Hello and welcome to the Bailey and Harding ultrasound system. No, not like the soap,
it's just our names. Yeah, I'm Allie Bailey and I'm Anna Harding. Get it, Bailey and Harding, good.
And the ultra bit is because I don't know if you know this but we both actually like running,
specifically ultra running, which is longer than a marathon but not as long as not stopping running.
And the sound systems because we both like music. Allie's technically, well no, actually more qualified
than that than me. She's actually more qualified in running than me. Actually, she just needed
an extra person to help on this podcast so I'm sure I'll be useful at some point. This is episode
one so please go easy on us because we don't actually know what we're doing but we will be here
every week until we can talk no more, talking about some running stuff and taking all the serious bits
out. Yeah, this is hopefully the most entertaining hour that you'll have on your run based on the
idea that you should be entertained on your run and not have to listen to people lecturing you
about the VO2 Max. It's a bold claim but we're going to roll with it or you can get your money back
from this absolutely free podcast. So most running podcasts tell you stuff which annoys me when I'm
running and I'm doing my best as it is but we want you to tell us the stuff that you want us to hear
and talk about. Yeah, we will tell you some stuff obviously but hop onto Instagram, give us a follow,
drop us a DM, we're at ultrasound system pod or you can send some email at ultrasoundsystempod.com
Right, that's that bit out the way. Awkward shall we crack on? So awkward. Yes, let's crack on.
Win Grim Get In The bin. I love it. Oh good, I thought you were going to think it was shit.
So do you want to have a think about what your win and Grim and getting the bin is? You're going
to go first with your win. Right, win Grim getting the bin. This week I have come back to life. I
think the sun has brought me back to life and every run I've done has been incredible. It's been
incredible. I've literally been like, oh look I'm dropping nine minute miles and I'm not even
breathing heavily. So I've been having a great time. I really think it makes a massive difference
to it's really warm but not boiling and to have a nice breeze flowing freely through my scorps. So
I've been out for a couple of bangers even though I felt rubbish at the beginning of the week. I
felt beautiful now. Grim, I took my dog on a run which I will not go into because she should not
have actually been in places on that run because there was no dogs on that but she was because
she's a renegade and she managed to completely stay clear of doing anything doggy until the bit
where we decided to walk to the cafe. So on the walk to the cafe she vanished, rolled in a dead
rabbit that had been dead for some time but enough that it was still moist and I was like she's
living the best life. You know that, get on with it. She came past me and she absolutely stank
and we had to sit outside a cafe with her reeking of rotten carcass. Then she got in the car,
it was her reeking of rabbit like rancidity and one of her poo's in a bag because there was no
dog poo bin and I accidentally stopped up the car for 15 minutes with the windows only a bit open.
When I got back in the car it was a mixture of dog shit and dead rabbit. So that was a bit Grim
and I don't know if my car's going to recover and I get in the bin is people that say they're going
to come and do a long run with you at the weekend and then pull out at the last minute. That happens
in your Saturday and it pissed me right off. All right, going to a bit more detail now. So I was
supposed to go up New York's Three Peaks and I had and the person I was supposed to go with and I
based my whole week around this, my whole training week. It's like good bit of vert,
6,000 foot of vert and he messaged me about an hour before he was supposed to turn up. So I'm
going to be half an hour late. I'm hungover. I was up till whatever time in the morning and I'm like
mate if it's death or proper illness I'm all right with it but if it's that then how about you
message me at like I don't know three o'clock in the morning and say I'm not going to make tomorrow,
would have gone on my own. So I'm like all right half an hour late the time rolled on and then
he was like actually can we leave at like 12 and I'm like no because there's going to be like all
the McMillan lot as I call them up on there like in a queue walking around. High fives to the McMillan
lot but yeah. I love them but when you're running and you've got a thousand of them it's hard to
get through them and you feel like a tit because you actually want to use the term runner coming
through and it's annoying. Plus the dog's going to get hot. Anyway long story short he was like
actually we're so hungover that it's going to be a disaster can we just do something else and I was
fucking livid because I just had when I don't like expecting to do something and then it not
happening at the last minute I can cope if it's a few hours and I can cope if it's an emergency but
I can't otherwise but it was all right in the end because I managed to recalibrate my brain hole
into not disaster zone and we actually had a nice weekend but it really pissed me off. I don't know
if it pisses anyone else off but maybe that's something we should talk about at some point because
it's unacceptable. It's unacceptable in my book so yeah. Every walk of life that I know of where
you have an appointment to be somewhere or see someone or do something that like you have to pay
money for for example so I'm thinking like the dentist, the PT, the physio, there you go there's
my priorities in life. They've got 24 hour cancellation policies right so that they're not
going to waste their time and they can do something else with their time. Yes do you know what I'm
going to start doing? 24 hour cancellation policy on friends taking deposits so if someone says I
want to go for a run with you I'm going to take a 50 pound deposit they're like yeah I'll take that
deposit and you're not having it back if you cancel within 24 hours you can have it back and if not
you can't have it back. I think that I will make an absolute fucking fortune. Maybe I'm
maybe people just don't like me. No that's not the way it is but that's good idea because it's
true. Yeah you pay for something man you rock up to it don't you but if you don't then I think it's
just about perceived value but my perceived value is different from other people so I'm sure I'll
get over it in the next six or seven months but there you go. What about you? What was your week?
My week has been a game of two halves. My win I went out and did a progressive 5k which is not
my normal training. What is a progressive 5k can you expand on that because I don't know what that
is. I'm a coach. I know I'm going to end oh no we said we're not talking about VO2 max in
wanky running terms. Explain it in a layman's terms. Okay so five kilometers progressive
negative splits is five kilometers with every kilometer faster than the previous. That sounds
horrendous. Yeah I nearly died and I feel like it has actually contributed to my grim which
I don't think I'm going to sound as husky and bunged up as this on future podcast episodes
but I am full of cold. It's May won't be June when this goes out maybe but it's like hot outside
and sunny and the last thing that you want is genuinely my nose today has been running more
than I have. Hot snorkel. Good. Hot snorkel. It's like lava coming out of you. You're not the only
person to say that because a few of my clients have actually got the cold and they're all like oh I
blame the North Downsway 50. I blame this tablet. I'm like I just think it's a cold that everyone's
yeah I didn't do the North Downsway 50 although I did come back from Italy last week so maybe it
was like bubbling under the surface you know when you're like immune systems just absolutely
shot. Yeah. But I was like I was so smug as well because my other half was all snotty on Sunday and
I was like I've obviously got better immune system than you and then look Tuesday. Bam.
You're just better at masking it than he is. He's a man it's worse for them. It is scientifically
worse. You look well though. You look well. I mean my nose is so sore you know when you just rubbed
it dry. Yeah I know when you when you just rubbed it dry you know what you need on that a little bit
lube get yourself some lube. I'm surprised that it's only taken this long for you to bring up lube.
I'm sure there'll be far more discussions of it in future. 15 minutes it's taken me to bring up lube.
Brilliant. Well done. And then get in the bin. This is such a privileged wanky get in the bin right.
What can get in the bin is my entire support network abandoning me for a week the same week.
What do you mean did they go on holiday without you? My mum's gone on holiday with her husband
and her dogs. Nell Fish. Neil my partner has gone to work in work quotation marks in like Belgium
for a week. Nell Fish. So I've got to do all the dog walks water the allotment every day because
it's boiling and everything's going to die otherwise. Oh and my four full-time jobs that I'm
doing genuinely I'm waking up at half past three every morning going to bed at ten. That's probably
why I'm ill. That is probably because that might be something to do with you being ill. You see
you're not you're not I would say you're not setting your boundaries but the thing is you
like your jobs so I don't think you're like woe is me about it you're not woe is me about it are you?
It's what's that word called where you have to you know adjustment it's an adjustment isn't it
but you do need to get kip kip's important when you're training for stuff and you are training
for stuff so you need to make sure that you look after your little your little body. Yeah I will
and I did actually manage to schedule in an app yesterday so we're in also. I love scheduling
naps I think it's I put them in my diary like a meeting with myself it's brilliant we should all
be doing naps more often that's how I feel. That sounds good man that sounds good. What are we
going to do? Should we do a little feature? Should we introduce some features? Well I think you should
say that because I feel like maybe we need to delve into the ultrasound system side of things a bit
now. Can we talk about music? We're going to do a collaborative playlist. We are. This is a good
idea but I nervous. Javier, you lot listening all the six people who listen to this. Hi mum
you need to listen to the end of this podcast first before you then go and listen to the
playlist so listen to this podcast and then straight away go and have a listen to the
playlist because you're probably going to be running for longer than an hour and then you
can go listen to our ultrasound system playlist. Now I just want to add in here right I've got a
playlist called the Bailey ultrasound system it's mine it belongs to me and I'm very I wouldn't say
snobby about music but I know what I like and also I have no shame in what I like it's very eclectic
it's not that it's not that playlist there's a different one called the ultrasound system pod
playlist so go to that one because that's the collaborative one where you can add things and
there is no way on God's earth anyone's adding or taking anything off mine no way so no no no
that one so what so if you want to add to the playlist right what sort of stuff are we looking
for are we looking for bpm are we looking for inspiration what is a theme right the theme is
get into the headspace of the like 70 miles into 100 miler or the equivalent where you are in
a dip and all you need is something that's going to get you out of that dip it could be funny it
could be a novelty song maybe not all novelty songs but no some are good some are good I'm
just going to worry about this playlist but I agree with you because my play my my ultrasound
system playlist has got everything on it from Bring Me The Horizon to Charles and Eddie to be
quite right that's so weird that you said that so this is hilarious I listen to your ultrasound
system playlist I get bored of my ultra playlist and the first song that came on when I was listening
to it when I had my new polls and I was like well I need to think of a name for my polls
was Charles and Eddie so my polls are called Charles and Eddie I need to think of a name for
my polls yeah doesn't everyone do that it's amazing and but and when it comes on and on the radio I
get excited I'm like this is a running song and people are like no it's not I'm like no it is
it really is and also it's really handy when you're at an aid station if you're volunteering
and someone says how far is the next checkpoint and you say it's five miles and they go really and you go
look into my eyes they love it they don't love it but but you know that's the thing that's one
of the things I do a lot do you do this where you get songs that you love and then you change the
words to the song to be about running not as much as you I think I do it mainly for pickles so I
can change any song one of my skills one of my I was thinking about later on in the pod when
everyone's listening and that's not just your mum and I'm really sorry for calling you selfish
man you're not selfish we should do top trumps yes trumps is people's top trumps is and one of
them would be superpower and my one of my superpowers is to change any song that's on the radio to
be about pickle it's incredible we also need to just dive in and just say pickle is Ali's dog for
anyone who doesn't know Ali because there might be people listening who actually haven't got a
fucking clue who we are I think everyone listening might not have a fucking clue who we are pickle
is my dog she's an ultra dog she's incredible pup and she's also the love interest of Anna's dog
she hates my dog I know that she hates him I think he's quite forceful with his affection for her
he's quite forceful with his affection for every lady he can't take notes he likes me doesn't he
he does he does his funny sort of humpy dance on my arm or leg or any appendage he can get on him
he does like a bit of baby old Ralphie but he's the most glorious pup on earth thing about Ralphies
he's always positive that he is the guy that goes out too fast in a race that's who he is always yeah
he has absolutely I was gonna say no stamina I've managed to get him up to 10 miles he can do a 10
mile run what a child is he two pickles five so pickles like in the vet category now I think
like the she's like a nicky sphinx of ultra running but a dog version which is actually a massive
compliment to nicky sphinx yeah and they are a happy little couple except for when Ralphie decides
he wants to have sex with pickle and she's just not into it and she kind of demands the same way
that I do she kind of growls at him every time he gets anywhere near her and then he kind of like
winces away but then kind of comes back for more and she does it again and it's just like an ongoing
thing he doesn't he hasn't understood like no means no yet need to teach him you should listen to the
Rylan podcast how to be a man you should put him put that on when you go out let him listen to it
he might understand more about like being a guy he's only a baby he's a baby he's a boy he's just
a little boy he is a boy anyway that's the ultrasound system it'd be great if we could compile we'll
start it off we'll put a couple of bangers on each and then we will leave it to you lot and we can
debate we can debate it if you want to the best place for debate is instagram because we ain't
doing facebook and we ain't doing anything else should we do a post bag like they used to do on 90s tv
post bag oh my god does that mean we can have a po box love it if we had a post bag do you know
what's in my head now I wonder if I can put that on the sound system what the live and kicking
theme tune yes and I think that there's a race called the archer patrician right that everyone's
scared of and it's a hundred miles it's in january it's not it's it's bleak and at the start they play
I think highway to hell by acdc but if they played the live and kicking theme tune it would have a
lovely time it will be a different race I think yeah we're all staring at our feet with ones here
coming down our face thinking about life choices we will be like yeah come on let's go I thought we
could kick this off by adding like talking about a track that we want to add to the playlist based
on a banger that we've heard on a run this week and I've been watching your instagram stories
and I know that you've had like a couple of bangers that you mentioned I can't remember what they were
though god there's so many take one the summer banger that I'm gonna put on is selector by
danny bird it is a beast selector and when you like come down a hill listening to that there is
a high probability you will fall over but if you do fly you'll fly if you do fall over you'll jump
up again because you'll be like so that there is a line in that song that goes I'm galloping and I'm
like yeah it is a tune that's gonna go on that's my number one I absolutely love that song what's
yours so I mine was well there was one that I heard on a run but I've actually decided to bump
that and I haven't run to this one yet so it's a bit of a curve ball I think it's an entity I think
it'll still be fun to run to it's called I think it's new as well look at me with all the new music
dancing shoes by LF Sound System I've not heard the song but your change words and songs to
running stuff I changed it to running shoes and so they're dancing shoes I love it that's really
clever what you've done there that's super clever I don't know you thought of that I know surely
because you work in radio you should be down with the kids and know all of the new songs well yeah
that's the thing I do know sometimes I listen to radio one by accident and I just think what is this
ridiculous noise coming up sound system speakers but the other thing about the running playlist is
some of my songs on there like the one I've chosen is an absolute upbeat banger but I like the sad
song on on there as well because I think it calms you down a little bit give us an example I know
with one I listen to a lot of Bonnevue if I'm running a big one a big boy a big girl race I
listen to a lot of Bonnevue so like first thing in the morning like three o'clock as the sun's
coming up that can be like calm yourself down sort yourself out crack on and also the national
I listen to a lot of songs by the national that's who are actually Damian Hall's favourite band FYI
great I'm excited about the sound system excited to see what people put on it that's going to be
great and I'm excited to see the debate as well on on the sound system people should if you want to
debate on it then you can we'll put some Instagram posts up and say how are you feeling about the
sound system what do you think we should remove and you can tell us and maybe at the end of the year
we could do like a champions league of bangers and we can do like a this or that and then you've
got to pick and then it'll be like you know the wall charts that you get for the world cup we have
like knockout stages yeah do you still get those yeah do you not no do you get them do you actually
get them in your house yes oh I don't do that because I live alone so I don't have anything
want them get the tiny fucking violin out oh I was thinking about using this podcast to try and get
myself boyfriend um no okay on to the next thing let's go on to the next thing give me a feature if
I could turn back time that's lovely do it again if I could find a way you've got a lovely voice
I used to have my own karaoke night at MJ's in rugby on a Thursday night what does MJ's stand for
it was the name of the lady who ran it no it was musical joy that's what you call joy
that's great and did you actually used to do the singing or did you just use the compare
I did both wow I would have to sing to encourage punters to sing maybe because I was so bad that
then they'd put their name in and then they wouldn't feel so bad or they'd get me to stop
that's incredible I love hearing things like this about people that you didn't know before
like I found out that James Elton RD at Centurion used to work for media week selling advertising
space and I'm pretty sure me and him have sat in meetings together fighting over costs hilarious
all of him in a suit selling advertising space is like what what is this if I could turn back time
this is your embarrassing stories wow how long have we got this is gonna be a long one so this
part of the show show look at me oh yeah it's part of the show um in future I'd like it to be you
lovely listener you not you alley you uh sharing your embarrassing story and uh we can take out names
we can change names you could send us a voice note change your voice uh so yeah we want your
embarrassing stories preferably about running not just general life and send them through to
ultrasound system pod at gmail.com but for now we're probably gonna have to share our own little
embarrassing stories Allie you've got a smirk on your face like you can't pick which one you want to
share it's not a smirk it's just a realisation to come across to you that all of mine involve poo
all of them of course they do we are runners all of them involve poo and the most recent one
that was embarrassing was on the Ark of Attrition in January you get to a section between Lansend and
St Ives known as the Badlands because it's fucking bleak it's awful it's like all along the top of
the southwest coast part and it is there's nowhere to hide although there's nowhere to hide there's no
bushes or trees or anything there's just like that head-to-reast stuff and it goes up and down
like a roller coaster plus the 50 mile runners have been released at 8 30 in the morning and
they're coming past like through the 100 mile runners who are like walking dead and they're
whizzing through now I needed a poo and it was quite urgent it was one of many that I needed
and I had a group was running with a group of people and I was like I just need to go for a
wee and I was like what am I gonna do there's like a little there's like a little wall with a hole in
it and I thought I'd just they'll all go through I'll go on the side of the wall I'm already on
and then I'll just keep an eye out behind me see if no one's coming it's not a wee it's
definitely a poo and I'm definitely going to need to sort myself out afterwards and it's not solid
because it's at that stage in the race yeah there I am squatting down and I look and I like there's
no one behind me but I look and actually what was behind me was a slight hillock so I hadn't seen the
people coming up the hillock and I'm literally sitting there squatting making sounds out of my
rear end and pretending to have a wee and it was just horrendous and I was like and I for some reason
felt the need just to shout I'm just having a wee which is basically saying I'm having a poo
drawing attention to the fact that you were there because some of those people might not even have
seen you anyway I might as well have just put a big I feel like getting a paddle with the poo
emoji on it and just holding it above my head whenever that happens because people don't want
to they don't want to look at the car crash but it wasn't great and I'm pretty sure there are some
people that have seen me that saw me doing that and it's happened to me before on the Yorkshire
Yorkshire Three Peaks actually where I've got home and in my and I've been having a wee a wee on
the side of the trail and in my DMs there's a girl that ran past me she's like I saw you having a
piss on the side of the Yorkshire Three Peaks and I'm like didn't say hi at the time anyway that's
my embarrassing my most recent embarrassing story good and mine also involves poo I feel like we
just should probably rename this story to something about poo but last week I went running with Ralph
my little doggy and we did a lovely 10k around Pittsburgh water which is a nice reservoir in I
want to say Leicestershire might be Northamptonshire it's near me anyway in the Midlands and there are
no facilities there there's not like a nice little cafe or anything like that but I know of
certainly not on just the route around and it was very early in the morning and we were about five
minutes into this run and I'd had my pre-run coffee which obviously loosens everything up Ralphie had
gone for a pre-run poo well so the problem was was I drove Neil to work and then drove straight
to the reservoir from there and it's like that's like an hour's trip so if you haven't done a poo
before you've left the house like it's gonna be literally backing up that's what you're doing
bubbling away yeah so we were like five minutes into the run Ralphie had already done his poo so
I'd bagged that up and was swinging a bag of poo around oh my god I hate it when they do that and
you're like I need one as well but there's no way I can just copy you exactly so then we got to like
this little bush and the only people I'd seen like one fisherman and that's it no one else was around
and I was like I'll just go in this bush and poo but dogs aren't allowed off lead around there and
I am a stickler for rules a stickler for rules what I should have done in hindsight is just let him
off and then called him back but he was attached to my waist so I pulled the harness down around my
ankles and I did full harness like a parachute harness where it's like oh yeah yeah like the ones
that you wear when you go climbing like with the carabiners on uh so that was around my ankles
and I was like please god don't see like a bird or something and run away because otherwise I'm
just going to land on my ass here so pulled my shorts down went for a poo and Ralph the absolute
animal that he is then proceeded to turn around from his position and attempt to eat my poo and
I was so new mommy I love everything about you so at that point I go Ralph no tug him away
at the same time another runner starts running past me alerting the other runner to the fact
that I am in the bush will pants around my ankles I don't think he'd have seen that my
pants were around the ankles because there was some coverage it wasn't just like bear bush but
ironic did you see your bear bush was he not see my bear bush right don't think uh if you were
that runner running around pits of water I'm really sorry uh and no it wasn't going far away
wow what did you manage to sort this out did you manage to sort this
conumbra and so the pickle would call it out yeah I did yeah so then obviously poo bags are
brilliant for runners uh who need to poo on trails because dog poo bags are brilliant because a you
can pick up your own poo which is great I mean it's not great but it's better than leaving it there
two you know gels gel wrappers if you put a dog poo bag in the side of your pack you can and you
can then put your gel wrappers straight into the dog poo bag which means your pack doesn't get all
sticky and then when you get to the station take it out because of what they're made of you can
whip the gels out really easily they don't stick to the bag I put the bag back in and use it again
they're just brilliant but that story is like my worst nightmare so I've got a dog on it I've got
a dog lead doesn't have the heart the parachute harness and that's the one I wear day to day
it's just around the waist because I'm so scared of getting caught short squatting down pickle
seeing a hair and dragging me like either backwards into my own poo or forwards with my pants around
my ankles like across the field so I'm just laying there with my pants around my ankles
so I'm you're rotted by a uh and I just don't want anyone to see that to be quite frank so um I think
most of these stories are going to be about that those sort of incidents I can't wait um and I also
just want to cast you on my back just a few moments ago where you mentioned you'd like to use this
podcast as a vehicle to find a man yeah but the thing is I'm also writing a book which basically
proves what an absolutely terrible person I am so it's never gonna happen I've been watching a lot
of tv documentaries about old people living on their own and I'm taking tips because I'm for
sure that's what's gonna happen I had an incident with pickle once where she rolled in my poo a day
after I'd done it oh tell us about that one it was night a night run right it was a night's run
and I was I was training for the arc so I was doing laps around the reserve and uh it was like
four o'clock in the morning and I was like right I'm gonna go right to the edge of the ponds and
I'm going to do what I need to do and then I'm going to just like stick it into the pond because
I was like I'm vegetarian there's no meat in it it'll go into the river and everything will be fine
and it's right off the beaten track if it was 48 hours later so this 50 mile I went home went to
bed everything was fine then me and pickle were running on the same route she vanished into the
bushes and she came out and she had rolled in human shit and I'm 99.9% sure it was mine because she
went to the exact spot at the edge of the water where I'd done mine and there must have been like
a nugget left but I had to wash my own poo at my dog's rough that was not a spectacular day for me
I have to say that's where you pick up your poo people and don't stick and flick there you go less
than me that says that let's make it and put it on the Instagram inspiring me don't stick a flick
your dog or rolling your shit but if you have a few people that are listening to this you three
people have something embarrassing that's happened to everyone it doesn't have to be to do with poo
it can be to do with anything then send us an email because we'd love to read that out we really
would we can anonymise you if you want us to yes please send it along to ultrasound system pod at
gmail.com another feature another feature you ready yeah go don't stop me now
I'm having a good time and they're in the but that's going on the list the playlist oh yeah maybe
I've never what do you mean maybe I've never got bored of that song oh lucky you clearly you never
went out to walk about in the late late 200s 2000 I was always so drunk I don't remember any of the
all about sashes so I blanked them out and I was married I was married to Australia for seven years
so I went to a lot of mate I went to a lot of walkouts what's this don't stop me now thing then
what's all that about right then it's a bit like no it's not a bit like the last one it's not it's
still stories but we're gonna tell them in 10 words oh god the problem with this is it relates to
poo again mine doesn't good you go first then let's all play from feces for a minute no feces
and this one so the idea with this is that we're going to give the story a title to give it some
context and then we're going to tell you the story in 10 words exactly 10 words yeah exactly
10 words it can't be any more than 10 words and it has to be a talking point they can't just be
boring we want it to we want to be we asking questions about this that's what yeah okay the
title is running home for Christmas probably ought to explain that I ran from my office to my house
it was 115 miles and Ali was there it was 115 miles because it was supposed to be 100 miles but it
was actually 115 miles and 15 miles does make all the difference as we all know yeah so much
difference like the most difference it's the difference between running 100 miles and 200
miles anyway running home for Christmas is the title the 10 words are and I have to put my fingers
in front of my face to count these night sweats so bad I thought I was gonna die yeah you think
you're gonna die a lot do I have I really said that did you think you're gonna die a couple of
times today like I need to tell you something I don't know if you will register but you are going
to die we're all dying no I know but I wasn't thinking I didn't think that in a bad way like
imagine if I did die of the night sweats after running home I still fucking ran home for Christmas
be on my headstone it would run home for Christmas died a night sweat what why did I think I only had
night sweats once like how long did I go after that what a lucky lady well it wasn't like the
prolonged amount of time that they lasted for it was more the fact that no one warned me after
running a really long way and I'd run a really long way before but not that far that actually like
your entire body just drips water out of it and soaks your bed sheets so you wake up in the middle
of the night and you're actually like damp I thought I'd pissed the bed at first thought I'd lost all
bladder control and that I you know had absolutely done some damage to my kidneys which could have
been a probability because the medic was very concerned regarding my amount of pissing and
drunk water drank but he was wasn't he and then I actually don't think it's to do with how far
you ran I think it's to do how long you were you're out I think it's to do how long you were awake
and how your body was just desperate to stop and like desperate and and it's like a purge of when
you stop it's like a purge of all of the stuff that it just out because you've got like all sorts of
shit going on there because you've got like your sweat's your rear isn't it it's like it's got your
rear in it and it's all your bad stuff it's trying to get out your ear your ear like your
you are your ear um your ear gala the one that bends the spoons yeah your ear gala so I reckon that
it's about the fact that you were awake for so long and that your body was just like in this
recovery like get everything out of me because I can't deal with infection or anything like that I
just need to heal myself because I've only ever had it once so what you're saying Ali is that I
needed to get my ass into gear and do it fucking quicker yeah then I would have been all right
that's the aggressive way I'm saying if you were quicker then you wouldn't have got night sweats
there's a v aka it's your own fault sort of shit how when did you get night sweats um I got night
sweats after the Devon coast to coast which took me a really long time took me 36 hours and uh also
I was being real billy big bollocks about that race I was like no I'm a sub 24 I 100 mile runner this
I've got this in the bag and then it went tits and I was like out for hours way longer than I thought
and I was like shot or just shell shocked when I got in and I just remember going into the pub
and eating the steak and chips and a whole bottle of red wine this was back in the days when I was
uh an actual alcoholic not a recovering one and uh then I went to bed I nearly passed out in the
bath and he did a Whitney and then um and then um my boyfriend at the time had to wake me up
uh I have had a boyfriend he's not dead um and uh then I had these night sweats but I was in a
hotel so it was like it was gross because you just don't know what to say do you because you're like
it's soaked well yeah and also so like I was in my jammers because it was like winter um and I woke
up at like two and it soaked through all of them so then I got changed and changed the sheet and
then woke up again at like six and I've done it again so I was like oh no I've done it again
oh no it's happened again I'm gonna buy you rubber sheets for your birthday so that you
can hang them around with you so we can get you a nice yeah a friend of mine who's a mum has
told me about rubber sheets oh god imagine when if you stay in a youth hostel you get rubber sheets
and I'm pretty sure it's because it's probably because of the hikers and they're now it's because
the kids piss in the bed anyway that's that's a real off-putting thing but what was good about
running 100 miles 100 sorry what was good about running 115 miles isn't the night sweats is a bad
bit but there must have been a good bit oh well it wasn't the last 15 miles I'll tell you that
ultra running is fun and anyone can try it what was the best bit the best bit
it was like this sounds stupid and I don't mean it because it was over but the fit like finishing it
because you like nothing beats that sense of satisfaction of finishing something that you've
started no it doesn't really doesn't the next time you do it and then you're chasing the high
but I honestly think the end of your first hundred 115 whatever it is my life you will never ever
beat that feeling in running again it's just so good isn't it you know I was knackered and I had
I had no like enthusiasm for it I mean I did but it was very understated because I was like oh
well I don't have to move anymore for now it's like the greatest anti-climax of all time and you
don't actually really feel it I don't think until like at least a few hours later when you're like
I just did that and and you faced you felt I was there you faced down some pretty horrendous like
like brain demons on that and they coming through that is exhausting and also once you've done it
you're like oh my god I can't believe I got through that and I didn't stop do you know what got me
through my brain demons in the final three miles Charles and Eddie will I like you no what spice girls
oh the spice world the whole album whole album well yeah three miles took me a long time mate
yeah I'm just I'm not I'm not saying anything I'm just like because I like a full album my most
recent one that gets me through stuff and gets me going really fast is take that and party if I
take that the full album oh yes absolute change tune tune tune tune all killer no filler absolute
belters um that was great though I like to running ahead with Chris do you think you're ever going
to run another hundred mile uh yes not this year no yes yes no no only cause I'm doing so I'm doing
100k at the end of September beginning of October which is um very very hilly is that the lake the
one in the lakes yeah it's the seven valleys ultra and so my focus now till then is hills and
uh yeah not distance really well obviously 100k is still really far but I would maybe have some
distance in there I'm just saying um a little bit a little bit distance um but yeah that's gonna be
incredible because I just did a race in the like the strip the lap which is 47 miles and uh not as
many hills just a little one you just ran around like that's what I thought but it wasn't just running
around like there was 8 000 foot of vert in it wasn't just running around the lake um and uh as well
I don't know if I can cope with feet I do meters oh so that's like you just divided by three that's
pretty much the rule of thumb so what is that eight divided by three one two two and a half
2438.4 meters there you go nice you're like a maths brain or did you just use a computer for that
no maths brain maths brain um I can't wait I can't wait for you to do an organized hundred where
you're not like having to deal with it all yourself because you were like you had obviously had the
running channel crew and you had everyone helping you but when you do it where it's like there's other
people in your pain cave with you running along I think it's a lot easier I think it's a lot easier
to share the pain it's hard on your own so uh speaking of being in the pain cave with other
people to share it actually there's probably should have gone in like some news stuff this is no longer
10 10 word stories but when you ran around late the other weekend I also ran along a lake
with and I've just googled it 6 000 feet of elevation within 30 kilometers
bang in metal though
I'm showing it to you now yes it's wooden and 3d
what's wooden too look well that's because trail run is a great that is that's a banging
metal and um was that like that was like komo wasn't it it was in italy so that I boldly that's a
lovely lap metal that is a nice little round one beautiful it's like a little tree trunk tiny tree
trunk um yeah so I I have boldly claimed on my own instagram that that 30 kilometer race that I did
the other week was actually the toughest race I've ever done really yeah because the gradient of like
the elevation was absolutely bonkers there were two climbs oh wow yeah the second one steeper than
the first what the one on a mile 5k 5k climb yeah right and then 5k back down the other side
was it like um mountainy running was it like really technical running yeah so technical that
they had to change the route on the day because the original route was too dangerous because
they'd had so much rain the ground underfoot was so muddy it was like that thick clay that
sticks around the lugs of your trail shoes so you've got no grip I had my poles had charles
and eddie with me and I was literally using them as pickaxes to get up this busted hill
just thinking about that film touching the void but with you with clay and with charles and
playing as you use your charles and eddie poles at one point I fell over put my hand down in the
mud got like a thick caking of mud all over me wiped it on my bare legs I was wearing shorts I was
like get that off my hand because I need it for my poles but charles I dropped charles I just looked
up and I went for fuck's sake this is ridiculous and it was at that moment when my brain then was like
how are you gonna get out of this and I was like this is a stupid question to ask yourself right
now because the only way that you're going to get out of it is to get to the top and go back down
the other side and get to the finish like no one's coming to save you you're not dying you're not broken
so I love that that I've had that before I've been like what can I do to myself to get a medic to
come and get me like I've literally thought that on on like where I was like what can I do to make
it so severe that I have to be airlifted out because I can't just go I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm
crying please come and get me it's all it's funny how those flashes come through your brain isn't
it but it's like well the easiest way for you to get out of this is just to finish it that's a
quickest way out but one foot in front of the other it's so funny at the strength and conditioning
for runners class that I teach um I was talking to two of my runners about this the other week and
then I was saying I was really afraid to admit it but when I did Race to the King which was my first
ever ultra there was a road crossing I think Race to the King was like 80k they're just all
mulled into one I I like to call those races the Race to the Carphone Warehouse still all
Race to the Carphone Dixon's Carphone Warehouse yes um it's along the South Downsway basically
goes from Arendelle to Winchester it did at the time it doesn't anymore and it was probably about
20k from the end like 13 miles whatever mm-hmm it was a road crossing and as I was getting to it I was
like I got hit by a car right now not like badly but just enough to be like you can't carry on
that would be a genuine reason why I don't have to carry on hello dark as my old friend
like literally this is the stuff that people don't talk about on Instagram this is the stuff you
never see any running like in Invertical Influencer talk about like the thoughts that go through your
head which are completely normal by the way everybody like it's okay to not be okay it's
okay to think this stuff some of them are borderline hilarious when you look back on them like that
why would you match yourself you're not good but it's like your brain's like right press the
emergency button let's work out something very bad that could happen to get you out of this situation
was actually it's a lot less pain for everyone if you just finish the fucking thing you did finish
the fucking thing and everything was okay right it was absolutely fine I did it really I did it in a
good time as well but the guys from my strength and conditioning class also told me that during
races they have had the same thoughts of like well they I mean they do triathlons as well so they're
like maybe if I just get knocked off my bike that would be good if I just get someone to click my
wheel by accident that would be good like maybe if I just punch someone in the face repeatedly if
someone punches me in the swim they'll drown me and then I won't have to finish and I'll die a hero
like yeah I mean yeah I've had it where I've been running it's been hot and I've been like if I
stop drinking water I will get so dehydrated I'll have to pull me from the race like a self sabotage
like that like you know there is and there's bits of you that like sometimes I feel like your body
starts to stop you like it stops you eating when people say I can't eat anymore you can eat you're
choosing not to your body your brain's telling you not to when people are like when you start
throwing up and then you can't stop throwing up you're not ill you're just your brain's like anything
I'll throw anything at you to make you stop and that's that's the joy of it to like be able to
come come around that's a good thing for people to email us the stories that they've told themselves
that will get them out of a race or get they even get even not get them to start because sometimes
it's raining it's freezing I kept thinking I did the Welsh 3000s in May and the weather was a
poccaliptic and I had to get up at two o'clock in the morning and we knew the weather was
a poccaliptic and I was like wishing a named storm to come in but it didn't so I had to do it and it
was all it was it was good training but um yeah like what's the re listener reader what's the
what's the worst worst thing that you have thought to do to get out of a race be in the middle of it
but beginning of it or before it yeah lie you've told to somebody to get out of it perfect love it
love it it brings us round into like a nice circle as well about your friend I'm going to put that
in inverted commas who bailed on you for your run like what's the what's the worst excuse at least
he was honest I mean he was honest about what he was like I'm not he was honest so I've got to give
that but um but yeah it's like come on mate it's about what it's about what you think is acceptable
isn't it and I'm pretty sure a lot of people would say to me we're really overreacting to that but one
of my big triggers for like mental health downfalls is abandonment and people not turning up when they
say they're gonna and I've experienced that to most people in my life uh thousand and one times
and uh I've got friends who now if they're gonna be five minutes later like I'm so sorry I'm gonna
be fine and it's like it's fine because you're gonna that's fine that's a that's a different thing
it's if you don't actually I can't be asked or actually I'm not gonna come or actually I don't
need you or actually that's that's just a big no no for me absolutely no no um but uh I'm sure
I'll forgive him at some point but maybe probably I'll have to we'll put it to a poll put it to a
poll on Instagram you should do that yeah he's probably gonna listen to this and he's gonna be
like you cow and I'll be like what come at me yeah I won't do it again no you won't do it again
do you have a 10-word story you'd like to share yes go on then it's the title the wild horse 200
I pooed in the bag and handed it to Lorna oh my god I mean that doesn't even need that much
explanation but go on tell us all about your batshit 200 miler I had an incident um where I ended
up running a 200 miler the incident being I signed up to run a 200 miler that was that happened
there's about to be another incident I think where I signed up for UTS 100 today that might be another
problem that happens anyway so I was like I'm gonna do this race 200 miles I had a plan for
sleeping but then um I realized uh quite early on that I was in the lead and then I got a this is a
very abridged story then I became a over competitive tit and then I was like I'm not gonna get asleep
I've had and I've had basically an hour and a half sleep in like 70 hours or 65 hours and uh I was
fucking just going mad I felt like I was on drugs I felt like the night the second night or night three
anyone's ever done night three on a race it's like like we me and my friend Kirstie just call it
night three behavior because you just are hallucinating it's just you hear things you see things it's mental
I got to the point where I was like I can't do this anymore and um I said to my pace that I can't
and I just burst into tears I was seeing these robots stabbing babies the bins were getting up and
running down the river everything I looked at jumped up and moved and there were no bins
there were no stabbing robots but I was so like I was so convinced that I was literally jumping
two foot in the air and just going like every two minutes so they were like trying to call the
cavalry called launder in launder is my head of crew she drove to where we were stopped the car
put me in the car and I was just going don't move the car don't move the car because I had a tracker
on and like I didn't want the cars in case I thought it was cheating so in all of this I can still
shout don't move the car went to sleep for three hours literally passed out the minute I sat down
woke up at seven o'clock set my lungs like three hours maximum is the maximum that you're allowed
to stay still for was like call the racer to tell him I'm moving again I was like a monster
like down in coffee and then I was like oh my god I need a poo we were on a drill carriageway
type situation or a road situation I had a big flyover over a major river I was like no I need
a poo now there was nowhere to go it's seven o'clock in the morning Lauren was like don't
worry because she's my head of crew and she's got this she was like come down the steps you went
down the steps to the river and there was like a little thing under the steps like a little
like almost cupboard under the stairs but without a door and I was like I had a dry robe on and she
was like take this carrier bag and poo in the bag and just give it to me so she stood there keeping
watch like down the road down the river while I put this bag under the dry robe and did the world
worse destroyed the bag destroyed everything because I was doing for like 20 hours because my
my my guts have been so bad but I took a modium which you shouldn't do but I can't do this anymore
so it was just 20 hours worth of awfulness and I thought it's okay no one's seen me and then as
I stood up I turned around and because it was a flyover there were lorries and there were big
double decker buses there were people walking their dogs who'd seen me squatting down with this
bloody bag just shitting into it and then I just I just didn't care I was too tired to care so I just
stood up sorted myself out rolled the top of it handed it to Lorna and she just had it at arm's
length walking towards the bin and then I just cracked on with my race. Yeah you find that when
you're in that state of delirium and you've been out for so long on your feet I've not been out as
long as you that you forget that real life exists outside of what you're doing so you don't you don't
you don't think about you're not like oh yeah of course there are people who are going to school
or work at this point of the morning because that's the normal thing to be doing. Of course truck
drivers are driving over that road and they can see every single thing I'm doing and there's no way
I'm hidden from anyone in fact they've got a bird's eye view but all I could hope was they had their
eye on the road and not the 41 year old woman shitting into a Sainsbury's carrier bag on the
riverside. The Sainsbury's one so it's like a bright orange beacon for everyone. Bright orange it was
then I started to worry I had holes in it because you know sometimes I do that for babies
but it was actually okay so luckily I chose the the most dangerous carrier bag of all of them
and yeah but it had to be a carrier bag it couldn't be a dog food bag that's how severe the situation
was. Wow. It's bagged for life so I wonder if Lorna took it into the Sainsbury's bag. I
thought this would say yes. I just hope that no one went digging through those bins for like food
or anything. No. No it was just. I feel sorry for the bin man as soon as you said she went in search
of a bin I was like I hope that bad boy was sealed. I rolled the top of it I don't know what she
did with it but it should have been put into an incinerator because it was so horrendous and you
know it's at times like those I'm but at least I'm a vegetarian at least there is no like
opportunity for rancid meat. Anyway this podcast has centered quite a lot around poo it won't
like this all the time. I know I feel like you're saying that but I also feel like the majority of
good stories and running based stories do feature a lot of poo. I'd like to hear some animal news.
What's that animal news? What kind of animal news are you up for?
Like I don't know bears and like hopefully there's people who are living in like America who see cool
things out on the trails. Oh yeah that'll be good I've actually got a couple of American buddies I'll
send this this their way. I've got the 10 junk miles dudes they can send us some stories about
things they've seen on the trails. Yeah so yeah some animal based stuff some food based stuff I
don't know I was so hungry I ate XYZ. Out of that same carry bag? No. Also we had we were
wanting to hear your questions and like if you've got we'll get it was like an agony on thing we
haven't actually given it a name yet have we? No. Oh I thought of one I think I wrote it in my phone.
Oh I thought of a good one too but I've forgotten what it is. Oh my mum was around the idea of I've
got 99 problems but something wasn't one but then I couldn't think what that something was. I've got
99 problems but asking Ali and Anna how I should cope with this problem that I've got in ultra running
isn't one. It doesn't trip off the tongue? It's one not a record. I like it maybe we should take it
offline. Pick it up anyway right so send an email if you've got any questions if you're like I don't
know how to deal with this situation whether or not it's I get dehydrated and raises I can't cope
with the heat my shoe feet swell up to the size of like clown's feet or my boyfriend runs too much
I run too much whatever it is any problem that you've got send it to us neither of us are qualified
psychologists. No there needs to be some sort of like medical caveat here as well we have no
qualifications in those fields. No absolutely nothing um all we can give is our opinion based on
our own experience which is quite a lot when you stick us both together there is a lot of
experience there actually thank you very much um so yeah please send in your um your questions and
queries and problems and we'll try and solve your problems or at least give you some advice that
might help yourself or might make might make it worse. What's that song? Yeah I've got a problem
I'll solve it. If you've got a problem yo I'll solve it hold my bag while I poo in and fold it.
That's I size baby by the rice but it's the doing it saying poo to carry a bag with it.
Um if you got a problem yo I'll solve it I love it. Yeah there you go. Yeah it's what comes out.
I size baby because I stand for incase of emergency and it is an emergency. Oh and also you can't
guarantee that we'll do them every week you might have to wait a couple of weeks to do yourself.
Well yes if you've had a favorite feature on this podcast episode congratulations it's been a bit
got this far congratulations to be honest. Exactly um they won't necessarily be the same features
every week we're gonna just surprise you. We're gonna surprise you with some content that we get back.
Yeah so yeah please send us things and we'll share them um cool I feel like we should probably
let these lovely people go. We should but go on now you finish listening to this go listen to the
sound system I'll put five songs on and I'll put five songs on and then we'll share it all on
Instagram so people can put their own songs on because that way at least there's some songs on it
right. Yeah and Pinky promised that neither of us will ever take off a song. Are we not allowed to
take off any songs what if somebody puts like Ralph Harris on there or Gary Glitter that's got to come
off. Oh if they're yeah or yeah anything like that. We're not gonna say or lost profits that's what
you were gonna say. Yeah it's coming off okay but uh yeah it'll be good we'll put a link to it on the
Instagram page. Yes what's the Instagram handle? Instagram handle is at ultrasound system pod.
I don't know. I was just testing. I know you were just testing. I didn't actually know I had to pretend
right it down to send. Say what it was. Um oh that was fun wasn't it? That was great I'm gonna go and
take my snotty horrible self off to bed for a nap it's three o'clock in the afternoon and I've been
up since three o'clock this morning so I feel like it's probably bedtime. I'm gonna take myself off
to have lunch of cottage cheese on toast which is a ultra runner's lunch of choice. Oh have you ever
had it with slices of banana on top? No but Lorna's into this and she's going for she's she's talking
about blueberries and blueberries are really nice so it might have that. Well you didn't know about
blueberries until Lorna taught you. I didn't know about blueberries but I didn't know about blueberries
on cottage cheese. Lorna teaches me lots of things. Very grateful to Lorna. Very grateful. Maybe we ought to
get Lorna on the podcast one week as well. Maybe yeah then you'll find out what I'm really like
on an alt trucker she's seen all of it. Okay I love you. Love you too. See you next week. Yeah sure. Bye.