She lies down next to me and caresses my shoulders.
You're so cute with red hair like Martino, you know? Although I don't understand why you dyed it: your hair was gorgeous.
It's just a temporary dye, Antonia. It comes off in two washes. I did it on a bet.
A bet?
Yes, let's put it that way.
I'm silent.
Is something wrong, Emmanuel?
No, everything's fine.
Don't lie: I feel you far away. What's going on?
Nothing! , absolutely nothing, Antonia. I'm just tired.
Are you okay if we do it?
I let a few seconds pass before answering her, because actually, yes, right now I would definitely be okay, for various reasons that are not only and not primarily physical.
No, Antonia, I answer her.
But why? Seriously, Emmanuel, what's wrong with you? Are you dating a girl?
No.
A boy?
No, not even a boy.
Then I don't understand. Explain it to me, please. I can't stand seeing you so strange.
I'm silent for a long time. Then, with a sigh, I say to her:
I fell in love with a man who could be my father.
She leans on one elbow and looks at me in disbelief.
What?
That's right, Antonia. I don't know how it happened, but that's how it is.
Are you together?
No, we're not together. I mean, we're seeing each other, but he's with someone else.
But then… sorry, I don't understand…
I smile.
I don't understand either, Antonia. All I know is that I can't have sex with you if I have someone else in mind, that's all.
She looks at me worriedly.
Do you want to talk about this? It seems to me like you're getting yourself into big trouble.
I'm sorry, I can't talk to you about this. It makes me feel bad and I don't know how to deal with it. I'd rather keep it all inside, at least for now.
She gets up from the sofa bed.
Okay, she says dryly, we’ll talk about it again when you feel like it.
Please don't tell Michael. Nobody knows.
Don't worry, I won't tell him anything.
I hold her hand and place a kiss on it.
I wanted to, though, I tell her.
She smiles palely.
That's something, Emmanuel. Good night.
She walks away and closes the door.
Almost immediately, my phone vibrates. It's eleven thirty; it can only be Gianni. I don't know whether to answer, but then I decide to.
Doctor Gandolfini... , I say tiredly.
Where are you, little one? I've called you at least four times today.
I left my cell phone in the car.
But haven't you seen my calls?
I lie calmly and without remorse.
No.
Where are you now?
At Antonia's.
Oh, are you at your ex's? Where is she?
She was here with me in bed until two minutes ago.
In bed? Did you have sex?
What if it were?
Answer me, damn it: did you have sex?
Gianni, why are you shaking?!?
Because I'm on the balcony and it's two degrees below zero, that's why!
I can't help laughing.
But couldn't you have put on your coat if you really had to go out onto the balcony???
Yeah, of course! I get out of bed and put on my coat, just so as not to draw attention!
Did you sneak out onto the balcony to talk to me???
Yes, and I have to keep my voice low so as not to wake Massy. I'm freezing, baby, but I'm freezing especially inside. The thought of you having sex with her already makes me feel terrible, but what's driving me crazy is something else entirely: tell me the truth, did you leave me? "
What do you mean, Gianni? We're not together, I'd say.
Oh, damn it, yes we are together! I don't know how to make you understand! I have to act this out, but I love you. I love you with all my being, Emmanuel.
No, Gianni, not with all your being: you love me with that part of you that's left over after having loved with all your being your great love, who is Massy. I don't know if I've managed to explain myself.
A few seconds of silence.
You heard everything, right?
Yes, Gianni: the door was open.
Honey, I don't know how to explain it to you…
Don't explain it to me, Gianni: you wouldn't be able to. Anyway, I understand, and it's right so.
What is right, my love?
You and Massy are made for each other and have been together for many years. 
I'm the stranger.
And then, what do you want from a simpleton, a country boy with a silly face and a completely blank mind? Instead, think about Christian: he's an interesting prospect, you could take turns fucking him.
Honey, honey, forgive me, I couldn't stop him from saying all those mean things. Forgive me, please...
I don't have to forgive you for anything, Gianni: he's probably right, except, of course, about screwing me. You make a beautiful couple, you know?
Thanks, darling. Are you serious?
I'm serious: it's clear from everything that you love each other and are perfectly in tune. There's a great connection between you two.
But there's also between us, pup!!! You know, there's something I absolutely must tell you before I freeze to death.
Tell me, but hurry: your teeth are chattering.
Massy and I are an alternative couple, very open and very free, even though there is a great love that has tied us for decades.
Yes, I understood that.
Well, my dear, the point is, maybe I didn't want to be so unconventional. He forced me to, because Massy is bursting with life: you can't tie him down, he's hungry for experience and he throws himself avidly into everything he likes, even though he truly loved only me. I tried to imitate him, but now I realize that maybe I wanted a more old-fashioned love. You know, I'm of Sicilian origin, like I told you: I wanted someone who would be faithful to me. And unfortunately, in my stupid mind, that someone is you. Forgive me for this, I know it's completely absurd…
Oh no, Gianni, I don't think so!... I've actually always been faithful to you.
Really, little one?
Yes, really. Now go back to your room, please: does this sound like a conversation you should be having at midnight in the middle of winter on a balcony, and in your pajamas, to boot? You risk catching pneumonia.
I'm not coming back unless you forgive me. I want to die on this balcony. Massy and the cleaning lady will find me frozen tomorrow morning and put me in the freezer with the cod. Then they'll sell me in slices at the fish market on Via Sammartini.
What are we doing, a parody of Fantozzi?
Eh, I would it was so… I'm seriously freezing, love, but I'm not moving from here unless you forgive me.
Of course I forgive you, Gianni. Come on, go back in, please, and get warm under the covers.
I love you, baby, I love you so much. When can we see each other?
I don't know, I'll think about it tomorrow.
What do you think? Aren't you coming to the exhibition?
No, not tomorrow.
Oh God, baby, you're hiding something from me... you don't want to see me anymore... I feel like I'm dying...
Gianni, I tell him sternly, that's enough, okay? I told you I've forgiven you. We'll see each other, I swear.
When?
Soon.
Gianni is panting confusedly.
Darling, you lied earlier to keep me calm, I know. It's not true that you were faithful to me. Tell me the truth, you had sex. The thought kills me, but I'd rather know.
No, we didn't have sex...
But why? You didn't feel like it?
Yes, I wanted to, even just for revenge.
So what?
So, Gianni, I'm an idiot. Now go back to your room, please.
I can feel him crying, I don't know if it's from relief or from nervous tension.
You'll never know how much I love you, little one. Never, never, never, he says in a strangled voice, and hangs up.
I put my cell phone on the coffee table and shake my head.
Gianni…
My God, why did I have to fall in love with a madman?
I close my eyes and smile.