1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:15,640 Welcome to Dating Log, the podcast that records the ups and downs of dating in your 30s. 2 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,060 I'm your host, Wyndham Juneau. 3 00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:21,720 This is episode four, trying on sweaters. 4 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:26,320 I spoke with Sam right after he got off the phone with someone he had been seeing for 5 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:27,320 two weeks. 6 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:31,640 As a result, this conversation is fresh and raw. 7 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:35,960 It's also an episode where we get more into the downs of dating. 8 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:40,120 And I think there's parts in here that everyone can relate to. 9 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,120 Here's Sam. 10 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,120 My name is Sam. 11 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:43,120 I'm 39 years old. 12 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,240 I live in Amsterdam. 13 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,040 I like females. 14 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:50,280 It's a bummer that I don't like men because that's like 50% of the world population I 15 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,600 can't touch, but I just have zero interest. 16 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:59,200 I'm successful on Bumble because that's where all the women are that want to be mothers 17 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:00,200 for some reason. 18 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:04,120 I suspecting that that's what I attract. 19 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:07,120 I'm not sure I want to. 20 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:12,840 I go to these stints that I just, I'm a bit more active in just approaching people or 21 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:16,320 just in the street or wherever, but I don't always feel like it. 22 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,040 You just go up to people on streets? 23 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:19,040 Yes. 24 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:23,040 Sometimes when you see somebody nice, you just try to strike up a conversation. 25 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:26,280 It's been going wrong and right. 26 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:27,280 Many options. 27 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:30,400 It depends, but it's been a while. 28 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,120 When is the last time you went up to someone on the street and just hit them up? 29 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:35,120 I think that was last summer. 30 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,120 See, that's a while ago. 31 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:41,600 But I mean, I like to be a wise ass on the street and some people like that and then 32 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:45,200 they start just chatting along. 33 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:46,800 Can you give me an example? 34 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,240 Playful comments. 35 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,800 Let's put it that way. 36 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:58,600 For instance, a while back I bought some Ben & Jerry's and then I saw it was two for the 37 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,680 price of one and I was like, I don't want two Ben & Jerry's. 38 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:05,640 And then there was a lady right in front of me that picked one and I was like, hey, we 39 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:06,680 should make a deal. 40 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:11,560 And then we went to the register together and we shared phone numbers and tickies. 41 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:18,720 And sometimes, usually it's with random people, but it could be somebody I was interested 42 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,440 in, but not that time. 43 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:21,440 But you never know. 44 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:26,560 It's just nice to be a bit assertive and play around a bit, I think. 45 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,040 I like that. 46 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:34,240 That is a fresh approach to meeting people in the grocery store. 47 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:37,040 Well you don't think about it too much. 48 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:38,760 It's just, yeah. 49 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,760 But it depends on how I feel. 50 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:41,760 Okay. 51 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,920 How are you feeling right now? 52 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:47,800 Like if I said, tell me about how you're feeling about dating at this moment, what would you 53 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:48,800 say? 54 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:55,800 Well, I just had a lovely and rare experience where I met a lady four times in two weeks, 55 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,200 I think mostly on dating apps. 56 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,760 It's either nothing or one date and I'm like, blah. 57 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,720 So that was wonderful. 58 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,200 And if it were up to me, we wouldn't stop. 59 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:09,320 But she decided to not want to continue. 60 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,320 Yeah. 61 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:15,120 So this morning I was a little sad and I actually had just, I just got off a call with her because 62 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:20,840 I was like, hey, can we just have a little bit of a conversation because I saw you four 63 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:25,240 times and I'm curious to how you experience stuff. 64 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:30,840 So we just had a phone call just right before I'm talking to you now. 65 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:36,320 So yeah, I'm sort of happy that I experienced some niceness with somebody and I'm sort of 66 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,040 sad that it's not going on. 67 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:42,920 Also I had my doubts and she did as well. 68 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,920 But yeah, it was nice. 69 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,880 Why did she want to break it off after four dates? 70 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,400 Well, we had a very awkward date yesterday. 71 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,560 Yeah, I don't know. 72 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,200 When I was on the phone, I was like, do I want to get into the details? 73 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,200 And then I didn't. 74 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:03,000 And we had like a nice conversation of like, I hope you're okay and chatted a bit, but 75 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,420 we didn't go into details. 76 00:04:04,420 --> 00:04:07,480 But now I feel like I do want to go into details. 77 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:11,960 At the end of the day, it doesn't matter because she doesn't want to hang out anymore and it's 78 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,760 best to just move on. 79 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:16,760 How old was she? 80 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:17,760 36. 81 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:22,560 And is it someone who's like looking to settle and go for it now? 82 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:24,560 Yeah, I think so. 83 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,400 Yeah, that was pretty good. 84 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,400 Why? 85 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,400 What are you laughing about? 86 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,480 Well, I'm curious because four dates in two weeks. 87 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:37,120 Yeah, four dates in two weeks is a pretty intense and a lot of dates in this day and 88 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:42,320 age where like you said, you go on one date or people just ghost after you exchange two 89 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:45,680 lines of text or whatever or exchange numbers and they just never answer. 90 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,880 Yeah, I said it was pretty rare what we achieved here. 91 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:49,880 She agreed. 92 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:53,120 So, okay, I'll just do a quick summary of the four of them. 93 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:54,120 Does that make sense? 94 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:57,160 Or do you have something else in mind? 95 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,160 Let's do that. 96 00:04:58,160 --> 00:04:59,760 Let me think. 97 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,960 Okay, so we matched on one of the apps. 98 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:11,320 Bumble, of course, and chatting and then she came with a voice note. 99 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,760 Usually I do that the first one because I want to hear somebody's voice because I think 100 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,320 that can save you a lot of time. 101 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:22,640 So sooner or later, I throw in a voice note and I sort of ask the person to do the same 102 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,480 or just like invite them to do the same. 103 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:30,000 But this time she did a voice note already and I was like, oh, I like this. 104 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:36,320 And then she went on a holiday to Portugal for a week and I think we chatted every other 105 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,080 day, shared voice notes. 106 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:42,720 And I could feel that the conversation just was sustaining itself. 107 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:43,720 It gave me energy. 108 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,480 So I was like, okay, this is nice. 109 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:52,520 And usually when I used to, in the past, I used to go on dates where I wasn't sure and 110 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,920 I think I sort of stopped doing that. 111 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:58,640 Sometimes I still do, but sometimes I'm like, okay, I really have to look forward to it. 112 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,760 Because usually it's useless anyway. 113 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:05,160 So this one I was looking forward to and then what I was also happy about, so she said, 114 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,160 can we meet Friday? 115 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,360 And I was like, well, it's Sunday now. 116 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,360 Why don't we meet Monday? 117 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:13,640 And then she said, well, Monday I have to pick up a bunch of stuff because I ordered 118 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:19,120 stuff online secondhand and I have to go to all these houses in Amsterdam to pick it up. 119 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,400 And I was like, well, great, I'll just join you. 120 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:25,040 I'll jump in the car, bring some snacks and we're going to pick up your new secondhand 121 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,040 stuff. 122 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:31,760 And I like to be, I think it's fun, random, you just join. 123 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:36,400 And also on a first date, I think it's a lot about the nonverbal stuff, especially that 124 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,280 I already knew that we could have a nice conversation through the voice apps. 125 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:43,280 So I think it's nice to have something to do instead of like sitting across each other 126 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,560 and just looking at one another. 127 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:46,760 So that was fun. 128 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,360 And then for the second date, we went swimming on a Sunday morning. 129 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:54,000 We just had like two hours because I had some other stuff planned. 130 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,920 That was very relaxing and soothing and lovely. 131 00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,600 And I also told her. 132 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:05,720 And then for the third date, the third date I made some food in my house and we had a 133 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:06,720 lovely evening. 134 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:14,280 There was no like, the clothes stayed on because it's nice to be patient, but it was wonderful, 135 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:23,160 intimate, the touching, it was just very gentle and I really much, I very much enjoyed that. 136 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:28,060 And then we went on our fourth date and that was just a bit of an unfortunate, shitty situation. 137 00:07:28,060 --> 00:07:33,400 So I was like, I invited her to bike over to North of Amsterdam. 138 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:34,560 You have these lakes. 139 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:38,000 So I was like, let's just go to a lake and spend the afternoon there and maybe go for 140 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,000 a swim or whatever. 141 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,560 So we bike to the lake and then everything was still nice. 142 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:45,520 And then we got to the lake and we needed a spot. 143 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:51,040 And I wanted this, I was, I usually, I went to the like basic beach and she didn't like 144 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,040 that. 145 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:56,160 So we kept looking for some like secluded spots, but we couldn't find one. 146 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,080 And after, and then she saw the spot she really liked. 147 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:02,160 This is so dumb. 148 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,680 And then she was like, I really want to be here. 149 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:04,680 And I was like, really? 150 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,160 This looks horrible to me. 151 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:11,520 I'm like by the side of the road, I'm like by the side of the road between the water 152 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,840 and I didn't feel at ease at that spot, but it was like, yeah, we've already been looking 153 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:15,840 for 30 minutes. 154 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,480 So fuck it. 155 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:18,480 Let's just go here. 156 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:22,000 So I, we laid down, she went for a swim, but I was, I could not find peace. 157 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,640 Peace there at that spot. 158 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:28,560 And then to make matters worse, suddenly they were hauling over canoes like right in front 159 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:33,160 of us because it was the place, it was a spot where the canoes canoes get into the water. 160 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:34,760 So I was like, I really don't want to be here. 161 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,120 And then I, and then I have to be honest. 162 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:39,200 I made some, I was a bit cranky. 163 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,800 I was like, why, why are we here? 164 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:43,800 What is up with this? 165 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,360 And then what is up with this spot? 166 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,080 And she noticed like what's going on? 167 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:48,960 It's like, yeah, what's going on in your head? 168 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:49,960 You seem like restless. 169 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,400 Like, yeah, it's not really my spot. 170 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:55,120 And then I, and then I made a bit of a snatchy comment, which was ugly and I shouldn't have 171 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,040 done that, but I apologized for it later on. 172 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:02,280 And then after a while I was like, okay, I really can't be here anymore. 173 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:06,440 After like, and then we went to a new spot, which was like an open field and way more 174 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,280 relaxed and we, we hung out there for a bit more. 175 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:15,320 And then I felt at ease and she felt at ease and, and then we bike back and on the, on 176 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,880 the bike back, I could feel like something switched or something. 177 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,040 She was like, I was like, okay, she's not engaging with me anymore. 178 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:28,440 So then I had like, okay, this, this was a, this was a very unfortunate, terrible date. 179 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:31,320 And then I got home and I was a little bummed out and I sent her a message. 180 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,260 Like, I hope you had an okay day. 181 00:09:33,260 --> 00:09:37,480 Maybe you should like not go swimming anymore because we apparently suck at it. 182 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:43,440 And then I went to bed, fell asleep, woke up at four, looked at my phone and I had like 183 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,120 a one minute message and I, and it's, it's stupid. 184 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,320 Don't listen to messages in the middle of the night. 185 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:52,920 So I, she told, she told me like in the message it was like, yeah, yeah, I don't feel enough 186 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,720 of a connection to continue. 187 00:09:54,720 --> 00:10:00,160 Uh, and I, I saw that coming, but then I didn't sleep anymore after I was like, what the fuck? 188 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:04,160 And I started like, I was already afraid that I fucked up the date. 189 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,160 Yeah. 190 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:09,240 But then, but then again, I mean, it's not, it's not like she was the most flexible person 191 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:14,520 with her super funky spot where she wanted to lay down. 192 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,600 So yeah, I guess it's a bit of both. 193 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:17,600 Whatever. 194 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:21,240 It's hard to figure out these things, but you, you'll get conflicts eventually in relationships. 195 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:25,000 So then you, I think the trick is to be able to talk about it because the conflicts will 196 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,000 arise. 197 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,000 So how do you communicate? 198 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,760 Um, so, and I think afterwards we can, you would communicate it fine. 199 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,080 So then I was like, yeah, can I give you a call later today? 200 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:37,120 Because, uh, you know, at least like we had four dates and we're like, let's just have 201 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:38,120 like a call. 202 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,360 And we had a nice call. 203 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:45,840 And then, um, I asked like, was it because of this weird date that we are, that we don't 204 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:46,840 want to continue? 205 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:47,840 And she was like, yeah, it was a bit of that. 206 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,720 And also a bit of like not seeing the match. 207 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:56,720 And she said, I don't know if I'm making the right decision, uh, but this is my decision 208 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,040 and dah, dah, dah, dah. 209 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:02,520 And then in the back of my mind, I was like, well, of course it's her decision. 210 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:04,640 And I was like, you know, I think we had fun. 211 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:08,840 We had out of four dates, we had three nice ones and one shitty one. 212 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:11,280 I think that's pretty good results. 213 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:12,280 In my mind. 214 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:16,480 I was like, yeah, I think I'm, I, I tried. 215 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:21,800 I'm not sure if I always do this, but I'm like, maybe better if, if there was some connection 216 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:28,640 and some intimacy and some fun, if you felt it, I think from my perspective, like rather 217 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:34,000 go like on one extra date until I really hate the person's face. 218 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:38,440 But I, but I, I don't, I do not understand with, with all respect to her. 219 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:44,120 I do not understand ending things, even though you felt something together and there was 220 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,640 no like huge drama. 221 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:46,640 But then again, I don't know. 222 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:51,400 I, another thing that might've happened is like, I think I'm not that keen on the hardcore 223 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,080 family stuff and maybe she is. 224 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,080 We did. 225 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:58,240 I almost, I, when somebody asks me on three date, if I want children, I'm like, why are 226 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,340 we talking about this? 227 00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:04,200 And if somebody does ask that question, then I guess it's important to them. 228 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:05,500 But it's not that important to me. 229 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:10,160 So there was more stuff going on than why it might not have been a match combined with 230 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:13,640 like a shitty third, fourth date. 231 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:18,320 And I also had my doubts, but yeah, I would have loved to see her again. 232 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:24,040 And I don't know if we would have died in each other's arms, but yeah, this is my story. 233 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,520 Thank you for sharing the story. 234 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:33,200 Do you get asked that question a lot about families and parenting and kids? 235 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:36,320 Well the shitty, the shitty thing about Bumble is that it's right there. 236 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:43,040 People are like, want children, don't want children, don't want children. 237 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:44,040 Not sure. 238 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:50,200 And maybe that's not even shitty, but it's just like, if it's one of the, yeah, I don't 239 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:51,680 know what to think about it. 240 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,120 What does your profile say? 241 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,680 Have you answered that question? 242 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,960 I usually leave it out. 243 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,800 And I think the chance of me having children is small. 244 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:08,400 Children, I've never had this huge urge, but I don't know about the future. 245 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:12,440 Maybe you have something, maybe if you're with somebody, you suddenly see it. 246 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:13,440 I don't know. 247 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,480 But I've never been. 248 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:18,640 From the friends I have that have children, they've always been, they've really wanted 249 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:19,920 it at some point. 250 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,520 And I don't know that feeling. 251 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:26,920 Have you had any long-term partners? 252 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:27,920 Not really. 253 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,360 That's something that also bothers me a bit. 254 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:35,080 I'm like, I don't want to die without that experience. 255 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,320 Why does it bother you? 256 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:41,320 I think it could be beautiful, even though I bet it's hard work. 257 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:49,240 And I sometimes feel a bit sad for the opportunities I let slip because I was either ignorant, 258 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,200 clumsy, or unlucky or whatever. 259 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:56,640 But it's hard to, yeah, you try and then it happens or it doesn't. 260 00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:00,800 How long has been your longest relationship been? 261 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,680 I'd say a year. 262 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:09,120 She was, she had, I was 21 years old back then, so it was a long time ago. 263 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,120 She broke... 264 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,520 That's a long time ago. 265 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:12,520 Yeah, yeah. 266 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:21,840 So it's like in the past 18, 19 years, I haven't had any thing that I would describe as a relationship. 267 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:27,640 Expect this lady in Los Angeles, but then I lived in the Netherlands and she lived in 268 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:28,640 Los Angeles. 269 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:35,600 So we, yeah, it was just for one year we had, we were very, we had a lot of online contact 270 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:39,240 and saw each other a few times, but it's just, it's very unworkable. 271 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,960 Have you been dating this entire time? 272 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:45,280 On and off, sometimes I put some more effort in than other times. 273 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:50,160 But the dumb thing that I notice is that when I'm sort of sick of the dating apps, I throw 274 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:54,240 them off my phone and sometimes that lasts for like a month or so. 275 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:58,720 And then I put them back on because I feel like then at least I'm doing something. 276 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:02,760 And maybe it's not something that's working, but it feels like, I mean, trying, which is 277 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,560 like a nasty thing. 278 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:09,840 I don't know if it actually helps, but at least you feel like you're making an effort. 279 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,840 You said apps plural, are using more than just Bumble? 280 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:16,680 Yeah, I've tried other ones, but usually, what did I try? 281 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:17,680 I've tried field. 282 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:18,960 What'd you think of that one? 283 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:25,040 I like the funky audience, but I'm not, I'm not, I'm not that queer or funky, whatever. 284 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:30,960 But I like the, I usually have an interest in people that have a sort of maybe a funky 285 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:34,160 lifestyle or like a different way of... 286 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:35,720 Funky lifestyle is good. 287 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:36,720 I like that. 288 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:42,520 Yeah, it looks like a free spirited type of, yeah, wanderer. 289 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,760 Okay, so Bumble, you tried field. 290 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:46,760 Have you tried anything else? 291 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:47,760 Yeah, Hinge. 292 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,640 But I feel like on Hinge, everybody looks like Kim Kardashian. 293 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,600 It's so smooth. 294 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:54,600 It's just too much. 295 00:15:54,600 --> 00:16:01,360 Yeah, it's interesting how these dating apps have their own little culture and Hinge is, 296 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:06,080 it's so Instagram-y, I don't know. 297 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:10,240 What are you looking for when you're dating? 298 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:18,440 I look for wonderful moments of connection, even though I hate the fucking word connection, 299 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,360 but I guess that's the best way to call it. 300 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:25,960 And like gentleness, tenderness, affection, you don't even have to talk. 301 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:32,960 Sometimes you can just hug somebody and if that lasts for like one date, five dates, 302 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:39,960 50 dates, 50 years, whatever, but I'll take everything I can get. 303 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:46,360 Basically, okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit, but that's the, those are the beautiful 304 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:47,360 moments, right? 305 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:48,360 Why would you not? 306 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:52,680 Are you looking for a partner or are you like... 307 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,280 Yeah, I would like that. 308 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:58,560 I would like like a long-term somebody, yeah. 309 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:03,400 But in the meantime, if it's a two-month somebody, that's fine with me. 310 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:07,400 How many dates have you been on, let's say, in the last year? 311 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,560 The last year, not so many. 312 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:15,480 Like a handful, yeah, or maybe two handfuls, but like, yeah, not so many. 313 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:17,480 Like 10 different people, two handfuls? 314 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,680 Yeah, less, probably less than 10. 315 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:25,880 Because I, before I go on a date now, I'm just way more, I just want to feel like I'm 316 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,160 excited about it. 317 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:33,120 And in the past, I used to also go when I was like, okay, let's have a look, but I don't 318 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,880 do that, have a look at much anymore. 319 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:36,880 Why has that changed? 320 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,280 Well, it doesn't, usually it doesn't work. 321 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:47,480 Like, yeah, I think I can trust my feeling there of like, okay, let's just only do it 322 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,160 when you're at least a little bit excited about it. 323 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:56,800 How do you, it sounds like this is something that wasn't always so, right? 324 00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:02,160 Can I assume, safely assume that it's changed in the last, how many years would you say? 325 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,000 Yeah, plenty. 326 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:08,200 Maybe 10, maybe 10, yeah. 327 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:13,720 In the beginning, sometimes it was like, yeah, let's just fucking meet up and we'll see. 328 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:18,400 Even though I exchanged like, well, this is like 10 years ago, maybe even you exchanged 329 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,800 a few words. 330 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:23,880 But now, now I think that's pretty dumb. 331 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,080 Okay, walk me through your match process. 332 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:30,380 You've selected someone based on your criteria and you match. 333 00:18:30,380 --> 00:18:31,380 What happens? 334 00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:33,460 Uh, well, chatting. 335 00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:39,120 And if I, if I, if I experience some type of funniness that I'm like, oh, this is, this 336 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:43,880 makes me laugh a little bit, I usually, and it somehow feels a little smooth. 337 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:49,840 Or somebody's a little, a little, a bit savvy. 338 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:50,840 Savvy? 339 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,520 Yeah, yeah, savvy's good. 340 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,320 Yeah, I'm like, okay, they're sharp. 341 00:18:56,320 --> 00:19:02,560 They're like a bit, a bit of irony, a bit like just making fun of each other. 342 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:03,560 Yeah, I just want to laugh. 343 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,600 In the beginning, I just want to laugh. 344 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:10,760 And then I go for a voice note and then if, and then if I like the voice, yeah, I'm happy 345 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:11,760 to meet up. 346 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:15,360 Maybe not like the voice, but when I feel energy, when I feel like, oh, this is, this 347 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:16,920 is, this gives me energy. 348 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,720 This is, this is moving forward organically. 349 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,680 I, I've had one, I've had one person do this to me. 350 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:28,800 No, one person actually kind of immediately sent a voice memo and I was a bit like, huh, 351 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,080 this is new, this is different. 352 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:32,080 That also helps. 353 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,080 It makes an impact. 354 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,680 It's like, who is this guy with this voice notes? 355 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:35,680 Who is this? 356 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:36,680 Who is this fucker? 357 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:40,000 But it, it made an impression on me. 358 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,000 Yeah, right. 359 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,000 And I've never thought to do that myself. 360 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,680 And if this is like your kind of go-to thing. 361 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,760 Yeah, I invented it. 362 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:49,760 You invented it. 363 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,680 No, I'm, I'm being a bit cheeky now. 364 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,400 Cheeky, cheeky is the right word. 365 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:59,880 I think I like it when a girl is a bit cheeky, when we can play with words and there's laughing. 366 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:00,880 That's cheeky, right? 367 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:08,240 Can you tell me what do you find the most enjoyable about dating? 368 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:16,200 I make this comparison usually is that I do like a new sweater that I enjoy and fits me 369 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,320 well, but I don't like shopping. 370 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,120 So you like trying new sweaters? 371 00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:23,760 You have to to find like one that fits nice, right? 372 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:24,760 This is, yeah, this is my best. 373 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:28,280 And then as soon as you have one that fits right, then you're like, oh, this is nice. 374 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,680 But most of the time it doesn't fit. 375 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,000 Is that enjoyable for you trying new sweaters? 376 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,800 Is that the thing that's fun about dating? 377 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:35,800 No, not so much. 378 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:36,800 Okay. 379 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,840 No, it's a bit addictive. 380 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:45,080 These dating apps are, I experienced them as like an endless to do list. 381 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:49,040 And I, I'm a bit OCD like that. 382 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:52,520 I make lots of lists and then I want to get to the bottom of them because I want to have 383 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,160 everything done. 384 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,440 So for me, dating apps are very intrusive. 385 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,400 I also throw them off. 386 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:05,480 I think I probably am the person that has deleted and downloaded their dating apps most. 387 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,840 Sometimes I do that like three times in a day. 388 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:08,840 Really? 389 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:09,960 One day? 390 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,920 Because then I just want to get them away. 391 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,520 I'm like, okay, off my phone. 392 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:19,040 And then like six hours later, I download the app again, do some shit and then I delete 393 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,040 it again. 394 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,660 Yeah, it's very addictive. 395 00:21:22,660 --> 00:21:25,720 It's hard for me to like stay away from it then. 396 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:27,600 Do you have the notifications on? 397 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:28,600 No. 398 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,760 No, that would be horrible. 399 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:36,640 I'm also like, I'm a zero inbox person, you know, I just, I'm just organized like that. 400 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:41,000 So a dating app is like endless inbox. 401 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,880 It's just, yeah, it's like there's always a new person to swipe. 402 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:49,240 Like, sometimes it says like you ran out of likes and then I'm like, yes. 403 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,600 Done for the day. 404 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,160 No more likes today. 405 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,160 Done for the day. 406 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,160 Thank you. 407 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:58,840 What kinds of things do you do on dates? 408 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:02,240 Usually it's just a walk, a walk or a bar. 409 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:08,840 I think a first date after you've just chatted with somebody and did some voice notes and 410 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,240 you feel like the conversation is happening. 411 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:15,760 I feel like a first date is not about talking, it's about feeling. 412 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:17,640 And therefore there's no need to talk. 413 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:21,400 So you can just like go on a run, you don't have to say anything and go home and then 414 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,120 be like, do I want to see this person again? 415 00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:26,800 Because you already did, I'm exaggerating a little bit of course. 416 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:31,480 But yeah, the first date is about do I feel like I want to get closer to this person or 417 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:32,560 no. 418 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:36,000 Has anyone ever taken you on like a really great date? 419 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:39,880 No, but that's something you do, I think that's something you do when you already know that 420 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,280 you're at least into each other. 421 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,160 Otherwise, let's first figure that out. 422 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,760 And that doesn't, that's not hard. 423 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,600 You just have to like show up and look at each other. 424 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:49,600 Okay. 425 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,960 What is the best date you've ever been on? 426 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:58,560 Well that was somebody I didn't meet through a dating app. 427 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:04,360 But I met her at a lecture on capitalism. 428 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:06,960 That's where you go to get the hotties. 429 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:10,480 Yeah, that was the best date I've ever been on. 430 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:17,040 We met up in the park, then we tried to throw things we found in the park, in the park bin 431 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,360 that was like 50 meters away and that didn't work. 432 00:23:20,360 --> 00:23:24,760 And we went into a restaurant and asked if they have steak. 433 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:25,800 And then they said yes. 434 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,000 And then we said no, thank you. 435 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,520 And then it was just really dumb. 436 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,040 It was like super random shit. 437 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,600 We ended up talking to a bum. 438 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,080 And I think she scared the bum a little bit because she was being really intense. 439 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:38,080 She cares a lot. 440 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,080 She cared. 441 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,080 She used to like help bums, I think. 442 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:42,080 But she was so intense. 443 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,640 I was like, oh, this person is afraid of you. 444 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:45,640 Yeah. 445 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,520 And then we ended up salsa dancing. 446 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:54,920 And what I liked about that one is that when I dipped her, she went all in. 447 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,200 No fear, no hesitation. 448 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:04,100 And I had to just really try hard to make sure she not fell on the floor. 449 00:24:04,100 --> 00:24:11,800 But it was so fucking gutsy and so fearless that I was like, yeah, I like this woman. 450 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,600 Yeah, that was cool. 451 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,280 And then there was some wonderful kissing. 452 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:16,920 And then we went home. 453 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,160 Yeah, that was really fun. 454 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:20,760 And did you see her again? 455 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:24,000 Yeah, I saw her like another few times. 456 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,160 And then she wanted to stop it. 457 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,240 And by then I was like so into her. 458 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,580 It was a bad idea. 459 00:24:31,580 --> 00:24:32,580 So that ended. 460 00:24:32,580 --> 00:24:33,580 That didn't end well. 461 00:24:33,580 --> 00:24:34,580 But I don't know. 462 00:24:34,580 --> 00:24:35,580 I don't know if we would. 463 00:24:35,580 --> 00:24:37,000 I'm not sure if it would have been a match. 464 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:41,040 Sometimes you think a person is somebody that they're not or whatever. 465 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:42,040 It's hard. 466 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:43,040 Yeah. 467 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:44,680 This was so intense. 468 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:48,360 Like these three days we went on were so intense that somehow it didn't feel. 469 00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:54,760 Yeah, so it's better to maybe pace yourself or not get your hopes up or be a bit wiser 470 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,040 and patient about it. 471 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:57,680 But yeah, I don't know. 472 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,000 That's possible all the time. 473 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:05,080 So like a big point of this also is about dating in our 30s, right? 474 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:09,340 And how it's different than, let's say, dating in our 20s. 475 00:25:09,340 --> 00:25:12,320 And you are now at the end of your 30s. 476 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:16,240 And you've been, let's say, in the dating pool for a super long time. 477 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:21,240 So with people around you, right, say, let's say they're, you know, been together since 478 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:22,240 college. 479 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,760 A lot of your friends are college friends or other people in your 30s are married with 480 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,920 kids doing this whole family thing. 481 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:33,180 And you already mentioned that you weren't sure about doing the family thing, but you're 482 00:25:33,180 --> 00:25:35,300 really looking for a long term partner. 483 00:25:35,300 --> 00:25:39,560 But it sounds like you're going on a lot of first dates, but nothing sticking. 484 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:45,800 So how are you in your downloading and deleting the app sometimes multiple times a day? 485 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,920 How are you like really feeling? 486 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,000 Like what is really going on? 487 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,320 I'm repeating it back to you. 488 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:53,480 Sometimes I'm very sad. 489 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:57,120 Like let's say there's a weekend and I don't have much to do. 490 00:25:57,120 --> 00:26:03,520 Then yeah, I get very unhappy with my situation. 491 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:11,840 And the word loneliness can come about and yeah, it's unfortunate. 492 00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:16,600 It makes me sad sometimes that this has never happened or for whatever reason. 493 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:22,320 Do you have any, you say for whatever reason, but are there like patterns or things that 494 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,040 are coming up or affecting why? 495 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:33,080 Yeah, I think up until my 30s, I just didn't, I didn't take it that seriously or I wasn't, 496 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:40,160 I never saw the relationship as something I wanted or even respected or saw the value 497 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,520 in it or I don't know. 498 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:47,480 And I also, I feel like I didn't recognize it's like what is love? 499 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:54,480 You know, for, yeah, that's, I hardly ever use the word, but somehow you see what your 500 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,000 parents do and then you think that's what it is. 501 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,760 But is it really, is there's a lot of reflecting and thinking you can do and like getting to 502 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:04,720 know your own feelings and patterns and whatever. 503 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:10,520 I think that alone took me like years and still is a work in progress. 504 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:14,680 It's like, what do I recognize as love? 505 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:15,960 What do I think it is? 506 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,240 And what is it actually? 507 00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:22,580 It's like, so I think a lot of my 30s was about like not understanding that. 508 00:27:22,580 --> 00:27:28,880 If I look back, there was some ladies I met in my 20s that if I would meet them now, I 509 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:34,480 would sort of like recognize and appreciate the feeling and do something else with it. 510 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,720 But back then I was just like, okay, this is nice. 511 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:42,840 And then whatever, I didn't look for it again or whatever. 512 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:46,920 I was just in a different mindset, I guess. 513 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:52,360 And in my 30s, I started to sort of like, that mindset started to shift. 514 00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:57,000 But then I somehow I met less, I met less options. 515 00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,560 I met less people in general, I don't know. 516 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:04,800 I'm feeling a little bit just through this conversation, like the little bit of sadness 517 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:08,520 and like the loneliness into it. 518 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:14,360 What do you think you could do differently to change that? 519 00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:20,200 Well now I think now I just have to, I think now if I will meet somebody, I will recognize 520 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:26,940 what it is and I will have more skills to make it into something. 521 00:28:26,940 --> 00:28:32,120 So yeah, now I would like, I think I would like opportunities. 522 00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:38,040 And I think I would, I'm more capable of recognizing them and making them flourish. 523 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,840 But hey, I don't know, that's what I think. 524 00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:41,840 But who knows? 525 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,800 What do you mean by more skills? 526 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:50,960 Well, communication, like talking about conflicts, understanding your own patterns. 527 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:56,320 Yes, communicating without judgment, like how do you feel, how do I feel, what happened? 528 00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:00,800 And that can take a lot of work, I think, before you can do that. 529 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:05,920 I know plenty of people that are double my age that still can't do that. 530 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,800 What is the age range of the people you're dating? 531 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:10,560 I'd say mid-30s. 532 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:17,040 I don't think I've ever dated somebody older than me, but I would like put maybe like 41 533 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:21,200 in the apps, but I've never gotten there. 534 00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,160 Why not date older people? 535 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,360 No, it's just, it's just attraction, I think. 536 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:33,360 I'm not into, yeah, no, I'd like somebody who's a few years younger. 537 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:38,040 It's not that I have anything against it, it just hasn't, it also hasn't come my way, 538 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:39,440 so to say. 539 00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:45,480 It's not like I check the list, it's just, it's out of experience I have noticed that 540 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:50,520 whenever I was into somebody, they were usually younger. 541 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:54,760 And it's not like I have a problem with somebody being older, but it also just hasn't happened. 542 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:59,840 Well, if your range is only set to 41, it's also not going to happen. 543 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,440 Yeah, but also like out in the wild for whatever reason. 544 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,240 I meet people. 545 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:08,840 If you were going to sum up your dating experience, let's say the last eight years, right, like 546 00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:14,040 only in your 30s, in a few sentences, what would you share? 547 00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:19,040 You know, say you've got a short bio and you need to reflect, this is my dating story 548 00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,360 the past eight years. 549 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,520 Yeah, too much effort, too little results. 550 00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:26,160 You feel like you're putting in a lot of effort. 551 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,440 I used to, yeah, but now I put in less effort, but... 552 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:33,920 You seem a little, I'm getting this heaviness on the heart, like... 553 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:35,440 No, we talked about this. 554 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:41,960 I've told you there is some sadness of like, I'd like a turn at this, I'd like a shot at 555 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,320 this, and yeah. 556 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,240 And you just kind of got dumped like this morning, so... 557 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,440 Yeah, but I mean, it's okay. 558 00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:54,500 I, it's, yeah, but yeah, we'll see. 559 00:30:54,500 --> 00:30:55,500 It's okay. 560 00:30:55,500 --> 00:30:58,960 I don't blame her, I mean, there's no hard feelings. 561 00:30:58,960 --> 00:30:59,960 No. 562 00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:00,960 Yeah. 563 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:04,880 But getting dumped sucks, especially when you've had like a good run. 564 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:05,880 Yeah, I'm okay. 565 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:06,880 You're okay? 566 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:07,880 Okay, I'm gonna trust that you're okay. 567 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:11,840 Yeah, no, I'll think about her a little bit, yeah. 568 00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:16,640 I mean, you gotta just move on, right? 569 00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:19,280 And the sooner you do that, yeah. 570 00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,920 It was like two weeks, what are we talking about? 571 00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:26,680 I know, but it sounded like you had a good few dates, so that's, I mean... 572 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:32,840 Yeah, but I also had my doubts myself, so now I'm like, now I can just be like, yes, 573 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:33,840 see? 574 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:37,560 Now I can exaggerate the doubts, where before I exaggerated the good parts. 575 00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:41,040 I don't know if it works that way, but I can try. 576 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:42,040 Yeah. 577 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:45,640 What kind of advice do you have for people who are dating? 578 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:51,680 I can tell you what I started doing that I didn't do before that really helped me, but 579 00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:55,720 if that helps other people, I don't know. 580 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,480 But I think we've also, we've touched upon this already. 581 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:03,880 It's like, I want to feel energy, and I don't just go on a date anymore. 582 00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:07,360 I haven't done so in like two years, but I used to. 583 00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:10,440 Like early 30s, I was just like, okay, let's just meet up. 584 00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:12,040 I don't do that anymore. 585 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:17,520 Yeah, I just want to feel like I'm having fun, I can be excited about it. 586 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:25,800 So maybe that's useful to somebody. 587 00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:29,360 Dating Log is recorded and hosted by me, Wyndham Juno. 588 00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,120 It is produced by Harry Dark. 589 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:35,920 Our artwork is in collaboration with Esme Heming Studio. 590 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:42,840 You can follow us on Instagram at Dating Log Podcast, and our website is datinglogpodcast.com. 591 00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:48,960 If you'd like to send us a message, you can email us at datinglogpodcast.gmail.com. 592 00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,360 Please remember to like and subscribe wherever you listen, and if you're enjoying the episode 593 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:57,120 so far, leave a review and tell a friend. 594 00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:13,720 We'll see you in two weeks for a fresh cup of tea.