WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.839 Picture this. The journey ahead starts here together 00:00:04.839 --> 00:00:07.839 and together we can build a brighter future. 00:00:08.779 --> 00:00:13.060 You are listening to Illuminating Hope, a podcast 00:00:13.060 --> 00:00:21.160 of Hope House. Welcome back to Illuminating Hope, 00:00:21.179 --> 00:00:25.300 a podcast of Hope House. I'm Tina Johnson. Before 00:00:25.300 --> 00:00:28.539 we begin, today's episode includes discussion 00:00:28.539 --> 00:00:32.700 of fixation and unwanted pursuit. Please listen 00:00:32.700 --> 00:00:35.979 in a way that feels safe for you. Also before 00:00:35.979 --> 00:00:39.939 we begin, I want to be very clear about the purpose 00:00:39.939 --> 00:00:42.719 of this series, understanding the different type, 00:00:42.909 --> 00:00:47.549 of stalking is not about excusing or sympathizing 00:00:47.549 --> 00:00:50.630 with abusive behavior. This information exists 00:00:50.630 --> 00:00:54.289 so survivors can better recognize patterns, strengthen 00:00:54.289 --> 00:00:57.530 safety planning, and trust their instincts. There 00:00:57.530 --> 00:01:00.950 is never an excuse for stalking. Responsibility 00:01:00.950 --> 00:01:04.510 always lies with the person choosing the behavior, 00:01:04.730 --> 00:01:08.829 never the survivor. I want to challenge cultural 00:01:08.829 --> 00:01:12.049 narratives that normalize obsession by naming 00:01:12.049 --> 00:01:15.640 a myth. Our culture often confuses persistence 00:01:15.640 --> 00:01:19.519 with romance and obsession with love. Today we're 00:01:19.519 --> 00:01:23.120 talking about the intimacy -seeking stalker, 00:01:23.299 --> 00:01:26.780 a type of stalking that is frequently misunderstood 00:01:26.780 --> 00:01:30.959 and dangerously romanticized. So what is intimacy 00:01:30.959 --> 00:01:34.780 -seeking stalking? Intimacy -seeking stalking. 00:01:34.879 --> 00:01:38.299 often arises from a deep loneliness and a lack 00:01:38.299 --> 00:01:41.420 of close emotional connection. In these cases, 00:01:41.620 --> 00:01:44.680 the victim is usually a stranger or maybe a casual 00:01:44.680 --> 00:01:48.340 acquaintance, someone the stalker believes they 00:01:48.340 --> 00:01:51.879 are meant to be with. A key distinction in the 00:01:51.879 --> 00:01:55.040 intimacy -seeking stalker is not about mutual 00:01:55.040 --> 00:01:59.140 interest. It's about a one -sided desire that 00:01:59.140 --> 00:02:03.120 totally ignores consent. There is a delusion 00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:07.150 versus reality. component. In many cases, intimacy 00:02:07.150 --> 00:02:11.090 seeking stalking is fueled by delusional beliefs, 00:02:11.430 --> 00:02:14.849 such as believing a relationship already exists 00:02:14.849 --> 00:02:18.669 when it does not. This can include delusions. 00:02:18.810 --> 00:02:21.530 The stalker is convinced the victim secretly 00:02:21.530 --> 00:02:25.289 loves them, but I want to pause and set a clear 00:02:25.289 --> 00:02:29.030 boundary. These delusions may help explain the 00:02:29.030 --> 00:02:31.689 belief that the victim secretly loves them, but 00:02:31.689 --> 00:02:36.250 it does not excuse the behavior. Harm is still 00:02:36.250 --> 00:02:39.849 harmful, regardless of intent. Why does this 00:02:39.849 --> 00:02:43.289 behavior continue? The initial motivation is 00:02:43.289 --> 00:02:47.189 the desire for that emotional connection and 00:02:47.189 --> 00:02:50.509 intimacy component. But the stalking continues 00:02:50.509 --> 00:02:55.030 because of that internal gratification the stalker 00:02:55.030 --> 00:02:58.750 feels. The belief that they are deeply connected 00:02:58.750 --> 00:03:03.460 to another person, even without consent. important 00:03:03.460 --> 00:03:07.479 pause. The relationship exists only in the stalker's 00:03:07.479 --> 00:03:12.020 mind, but the fear it causes is very real. I 00:03:12.020 --> 00:03:15.319 am going to attempt to explain this type of stalking 00:03:15.319 --> 00:03:18.680 and what it can look like without giving a how 00:03:18.680 --> 00:03:23.039 -to any recognition. Intimacy -seeking stalking 00:03:23.039 --> 00:03:27.080 may include repeated attempts at contact, gifts, 00:03:27.599 --> 00:03:31.819 messages, or showing up uninvited, often framed 00:03:31.819 --> 00:03:35.900 as as affection or destiny. When boundaries are 00:03:35.900 --> 00:03:40.639 set, they are ignored or reinterpreted as a part 00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:44.800 of this fictitious, made -up love story. In the 00:03:44.800 --> 00:03:48.879 stalker's mind, this type of stalking can escalate 00:03:48.879 --> 00:03:52.620 quickly and be very dangerous, especially when 00:03:52.620 --> 00:03:56.860 reality challenges fantasy. If someone insists 00:03:56.860 --> 00:04:01.280 on a relationship you have not agreed to, This 00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:04.460 is not flattering, it's frightening. So to give 00:04:04.460 --> 00:04:08.020 clarity and validation to survivors, you are 00:04:08.020 --> 00:04:12.460 not responsible for managing someone else's feelings, 00:04:12.860 --> 00:04:16.600 loneliness, or beliefs. Consent is required for 00:04:16.600 --> 00:04:21.639 connection, always, 100 % of the time. Naming 00:04:21.639 --> 00:04:24.339 this behavior clearly matters because it helps 00:04:24.339 --> 00:04:27.360 survivors stop questioning themselves and start 00:04:27.360 --> 00:04:31.310 prioritizing safety. In our next step, We'll 00:04:31.310 --> 00:04:35.189 talk about the incompetent suitor stalker, a 00:04:35.189 --> 00:04:38.550 type that's often minimized as societally awkward, 00:04:38.610 --> 00:04:42.930 but can still cause real harm. If you or someone 00:04:42.930 --> 00:04:46.889 you know is experiencing stalking, support is 00:04:46.889 --> 00:04:49.209 available through your local police department, 00:04:49.629 --> 00:04:52.410 domestic violence organizations like Hope House, 00:04:52.529 --> 00:04:56.110 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 00:04:56.110 --> 00:05:01.189 1 -800 -799 -SAFE. Thank you for listening to 00:05:01.189 --> 00:05:04.350 Illuminating Hope, a podcast of Hope House.