Hello and welcome to the first episode of Dating Log.
Yay!
Thank you for tuning in.
I'm your host, Wyndham Juneau.
I have spent the last month reaching out to single friends and people I know from all
over the world and from all different parts of my life.
It turns out a lot of them are willing to share with me the nitty gritty of their dating
lives, how it's changed, what they wished they had, what they didn't like, how the world
is changing.
And voila, the podcast!
My first guest, who was also the first available person for an interview, is someone who I
met at a festival last winter in Thailand.
We literally met at the top of a climbing sculpture.
She's super stylish, she's a great dancer, she loves mango sticky rice, I'm pretty sure
she ate 12 over the four days we were there.
She's got a very kind soul.
And without further ado, this is Flo.
I guess currently, I don't know, in the dating pool of, of, of, in Vancouver, I, I guess
I go by she hers for, for my pronouns, but I, I do also know I dress very, like a tomboy,
I guess you could say.
So it's also very confusing for people.
So when the way I appear and then when I start talking, they're like, wait, what?
But yeah, I'm currently, I am dating, but I'm not in the monogamous world of dating.
I am open, whether it's non-monogamous, there's all these terms that as I'm meeting people,
I'm learning these new terms.
So that's good.
What are some of the new terms you're learning?
I think the latest one that I learned was, is like relationship anarchy or no, have you
heard of that one?
Something anarchy.
And I was like, I was talking to them, like, can you explain like, what does that mean?
And they're just saying like how it's, it's kind of like, it's more on the, in the, in
the world of like non-monogamous, I guess.
So it's like, it's not, you're following the traditional relationship, monogamous dating
world.
It's more about, I guess, whatever, I guess for me, it's like, whatever I would, it's
putting in the way, what I got out of it was it was putting me, taking care of me first.
And then it's like the dating part of it.
So that was kind of what I got out of it.
I was like, okay, yeah, I do agree with that.
Like, I agree, like when it comes to relationships, like you should be taking care of yourself
first before and everything.
So I don't know if they were talking about that.
Okay.
And who told you about this?
Someone that I met on Hinge.
Cause you know, on Hinge, it has like the dating, not goals or something, like the interest
or something.
Can you explain Hinge?
Like how does it work?
What's the function of it?
Yeah.
I really, I've never used it and probably a lot of listeners have not either, or maybe
they have, I don't know.
So Hinge is, I guess it's like the friend, like the way I see it, it's like, it's a more,
it filters out the weirdos from Tinder, but you get on Hinge.
But a lot of times you still see the overlaps.
I won't get it, don't get me wrong.
But for Hinge, it's like you have X amount of likes per day and you basically set what
your interests are, what you're looking for.
And then it's very similar to Tinder when it comes to like X's and like, nope.
And then the other side for like, yes, you're interested.
And then that's it.
And then it kind of like same thing if for them.
And then if you two match, then like it's a match situation.
So it's very similar to Tinder in that sense.
So the two are very, they're similar when it comes to like how to meet up or how to
get connected.
And then I think the only main difference is the platform of your profile.
It's more interactive than Tinder.
So it'll ask you to prompt you with more questions.
And you have to have these questions like to get your profile out there.
So you have to have at least like three of these prompt questions to fill out.
They're also interactive in the sense of they sometimes have like multiple choice.
Like you can like interact as in like on our first date, we're going to go.
But you get to create those.
You get to create the things to what you want.
And then there's the photos and the same thing with the photos if you want to like those
prompts.
And then when you get a match or when you are going through someone's profile rather
than just having a generic chat box situation, like you can comment on those prompts.
So it gives you like a lead, like it gives you something to talk about.
I think I saw that on Bumble recently too.
You can like compliment people on their answers or something.
Yeah.
So it's very similar then with Bumble, I guess.
And correct me if I'm wrong.
Is Hinge not the one that it's like you have to connect to your Facebook and then you can
only match with friends of friends or is that not?
Is that the Facebook dating?
It's for dating.
Yeah, it's for dating.
But is it like Facebook dating?
Because apparently Facebook has dating.
I don't know what it is yet, but Facebook has dating.
Facebook has dating?
Yeah, Facebook has dating.
For boomers?
I don't, maybe.
I don't know.
I have never explored that button.
Oh my God, I'm so curious.
I think I'm going to learn about a lot of different dating apps on doing this, talking
to people around the world.
So you do Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble.
Would you say that those are like the biggest dating apps in Vancouver for people around
our life age?
I would say Bumble and Hinge more.
I think Tinder has kind of fallen through.
I think Tinder, when I have come across people on Tinder, is more like the travelers for
Tinder.
That's just for my observations at least.
But it's more Bumble and Hinge.
I've heard of Field.
People have talked about Field.
There was like a queer one app.
There's one for just queers for Vancouver, but I forget what that one was called.
Like specific to Vancouver?
Her?
Her.
No, no, no.
Her.
Her, no, no, no.
Not just Vancouver, but I remember a lot of the queers in Vancouver use that one.
Her?
Have you heard of her?
Her is the lesbian one.
Yes.
It's like for, let's say for women seeking women, whatever that means, gender, sex.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So there's that one.
I remember that one.
Yeah, I remember when that came out, like over 10 years ago, I was in Boston and there
was nobody on it.
Right?
Yeah.
So.
Have you tried it?
I did try it long ago, but it wasn't a great one.
I don't use it anymore.
So yeah, for me, it's just Hinge now.
I am curious.
What is your radius set to for dating?
Oh, it's in kilometers.
I don't know if that's...
I think I have it for like 20, 30 or something.
So for Vancouver, that would be like, I think it's about like half an hour, 45 minutes.
I think that's the drive radius for me.
That's how far you're willing to go.
For now.
That's what I don't know.
I don't put it too far, I guess.
How long have you been active in the Vancouver dating scene?
Good question.
I think since like 2012, 2010?
No, after high school.
So that was 2010.
So maybe like 2011, 2012.
It was kind of like when I came out.
And have you been in relationships as well?
Have you dated people for longer?
Kind of tell me about these last 10 years in the dating scene in Vancouver.
Yeah.
When I first started dating, I was in a relationship, but it wasn't a good relationship.
It was like my first one, we were young.
I never thought I was in a relationship.
It was a bad one.
So if that was...
It didn't start off great.
Got out of that one.
And then I started seeing someone.
That was when it was getting more into the...
Like they were more understanding too of open relationships.
At first, because we were still young and we started dating and stuff, but I was never
fully committed to in this relationship anyways.
It was just like, yeah, it's fun.
I enjoyed the time we spent together, but I never saw it as a serious relationship.
And they the same.
And for them, they were also exploring the world of non-monogamy too.
I did meet somebody else at the same time and they also met somebody else at the same
time and it was great.
So that was when I was like, okay, this is more of the field of the world of dating that
I'd be more into.
It didn't work out.
We kind of drifted apart again.
And then I was single for a while.
I was more focusing on just me.
And then since then, all the relations that I've been with, it's very...
It was very clear to myself that it's not a monogamous.
And so when I did go meet people and go on dates and stuff, I was very clear with that.
But I also then learned some people say they want to try it.
Absolutely amazing.
But then sometimes they get a little bit too involved.
I'm still aware of what my intentions were.
Their intentions were like, yeah, I can try this, but then realize, oh, I can't do this.
I'm still going to be dating other people.
If you're not going to be okay with that, then maybe we should talk about this.
And Liz was like, yeah, okay.
And then since then, definitely more people.
Now more people are on the same boat of like, okay, yes, they're also non-monogamous.
They have other partners too, and for me, and I have my own.
It's working out better now.
How did you come to this conclusion that you were non-monogamous?
Because it sounds like you've been doing it for a long time.
Since your first or second serious, I guess serious, let's call it serious, it's longer
than six months.
You moved in at some point.
How did you figure this out about yourself?
And yeah, can you tell me more about it?
I'm a pretty independent person, I would say.
I know a lot of people are friends.
They're very codependent on their partner, and that's what they need.
And that's, I'm like, absolutely, yes, you do need your person to be with you.
And I want your person to be there, because I know that's when you thrive the best.
And for me, I know if I'm going somewhere, I thrive the best when I'm solo.
Yeah, I don't know.
At first I thought maybe it was the partner that I was with that I was just kind of like,
oh, how do I explain this?
I'm going to tell you a story.
Tell me a story.
So our group of friends, we have a core group of friends from high school.
We would go to like a cabin, like someone's cabin, a family cabin all the time.
And whenever we went, it was the best.
And I would usually go when I'm single and everyone else is bringing their partners and
stuff.
And then there were times where I was dating those people.
And then if you know what, they're going to come along too.
I never enjoyed those trips as much.
I enjoy my time on the island, on the cabin, when I can do my own thing and not have to,
you know, think of something else or somebody else or something.
I'm like, yeah, I'll do it.
But it's also like, it's just a different trip.
Yeah, I guess it was just always my understanding growing up.
Being in a serious relationship with somebody was never really something that I've thought
about or craved or wanted.
Some people think this is like a bummer.
But for me, it's like it's what I grew up with was like, you're going to you're born
alone.
Kind of like we're born, but you're always going to die alone anyways.
I put myself first for everything when it comes to like what makes me happy.
For me, it's like I am in a way of like eventually like when I do girls and I die and stuff,
it's like I put me first of like, hey, like you want to make sure you're happy with yourself
and you don't need somebody else to kind of be there to make you satisfied with your life.
So that was, I don't know, that was one of the things that I had.
No, it's good.
I think being able to enjoy your time alone and be independent and do your own things
are so important.
And especially the older I get, like the more I meet someone, if they don't give independent
vibes right away, I'm like, you know what?
You have some self-growing to do.
So then how does like dating factor into your life?
You are independent, living your best life, doing your own thing.
You've got your friends groups.
Yeah.
What, why and how does this fit with you?
I mean, it's always like to have fun.
I'm a very, I do like my physicals, my physical touch.
I'm like in all those things.
And yeah, I would say I have a pretty high sex drive.
So I think when it comes to that world of satisfaction and pleasure, I'm like, yeah,
I've definitely, that's why I would seek partner or partners because that's what I want.
And the same, I guess for others too.
Is this more like a hookup culture or is this dating culture?
Hmm.
More of a hookup culture.
Dating, if it were to be dating, like I also won't say like, I'm never going to be a serious
dating person.
Like that is still absolutely an option.
If that happens, if that comes, if that, you know, if the pieces fall and stuff, then absolutely.
Like I'm not going to be like, no, I'm not going to do that.
But like as for now, like with when I can date and stuff, then yeah, like this is more
in line of what my desires and interests are.
Yeah.
So like for, I guess the big part would just be, yeah, like I do have like a physical side
where I do like to have that fulfilled.
And then when it comes to dating and stuff, like going with people to things like, yeah,
I like going on dates.
I think it's pretty, like I still like doing activities.
Don't get me wrong.
And it's nice to do it with somebody.
Yeah.
And there are some things where like it is nice to kind of share and meet people and
you know, going on dates is still fun.
Don't get me wrong.
Like
Have you noticed a change now that you've crossed the threshold from dating in your
twenties to dating in your now that you're 30?
You know, the biggest change I actually was talking about this with people, the biggest
difference is when I am dating, the biggest difference that's coming into play are kids.
Because now that people in their thirties, more people have kids now, like babies.
And or like, this is just, this is just from the pool that I'm currently interacting with,
but they all seem to be like moms.
Are you sleeping with moms?
Yes.
What?
Or just like the, the, the, or the question of like, would you date somebody that has
a kid?
That seems to be more of a, a frequent question now.
Because before it's like when you're in your twenties, kids were never a factor.
You know, like maybe another partner, sure.
But the kids were never really a factor.
But as people get older, like, yeah, they're going to have babies.
Right.
You know, they do.
And whether it's, you know, they were, they were young and they had a kid with whoever
they had, you know, was it whatever happened, but they have a child now, or it's they have
a child, they have a family, but they're also wanting to explore the sexuality and their
partners more like, yeah, okay, go ahead.
Try that.
I was like, okay.
I'm intrigued.
I have yet to like, well, that's not true.
I did sleep with one mom, but to really see someone like on a dating app who is also a
parent.
Yeah.
And I'm coming across those a little bit, a little bit more.
So those, that would be like a main difference that I'm seeing now.
Are there any other differences you notice?
I guess now being in the thirties, age is more of a, something that I clue into more
when someone is super young, but super young now is a different age before like dating
someone who's like 19, 20, 21, when I was in the twenties.
Sure.
But now that I'm in my thirties, dating someone that's 21, we're in different life stages.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, totally.
I agree.
Yeah.
Okay.
They could be still in school.
They could just be finishing up school.
They could be just entering like the work world, just maturity levels.
Yeah.
I found like the younger ones.
And also when you think of it, when someone's 23, they're born in 2000.
Right?
That's unreal.
So, I mean like 23, like there doesn't sound like a young age, but it doesn't sound like
an old age.
But it's also when you think like, okay, if you think about it, that they were born in
2000, that makes it like, okay, hold on one second.
They're born in 2000.
Can I ask what is your dating range set to?
What ages?
Ooh, I think I have, I think it's like 21, 22.
Because there are some people that are still mature for their age, sure.
And then I think my range for the high up is like 40, 45?
45 I think.
How old is the oldest person you've gone on a date with?
I can guarantee the number for 36 or 37.
There are people that I have, but I didn't ask them their age.
Did you meet them on an app or just out?
No, on the dance floor.
So I don't know.
It was like, it was a go, okay, well, also I have a terminology of put it in the ranks
for me.
Going out, seeing somebody and dating.
How would you rank them in the order of like seriousness?
I think for me, I would say going out is like, oh, unless we're talking like middle school
going out.
Like, are we talking going out like once on the dance floor or like going out?
That's tricky.
Those are different things, right?
But like, and everyone has their differently.
But okay, if I had to like, for me, going out is like the lowest, most casual for me.
Just like you go out going out, going out, hanging out, going out, seeing somebody and
dating.
Those two are like, some people always flip those two.
I think again, this, I think context is key here because if I say that I'm seeing someone,
it implies that I'm seeing them on a regular basis and that we have established some sort
of relationship.
Right now, I would say I'm dating, but what I really mean is I'm dating around.
I'm dating everyone who wants to go on dates with me and I have not seen one person like
more than once.
It's just I'm dating.
I'm in the dating pool.
What about for you?
I would flip the two.
So for me, like I'm seeing somebody is more just like, but for me, it's like I'm just
seeing them once or twice.
It's not like the, yeah.
And then dating would be like, oh, I'm dating this person is more serious, I guess.
And just, that's how I perceived it.
Do you talk about, well, let me ask this question first.
Do you have other friends around you who are also dating slash seeing people slash going
out, whatever it is.
That's another difference in the thirties in my friend group.
One is either in a long term serious committed relationship, engaged or married.
And they're, they're now entering the world of babies now as well.
There's like two of my friends just had their babies like within there are like two blitz
right now.
So yeah, so my friend group, they're all in serious relationships.
No one, so yeah, no one is really, no one's single.
Does that make you the hot single friend?
They always like my stories.
They always like to live through me.
They like to hear what's going on.
So yes.
How is that for you to be the only one like in your friend group who is not doing those
things?
So follow up side question, I guess, are all of your friends like heteronormative?
Most are one friend, two are, I guess, two females.
They have a baby.
One guy, actually there is one guy.
He is single and dating.
He's bi and the rest majority of the other eight, I guess, are all in hetero relationships.
Yeah.
What was your first question again?
I asked you how it is to be like the only single one among your friends.
You said they're living through you.
Oh, how do I feel about that or something?
Like being like the only single?
Yeah, like how does it, yeah, how does it make you feel to be like the single one in
that group?
I don't really realize it.
I mean, I think it's fun.
I'm still having, I'm enjoying the time.
So do I feel pressured to, you know, settle down on stuff?
No.
Yeah, I think they all like see it the same way too, because they understand like my,
they've all seen my relationships.
They've seen me the highs and lows and they know where I am now in my life and my career
and stuff.
Like I'm enjoying life right now.
Yeah.
I like the no strings attached.
I'm going somewhere.
I have the freedom.
I don't have to think about or worry about or check in with somebody all the time.
It's like, no, I can just, for me, I like to just fall off the grid and just boom, bye.
I guess I'm still trying to figure out from my own mental gymnastics how many people you're
dating.
But if I asked you, who are you dating right now?
What would you say?
See, that's what we're at.
So when you say dating, that's my term.
I don't say it dating because dating is high up there.
Who am I like seeing hanging out?
I guess right now there's two people, but it's the different part is that, you know
how I said they travel right now.
It's like someone's down in the States with their partner situation, but we're still in
touch.
But they're in the background right now versus when someone's in Vancouver or in the city,
they're more in the foreground.
I guess I'm supposed to like, so I don't know if that answers your question.
Who am I seeing?
How many people am I seeing?
Two, three?
I don't know.
It'll be different next month.
Like in May, I have people coming up, like someone coming up from California.
That's somebody else.
So it's like, it's hard to give it a number.
Okay.
Let me ask you, what do you find the most enjoyable about seeing people hanging out
with people in a more than friendship way, let's say?
Can we define it like that?
I mean, the conversations are always interesting because as we get older, we're more open with
what we like and what we don't like and like, and everything.
So I guess like, you know, the conversations are always fun, but it's always like the activities
of whatever we're doing.
Whether it's like playing tour guide in the city again and kind of exploring things and
just being able to have like funny conversations, being really free flowing.
And I guess for me, a big part is like, I smoke a lot of weed.
And so that's a big part.
Like, I don't know, like for me, it's, you know, people will go out for drinks and stuff,
right?
Like socialize to go out for a drink, but for me, I don't drink.
But I smoke a lot of weed.
And so when that happens, when we go on these smoke walks and we end up at places, it's
just kind of, I get very adventurous and outgoing when these dates happen.
So I, honestly, I don't know what happens, but it's usually a good time.
So the fun and the spontaneity.
Yeah.
And I love how you just called it a smoke walk.
I have never once thought to invite someone for a smoke walk.
I love smoke walks.
It's a super simple thing, but when you're on a smoke walk, everything is elevated and
you just get more appreciative of where you are.
And if they're down with it too, like they also see it too.
And sometimes they're like, damn, like I never, they see things differently a little bit when
you slow it down and you kind of, I don't know, I'm very appreciative when I go on things.
So I like that.
Okay.
What do you find the most challenging about dating?
I guess when it comes to the world of the dating apps, the challenging part is that
commitment to actually meet up.
Yeah, I guess it's like friend and suss out like, Hey, is this actually going to be like,
are we actually going to find the time to hang out, meet up?
Scheduling is always different.
I feel like there's a time, there is a, there is a window.
There's a time when like a timeframe when you are on these dating apps.
Sometimes that conversation, if it's like, okay, you meet, you meet, you connect, you
figure out a time, like a date or something.
That's awesome.
But if you, if it's too long, it's too much, not no sustenance conversation, it's just
going to fizzle out.
And if you don't have that time to go in and actually meet up, um, then that's difficult.
And I guess for me, it'd just be like scheduling wise, right?
The side one is now that I've learned is, uh, when it comes to the world of, uh, moms
and kids is you have to, they have, there's a babysitter now, now they have to come into
play.
There's a third person, right?
You can't just believe.
And for me, I'm a very spontaneous person.
I'm like, Hey, let's meet up.
No, I can't anymore because it's like, Oh, there's a third person that I have to think
about on the background, which is the babysitter.
That sounds like a challenge to me.
Can I ask when is your next date?
Do you want to call it?
Do you call them dates if you're not dating them?
Yeah, I'd say it's more of a hangout.
I'm a very casual person when it comes to that.
It's more of a hangout.
Um, it's supposed to be tomorrow, kind of, but I kind of have other plans that I would
rather do right now in Vancouver.
It's getting sunnier now.
It's beach season for me on all of my days off.
I go down to this beach, rec beach.
It's a nude beach.
It's a great place.
It's just a really fun beach.
Like rec beach is like my happy place and the sun's out this weekend and everyone's,
it's going to be like, everyone's going to be coming back down to the beach after a winter
season and it's going to be, it's so that's my plan for tomorrow.
So, and if she wants to come over whenever she can, because usually I think she has to
wait till the baby goes or till the kid goes down, like goes to sleep before she can come
out.
Yeah.
So it's out there.
I said where I'll be if she wants to come join me.
Absolutely.
If not, yeah, I'll be down on the beach.
So that's the plan that they said they want to come over, but I'm like, well, if you want
to, sure.
If not, no.
Do you have any advice or words of wisdom you want to leave listeners with about dating
or seeing people slash hanging out?
A philosophy.
Do you have like a dating philosophy or approach?
I don't have a dating philosophy, but I do have a question, like a big question I like
asking people.
Okay.
It's a hypothetical.
Right now in your life for two million dollars.
Okay.
Right now for 365 days, you ghost everybody in your life.
You are off the grid.
You cannot connect to anybody in your life for 365 days.
No contact, no communication, nothing left behind.
You're just gone.
You can go off into the jungle, into your own happy world.
You are still fine, but you just cannot contact anybody.
But when you come back, you get that two million dollars and you can share everything.
You can tell them, by the way, I'm sorry, I'm fine.
I was gone for a year, but I had to do it for two million dollars.
Would you do it?
Right now just pick up and leave and ghost.
They'd probably think I was dead.
I don't know though.
The problem with me is I'm not so driven by money.
I like my friends.
I like my life.
So you wouldn't do it?
I don't think so.
I would be worried like my grandma would have a heart attack and then she would die and
then I'd miss the funeral and people would be pretty pissed if I just up and ghosted
and left all my shit everywhere.
Would you do it?
Yeah.
When I was asked that question, right away I was like, yes.
Because this is true independence.
Yeah.
I'll be like, yeah.
And it's like, yeah, it's only a year.
It can be a while, but it's a year and you come back and during that year you're fine.
And yes, you might have, your parents might worry, your grandma might worry.
I don't know, for me, I guess my independence in life so far is pretty dependent that they'll
probably like, oh, she's probably off doing something.
She'll be back.
I'm going to ask that one from now on.
It's a good one because it shares a lot, I guess.
I don't know if you are dating someone that is dating somebody else.
It might be a different situation.
Because a lot of times it's their partner that they, it's their partner that is, who
they worry about the most.
It's like a character question but phrased as a game show or something.
Yeah.
I like that.
But yeah, dating advice, I don't know.
Be open, be funny, be spontaneous.
That's my thing.
All right, that was episode one.
If you liked it, please metaphorically swipe right or super like, say yes, that is subscribe
wherever you listen.
We'll be back in a couple of weeks with episode two.
In the meantime, tell your friends, keep going on dates, keep sharing your stories and I'm
looking forward to seeing you here next time.
Dating Log is recorded and hosted by me, Wyndon Juneau.
It is produced by Harry Dark.
You can follow us on Instagram at datinglogpodcast.
Our website is datinglogpodcast.com.
And if you have any feedback or perhaps know someone who I should interview, please go
ahead and send me an email at datinglogpodcast.gmail.com.
Lastly, smash that subscribe button wherever you listen and please don't ghost us.