1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,500 What is masculine energy? 2 00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:05,460 And what does it do for us? 3 00:00:05,460 --> 00:00:11,100 How can we balance it and also learn to embody more of it when we need it? 4 00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:15,220 Why does everyone speak about toxic masculinity and most of us are missing the point about 5 00:00:15,220 --> 00:00:17,260 the divine masculine? 6 00:00:17,260 --> 00:00:21,620 How can we support men more and see more of them thrive? 7 00:00:21,620 --> 00:00:24,660 How can we see more masculine men around us? 8 00:00:24,660 --> 00:00:29,940 Those who have balanced energies, understand their feminine but also are deeply connected 9 00:00:29,940 --> 00:00:33,180 and expressive of their divine masculine? 10 00:00:33,180 --> 00:00:35,860 How does sexual shame affect men these days? 11 00:00:35,860 --> 00:00:40,580 And how can men break out of it and become empowered multiragasmic lovers? 12 00:00:40,580 --> 00:00:45,900 Welcome to this episode about all things masculine energy and men's sexual energy. 13 00:00:45,900 --> 00:00:51,580 And in this episode I speak to Sean Ford Kelly, an executive coach, certified sex educator, 14 00:00:51,580 --> 00:00:53,620 angel investor and philanthropist. 15 00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:58,860 He's the founder of Come What May, a sex ad non-profit that I invite you to check out 16 00:00:58,860 --> 00:01:04,340 in this episode description as you may want to join one of their free circles that are 17 00:01:04,340 --> 00:01:05,340 deeply, deeply empowering. 18 00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:08,100 And you can learn more about them in this episode. 19 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:11,540 For now, let's hear Sean's story. 20 00:01:11,540 --> 00:01:18,540 For us women, it is possible to have it all and embody our truth and power in all areas 21 00:01:18,540 --> 00:01:20,540 of life. 22 00:01:20,540 --> 00:01:26,780 Feminine Power Podcast is your guide to reconnecting with your feminine essence, reclaiming your 23 00:01:26,780 --> 00:01:31,540 power and arising into your fullest potential. 24 00:01:31,540 --> 00:01:38,820 I'm your host Maria Grinina, co-founder of Feel, the feminine embodiment platform. 25 00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:45,500 And here on this podcast I interview our expert community and our members and we together 26 00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:53,780 share transformative tools, intimate conversations and embodiment practices, bringing you a wealth 27 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:58,380 of wisdom and practical tools to support your journey. 28 00:01:58,380 --> 00:02:04,260 Follow this podcast for your weekly inspiration and if you'd like to go deeper into your 29 00:02:04,260 --> 00:02:11,020 embodiment journey and the awakening of your sexual energy, check out our online membership 30 00:02:11,020 --> 00:02:14,340 linked in this podcast description. 31 00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:24,380 So I grew up from humble beginnings, I guess, from a council estate in Manchester. 32 00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:32,540 I went through the usual path of school and university and through my university years 33 00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:44,580 I wanted to rebel as most people do from their childhoods and because there wasn't a lot of 34 00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:52,860 financial stability in my youth, I got into financial economics and I went as rich as 35 00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:59,500 possible and drive Lamborghinis in London and over to New York and be the wolf of Wall 36 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,700 Street. 37 00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:12,820 And then as I finished university the financial crisis was still in play, this was 2010. 38 00:03:12,820 --> 00:03:18,580 I was applying for jobs and I remember my life changed on a job interview. 39 00:03:18,580 --> 00:03:26,740 I had an investment banking interview with Bank of America Merrill Lynch in UK and if 40 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:33,700 I was to get that job I was to stay in the UK if not I was to go and travel and luckily 41 00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:39,260 that's the only job interview that I didn't get the job and I travelled through the US 42 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:50,260 and went to Fiji and then I spent nine years in Australia and I had a crossroads of what 43 00:03:50,260 --> 00:03:54,620 my life was to turn out to be. 44 00:03:54,620 --> 00:04:02,900 I decided to let investment banking go and the financial world go and really follow my 45 00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:12,220 life and follow the path of lifestyle design that was beautifully put in the four hour 46 00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:18,020 work week by Tim Ferriss which was a huge inspiration in my life at the time. 47 00:04:18,020 --> 00:04:25,500 So I kept travelling, I ended up receiving sponsorship in Australia and yes I built a 48 00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:32,580 life there in the corporate world still in the recruitment space and then fast forward 49 00:04:32,580 --> 00:04:41,460 a few years to Covid and I was in the UK visiting friends and family and my flight back to Australia 50 00:04:41,460 --> 00:04:45,100 got cancelled and I had to build a new life in Europe. 51 00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:50,900 I ended up in Ibiza and this is where my spiritual and personal development started to grow. 52 00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:56,340 I let go of my business in Australia to become a coach which I realised I had been a coach 53 00:04:56,340 --> 00:05:02,660 for the past ten years but in a different form and then I stumbled across my passion 54 00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:09,020 project which was I have come what may which I'm sure will get into a little bit more which 55 00:05:09,020 --> 00:05:16,940 now is my baby and we've supported thousands of people along the way so that's a brief 56 00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:21,340 introduction to how I've got to where I am in this moment. 57 00:05:21,340 --> 00:05:28,340 I want to tell my story how I met you and my first deep encounter with you was on this 58 00:05:28,340 --> 00:05:35,500 coaching call that you gave me, executive coaching call where I was pleased with how 59 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:40,460 you hold space, how much respect you give for me as a woman, as a young woman entrepreneur 60 00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:48,900 and how much encouragement I receive and also how much insight I receive from you just asking 61 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:56,220 the right questions and holding the space but mostly what really stayed with me as the 62 00:05:56,220 --> 00:06:01,980 biggest takeaway was that embodiment exercise that you guided me through where I addressed 63 00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:09,060 my challenge of being able to resolve conflict and speak up or ask for what I want in the 64 00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:15,620 moment because I do a lot of work for myself to be an empowered woman but there are so 65 00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:21,140 many things that still in my way I work through and that was something very, very deep in 66 00:06:21,140 --> 00:06:28,340 me like how to in the moment ask exactly for what I want so we did that embodiment exercise 67 00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:33,780 where you guided me through visualization and connection to my direct energy, to my 68 00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:41,860 masculine energy and I could visualize the tunnel and my animal that supports me also 69 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:48,300 in the tunnel and how my energy that's that's that protective and direct and forward looks 70 00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:55,300 like and therefore after we had that call I was able to carry that with me in my life 71 00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:59,380 so be able to tap into that energy and actually visualize and imagine it when I need to ask 72 00:06:59,380 --> 00:07:04,980 for something and that's a takeaway I could have for my entire life. 73 00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:11,540 One amazing well done you for being able to spot and guide and suggest the right thing 74 00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:19,180 and also to what the power of embodiment and energy what what what what the thing is this 75 00:07:19,180 --> 00:07:24,700 power because you know I don't think I can have the same effect and the same tool to 76 00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:32,940 carry with me if it's just intellectual but that real you know the combination of intellectual 77 00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:39,180 reasoning and that deep embodiment and energy is something like so so powerful and I'm grateful 78 00:07:39,180 --> 00:07:46,180 for that and that's why I brought you on this podcast to talk about that energy that masculine 79 00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:53,220 energy that you showed me from that perspective but also masculine energy in the wider context 80 00:07:53,220 --> 00:07:58,980 of what's happening now in the world in the wider context of what that means to us in 81 00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:04,700 ourselves in in our relationship with our masculine lines well all of us have masculine 82 00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:10,140 energy I feel like it's very important to recognize and also then speak about masculinity 83 00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:16,020 which is a whole other big topic that I feel like we just must bring it up even though 84 00:08:16,020 --> 00:08:23,140 the podcast's main audience is I mean the audience is about 75 percent female and I am 85 00:08:23,140 --> 00:08:29,620 excited to share with women more about this important topic and yeah would love to set 86 00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:34,820 the stage for you so Sean would you like to first tell me more about the session we had 87 00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:38,420 why did you choose that exercise and how do you usually work with embodiment? 88 00:08:38,420 --> 00:08:48,020 Firstly thank you for the words, it is a really enjoyable session, every coaching session 89 00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:56,260 is completely different and intuition leads the right way to go and for you in particular 90 00:08:56,260 --> 00:09:06,540 I remember the words that you used in terms of wanting to change the way that people perceived 91 00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:14,060 your energy especially when you're going into the bigger meetings the big vision meetings 92 00:09:14,060 --> 00:09:25,420 maybe investor meetings and that in the past maybe some people had seen you as the pretty 93 00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:32,140 cute girl and lovely and beautiful but warm and loving and people were wanting to invest 94 00:09:32,140 --> 00:09:37,780 in you because of this amazing energy that you have but in that coaching session you 95 00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:46,860 wanted to take a step further you wanted to be a lot more assertive you wanted to take 96 00:09:46,860 --> 00:09:52,260 a place of more power so that you felt that you were meeting people as equals and not 97 00:09:52,260 --> 00:09:58,020 just this cute woman who's coming and asking for money for a business whereas actually 98 00:09:58,020 --> 00:10:02,740 you are a powerful woman with a powerful business that wants to really do some beautiful things 99 00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:08,820 in the world so I really felt that sort of step up from you in terms of wanting to sort 100 00:10:08,820 --> 00:10:17,380 of take your place and in business there has to be that masculine element there has to 101 00:10:17,380 --> 00:10:27,020 be that the knowledge within sales of when to turn it into a meeting into a... 102 00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:35,940 sort of cutthroat sales aspect to it rather than just talking and floating and being chaotic 103 00:10:35,940 --> 00:10:43,700 when do we actually stop that and turn to business and I think in that call and coaching 104 00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:48,540 session that we had there was some tips there for you to really take the reins and be assertive 105 00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:53,500 and take the masculine to lead conversations in the way that you wanted to but also to 106 00:10:53,500 --> 00:11:01,860 embody that feeling and embody the masculine essence to take control of the different situations 107 00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:06,140 and push them towards the way that you wanted them to go to. 108 00:11:06,140 --> 00:11:11,660 That is so true for me it's a big challenge still ongoing but I feel like since the time 109 00:11:11,660 --> 00:11:16,820 we had a session and up until now I got already so much better at that if me having a nice 110 00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:22,260 girl problem it's like a nice girl issue I've been carrying which actually was so helpful 111 00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:28,100 to me in my life but I just outgrew it and I for a very long time I still would lean 112 00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:34,020 into this comfortable space of a very nice girl that just people want to help rather 113 00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:40,260 than the powerful woman that people want to follow and I must say that was one of my pivotal 114 00:11:40,260 --> 00:11:45,860 moments was that session so thank you and thank you for describing your protest. 115 00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:53,620 And then in that coaching call what we actually looked at then was okay so we did a sort of 116 00:11:53,620 --> 00:12:00,660 meditation to start to bring in some words of what the masculine feels like to you. 117 00:12:00,660 --> 00:12:09,140 So words such as being assertive and protective and very direct like these sort of words that 118 00:12:09,140 --> 00:12:16,300 we associate with the masculine to actually to meditate and to really drop into the body 119 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:20,820 and feel where in the body that these feelings come from. 120 00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:28,940 And then we went into a sort of embodiment of the animal like when we connect to this 121 00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:34,260 masculine essence like what animal comes up to you what where do you feel power that exercise 122 00:12:34,260 --> 00:12:44,220 in itself has been incredibly important for me in my journey of embodying my own masculine 123 00:12:44,220 --> 00:12:48,580 and my darker masculine and when I need to show up. 124 00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:56,580 And yet it's been a really important tool through my whole life and so not through my 125 00:12:56,580 --> 00:13:03,500 whole life over the past couple of years as I've been more embodying this business person 126 00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:09,180 and it's also helped within my personal life as well and I do have a story of that embodiment 127 00:13:09,180 --> 00:13:11,540 if you if you would like me to go into that. 128 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:22,260 I had my first child just in the six months ago which has been a real beautiful addition 129 00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:31,820 to my life my little girl and the birth process was not that simple. 130 00:13:31,820 --> 00:13:42,180 It ended up being 48 hours and we were at home for 30 hours and then had to go to the 131 00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:48,100 hospital and eventually had to have a C-section. 132 00:13:48,100 --> 00:14:00,820 And the aspect of giving birth that nobody really told me about as the father was I didn't 133 00:14:00,820 --> 00:14:05,340 expect I kind of knew it was going to happen but I didn't expect it and it was only until 134 00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:10,820 I felt it I suppose that's what wisdom is to see my partner in so much pain for so long 135 00:14:10,820 --> 00:14:21,540 and it was heartbreaking and there were certain moments through the through the birthing process 136 00:14:21,540 --> 00:14:27,460 when obviously I'm just sat there holding my partner's hand while she's screaming contractions 137 00:14:27,460 --> 00:14:33,740 every every few minutes and just being there being the rock being this masculine presence 138 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:41,820 and when and the doctor we tried to give birth at home and when the water broke and there 139 00:14:41,820 --> 00:14:46,420 was mcconum in the water so we had to then go to the hospital and the doctor said that 140 00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:52,460 and I could have burst into tears like I was holding all this emotion from from seeing my 141 00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:57,020 partner being in so much pain and I held that back and then we were in the hospital kept 142 00:14:57,020 --> 00:15:04,740 going and there was an inner fear in me that I was going to lose them both and this was 143 00:15:04,740 --> 00:15:11,300 a fear that had had been with me throughout the pregnancy which was deep in my mind it 144 00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:16,380 wasn't something that I was feeling on a daily basis but it was there it was present that 145 00:15:16,380 --> 00:15:23,940 both my partner and my little girl were going to die and when the decision was made to go 146 00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:30,300 in and have a c-section they did say because we had tried and to give birth that the baby's 147 00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:38,500 head was was low and there could be complications and when the as my partner was taken away 148 00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:44,380 on the trolley and they had allowed me to go into the room as I was taken off into another 149 00:15:44,380 --> 00:15:49,180 part of the world to get changed and put my scrubs on and in that moment that was the 150 00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:54,060 first time I was really left alone and I just wanted to break down like there's so much 151 00:15:54,060 --> 00:15:59,060 emotion there that I just needed to cry but I was like if there's one moment in my life 152 00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:04,140 where I need to step into my masculine and be there and support my partner it's right 153 00:16:04,140 --> 00:16:13,100 now yeah and as I mentioned before we we embodied this power animal inside my power 154 00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:18,980 animal is a gorilla so what I do I embody I beat my chest and I know that kind of well 155 00:16:18,980 --> 00:16:27,180 like yeah so I did that in this in this hospital ward there was like just to embody embody this 156 00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:34,220 masculine but while I'm putting the scrubs on it was like and it worked and and I was 157 00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:42,620 I held back my emotions I went into the went into the delivery room and yeah within 30 158 00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:48,660 seconds there our little girl was passed to me I know that some people may be listening 159 00:16:48,660 --> 00:16:55,260 and be like okay the it's not very good for some men to hold back their emotions but I 160 00:16:55,260 --> 00:17:02,180 knew that the emotions would come later and but in that moment it was that tool this connecting 161 00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:09,140 to my masculine and power animal this tool of embodiment that I had been taught a few 162 00:17:09,140 --> 00:17:14,540 years ago which really supported me and I've been able to have these tools to step into 163 00:17:14,540 --> 00:17:20,740 these different parts of ourselves when we need it can be incredibly important yeah well 164 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:28,420 goes goes bombs here in this story I can't imagine how hard that was but also must really 165 00:17:28,420 --> 00:17:35,940 share the appreciation for the masculine energy here this is why it is so essential in this 166 00:17:35,940 --> 00:17:42,820 world for someone like right the masculine can can protect and hold space for all these 167 00:17:42,820 --> 00:17:49,660 cows to happen and give it as much safety and protection as possible so I am proud of 168 00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:54,220 you how you held that and I'm so glad it in the end of the day to all ended up pretty 169 00:17:54,220 --> 00:17:59,700 well and your baby so beautiful and so calm this is a story that really shows how important 170 00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:06,300 it is to one acknowledge the power of the masculine and to practice it right you remembered 171 00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:12,700 your exercise how amazing it is that's what I can also do but of course my my situations 172 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:18,460 haven't been that difficult yet but this one is the exact example of how important this 173 00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:26,860 whole is tell me please your definition of the masculine energy so firstly it's important 174 00:18:26,860 --> 00:18:36,500 to say before we go into conversations like this it's easy to drop into labels of I'm 175 00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:42,140 masculine I'm feminine this part of me is masculine I act in a certain way because 176 00:18:42,140 --> 00:18:51,700 of this whereas actually on the integrated level we all have masculine and feminine 177 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:59,140 essences yeah masculine and feminine isn't necessarily to do with gender it's not about 178 00:18:59,140 --> 00:19:07,740 male and female if you connect it to a Eastern philosophy and we look at yin and yang the 179 00:19:07,740 --> 00:19:14,500 masculine will be seen as the yang and it is has more of a bias for action it's very 180 00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:22,420 much outgoing whereas the yin is more receptive and it has a bias for flow so in terms of 181 00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:29,660 the sort of a divine masculine the masculine essence can be competitive and competition 182 00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:35,940 can be a positive thing you're looking at assertiveness protectiveness they're very 183 00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:43,340 much goal orientated rational independent and and they're quite precise and pick one task 184 00:19:43,340 --> 00:19:48,940 move it over over a few whereas you look at the feminine and the masculine is usually 185 00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:57,020 competitive feminine is collaborative when masculine is assertive the feminine is receptive 186 00:19:57,020 --> 00:20:03,660 when a masculine is protective the feminine is nurturing so we have both of these aspects 187 00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:10,820 and we tend to think as masculine as being more to do with male bodies because men would 188 00:20:10,820 --> 00:20:18,820 generally have more masculine traits than women however with the rise of female and 189 00:20:18,820 --> 00:20:25,980 feminine empowerment I like to see feminism actually sometimes as a paradox because it's 190 00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:31,980 feminism has empowered so many women in the world and but it's also pushed women to be 191 00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:39,700 more masculine and it's trying to push men to be more feminine so we need to look at 192 00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:44,980 these traits within us and know that we are a mixture of everything we all have masculine 193 00:20:44,980 --> 00:20:51,460 and feminine traits but it's important not to not to drop into and completely identify 194 00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:56,020 with particular labels of one or the other because as an integrated being we have all 195 00:20:56,020 --> 00:20:57,020 of these things. 196 00:20:57,020 --> 00:21:03,460 Yeah absolutely and I will provide a bit of my angle here because I know how hard it is 197 00:21:03,460 --> 00:21:12,460 these days for men to even comment on feminists of expression movement and generally on women 198 00:21:12,460 --> 00:21:17,540 because men get so much blame especially in the world of the internet everyone is offended 199 00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:26,180 everyone is triggered so here I want to comment as a woman on the feminist movement one how 200 00:21:26,180 --> 00:21:31,780 amazing it is that women now have equal rights that's I think like that's the most important 201 00:21:31,780 --> 00:21:36,580 thing that's happened and I as a woman want to have an equal right to choose how I want 202 00:21:36,580 --> 00:21:42,380 to live my life and very often especially on the internet and social media on big feminist 203 00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:48,780 publics that are followed by millions of people there is a lot of image of how now a feminist 204 00:21:48,780 --> 00:21:54,900 woman should look like and very often it is very very far from what I want to live my 205 00:21:54,900 --> 00:22:03,020 life like very often I feel like I am being shamed for wanting to perhaps lean more into 206 00:22:03,020 --> 00:22:10,300 my feminine where I want my man to to be more of a provider where I want to be able to maybe 207 00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:17,460 I want to be a stay at home a mom in the future when I complete all my amazing startup endeavors 208 00:22:17,460 --> 00:22:24,140 and a lot of the time those desires are now being a bit shamed or seen as less important 209 00:22:24,140 --> 00:22:30,340 for a woman because what women now needs to be like needs to be a super boss babe while 210 00:22:30,340 --> 00:22:35,700 it's not necessarily what all of us want all the time that's just one example but there 211 00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:45,300 are lots of ways where feminist movement can be a bit distorted if you are resonating with 212 00:22:45,300 --> 00:22:51,900 this episode and you are ready to take your embodiment journey to the next level I invite 213 00:22:51,900 --> 00:22:59,460 you to join the field membership your guide on a journey of reconnecting with and embodying 214 00:22:59,460 --> 00:23:05,780 the power of your feminine energy as a member you'll get access to the daily embodiment 215 00:23:05,780 --> 00:23:13,580 practices created by our powerful experts and become a part of our community knowledge 216 00:23:13,580 --> 00:23:20,500 that you receive on this podcast is gold but the real change happens when you integrate 217 00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:27,620 these learnings into your life with our online membership you can cultivate a consistent self 218 00:23:27,620 --> 00:23:34,620 love and embodiment practice to nurture your energy our members are experiencing profound 219 00:23:34,620 --> 00:23:40,780 shifts from healing past traumas to reigniting their central fire to manifest in their wildest 220 00:23:40,780 --> 00:23:47,380 dreams and we want that for you too so if you are feeling the call to go deeper check 221 00:23:47,380 --> 00:23:55,500 the podcast description for the link to join our membership and secondly feminine masculine 222 00:23:55,500 --> 00:24:05,780 again it is always in us and therefore I want to switch back into the the healthy and powerful 223 00:24:05,780 --> 00:24:10,620 masculine that first of all we've already seen and discussed in this podcast but secondly 224 00:24:10,620 --> 00:24:19,860 I want to know where should I be looking for masculine as my support firstly just the plan 225 00:24:19,860 --> 00:24:27,020 on your previous sentences I think it's it's important to recognize the geographical differences 226 00:24:27,020 --> 00:24:33,940 between equality for women obviously different different parts of the world are still in 227 00:24:33,940 --> 00:24:41,500 a in a fight for what was in the West have been able to to create the difficult aspect 228 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:54,700 of this is that we do live in a masculine capitalist world where money is the greatest 229 00:24:54,700 --> 00:25:03,920 target for people so I think it's a lot easier for myself as somebody who has created financial 230 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:12,700 freedom for himself who is a guest sat on an ivory tower and to be able to comment on 231 00:25:12,700 --> 00:25:19,740 on the world in this way when there's so many people that I fight into survive and to fight 232 00:25:19,740 --> 00:25:25,620 to survive in this world you have to be super competitive and you have to drop into these 233 00:25:25,620 --> 00:25:32,060 negative aspects of masculinity of wanting to get ahead and crush competition and not 234 00:25:32,060 --> 00:25:40,300 being soft or weak or compassionate and working 80 hours a week and looking for like individual 235 00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:46,940 wins rather than the sort of well-being of the whole when you're struggling to survive 236 00:25:46,940 --> 00:25:52,500 and when you are struggling to pay the bills of course you are going to look after yourself 237 00:25:52,500 --> 00:26:00,540 and I think that there are obviously positives to masculinity in terms of where we are with 238 00:26:00,540 --> 00:26:06,060 regard to innovation and the quality of life for billions of people around the world has 239 00:26:06,060 --> 00:26:15,340 been increased exponentially because of this masculine way of being innovative and pushing 240 00:26:15,340 --> 00:26:23,700 society forward however when you've got people at the top that are super rich who are just 241 00:26:23,700 --> 00:26:29,460 hoarding money and creating this competition on the lower levels I find it really difficult 242 00:26:29,460 --> 00:26:34,100 to see how there is a complete way out. 243 00:26:34,100 --> 00:26:35,100 Yeah. 244 00:26:35,100 --> 00:26:39,380 There's a Charles Eisenstein kind of quote and I'm going to be paraphrasing here which 245 00:26:39,380 --> 00:26:50,140 I really align to and he's talking about the fall and the lack of community and that everybody 246 00:26:50,140 --> 00:26:55,780 seems to be talking about community and wanting to be closer to people and however he says 247 00:26:55,780 --> 00:27:01,900 that community started to fail when the things that we used to do for free people then had 248 00:27:01,900 --> 00:27:07,340 to pay for so we've lost these essence of community at a grassroots level because we 249 00:27:07,340 --> 00:27:14,660 started to charge for aspects whether it be cooking for people or child-minding etc when 250 00:27:14,660 --> 00:27:20,300 we started having to pay for all of these and it caused even more separation within 251 00:27:20,300 --> 00:27:25,620 communities and then everything became about money. 252 00:27:25,620 --> 00:27:31,980 These are obviously big sort of existential socio-economic conversations that we're having 253 00:27:31,980 --> 00:27:38,220 and yeah it's difficult to see a way out. 254 00:27:38,220 --> 00:27:46,100 Really starting to embrace in all of us their healthy masculine which is the protective 255 00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:52,140 nature to actually start to want to look after communities and be providers for ourselves 256 00:27:52,140 --> 00:27:55,380 and the people closest to us but also our communities. 257 00:27:55,380 --> 00:28:00,860 How do we support our communities and then how do we support the planet as a whole and 258 00:28:00,860 --> 00:28:03,900 support regions and nations. 259 00:28:03,900 --> 00:28:09,380 The feminist movement has pushed men to be more feminine which has caused a sort of crisis 260 00:28:09,380 --> 00:28:10,860 in masculinity. 261 00:28:10,860 --> 00:28:14,000 Actually what we need is we need these polarities. 262 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:19,380 We need the masculine, we need the feminine but we need them both in healthy aspects rather 263 00:28:19,380 --> 00:28:25,060 than in the shadow that is causing a lot of pain. 264 00:28:25,060 --> 00:28:29,820 Yeah I mean it is such a complex issue and indeed we aren't able to find answers on how 265 00:28:29,820 --> 00:28:37,020 to create a really balanced world especially in a global scale and how we live in the west 266 00:28:37,020 --> 00:28:41,260 is very different to the rest of the world and I come from Kazakhstan. 267 00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:46,660 And when I travel there now as an empowered woman I can't even speak to any authority 268 00:28:46,660 --> 00:28:52,580 without a man behind my back and by my side because no single word from a woman's mouth 269 00:28:52,580 --> 00:28:57,620 will ever be taken seriously so that's meaning to any kind of even policeman on the street 270 00:28:57,620 --> 00:29:00,500 I need to call my dad to come and talk with me. 271 00:29:00,500 --> 00:29:05,900 So I can definitely relate to the fact that it's like so far from reality the real equality 272 00:29:05,900 --> 00:29:12,580 in the world but I feel like what we can do as human beings with our souls and energy 273 00:29:12,580 --> 00:29:17,900 is for the world and especially for those who are now a bit more privileged and have 274 00:29:17,900 --> 00:29:25,700 the general daily survival needs already sorted. 275 00:29:25,700 --> 00:29:33,420 What we can do is to rise and to really work on ourselves and the balance and become an 276 00:29:33,420 --> 00:29:38,940 example and also provide better energy for our communities as you mentioned and every 277 00:29:38,940 --> 00:29:45,460 single event that we do with women there would be at least once someone coming up and saying 278 00:29:45,460 --> 00:29:52,140 oh I don't feel safe with men I don't or I'm tired of dating all these feminine men 279 00:29:52,140 --> 00:29:58,380 there would be a lot of concerns that they bring up that are all connected to this misbalance 280 00:29:58,380 --> 00:30:03,660 and again not to blame or shame man this is a whole melting pot that we have created as 281 00:30:03,660 --> 00:30:08,420 a society through so many historical cultural economic levels. 282 00:30:08,420 --> 00:30:15,140 But what I want to hear from you is one how can women better understand men and how can 283 00:30:15,140 --> 00:30:19,780 they support a change? 284 00:30:19,780 --> 00:30:21,780 Difficult question. 285 00:30:21,780 --> 00:30:31,260 These aspects of masculinity such as protectiveness and even assertiveness sometimes that when 286 00:30:31,260 --> 00:30:39,580 you ask a woman what is a toxic masculine they may be able to realize 10 different aspects 287 00:30:39,580 --> 00:30:45,180 of a toxic masculine but then if you ask them what is a positive masculine they would have 288 00:30:45,180 --> 00:30:52,900 a lot less answers for that because women seem like to hijack the positive masculine 289 00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:58,820 as traits for women like protectiveness for example it's like oh well women can be protective 290 00:30:58,820 --> 00:31:05,740 that yeah okay that's right but it is generally like a masculine essence. 291 00:31:05,740 --> 00:31:13,420 What I would say is for women to look at their own relationships to their masculine and their 292 00:31:13,420 --> 00:31:21,020 feminine like is your masculine integrated and integrated is is your feminine integrated 293 00:31:21,020 --> 00:31:30,140 like are you write down what it is exactly that you are looking for and how you want 294 00:31:30,140 --> 00:31:36,300 the masculine to make you feel and can your masculine inside you make you feel those things 295 00:31:36,300 --> 00:31:40,740 I think that's an important aspect of that. 296 00:31:40,740 --> 00:31:47,140 Also to your original question I think it's important for people to understand that there 297 00:31:47,140 --> 00:31:55,180 are fundamental differences between men and women on a physiological level and on the 298 00:31:55,180 --> 00:32:02,500 way that we react to different things for example emotionality. 299 00:32:02,500 --> 00:32:10,940 I hear so much within our world about men being emotionally unavailable but when you 300 00:32:10,940 --> 00:32:16,540 actually dig into what that means is that I think some women expect their men to be 301 00:32:16,540 --> 00:32:24,580 able to talk about their emotions to them whereas actually women don't really want that 302 00:32:24,580 --> 00:32:30,820 women generally don't want them men to be super emotional all the time and I think it's important 303 00:32:30,820 --> 00:32:34,820 that men do speak about their emotions but I think it's important that men find a good 304 00:32:34,820 --> 00:32:37,580 group of men to speak to about that. 305 00:32:37,580 --> 00:32:45,660 This is why it's so important that men have go to men circles and are able to access real 306 00:32:45,660 --> 00:32:54,740 positive groups of men and outside of this old paradigm of unconscious men at the pub. 307 00:32:54,740 --> 00:33:01,900 I think it's important that men have male friends that they have the support networks 308 00:33:01,900 --> 00:33:10,060 for them and that they do things with them whether they go out hiking or go cycling that 309 00:33:10,060 --> 00:33:15,580 sort of thing I think that's a real that is stereotype I guess within some relationships 310 00:33:15,580 --> 00:33:21,980 is that women almost control men and they don't let men go and be men and I think it's important 311 00:33:21,980 --> 00:33:29,260 to let men do men things and to go and do man stuff and I think it's really important 312 00:33:29,260 --> 00:33:35,060 that we have these different avenues to embrace these different parts of ourselves. 313 00:33:35,060 --> 00:33:41,860 Yeah 100% let's go a little deeper into these men connecting with each other doing men things 314 00:33:41,860 --> 00:33:47,460 it is indeed it can be difficult and alienating for men to really step into their power these 315 00:33:47,460 --> 00:33:53,060 days especially in big cities there is so little community for men and indeed very often 316 00:33:53,060 --> 00:33:59,140 it's the only thing that they can do together would be this pub kind of connections of especially 317 00:33:59,140 --> 00:34:04,660 I mean in the UK that's where I live that's the most common thing while there are also 318 00:34:04,660 --> 00:34:09,300 amazing things that men can do together all the men's work that's going on right now men's 319 00:34:09,300 --> 00:34:15,020 circles that when I see that first of all I find all the men who do that very very sexy 320 00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:20,980 and secondly I'm so happy that that exists but also there is not enough of that especially 321 00:34:20,980 --> 00:34:28,260 in certain places even in our western bubble I can't see enough of that in big cities I 322 00:34:28,260 --> 00:34:35,940 see a lot of that beauty in Lisbon or in Ibiza I don't see enough of that in London I would 323 00:34:35,940 --> 00:34:42,540 love you to describe what is that work about what are men's circles what is men's work 324 00:34:42,540 --> 00:34:49,100 and to your point I actually know maybe two or three men's organisations in the UK that 325 00:34:49,100 --> 00:34:56,220 are doing some really amazing amazing things with regard to retreats and circles etc so 326 00:34:56,220 --> 00:35:02,820 if you if you haven't been to a circle before whether it be a mixed circle or a women's 327 00:35:02,820 --> 00:35:10,740 circle or men's circle a circle is an opportunity for people to gather and to be able to discuss 328 00:35:10,740 --> 00:35:21,500 a topic from a more heart centred deeper level I remember my entrance into men's work was 329 00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:30,300 in Ibiza and sitting in men's circles and seeing one man open up about his troubles gives 330 00:35:30,300 --> 00:35:35,060 you permission to open up and do the same and I think it's really important that men 331 00:35:35,060 --> 00:35:43,100 do do talk about these things and the different aspects of our lives in the UK I think the 332 00:35:43,100 --> 00:35:49,220 number one way to die for men under 40 is suicide and I think it's it's super important 333 00:35:49,220 --> 00:35:54,540 that men have these avenues to go to just to talk about the life and to talk about the 334 00:35:54,540 --> 00:36:01,460 difficulties that they face and I remember I had a question at the field event in Lisbon 335 00:36:01,460 --> 00:36:08,940 the salon from from a woman and I believe that there's this thought process for women 336 00:36:08,940 --> 00:36:16,860 that men don't talk about their emotions that they don't connect whereas actually in in 337 00:36:16,860 --> 00:36:25,380 real world that when you put a group of men together in circle and you get people to talk 338 00:36:25,380 --> 00:36:34,060 about what's going on for them and men open up really quickly I believe that actually 339 00:36:34,060 --> 00:36:38,140 it's a lot easier for men to open up to other men than it is for women to open up to other 340 00:36:38,140 --> 00:36:44,300 women I think we have this toxic femininity this sister wounds and and it's it's right 341 00:36:44,300 --> 00:36:54,580 because when men are in circle men can trust men because men tend to be not judgmental 342 00:36:54,580 --> 00:37:01,700 and they don't really judge each other and men aren't really gossipers that would be 343 00:37:01,700 --> 00:37:05,580 one of the shadow aspects of the feminine in terms of their competition would be sort 344 00:37:05,580 --> 00:37:11,180 of gossip and bitching behind people's backs but in a in a men's space that you feel really 345 00:37:11,180 --> 00:37:18,820 safe and actually yeah men are able to open up super quickly and I've seen it in every 346 00:37:18,820 --> 00:37:26,740 sort of men circle that I've been at whether it be festivals or locally online that when 347 00:37:26,740 --> 00:37:32,620 you give men the permission to be able to speak about different aspects of their life 348 00:37:32,620 --> 00:37:38,300 they grab it with both hands circles are powerful I mean that's where my journey started as 349 00:37:38,300 --> 00:37:46,060 well what about men's work now all those retreats emergence where men really get to deep dive 350 00:37:46,060 --> 00:37:50,540 into their nature as men I've been seeing some of that observing from the side and I've 351 00:37:50,540 --> 00:37:57,420 been fascinated by it and love what's happening do you have some insights you'd like to share 352 00:37:57,420 --> 00:38:02,860 again I just think it's really powerful I think retreats for everyone and there seems 353 00:38:02,860 --> 00:38:09,820 to be this power and force behind retreats at the moment where retreat venues kind of 354 00:38:09,820 --> 00:38:16,140 around the world are being sold out kind of months in advance because people are choosing 355 00:38:16,140 --> 00:38:23,820 to go to a retreat and have an embodied deeper experience rather than go on holiday they're 356 00:38:23,820 --> 00:38:29,180 wanting to feel something different and in these spaces in these containers where people 357 00:38:29,180 --> 00:38:36,500 can really have a space to access emotion to access different different layers of emotion 358 00:38:36,500 --> 00:38:44,020 as well whether it be from sadness to grief to anger and rage these aspects of our ourselves 359 00:38:44,020 --> 00:38:49,660 especially as a man where men are afraid of their anger and rage and that they should 360 00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:55,580 be these emotions have caused a lot of pain in the past and because we're in societies 361 00:38:55,580 --> 00:39:02,140 that don't teach us how to deal with our emotions that when these emotions do come up we don't 362 00:39:02,140 --> 00:39:08,420 feel that we can control it so what happens is is that they linger within our bodies so 363 00:39:08,420 --> 00:39:14,380 to go to a retreat where you can be angry and you can be rageful and be seen within 364 00:39:14,380 --> 00:39:22,100 that and it be accepted and it's completely liberating and I would highly recommend everyone 365 00:39:22,100 --> 00:39:27,940 at some stage find these sort of transformational retreats to go to because they are completely 366 00:39:27,940 --> 00:39:34,580 life changing. Yeah, having said that there is this one subject that we must talk about 367 00:39:34,580 --> 00:39:39,460 now again in Lisbon Salon in the west that I'm sure there were questions like that men 368 00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:44,780 aren't very open to talk about you know sexuality especially when it's when there is some sort 369 00:39:44,780 --> 00:39:50,380 of problem or insecurity while you prove that it's not the case and it's actually so healing 370 00:39:50,380 --> 00:39:55,260 and liberating and for men to have space to actually talk about sexuality it's just exactly 371 00:39:55,260 --> 00:40:01,460 what we need for for more goodness in the world it's like such a fundamental pillar 372 00:40:01,460 --> 00:40:12,340 talk to us about yeah about that. So as I mentioned before I was in Ibiza and just after 373 00:40:12,340 --> 00:40:19,780 COVID 2021 and on my personal development journey got into men's work and was absolutely 374 00:40:19,780 --> 00:40:27,420 loving it and there was a little bit of a gap for me I was already on my journey into 375 00:40:27,420 --> 00:40:33,860 sacred sexuality and accessing the shame around different aspects of my own sexuality 376 00:40:33,860 --> 00:40:42,500 including a difficult kind of compulsive relationship to masturbation and I remember having a conversation 377 00:40:42,500 --> 00:40:47,780 with my cock for the first time and thought me and my cock best mates we've been through 378 00:40:47,780 --> 00:40:52,820 a lot together and when I actually spoke to him he was like you've been abusing me for 379 00:40:52,820 --> 00:41:01,220 the past 20 years and yeah it was a difficult process of acceptance for me as well as inquiry 380 00:41:01,220 --> 00:41:07,500 and growth but at that time there was no real spaces to talk about it there were so many 381 00:41:07,500 --> 00:41:11,860 different men circles popping up and you could go and talk about different emotions and how 382 00:41:11,860 --> 00:41:17,380 you feel etc etc but there was nothing to do with sexuality and I remember at the time 383 00:41:17,380 --> 00:41:27,580 I was trying to practice sort of semen retention yeah exploring my sexual energy and yeah I 384 00:41:27,580 --> 00:41:32,180 had sex with my partner and I ejaculated and I remember lying there afterwards was like 385 00:41:32,180 --> 00:41:36,860 fuck's sake like I wish I had like a group of guys where we could be accountable to each 386 00:41:36,860 --> 00:41:43,780 other to go through these practices so the idea came up to do like a month long container 387 00:41:43,780 --> 00:41:49,140 called come not may and a few weeks after that I did a breath work session and out of that 388 00:41:49,140 --> 00:41:57,860 came this idea to yeah to set up a non-profit in the men's space where men could have safe 389 00:41:57,860 --> 00:42:05,660 spaces to go to to actually talk about different aspects of sex so we held our first men circle 390 00:42:05,660 --> 00:42:15,260 about two and a half years ago and we were online and in person and within the first 391 00:42:15,260 --> 00:42:22,540 two circles we already had men opening up about premature ejaculation erectile dysfunction 392 00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:30,620 sexual trauma and also people talking about insensual relationships and and these deeper 393 00:42:30,620 --> 00:42:37,260 aspects of ourselves but really fundamentally connecting to shape I wanted it to be my gift 394 00:42:37,260 --> 00:42:44,580 to the world so I and yeah I wanted to create a non-profit I knew deep inside how how big 395 00:42:44,580 --> 00:42:50,220 the organization would would eventually get but I personally didn't want to kind of profit 396 00:42:50,220 --> 00:42:58,300 from that and yeah over the past two and a half years we've held over 150 events six 397 00:42:58,300 --> 00:43:03,980 months after our first men's circle we also opened up to women as well we had our first 398 00:43:03,980 --> 00:43:09,260 women's circle and then started having mixed circles where men and women and and a few 399 00:43:09,260 --> 00:43:14,940 non-binary people could come and have open conversations together which was which was 400 00:43:14,940 --> 00:43:21,100 also really beautiful yeah so we've had thousands of people sitting circle from all over the 401 00:43:21,100 --> 00:43:29,100 world and we continue to have circles every every fortnight and it kind of became my my 402 00:43:29,100 --> 00:43:37,340 passion project my my purpose my um my reason for being I guess yeah so powerful and so 403 00:43:37,340 --> 00:43:42,700 beautiful I very much respect the power of circle something I do for myself regularly 404 00:43:42,700 --> 00:43:47,180 and that's how my journey I think my journey of healing started from a circle I came once 405 00:43:47,180 --> 00:43:51,740 to a circle when I was I don't know 19 or something randomly I didn't even understand 406 00:43:51,740 --> 00:43:57,500 what that was somewhere in London and that was when I like confronted my huge childhood 407 00:43:57,500 --> 00:44:02,780 traumas really out of nowhere cried like babies for the whole time and that's when my journey 408 00:44:02,780 --> 00:44:08,060 started I think like I mean started in many ways before but that was a really strong moment for 409 00:44:08,060 --> 00:44:16,220 me to recognize a power of community would you tell me more about male sexuality you know the 410 00:44:16,220 --> 00:44:22,620 nuances of that I understand it's a very big question and subject but if you could tell us 411 00:44:23,980 --> 00:44:28,060 people of all sorts of genders listening to this podcast what are the most important things for us 412 00:44:28,060 --> 00:44:33,580 to understand about male sexuality because there's so much misconception so much misunderstanding 413 00:44:33,580 --> 00:44:39,100 and I just want to have a chance to hear a little bit more from you what you've learned and what you 414 00:44:39,100 --> 00:44:47,660 feel is important for people to know I suppose as with any idea that comes through it sort of starts 415 00:44:47,660 --> 00:44:55,100 small and then gets bigger and bigger so for come what may that the the original idea was 416 00:44:56,140 --> 00:45:03,020 to have a space for people to talk about sex so so simple and as the organization 417 00:45:03,020 --> 00:45:10,860 organization grew and as I went deeper into the sexuality world I realized that this was actually 418 00:45:10,860 --> 00:45:19,100 a lot bigger than what I first thought and with them the big premise being if we as the wisdom 419 00:45:19,100 --> 00:45:25,580 keepers in society are not able to have open and honest conversations about sex and how are we 420 00:45:25,580 --> 00:45:33,260 going to support this next generation of beings that have a completely different background when 421 00:45:33,260 --> 00:45:42,300 it comes to their sexuality especially in those early years of exploration I'm 37 like my first 422 00:45:42,300 --> 00:45:47,740 entrance into pornography was through like dial-up internet where it would take me like three weeks 423 00:45:47,740 --> 00:45:57,020 to download a video whereas younger people now but have access to hardcore pornography in an instant 424 00:45:57,900 --> 00:46:05,260 and the rates of erectile dysfunction are rising the highest growth rate of erectile dysfunction 425 00:46:05,260 --> 00:46:13,580 is actually between 18 and 21 yeah one in 10 nine year olds have seen pornography I think 50% of 426 00:46:13,580 --> 00:46:22,940 13 year olds were in a different world now with regard to where sexuality is for for both men and 427 00:46:22,940 --> 00:46:33,500 for women in in surveys 50% of 16 to 21 year olds believe that women either enjoy or expect physical 428 00:46:33,500 --> 00:46:40,140 aggression during sex which includes airway restriction so these teenagers and younger 429 00:46:40,140 --> 00:46:46,460 people have a different baseline of what sexuality means to them and I think it's really important 430 00:46:46,460 --> 00:46:54,460 for us to be having these conversations and know that sexuality is potentially becoming more violent 431 00:46:55,180 --> 00:47:02,540 I think it was 79% of 18 year olds have watched or seen pornography that includes some sort of 432 00:47:02,540 --> 00:47:12,860 violence so we need to recognize that this can be a problem and we also need to recognize 433 00:47:14,460 --> 00:47:19,500 men's parts in that and I think having a space for men to be able to talk about these different 434 00:47:19,500 --> 00:47:26,060 aspects of ourselves and own these different aspects of ourselves as well that own that we do have a 435 00:47:26,060 --> 00:47:35,580 a an animal inside us to own that we we'd like to take dominant sexual positions and and to know that 436 00:47:36,780 --> 00:47:47,580 sexual energy can be like a drug for men it can be very hypnotizing and it's very I'm certainly 437 00:47:47,580 --> 00:47:54,940 not condoning sexual violence I just trying to paint a picture of the conditions that it can take to 438 00:47:54,940 --> 00:48:05,020 be to for someone to become a perpetrator within the sexual world men need to take ownership that 439 00:48:05,020 --> 00:48:13,180 they can lose themselves in this sexual energy I use my own personal experience in this in that 440 00:48:13,820 --> 00:48:21,980 during my heavy masturbation days like I'd use masturbation as an emotional release as a tool 441 00:48:21,980 --> 00:48:26,380 for it to become more stable when I was going through difficult times I kind of locked myself 442 00:48:26,380 --> 00:48:31,980 away for a few days and just masturbate and eat shit food and just completely and avoid 443 00:48:32,700 --> 00:48:39,740 avoid my feelings that way and and it was very destructive and what I noticed was that within 444 00:48:39,740 --> 00:48:48,060 these sort of masturbating sessions and I don't know if you know that to to receive the same 445 00:48:48,060 --> 00:48:54,540 amount of dopamine today and doing the same activity as yesterday is quite different and 446 00:48:54,540 --> 00:49:03,020 difficult and so that to receive the same dopamine people have to do some do more intense or extreme 447 00:49:03,020 --> 00:49:09,020 things so during watching pornography you could go down a pornographic rabbit hole and and go to 448 00:49:09,740 --> 00:49:15,580 and to very hardcore things and in that moment of ejaculation there's like instant shame because 449 00:49:15,580 --> 00:49:20,620 you look and you're like what have I just watched like how was that a turn on for me a few seconds 450 00:49:20,620 --> 00:49:28,460 ago and I think it's really important for us men to and be able to learn how to control this energy 451 00:49:28,460 --> 00:49:38,460 more yeah also with that the rates of child abuse are incredibly high that when you dig into the 452 00:49:38,460 --> 00:49:47,340 statistics and the the statistics on top of that of people that become perpetrators of sexual 453 00:49:47,340 --> 00:49:53,580 violence and the rates of child abuse for them as a as a child is super high so it's important that 454 00:49:53,580 --> 00:49:59,180 as communities that we look after child abuse victims and and not to not to treat them as a 455 00:49:59,180 --> 00:50:04,940 victim for their whole life but to give them the support that they need for childhood and as an adult 456 00:50:04,940 --> 00:50:11,980 as well like to keep a to keep an eye on these people yeah it's a part of male sexuality that 457 00:50:13,020 --> 00:50:20,300 we need to own and take control of but we also need to to recognize the the conditions to create a 458 00:50:21,100 --> 00:50:27,820 rapist yeah thank you so much for sharing this I don't think and there is enough such open 459 00:50:27,820 --> 00:50:33,500 conversation especially personal experience sharing and you've touched upon a lot of really 460 00:50:33,500 --> 00:50:42,860 important societal issues well first of all porn I I believe that there is the growing conversation 461 00:50:42,860 --> 00:50:48,860 and awareness and your big part of it around this issue I do hope that this goes far and where people 462 00:50:48,860 --> 00:50:56,220 recognize how big of an issue it is but I want to to provide just lastly actually only our last 463 00:50:56,220 --> 00:51:03,900 point still because it also touches me as a also a victim of child abuse I must say that 464 00:51:05,100 --> 00:51:11,020 what I'm really passionate about and like part of one one of my big reasons for for being 465 00:51:11,020 --> 00:51:16,940 leading feel is I really believe education from a very young age for people can make such a big 466 00:51:16,940 --> 00:51:25,580 difference sex education specifically if we teach young men what sex is what sexual energy is what 467 00:51:25,580 --> 00:51:31,740 all these dopamine is what porn is what relationship with a woman is how to really make a woman feel 468 00:51:31,740 --> 00:51:37,660 good how to make them feel good like all these simple educational bits that we as a society often 469 00:51:37,660 --> 00:51:44,380 actually just don't really focus on or talk about or rather talk about STIs and all of that stuff but 470 00:51:44,380 --> 00:51:49,500 but do not include the relational and pleasure aspect could make a big difference because 471 00:51:49,500 --> 00:51:55,100 perhaps men would grow up with a lot more knowledge that they can empower themselves with and a lot of 472 00:51:55,100 --> 00:52:00,540 the issues would would be mitigated but then on the victim side of things and I don't want to say 473 00:52:00,540 --> 00:52:05,340 that just like only women are victims men are victims too especially of child abuse and also 474 00:52:05,340 --> 00:52:11,340 sometimes women can be though the perpetrators as well for a child and I speak from my personal 475 00:52:11,340 --> 00:52:17,580 experience if only I and other children just knew enough information about what is the ownership of 476 00:52:17,580 --> 00:52:23,420 our body what is the what sex is what does it all mean when someone else is coming after you if we 477 00:52:23,420 --> 00:52:30,860 had the basic education we would not be freezing in the moment so much and just having the knowledge 478 00:52:30,860 --> 00:52:36,380 is such a power and that's what I want to really highlight here for because for everyone listening 479 00:52:36,380 --> 00:52:40,860 to everyone how will ever have children how important it is to to really explain these things 480 00:52:40,860 --> 00:52:45,980 holistically and not just also have the shame that we carry and brush or brush over these 481 00:52:45,980 --> 00:52:52,540 conversations and just hope that people figure it out on by themselves but lastly I want to 482 00:52:52,540 --> 00:52:58,060 highlight the good aspects of male sexuality because you know we have touched quite a lot on the 483 00:52:58,060 --> 00:53:05,100 on the dark side well I keep learning and learning more and more as I grow into this work and especially 484 00:53:05,100 --> 00:53:11,500 by really leaning deeply more into a spiritual aspect of sexuality and into tundric world 485 00:53:12,780 --> 00:53:18,460 that man's sexuality can be such a gift when it's conscious but it has to be conscious on 486 00:53:18,460 --> 00:53:26,860 both sides and on the on the receiver as well the penetration can be the most healing thing that can 487 00:53:26,860 --> 00:53:34,460 happen like I do receive a lot of healing through the penetration of my man dick can be the magical 488 00:53:34,460 --> 00:53:41,580 wand that can resolve even on the somatic level deep seated trauma inside a woman and of course 489 00:53:41,580 --> 00:53:49,900 then the beauty of having really deep connection sexual connection with a man and form for me 490 00:53:49,900 --> 00:53:54,300 like and for a lot of women who get deeply into this work is is deeply deeply powerful 491 00:53:54,300 --> 00:54:02,060 transforming and can lead to a huge amount of liberation so having said that sexual energy 492 00:54:02,060 --> 00:54:07,980 and sex is such a power it can destroy people's life it can heal people's lives and it's a big 493 00:54:07,980 --> 00:54:12,940 power of all of our lives and there is really not enough conversation about it and that's why I 494 00:54:12,940 --> 00:54:17,100 feel like your work is so important for come with us come with Wayne and all the work of all the 495 00:54:17,100 --> 00:54:22,700 sex educators that are writing arising right now yeah so I just wanted to to really highlight all 496 00:54:22,700 --> 00:54:27,100 these things and hopefully that inspires people to look deeper into their own sexuality what do 497 00:54:27,100 --> 00:54:33,180 they do with their sexual energy right now well I'd like to actually bring up the orgasm gap here 498 00:54:33,180 --> 00:54:39,580 as a bit of an example so many people may have heard about the orgasm gap but I'll explain it so 499 00:54:39,580 --> 00:54:46,700 the orgasm gap is the gap between the percentage of heterosexual men and heterosexual women who 500 00:54:46,700 --> 00:54:55,020 report that they usually are always orgasm during sex and for heterosexual men and 95% of 501 00:54:55,020 --> 00:55:03,740 them would usually or always orgasm whereas it's 65% for heterosexual women now you could 502 00:55:03,740 --> 00:55:09,740 interpret that in so many different ways and the the biggest interpretation that I've seen from that 503 00:55:10,380 --> 00:55:17,660 online is that men are bad and men need to please their women more like this is a perfect example 504 00:55:17,660 --> 00:55:23,660 of the patriarchy of men receiving more pleasure than women but it's actually there's there's 505 00:55:23,660 --> 00:55:30,060 there's an underlying piece here that nobody seems to be talking about and that is that 506 00:55:31,260 --> 00:55:40,860 men are only given one avenue for pleasure if you think that pornography is the the main form 507 00:55:40,860 --> 00:55:51,260 of sex education men have been taught that having sex very hard and thrusting is is the way to 508 00:55:51,260 --> 00:55:59,660 orgasm and that that's it and I think that the average time for for men to to ejaculate is five 509 00:55:59,660 --> 00:56:06,780 to seven minutes so it's it's not a long time at all but men haven't been educated in terms of the 510 00:56:06,780 --> 00:56:17,020 pleasure that they can feel yeah men and a shoot making an assumption in this during the orgasm 511 00:56:17,020 --> 00:56:21,820 gap research that when we talk about orgasm we talk about ejaculation where there's actually 512 00:56:22,380 --> 00:56:30,300 men have different ways to orgasm outside of ejaculation and and that's one piece of information 513 00:56:30,300 --> 00:56:37,980 that men need to know is that and ejaculation and orgasm are two separate independent events that 514 00:56:37,980 --> 00:56:44,300 happen at the same time and it is possible to split that and to to be able to have orgasm 515 00:56:44,300 --> 00:56:52,060 outside of that so whether that be a through prostate stimulation or through energetic 516 00:56:52,620 --> 00:57:00,060 sexuality and or energetic orgasms there are different ways to pleasure that there is a piece 517 00:57:00,060 --> 00:57:06,300 within that kind of lack of education for men that because there's only this one way that especially 518 00:57:06,300 --> 00:57:12,300 when men have a fear of sort of like losing their erection and what that means in the shame of what 519 00:57:12,300 --> 00:57:18,060 that that is a lot of men may feel that they just have to get the job done and it be over whereas 520 00:57:18,780 --> 00:57:26,060 women need a lot longer to be able to to warm up to be able to orgasm and obviously women have a 521 00:57:26,700 --> 00:57:33,660 varied varied degrees of ways to orgasm themselves the big interpretation for me like looking at the 522 00:57:33,660 --> 00:57:39,020 orgasm gap is that we need to educate men in terms of being able to receive more pleasure 523 00:57:39,020 --> 00:57:48,540 and to release shame I remember the first exercise in a sacred sexuality a retreat that I did and I 524 00:57:48,540 --> 00:57:56,380 had to sort of like touch myself softly like touch myself on the on my arm and and that was so icky 525 00:57:56,380 --> 00:58:04,380 and uncomfortable because I had this program in me that it was gay yeah and then I had to unpack 526 00:58:04,380 --> 00:58:12,140 that oh my god like it is that there's like this ingrained homophobia and took from from childhood 527 00:58:12,140 --> 00:58:20,700 when I remember being in school and talking about um wanking around the table in year seven and people 528 00:58:20,700 --> 00:58:25,580 saying oh you touch yourself oh that's gay if you're not don't have a woman to to touch you 529 00:58:26,220 --> 00:58:32,060 and it's like these programs that can condition within us that really hold men back from being 530 00:58:32,060 --> 00:58:40,620 able to to feel a lot of pleasure and and I think for women listening to this like to empower men to 531 00:58:41,180 --> 00:58:46,940 feel different types of pleasure and to not put pressure on them to always be hard and erect and 532 00:58:47,500 --> 00:58:54,940 and show some soft cock love and really start to have devotion for a cock whether it is hard or soft 533 00:58:55,500 --> 00:59:01,820 and really embracing to because what one of the biggest fears for a man is when you lose an erection 534 00:59:01,820 --> 00:59:09,820 firstly it feels shit it doesn't feel nice and secondly there's like a shame that's added on it 535 00:59:09,820 --> 00:59:15,420 because you're if you're in a heterosexual relationship that that your partner may think it's 536 00:59:15,420 --> 00:59:19,900 about them that they're not attracted to them anymore so that's why they're not getting erect 537 00:59:19,900 --> 00:59:27,180 so it adds these different layers and it can be a big cycle so to be able to embrace the waves of 538 00:59:27,180 --> 00:59:33,740 of erections and from soft cocks to hard cocks and just be super playful about it I think that's a 539 00:59:34,380 --> 00:59:40,860 and a huge piece of advice that I'd give to the and to the heterosexual women within this group is to 540 00:59:40,860 --> 00:59:49,180 really come to devotion towards any cocks not just a hard cock yeah it requires education on both 541 00:59:49,180 --> 00:59:54,860 sides for sure even for women like I do believe they may need to learn a little bit more about 542 00:59:54,860 --> 01:00:02,060 male's pleasure and what's possible for for men because we women also are conditioned to see erection 543 01:00:02,060 --> 01:00:07,660 as the thing that must be happening and otherwise take it personally there is a lot of education 544 01:00:07,660 --> 01:00:13,340 that's missing on our side as well to understand men properly but again it's really not the most 545 01:00:13,340 --> 01:00:21,420 important thing and to understand themselves that most most women may be very um habitual with their 546 01:00:21,420 --> 01:00:28,540 own self-pleasure practice and um maybe just go quickly and to have a five-minute wank and go straight 547 01:00:28,540 --> 01:00:34,060 to their clit whereas actually I think there's eight or nine different ways for for women to have 548 01:00:34,060 --> 01:00:39,500 orgasms and to be able to explore their bodies in a in a different way is also really important 549 01:00:40,460 --> 01:00:45,500 because the more that women get to know their own bodies the more that they can direct men in terms 550 01:00:45,500 --> 01:00:51,660 of what feels good for them which means that everybody's winning in that situation yeah there 551 01:00:51,660 --> 01:00:57,100 is so much to learn and explore especially with a lot of education that majority of us have 552 01:00:57,900 --> 01:01:03,580 and I also feel like it's such an endless deep and really exciting journey because you can keep 553 01:01:03,580 --> 01:01:10,220 learning so many things once you get into sexuality and understanding of it there are spiritual 554 01:01:10,220 --> 01:01:17,500 aspects physical aspects polarity aspects so much stuff and yeah shame is the real problem 555 01:01:17,500 --> 01:01:23,340 that stands in the way for many of us to actually even start exploring that I wonder now what's 556 01:01:23,340 --> 01:01:27,740 speaking to you about this and understanding how much depth there is to actually continue 557 01:01:27,740 --> 01:01:33,500 deep diving into this on the side of male sexuality and what can be done for all of us to 558 01:01:33,500 --> 01:01:40,060 improve our relationships with each other and sexually and energetically I'm wondering if this 559 01:01:40,060 --> 01:01:47,340 should be something we cover on our free online class end of November whatever whatever feels 560 01:01:47,340 --> 01:01:54,860 right in the in the moment yeah I feel like we can deep dive even more where can men start their 561 01:01:54,860 --> 01:02:04,060 learning curve I think there's there's so many so many resources online and to to start and I really 562 01:02:04,060 --> 01:02:09,820 think to get into men's work in in some way and and to join a sexuality circle you're more than 563 01:02:09,820 --> 01:02:15,900 welcome to join a come what may circle and that we have every every fortnight whether it be a men's 564 01:02:15,900 --> 01:02:21,580 circle or a mixed circle and we also have many different events throughout the year as well 565 01:02:22,300 --> 01:02:30,300 and yeah the the internet can be um overwhelming with the amount of education that's out there and 566 01:02:30,300 --> 01:02:36,380 I think it's really important to to have embodied experiences whether it be to go to retreats that 567 01:02:36,380 --> 01:02:43,420 include sexuality to enter into the tantra world um but I actually feel it themselves not just 568 01:02:44,140 --> 01:02:48,860 look at Instagram because there's there's so much um there's so much information and education that it 569 01:02:48,860 --> 01:02:56,380 can just go in one eye and come out the other and and it's important to take steps forward 570 01:02:57,020 --> 01:03:03,660 in terms of your own journey and whatever feels right for you it's also a super personal journey 571 01:03:03,660 --> 01:03:11,820 and you'll when you see and find the right teachers that you align with then um yeah then dive in and 572 01:03:11,820 --> 01:03:17,660 give it a go okay that's beautiful I have a complicated question I feel like that will be very 573 01:03:17,660 --> 01:03:24,220 interesting for most female listeners how can we women actually bring it up to men you know like 574 01:03:24,220 --> 01:03:33,420 the the sexual exploration say um a woman wants her man to look into sexuality with an open mind 575 01:03:33,420 --> 01:03:39,100 and perhaps explore more of sacred sexuality together can be believed that this is difficult 576 01:03:39,100 --> 01:03:46,140 to bring up uh because oftentimes we have this maybe it's stereotype maybe it's real that men 577 01:03:46,140 --> 01:03:50,380 get a little bit offended if we ask for something like that they're like oh am I not enough 578 01:03:51,340 --> 01:04:00,140 how can we bring it up in a healthy way it's also okay to offend people um yeah I know this can be 579 01:04:00,140 --> 01:04:07,180 difficult for um for many women um in terms of having like really difficult uncomfortable 580 01:04:08,220 --> 01:04:14,700 honest conversations yeah it's it's not easy to bring up but and the worst thing that you could do 581 01:04:14,700 --> 01:04:23,100 in a relationship is fake and orgasm did nobody wins in that scenario so being able to yeah firstly 582 01:04:23,100 --> 01:04:31,020 as I mentioned before to to learn about your own body to um know what feels good for you for you 583 01:04:31,020 --> 01:04:35,980 to start your journey in terms of your own exploration and then to be guiding your partner 584 01:04:36,620 --> 01:04:42,860 and yeah if your partner isn't isn't pleasing you and isn't giving you the sort of pleasure that you 585 01:04:42,860 --> 01:04:51,580 want tell it and yeah it's gonna hurt he's gonna feel shit but there's nothing a man um likes to 586 01:04:51,580 --> 01:04:58,780 hear at least then then he's not good in bed so he will put steps in place to get better in bed 587 01:04:59,820 --> 01:05:06,860 it's um very much a um it's good it's good for men to be challenged and it's good for men to be 588 01:05:06,860 --> 01:05:13,660 pushed into uh wanting to be better and if they don't accept that challenge that's a a different 589 01:05:13,660 --> 01:05:22,300 story but men want to be the best and if um if you tell your man that you're wanting more and that 590 01:05:22,300 --> 01:05:29,260 it's not it's not good enough at the moment then he would hopefully step into that all right yeah 591 01:05:29,980 --> 01:05:35,580 um I can imagine the conversation being hard but also that's absolutely true like men like to be 592 01:05:35,580 --> 01:05:44,060 the best how would they know if we just fake uh well on this very very useful advice I think I'll 593 01:05:44,060 --> 01:05:51,660 become into conclusion but I would like you to share where can people find you join your circles 594 01:05:52,780 --> 01:06:00,300 work with you as an executive um coaching offering so firstly um I'll talk about come up May 595 01:06:00,300 --> 01:06:08,540 took it as we um ended on the sexuality piece so www.comewhatmay.life where come what may 596 01:06:08,540 --> 01:06:15,980 uh dot life on instagram uh as I mentioned we've got circles every fortnight that are free the 597 01:06:15,980 --> 01:06:22,700 majority of our events are free by the way and we have in early December a sex education summit 598 01:06:22,700 --> 01:06:28,860 called Expose which is nine days of education uh Maria's going to be joining that as well and 599 01:06:28,860 --> 01:06:33,660 and running some embodiment work that would be we have 30 speakers talking about all different 600 01:06:33,660 --> 01:06:40,300 aspects of sex education and then some integration pieces within circles as well if you are looking 601 01:06:40,300 --> 01:06:47,100 for a sexuality retreat um and sex education retreat to join then we we have our first retreat 602 01:06:47,100 --> 01:06:56,620 in Spain in early May next year it's a really big exciting events and the maturing of come what may 603 01:06:56,620 --> 01:07:02,780 into a sort of bigger organization and expanding our offerings over the next six months which is 604 01:07:02,780 --> 01:07:11,260 really beautiful and then me personally I can be found easily on LinkedIn that's Sean Ford Kelly 605 01:07:11,260 --> 01:07:19,260 for my own coaching if you are interested in having a coaching session with me um I do an 606 01:07:19,260 --> 01:07:26,380 opening a coaching session for free so please feel free to contact me and yeah like again it's my 607 01:07:26,380 --> 01:07:32,540 my way of giving back to the community and if people want to stick on and stay stay coaching 608 01:07:32,540 --> 01:07:39,660 with me after that um if it aligns then then amazing and that's it for today I hope this 609 01:07:39,660 --> 01:07:46,940 episode has left you feeling inspired empowered and more connected to your truth if you enjoyed 610 01:07:46,940 --> 01:07:53,100 this episode please take a moment to subscribe to the feminine power podcast and leave us a rating 611 01:07:53,100 --> 01:07:59,500 if you want me to ask any specific questions to our future guests please do leave us a comment 612 01:07:59,500 --> 01:08:06,220 wherever you are listening to this podcast and I will definitely address them your support means 613 01:08:06,220 --> 01:08:12,860 the world and helps us reach more women with this transformative work and if you're ready to experience 614 01:08:12,860 --> 01:08:21,020 even more feminine magic I invite you to explore the field membership head to feel up dot co slash 615 01:08:21,020 --> 01:08:27,180 membership or find the link in the podcast description to learn more and claim your spot 616 01:08:27,980 --> 01:08:35,660 until the next time keep shining your light keep embracing your unique journey and keep rising 617 01:08:35,660 --> 01:08:52,620 into the powerful human you are born to be I'm your host Maria Greenina