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Welcome to Dating Log, the podcast that records the ups and downs of dating in your 30s.

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I'm your host, Wyndham Juneau, and this is episode 6, Making Friends and Dating Trends.

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A quick note before we start, this is the halfway point of the season.

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Thanks to everyone for your reviews and your feedback, for sharing the podcast and for

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writing in.

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It helps we hear you, and we're super excited to say that we've got another 6 episodes coming

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your way.

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Now, my next guest is someone I met last year.

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Since dating is usually the main topic of our conversations, I asked him to come on

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the show, and he said yes.

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Umberto is a passionate Italian man, super intelligent, with lots of observations and

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opinions.

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We talk about how we use the dating apps, the levels of bad dates, what's going on

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in the dating world, and why we think that.

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Here he is.

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So, my name is Umberto.

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I'm Italian.

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I'm 38 years old.

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I'm straight.

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And what was the last question about?

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Like which dating apps or services or how are you dating?

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I tried a little bit of everything, I would say.

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Now I'm using Tinder and sometimes Field.

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Can you define what does dating mean to you?

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I would say that I'm pretty easy with dating because I'm a very social person.

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I'm a very curious person.

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So for me, dating is just meeting new people, in my specific case, ladies, and then just

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having a nice talk and just to explore the vibe and to learn something from someone.

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And I started dating because I was in a long relationship with a lady that I had a very

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nice relationship with for six years.

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And then suddenly at a certain point we broke up.

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And I realized that for the first time in my life, I didn't have a lot of friends outside

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of her friends because I moved from another country to where I live now for her.

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And somehow out of love, everything was super nice.

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I didn't make a lot of personal friends.

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And then when we broke up, all the friends said, okay, we would like to stay in touch

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with you, but I wanted to make it easier.

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I said, okay, let's break up as friends as well.

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But then as a result, I was like, fuck, I don't know, I know three or four people.

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And it was super different from all the other experiences I had in other countries.

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So I said, you know what, I take the dating apps and just meet, just to meet people and

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whatever.

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And let's see.

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Have you made friends from dating?

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Actually yes.

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I made my two best friends in this country through actually through Tinder.

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Really?

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Yes.

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Yes.

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I have amazing ladies.

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I love them.

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I really, really love them.

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But somehow we became friends and we are very close friends.

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So yeah, I'm very, actually I'm very happy that I used the chat to meet them.

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Did you intend to, because you said, so you broke up and you were kind of using the apps

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to meet people, reusing them more with the intention of finding friends or dating or

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some like, how did this come about?

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So of course, immediately after the breakup, I was not necessarily interested in dating

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from a romantic point of view, but I wanted to meet people.

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And then I, for example, I think the first app I downloaded was Bumble.

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And Bumble, I don't know if it's also now, but at the time I had the chance to meet also

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friends, Bumble for friends.

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Yeah, BFF.

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And I was like swiping on guys and these guys were so lame.

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Honestly, I was like, wow, I mean, honestly, I don't want to meet these people.

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And then I said, okay, let's go on the female side.

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And then, yeah, and I started, started meeting people.

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And I remember that actually one of my two best friends here was my very first date after

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my long relationship.

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And then we had an amazing date, it was super fun, super fun.

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And then I told her, I say, listen, I'm a little bit struggling now because I found

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you super cool, but you are literally the first person that I'm meeting after six years

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relationship.

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And she told me, you know what, I mean, I totally understand.

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I mean, I, when I started using the app, it was after my divorce and then, you know, just

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do whatever you want.

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I really like you as a person as well.

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Just let's stay in contact.

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Let's do nice stuff together.

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And that's it.

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No shit.

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Yeah, it was very nice.

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And now you're still friends.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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This is one of your two best friends now.

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Exactly.

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No shit.

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And is she also dating currently?

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I think so.

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Yes.

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So, okay, you had a long relationship, broke up, made some friends.

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Have you been using the apps to look for romantic dates as well?

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When I was dating, since I was really open to everything, I thought if I find an amazing

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person and become the friend is fine.

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If I find the love of my life is fine.

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If I find just a super strong sexual connection, it's fine.

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Everything was fine, to be honest.

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So of course I was very open to meet ladies and I always said the same.

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It's like literally, I mean, this is my goal.

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It's basically whatever.

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And then if I match and if I click with a person, I'm open for everything that feels

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natural.

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So I had really a lot of dates and then some of them were just one time we met, nice chat

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and that's it.

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But I would say that what I really liked and maybe because I'm a social person is that

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from every date I learn something.

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So you always hear the story of a person and there are pieces that you can relate to and

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others that are completely different from you.

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And no matter what, you learn something and the really worst case scenario for me was

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like, let's, you know, maybe after one hour you say thank you, you pay the bill, you say

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bye bye and that's it.

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But this is really the worst that can happen or at least what I thought could have been

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the worst.

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You're not.

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Hold on.

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What is the worst that can happen on a date?

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Well, there are a lot of options I discovered.

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Let's start with the worst case scenario, level zero.

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You just don't match.

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You meet in person, you have some expectations, maybe you chat a lot, you have a nice vibe

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in the chat and then you say, okay, let's meet.

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And then just in person, there is something that goes wrong.

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So for me, it was never in terms of catfishing or something like this.

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You've never been catfished?

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No.

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I have a caveat on this because I swipe on ladies and ladies really like to use filters

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most of the time.

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So every time I see pictures, I always assume that the person doesn't look exactly like

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in the pictures because, you know, if you have so many filters, you can transform yourself.

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So I have a very low expectation from an aesthetic point of view and of course, that's why for

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ladies as they like.

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When I meet, I am always prepared for the worst.

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And as a result, actually, I was never disappointed because then we have a little bit, let's call

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it level one.

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The level one for me is that you meet the person and then you end up in situations that

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you don't necessarily feel comfortable with.

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I'm not talking about sexual experiences, et cetera.

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I'm talking about in general experiences.

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Sometimes there are people that are reacting very emotionally to something that happens.

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Sometimes you cannot communicate properly and then you don't know the vibe.

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You don't feel the vibe.

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And then for me, it's a little bit problematic because I think I'm quite empathetic as a

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person.

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I perceive usually quite well the vibe of a person.

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Sometimes I was totally clueless and maybe in order to unlock the situation, I tried

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to give some inputs in any direction.

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When I didn't perceive the meaning of their input, I was totally confused.

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So sometimes I came back home thinking, okay, definitely she didn't like me or she was bored

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or whatever.

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And maybe I received a message like, well, it was great.

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I want to see you again.

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But that is my risk level one, is not perceiving the person.

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You don't understand what's going on.

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So this is a...

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How many levels are there?

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I would say that the next one is a traumatic experience.

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Let's say that something goes completely wrong.

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Oh, okay.

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I was thinking that like, okay, so level two traumatic, what does that entail?

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Well, that one is if something happens that really changes your perspective of life or

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dating, et cetera.

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Have you had those?

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Well, once I had a date with a lady who is obviously bipolar.

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And yes, we ended up in a situation that I was a little bit confused slash scared.

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And I came back home safely, et cetera.

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But still was...

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In a nutshell, that was a very, very short version of the story.

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Yes, yes.

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Is it something you feel comfortable sharing more about?

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Maybe I can share with you...

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I can share with you my very, very first date ever on Tinder.

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Please.

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That it happened really, I think, wow, it was even before the story I mentioned, the

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long story.

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So it was like maybe eight years ago, nine years ago, something like this.

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And I went for this date.

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I moved from Italy to somewhere else.

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And then, and of course I was swiping and I just got to know Tinder through an Italian

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guy that is this kind of stereotypically Italian guy that you see in the movies, you know,

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like he wants to be the seducer, whatever.

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So he downloaded basically all the apps in my phone and he told me, you know, you have

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to meet more people, et cetera, et cetera.

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Basically it was swiping, positively swiping on every human being possible.

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So from a statistical point of view, of course, I had certain matches and one lady over there

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told me, okay, let's go for a drink.

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And then being an Italian guy for living at the time abroad for after a long while, I

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felt very cool.

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I felt, okay, I'm going to be the macho caliente Latino seducer, whatever, et cetera.

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And then I went to this date and then we started drinking and I am not necessarily super good

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in holding alcohol.

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Let's say I cannot stand alcohol too much.

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So we ended up with her being totally immune to alcohol and me completely tipsy, totally

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tipsy.

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And at the end of the night, in any case, it was a pleasant night.

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And I say, okay, have a good night.

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We had two kisses and the second kiss went a little bit on the lips.

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And honestly, just like a, yes, exactly.

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Exactly.

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And then the second one was a little bit on the lips, but I didn't do it on purpose.

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And she told me like, okay, I have to tell you something.

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I'm a very religious girl and I don't do this kind of stuff.

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And I was like, okay, this is a, okay, it's fine.

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Sorry.

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And by then I thought, okay, the way I read the situation is that she didn't like me or

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not enough or something like this.

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Okay.

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Then I said, okay, it's fine.

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The day after I just said, thank you.

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Thank you for the pleasant evening.

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That's it.

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And then at 4 p.m. she rang at my intercom and she said, okay, I'm downstairs.

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I want to see you the day after.

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And I was totally confused.

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So long story short, I offered her something to drink and then she literally jumped on

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me, literally jumping on me.

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What?

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And I was like, okay, what do I do now?

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I mean, I felt a little bit like the equivalent of a little girl in a strange situation.

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And then at the very end I said, okay, you know what?

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It's fine.

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She's a nice looking lady.

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I can go for it, whatever.

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So she, after two minutes of, well, as you can imagine, nothing special because it's

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two minutes, she looked at me in a very serious way.

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And she told me like, okay, this is a sin.

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And then I was like, okay, this is a little bit of a complicated situation.

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I really thought maybe she has a knife.

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She's going to stab me in the eye or something like this.

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So I somehow was able to calm her down and well, long story short, then I ghosted her.

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It's a little bit longer the story, but this is the short version.

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Have you had more experiences where women are like, actually I'm religious?

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Yeah, yes.

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But I would say that, and I don't want to generalize because everybody is on way, but

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I would say that people that are, what I experienced is that people that are really following

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too many rules that could be religious, could be whatever political, maybe the way you eat,

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whatever you do in life, people that are very strict on certain rules, somehow they have

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also the opposite effects.

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Sometimes they get completely wild on the other side, let's say.

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And then that's the reason why I'm always fascinated by people that are living on the

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extremes of these preferences in life.

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00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:45,960
Are you dating anyone consistently?

243
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,840
And why or why not?

244
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:51,280
So at the moment, not.

245
00:14:51,280 --> 00:15:02,520
And the reason is, well, there are several reasons why people do or do not engage in

246
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,720
a little bit more stable relationships.

247
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:12,800
I would say that I, being a very curious person, I tried several options, also options that

248
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:17,040
normally are not in my nature or not in my preference, but I thought, okay, you know

249
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,040
what, let's explore.

250
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:26,800
So for me, dating is also a little bit almost a sociological research.

251
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:34,800
Well recently I thought that I would have preferred to find a partner.

252
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:39,500
There is a little bit of a, in my point of view, a co-pilot of your life.

253
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:45,360
So somebody there is a little bit of your body that you can rely on, you know, because

254
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:57,320
sometimes it's also nice to create some, I would say some rhythm or some routine in your

255
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:58,320
life.

256
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:02,520
And these routines can also entail relationships routine.

257
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:09,560
Well in 2023, since now we are in 2023, I find that everybody's fascinated about concepts

258
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:16,760
like open relationships, situationships, whatever ships, et cetera.

259
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:22,960
And we are more and more scared to take positions and not only relationships.

260
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:33,920
So if you see, for example, also is less and less common for people to take clear position

261
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,840
on stuff, you know, if you like, let's talk about food.

262
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:43,040
If you like meat, it's very rare that somebody will tell you openly, okay, I like meat, you

263
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:44,040
know.

264
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,040
Everybody's like, yeah, it depends.

265
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:49,960
Maybe I like meat only on Friday, only if the meat comes from whatever the farm, et

266
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:54,600
cetera, or if we talk about politics, it's more difficult that somebody will say, yes,

267
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,640
I'm from left or right, et cetera.

268
00:16:56,640 --> 00:17:01,920
I am from, I'm liberal, but depending on Friday, I do this or this or that, you know.

269
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,980
So and I think this is like something that reflects also in relationships.

270
00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:12,720
So people are more, I wouldn't say afraid, but more curious or incentivized to keep everything

271
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:16,800
in the middle, to keep every door open.

272
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:24,000
And this is, it is what it is, for me, it's not necessarily right or wrong, but also creates

273
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,080
a higher level of entropy.

274
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:32,120
And then these create a little bit more uncertainty in our life.

275
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:37,240
So if you have uncertainty in your work, that is what is happening right now in general.

276
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:41,760
If you have uncertainty in your relationship, if you have uncertainty in your sport, that

277
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:48,120
you cannot commit even to do, you know, a three month, three month agreement with the

278
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:49,120
gym.

279
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:53,080
So I think that this level of entropy is making our life a little bit more complicated to

280
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,300
handle.

281
00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:58,320
And this is what I also observed in dating.

282
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:04,480
The ladies I met, they were like, okay, for example, for the one that liked me, he said,

283
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:10,240
okay, I really like you, but I come out from a long relationship with her, so I want to

284
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,320
explore, which is super fine.

285
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:17,800
Or yes, I like it, but I want to have an open relationship, which is still fine.

286
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,920
Or yes, I like it, but I want just to meet a lot of people and discover myself, which

287
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:22,920
is fine.

288
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:29,080
But I find almost that a monogamy is becoming like the exception.

289
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:35,520
And I like diversity, as somehow monogamy is becoming more and more sexy for me.

290
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:41,720
What is the, let's say what type of people are you dating and what is the age range that

291
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:42,720
you're dating in?

292
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,800
This is a very, very interesting one.

293
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:52,920
At least I find it interesting because I grew up being more interested in older ladies than

294
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:59,480
me because I always found a person with more experience, more interesting to listen to

295
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:04,720
because they have just a richer life to talk about, you know, a better experience.

296
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:12,440
And then of course I grew up, now I'm 38, so older ladies, I mean, also come with some

297
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:13,480
technical issues.

298
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,280
So if one day, for example, I want to have kids and if I date a 50 years old lady, of

299
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:21,220
course there is no chances or very few chances, let's say.

300
00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:24,160
So I decided to open myself to younger ladies.

301
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:27,600
There was a little bit something exotic in it.

302
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:35,760
And then one day I decided, you know what, let's not put any limit, let's say, and then

303
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,720
let's see where do I match, et cetera.

304
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,880
I still don't prefer necessarily very younger ladies, you know, ladies that are much younger

305
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:43,880
than me.

306
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:52,480
But then for one specific experience or trial, the same week, the same week I went for two

307
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,720
dates, one with a lady who is 25.

308
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:56,720
Yeah.

309
00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:00,880
And then when we were at the date, she told me actually I lied, I'm 21.

310
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,800
And I was like, no, why would she lie?

311
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:05,800
She's 21.

312
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:06,800
I don't have a clue.

313
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:12,240
And I was like, okay, you know what, let's go for the date, you know, whatever.

314
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:17,320
And then the same week I went for a date with a lady who was 55.

315
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:18,320
Okay.

316
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,640
So about the same direction in either way.

317
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:21,640
Yes.

318
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:22,640
And I was like, yeah, let's go for it.

319
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:23,640
Let's try.

320
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,960
And in both cases, it was not a match for other reasons, not the age.

321
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,640
But I would say I'm quite open.

322
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:38,440
But if I have to imagine a more realistic preference that I have, since I'm 38, I would

323
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,880
say, well, I never thought about that.

324
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,400
Let me be a little bit analytical now.

325
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:56,400
I think maybe the lower part would be 30 maybe, and the upper part would be maybe my age.

326
00:20:56,400 --> 00:21:01,160
Because now if I, let's imagine that I have an amazing match and let's imagine that I

327
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,400
get very inspired to have kids, et cetera.

328
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:07,560
If I meet a person that is older, it's a little bit more complicated.

329
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,240
What is your distance radius?

330
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,400
How far are you willing to travel for dates?

331
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,280
Okay, this is a funny one.

332
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,920
I think I'm quite lazy, to be honest.

333
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:26,400
So again, at the beginning of my exploration, I had no problems dating people from 100 kilometers

334
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,960
away, something like this.

335
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:36,400
I changed quite radically because I think that this is related to what I prefer because

336
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:42,960
I prefer a little bit to establish emotional connection with people and to have something

337
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:43,960
to...

338
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:49,200
I like to meet people to do something nice together, even if it's not for a real, real

339
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:50,200
relationship.

340
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,000
But I still like to create an emotional connection.

341
00:21:53,000 --> 00:22:00,400
And if you date someone that is one, two hours away from you, it's very difficult to make

342
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,280
it spontaneous and natural.

343
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,800
There is never the moment in which you say, you know what, I just came back from the gym,

344
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:14,680
I don't know, and should we just have a walk or have a drink or whatever?

345
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:22,320
And I don't prefer this kind of planning attitude of we're going to meet in three weeks or in

346
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:26,120
one week time or 10 days.

347
00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:34,960
And then if you are so distant, it's also affecting these decisions.

348
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:35,960
So what is it now?

349
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:40,600
I think now it's like maybe 20 kilometers, something like this.

350
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:41,600
Much closer.

351
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:42,600
Yes, much closer.

352
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:43,600
I'm the same way.

353
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:44,600
I don't want to go that far.

354
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:45,600
Yeah?

355
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,600
You don't want to take the train to visit...

356
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,720
Come on, it's a lot of work and energy.

357
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:55,000
And like you said, at the end of a work day, you can't really be spontaneous.

358
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:59,920
If you need to go, let's say realistically, if they live an hour away, that's an hour

359
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,520
and a half door to door.

360
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,560
Plus, should you pack an overnight bag?

361
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:04,560
Is that weird?

362
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:05,560
Yeah, I don't know.

363
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:10,680
And also, I think that these are decisions that you take based on experiences that you

364
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:11,800
had in life, right?

365
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:15,560
Because I had some long distance relationships with amazing ladies.

366
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:23,520
And then what I learned, and again, this is my experience, maybe other people had completely

367
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:32,280
different experiences, that when you're in a long distance relationship, you have two

368
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,840
parallel lives, let's say.

369
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:40,360
One is the one with your partner in which you see each other, let's imagine, once a

370
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:42,880
month for a few days.

371
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:48,640
And then you do in a few days everything you didn't do for the entire month.

372
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,320
So of course, that experience is amazing.

373
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:57,640
You do everything super cool, big emotions, everything is amazing.

374
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:03,520
And then for the other three weeks, in my specific case, you just go back to your normal

375
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:04,520
life.

376
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:09,600
You have different rhythms, you have people that you meet to cover the same needs that

377
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,080
you normally have in a relationship.

378
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:15,280
Maybe you have one friend you go to the cinema with, another friend you do sports with, another

379
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:17,560
friend you watch the movies with.

380
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:22,320
And basically you take surrogates of your relationship during the entire period that

381
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:23,880
you don't see each other.

382
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,960
And then again, you see each other is amazing.

383
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:30,000
But then at a certain point in life, you reunite, right?

384
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:35,200
So when you're at the moment in which you reunite, you are just living a different life.

385
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:40,640
There is not your life by yourself with the surrogates, it's not your life with your partner,

386
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:44,460
there is the amazing, super exciting life, but it's a new life.

387
00:24:44,460 --> 00:24:49,840
So it doesn't mean necessarily that that new life is compatible for you the same way it

388
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,640
was during the long distance relationship.

389
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:55,640
And that's the reason why I learned I don't want it.

390
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:56,640
Okay.

391
00:24:56,640 --> 00:25:02,920
Being that we live in a big city, so I was on Tinder for a hot second, right?

392
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:08,100
And I also found this, but I'm curious, what is your experience?

393
00:25:08,100 --> 00:25:10,480
Is it filled with only visitors?

394
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:14,760
Or are there actual real people who live here on Tinder as well?

395
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:15,760
On Tinder?

396
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:16,760
Yeah.

397
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:21,320
Well, I would say that I tried a little bit of all the apps and I don't find any difference

398
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,320
in the apps, to be honest.

399
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:29,560
For me, in every app, people tend to mirror your behavior.

400
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:33,600
If you're behaving a little bit serious, they somehow behave serious.

401
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:37,920
If you behave like a turbo slut, of course, also in that case, they...

402
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:38,920
Really?

403
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:39,920
But this is my experience.

404
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:44,280
I'm not saying that it is like this, but it is what I experienced.

405
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:51,720
So yeah, I mean, on Tinder, I would say that I see any kind of people.

406
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:55,240
So people that are looking for a one-night stands, people that are looking for serious

407
00:25:55,240 --> 00:26:01,520
relationships, tourists, and yeah, you just read the bio and that's it.

408
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,760
What does your dating profile look like?

409
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:05,760
It's very honest.

410
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,680
It's very transparent, to be honest.

411
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:12,000
I put some pictures of myself in...

412
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:17,960
Of course, you try to put the cool looking pictures, but pictures that are representing

413
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:18,960
what I do.

414
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:26,520
And then, for example, I am a person who likes to wear shirts, so I have a picture in shirt.

415
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,800
I like to do very unusual activities.

416
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:33,920
So for example, I have one in which I was doing cow cuddling.

417
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:40,000
So basically, they teach you go to a farm and they teach you how to behave with cows

418
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,440
in a way that you count them, et cetera.

419
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:48,000
So I have this kind of farmer look like a picture that my gay friends say that looks

420
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:52,760
like the beginning of a gay porn movie.

421
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:58,400
And I think I have one a little bit with extreme sports because I like to do extreme sports.

422
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:05,760
And then in my description, there is...well, I don't remember what it is, but it's something

423
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:11,960
very normal like, you know, I'm Italian, I like to do this, a little bit of jokes because

424
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:18,920
I like to make jokes, and something like, yeah, we vibe if you are also spontaneous,

425
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,360
energetic, happy, like me.

426
00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:23,000
And that's it, honestly.

427
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:26,800
And then most of the time, there is a call to action, like, okay, if you just want to

428
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:31,480
have a nice chat, et cetera, just being me and let's meet for a coffee or whatever.

429
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:32,480
Yeah.

430
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:33,480
Yeah.

431
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:34,480
It's very honest and transparent.

432
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:35,480
Honest and clear.

433
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:36,480
Yeah.

434
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:39,480
Yeah, like what you're looking for.

435
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:49,160
I want to circle back because you mentioned that finding monogamy nowadays is exotic.

436
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:59,080
Is there a difference in the ages, because you're dating now younger and older, do you

437
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:06,960
find that one generation or one group of people is more likely to lean towards one, like,

438
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:12,560
let's say the monogamous into the spectrum to the completely polyamorous into the spectrum?

439
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,200
It sounds a little bit of a statistical, sociological question.

440
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:16,200
Yeah.

441
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,960
Well, you are doing this sociological research.

442
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:22,000
I'm not sure that I have thousands of examples.

443
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,480
No, but in your experience.

444
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:31,640
In my experience, I think it's a matter of phases in life.

445
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:48,000
So what I observe is that there are people that are freshly, how to put, so for financial

446
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:54,880
reasons, at least in this country, there are incentives for young couples to live together.

447
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:57,880
And then there are a lot of young couples that start living together and then they do

448
00:28:57,880 --> 00:28:59,560
crazy stuff and they do party.

449
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:03,960
And then after a few years, they say, okay, let's have a kid or let's get married, et

450
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:04,960
cetera, et cetera.

451
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:05,960
Yeah.

452
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:10,200
After this phase, what I observe, because now we are surrounded by a lot of input, so

453
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:13,320
something that the generations before us didn't have.

454
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:18,840
My grandparents, I mean, most probably had two options or three options to get married

455
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:19,840
to, right?

456
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:20,840
And then that's it.

457
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:25,640
Nowadays, either you are in a couple, not in a couple, et cetera, you have so many input

458
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:28,360
from the society.

459
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:33,560
So after this moment of getting married, having kids or whatever it is, et cetera, then there

460
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,000
are people that just break up.

461
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,280
This can happen at whatever age.

462
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:43,680
I met this situation for people that were maybe 28 years old and others that were like

463
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:45,720
almost 40 years old.

464
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:52,840
So I wouldn't associate it to the age itself, but the phase of life they are going through.

465
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:53,840
Yeah.

466
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:58,840
Having so much choice, like you said, your grandparents had like three choices, right?

467
00:29:58,840 --> 00:29:59,840
Yeah.

468
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,480
And even our parents, I think.

469
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:02,480
Yeah, exactly.

470
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:03,960
They had fewer choices.

471
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:10,920
And now there's always swipes waiting and there's always someone out there and there's

472
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:12,560
always someone passing through.

473
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:15,560
And this is the paradox of choice.

474
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:16,560
True.

475
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:21,520
And if you put it even more analytical, so think about we are now how many?

476
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:23,000
Eight billion people in the planet?

477
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,200
Oh my God, if we cross the A line?

478
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:27,200
I don't know.

479
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,160
I'm going to check, but let's imagine it is eight billion.

480
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:34,480
So statistically speaking, there are chances of making a very good match.

481
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:40,880
So that are very high, even if it's a 0.000 or whatever percent, it means that maybe you

482
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:46,500
have in the world 250,000 amazing match.

483
00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:47,840
So this is the reality.

484
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,580
And this is also what is making confusing.

485
00:30:50,580 --> 00:30:52,280
We have so many choices.

486
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:53,280
Yeah.

487
00:30:53,280 --> 00:31:00,800
And this is why I was saying at the very beginning that I find exotic almost to say, okay, let's

488
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:01,800
go for one.

489
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:03,480
Let's see how it goes.

490
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:08,520
I'm not saying that I am great in doing this because I'm still single, but I find it very

491
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:09,520
interesting.

492
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:19,440
Given that you are 38, what is the relationship status of the people around you?

493
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:22,120
And how do you feel about that?

494
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:23,120
How do you fit in?

495
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,000
Are you not fit in?

496
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:30,600
Well, I think that I have a lot of divorced friends.

497
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:38,400
I have some friends that are in long-term relationships or married, et cetera.

498
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:39,400
Yeah.

499
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,400
And then I would say that there is not a normal.

500
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,600
Let's say there is not an average.

501
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:48,760
I would say that on average people that I know around me, and maybe because I'm not

502
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:56,320
a representative of a specific sample because I am an expert, I am living in a big city,

503
00:31:56,320 --> 00:32:02,680
I have what here they would call a sort of high level of education, and then I'm not

504
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:06,080
a representative of the average person of this country.

505
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:13,680
So maybe I'm just representing a minority, but what I see around me is indeed people

506
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:20,560
that are divorced and going through slutty faces maybe now, or already going in the second

507
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:25,880
after a slutty face in a more serious relationship again.

508
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:31,400
I don't know, maybe I don't have a very smart answer, but-

509
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:32,400
No, no, no.

510
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:34,240
I'm asking how you feel about that.

511
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:35,240
I feel fine.

512
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:36,240
I feel fine.

513
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,640
When I was in the long-term relationship, I wanted to get married.

514
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:39,640
I wanted to have kids.

515
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:40,640
Yeah.

516
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:41,640
And I was very happy about this.

517
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:46,760
And then I became single again and never met anyone that gave me this feeling again.

518
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:52,680
So in the future, yes, I would like to have kids, but you really, you cannot make it randomly,

519
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:53,680
right?

520
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:54,680
You have to find a good match.

521
00:32:54,680 --> 00:33:01,560
I think in my perspective, the kids should be the product of love between two people.

522
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,560
And then if I don't have it, I'm fine not to have kids.

523
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:06,560
What are you looking for in a partner?

524
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:08,200
Are you looking for a long-term partner?

525
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:09,200
Answer that question.

526
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:10,320
I would like it.

527
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:11,320
I would like it.

528
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:12,320
Yes.

529
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:13,320
Yes.

530
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:14,320
I would like, I like the concept.

531
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:15,320
Yeah.

532
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:16,320
It's, I don't know.

533
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:17,320
This is a very, very strange question.

534
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:18,320
I know.

535
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:19,320
It's a handy question.

536
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:20,320
I don't have a list.

537
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:21,320
I don't have a list of the-

538
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:22,320
You don't?

539
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:23,320
No, actually no.

540
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,320
As a fellow Virgo, you don't have a list of what you're looking for.

541
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:28,320
Well, to be honest, being a Virgo, my list is.

542
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:36,400
So no, I tend to fall in love for sweet ladies because I like to be a little bit of a sweet

543
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:37,400
person as well.

544
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:45,000
At the same time, I like to fall for ladies that have the courage to take initiative and

545
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,200
to bring their own life where they want.

546
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:52,820
So I really like the concept of balance, that a person doesn't need me, but she chooses

547
00:33:52,820 --> 00:33:56,560
me as a sort of partner in crime.

548
00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:59,760
So I like independent, sweet ladies.

549
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:01,240
Yeah.

550
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:04,440
And I would say a little bit funny because I really like to make a lot of jokes.

551
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:08,440
And I would say, Marius, that's it.

552
00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:09,440
Okay.

553
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:16,120
What do you find the most enjoyable about dating?

554
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:18,440
Listening to a beautiful story.

555
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:23,520
If somebody can tell me a beautiful story of their life, no matter what, I'm happy.

556
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:24,520
I'm just happy.

557
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,480
Yeah, but it's the reality, right?

558
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:32,480
You hear something new, you learn from the eyes and the experience of somebody else about

559
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:35,800
a part of the world that maybe you didn't experience.

560
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:37,680
The opposite end of that question.

561
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:40,920
What do you find the most frustrating about dating?

562
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:47,840
I think that it's frustrating the fact that we have, how to put it, I think there is a

563
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,760
low threshold in getting to know people.

564
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:57,960
And we have so many options that basically people become a little bit assets in the app.

565
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:04,680
So when you're talking to Mr. or Miss or whatever is the name, it's just an asset.

566
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,400
You ask always the same questions at the beginning, et cetera.

567
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:12,480
You have the list of the people that you are talking to and they don't become important

568
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:14,940
up to the moment in which you meet them in person.

569
00:35:14,940 --> 00:35:21,360
So sometimes it's very easy to disconnect from people or to just go to the people, et

570
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:22,360
cetera.

571
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:28,720
But since we are hiding behind the screen, it's easier to become impolite or behave in

572
00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:31,720
a way that we normally wouldn't do in the real life.

573
00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:33,680
It is a little bit frustrating.

574
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:40,280
And I try to be always polite or if I want to disconnect, I write down, say, hey, listen,

575
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:41,400
you know, we didn't talk.

576
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,600
I would like to meet if this is not possible, it's better to disconnect.

577
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:45,600
What do you think?

578
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:46,600
Something like this.

579
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:47,960
And I try to do it.

580
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:50,000
But of course, I don't do always like this.

581
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:54,480
But I met also or I met with people that were really impolite, really impolite.

582
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:59,800
And I thought, wow, I cannot imagine that these people would behave in the same way

583
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:00,800
in the real life.

584
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:02,440
And this is what's frustrating.

585
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:09,280
People that have a different way to be themselves just because they are hidden behind a screen.

586
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:10,280
OK.

587
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:11,760
When is your next date?

588
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:12,760
Well, this weekend.

589
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:13,760
This weekend?

590
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,240
And what are you going to do?

591
00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:21,480
I think I'm going to do something unusual, as usual.

592
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:29,600
So I was thinking about I bought all the frame and all the canvas and I would like to make

593
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:30,600
a paint.

594
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:35,480
Anything could be nice to restructure the frame and to paint something together.

595
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:36,480
And maybe it's shit.

596
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:37,480
I'm going to throw it away.

597
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:38,480
Maybe it's nice.

598
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:39,480
I'm going to keep it.

599
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:46,560
The last question, do you have any advice for people who are dating in their 30s?

600
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:49,520
Yes, it sounds pretty easy.

601
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:54,840
Be very transparent in your communication, because honesty and transparency, I learned

602
00:36:54,840 --> 00:37:01,360
that is always always brings something positive.

603
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,240
And yeah, just be yourself.

604
00:37:04,240 --> 00:37:05,240
Right.

605
00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:08,600
I mean, at the end, what you want is to match with a person that likes you for the way you

606
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:09,600
are.

607
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:14,000
So don't try to be just different than what you are.

608
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,080
Just be yourself and be transparent.

609
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:22,000
And that's it.

610
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:25,720
Dating Log is recorded and hosted by me, Wyndon Juneau.

611
00:37:25,720 --> 00:37:27,980
It is produced by Harry Dark.

612
00:37:27,980 --> 00:37:31,820
Our artwork is in collaboration with Esme Heming Studio.

613
00:37:31,820 --> 00:37:35,760
You can follow us on Instagram at Dating Log Podcast.

614
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:39,440
Our website is datinglogpodcast.com.

615
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:40,440
Check it out.

616
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:41,440
We've just updated it.

617
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:45,720
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618
00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:49,800
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619
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,440
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620
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:56,600
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621
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:58,120
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622
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:07,840
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