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Hi, I'm Linda, self-love coach and hypnotherapist who loves a good yoga class in my pajamas,

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listening to the belly laughs of my baby boys, and hunting down the best vegan donuts.

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This podcast is for ambitious and soulful women who want to feel fulfilled in all areas

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of their life and are ready to dive deep into the mysteries and wonders of the subconscious

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mind in order to achieve that.

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So if you are ready to be let loose from the shackles of self-sabotage and design a life

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of emotional freedom and everyday abundance, you are in the perfect place.

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Because life can get even better than you imagine and the biggest shifts start inside

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of you.

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Welcome.

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In today's episode, we're going to explore some very concrete reasons why in-demand female

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leaders like you so often struggle with boundaries.

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Boundaries, why are boundaries such an issue?

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Okay, so we're going to talk about it, and it's going to make a lot more sense to you

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why this continues to be an ongoing challenge and some steps that you can take starting

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today to begin to make this a little bit easier for you.

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Okay, so when we're talking about female leaders, we're talking about women who are incredibly

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creative, who on some level know how to be assertive and get their point across and drive

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ideas, projects, make things happen.

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So we're talking about ultimate problem solvers, folks who can see the issue, they can see

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the big picture, they can see the details, and they can come up with really creative

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and effective solutions that will help to bring about a result or to solve an ongoing

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issue.

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And so it makes a lot of sense that women like this, women like you, would so often

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find yourselves struggling with not being able to effectively hold your own boundaries

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when it comes to work and relationships.

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And what I mean by that is when you have something that a lot of people want, then you're going

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to find that people are often making requests of your time, of your ideas, your thoughts,

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they want to pick your brain, they want to be around you, they want you on their team,

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they want you on their project, they want you to solve their problem.

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So having this competence, this is where we kind of have almost like this curse of competence

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where you are so good at what you do that more and more people want you to do it.

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And what I find with the women that I work with is that it's not often just one area

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of your life.

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If you are really effective at solving problems, at providing creative solutions in your workplace,

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well, then people in your family would like you to help them out too.

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And if you're really great at doing that for your friends, the odds are that you're doing

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that in your other community settings, whether that's the school board or your church or

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something like that.

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It just tends to follow you around because it's not just something that you might have

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a degree in, even if you do have a degree in something related to that.

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It's not just something that you do for work, it's actually who you are.

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Oftentimes the things that we do for a living are, they're related to just who we are, right?

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Our natural gifts, talents, and abilities.

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And so once someone can pick that up from you and they sense that in you, it's going

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to be very tempting for them to want to experience some of your expertise in their own life because

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you have something that they want, you have something that they don't have.

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So that's the thing, right?

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You're in a situation where you actually embody the very thing that someone else desires,

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that many other people desire.

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And so they are making lots of requests from you in order to borrow that gift or ability

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or that talent from you.

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And that's natural, right?

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People see something they like, they're attracted to it, they're attracted to you.

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It's very natural for them to have a desire to experience more of you in their life.

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The challenge is, of course, that you're not just a problem solver.

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You're not just a solution generator, right?

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You're a whole person.

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You're a human being who has your own needs, your own personal goals, your own personal

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desires that have nothing to do with goals, right?

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You have desires for how you want to use your time and your energy and how you want to rest

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that have nothing to do with solving someone else's problems or producing more and more

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stuff, right?

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Because you're not a machine, you're a human being.

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You're not just there to work and spit out ideas.

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You're not chat GBT, right?

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So that's the issue is that while it's really great that you have these talents and you're

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so gifted in the way that you are, and there really isn't anything wrong with that, right?

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I use the curse of competence just because it's something that you can immediately understand.

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You immediately know what I'm talking about.

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But I don't think it's actually a curse.

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I think what you have is something very special.

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We need more female leaders like you.

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Now what we also need is for these female leaders to know how to protect themselves,

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how to guard their time, how to guard their mental space.

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You need to be able to do those things for yourself so that you're not just constantly

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giving yourself away and in a way that drains you and a way that leaves you with nothing

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for yourself or nothing for the personal relationships that you actually do want to pour into more.

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I know for me, I have my husband and I have my sons.

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And my sons are certainly at that age where they want a lot of my time and my attention.

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And if I'm drained, if I've given away everything over the course of the day to clients, to

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friends, family members, community members, strangers on the street, then I'm not going

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to have anything left, right?

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Because I'm not this infinite source of just like stuff and energy.

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I have a lot of limitations.

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And I also, as much as I love being around people and I really love interacting with

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people and hearing their stories and helping them and serving them, I also really like

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my own company, funnily enough.

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I enjoy my own company.

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I enjoy my own time as well.

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And I know that I need to rest.

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I need to do my self massage.

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I need to read science fiction books, you know, whatever.

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I take long showers because those are the things that also feel good to me, right?

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It's not just that I want to be pouring out all the time.

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I'm not like, I'm not a water well, right?

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And even those can be overused.

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At some point I have to replenish and so do you.

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And the beautiful thing about this is that as female leaders, when you start to take

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better care of yourselves, because you are so sought after, because you are so in demand,

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the way that you handle yourself, the way that you, you know, hold effective boundaries,

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just, you know, protecting your space, protecting your time so that not all of your time is

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caught up in doing, doing, doing.

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Because you are so sought after, people are watching you and they're watching how you

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treat yourself.

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They're watching how you divide up your time.

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They're watching how you put safeguards in place so that you're not, you know, constantly

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being emptied by other people's requests.

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And as they're watching you, they're learning, right?

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It's shaping them.

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They're installing a new program.

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They're installing a new idea based on your actions about how they too can conduct themselves,

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how they too can set boundaries and safeguards in place.

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It gives this idea, plants this idea in their mind and eventually what you are doing or

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what you will be doing, right?

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Because the whole point of this podcast is the fact that most of us as female leaders

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struggle with this and are not actually doing this.

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But once you do start enacting these kinds of techniques and strategies, you will eventually

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get those who are watching you to the point where they just see that as commonplace.

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Okay, Self Love Beauties, I have a special announcement to make.

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I have an event coming up this October, the 2nd through the 27th.

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It's called the Joy Reclaimed Summit and it is a gathering for women just like you who

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are looking to experience breakthroughs with physical health, emotional health, relational

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health, what have you.

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And I've handpicked 25 exceptional women to speak directly to you and share their stories

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of how they have achieved their own breakthroughs and been able to reclaim their joy.

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So definitely come be a part of this gathering.

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You can find it at joyreclaimedsummit.com and the information will also be in the show notes.

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And a bonus, there's going to be giveaways each week.

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If you join in with the Facebook group for the event, you will have opportunities to

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win some really nice prizes, including some one-on-one sessions with myself and some of

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my other speaker coaches.

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And that will help you to get to your breakthrough even faster.

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Alright, so I look forward to seeing you there.

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And not just come in place for you, but for those who are really wise, for those who are

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really paying attention and who really want to learn, they will quickly, you know, catch

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on to the fact that this is something that they should be doing for themselves too.

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So as opposed to being disappointed because you can't come through for them or being annoyed

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at you or thinking negative things about you, like, wow, she's so cold, she's so withholding,

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rigid, you know, whatever.

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Folks who are sort of less enlightened might believe about you.

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Those who are really paying attention and who are really great learners will see, oh,

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okay, I get what she's doing there.

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That's right.

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She's making sure that she places limits around herself, protections around herself.

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So that she can actually be at her best so that she can operate in a way that is optimal.

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And I get that because she's taking care of herself, right?

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It's not just that she looks good on the outside or that she performs so well on this high

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level.

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She also knows how to take care of her own needs.

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She knows how to pay attention to her energy levels.

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She knows how to pay attention to when she's more in a creative mode or in a review mode

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or a consuming mode.

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She knows how to pay attention to where she's at.

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And so she responds to herself accordingly and she makes sure that other people also

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respond to her accordingly.

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And this is truly powerful, right?

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We might think that, oh, I have to respond to everything.

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I have to give everybody what they want so that I can continue to maintain those relationships

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or excel in this field or have people offer me the opportunities.

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I promise you though that the opportunities and the relationships are not going to disappear

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just because you treat yourself like an actual human being, okay?

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And quite honestly, if anything does disappear, then you're welcome, right?

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You're welcome because those are the things, those are the situations, the jobs even, the

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communities that we're only looking to take from you in a way that wasn't sustainable.

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And as a female leader, you're looking for ways that are going to be sustainable for

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the long term so that you can do the things that you are so good at doing so you can operate

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in your zone of genius for as long as possible, right?

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As long as you desire to do that kind of work and have that kind of impact.

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And so being able to do that in a sustainable way that doesn't burn you out, that doesn't

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just leave you in a state of chronic high stress is very important.

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We know that being in a chronic state of stress, of repeatedly burning out, that these are

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the types of situations and patterns, you know, lifestyle patterns that create really

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significant health conditions that tear down intimate relationships, that really get in

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the way of a fulfilling connection between parent and child if you have one.

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It's really important that you protect these other aspects of your life and that you also

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protect that relationship with yourself because those are the parts of your life that are

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going to be there even after the job is done, right?

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Even after you retire, even after you do early retirement or switch careers, right?

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Like, those are the things that are still going to be there.

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And you want to make sure that you don't get to that point in the future and look back

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and think, wow, I wish I had said no more often.

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I wish I had said no to more people because now what I'm left with is trying to clean

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up this mess that I've created that I didn't even realize I was creating at the time.

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So this isn't to scare you, right?

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This is to remind you that you have a choice, that you don't have to give all parts of yourself

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away 25 hours out of every eight days, you know, I'm exaggerating, in order to please

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other people and to stay relevant.

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In fact, the more that you are able to learn how to develop safeguards on your time and

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your energy, your mental space, your emotional health, the more equipped you will be to have

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an even greater impact because your energy will be taken care of, right?

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You'll have a greater sense of presence when you do show up because you'll be full, your

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cup will be full.

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And you'll have the presence of mind to truly give where you are in that moment, as opposed

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to being split in several different pieces trying to do it all at once, like a chicken

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with your head cut off.

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That is not a good feeling.

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And I know that because I've been there, right?

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I'm saying all these things to you and the reason I can speak to them is because I relate,

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right?

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I relate.

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And so I want you to feel like you have full permission to protect the things that matter

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most to you and to know and have the confidence that opportunities and, you know, the ability

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to expand beyond your current position, all those things, they're not going to go away

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just because you learn to say no.

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It'll actually allow you to say yes to the right things and to show up in the right energy

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and to deliver in a way that just blows people out of the water like you tend to do, right?

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You tend to impress, right?

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We just want to protect that and make sure that you don't burn yourself out in the process

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because it's entirely unnecessary, right?

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So if you have any further questions about that or you want to learn more about how I

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work with the woman that I work with, be sure to reach out.

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You can head to my website, lindasanderville.com, and you can see my programs there.

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I do offer group coaching as well as private one-on-one to help you to make these leaps

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and to shift and rebuild your lifestyle from the ground up so that you are not trapped

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in this cycle that is entirely unnecessary, incredibly harmful, and really that you don't

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need in order to continue to expand your impact and your empire and whatever else it is that

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you want to do because you are a human being first.

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All right, I will talk with you in the next episode.

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You hung with me to the end, my shero.

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If you benefited from this episode, please say thanks by leaving a wonderful review.

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It helps me know what's helping you the most and allows more like-minded women to find

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and learn from this podcast.

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We don't want to keep all the good stuff for ourselves.

225
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:29,640
See you next time.