1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,440 The human body, demurring to death, is never pretty. 2 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:12,720 Rigor Mortis had long ago set in and receded. 3 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:18,240 The buxom bane of my existence, hitched up her slacks, crouched next to the putrefying 4 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:19,960 body and whispered in my ear. 5 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:26,120 And startling finds of science, allied with beautiful tools to spawn a plethora of pleasures 6 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,960 as I suck the very pith of such sweet reveries. 7 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:33,560 Then you appear to make these splendors meager by compare. 8 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:38,280 Woman, stop with the exclamations of lust over the stench of death. 9 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,280 It's unseemly. 10 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:45,720 I stood and stretched out the kinks, heading outside to light my stogie. 11 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:49,320 Six months ago, Carla Daning sauntered into my life. 12 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,720 All tits, temperament, and testicular torture. 13 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:57,880 And she's been an invective spewing shackle around my tackle ever since. 14 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:03,440 Also, I have reason to believe that is not the name she was given at birth. 15 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:09,120 A few months before we found the girl, Carla started following me around night and day, 16 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,840 and I had no idea why. 17 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,280 Suddenly she was there. 18 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:18,440 Wherever I happened to be, buzzing around overhead like a bloated fly at a picnic. 19 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:19,440 Hey, you. 20 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:23,040 We done here? 21 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:29,320 I'm gonna get a cow bell for around your neck so you can't sneak up on me like that. 22 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:37,360 Morneau, I'm gonna suggest that you go back to the unsmiling detective, cause your happy 23 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,200 detective face has a real serial killer vibe. 24 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:44,560 And I'm gonna suggest you let me do the questioning from now on. 25 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:45,560 Why? 26 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,680 I think I did a pretty good job. 27 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:53,280 Carla pulled out her notepad, flipped it open, and proudly showed me her notes. 28 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,120 I grabbed a notepad from her. 29 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:57,120 Let's see. 30 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:01,960 You jotted down the fact that her husband is probably a premature ejaculator. 31 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,200 And what's this? 32 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,240 Sally wears false eyelashes. 33 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:06,240 Yeah. 34 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,680 Establishes her tendency to be disingenuous. 35 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:13,440 Next time, and every time thereafter, I do the talking. 36 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:16,960 You were so busy flirting with her, I thought I should jump in. 37 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:17,960 What? 38 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,680 Oh, give me a break. 39 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:23,480 You've got a God-given set of pipes that make you sound like Sam Elliott with a two-pack 40 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:29,160 a day habit doing a sexy pirate impression, and you blatantly exploit it at every opportunity. 41 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,160 Really? 42 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:31,160 52? 43 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,960 I wouldn't have thought you were day over 40, Miss Sally. 44 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:42,200 Please, you tell us more about how Stanley spackled the bedroom with his liquid love. 45 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:46,040 The Dex Morneau series by Jeni Decker. 46 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:50,480 Narrated by Greg Crites and Jeni Decker. 47 00:02:50,480 --> 00:03:16,440 Music by Blue Dot Sessions.