1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:17,120 Welcome to Dating Log, the podcast that records the ups and downs of dating in your 30s and 2 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:24,840 beyond. This is episode 15, Rose the matchmaker. Many people find the world of modern dating 3 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:30,280 difficult to navigate. You have hundreds of apps with millions of available people, unwritten 4 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:35,760 rules around profiles and how to communicate, all with the constant risk of facing rejection 5 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:43,320 and ghosting. Step in the matchmakers. Rose is a matchmaker based in the Netherlands and 6 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:49,360 specialises in taking the dating process offline. We hear how she got into matchmaking, who 7 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:53,720 are the types of people that use a matchmaking service and how going back to doing things 8 00:00:53,720 --> 00:01:00,200 in a simple and less digital way can yield great results for singles. A quick plug, season 9 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:05,480 two of Dating Log is coming very soon with more people, more dates and more stories from 10 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:11,400 all over the world. Now over to Rose to provide a window into the world of a matchmaker. 11 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:19,680 Hi, my name is Rose. I'm Rose is offline and this is the name of the business I run, 12 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:30,960 which is a matchmaking platform, but it's purely focused on offline. And well, because 13 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:42,240 I think love is not digital. This is my payoff, which I started around three years ago because 14 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:51,880 I heard many, many people talking when I was working in advertising about their online 15 00:01:51,880 --> 00:02:02,080 experiences. And I thought, well, this is really interesting information. And I thought 16 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:14,600 I can do something with it. And also because I'm like the generation, I'm 41 right now. 17 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:25,920 So when the platform, like platforms like Hive started or Facebook, I don't like it, 18 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:36,920 show a lot of personal stuff online. And like people are portraying, you know, always the 19 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:49,160 best and themselves and well, it's not a real thing to show if you know what I mean. So 20 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:57,800 yeah, the happy, happy, happy, good life, which is life is not always happy and good. 21 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:04,280 So I thought, you know, I dislike this, these platforms and I don't know why and also the 22 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:10,360 social media and things like that, people getting attached to their phones more and 23 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:23,360 more often. And the way of communication also changed a lot because of using our phones 24 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:33,520 and laptops all the time. So I thought I really prefer offline life and even because also 25 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:41,240 if you want to meet, if you meet somebody, you want to know how they look in your eyes. 26 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:49,920 You want to hear that, of course, how are they talking, their voice, their non-verbal 27 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:59,720 language, which is very important to like somebody. So I thought, okay, well, enough 28 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:08,640 swiping, let's start the offline community. So you were working, let's say in advertising 29 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:14,740 with the, is that correct? Yes. With a bunch of people who were all dating on the apps 30 00:04:14,740 --> 00:04:21,280 and feeling frustrated and fatigued and tired. And you thought, hey, let's take this offline. 31 00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:25,680 Let's do something different. Yes, exactly. That's how you landed there. Okay. And had 32 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:33,120 you ever done any sort of, given dating advice or been a matchmaker for your friends? Why 33 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:38,680 did you decide to pick this up? I decided to pick it up because at one point this colleague 34 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:51,200 of mine told me he was dating three girls in one day. So I was really shocked. And then 35 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:56,760 after the third date, he called me, are you still in town? And I was like, no way, I'm 36 00:04:56,760 --> 00:05:06,480 not coming to visit you or anything. This was such a weird behavior. So this is my inspiration 37 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:17,280 for the offline matchmaking business. And I, well, in the past, I matched one of my friends 38 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:22,400 and now she's married with three children, which was really nice. But the thing is you 39 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:34,000 cannot learn it. It's a way of knowing people, talk a lot to a lot of people. I used to work 40 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:43,040 with many different types of people, like art directors, copywriters, but mainly my 41 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:49,680 client used to be an account manager. And are you doing matchmaking full time? No, I 42 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:59,160 do it part time because I still think my, well, if I look at other companies who run 43 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:08,400 a matchmaking business, they ask like a lot of money for the matchmaking. And my budget 44 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:14,200 is still quite low because I also like to get people who have, you know, who cannot 45 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:21,800 spend a lot of money. So I also work right now, which is one of the best things to do 46 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:34,080 for reading for my friends in a hotel behind a building here in Amsterdam. I'm not very 47 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:41,160 like a horror cop person, but it changed, you know, because no, I made the decision 48 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:50,140 to only work with very, very nice people to surround me with beautiful people. So you 49 00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:57,080 have people coming to you. What does this process look like? I mean, they come to you 50 00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:05,400 because they want to be matched. So what kind of people are coming to you and why and what 51 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:10,120 kind of state are they in when they arrive, let's say in that first conversation with 52 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:21,320 you? Well, I always meet people in the park. Outside, I live in Amsterdam on West side. 53 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:29,000 So I always meet them most of the time in the Rembrandt Park, which is super nice because 54 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:34,880 it's open air, you know, sun is shining or sometimes it's raining. And then we talk 55 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:41,560 a little bit. We laugh, you immediately see, you know, you meet somebody, you say, okay, 56 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:49,360 super cool, you're here. And then you start really relaxed conversation, you know, and 57 00:07:49,360 --> 00:08:01,000 I was thinking this is the best way to do it because of the to walk. It's very important 58 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:10,040 because you don't have immediately physical or no, no face to face interaction. You just 59 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:15,840 walk forward, you know, I don't, I don't look you in the eyes all the time because that's 60 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:23,120 a super different situation. I can interview situation, you know, you can see my expression 61 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:31,920 immediately. Also nature, wind, the smell of the grass. It helps to relax people. And 62 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:40,720 then we start talking about which I find very, very interesting to talk about the youth. 63 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:48,280 Where are you born? How are your parents? You have brothers and sisters. So yes, parents 64 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:55,120 still married. So what, what happened in your life? What, what, you know, it's, it's very, 65 00:08:55,120 --> 00:09:04,440 very important. That's the base. Your childhood is mainly the base of your character and vulnerabilities 66 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:12,960 that you develop when you grow older and everybody has their insecurities, which is wonderful. 67 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:20,160 People tell me sometimes the other time this lady, she starts, yeah, she started crying, 68 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:29,040 you know, at one point. Well, her childhood was really quite heavy and yeah, people share 69 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:38,120 within quite a, yeah, not, not so much a long time. They share very personal stories and 70 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:44,120 I find that beautiful because I just, I'm just very, very super relaxed and kind. And 71 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:49,120 if they want a coffee, we drink a coffee or we get a takeaway. Don't want to sit in a 72 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:55,040 bar or anything just to relax. But for, for singles, it's quite, quite something because 73 00:09:55,040 --> 00:10:01,480 you have to talk, we talk like one hour and some most of the time also one and a half 74 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:08,760 hours. Yeah. It depends on, on, on their life story. And also if we have fun, that's the 75 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:15,400 most important thing. So when you first meet someone, you're just walking and you're getting 76 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:20,160 to know them as a person, where they come from and who they are. Yet they are coming 77 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:30,840 to you as a matchmaker. So in this first conversation, do you then immediately dive into what they're 78 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:35,800 looking for and why they're there? Or is that not part of your first meet and greet with 79 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:43,720 someone? I don't really ask questions like, what are you looking for? I try really to 80 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:51,560 get to know the person. So how they act, I don't ask like, what are your hobbies? I ask 81 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:59,760 like, okay, what, what if you have three days in your agenda are completely off or you don't 82 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:05,720 have anything to do. What do you love? What do you love to do? What do you really enjoy 83 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:16,280 doing? For example, you know, so do you, and I talk about culture or things also, maybe 84 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:23,400 they like to read books or also politics. They do they have pets is also quite interesting. 85 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:30,720 But we also talk about, do you like cooking a lot? Are you, do you, do you drink, do you 86 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:38,360 smoke? Do you use drugs? Also quite, quite interesting on how somebody's lifestyle is. 87 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:45,640 And then I really, I'm just feeling to get the character of somebody. Some people are 88 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:52,480 quite introverted and sometimes I ask them, do you think you're, do you feel you're a 89 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:58,320 bit introverted or do you prefer the other? Do you like more extrovert person? But it's 90 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:06,000 just a feeling of, of, of, of knowing people. That's what I, I, I, yeah, you cannot do it 91 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:13,840 the other way. We had one of our guests, he said something similar that, you know, the 92 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:19,480 first time you're meeting someone, he feels it's more about feeling out the situation 93 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:24,560 than having a conversation that you could just do something together to get a feel of 94 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:29,880 how the other person is. And that sounds like what you're also doing on a first meet with 95 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:36,560 someone. Yeah, well, just the feeling of how somebody acts, you know, you know, that by 96 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:45,160 the instant some people are really, really super talkative and laughing and humor and, 97 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:52,560 you know, and, and yeah, which is, which is nice, but other people are, yeah, just a little 98 00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:58,160 bit more vulnerable, you know, and then, and then you have to really relax them and then, 99 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:04,080 and then you really get to know them. And also they talk a lot about their, their vulnerabilities. 100 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:10,440 It's really important and it's no shame to, you know, I always say like they're, they're 101 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:19,800 normal piss people don't exist. Yeah, I completely agree with that. And that's what makes dating 102 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:26,120 and probably matchmaking also kind of fun. So after your first conversation with someone, 103 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:35,640 what happens next? I taped our conversation when we were, when we are walking. So then 104 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:45,520 I will get home and I write it down and then just very offline. I also make a take a photo. 105 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:53,040 Does he take or make a picture? Yeah, take a photo. Take a photo. I was mistaken. I take 106 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:59,760 a photo with my Polaroids and then I will, there's in here where I live, I have a little 107 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:08,640 office space or the photo will be on the board. I'm the very physical, visual person. So I 108 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:17,400 just have everybody on a big board and I write down all our conversations and what I felt 109 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:23,200 with the person, which is very important. And then after that, I tell people all the 110 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:29,280 time, it's quite a long-term process. I'm not going to match like instantly because 111 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:36,880 I really want to create, you know, I really have to feel the match also for myself. I 112 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:45,760 think it's very important. So then I also say I match within my own offline database. 113 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:53,080 So I, of course I meet everybody, which takes a lot of time, but I think it's just very 114 00:14:53,080 --> 00:15:02,640 important for the quality. I, I, I, yeah, I meet everybody. So then I, after that, I 115 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:11,560 will create a blind, if I see a match, I create a blind date. I organize the blind date. So 116 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:19,800 there will be no contact details exchanged or because otherwise you will start Googling, 117 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:27,760 of course, the photos will be exchanged. Then I'm within the messaging surface, you know, 118 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:33,880 within the app service. I just tell them, okay, please, okay, I'm going to match this 119 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:39,920 person. I tell a little bit about them. And then after that, I will say, okay, please 120 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:49,200 write the person what you like to do, a date, when and where. And I forward the message. 121 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:56,520 So I constantly do, I do, I'm in between communication and then they start to, yeah, they meet each 122 00:15:56,520 --> 00:16:06,440 other. And of course, after the match, I talk to them. So like, how did you like it? You 123 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:16,600 know, what happened? So I also take care after I created the match, so we still be, you know, 124 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:21,600 I'm the contact person. And sometimes they switch phone numbers and then they just, I 125 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:27,960 leave them to it. It's it's very, very simple. It's it sounds so simple, but you are taking 126 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:34,360 a lot of time upfront to get to know people and to really wait for a good match to come 127 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:41,320 up for them. How long is the average wait with with between finding a match for someone? 128 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:49,000 Well, the thing is, because I mainly work in Amsterdam, and nowadays, like also Rotterdam 129 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:58,040 joint. So this, there's a lady walking for me in Rotterdam. If there are singles over 130 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:05,800 there. Yeah, which it's really cool. But the thing is, because it's Randstad, how do you 131 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:12,000 say? Yeah, the greater metropolitan area, let's say. Yeah, the greater metropolitan. 132 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:20,200 It's also like New York, I think, because the difference, like how many there are lots 133 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:29,040 of single women within creative big cities or within the Randstad area. So I got like 134 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:40,320 a percentage of, let's say, 60% women and 40% men. So also, so I also tell the ladies 135 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:50,640 and especially within the age range of 50 and 40, there are a lot a lot of ladies. So 136 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:58,120 then it's it's a bit more difficult for me to find the right, right, you know, to find 137 00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:08,320 the guys. Oh, if you listen to this, please come and join the offline community. So yeah, 138 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:15,080 it depends on who the person is also, you know, if I start, sometimes, yeah, it's a 139 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:21,920 bit more difficult, you know, and I try to be I'm very honest to the person. And I tell 140 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:30,000 them myself, this story, like, okay, please take in mind that there are less men in my 141 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:36,280 in my database. So it's going to take a long, long, longer time for you. And are you only 142 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:41,280 working with are mainly working with heterosexual people then? 143 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:48,640 Mainly, yes, yes, but also some gay people. And what I heard you mentioned 40s and 50s, 144 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:52,840 but what is let's say the average age of someone who's coming to you? 145 00:18:52,840 --> 00:19:00,000 Average 30 to 40 years old and 50. Interesting. 146 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:09,320 I think the youngest, the youngest I can tell you is so sweet. He's 19 years old. What 19 147 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:13,920 and already going for a matchmaker? Yes. 148 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,000 That seems so mature. 149 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:27,400 Because they they have really bad online experience. You know, a lot of trolls or people tell me 150 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:34,320 the most most most outrageous things like, oh, my God, this this was fake. And then they 151 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:41,640 want to meet up and then somebody cancels appointments. Well, that's interesting. Well, 152 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:46,520 19 and the oldest one is 82. Wow. 153 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:54,680 I tried to try really to find a lovely mate. You know, just a friend. He's not really looking 154 00:19:54,680 --> 00:20:01,920 for love. But probably she wants a relationship. But yeah, friends relationship. You know, 155 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:05,680 what does success look like for you and for your clients? 156 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:11,600 Yeah, of course, if they if they're really happy together and if they tell me, Rose, 157 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:18,280 you really did a good match. But at one point that they both told me that and then they 158 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:25,240 met twice or three times. I don't know exactly. But then at the end, the lady she she didn't 159 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:32,680 want anymore or she well she left. She left him, which was a super pity. So then, well, 160 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:37,880 if it's success or not, I'm just really happy to hear back from people that they really 161 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:44,480 enjoyed their meeting or their date. You know, that's success for me. And I'm not I'm not 162 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:49,440 really thinking about success and results and things like that. 163 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:55,120 Once you've matched people and they're going on their first blind date, is there any sort 164 00:20:55,120 --> 00:21:01,560 of advice or coaching that you give them? Or are you purely matching them based on your 165 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:02,560 feeling? 166 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:09,760 Yes, I do that purely on my feeling. I was thinking about somebody asked me for real 167 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:18,160 to give like dating advice or or direction coaching. And I thought, OK, I'm not going 168 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:24,680 to do that. Because I also why not? Because I think coaching, you have to take it seriously. 169 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:31,600 It's also a process. You have to really maybe not study for it. But you read it. So it's 170 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:37,640 also it's also a profession. It's a profession, of course, I think. You really if you if you 171 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:47,640 yeah, the way how you talk to people, the techniques, how to talk properly. It's it's 172 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:53,560 very important what you because if some people are if you are very vulnerable, you can say 173 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:59,520 a lot of things, but you have to really be careful about what and how you say it. That's 174 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:05,280 how that's what I believe. So I was thinking, OK, well, no, if you really want to coach 175 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:13,640 your thousands coaches nowadays for everything. Yes, I thought, OK, this is also it's it's 176 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:19,440 an it's you know, matchmaking is one thing and coaching is nice. Another thing I decided 177 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:25,080 I was thinking about it, but I decided because of that reason, I did want to ask, have you 178 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:31,280 had any absolute matchmaking disasters where you match two people and they both were like, 179 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:40,200 oh, my God, no, get me out of here. Well, there was one one day I create one match I 180 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:47,840 create. And then she called me back. She was like, the guy was drinking like half a liter 181 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:56,360 of beer because before I walked in, he already drank probably, I don't know how much beer. 182 00:22:56,360 --> 00:23:01,560 And then she was like, yeah, but Rosie was also a bit shorter than me. And I was like, 183 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:07,560 oh, yeah, well, I write it always down. I record, you know, at the end, we talk about 184 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:14,000 the physical part of what you like physically in the partner. Then I also say, OK, you're 185 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:23,440 around one eighty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, she was like, but I cannot. It's really hard 186 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:31,560 for me to to to. Of course, I cannot. I don't know how somebody really behaves on a first 187 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:37,520 date. If he drinks a lot. Yeah, I cannot. Well, I did not know. Oh, yeah. Well, that 188 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:43,640 was for her. Like, OK, this is really bad. This I don't know that this these things can 189 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:48,240 happen, of course. Yeah, yeah. You're not always when you meet people, you're going 190 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:54,720 for a walk in the park. You're not sitting down and drinks or dinner or. No, no, no. 191 00:23:54,720 --> 00:24:02,680 But he of course, he told me like, OK, I like to drink. I like to drink. OK. I like he was 192 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:09,760 also a smoker, but she also smoked. I thought, OK, this would both were born in Amsterdam, 193 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:17,080 which also makes a nice connection sometimes, you know, about really Burkondig really. Yeah, 194 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:24,880 I really like them together. That was my point of view. But if somebody behaves and it's 195 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:32,000 because of their probably he was bit afraid or vulnerable, you know, a date is like a 196 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:40,160 date. It's like, oh, first impression. How do you say? Like he was a bit maybe a bit 197 00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:45,400 stressed. That's why he started drinking so well. And then, well, I talked to her a long 198 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:54,000 time about it. Yeah, things like that can happen. But OK, we will. We'll look. Yeah, 199 00:24:54,000 --> 00:25:02,720 we'll search somebody else for her very lovely person. But on all the assets, all the assets, 200 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:10,080 they both lie. And the type of person I thought, OK, that will can be a nice match. Yeah, we 201 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:17,640 had a lot of guests allude to the fact that dating can give them anxiety and that going 202 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:23,080 for a drink for a lot of people is an OK first date because it helps to relax them. What 203 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:28,080 kind of first dates do you set people up in? Because when you meet someone for the matchmaking 204 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:33,400 purpose, you're going for a walk in the park because you say it's more about feeling. But 205 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:38,180 when you're setting people up on a blind date, what sort of activities are they doing? Is 206 00:25:38,180 --> 00:25:42,640 it more based on feeling or is it actually sitting across from each other eye to eye 207 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:49,280 having a conversation? No, I purely let them decide themselves what they themselves what 208 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:54,160 they like to do. If they want my advice for some nice restaurant or I don't know, bar 209 00:25:54,160 --> 00:26:02,840 or theater in Amsterdam, I can advise them. But mainly everybody, you know, thinks about, 210 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:10,040 OK, I like to be here. But also I would suggest so I also talked to this guy who was drinking 211 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:16,400 a lot of beer. I talked to him. I said, OK, next time you should really I talk it very 212 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:23,480 I try to say it's very, you know, also in a positive way of giving feedback to somebody. 213 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:29,800 But I told him maybe next time if you feel anxiety or whatever, it's better to just walk 214 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:36,600 with somebody. You don't sit across somebody's face, you know, across a table. It's quite 215 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:44,280 some, you know, like a job interview. I hate it when people, three people sit in front 216 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:50,040 of me, man. It's so, you know, I used to have those experiences. And then they're going 217 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:54,960 to ask you, what do you want to do for the rest of your life? Where do you want to be 218 00:26:54,960 --> 00:27:04,320 in five years? Questions like that, you should avoid like this type of interview settings 219 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:10,000 when when you feel a bit, you know, when you feel a bit stressed. Also, the pianist, the 220 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:16,800 pianist, the guitar player, he also he also told me he was shaking on his legs. He is 221 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:23,240 50 years old. Yeah. Before he got to meet, you know, with his first match, it was like 222 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:29,080 a rose. I was so nervous. Now I'm actually but he was meeting her up in a bar. So now 223 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:34,560 actually, I also would recommend him for the second date, just go have a walk with the 224 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:41,720 lady, you know, because I know for sure she will she she will also be she will. Yeah, 225 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:49,480 she finds it also difficult. Yeah, she's very yeah, I felt with her. Yeah, quite insecure. 226 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:56,720 But also because she hasn't been there, she's alone for like a long time already, probably 227 00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:02,360 like eight years. When you go on a first date again, you when you go on your first date, 228 00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:08,840 you're like, you're never going you never know what to expect. And it's for a purpose, 229 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:13,720 you know, I was gonna say, I think I've talked to some of my guests to, you know, think of 230 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:21,560 dating as a kind of a sport. It's something you need to practice to get better at. And 231 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:25,960 it's going to be different with everyone. It's you know, you asked we're doing sports 232 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:30,040 analogies. Every time you play in a different field, you have a different surrounding, you 233 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:35,360 have a different opponent, let's say, there's different weather, there's different circumstances. 234 00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:41,000 So you really need to figure out how you can be the most, like flexible and adaptable to 235 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:47,960 any sort of situation. And is it like a sport? You mean like the quantity of dates they have 236 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:55,640 nowadays? Just going on different dates. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, doing more like more dates 237 00:28:55,640 --> 00:29:01,920 with more different people. I mean, there's so many choices available as well, I think, 238 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:08,680 which is, yeah, something else that Yeah, this is a very interesting topic. Because 239 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:17,320 the dating scene seriously changed over the years. Because, for example, my parents, when 240 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:24,000 you live, you know, like if you live in a village, you you if you used to grow up in 241 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:29,920 a small village, no internet, you know, you have free potential partner, you can choose 242 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:39,520 from nowadays, just open out, I don't know how many dating apps there are. You have like 243 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:48,320 6000 people to choose from. So people are like constantly swiping. Maybe this person, 244 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:52,880 oh, I go on a date with this person. But maybe I go next week on a date with that person 245 00:29:52,880 --> 00:30:01,760 and you know, the quantity is like, so people don't have really a lot of time nowadays. 246 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:09,280 This is my feeling to get really know the other person. They don't take so much time 247 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:16,680 as you used to because if you meet somebody at the first time, it's like first interaction. 248 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:23,080 And then most of the time you need to like half a year, not even maybe longer, one year 249 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:29,200 to get to really know somebody. And then the love will start growing, you know, somebody 250 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:37,360 to fancy somebody. Person will be more and more interesting over the months. That's how 251 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:44,840 I feel you really start to love somebody. You should. Yeah, I think like nowadays people 252 00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:52,640 don't take time anymore. It's shocking, shocking for me to see the way of communication. People 253 00:30:52,640 --> 00:31:02,200 are walking with their phones constantly behind the screen. They don't look at you anymore. 254 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:07,840 They don't talk to you anymore because there are headphones on and they're cycling in the 255 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:13,600 city. I want to get your take. What do you notice as far as other trends in the dating 256 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:23,840 industry? Well, what I hear back from singles is that there's also a lot of that energy 257 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:34,440 online like the way people treat each other. For example, ghosting. Like you have a conversation 258 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:43,520 and somebody is at one point somebody's interested in you because you know they like to talk 259 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:48,840 or they like to I don't know what. You don't know who you're talking to at that moment 260 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:54,600 actually. And then if they're not interested or they have something else to do, they switch 261 00:31:54,600 --> 00:32:01,680 over and they just completely dumped the other person. Just there are ghosts. Suddenly they're 262 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:07,840 gone because their interest is gone and they found somebody else online. I don't know what 263 00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:15,000 these things. Yeah, that's a big one. That's also something I think almost all of our guests 264 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:21,960 mentioned. I didn't always make the episode, but everyone has dealt with it. It's a very 265 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:30,960 bad way of treating one to the other because it's painful for a lot of people. Do you 266 00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:36,720 have any advice or words of wisdom that you'd like to leave? Yeah, leave our listeners 267 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:43,320 with in terms of dating and matchmaking. What's the advice you give your friends when they 268 00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:52,360 ask? Well, just enjoy life. And also within the dating or meeting, go to the theater, 269 00:32:52,360 --> 00:33:00,560 enjoy what you love to do. Go for a walk, do the gym if you like to do a lot of sports. 270 00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:07,520 Just really enjoy your life. Do it. Yeah, I think offline is best. And I believe in the 271 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:17,360 offline movement because people are fed up with talking to Jets GPT things. It's getting 272 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:28,480 worse and worse. And also these huge companies, they really get a lot of advantage of your 273 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:36,280 personal data. Also the dating apps, be careful what you put online. Don't put your life online. 274 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:48,480 I shoot you. Dating Log is recorded and hosted by Wyndham Juno. It's produced by me, Harry 275 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:54,440 Dark and our artwork is in collaboration with Esme Hemming Studio. Big thank you to today's 276 00:33:54,440 --> 00:34:01,720 guest Rosemary Kaiser. You can find out more about her service at rose is offline dot nl. 277 00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:09,420 That's r o o s is offline dot nl. You can follow us on Instagram at dating log podcast. 278 00:34:09,420 --> 00:34:15,020 You can email us at dating log podcast at gmail.com. Any feedback, recommendations, 279 00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:18,920 people who you think might want to be on the show, hit us up. Please like, subscribe, review 280 00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:26,360 wherever you listen. We'll be back with season two kicking off next month. In the meantime, 281 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:53,360 please don't ghost us.