Welcome to Dating Log, the podcast that records the ups and downs of dating in your 30s.
I'm your host, Wyndham Juneau.
This is episode seven, Dating Anxiety.
This conversation is special because my guest is one of my absolute besties.
We have one of those friendships that ebbs and flows seemingly across time and space.
And we've seen, supported, and hyped each other up through all of our boyfriends, girlfriends,
crushes, bad dates, good dates, hookups, and more.
Chelsea and I talk about nerves and anxiety when it comes to meeting new people, how many
dates you should go on to give someone a fair chance, and she's got a few stories for you.
Here she is.
My name's Chelsea.
I'm 32.
I live in Winnipeg, Florida.
I'm bisexual and I have mostly used Bumble for meeting new people and just organically.
And how is dating going for you?
So this current time around, it's been a very interesting experience, mostly disappointing.
When you say this time around, what do you mean?
This time around being, since I have been single again, I've been single technically
since last October.
So from that time until now, I've been on many dates.
Yeah, it's been interesting.
It's like each time, each episode of being single and the dating that goes on during
that period of time is so different.
Would you care to elaborate?
Well, this time around, I think I experienced a lot of people that are flaky, which is weird.
That was kind of new for me.
To the point that I was talking with this guy who I think was even a little bit older
than me and he was great at texting, which I'm not that great at texting.
I like to just kind of meet and get it out of the way.
So the first day that I had that I was available, I told him that I would go, he lives at the
beach in Ormond Beach.
So I told him that I was wanting to take my dog to the beach so maybe we could meet up.
And he said he was down for that.
So the morning of, I texted him, I didn't hear anything back from him.
And it got to be like 11 o'clock and I really wanted to go to the beach.
I was off work.
So I just got my dog in the car and headed out to the beach.
So I'm halfway to the beach.
I get a text from this dude being like, oh, you woke up too late.
Oh, I'm fishing, blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, oh, I'm on the way to the beach with my dog.
If you want to meet up with us, just being cool about it because I don't even know the
guy.
And he kind of blew me off.
It was so strange.
He was like, oh, well, I'm going to be barbecuing with my friend if you want to come by, but
there's not dogs allowed here.
And I'm like, I'm just going to chill at the beach with my dog today.
So maybe just forget about it.
We had like a definite plan.
So that was really annoying to me.
And then he was trying to talk to me another day and I was just not interested because
obviously if you're like almost 40 and you can't even make a plan the day before and
then stick with it, we I'm terrible at making plans.
And that was too much for me.
Have you had other experiences where people have been flaky to this extent?
To that extent?
No, I don't think so.
I was talking to this guy like right before the summer.
We went out like three or four times.
I really liked him because he was really fun, really funny, like hilarious and like goofy,
which I kind of like.
And so I think he told me on the first time that we went out that he was going to be leaving
for the summer.
So I was like, oh, that's cool.
You know, do your thing.
It's like for work.
It was like a really cool boat party thing in Croatia that he would be filming and doing
all the videography.
And I thought that was really cool.
So, you know, obviously I wasn't bothered by that.
Like go do your thing, have a fun summer.
And so when he left, like we had only hung out a couple of times.
So it's not like I had huge expectations or anything, but he's like, yeah, do you mind
if I text you from time to time while I'm in Croatia?
And I'm like, no, of course not.
Like you better kind of thing.
And then so we like texted probably three or four times after he left, like once or
twice a week, we had texted each other.
And then after probably three weeks, I didn't hear from him again.
And he just posts all these things on Instagram, like crazy parties, like people just pouring
liquor into his mouth and like everybody's naked.
And so I'm like, OK, well, guess I wouldn't say that that's flaky.
But I was like, OK, bye.
Did you actually have like a goodbye text with each other?
No, no, no, no.
I think he's just having a really great time and a lot of really great friends, maybe something
special.
Who knows?
I'm happy for him, but I'm like, it's probably for the best, though.
Why do you say that?
Because I don't think the sexual chemistry was there.
Is sexual chemistry something that's important to you when you're dating?
Yes, very.
I mean, yeah, yeah, it's important to me.
It's not everything, but I think it's kind of like it goes with other things, too.
Which other things?
Well, so like if I'm hanging out with somebody or I'm on a date with somebody and there's
no sexual chemistry, but I really enjoy I'm really enjoying them, I feel like, OK, the
sexual chemistry maybe can come a little bit later on.
But sometimes it doesn't.
So it's kind of like a good tell.
There's some people you just have no sexual chemistry with and then you can kind of try
to, which doesn't usually work out sometimes.
I guess it does.
But I don't know.
It goes with other things.
Like if I'm really attracted to you, I feel like you're probably going to be a little
bit funnier to me.
Like your jokes are a little bit funnier, like the things, the quirky things that you
do.
I'm like, oh, that's cute.
Like, maybe if there's no chemistry, it's like, OK, these jokes are stupid.
You said just now, you said if I am dating or hanging out, do you define these things
differently and what does dating mean to you?
So there's dating when you just go out on a date with somebody, like for the first time,
you're like, OK, this is a date.
Are you dating them?
I mean, it's kind of like a weird words thing, because if you only go out one time, they
know you're not dating.
You just went on a date.
But I guess dating, like if you go, if you continue to see somebody that you're interested
in, whether it's hanging out or on dates, I guess I would say dating.
I guess one just seems like maybe with more intentions.
Would you say that one thing is more serious than the other?
I'm not really sure.
I don't know.
I've done both.
I like I prefer a mix of both like dating and hanging out because you can't be formal for
you're not really having any fun.
Like I went on a couple of dates with a UPS guy for my job and that was really we went
on like three or four actual dates and then we would go right home after and not hang
out at all.
So I feel like in that setting, you don't really get to know somebody very well.
It's like you're just sitting down at a dinner and then you go home.
And so there's not really you don't get to see much of them organically.
They're just in date mode.
Oh, date mode.
I like that.
Like they're like, you know, you're like prepared on a date.
Maybe you're just like hanging out.
You know, you get to kind of see them more in their natural way.
So I think you can miss out on that if you're only just going on dates.
When you go on dates, what kind of things are you doing?
Usually it's been having like dinner and drinks, sometimes just drinks.
I kind of prefer that because I think it kind of I mean, I don't really care for like mini
golfing or anything corny like that, that some people like to do.
I really like food and having a drink or two takes the edge off.
As someone who does suffer from anxiety, it really helps sometimes.
But yeah, usually it's in that kind of setting, like appetizers or dinner, drinks, something
like that.
I've gone bowling on a first date.
That was pretty awkward for me.
Why?
OK, so this is the UPS guy from my job and we went bowling on I think our last date,
last and final date.
It was awkward because the first reason is because he came with his own bowling ball
and shoes and like a bag.
So that was extremely way too white for me right off the bat.
I'm like, this is crazy.
And so we start bowling and he got strikes every time, every time.
And he would dance and he would like look at me like, oh, and I'm like, I don't know,
this isn't that fun for me.
He said like halfway through the day, he's like, you're not having that much fun, are
you?
I was like, well, I mean, obviously you're really, really good at bowling and I'm not.
So challenge, I don't know.
It was a little weird and he brought his own shoes.
It was just a lot.
He thought that was going to be the date that sealed the deal, I think.
Like, wait till she sees me bowl.
No, we did a lot better when we had dinner.
Why did you stop seeing this guy?
I stopped seeing that guy because I think that we don't have anything in common.
And I think it was extremely difficult for me to find a connection with him.
He's really, really attractive.
But when we'd be at dinner and he's asking me questions to try to get to know me, everything
that I answered, I feel like he was a little bit almost shocked by, like a little put off
by because I think he had kind of a cookie cutter type of life.
I don't know.
We just really couldn't.
We have extremely different histories and I think it kind of scared him.
I think he's probably looking for a certain type of person that kind of more matches his
life and he would feel more comfortable bringing home to mom and dad.
And a little more rough around the edges, I guess I would say.
So it was just a little boring.
Vanilla, very vanilla.
How many dates did you have with him in the end?
Four.
And so that how many dates do you usually have with people?
I would say four is like usually the last date if it's not going to go any further.
Why do you think it's four?
What's magic about that number?
I don't know.
You want to give somebody a fair chance.
So it's like people can be nervous.
I get nervous.
So first date doesn't really count.
I mean, sometimes you can know, like, okay, I'm not into this person or so you want to
give it another date.
And then, I mean, it wasn't going badly.
So I did want to keep seeing him at least until I had a better idea.
But yeah, I don't know.
I feel like anything after that, somebody's leading somebody on.
Okay, let's touch on something that you mentioned earlier and then we'll go back to this.
Anxiety in dating.
How do those things go together or not in your life?
In my life, I think it's definitely a factor.
So the girl that I've been seeing now had a really funny way of describing it because
I was really, really nervous the first time we went out.
And we met at this bar near my house that I go to and I'm like really craving a cheese
burger.
And we were texting and she mentioned a cheeseburger and I was like, wow, no, I really want a cheeseburger
because we're going to get food.
So I felt a little bit not embarrassed, but like just I'm not like too bougie in that
I love a good hole in the wall that has like a great burger kind of thing.
So I'm like, well, I know of this place.
It's my favorite burger in town.
It's a little rough around the edges.
So she's like, oh yeah, that's cool.
That's cool.
And so I think that kind of started the anxiety plus she's really, really, really pretty.
So that made me a little bit nervous too.
And I don't know, the nerves just like I'm always nervous on our first date, like pretty
nervous.
So we met there and it was really nice.
Like I didn't think anything was bad.
There was like, you know, I think the anxiety sometimes I'll have like an awkward silence.
It's only probably awkward in my head because of the anxiety.
I like kind of loosened up, we were more comfortable like, and we were just chatting and whatever
after like 20 minutes, but we had a really good time.
But then after the day we were texting and she told me that at first she, that I was
really intimidating.
And I was surprised by that because I didn't feel like, I felt like I was in a really good
mood.
Like I was smiley.
Like I was very comfortable like after the first couple of minutes, but she said that
I looked mean.
And I was like, why?
Like, what do you mean I looked mean?
And she said, well, not mean, but close, which is not like an ongoing joke.
She said I looked mean, but close and that I just looked very serious and like intimidating.
And I was like, that is so weird because it's just not the way that I remember.
Like the vibe that I was putting off when I approached the situation, but I think because
I had anxiety because I was nervous, maybe I wasn't aware as much of how I was seeming.
Like maybe I looked stiff and I wasn't like smiling so much or I don't really know, but
that was interesting for me because I think it was the anxiety.
But instead of seeming nervous, I seemed intimidating.
Has anyone else remarked on this to you while you've been dating?
Yeah.
Actually, I kind of get it.
Often people say that I'm intimidating and then they realize that I'm not like, oh wow,
you're actually so nice.
And I'm like, what do you mean?
Like, I thought you were intimidating.
Like you seemed kind of scary.
And I'm like, why?
I feel like I'm so nice.
I think it's the anxiety that I'm just like, I don't know.
I'm not aware of it.
I know I feel anxious, but I think I'm being cool.
And they're like, wow, you were scary, but now I can see that you're not scary.
And I'm like, how does my anxiety translate to being a bitch or looking like I'm snobby
or something?
I don't know.
That's funny how the experiences are so different from the inside and the outside.
It was kind of enlightening.
I like to learn things about myself, especially it's like, oh, this is how you see them on
a first date.
Because I wouldn't know, I guess.
Have you learned other things about yourself through dating?
Yeah.
So this girl that I'm seeing, we've been seeing each other now for a little while and it's
going really well.
I really like her.
She's very sweet, extremely thoughtful.
But I think I've learned that, I guess, just about myself in the present.
I wasn't really expecting, like I was dating, so I was obviously looking to see what's out
there, but I wasn't really expecting to be really interested in somebody just because
that's not the way that it seems to go.
I seem to have a difficult time finding people that I can really connect with.
So yeah, I don't know how many times we had dated or hung out or anything at this point,
but she kind of said to me one day, she was like, so do you like me or what's going on?
I'm like, what do you mean?
Yeah, I like you.
Why wouldn't I like you?
And she's like, well, and she kind of told me, and she was completely right.
I was just being completely closed off, which is not like me at all.
I'm usually a pretty open person.
But yeah, everything she said I realized was true, and I had to think about what is different
about me right now.
Why am I being closed off when I am wanting to be open?
So I thought that was cool because she actually kind of made me think about myself and reflect
on recent things.
And to me, that was a good sign because maybe we can get a little bit deeper.
So we ended up talking about it, which I kind of realized that, I don't know, maybe I had
some walls up because of my last relationship and I think maybe trusting myself, my own
judgment and just being like, I guess I've been a little bit scared to be emotional,
kind of vulnerable, which that does kind of track for me.
But I don't know.
I wasn't being, like by this time, we had seen each other enough that I feel like I
should have been, I guess, showing how I was feeling a little bit more like able to do
that, and I wasn't.
So I had to kind of like look at that and adjust and kind of re-approach the situation
and which I'm still a little bit struggling with, which is odd.
So I'm learning that about myself, I guess, that maybe I'm not quite as open and vulnerable
as I thought.
How many times have you seen her?
Now it's been quite a few.
I would say if I had to guess, 15.
Oh, that's way more than four.
Yeah, way more than four.
It's going well.
And are you seeing other people still?
Are you still on the apps?
How's that part of it?
I don't know.
I know that.
So I hadn't opened the app in a long time, so I deleted it recently.
And I thought it's like nice to do.
I don't, you know, it's not like I get all these notifications or anything, but I do
like her.
I don't have my phone blowing up with bumble notifications or something.
I just, yeah, let me delete it.
I'm not using it.
So I don't know.
I haven't asked her.
I'm curious, but I don't think so because we do talk a lot and we do see each other
pretty frequently.
So I would think we're kind of in the same boat, but without having a conversation about
it, I guess I don't fully know.
How has your, let's say, sexuality journey influenced who you're dating and how you're
dating?
I had a very long relationship with a female in my early, early twenties, like 19 to 23.
That was tumultuous, extremely stressful and just terrible.
So I think after that, I was kind of like all set with women for a minute.
It was traumatic, the relationship.
So even though those things aren't related, I think subconsciously sometimes we make decisions
like that.
So yeah, I dated men really.
And anything that I had with a female was just sexual.
And then, I don't know, now by this time it's like, okay, bunch of semi-long failed relationships
later with men.
And it seems that I always have the same issue in these relationships being like communication
and being like maybe that they're not able to go deeper.
I feel like I can't establish a really deep connection with a lot of people, mostly men.
You just said, I've had all these failed relationships.
What does that mean and why do you think that?
Well, I guess it's not like all these.
It's only been a few, but I would say because they didn't work out.
I think that I usually go into a relationship with a set of skills and a set of ideas of
how I want the relationship to be.
And they're not that specific.
It's just like, what are your key things?
Like communication, that's a skill I've learned.
It's really a skill.
And some people, I mean, it does take practice.
You have to educate yourself on what is healthy communication, things like that.
So I think I come into a relationship with that skill.
And I also need that back from other people.
But people can seem very communicative in the beginning or seem like they're open to
that.
And with all my relationships, really, there ended up being a huge lack of communication
in my more recent one to the point of like, I think that people have gotten irritated
with me after dating for a while.
It's like, okay, wow, you want to talk again.
You want to talk.
And it's like, well, yeah, that's what you're supposed to do.
I'm having some feelings.
So I want to talk.
And it makes them uncomfortable.
So I don't know if I just keep finding this similar person because of something that I'm
doing or like something about me or what, I don't know.
But by the end of the, both the relationships were like not communicating at all.
So I would say that's a fail in that sense.
So your last relationship ended last fall.
How long after that relationship ended before you started dating again?
How long was it?
I would say probably I started dating a little bit in January.
And what were you looking for when you started dating again?
When I started dating again, I think I was just looking to see what's out there.
I don't, I think that I honestly, I just was like really bored and my friend was like always
talking about this guy, that guy that she was going out with from one of the apps.
And so I'm like, oh, okay, let me just download it and see.
And I was looking for something casual, like a friendship that could be more.
And so I actually, what I kept doing was going on dates with people that I think that I knew
that I wasn't very, like I didn't find them very attractive physically, so to speak, because
I, but they seemed like really cool.
Like someone that we have, I have a lot in common with or like, you know, oh, we like
similar like music, we like to do similar things and da da da da.
And so I would go out with them and then I would see that, okay, this is somebody that
I would want as a friend.
So I think I was like looking for, I was like seeking the friendship part, like the closeness
part, the connection part, but it, you know, obviously there's something that makes a relationship
more than a friendship.
Whatever that is.
How is dating different for you now than it was, yeah, in your twenties?
It's completely different because I think that I'm more, I'm more comfortable with like
myself.
I'm more comfortable with who I am and that I think in my twenties, I struggled a little
bit more with like, okay, do like, like, what do I want, you know, like, okay, do I want
to date a guy?
Do I want to date a girl?
Like, do I want to, which I mean, now I realize there's no point in trying to figure that
out.
I don't care either way.
I'm fine with that.
And I think I've just accepted myself a lot since then.
I've learned to love myself a lot more.
And so I think that my boundaries are also a lot more solidified.
And I think that in my twenties, it was easier for me to kind of deal with things that I
didn't like or didn't think were okay.
I was a little bit unsure.
Like is this okay?
Is this, am I supposed to not tolerate this?
You know, it's like now I kind of have a better understanding of that because of my experiences,
you know, like this guy, I saw this guy, I met him on Bumble.
This was actually, I think the first date I had after my relationship.
And we were chatting and he seemed really funny and like really down to earth and really
like someone I could hang out with.
And he, we were chatting and he ended up telling me what he does for work.
And I was like, oh, a good friend of mine does that.
This guy actually lives in Texas, but he was here for work in his camper van.
And for some reason automatically I'm like, camper van, ooh, that's hot.
I don't know why it's a thing in my brain.
I'm trying to get rid of it.
So I was like, oh, my friend does that too.
That's, you know, crazy.
And he was like, oh, do you know Eric McLaughlin?
Now I just said his full name.
And I was like, yeah, that's my, that's my friend.
And he was like, oh, I'm like working with him right now.
I'm like, oh, that's crazy.
So I guess he asked Eric about me and Eric said all these awesome things.
And so this guy got really like excited.
And I guess he knew he knew my brother too, which was weird.
And he wanted to like hang out with me like now.
And I was like, well, I'm like walking my dog.
I'm over, you know, in this part of town if you want to like meet up with us.
So he did.
And he was cool.
Like I liked him.
Somebody like I said, okay, we could have been, we could be friends.
I don't see it going any further than that.
But at first I wasn't sure.
So we like had some beers by the lake.
He was really nice with my dog, which was nice.
And I guess I felt comfortable enough that I was like, well, since there's like nothing
to do right now, it was like a weird day of the week and like everything was basically
close, but we still wanted to hang out.
So I'm like, you can come to my house.
So he came to my house and then it started to get kind of weird, which he was like, oh,
I have like, he had like some drugs with him that he, and he wanted to like party like
that.
And I was like, ah, I'm not really feeling that.
Like I don't really know this person.
And then I'm like the first time we were meeting and we're at my house and now you want me
to take some kind of like hallucinogens.
It was a little bit uncomfortable, but he was serious.
He was like about it.
So then I was like, okay, I guess like me, I guess I'll have a little bit, but I regretted
it immediately after because now I'm just, it was a weird situation.
And then I got the vibe that he, like he was, it's hard to remember exactly how the conversation
or the night went, but we were watching, we were like watching this documentary and I
said something about it being late and he was talking about how he was going to go,
obviously he was sleeping in his van, but that he wasn't sure where to like park it
or like, cause he's not from around here.
And I figured that he would have had this all kind of figured out beforehand and made
me uncomfortable because now I'm thinking, oh, he's just going to go sleep in his van
in front of my house.
So I was like, well, you can stay like if you want.
And I don't know, it was weird.
So he stayed the night at my house in my bed and he was like really trying to like cuddle
with me and all this stuff.
I did not like it.
It was very weird.
And so when he left in the morning, I was relieved.
And then I thought about it during the day and I'm like, you know, that was a weird experience.
Maybe he was nervous, like, you know, but he was cool.
Like he was somebody like, it seemed like we had a lot in common and someone I would
enjoy hanging out with, but I think it's like the setting that makes it weird.
Like, I think I could be friends with somebody like him, not dating.
So then he asked me like later in the afternoon, if I wanted to, if I was hungry and I said,
I could eat.
And so he said, well, we should get some food.
So I'm thinking he wants to take me like out to eat.
I know that sounds nice.
You know, I told him I have a phone call with a close friend of mine that lives in Alaska.
So I'm going to be talking with him for a bit.
But after that, yeah, I'm down to get some food.
And he had mentioned a place.
And when he mentioned the place, I thought it was somewhere else in town that I really
like that's like a sit down and eat place.
But it was like a quick service place around the corner.
I thought they have a really similar name.
So he was talking about the quick service place.
And all I had said before I got on the phone with my friend was that I like that place.
That's it.
And so in the time that I was on the phone with my friend, this guy went to the place,
like chose my food, ordered it, like chose my toppings and everything, came to my house
and was in his van outside with two meals.
And I just did not like that at all.
And I got the phone and I'm like, OK, well, what are you thinking?
And he's like, oh, I got you the honey chicken something.
And I'm like, what?
You already got it.
And he was like, yeah, I'm outside.
And I was just like, whoa.
That like it was just automatically over.
How did you deal with that?
Well, I thought about it for a minute.
I was really uncomfortable.
I think I even like started sweating a little bit.
But I had just like I just got out of the shower.
I was literally giving myself a Brazilian wax.
I was butt naked with my hair in a towel.
And you're telling me that you're outside with the food.
It's just way weird way to stepping inside of my comfort outside.
It's just not cool.
So I thought about it for a couple of minutes.
Like how do I just say this in an honest and direct way?
Like hopefully it'll help them in the future.
But.
I don't know.
I think there is no coming back from that.
I was like, what did you say?
I thought you were talking about a different place.
And then I said, why did you choose my food for me?
And he said something like, well, it's really good.
I figured he would like it.
And I'm like, you don't even know me.
I'm like, you have no idea what I like to eat.
I was like, I think it's a little bit assuming that you like I said, it's 20, 23 women want
to choose their own food.
And he was like, well, I can see that I should I just leave?
And I was like, yeah, you should leave.
I don't like people coming to my house when they're not invited.
I'm actually really uncomfortable, but maybe we could try again another day.
And he left.
And that was that.
It was so it was so weird.
Yeah.
But you were able to like set the boundary and be like, actually, no.
Well, and what he said at first when I said like, oh, I thought we were because I also
said I thought we were going to go sit down somewhere.
And his response was, sorry, Charlie, maybe next time.
So that was like still him saying like, this is the way it's going.
I didn't like it.
I didn't invite you to my house.
And so, yeah, after thinking about it, like, I just need to say what the boundaries are
and just be honest about it and move on from the situation.
And I felt I felt bad, you know, because I think that he had no idea that he was doing
things that would make me so uncomfortable.
But now he knows.
Contrary to that, like that was obviously a unique experience.
What have you been finding?
I like meeting new people and like just seeing how different people are.
I think it's fun to go out and just I find it kind of amusing.
Just like the idea of going out and like having a couple of drinks with a stranger.
I like noting kind of like, where is where does the conversation go?
Like how does it it's a funny thing because everybody's so different.
So I like that.
I enjoy that.
Even if I'm like very nervous at first, I always loosen up and then I like it.
It's kind of sad because sometimes I feel like, you know, I would like to be friends
with this person, but you know that they're looking for something else.
So it's kind of hard to be like, hey, can we actually hang out after this as friends?
So it's kind of sad.
Like I love meeting new people.
And even if it's not something that I want to pursue romantically, it's like, maybe we
can actually just be friends.
What are you typically looking for when you're going on dates?
I guess the thing is like that now in my life, I'm not, I don't think that I'm really looking
for anything.
I think my only expectations are of myself.
I know kind of like what I want in a relationship, but I just, I don't really know what it looks
like yet.
I don't know.
Like I want to just like in a relationship, it has to be healthy.
I can't do anything else anymore.
It's I'm just at a point where I know what community healthy communication looks like.
I know what healthy boundaries look like.
I know what respecting privacy and space looks like.
And that's the only thing that I really want to do in like a relationship.
So when I'm meeting people, I'm more or less just kind of trying to see what their boundaries
are and what their experiences have brought them in their current life.
And just seeing if that aligns at all.
Are you dating with the intention of finding a partner?
Yeah.
That sounded like a question of a yeah.
I mean, yeah, I just, I guess I'm not, I wasn't feeling super optimistic about it.
Why?
Why not?
I don't know.
I wasn't.
I'm feeling more optimistic about it now, but I don't know.
I just, I think that I kind of have a unique brain in a way that sometimes it feels like
maybe my expectations of somebody, like not my expectations.
Like sometimes it just feels like maybe it sounds actually way sadder than it is in my
head.
Like maybe there's not like this amazing connection that's for me somewhere.
I know that's not necessarily true, but you know, there's no way of knowing and nothing's
perfect.
But yeah, I don't know.
I was feeling kind of negative about it because I meet a lot of people, I guess.
I've gone on a lot of dates and a lot of the time it's like, no, we'll see about the next
person.
It's like, oh no, not really.
Maybe the next person, but really there's so many people.
So yeah, I mean, I do, obviously I would love to have like a partner forever.
Like that whole idea, but I also have two terms with the idea of not needing a partner,
not needing a relationship.
And I'm happy with that too.
So I don't know.
I think there's people that are in your life for a period of time and they serve their
purpose.
You serve your purpose for each other and then you move on.
So I guess I'm like open to that too.
Next question.
Do you have any advice for people who are dating in their thirties?
Hmm.
Yeah, I'm sure I do.
My advice for people who are dating in their thirties would be to get to know yourself
really, really, really, really, really uncomfortably well.
Because we all are who we are in the present moment.
We are like a whole whirlwind of experiences and like of emotions and these things that
form our personalities.
And if you don't understand those processes, then it's going to be a lot more difficult
for you in a relationship.
So yeah, my best advice would be to kind of pick yourself apart and not be afraid of,
not failure, but if somebody says like, you're being like this or I'm feeling like this and
it's something that you're doing, don't be afraid of looking at that and being like,
okay, how could I be actually doing this?
We're not perfect people.
So it's not like you have to suck, but there's always something that you can be doing to
be bettering yourself or to be more considerate of other people.
And so I think that to me, it's been the most important thing that I've seen in other people
is whether they are very self-aware or not.
So do it, do the work.
Dating Log is recorded and hosted by me, Windon Juno.
It is produced by Harry Dark.
Our artwork is in collaboration with Esme Heming Studio.
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