Hello and welcome to the Feminine Power podcast.
In today's episode I speak to inspiring, powerful, sexy, full of life Hoda Muhammad Ali, a survivor
of female genital mutilation who had been helping women who had this experience all over
the world to not only heal but thrive through her activism, charity work, trainings and
her herself being the example of a thriving woman.
She is a human rights activist, children's book author, sexual health nurse and the woman
who endlessly shines her light and is truly connected to her body and pleasure.
Hoda's story gives hope and inspiration to hundreds of millions of women affected by
FGM and to all who had a physical trauma and feel as if that true connection won't ever
become available to them.
Her story truly proves otherwise.
Hoda inspires women to embrace every part of themselves, to celebrate their sexuality
and to confidently step into a life filled with joy and pleasure.
And in this episode we are unpacking how to turn past pain into a powerful source of energy,
how to shed self-doubt and how to truly love the body you're in.
So if you've ever felt that your body or your experiences are barriers to living fully,
it's ready to hear a story that proves otherwise.
For us women, it is possible to have it all and embody our truth and power in all areas
of life.
Feminine Bower podcast is your guide to reconnecting with your feminine essence, reclaiming your
power and rising into your fullest potential.
I'm your host Maria Grinina, co-founder of Feel, the Feminine Embodiment Platform.
And here on this podcast I interview our expert community and our members and we together
share transformative tools, intimate conversations and embodiment practices, bringing you a
wealth of wisdom and practical tools to support your journey.
Follow this podcast for your weekly inspiration and if you'd like to go deeper into your
embodiment journey and the awakening of your sexual energy, check out our online membership
linked in this podcast description.
Welcome to the Feminine Power podcast, Hoda, I'm so excited to have you here.
Thank you for having me.
We back again together.
I know how important the conversation that I want to share is today and your story, the
luckiest girl in the world.
The luckiest girl alive, yes, she's been in my head for a very long time.
I want to hear your story from you.
How did you get where you are?
Where were you born?
How did your life begin?
How did you get to the UK?
And how did you become this luckiest girl alive?
Oh, wow.
We're going to go through it quickly.
I was born in Somalia, which is the north part of Somalia.
It was British colonized.
It's called Somaliland.
Yeah, I was born there.
I was born to the most beautiful in my eyes, magical family.
My mother had my sister and my four brothers before I was born.
She met my dad, who was from the south, which is Mokdeishon, the south of Somalia, the Italian
colonized.
And I was born.
I was his firstborn.
My mom is a six-child.
But it was beautiful.
We grew up having a beautiful life.
My dad was in the army.
He was being handed the army on that area.
He had a beautiful life where every Friday we'll go to the beach, eat some fish, and
swim, even though I couldn't swim whenever my dad was around.
He would put me around his shoulders and go to the beach.
And yeah, so that is how I grew up.
But unfortunately, after that beautiful life, while I was in that beautiful life, I had
something called female genital mutilation.
I'm not sure how many people know this.
But for us, it was something that was normal.
We grew up in Somalia.
Every woman had it.
I thought every single woman around the world even talking to you, Maria, I thought without
FGM.
So it was normal.
I remember the day before the cutting.
We had a big party.
And we got a big, you know, I had my hair done.
We had henna because we are Muslim countries, so they did henna.
I remember that's the first time I got a watch as a gift as well.
But it was normal.
Like I didn't think it was anything that was abnormal.
And yeah, the procedure happened.
And can you share a little bit what is the procedure because, yeah, I believe that many
people can understand truly what this is if you're able to.
Yeah.
So female genital mutilation or cutting known a lot of parts of the world is a procedure
that removes a total removal of the clitoris or partial removal of the clitoris, labia
manora, labia majora.
So there's actually four different types.
So I'll just go through the types first.
Type one is the cut or slit of the clitoris.
They don't have a lot of stitches that involve, but then it depends of the cutting because
now we see in different type ones.
But naturally it is a cut, it's slit or a cut of the clitoris, not a stitch involved.
Type two is sometimes partial removal of the clitoris, labia manora, labia majora.
They pull the skin together and they stitch it halfway, just halfway.
So like five stitches.
That means that woman is partially have in valve is open.
Type three is total removal of the clitoris, labia manora, labia majora.
They pull the skin together and they stitch it all the way down and then they leave a
little hole that is no bigger than matchstick.
They expected the girl to have her urine, pass her urine in that little hole.
When she have her period, to have her period that little hole, but when she gets married,
her husband have to force himself to open.
I will go back again why FGM happened.
Type four is a procedure that again FGM is a procedure for non-medical reasons.
So type four we have a different type force in western and practicing community.
Let us make that clear.
Type four is stretching, burning or doing anything to the female genitalia for non-medical
reasons.
So certain part of the world they stretch the labia from a girl from as soon as that
girl is born.
So let us say 40 days old to five years old.
This is the softest part as a human body, which is similar to the valve valve is similar
to the labia.
So what they do with type four, they break the tissue between and they stretch it twice
a day in the morning and in the evening.
So I want you to imagine being a child who just born and somebody is pinching you and
they break in the tissue between the skin and the muscles.
I know.
Also we did not say warning.
We need to put the warning.
And what they do is that they will stretch it because they believe having longer labia
is beautiful.
So I grow up in Somalia where they cut the labia, but part of the world they have the
longer labia is beautiful.
But wait when they finish stretching, they bend all around it.
So they will put a fire into, I don't know.
So that is that you can burn and they will burn it all around it.
So it's like a decoration that this girl now has passed her labia is that long and it
passed.
But can I tell you most the saddest part for me as well is the Europe.
We have a place called Harley Street in London.
Harley Street, everybody goes to Harley Street to have plastic surgery, right?
If I want to have my nose done, if I want to have my boobs done, whatever.
Harley Street they do what's called labia plusdine, which is called vagina designer.
And who benefit that is a lot.
It is the bono community, the bono graphic community.
I hope I'm pronouncing it right.
However, I can go to Harley Street with my English white friend and said I wanted to have
labia plusdine.
My white friend can have it done, but they would not let me to have it done.
Okay.
Do you know why?
No.
Because I am from a country practice female genital mutilation or cutting, they would
not do that on me because what they're going to do is the same and they're going to do
the same as FGM.
Because they say law against it, they will only do it to my white friends.
And I'm sorry, hate using color or anything, but that's the reality.
If you are white English, if you are white European, you can go and have vagina designer.
But if I'm a black Somali girl who wanted to have my vagina designed, I would not be
able to.
How did that make sense?
Well, I am a big believer that all vaginas are naturally beautiful and completely diverse
and naturally beautiful.
So even some people have these different procedures done to them against their will.
Some people have different procedures done for certain beliefs and some people just do
it because they watch a lot of porn and they believe that something is wrong with them
and something should look different.
And that's the biggest mistake.
Like, please don't do that because you are beautiful as you are.
And porno is not natural and not real.
And it doesn't show what we are supposed to look like.
It is just, yes.
I don't fight with anybody what they wanted to do to their body as long as you are adult.
You are allowed to do what you need to do in your life as an adult.
But why are we telling to the future generation?
Because if you have this kind of organization, it's not organization, but this kind of clinics
that exist that said, oh, if you don't like how you look, we can change your look.
We're not empowering children.
We're not telling children.
You are beautiful just the way you are, right?
But because we have clinics, you can come and change that.
And sadly, not this year, but two years ago, the highest number of girls that was by the
NHS, there were over 15,000 girls that were referred to have labiaplasty through the NHS.
And these are children who have went to their doctors, told them they do not like the way
they look, and they sent them.
Why?
Because we have a problem with porn, with children, right?
I work in primary school.
I work in secondary school.
Children have access to pornographic material.
And what they see, they think that is normal.
And what they meet, that little girl, do you know that innocent girlfriend, boyfriend thing?
It's not innocent anymore, because they like, I don't like the way you look.
You're not supposed to have that.
That creates a psychological problem for these little girls, because they're not old enough
to decide what is good or bad for their body, right?
They go to their GPs, they go back and back and back, and the GPs say, okay, I'll send
you to Harley Street to have vagina designer.
We're going to remove your labia, labia menorab, because you didn't like how we look, and that
is it.
That is not the solution.
And by the way, removal of parts of labia may lead to less sensitivity, and that's non-reversible.
It's just non-reversible, and people just don't have enough knowledge about it.
Doctors even don't mention that much.
It's so important that people just love themselves a little more and know themselves a little
more.
Yeah, but sometimes when society doesn't tell you to love yourself as a little girl or a
woman who has got problems, like you're depressed or you have some sort of psychological problem,
or you just woke up and said, I don't like the way I look.
And I think that's allowed.
I think we women should be looking at the, I wake up some morning, some like, who is
this?
Do you know?
Of course.
I know it's me.
Let me go and go for a walk.
I don't feel myself today.
Let me go and do some yoga.
But in reality, not a lot of these girls and a lot of these women who are watching and
seeing this really do realize.
But also I do worry here in the UK, because there's a lot of access to pornographic material
for children who are not supposed to have that.
So there's a lot that work needs to be done with parents also, just to empower their kids,
to understand and also to figure out when your child is upstairs, they're using your
internet.
They are using the laptop you bought for them.
They are using the phone that you bought for them and they're watching porn upstairs
in the room where you pay the electricity, you pay the gas, you pay the rent, but you
don't know.
And also, yeah, so responsibility comes to the adults as well.
But yeah, ask me more questions.
No, and what do people just, I want to touch deeper on FGM.
So those of those who had that can find certain answers because find you very inspiring in
the way that you approach your body and your pleasure.
What I would like to see is for people who had FGM, what the life is like, what are potential
issues, but also what are the potential solutions?
I can't speak for everybody.
There are over 230 million women and girls who are alive today who had FGM.
Female genital mutilation or cutting is a worldwide issue.
And this year alone, international women stay in March.
We had 30 more million women and girls come forward who had FGM.
So it happens everywhere.
Female genital mutilation, people don't know.
It's a child abuse.
It's an abuse.
It is.
It's a filing against women and girls.
It's a filing against women and girls' rights.
So people have different excuses of why they do it, but there are money, money different
things come with it.
So what I would do quickly, I would tell you, because I can't speak for everybody else,
I can't just speak for myself.
I was cut at the age of seven in Somalia, Somaliland in Harkeisa.
The woman who cut me, cut my sister who was 17 years older than me because that woman
was the famous woman around that area who was doing this cutting.
Also language is really important.
It's something we're learning.
FGM is a child abuse.
It's an abuse, so we need to take it that way.
People say it's my culture.
I'm not going to lie.
I used to say a lot of the time it's my culture.
It's nothing to do with religion.
But again, it's the way we grow up and we were conditioned to talk about this.
So the reality is, the woman who cut me, cut my sister who was 17 years older than me,
by the time she got to me and my younger sister, she was an old woman.
She couldn't even see anything.
But she would say, I can do this with my eyes closed.
The day of the cutting, like I said, my younger sister was cut first because they always do
the younger ones.
Then I went through it.
I was seven.
At the age of 11, when I was seven, when I turned eight, civil war started in my country.
So we have to run.
I knew nothing about war also.
We run and we left.
My dad is from Moctizio, like I mentioned earlier.
So we ended up in Moctizio in the south of Somalia, the Italian colonized.
We went to school.
I started school, middle school.
That was the first time because we got uniform.
I was so excited.
Within nine months, the war started again in civil war.
Everything collapsed.
Now when everything collapsed, I got sick and nobody knew why I got sick.
So I would always run to my mom and dad's room and I was like, ah, my stomach hurts
because I didn't know what it was.
Daddy took me to this Italian hospital and they did ultrasound.
They kept me there for like 48 hours.
They did ultrasound again because they thought I had a cyst and they're like, oh, the cyst
is growing.
They operate me.
And they realized it was my period that was accumulating inside.
They had nowhere to come out.
Then they said, we're going to keep operating her until her period comes.
So in Moctizio, I had two operations in my stomach.
And again, I'm going a bit fast forward, but I talked about this a lot.
So videos and everything is out there of me talking about when the doctors opened me up,
the Italian doctors in Moctizio, they thought I had a cyst.
It's only when they opened me up, they realized because the blood was shooting.
They said when they operated me, the ceiling, the doctors, you know, the goggles, everything
they were, it was blood because it was my period that was accumulating inside.
But this time the doctors were looking around and they were like, do we cut our tree?
Did we do something?
And they didn't cut our tree, it just, they didn't expect it to be my period.
So that is how I ended up in hospital.
Yeah.
So I've been operated in Somalia twice.
The civil war got bad.
The hospital got bombed.
My dad had to find a real small plane to take me to Djibouti, which is where my mom is from.
And also the same doctors had a hospital there.
End up in there, they kept me there for another three years, two years, sorry, having to keep
operation but they still couldn't get my period out.
So that's when they said, we have to send, they said to my mom and dad, we need to send
your daughter to Italy because we don't know why she's not having her period.
We got a better equipment there.
So we need to.
So that's how me and my dad arrived in Italy.
I had an operation from the hospital straight away.
And as I had that, oh my goodness, sorry, this is supposed to be off.
Sorry.
It is off.
Can you stay there?
So yeah, so when we arrived in Italy, I went to the hospital, they kept me there.
They operated me.
I was in the hospital for a year because they didn't want to operate with me because by
this time I had four operations abdominally.
And they just wanted to get my period out.
Yeah.
And they operated me one day.
I woke up the next seven days later.
After five years of people saying to me, doctor, wait for your next cycle.
And I want people to know, I never had a cycle.
I don't know what my period, what period is, right?
So one day they said to me, oh, how did you have your period?
I was like, okay.
I looked at my dad.
I was like, does that mean we can leave hospital now?
He said yes.
But unfortunately, we couldn't go back home.
We became a refugee.
So I ended up in refugee camp in Holland.
My daddy, who I love so much, like I said, I'm a daddy's girl, have to leave because
in Holland, I said to him, I wanted to learn English.
And my sister was here, my oldest sister.
And I was like, I'm coming to the UK to learn English.
So it's like, it's okay.
You can stay here.
Stay with my auntie.
I was living in a refugee camp for them to look after me.
Yeah.
Daddy left for Denmark.
I was there for two and a half years.
I went through the system.
I was living in the refugee camps.
And they would send me to, every time I make friends.
And that's another thing.
Maybe we can do another one when it war on refugees.
When it comes to podcasts, because I can't talk about it all here today.
But it was, yeah, I grew up very fast.
I grew up very, very fast to, you know, where I was like, I'm a woman now.
So my sister sponsored me.
I arrived in the UK on my 20th as a 20 year old, two months before my 21st birthday.
And I remember I arrived in Italy when I was 16.
So 16 to 20.
I'm traveling through having operations in Italy, in refugee camp in Holland, waiting
all of that, arrived in the UK.
I remember, and it was just before Christmas, 1997.
And I was 20.
Yeah.
I'm telling everybody my age.
Went to the homophist.
They took my fingerprints.
They took pictures of me.
And they were like, do you have a family here?
I say, yeah, I have my sister.
They say, go, we're going to get to you.
So I actually got what's called Indifference Leaf to Remain within eight months of going
to Sheffield.
Within before I did that, I said, I'm learning English.
So next door was a college.
And it was a college for also a new comments, what they call ESOL, in learning English in
like all the age.
My teacher was a Syrian and very broken English.
I couldn't speak Arabic or English, but very broken.
I told her who I am and what I'm doing.
And not knowing FGM was wrong, by the way.
I just told her, I'm refugee.
I want to learn English and I want to be a nurse.
And she's like, OK.
Within three months of me joining that college, she's like, harder.
There's something going on and it's called NVQ level two in health, but we sponsor you.
So we'll pay you to go and do that.
And I looked at her and I was like, how am I going to do that?
I can't speak English.
I want to be a nurse, but I can't do that.
She's like, just do it.
And that is how everything started.
And who did you become?
I have become Hoda Muhammad Ali that I always been, but I moved to the UK.
I mean, in London, I met my husband, Elvis.
His name is Elvis.
I know.
Well, was Elvis.
I met him outside the job center the same day I moved from Sheffield.
And I was outside the job center and I met him.
And after that, we decided to get married two years later, even though I couldn't speak
a proper English.
So I met Elvis.
I'm going to tell you the luckiest girl alive as well.
Anybody who can watch the play and go and look it online, you can see it.
So yeah, I met my husband and we got married.
We did a proper kind of wedding.
So 2006, we got married, all Somali traditional clothes.
2006, I had seven one year anniversary.
We did the Caribbean style.
So I had my white dress and all the Caribbean music and food.
But where is he from?
He's born in London.
His parents are from Barbados.
Ah, that's why.
So Barbados became my second home.
Beautiful.
Yeah.
Beautiful place.
And again, I want you to come over there.
Oh, yes.
We can do a lot of things on the beach.
And yeah, so we met.
And you know, when we got married, going forward is I couldn't get pregnant.
I was just like, we married.
We're not having contraception or anything.
So I went back to the gynec because I had one since I was 11 years old.
And the gynec said to me, oh, maybe you should have IVF because you had Femogenetic Medulation,
all these operations.
You know, and you might not get pregnant because additions are discussed that it is left after
operations.
I said, okay.
And we went for IVF, got pregnant with the first cycle.
I miscarried the day before my first scan.
And I remember it was working as a nurse.
I was taking a blood out of a patient and I just felt everything coming out of me.
Like not everything, but I felt that I had abdominal pain on the daytime.
But I just thought, you know, when I had, I never had any other problems with when it
comes to medical.
I always had gynec problem.
Right.
So I'm thinking, oh, my abdominal is hurting.
Maybe it's the period.
Not thinking like I had IVF and I'm pregnant.
Right.
I thought it's normal.
So I passed there.
I'm taking out of blood of this patient and I just couldn't.
I literally blacked out.
End up in intensive care unit.
I end up in intensive care unit and I was there for like, I think like three weeks.
And I woke up and I had tubes here on my neck.
It's called an central line tube because they can't, I couldn't eat.
So they feed me food here.
But also there was a lot of things that in my stomach.
So they bought me what's called NG tube.
So you can take the pile or whatever is building up in my stomach.
And I remember coming out and it's like tomorrow is another day.
I'm the luckiest girl alive.
Okay.
You lost the baby.
And you need to put weight back on because you're way too skinny because I'm 5'4, 11.
I was like 40 kilos when I came out of there.
Right.
And I was like, okay, you know, I always look positive out of life.
Everything in life is being positive.
And that was, I came home.
I put weight back on.
I was ready.
We had five embryos frozen.
The day of the transfer, they took us a different room.
Like, why are you taking us to this room?
But also it's horrible to be a medical professional.
And also I had the procedure already.
I know my husband doesn't know, you know, he's being strong for me, but I'm being strong
for him.
But yeah, they said none of the embryos survived.
So we can't do a transfer on you today.
Means you can't have IVF cycle today.
I was like, why?
What happened?
The doctor came.
They all came in different times.
You know, the embryologists, my professor, all of them.
And I remember the professor, she was amazing because she always been, she followed me from
St. Mary's Hospital all the way to Guy's and St. Thomas Hospital, which is where I was
having the IVF.
And they were like, hold on, we never seen this.
I never seen a patient that I did, that none of the embryos survived.
Five of them.
We froze them different times, but none of them survived.
I guess why I said, Maria, I said, tomorrow is another day.
It's okay.
Yeah.
I have another IVF.
And it's like, no, you can't.
Because if we touch you, it can kill you.
So you can never have IVF.
You can never carry your own child.
And if you need to do that, you need to get an surrogate, surrogacy and an egg donor.
For a while, I'm not going to lie.
I haven't told this for people.
I thought about it.
Because I thought, my little sister, Ayan, you know the one I was cut the same time?
She's got five beautiful children.
Wow.
Right.
Three boys and two boys and three girls.
Right?
I thought, oh my God, I am going to carry my own child.
I am going to do that.
But I think something happens psychologically because I wasn't thinking straight.
Right?
Because I didn't think about how is Ayan going to get married and carry my own child?
That means getting my husband is sperm and dooming it.
And it was just too much.
So at that moment, I, yeah.
And also my husband was the most supportive human being.
He said, we're not going to have a child.
My wife is not going to die a child she don't have yet.
Yeah.
Because what they say to me, if I go through another IVF, it can kill me.
So it was powerful and it was beautiful.
So that is the journey that I had with FGM.
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Fast forward at the age of 37, I was diagnosed with menopause, which is, I think that's going
to be another episode because I really want to talk about that.
But do mention, do mention what?
Menopause is the worst thing that has happened to me.
I went through a civil war twice, refugee come in Europe, and IVF, menopause is the
worst thing because all of that, I was very active.
I love working out.
I would go to do yoga.
I would go to the gym.
I will be a senes, work 12 hours a shift, not driving, get my backpack, go on the bus.
No, when menopause happened, it just shut me down.
Literally everything, everything.
I don't really want to, I want to talk about it, but it makes me sad because the reason
it makes me sad is that here I am talking about FGM, female genital mutilation and cutting,
but then when I was diagnosed with menopause, it happens to women worldwide, regardless.
But I never got the support.
Never do I get the, what's the word?
Do you know that education that you need?
Education, yes.
Do you know what I mean?
Because it's the education you need.
So it's again for me, it became all over again to learn.
It became all over again for me to learn about my body.
Why do I feel tired?
Why am I not sleeping at night?
Why am I, why am I arguing with my husband?
You know?
Why arguing with everybody because at that moment everybody just made me angry.
Yeah, I'm hearing you in terms of, well, first of all, let's celebrate your courage and your
positivity and the empowerment that you share with people through your story.
I know how much you do for the children, for people around, for women.
And you're raising important points on education that's missing, right?
Even with the menopause, what you're saying is you haven't had, you haven't received the
necessary education to go through it with less pain and with more ease.
And it is a big, big problem.
Now women have started to be included in medical research only recently.
They have no idea.
And the amount of medical mistakes people do to women and what's coming out only after
a recent years is just crazy and things like menopause, like pleasure, like sexuality,
like menstruation, all of those things did not have enough attention, enough honor and
enough connection.
And most women aren't tapping into their true potential as a result of that because we
are not all the right thing and not provided with access.
So we can just honor and acknowledge that.
And while I'm celebrating your courage and staying strong, you know, just staying strong,
and another thing I must mention, what I'm celebrating about you and when I met you first
time and learned all about the things that you do in your life is your passion and love
for life.
Because I know what you were like, thanks, you're sharing what you're doing and like
how you celebrate yourself.
It's just so beautiful.
And I want you to talk about it in the remaining times of what I want to know and I want to
inspire listeners and whatever they've gone through, even if they've gone through FGM,
how they can celebrate their body.
Okay.
First thing that we need to do is about owning your body.
Yes.
It took me so long to really understand of, like my body belongs to me.
Which is one of the things I teach children now.
I left nursing, safeguarding consultant, I work with children, you know, teaching about
their bodies and also talking about FGM and like nobody have the right to touch you if
you don't want to be touched or do anything.
So you started that way.
So first of all, it starts owning your body.
Sickly sexuality is not something that is a lot open to where I come from.
But I do realize, like I said earlier, sexuality is important.
It's important to know how you feel and what works for you.
So for many long time I didn't know, but I realized talking.
Yes.
Let's say that.
Yes.
When you have a new partner or you meet a partner, it's important to talk to them of what works
for you as a woman.
And I say that because it's not just FGM.
A lot of women and girls do not know what sexuality is.
You just go and meet a partner and expect it.
Miraculously know everything.
We don't know.
But also a lot of the times the man had sexual partners before us because I was told to keep
FGM.
But he was never told to keep FGM, right?
So that means that man have a lot more experience.
I think the most important thing is to own, to learn what works for you, which is what
we were talking about.
And just really using your voice even if you're not sexually active.
Even if you're not sexually active.
It is so important to talk about your feelings and how you're feeling, what works for you.
And that doesn't mean just partner or man.
You could talk to your girlfriends because it's a star, right?
That is my star.
So I have an amazing, amazing friends and one of them is literally, even though I'm
older than her, and she calls me sometimes her auntie, I won't say her name.
Maybe I will.
Like literally became my voice.
Like that guru, I need it.
You know that person I need it.
Her name is Dr. Leila Hussain.
She knows.
I will say it.
But it's a lot.
It was a lot because when we met, I wasn't in this world.
I wasn't talking about FGM and stuff.
I was just learning things and things.
But she showed me that what we're happening, you know, everybody have one person to guide
them, right?
So Leila was there for me.
But the older I get, I don't even talk to Leila anymore.
I mean, I talked to her, but not that way.
So yeah, I decided I own my sexuality.
I also thought being married, I met my husband when I was 23 and I was virgin.
I never had sex with anybody, right?
Because that's what we were told.
You have to be virgin and keep yourself and do that.
Yeah.
And we did.
The first didn't come first.
The first came after.
But also I find out about sex toys or sexual pleasure toys, like we call it.
And it is one of the most amazing, liberating things for me.
I say that because when we say liberating people think that somebody was holding me
back.
No, I was holding myself back because I didn't know.
But it wasn't like any kind of toy.
It wasn't like extreme.
It was just a bullet.
Yeah, the classic.
My amazing friends, I have amazing people around me, got that for me and haven't used
it for a while.
But one day I was like, my husband was on holiday.
I was like, I'm going to figure it out.
Lordy.
Lord have mercy.
I had orgasm three times in 10 minutes.
And how beautiful is that?
But also how scary is it?
Do you know what I mean when it's just by yourself?
You know the other day when we were talking about your podcast, we talked about female
pleasure and how to pleasure yourself.
But it was scary, but one I was like, why have I been missing this?
Why have we been missing this?
Exactly.
Right?
Yeah.
And never look back after that.
And also, of course, it's important to speak to your partner.
I tell you the hardest way that he learned was, I was using it and I fall asleep.
It's a DJ who was doing the music stuff.
This is, oh my God, I'm telling things I never talked about before.
And he came back and he was like, he could just hear.
He said, I can hear like vibration under the duvet.
Because, you know, I was, I knocked myself out.
And that was it.
That is how we introduce him to the sex type.
So I know that can be really hard with the partners when you don't talk about these things.
But hey, please, please, please, like your first thing with your first partner, when
you talk about sexuality, talk about sexuality and what rocks your world.
Yeah.
And we talk about our world exactly and very often that we're so scared to share something
with our partners.
Very often it's, it can be actually very sexy and they can be very happy to know what pleases
you.
Oh, I know.
Yeah.
So it's like, hmm, just, let's just talk about it.
I know.
Yeah.
It is, I think for us what we talked about is one of the hardest things for sexuality
in and things and also in different reasons of why we don't talk about it.
So it's really important.
Regardless that I'm a survivor of FGM or civil war.
I didn't have that childhood, but I'm making it up with the knowledge I have as an adult
now.
You know what I mean?
I'm not ashamed to say I learned this this age or I learned this here.
But the reality is that life is not, it's not easy.
And also the way things are going for women or young girls is not fair.
But I just hope that they can do their little bit research and see people like me and you
or, you know, my friends, like other people who are doing an amazing work to know that
they're not alone and they can kick us as long as they go forward.
There is one thing I'm deeply passionate about is self love and love body for love for the
body and love for the own body.
And as we were touching upon in the beginning of this podcast, a lot of women, even not
those who had FGM, FGM was usually done against the person's will.
But there are women who just actually really don't like their own vulvas and they want
to make amendments to it simply because there is lack of self love and lack of visibility.
And one of my favorite practices that we always teach and I mean, I find it so empowering
is to learn to adore your own vulva.
Learn to look at her first.
A lot of women don't even look there.
Learn to look at her, then work through any feelings that arise and then actually to give
it love and to really adore it.
And I know there is this amazing practice of creating a sculpture of your own vulva.
And I'm wondering if you want to share a bit about it because isn't it the most empowering
practice that women can do for love?
Yeah.
Listen.
I, yes.
Yes.
Thank you for reminding me again.
First of all, it's important.
Like I said, it's not just FGM or finding these women.
I guess women naturally were just told you can't look down there.
The first thing you do, give her a name.
See?
How we saying her name?
My one, her name is Kalanchor.
Kalanchor in Somali is the most beautiful name that you can give a woman.
Kalanchor, the most beautiful woman.
The most beautiful.
So I give her, so give her a name.
Yeah.
Mine is Venus.
Venus today.
Well, nice to meet you, Venus.
Welcome to Kalanchor.
And that, yes, absolutely.
Like seriously, it's not about the outside world.
It's about, because she's there.
She gives life.
You understand?
Yes.
Without our vulva, without our vaginas, vulvas and all, nobody would have been on this earth.
So please, please, acknowledge her, pray for her, caress her, give her a name.
Give her a name, because if there's anything to serve name on this earth, is your vulva,
my love.
Wallahi.
That is the main thing.
By the way, I keep saying wallahi in Islam.
I swear to God.
Okay.
Yeah.
Let me tell you something.
So I've been empowered and I empowered her a lot.
Okay.
I want to start with the Q as well.
So you can say Kalanchor.
I don't know how you're going to pronounce it.
So I've been approached by an amazing sculpture.
Yeah.
He did a sculpture.
It's called the world of vulvas.
You guys can go and look.
This one is not art.
Yeah, he'd never tell anybody who had FGM, FGMC.
And I was like, yeah, why not?
So it's going to come out.
And it was crazy for me going there.
Of course, I had a friend with me.
It was a space.
It was beautiful, but it was amazing to see my vulva in a plastic scene looking at me.
Yeah.
And she's just like, I'm looking at the mirror.
She's looking at me like this.
I was like, oh my God.
Is that what you look like?
Nice to meet you, Queen.
Yes.
So it's going to come out.
It hasn't come out yet.
This is the first time I'm also telling anybody.
So guys, be kind to me.
But when it comes out, it'll be everywhere and I'm not ashamed of it.
The only thing is for me is the respect.
You know, culturally, my culture, my religion, it's always that respect also.
So yeah, it's all about respect.
But I'm not shy to talk about my sexuality, what works for me.
People think that women who had female genital mutilation do not have orgasm.
They think women who had female genital mutilation, cutting down a joint, they think women who
had female genital mutilation, cutting down a joint sex, they think women who had FGMC
are not hot.
They think women who had FGMC, we never had a desire to have sex.
I tell you now, that is all a lie.
Yes.
It is all a lie.
Trust me.
That is just what they told you.
And I confound you for that because nobody else can speak for my financial background.
They try to control my sexuality, but it's a lie to keep a girl out of sex because of
FGM.
That doesn't work.
They tried and they couldn't.
Because this is power and you own your body and you are the one deciding.
So much courage, so much power.
I'm so, so inspired.
And I feel like it's such an important message because other women who experience this, they
know if they own their body, they can have whatever they like, whatever they wish for.
It rocks your world.
Maybe coffee for the day.
Who knows?
Tea doesn't rock my world.
Coffee dies.
Our body is the same.
Yes.
Love that.
I feel so good listening to your story and I'm just so proud, so proud of you.
Thank you so much.
And I think we're coming to an end of today.
I just want anybody who's going to listen to your podcast and this one now that hopefully
would be able to reach out, to ask the question they wanted to ask, to ask the question to
anybody they ever wanted to ask questions, to be able to ask them, but also to empower
themselves and know that you're not alone.
We all go through a lot of hardships and a lot of things and it's not easy, but just
remember you're not alone, but use your voice and go and kick ass.
That was Hoda Muhammad Ali on the Feminine Power podcast and you can access Hoda's website
in this episode description for further connections.
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Was Maria Grinina the host of the Feminine Power podcast and the founder of Feel?
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