WEBVTT

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Meet Aaron, what a nice surprise. Here I am Gianni.

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I'm ready to go even early honey. It's better

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this way. We'll have more time for ourselves

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I'll put on my jacket and we'll leave right away

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What car are we going with? What questions, puppy?

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With the smart. Otherwise, how can I photograph

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it? Ah, I thought it was already there. And how

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did it get there? With the power of thought?

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No, I went to pick it up personally yesterday

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afternoon at the dealership. It's parked a few

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meters from here. Haven't you seen it? No, Gianni.

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I didn't notice. After all, it's easily camouflaged.

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It's only half a car. Oh, again with this story

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of the car being sawed in two? You'll like it,

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you'll see. I doubt it. It's not my genre. Actually,

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your genre is more like a slightly battered old

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off -road vehicle. Damn, my Suzuki is in perfect

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shape. Yeah, come on, I was kidding. Don't take

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everything personally. Well, well, I didn't think

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you were joking. Darling, you know it drives

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me crazy to see you arrive on the back of your

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old and faithful steed. You are my favorite knight.

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Every time you stop under my window. You give

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me a shiver of emotion. Will you let me know

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when you're done taking the piss out of me? How

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could I take the piss out of my little marmot?

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I wish I could... But we both know that's not

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possible and we love each other anyway. Yeah,

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okay. But the surprise you were telling me about?

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It's waiting for us at the bar down here, my

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love. Come, you'll be amazed. Here we are, Aaron.

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Are you ready to go? Yes, sure. Emmanuel, meet

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Aaron. Aaron, this is Emmanuel. Nice to meet

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you, Emmanuel. Well, little puppy, aren't you

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going to say hello to him? I... yeah, sure. Hi,

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Aaron. Shall we go? Let's go. I'll pay the bill.

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You can start going. Wait for us out here and

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follow our car. Okay. Aaron follows us on his

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motorbike. The Smart For Two, as the name suggests,

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is only for two people. After all, it's a beautiful

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sunny day and he has a Yamaha YZF -R1 that is

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out of this world. I pay for his gas, of course.

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I understand. Come on, get in the car. Do you

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want to drive? Or would you prefer me to drive?

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You drive, Gianni. I can barely fit in this thing.

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Exaggerated. So, honey, have you lost your tongue?

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What about the surprise? I'm speechless, Gianni.

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He's a spectacular hunk. Isn't he creepy? He's

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a Canadian metis. A menominee, to be precise.

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From the Algonquin family, so to speak. You know,

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they're famous for some of their crazy beautiful

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traditions. For example, once a year, two virgins

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marry fishing nets. In what sense do they marry

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them? Ritually, puppy. How else? Fishing nets,

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as far as I know, have no sexual organs. Then

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they cultivate the meat of the hero Glooskap,

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who freed the waters seized by the dragon. Do

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they use drugs? Their shamans certainly do, as

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do all sorcerers. No, I'm just saying in general,

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I've rarely heard more insane things in my life.

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Don't you feel captivated by these ancient traditions?

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No, I don't feel captivated. What a hard heart

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you have, my love. After all... I already knew

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that. However, that's not all. They make symmetrical

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geometric designs, for example, double spirals,

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and their culture is centered on birch bark.

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Really exciting. All this, however, does not

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justify the permanence in the Canadian reserves

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of a star hunk like Aaron. He is of a suicidal

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beauty. Look at him now in the rearview mirror.

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Daniel Day -Lewis effect in The Last of the Mohicans.

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Stops the heart in the chest. Yup, truly breathtaking.

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And so he thought, rightly, of trying his hand

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at a career as a model and came to Milan. As

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soon as I saw his portfolio, I called the agency

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and said bluntly, This boy is mine. Imagine if

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I would let an opportunity like this slip away.

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This guy breaks the screen. He tears the lens

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apart. Undoubtedly. May I know then, what need

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you had of me today? Love, Marmot. But what are

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you doing to me? Are you acting haughty and offended?

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Are you angry with me because there is another

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beautiful in my life? Johnny. I simply asked

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you a question, and I would like an answer. What

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purpose do I have today? Or if you prefer, did

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you make me come here just to show me your latest

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conquest? What if it were? I love sharing my

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stuff with you, you know. Thank you, but I ask

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you to keep some things to yourself. Come on,

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my little woodchuck, don't give me that ugly

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face. You once asked me to make an ugly, ugly

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face. And in fact, I still love it like crazy.

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I can't tell you what I would do to that capricious

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little mouth. Nothing at all, I'd say, judging

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by the night we spent together. Oh, that night.

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My dear puppy, I can't forget it. But that's

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because I love you. If I didn't love you, I would

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do the worst things to you, believe me. Curious

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logic, but oh well. I'll pretend to believe you.

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It's not at all curious. I think you're too young

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to have seen a film from many years ago. The

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Beautiful Antonio, based on a novel by Brancati.

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If you had seen it, you would understand many

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things. No, I haven't seen it. I'll look for

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it somewhere and watch it calmly. But let's get

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to the point. No, love, I didn't bring you here

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just to show off my latest conquest, as you call

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it. You are and will remain my favorite Marmot.

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So today you will take pictures with Aaron. I

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mean, let me get this straight. Would you think

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of fielding two guys who are six feet tall to

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sponsor a city car the size of a mouse? Yes,

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sweetie. What's the point? It's stupid. Sorry

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to say, a really cool guy with a spectacular

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body goes around on a Yamaha exactly like he

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does, not on a Smart. And on top of that with

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another guy? And what exactly are two like us

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doing together on a Smart? Don't you get it?

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It's a great publicity stunt. That's exactly

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what everyone will be wondering. What the hell

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do these two have to do with the Smart? And they

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will start to come up with the most imaginative

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hypothesis. Eventually landing on the most obvious

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one. They're gay, and they're there to have sex,

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and that's it. What? Are you out of your mind?

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Two people that tall having sex in a smart? We

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couldn't do it even by reclining the seat, come

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on, what bullshit. Yes, darling. The absurdity

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is the key to everything. Everyone will think

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of the terrible effort those two poor boys will

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make to undress each other in there, tearing

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their clothes with their teeth and banging their

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elbows against all the corners. And they will

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deduce that only a blind and overwhelming erotic

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passion can push them to knock down all those

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obstacles. Or, more simply, they will deduce

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that they are going to fuck in a motel and that's

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it. No, darling. Because they can't resist. The

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urgency of passion has overwhelmed them. Do you

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really have to honk like an idiot every time

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he passes you? Honey, you don't know how to cope.

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You don't like having fun. In short, an advertisement

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like this certainly won't go unnoticed. And then

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we'll play a lot on ambiguity. He's so dark and

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sinister. A young and beautiful demon who holds

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a defenseless blonde angel with an ugly, ugly

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little face. No, listen, Gianni. I don't want

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to do this bullshit. Just think if my parents

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or Antonia see it. You'll make a lot of money,

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my love. Oh, well. I'll have to work as a bricklayer

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for a while longer. I don't feel like prostituting

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myself. Sweetie, please don't give me this grief.

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I already have the whole photo shoot in my mind,

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shot by shot. I really care about it, you know?

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For me, it's a great career opportunity. And

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the place where we're going is fantastic. You'll

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love it. Johnny, damn. You're really asking too

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much of me. Little, little, little mom. Alright,

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I don't want to disappoint you. I love you, little

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one. Eh? I love you too? Otherwise I would have

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already sent you packing. Oh, one thing. Aaron

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doesn't speak Italian, so I'll have to address

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you two in English. It's not a problem. I understand

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it very well. If we have to say something personal,

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we can do it in Italian since he doesn't understand

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a thing. Agree. Eat your...