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Hi, I'm Linda, self-love coach and hypnotherapist who loves a good yoga class in my pajamas,

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listening to the belly laughs of my baby boys, and hunting down the best vegan donuts.

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This podcast is for ambitious and soulful women who want to feel fulfilled in all areas

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of their life and are ready to dive deep into the mysteries and wonders of the subconscious

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mind in order to achieve that.

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So if you are ready to be let loose from the shackles of self-sabotage and design a life

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of emotional freedom and everyday abundance, you are in the perfect place.

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Because life can get even better than you imagine, and the biggest shifts start inside

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of you.

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Welcome.

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So in today's episode, I want to talk about what it's like when we're going through a

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self-love storm.

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Not only what it's like when we're going through it in the middle of it, but also some things

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that you can do to manage it in the moment.

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And some things that you could maybe even look forward to after the storm has started

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to subside.

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And of course, that's always really helpful to know that there is something that you can

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look forward to.

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There is a rainbow on the other side of the storm, and we will get to that a little bit

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later in the episode.

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So I feel like it's fitting that I'm recording this on an evening when it's actually a little

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stormy outside so you may hear some background noise.

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But a self-love storm, what is it?

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What is a self-love storm?

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So it's a term, obviously, that I just made up, but I feel like it perfectly describes

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the kind of situations that we find ourselves facing so much of the time.

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And the thing is, when you're in a self-love storm, when you're in the middle of a storm,

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you know it.

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Because nothing goes right.

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It seems like every disaster that could happen happens.

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You find out that you've overlooked some subtle cue with this person that you started dating

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or this job that you accepted.

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And those subtle cues that you've overlooked turn into major problems later on.

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You'll feel personally attacked inside of your relationships or your place of work or

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your community space.

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And that'll be really devastating and isolating.

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It'll seem like rejection is now the norm.

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Like acceptance is hard to find.

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And your inner peace, well that feels like it's just swirling down the toilet drain.

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Okay?

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So self-love storms are nothing to sneeze at.

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They feel really overwhelming when you're in the middle of them.

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And it's really hard not to feel like, you know, the mistakes that you've made are, you

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know, they're not failures, right?

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Because when we're in a self-love storm, we begin to view things much more from a place

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of lack around what we lack, you know, what we did wrong or how we failed.

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It's really easy to kind of drift into that place.

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And so if you're not quite there, you might not necessarily be in a full-on self-love

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storm.

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I'm talking about those really difficult time periods where everything seems to be happening

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at once.

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So what can you do?

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If you're in this place, what can you do, right?

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When it feels like there's no support or you're kind of just not handling things well, you

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know, it's really automatic for some of us to fall into this place of judgment or judging

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ourselves.

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Gosh, get it together.

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You know, why can't you just figure this out?

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And we move really quickly into this place of trying to force change and solutions and

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resolving problems like right away.

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And if you're someone who struggles with perfectionism or you were like a firstborn daughter, you

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know, you may like very quickly move into the state of trying to function and fix and

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make it all better.

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And when you can't do that, it's going to make you're going to end up feeling like you're

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doing something wrong, even when you're not actually doing anything wrong, right?

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The situation is just the situation.

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So rather than running too quickly into this place of, you know, focusing on change, how

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can we fix it?

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I actually really urge you and want you to allow space for your feelings.

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And I know that this is nothing new.

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You've heard it before and yet, right?

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You're talking about this because yet many of us still struggle to actually do it.

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When you allow space for your feelings, you immediately, okay, immediately you are taking

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away the source of resistance that can actually prolong the self love storm, right?

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That will prolong this period of time where you feel like, man, I'm not handling this

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well, I don't have what it takes, or all these negative beliefs are surfacing.

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So when you just allow space to say like, Okay, I am frustrated.

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I'm so frustrated with this situation.

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Nothing is going the way that I really wanted it to.

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This isn't how I planned it.

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Then you give yourself room to acknowledge and validate your own emotions, right?

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You become that safe person, you know, that safe person that we all needed when we were

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younger, you become that safe person for yourself and your own inner child.

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And when you do that, the resistance that's within you, that wants to push back against

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anything that you say that's like, No, no, like, it's never going to be okay.

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No, this is how it really is.

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That part of you that's creating that kind of resistance, it begins to subside just a

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bit.

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It begins to give you a little bit more room to think more clearly to come to a place of

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acceptance about what's not working.

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And to be okay with that, right on some level, right, there's a there's a bit of surrender

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that's required when we're in the storm.

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And we need to just acknowledge how we feel without trying to change it right away.

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Right, because change will come, change will come and actually it'll come more easily if

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you don't rush into it as your first response.

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Trust me, been there, got the postcard got the t shirt, you don't want to do it that

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way.

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Okay.

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So once you've made some more space for your feelings, you're kind of you know, you're

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sitting with yourself, you're figuring out, okay, how does my body feel?

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What is my mood like right now?

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Am I angry?

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Am I angry?

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Am I sad?

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Am I crying?

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Am I crying?

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Because I'm angry, you know, just giving yourself some room to be with it.

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Then you can start to name it.

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You can explore, okay.

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I think I feel I feel angry about this.

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I feel angry because I felt disrespected in that conversation that I just had with him.

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You know, okay, I feel a sense of loss because yet another one of my co workers is jumping

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ship and leaving me here and this job that I don't even like, right?

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You can start to name it the frustrations and the sadness and the disappointment that

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you actually feel because just by ignoring it or not getting space, guess what?

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You're still feeling it.

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You're still feeling it anyway.

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The feeling has already germinated inside of you.

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It's already there.

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So when we give it space to just be and for us to name it, that's when we can actually

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allow it to subside and it's not going to keep ramping up in order to get your attention,

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right?

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You don't want to ignore the feelings that are just going to exacerbate and grow and

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transform into these kind of raging monsters because you're not paying attention to them.

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You want to give them attention on the front end and that's going to help them to, you

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know, to lessen more easily again without that resistance.

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Something else that you might want to do is think about some ways that you can co regulate

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and this is something that we often do pretty naturally anyway, but if you have more of

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that leaning towards being more perfectionistic and feeling like you need to handle things

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independently and you shouldn't need to lean on anyone, this may be more of a struggle

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for you to follow through on even if you do have an urge to do it.

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So when we co regulate, we are inviting someone else into our experience in the moment to

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help us to find our grounding again.

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And so we're not using them, you know, it's not, you know, using someone else as a crutch

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for dealing with our problems or, you know, finding a sense of peace.

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What we're doing is we're allowing a bit of vulnerability, right, into that space and

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that relationship.

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So certainly it should be with someone that we trust.

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But you're allowing that vulnerability to lead you into deeper connection actually with

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that person.

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We will talk about that again towards the end where we're talking about the rainbow

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on the other side of the storm.

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But that gives them an opportunity to be there for us.

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And most of you listening, right, most of you listening to this are probably more of

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the sort of person who was there for everybody else.

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So you're not usually the one who's calling on others to be there for you.

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You know, you're the one who was the shoulder for others to lean on.

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Okay, Self Love Beauties, I have a special announcement to make.

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I have an event coming up this October, the 2nd through the 27th.

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It's called the Joy Reclaimed Summit.

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And it is a gathering for women just like you who are looking to experience breakthroughs

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with physical health, emotional health, relational health, what have you.

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And I've handpicked 25 exceptional women to speak directly to you and share their stories

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of how they've achieved their own breakthroughs and been able to reclaim their joy.

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So definitely come be a part of this gathering.

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You can find it at joyreclaimedsummit.com and the information will also be in the show

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notes.

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And a bonus, there's going to be giveaways each week.

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If you join in with the Facebook group for the event, you will have opportunities to

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win some really nice prizes, including some one on one sessions with myself and some of

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my other speaker coaches.

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And that will help you to get to your breakthrough even faster.

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Alright, so I look forward to seeing you there.

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And so this might not be your norm and yet I really call you to and I ask you to consider

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letting others be there for you too, because the odds are pretty good that there is somebody

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who wants to be there for you.

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Somebody who is grateful for all the times that you have been there for them.

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He was grateful for your support, your steadiness, the rock that you were in their life, and

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would be happy to be there for you.

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And you know what?

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Sometimes when people are more used to us being the ones that they can lean on, they

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may not know exactly what to do.

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And they may not do it perfectly.

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And that's really okay, because you can show them.

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Maybe what you want from that person is not words of advice, because they're not actually

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that great at giving advice, right?

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But a lot of times when we're in the storm, we actually don't need that much advice.

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What we really need is someone to sit with us and to be with us, right?

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Co-regulation is someone being with you, not them coming in and then fixing your problems.

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So you can invite them to be with you.

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Maybe you want them to come over and just watch a movie with you and not talk.

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Because again, talking is like not their gift, right?

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But they can be with you.

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They can provide some comfort in that way.

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They can give you a hug.

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They can give you physical touch, right?

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Maybe they can give you a gift of a bouquet of flowers or just bring you a nice cup of

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tea or cup of coffee, right?

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There's all kinds of ways that others can be there for us that don't require some, you

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know, master's degree in counseling, or, you know, the sage wisdom from living on this

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earth for 90 years or something like they don't need to have all that to be able to

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give you some amount of comfort that will allow you to have that co-regulation that

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we so often need in the midst of a self-love storm.

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And then when you've had a little bit of this time, you've, you know, identified your feelings,

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you've had some time for some co-regulation, you've given space for all that you're experiencing.

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I do want you to think about what is the story that the storm is highlighting for you?

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What is the story or this core belief that is being unearthed, right?

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The story that was already there taking up real estate inside of you, but was not really

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fully exposed until now.

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Okay.

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And now we're getting more into the opportunities on the other side of the storm because those

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opportunities really do start here.

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This is an opportunity to see, okay, why was I triggered by the situation or these series

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of things that happened all at once?

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Again, that's what a self-love storm often consists of.

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What was it about this series of events that really got under my skin that made me feel

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so flooded, so overwhelmed, and so out of control?

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What is it that I believe about myself or my circumstances, right, that this is bringing

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up for me, that's kicking up dust for me?

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The more that we can have a deeper understanding of what we actually believe or the stories

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that we're carrying around that we don't even know about, then we have an opportunity

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to actually reintegrate these different pieces that have been broken off by these negative

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stories, these lies.

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We have an opportunity to reintegrate those pieces of our identity into a more holistic

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and healthy perspective.

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So you're getting an opportunity to grow.

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It doesn't mean, mind you, like none of this is saying that a self-love storm is something

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that you have to be happy about or thankful for.

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Some of you may be in a place where you're able to say, like, oh, I'm thankful for the

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storm.

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And that's great, but not all of you are going to feel that way.

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And you don't have to.

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You don't have to feel thankful for the storm.

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You don't have to feel thankful for that person passing unexpectedly and your partner losing

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their job or your child having that accident.

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You don't have to be grateful for that, okay?

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I'm the last one who's going to say that you have to feel that way in order to get some

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benefit from it.

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But you know what?

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If horrible things have happened, if distressing things have happened over the course of your

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day, your year, what I at least want for you is that you can gain something on the other

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side even if it was truly horrible, right?

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We don't have to debate how horrible it was because some things are just horrible.

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They're just a mess.

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And you know, that happens in life at times.

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However, we do have a choice about how we respond to those things.

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That's where we have our choices, right?

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So how can you integrate this new awareness of a story that you didn't even know that

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you had in your head, right?

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The story of how you're too much or the story of how things just don't really work out for

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you.

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So if they seem like they're working out, well, watch out.

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It's about, you know, the other shoe's about to drop, right?

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Like those stories, you have an opportunity to reintegrate and identify how those things

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are actually just lies and how you would be better off without those lies, right?

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So on the other hand, too, when we're talking about, you know, co-regulation earlier, a

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self-love storm gives you that opportunity to experience what it's like to have other

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people just simply be with you and remind you that you're not alone.

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And this might be because that person has been through their own storms and they know

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what it's like and they're just like, girl, yeah, I don't have any words.

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I'm just going to buy I'm here for you.

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And yeah, I get it.

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Right.

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So you can experience what it's like for someone just to be there with you and for you without

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expecting anything.

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Now some of us may feel like, you know, hey, most of my relationships are trash.

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Like I don't know what you're talking about.

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I don't have friends like that.

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And I'm not saying that's not true, because sometimes we're in spots like that in life.

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However, it is important to recognize that sometimes when we're in that negative space

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where we're feeling a lot of lack within ourselves and in our situation, we may be blind to some

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sources of support that we didn't even know were there.

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So how about you just assume for a moment that there is some support available and think

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about who that might be someone who would be willing to just be with you in the moment

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in the present without expecting anything or trying to fix anything.

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Okay.

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And mind you, some of those people who care about you and that you care about who do try

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to fix things right away, you can have a conversation with them.

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Right.

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We're, we're able to communicate.

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Hey, I don't want you to give me solutions right now.

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I just want you to be with me.

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That's it.

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I don't even want you to talk.

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Honestly, is that all right?

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Can we do that?

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Just can we do that for now?

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And then lastly, I want you to think about this when you're in the middle of a self-love

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storm or just barely coming out of one.

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I want you to acknowledge that you have been through other storms similar to this, maybe

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maybe tougher than this, maybe a little easier than this in the past.

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And the fact that you have been in those storms before and you survived and you got your way

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through them somehow, right?

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That deserves to be acknowledged and that deserves to be praised.

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You know why?

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Because you're a survivor.

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You're a survivor.

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And not only are you a survivor, but you're a survivor who is learning to be a thriver

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because there's something in you that just won't settle for less.

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You're not willing to settle just for, oh, I survived, like a post-apocalyptic movie.

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There's so many of those these past 10, 20, 30 years.

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I think of like Mad Max and the 80s and other films like it since.

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It doesn't have to be like, oh, I'm one of 10 people left on the earth when we're scrounging

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for scraps.

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No, that's not the goal.

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But you are a survivor who knows how to get through difficult things and make it to the

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other side and make a life for yourself in spite of some significant challenges.

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And that is worthy of praise.

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That is worthy to be acknowledged and to be validated.

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And the fact that you were like, you know, I don't just want that.

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I want more for myself.

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That is also worth something that is so valuable to have the kind of drive that says life can

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be good.

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Life can be even better than this.

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Maybe even life can be better than what I can imagine right now.

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Maybe that's possible, too.

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So when you've come through that self-love storm, gosh, it's a moment to just take a

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breath and be like, oh, man, that was tough.

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Like I think a few more of my hairs turned gray, right?

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You can give yourself that space.

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You can give yourself some space to laugh if you feel ready to laugh about it, laugh

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with someone that you trust, who you know is laughing with you, not at you.

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You know, give yourself a moment and just kind of, woo, catch your breath and recognize

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that if you take the opportunity that it is offering you, that you may come out even richer,

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even more resilient, even more hopeful, even more creative, even more loving on the other

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side of that storm.

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All right.

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I know that I have learned to create more and more and more of that for myself.

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And it's what I want so much for all of you to have as well.

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So that is today's episode.

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I hope that it blesses you and I will see you next time.

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You hung with me to the end, my shero.

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If you benefited from this episode, please say thanks by leaving a wonderful review.

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It helps me know what's helping you the most and allows more like-minded women to find

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and learn from this podcast.

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We don't want to keep all the good stuff for ourselves.

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See you next time.