WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.720 What if reclaiming your pleasure was the most 00:00:02.720 --> 00:00:06.059 healing thing you could do for yourself? In this 00:00:06.059 --> 00:00:09.199 intimate conversation I speak to Coral Osborne 00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:13.240 who opens the door to her unique story. As someone 00:00:13.240 --> 00:00:15.560 who started sex work to fund her startup she's 00:00:15.560 --> 00:00:18.620 always been seen as a very open and hypersexual 00:00:18.620 --> 00:00:22.050 woman and yet she found herself disconnected 00:00:22.050 --> 00:00:25.210 from her own pleasure. She then embarked on a 00:00:25.210 --> 00:00:27.809 journey of full reclamation of her own power, 00:00:28.129 --> 00:00:32.149 sovereignty and spiritual aliveness through embodiment, 00:00:32.609 --> 00:00:35.149 through studies, through practices. And she's 00:00:35.149 --> 00:00:38.130 going to share the tools that she's been using 00:00:38.130 --> 00:00:41.909 to get herself back to full aliveness and a sense 00:00:41.909 --> 00:00:46.579 of own divine power within in this episode. You 00:00:46.579 --> 00:00:48.780 are listening to the Feminine Power Podcast, 00:00:49.299 --> 00:00:52.799 your portal into embodiment, feminine awakening, 00:00:53.439 --> 00:00:56.619 and the true power of your life force, sexual 00:00:56.619 --> 00:01:00.359 energy. I'm your host, Mariya Grinina, founder 00:01:00.359 --> 00:01:04.420 of Feel, a global platform for feminine embodiment 00:01:04.420 --> 00:01:07.939 and a coach for women ready to live with magnetism, 00:01:08.359 --> 00:01:11.810 love, and full aliveness. If you're ready to 00:01:11.810 --> 00:01:14.489 rise, you're in the right place. Follow the show 00:01:14.489 --> 00:01:16.829 and let's begin. Before we begin, I would love 00:01:16.829 --> 00:01:19.129 to hear a little bit about your journey and your 00:01:19.129 --> 00:01:23.189 story. What made you step on this really brave 00:01:23.189 --> 00:01:28.530 and beautiful and powerful path? Sure. So I was 00:01:28.530 --> 00:01:31.230 always very curious about sex. I think a large 00:01:31.230 --> 00:01:34.629 part of that was because it was so stigmatized 00:01:34.629 --> 00:01:39.030 in my household growing up. My mother was a social 00:01:39.030 --> 00:01:42.609 worker. and she had been a victim as well. So 00:01:42.609 --> 00:01:47.109 she went the route of like kind of sexual preservation 00:01:47.109 --> 00:01:51.069 and sex wasn't to be had outside of being in 00:01:51.069 --> 00:01:55.969 love and, you know, boys under the age or in 00:01:55.969 --> 00:01:58.230 their adolescent years were kind of like dangerous, 00:01:58.310 --> 00:01:59.849 like you weren't going to get anything from them. 00:02:00.049 --> 00:02:02.730 And then I sort of split, I rebelled when I was 00:02:02.730 --> 00:02:06.930 a teenager, became very... promiscuous and that 00:02:06.930 --> 00:02:10.530 was an empty promiscuity which I mistook for 00:02:10.530 --> 00:02:12.650 liberation. It was a people -pleasing tendency. 00:02:13.110 --> 00:02:17.349 That eventually led me to getting into sex work 00:02:17.349 --> 00:02:21.430 when I was looking to fund my startup in my mid 00:02:21.430 --> 00:02:24.780 -20s. And I was always very curious about that. 00:02:24.800 --> 00:02:26.719 And I found the power dynamic super interesting. 00:02:26.759 --> 00:02:28.460 And it wasn't at all what I thought it was going 00:02:28.460 --> 00:02:30.419 to be. And that was the first moment I kind of 00:02:30.419 --> 00:02:33.259 realized, wow, there is so much more to sex than 00:02:33.259 --> 00:02:36.639 just sex. Like, what are people looking for by 00:02:36.639 --> 00:02:39.599 taking sex out? What does that mean? Whether 00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:43.099 that was validation, whether that was real connection, 00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:47.159 I got to experience various archetypes of men. 00:02:47.469 --> 00:02:49.629 And that's way before I looked at my own stuff. 00:02:49.810 --> 00:02:53.189 Then in my personal life, in my own relationships, 00:02:54.030 --> 00:02:58.009 I was completely disconnected. I would dissociate 00:02:58.009 --> 00:02:59.889 completely because sex work was insidious in 00:02:59.889 --> 00:03:03.969 the way where I was having performative sex. 00:03:04.169 --> 00:03:06.810 When it came time to connecting with a partner, 00:03:07.810 --> 00:03:10.860 I... would not know how to do that. And I would 00:03:10.860 --> 00:03:13.259 kind of like reach this intimacy impasse, which 00:03:13.259 --> 00:03:16.560 I didn't know how to shut off. And then it wasn't 00:03:16.560 --> 00:03:22.319 until I was doxed, which means outed for my history 00:03:22.319 --> 00:03:24.819 and sex work that I just had this incredible 00:03:24.819 --> 00:03:28.159 revelation. All the things I feared happening 00:03:28.159 --> 00:03:31.560 happened. And on the other side of that was a 00:03:31.560 --> 00:03:34.659 bit of a sexual and spiritual rebirth where I 00:03:34.659 --> 00:03:38.180 was like, oh, I'm living my life in fear, just 00:03:38.180 --> 00:03:40.860 like that was being mimicked in sex, that was 00:03:40.860 --> 00:03:42.620 being mimicked in my personal relationships, 00:03:42.840 --> 00:03:46.159 in my career and everything. And that's when 00:03:46.159 --> 00:03:48.800 I realized that sexuality and our relationship 00:03:48.800 --> 00:03:51.699 to sex is kind of a through line to our relationship 00:03:51.699 --> 00:03:55.280 with ourselves and with everyone in our lives 00:03:55.280 --> 00:03:59.090 and our relationship to life. I went back to 00:03:59.090 --> 00:04:03.830 school and I became a certified sexologist. And 00:04:03.830 --> 00:04:06.330 then that was a very clinical program that I 00:04:06.330 --> 00:04:08.610 initially took. And then I was like, wait a second, 00:04:08.729 --> 00:04:12.409 okay, so I know all this stuff, but yet still 00:04:12.409 --> 00:04:14.770 I'm coming up against like faking orgasms and 00:04:14.770 --> 00:04:17.329 all of this in my relationships. I'm like, I'm 00:04:17.329 --> 00:04:18.990 not embodying this, like there's something else 00:04:18.990 --> 00:04:21.569 here. Which is when I realized how intrinsic 00:04:21.569 --> 00:04:26.329 spirituality is to... to sexuality as well. So 00:04:26.329 --> 00:04:28.910 then I started exploring, you know, embodiment 00:04:28.910 --> 00:04:31.610 practices. I worked with, I am still working 00:04:31.610 --> 00:04:35.370 with Dr. Saeeda Thasale on her psychosexual embodiment 00:04:35.370 --> 00:04:38.870 program, as well as I went to Somatica Institute 00:04:38.870 --> 00:04:41.889 and did their coaching program. I've started 00:04:41.889 --> 00:04:44.449 exploring tantra, and I really think it's this 00:04:44.449 --> 00:04:47.740 kind of never -ending quest. this path is definitely 00:04:47.740 --> 00:04:50.439 the seeker's path and you know I'm nowhere near 00:04:50.439 --> 00:04:53.019 the finish line but what happened was concurrently 00:04:53.019 --> 00:04:56.959 with healing myself and not just my relationship 00:04:56.959 --> 00:05:00.920 to sex that was kind of the the portal but I 00:05:00.920 --> 00:05:04.259 started realizing my my abilities and gifts with 00:05:04.259 --> 00:05:07.079 healing others namely men because there was this 00:05:07.079 --> 00:05:09.980 kind of innate trust that They had it with me 00:05:09.980 --> 00:05:12.519 given how stigmatized my background was. So I 00:05:12.519 --> 00:05:15.019 was able, I am able to help them with the de 00:05:15.019 --> 00:05:17.600 -shameifying piece, which is, you know, really, 00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:22.339 really a difficult part for men. I personally 00:05:22.339 --> 00:05:26.720 adore women who are brave and open and really 00:05:26.720 --> 00:05:30.600 own their story. And it is very often not the 00:05:30.600 --> 00:05:32.420 case for people who have had experience with 00:05:32.420 --> 00:05:34.939 sex work. A lot of people are so ashamed and 00:05:34.939 --> 00:05:38.060 shy. while actually owning the part of the story 00:05:38.060 --> 00:05:41.360 and also looking beyond the societal shame and 00:05:41.360 --> 00:05:44.480 seeing what it truly is, is really powerful. 00:05:45.439 --> 00:05:48.319 And I wonder if you would share how did this 00:05:48.319 --> 00:05:50.759 experience of seeing the truth and the depth 00:05:50.759 --> 00:05:53.759 beyond what people really think about such work 00:05:53.759 --> 00:05:56.819 affected your path and if there is anything powerful 00:05:56.819 --> 00:05:59.779 there that you want to share? Yeah, well, I mean, 00:05:59.899 --> 00:06:02.459 like in any profession, There's all different 00:06:02.459 --> 00:06:04.920 types of people and all different types of reasons 00:06:04.920 --> 00:06:07.300 and incentives why people get into the line of 00:06:07.300 --> 00:06:09.620 work they do. We can look at, you know, the entertainment 00:06:09.620 --> 00:06:11.639 industry, for example. You've got the Harvey 00:06:11.639 --> 00:06:15.439 Wein scenes and you've got, you know, the better 00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:18.139 reputable documentarians that are making profound 00:06:18.139 --> 00:06:21.160 monumental work. You know, it's very, very nuanced. 00:06:21.639 --> 00:06:23.779 But unfortunately, in Western society, we do 00:06:23.779 --> 00:06:26.720 have this kind of blanket interpretation of sex 00:06:26.720 --> 00:06:29.779 workers for like lazy women or women with daddy 00:06:29.779 --> 00:06:34.100 issues or women with trauma and God forbid you 00:06:34.100 --> 00:06:37.639 would enter it autonomously like I didn't have 00:06:37.639 --> 00:06:40.319 Capital T trauma. I mean we all have trauma lowercase 00:06:40.319 --> 00:06:43.259 t right, but I didn't have that I had a really 00:06:43.259 --> 00:06:45.360 great family There's all these micro reasons 00:06:45.360 --> 00:06:47.639 why I could say it led me to that but it really 00:06:47.639 --> 00:06:50.480 was a decision that I made and I just and a decision 00:06:50.480 --> 00:06:54.100 that I continued to make and interestingly the 00:06:54.699 --> 00:06:57.779 shame came up for me because I didn't feel shame. 00:06:57.819 --> 00:07:01.040 I was like, what's wrong with me? Because I don't 00:07:01.040 --> 00:07:03.160 feel things that I'm told I'm supposed to feel. 00:07:03.220 --> 00:07:06.540 I don't feel bad about this. Also, which is something 00:07:06.540 --> 00:07:09.800 that confuses people a lot, is I never did it 00:07:09.800 --> 00:07:13.399 when I was in a relationship. And I never told 00:07:13.399 --> 00:07:15.060 partners. So that was a whole other piece because 00:07:15.060 --> 00:07:17.379 I was constantly in fear when I had a boyfriend. 00:07:18.259 --> 00:07:21.360 But I have never cheated on a partner in my life, 00:07:21.459 --> 00:07:24.699 right? And I can't tell you how many civilian 00:07:24.699 --> 00:07:28.100 women and men I know that have definitely experienced 00:07:28.100 --> 00:07:30.120 infidelity and have cheated on their partners 00:07:30.120 --> 00:07:34.379 as well. So that's a major misconception that 00:07:34.379 --> 00:07:37.660 I just want to call out. And then the interesting 00:07:37.660 --> 00:07:41.420 piece with sex workers is like I do really see 00:07:41.420 --> 00:07:46.439 a couple like two major subtypes. So you kind 00:07:46.439 --> 00:07:49.910 of get the disempowered, hiding in the shadows, 00:07:50.209 --> 00:07:53.209 living this double life, which ironically I find 00:07:53.209 --> 00:07:55.629 is more like prevalent in like a city like Los 00:07:55.629 --> 00:07:59.410 Angeles, right? Where it's like influencers and 00:07:59.410 --> 00:08:01.189 but no one really knows what they do and blah 00:08:01.189 --> 00:08:02.790 blah blah blah. No one's talking about it, but 00:08:02.790 --> 00:08:05.589 they kind of tacitly accept it. It's just like 00:08:05.589 --> 00:08:08.759 look the other way. And then in New York, for 00:08:08.759 --> 00:08:13.699 example, it's like a very raw, raw, I'm so liberated, 00:08:13.879 --> 00:08:16.279 you know, like kind of a calloused approach. 00:08:16.560 --> 00:08:18.519 Neither one are great because neither one of 00:08:18.519 --> 00:08:20.040 them are like, you feel like you need to choose 00:08:20.040 --> 00:08:22.040 a side. Like you're either hiding in the shadows 00:08:22.040 --> 00:08:24.519 or you need to wear it like it's your only identity. 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:27.300 And like it's not our only identities, right? 00:08:27.540 --> 00:08:31.620 So I really dislike the glorification of sex 00:08:31.620 --> 00:08:34.740 work, just like I dislike the vilification of 00:08:34.740 --> 00:08:37.919 it. I mean, we all contain multitudes. There's 00:08:37.919 --> 00:08:40.759 so much more to people than just that. So as 00:08:40.759 --> 00:08:42.419 soon as you start hammering and I'm like, oh, 00:08:42.419 --> 00:08:46.120 my identity is a sex worker, then I just, I, 00:08:46.120 --> 00:08:47.860 you know, I have like strong aversions to that. 00:08:47.879 --> 00:08:51.440 But I will say, you know, the empowered sex workers 00:08:51.440 --> 00:08:54.500 that I've met, a lot of them are like published 00:08:54.500 --> 00:08:56.980 authors, like New York Times bestsellers authors, 00:08:57.759 --> 00:09:00.980 or they've gone on to be. renowned sex therapists 00:09:00.980 --> 00:09:05.200 and do incredible work because the big part there 00:09:05.200 --> 00:09:09.399 another misconception is when you're Addressed 00:09:09.399 --> 00:09:12.159 when you have to meet so much pushback from society 00:09:12.159 --> 00:09:15.519 you face so much stigma Especially if you're 00:09:15.519 --> 00:09:18.059 out or you're outed like kind of everything that 00:09:18.059 --> 00:09:19.940 no one would ever anticipate or expect to deal 00:09:19.940 --> 00:09:22.980 with in a lifetime You're dealing with and in 00:09:22.980 --> 00:09:24.779 relationships. You can't avoid it because it 00:09:24.779 --> 00:09:28.379 would come out eventually so it does kind of 00:09:28.279 --> 00:09:32.460 allow you to accumulate wisdom by rapid fire 00:09:32.460 --> 00:09:35.000 there. And I would say, I wouldn't have said 00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:38.179 it at the time, that that is a gift. So you develop 00:09:38.179 --> 00:09:41.659 a lot of skills, a lot of resilience. And yeah, 00:09:41.899 --> 00:09:44.440 those are what I would say the major misconceptions 00:09:44.440 --> 00:09:47.419 of that work is. But there's another big piece 00:09:47.419 --> 00:09:50.580 which is what I like to call provider privilege 00:09:50.580 --> 00:09:54.379 or escort entitlement where it's hard to switch 00:09:54.379 --> 00:09:57.960 gears from those hard staunch boundaries that 00:09:57.960 --> 00:10:02.419 you have with clients into relationships. Lots 00:10:02.419 --> 00:10:04.419 of people think, oh, sex workers don't have boundaries. 00:10:05.059 --> 00:10:07.379 They have the most hardcore boundaries where 00:10:07.379 --> 00:10:09.539 it's really hard to switch off in interpersonal 00:10:09.539 --> 00:10:13.320 relationships. And this wasn't the case with 00:10:13.320 --> 00:10:17.759 me, but a lot of women will also take the... 00:10:18.279 --> 00:10:20.480 feel like they need to be compensated for their 00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:23.360 time, right? Like, my time is precious, and it's 00:10:23.360 --> 00:10:27.039 valued exponentially high. Or if you're like 00:10:27.039 --> 00:10:29.539 me, then it was like, it's so incredible if someone 00:10:29.539 --> 00:10:32.799 finally accepts you of the opposite sex when 00:10:32.799 --> 00:10:34.379 you're in a relationship, that you kind of just 00:10:34.379 --> 00:10:36.299 give, give, give, and you suck at receiving, 00:10:36.440 --> 00:10:38.480 because you're like, oh, finally someone's going 00:10:38.480 --> 00:10:41.120 to accept me and my past and who I was, so I'm 00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:42.940 just going to give them... Everything in the 00:10:42.940 --> 00:10:45.299 world, even if it's undeserved. So there's a 00:10:45.299 --> 00:10:47.919 lot of like contradictory pieces there and it's 00:10:47.919 --> 00:10:51.039 truly fascinating I recently took a poll and 00:10:51.039 --> 00:10:53.539 then a sex for a group that I run there's over 00:10:53.539 --> 00:10:57.720 like 500 members in it on What their relationship 00:10:57.720 --> 00:11:00.639 to pleasure was and it's really interesting to 00:11:00.639 --> 00:11:05.269 see how some women really gatekeep their pleasure 00:11:05.269 --> 00:11:08.149 and completely shut off. And that was certainly 00:11:08.149 --> 00:11:10.610 the case for me. And others sort of fetishize 00:11:10.610 --> 00:11:13.190 it and they can kind of relinquish control because 00:11:13.190 --> 00:11:15.029 they feel like, oh, it's not a personal relationship. 00:11:15.169 --> 00:11:18.450 I can just let go. So there's truly so many layers 00:11:18.450 --> 00:11:22.149 that kind of mimic the sex work, like the provider 00:11:22.149 --> 00:11:26.840 -client relationship. is kind of a hyper -focused 00:11:26.840 --> 00:11:30.000 metaphor or analogy for real -life relationships. 00:11:30.179 --> 00:11:32.340 You get to see things and interpersonal dynamics 00:11:32.340 --> 00:11:34.860 play out in rapid -fire settings, and that's 00:11:34.860 --> 00:11:37.899 really, really cool. Yeah, I've had these conversations 00:11:37.899 --> 00:11:40.940 with quite a few amazing women that I really, 00:11:40.940 --> 00:11:44.059 really respect, who either were sex workers or 00:11:44.059 --> 00:11:48.159 are sex workers now. And all of them, I must 00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:50.200 say, had this same thing that you described, 00:11:50.340 --> 00:11:52.399 kind of disassociation from pleasure or gatekeeping 00:11:52.399 --> 00:11:57.309 pleasure. while themselves being these goddesses 00:11:57.309 --> 00:12:00.149 of pleasure, goddesses of giving, creating pleasure, 00:12:00.549 --> 00:12:04.320 like being the absolute experts of that. as those 00:12:04.320 --> 00:12:06.600 who give that and create, but not so much for 00:12:06.600 --> 00:12:09.299 themselves. And some of them found their journey 00:12:09.299 --> 00:12:11.620 against their spirituality and certain practices 00:12:11.620 --> 00:12:14.419 to really, really reclaim pleasure in their bodies 00:12:14.419 --> 00:12:16.899 for themselves. And some are still going through 00:12:16.899 --> 00:12:20.419 that process. But that is no different to women 00:12:20.419 --> 00:12:23.600 who are not sex workers. It literally happens 00:12:23.600 --> 00:12:25.860 to all of us. A lot of us have this conditioning 00:12:25.860 --> 00:12:28.860 of being like... Oh, I need to please my lover. 00:12:29.019 --> 00:12:31.620 I need to learn to do the best blowjob and like 00:12:31.620 --> 00:12:34.559 to do the street dance and like to be all this 00:12:34.559 --> 00:12:37.159 like give, give, give and not so much. Oh, how 00:12:37.159 --> 00:12:41.059 do I feel good? How do I open up? It's a universal 00:12:41.059 --> 00:12:45.379 theme. And yeah, how did you address that? I'm 00:12:45.379 --> 00:12:47.759 still addressing it. For example, I just got 00:12:47.759 --> 00:12:52.000 back from a nine -day retreat with my mentor, 00:12:52.220 --> 00:12:54.720 Dr. Saeeda Deslai, who also runs the program, 00:12:54.899 --> 00:12:58.000 the Embodied Psychosexual Program. When I started 00:12:58.000 --> 00:12:59.940 that program for several months, it was weekly 00:12:59.940 --> 00:13:02.240 Zoom sessions, and I was getting extremely frustrated 00:13:02.240 --> 00:13:05.259 because the whole part that she preaches is that 00:13:05.259 --> 00:13:08.279 the integrity piece in the embodiment is missing 00:13:08.279 --> 00:13:10.779 in this work. If you're a clinical sexologist, 00:13:10.840 --> 00:13:14.059 I can't tell you how many sexologists are pretty 00:13:14.059 --> 00:13:17.899 much inactive, it's not asexual. And it's all 00:13:17.899 --> 00:13:22.919 of their cerebral brains. And I was that, and 00:13:22.919 --> 00:13:25.019 I was like, I don't want to be that. And also 00:13:25.019 --> 00:13:28.259 for my own life, because I've had glimpses of 00:13:28.259 --> 00:13:32.519 the transformative power of connection and orgasm. 00:13:32.919 --> 00:13:36.720 And I know the potential that lies there. So 00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:38.600 I was like, I want to see what's on the other 00:13:38.600 --> 00:13:42.139 side of that. But when I would Just did this 00:13:42.139 --> 00:13:44.340 retreat this nine -day training retreat part 00:13:44.340 --> 00:13:47.120 of our retreat or our training is the j -day 00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:48.940 practice and when I first started that months 00:13:48.940 --> 00:13:52.039 ago I would get really frustrated because the 00:13:52.039 --> 00:13:54.799 premise of it is you're sipping in the egg and 00:13:54.799 --> 00:13:58.419 it can sometimes take you weeks if not months 00:13:58.419 --> 00:14:00.559 to get there. It's not like forcing things in 00:14:00.559 --> 00:14:03.100 and if we look at how we have sex it's like friction 00:14:03.100 --> 00:14:06.559 -based, it's high sympathetic state, it's one 00:14:06.559 --> 00:14:09.879 -dimensional as opposed to multi -dimensional 00:14:09.879 --> 00:14:13.519 and it's all about patience which is the key 00:14:13.519 --> 00:14:17.059 to embodiment. So that was a pretty transformative 00:14:17.059 --> 00:14:20.799 experience just that this past week I also had 00:14:20.799 --> 00:14:23.799 an incredible my first heartgasm which I would 00:14:23.799 --> 00:14:25.799 have laughed and rolled my eyes on if you told 00:14:25.799 --> 00:14:28.059 me this last year that this was a thing. But 00:14:28.059 --> 00:14:30.980 the sexual reflexology and the vagal nerves and 00:14:30.980 --> 00:14:33.379 the connection between our cervix part is a real 00:14:33.379 --> 00:14:37.820 thing. And that was as profound as or more profound 00:14:37.820 --> 00:14:40.500 than like me doing like a psychedelic induced 00:14:40.500 --> 00:14:42.659 like journey work that I've done, right? That 00:14:42.659 --> 00:14:45.529 was extremely art opening. So that just kind 00:14:45.529 --> 00:14:47.450 of reinstilled the faith that I have in this 00:14:47.450 --> 00:14:50.250 work. And to speak more about my quest on my 00:14:50.250 --> 00:14:53.350 own path, I'm doing ISTA training this summer 00:14:53.350 --> 00:14:57.330 in Andalusia, and I'm doing orgasmic hypnosis 00:14:57.330 --> 00:15:01.799 training in Berlin, and I'm going back. I used 00:15:01.799 --> 00:15:05.039 to train with Dr. Saeeda and Erin Michael, her 00:15:05.039 --> 00:15:07.019 partner, who's a sexological body worker and 00:15:07.019 --> 00:15:10.320 coach as well, to deepen my own journey. So it's 00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:12.679 never -ending and that's the fun part. Like I 00:15:12.679 --> 00:15:15.919 said, it mimics spirituality and the seeker mindset, 00:15:16.080 --> 00:15:18.600 always have the beginner's mindset. And that's 00:15:18.600 --> 00:15:22.220 the exciting part for me is the more I... get 00:15:22.220 --> 00:15:25.460 closer to my own embodiment and my own fulfillment 00:15:25.460 --> 00:15:27.899 and see what the potential is there, the more 00:15:27.899 --> 00:15:30.200 I feel capable of holding others into leading 00:15:30.200 --> 00:15:32.259 them to the same. I don't see how it's possible 00:15:32.259 --> 00:15:37.909 otherwise. And sadly, in the Western world, with 00:15:37.909 --> 00:15:41.870 a lot of sex therapists and gynecologists. I 00:15:41.870 --> 00:15:44.909 read a stat the other day that it takes 15 gynecologists 00:15:44.909 --> 00:15:47.070 to get you one that will actually address like 00:15:47.070 --> 00:15:49.990 pleasure anatomy. Go there and you're like, I'm 00:15:49.990 --> 00:15:52.370 numbing out. Including that was my experience. 00:15:52.529 --> 00:15:55.059 I think it took me about six. They're just not 00:15:55.059 --> 00:15:57.460 trained in this. People can talk about sex a 00:15:57.460 --> 00:15:59.460 lot more comfortably now, but you know, they're 00:15:59.460 --> 00:16:01.200 not talking about the embodiment piece. They're 00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:03.240 talking about like, oh, how to give a great blowjob, 00:16:03.360 --> 00:16:06.120 you know, like how to give and like what anal 00:16:06.120 --> 00:16:09.440 lube to use. And it's like none of that matters. 00:16:09.480 --> 00:16:11.799 It's kind of like putting a lipstick on a pig 00:16:11.799 --> 00:16:13.980 unless you have that foundational embodiment. 00:16:15.059 --> 00:16:17.980 Yeah, this is something that really makes me 00:16:17.980 --> 00:16:20.600 sad when I go to like any sex tech conferences 00:16:20.600 --> 00:16:24.399 or in London, we have like communities that are 00:16:24.399 --> 00:16:26.820 focused around the innovation and involvement 00:16:26.820 --> 00:16:29.720 in sexual wellness. And it's always all about 00:16:29.720 --> 00:16:33.600 sex stories, loops, robotics, AI, all of that. 00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:37.080 And I'm like, how about take a breath and feel 00:16:37.080 --> 00:16:40.220 into your body and notice what's there, what 00:16:40.220 --> 00:16:42.679 do you need? Like these things, it's always about 00:16:42.679 --> 00:16:46.039 the quick fix, how to feel a bit more and never 00:16:46.039 --> 00:16:49.230 about... What is it truly that's underneath? 00:16:49.549 --> 00:16:51.889 And that's what you can truly find in places 00:16:51.889 --> 00:16:54.750 more like say ISTA or orgasmic hypnosis with 00:16:54.750 --> 00:16:58.990 David Marius and through real personal, soft, 00:16:59.350 --> 00:17:02.490 no goal oriented connection. And it's really 00:17:02.490 --> 00:17:04.210 important to mention it here because for a lot 00:17:04.210 --> 00:17:06.329 of women listening, it could be like, oh shit, 00:17:06.490 --> 00:17:09.089 now I have to like make it my whole life's journey 00:17:09.089 --> 00:17:10.950 because there is so many things I need to do 00:17:10.950 --> 00:17:13.750 to be able to feel again. But that's again... 00:17:13.950 --> 00:17:16.230 not what needs to happen. There is no pressure. 00:17:16.369 --> 00:17:18.410 There is just your body and you can take your 00:17:18.410 --> 00:17:20.809 time and you can take years and years and years 00:17:20.809 --> 00:17:23.029 in this reconnection, but it doesn't need to 00:17:23.029 --> 00:17:26.910 be or it shouldn't feel like work. It's just 00:17:26.910 --> 00:17:29.849 a deep, beautiful reconnection. And to your point 00:17:29.849 --> 00:17:32.690 about sex toys and all that, we're hearing so 00:17:32.690 --> 00:17:35.930 much about the orgasm gap, right? There's a few 00:17:35.930 --> 00:17:39.470 reasons for this, and I could say it's the patriarchy, 00:17:39.490 --> 00:17:43.470 but then what? We need to, as women, advocate 00:17:43.470 --> 00:17:46.190 for our own pleasure, and we've been very passive. 00:17:46.710 --> 00:17:49.309 For example, the fact that I was perceived for 00:17:49.309 --> 00:17:51.809 the longest time as the most hypersexual person 00:17:51.809 --> 00:17:54.150 in my friend group in every circle, even though 00:17:54.150 --> 00:17:56.589 I'd never been able to experience partnered orgasm, 00:17:56.750 --> 00:17:59.630 goes to tell you a lot. I was still performing. 00:17:59.990 --> 00:18:02.490 People had this perception of me, and it's not 00:18:02.490 --> 00:18:04.880 to say I wasn't I was very capable of staying 00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:08.019 in a highly aroused state, but I wasn't experiencing 00:18:08.019 --> 00:18:10.059 like true pleasure. And the pleasure that we 00:18:10.059 --> 00:18:13.359 are conditioned to is sympathetic pleasure, like 00:18:13.359 --> 00:18:16.980 quick, fast. So there's all this bullshit on 00:18:16.980 --> 00:18:20.200 the internet that we can't get addicted to our 00:18:20.200 --> 00:18:23.079 vibrators and like it doesn't, they don't desensitize 00:18:23.079 --> 00:18:25.410 us. And this would drive me insane because this 00:18:25.410 --> 00:18:28.230 is even when I was taught in my sexology training. 00:18:28.309 --> 00:18:30.789 And I was like, how is that the case? Because 00:18:30.789 --> 00:18:34.490 if I think about myself as a young girl, I would 00:18:34.490 --> 00:18:37.230 touch myself and like very quickly within probably 00:18:37.230 --> 00:18:40.509 less than a minute, I would be able to orgasm. 00:18:40.509 --> 00:18:44.430 And then when I discovered sex toys, it was super 00:18:44.430 --> 00:18:48.430 profound for me and like electric. And then within 00:18:48.430 --> 00:18:52.559 like a few years, probably four or five, I would 00:18:52.559 --> 00:18:56.039 be like using my attache for like 10 minutes 00:18:56.039 --> 00:18:58.599 at the highest speed and feel nothing. I would 00:18:58.599 --> 00:19:01.380 go on detoxes for like, they say, you know, it 00:19:01.380 --> 00:19:03.900 takes a couple of days. I would try a week or 00:19:03.900 --> 00:19:06.920 two weeks and it would hardly make a difference. 00:19:07.779 --> 00:19:11.299 So something interesting I learned in this embodied 00:19:11.299 --> 00:19:14.960 psychosexual training was that, you know, if 00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:17.660 we're using a vibrator, that's triggering an 00:19:17.660 --> 00:19:21.710 external sympathetic state. In no world, naturally, 00:19:22.289 --> 00:19:24.829 is that a familiar sensation on our genitals, 00:19:24.990 --> 00:19:27.349 right? It's not natural. That can't be co -created 00:19:27.349 --> 00:19:30.269 with a partner. So that's what we're training 00:19:30.269 --> 00:19:33.210 our bodies to respond to. And again, this cannot 00:19:33.210 --> 00:19:35.650 be co -created with a partner. So when we think 00:19:35.650 --> 00:19:38.470 of how we perceive a lot of men that are like, 00:19:38.710 --> 00:19:40.150 you should let us bring sex toys in the bedroom. 00:19:40.230 --> 00:19:41.509 We should let us bring our vibrator, blah, blah, 00:19:41.509 --> 00:19:45.220 blah. We're bypassing intimacy there. or bypassing 00:19:45.220 --> 00:19:47.700 connection and what two people can co -create 00:19:47.700 --> 00:19:49.880 in that space. So it's like you kind of wonder 00:19:49.880 --> 00:19:52.519 like well of course some men are going to be 00:19:52.519 --> 00:19:54.619 threatened and intimidated by sex toys because 00:19:54.619 --> 00:19:56.819 that's that's keeping them further away from 00:19:56.819 --> 00:20:01.400 connection. So I very recently got rid of my 00:20:01.400 --> 00:20:03.900 dozens of vibrators many of which I've been gifted 00:20:03.900 --> 00:20:07.220 or sent by various brands and if you're capable 00:20:07.220 --> 00:20:10.160 of having both great I was not capable of having 00:20:10.160 --> 00:20:12.839 both I'm on the path of like deconstructing what 00:20:12.839 --> 00:20:15.500 I've been accustomed to for so many years in 00:20:15.500 --> 00:20:18.779 order to build back up but we shouldn't be afraid 00:20:18.779 --> 00:20:22.359 of going deep? Am I going deep? You're kind of 00:20:22.359 --> 00:20:24.259 going to deconstruct it, like you said, slow 00:20:24.259 --> 00:20:28.319 it down. And as you know, with tantra, if you've 00:20:28.319 --> 00:20:33.400 been accustomed to that high arousal, high sympathetic 00:20:33.400 --> 00:20:37.440 state to enter relaxed arousal, which is really 00:20:37.440 --> 00:20:39.140 incredibly transformative on the other side. 00:20:39.380 --> 00:20:42.039 It takes some discomfort and like you're probably 00:20:42.039 --> 00:20:44.019 gonna get a little bored. It's probably gonna, 00:20:44.140 --> 00:20:46.380 you're gonna feel desensitized and you're gonna 00:20:46.380 --> 00:20:48.779 slow it down and it's gonna be awkward and weird. 00:20:49.140 --> 00:20:51.579 But on the other side of that, it's profoundly 00:20:51.579 --> 00:20:53.900 transformative and you've got to recondition 00:20:53.900 --> 00:20:56.519 yourself to get there. It's like having sex for 00:20:56.519 --> 00:20:58.680 the first time really. And I think that's been 00:20:58.680 --> 00:21:01.380 the interesting thing is, you know, I like to 00:21:01.380 --> 00:21:04.440 use this analogy of like sex is like food. Sometimes, 00:21:04.680 --> 00:21:06.700 you're eating McDonald's and other times you're 00:21:06.700 --> 00:21:09.519 having a Michelin star meal, right? And like 00:21:09.519 --> 00:21:11.500 the McDonald's sex is nothing, the McDonald's 00:21:11.500 --> 00:21:13.660 is nothing like the Michelin star meal. Like 00:21:13.660 --> 00:21:15.440 the Michelin star meal, you're walking away and 00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:19.230 you're like... That was transformative like I'm 00:21:19.230 --> 00:21:21.109 gonna remember that for the rest of my life. 00:21:21.210 --> 00:21:24.230 I feel amazing Like I'm gonna keep sharing this 00:21:24.230 --> 00:21:26.210 I want to tell people about how transformative 00:21:26.210 --> 00:21:29.069 it was and send people that way and McDonald's 00:21:29.069 --> 00:21:31.009 you're kind of basking in shame and it like it 00:21:31.009 --> 00:21:32.769 did that short -term thing It was like oh you 00:21:32.769 --> 00:21:35.190 craved it so bad you got the fix and then after 00:21:35.190 --> 00:21:37.950 you like I feel kind of disgusting So that's 00:21:37.950 --> 00:21:41.529 really what sex is And not to say that also there's 00:21:41.529 --> 00:21:44.349 a place for quickies. There's a place for those, 00:21:44.349 --> 00:21:46.789 you know, short fixes. Absolutely. But let's 00:21:46.789 --> 00:21:49.430 look at our landscape, our erotic landscape and 00:21:49.430 --> 00:21:51.430 see what else there is to offer because there's 00:21:51.430 --> 00:21:53.910 so much available to it. Yeah, and just like 00:21:53.910 --> 00:21:56.150 with McDonald's or really high quality, being 00:21:56.150 --> 00:21:59.109 Michelin star, being extremely beautifully home 00:21:59.109 --> 00:22:02.589 -cooked healthy meal, another similarity there 00:22:02.589 --> 00:22:05.710 is that the first one is easy and cheap to get. 00:22:05.809 --> 00:22:08.069 It doesn't require a lot of time to prepare. 00:22:08.309 --> 00:22:11.029 You can get it in seconds for a very affordable 00:22:11.029 --> 00:22:13.329 price. It's not going to give you any health 00:22:13.329 --> 00:22:17.769 benefits. And the second one will give you deep 00:22:17.769 --> 00:22:20.329 health benefits and will really nourish you, 00:22:20.390 --> 00:22:24.440 but it does... They require a lot more effort 00:22:24.440 --> 00:22:27.240 either to receive it from someone you love or 00:22:27.240 --> 00:22:30.380 to go and pay a good amount of money But there 00:22:30.380 --> 00:22:34.220 is like this kind of effort space there as well 00:22:34.220 --> 00:22:38.019 Hmm before I before I switch to a different topic 00:22:38.019 --> 00:22:39.980 that I'm excited about I want to know what's 00:22:39.980 --> 00:22:42.240 your favorite sex toy now and share a little 00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:46.400 bit about mine favorite sex toy well, I have 00:22:46.400 --> 00:22:50.180 recently like I said, I got rid of my Hitachi, 00:22:50.259 --> 00:22:54.099 my Magic Bullet, my Rosebud, all of my vibrators. 00:22:55.079 --> 00:22:59.000 And what I've really been exploring, I have used 00:22:59.000 --> 00:23:05.359 a V -Well pelvic tool for my pelvic floor. But 00:23:05.359 --> 00:23:07.839 what I'm really exploring now and getting into 00:23:07.839 --> 00:23:11.200 fully is just focusing on my jade egg to really 00:23:11.200 --> 00:23:14.980 create that sensitivity. And for me, that's because 00:23:14.980 --> 00:23:18.880 I am prone to numbing out. And interestingly, 00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:21.740 and I thought that might have been an anatomical 00:23:21.740 --> 00:23:28.200 issue. And I went to a gynecologist last week. 00:23:28.519 --> 00:23:30.500 She was actually involved in the training as 00:23:30.500 --> 00:23:32.619 well, Dr. Deborah Wickman. She's incredible. 00:23:33.160 --> 00:23:36.160 And it was so cool because I went in and she's 00:23:36.160 --> 00:23:38.099 like, do you have any concerns or issues? And 00:23:38.099 --> 00:23:41.000 I'm like, I'm kind of freaked out that I might 00:23:41.000 --> 00:23:43.779 have a hyper tense pelvic floor because I'm not 00:23:43.779 --> 00:23:46.160 really feeling anything. or I might have clitoral 00:23:46.160 --> 00:23:49.099 adhesions or something because my clitoris is 00:23:49.099 --> 00:23:52.700 not as sensitive as it was. But I also know that 00:23:52.700 --> 00:23:55.799 this could all be in my head. I'm just looking 00:23:55.799 --> 00:23:58.880 for clarity around that. And sure enough, she 00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:01.420 goes in there and this is what every gynecological 00:24:01.420 --> 00:24:03.920 exam should be. She goes in there with the camera 00:24:03.920 --> 00:24:07.519 on the screen. You're able to look at all of 00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:10.720 your anatomy. Blending it all to you so you feel 00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:12.519 so empowered. That's the first step. You can 00:24:12.519 --> 00:24:14.759 look at a mirror, which most women will never 00:24:14.759 --> 00:24:17.519 do in a lifetime, but to go inside and look at 00:24:17.519 --> 00:24:20.039 your cervix and like look at what she calls your 00:24:20.039 --> 00:24:22.380 mermaid gills, female prostate and all of that 00:24:22.380 --> 00:24:24.339 and see the functionality and your pleasure anatomy 00:24:24.339 --> 00:24:26.460 and your reproductive anatomy and how it all 00:24:26.460 --> 00:24:29.180 works is incredible. It's a really beautiful 00:24:29.180 --> 00:24:31.980 experience. And sure enough, nothing anatomically 00:24:31.980 --> 00:24:34.940 wrong with me. So that's when I was like, oh, 00:24:35.140 --> 00:24:38.660 yeah, okay. We've got to stay away from those 00:24:38.660 --> 00:24:41.140 quick fixes and the toys which I've been accustomed 00:24:41.140 --> 00:24:44.599 to because I need to go low and slow and really 00:24:44.599 --> 00:24:47.940 take in ritualizing my my pleasure practice, 00:24:48.960 --> 00:24:53.200 which I've never. I really am a believer in ritualizing 00:24:53.200 --> 00:24:55.339 that. I think it's really beautiful if you can 00:24:55.339 --> 00:24:57.440 wake up. If you're a morning person like me, 00:24:57.779 --> 00:25:00.240 you can wake up at like 5 a .m. or let's be honest, 00:25:00.400 --> 00:25:03.960 4 a .m. these days and take a couple hours or 00:25:03.960 --> 00:25:05.700 at the end of the day or whenever you can find 00:25:05.700 --> 00:25:08.380 that time. It's so beautiful because it's really 00:25:08.380 --> 00:25:11.740 meditative too. You can bring in your other practices, 00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:13.779 whether that be your morning practice or meditation. 00:25:16.849 --> 00:25:19.730 Qigong to journaling and have that all be a part 00:25:19.730 --> 00:25:22.230 of it, then it's a really beautiful embodied 00:25:22.230 --> 00:25:26.049 way to enter the world. Yeah, so good. I just 00:25:26.049 --> 00:25:29.210 had my pleasure practice today before this podcast. 00:25:29.329 --> 00:25:31.549 I often do it before recording podcasts and then 00:25:31.549 --> 00:25:33.490 I have a whole content day like it's my thing. 00:25:33.890 --> 00:25:38.789 How I do it, I put like I have a... Ritual practice 00:25:38.789 --> 00:25:42.950 like dark red silk piece that the symbolizing 00:25:42.950 --> 00:25:45.589 for me like this is my ritual space so I put 00:25:45.589 --> 00:25:50.829 like this big sheet of silk and I put my JDAG 00:25:50.829 --> 00:25:54.160 my cervical wand because you've touched upon 00:25:54.160 --> 00:25:56.079 the cervix. I feel like it's so important to 00:25:56.079 --> 00:25:58.059 really mention women. You need to look into your 00:25:58.059 --> 00:26:01.160 cervix. So like my glass cervical wand and then 00:26:01.160 --> 00:26:04.079 I put on music and I dance first and I seduce 00:26:04.079 --> 00:26:07.259 myself and then I cover myself in oil. Then the 00:26:07.259 --> 00:26:09.700 whole sheet becomes full of oil and I put myself 00:26:09.700 --> 00:26:12.500 in front of a mirror and then I like give myself 00:26:12.500 --> 00:26:15.279 a massage and like saying to me how I'm this 00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:18.559 goddess and look at this and then I go into self 00:26:18.559 --> 00:26:21.279 -pleasure into my genitals into my breast massage. 00:26:21.769 --> 00:26:27.329 And then I don't use any vibrator. I get myself 00:26:27.329 --> 00:26:29.930 to an orgasm through self -touch using the hands 00:26:29.930 --> 00:26:35.250 or the glass wand. And that makes me feel super 00:26:35.250 --> 00:26:40.119 connected to my own power. And I use that before 00:26:40.119 --> 00:26:43.000 work stuff because I know how that just makes 00:26:43.000 --> 00:26:46.440 me feel like I am myself and I'm connected. And 00:26:46.440 --> 00:26:48.720 I really hope more people get into that. It needs 00:26:48.720 --> 00:26:52.599 to be a ritual. It needs to be like a self -honoring, 00:26:52.859 --> 00:26:56.599 self -love deep practice. I didn't get here to 00:26:56.599 --> 00:26:58.920 speak to what you've said. It took me about maybe 00:26:58.920 --> 00:27:03.039 two years of real commitment to self -pleasure. 00:27:03.720 --> 00:27:07.359 without any external vibrator stimulation or 00:27:07.359 --> 00:27:09.839 anything like that. It's a lot of practice, but 00:27:09.839 --> 00:27:12.960 I so love it now and I find so much power in 00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:15.920 it and I feel more that's why we were disconnected 00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:18.480 from it because there is so much power in it. 00:27:18.650 --> 00:27:22.549 So it took you two years from de -conditioning, 00:27:22.750 --> 00:27:26.849 from using vibrators? For me, it was more about 00:27:26.849 --> 00:27:29.890 shame. From a place of like, oh, I'm really ashamed 00:27:29.890 --> 00:27:32.549 to even put my hand down there, maybe that was 00:27:32.549 --> 00:27:36.549 seven years. But from a place of like, doing 00:27:36.549 --> 00:27:41.069 self -pleasure for two hours, who has time for 00:27:41.069 --> 00:27:45.420 it, why would I do this? So boring. That's about 00:27:45.420 --> 00:27:48.380 two years. So it's so interesting that you say 00:27:48.380 --> 00:27:53.539 that because before I had my sexological bodywork 00:27:53.539 --> 00:27:59.099 session with Aaron Michael, who is an incredible 00:27:59.099 --> 00:28:04.720 bodyworker and sex coach, who was able to facilitate 00:28:04.720 --> 00:28:08.700 that heartgasm for me, is he said, what comes 00:28:08.700 --> 00:28:10.140 up for you? You know, what are your intentions 00:28:10.140 --> 00:28:14.460 here? And I'm like, honestly, like I I just don't 00:28:14.460 --> 00:28:16.859 really feel anything. Like I just don't really 00:28:16.859 --> 00:28:19.839 feel anything and I want to so bad and I know 00:28:19.839 --> 00:28:23.539 this for a lot of like I was talking to my former 00:28:23.539 --> 00:28:26.680 adult star girlfriend who's like a very well 00:28:26.680 --> 00:28:29.579 -known like retired porn star and she has the 00:28:29.579 --> 00:28:31.819 same thing and I'm like this is so hilarious. 00:28:31.960 --> 00:28:33.440 We're actually thinking about creating like a 00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:37.200 little docu -series on our journey to pleasure 00:28:37.200 --> 00:28:39.539 and resensitizing ourselves because the assumption 00:28:39.539 --> 00:28:42.380 of what we are versus what we experience is just 00:28:42.569 --> 00:28:45.869 And it's like, if we can solve this, then like 00:28:45.869 --> 00:28:50.490 anyone can. But he was like, so on the other 00:28:50.490 --> 00:28:55.130 side of boredom and numbness is curiosity and 00:28:55.130 --> 00:28:57.849 novelty. And that's certainly been my experience. 00:28:58.109 --> 00:29:01.269 And it's like on the other side of fear and anxiety 00:29:01.269 --> 00:29:04.529 is exuberance and joy. So it's like when through 00:29:04.529 --> 00:29:06.970 doing this work, I can correlate that exactly 00:29:06.970 --> 00:29:10.529 to the experience. You know, I was like fascinated. 00:29:10.690 --> 00:29:13.180 I was like, what else is here? You know, like, 00:29:13.740 --> 00:29:16.500 and that's where the piece, like, really comes 00:29:16.500 --> 00:29:19.380 from. And people think that novelty, I mean, 00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:21.359 the Western world conditions us to think like 00:29:21.359 --> 00:29:24.079 novelty is like different partners or like sexual 00:29:24.079 --> 00:29:26.279 gymnastics and aerobics and let's try reverse 00:29:26.279 --> 00:29:28.440 cowgirl all these positions. And it's like, that 00:29:28.440 --> 00:29:30.480 could not be further from the truth. Trust me, 00:29:30.539 --> 00:29:33.700 as someone who's had all this literally all the 00:29:33.700 --> 00:29:37.400 people like, that's exactly what made me numb 00:29:37.400 --> 00:29:41.910 out and the novelty. I've experienced not only 00:29:41.910 --> 00:29:46.410 with myself as of recent, but with partners now 00:29:46.410 --> 00:29:48.750 that I'm in this state, one partner in particular, 00:29:48.869 --> 00:29:52.170 because once you realize what type of person 00:29:52.170 --> 00:29:54.329 you need to meet you on that level, it's like 00:29:54.329 --> 00:29:56.750 few and far between, right? Hopefully not for 00:29:56.750 --> 00:29:59.890 long, hopefully we're sharing this and people 00:29:59.890 --> 00:30:01.809 are starting to rise to this work and become 00:30:01.809 --> 00:30:05.109 familiar with it, but you can't just have that 00:30:05.109 --> 00:30:07.750 with anyone. it really takes like profound connection 00:30:07.750 --> 00:30:13.109 and you know mutual respect and trust and curiosity 00:30:13.109 --> 00:30:18.210 and all those things. But yeah it's just you 00:30:18.210 --> 00:30:22.490 can experience profound novelty energetically 00:30:22.490 --> 00:30:25.130 with the same partner and that's what I really 00:30:25.130 --> 00:30:28.630 want to share with people too because you know 00:30:28.630 --> 00:30:30.990 we hear about desire discrepancy kicking in long 00:30:30.990 --> 00:30:34.500 -term relationships and To that extent as well, 00:30:34.519 --> 00:30:36.859 there's this incredible book called The Anatomy 00:30:36.859 --> 00:30:41.779 of Desire that Emily Jamia wrote, and she talks 00:30:41.779 --> 00:30:44.539 about tapping into flow state and sex. It's a 00:30:44.539 --> 00:30:48.660 really practical guidebook of how to tap into 00:30:48.660 --> 00:30:51.720 flow state, how to emulate flow state, kind of 00:30:51.720 --> 00:30:54.859 coming off the heels of Peggy Kleinpatz's Magnificent 00:30:54.859 --> 00:30:58.960 Sex, which talks about the, what is it, nine 00:30:58.960 --> 00:31:03.119 fundamentals that... encompass magnificent sex 00:31:03.119 --> 00:31:04.759 because there's good sex there's great sex and 00:31:04.759 --> 00:31:06.839 then there's like that like what just happens 00:31:06.839 --> 00:31:10.140 like and again it's not about any positions you're 00:31:10.140 --> 00:31:13.240 doing or you know what the relationship is even 00:31:13.240 --> 00:31:15.680 really like outside that it's they they speak 00:31:15.680 --> 00:31:18.000 about couples that experience that speak about 00:31:18.000 --> 00:31:23.539 like innate trust you know erotic like literacy 00:31:23.539 --> 00:31:29.480 communication It's the big piece that really 00:31:29.480 --> 00:31:32.240 stuck out for me that it wasn't, that no one 00:31:32.240 --> 00:31:35.039 mentioned love. It was like, it wasn't love at 00:31:35.039 --> 00:31:38.900 first sight. It was like innate trust. Like, 00:31:38.900 --> 00:31:41.440 like just being, which is the being seen element. 00:31:42.039 --> 00:31:45.160 So if I can share with more people and teach 00:31:45.160 --> 00:31:47.259 them how to tap into those energetic spaces, 00:31:47.259 --> 00:31:49.779 you know, with their partner, then that's what 00:31:49.779 --> 00:31:53.329 it's all about for me. Daily practice is what 00:31:53.329 --> 00:31:57.230 truly transforms inspiration into embodiment. 00:31:58.109 --> 00:32:01.009 It is how this path moves from something you 00:32:01.009 --> 00:32:04.789 know to something you truly live. This is why 00:32:04.789 --> 00:32:07.349 we created Feel, a platform where you can access 00:32:07.349 --> 00:32:10.750 daily embodiment sessions, tantric meditations 00:32:10.750 --> 00:32:14.210 and feminine energy and sexual energy activations 00:32:14.210 --> 00:32:18.220 to nourish your journey day by day. Join the 00:32:18.220 --> 00:32:20.900 film membership to start your practice and sign 00:32:20.900 --> 00:32:24.420 up for our newsletter to stay close to our offerings, 00:32:24.759 --> 00:32:28.460 our courses, events and so much more. You'll 00:32:28.460 --> 00:32:30.920 find all the links in the episode description. 00:32:31.619 --> 00:32:34.380 This is one of my big fears about relationships 00:32:34.380 --> 00:32:36.519 growing up, and this is something I'm really 00:32:36.519 --> 00:32:39.460 happy to completely change now through this work 00:32:39.460 --> 00:32:42.480 and seeing the reflection in what you say, was 00:32:42.480 --> 00:32:45.609 this fear of like, oh... But everyone says love 00:32:45.609 --> 00:32:48.490 ends after three years, everyone gets bored of 00:32:48.490 --> 00:32:51.009 each other, sex gets boring, everybody's cheating 00:32:51.009 --> 00:32:53.950 and all of that. And through this work, through 00:32:53.950 --> 00:32:56.930 all that I can see in the Tantric community, 00:32:57.809 --> 00:33:00.849 in these teachings, I can see that actually if 00:33:00.849 --> 00:33:03.809 you continue learning and growing and deepening, 00:33:04.210 --> 00:33:07.990 there is a whole lifetime of adventure that is 00:33:07.990 --> 00:33:10.329 there. It's just most people never really open 00:33:10.329 --> 00:33:14.839 that door. And that is incredible. Yeah, totally. 00:33:15.059 --> 00:33:18.460 And that's similar to you. I mean, I think most 00:33:18.460 --> 00:33:21.240 of us are raised on that narrative, right? Like, 00:33:21.299 --> 00:33:23.819 oh, honeymoon stage, it fizzles off three years, 00:33:23.880 --> 00:33:25.319 then you're just putting up with each other. 00:33:25.599 --> 00:33:28.599 And I'm pretty sure you and I can attest to, 00:33:28.819 --> 00:33:30.839 mind you, I haven't been in a relationship longer 00:33:30.839 --> 00:33:32.500 than three years and I started doing this work, 00:33:33.019 --> 00:33:34.720 like, you know, the embodied part only a couple 00:33:34.720 --> 00:33:38.819 of years ago. But everyone in the community that 00:33:38.819 --> 00:33:44.099 I've met who are in committed relationships. 00:33:45.220 --> 00:33:47.319 I mean, the proof is right there. Like, you're 00:33:47.319 --> 00:33:50.160 witnessing it, right? Like, you don't see those 00:33:50.160 --> 00:33:52.779 kinds of connections with people that aren't 00:33:52.779 --> 00:33:57.200 doing that kind of work. And, you know, I think, 00:33:57.220 --> 00:34:00.319 you know, tantra has a lot to do with that. I 00:34:00.319 --> 00:34:04.950 know that that is... A key factor, even if you're 00:34:04.950 --> 00:34:08.250 not embodying all of tantra practices militantly, 00:34:08.769 --> 00:34:11.389 like if you're able to tap into some of those 00:34:11.389 --> 00:34:14.090 love keys, then like you're really having that 00:34:14.090 --> 00:34:17.909 sustained attraction and connection. And that's 00:34:17.909 --> 00:34:19.590 really what I'm interested in in partnership. 00:34:20.650 --> 00:34:23.190 Yeah, it's like some, there is a lot of like 00:34:23.190 --> 00:34:25.730 couple therapy. There is a lot of work around 00:34:25.730 --> 00:34:28.289 relationships and people are very comfortable 00:34:28.289 --> 00:34:31.170 with an idea that relationships are work, but 00:34:31.170 --> 00:34:34.150 very often most people are not comfortable with 00:34:34.150 --> 00:34:38.269 an idea that sex requires work or good sex requires 00:34:38.269 --> 00:34:41.670 work. They just think it either is there or once 00:34:41.670 --> 00:34:44.650 it's gone. It's gone. And not many people are 00:34:44.650 --> 00:34:46.610 like, oh, it's actually something this is something 00:34:46.610 --> 00:34:50.449 we should be investing our time into. Yeah, it's 00:34:50.449 --> 00:34:52.730 so funny because if you talk to a lot of sex 00:34:52.730 --> 00:34:56.010 therapists, they'll talk about scheduling or 00:34:56.010 --> 00:34:58.789 planning sex. Planning because scheduling sounds 00:34:58.789 --> 00:35:01.329 like you're at a corporate office, but planning 00:35:01.329 --> 00:35:05.929 sex. And I'm a firm believer in that too. And 00:35:05.929 --> 00:35:09.530 a lot of people have pushback on that. And it's 00:35:09.530 --> 00:35:12.010 like, why? You plan vacations. You know, you 00:35:12.010 --> 00:35:16.449 plan. So like, what's the difference? And I'll 00:35:16.449 --> 00:35:20.409 attest to this. With my most profound sexual 00:35:20.409 --> 00:35:25.449 experience with a partner last year, he lived 00:35:25.449 --> 00:35:27.469 in a different city. We would plan to see each 00:35:27.469 --> 00:35:29.829 other when I'd be in town. So every couple of 00:35:29.829 --> 00:35:32.090 weeks or every month. And it was all planning. 00:35:32.329 --> 00:35:35.349 And it was all like, let's try this. Let's explore 00:35:35.349 --> 00:35:38.409 this. in each other articles. I mean, what do 00:35:38.409 --> 00:35:41.429 you think of this? You know, like, here's this 00:35:41.429 --> 00:35:43.190 embodiment practice that I want to try. And it 00:35:43.190 --> 00:35:47.170 was like so erotic to explore that together, 00:35:47.369 --> 00:35:51.010 to co -create that space together. And best sexual 00:35:51.010 --> 00:35:53.650 experience of my life, you know? Even in and 00:35:53.650 --> 00:35:55.570 out of relationships, that was the best, most 00:35:55.570 --> 00:35:58.329 exploratory, most growth -inducing, expansive 00:35:58.329 --> 00:36:00.789 sexual experience I've ever had. And it was all 00:36:00.969 --> 00:36:03.630 planning. And then we'd even reflect on it after 00:36:03.630 --> 00:36:06.070 and be like, what was that like for you? Let's 00:36:06.070 --> 00:36:07.989 talk about that. Isn't it interesting that this 00:36:07.989 --> 00:36:11.010 comes up for us and it was so fucking hot. Like 00:36:11.010 --> 00:36:13.250 really it was really hot, you know? Yeah, and 00:36:13.250 --> 00:36:16.469 people fantasize about having amazing sex and 00:36:16.469 --> 00:36:18.550 sometimes people in inside marriages or committed 00:36:18.550 --> 00:36:21.090 relationships are really unhappy with their sexual 00:36:21.090 --> 00:36:23.510 life. And then they fantasize about amazing experiences 00:36:23.510 --> 00:36:25.730 they could have had if they didn't have this 00:36:25.730 --> 00:36:28.809 relationship. But very few people are actually 00:36:28.809 --> 00:36:33.340 able to admit that I deserve great sex and I 00:36:33.340 --> 00:36:36.500 could actually work on it. Most of us run away 00:36:36.500 --> 00:36:38.579 from it because there's so much stigma, shame, 00:36:38.860 --> 00:36:42.400 miseducation, miscommunication, while there's 00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:45.420 so much possibility there. And with that, I know 00:36:45.420 --> 00:36:48.260 a lot of women who listen to this podcast, they 00:36:48.260 --> 00:36:52.900 might already be aware of possible personal practices, 00:36:53.159 --> 00:36:56.900 of how to awaken pleasure, but most struggle, 00:36:57.079 --> 00:37:00.329 especially women who come to our events. with 00:37:00.329 --> 00:37:02.909 a question of like, oh, but how do I invite my 00:37:02.909 --> 00:37:05.690 man into it? Oh, I told my man about it and he's 00:37:05.690 --> 00:37:08.349 like intimidated or he feels like it's not for 00:37:08.349 --> 00:37:11.349 him. And like now I'm all on my own on this path. 00:37:11.429 --> 00:37:14.289 It's a very common story. And since you also, 00:37:14.590 --> 00:37:16.889 a lot of your work is around men. I would love 00:37:16.889 --> 00:37:22.150 to hear your opinion. Yeah. So I feel that the 00:37:22.150 --> 00:37:25.250 best approach and that I've seen work is really, 00:37:25.449 --> 00:37:27.429 first of all, to lead by example. So it's like 00:37:27.429 --> 00:37:30.519 if you If you have brought it up and never bring 00:37:30.519 --> 00:37:33.699 it up out of threat, never bring it up out of 00:37:33.699 --> 00:37:35.980 you're lesser than or I'm not getting what I 00:37:35.980 --> 00:37:40.079 want, be the muse, inspire him, right? And be 00:37:40.079 --> 00:37:43.579 like, be shared to or be excited to share with 00:37:43.579 --> 00:37:46.440 him what you've been experiencing as you embark 00:37:46.440 --> 00:37:50.940 on this practice. And what I found that really 00:37:50.940 --> 00:37:53.539 works well is like appealing to their highest 00:37:53.539 --> 00:37:56.159 sense of self. So of course, if you're in a relationship 00:37:56.159 --> 00:37:59.110 with a man, I assume at some point or at certain 00:37:59.110 --> 00:38:01.130 points there's been things that have really turned 00:38:01.130 --> 00:38:04.329 you on, things that have really worked. So point 00:38:04.329 --> 00:38:09.010 those out in your path to inspiring him. Or be 00:38:09.010 --> 00:38:10.630 like, you know what I really want to try? Men 00:38:10.630 --> 00:38:13.550 are curious people. The novelty comes the curiosity. 00:38:13.929 --> 00:38:17.250 So if you kind of gamify it in a way that's like 00:38:17.250 --> 00:38:20.329 experimental and fun and like let's be playful 00:38:20.329 --> 00:38:23.170 about it and not so intense about it, that's 00:38:23.170 --> 00:38:25.730 the best approach. It's not an it's not an either 00:38:25.730 --> 00:38:28.550 or it's like a both and and it's like yeah if 00:38:28.550 --> 00:38:31.349 you still if he still wants to go to pound town 00:38:31.349 --> 00:38:34.530 or like you know just wants to have like a quick 00:38:34.530 --> 00:38:37.090 uh like blowjob in the morning too and then you 00:38:37.090 --> 00:38:39.710 also explore that you can do both right it's 00:38:39.710 --> 00:38:42.030 not like you have to just go down this path and 00:38:42.030 --> 00:38:44.690 nothing else is acceptable so I think like really 00:38:44.690 --> 00:38:47.239 being gentle about how you approach it Definitely 00:38:47.239 --> 00:38:50.440 like appealing to their ego to start and validating 00:38:50.440 --> 00:38:52.840 them and like what has worked in the past and 00:38:52.840 --> 00:38:55.909 making it as playful as possible. and like setting 00:38:55.909 --> 00:38:58.809 aside time to like let's try this or you know 00:38:58.809 --> 00:39:01.530 talk about other positive experiences that you've 00:39:01.530 --> 00:39:03.769 witnessed whether that's a friend whether that's 00:39:03.769 --> 00:39:06.150 in a course you've taken or something you watched 00:39:06.150 --> 00:39:08.789 or something you read and like share that with 00:39:08.789 --> 00:39:11.190 him so he's part of that and he can kind of be 00:39:11.190 --> 00:39:12.949 inspired to enter that space. So we'll say as 00:39:12.949 --> 00:39:16.369 well is there has been the like occasionally 00:39:16.369 --> 00:39:20.710 where a man will not want to do that under any 00:39:20.710 --> 00:39:24.630 circumstances and you know I have I have women 00:39:24.630 --> 00:39:26.530 ask the question, like, okay, well, where else 00:39:26.530 --> 00:39:28.409 is that coming up in the relationship? Where 00:39:28.409 --> 00:39:32.269 else are your needs not being met? And 100 % 00:39:32.269 --> 00:39:33.989 of the time, it's like, they're not accepting 00:39:33.989 --> 00:39:36.289 their emotions, they're not amenable to their 00:39:36.289 --> 00:39:37.969 other passions. And then it's like, then why 00:39:37.969 --> 00:39:40.650 even that relationship? So if it's that much 00:39:40.650 --> 00:39:42.989 fight, if it's causing that much pushback, and 00:39:42.989 --> 00:39:46.269 it's that painful, and it's just a hard no, not 00:39:46.269 --> 00:39:51.190 like a discomfort around it, then I would implore 00:39:51.190 --> 00:39:54.150 you to question why you're in that relationship. 00:39:55.050 --> 00:39:57.050 What kind of mistakes can women usually do in 00:39:57.050 --> 00:40:02.650 this kind of communication? I've made them. Definitely 00:40:02.650 --> 00:40:09.070 any sort of a masculinity comment. If it's sexual 00:40:09.070 --> 00:40:12.809 inactivity, then diagnosing them, whether it's 00:40:12.809 --> 00:40:16.969 like... ED or premature ejaculation and getting 00:40:16.969 --> 00:40:19.489 frustrated with them or saying they have a Madonna 00:40:19.489 --> 00:40:23.030 whore complex. Oops, I've done that before. Things 00:40:23.030 --> 00:40:25.849 like that are not going to help. Those are for 00:40:25.849 --> 00:40:27.650 the professionals. Those are not for you. You're 00:40:27.650 --> 00:40:31.929 here to inspire. Also, don't come at him or don't 00:40:31.929 --> 00:40:33.730 address these things in a charged environment. 00:40:33.909 --> 00:40:36.349 If you're arguing about something, don't throw 00:40:36.349 --> 00:40:38.550 sex in that same argument. Don't conflate the 00:40:38.550 --> 00:40:43.190 two. Keep those things mutually exclusive. It's 00:40:43.190 --> 00:40:45.650 important to talk about this outside of the bedroom, 00:40:45.909 --> 00:40:47.010 not like while you're going to bed at night, 00:40:47.170 --> 00:40:48.829 like, we never have sex anymore, or you never 00:40:48.829 --> 00:40:50.369 want to try new things, or you only want to have 00:40:50.369 --> 00:40:53.130 sex one way. That's really emasculating. That's 00:40:53.130 --> 00:40:56.949 going to make him shut down completely. So yeah, 00:40:57.050 --> 00:40:59.429 start to address that, you know, when things 00:40:59.429 --> 00:41:04.269 are already on a high, if you can. And what are 00:41:04.269 --> 00:41:07.530 ways to really inspire him? Anything spicy or 00:41:07.530 --> 00:41:10.010 anything from your experience that you can share? 00:41:10.409 --> 00:41:13.730 Well, so I work predominantly with with like 00:41:13.730 --> 00:41:17.869 men on their own men who come to me aside from 00:41:17.869 --> 00:41:19.869 their their partners many of them are single 00:41:19.869 --> 00:41:23.550 looking to get partnered and What we are blessed 00:41:23.550 --> 00:41:26.670 with in this time of like biohacking Andrew Huberman 00:41:26.670 --> 00:41:29.929 disciples men who have this like hyper fixed 00:41:29.929 --> 00:41:33.130 growth mindset is Luckily surprise surprise. 00:41:33.469 --> 00:41:37.780 They also want to become masters at sex And so, 00:41:38.360 --> 00:41:40.880 which is really interesting because women, if 00:41:40.880 --> 00:41:44.619 you critique them in any way or if you make them 00:41:44.619 --> 00:41:47.000 feel like they haven't perfected something yet, 00:41:47.460 --> 00:41:48.659 they're like, that's it, they shut down. They're 00:41:48.659 --> 00:41:50.280 like, what? I'm not good, I'm not already there. 00:41:50.320 --> 00:41:52.539 I'm not good at it already. I don't want to know. 00:41:52.579 --> 00:41:53.980 I don't want to know unless I'm already perfect 00:41:53.980 --> 00:41:55.900 at it. I don't want to hear feedback. Men are 00:41:55.900 --> 00:41:58.179 like, what can I do that's better? How can you 00:41:58.179 --> 00:42:00.639 optimize my sexual health? How can I optimize 00:42:00.639 --> 00:42:03.539 my skills? So that's what I mean. I love men 00:42:03.539 --> 00:42:05.780 for this. I love especially like millennial and 00:42:05.780 --> 00:42:08.460 Gen Z men. That is like what they're about. They're 00:42:08.460 --> 00:42:12.139 super exploratory. I'm developing a program right 00:42:12.139 --> 00:42:16.880 now about it has like various pillars of biosexual, 00:42:17.159 --> 00:42:20.699 spiritual, sexual, and it all pertains to your 00:42:20.699 --> 00:42:22.539 sexuality. So how can you optimize your hormone 00:42:22.539 --> 00:42:25.219 health? What are the embodiment practices? What 00:42:25.219 --> 00:42:28.460 are the longevity practices? And the same things 00:42:28.460 --> 00:42:32.800 to combat ED are the same for premature ejaculation. 00:42:32.820 --> 00:42:35.760 And it's about those embodiment exercises and 00:42:35.760 --> 00:42:39.159 sexual reflexology exercises, as well as skills 00:42:39.159 --> 00:42:44.460 with women. If you tell a man, if you inspire 00:42:44.460 --> 00:42:46.320 him and say, do you want to become a master at 00:42:46.320 --> 00:42:50.000 sex? Of course they're going to say yes. So it's 00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:53.610 finding those side doorways to approach them, 00:42:54.230 --> 00:42:57.909 send them my content. Like, leave it up on the 00:42:57.909 --> 00:43:00.989 computer. That'll totally get back at them. Like, 00:43:01.349 --> 00:43:06.110 there's things like, you know, men are usually 00:43:06.110 --> 00:43:09.210 just thrusting, and they're also really hard. 00:43:09.210 --> 00:43:11.670 They're not relaxed. Their backs are, like, flat. 00:43:11.889 --> 00:43:14.210 You know, they're going, like, again, friction 00:43:14.210 --> 00:43:16.289 sex. So, if they learn to, like, really, like, 00:43:16.449 --> 00:43:19.369 move their hips with your hips, and there's, 00:43:19.369 --> 00:43:22.500 like, exercises do there along with like twerking 00:43:22.500 --> 00:43:25.360 because twerking is going to activate the urethral 00:43:25.360 --> 00:43:27.360 sponge so if they're twerking like that that's 00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:29.719 them twerking so rotating between thrust like 00:43:29.719 --> 00:43:32.900 thrust and then that can make a woman squirt 00:43:32.900 --> 00:43:34.719 so if you tell them stuff like that they're gonna 00:43:34.719 --> 00:43:38.239 be like what you know um and this stuff really 00:43:38.239 --> 00:43:40.320 yeah and it's like you know you were just saying 00:43:40.320 --> 00:43:43.019 like oh when i first started doing paid egg it 00:43:43.019 --> 00:43:45.539 was like oh two hours in the morning boring uh 00:43:45.539 --> 00:43:47.519 how many guys go to the gym for two hours in 00:43:47.519 --> 00:43:50.079 the morning like most of them that I know so 00:43:50.079 --> 00:43:53.280 like Interesting because I find them a lot here 00:43:53.280 --> 00:43:56.219 to work with and women because women Have a lot 00:43:56.219 --> 00:43:59.139 more to unpack. It takes us a lot longer. It's 00:43:59.139 --> 00:44:02.519 certainly taken me a lot longer used to but men 00:44:02.519 --> 00:44:06.420 have Generally speaking in this generation and 00:44:06.420 --> 00:44:09.800 in you know Gen Z generation They're a lot more 00:44:09.800 --> 00:44:12.980 looking to like they're seekers that the growth 00:44:12.980 --> 00:44:14.980 mindset thing is very real Like look at all the 00:44:14.980 --> 00:44:16.679 podcasts that they're listening to they're constantly 00:44:16.679 --> 00:44:19.599 trying to get better. You can really optimize 00:44:19.599 --> 00:44:23.699 that mindset Yeah, so if we think about how men 00:44:23.699 --> 00:44:28.059 first started Masturbating, you know, it was 00:44:28.059 --> 00:44:31.280 really quick really fast. Why because they were 00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:34.019 afraid of someone walking So when they're little 00:44:34.019 --> 00:44:35.739 kids and they first discover it's like I need 00:44:35.739 --> 00:44:37.219 to do this as quick as possible because mom might 00:44:37.219 --> 00:44:39.280 walk in and blah blah blah. And again, that's 00:44:39.280 --> 00:44:42.460 that sympathetic nervous state. So when they 00:44:42.460 --> 00:44:45.119 masturbate, that's what they're doing. They're 00:44:45.119 --> 00:44:48.119 touching themselves one way. And then as they 00:44:48.119 --> 00:44:51.380 get older, they only learn to be pleasured one 00:44:51.380 --> 00:44:54.360 way and they experience desensitization too. 00:44:54.639 --> 00:44:56.199 So it's like they've got to go hard, they've 00:44:56.199 --> 00:44:57.719 got to do it this way and nothing else works. 00:44:57.800 --> 00:45:00.960 So very similar to women, they have to slow it 00:45:00.960 --> 00:45:04.920 down and do their own embodiment practices. Things 00:45:04.920 --> 00:45:07.579 like kidney breathing are really good for activating 00:45:07.579 --> 00:45:12.380 the pelvis. It's all in the pelvis too. Exhale 00:45:12.380 --> 00:45:16.079 push breaths. Men love breath work. If they're 00:45:16.079 --> 00:45:18.659 doing an exhale push breath with their kidney 00:45:18.659 --> 00:45:23.099 breathing in the morning, same with cupping their 00:45:23.099 --> 00:45:25.420 balls and then rubbing their heart, activating 00:45:25.420 --> 00:45:29.519 that center. Various exercises. I'm gonna be 00:45:29.519 --> 00:45:32.539 doing a post on that and some videos I'm gonna 00:45:32.539 --> 00:45:34.239 release the next couple of weeks on what those 00:45:34.239 --> 00:45:38.340 are but then also Fundamentally try exploring 00:45:38.340 --> 00:45:40.320 their bodies in different way in different ways. 00:45:40.320 --> 00:45:43.320 So like try slowing it down Try touching themselves 00:45:43.320 --> 00:45:46.000 in different places because when we're with partners 00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:48.159 We're not doing the same things that we do to 00:45:48.159 --> 00:45:50.380 pleasure ourselves like, you know, I'm not rubbing 00:45:50.380 --> 00:45:52.820 my clearest or my partners I do I wouldn't want 00:45:52.820 --> 00:45:54.900 that first of all, that's not fun. Like that's 00:45:54.900 --> 00:45:57.480 not the experience and like A guy doesn't just 00:45:57.480 --> 00:45:59.179 want a woman to do that and then like, okay, 00:45:59.320 --> 00:46:02.900 good night, but like, no. So try pleasuring yourself 00:46:02.900 --> 00:46:04.980 in a way that you would want with a partner, 00:46:05.059 --> 00:46:06.820 a way that a partner explores. You explore your 00:46:06.820 --> 00:46:09.559 own body in that way. And you know, porn, let's 00:46:09.559 --> 00:46:11.519 talk about that because that's also a big piece. 00:46:11.980 --> 00:46:15.690 I don't believe, you know, I'm pretty porn neutral. 00:46:15.989 --> 00:46:17.989 I'm friends with a lot of people in that space. 00:46:18.849 --> 00:46:20.750 I think it's like we need to put more responsibility 00:46:20.750 --> 00:46:23.250 on the individuals and not the porn itself, right? 00:46:23.309 --> 00:46:26.590 There's a lot of accountability to be had, but 00:46:26.590 --> 00:46:29.050 I'm not a believer in like sex addiction or porn 00:46:29.050 --> 00:46:31.349 addiction. It's like just take some accountability 00:46:31.349 --> 00:46:33.590 here, but there's things you can do to do that. 00:46:35.019 --> 00:46:37.480 You know, with these practices, and I highly 00:46:37.480 --> 00:46:40.500 suggest taking Aaron Michael's YaFap program. 00:46:40.940 --> 00:46:43.360 Not NoFap, YaFap, because he teaches a lot of 00:46:43.360 --> 00:46:45.380 these exercises as well. I believe it's a 21 00:46:45.380 --> 00:46:49.179 -day program. And I've referred men to that in 00:46:49.179 --> 00:46:51.980 conjunction while working with me as well, which 00:46:51.980 --> 00:46:55.619 is a fantastic combo. But instead of just like 00:46:55.619 --> 00:46:58.760 going cold turkey off of porn, like try just... 00:46:58.909 --> 00:47:00.969 turning the screen away and listening to it, 00:47:01.070 --> 00:47:03.329 but adding on one of these practices, right? 00:47:03.769 --> 00:47:06.210 So it's like you don't have... Men have still 00:47:06.210 --> 00:47:09.469 this shame around like, must do no fap, semen 00:47:09.469 --> 00:47:11.409 retention can't come, blah, blah, blah, blah, 00:47:11.670 --> 00:47:14.690 blah, hyper fixation and like, you know, avoid, 00:47:14.869 --> 00:47:17.489 avoid, avoid pleasure. What if you could enter 00:47:17.489 --> 00:47:21.920 that state of relaxed arousal and really... cultivate 00:47:21.920 --> 00:47:25.000 that energy, have it stay in you, right? And 00:47:25.000 --> 00:47:27.599 then play with those activations. So like I said, 00:47:27.659 --> 00:47:30.119 just listening to porn instead of watching it 00:47:30.119 --> 00:47:32.739 too. Don't feel like you need to go cold turkey 00:47:32.739 --> 00:47:35.119 off it. Just play with those activations and 00:47:35.119 --> 00:47:37.940 triggers. Very similar still actually to an approach 00:47:37.940 --> 00:47:40.840 with women. It's all about training and retraining 00:47:40.840 --> 00:47:44.440 and reconditioning ourselves. And it's beautiful 00:47:44.440 --> 00:47:48.019 to notice that there are a lot of pleasure and 00:47:48.019 --> 00:47:51.349 a lot of potential and sexuality. so obvious, 00:47:51.429 --> 00:47:53.710 but people forget, comes from the body, right? 00:47:54.130 --> 00:47:56.809 So just like we want to be fit and to want to 00:47:56.809 --> 00:48:00.409 be able to walk easily and run easily with pleasure, 00:48:00.949 --> 00:48:03.969 with strong back, we need to train for it. Do 00:48:03.969 --> 00:48:06.889 Pilates, yoga, gym, whatever works. Same for 00:48:06.889 --> 00:48:09.469 sex. We actually need to train, to train, to 00:48:09.469 --> 00:48:12.789 breathe, to stay present, to move, all of that. 00:48:12.849 --> 00:48:16.030 Some obvious things, but not so common to know 00:48:16.030 --> 00:48:20.980 these days. Yeah. you know the breathing thing 00:48:20.980 --> 00:48:24.079 is that's been a big challenge right because 00:48:24.079 --> 00:48:27.400 also we're having tension -based orgasms for 00:48:27.400 --> 00:48:30.099 so long which is what do we do we tighten we 00:48:30.099 --> 00:48:33.960 can both we hold our breath and relaxed arousal 00:48:33.960 --> 00:48:37.880 for true for the ability to have multiple orgasms 00:48:37.880 --> 00:48:41.239 various types of different orgasms that expansive 00:48:41.239 --> 00:48:44.280 connection, it's like all about activating that 00:48:44.280 --> 00:48:46.980 pelvic floor, exhale, push, and like pushing 00:48:46.980 --> 00:48:51.000 out, right? And making those deeper sound, wow, 00:48:51.139 --> 00:48:52.920 like those like grunts and those things that 00:48:52.920 --> 00:48:55.159 are good for your like, you know, the bagel toning. 00:48:55.460 --> 00:48:58.800 So it's not what we've been taught. And that's 00:48:58.800 --> 00:49:01.800 what I'll also say that of course, porn is insidious 00:49:01.800 --> 00:49:04.900 there. I'm also going to cut men some slack because 00:49:05.710 --> 00:49:08.170 similar to how I said they were conditioned in 00:49:08.170 --> 00:49:10.309 masturbation like afraid of mom walking in a 00:49:10.309 --> 00:49:13.309 room so quick and fast. If I think about when 00:49:13.309 --> 00:49:17.150 I was like in eighth grade and you know first 00:49:17.150 --> 00:49:20.809 starting to get intimate with men and I remember 00:49:20.809 --> 00:49:23.429 being in the parking lot and like my other this 00:49:23.429 --> 00:49:25.050 is embarrassing because it's like what do eighth 00:49:25.050 --> 00:49:27.780 grades know about giving blood? But I'm asking 00:49:27.780 --> 00:49:29.880 like the other eighth, ninth graders like how 00:49:29.880 --> 00:49:31.840 to do that. And they're like teaching me on a 00:49:31.840 --> 00:49:34.400 banana. The girls are and teach same with how 00:49:34.400 --> 00:49:36.579 to kiss. It's like here practice on your hand. 00:49:36.659 --> 00:49:39.239 This is what you do. Girls did that. Boys never 00:49:39.239 --> 00:49:42.340 did that. There was like that was like gay, you 00:49:42.340 --> 00:49:46.199 know, shame. So it's like just going straight 00:49:46.199 --> 00:49:49.360 to porn. Like so we can't really blame them for 00:49:49.360 --> 00:49:52.039 that because we were complicit in that as well. 00:49:52.760 --> 00:49:55.159 Like there was none of the men are asking like 00:49:55.369 --> 00:49:57.630 the boys in the ninth grade locker room, like 00:49:57.630 --> 00:50:00.349 how to pleasure a woman, right? But we're doing 00:50:00.349 --> 00:50:02.610 that from a young age of how to pleasure. Like, 00:50:02.670 --> 00:50:05.409 that's interesting. Yeah, that's interesting. 00:50:05.849 --> 00:50:08.570 The shame plays a big role in this disconnection. 00:50:08.590 --> 00:50:10.969 A lot of different kind of shame, but there is 00:50:10.969 --> 00:50:13.429 a lot of shame that actually prevents us from 00:50:13.429 --> 00:50:17.289 learning and learning real things. So now is 00:50:17.289 --> 00:50:19.590 so much more information out there. People can 00:50:19.590 --> 00:50:22.650 really reconnect to this important part of their 00:50:22.650 --> 00:50:26.090 lives. That's so meaningful. And with that, would 00:50:26.090 --> 00:50:29.130 you share with us how are you finding the connection 00:50:29.130 --> 00:50:33.190 to your spiritual involvement and growth? It's 00:50:33.190 --> 00:50:35.969 been pretty profound. Like I said, I did not 00:50:35.969 --> 00:50:40.190 expect that to happen from my initial just curiosity 00:50:40.190 --> 00:50:43.510 around sex. It started with me being like, why 00:50:43.510 --> 00:50:47.650 am I aroused by these things? Why do I eroticize 00:50:47.650 --> 00:50:51.989 anxiety? And then I went deeper into that. And 00:50:51.989 --> 00:50:55.420 then that led me, like I said, to to Tantra. 00:50:57.199 --> 00:51:02.159 And I mean, my spirituality is pretty multidimensional. 00:51:02.539 --> 00:51:06.059 I pull from various modalities, and it's very 00:51:06.059 --> 00:51:10.119 much so my ability to be in touch with the universe 00:51:10.119 --> 00:51:13.440 and trust the universe. And then I also am very 00:51:13.440 --> 00:51:16.360 inspired by Mary Magdalene and that archetype, 00:51:16.460 --> 00:51:20.679 right? So the big thing for me And I think that 00:51:20.679 --> 00:51:23.300 is important for anyone's spirituality is I think 00:51:23.300 --> 00:51:25.920 it's really cool to piecemeal it together. What 00:51:25.920 --> 00:51:28.320 works for you from over here? What works for 00:51:28.320 --> 00:51:32.559 you from over there? And I remember I had my 00:51:32.559 --> 00:51:37.420 first energetic orgasm coming out of some journey 00:51:37.420 --> 00:51:40.539 work that I was doing. It was the next day, so 00:51:40.539 --> 00:51:42.519 I was not under the influence anymore, but I 00:51:42.519 --> 00:51:47.159 was very heart opened. And I was in the midst 00:51:47.159 --> 00:51:51.239 of meditative practice and I'm still very new 00:51:51.239 --> 00:51:54.840 to meditation so it's stillness is hard for me 00:51:54.840 --> 00:51:58.019 but I was in a very Zen state then and I was 00:51:58.019 --> 00:52:02.039 out in nature and I just felt really really at 00:52:02.039 --> 00:52:04.179 one with the universe in that moment and I just 00:52:04.179 --> 00:52:08.619 felt this like complete love like just complete 00:52:08.619 --> 00:52:14.880 love and I had this like rupturous energetic 00:52:14.880 --> 00:52:17.059 orgasm that's when I was like and it was like 00:52:17.059 --> 00:52:20.210 psychedelic I didn't touch myself. I didn't touch 00:52:20.210 --> 00:52:24.150 myself. And as I started sharing that experience 00:52:24.150 --> 00:52:25.710 more, I didn't share it for a while because I 00:52:25.710 --> 00:52:27.550 was like, what the hell was that? Like, did I 00:52:27.550 --> 00:52:30.550 imagine that? And then I started sharing it. 00:52:30.610 --> 00:52:33.409 And it's interesting how many more people, especially 00:52:33.409 --> 00:52:36.349 in this space, had something similar. And that's 00:52:36.349 --> 00:52:38.610 what kind of led them here. It was like this 00:52:38.610 --> 00:52:42.030 magic moment that taught us that something else 00:52:42.030 --> 00:52:45.739 is at play here beyond are limiting beliefs and 00:52:45.739 --> 00:52:49.340 the physical world of what we're told. And so 00:52:49.340 --> 00:52:51.980 I think, you know, my spirituality really comes 00:52:51.980 --> 00:52:54.440 from within and realizing like the potential 00:52:54.440 --> 00:52:58.159 that I have within to like co -create with the 00:52:58.159 --> 00:53:03.119 universe. There is a lot that just comes from 00:53:03.119 --> 00:53:05.969 within intuitively once we connect. to the body 00:53:05.969 --> 00:53:09.690 and to our sex. This is the creative sexual energy 00:53:09.690 --> 00:53:13.650 that is the creation life force. And it's again, 00:53:13.769 --> 00:53:17.769 something people tend to forget. Um, those who 00:53:17.769 --> 00:53:20.250 have a, still a little bit of shame to work through 00:53:20.250 --> 00:53:22.369 and because the society teacher says exactly 00:53:22.369 --> 00:53:25.869 that, that I love that a lot of people go, like 00:53:25.869 --> 00:53:27.610 when you mentioned tantra, for example, a lot 00:53:27.610 --> 00:53:31.889 of people go to tantra for tantric sex, but then 00:53:31.889 --> 00:53:36.730 they find so much more there. that is actually 00:53:36.730 --> 00:53:41.130 just a little door, like curiosity for sex is 00:53:41.130 --> 00:53:44.329 just a little door into a much bigger world that 00:53:44.329 --> 00:53:47.289 has so much to offer, starting with acceptance 00:53:47.289 --> 00:53:51.110 and presence. Yeah, and I think if I can tell, 00:53:51.110 --> 00:53:56.130 you know, anyone that it's real, you know, because, 00:53:56.230 --> 00:54:00.090 and like a couple years ago, I would roll my 00:54:00.090 --> 00:54:02.250 eyes at anyone that brought up the word tantra. 00:54:02.409 --> 00:54:06.269 And I was like a hypersexual, very curious, like, 00:54:06.690 --> 00:54:08.610 I was already a sexologist, right? And I would 00:54:08.610 --> 00:54:11.469 still roll my eyes at like, yoni egg and body 00:54:11.469 --> 00:54:15.130 like tantra. And then ironically, you know, through 00:54:15.130 --> 00:54:19.489 my own journey, I've come, I've done a 180 into 00:54:19.489 --> 00:54:22.130 like, oh my God, this is like, this is the key. 00:54:22.289 --> 00:54:26.219 This is the key to all of it. So... I would just 00:54:26.219 --> 00:54:29.579 encourage anyone who is curious about that. I 00:54:29.579 --> 00:54:31.239 think if they're watching this, then they're 00:54:31.239 --> 00:54:33.280 probably on a similar trajectory that something 00:54:33.280 --> 00:54:35.760 somewhere inspired them that there's something 00:54:35.760 --> 00:54:38.900 more to all of this, right? And to follow that 00:54:38.900 --> 00:54:42.179 curiosity and on the other side of that is like 00:54:42.179 --> 00:54:46.179 a portal to everything in life and like tantra 00:54:46.179 --> 00:54:50.199 and sex and being at one with our sexually sovereign 00:54:50.199 --> 00:54:53.909 selves. is going to be transformative for every 00:54:53.909 --> 00:54:56.289 aspect of life. I'm still experiencing that on 00:54:56.289 --> 00:54:59.829 a daily basis. It's like things keep happening, 00:55:00.150 --> 00:55:02.010 magic moments keep happening, the deeper I feel 00:55:02.010 --> 00:55:04.769 connected with myself. That comes from like our 00:55:04.769 --> 00:55:06.769 sexual sovereignty because that's our sovereignty. 00:55:07.090 --> 00:55:10.110 If we can, doing this work sexually is kind of 00:55:10.110 --> 00:55:12.869 the deep, not kind of, it is the deepest form 00:55:12.869 --> 00:55:15.510 of work we can do on ourselves. That's, it's 00:55:15.510 --> 00:55:18.530 literally stripped down the most raw, real, you 00:55:18.530 --> 00:55:21.510 know, no pun intended. unfiltered work we can 00:55:21.510 --> 00:55:23.630 do. So when you get real with yourself there, 00:55:24.130 --> 00:55:29.130 you're getting real with your entire life. This 00:55:29.130 --> 00:55:33.030 is a powerful way to finish this podcast. Yeah, 00:55:36.030 --> 00:55:40.059 that's the quote. That was Coral Osborne. You 00:55:40.059 --> 00:55:42.239 can find her details and follow her on Instagram 00:55:42.239 --> 00:55:44.980 by finding the details in this episode description. 00:55:45.619 --> 00:55:48.460 If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us 00:55:48.460 --> 00:55:51.099 a rating. It really helps the show and helps 00:55:51.099 --> 00:55:54.699 us sharing our work with women worldwide.