Meet Aaron, what a nice surprise. Here I am Gianni.
I'm ready to go even early honey. It's better
this way. We'll have more time for ourselves
I'll put on my jacket and we'll leave right away
What car are we going with? What questions, puppy?
With the smart. Otherwise, how can I photograph
it? Ah, I thought it was already there. And how
did it get there? With the power of thought?
No, I went to pick it up personally yesterday
afternoon at the dealership. It's parked a few
meters from here. Haven't you seen it? No, Gianni.
I didn't notice. After all, it's easily camouflaged.
It's only half a car. Oh, again with this story
of the car being sawed in two? You'll like it,
you'll see. I doubt it. It's not my genre. Actually,
your genre is more like a slightly battered old
off -road vehicle. Damn, my Suzuki is in perfect
shape. Yeah, come on, I was kidding. Don't take
everything personally. Well, well, I didn't think
you were joking. Darling, you know it drives
me crazy to see you arrive on the back of your
old and faithful steed. You are my favorite knight.
Every time you stop under my window. You give
me a shiver of emotion. Will you let me know
when you're done taking the piss out of me? How
could I take the piss out of my little marmot?
I wish I could... But we both know that's not
possible and we love each other anyway. Yeah,
okay. But the surprise you were telling me about?
It's waiting for us at the bar down here, my
love. Come, you'll be amazed. Here we are, Aaron.
Are you ready to go? Yes, sure. Emmanuel, meet
Aaron. Aaron, this is Emmanuel. Nice to meet
you, Emmanuel. Well, little puppy, aren't you
going to say hello to him? I... yeah, sure. Hi,
Aaron. Shall we go? Let's go. I'll pay the bill.
You can start going. Wait for us out here and
follow our car. Okay. Aaron follows us on his
motorbike. The Smart For Two, as the name suggests,
is only for two people. After all, it's a beautiful
sunny day and he has a Yamaha YZF -R1 that is
out of this world. I pay for his gas, of course.
I understand. Come on, get in the car. Do you
want to drive? Or would you prefer me to drive?
You drive, Gianni. I can barely fit in this thing.
Exaggerated. So, honey, have you lost your tongue?
What about the surprise? I'm speechless, Gianni.
He's a spectacular hunk. Isn't he creepy? He's
a Canadian metis. A menominee, to be precise.
From the Algonquin family, so to speak. You know,
they're famous for some of their crazy beautiful
traditions. For example, once a year, two virgins
marry fishing nets. In what sense do they marry
them? Ritually, puppy. How else? Fishing nets,
as far as I know, have no sexual organs. Then
they cultivate the meat of the hero Glooskap,
who freed the waters seized by the dragon. Do
they use drugs? Their shamans certainly do, as
do all sorcerers. No, I'm just saying in general,
I've rarely heard more insane things in my life.
Don't you feel captivated by these ancient traditions?
No, I don't feel captivated. What a hard heart
you have, my love. After all... I already knew
that. However, that's not all. They make symmetrical
geometric designs, for example, double spirals,
and their culture is centered on birch bark.
Really exciting. All this, however, does not
justify the permanence in the Canadian reserves
of a star hunk like Aaron. He is of a suicidal
beauty. Look at him now in the rearview mirror.
Daniel Day -Lewis effect in The Last of the Mohicans.
Stops the heart in the chest. Yup, truly breathtaking.
And so he thought, rightly, of trying his hand
at a career as a model and came to Milan. As
soon as I saw his portfolio, I called the agency
and said bluntly, This boy is mine. Imagine if
I would let an opportunity like this slip away.
This guy breaks the screen. He tears the lens
apart. Undoubtedly. May I know then, what need
you had of me today? Love, Marmot. But what are
you doing to me? Are you acting haughty and offended?
Are you angry with me because there is another
beautiful in my life? Johnny. I simply asked
you a question, and I would like an answer. What
purpose do I have today? Or if you prefer, did
you make me come here just to show me your latest
conquest? What if it were? I love sharing my
stuff with you, you know. Thank you, but I ask
you to keep some things to yourself. Come on,
my little woodchuck, don't give me that ugly
face. You once asked me to make an ugly, ugly
face. And in fact, I still love it like crazy.
I can't tell you what I would do to that capricious
little mouth. Nothing at all, I'd say, judging
by the night we spent together. Oh, that night.
My dear puppy, I can't forget it. But that's
because I love you. If I didn't love you, I would
do the worst things to you, believe me. Curious
logic, but oh well. I'll pretend to believe you.
It's not at all curious. I think you're too young
to have seen a film from many years ago. The
Beautiful Antonio, based on a novel by Brancati.
If you had seen it, you would understand many
things. No, I haven't seen it. I'll look for
it somewhere and watch it calmly. But let's get
to the point. No, love, I didn't bring you here
just to show off my latest conquest, as you call
it. You are and will remain my favorite Marmot.
So today you will take pictures with Aaron. I
mean, let me get this straight. Would you think
of fielding two guys who are six feet tall to
sponsor a city car the size of a mouse? Yes,
sweetie. What's the point? It's stupid. Sorry
to say, a really cool guy with a spectacular
body goes around on a Yamaha exactly like he
does, not on a Smart. And on top of that with
another guy? And what exactly are two like us
doing together on a Smart? Don't you get it?
It's a great publicity stunt. That's exactly
what everyone will be wondering. What the hell
do these two have to do with the Smart? And they
will start to come up with the most imaginative
hypothesis. Eventually landing on the most obvious
one. They're gay, and they're there to have sex,
and that's it. What? Are you out of your mind?
Two people that tall having sex in a smart? We
couldn't do it even by reclining the seat, come
on, what bullshit. Yes, darling. The absurdity
is the key to everything. Everyone will think
of the terrible effort those two poor boys will
make to undress each other in there, tearing
their clothes with their teeth and banging their
elbows against all the corners. And they will
deduce that only a blind and overwhelming erotic
passion can push them to knock down all those
obstacles. Or, more simply, they will deduce
that they are going to fuck in a motel and that's
it. No, darling. Because they can't resist. The
urgency of passion has overwhelmed them. Do you
really have to honk like an idiot every time
he passes you? Honey, you don't know how to cope.
You don't like having fun. In short, an advertisement
like this certainly won't go unnoticed. And then
we'll play a lot on ambiguity. He's so dark and
sinister. A young and beautiful demon who holds
a defenseless blonde angel with an ugly, ugly
little face. No, listen, Gianni. I don't want
to do this bullshit. Just think if my parents
or Antonia see it. You'll make a lot of money,
my love. Oh, well. I'll have to work as a bricklayer
for a while longer. I don't feel like prostituting
myself. Sweetie, please don't give me this grief.
I already have the whole photo shoot in my mind,
shot by shot. I really care about it, you know?
For me, it's a great career opportunity. And
the place where we're going is fantastic. You'll
love it. Johnny, damn. You're really asking too
much of me. Little, little, little mom. Alright,
I don't want to disappoint you. I love you, little
one. Eh? I love you too? Otherwise I would have
already sent you packing. Oh, one thing. Aaron
doesn't speak Italian, so I'll have to address
you two in English. It's not a problem. I understand
it very well. If we have to say something personal,
we can do it in Italian since he doesn't understand
a thing. Agree. Eat your...