Picture this. The journey ahead starts here together,
and together we can build a brighter future.
You are listening to Illuminating Hope, a podcast
of Hope House. Welcome back to season 4 of Illuminating
Hope, a podcast of Hope House. I'm Tina Johnson.
January is stalking awareness month. Today we're
starting a short but very important series understanding
the five types of stalking. Stalking is often
misunderstood. It can be minimized, and even
romanticized. Many survivors don't even realize
what they're experiencing has a name. Before
we begin, I want to share that today's episode
includes discussions of stalking behaviors. Please
listen in a way that feels safe for you. Also,
before we begin, I want to be very clear about
the purpose of this series. Understanding the
different types of stalking is not about excusing
or sympathizing with abusive behavior. This information
exists so survivors can better recognize patterns,
strengthen safety planning and trust their instincts.
There is never an excuse for stalking. Responsibility
always lies with the person choosing the behavior,
never the survivor. The first type of stalking
I want to talk about is called rejected stalking.
Rejected stalking usually happens after the breakdown
of a close relationship. Most often, the victim
is a former intimate partner, but it can also
be a family member, close friend, or someone
the stalker had had a very close bond with. This
kind of stalking is rooted in rejection and for
the person doing the stalking that rejection
feels unbearable. There are typically two motivations
that drive rejected stalking. The first is an
attempt to reconcile getting the relationship
back. at any cost. The second is revenge, punishing
the victim for daring to leave, say no, or simply
moving on. There's often a push -pull dynamic.
I want you to recognize confusing behavior patterns.
One of the most confusing things about rejected
stalking is how inconsistent it can feel. One
moment. the person may seem loving, apologetic,
or desperate to reconnect. The next moment, they're
angry, threatening, and even cruel. The push
-pull dynamic is not love. It's ambivalent. They
do not want a mutual connection. They want control,
reassurance, or restore their own. damaged sense
of self. Why does stalking continue? In long
-term cases, rejected stalking can continue long
after any chance of reconciliation is gone. For
some stalkers, the behavior becomes a substitute
for the relationship itself. If they're watching
contacting or monitoring the victim, they still
feel a connection. For others, stalking becomes
a way to salvage their own self -esteem. Instead
of processing rejection in a healthy way, they
externalize the pain, blame the victim, and try
to regain that power and control. There is something
I want to pause and note here. and that it's
important for survivors to understand. None of
this means the victim caused the stalking. Rejection
does not create abuse. Abusers choose abuse.
So what does this look like in real life? I'm
going to share some practical recognition without
listing tactics that will teach harm. So rejected
stalking may look like constant calls, texts,
or messages after being told to stop, showing
up uninvited at someone's work, church, or maybe
their social spaces, monitoring social media,
or using others to gather information, alternating
between I miss you and using verbiage like you'll
regret this, refusing to accept the end of the
relationship. There is normalized confusion.
Many survivors struggle because part of this
behavior once looked like love, but when contact
continues, after consent is withdrawn, it is
no longer love. It is stalking. I want to stop
and validate and gently empower you right now.
If you recognize this pattern in your life, I
want you to hear this clearly. You are not being
dramatic. You are not misreading it and you do
not owe anyone access to you because of a past
relationship. In the next episode, we'll talk
about another form of stalking and why the type
matters when it comes to safety and support.
Sometimes stalking isn't about wanting the victim
back. It's about punishing the victim for saying
no. The resentful stalker is driven by anger,
entitlement, and the belief that they have been
wronged. So in the next episode, we're naming
what that resentment looks like when it turns
into control and why it's never the fault of
the victim. Again, not all stalkers want reconciliation.
Some want revenge. As we conclude this episode,
remember, healthy love respects boundaries. Control,
obsession, and fear are not love, no matter how
often someone claims they are. If you or someone
you know is experiencing stalking, help is available.
You can contact your local police department
your local domestic violence organization like
Hope House or the National Domestic Violence
Hotline at 1 -800 -799 -SAFE. Thank you for listening
to this episode of Illuminating Hope, a podcast
of Hope House.