Welcome to Dating Log, podcast that records the ups and downs of dating in your 30s.
This is episode two, and it's a good one to listen to.
I talked with someone who had a lot of great anecdotes to share about dating all over the
world.
We had a fun conversation and found it hard to cut back.
So this episode is slightly longer than a usual one will be, but I promise it's worth
it.
Let's go.
My name is AJ.
I'm 33 years old.
I'm based in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.
I'm a digital nomad.
I'm a straight man, and I'm currently using Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, sometimes OKCupid as
well.
AJ and I met back in January on a hookup app.
It's called Field.
Within literally two to five minutes, we talked.
I said, meet me at the Arthur rooftop bar at 6 p.m.
Met you there.
I'm nicely dressed.
You're dressed very nomadic.
What made me very attractive to you was the fact that you went into your fucking bag and
you pulled out a dress and got dressed outside of the goddamn hotel because it was like a
fancy ass rooftop bar.
We went up to fancy chandeliers and shit, security and all that, Sunset View rooftop
bar, watermelon cocktails.
It was a vibe.
We went for noodles, went to a jazz bar.
Both were just super spontaneous.
And at 2 a.m., we went out for midnight breakfast.
Yeah, it was just good.
It was good.
It was just good chemistry, good energy.
So could you tell our listeners, why are you in Brazil right now?
I came back to Brazil because of the time zone.
It was just much easier to work with American clients in South America compared to being
in Asia for the last seven months.
And can you tell us a bit, how do you go about dating as someone who is frequently traveling
and changing cities and also working for themselves?
It can be challenging because I am getting older.
I would ideally like to find someone that can travel with me.
I think a lot of nomad travelers want that, having a partner to travel with, because it's
time consuming to date now.
I mostly go about it through dating apps, so Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, maybe OkCupid.
And sometimes just going to meetups as well and meeting other digital nomads sometimes
as well.
But it can be hard dating nomads as well.
It can be really hard.
Do you use the apps maybe to meet different kinds of people or do you find different pools
of people?
Because this is also interesting, right?
I'm sure Tinder and Bangkok could be different than Tinder and Rio.
I've traveled to 75 countries and I've found that often Tinder has somewhat of the same
meaning in most countries, where it's mostly used as a hookup or a sex app, where I tend
to see more serious relationships, people who are wanting serious relationships, mostly
on Bumble.
And from time to time, OkCupid or Hinge.
But I do hear those rare stories of lovers meeting on Tinder here and there sometimes.
But for the most part, I've seen more serious dating experiences from people who are on
Bumble or Hinge.
You mentioned that the apps were time consuming.
About how much time are you spending on these apps, let's say?
Because being an American in some of these countries, it does make you somewhat desirable.
And so you get a lot of matches.
Sometimes you have to communicate to kind of weed out what's serious or what's not.
So it could be one, two hours a day.
It may be some morning conversations and then some evening conversations.
But I would say that I'm very straight to the point when I match with someone.
And I try to meet them as soon as possible.
What is your profile say and look like, if I may ask?
Profile is full of pictures of me traveling, me with some friends, graduation photos.
I think a respectable mom and dad profile.
And I think, you know, I try to show personality.
I mentioned that I'm educated.
I mentioned that I travel a lot.
I mentioned I'm a content creator.
I like poetry.
I like to play chess, you know.
So the common typical things.
So I try to create a profile that matches the energies of the people that I try to attract.
The way you're describing the profile that you have, that sounds interesting to me.
Like you've kind of catered it in this way.
Like, hey, I'm traveling.
I'm into this.
I do like poetry.
I do work nomadically.
This is my lifestyle.
What I'm curious is you're looking for someone to kind of get maybe a bit more serious with,
to travel with, to live this lifestyle with you.
How do you communicate that part within your profile?
I'd say, well, I'd definitely say, hey, I'm going to be traveling and I want to travel,
buddy.
You know, these are the countries I want to be hitting up.
And I try to explain usually on my first couple of dates that I'm very spontaneous.
I was in Thailand a few weeks ago and I was on a date with this woman and I was leaving
to fly to Brazil, to Rio in 24 hours.
I was flying to Rio and she was like, oh, I'm so sad because we never got a chance to take
a trip together.
And I was like, okay, let's take one right now.
And she thought I was bullshitting.
And I booked a hotel.
We were in Bangkok and we took a trip to Pattaya.
And I was like, listen, be ready in the next 60 minutes.
We're hopping.
We're about to go to Pattaya and go to the beach.
And I already booked the Airbnb.
And she was like, I don't have no clothes.
I'm like, don't worry about it.
We'll get them when we get there.
And you know, so I'm very like, you know, it can be scary sometimes meeting someone
like that.
And I've done it a few times on dates where I would just spontaneously say, hey, let's
go to Paris.
Let's go to Amsterdam today.
And sometimes I would think I'm joking.
That sounds hella fun.
To a lot of women, it's scary to some people because it's very terrifying.
And for because we we've been living this.
I've been living this life for so long.
I'm just I'm just used to packing up and going and just, you know, I know how to just move.
So can you tell me a little bit about your like personal dating history so I know where
you're coming from?
Yeah.
I was deeply in love with a woman about seven years ago.
I think that was like the last time I was seriously in love with someone.
And I had to choose between chasing my dreams or being with the love of my life.
And I chose the dreams.
And we got into a big fight, big argument sadly enough.
And I would not be the person I am today if I didn't, you know, I would not be living
this lifestyle, be able to afford this lifestyle.
If I did not go off and moved, I moved to Australia.
Got accepted to University of Sydney Business School.
I'm a first generation student.
One of my family went off to college and I had a chance to go get my master's degree.
And I grew up very poor.
And it's me going to Australia changed my life.
But it's extremely hard to find like love.
You know, I want to tell a lot of people out there like if I could go back, I would probably
choose love or I would probably do it a different way.
Unfortunately, you know, after five years, I returned back to America.
And then when COVID hit and I was stuck in America, dating was really bad in America
for me.
Why?
Why was it bad for you?
Because I traveled so much that I just wasn't Americanized.
I didn't believe in the American dream.
I didn't like how transactional dating was in America as well.
Can you explain that a bit more?
Like what you mean by transactional?
Let's just say so I want to go on a date with someone that wants to get to know me.
I want to be enough.
In America, you have to have a house, you have to have a car, you have to make over
six figures.
You know, you have to you know, this is my experience.
Once again, I want people to understand that this is my experience.
You got to have a big dick.
You got to you know, you got to have a six pack.
The expectations were so high.
And then there was a lot of expectations about you know, where you go out to eat.
It wasn't just taking someone out to eat.
It was where you have to go out to eat.
And I found myself spending 200, 300, $500 on dates.
And it was me.
I just realized it was me that I no longer fit into the traditional ways of dating in
America.
And then I started going overseas and just started realizing that I was solely enough.
In America, well, one thing I will say that being an entrepreneur and having a digital
nomad mindset is just extremely I think that's also extremely hard for me to date someone
who have been raised with traditional American values.
That's have a family.
Get your push yourself in a 30 year mortgage.
Go to Costco's or Tarjay on the weekends and travel twice a year.
And I was like, that's not me.
I want to wake up in Paris.
You know, I want to go to Amsterdam just to drink some coffee.
You know, like I'm that type of person.
So I just didn't identify with the traditional ways of dating American women, but often I
found that, you know, and it's understandable when you're an entrepreneur and you're dating
someone who's a nine to five worker, you just have two different views on life.
And you know, so I struggled, I struggled with it personally with my lifestyle and with
the person I am today.
And I guess to kind of play off what you're saying.
So you did mention your age in the beginning, and this is also a podcast about what it's
like to be dating over the age of 30.
And it yeah, what's harder?
Tell me what's harder.
Then I found when I was dating in America and I was dating women over the age of 30,
I had this huge expectation that majority women that I would match with were already
parents.
So I already had this expectation in my head that I'm going to be a stepdad no matter what.
And you know, and I was like, man, I was afraid of situations like that because I love kids.
And I don't ever want to be in a situation where I'm struggling to if things don't go
right, I'm struggling to leave someone because I'm attached to their child.
So that's one of the struggles dating your 30s for me when I was in the States.
But when you're dating overseas, you're you know, it's a completely different perspective
on how people view dating.
You know, you know, I'm able to date from 25 and up, you know, compared to in America
where I was dating a lot of people in their 30s.
It also becomes harder because you start factoring in a lot of things like well, you start getting
more serious about life.
You can start getting more serious about health as well.
I went on a date with this woman who was 35, 36.
And I had recommended I was in Argentina and I have you know, I recommended a five star
vegetarian restaurant.
And she gave me a look like she was about to throw up.
And she was like, I want some meat.
I want some beef.
Like very fancy.
And I realized that I start learning more about myself in my 30s, like the type of energy
I want around me.
Like I'm going to fall off track from time to time.
You know, some nights I'm going to I'm definitely going to order a pizza for me and my partner.
We're going to get a pizza here and there.
But I need my partner or myself to wake up and say, yo, we need to go walk this shit
off or we need to go to the gym.
So I'm more attracted to energy like that in my 30s, which is sometimes hard to find
depending on where you live, where I want to be with someone who's more health conscious.
They don't have to go to the gym with me every day.
They don't have to eat the same thing as me.
But I want to be with a partner that we're looking out for each other at the end of the
day because we're in our 30s.
So you know, and I'm black, black don't crack.
I'm going to look this sexy forever.
But I want my partner to look good with me as well.
And I want us to continue to be attracted to each other.
So being in your 30s, your expectations change a little bit about the energies and the type
of people you want coming into your life versus when you're in your 20s.
I think everyone just wants to fuck.
They just want to have fun.
They want to have a good time.
But you start thinking more and more about the people that you want around you because
energy is important when you get to this age.
Yeah, totally.
The playoff, you mentioned something about Bola Nessa's first.
What is your dating age range and does it change when you change location?
It definitely may change sometimes when it when it when it goes to locations.
I want to say anywhere from 25 to 40, 42, 45.
But I've often found the average.
How do I say this without being controversial?
Like in Thailand, most 40 and 50 year old women are single and a lot of Thai men tend
to divorce their wives when they get old and they marry younger women.
And a lot of Thai men are not attracted to older women.
They want younger women.
When you go to the gym or you just when you walk around Thailand, you see these 40 year
olds with these amazing bodies.
They're in shape like crazy.
They're very attracted to women.
Same for Brazilian women as well.
So often I see a lot more like I never thought about dating 40 and 50 year old women in their
40s and 50s until I start traveling overseas and start seeing a more healthier version
of 40 and 50 year old women.
And I'm like, wow, you know, like, oh my God, you're more in shape than me.
And working out every day.
I don't know.
Sometimes when you date someone in their 40s and 50s, they're more they already have their
money.
They have a house.
They're cooking.
They'll cook for you.
You know, you know, it's not bad sometimes.
But yeah, it's fun.
It's really good.
It's good.
Me and someone.
So yeah, that's my age range, but it does change depending on the country for sure.
Shit.
Is that that's like a thing that men will divorce their wives when they get older in
like Southeast Asia?
Yeah, Asia, South America, even Southern like even like Spain.
I often would see it as well.
Like a lot of guys divorcing their wives when they get older.
And and and and then there are in these countries in Asia or in or in Brazil, a lot of these
women don't even know that they're attractive.
They're so beautiful.
So beautiful.
But they they because they're 50.
They're like, oh, nobody wants me.
And I'm like, I want you.
I'm like, oh my God, you know how desirable you would be in America or the UK.
Yeah, it happens.
It's pretty common.
It's scary, though.
It's scary that I don't know, like to see so many guys.
Like, it's it's just scary that that's the only result still to this day.
You often see a guy just divorcing their partners without having a conversation, without
being open to open relationship, without trying to make it work.
Like me being with someone for the next 10, 15 years, I don't know if I could just throw
it away, you know.
Yeah, just like that.
And it's just scary to see so many guys just throw away their marriages after that many
years of, you know, I don't know, man.
I don't know if I can do that.
Yeah, for such like a surface level.
Nothingness like purely based on looks or whatever looks I feel like.
Yeah, purely based on looks.
And I think sometimes as as human beings, it's normal for us to get comfortable in life.
I think when we get in relationships, we get comfortable when we get new jobs, we get comfortable
and sometimes we get too comfortable.
But I think that it's important communication is important.
But also how you start off a relationship to be if you start off a relationship healthy,
doing healthy things together, you know, I think it go it can work out now for me as
well.
It's funny.
I was in Argentina and I think I don't know if it was somewhere Columbia, but I started
matching with a lot of women who love to hike.
And I was like, do you see me?
I'm not a hiker.
They all were matching with me.
They're all like, hey, come come hiking with me today.
I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm the type to go I'm the guy that's going to cook for you.
I'm going to have dinner ready when you can come back from that height.
Or we can do walks.
We can do like indoor climbing, maybe, but I'm not going to the goddamn forest to get
eaten by some monkeys and some lions and tigers.
That's not me.
No, no, no, no.
That's not your thing.
That's not my thing.
But I'm going to compromise.
I'm not going to be a boring person and just say no to everything.
I got tricked into a date in Malaysia.
This woman tricked me.
She said we were going to have a picnic and she ended up taking me to a goddamn jungle.
Oh, man, I tell you, I cussed her out so bad.
That was one of the worst dates in my fucking life is monkeys shooting from the trees, snakes
and shit.
I'm thinking it's going to be a romantic picnic.
It was completely different.
Never went back on a date with her again.
Never did.
In fairness, I can imagine that what a picnic means in one country does not mean in another
country.
I was just thinking romance, man.
I was just like, oh, it's going to be a nice day.
Boom, boom, boom, sunny.
And then, shoot, monkeys just jump everywhere.
This is like a monk has a monk.
Oh, now I'm saying monkeys.
A myth has been debunked.
Like picnics, not always romantic.
No, not always.
Be, do your research for people out there.
I want to ask, what do you usually do when you go on dates with people?
Dating now, because it's so cheap in the countries that I live in, I'm able to do a lot more
crazy stuff.
When I was in Thailand, first I would read the energy and I would try to read the energy
with the person.
But I should also mention in America, because dating was so expensive, it was just traditional
to just have one location and one date because it was so expensive, I feel like, or still
expensive even more now with inflation in America.
In Thailand, I could start the date off at a rooftop bar, watching the sunset, having
drinks, and you're only going to spend anywhere from $10 to $20.
That's just starting off the date.
You can go to a nice fancy Japanese restaurant or a Chinese restaurant or a Thai place.
Then you can head off to a cool jazz club or you can go bowling.
You're still under $15, $20.
You're still at $60.
Dating with me now, it's usually like, if the vibe is really good, you're probably hitting
up three or five spots.
But five star for us in some of these countries, it's not five star prices.
That's the amazing thing when you go out.
Dating can be super fun.
Dating can be very spontaneous as well.
I've told some women, bring your passport on the first date, you never know.
No shit, what?
Yeah, if the vibe is right, man, I'm all about vibe and energy.
We're having a good time, we're comfortable.
You can tell how a date starts off.
You can tell the energy of how it's going to go, how it won't go, how a person sits
down compared to how distant they are, how closed off they are.
You can read the energy and the scenery of a date when it starts.
Yeah, I agree.
Within that first few minutes.
Oh man, you can feel it.
I feel like it's okay even after those first two minutes for people to just be honest and
say, no, turn back around.
Don't waste your time.
Have you ever done that?
I've never done that, but I have walked out two or three times.
I left a woman at the restaurant by themselves.
One was, I felt like I was being set up.
It was in Bogota, Colombia.
I felt like someone was setting me up because it was common for tourists to get robbed.
I was a gentleman.
I paid the check.
I snuck to the bathroom.
I whispered to the security guard, like, hey.
I'm like, hey.
And wrote him into translation, like, hey, go get me the check.
I feel like I'm in danger.
Get me the check right now.
I paid the bill.
I took the waiter and the manager and I said, sneak me through the back door.
They sent me through a back elevator and I left the woman there.
She was there and then another guy, woman was there who was sitting really close to
us and they were already talking.
And it just didn't feel, I'm a true believer of your gut.
Same with women as well.
Women should, like, if you don't feel like something's, follow your gut.
If something doesn't feel right, get the fuck out of there.
Don't play around with your life.
And I didn't feel safe.
I just didn't feel safe.
Even if that wasn't what she was trying to do, I just did not feel comfortable.
As soon as I sat down, the first thing she did was ordered like a $200 steak.
She didn't even say hi, get to know me.
She ordered the most expensive thing on the menu.
It was a really posh restaurant.
And that's another thing.
She suggested like the most expensive.
Like we agreed to a one restaurant and then at the last minute she changed the location
to like the most expensive one on the street.
So yeah.
And I was just like, whoa, what's going on?
I didn't know it was that pricey until I went upstairs.
And I saw like, you know, a place is expensive if it's a motherfucking tree in the goddamn
restaurant.
I'm like, how the hell did y'all get a whole goddamn tree in here?
Inside.
You know, like up 50 feet in the air.
You know, so it was a very posh place, but I just didn't feel, I'm a true believer, like
with anybody watching this video.
If you don't feel right, don't do the right thing.
Do the right thing.
I paid the bill and I blocked this person from every platform and I just left.
I didn't drink nothing.
Yeah.
I just went, yeah.
Just left.
When you are going on dates with people and dating them, like how many times or for how
long do you see someone?
I think I mean, I try to see them as long as I can.
That the energy and the vibe is right, sometimes depending on the country, expectations can
be very different with the people that you may date.
Often in Thailand, I found that a lot of Thai women that I would date, there was this huge,
in their family, in their culture, the women and the men have to take care of their family.
It's a huge financial responsibility.
Most of the Thai women that I would date, often their relationship didn't last that
long because they were working 60 or 80 hours a week.
Similar in Brazil as well.
Often in some of the countries that I travel to, it just depends.
Europe, it can be different.
It's more of a balance.
Sometimes in Asia or South America, I may meet someone and it can be great chemistry,
great energy, but they may be working for so much.
Sometimes it's out of your control.
It's hard to... That could be one situation.
Another one can be things can move too fast.
You meet someone after one or two dates and they're in love and they want you to stop
dating immediately.
They want you to be exclusive after 24 hours.
It's a scary situation you run into sometimes.
Again, some people have just bad habits maybe as well.
It can be bad habits.
I'm all about partnership, teamwork for me.
I tend to pay for everything when I am dating someone, but I feel that there are ways that
a person can contribute if I'm paying for everything in a sense of if the dishes are
dirty or if the bed's not made.
Just simple stuff.
You can add contribution at the end of the day.
I think relationships should be about partnerships.
It shouldn't be about who has the most money or any of that because at the end of the day,
I'm a cool... I can do steak or I could do tuna in a can.
I'm pretty easy at the end of the day.
I'm not really picky or always slurging, but I think a partnership is important.
Something I want to bring up because the last few people I've interviewed, this has become
its own discussion, but I think you and I, maybe it's because we're culturally American
or we people who have lived abroad and traveled and whatnot, but how would you define the
word dating and is there other terminology or expressions that you would use to define
what it is you're doing?
Dating for me is when I'm dating someone, I'm at a stage where I'm getting to know them.
That could include going out on dates and probably casually sleeping with that person.
That's what dating means for me.
If I'm exclusive, that means that I'm only seeing them and we probably have had to communicate
it that we want to see each other exclusively at the end of the day.
I do feel that there's not a lot of conversation around exclusivity.
I think there's an assumption for me personally.
I feel that when men are dating women, women sometimes assume that because the man is sleeping
with them that they're exclusively seeing them.
I feel that exclusivity should be something that you communicate, not just assume because
you just slept with that person.
Also, and sometimes I personally think it's okay to date to see what's out there before
someone just jumps into something exclusive or something serious because you don't truly
know a person until you live with them.
You don't truly know their habits and you got to live with somebody to truly understand.
I didn't realize until I got 30 that I have OCD.
I have a cleaning disorder.
I like my shit to be clean.
If someone just has stuff all over the place, that can do something to me.
I didn't have this in my 30s and now I'm like, man, all right.
I need to... because I work from home, so for me, home is a place that should be nice
and tidy.
Have there been any things that were surprising when someone says, oh, we're dating when you
didn't think you were or did they define it differently?
I think I met someone after a night or two, we had a great date and we had sex.
I think it was a huge pressure like, hey, you need to delete all your dating apps.
I was like, whoa, why?
You're with me now.
I don't want you seeing nobody else.
I was like, whoa.
That person was serious.
He was not smiling.
You do come across some... I've came across some women who are very overprotective.
Are you monogamous when you date?
I'm monogamous, but I'm open to poly is what I'm open to it.
I'm very open to both.
I feel like I'm open to being in an open relationship with dating other people, but I feel that
the older I get, it becomes a little bit time consuming because I think a lot of people
assume being in an open relationship or being in a poly relationship, people just assume
that, oh, they're just having sex.
It's like, no, that's not how it goes.
You got to get to know that person.
You got to take time to talk to them.
You got to communicate.
They're not just meeting up and just sleeping with each other.
I think the older I get, it's one of those things where for me, I'm just like, man, for
me, if things are going great in my relationship, I'm okay with just being one person.
But if my partner feels like they need multiple people, I think I'm more open to it now than
I was before when I was younger.
Also, like I said, I look at time as an entrepreneur.
I just look at time these days.
And I'm just like, all right, what I have time to... especially if I'm moving around
with someone, it just depends.
But also the level of diseases are growing so high.
Not to say that should be a reason why not, but I just feel like STDs are growing so high
these days, much higher than they did 10 years ago.
It's just like, man, at least I feel my conscious is clear sleeping with one person.
I don't know.
I just feel like a lot of people don't know what they have sometimes or they don't get
tested.
I have male friends who are in their 30s, 35, 30 or older that never been tested before.
Yeah.
This is actually a super valid health point you bring up that in my last few conversations,
nobody has brought this up yet.
And I'm speaking to people who are monogamous, but also people who are practicing polyamory
or ethical non-monogamy or have open relationships or are currently sleeping with two, three
people.
And this is a valid fucking point.
Well, even if you trust that one person, you don't know the other two people that they're
sleeping with.
And it's just like, they're probably sleeping with two other people and then those two other
people are sleeping with two other people.
And it's just like, ah, man.
Okay.
So we've talked about location.
We've talked about sex, sleeping around, defining dating.
What I'm curious about is within your friend in social groups, where do you fall?
Do you have friends who are also dating, friends 30 and above, let's say, right?
Are they also dating?
Are they single?
Are they married?
Do they have kids?
Where are they?
What are they doing?
And how do you fit into that or not, if that's the case?
Most are starting to settle down and most are starting to, you know, I think because
they're like 33, they're like, they get that 33, 36 age.
And now they're starting to get more serious about life.
They want to have families.
They want to have kids.
They want to get more settled.
And that's, that's about the right time.
I'm still hanging out with them for the most part, but sometimes you can tell that their
partners don't really, they're like, why are you hanging out with AJ?
He's a single man, you know, because we're friends.
We always been friends.
So it does start making you reflecting yourself more about, you know, hanging out with a,
because it's not just me hanging out with my homie or my boy anymore.
It's like, I got to hang out with his girlfriend now and she got to come around.
And you know, it's no just the guys hanging out anymore.
It's like, especially if they don't have kids.
Oh, you know, you gotta, you gotta be ready to be the third wheel, hang out with that
person.
But for the most part, I think it's, you know, I think it's cool.
You know, for me, I've traveled so much.
I haven't really settled in a place just yet, but I am starting to realize that a lot of
my friends are starting to get more serious about life.
You know?
How does that make you feel with all these people settling around you?
I don't know, man.
I got an amazing life.
And I think, you know, like, you know, look, one thing I will say, I mean, you know, yes,
I'm in Thailand, I'm in Bangkok, I'm in Rio, I'm in Amsterdam, I'm in Paris, I'm traveling
the world, I'm eating at all these fancy places, I'm living a great life.
But I don't think I want to look, I don't think in the next 20 years, I don't know how
I will feel if I'm having this life and I'm just still alone.
I'm not going to lie and sit up here and say I'm not fucking lonely on Christmas, Thanksgiving,
Valentine's Day.
Some things you've been raised in America to be around family.
And when you get older and you're traveling, you have some lonely days and you have some
lonely times, you know, at the end of the day.
But also, it would be amazing to share these experiences with someone, you know, I just
think it would be cool to look back and say, man, I didn't just do this by myself, but
I shared it with this person.
I don't know if I want to stop this life.
But I like, like the way I operate, I'm doing it, I'm balancing it out.
Like I go to countries for three, six months.
I live like a local.
I'm not out every day doing touristy stuff.
But I would like to share it with someone eventually.
I think so.
Like I said, you know, it's just, it's too much work dating in today's world.
And I miss the old ways.
I miss the old ways of dating.
The old ways as like when you were in your 20s or from 20 years ago on this world or
what do you mean?
Old ways of our parents ways.
Like I, you know, like in today's world of dating, if you message someone on a dating
app, they may take three to five days to respond to you.
And you know, communication is not that great because everyone wants to text.
No one wants to talk on phones anymore.
I'm all about giving energy.
Give me the same energy I'm giving you.
You know, I'm texting you in the morning, text me in the morning.
If I'm calling you, call me.
I'm asking how your day is.
Ask how my day is.
I'm sending you lunch.
Shit, make me lunch, send me lunch.
Give me the energy that you want.
You know, so if you give me five days, no texting energy, I'm gonna give you that same
energy back.
You know, and especially when you got so many people reaching out to you and sometimes people
don't understand a simple hello or just meeting up, but it's just more complicated in today's
world.
You're texting every few days.
You're getting to know a person.
You're having this deep conversation.
Then it just goes, and then it's like, well, do I wait on this person that I haven't even
met yet and it's going on two weeks of texting or do I, what about these other 10 matches
that these women who are constantly messaging me are trying to meet with me?
How do I balance out what's important?
And I usually have a 72 hour rule.
Like if I don't, I delete matches after 72 hours if there's no conversation or like I
don't match with someone.
I mean, I hear from them or we may not even talk for three days and I just delete them.
You know what I've started doing?
When someone texts me something like asking a question about like a day, right?
Like how's your day?
How's Wednesday afternoon?
How's your Saturday morning?
I'm like, you know what?
I don't fucking have time for this.
It is all the same question.
It is so basic.
There's no content to it.
After you say hello, can you think of something a little bit more like exciting or interesting?
True.
Sometimes one thing I will say, not for every woman, but for sometimes I do copy and paste
the messages because it's just too many.
Because you're trying to weed out the bullshit.
I may match with, if I turn on my Tinder and boost the profile, I may get 20 matches that
day and it's kind of like sales.
It's like you're doing a sales call.
You're going to make a hundred calls and you're going to get one, two solid people that may
work with you.
I may send out 20 messages and I only may get maybe one or two people that respond out
of those three to four days.
Then it helps me just delete the rest of the people because dating is not a priority for
them.
If it's not a priority for you, that's okay.
I got bills to pay.
I got shit to do.
I'm taking time out of my day, out of my schedule to commit to you.
If I'm out at a cafe for me, if I'm taking someone on a date and I'm meeting them, that
shows you that I'm really valuing your time.
I'm putting the phone up.
I'm trying to put the phone up if I can, but not being on the phone a whole lot of people
are comfortable with being on their phone on dates.
It's not the best thing as well, man.
I know people are addicted to it, but it's just not good.
I feel that as well.
The great thing about being an entrepreneur, being a digital nomad, I tell a lot of women
that I really do like that struggle with having time.
I tell women like, I say, look, I'll work for myself.
I can work anywhere.
Look, we don't have to be traditional and just meet each other that one day once a week
when you're free.
I'll meet you at 6 a.m.
We can go to the gym.
If you got a lunch break, I'll come travel to your office.
We can have lunch at your office.
Or if you have to work, we can have a work date.
But all this, I'm only I ain't free type shit.
I don't want to hear that shit.
You make time for the things that you want to make time for.
You know, so if you got a lot of shit going on, add me to that shit.
I want to be a part of that shit.
Even if it's fucking boring, I want to be a part of it.
Hey, I got a fucking conference to go to.
I know I really, hey, I really like you.
I'm so sorry.
Look, you could come hang out at the conference.
At least show me that you're still interested.
You come hang out at the conference.
I'm going to be working, but you can still come hang out.
I'm there.
You make time for the things you want to make time for.
But I think more women and more men as well need to learn how to communicate their time.
I understand you're busy, but at least show that you're interested.
And I think a lot of people don't do that in today's world for the most part.
Let me stop having my Kanye West rant about that topic.
No, it's good because actually I was going to go into what do you find frustrating?
And this sounds like people making time.
And it's so refreshing to hear this different perspective.
If you're already going somewhere to a music festival, drinks for some friends, and it's
6 PM and your friends aren't coming until 7, you're right.
There is a moment in there where if you're talking to someone now, because apparently
they're free because you're having a conversation, why can you not just meet on the way or join
them here or see them there?
I mean, especially if you're really interested in that person.
I'm not saying do this for every person, but I'm saying that if you feel that you can feel
it, you can say, man, this person is interesting.
I really want to get to know them.
Just make effort because you never know, man.
I matched with a woman on Tinder and I flew to Poland for a Tinder date.
After two days of talking to her, I was just like, man, energy's good, chemistry's good.
Why not?
I don't know how long I'm going to be fucking alive.
People out here living as if they know when they're going to die.
And most people are not going to die from natural causes.
You're going to die from a fucking car accident, from a plane accident, all types of shit.
You don't even know how you're going to die.
I don't have time to be waiting for hope and fairy tales and faith and all this stuff.
I don't have time for that shit.
Yeah, I matched with a woman.
I was in Europe somewhere.
I was like, fuck it.
It was like a $50, $100 flight.
I booked a hotel.
We had an amazing first date.
I extended the flight for almost a week and a half.
It was one of the best experience in my life.
And we had an amazing time together.
It was one of the, you know, and I'm like, man, one in a lifetime thing.
Life is short.
Like don't, you know, there's a lot of people that's going to be watching this video and
I don't want you to miss out on opportunity, potential love, because you're afraid of taking
a chance.
Yeah.
But I know a lot of people are not like me.
I'm crazy.
So.
I don't think it's crazy.
I think it's unique and I love this energy and this zest and this excitement.
Like come on, let's go now.
If the vibe is good, we keep going.
We keep doing this.
And with that, I'm going to kind of segue.
So when is your next date?
I have a date to potentially tonight or tomorrow.
I think I have two this week in Brazil.
And what are you going to do?
One, I don't know if she wants me for my money.
So I'm trying to read the vibe there.
And then the other is, uh, she's 37 years old and she's a real estate agent.
So I don't know if she wants me for, to try to sell me a house.
So, you know, but I'm going to go with the flow.
I'm going to go on a date and you know, just see how it goes.
You know, I'm open.
I'm thinking about, I have, I have a house here in Rio for the next couple of months
and I think I'm going to go to Salvador Bahia maybe next week.
So I may check out some other cities.
Like, but I'll let this house be my base.
I'm in Ipanema, you know, the beach area is beautiful.
So yeah.
Let me go through the question list.
Just make sure.
I think we've actually touched on everything I wanted to ask, which is fantastic.
I just want my story to inspire people to, you know, you just never, you know, just be
more open with going with the flow, man.
You know, just, just be more open.
You just never know.
I think we have this mindset of let's just go on a date and I'll go home, but be open
to the possibilities after the date.
It doesn't mean that you need to have sex, but you know, be open to having more conversation,
going to another place, having an experience.
You don't have to just go with the traditional route because you've been taught that way.
Tips for guys.
You know, look, even if you are lacking, if you're not as confident in yourself, you can
create a experience unlike before.
An experience unlike before, that shit can turn you in to a motherfucking 10.
Dating Log is recorded and hosted by me, Lindum Juno.
It is produced by Harry Dark.
You can follow us on Instagram at Dating Log Podcast.
Our website is datinglogpodcast.com.
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And remember that we are getting started here.
So if you have any feedback or a really great person whom I should definitely interview,
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