WEBVTT 00:00:00.669 --> 00:00:04.490 Now, when you serve me, this pleasure isn't for 00:00:04.490 --> 00:00:10.929 you. All of you is for me. So your body is now 00:00:10.929 --> 00:00:15.630 mine. I'm going to use your body for my own pleasure. 00:00:16.210 --> 00:00:19.910 I'm going to bind you. I'm going to hurt you 00:00:19.910 --> 00:00:23.309 in ways that please me. The way that you derive 00:00:23.309 --> 00:00:27.129 happiness is from pleasing me. And so there's 00:00:27.129 --> 00:00:31.699 nothing you need to do. just to let go and let 00:00:31.699 --> 00:00:36.479 me have you. In this episode I speak to Damiana 00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:41.219 Chi about living a life as a professional dominatrix. 00:00:41.719 --> 00:00:45.939 And I'm excited to share what all women can learn 00:00:45.939 --> 00:00:50.579 from dominatrixes about confidence and power 00:00:50.579 --> 00:00:54.740 and self -expression and seduction and energetic 00:00:54.740 --> 00:00:58.609 and psychological play. Damiana shares juicy 00:00:58.609 --> 00:01:02.210 things about what it is like to be a dominatrix 00:01:02.210 --> 00:01:06.349 and how to really empower yourself as a dominatrix 00:01:06.349 --> 00:01:09.989 and what kind of archetypes of a dominatrix are 00:01:09.989 --> 00:01:13.310 there and how to embody them and how to enjoy 00:01:13.310 --> 00:01:17.010 this superpower in our daily lives. Whether you've 00:01:17.010 --> 00:01:20.129 ever fantasized to be a dominatrix, whether you've 00:01:20.129 --> 00:01:23.670 ever been curious about what it is like to be 00:01:23.670 --> 00:01:27.430 in those rooms or if If you have no idea and 00:01:27.430 --> 00:01:29.790 just are listening to this podcast because you 00:01:29.790 --> 00:01:33.129 are interested in confidence and true empowerment, 00:01:33.650 --> 00:01:36.730 stay tuned. You are in for a treat. Mistress 00:01:36.730 --> 00:01:40.750 Damiana Chi has been a professional and lifestyle 00:01:40.750 --> 00:01:45.010 dominatrix in Los Angeles since 1999. She holds 00:01:45.010 --> 00:01:48.870 a PhD in clinical psychology, an MA in counseling 00:01:48.870 --> 00:01:52.310 psychology, a BA in behavioral sciences, and 00:01:52.310 --> 00:01:56.120 is a certified sexologist, specialized in kink 00:01:56.120 --> 00:01:59.219 -centered counseling and life coaching. She's 00:01:59.219 --> 00:02:03.140 the author of The Dominatrix Archetypes and the 00:02:03.140 --> 00:02:05.799 founder of the Evolutionary Dominatrix Academy, 00:02:06.239 --> 00:02:09.379 where she personally mentors women worldwide 00:02:09.379 --> 00:02:13.930 in the art of conscious female domination. So 00:02:13.930 --> 00:02:17.229 being a dominatrix, there is something called 00:02:17.229 --> 00:02:21.750 a classical art form of female domination. And 00:02:21.750 --> 00:02:24.569 this is an art form that has been passed down 00:02:24.569 --> 00:02:30.430 from the 1800s in Europe. Actually, it came from 00:02:30.430 --> 00:02:34.770 the London area. That is the particular art form 00:02:34.770 --> 00:02:38.050 that is the lineage that I learned from. There's 00:02:38.050 --> 00:02:41.789 a specific craft to it. There's a specific protocols 00:02:41.789 --> 00:02:44.909 to it. There's specific language. It's really, 00:02:44.909 --> 00:02:47.050 really unique. I mean, I live in two worlds, 00:02:47.050 --> 00:02:50.129 really. I call it the vanilla world and the kink 00:02:50.129 --> 00:02:53.150 world. And in the vanilla world, you know, I 00:02:53.150 --> 00:02:56.539 have two daughters. Two dogs, two cats, a house, 00:02:56.900 --> 00:02:58.539 you know, a mortgage payment, things like that, 00:02:58.599 --> 00:03:01.539 the normal life. But I've been a dominatrix now 00:03:01.539 --> 00:03:05.099 for 26 years. And on that side of my life, I 00:03:05.099 --> 00:03:11.250 have a studio in downtown LA. BDSM dungeon and 00:03:11.250 --> 00:03:14.669 that is where I see my clients. I have a stable 00:03:14.669 --> 00:03:18.909 of slaves. I call them slaves, but the term slave 00:03:18.909 --> 00:03:21.990 does not have a negative connotation. It's a 00:03:21.990 --> 00:03:24.509 very positive connotation and it's actually an 00:03:24.509 --> 00:03:27.409 honor for someone to be called my personal slave. 00:03:28.009 --> 00:03:31.110 So it's a very different lifestyle that I lead 00:03:31.110 --> 00:03:36.270 over there. As I began this journey, It was incredible 00:03:36.270 --> 00:03:41.189 because I grew up in Los Angeles, but in a traditional 00:03:41.189 --> 00:03:45.669 Chinese upbringing. And so I was taught to be 00:03:45.669 --> 00:03:49.289 very shy. and to basically not speak unless spoken 00:03:49.289 --> 00:03:53.270 to, that sort of thing. And so I had a lot of 00:03:53.270 --> 00:03:55.729 rebellion inside of me. I had a lot of things 00:03:55.729 --> 00:03:59.590 I want to say. And by the time I became a dominatrix, 00:03:59.689 --> 00:04:04.150 which I was in my 20s by then, it was so liberating 00:04:04.150 --> 00:04:07.289 to just speak my truth and to say whatever I 00:04:07.289 --> 00:04:11.800 want and to command men, to tell them... what 00:04:11.800 --> 00:04:15.319 I wanted them to do for me and to order them 00:04:15.319 --> 00:04:18.720 and to have them bow to me and things like that. 00:04:18.759 --> 00:04:22.259 For me, it's the most healing journey that I've 00:04:22.259 --> 00:04:25.439 ever experienced. I call being a dominatrix the 00:04:25.439 --> 00:04:29.220 biggest self -love exercise that exists. Biggest 00:04:29.220 --> 00:04:32.220 self -love and from my side as a very beginner 00:04:32.220 --> 00:04:35.680 but a very curious person in this world. I must 00:04:35.680 --> 00:04:38.680 say it's also so challenging and therefore such 00:04:38.680 --> 00:04:41.620 a place where there are so many opportunities 00:04:41.620 --> 00:04:45.160 for growth. I feel like the challenge for a person 00:04:45.160 --> 00:04:50.519 like me, for example, is the confidence. I know 00:04:50.519 --> 00:04:54.160 having the confidence to be able to embody this. 00:04:54.350 --> 00:04:59.129 energy of confident leadership and being able 00:04:59.129 --> 00:05:03.129 to command while being also really responsible 00:05:03.129 --> 00:05:07.089 and present with all the energy and actions and 00:05:07.089 --> 00:05:12.160 the craft itself. It takes a lot of skill. all 00:05:12.160 --> 00:05:16.259 of it. And in this podcast episode, I want to 00:05:16.259 --> 00:05:18.899 uncover some of these secrets and mysteries. 00:05:19.720 --> 00:05:22.519 I guess my first thing that I want to ask you 00:05:22.519 --> 00:05:26.819 to ensure that some of our listeners do not get 00:05:26.819 --> 00:05:29.839 put off or scared by the usual stereotypes right 00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:33.970 away. I would love to touch upon this notion 00:05:33.970 --> 00:05:39.649 of exchange and consent and the beauty that both 00:05:39.649 --> 00:05:43.089 people receive in this experience, right? So 00:05:43.089 --> 00:05:47.329 in terms of being the slave, tell me what does 00:05:47.329 --> 00:05:50.550 that mean and why a lot of people actually want 00:05:50.550 --> 00:05:55.100 to embody that role? Well, I'm glad that you're 00:05:55.100 --> 00:05:58.360 speaking of it in this way because you're right, 00:05:58.420 --> 00:06:00.660 there are a lot of misconstrued ideas out there 00:06:00.660 --> 00:06:03.839 about what dominatrix truly is. But at the same 00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:06.639 time, there are many dominatrices, so -called 00:06:06.639 --> 00:06:10.379 dominatrices out there who are doing these things 00:06:10.379 --> 00:06:13.959 irresponsibly. Maybe they're untrained or whatnot. 00:06:15.279 --> 00:06:19.879 So there has been a long time motto of BDSM. 00:06:20.279 --> 00:06:24.129 BDSM stands for bondage and discipline. sadism 00:06:24.129 --> 00:06:26.670 and masochism. And then the two middle initials 00:06:26.670 --> 00:06:30.250 in the middle, DS, stands for dominance and submission. 00:06:30.910 --> 00:06:33.329 So this is what we call it now. In the old days, 00:06:33.370 --> 00:06:37.990 it was called SNM. It's now called BDSM. So the 00:06:37.990 --> 00:06:41.790 longtime motto of BDSM is safe, sane, consensual. 00:06:42.029 --> 00:06:45.529 But I am advocating to update that motto to safe, 00:06:45.689 --> 00:06:49.389 sane, consensual, and ethical. Because ethics 00:06:49.759 --> 00:06:53.019 and consent are not the same thing. You can get 00:06:53.019 --> 00:06:55.800 someone's consent, but what you're doing might 00:06:55.800 --> 00:07:00.060 not be ethical. So I'm teaching my dhams. I'm 00:07:00.060 --> 00:07:03.899 a mentor. I teach dhams in an academy that I 00:07:03.899 --> 00:07:07.079 call the Evolutionary Dominatrix Academy. So 00:07:07.079 --> 00:07:10.899 I teach them how to be ethical dhams. And when 00:07:10.899 --> 00:07:15.160 we are ethical dhams, we are serving the submissive's 00:07:15.160 --> 00:07:18.300 highest good. So in the process of doing what 00:07:18.300 --> 00:07:22.500 we're doing, it is actually very healing to the 00:07:22.500 --> 00:07:26.399 sub. When a sub walks away from an experience 00:07:26.399 --> 00:07:31.079 with a conscious and ethical dom, they are feeling 00:07:31.079 --> 00:07:34.279 uplifted. They feel seen. They feel accepted 00:07:34.279 --> 00:07:37.939 for who they are in their full kink selves, you 00:07:37.939 --> 00:07:41.240 know, because actually the most common place 00:07:41.240 --> 00:07:45.180 that we humans carry shame is in our sexuality. 00:07:45.949 --> 00:07:50.449 And so when a submissive is seen for all of who 00:07:50.449 --> 00:07:54.370 they are and all of their kinkiness, sometimes 00:07:54.370 --> 00:07:57.569 this side of themselves isn't shown to anyone, 00:07:57.810 --> 00:08:01.509 not even their spouses. It's very private and 00:08:01.509 --> 00:08:06.110 a lot of them might feel a level of shame. It's 00:08:06.110 --> 00:08:09.250 very common. Shame about desiring it, shame about 00:08:09.250 --> 00:08:12.870 being who they are. And really, it's not something 00:08:12.870 --> 00:08:16.930 that can be helped because kink sexuality is 00:08:16.930 --> 00:08:22.149 an actual sexual orientation. It's like being 00:08:22.149 --> 00:08:26.529 heterosexual or homosexual or asexual. Kink sexual 00:08:26.529 --> 00:08:30.050 is something that you cannot help but be. So 00:08:30.050 --> 00:08:33.950 when a submissive comes to a dominatrix and she 00:08:33.950 --> 00:08:37.129 not only sees them for who they are and accepts 00:08:37.129 --> 00:08:40.710 them for who they are, but want to actively engage 00:08:40.710 --> 00:08:44.500 in the play with them, it's overwhelmingly loving 00:08:44.500 --> 00:08:47.940 to do such a thing. Maybe they don't know it 00:08:47.940 --> 00:08:51.340 on a conscious level, but unconsciously or subconsciously 00:08:51.340 --> 00:08:54.919 they will feel it. They will feel this strong 00:08:54.919 --> 00:08:58.480 sense of love and acceptance from the Dom. A 00:08:58.480 --> 00:09:03.380 validation for who they are as a being. Now, 00:09:03.380 --> 00:09:06.039 it's such a beautiful exchange where both people 00:09:06.039 --> 00:09:09.799 can be truly themselves and express. And on the 00:09:09.799 --> 00:09:11.779 surrender side, on the submissive side, I think 00:09:11.779 --> 00:09:15.159 there is a lot of vulnerability that is in place. 00:09:15.159 --> 00:09:18.860 Exactly. Yeah. Therefore, I'm really happy to 00:09:18.860 --> 00:09:21.919 shed light on it. Would you break down what does 00:09:21.919 --> 00:09:25.580 it mean to be kinky? Yes. The general definition 00:09:25.580 --> 00:09:30.860 of being kinky is that you desire unconventional 00:09:30.860 --> 00:09:35.899 sex. I mean, it could be as unconventional as 00:09:35.899 --> 00:09:38.919 telling your partner that you want to tell them 00:09:38.919 --> 00:09:44.580 exactly what to do because you want to be the 00:09:44.580 --> 00:09:47.679 one in charge. You know, like, I want you to 00:09:47.679 --> 00:09:50.519 worship me this way. I want you to worship me 00:09:50.519 --> 00:09:53.600 that way. Do this to me. Do that to me. There's 00:09:53.600 --> 00:09:56.000 already a power dynamic there. If you talk about 00:09:56.000 --> 00:09:58.970 it like that, everyone's sort of kinky, you know? 00:09:59.129 --> 00:10:04.029 So it's just desiring unconventional sexuality, 00:10:04.529 --> 00:10:08.870 something that's unconventional or seen as anything 00:10:08.870 --> 00:10:12.070 other than like for the purpose of making a baby. 00:10:13.230 --> 00:10:15.950 That's true. When people describe the word kinky 00:10:15.950 --> 00:10:19.070 and what it actually means, meaning unconventional 00:10:19.070 --> 00:10:21.850 or not normal, the question becomes like, what 00:10:21.850 --> 00:10:24.870 is normal? And then therefore the definition 00:10:24.870 --> 00:10:29.399 becomes really broad. Yes, right. That's why 00:10:29.399 --> 00:10:33.700 I think everyone's kinky. Yeah, exactly. Or it 00:10:33.700 --> 00:10:37.000 means when they are brave to admit what they 00:10:37.000 --> 00:10:41.820 truly desire, we can always find a kink. So how 00:10:41.820 --> 00:10:45.519 did you become Deminatrix? What was your path? 00:10:46.019 --> 00:10:50.440 My path was very unusual because I accidentally 00:10:50.440 --> 00:10:53.460 became a dominatrix through the academic world. 00:10:54.419 --> 00:10:59.399 So I have a PhD in clinical psychology, but I 00:10:59.399 --> 00:11:01.759 also have a master's in counseling psychology, 00:11:02.080 --> 00:11:05.000 which I did that program before the PhD. So when 00:11:05.000 --> 00:11:07.659 I was in my master's program, I was given an 00:11:07.659 --> 00:11:10.740 assignment from one of my teachers. There's a 00:11:10.740 --> 00:11:13.940 book of disorders, it's called the Diagnostic 00:11:13.940 --> 00:11:17.059 Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It's 00:11:17.059 --> 00:11:21.080 called the DSM for short. And so here in the 00:11:21.080 --> 00:11:23.779 United States, we have this book that's used 00:11:23.779 --> 00:11:27.340 by psychologists and psychiatrists to diagnose 00:11:27.340 --> 00:11:32.269 what mental illness people have. So you go through 00:11:32.269 --> 00:11:35.669 the book and you're like, oh, okay, there's this 00:11:35.669 --> 00:11:37.649 kind of severe depression and there's this kind 00:11:37.649 --> 00:11:40.429 of manic disorder and this and that, you know, 00:11:40.450 --> 00:11:43.190 different disorder. And so the most interesting, 00:11:43.450 --> 00:11:46.929 fascinating one that I found in there was sexual 00:11:46.929 --> 00:11:51.730 masochism. So I don't want to study all these 00:11:51.730 --> 00:11:54.269 things that kind of sound depressing. I was never 00:11:54.269 --> 00:11:58.779 into psychopathology. You know, it wasn't an 00:11:58.779 --> 00:12:02.840 interest of mine. I wanted to understand how 00:12:02.840 --> 00:12:05.759 people tick. That was my interest in psychology. 00:12:06.620 --> 00:12:09.000 And so sexual masochism was the one I picked. 00:12:09.139 --> 00:12:12.679 And so I had the option of finding someone to 00:12:12.679 --> 00:12:16.399 interview for this paper. And so my sister told 00:12:16.399 --> 00:12:19.740 me that she had this so -called slave that she 00:12:19.740 --> 00:12:23.059 had met who was doing things for her, like running. 00:12:23.809 --> 00:12:26.330 errands and cleaning her car and just doing things 00:12:26.330 --> 00:12:29.590 like that for her. And she called him her slave. 00:12:30.129 --> 00:12:32.250 Yeah. And so she didn't really know much about 00:12:32.250 --> 00:12:33.889 it either. It wasn't like she was working in 00:12:33.889 --> 00:12:36.210 a dungeon or anything like that. It was just 00:12:36.210 --> 00:12:38.490 this guy that she met and said, you know, I want 00:12:38.490 --> 00:12:41.049 to be your slave. I want you to just tell me 00:12:41.049 --> 00:12:43.230 what to do for you. I want to serve you. And 00:12:43.230 --> 00:12:47.340 so I interviewed him. When I interviewed him, 00:12:47.500 --> 00:12:51.740 it was so fascinating to hear about the psychology 00:12:51.740 --> 00:12:56.059 of why it was a turn on to him to be humiliated 00:12:56.059 --> 00:12:59.200 mentally and emotionally, right? Because he was 00:12:59.200 --> 00:13:01.899 rooted to pain, really. So masochism, the term 00:13:01.899 --> 00:13:05.899 masochism doesn't only mean physical masochism. 00:13:06.460 --> 00:13:10.639 It's mental masochism, emotional masochism, psychological, 00:13:11.019 --> 00:13:13.740 on all levels. You know, you want to be hurt. 00:13:14.039 --> 00:13:17.159 in some way, you know? And so for him, it was 00:13:17.159 --> 00:13:20.659 humiliation, which is an extreme form of embarrassment, 00:13:20.840 --> 00:13:24.480 right? He wanted to be humiliated, and that was 00:13:24.480 --> 00:13:28.159 his kink. And so when I interviewed him, I found 00:13:28.159 --> 00:13:31.539 him so intelligent. I had a lot of self -awareness 00:13:31.539 --> 00:13:34.240 that I was like, wow, this is really, really 00:13:34.240 --> 00:13:37.220 cool, you know? I didn't meet him in person for 00:13:37.220 --> 00:13:40.559 this interview. It was on the phone. But it was 00:13:40.559 --> 00:13:42.759 like maybe a... A few weeks after that or something, 00:13:42.919 --> 00:13:45.320 my sister said, hey, you know that slave of mine 00:13:45.320 --> 00:13:47.220 that you interviewed? Well, he's coming over 00:13:47.220 --> 00:13:50.000 to help us pack. We were moving. My sister and 00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:51.600 I were moving at the time because we were living 00:13:51.600 --> 00:13:55.679 together. So she said, you got to be in dom mode. 00:13:56.039 --> 00:13:57.879 When you come home from work, just keep your 00:13:57.879 --> 00:14:01.379 high heels on, boss them around. So at the time, 00:14:01.440 --> 00:14:04.379 I was working in a corporate environment as an 00:14:04.379 --> 00:14:07.500 administrative assistant. And so I came home. 00:14:08.250 --> 00:14:10.850 kept my high heels on, and for the first time 00:14:10.850 --> 00:14:15.789 I see a submissive. And he was wearing women's 00:14:15.789 --> 00:14:19.590 panties sitting in my living room, packing boxes, 00:14:20.309 --> 00:14:23.070 right? And so I was thinking to myself, wow, 00:14:23.110 --> 00:14:26.370 this is fascinating. I got a little thrill out 00:14:26.370 --> 00:14:29.049 of seeing him like this. He didn't say anything 00:14:29.049 --> 00:14:31.210 to me. I didn't say anything to him, but he knew 00:14:31.210 --> 00:14:33.289 I was there and he was kind of, you know. And 00:14:33.289 --> 00:14:36.889 so at one point he said to my sister, Miss, may 00:14:36.889 --> 00:14:40.450 I use the bathroom? And she said, yes, go ahead, 00:14:40.470 --> 00:14:42.370 but you have to sit on the toilet like a girl. 00:14:43.210 --> 00:14:46.409 And so he, you know, I saw him like scurrying 00:14:46.409 --> 00:14:48.830 over there to the bathroom, you know, and he 00:14:48.830 --> 00:14:51.330 left the door a little bit cracked open, like 00:14:51.330 --> 00:14:53.850 a few inches. And I wanted to follow him. I wanted 00:14:53.850 --> 00:14:55.950 to see if he was actually sitting on the toilet, 00:14:56.169 --> 00:14:59.529 like he was told. So I went over there and since 00:14:59.529 --> 00:15:01.730 the door was open a little bit, I pushed it wide 00:15:01.730 --> 00:15:05.950 open and I said, you don't get any privacy. That 00:15:05.950 --> 00:15:09.090 was the first thing that I had said to him in 00:15:09.090 --> 00:15:13.009 a dominant way. And he looked at me like, he 00:15:13.009 --> 00:15:16.009 looked frozen. He looked scared. He did not expect 00:15:16.009 --> 00:15:19.509 this to come from me. And so that was my first 00:15:19.509 --> 00:15:22.509 sort of dom high. I got even more of a thrill 00:15:22.509 --> 00:15:25.889 out of saying that to him than I did, you know, 00:15:25.950 --> 00:15:30.019 just seeing him in panties. That was how it started. 00:15:30.460 --> 00:15:32.500 Afterwards, he called me on the phone and he 00:15:32.500 --> 00:15:35.299 said, you know, I think you have something here. 00:15:35.480 --> 00:15:38.000 You know, there's some sort of natural ability 00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:40.379 you have. Would you like to play with me? May 00:15:40.379 --> 00:15:43.139 I also serve you? Can I come clean your house? 00:15:43.740 --> 00:15:46.500 I moved into this tiny studio apartment. I said, 00:15:46.500 --> 00:15:51.279 I want you to clean it. And so he did. He came 00:15:51.279 --> 00:15:53.559 over and he would clean for me and pay me $50 00:15:53.559 --> 00:15:56.980 every time while I just kind of ordered him around. 00:15:58.179 --> 00:16:02.299 That's amazing. That was my very first session, 00:16:02.299 --> 00:16:05.659 I guess. So that's how it started. I played with 00:16:05.659 --> 00:16:08.730 him for like a couple of years. before I started 00:16:08.730 --> 00:16:11.149 training kind of like my formal training as a 00:16:11.149 --> 00:16:15.909 dominatrix with my mentors who I would go and 00:16:15.909 --> 00:16:19.529 get trained by them with things like bondage 00:16:19.529 --> 00:16:23.429 and whipping and flogging and the more of the 00:16:23.429 --> 00:16:26.769 traditional BDSM activities that a dominatrix 00:16:26.769 --> 00:16:30.240 would do. How is it training? What does the training 00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:33.740 of a dominatrix entail? What do you learn? How 00:16:33.740 --> 00:16:37.820 does it work? So when I was trained, I did a 00:16:37.820 --> 00:16:41.879 series of weekend classes for 18 months. So for 00:16:41.879 --> 00:16:43.980 eight months, I trained with them. It wasn't 00:16:43.980 --> 00:16:46.700 like every single weekend, but it was many weekends 00:16:46.700 --> 00:16:50.500 of the month. I'd take classes on cock and ball 00:16:50.500 --> 00:16:55.019 bondage, nipple torture, flogging and whipping. 00:16:56.460 --> 00:16:59.799 some more extreme things too, like cutting and 00:16:59.799 --> 00:17:01.700 play piercing and things like that. You know, 00:17:01.740 --> 00:17:05.299 the range of things that I learned were vast. 00:17:05.559 --> 00:17:07.900 Because I came from a psychology background, 00:17:08.440 --> 00:17:11.039 what I found was missing from my personal training, 00:17:11.259 --> 00:17:14.460 from my mentors, was a psychological aspect because 00:17:14.460 --> 00:17:17.140 you have to really get into the head of the submissive 00:17:17.140 --> 00:17:19.539 in order to dominate them the right way. You 00:17:19.539 --> 00:17:21.819 have to know how to verbally speak and say the 00:17:21.819 --> 00:17:25.779 right things in order to get them to respond 00:17:25.779 --> 00:17:29.339 to you and to connect with them as a dom to a 00:17:29.339 --> 00:17:32.400 submissive. So that's why in my, when I teach 00:17:32.400 --> 00:17:36.730 my mentees, the psychology is a big part of it. 00:17:37.009 --> 00:17:39.210 So I teach a lot of psychological domination 00:17:39.210 --> 00:17:42.769 and I teach some of the physical things as well. 00:17:42.829 --> 00:17:45.190 Of course, I teach the traditional activities 00:17:45.190 --> 00:17:48.130 as well. I want to really know all about what 00:17:48.130 --> 00:17:50.450 you teach women in the academy, especially on 00:17:50.450 --> 00:17:52.690 the psychological side. Just want to comment 00:17:52.690 --> 00:17:55.849 on the psychological side and from my perspective 00:17:55.849 --> 00:18:00.119 as a more of a naturally submissive person. I'm 00:18:00.119 --> 00:18:02.119 discovering domination for myself. I'm getting 00:18:02.119 --> 00:18:04.559 really curious and speaking to people like you 00:18:04.559 --> 00:18:06.579 and bringing them on the podcast and doing events 00:18:06.579 --> 00:18:10.119 together. Because where I see my challenge there, 00:18:10.559 --> 00:18:13.740 I see that that's not something that's natural. 00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:16.460 It's rather something that I would want to learn 00:18:16.460 --> 00:18:20.059 from my personal empowerment. While on the submissive 00:18:20.059 --> 00:18:26.470 side, I can feel how much depth of Not even pleasure, 00:18:26.990 --> 00:18:30.390 but something beyond that, like a certain level 00:18:30.390 --> 00:18:34.390 of relaxation and surrender that is not easy 00:18:34.390 --> 00:18:38.869 to get elsewhere can be received from a domination, 00:18:39.009 --> 00:18:43.390 submission kind of experience. While for me personally, 00:18:43.589 --> 00:18:46.369 pain is not a big part of it. It's not like the 00:18:46.369 --> 00:18:49.640 main thing that I would want to... receive, it's 00:18:49.640 --> 00:18:53.220 more the psychological play of being in service 00:18:53.220 --> 00:18:58.339 that for some reason puts me personally in a 00:18:58.339 --> 00:19:02.500 state of bliss and letting go of the world around 00:19:02.500 --> 00:19:07.700 that is so difficult to do in busy life. That's 00:19:07.700 --> 00:19:10.880 a beautiful service of a dome. You're describing 00:19:10.880 --> 00:19:14.910 what we call subspace. Yeah, right? Subspace 00:19:14.910 --> 00:19:19.450 is amazing. Yeah, altered state. You're like 00:19:19.450 --> 00:19:22.970 in a meditative state. Exactly. And I feel like 00:19:22.970 --> 00:19:27.130 it's such an art that is required by a dominatrix 00:19:27.130 --> 00:19:31.170 or by dom to hold such a space where someone 00:19:31.170 --> 00:19:35.869 can truly let go. And I am curious on what to 00:19:35.869 --> 00:19:40.549 you as a dominatrix. do to create such subspace 00:19:40.549 --> 00:19:43.529 from psychological perspective. I teach with 00:19:43.529 --> 00:19:46.390 four archetypes within a dominatrix. So I have 00:19:46.390 --> 00:19:49.390 a book called the dominatrix archetypes, and 00:19:49.390 --> 00:19:52.430 there are four main archetypes within a dominatrix. 00:19:52.710 --> 00:19:56.390 The authoritarian, the seductress, the mother 00:19:56.390 --> 00:19:59.029 and the queen. These are four archetypes within 00:19:59.029 --> 00:20:02.329 the dominatrix. But when a dominatrix has all 00:20:02.329 --> 00:20:05.470 of these aspects of herself, well developed, 00:20:06.269 --> 00:20:08.950 then she is what I call a multi -dimensional 00:20:08.950 --> 00:20:13.369 dominatrix. Where the skill comes from is if 00:20:13.369 --> 00:20:16.950 I'm a multi -dimensional dominatrix, each archetype 00:20:16.950 --> 00:20:21.089 is actually dominating different aspects of the 00:20:21.089 --> 00:20:23.430 submissive. And there are different types of, 00:20:23.509 --> 00:20:27.750 I call it connections. Like the authoritarian 00:20:27.750 --> 00:20:31.130 is the mental connection. The seductress is the 00:20:31.200 --> 00:20:34.819 erotic connection, the mother is the emotional 00:20:34.819 --> 00:20:38.660 connection, and the queen is the spiritual connection. 00:20:39.599 --> 00:20:42.640 And so when let's say you are my submissive, 00:20:42.839 --> 00:20:46.500 I have to know you in such a way, I have to know 00:20:46.500 --> 00:20:49.779 about who you are as an individual. what your 00:20:49.779 --> 00:20:51.779 kink psychology is. Of course, we're going to 00:20:51.779 --> 00:20:54.680 have lots of talks before we start playing. So 00:20:54.680 --> 00:20:56.759 when I have a good understanding of what your 00:20:56.759 --> 00:21:01.940 submissive kink psychology is, then I know what 00:21:01.940 --> 00:21:06.819 levels of each archetype to pull out in me in 00:21:06.819 --> 00:21:10.980 order to inspire the different responses that 00:21:10.980 --> 00:21:14.220 I want to elicit from you. Let's just say that 00:21:14.220 --> 00:21:17.940 you like a very nurturing and strict dominatrix. 00:21:18.650 --> 00:21:21.309 So I will know, okay, well, and then I'm going 00:21:21.309 --> 00:21:24.269 to pull out my authoritarian first and foremost 00:21:24.269 --> 00:21:27.740 so that I can put down the rules. Lay down the 00:21:27.740 --> 00:21:31.279 rules, tell you exactly how I want you to kneel 00:21:31.279 --> 00:21:34.279 before me, where I want your eyes, how I want 00:21:34.279 --> 00:21:37.420 your body to be positioned, everything. I will 00:21:37.420 --> 00:21:40.779 tell you to listen only to my voice. Just very 00:21:40.779 --> 00:21:43.740 controlled. This is the authoritarian. The mother 00:21:43.740 --> 00:21:46.779 archetype is going to come out and say, there's 00:21:46.779 --> 00:21:49.480 nothing that you need to already know as my beginning 00:21:49.480 --> 00:21:52.619 submissive. Because I'm here to train you to 00:21:52.619 --> 00:21:55.740 be exactly what I want you to be. So I don't 00:21:55.740 --> 00:21:59.099 want you to even know anything. I want a blank 00:21:59.099 --> 00:22:02.500 slate from you. So what your job is to do for 00:22:02.500 --> 00:22:06.500 me is to completely let go and let your mind 00:22:06.500 --> 00:22:08.900 go because I'm going to put the thoughts in your 00:22:08.900 --> 00:22:11.680 mind. I'm going to put my thoughts into your 00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:16.069 mind, your thoughts. are going to be out the 00:22:16.069 --> 00:22:17.670 door. You're going to leave your thoughts at 00:22:17.670 --> 00:22:20.849 the door. So I'm reassuring you, like, I don't 00:22:20.849 --> 00:22:23.130 want you to worry about... Oh, am I doing things 00:22:23.130 --> 00:22:25.069 right? Or whatever, you know. The seductress 00:22:25.069 --> 00:22:27.869 part of me is going to be really important too, 00:22:28.049 --> 00:22:31.170 because the seductress is the erotic connection 00:22:31.170 --> 00:22:34.009 and there has to be an erotic connection in order 00:22:34.009 --> 00:22:36.750 for this to be exciting. The eroticism is the 00:22:36.750 --> 00:22:38.650 excitement part because if there's none of that, 00:22:38.890 --> 00:22:41.670 there's no like eros, there's no fire, right? 00:22:42.089 --> 00:22:46.589 And so when I say to you, so my seductress side 00:22:46.589 --> 00:22:50.250 of me is going to say to you, now, when you serve 00:22:50.250 --> 00:22:55.029 me, This pleasure isn't for you. All of you is 00:22:55.029 --> 00:23:00.490 for me. So your body is now mine. I'm going to 00:23:00.490 --> 00:23:04.670 use your body for my own pleasure. I'm going 00:23:04.670 --> 00:23:08.849 to bind you. I'm going to hurt you in ways that 00:23:08.849 --> 00:23:11.829 please me. The way that you derive happiness 00:23:11.829 --> 00:23:15.430 is from pleasing me. And so there's nothing you 00:23:15.430 --> 00:23:20.369 need to do just to let go and let me have you. 00:23:21.059 --> 00:23:24.099 Because when I have you, you know, so I'm trying 00:23:24.099 --> 00:23:26.339 to describe to you, like, this isn't about your 00:23:26.339 --> 00:23:29.259 pleasure. Because if it's about your pleasure, 00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:31.740 then now we're talking about top -bottom dynamic, 00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:38.000 but dom -subdynamic is much more intense, emotionally 00:23:38.000 --> 00:23:41.240 intense. It's about, like, I want what I want, 00:23:41.240 --> 00:23:44.180 and you're here to serve me for those pleasures. 00:23:44.599 --> 00:23:47.359 And if you get some pleasure out of it, that's 00:23:47.359 --> 00:23:51.769 just a side effect. It's not my main... My main 00:23:51.769 --> 00:23:56.069 goal is my pleasure, taking my pleasure from 00:23:56.069 --> 00:24:00.609 you, from your pain, from your humiliation or 00:24:00.609 --> 00:24:05.569 whatever it is. And then just to finish the archetypes, 00:24:05.730 --> 00:24:09.289 the queen aspect of it would be like putting 00:24:09.289 --> 00:24:12.170 you below me, making you know that I'm above 00:24:12.170 --> 00:24:17.000 you. I want you below me. I want to see you below 00:24:17.000 --> 00:24:20.980 me. My position is above you because I am dominant 00:24:20.980 --> 00:24:24.700 and you are submissive. So you are to look up 00:24:24.700 --> 00:24:27.759 to me. You are to worship me. There's a part 00:24:27.759 --> 00:24:32.539 of me that is channeling the divine dark feminine 00:24:32.539 --> 00:24:37.240 aspect into my person, right? The divine feminine 00:24:37.240 --> 00:24:40.579 has light and dark aspects. They are all divine. 00:24:40.799 --> 00:24:43.119 There's nothing evil or bad about the divine 00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:47.160 dark. It's just the divine dark aspect of a woman 00:24:47.160 --> 00:24:53.140 are menacing. We are in control. We are creative. 00:24:53.799 --> 00:24:58.779 We are passionate, which we can play out in a 00:24:58.779 --> 00:25:04.509 dominatrix. Yeah. To me, it sounds like a beautiful 00:25:04.509 --> 00:25:07.849 and really responsible position. It's like you 00:25:07.849 --> 00:25:11.690 bring through you so much in a position of a 00:25:11.690 --> 00:25:14.619 dome. to me from a place of a something like, 00:25:14.819 --> 00:25:18.700 well, you have to do so much work, like be so 00:25:18.700 --> 00:25:22.220 present and so powerful and have all these ideas 00:25:22.220 --> 00:25:25.460 and stay connected to your confidence and to 00:25:25.460 --> 00:25:29.420 your power, like to your authority, which is 00:25:29.420 --> 00:25:32.480 very impressive. And I wonder how do you teach 00:25:32.480 --> 00:25:35.319 that to women in your academy, including the 00:25:35.319 --> 00:25:38.180 archetypes, like how do you help embody each 00:25:38.180 --> 00:25:42.690 archetype? Yeah. So I break it down. archetype 00:25:42.690 --> 00:25:45.049 by archetype. It's an online academy, so I watch 00:25:45.049 --> 00:25:48.710 them dominate online. They dominate either my 00:25:48.710 --> 00:25:50.690 submissive coach, I have submissive coaches that 00:25:50.690 --> 00:25:53.009 work for me in the academy, or they can dominate 00:25:53.009 --> 00:25:55.650 their own submissive who is there with them in 00:25:55.650 --> 00:25:58.460 a room or whatever. There's like lessons that 00:25:58.460 --> 00:26:01.700 I provide for them describing each archetype 00:26:01.700 --> 00:26:04.660 in the academy. I also describe these archetypes 00:26:04.660 --> 00:26:08.119 in my book as well. So they study the archetypes 00:26:08.119 --> 00:26:11.200 and then they dominate in the style of the, let's 00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:14.019 say, authoritarian. And then I critique them. 00:26:14.180 --> 00:26:17.099 I critique them and I say, oh, okay, so this 00:26:17.099 --> 00:26:19.640 is what you said. I would have wanted you to 00:26:19.640 --> 00:26:21.960 say it a little bit more dominantly, like this. 00:26:22.299 --> 00:26:25.160 For example, the simplest lesson in the vocal 00:26:25.160 --> 00:26:28.500 style of a dominatrix is that you speak in the 00:26:28.500 --> 00:26:32.140 manner of a command, which is when you give a 00:26:32.140 --> 00:26:35.619 command, there's a period at the end, not a question 00:26:35.619 --> 00:26:38.859 mark, not a comma. It's very common for women 00:26:38.859 --> 00:26:45.220 to speak in commas like, I want you to go over 00:26:45.220 --> 00:26:50.079 there and bring me a glass of water and kneel 00:26:50.079 --> 00:26:53.230 before me. I correct them and I say, Don't say, 00:26:53.450 --> 00:26:56.369 I want you to bring me a glass of water. Say, 00:26:57.569 --> 00:27:00.210 go get me a glass of water. Bring it to me here 00:27:00.210 --> 00:27:05.109 now. And so it's simpler, it's more up to the 00:27:05.109 --> 00:27:08.430 point. You know what you want and you express 00:27:08.430 --> 00:27:12.799 it the way you want it. There's no like... hesitancy 00:27:12.799 --> 00:27:16.039 in the way that it sounds, you know. So I just 00:27:16.039 --> 00:27:18.180 kind of tweak their language and then, so the 00:27:18.180 --> 00:27:20.940 way someone becomes a dominatrix is really the 00:27:20.940 --> 00:27:24.420 practice of it. It's just practicing the way 00:27:24.420 --> 00:27:26.700 you speak, practicing not only the way you speak, 00:27:26.779 --> 00:27:29.559 but the way you, the way you exude your energy 00:27:29.559 --> 00:27:33.059 because, you know, sometimes someone will say 00:27:33.059 --> 00:27:36.079 something, but they don't sound dominant. They'll, 00:27:36.079 --> 00:27:38.119 they'll sound like they're reading from a script 00:27:38.119 --> 00:27:42.259 and it doesn't come from them. their authentic 00:27:42.259 --> 00:27:47.579 energy, it sounds fake. So I train them, my sub 00:27:47.579 --> 00:27:50.700 coaches also train them because it's very important 00:27:50.700 --> 00:27:53.680 for them to get feedback from the submissive 00:27:53.680 --> 00:27:56.059 point of view. How did they react from that? 00:27:56.180 --> 00:27:58.660 How did they feel? Did they feel submissive hearing 00:27:58.660 --> 00:28:03.720 that? So they get both the dominant mentor. as 00:28:03.720 --> 00:28:06.359 a perspective and then the submissive, the very 00:28:06.359 --> 00:28:09.480 experienced submissive perspective. Yeah. It 00:28:09.480 --> 00:28:11.619 sounds like a training that every woman would 00:28:11.619 --> 00:28:13.880 benefit from even if they don't want to be a 00:28:13.880 --> 00:28:16.720 dominatrix. Oh, it is. It is. It so is because 00:28:16.720 --> 00:28:20.279 it's a, and many women do come into the academy 00:28:20.279 --> 00:28:24.339 with just the simple goal of becoming more of 00:28:24.339 --> 00:28:27.599 their true selves, you know. So it is a personal 00:28:27.599 --> 00:28:30.880 empowerment. Of course, for sure. Becoming brave 00:28:30.880 --> 00:28:34.099 and liberating your voice. Yes. Because for a 00:28:34.099 --> 00:28:37.660 lot of people just saying a command without making 00:28:37.660 --> 00:28:40.660 it a question can be a huge challenge, but then 00:28:40.660 --> 00:28:42.700 it's a transformative for our lives when we can 00:28:42.700 --> 00:28:45.380 actually speak properly and say what we need 00:28:45.380 --> 00:28:47.500 to say. Yeah. And you know, it's very useful 00:28:47.500 --> 00:28:50.339 in life. Like, you know, like let's say you're 00:28:50.339 --> 00:28:54.140 ordering from a menu and you're like to the white, 00:28:54.220 --> 00:28:58.440 to the food server, you're like, hmm, I don't 00:28:58.440 --> 00:29:03.579 know. Maybe I would like an appetizer. I don't 00:29:03.579 --> 00:29:06.720 know, what do you recommend? It's very common, 00:29:07.599 --> 00:29:09.960 right? Instead of like, I'd like to start with 00:29:09.960 --> 00:29:15.180 an appetizer. Give me recommendation. Yeah, it 00:29:15.180 --> 00:29:18.819 sounds like when more confidence in you gives 00:29:18.819 --> 00:29:23.220 more freedom to whoever is serving. It takes 00:29:23.220 --> 00:29:25.839 the pressure off of them. It really does take 00:29:25.839 --> 00:29:28.420 the pressure off of them when you're not putting 00:29:28.420 --> 00:29:32.680 so much responsibility on their side, even as 00:29:32.680 --> 00:29:35.779 simple as a food server, you know? So now they 00:29:35.779 --> 00:29:37.240 have to choose for you, you know what I mean? 00:29:37.259 --> 00:29:39.259 Like they just want to take your order and go 00:29:39.259 --> 00:29:43.380 to the kitchen. So, you know, I mean, of course 00:29:43.380 --> 00:29:45.160 they're trained to give recommendations and all 00:29:45.160 --> 00:29:48.559 of that, but in a food server's dream, everybody's 00:29:48.559 --> 00:29:49.920 just going to give them what they want and they 00:29:49.920 --> 00:29:54.799 can just go do their job. Yeah, but it is so 00:29:54.799 --> 00:29:56.559 life -changing to be able to have this level 00:29:56.559 --> 00:30:01.720 of confidence. It really is. Is there anything 00:30:01.720 --> 00:30:05.599 else that is very interesting that you'd like 00:30:05.599 --> 00:30:09.380 to share from the Academy? How do women learn? 00:30:09.619 --> 00:30:12.359 I'm really curious. It's such an art, so I'm 00:30:12.359 --> 00:30:16.759 curious how you teach. So I teach where I give 00:30:16.759 --> 00:30:20.000 like my written lessons. I have slide presentations 00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:23.319 about each concept so that they understand the 00:30:23.319 --> 00:30:25.779 psychology of each concept that I'm teaching. 00:30:26.680 --> 00:30:31.019 And then I have videos of me dominating. So they 00:30:31.019 --> 00:30:34.319 watch me dominate and then they can see me dominating 00:30:34.319 --> 00:30:37.920 and they can also watch their DOM sisters dominating 00:30:37.920 --> 00:30:40.980 on the calls. So we meet on Zoom calls every 00:30:40.980 --> 00:30:43.559 week. When there's one dom that's dominating 00:30:43.559 --> 00:30:47.200 on the call, then the other doms who are watching 00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:50.039 them, we call it a fishbowl domination where 00:30:50.039 --> 00:30:53.440 the fish is in the bowl and we're all watching, 00:30:53.480 --> 00:30:56.559 right? And so when the women watch, when the 00:30:56.559 --> 00:31:00.720 other students watch the domination that's being 00:31:00.720 --> 00:31:03.880 done by their dom sister, they're learning from 00:31:03.880 --> 00:31:07.019 her domination style. They're learning from my 00:31:07.019 --> 00:31:10.779 feedback and from the subcoach's feedback. It's 00:31:10.779 --> 00:31:14.920 a very efficient way to learn because they get 00:31:14.920 --> 00:31:18.539 so much inspiration from learning from different 00:31:18.539 --> 00:31:21.579 styles of domination. Because it's really difficult 00:31:21.579 --> 00:31:24.220 to, how do you learn domination from a book? 00:31:24.519 --> 00:31:28.619 You can't really, you have to really see it and 00:31:28.619 --> 00:31:31.299 experience it and feel the energy of it visually. 00:31:31.559 --> 00:31:33.839 So that's what we do. And then also there's Q 00:31:33.839 --> 00:31:38.299 &A, you know, I also do personal coaching. Whenever 00:31:38.299 --> 00:31:40.640 any of my mentees has a question, she brings 00:31:40.640 --> 00:31:43.900 it to the Zoom call. I answer it and we discuss 00:31:43.900 --> 00:31:47.200 it in depth. You know, sometimes one question 00:31:47.200 --> 00:31:50.279 takes 30 minutes to answer it because everybody's 00:31:50.279 --> 00:31:52.900 learning from it, from this. Yeah. And what are 00:31:52.900 --> 00:31:55.579 the most common challenges women face when they 00:31:55.579 --> 00:31:59.400 want to learn to become a dom in your experience? 00:31:59.759 --> 00:32:03.240 A common one is like, I think they're being too 00:32:03.240 --> 00:32:08.680 nice. They're doing something that they think 00:32:08.680 --> 00:32:11.339 is domination, but to me, it doesn't sound like 00:32:11.339 --> 00:32:14.670 a dominatrix. And that's perfectly natural because 00:32:14.670 --> 00:32:17.750 they don't have a lot of examples of a dominatrix 00:32:17.750 --> 00:32:22.170 to experience, to hear, to see. And so when they 00:32:22.170 --> 00:32:25.170 say, oh, I was being dominant to this person, 00:32:25.829 --> 00:32:31.009 I always say, no, don't say please. Don't thank 00:32:31.009 --> 00:32:36.569 them. Take those social niceties out of it. And 00:32:36.569 --> 00:32:38.750 I had to learn this from when I first started, 00:32:38.890 --> 00:32:40.930 too. I had to stop saying, thank you. I had to 00:32:40.930 --> 00:32:44.069 stop saying, you're welcome, when a missive thanks 00:32:44.069 --> 00:32:47.150 me. Let's say I give an order to a submissive, 00:32:47.430 --> 00:32:49.630 kneel in front of me, avert your eyes downward. 00:32:49.849 --> 00:32:52.450 You're not allowed to look at me unless I tell 00:32:52.450 --> 00:32:56.190 you to. Yes, mistress. Thank you, mistress. You're 00:32:56.190 --> 00:33:00.160 welcome. It just, it kind of like downplays the, 00:33:00.440 --> 00:33:04.339 takes away the dominance. So I teach, don't say 00:33:04.339 --> 00:33:06.200 you're welcome. Don't have the, it's kind of 00:33:06.200 --> 00:33:09.640 like a automatic response, socially ingrained 00:33:09.640 --> 00:33:12.099 response to say you're welcome. We're not obliged 00:33:12.099 --> 00:33:16.460 to say anything. We're the dominatrix. I don't, 00:33:16.700 --> 00:33:19.539 you know, I'm not obliged to say any niceties 00:33:19.539 --> 00:33:23.380 and they don't expect it. And also when a dom 00:33:23.380 --> 00:33:27.039 is too nice, The submissive feels uncomfortable. 00:33:27.980 --> 00:33:31.700 For sure. You sound like you've been there before. 00:33:33.579 --> 00:33:37.180 Yeah, it feels uncomfortable because you're thinking 00:33:37.180 --> 00:33:39.599 now they don't think that they can be dominant 00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:42.460 enough to me. You know, you want your dom. It's 00:33:42.460 --> 00:33:45.519 like a power, right? Like if you're not confident 00:33:45.519 --> 00:33:48.559 that your dom has enough power, then you can't 00:33:48.559 --> 00:33:52.990 really relax. Yes, exactly. Exactly. You can't 00:33:52.990 --> 00:33:55.690 really relax. You want to say in your mind, oh, 00:33:55.769 --> 00:33:57.990 you don't have to say that. In your mind, you're 00:33:57.990 --> 00:34:01.609 saying that or you're feeling that. You don't 00:34:01.609 --> 00:34:04.170 have to say you're welcome. The common thing 00:34:04.170 --> 00:34:10.969 is the social niceties and also Filler words 00:34:10.969 --> 00:34:14.010 like a lot of filler words. It's how we talk 00:34:14.010 --> 00:34:17.849 in conversation We say okay this okay that and 00:34:17.849 --> 00:34:20.329 so we take those away and it sounds much more 00:34:20.329 --> 00:34:24.909 streamlined So, okay. Okay sub now do this for 00:34:24.909 --> 00:34:28.550 me. Okay now do this Instead of like now take 00:34:28.550 --> 00:34:30.769 those away. I teach them take those away now 00:34:30.769 --> 00:34:36.289 say Slave do this slave go there come here now 00:34:37.079 --> 00:34:42.019 instead of the filler words, you know? Take those 00:34:42.019 --> 00:34:44.179 away. Kind of like how you would command a dog. 00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:47.639 You would command a dog, say, sit, roll over. 00:34:48.199 --> 00:34:51.260 You don't say, okay now dog, it's time for you 00:34:51.260 --> 00:34:55.360 to roll over. You don't say that. You say short 00:34:55.360 --> 00:34:58.699 commands. They want a master in you. So another 00:34:58.699 --> 00:35:01.760 thing I see here is like getting rid of the nice 00:35:01.760 --> 00:35:06.000 girl complex. Right, right. Because you don't 00:35:06.000 --> 00:35:08.800 have to take care of them. You know, they don't 00:35:08.800 --> 00:35:11.039 want you to take care of them. They want you 00:35:11.039 --> 00:35:15.059 to command them. They want you to be in control 00:35:15.059 --> 00:35:18.340 of them. The job of a dominatrix is not to be 00:35:18.340 --> 00:35:20.960 responsible for their feelings because they've 00:35:20.960 --> 00:35:23.909 already given you the power. You want to be in 00:35:23.909 --> 00:35:26.750 this fantasy world where you're with the dominant. 00:35:27.329 --> 00:35:29.849 And so you want to let go of that feeling of 00:35:29.849 --> 00:35:32.670 it being in the normal world. So you want to 00:35:32.670 --> 00:35:37.010 speak as different from yourself as possible. 00:35:38.639 --> 00:35:41.559 Brings me to a question of what is it like to 00:35:41.559 --> 00:35:45.460 actually live your life as a dominatrix? Because 00:35:45.460 --> 00:35:49.460 it's such a powerful position and something that 00:35:49.460 --> 00:35:52.780 is so mysterious for most people. What's your 00:35:52.780 --> 00:35:56.880 life like? Well, you know, I have two beautiful 00:35:56.880 --> 00:36:00.619 daughters, two teenage daughters. They're just 00:36:00.619 --> 00:36:04.500 the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful, very, 00:36:04.500 --> 00:36:09.179 very confident as well. beings. And I think that 00:36:09.179 --> 00:36:12.440 I really believe that my example of knowing who 00:36:12.440 --> 00:36:16.980 I am and speaking my mind and being a confident 00:36:16.980 --> 00:36:20.679 woman in charge has really given them that example 00:36:20.679 --> 00:36:25.360 to see because I think that it's very important, 00:36:25.380 --> 00:36:28.360 especially for a mom of daughters, to be able 00:36:28.360 --> 00:36:31.619 to be this type of woman as an example. You know, 00:36:31.619 --> 00:36:36.630 when I have had to raise daughters, I actually 00:36:36.630 --> 00:36:39.349 read a parenting book a long time ago when my 00:36:39.349 --> 00:36:42.710 children were like in preschool and it said very 00:36:42.710 --> 00:36:46.650 similar things as I do as a Dom. It said when 00:36:46.650 --> 00:36:49.929 you want to be in charge of your children, they 00:36:49.929 --> 00:36:53.590 want you to be in control and in charge. The 00:36:53.590 --> 00:36:56.409 way that you want to order them to do something 00:36:56.409 --> 00:37:00.269 is you say very short, go brush your teeth now 00:37:00.269 --> 00:37:05.369 or even teeth now. or something like that and 00:37:05.369 --> 00:37:08.650 it says it doesn't it says the wrong way to parent 00:37:08.650 --> 00:37:11.389 is why haven't you why haven't you brush your 00:37:11.389 --> 00:37:13.510 teeth you know it's already really first you're 00:37:13.510 --> 00:37:15.989 very late for bedtime already like i i i told 00:37:15.989 --> 00:37:17.849 you already a half an hour ago to brush your 00:37:17.849 --> 00:37:20.809 teeth now to the child out it sounds like it 00:37:20.809 --> 00:37:24.210 sounds like nagging nagging yeah yeah when you 00:37:24.210 --> 00:37:27.369 when you eliminate the words and make it very 00:37:27.369 --> 00:37:32.269 streamline brush your teeth it sounds very like 00:37:32.269 --> 00:37:35.639 confident you're not being mean. It doesn't sound 00:37:35.639 --> 00:37:37.500 mean. It just sounds like it's time to brush 00:37:37.500 --> 00:37:41.199 your teeth now. They want that. They need leadership 00:37:41.199 --> 00:37:43.559 from you. Your children need leadership. They 00:37:43.559 --> 00:37:47.260 don't want to nag. Unconsciously, when a parent 00:37:47.260 --> 00:37:51.699 nags, the child thinks, oh, you know, then I'm 00:37:51.699 --> 00:37:54.139 just going to do this tomorrow. I'm going to 00:37:54.139 --> 00:37:57.400 like wait a half an hour and let her nag me a 00:37:57.400 --> 00:38:01.219 half an hour later. You know, they think that 00:38:01.219 --> 00:38:03.579 you're not confident enough. when you're doing 00:38:03.579 --> 00:38:07.800 that. It's a signal of like a little lack of 00:38:07.800 --> 00:38:11.400 confidence. I've sensed it. I had some massive 00:38:11.400 --> 00:38:14.400 like light bulb in my life that I feel like really 00:38:14.400 --> 00:38:18.400 helped me as an entrepreneur. It's on the energetics 00:38:18.400 --> 00:38:21.000 of feeling someone else's confidence. I remembered 00:38:21.000 --> 00:38:23.619 that with this one moment forever and then I 00:38:23.619 --> 00:38:26.139 did relate to it when I was studying a bit of 00:38:26.139 --> 00:38:29.070 this power dynamics. That was on the business 00:38:29.070 --> 00:38:31.289 meeting. And I feel like all these dominatrix 00:38:31.289 --> 00:38:34.210 skills are so useful when you want to be a woman 00:38:34.210 --> 00:38:37.550 in business. But in terms of feeling whether 00:38:37.550 --> 00:38:40.889 someone is confident or no, definitely affects 00:38:40.889 --> 00:38:44.110 the performance of that one person that is being 00:38:44.110 --> 00:38:46.670 assessed for their confidence. But I felt in 00:38:46.670 --> 00:38:49.369 one moment that when I was pitching for investment 00:38:49.369 --> 00:38:52.510 for a few hundred thousand pounds, which is a 00:38:52.510 --> 00:38:55.269 serious investment when I'm 22 years old, And 00:38:55.269 --> 00:38:57.949 I was pitching to this banker in a restaurant 00:38:57.949 --> 00:39:02.090 and I had like these papers with financial protections, 00:39:02.289 --> 00:39:04.469 like lots of papers. And he was looking at them 00:39:04.469 --> 00:39:06.989 and he asked me a question that I couldn't answer. 00:39:07.130 --> 00:39:10.550 I was like, oh shit, I have no idea. But I felt 00:39:10.550 --> 00:39:13.150 that in that moment, it's not the answer that 00:39:13.150 --> 00:39:16.010 matters. It's the confidence that I will show 00:39:16.010 --> 00:39:18.250 to him that it's going to be fine if he gives 00:39:18.250 --> 00:39:21.389 me the money. So instead I connected to something 00:39:21.389 --> 00:39:25.449 in my body and I was like... I'm just going to 00:39:25.449 --> 00:39:28.829 show him that I know what I'm doing. And I changed 00:39:28.829 --> 00:39:31.809 how I feel. I did not explain what he asked. 00:39:31.889 --> 00:39:34.469 I just told him it's going to be fine. And he 00:39:34.469 --> 00:39:40.829 agreed to invest. And I was like, another part 00:39:40.829 --> 00:39:43.449 of me would usually be like... shit, I just need 00:39:43.449 --> 00:39:45.750 to tell him what is it exactly. I tried to get 00:39:45.750 --> 00:39:48.190 the answer, but I just felt that he wants just 00:39:48.190 --> 00:39:50.969 the reassurance. And a lot of the time, many 00:39:50.969 --> 00:39:54.429 people and children and subs, and there is always 00:39:54.429 --> 00:39:57.710 some sort of power that I'm going on all the 00:39:57.710 --> 00:40:02.489 time. And people just want confidence. Right, 00:40:02.869 --> 00:40:05.909 right, right. Yeah, I think that's great. You 00:40:05.909 --> 00:40:08.150 know, you can confidently, like in your situation 00:40:08.150 --> 00:40:09.849 that you just described, you can confidently 00:40:09.849 --> 00:40:11.989 say to the person, you know, I don't know the 00:40:11.880 --> 00:40:15.599 answer to that, but I can tell you that I have 00:40:15.599 --> 00:40:18.139 this very organized plan, blah, blah, blah, blah, 00:40:18.139 --> 00:40:20.480 blah, right? Yeah, exactly. Instead of trying 00:40:20.480 --> 00:40:25.019 to answer or lie or something like that. We're 00:40:25.019 --> 00:40:28.119 coming to an end, but I have some spicy questions. 00:40:28.219 --> 00:40:30.840 Great. I want to hear from you. What is it that 00:40:30.840 --> 00:40:34.000 you like? Well, you know, I've been a professional 00:40:34.000 --> 00:40:37.340 dominatrix now for, this is my 26th year and 00:40:37.340 --> 00:40:40.840 I've been a lifestyle dom for close to 30 years 00:40:40.840 --> 00:40:44.699 now. So I've been a dominatrix for a long time. 00:40:44.860 --> 00:40:49.469 And so when I play, I play very high level. I 00:40:49.469 --> 00:40:53.250 play very sadistically. So I have a lot of submissives 00:40:53.250 --> 00:40:56.710 that I own as submissives. They are my lifestyle 00:40:56.710 --> 00:41:00.949 -owned slaves. And so what turns me on is the 00:41:00.949 --> 00:41:06.090 aspect of force. Whenever a submissive, let's 00:41:06.090 --> 00:41:09.070 say, doesn't want to do something, it turns me 00:41:09.070 --> 00:41:14.559 on to make them do it. So of course, I'm never 00:41:14.559 --> 00:41:17.139 going to cross any hard limit lines. There's 00:41:17.139 --> 00:41:19.599 going to be some hard, but if there's some soft 00:41:19.599 --> 00:41:23.539 limits, I like to push those boundaries. So pushing 00:41:23.539 --> 00:41:26.340 boundaries, you know, and pushing them towards 00:41:26.340 --> 00:41:29.059 the way that I want, those things are very delicious 00:41:29.059 --> 00:41:35.360 to me. Yeah, I see. And what is it like to have 00:41:35.360 --> 00:41:38.670 these established slaves? I mean do you order 00:41:38.670 --> 00:41:41.150 them to clean your house regularly as well like 00:41:41.150 --> 00:41:44.489 is this something that you do or it's um well 00:41:44.489 --> 00:41:47.650 I so I don't have them clean the inside of my 00:41:47.650 --> 00:41:50.610 house because you know I do live a vanilla lifestyle 00:41:50.610 --> 00:41:53.789 here with my family but I have several slaves 00:41:53.789 --> 00:41:56.769 and I have a one slave who's like a handyman 00:41:56.769 --> 00:41:59.389 you know he comes and he fixes things he puts 00:41:59.389 --> 00:42:01.780 up my Christmas lights when it's around the holidays. 00:42:02.039 --> 00:42:03.980 He does things like that. He's even, you know, 00:42:04.119 --> 00:42:06.860 does things like take my animals to the vet if 00:42:06.860 --> 00:42:09.280 I need that or whatever. He does sort of like 00:42:09.280 --> 00:42:11.840 these types of things that are not like cleaning, 00:42:12.179 --> 00:42:15.900 cleaning. I do have a cleaning slave that cleans 00:42:15.900 --> 00:42:20.690 my dungeon. I have another space where I don't 00:42:20.690 --> 00:42:23.530 live. It's where my BDSM dungeon is. And so I 00:42:23.530 --> 00:42:25.690 have a cleaning slave over there and he cleans 00:42:25.690 --> 00:42:28.489 for me a couple of times a week, gets down on 00:42:28.489 --> 00:42:31.289 his knees, scrubs the floor, just really cleans 00:42:31.289 --> 00:42:35.030 it. And it just so happens that my maid that 00:42:35.030 --> 00:42:42.210 I hire for my home is also a man. And I just 00:42:42.210 --> 00:42:46.030 found him. You pay him, right? I pay him. Yes. 00:42:46.030 --> 00:42:48.550 I found him from a cleaning service and I've 00:42:48.550 --> 00:42:52.369 had female maids before, but I find it very easy 00:42:52.369 --> 00:42:57.929 to order men around. And so I prefer him. He's 00:42:57.929 --> 00:43:00.730 great, you know, but he's, it's a business relationship 00:43:00.730 --> 00:43:04.650 here. Yeah. I just had to ask this question. 00:43:04.690 --> 00:43:07.769 This is my greatest family. Just somebody cleaning 00:43:07.769 --> 00:43:10.190 my house as I order them, but I'll get there. 00:43:10.250 --> 00:43:13.590 Oh yeah, it's amazing. All my slaves do different 00:43:13.590 --> 00:43:16.429 things for me. I have a secretary who's a slave 00:43:16.429 --> 00:43:18.650 of mine who does all the secretary and administrative 00:43:18.650 --> 00:43:21.030 stuff for me. I have another one who's a graphic 00:43:21.030 --> 00:43:24.550 artist and I'm always needing graphic art and 00:43:24.550 --> 00:43:26.489 video editing and things like that. And so they 00:43:26.489 --> 00:43:29.469 do those things for me. So all of my needs, I 00:43:29.469 --> 00:43:32.849 sort of fit somebody in there somewhere, whatever 00:43:32.849 --> 00:43:35.090 they're good at. That's incredible. Yeah, I'm 00:43:35.090 --> 00:43:37.050 doing a three -day workshop this weekend in my 00:43:37.050 --> 00:43:40.809 studio. So I have this new studio. slave of mine 00:43:40.809 --> 00:43:43.030 who I'm kind of like, I'm trying them out, you 00:43:43.030 --> 00:43:46.309 know, and he's done really well. He spent like 00:43:46.309 --> 00:43:49.590 hours shampooing my carpet because I have these 00:43:49.590 --> 00:43:53.289 huge rugs at my studio. So he spent like hours 00:43:53.289 --> 00:43:55.289 shampooing them and getting my space prepared 00:43:55.289 --> 00:43:59.489 for the workshop this weekend. I love it. I love 00:43:59.489 --> 00:44:04.159 it. It's a wonderful life. Yes, I mean, the thing 00:44:04.159 --> 00:44:07.099 is, like, I always show my slaves appreciation 00:44:07.099 --> 00:44:10.639 because we're not like in a scene where I'm not 00:44:10.639 --> 00:44:13.460 saying thank you. So when I'm outside with scene 00:44:13.460 --> 00:44:17.380 and it's my normal life, I thank my slaves. I 00:44:17.380 --> 00:44:19.860 tell them how much I appreciate them. They feel 00:44:19.860 --> 00:44:22.719 good from the praise, you know? Sounds like aftercare. 00:44:23.440 --> 00:44:26.969 That was Mistress Damianachy. And if you're interested 00:44:26.969 --> 00:44:29.849 in learning the art of domination, we invite 00:44:29.849 --> 00:44:33.530 you to check out her Dominatrix Academy and I'm 00:44:33.530 --> 00:44:36.510 linking it in this episode description. If you 00:44:36.510 --> 00:44:39.449 enjoyed this episode and you're still here with 00:44:39.449 --> 00:44:43.670 me, I'm inviting you to leave us a rating on 00:44:43.670 --> 00:44:45.869 whatever platform you're listening to this episode. 00:44:46.110 --> 00:44:50.750 This will truly light up my day and support this 00:44:50.750 --> 00:44:53.429 podcast so that we can continue sharing empowering 00:44:53.429 --> 00:44:56.849 stories for women. And I have a little announcement 00:44:56.849 --> 00:45:00.789 for you. On the April 10th, we're starting the 00:45:00.789 --> 00:45:04.750 Feminine Bar Blueprint online course. It is a 00:45:04.750 --> 00:45:08.769 three -month online journey led by 10 incredible 00:45:08.769 --> 00:45:12.750 teachers where you get to learn how to work with 00:45:12.750 --> 00:45:17.010 your feminine energy and sexual energy to enrich 00:45:17.010 --> 00:45:22.309 all areas of your life from love to sex to money 00:45:22.309 --> 00:45:26.010 to your career to your confidence. You can access 00:45:26.010 --> 00:45:29.590 the true power that lives inside you that was 00:45:29.590 --> 00:45:32.760 stigmatized and shamed for so long because cause 00:45:32.760 --> 00:45:36.619 it's so powerful. We are going to show you embodiment 00:45:36.619 --> 00:45:40.619 practices and tantric practices and mindset shifts 00:45:40.619 --> 00:45:43.420 and we're going to hold your hands through this 00:45:43.420 --> 00:45:46.940 path. alongside 10 incredible teachers and amazing 00:45:46.940 --> 00:45:49.679 women who are already joining this course from 00:45:49.679 --> 00:45:53.679 Australia and US and United Kingdom and Germany 00:45:53.679 --> 00:45:58.500 and Austria and Portugal and Spain. We have amazing 00:45:58.500 --> 00:46:02.420 amazing community of women already in this course. 00:46:02.840 --> 00:46:05.760 We have early births available before the 10th 00:46:05.760 --> 00:46:08.559 of March. So if you want to join this with a 00:46:08.559 --> 00:46:11.000 big discount, I invite you to join right now 00:46:11.000 --> 00:46:14.340 and check out all the information about this 00:46:14.340 --> 00:46:17.619 course linked in this episode description. That 00:46:17.619 --> 00:46:20.860 was Maria Grenino and I'm the host of the Feminine 00:46:20.860 --> 00:46:23.820 Power Podcast and the Feminine Magnetism Coach. 00:46:24.179 --> 00:46:26.699 And I'm excited to continue sharing more with 00:46:26.699 --> 00:46:27.699 you on this podcast.