Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:00:00]:
Hey, you know, in this coming week, we're not just gonna celebrate a football game, but also, we're gonna be probably thinking a little bit about love and relationships. Right? And, how many of you guys are excited for, the Super Bowl tomorrow? Anybody excited about the Super Bowl for tomorrow? Oh, like a a few of us. A few of us. Right? Any, Phillies fans? Oh, one. One that I see. And and I guess part of it is, like, I guess Chiefs could shoot the Phillies eagle out of the sky. No, I'm just kidding. But, yeah.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:00:33]:
Hey, I have no I have no dog in a fight really. But, you know, but this evening, we're gonna, focus a little bit because this week, we're also gonna be celebrating Valentine's day on Friday. And you know, whether we're kind of married, or we're dating, we're committed to our friends and our family, we all know the importance of relationships. And you know, when God created people, when he created humankind, he he said very simply, it is not good for people to be alone, and we know it's not good for anybody to be alone, and that we're made for relationships. And, god made us with relationship for him, as well as relationships with with each other. And so he said, you know, when Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment, he he did. He boiled it down to those two things. He says to love the lord your god with your heart, mind, soul, and strength.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:01:23]:
And the second is like it to love your neighbor as yourself. And you know, the thing is sometimes it's easier to love the god that we cannot see. I don't know if you guys have ever been in that situation than sometimes the people that we can see. And this evening, I wanted to start a short series that we'll do for the next three weeks, called relationship essentials, you know, even if. Now sometimes when we think in terms of relationship essentials, you know, there's the the need to be bonded, how are we close, and you know, like there's a and there's some skills that go along with that. Right? There's also things about character development, and some other skills about knowing how to draw boundaries, and, you know, how to be able to work things out, and and, those are some essential, I think, skills and tools, and sometimes character development that's necessary. But sometimes, we think, you know, all that is good until you kinda run into the storm. All those things are good until things don't go the way that you planned.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:02:24]:
And so, I just called this, series that relationship essentials even if. Right? Even if. Because sometimes things don't always look like how we envisioned them when we started. You know, I I, I was looking in some, you know, some things, what's some funny things people say about relationships? And and, there's a few that maybe kinda kinda have a a bearing on what we're talking about today. Somebody said this though. Why do why do happy couples never lock their phones? Because like Wi Fi, they said, if you need a password, the signal's already weak. I'm not sure if that's true. Right? He said, or why is communication in a relationship like a bank account? Because if you have too many withdrawals without depositing love, you go bankrupt.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:03:13]:
Another one said this. It said, because why do relationships need commitment? Because if love was like a subscription service, too many people would cancel before the free trial ends. Right? I don't know about you guys, I do that a lot. I'm trying to sign up. And then I cancel before the end, right? So, and then one said this, that marriage is like a workshop because the husband works and the wife shops. No, but, you know, but I noticed the old cliche, but but is there a secret to, a happy marriage? Is there a secret to a strong relationship? Even if things are different, even if things aren't what you plan. You know, like, I think it's said often that you try to marry somebody who balances you out, and I I really agree with that. I I think you ought to marry somebody who's, you know, balances you out.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:03:57]:
Like for myself, you somebody who's, you know, balances you out. Like, for myself, you guys heard me have said before, and I wish this wasn't true, but I say it because we deal with this often. That I'm messy, and my wife is neat. Right? That if we were to ask here, that, are you, hun, are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert, she says. And guess what am I? I'm an extrovert. Yes. And so, are you a, when we go out, are you a person who wants to be casual or dress up? Casual. Right? To be honest, I like to dress up, right? I'm the woman in the relationship.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:04:45]:
What happened? Do you prefer the mountains or the ocean? Mountains. Me too, actually. Me too. So that's the one thing we have in common. No, but, what kind of sports do you like? Basketball. Okay. Basketball. To be honest, my wife, her normal answer is anything with a ball.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:05:08]:
Right? Anything with a ball. And you know what? For mine, it's anything where there's fighting. No, but, you know, that's that's kind of the thing. Right? And so we're we're to be honest, when we look at ourselves, my wife and I, we're we're quite different. And and I'm guessing that, you know, like, whether you're talking about a dating relationship, or marriage, or even friends, is that you may have a band of commonality. Everybody has that band of commonality. But the thing is you're probably a little different. Right? When you see best friends, you generally don't see two people who are really outgoing as the best friends.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:05:44]:
Right? You see one who's kinda like the life of the party, or a little bit more outgoing, and one a little bit more shy. Right? It's the same in it's the same in marriages I've found. Right? That otherwise, sometimes they compete. That that you find that there's differences. One is a night owl, the other one's a morning person. Right? Somebody likes the outdoors, the other one likes the indoors. But we see these things, but why is that? I think it's there's a there's general principles that happen. And part of that we find actually even in scripture, not just principle, but instruction.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:06:17]:
And we wanna talk about that. How can you have a healthy relationship? How can you have practice some relationship essentials even if we're different? And I'm gonna guess that if you're sitting next to your spouse today, or you're you're sitting next to your, great friend today, or you're sitting next to a family member today, that yeah, you have bands of commonality, but obviously, there's things that are quite different. And so the scripture says it like this, and it's talking in terms of marriage that we're going to read, the passage found in Matthew chapter 19, verses four to six. And would you be kind enough to stand with me, and let's stand in reverence to God, and reverence for His word? And he says it like this. Ready? Let's read. Haven't you read the Scriptures? Jesus replied. They record that from the beginning, God made them male and female. And He said, this explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:07:25]:
And since they are no longer two, but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together. And you know, I love those aspects. He's saying that God made them male and female. He made them different. Right? And no matter what the culture has said, the culture has gone, you know, from a place where we totally understood this, and you would have books that were called like, men are from Mars and women are from Venus, and you would have all these things that talked about brain differences, and physiological differences between men and women, until we got to the place a few years ago where we thought like, no, it's just it doesn't matter. You know, you're, you can be whatever it is, and and all of those things. But the scriptures say, that's not how we were made. That we were made different.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:08:11]:
But I love what it says a little later. It says, despite that, despite our differences, this is what he says, the two are united into one. And this sense of oneness, and the sense of being different is not a hindrance for us to practice relationship essentials. It's actually the framework in which we do. It's that most of the relationships that you'll have, you will complement, you will come alongside, you will be a strength in one area, and someone will be a strength strength to you in another area. But in that aspect, it says that different people, despite their differences, that you can have experienced oneness. So before you're seated, do me a favor. Just turn to your neighbor and say, hey, God made us different, but to be one.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:08:58]:
Say, hey, God made us different, but to be one. Right? And you can have a seat. You know, I noticed, I noticed a few things about how people process change, at times by taking people on multiple, mission trips that throughout the years, and usually, you know, for for me it was in Japan, in different cities, in Okinawa, and Nikita, and Nagoya, and different places, and and sometimes on the mainland, United States, but one of the things that would happen is that going on mission trips is that often when people would go to Japan for the first time, they would fall in love with Japan. And one of the things that often things that I would hear is, like, wow, things are so orderly and neat and clean. Right? And sometimes there's, like, amazing technology that you have and that we don't see here. In some ways, they would be, generally, everybody thinks that food is amazing in in Japan. Right? And they would say this as well, that people are so nice, even though we cannot communicate so well. Everybody's so polite.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:10:14]:
And I've heard people say, man, I would love to live here. And then, after we're there for a few weeks, and then after you're forced to interact in some places where you're challenged, and you don't really kinda know all the rules, and and that you find out there's more rules than than than you thought, and there's all these things things that sometimes I would start to see people withdraw. And instead of saying, Let's go, and let's tell everybody about Jesus, all of a sudden it's like, Oh, do we have to go out today? Right? Instead of wanting to explore all the Japanese food every once in a while, I start hearing somebody say, hey, can we eat at McDonald's today? And you know, the thing is that what they were experiencing at times, even people say, hey, it's like, instead of I can't, I'm so excited to be here, it's like, I can't wait to go home, I've heard. And and you know the thing is that when you start and you go into things that are so amazing, and and great, and and and different, sometimes become a little hard over time. You call that culture shock when it it comes to something like that, and where people get overwhelmed by the amount of changes, and all of a sudden everything feels different. And so people begin to pull away, and people begin to kinda, kinda get a little bit more unengaged, disengaged. And you know, the old saying is this, that opposites attract, but then sometimes, opposites attack. Right? And so, one of those things I think we need to be mindful of, that if you've been married for more than a week, right, you probably understand that, man, you are more different than you ever imagined before you got married.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:12:01]:
It's the way that you're wired up. It's the way that you see things. And the things that sometimes made you, the other person, so amazingly, attractive to you all of a sudden, sometimes, start to grate against us. And and as a result, I think that this is not the sign that relationship essentials don't work. It's just that relationship essentials work even if we're different. And so the secret sometimes we think is that you have to put up. How many of you feel like you put up with a lot from your partner? You can raise your hand. No, I was kidding.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:12:37]:
But like, you don't want to have a beef right after service. But, you know, I've talked to people every once in a while. It's like, man, you have no idea, like, in in private conversation, right? But you have no idea what I put up with, and this, and this, and and I understand that thought, and you know, but the reality is, if you've ever thought, you know, how much I put up with the other person, I think the reality is that we all put up with something. Right? There's an There was a joke I read, it says a husband told his wife, you know, honey, you should learn to embrace your mistakes. And then she goes, oh, come here, then I'll give you a hug. Right? And, but the reality is that we're all putting up with something from somebody. If you're married, or you have a family member, and you feel like, you know, you put up with the parent that's that's, you know, so stubborn, or you're putting up with the person who's so messy, or you're putting up with the person who's so slow about getting things done, or you're putting up with the person who doesn't seem to pull their fair share of the the little The reality is, yes, you may be putting up with something, but so are they. Right? And I think that if we're gonna be a people who, have practiced the relationship essentials, even if we're different, the first thing is you have to remember is don't ignore the differences, right? Because there are differences.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:13:59]:
How many of you guys that you see the differences, but here's the second part of that, but be humble about your own faults. Be humble about your own weaknesses. Be humble about your own areas where it weighs on the other person. On Ephesians four, verse two, it says it like this. Can we read this together? It says it like this. Ready? Begin. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:14:33]:
And you know the thing is, it says, you know, be gentle and make allowance for the stupid weaknesses of your friends and your family or your partner. Doesn't say that, right? But what does it say? I love what it says. It says first, be humble. Let's say that. Be humble. Right? Be humble. You guys ever see that bumper sticker? Hey, be humble. No grumble.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:14:55]:
Right? And but the thing is, be humble. Why? Because they're making allowance for you as well. You know, so often, we tend to see things from our own perspective. When my wife and I got together, I knew that we were different. But you know, the thing is that you tend to underestimate the differences before you get married at times. Right? You think, oh, it's so cute. She's so wise and smart, and the whole thing, and it's like, but we have a different pace, you know, like this week, we were out like basically every night for different kinds of events, or we had people over, and, you know, I I had some events I had to go to, and some were other kinds of events that I needed to be at, and and I can run that kind of a pace for a little bit, you know, but but my wife is a little different. Right? Her her pace isn't the same pace as mine, and there's usually a little bit more where she needs to rest, she has to do that, and and, you know, that's a little bit more where she needs to rest, she has to do that, and and, you know, that's not a problem.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:15:56]:
But I remember as we were dating, you know, like, there would often be those moments, and I would just be like, hey, but we're together, right? We're spending time together. And she said, How am I doing? And I asked her after having been like three or four nights out, and she said, Oh, not that good. Now, the reason I asked is I already thought that we were going to be good because we've been spending every night together. But I didn't understand there's a difference between being together and having together time. Right? Together time is when I'm together with her, that's a different thing for her. But if she's out so often, you know, that she feels that weight. Now, I, I understood that, and I go, Oh, okay. I just have to understand my wife has a different pace than I run.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:16:44]:
Right? She has a different tolerance level. But you know the other thing would be is that when we would try to try to resolve conflicts, my wife could be careful and explain her way, but but so often that on the spur of the moment, she needs a little time to think and process, where I'm at the point where, like, let's just beef it out, and at the end, we'll be all good. Right? And so I didn't realize that my wife's style was she cannot just beef it out because she's she's still processing, right? And so I would push the point, so do you guys ever push the point and you make your spouse cry? Right? And and I would be in that way. And I I needed to say, you know, sometimes I would say, I wish you could just reach if you just hash it out, it would be easy. In other words, you know what I was saying? I wish you were like me. But to be honest, I didn't marry her because she was like me. If I married somebody like me, I would drive me crazy. Right? But the thing is, yeah, sometimes it feels comfortable.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:17:59]:
Now, here's the thing is that we do need to not ignore the differences, but we need to be humble about our own faults, because that helps us to live wisely. Proverbs 20 four:five says this, The wise are mightier than the strong, and those with knowledge grow stronger and stronger. You know the thing is that it's because I realize that I have my own faults, although we're different, that it allows me to appreciate some of her strengths. You know, she's a saver. She's a saver. And to be honest, on my money style, I'm probably more of a spender. I'm more of a spender, especially if there's something that I want to do. I'm going to save because we're going to take a vacation.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:18:45]:
I'm going to save because we need to get, you know, a new thing, right? Or we're saving because the kids needed, you know, to go on this soccer trip or this sports thing, and all of those things. But the the thing is that I'll save for a purpose, but but at the same time, you know that the fact that she's a saver used to drive me crazy when I wanted to buy a big screen TV, because I would have money put on the side, you know? Like, we share all our money. There's only one account in our family, but the thing is that but sometimes, you know, you just have cash, right? That kind of thing. And I had the money for a brand new TV, and I said, hon, let's just I gotta buy that new TV. And she said, no, we should save it, because, and she would say generally something like, it just would make me so irritated. Because of the kids. Forget the kids. No, I was kidding, but like, you know, the thing is that you couldn't argue.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:19:41]:
I couldn't argue with that. That the kids, yes, okay. They needed, they needed, we needed to save for Christmas, we needed to save for this. And it just drove me crazy, because you know what I wanted? I wanted to just watch the big screen TV by myself, but, but I was grateful for it. And we had differences in parenting. How many of you guys, what I found is people say that the number one thing that people fight about is money, and we have had our disagreements, but the biggest, I think, disagreements we've had is in parenting, right? It's in parenting style. There's been times where I've been so strict, and my wife says, I don't think you need to be that strict. And then there's been times where she's really hard line, and I'm saying, you know, I think we can loosen up a little bit on that thing.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:20:31]:
But part of that is we're raised in different kind of families, different kind of cultures, right? And the thing is, she loves to window shop. Just look, right? I need a purpose. I need a purpose to go. You know, the thing is that we do go shopping though, often. You know why? And I tell my wife, it's just like, I don't love shopping, I just love you, right? But the other stuff, I'll do. But this is what it says in one Peter three:seven. Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way. Let's say understanding way.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:21:08]:
You know, what does that mean? You're putting up with stuff, right, that you understand there's differences. You understand. It's not about right versus wrong. It's about sometimes you have a way, and there's sometimes I have a way. Sometimes, it's about preference. It's not about right or wrong often. Right? It's about what I like, what versus what she likes. It's what about the way that we'd like to do it.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:21:33]:
Now, the same can be said about wives. Wives, live with your husbands in an understanding way. Maybe not because they're the weaker partner, but that we would show them honor. You know the aspect about honor is not something that is one way. It's not that husbands need to honor their wives, and wives don't need to honor their husbands, right? It goes both ways. Do me a favor. Just turn to your neighbor and says, honor goes both ways. And so it's saying you can understand the differences, and the differences do matter, but that we can live in a way that honors one another.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:22:15]:
And so, be a little humble. Be a little humble. Now, if you're like us that we, we don't fight all the time. In fact, we I don't think we fight very often, but it does happen. Right? It happens in spurts and stops, and all of a sudden when, you know, when somebody's working on something, I don't know if you guys have been like this, is that, they're working on something, or I'm working on something, but I haven't really mastered it. My wife, like I said, you know, have asked me at times to do projects around the house, and I have been great to start like three years ago, but never finish yet. You know, I don't know if anybody else is in that way, but you know, sometimes it's like, and I understand the frustration that comes with that. I understand my work, and I'm saying I'm going to get to it.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:23:13]:
I'm going to get to it. I'm going to get to it. I'll finish it. But sometimes, this is what happens, is that I think we just need to look for progress, we said before, and not perfection. But the reason I'm saying these things is because I think everybody has a weakness, and that's that's my weakness. When it comes to projects, I'll often start it. I'll work hard at getting it, and then all of a sudden I'll come up against something, and I can't figure this out, or I just need to order something, and I never get around to ordering it. I find that weakness about myself, and some of the home projects especially.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:23:48]:
Right? Yes. Procrastination. Thank you. That was what my wife just called it. I called it something else, but my wife called it procrastination sometimes. But, thank you for sharing that. But, but you know, the thing is that, but we all have our weakness. Right? We all have our weakness.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:24:06]:
But this is what it says in Proverbs, that a house is built by wisdom. Let's say the word wisdom. And become strong to good sense. So even though we're different, if we have wisdom, right, if we have good sense, we can still be solid. We can still be strong. Through knowledge, its rooms are filled with all sorts of precious riches and valuables. And so, my wife and I, we speak a different language in terms of our native language. Her native language is Japanese.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:24:43]:
My native language is English. And you guys have heard me saying that I've been learning English, not English, I've been learning English too my whole life, but, I'll get better at it one day. But, I've been learning Japanese, right, a little bit over the last six months, I guess, and you know, the whole aspect about that is I'm not great, but I'm making progress. Right? I'm not fluent in any way, but I'm making progress. And my wife sees me. My wife sees me taking efforts, right? Now, and one of the great things I'm doing, she doesn't mock me at my level of Japanese, right? She encourages me. Every once in a while, she mocks the app and the way the app sounds, right? The voice in the whole thing. But she encourages me along the way.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:25:37]:
And sometimes I know that you know, being a person who has lived in a country that is not her native language for the last twenty nine years, I guess at this point, that there's a weight that comes with that on her. And you know what? I value that, and I appreciate that about her. And so that we make space for our differences. We make space for our differences. Is there someone, I just wanna ask you this, is there some place where you just need to make an allowance for the differences between you and your spouse? Is there some place in your family where, you know, you're together, but you see it so hard that their shortcoming or their weakness. And when you're together like that, you know each other's weaknesses and shortcomings, right? You know their character flaws, right? You know their areas where they tend to stumble. But is there a place where you can humble yourself and make an allowance? That's what the scripture calls us. Everybody puts up with something in some way.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:26:47]:
But here's the other thing, I think, is that you have to also focus on what you have in common. You have to also focus on what you have in common. You strengthen the common ties rather than exaggerate the difference, right, That under the the right circumstances, that we see that so often their their differences can be a strength to us, but we also see that sometimes we have the same goal. We just come about it in a different way. And it says it like this in Ephesians four:three. He says, make every effort, let's say make every effort, to keep yourselves what? Unify. United in the spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. You know, when, we got married, we made some common decisions that we said at the beginning is, when we found out that we were expecting our first child is that she would stay home and raise the kids, and that I would be basically the sole breadwinner until the kids maybe got older and the whole thing.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:28:03]:
And you know how it is to live on one income in Hawaii, to live in a pastor's income in Hawaii. It was a big sacrifice. But that we had a common vision. We had a common goal. It's something that we wanted for our kids. It wasn't a sacrifice. It was. It wasn't easy.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:28:24]:
And at the same time, we committed to that together. Right? And why is that? Because to us, apart from Jesus, family is the most important thing in our life. Right? And so we also said some things about some common desires and some common commitments. And I remember when we were getting married, we talked about it. I just said that, Hey, you know, when my parents get old, and they can't really take care of themselves, I would love for them to be able to live with us. Would you be open to that before we even got married? And my wife said, Yeah, she would. And you know, the thing is then I asked her, because even though her parents are in Japan, I said, you know, like one day your parents are gonna get old too, and the whole thing. And it's like, what do you think about your parents? And she said, well, I would like to take care of my parents too.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:29:26]:
And I said, of course not. No, I was kidding. You'd never say that, right? But the thing is that I said, of course. Of course. We'll somehow get a giant house and have four, three families together. No, but I did say that, though. We we didn't know how. We had a commitment even though we had no idea how.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:29:50]:
We had a commitment because it was a thing that we valued. It was a thing that we held in common. But we made agreements. We made agreements that we would not intentionally try to hurt each other by our words. We made Have we kept that every day? No. I would say we haven't. I would say I haven't. She's been better than me.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:30:14]:
We made a commitment that we would never bring up the word divorce when we got in an argument. We've kept that commitment. But when we have these things, is that you have to focus on what you have in common. Our commitment to family, our commitment to our parents, our commitment to each other. You know, one of the things I appreciated about my wife when we got married was that, she had been a follower of Jesus who had paid a price to follow Him. That she was able to make sacrifices. That she was able to be obedient when she didn't feel like it. That when things blew up in her face, and her previous engagement, dissolved, she kept trusting Jesus.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:31:02]:
I really respected that. I really valued that because I understood that she had a faith that had been tested, and she she had perseverance. And you know what that means? In some other language, it also means she's stubborn. And, you know, the thing is, I also understand about myself that I've been through things, and I've been told that, Glenn, you have a tremendous sense to persevere, which you know what that means? I'm stubborn. And sometimes, when I see my wife's stubbornness, I just remember, well I'm just as stubborn. I'm just as stubborn. And what happens though, is that over time, that we begin to change. Right? We we went through different seasons.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:31:55]:
We had the seasons where, kids were young, and and it required twenty four hour effort on her part. And I gave not as much, but I gave in that. And then things changed. And then there's sometimes that you're in this place where you're changing and you don't know what's changing, but you feel the friction. And do you guys know what it means? It's the things were running smoothly before, and it was seamless, and then all of a sudden you don't know why, but you you feel the grinding a little bit. You feel the tension a little bit, and you can't put your finger on it. And sometimes things are happening on the outside, and sometimes things are happening on the inside. But in those moments, we need to give each other the space to grow and to change, and that we need to be willing to stretch and change as well.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:32:53]:
Right? That's the third thing. Be willing to stretch and change. Ecclesiastes three:one says, For there's a season, a time for every activity under heaven. And what does that talk about? It talks about that seasons change. Right? It talks about that, hey, there's a time to be freshly in love, and there's a time to mature in love. It talks about that there's a time when everything's going your way, and it's gonna be a season, probably, when things aren't always going your way. It's It's gonna be a time where there's a fullness in your house, and there's gonna be times there's a leanness in your house, right? There's a time for new births, and then there will be times of passing. He says there is a season for every activity under heaven.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:33:43]:
He says, There's a time for war and a time for peace. You know, when we got married, we were a little older compared to many of our friends who got married. I was 35, and she was 33. We had had very full lives prior to that. And you know, because of that, I just thought that you know, we're pretty developed already. We we don't have to go through a lot of the same arguments. I think if I got married at 25 when I thought I wanted to get married, we'd be divorced by '28, you know, because I was so immature. And the thing is that the way that I would, argue was a, was like, it was a little rough, I guess, you know.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:34:31]:
We were watching a crime story, courtroom story, kind of a series the other day, and you know, we were talking about it later after the series was done, and we're watching it, and the kids came in and they were, What are you guys watching? And we were watching about this thing. And we were talking about how attorneys, that sometimes, how do they do their job, because it seems like in this case, they must have known that the person was guilty. To be honest, I'm talking about, we watched the OJ trial thing on Netflix. Anybody watch that OJ series? I was there in LA when all that happened. So I will remember it well. I remember the Bronco down the road. I remember all that stuff. It was, it just dominated everything.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:35:18]:
My wife wasn't here. She's learning about it for the first time. And so when all this came out, like, oh, it's obvious that they would have known he was guilty, but they just did it anyway, it's at that point that I said, you know, I always wanted to be a lawyer myself. I always wanted to be an attorney. But when I found out that, you know, sometimes you have to do things that you know the person is probably guilty, I didn't think I could do it. And my wife says, You would have made a good attorney. Which means, I like to argue, I think is what I think that meant. But, but you know, the thing is, I'm a recovering attorney in marriage.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:36:07]:
You guys know what I mean? I'm not meant to be a prosecutor, and I'm not meant to be a one to turn over I used to be that way. I used to get so pointed. I remember making my wife cry so often. If you're married to a recovering attorney, my condolences that for being married to people like this. But the thing is that we need to grow and change, right? We need to learn how to change our style because life is constantly moving. The seasons are constantly shifting. The weather is constantly changing. And we're trying to sometimes discern where we are, where our partners at, right? Who are we with, right? We learn from all of our mistakes.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:36:51]:
And when we're in that kind of a situation, sometimes things change, and it wasn't what you envisioned. It wasn't what I envisioned when my dad came down with cancer. You know, it wasn't what I envisioned. And the three months where I was hardly home, it wasn't what I envisioned. But my wife was the most gracious person to say, You know what? We'll bring the kids over when we can. The church was so gracious. It covered me when I needed it. And the whole thing.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:37:29]:
And, but we were in agreement. It's because of our commitment to family. And my wife never complained. And when my dad passed after a few months, we wanted to bring my mom into our house. And the only problem was that she wasn't ready to give up her home. She wasn't ready to to leave the place where she had spent her whole life with my dad in their marriage almost, and where we all grew up. And so I understood that. And so we were trying to do a renovation at the same time in our house.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:38:09]:
But we waited, because if my mom came, it would mean certain kinds of renovations, right? Because she would take our bedroom, which is downstairs, and then we would have to go upstairs. So we knew we would have to kinda do some things upstairs. And we waited for two years. And then my mom finally said, okay. I'm ready to come. And she said, okay. Now we can do the renovation. And then through a series of other kind of events, that blew up, and my mom stayed, in Wahiawa.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:38:42]:
And all those times, my wife never complained when we finally did the renovation after waiting for three years on my mom. But last year, last year was her term. Well, last year was because after her dad passed away, and although we couldn't do a whole lot because of COVID, it came time to help mom to get ready to leave her house. She wasn't gonna come here, but we spent four months apart. Not all at one time, but throughout the seasons. And it was difficult at times to talk because of the time difference. Right? And sometimes when I would call, I would go to voicemail, and sometimes we'd chat for a minute. And to be honest, I was a little disappointed that we didn't talk more.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:39:43]:
But I know she was working hard every day, Like, literally packing the house because my mother-in-law was overwhelmed that she couldn't do it. It would never have gotten done unless my wife had driven the whole process. And when it came time to wrap up and actually move, it wasn't for my wife. We know my mother-in-law would, to be honest, she would still be sitting in that house today, all alone, in a big, giant house. And, but here's the thing. It's not the fact that those seasons happen, but we have to let our partners change, and that we change in the process as well. Because it's not just who I am or who she is. It's who we are when we're together, and it's who we are when we're apart.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:40:45]:
It's who we are when we're raising the kids, and it's who we are when it's just us, right? Things are different. But what I say to my wife is that regardless of how things change, what I wanna work us is that we're together. Even when we're physically apart. Amos three:three says it like this, Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? The answer is no, right? It's It's the implied answer. Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? And so even though we were different, and we're different seasons, and things happened twelve years apart from when my parents went through these things, We agreed on the direction ahead of time. And when she needed to change, it was my time to give. And so here's the thing, sometimes you plant something in faith. We're gonna stay together.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:41:54]:
Sometimes you plant something in faith. We're gonna take care of our parents. But when push comes to shove, and you go, I don't know how we're gonna have the time. I don't know how we're gonna have the money. I don't know how we're gonna have the energy. Don't dig up in fear and frustration what you once planted in faith. Don't dig up because of the pressure, or you don't have the answer at the moment. What you planted in faith, keep trusting God for.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:42:27]:
And there are things that you'll get frustrated about, and there are some things that you won't always agree on. And one of those things that I found that we've done, and we're trying to follow Jesus's way the best that we can, is we try to follow the golden rule, in some ways. What is the golden rule? Yeah. It's found in Matthew seven twelve. And it says it like this. What does it say? Let's read. Do to others whatever you would like them to do for you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:43:12]:
And I don't think it means that if, you know, somebody is an extrovert that's like, I want to go out and meet all these people, I want to go say hi, and I want to do all these things, and you're married to an introvert, that you do to them what you want to be done to you, because that means you're just treating her like you want to be treated. No, it's treat her in the way she wants to be treated. Right? I think that's the aspect. And it's like, what is it that needs to happen? And that when we have been upset, and when we have not been able to agree on something, I think what it's meant is, is that rather than turning away from one another and just doing our own thing, is that we always made a decision, and we always try to make a decision that where we move toward each other, and where we honor our commitment. Because anytime I have chosen to just sit, No, I don't wanna talk, and I leave, I think I tear at the fabric of oneness. You know, I just remember one of the biggest things that we argued about was when the kids were a little younger, and we just knew it was so tight at that season financially, that I came up with an idea, because I would do so many weddings, is that I wanna start a wedding business. Right? Because I already had folks, in the process who could run the business. Right? I had videographers who I could work with.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:44:54]:
I had musicians that, I could work with a lot of people from the church, and it would help other people. And, you know, I knew locations. I had all these things. I started dialoguing with limousine services and different things, and I I put together a plan, and and I remember talking to my wife about that, and, she said, you know, that sounds like you've thought about it a lot. I said, I have. I put a lot in. I have everybody. I have makeup.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:45:25]:
I have the photographers. I have videographers. I have all these things. And but the only thing is that my plan was like, let's focus on Japanese, weddings. Because it's so much cheaper for them to get married in Hawaii that But guess what, hon? We need a liaison to talk with the people in for Japan. That's your role. And she said, she said, Well, you know, I see that doing weddings is a ministry and not a business. I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, me too, when it's in the church.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:46:10]:
But the people from Japan, they pay big money, and they come to get married. And we don't have to charge that much. We can do it in a different way. And she said, I yeah. That's true. They'll get married no matter what. But I just see it's it's a ministry, and I don't wanna do it like that. And as a as a business, I I just feel like it's not a right thing.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:46:32]:
And I was just I started getting mad. And to be honest, it's probably like the maddest I've gotten, in in our marriage. And part of the reason, I'll just I only saw it in hindsight, was that because I felt a little guilty and I felt a little shame. Because I felt like I wasn't bringing enough financial resource into our lives at that season. And here I came up with a solution, and that you're shooting my solution down. Does that make sense? And so after she said that, I literally said, I don't care what you say. I'm going to just start this business. I'll go find somebody else who can speak Japanese.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:47:22]:
I literally said that. Not to her, but I just said it, and I just started to move out this way. And the next day, I did my devotion. And as I'm meeting with God, God just said this: You're not doing the business. And I was shocked. And I I said, but Lord, look at all the work that I've done. Well, you know, the thing is that once he said that, to be honest, after a few minutes, I just I said, Okay, Lord. You know the best.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:47:57]:
But you know what? The thing is that when I married my wife, I always wanted somebody who would challenge me and keep me in line what I didn't want to do, like, what God wanted me to do. And I knew I'd have my own weaknesses. And at that time, it was a financial weakness, and it was a financial fear. And so I'm glad that God gave me what I asked for. It just felt chafing at the season at the moment. And I'm gonna add, I'm gonna submit to you that when you think back at those moments in your life where you've chafed in those relationships, sometimes in the hardest chafing, the reality is you just were getting what you prayed for. It just didn't feel good at the moment. I recognize that about myself.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:48:59]:
But you know the thing I love about my wife? She never shamed me. She never looked down on me. She never said, I thought you were a man of faith. Aren't you just gonna trust God? She never said anything like that. She did invite me to pray. She did say, I know you worked hard. I know that you but let's, let's trust God. And you know, God got us through that season.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:49:27]:
She was right. And it's not wrong what I was doing because I was trying to be as proactive as I could. But this is what I found is that's so important in those areas where there's difference is that I need to be submitted to Jesus, and I need to nurture that spiritual walk with God. And if you're you're in that place where you're chafing, you need to be able to submit yourself to Jesus and nurture that relationship with God. Because I couldn't have taken it from my wife in that moment, but I could take it from God. You know, Jesus was told the disciple, told the Pharisees once, he said, you know, you search the scriptures because you think they gave you eternal life, but the scriptures point to me, but you refuse to come to me to receive this life. The reality is there's no human relationship that will meet all of your needs, obviously. And so Jesus's call, his invitation is is come to me, and let me give you life when you're not getting along.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:50:51]:
Let me give you strength when you seem to be chafing. Let me give you when the differences seem hard and you can't hear it from the other person, well, maybe you can hear it from me. And you know, that's been that's been a saving grace, not just on my side, but I think on her side. And you know, Ephesians three two says, this relationship that we have, that we need to be reminded it's a stewardship from God. It's a gift from God that we need to steward. And so, I'm guessing for all of us that whether you're married or you'd like to be, whether you're dating or, you know, you just have friends or family, they're all relationships that you have to steward. It's a stewardship from God. But the best way you steward it is when you're close to Him, to hear have His word, to have have Him have the final say.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:52:03]:
So when you can't take it from someone who says it, you guys ever get in that thing, who's right? It doesn't matter who's right. Just do what is right. That's been the thing that has helped us. It's been a relationship essential that has weathered us through the differences. That make sense? Hey, let's bow our heads. We'll close in a word of prayer. Well, I know at times when when we begin a relationship or when we start a time together or maybe we're doing something. And we're so blessed by the differences and the wonderful things that our partner will bring, Lord.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:52:59]:
A wife, a husband, Lord, a family member, Lord, great friends. But Lord, sometimes when push comes to shove, and we really want what we really want, and maybe we're sensing those differences. Lord, it doesn't always feel like a blessing. But, Lord, you you called us not to be run by our feelings, but to be run by our faith and our trust in you. And father, I'm thankful that when we honor one another and we don't ignore the differences, we don't ignore the fact that sometimes we work hard to resolve conflict, and we try to come to a mutually beneficial solution. The fact is sometimes we still disagree. But Lord that I'm thankful that we can submit ourselves to you. Father, I'm thankful that we can trust you to even work through those moments of difficulty and moments of differences.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:54:20]:
Father, I thank you that that if both parties, Lord, are are a party that are filled with your spirit, I thank you there's nothing that will be impossible that we can't get through together. Lord, when we make an allowance for each other's differences, when we make an allowance for each other's weaknesses, Father, when we focus on the common things and not magnify the different things, Lord, I'm thankful it's possible. And we'll grow and we'll change. But at the end, we'll look more like you. So Father, would you bless my friends? Father, would you bless all of us who are are in relationships where we see the differences. And we're thankful for them. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Pastor Glenn Yamaguchi [00:55:15]:
Amen. Hey, God bless you guys.