Emmanuel: So, Michael, are you ready? Michael (ready): Absolutely. Emmanuel: Remember the stage directions: the narrator must be impassive, and so too must the camel Giorgio—think English butler. Michael: All service, then. Emmanuel: Exactly. So — deadpan, utmost seriousness. Michael: Not easy — your text, little brother, is truly idiotic. Emmanuel: I know it’s idiotic; that’s the point. It’s a bit like if Lewis Carroll had written it after drinking some poor wine. Michael: I’ll do my best not to laugh. Emmanuel: No, brother — if you laugh, you’ll ruin everything! You know Martino’s sharp; he’d realize straight away this isn’t how the story should be performed. Michael: By the way — where’s Martino? Emmanuel: In his room. Grandma has put headphones on him and is playing songs so he won’t hear our preparations. Michael: Is this silly charade really necessary? Emmanuel: Michael, this is NOT a charade: it’s a proper little theatrical performance, and I think it’s the best present we can give him for his second birthday. I wrote the fairy tale just for him. Antonia: I think Emmanuel’s right, Michael. Michael (laughing): Oh, Antonia! Haha — how did you get dressed? Antonia: I stuffed a couple of cushions under my clothes to look fatter — isn’t that how Queen Budina should be? Emmanuel: Sure, Antonia. According to my script she should be a bit uglier, but all in all this will do. For a sceptre you could use the feather duster for cobwebs rather than that broom. Antonia: Good idea — I’ll go fetch it. Michael: And aside from directing, what are you doing? Emmanuel: Me? I’m playing the parrot, Theodore. Michael: Much less demanding than my part. Emmanuel: Are you joking? I’ll have to shout, squawk and flutter. Michael: Is that why you’re wearing that ridiculous pea‑green onesie with the red waistcoat? Emmanuel: Yes — he’s a green parrot with red feathers. Mayra made the costume for me; nothing like it in any shop. Playing Theodore isn’t easy: he’s a lovable idiot who gets into trouble without wanting to. Michael: Like you, then. Emmanuel: Exactly. And utterly forgetful. Antonia: Reminds me of someone — just offhand… Emmanuel: I know, Antonia. Antonia: You couldn’t help bringing in something that reminded you of Gianni, could you? Emmanuel: Ah yes — I suppose I did. Anyway, I’m not only Theodore; I’m also the chief of the guards. Michael: What an effort! He has one line in the whole play! Emmanuel: I know — later I’ll also voice the guard chorus hunting for George, and, since we don’t have other women, I’ll do Bettina the maid too. Michael: Three lines total! Emmanuel: Michael, I know most of the acting is yours, but you should be proud. It means the director (me) trusts you, and you’ll look great to your nephew. Michael: All right, then — let’s put it that way. Emmanuel: Sheets on ropes make decent wings. Everything else is left to Martino’s imagination — theatre’s never realistic, and children love working with fantasy. Michael: If everything’s ready, let’s call Grandma Silvia and Martino. Antonia — can you go fetch them? Antonia: Yes — of course — and I’ll bring Gino too. Martino and him are inseparable. Emmanuel: And you, Michael — have you decided what to wear to look like a camel? Michael: I don’t have to look like a camel; I’m also the narrator. Emmanuel: True, brother, but a little oriental hat won’t hurt. Michael: Oh no! What’s this rubbish with golden tassels and two embroidered cords hanging down? Emmanuel: Those aren’t cords: they’re the reins. Put it on — director’s orders. Michael: Fine, if I must… Emmanuel: Also — when you’re the narrator you’ll face the audience, but when you’re the camel you’ll need to turn your back too. So you need a tail. Michael: A tail?? Emmanuel: Of course — here, I braided one out of rope. Michael: How do I wear it? Emmanuel: Clip it to the back of your trousers with safety pins. Wait — let me attach it. There — done. Emmanuel: Just in time — here come Grandma Silvia and Martino. (Stage direction: Grandma enters with the boy. Martino stops on the threshold and bursts out laughing at the sight of the two Kellermann brothers in their absurd outfits. Grandma laughs too.) Martino (child): Uncle Manu all green! Emmanuel: Yes — green jacket and red waistcoat — do you like it? (Martino laughs) Martino: No—no, ugly! Uncle Michael so funny! Michael: Well, of course I look funny — with this hat and a tail. Grandma Silvia: Kids, how did you dress yourselves up like that? Emmanuel: Yes, we look ridiculous, but when you hear the story you’ll understand why, Mama Silvia. Grandma Silvia: “Mama”? Not “Grandma”? Emmanuel: I mean, Antonia’s mother. Michael: Never mind — Emmanuel’s logic runs its own path, and he’s in a right tizzy about his show. Emmanuel: Come on, behind the wings everyone! Time to start. Grandma Silvia: Martino, sit on this armchair with me and Gino. Uncle Emmanuel and Uncle Michael have a surprise: a show all for you. (Stage direction: the child shouts with delight.) Martino: Fo-mmì and G‑Gino! Grandma Silvia: Of course — for Gino too. Martino: And for Mama. Grandma Silvia: No — not for Mama, because she’s acting today too. Martino: Mama acting too? Grandma Silvia: Yes — come sit. Emmanuel: Michael, turn off the lights and switch on the big lamp. Silence in the hall! Play the music. (Stage direction: the fairy‑tale soundtrack starts.) (Notes: during the performance we hear Martino’s laughter, especially when he sees Mom as Budina and Emmanuel hopping and squawking; he cries when no one goes to save the camel and roars with joy when the camel “comes back to life”.) Once upon a time there was a queen named Boudina, who lived in a very special castle: it had no stone towers, but towers of solid clouds, like large cushions, on which falcons and crows perched. Sometimes cats would perch there too, but they always fell to the ground because they were too heavy; and so, after bouncing a few times, they stopped trying, except when there were the annual jumping competitions into the moat. Boudina was short and stout, but she liked herself very much. Her camel, named George, also liked her very much, and he had a green parrot as a friend. The parrot was named Theodore and was completely stupid: precisely for this reason he liked to keep George company and always agreed with him. One morning George, as he went out for his usual walk in the castle park, said to Theodore: "Don't you think Boudina is very beautiful?" "No," replied Theodore, "but if she seems beautiful to you, then she is." "I knew you'd agree with me. I'd like to get her a gift, but I can't think of anything." As he said this, lost in thought, George missed his footing and fell from the drawbridge into the moat full of sharks. "Help!" George shrieked, swimming frantically, while Theodore fluttered around him squawking. "You idiot!" George yelled at him, "Go get help before the sharks devour me!" "Right away!" replied Theodore, and flew to the main tower, where the queen's chamber was. At that moment, she was in her dressing gown, devouring a strawberry cake while her maid Bettina combed her long, mouse-colored hair. "Queen, Queen!" shrieked Theodore, tapping his beak against the windowpane. "What is it?" asked the queen, rather annoyed. "It's just that silly parrot, Your Majesty," replied the maid, without stopping combing her hair. "Let him be, he'll get tired eventually. Can you avoid pulling my hair like that?" "I'm doing my best, Your Majesty, but it's coarse and full of knots." "Some people want it exactly like that, you know? For example, certain Central American singers." "Oh, well, then it's different, Your Majesty. We'll put some beads and ribbons in it." "Excellent idea." Since the parrot wouldn't stop, the Queen ordered the maid to open the window. Theodore entered breathlessly and perched on the dressing table, thinking to himself that the queen, seen up close, was truly ugly. However, he was certain that his judgment was wrong, since George liked her so much. "What is it?" Boudina repeated. The parrot, flustered, tried to remember why he had come there. "Well, Your Majesty, I…" "Well?" "Your Majesty, in all sincerity, I don't remember anymore." The queen, exasperated, rolled her eyes. "I think you can go now, Theodore. Here, I'll give you a rotten pear." "Thank you, Your Majesty, you're always too generous with me." "This bunch of grapes is for my dear George: take it to him." Suddenly a flash of memory returned to Theodore. "Certainly, Your Majesty, I'll take it to him right away, assuming he's still alive." The queen's eyes widened. "Alive? What are you saying? Why would George be dead?" "Your Majesty, I came here specifically to tell you: he fell into the shark-filled moat." The queen let out a scream and summoned all the guards. "Quick! Run to the moat, save my George!" "Right away, Your Majesty," replied the captain of the guards, clicking his heels and turning to leave. Boudina threw on a goat wool cloak and rushed down the stairs, falling and bouncing several times, until she arrived breathless at the moat. But by then there was no trace of George. The guards searched everywhere, but found nothing: the sharks must have stripped him clean. Boudina wept, tearing her hair, Theodore shrieked in pain and remorse. The guards stopped searching and went to the tavern to play tressètte. As evening fell, Boudina, in tears, rose to return to the castle, immersed in a heavy silence. Her only words were for Theodore: "You're fired." Then she turned and walked sadly along the drawbridge, while Theodore, distressed, took the path of exile. "Queen!", a voice suddenly said behind her. Boudina, caught by surprise, turned around. Incredulous, she saw George standing in front of her, soaked but safe and sound. "George!" she cried, clapping her hands, full of joy, and threw her arms around his neck. "But where were you? We looked everywhere for you! And how did you save yourself?" "Well, Your Majesty," replied George, "there was a strange combination of factors: as I was swimming in the moat, several cats fell from the castle towers, as the annual jumping competition was underway. Every time a shark approached me, a cat would fall on its head, stunning it. And so I had time to swim to the underground cellar and close the door. I stayed there for a while, not knowing what to do, but then I remembered a small door that connected to the castle dungeons. To make a long story short, here I am." "We have an underground cellar?" Boudina asked, astonished. "Yes, Your Majesty, full of water." "But then, if it's full of water, what's it for?" "To save camels chased by sharks." Boudina, overcome with emotion, hugged her George tightly, crying with joy. "But where is Theodore?" asked the camel. "I fired him. That idiot came to call me, but then he couldn't remember why." George smiled. "Typical Theodore. Unfortunately, Your Majesty, he's an idiot, but he has a good heart. I love him, because I know he would have wanted to save me if he wasn't so silly, and now I'd like him back with me, if possible." "I won't stop you from looking for him, if you really want to. But hurry, because dinner will be ready in half an hour, and you, as always, must be at the head of the table." "I won't fail, Your Majesty." Having said this, George set off along the path that led from the castle to the village, calling out loudly for Theodore, who, unfortunately, was also a little deaf. When he had almost despaired of finding him, he saw him by the roadside hitchhiking. "Theodore!" he exclaimed, "You old fool, what are you doing there?" Theodore, incredulous and full of emotion, shrieked like a parrot. "George!!! But weren't you dead?" "No, but it was close." "George, I… believe me, I wanted to save you, but then, I don't know how it happened, I forgot everything. Can you ever forgive me?" "I've already forgiven you, old friend. Jump on my back, the Queen is waiting for us for dinner." Theodore didn't need to be told twice and jumped between George's two humps, where he usually settled. The two set off at a brisk pace towards the castle, chatting animatedly. Suddenly Theodore said: "By the way, George, I have to tell you that the Queen, seen up close…" Theodore paused. "Yes, tell me." "Well, if I can be honest…" "Of course you can." Theodore looked at his old friend. "Seen up close…" "Yes?..." "… she's even more beautiful!" George smiled. "See? I always told you she was beautiful, but you didn't believe me." "While I was out, I found this: I thought you could take it to her as a gift." As he said this, Theodore pulled out from under his wing a magnificent hummingbird feather of a luminous, iridescent blue. "It's beautiful," exclaimed George. "Thank you, Theodore, I'm sure she'll love it very much." "You're welcome, old friend." The Queen's voice echoed from within like a trumpet blast: "Dinner!" "What a sweet voice!" George sighed. "Are we on time?" "Of course, Theodore, I'm always on time." And the two, happy, crossed the castle gate. (End of the play: Grandma and Martino applaud.) Emmanuel: Let’s take our bows like real actors — hold hands and bow to the audience! Grandma Silvia: You were marvellous, well done. Emmanuel: Did you like the play, Martino? Martino: Yeesss!!! Mama good! (giggles) Grandma Silvia: I must admit — my daughter did well as an actress. I never would have expected it. Antonia: Thanks for trusting me, Mama. Grandma Silvia: I never saw you act — at school recitals you never took part. Antonia: I know, but this is different; it’s at home and I felt comfortable. Martino: Uncle Michael good! Michael: Thank you, Martino. Emmanuel: See, Michael? I told you: you did great in those two roles. Michael: In truth, brother, I must admit I had a lot of fun. (Martino laughs) Martino: Uncle Manu so stupid!! Emmanuel: Stupid indeed, Martino, you’re right: I hopped and squawked like a goose. (Martino repeats as a nursery rhyme) Uncle Manu stupid, Uncle Manu stupid, Uncle Manu stupid... Grandma Silvia: Hey — don’t shake Gino by the tail — he’s not a sack! Martino: Uncle Manu stupid, Uncle Manu stupid... Grandma Silvia: That’s enough, Martino, don’t repeat it all afternoon. Emmanuel: Let’s go — Martino’s like that: I'm his favorite target. Grandma Silvia: Oh, but that's not good: he needs to learn some manners. Martino, enough: let's go to the kitchen for a snack. (Grandma and Martino exit with the cat.) Antonia: I'm sorry, Emmanuel, unfortunately Martino has this silly habit of teasing you... Emmanuel: It doesn't matter, Antonia. Michael: It does matter: I really think you should be stricter with him, Antonia: you should have scolded him a little while ago, not let it slide. Emmanuel worked so hard for his party. Antonia: But come on — today is his birthday and he was so happy... Emmanuel: Antonia’s right: would be absurd to scold him today. Help me strike the set and tidy up — I knocked over a few things jumping about. Antonia: Leave it — I'll do it. You two go change; you look ridiculous like that. Michael: Okay. Emmanuel, unclip my tail. Emmanuel: Yes, but then you help me out of this ridiculous onesie: too many buttons, I can’t unfasten them myself. (Stage direction: the brothers exit to change.)