot of sex
therapists, they'll talk about scheduling or
planning sex. Planning because scheduling sounds
like you're at a corporate office, but planning
sex. And I'm a firm believer in that too. And
a lot of people have pushback on that. And it's
like, why? You plan vacations. You know, you
plan. So like, what's the difference? And I'll
attest to this. With my most profound sexual
experience with a partner last year, he lived
in a different city. We would plan to see each
other when I'd be in town. So every couple of
weeks or every month. And it was all planning.
And it was all like, let's try this. Let's explore
this. in each other articles. I mean, what do
you think of this? You know, like, here's this
embodiment practice that I want to try. And it
was like so erotic to explore that together,
to co -create that space together. And best sexual
experience of my life, you know? Even in and
out of relationships, that was the best, most
exploratory, most growth -inducing, expansive
sexual experience I've ever had. And it was all
planning. And then we'd even reflect on it after
and be like, what was that like for you? Let's
talk about that. Isn't it interesting that this
comes up for us and it was so fucking hot. Like
really it was really hot, you know? Yeah, and
people fantasize about having amazing sex and
sometimes people in inside marriages or committed
relationships are really unhappy with their sexual
life. And then they fantasize about amazing experiences
they could have had if they didn't have this
relationship. But very few people are actually
able to admit that I deserve great sex and I
could actually work on it. Most of us run away
from it because there's so much stigma, shame,
miseducation, miscommunication, while there's
so much possibility there. And with that, I know
a lot of women who listen to this podcast, they
might already be aware of possible personal practices,
of how to awaken pleasure, but most struggle,
especially women who come to our events. with
a question of like, oh, but how do I invite my
man into it? Oh, I told my man about it and he's
like intimidated or he feels like it's not for
him. And like now I'm all on my own on this path.
It's a very common story. And since you also,
a lot of your work is around men. I would love
to hear your opinion. Yeah. So I feel that the
best approach and that I've seen work is really,
first of all, to lead by example. So it's like
if you If you have brought it up and never bring
it up out of threat, never bring it up out of
you're lesser than or I'm not getting what I
want, be the muse, inspire him, right? And be
like, be shared to or be excited to share with
him what you've been experiencing as you embark
on this practice. And what I found that really
works well is like appealing to their highest
sense of self. So of course, if you're in a relationship
with a man, I assume at some point or at certain
points there's been things that have really turned
you on, things that have really worked. So point
those out in your path to inspiring him. Or be
like, you know what I really want to try? Men
are curious people. The novelty comes the curiosity.
So if you kind of gamify it in a way that's like
experimental and fun and like let's be playful
about it and not so intense about it, that's
the best approach. It's not an it's not an either
or it's like a both and and it's like yeah if
you still if he still wants to go to pound town
or like you know just wants to have like a quick
uh like blowjob in the morning too and then you
also explore that you can do both right it's
not like you have to just go down this path and
nothing else is acceptable so I think like really
being gentle about how you approach it Definitely
like appealing to their ego to start and validating
them and like what has worked in the past and
making it as playful as possible. and like setting
aside time to like let's try this or you know
talk about other positive experiences that you've
witnessed whether that's a friend whether that's
in a course you've taken or something you watched
or something you read and like share that with
him so he's part of that and he can kind of be
inspired to enter that space. So we'll say as
well is there has been the like occasionally
where a man will not want to do that under any
circumstances and you know I have I have women
ask the question, like, okay, well, where else
is that coming up in the relationship? Where
else are your needs not being met? And 100 %
of the time, it's like, they're not accepting
their emotions, they're not amenable to their
other passions. And then it's like, then why
even that relationship? So if it's that much
fight, if it's causing that much pushback, and
it's that painful, and it's just a hard no, not
like a discomfort around it, then I would implore
you to question why you're in that relationship.
What kind of mistakes can women usually do in
this kind of communication? I've made them. Definitely
any sort of a masculinity comment. If it's sexual
inactivity, then diagnosing them, whether it's
like... ED or premature ejaculation and getting
frustrated with them or saying they have a Madonna
whore complex. Oops, I've done that before. Things
like that are not going to help. Those are for
the professionals. Those are not for you. You're
here to inspire. Also, don't come at him or don't
address these things in a charged environment.
If you're arguing about something, don't throw
sex in that same argument. Don't conflate the
two. Keep those things mutually exclusive. It's
important to talk about this outside of the bedroom,
not like while you're going to bed at night,
like, we never have sex anymore, or you never
want to try new things, or you only want to have
sex one way. That's really emasculating. That's
going to make him shut down completely. So yeah,
start to address that, you know, when things
are already on a high, if you can. And what are
ways to really inspire him? Anything spicy or
anything from your experience that you can share?
Well, so I work predominantly with with like
men on their own men who come to me aside from
their their partners many of them are single
looking to get partnered and What we are blessed
with in this time of like biohacking Andrew Huberman
disciples men who have this like hyper fixed
growth mindset is Luckily surprise surprise.
They also want to become masters at sex And so,
which is really interesting because women, if
you critique them in any way or if you make them
feel like they haven't perfected something yet,
they're like, that's it, they shut down. They're
like, what? I'm not good, I'm not already there.
I'm not good at it already. I don't want to know.
I don't want to know unless I'm already perfect
at it. I don't want to hear feedback. Men are
like, what can I do that's better? How can you
optimize my sexual health? How can I optimize
my skills? So that's what I mean. I love men
for this. I love especially like millennial and
Gen Z men. That is like what they're about. They're
super exploratory. I'm developing a program right
now about it has like various pillars of biosexual,
spiritual, sexual, and it all pertains to your
sexuality. So how can you optimize your hormone
health? What are the embodiment practices? What
are the longevity practices? And the same things
to combat ED are the same for premature ejaculation.
And it's about those embodiment exercises and
sexual reflexology exercises, as well as skills
with women. If you tell a man, if you inspire
him and say, do you want to become a master at
sex? Of course they're going to say yes. So it's
finding those side doorways to approach them,
send them my content. Like, leave it up on the
computer. That'll totally get back at them. Like,
there's things like, you know, men are usually
just thrusting, and they're also really hard.
They're not relaxed. Their backs are, like, flat.
You know, they're going, like, again, friction
sex. So, if they learn to, like, really, like,
move their hips with your hips, and there's,
like, exercises do there along with like twerking
because twerking is going to activate the urethral
sponge so if they're twerking like that that's
them twerking so rotating between thrust like
thrust and then that can make a woman squirt
so if you tell them stuff like that they're gonna
be like what you know um and this stuff really
yeah and it's like you know you were just saying
like oh when i first started doing paid egg it
was like oh two hours in the morning boring uh
how many guys go to the gym for two hours in
the morning like most of them that I know so
like Interesting because I find them a lot here
to work with and women because women Have a lot
more to unpack. It takes us a lot longer. It's
certainly taken me a lot longer used to but men
have Generally speaking in this generation and
in you know Gen Z generation They're a lot more
looking to like they're seekers that the growth
mindset thing is very real Like look at all the
podcasts that they're listening to they're constantly
trying to get better. You can really optimize
that mindset Yeah, so if we think about how men
first started Masturbating, you know, it was
really quick really fast. Why because they were
afraid of someone walking So when they're little
kids and they first discover it's like I need
to do this as quick as possible because mom might
walk in and blah blah blah. And again, that's
that sympathetic nervous state. So when they
masturbate, that's what they're doing. They're
touching themselves one way. And then as they
get older, they only learn to be pleasured one
way and they experience desensitization too.
So it's like they've got to go hard, they've
got to do it this way and nothing else works.
So very similar to women, they have to slow it
down and do their own embodiment practices. Things
like kidney breathing are really good for activating
the pelvis. It's all in the pelvis too. Exhale
push breaths. Men love breath work. If they're
doing an exhale push breath with their kidney
breathing in the morning, same with cupping their
balls and then rubbing their heart, activating
that center. Various exercises. I'm gonna be
doing a post on that and some videos I'm gonna
release the next couple of weeks on what those
are but then also Fundamentally try exploring
their bodies in different way in different ways.
So like try slowing it down Try touching themselves
in different places because when we're with partners
We're not doing the same things that we do to
pleasure ourselves like, you know, I'm not rubbing
my clearest or my partners I do I wouldn't want
that first of all, that's not fun. Like that's
not the experience and like A guy doesn't just
want a woman to do that and then like, okay,
good night, but like, no. So try pleasuring yourself
in a way that you would want with a partner,
a way that a partner explores. You explore your
own body in that way. And you know, porn, let's
talk about that because that's also a big piece.
I don't believe, you know, I'm pretty porn neutral.
I'm friends with a lot of people in that space.
I think it's like we need to put more responsibility
on the individuals and not the porn itself, right?
There's a lot of accountability to be had, but
I'm not a believer in like sex addiction or porn
addiction. It's like just take some accountability
here, but there's things you can do to do that.
You know, with these practices, and I highly
suggest taking Aaron Michael's YaFap program.
Not NoFap, YaFap, because he teaches a lot of
these exercises as well. I believe it's a 21
-day program. And I've referred men to that in
conjunction while working with me as well, which
is a fantastic combo. But instead of just like
going cold turkey off of porn, like try just...
turning the screen away and listening to it,
but adding on one of these practices, right?
So it's like you don't have... Men have still
this shame around like, must do no fap, semen
retention can't come, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, hyper fixation and like, you know, avoid,
avoid, avoid pleasure. What if you could enter
that state of relaxed arousal and really... cultivate
that energy, have it stay in you, right? And
then play with those activations. So like I said,
just listening to porn instead of watching it
too. Don't feel like you need to go cold turkey
off it. Just play with those activations and
triggers. Very similar still actually to an approach
with women. It's all about training and retraining
and reconditioning ourselves. And it's beautiful
to notice that there are a lot of pleasure and
a lot of potential and sexuality. so obvious,
but people forget, comes from the body, right?
So just like we want to be fit and to want to
be able to walk easily and run easily with pleasure,
with strong back, we need to train for it. Do
Pilates, yoga, gym, whatever works. Same for
sex. We actually need to train, to train, to
breathe, to stay present, to move, all of that.
Some obvious things, but not so common to know
these days. Yeah. you know the breathing thing
is that's been a big challenge right because
also we're having tension -based orgasms for
so long which is what do we do we tighten we
can both we hold our breath and relaxed arousal
for true for the ability to have multiple orgasms
various types of different orgasms that expansive
connection, it's like all about activating that
pelvic floor, exhale, push, and like pushing
out, right? And making those deeper sound, wow,
like those like grunts and those things that
are good for your like, you know, the bagel toning.
So it's not what we've been taught. And that's
what I'll also say that of course, porn is insidious
there. I'm also going to cut men some slack because
similar to how I said they were conditioned in
masturbation like afraid of mom walking in a
room so quick and fast. If I think about when
I was like in eighth grade and you know first
starting to get intimate with men and I remember
being in the parking lot and like my other this
is embarrassing because it's like what do eighth
grades know about giving blood? But I'm asking
like the other eighth, ninth graders like how
to do that. And they're like teaching me on a
banana. The girls are and teach same with how
to kiss. It's like here practice on your hand.
This is what you do. Girls did that. Boys never
did that. There was like that was like gay, you
know, shame. So it's like just going straight
to porn. Like so we can't really blame them for
that because we were complicit in that as well.
Like there was none of the men are asking like
the boys in the ninth grade locker room, like
how to pleasure a woman, right? But we're doing
that from a young age of how to pleasure. Like,
that's interesting. Yeah, that's interesting.
The shame plays a big role in this disconnection.
A lot of different kind of shame, but there is
a lot of shame that actually prevents us from
learning and learning real things. So now is
so much more information out there. People can
really reconnect to this important part of their
lives. That's so meaningful. And with that, would
you share with us how are you finding the connection
to your spiritual involvement and growth? It's
been pretty profound. Like I said, I did not
expect that to happen from my initial just curiosity
around sex. It started with me being like, why
am I aroused by these things? Why do I eroticize
anxiety? And then I went deeper into that. And
then that led me, like I said, to to Tantra.
And I mean, my spirituality is pretty multidimensional.
I pull from various modalities, and it's very
much so my ability to be in touch with the universe
and trust the universe. And then I also am very
inspired by Mary Magdalene and that archetype,
right? So the big thing for me And I think that
is important for anyone's spirituality is I think
it's really cool to piecemeal it together. What
works for you from over here? What works for
you from over there? And I remember I had my
first energetic orgasm coming out of some journey
work that I was doing. It was the next day, so
I was not under the influence anymore, but I
was very heart opened. And I was in the midst
of meditative practice and I'm still very new
to meditation so it's stillness is hard for me
but I was in a very Zen state then and I was
out in nature and I just felt really really at
one with the universe in that moment and I just
felt this like complete love like just complete
love and I had this like rupturous energetic
orgasm that's when I was like and it was like
psychedelic I didn't touch myself. I didn't touch
myself. And as I started sharing that experience
more, I didn't share it for a while because I
was like, what the hell was that? Like, did I
imagine that? And then I started sharing it.
And it's interesting how many more people, especially
in this space, had something similar. And that's
what kind of led them here. It was like this
magic moment that taught us that something else
is at play here beyond are limiting beliefs and
the physical world of what we're told. And so
I think, you know, my spirituality really comes
from within and realizing like the potential
that I have within to like co -create with the
universe. There is a lot that just comes from
within intuitively once we connect. to the body
and to our sex. This is the creative sexual energy
that is the creation life force. And it's again,
something people tend to forget. Um, those who
have a, still a little bit of shame to work through
and because the society teacher says exactly
that, that I love that a lot of people go, like
when you mentioned tantra, for example, a lot
of people go to tantra for tantric sex, but then
they find so much more there. that is actually
just a little door, like curiosity for sex is
just a little door into a much bigger world that
has so much to offer, starting with acceptance
and presence. Yeah, and I think if I can tell,
you know, anyone that it's real, you know, because,
and like a couple years ago, I would roll my
eyes at anyone that brought up the word tantra.
And I was like a hypersexual, very curious, like,
I was already a sexologist, right? And I would
still roll my eyes at like, yoni egg and body
like tantra. And then ironically, you know, through
my own journey, I've come, I've done a 180 into
like, oh my God, this is like, this is the key.
This is the key to all of it. So... I would just
encourage anyone who is curious about that. I
think if they're watching this, then they're
probably on a similar trajectory that something
somewhere inspired them that there's something
more to all of this, right? And to follow that
curiosity and on the other side of that is like
a portal to everything in life and like tantra
and sex and being at one with our sexually sovereign
selves. is going to be transformative for every
aspect of life. I'm still experiencing that on
a daily basis. It's like things keep happening,
magic moments keep happening, the deeper I feel
connected with myself. That comes from like our
sexual sovereignty because that's our sovereignty.
If we can, doing this work sexually is kind of
the deep, not kind of, it is the deepest form
of work we can do on ourselves. That's, it's
literally stripped down the most raw, real, you
know, no pun intended. unfiltered work we can
do. So when you get real with yourself there,
you're getting real with your entire life. This
is a powerful way to finish this podcast. Yeah,
that's the quote. That was Coral Osborne. You
can find her details and follow her on Instagram
by finding the details in this episode description.
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us
a rating. It really helps the show and helps
us sharing our work with women worldwide.