What is up bros, I'm Caleb and I'm Jonathan and we are a couple of bros on a mission to
give you guys the most detailed movie reviews out there with as little bias as possible.
Welcome to the all bros.
This week we are joined by our official third host DJ from the untrained eye.
Cross out the un I am officially official Victor.
Do you hear that?
Do you hear that crash?
Do you hear that?
I miss you Vic please come back.
I was seeing your messages on Instagram is Vic okay?
Yeah he's good.
He's just okay.
He's been busy and it's pissing me off because he jacked up my Friday listening schedule.
Also I'll get some crashing tides of taking a break or are they just done?
My guess is it's done.
Well me and crash can get back again and redo your guys's your terrible recounting of the
new Shazam movie and we can put it where it rightfully belongs over black Adam.
I gave it a 75.
Caleb is the one that gave it a higher score.
Our personal so this is okay here's my defense for all this.
Our personal scores for the Shazam movies our personal score for Shazam was the highest
then fury of the gods then black Adam but black Adam just kind of did a little bit better
when it came to the special effects.
Are you shitting me?
You're gonna look at me with a straight face and tell me that Shazam had better effects
than black Adam?
Here's what I'm gonna tell you.
I've never even seen the movie.
I just like making you mad.
Hey me too.
You haven't seen black Adam?
No I saw I've never I haven't seen Shazam yet.
New Shazam.
Oh.
So you've seen the first Shazam and black Adam though.
Okay to be fair I've seen some of original Shazam.
It is a snooze fest and black Adam was whatever black it's fine it's all colored differently
now because the rock sucks so I don't know what to think anymore everything is everything
is upside down because the rock again I've loved the rock since I was a child and the
fact that he is a being a supreme douchebag about all of this makes me sad and I don't
know what to do with it.
Yeah his ego is showing a lot these days.
Well oopsie doopsie James Gunn came in there and squished it so ego death time for the
rock hopefully.
Anyway Vic come on let's do this let's do this right we're gonna put the fury of the
gods where it belongs.
Yeah I have I have him like somewhat committed to doing an episode with us after the Super
Mario Bros. the the new one the new animated one but yeah so I haven't I haven't committed
to doing something after that so hopefully that reignites the fire for podcasting.
I mean listen it's it gets hard out in them streets and then podcasting streets sometimes
like kudos to you guys for staying consistent and strong as like even the show that I do
the untrained eye like it's been like three wait by the time this show this episode comes
out it will officially have been four months since we've released an episode and I mean
you can see you can see me the people can't like I'm in the studio right now like the
studio exists the equipment's there like we want to do it it's just sometimes life just
gets too hard in the way and I don't know I feel for Vic because I get it I'm on that
boat there with him right now like I want to do it well I assume he wants to do it again
so bad I know I do like that's I don't know that's why I like being your guys's third
third host because I can get my fix in.
Well we love having you on and we would love to have Vic on again and we will I'll freaking
make sure of it.
Sounds like a threat.
It is a threat.
Vic do it.
If he doesn't think that I'm above flying to California just to kick his ass a little
bit I would pay all the money to see you try and do that I have a feeling that Vic would
wrap you up in a way that you had never imagined before.
As true as that may be I do I don't have a quitter spirit.
It's true he does not.
Like straight up like I there were times that my I was getting like choked out by like my
brothers or just like I took like jujitsu for a little bit and like they were like choking
me out I was turning blue and someone had to intervene and be like yeah he's done.
You're killing him.
Before yeah and so like I remember my dad and I were just wrestling for fun and like
he had my like my arm like locked and he's just like like you're done and I'm just like
what a bet.
Oh my god.
Break it.
You won't.
Dude how old were you?
How old were you Caleb?
Probably like 14, 15.
Hey man good news you are right on schedule.
My freaking I love my nephew but god dang dude when that when he gets in the freaking
let's wrestle mode he's that guy like I'm beating him literally to death and he's like
no no I can still do it.
I'm like you're there's no you don't have any arms.
I took them both from you.
He's like nope just let me stand up I'll hit you with my head.
I'll just run at you as hard as I can.
It's amazing.
I love you weirdos and you're freaking.
Why don't do this.
Don't die.
We love you.
Have you ever seen Here Comes the Boom?
No.
So he has his move like it's the same situation he gets put into like an impossible arm bar
and he just grabs his hand lifts the dude up and just slams him on the ground.
I was trying to pull that shit with my dad.
I'm like you'll never break me.
Oh my god.
And even if I was being like disrespectful like he'd like wrestle with me and he's like
say sorry say sorry and I'm like I'd rather die.
That's it.
That's my nephew.
I'm like have you had enough.
Like he'll be screaming.
I'm like have you had enough.
No.
And I'll just pull his arm a little more.
Are you sure.
No.
I'm like say you've had enough.
No.
I'm like I'm gonna break your arm buddy.
I'll do it.
I got a car.
I can take you to the hospital.
No.
All right.
Like yeah.
So I thought go to bed fool.
Just the unbridled confidence I had way back when it's it's impressive.
I'll give it that.
It is very impressive.
So anyway getting into what we're discussing this week.
We do not have anything in 4K spotlight and not really anything to discuss with through
the wall this week.
So it's another pretty slow news week.
I went way through the wall.
That's your where you talk about trailers and stuff right.
Trailers news and yeah.
So the folks at home might like to know that before we started recording you to let me
know that the new Indiana Jones flick is called Indiana Jones in the Park bench of doom or
something like that.
Way better title.
The dial of doom.
What do you say it's called.
Dial of destiny.
The dial of destiny.
Hey man you're done.
Harrison it's done.
You're finished.
Pierce the other year and go home.
But hasn't he like come out and said that he's like he like wow he enjoys playing Indiana
Jones way more than Han Solo.
So like he actually like kind of cared to come back for this fifth one.
Get the hell out of my face.
This guy loves paychecks is what he loves.
He loves them sweet sweet paychecks and he's to listen every I just that's all I had to
say the freaking dial of doom and get the hell out of my face with all that noise.
Unless they bring back Shia LaBouf then they have no balls at all and I don't want to hear
anything else about it.
No I only want to see Shortran come back.
Come on.
Kei Hukwan is dude that would be the shit.
He's already on a freaking like amazing journey right now coming back to acting.
That would just be the cherry on top and I would love that so much.
Can I just tell you I would rather.
No I don't want I don't want him to lower down to be in a subpar Indiana Jones movie
that is it's not fair.
It's not right.
He's on top of the world and Harrison Ford is digging his own grave like go die sir respectfully
die and let this man have his moment in the sun.
Do not do not film some pickups with Shortran where you hug and you embrace and you're like
we dialed it up to 11 one more time Shortran and he's like you got a Dr. Jones and they
go off in their taxi or whatever.
No come on that's a perfect end credit scene.
That needs to be the after credit scene.
There we go.
Yeah.
If there was anyone in the world that I was super worried about joining the MCU it was
freaking Harrison Ford because he barely cares.
He's like hey everyone it's me.
I'm here to be a guy.
Am I a Hulk.
Am I a general.
Am I a president.
I don't know.
That's what I'm worried about.
I don't know if Harrison Ford is going to be good enough to play a freaking Hulk.
Maybe I'm the only one that doesn't think his acting is that bad.
No it's not that.
It's just it doesn't feel like he gives a shit.
That's it.
I mean listen you can only do so many movies where a man is pretending to be a dog and
you have to take it seriously before you got to wonder what you're doing with your life.
And I think that's where Harrison Ford is at.
No fair enough.
Yeah.
Just friggin decisions are going around.
You know what you guys talk me into it.
I'm going to be their opening night now.
Listen if you guys are going to torture yourselves like that I'll do it too.
So don't don't tempt me with a terrible time.
By the way speaking of speaking of terrible times Caleb listen to me.
Oh boy.
Oh God.
Do you know how on the last episode you were like there's this guy who kept getting up
and he was walking out of the movie theater and walking back in and walking out.
You know what he was doing.
He was being considerate.
Guy who was like I just got to check and see if the sitter called.
Go outside.
Don't we can all see it.
Everyone can see your phone.
OK.
I know we were in the back row.
I almost killed a man when we were watching Ant-Man quantum mania because this son of
a bitch thought that he was being sneaky and he's like oh I just checked my text text text
text and I'm like hey guy I just leaned forward and I go hey as loud as I could at the quiet
as part.
Hey guy are you for real right now.
And he did his credit he didn't even budge that guy was like F you stupid.
I got a text to text and I was this close to dumping the rest of my popcorn on this
dude's head.
I was so furious.
Hey don't check your phone in the theater.
Tell your wife to not check her phone and just leave.
Just go and come back.
Just go.
And she wasn't like sitting there like texting or anything.
She just like checked her notification to make sure it wasn't from the sitter and then
put it away.
It was seriously like two seconds.
OK.
The other what you said was that she took out her cell phone and was like this movie's
terrible.
Let's see what the next movie could be.
Oh yeah.
You said I thought you were I thought you were specifically referring when when she
checked her phone for the sitter.
Yeah that pissed me off too.
You are not the only one.
You people are craziness.
You're getting defensive because you know you're wrong.
And when I become president I'm going to outlaw you people from going outside let alone to
movies you're not allowed anymore.
Turn listen all you're saying is you don't trust your sitter.
That's it.
You're saying you don't trust this person.
Take the phone power button off.
Put it in your pocket.
Enjoy your movie.
Do you know what I think of when I turn my phone off and our nephews aren't with us.
Hope they don't die.
I'm not going to know.
I'm not going to know for an hour and 25 minutes.
See you guys at the funeral.
Yeah we're not quite in that mindset yet.
Maybe as she gets older we will.
But listen I'm not saying that the person that watches your kid listens to this show
but if you are listening to this show babysitter know that the the the Caleb and his wife absolutely
do not trust you to keep their child alive.
I just want you to know that because I'm sure that is not the least bit true.
And I what.
OK I don't know if she does listen to this.
I pray she doesn't do.
OK so.
Brielle told me the most mortifying thing that I've ever heard is like right after we
got done recording.
Whatever we did after glass onion.
Let me go back to real quick.
Just this.
OK it was while we were doing Matilda.
I like we'd finished like recording.
I walked into my room.
She has how when I'm like good.
And for whatever reason she decided to say oh.
I won't say her name but she says oh she.
She listened to your show and I was like.
Which one.
Just praying that it wasn't glass onion.
Why not Caleb explain that detail.
Because I had to explain to Rose what for.
What is that.
I do not know.
Please explain further.
I'm not explaining it again.
But I had that he does not want to give the people what they want.
But go ahead.
I'm a guest in your house but you don't explain anything to me.
I get it.
Anyway I was just praying that it wasn't that one and she's just like oh it was that that
that new detective movie and I'm like oh shit.
Glass onion and she's like yeah and I'm like damn it.
And apparently she was talking about it with some people at church and I'm just like I
can never go back.
Yes yes yes yes yes yes.
Oh my god.
Well I think Caleb just became ex-Morvin so you know.
I am going to move to Atlanta now and I'm going to make friends with all these people
and be like did you guys listen to the last All Brothers podcast.
Oh yeah.
Too hot for the Internet.
But dude I was just red faced and just so freaking embarrassed.
Anytime someone's like says that they've they listen to my show unless they're like podcast
people like I get so freaking embarrassed.
And not only am I with coworkers.
Yeah and it's not because I'm embarrassed of the show like I'm super proud of the show.
It's just if you're not a podcast I don't want to hear your opinions on my show.
That and listen you guys at least have like a vehicle for conversation and discussion
like the only the two shows that I do just welcome people to go.
Well you're wrong about everything you said and thought.
And I'm like cool neat.
Those were my personal thoughts that I put on the Internet.
Glad that you felt that way about it.
It's my fault for doing that but also thank you for telling me your personal thoughts
on mine.
I'm going to go throw myself off the skyway now.
Goodbye.
I don't like even with a show like this I don't think people understand how vulnerable
like in a position this puts you like doing any sort of show podcast whatsoever.
It's just it's like my it's like my baby and anyone.
Yeah it's people who like shit on it.
I want to just rip apart and then people they're like oh I listen.
I'm like just don't tell me.
I tell people I'm like just don't tell me like some of the guys I have like I do role
playing on the weekends role playing games not like anyway.
What I was completely however you want.
OK.
Yeah.
Listen take it however you want.
It's me.
Keep going DJ.
It's me and a bunch of dudes.
We love role playing on the weekends.
Anyway listen.
That didn't even work.
Listen what could be worse than a bunch of dudes just hanging out and role playing.
Back in January we all met up in a cabin in North Carolina.
It was fine.
We get to get to role play in person.
It's great.
We really did do that by the way.
It was very funny to tell my boss that because I was like I was like hey I'm going to go.
I'm going to take a couple of days off in January.
He was like oh cool.
He's like where are you going to go.
And I was like North Carolina to Black Mountain.
He's like oh Black Mountain.
He's like what are you guys going to what are you going to do out there.
And I was like I thought about lying.
And then I was like I'm going to meet a bunch of dudes from the Internet and we're going
to do role playing games.
He was like what.
I was like yeah that's what we're going to do.
So DJ this is how you're coming out to me.
That's cool.
That's really cool.
This is the show to do it.
Guys I'm a role play.
Bye gay I see you the same way.
You don't accept me.
That's role playism.
I don't even know why I was telling you this story but I'm glad it went here.
Same here.
Why the hell was I telling you this story.
There was something about the people.
We were talking about people that are podcasters or podcasters listening to our show.
So it's come up because you know the guys that I it's all on the Internet and they see
this and they see the mic and they're like the hell you what are you in a runner.
You have a radio show or something.
I'm like no I do a podcast or like oh what's it called.
I'm like I don't remember.
One of the guys he did get it out of me and he was like I'm going to listen and I was
like don't ever tell me about it if you do.
I don't want to know.
He's like what really.
I was like yeah I was like please never tell me that you listen to it.
I don't want to know.
I don't want to know anything good bad or otherwise because then I have to think about
it every time.
I'm like actually I'm from the planet Zargog and I'm going to roll a D20 now and you're
going to be like you frickin you're stupid on so many levels.
That's all you're going to be thinking.
Dude I had some a co-worker of mine.
I was cutting our logo out on our laser machine at work for like.
Do you see.
Oh yours.
Yes it's barely cut off.
I thought you were pointing at Rose.
I'm like what.
I'm like what did I do.
It's like right at where that sign is.
So I was cutting our logo out for something I was making for me and Rose and someone came
up to request something to be cut that was like actually work related.
What is this.
They came up I was like in my own world just like not paying attention just waiting for
this little thing to finish up and it was it's not like it would took forever it only
took like three four minutes to cut and so I was just waiting for it to finish and I
hit this dude go what's the all bros and I'm like.
Somebody it's a personal project for the boss.
I don't know he's dumb.
Anyway I'm done bye.
I freaking lied I was just like it's a podcast I listen to.
It's a paintball crew I'm a part of.
We like paintball.
We're all bros.
I'm going to laugh my ass off if he actually goes and listen to it.
He's just like dude you're not going to believe this.
One of these guys sounds exactly like you.
It's tripping me out man.
His name's Caleb and everything.
Luckily the dudes he quit like shortly after that whole deal and I haven't seen him since
so I think I'm going to say this should be in the clear.
Yeah I mean if he listens now like fine whatever but it's only because I don't have any interaction
with him.
Are you are either of you like real life friends with people at work like you have like real
friends at work.
No yes actually.
Oh really.
Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait.
Is it J.C. a guy who every time you mention him I really believe you're talking about
Jesus Christ.
Yes so like I so like yeah like I have a couple guy friends at work J.C. included and then
a couple gal friends as well.
Like actually like I've actually hung out with them outside of work.
You Jonathan Rose are a good person because my work coworkers are work coworkers.
Like I couldn't imagine if they were like hey let's go get a beer after work and be
like I'm sorry I have to run into a fire.
I can't do that.
I have to set this orphanage on fire so I can run into it and save all the orphans.
Bye.
Dude I'm just saying I won't even go out to lunch with my coworkers.
I mean I work in the same place for almost nine years you kind of have to some way get
good relationships with and you kind of want to do stuff with them outside of work.
OK maybe you do not.
I've worked at my I've worked at my spot for over 10 years and I got to tell you anytime
anybody starts to be like hey can I call you later.
I'm like I just remembered I do anything.
Bye.
See ya.
Anything but that.
Yeah that's exactly like there's this this lady I work with that she keeps trying to
have like a weekend shift party at her house because she has a pool and I'm like I couldn't
imagine a single thing I would want to do less because they're like hey let's hang out
but let's hang out with less clothes because you know what's really cool about people you
work with is knowing what they look like more naked.
That's what's pretty cool.
I'll tell you what's really hard though when you're hanging out with coworkers and outside
of work and you're like you're trying to develop like you know like a friendship with them
but the only thing that you can really talk about is freaking work.
Yeah.
OK let's get to know each other a little more.
Here's the thing.
Oh my god did you hear about Barbara last week.
Oh yeah what a bitch.
All right listen everybody loves some good hot gossip.
OK if you aren't into the good hot gossip then what are you even doing.
Why even bother talking to them at all inside or outside of work.
I want to know that Barbara's a bitch.
Tell me all about it.
What sucks is when you are like either the person in charge or hanging out with the person
in charge because it inevitably gets weird because if you're the one in charge someone
eventually is going to do that thing that makes you go why and they're going to go come
on man I thought we were cool while you're at work.
I thought we were cool.
Why would you do this to me.
You're like where are you.
I don't hang out with like my employees that are below me I guess.
It sucks but like it sucks because you're the manager.
Aren't you.
So yeah so like I'll only.
It sounds like so fucked up.
I know.
When it comes to people outside of work I only hang out with you know JC who is my
assistant or like my buddy Ryan who is at the same level as me.
He's also a department head.
You have to do that.
You have to because if you don't then again it always gets weird.
It's like it never doesn't get weird.
That's right.
Triple negatives maybe.
Never doesn't get weird.
Yeah.
Anyway super Mario.
Super Mario Bros.
Do you also hate your coworkers.
The Super Mario Brothers can help.
Well I never said anything like that.
I love my coworkers.
Don't wink like that.
Stop winking so much Rose.
He won't stop winking.
So can he go back to the unofficial third host.
It still technically says unofficial.
Oh shit I didn't notice that.
I was going to.
I do have a sharpie somewhere.
I was going to cross that out for this but.
Damn you should have.
Or at least get like a piece of tape.
Just put it right here.
I only have clear tape.
We'll get you guys some new ones.
Sorry sorry for not movie talk.
This is work talk.
Break.
No that's fine.
So yeah.
Like I said we didn't have anything to talk about anyway so let's say we get into this
breakdown.
Yeah.
Hey guys.
I'm Crash.
Host of the podcast Crash & Tez's Movie Seller.
On our show me and my co-host pick a new movie each week and rate each movie on a few categories
that we think are important to making a great movie.
We rate the movie gets a final rating and that lands it somewhere on our seller scale
where it will get labeled as either a well premium or a top-shelf film.
Catch us on platforms like Spotify, Google, Amazon Music and more and don't forget to
follow us on social media.
On Instagram as Crash & Tez's Movie Seller it's Crash the letter N Tez Movie Seller with
underscores in between each word and on Facebook Crash and Tez Movie Seller.
Where you as a listener can suggest movies for us to rate and also give us some constructive
criticism to make the show more entertaining.
Overall don't forget to follow or subscribe and rate and review us and get ready for an
entertaining to show with us.
See you guys then.
Hello.
He's now at that underscore nerd underscore Crash.
If you guys want to go follow him now.
Listen if he needs a new co-host I say I volunteer Caleb or Rose.
How about that?
I don't think it's that anymore.
Because he's had some people like offer be like hey we should we should do a show.
And he's like he seriously he just is saying that he just doesn't have the time to do
it.
I feel it oh my god Vic if you're listening to this I feel you so hard.
But come back Vic don't stay away too long.
Yeah that's why I continue to play his promo.
I'm just manifesting their return.
Let me tell you there is one promo who I won't say but you play this one promo of a show
that has not existed and I'm pretty sure close to a year.
Man is it.
I'm not saying I don't know what you're talking about.
I only have four.
I should make one eventually.
I'll just cut one right now.
Listen to the untrained eye.
It's everywhere.
Listen to it.
If we get 100 downloads on the last episode we'll finally release another one.
Listen to it today.
Every time I freaking hit up your network friends like they're just like oh yeah we'll
send you one we'll send you one and I don't hear back shit all.
How dare you first of all.
Twitter.
Oh that's true.
Ben has one but Ben sent me his directly.
I didn't ask him.
I was just or I did ask him I was just like after we started chatting because I sent him
or sent a request into the inner circle Twitter messaging which is completely dead.
Yeah Twitter is a freaking ghost town for me anyway.
I go there every once in a while to be like hey everybody I'm going to like five of Elon
Musk's tweets and goodbye I'm out of here.
So I've been asking.
Like eventually I'm just going to go steal some and make my own.
Listen we'll make one but like here's the thing.
Like unless you are.
Listen I'm not going to lie like Ben Bowman is the freaking he's the goat at doing any
kind of promotion and I don't know how you.
Everything just sounds to me when I'm doing it like this.
Hey we do we do a thing you want to listen want to want to come over.
Well I want to hang out at our house for a little while maybe maybe about an hour hour
and a half.
Yeah.
Well listen we got a little show.
We'd like to hear it.
Come on.
It's the untrained eye.
Or dragging the table.
Okay the way that DJ did that please tell me you guys have seen that TikTok with like
the Spushed in Michael Myers face mask and like Spirit Halloween and like the lady like
puts the camera on and she just does the voice hey guys want to go scary.
No but that sounds hilarious.
You guys.
I'm going to take that clip of what you just said and I'm turning that into the untrained
eye promo.
We're going to get negative downloads but okay.
Every time you guys are going nothing but up.
People are going to figure out how to take away their listens.
They're like uh gonna just go back to the end and just click reverse on the whole thing.
They're trending in the wrong direction.
Anyway yes getting into this breakdown.
First so we have a question of the week that we posted.
So we asked in regards to the Super Mario Bros from 1993 what other Nintendo property
would you have liked to see a live action 90s movie about.
And we did get a few responses.
So first over on Instagram we have one from a George Marshall.
Quab and Bowery got in one thing.
And funny enough his answer is exact almost exactly what I said after we me and Rose watch
this on Sunday.
He says the only thing that I want is Super Mario Bros 2 Luigi's Mansion.
That would be fantastic.
He says yes starring John Leguizamo and as much of the original cast as they can wrangle.
Samantha Math this is badass union leader now.
Fisher Steven is on succession.
Fiona Shaw is Andor's mom.
Well she's dead so.
I was going to say and Mario is going to be a little late to the party too.
Yeah.
And then he said that 1993 movie didn't miss the mark.
It invented the Easter egg and was 30 years ahead of its time.
I've been posting this sentiment on every piece of Mario advertising I've been able
to since October of last year.
I made a patch.
I wrote an op ed.
It hasn't been picked up.
I've been tweeting at politicians a post internet post white UK post 9 11 post Trump post covid
world deserves the sequel.
We were promised all those years ago.
All right.
Well what is this man's at again?
Is he the one with the impossible at where he's like Quinn Quinn Ginold or something
at the end on Instagram?
Yeah whoever just said that mouthful.
Yeah.
So he's the only one that responded to us on Instagram.
Go ahead.
What was his at one more time?
It was George Marshall, Quabin, Bowery.
All right.
You're going to have to send me that because I need to do some more digging into this this
frickin Unabomber.
What do you mean?
Yeah.
That's amazing.
I love it.
But also sir, go outside for just like 10 minutes.
Yeah, he says this movie has aged way better than a fine wine.
Executives are cowards.
Oh my God.
Relax guy.
You're ruining it.
Don't oversell this sir.
George, if you look at his his feed, it is nothing but Super Mario stuff.
Ramblings of a crazy person.
Oh what?
Yeah.
So he like he has patches made.
He actually asked if we wanted one, he would send us some.
Which I might.
Yeah.
So he has your home address.
Don't give him your home address.
So yeah, he has it's let's see.
It looks like two and he says Super Mario Bros.
To Luigi's Mansion starring John Leguizamo or nothing.
He has another one that says nothing's impossible Mario improbable unlikely but never impossible
Luigi Mario as portrayed by John Leguizamo Super Mario Bros.
1993.
All right, I take it back.
I'm looking at his I'm looking at his I mean we didn't need the picture of your girlfriend's
butt sir.
Let's see.
I'm looking at his page right now.
I take it back sir.
Whatever you're doing out there.
Keep doing it.
Got a great meme.
This is Toad as Goomba.
I didn't do this.
Nintendo did this can't undo it.
And that's a like from the untrained eye page.
Yo, this dude's crazy and I love it.
All right, and then moving on over to get a little tick tock.
We only have a couple that actually like answer the question.
Are the rest is movie recommendations?
Yeah.
Shocker.
So, going through the recommendations real quick from Shane Ackers nine.
I said day four of asking you to review the movie nine.
Okay, I got to rewatch that movie.
Then we have one from a guy named Paul.
It's like random numbers and shit for his at.
He says day one of asking for a lead a battle angel.
Then the thunder God 2010 at or says you can do Riddick.
It's part of the pitch pitch black series on Netflix.
He's been wrong.
He's been asking us to do pitch black a lot.
Listen to pitch black.
The Chronicles of Riddick all those movies underrated like they're not.
They don't get a fair shake.
I don't think they're better movies than they're giving credit for.
Listen, now that the rock is out, I need a bald hero and Vin Diesel is there just waiting.
He's been waiting this whole time.
He's just looking.
I am Groot.
I've been waiting here for you.
I am Groot.
I knew you'd be back.
They always come back.
They love the diesel.
Any breakdances away.
Bye.
All right, let's see.
We got one from a crusty Collier who said can you do 21 Jump Street?
It's probably my favorite movie of all time.
And I told him we actually have done that one before.
And then the two that actually have some relation to what our question was, which our question
what I already said where our question was.
Okay, we have one from an Angelo who said to be honest, a Star Fox movie would have
been cool.
I would have loved to have seen a 90s Star Fox movie.
That would have been wild.
I told him that we kind of imagined that would have been like a Howard the Duck meets Galaxy
Quest.
I kind of imagine it to be like a what was it Team America, World Police.
I could definitely see that happening.
And then a Reaper J3 said Advent Children, which with some research that is a Final Fantasy
game spin off game.
Who suggested this?
Reaper J3.
Hey, Reaper J3.
Relax.
We get it.
You play video games nerd.
I'm going to pick the obscure Japanese only version of the game to you can't use the American
one.
That one's stupid.
Reaper.
I love you.
I'm sorry.
I had to do it.
I didn't hear that stupid Brucker guy this time.
So I got to take out my aggression on somebody.
So that is all the responses we got for that.
So what was your what would have been your answer for?
Well, I want to know, do you guys have an answer?
Like, because you guys never answer the questions.
Like what are what would you guys like to see as a 90s Nintendo movie?
Because I had one that I thought I'll let you think and I'll say that initially I wanted
to see what 90s Metroid would have looked like.
And I think that would have just been awesome at the time, but aged poorly.
That would have been awful at the time.
And then age poorly is a Donkey Kong movie with a real gorilla or an animatronic terrible
90s gorilla, whatever you want.
I think the Donkey Kong movie is the right that is a perfect 90s movie.
That would have been interesting.
It would have had like that Planet of the Apes vibe to it.
Who knows what the hell it would have been.
Look at what we got with Super Mario Brothers.
What could they possibly have done to Donkey Kong?
What are you thinking, Rose?
Just because I got to make sure that this.
OK, like this is like barely on the nose.
Actually, I don't know.
No, it couldn't work then.
Never mind.
This reaper who probably knows if it's a real video game or not.
Well, no, because if this if I wanted this to happen, it couldn't come out until like
the early 2000s.
But like, have you guys seen the original?
What's it for?
God damn it.
I'm really already f'ing this up.
I can't remember if it was for Super Smash Brothers 64 or for Super Smash Brothers Melee.
Got the teaser trailer that they did where like there's a bunch of Nintendo characters
in costume just like holding hands, strolling down a meadow, and all of a sudden freaking
Mario just kicks Yoshi and he goes down and then they all just start fighting each other.
That was the commercial.
Yes, yes.
You're right.
I want a movie that's exactly like that.
Same costume as everything.
You know, I heard like I know this isn't true because it's too good to be true.
But if the this movie does well, somebody made like a mock up of like how they should
release other Nintendo characters like his movies.
And they're like and then at the end in like 2028 because they had like the Marvel, you
know, phase lineup for Nintendo.
And at the end, everything ended with Super Smash Bros, the movie where they all come
together and they all fight each other.
And I'm like, dude, I mean, that'll never happen.
But if it did, that would be the greatest day of my life.
That would be amazing.
That'd be pretty great.
Well, the reason I like I saw that are you I think you sent that one to me.
But the reason he was like coming up with that is because there's a Donkey Kong movie
that was confirmed.
Oh, man, that was a while ago.
Kudos.
Luigi's Mansion confirmed.
Listen, I told I told just to start to get into the movie a little bit, I watched this
movie with my nephews and I told them at the end, I was like, if this new Super Mario Brothers
movie does not have Daisy at some point, roll in there and go Mario Luigi, you're never
going to believe it.
I need you to come back to the kingdom.
Then I'm going to storm out and ask for my money back.
Oh, my God, they better have some crazy callbacks to this version.
I mean, the van in the new movie that they drive, I'm pretty sure that's the van from
this movie.
They just add super to it.
Yeah.
Sorry.
But what movie?
What what 90s movie or 90s character are you going to have a movie about?
Hurry, Google, Google a game no one's ever heard of.
No, I had an idea, but I feel like it would have just base.
It wouldn't have done well because of how popular Lord of the Rings was.
And that's Legend of Zelda.
Dude, a legend of I didn't say it because it seemed like I wanted to give someone else
the opportunity to say it, but there is no more perfectly catered franchise to be alive
in the 90s than the Legend of Zelda.
Like, it's just it is the 90s would have done it so dirty and so good all at the same time.
Hey, look, I found this giant rupee.
Dude, like I the way that I imagine that movie in my head is Ganon's pig form is basically
one of those green pig creatures from Star Wars or I mean, listen, Willow, we had Willow,
which definitely is set and setting for Legend of Zelda.
And we did have what is it?
I don't know when it came when the turtle movies came out, but you had Razor and whatever
it was.
So like you could have made some kind of some kind of weird animatronic pig Ganon that would
have, again, looked atrocious.
But if that had come out in the 90s would be like peak nostalgia.
Could you remember the Link movie?
It was amazing.
Like, people would definitely be talking about the Zelda movie.
Dude, out of everything that hasn't been done yet, I'm surprised that they haven't tried
doing a like a Metroid movie or a Legend of Zelda.
I mean, those two would be incredible right now.
Metroid would be amazing.
Legend of Zelda is kind of got the same thing.
I never saw the Halo series that's on Paramount Plus.
But the main thing that I hear or I've heard it recently because The Last of Us has done
so well by basically using the exact story to do their first season.
And what people are saying is they're like, why are you telling like they're talking about
how The Last of Us did it right.
And Halo did it wrong because Halo was like, hey, do you like Master Chief?
So do we.
We're going to tell you a story where he takes his helmet off and he does it right away.
And you're like, what?
We've known Master Chief for decades at this point and he doesn't do that.
Like, what are you saying?
He says five lines and that's it.
You never see his face.
That's the whole gimmick.
The Flood show up.
He kills him.
The end until the next one.
So I don't know.
Like it's I just I think I just wanted to say that I heard Halo sucks.
I can't even remember why I'm telling you now.
I've seen clips from from from Halo and yeah, like there's some stuff in there that like
it seems pretty cool, but they have this whole sequence and I don't know if it's like the
last fight.
I don't know where it is within the the series, but they have a whole sequence where he's
fighting and it is seriously from a first person perspective, like you're playing the
frickin video game and it's just ridiculous.
Wow, again, maybe it's one of those things that like if you'd never played a Halo game
before and you saw this, you were like wow, wow, wow, wow.
Here you go and you start playing Halo games.
But I honestly think it should be the other way around.
Like I said, I haven't seen Halo and I have not seen one second of the last of us TV show,
but by all accounts, it's amazing.
So I mean, I don't know.
Good video games like that story driven games are I don't know.
Like I don't know how you would do that with something like Doom or Halo or whatever, but
it's not because by the way, Doom did the same thing you're talking about.
Also starring the terrible rock, but they did a thing where he was like, look, it's
me first person and I'm using the Doom gun and everyone universally hated it then too.
Yeah, if you if you're going to do something like that, you need to do what the last of
us did and highly we highly recommend that show.
That show is freaking fantastic.
But yeah, like you can't go just straight up like, oh, look at this.
It's like straight out of the video game because people are going to hate that.
It's like universally hated.
Like you just have cameo or little like Easter eggs to stuff that's within the video game
and just stuff that people can be like, hey, like I know what that is.
Or there's even a third route you can go.
And that is the movie that we are going to talk about tonight, which is you do a bunch
of mushrooms and you start writing and you never stop.
You never stop.
Absolutely.
So, yeah, getting into this, if you are new to our breakdown system, we have split movies
into eight different categories that we individually score to come to a final all bros and untrained
I letter grade, the eight categories that we score our story, writing, acting, character
development, effects, music, costumes.
And then we give it our own personal score at the very end.
All of those numbers get magically added up and spit through our algorithm.
And yeah.
So at the end, it gives us a letter grade to compare this movie to others of a similar
grade as well as a percentage.
But the percentage doesn't matter quite as much.
It's just fun to see where this ranks within the school grade system.
Now remind me, Caleb, does the personal grade still count towards the final grade?
Yes.
OK, just making sure.
Listen, I'm going to be doing my best, if you've heard me on this show before, to not
skew to give it like a legit personal grade, not just a hundred.
That's what the personal score is for.
But I mean, sometimes if you give it a hundred, this better be your your favorite movie of
all time.
Can I just tell you, when I was a child, my first experience with watching this movie
because it's funny because before we talked or before we got on the show, I was like,
oh, my family were too poor for video games or were not too poor for the movies.
That was kind of a lie because the first time I saw this movie was on like HBO or Showtime
or whatever.
We had one of those.
Don't get it twisted.
We were still poor.
We just had one of the illegal boxes.
If you're an old person, you know what I'm talking about.
It was like the de-scrambler or whatever.
I recorded it on VHS videotape and I watched that tape every day after school for about
a good year and all through that summer.
Like, I let me tell you something.
I loved this movie, loved this movie when I was.
Oh, yeah.
So I know Rose's first interaction with this movie was our viewing on Sunday or.
Had you seen it before, Rose?
No, never.
Like you hadn't seen anything about it?
Like, dude, the only exposure I had really seen to this movie was like those videos I
shared with you of like the making of the Super Mario Bros movie.
That's what I've seen the most of like how much of a train wreck, how much of a shit
show it was to get this damn movie made.
What do you mean?
By the way, an all star cast, just so we're all clear on this, like frickin Bob Hoskins,
the John Legg was Zamo frickin Dennis Hopper, the aunt from Harry Potter.
Everybody was there.
Yeah.
So my first interaction was with this movie is I.
So when I was in high school, I went to an early college high school, so I had some college
classes, so I had access to the college campus in Utah.
And so like they had like a big like movie library.
So whenever I would stay after school, I'd go to the library and I would grab a random
movie.
And like I would actually like shuffle and see which which letter to go like to go into
the movies and then walk over there, find like some random movie that stuck out to me.
And I'd sit there and watch that while I did my homework and and whatever.
But I.
So it's just like completely random one day.
Like I was doing my homework, went to the the S's and was just like walking through
and I saw Super Mario and I was like, what?
And I grabbed it and like I saw like the image, but it was like it was a black and white,
because they didn't have like the actual covers for the movies.
So it was black and white.
So I was just like, oh, no way.
Like thinking it was like about the video game.
But I wasn't sure.
So it wasn't like a confirmed like, oh, yeah, this is about the video game.
And I wasn't super like familiar with the like I played the Mario games before.
I just didn't know the names of everything.
So I didn't know that the little turtles are called Koopas.
That's hilarious.
Or like the Goombas or anything like I just called them the little Mario turtles or the
Mario mushroom mushroom things.
So I didn't have like terminology for all of that.
And so I was like, oh, this is going to be sick.
Like this is about the video game.
So I put it in, watched the movie and I remember I didn't do any bit of homework, but I just
like was sat there and I was just like, what?
What is this?
Like they kind of they got the plumber thing right.
But a little too right.
Yeah.
I'm like, so they got that right.
But why why is Mario wearing a green jacket and Luigi's wearing the red hoodie?
Like what's up with that?
Like, OK, so maybe this is like loosely based.
And then they just kind of get getting into more stuff.
I'm like, what the hell is a Goomba?
I'm like, this is something completely different, like thinking that it was just absolutely
not Mario.
And then at the end, when they're in their full like get up, I was like, what?
What is this movie?
Just, you know, my nephews are 12 and 15 and we sat down to watch this movie with them
and they sat, I mean, to their credit, like it is very rare that we're like, watch this
old movie with us and they don't immediately start talking.
What's this and who's that?
And they sat there and they watched this whole movie and they both were like, this movie
was really good.
If this new movie isn't as good as this one, I don't even know what to think about any
of this.
I was like, I'll take it.
I cannot believe that you said any of that, but thank you so much.
Also one thing I thought was funny.
I know this is going to go more to like story, but the first thing my older nephew said,
he was like, this is kind of Luigi's movie.
And I was like, it is pretty much Luigi's movie.
That's a good point.
Yeah, he's not wrong.
So if you haven't seen this movie, you've had a decent chunk of time to do so.
Actually 30 years exactly.
I was going to say it came out in 93.
A young 10 year old, Dominic James was out there just couldn't his mind was blown that
they were making a video game movie and he was going to be able to see it with his eyeballs.
It was impossible that this was going to happen.
And there it was.
There it was.
It was right up there.
Sorry.
Reading with Rose.
No, like, so I just checked that like actual release date and we are two.
Seriously, two months early for a 30 year anniversary.
Yeah.
So we're recording this on March 28th.
This came out May 28th.
Wow.
So this is this is damn near a 30 year.
Just, you know, Nintendo screwed up every step of the way on releasing this new movie.
First of all, how do you not release the new one on Mario Day, March 10th?
You freaking you freaking morons.
Every one of you.
But then why not?
Like, listen, I think that there is a this this movie that we are about to talk about.
I think it's not as bad as some people like to portray it as.
Like, I know it had like a very hectic filming process and it wasn't fun for a lot of people
that did it.
But like this movie is not bad.
And I think that if those freaking dummies at Nintendo had decided to be like, we are
going to put this out on May 28th and that just be like the little nod to the freaking
dorks like me that would be like, oh, my God, it's the same day that that one is so good.
I love it.
If you're not going to do Mario Day, do it.
Do it May 28th.
What are you thinking?
Sorry.
Reading with Rose.
Yeah.
So if you haven't seen it, you've had 30 years, but Rose is about to spoil the entire
frickin movie for you.
So with that, everyone's favorite segment, reading with Rose with two E's.
But not where you think.
All right.
Following the impact of a meteorite into the earth 65 million years ago, the universe is
split into two parallel dimensions.
Breaking dinosaurs escape into the new dimension, evolving into a humanoid race and founding
the city of Dino Hatton.
In 1973, a large egg and a rock are left at a Catholic orphanage.
The egg hatches into a human baby.
20 years later, Italian American brothers Mario Mario and Luigi Mario, working as plumbers
in Brooklyn, are close to being driven out of business by Mephisto Anthony Scappelli's
construction company.
Luigi meets Daisy, an NYU, sorry, an NYU archeology student who shows him she has been excavating
for dinosaur bones under the Brooklyn Bridge.
There they witness Scappelli's men sabotaging it by leaving the water pipes open.
Mario and Luigi fix it, but Iggy and Spike, henchmen and cousins of Koopa, the king of
the other dimension, kidnap Daisy and the brothers pursue them through an interdimensional
portal to Dino Hatton.
Daisy learns she has descended from dinosaurs and the long lost princess of the other dimension.
Where her father was overthrown as king by Koopa and her mother, the queen, was the one
who took her to Brooklyn.
Iggy and Spike realize that they lost Daisy's rock, in fact a meteorite fragment that Koopa
needs to merge the worlds, believing only Daisy can do so because of her royal heritage.
Mario and Luigi rescue Daisy, aided by Toad, a good-natured guitarist who was developed
into a Goomba, a semi-humanoid dinosaur as punishment for a protest.
Koopa's girlfriend, Lena, obtains the rock but dies merging the worlds.
The worlds separate again when Mario, Luigi, and Daisy remove the fragment from the meteorite
and Koopa pursues them.
Mario and Luigi obtain devolution guns and use them to defeat Koopa by devolving him
into primeval slime.
Daisy's father is restored as king and the citizens celebrate and immediately destroy
anything with Koopa's likeness.
Daisy decides to stay in Dinohatton and kisses Luigi goodbye as she opens the portal for
him and Mario to return to Brooklyn.
Three weeks later, Daisy arrives at Mario and Luigi's apartment in Brooklyn and asks
them to help her on a new mission.
A wonderful set up for the sequel that never happened.
Dude, can I just tell you that this movie had did a lot of things for me when I was
a kid and that was chief among them.
I was like, what do you mean it's over?
By the time I saw this movie, I already knew what Back to the Future was.
So I was like, well, I mean, certainly when they say, Doc, we got to get back, there's
going to be another movie.
So she just said, Mario, we got to get back.
And so there's going to be another movie.
And I spent a good chunk of time being like, they're going to do it.
It's going to be here one day.
We're going to see Mario 2.
Also, this is a movie where I was introduced to the yin yang on fire, a shirt that I guess
nobody noticed that Luigi wore throughout the entire movie, even three weeks later after
they saved Brooklyn.
Dude, despite its age, the story itself is not horrible.
It's really not like the listen.
I mean, we'll get into it with effects, but like the effects couldn't keep up with the
idea of it all, but like the idea of two dimensions diverging off.
One is their descendants from apes, the other one descendants from lizards, and they both
kind of look like the same thing at the end and they want to come back.
Like it's not a bad, it's not it's good.
Well, good might be strong, but it's not bad.
Yeah, I mean, when you like, I mean, even when Rose was reading it, like the score kind
of like got bumped up a couple points for me because I was just like, OK, like this works.
Like it doesn't like not work.
Like, no, it's just it's really freaking good.
I mean, listen, this is a weird thing of like, what was it?
Who is the guy?
James Cameron?
Is he the one that's like, I always had the idea for Avatar, but the the the CG or whatever
wasn't there.
Like this movie seems like it had way bigger ideas than the time would allow for because
I all of it was good.
Like the idea that like, oh, we can we can the only reason that this portal has opened
back up between Dino World and Mammal World is because Capelli was down there trying to
do whatever plumbing things Capelli does.
I don't know.
Like the devolving chamber, the all of it, like it was all a good idea.
They just there was just not it was just wasn't possible to do what whatever was written down
was almost impossible to do.
Dude, absolutely.
But I mean, when you when you break it down to it, like just what it was, I think the
two areas where this kind of movie falls apart is the writing and the effects.
But I am or itself like big picture story was relatively decent.
What do you mean?
What's wrong with the writing?
There's a flood.
You mean what's wrong with the writing?
We'll get into what's wrong with the writing.
Let me tell you one of the best lines in the history of cinema.
There is a site that is being flooded.
Hey, Mario, Mario, you got to help us.
There's the sites flooding.
And he's like, grab your belts.
We're going in.
What?
I love Bob Hoskins, the greatest line in all of cinema.
Grab your belts.
We're going in.
But listen, I am going to fight you a little bit on effects, but we'll get to that.
But yeah, I don't know.
I Rose, I'm sorry I'm talking too much.
Say something about the story you loved.
I don't know.
I feel I'm indifferent to you guys just because I thought the story was just all right.
And I feel that it might just be because like, I mean, even though Caleb didn't see this
until he was he was in high school, you guys see to you guys, this was the only Mario movie
ever.
There was nothing else that was going to follow it.
Nothing.
We didn't see this until the Super Mario Bros movie was announced.
We've seen trailers, we've seen the cast, we've seen the only thing that we haven't
seen yet is the movie.
And we're like two weeks away from that.
And so I'm like comparing and I tried not to, but I compared a lot of like what I've
seen with that movie and what I'm seeing in this movie.
And it's just that one is getting so much more right with the Mario franchise that I
love so much.
And I'm just like, I appreciate the ambitions that they were trying with the story.
Like they were trying to do a lot more gritty.
They were trying to do something so different.
And it does work for me in some spots, but in some spots it does not.
So yeah, I think it's hard to say that they that this new movie is doing better by like
the source material because for all we know, the only stuff that looks good is what we've
seen.
Like right now, the only thing that this movie had or that the new movie has on this one
is that they have video game accurate characters.
Yeah, I will say though, at least with this new one, it's actually going into the Mushroom
Kingdom.
It's not going into the soul.
And I'm not saying Dino Hatton is a horrible made up thing, but at least with this one,
we're actually transporting into a world that we actually know of.
We know what the Mushroom Kingdom is.
In fairness, I'm pretty sure that Dino Hatton, which hilarious, did he have like a crystal
ball into the mammal world?
Like why Dino Hatton?
But he clearly took over from the Mushroom King, which means he took over the what?
The Mushroom Kingdom.
So check and mate.
God damn it.
You're not wrong about anything that you said at all.
And that's what's crazy is I get that.
And that's why I was asking about like the personal grades at the end.
And like I do have, I definitely understand my nostalgia around this movie, but like just
for a spoiler of my personal grade, like this movie in my mind before I rewatched it did
not hold up that well.
Like I was actually kind of dreading watching it because I was like, man, I know it just
can't be that good.
And while this movie was not amazing, it held up way better than I thought it would have.
Like I really, I really enjoyed it.
It was just a fun movie to watch.
The fact that I had a 12 and 15 year old watching it with me and they were like, this movie's
dope.
I like it.
I like the Goombas.
I like everything about it.
And they have taken in all the Mario media.
Like they didn't know this movie existed until we were like, do you want to watch this movie?
They were like, what in the world could this possibly be?
And while they're not wrong, I don't know.
It's the story.
I mean, towards the end, it does what stories in the nineties did, which was go, Oh God
dang it.
This movie's got to be over.
All right, run, run, run, run, run, run.
Like they turned a man.
They turned a man into a monkey on the news and the reaction of the crowd wasn't correct,
which would be horrifying.
And we need to kill these Goomba people that just showed up.
They just pointed and laughed because Capelli is the bad guy.
What disappeared and everyone's just like, that's hilarious.
Look at him.
He's a monkey.
Look at this guy.
I bet he wears a dike.
Look at him, Capelli.
So yeah, I mean, towards like the last third of it, it all kind of like comes crashing
into the end.
But I don't know.
I agree with you, Caleb.
I think this was like a way higher concept than anyone would have imagined for a Mario
movie at the time anyway.
Yeah, I mean, I think like get into like the individual story parts or stuff that I like
to look at.
The pacing itself was good.
It was maybe a little bit slow until they jumped into like through the portal and then
it really ramped up.
But I mean, other than that, like I said, it's just like a little bit of a slow portion,
but it was still like good.
By the way, in fairness to when they went through the portal, I was like I was actually
happy at the speed it was going because when they got down there, I couldn't remember if
they left and came back.
And I thought that they did.
And I was like, God dang it.
Are we really going to have to wait longer?
And he's like, Mario, I'm out of here.
We and jumped in there.
And I was like, yes, this movie starting now.
Let's go, baby.
Yeah, that like that's that I thought the same thing.
I don't know why I thought they left again.
But but yeah, it's it's a it's a hard story to explain.
Like like not really.
I mean, because it's like the the basic story is basically what Mario has.
King Koopa has taken the princess.
And Mario and Luigi need to go save her.
That's exactly what it is.
I mean, he's got a he's got a bad plan.
He's going to do a thing.
And if we don't stop him, it's going to be bad for everybody.
The end.
It's a Mario movie.
By the way, can I just say to that portal that they go through in the stone, I didn't
realize it until we were talking about it just now.
You guys have both played Mario 64, right?
Actually, you so that's wild, by the way, of the two of you.
I definitely would have picked Rose to not have played it.
But if you look in Mario 64, like whenever he jumps through the paintings, that's kind
of like the same effect.
Like I wonder if that is like a little small homage to that movie.
Doubtful but maybe.
It is the kind of that same effect like when they jump through that stone as jumping through
that the paintings in that game, which I don't care if it's true or not.
I now choose to make that my head cannon forever.
It honestly might have been because the initial release date of Super Mario 64 was June 23rd,
1996, three years after this movie.
So it is not completely outside the realm of possibility.
I choose to believe that.
Yeah, I'll take that too.
That's that's a no play in my head as well.
By the way, one of the things I don't I think you would put this for story.
Maybe this would be for writing.
I don't know.
You tell me two things that I really enjoyed in this movie was when they finally got into
their their super outfits with their super shoes and they stood in the position that
you saw on the front cover where they made the M while they were standing next to each
other.
That was amazing to see that come to fruition.
Also I did like at the end when they when the reporter guy was like, and you know, I
think I would call them the Super Mario Brothers.
And like I was saying before, if you look at the van in the new movie, it looks just
like the van from that movie, except it does look like it's just got like a little super
added on the top.
So I don't know.
Like even if that's the only nod we get to that, I'll take that.
Yeah, I'll take it, too.
Oh, where are you guys sitting with story?
Because I think I'm I'm like not the highest because I do feel like there was some janky
stuff that they pulled off.
And like you said, the ending felt a bit rushed.
Yeah, for me.
But I mean, that doesn't knock it down too much for me.
I think I'm still in the 70s, but I think I'm in like the high 70s.
Well, hate me.
I was going to say you guys are going to hate me in the other direction because I was thinking
in the 80s somewhere.
So I'll just say mine.
I was.
Yeah.
Let's start with Rose.
We'll start with Rose and with Caleb.
Then I'll go.
So I'm at a fifty five.
I'm just getting.
Oh, no.
Wow.
You have no balls.
Write that down.
You write down fifty five right now.
No, I'm at a 70.
Boo.
I liked it when you were honest.
Like, OK, was fifty five like actually a score you're considering or?
No, it's not that bad.
OK, that's like OK, slightly less than average.
That's fine.
Caleb.
I think I'm going to go 78.
Yeah, I'm going with 83 because I again, I think that this if this story had come out,
if they were going to do a live action, this live action movie now with that same premise,
I think this would have been still been like a really cool side movie to do.
Yeah.
I mean, they did a fantastic job.
Unfortunately, the the writing for this was not very good.
Grab your belts.
Tell me you didn't love the lines.
I guess is more so in the acting, but just the way that the line said monkey was that
was hilarious.
How dare you?
Dennis Hopper is a treasure monkey.
Dude, there and when he was like Goomba, there was so much that I had issues with and it
was all all writing issues.
It was frickin King Koopa ordering a pizza and that like for a good couple minutes, like
he was ordering a pizza and then he just like.
They completely ignore it for a good portion of the movie and then he cancels that order
later on when he's like on the radio and he's there just like you want your pizza and he's
like now and then just, you know, I actually like stuff like that.
Like I am a big fan of dumb jokes like that.
So the fact that they were like because who knows if they really remembered or if they
were like, oh yeah, he ordered a pizza earlier.
Hurry, have someone call him on a walkie talkie.
Like I love that that became the frickin like Jesus, what are you still talking about this?
No.
My favorite that one of my favorite issues came right at the beginning when their Daisy
is showing Luigi the site and he's like, no, you're beautiful and they almost kiss and
the frickin the guys start running.
The water starts flowing and they're like, oh no, it's the scapelli boys and they're
wearing scapelli plumbing shirts.
Hey man, you're the worst bad guy ever.
Just wear a white shirt.
So what are you talking about?
No.
Anyway, I love frickin Luigi's like sitting there going like, what did they do?
And like you don't see the frickin flood of water coming out of that, that room.
Okay, so again, that was another like throw away thing that they did that you didn't hear
later maybe because he, they go in there and she's like, oh my God, it's a good thing you're
here and he's like, why?
She's like, you're a plumber.
I know exactly what to do.
Go gets his brother comes back.
Mario is the only one doing any plumbing and you find out very soon after why that is because
when they're looking for a plumber in Dino Hatton, they go to arrest Mario and what is
Luigi do?
I'm not a plumber.
I'm an apprentice.
Take him.
Take my brother.
I'm an apprentice.
Like he throws his brother under the bus immediately.
I didn't catch that at all.
I think I was too busy laughing at whatever the hell was happening.
Yeah.
He tried so hard to just be like, I don't know any plumbers.
I don't know what you're talking about.
That guy.
I think, yeah, it was that what else?
Oh, fricking eggie and spike how they got a member when they got smarter.
Yeah, I was telling Rose, I'm just like, how did they get more annoying?
And then on top of that, they turned on King Koopa for no reason whatsoever.
What I thought was funny too was the D Evolver, like how it just, there was no, they made
it seem like you needed to be in there for a second.
There was any time at all.
Whatever time you were in there was how long it took.
And sometimes it made your head small and like a P with a mouth on it.
And sometimes it looked exactly the same and your eyeballs changed a little bit.
Or you don't change at all.
In the case of Iggy and Spike, you just go, well, quite so, good chap.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, one thing that was like super confusing and I don't know where I would have put this.
I'll say it's a writing issue.
What in the hell was up with the different Goomba heads?
Like we had some that looked like lizards.
We had some that looked like snakes and then we had some that looked, I don't even know
how to explain it.
So okay, so on the- Like a dildo with teeth?
That would probably be, that's hilarious.
Hilarious that you're like, I don't want anyone to hear about the fricking ball torture, but
dildo with teeth is just fine.
Hey, girl, you ever had your bottom half bitten off?
Whatever the glass onion thing was, I don't know, like balls in a vice or whatever you're
talking about.
Whatever it is that you're into, listen, we're not here to judge.
Moving on.
It sure as hell wasn't that.
Caleb's into some weird stuff, but we love him.
What the hell?
Caleb, you're telling DJ before you tell me?
What the hell?
Dude.
I live closer.
All right, you got me there.
No, one thing that, and I think this would actually, what we're talking about would kind
of go more to like costumes or effects, but Beth pointed out that the cops in that, the
cops in that world or whatever, they basically were wearing like Shy Guy masks.
And I was like, I'd never noticed that until she was like, Hey, they look kind of like
the Shy Guys.
I'm like, Oh, I can't believe I never saw that before.
Like it was, I don't know.
It's again, it's a little touches like that.
Like even though you didn't get to see much of Dino Hatton, like you got to see, what
was it?
Hammer Brothers tattoos, Bullet Bill's bar or whatever it was.
There was one other thing that I can't remember.
I don't know.
Sorry.
We're talking about writing.
We were going in.
Okay.
Hey, uh, never Google Shy Guys.
The Shy Guys detailed pics, no pants.
No, literally the third picture is something that someone did of like a Shy Guy taking
off his mask and it's terrifying.
Yeah.
It's for, Oh my God, I'm going to have nightmares tonight.
Is it, is it to deal does with teeth?
Yes.
How did you know?
One for the top and one for the bottom.
I didn't realize that they created some Koopas based off of Iggy and Spike.
Yeah.
That's like their, their children, right?
Koopa's kids.
Yeah.
Like look those guys up.
Cause like, like I know who they are.
I just didn't realize, like these ones Iggy and Spike had to be made because of this movie.
Almost certainly.
Uh, who has a, yeah, what Mario's properties had come out in between Mario 64 and Super
Mario three.
Ooh, good question.
Well, you know what?
Iggy and Spike, they were in Super Mario three.
So unless Super Mario, cause the Koopa kids were in that game, I'm pretty sure, but I
don't know.
Cause I don't know anything.
I'm just thinking about the 18th.
All right.
So we had Super Mario Bros in 1985.
Super Mario Bros, the lost levels, 86.
Super Mario Bros two came out in 88.
So did Super Mario Bros three.
Then Super Mario Land came out in 89.
Super Mario World came out in 90.
Which one, Land or World?
Which one of those was on the Game Boy?
Uh, Land.
That was the first Super Mario Bros game I ever beat.
And when I tell you that I ran around my house, like literally did laps around my house, that
was the first game I ever beat.
Sorry, go ahead.
Oh, you're good.
And then, yeah, Super Mario World in 1990.
Super Mario Land two came out in 92.
Then the movie came out in 93.
Super Mario World two, Yoshi's Island, came out in 95.
Mario 64 in 96.
And then we didn't get another Mario game until Super Mario Sunshine in 2002.
And then we had something like damn near every other year.
So it was like the new Super Mario Bros, Super Mario Galaxy in 07, Super Mario Bros Wii,
Super Mario Galaxy 2, Super Mario 3D Land, new Super Mario Bros 2, Super Mario Bros U,
Super Mario 3D World, Super Mario Maker, Super Mario Run, Odyssey, Mario Maker 2, and Mario
3D World and Bowser's Sphere.
Which I feel like there's some missing.
Because I know, like my favorite Mario game was Super Star Saga.
Super Star Saga, what the heck was that?
It was on the Game Boy Advance.
It was like where you're playing as Mario and Luigi, but you control each one with, like
you control Mario with the A button and Luigi with the B button.
So they, either one of them will jump.
It's like a turn-based RPG.
Sounds vaguely familiar.
Yeah, but they travel to the Bean Kingdom.
Like Princess Peach is like traveling there for some like democratic mission or whatever.
Mushroom business.
Yeah, for a mushroom business.
She wants to meet a couple of fun guys.
Come on.
Yeah, so anyway.
So I mean, they had, I don't, you said they came out in Super Mario 3?
I'm pretty sure, and I just did a bit of soft Googling.
I just did, at the very least, Iggy first showed up in 88.
Either Iggy or Spike.
I was just looking.
So I don't know.
I think they may have already existed and they were just like, eh, these guys know Koopa.
Let's do Iggy and Spike.
They're cool names.
Yeah, anyway.
The writing-wise, I think there was just too many issues for me to overlook and think it
was good.
Yeah, yeah.
It was, in the words of my nephew, every interaction before they went to the Mushroom Kingdom between
Luigi and Daisy was super cringe.
Yeah.
Not wrong.
Dude, and what about the freaking Mario hitting on that one chick to try and get that rock
piece back?
That was amazing, by the way.
And just so you know, my man, the Mario brothers, those fools, they're not only gentlemen, okay,
but they are suave gentlemen.
Because Luigi was like, not, hey baby, let's go to the beach and make out.
At the end of the date, what did he say?
He's like, if it will be okay with you, I would like to walk you home.
And I actually wrote down, Luigi is a gentleman.
And then there's Mario.
Luigi's a stud.
And I freaking love how supportive in the background Mario was being, just kind of like,
yeah, yeah.
Just kind of rooting his brother on.
Dude, Mario is the man, okay?
He's clearly him and his ladies relationship are strong enough that he can go and be like,
listen, baby, you know what I had to do?
I had to give her the old Mario one two charmarouski so we could get that there rock back and get
yous out of here.
By the way, neither of their accents were as bad as I'm making it to be, but the fact
that they're like, Italian Americans, shut up.
Dude, I mean, it worked though.
It was good.
Like, again, my nephew was right when he said this was kind of Luigi's movie because Mario
did not have a lot to do or say in this.
But I don't know.
I think it worked better anyway because of what you're saying.
Like Mario supporting his brother Luigi, Luigi out there having an adventure with his brother
backing him up, even though again, threw him under the bus.
The first chance he got the first chance he got.
By the way, we also find out that they don't have parents.
Like Mario says nothing because clearly Luigi is like, I didn't know my pops or my mom's
just like you.
And Mario doesn't go.
Yeah, I remember them before they left.
Nope.
They just were always gone.
Apparently, like Mario was my mom and my dad.
He was great.
I loves that, guys.
They did a good or they made a good choice with I will get into this in a second with
acting, but I think they made a good choice with the accents that they went with, where
it was just Queens.
Yes.
Like, but again, I'm going way overboard.
Like Bob Hoskins did it.
I mean, they both did it exactly right.
Like I just I always again, even though I love both of them, but Bob Hoskins, like he's
frickin guy from Roger Rabbit.
He's me.
He's he's I love Bob Hoskins.
Shme.
He was.
Yeah.
Oh, and from hook.
Yes.
Oh, that was him.
Shme is me.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
I didn't know that.
There I love I love some Bobby.
Awesome.
So, yeah, it's great.
I mean, I love John Leguizamo again.
I think I was telling I don't.
Yeah, I was telling you beforehand, Caleb, like John Leguizamo.
I love that dude.
Like this was probably the first movie I saw him in.
And I was immediately on board with John Leguizamo 100 percent and have been ever since.
Sad you couldn't make it on the show, John.
Love you.
I know you're listening.
I'm a very big fan.
Please be in the new Spawn movie if they make one.
Dude, I stand by.
He would have made a really good Luigi.
Oh, you mean like currently?
Yeah.
Listen, I get him to voice Mario.
Like what the hell is up with Friggin Chris Pratt?
I'm supporting Charlie Day all day.
And I at least OK, get rid of Chris Pratt and then throw in John Leguizamo.
Listen, this is the one thing about this new movie that I'm like, please don't don't don't
oversell this because did you guys do the thing where you can like call they had like
on their on the Super Bowl thing you could call and then you could get or you would text
something and then the text would give you a number that you could call and the call
would lead to a voicemail that would send you to a website and so on and so on.
Did you guys know or do any of that?
No, it sounds like way too many hoops to do.
So my nephew who has nothing but time did all that.
And on the voicemail, whenever you call the number, it's Charlie Day's Luigi doing the
like outgoing message.
Hey, we're not here right now.
But blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and he does a joke that makes me laugh because I love
dad jokes.
But I'm like, I don't know.
But at the end, he's like, and we don't hear at the Super Mario Brothers plumbing.
We don't say let's stop.
We say let's go.
Come on.
Oh, my God.
You might have just convinced me to call that number.
Listen, if you if you are have the gumption inside of you, insert that that audio right
here.
Oh, man, that was good.
I loved it.
Oh, man.
What a great what a great thing Charlie Day did or terrible.
I don't know.
I can't remember.
Anyway.
Oh, yeah, I think they really should have done like thrown in a John Leguizamo as as
Mario.
He definitely listen to me.
He should have been included for sure.
I still think it's a travesty to not have because I know what's going to happen.
The guy that voices Mario and Luigi and everybody now that he's going to be he's going to voice
something but it's going to make everybody mad because it's going to be like, hey, look,
there's ancient Mario and he's going to fall down a pit or something.
And everyone's going to go, wait, was that how they used him?
And they got Chris let's go Pratt to do actual Mario.
What are we doing?
It shouldn't be Chris Pratt.
I'm sorry.
I love Chris Pratt.
I want to be friends with him in real life, but it should not have been Chris Pratt to
be the voice.
Absolutely not.
And I like Chris Pratt, too.
But for Mario, that's that's a big no go.
That's a big let's know.
Goes over my personal grade is beep and so long deuces were out.
So for writing, like I said, I'm significantly lower.
Like I think I'm a full 10 points difference from right.
I think I'm 68.
You know, I think I'm going to mash Caleb.
I'm going to just just for the fact that I I did enjoy some of the dumb humor.
I'm going to go 70.
Fair enough.
Can I just say I know I didn't really talk about the writing, but there's one part where
frickin Mario is like saying, you're not you don't handle the tools.
The tools handle you or some shit like that with the plan.
Like, what the hell is this?
That.
Oh, my God.
That was way too serious in this.
When when they go when she's Mario and Luigi tries to go down this way and he's like, no,
we got to go this way.
He's like, no, it's going from that way.
He's like, I've been working in pipes for years.
That's an echo.
We got to go this way.
I'm like, what a what a crazy way to say that Mario knows what he's doing.
He's like, I if I know anything, I know the way pipes echo.
Luigi, let's go this way.
Yeah, that was frickin wild.
All right.
So yes, getting into acting, we have Bob Hoskins, who played Mario Mario.
John Leguizamo, who plays Luigi Mario.
I got to say real quick, I never thought about Mario's last name until this movie.
Anybody did.
By the way, what I love is that Nintendo, this is like the frickin black sheep of Nintendo
that anything they've ever done, but they just leave it canon that his name is Mario
Mario and Luigi's name is Luigi Mario.
Like, I love that.
They take like leave it to Nintendo to frickin own up to their mistakes.
How dare you?
That is not a mistake.
That is Mario Mario.
It's the Mario Brothers.
Their parents are the ones to blame.
They named their kid Mario Mario.
Fair enough.
All right.
Getting back into this, we have Dennis Hopper, who plays King Koopa.
Samantha Mathis, who plays Daisy.
Fisher Stevens, who plays Iggy.
Richard Edson, who plays Spike.
Fiona Shaw, who plays Lena.
And Dana Kaminsky, who plays Daniella.
You forgot the most important character of them all.
The one who was just there through the thick and thin everywhere, every step of the way.
Old Mojo Nixon.
Oh, yeah.
Mojo Nixon is toad.
He's number one for me.
How dare you?
That man was in the film for all but 30 seconds and they were like, nope, to the Goomba chamber
with you.
And the fact that they had to call out that he was toad because no one was going to get
that.
By the way, that is that is one thing that did not hold up from when I was a kid.
Toad looked and sounded way cooler.
And that was just a dude.
They were just like, oh, god dang it.
We need someone to play.
Hey, you with the stupid haircut.
Come here real quick.
We need you to say a couple.
Can you play the guitar?
OK, all right.
We just need you to say this real quick and then we don't ever need to see you again.
Dude, holy shit.
What's that?
I'm not sure if everyone else is.
So you know how Daisy's dad turns back into a person?
Yes.
Apparently, he was just known as the King for a while.
But it's come out that he is his full name is King Bowser.
I was going to say I'm looking at IMDb right now and I'm like, son of a bitch.
How freaking wild is that?
That is really wild.
Can I tell you one thing I love about this movie is like the top 10 build people.
If you go to their IMDb page and look at their top four most known for a good portion of
them, it's Mario.
An alarming portion of them is Mario.
Surprisingly not Dennis Hopper, though.
I know it's weird.
Yeah, that's that's interesting.
What else is Dennis?
Dennis Hopper.
How dare you?
Dennis Hopper has been in all the things.
Dennis Hopper was like a staple of 90s 80s and 90s movies, I feel like for a long time.
He wasn't he and who was the guy who was in who was the Lex Luthor in Superman?
Wasn't Dennis Hopper?
Who was it?
I mean, the old school like Christopher Reeve Superman.
If it's Dennis Hopper, I'm leaving this podcast right now.
It was not.
Wow.
He was in Waterworld.
Good for him.
Hell, a cyberpunk thriller.
That was a video game.
He was in Speed, of course.
Let's see.
He was in True Romance.
Great movie.
Gene Hackman.
Also great.
I definitely used to get those two confused as a kid, though.
Yeah.
All right.
What's everyone's top three?
Well, if you guys need time to think, I have mine.
Please go ahead.
All right.
My number three, I think I'm going to give to Fiona Shaw, who played Lena.
I think she was like the perfect level of crazy.
I think Dennis Hopper is like real close, like real freaking close to it.
It could be a coin flip, but I'm giving Fiona Shaw my number three spot because Dennis Hopper
played just a little too over the top for me.
Listen, she got unintentionally one of the well, not unintentionally, but one of the
greatest lines at the end of the movie when she tried to put the meteorite in and got
flattened onto the wall and became a fossil and Luigi looks over and goes, well, she made
an impression and everyone goes, yeah, oh God, she made quite an impression.
Hey, we did it.
Yeah.
So she's my number three, even though she stabbed Yoshi.
That was by the way, everyone in the house said, what are you?
What?
You don't stab Yoshi.
You do a lot of things, but you don't stab Yoshi.
Dude, I forgot that they actually had like Yoshi use his tongue.
Me too.
Listen, we'll get into it in effects.
Yeah.
So yeah, my number two, I'm going to give to Bob Hoskins as Mario Mario.
He did an amazing job portraying this character in a live action depiction.
I think he did the best that he could with what he was given.
And if there's anything that can be said about this movie, it's that Bob Hoskins and John
Lingwizama, who spoiler alerts my number one, they are not the reason this movie sucks.
No, absolutely not.
True.
So yeah, that's what my top three looks like.
Very nice.
What do you think, Rose?
For me, number three, I'm going to give to Dennis Hopper.
I completely see where Caleb's coming from, where he says he was a little too crazy for
him, but he was like just the right amount of-
So I enjoyed his performance as the villain, especially the whole monkey line.
That was just so perfect.
Number two, I'm going to actually flip flop with Caleb.
I'm giving to the John Lingwizama.
And the biggest reason why is to me, just because Luigi has always been my favorite
Mario character, in a lot of aspects, this doesn't feel like Luigi.
I'm sorry to say, John Lingwizama definitely made it his own, which I appreciated.
But I don't know, he's not scared like Luigi.
I'm sorry, it didn't feel like Luigi in parts to me, but his acting was great.
I really enjoyed his performance.
So then number one, I would give to Bob Hoskins, because yeah, I loved his portrayal as Mario.
He was great.
They couldn't have picked anybody else better to play Mario.
Yeah, I got nothing but good things to say about Bob Hoskins.
I will also bring up with John Lingwizama, why the hell didn't he have a mustache?
Come on, they're both supposed to have a mustache.
Look at that beautiful baby face.
You can't put a mustache on that.
Like hell I can't.
Maybe he can't put a mustache on that.
I was going to say, also it might be some kind of, I'm sure it's some kind of Henry
Cavill, he was on another movie situation.
Alright, if that is the case, okay, I'll allow it.
So yeah, that's my top three.
Has John Lingwizama ever had like, I thought he had some facial hair in the menu?
I'm sure he has.
He probably had some when he was not being Bruno.
Yeah, I just, because I was sworn he had it in the menu, but I can't seem to see him with
facial hair.
Wait, was he in that movie with Santa Claus?
What was that movie?
Violent Night?
Violent Night.
Was he in that movie?
Yep.
He was.
Oh, because I'm looking at, oh, I'm an idiot.
Yeah, they're, god dang, that dude has 11 upcoming projects.
Damn.
The Power, Waco, The Aftermath, Hypno, Tin Soldier, The Green Veil, The Adventures of
Drunky, Samola's First Lady, The Godmother, a word I can't, surely cannot say, The Devil's
Angel, Love You Forever, Don Adel.
Alright, relax.
Okay, it must have been an age thing, because like, I'm seeing him in, what's it called?
The Infiltrator, and he has a freaking killer Mario-esque mustache.
But everything else, there's some where it's not a super great mustache, but.
By the way, how old do you think he was, unless you already know, how old do you think he
was in this movie?
Ooh, that's a good question.
I just guess.
I don't know.
Just guess.
Okay.
I would say late teens, early twenties.
He was 33.
33?
He was born in 1960.
Because that's what I thought too, up until right now, I was like, wait, what do you mean
he was born in 1960?
Damn.
Dude, what the hell?
So kudos to John Leguizamo, Latin, don't crack.
Doesn't quite have the same ring to it.
He looks amazing for his age.
Yeah.
That's wild.
What's your top three, DJ?
So I need to give some honorable mentions, okay?
And they go in this order.
Spike and Iggy, they're on the same level.
I listen.
I get it.
But also, they did exactly what they were contracted to do perfectly.
Thank you Fisher Stevens and Richard Edson.
Samantha Mathis as Daisy.
Listen to me.
That lady is never going to get the credit that she deserves, so I'm just going to give
it to her now in the form of an honorable mention.
She was also in a movie called Broken Arrow.
You guys have not seen that movie.
I remember it being good, but it surely isn't.
According to the guy who responded on Instagram, she is no longer acting.
Oh, that's not true.
She has a freaking...
She's going to be in something in 2023.
Yeah.
She's in something now.
12 desperate hours.
She was in billions.
She did three episodes of Law and Order.
Hey, nobody does three.
She's definitely...
Anyway.
And then my final honorable mention is Fiona Shaw.
I...
It was...
Much like you, I was like, ah, I don't know if she's going to be in the top three or not,
but the real...
The true top three is Dennis Hopper at number three.
As much as it pains me, Bob Hoskins is number two and Luigi Mario is number one.
Because I feel like my personal grade is Bob Hoskins always gets number one.
But I mean, he honestly...
I loved him in this movie.
He just didn't do a whole lot, which is not...
I'm not knocking against him for that.
It's just like this was kind of Luigi's movie.
It was absolutely Luigi's movie.
Your nephew hit it right on the head with that one.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah, so my acting score, if it were just Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo.
Like, just them, I think I'd be around an 81, 82.
I had a really decent time with their performance.
I do think it was...
There's a lot of 90s movies that I can't watch because of how cheesy the acting is, and it's
mostly coming from the main people.
I think they were able to pull off their roles amazingly well.
So that's why I'd give them so high.
I had to take into consideration everyone.
So I think I'm going to be at like a 76.
What are you thinking, Rose?
I'm actually higher than Caleb just because, yeah, I'm putting in Hoskins and Leguizamo.
But for how much Dennis Hopper really amped up his performance and just sold it so well
to me, I'm going to go an 80.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm going 80 as well because I think that those three, and I would include what's
some call Harry Potter's aunt, and they were all, the rumor is no one was enjoying themselves
and they were all just drunk all the time doing this movie.
It's true.
The fact that they just...
This was their kind of like, whatever, this isn't going to be anything anyway.
We're just out here and we're just going to act.
We're going to turn our acting chops up to fricking 11 and just ham it up as best we
can.
But that's the thing.
Dennis Hopper and Harry Potter's aunt, I feel like they dialed it up to 11, but it's still,
even though I know, again, they weren't enjoying it and they were drunk, I feel like Bob Hoskins
and John Leguizamo took it relatively seriously.
They played it pretty straight, as straight as that character could be, I guess, in that
kind of a movie.
I don't know.
Bob Hoskins especially, he reminded me...
You could almost make the same argument of he did as good in that movie for the same
reasons why Michael Caine did good in The Christmas Carol.
He's treating the Muppets like they're real people.
Bob Hoskins is just like, whatever, man, this is a real place.
I'm in Dino Hatton.
We're going to get on some boots and I'm going to steal a rock from a lady named Bertha.
See you later.
Yeah.
If there's anything that I love about John Leguizamo, it's his fricking work ethic.
He's stated this a lot.
No matter what he's in, he tries to give it his all or he tries to give exactly what people
ask of him.
Have you guys seen The Pest, the movie The Pest?
Nope.
I hate to...
I can't...
You know what?
Never mind.
I didn't say anything.
That one might definitely be living in nostalgia world for me, but I was another John Leguizamo
joint that I loved.
He's a great actor and he's been in so much shit that you don't even think of.
I forgot he voiced Sid the Sloth in Ice Age.
Yep.
How'd you forget that?
I have no idea.
It's like the one role that I always remember of his.
Number one.
Dude, he was...
What's his face?
It starts with a T in Romeo and Juliet, the Leonardo DiCaprio joint.
God dang it, where is it?
You know what I'm talking about?
Did you guys see that movie back in the day?
Romeo and Juliet starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes?
I have not seen that one.
I didn't know he was in Chef.
I've seen Chef.
Yeah, he's the one that's running the food truck with Jon Favreau.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Why?
In fairness, I did watch Chef on a plane, so I might have not been fully there.
That is a...
Can I tell you?
I watched it on a movie because I was like, this will kill the time.
I was like, this movie is amazing.
Why am I watching this on a tiny, terrible screen?
Did someone just make a plane noise just then?
Did you hear that?
It sounded like, ping.
Am I being mocked?
A little bit.
It happened again.
That's me, sorry.
Put your trays and seats in the upright position.
All right, next up we got character development, which for this...
LOL.
Yeah.
If there's anywhere that this movie falls short, it's this as well.
There is none.
What do you give it when it's neutral?
There is nothing.
Okay, so our average is 75.
That's an average run of the mill.
I'll give it a 70 then.
Nothing special, nothing.
I'll give it a 70 because there is literally...
He doesn't even change shirts in three weeks.
Yeah, he's not wrong.
Yeah, I feel like they could have taken this opportunity to allow Luigi to learn something.
If you're not one to give Mario any development, don't.
It's completely understandable.
But I think Luigi, he was young enough or portrayed young enough where it's like nothing...
You can mold him a little bit.
It would have been...
But where could he really have gone from where he started?
He was just some dude that was like, we live in this, first of all, amazing apartment that
they're apparently just scraping by at.
They're just going job to job.
They save a mushroom kingdom.
And then they're just like, all right, I guess we're back to just trying to beat out Schiapelli
for jobs.
By the way, I know we're past writing, but that just reminded me.
The one thing that did bother me so much at the very beginning with writing was when they're
like, they get the call and they're like, you need to get down here.
The pipes, they're bursting all over the place and they go take the shortcut and they get
there and they're like, Schiapelli beat us here.
That's not how that works.
They don't call two plumbers.
They don't call two and then go, whoever gets here first, you get the work.
You get the work.
Come on.
Anyway, I'm sorry.
I had an issue with that and the whole Mario fix in radiator issues with a water bottle.
Yeah, Caleb, but not let that go.
Yeah, I just had to fix my radiator in my car.
And no, there's no way in hell that you could fix that with a water bottle.
I mean, listen, in fairness to what he did, OK, I have definitely fixed some radiators
with some water out of a bottle because if you want to make it stop making crazy noises
very temporarily, then yeah, you can do some crazy water in the radiator stuff.
You're definitely making the problem worse in the long run, but it's going to sound better
in the short run.
So technically I think they weren't wrong, but there was a bigger bill they forgot to
tell us about where they had to buy a new van.
True.
But yeah, like I think it's around there, too.
Like it's below average.
There's not really anything to go off of.
It's just Luigi kind of has this hero complex and has it like maintains it through the entirety
of the movie.
It doesn't really have that challenge or anything.
He's just like all in for this girl that he barely met.
My nephew said that at the end when he was like going to kiss, but I love you.
I hear him whisper in the background, you just met her.
Dude, that's exactly what I told her.
Hey, maybe it secretly takes place in Utah.
Maybe.
Shit.
Is that his betrothed?
Yeah, but I'm pretty low with character development, too.
I think I might be same as writing 68.
Yeah, that's where I'm at, too.
I'm still holding strong at 70.
Fair.
All right.
Everyone's favorite one.
Everyone's favorite.
The effects.
Let's start this out strong.
35.
Just get the hell out of my face, sir.
You're wrong.
Okay, listen, I am not going to grade this by today's standards.
I'm going to grade this by 90 standards.
And I'm going to tell you this movie is getting a solid 90 out of me for effects because first
of all on the animatronics on Yoshi alone, that was way better than it deserved to be
for that movie.
I will bring up an argument that this movie came out the same year as Jurassic Park.
Again, they don't have-
I was just going to ask you to reveal that.
They don't have Steven Spielberg money.
How dare you?
It was just a small little scamp.
Had anyone even heard of a Nintendo in the 90s?
No, no one even knew what a Nintendo was.
They fricking, they're out there, little scrappy scrappersons.
Yeah, I, again, but Jurassic Park is weird and unfair because like everything leading
up to that movie, Jurassic Park, wasn't even like close to that.
So Jurassic Park being what it was, was like mind blowing.
And in fairness to what Jurassic Park was, it took a long time for anybody else to catch
up to that even like years and years after.
So I'm going to say that less Jurassic Park, that was pretty on par and maybe even like
ahead of its, ahead of where it should have been for most 90s movies.
Because damn it, son, come on, really?
You're going to take a damn Steven Spielberg movie and be like, hey, we've got the best
director in the world against Jim or whoever directed this one.
What do you mean Jim couldn't get all the money?
He couldn't get Spielberg money?
Why not?
He's got the Nintendos.
You know, what's really funny is that literally Jurassic Park came out like two weeks after
the Super Mario Bros movie.
That is a travesty.
I'm looking to see what else I'm about to look to the director has done.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was going to say a lot of Super Mario Bros.
Yeah.
Annabelle Janko and Rocky Martin.
Yeah, they literally only had like one movie under their belt.
But when they got freaking hired.
Okay.
Now listen to me.
Okay.
Maybe maybe Jurassic Park did come out in the 90s or 93.
But also we're back.
A dinosaur story came out.
Coneheads pre hysteria, a movie that absolutely was worse than the Super Mario Bros.
Mighty Morphin's Power Ranger movie falling down.
Great movie.
If you haven't seen it, see it.
Let's see.
Free Willy, The Sandlot, Demolition Man.
Jurassic Park.
Yeah, dude, The Invisible Man.
Like what's eating Gilbert Grape?
Minutes.
Sex and the Single Alien.
Searching for Bobby Fischer.
Body Snatchers.
I'm trying to look for other movies that would have like The Secret Garden.
Kronos.
Holy crap.
Have you guys seen Kronos?
Dude, don't look up anything about it.
Go into that movie and watch it and then see if you're as stupid as me.
Damn, TG.
Because at the end of the movie, I'm like, hey, this has a lot of parallels to something
else.
And I went and like Googled the movie and was looking at it.
It's like, yeah, stupid.
That's what it was supposed to be the whole time.
Why are you so dumb from watching movies?
Wait a minute.
Hold on.
Hold the phone.
Do you know what else came out in 1993?
No, that can't be right.
Roger Rabbit?
No, that's not right.
Yeah, I thought that came out later.
I might have come out before.
Yeah, 1988.
I think there was a short that came out in 93 that had Herman the Baby.
All right.
I'm sorry.
I whatever.
Diverted so hard.
No, you're fine.
So I stand by my 90.
I'm giving it a 90.
And I'm saying that less Jurassic Park.
If you take every other movie and put it up against Super Mario Brothers, you would say
like, yeah, yes, if you put it up against Jurassic Park, of course, it's like a 60.
But I mean, come on, son.
All right.
So we try to do that, too.
We try to hold it by 90 standards to the best of our ability.
The only effect that I will say I'm going to dock for is anything that was super obviously
put on a green screen.
And I'm talking like when they were flying through the portal and like when they had
just come out of the portal.
Like, oh, it was very obvious.
Yeah, when Bob Hoskins was falling into Dino World, I think I mentioned a kid of him like,
oh, my God, that is so 90s effect.
Why is he upside down?
Yeah, exactly.
I will say a pretty decent effect that they had.
What was that one that you said aged really well, Rose?
Was it the devolving?
No, not the devolving.
Oh, it was when they were basically or when they were merging with Earth.
And they were like, yeah, like they kind of looked like they were disappearing as Thanos.
Yeah, it actually looked pretty good.
I was impressed by that.
Yeah, especially because, I mean, they were moving and everything.
So that was trippy.
So I mean, I feel like that aged pretty well.
And I mean, this just kind of goes hand in hand with the effects.
I do think the the set design needs to be discussed here.
Obviously it's not no Mushroom Kingdom or anything, but it looked really fricking cool.
That's what I was going to say.
I was like, yeah, I would I was going to include that as well as like I thought I thought everything
looked like everywhere they were like looked awesome, like it didn't look well.
I mean, it looked awesome again if we were looking through the 90s lens, but it didn't
look like it didn't look like somebody redressed their garage to be a fricking to be a what
is it the the throne room for the Mushroom King?
Yeah, like all they did there looked really good.
The yeah, I mean, hell, even like the Goomba transformation, like that, I feel held up
pretty decent.
Now what they transform into didn't but the way that they transformed it like a listen.
No, I can't.
I mean, anyone listening, please call in right in beyond the show.
Tell us.
Tell me is there a further divergence than a Goomba in the video game to a Goomba in
the movie?
Like is there does anything diverge further from the source material than that?
A Goomba is a mushroom with feet.
I'm very interested if anyone can beat that.
I gotta see that.
Yeah, just because I I was gonna think I was thinking about throwing in costumes, but it's
not a costume.
The only like the only other effect that I'm thinking of that I'm going to dock for is
the frickin bullshit sparks and like vehicles that was future vehicles, giant sparks flying
out of it.
Like what the hell was that?
They use that instead of gasoline.
Hello.
They use that electric cars.
Freaking Dino Musk was out there freaking making Teslas.
Yeah, if there's anything I learned from that Dr. Parkin Steen guy on TikTok, it's that
sparks are wasted electricity.
That's hilarious.
If anyone knows who Dr. Parkins Dean is, I love you.
I love you so much.
Yeah, I can't any other effects that you can think of Rose.
No, honestly, I mean, I want to definitely go back to like the set design because I feel
you got to give credit to the actors for what they had to go through with that because there
was no AC at all in that set.
So when you see sweat, when you see wet or on any of the actors, that's actually moisture.
Thank you.
That's actual sweat.
That is all sweat.
I will say this too, as far as this would be, I don't know if this we're talking about
effects.
Yeah, this would be effects slash costume ish.
Those jump boots.
That was the great where the gumas was like the worst transition from game to to to big
screen.
I think that was the best way they could have done that to be like we need them to do a
super jump.
We need it to happen.
Let's put a fricking bullet bill into a super boot and then you can jump like a crazy person
across the thing.
I mean, the jumps were stupid looking, obviously, but the boots looked awesome.
Like I like the idea of it.
I mean, clearly it would never actually work, but like it was, I don't know.
I liked it.
They were super cool.
A little inconsistent about like what they could do because it did seem like they were
just kind of flying around.
Well, and also it was very inconsistent of like is one little bullet bill.
Is that one jump?
Is it many jumps?
I don't understand because sometimes they're like it's one.
Sometimes they're like you could just jump forever like Bertha.
So who knows?
Yeah.
The other shit there.
OK, there are guns that they had that were like basically just little flamethrowers.
That was the fireballs.
That was your little fire flower or fireball thing.
Oh, it's like 64 guns.
Those kind of cool.
No, you're talking about the evolution guns.
Those were the super scopes from back in the day.
Yeah, that's what they were.
Yeah, that's yeah.
That was a get.
I don't know if that would be.
Yeah, that wouldn't be.
That would be effects.
Yeah, dude, that was I mean, I personally because a super scope was like we definitely
never had a Super Nintendo.
But if I ever did believe in your heart, Super Scope was like you can't have a Super Nintendo
without a Super Scope.
I don't even know what you would use a Super Scope for.
How about that?
I don't even know one game that uses Super Scope, but I wanted one.
I wanted it so bad.
Are you guys talking about the thing with where that chick was playing like Duck Hunt
with the computer system?
No, that is like that is like the Zapper.
That is the handheld gun.
What Koopa had at the end, that thing that he like put on his shoulder, the actual like
the evolution gun, that was just like that was just like the prop master putting a bunch
of cool stuff on an actual like Super Scope, which was like this weird like bazooka stick
thing that you could have that again, I have no clue what game what you would use it for
anything.
I just wanted it.
I wanted it so bad.
I would have lost my shit if they would have been able to incorporate.
They might have.
Who knows?
And by the way, if they whether they did or didn't, they better do it in this new movie.
Yes.
They have to.
Agreed.
It's so bad.
I mean, I can't think of any other like effect that felt like bad to me.
Do I want one of those frickin bomb bombs?
The bombs were awesome.
Yeah.
The king looked awesome, too.
Like that.
What they did with him was cool because I don't know if you noticed, it looked like it was
supposed to be to me.
Maybe I was just seeing it, but it looked like it was supposed to be like one of those
green pipes that he was coming out of in the throne room.
And then even the transition from him going to giant booger to person, that transition
wasn't terrible.
Like it wasn't great, but it wasn't the worst booger to human transition I've ever seen.
Yeah.
I think what people fail to realize about this movie is like for the time or for like
for this, like what what you're going based off of like source material wise, like, yeah,
this is a complete and utter departure of whatever the hell they were going for.
But for what it was, it wasn't like that stuff like was great.
Like there are so many props from this that I would frickin love.
Dude, like I wanted a frickin one of those, the Mario jumpsuit.
Dude.
Dude, those.
Okay, I just I can't find the back of it now and I don't have it in here with me.
But the only I don't know how you guys were able to watch this movie, but I the only place
I could find it was on Amazon on DVD and I got it for like three dollars and ninety four
cents.
But on the back of the DVD case, it says something along the lines of like special effects.
You won't believe they're like iPod.
That's what it says, iPopping effects, iPopping effects.
That's fancy.
Not completely wrong definition.
Again, for 93 with again and again, this technically it did come out before Jurassic Park.
So you would not judge it with the Jurassic Park standards.
But no, you're right, by the way, I remember me and my brother being like, I want to be
Mario and Luigi for Halloween because look at that.
We can just have that and wear that all the time.
And maybe we can even get some boots, maybe some jumpy boots.
What about that?
Dude, I don't feel like those jumpy boots would have been.
I mean, at least looking at it from an adult perspective now, I don't think that those
would have been too hard to make with like some PVC.
Probably not.
I don't know.
Everything in the Mushroom Kingdom, I thought, looked like it was.
Obviously on a super small scale, but I thought it all looked cool.
Like I wanted to, even though there's probably nothing in there, I wanted to walk around
it and like, look, just see.
I don't know.
I want to go get a tattoo with the Hammer Brothers tattoo joint.
Yeah.
So gosh, if I'm not too far away from you on effects, I think I might be like an 80.
Rose hit me with the 50.
I'm going to be a little lower than you guys at an 85.
Still fact to the average.
Not going to lie, I really expected you to be in the 70s.
Really?
Okay.
I mean, for what it was, like in the time, like they were really good.
Agreed.
Yeah.
It's just the green screen, it felt very spawnish.
Well, and also, again, like it's like you said, I do think a lot of this holds up not,
you know, one for one, but like it holds up a lot better than I think a lot of other 90s
movies do, especially when they're doing ambitious special effects like this that again are not
backed up by industrial light and magic.
Next up we got music, which is something.
So this is 10.
It's what's what's the medium?
What's the median?
Because I'm giving it that.
So our middle is five.
Okay, it's five.
But listen to me, nothing.
Okay.
You know why it gets a five?
I take it back.
It gets a six because it's hilarious.
Did you guys notice that right when the movie ended, the song they played matched perfectly
to the movie you just watched?
Dude, seriously, you didn't notice that because that movie or that song was insanity.
It was like it was like some lady singing a ballad.
It wasn't like that was like the first credits that world was the name of that song.
Like it wasn't the cast.
It was not that it was the name of the song that was playing during the credits.
It was wild.
I was like it ended and as I had to stop myself because I'm like asking my nephew like, hey,
what would you think?
What is this song?
What is this?
Like where is this from?
Is this what they were listening to all the kidnapped girls were listening to as torture
when they were waiting to find out who was Princess Daisy.
Oh man.
But other than that, I didn't even really notice the soundtrack like at all.
There wasn't any like there wasn't much as far as like stings of like here's a Mario
sound you remember a little bit with the boots, but it was like it was like a riff on something
you knew it wasn't it wasn't like an actual game sound.
That makes sense.
There were actually a couple like video game sounds in there.
They were super, but not Mario games.
It was like they were Mario games.
I forget.
I'm trying to remember which sound it was because I know there was one.
There was a sound that sounded close whenever they click the boots together.
It almost sounded like not coins, but like maybe like hitting a question box or something.
And there but to me anyway, the everything sounded like just to the left of what what
was in the Mario games.
Like it was close, but it wasn't like every time I'm like cocking my head like that's
it's Mario ish it's lowercase M Mario.
This is a tough one.
What do you think Rose?
I'm with DJ I'm at a six like nothing really stood out to me.
So average level.
It hurts my heart to do that to this movie because I don't I have an idea of what I want
this movie to be grade wise and I know that is not going to do it any favors, but I can't
I've got a it's just wasn't I couldn't tell you one song other than the end song that
made no sense to the entire movie.
Yeah I I was at it like a pretty solid five, but with this one it's more majority rules.
So yeah, I'll I'll meet you guys at a six.
Alright next up we got costumes.
So this includes everyone not just freaking Mario and Luigi.
This is every single costume and this is where I'm docking for the freaking Goombas.
They what?
Okay, why are you docking for the Goombas?
I think my issue with the Goombas is just inconsistency and not really.
It's the heads.
It's like they had like one that looked straight up like a snakehead.
They had one that looked like a lizard head and then they had one that was like the the
brown Goomba heads.
I mean they just are supposed to be reptiles.
In fairness, none of them were mushrooms with feet and a face on it.
So they clearly diverged 100% from the source material.
So I don't I mean the theory is right is that they all were being devolved from what they
spawned out of and that was reptiles and you're not all spawning from the same weird cue ball
cue ball reptile that the the Toad Goomba you know and love devolved from or evolved
from.
I don't know.
All of this to say.
I think you got me there dude.
I want to argue but I'm like I can't.
That's actually a really good point.
I actually love the costumes in this movie.
Like I don't I think they all freaking swing for the fence and they make it like there
is nobody that's just like a I'm just I mean listen Luigi's wearing the same thing.
You know he's wearing the same shirt.
So they did get lazy but like at least it was a yin yang with flames on it.
They were you saying this during the show or before the show how like it was so wild
that they were wearing green and red in the opposite ways and then they got to their thing.
It was almost like what kind of movie is this is this are they the Mario Brothers yet or
not we don't know.
That's what was throwing me off.
It's like the whole movie Luigi is wearing like a green hoodie and then he gets put in
the green frickin or the red sorry red.
He's in a red hoodie.
He's wearing a frickin red pimp suit.
They somehow throw Mario into a frickin yellow one for whatever reason and then suddenly
he's in green.
He's playing Wario as well.
He's playing Wario.
Yeah he's playing Wario as well.
I don't know.
Wow.
You just I'll take it is eleven thirty one and I got to tell you you just blew my mind
Rose.
Wow.
Hey I put my acting up by one point.
Yeah I don't know like there was no like lazy costumes in this.
There was no like I just slapped this one on.
Like they I don't know.
Everything seemed I liked everything I saw.
Yeah.
Everyone seemed to see this.
Everyone seemed unique even like stupid toad like he was there for a second but I remember
his dumb striped shirt and his weird frickin overall thing.
Bertha in her frickin red devil suit like Harry Potter's aunt with her weird like by
the way that lady showing a lot of cleavage.
I was like what is happening here Harry Potter's aunt.
What are you what are you doing over here.
Yeah I don't know.
It was a good I liked it.
Yeah it was it was good.
And you you definitely talked me up.
But to what.
How high up.
Yeah how high up.
This one's tough.
I honestly with with your like reasoning behind the goombas and I always say this like it
like it's really easy to get a tent if you have like an iconic like good silhouette and
if they have anything they have a solid frickin silhouette so much so that I'm using it in
this episode's artwork.
Like I can probably pick out the goomba silhouettes too.
You did first.
By the way you for sure could.
Oh damn it.
I think I might attend.
Me too.
Rose just just come on.
I was not that high but I was out of nine but majority.
Oh damn.
Because listen I was telling Caleb when was I telling you that I don't know when anything
happens anymore but the my favorite when I was a kid the best part of that movie for
me is when they finally make it into their frickin colors they've got their jump boots
on they've got the hats on and they stand up and their feet are touching just perfect
where they're making the M just like on the front cover and it's amazing and I'm like
this is a movie about Mario.
Like just losing my mind like it was perfect.
So yeah.
Ten.
Making up for music.
All right next up we got our own personal scores.
So I'll take this one first.
I want to hear from Rose last.
I didn't realize how much nostalgia I would have for this movie.
I did watch it when I was fairly young.
I think I was around 15 16 when I first saw it and it's it's a movie that's that's stuck
with me.
There's a lot of stuff in this it's just jam packed full of Easter eggs that you can like
pick out and it's it's fun.
It's a good time.
The story is not nearly as bad as like I ripped this movie a new ass.
This is I used to compare like oh is it like Super Mario when it like in terms of like
adaptations like is it bad as Super Mario.
In terms of like a one to one adaptation like yeah it's not great.
But for what it is and it's supposed to be just a 90s live action adaptation of Mario
it's not horrible.
It's a really fun time.
I had a blast watching this with Rose on Sunday.
It was fantastic.
And then yeah and there's just something about watching these like a movie like this on the
big screen.
Obviously it was a virtual reality big screen but whatever it was it was fantastic.
So damn my personal score I think we're gonna be given this probably an 80 by the way I
am sad that I missed the the virtual watch.
I would still like to do that at some point anyway just because at least watch some of
it just to see what it looks like up on the big screen.
But yeah this I am the same.
I really was like I said it earlier I was afraid I was gonna watch this movie and all
of the like joyous nostalgia I had for it was just gonna leak out of my eyeballs and
I was gonna hate this movie and I not only don't hate this movie like I love this movie
the same kind of way I did when I was a kid.
Like it is I'm shocked at how well it held up to what I thought in my brain.
But again like I didn't I knew what it was when I was a kid.
Like I saw it I wasn't like disappointed that it wasn't what I played in the video games.
I was just stoked to see Mario and Luigi up on the screen.
It didn't even matter that King Koopa wasn't a freaking turtle or whatever he is I was
just all of it was amazing to me.
And it's it made me feel good to watch this movie again and just remember all that I guess.
I am gonna give this movie a 95 is what I'm gonna give it.
I was gonna give it a 93 and you almost made me go because my gut reaction initially was
95 and then you said 83 and I was like maybe mine's 92 and the more I was talking about
it just now I'm like I love this movie it's definitely not a 100 but god dang it it's
right there.
For me I do not have the same nostalgia as these two do towards this movie.
Like you said this was my first time watching this movie and I will say it's not as bad
as I thought it was going to be I still had a very good time.
The way that they portray all the Mario characters that they do is very interesting.
I definitely feel out of character probably a lot feel out of character but that's okay.
Just I don't know what else to say.
I had a good time like the acting is pretty good special effects are pretty good.
It's just I don't have the nostalgia as much as Caleb and DJ do so I'm comparing this to
what even though I haven't seen it yet the Super Mario bro there's that we are getting
in the next couple weeks because that actually is staying true to the source material that's
really right out of a video game whereas this tries to be more gritty more dark definitely
tries to stray off the path of the video games which I appreciate like I'm always up for
new adaptations of stuff that definitely goes in an entirely different direction but it
I feel for me it misses more than it hits.
So I'm going to go I'm going to go a 77.
Not bad I really was bracing for the like listen I love you guys I hope I don't lose
any friends here 62.
Dude that's exactly what I thought like he's going to be in like the mid 60s with this
so you're actually a lot higher than I thought you were going to be Rose.
Listen I go ahead sorry.
I actually have a question would you hate me if I actually had to leave right now because
20 minutes.
Yeah.
Were you getting dressed as you were giving your your final thoughts.
No no just I mean.
Is that why your camera's been off.
No it's fine it's fine if I'm a little late but just if it's all right with you guys.
You're a manager get there on time.
What are you doing.
Like Caleb are you OK if we record the recommendations tomorrow.
Will that be OK.
Yeah that's fine.
OK.
Sorry I talk so much Rose.
No you're fine DJ.
No I'm sorry that I have to go to work.
I have to freaking clean my wet rack and it's an all night process so it's going to be fun.
But what do you have to do at work.
Hey got him.
I get it.
That's funny.
All right.
Sorry guys.
Fine but I'm not telling you what what it scored.
OK.
You have to listen to this episode.
OK I will.
Spoiler alert he won't.
Wow.
DJ when to call me out.
Thanks man.
Hey you gotta do you gotta do her before you leave.
So long.
Is that good.
Yeah that was good.
Were you getting tickled when you did that.
A little bit apparently.
All right.
Thanks guys for a great episode.
Goodbye Rose.
I love you.
I love you too.
Wow.
Oh he's still.
He was still on clean feed for a second.
All right.
Well.
Now that he Rose is gone we can go through the.
The scores for this.
So starting off with story not a super strong start it's sitting at a seventy seven writing
averaged out to a sixty eight point six yikes.
Yeah.
Acting was a little bit higher sitting at a seventy eight point six character development
sitting at a sixty eight point six drop down the exact same level as writing.
Going over to effects is sitting at an eighty seven point six.
The music averaged out to a six costumes was a very solid ten and our personal score averaged
out to an eighty five.
You're welcome John.
Johnny legs.
So with that the final all bros letter grade and untrained eye for Super Mario Bros.
And nineteen ninety three has come out to a.
Little.
Be minus.
Oh that is way better than I thought it was going to be.
Dude it.
Barely got this be minus.
Wait so do we knock out Shazam thunder of the gods or whatever.
Because wasn't Shazam wasn't that like right at the bottom of the fury of the gods or so
that was a B plus.
OK yeah yeah but it was at the bottom of a B plus right.
Yeah it was like yeah.
But our cut off for a B minus is 80 percent right.
And what we get.
We gave this in eighty point zero eight.
Wowzers.
That's amazing.
All right listen I've been meaning to say this to you.
You've got to say the movies that it came under first the movies that beat it first and then
the movies that it beat second because the movies that it beat are going to make people so
much madder than the movies that it be or the beat it.
Yeah I'm actually going to have to pull up our C plus movies.
Hilarious.
Because it's it is our second to last.
See our B minus movie.
Wait so what came right before it was there something that got in the 80 exactly.
Yep.
And that was our wait no no no don't say it don't say yeah OK the ones that came ahead of it for
I'm sorry I almost screwed it all up.
All right.
So Super Mario Bros.
1993 like I said is sitting at an eighty point zero eight percent.
That puts it below Nomad land which is sitting at an eighty point one eight.
It is below good boys which is at an eighty point two five is below Top Gun which is at an eighty point
three seven.
Top Gun OG Top Gun or Top Gun.
OK.
It is below Dune which is at an eighty point six two.
Now Dune part one or old school Dune.
Dune part one.
OK.
And then finally it is below the Banana Splits movie which is at an eighty point nine one.
That movie I still want to watch so bad.
Yeah it's a good one.
I have it on Voodoo.
I need to watch that.
It's good.
I think you'll like it a lot.
That I mean you saw that they we must have traded this information at some point but that they
finally started like rolling on the AF movie.
Yeah.
Dude we're so excited.
I cannot wait to see that.
Yeah.
So all right.
And this one is just this one's just for shits and giggles.
Before.
So the movie is that's one percent above this one.
Like exactly is Deadpool 2.
Really.
I feel like Ryan Reynolds would be happy with this.
Oh.
All right.
This is the this is the greatest part.
I cannot wait.
It's sad that it took so long to get here but I'm so happy to ruin somebody's day.
This is going to ruin my day.
So go in the opposite direction.
This is so there I'm actually going to go a little further.
I usually do five above five below.
But I there's no way I can't do further down the list.
Please.
All right.
So go in the opposite direction.
It is above Dear Evan Hansen which is sitting at a very solid 80.
And that is the bottom of our B minus list.
Everything from here on is going to be C plus.
So it is also above Yes Day which is on a is a seventy nine point eight one.
That one's on Netflix.
It's a Jennifer Garner movie.
Oh my God.
Is that like a make a wish movie like you're going to die.
So this is your Yes Day.
No it's a way to get her kids to behave.
That's way less way less stakes.
Yeah.
Let's see.
It is above the crude's a new age which is a seventy nine point six eight.
The cage will understand it is above the remake of Aladdin which is at a seventy nine point six two.
That tracks.
Here it is above Scott Pilgrim versus the world.
Listen.
That is seventy nine point five eight.
Listen.
This doesn't count.
Brucker is the worst or whatever his dumb name is.
He can't listen.
I'm sorry.
You think you're a horror movie expert.
Well then why are you grading good movies.
OK.
Horror movies are trash.
And you're trash and you graded something terribly.
Brucker I hate you.
I hate everything about you.
I would love to be on your podcast talk about the last Halloween movie.
And so yeah that one stings a lot.
That one always stings anytime that one comes up because it's wrong done by a wrong person.
He's going to be arrested one day.
You know that right.
Like one day he's going to go to jail and then you're going to.
It's fine.
Then you can say hey he did these all these atrocities because they were atrocities whatever he did.
We can now regrade this movie.
Brucker I mean listen I'm not saying that he's a big fan of Kanye West but I'm not saying he's not a big fan.
Anyway.
All right.
Let's see.
Now one that's actually legitimate.
It is above Mortal Kombat 2021.
Yep.
Just sitting at a seventy nine point four nine.
Wait did I was I on that episode.
Yes you were.
That I I remember that movie looking cool and not being good.
Yeah.
And so yeah.
So and then the movie that's a full percentage below this one is actually the remake of Pinocchio.
Never saw it heard it was terrible.
Yeah you don't need to watch it.
Trying to see if there's any that are like.
Absolutely not.
And I'm not seeing any.
Like some are some big ones that are like standing out there.
So these are all ones that's above.
It's like tenacious D and the pick of destiny.
I mean it wasn't a good movie.
I love tenacious D but.
Let's see Venom 2.
I don't I was the one I fell asleep during.
It was the Venom 2 wasn't bad.
I didn't I didn't hate it.
What I remember of it anyway.
Wonder Woman 1984.
I will never watch that movie.
Thank you though.
The first Sam Raimi Spider-Man.
That one makes me feel weird.
It makes us feel weird too.
Let's see Boondock Saints.
Boondock Saints I feel like is one of those movies that like is for sure better in your mind than it is in real life.
Like no one's rewatching that movie now going yep.
I feel the exact same way I did when I was a child and watched it.
Yeah.
So yeah those are like the big ones that like that I would say stand out to me.
Going above nothing too significant.
I mean we have a yeah.
It's just kind of obvious ones.
Just see if there's like any that are like not.
Yeah I think I agree with most of these.
Like I feel like this has a as a decent home where it's at.
Yeah I mean I'm not going to lie to you.
I am very glad that it cracked into the B but I really expected it to be mid to low C.
I really it was going to pain me but I understood.
I came to this show knowing that it's fate.
But the fact that we got it to be really makes me feel good.
This is why I love our our system.
It's just it's freaking perfect.
And by the way I would use our own horn or anything.
But I like to say we came about this one honestly.
There might have been a movie called Love Birds that I may have been a little too excited that Kumail was in Kumail Nanjiani and may have been not 100 percent sure that I was like
ruining a grading system by rating everything in the 90s and 100.
But this one I have learned my lesson.
I have come here to do a good job and I think we did.
Yeah. So this is so we've like as of right now we have scored two hundred and twenty two movies.
That is a lot of damn movies.
Yeah. And let's see where this ranks.
So out of those two hundred and twenty two this ranked at number one hundred and fifty five.
Oh my God. What. Wait a minute.
So OK. So our A's that are so our A movies we only have four A movies.
We have a decent amount of A minus movies.
I think our biggest category is B plus.
Then we have a shit ton of B's.
A lot of B minuses.
C pluses are decent.
We only have a we don't have very many C movies.
Let's see. Yeah. We only have 15 C movies.
Excuse me.
We have 10 C minus movies for D plus to D one D minus.
And unfortunately that are not to D minuses.
And one of those D minuses is that what that any movie that we ripped apart.
And then we have to.
Yeah. We have two F's.
What are the two F's.
Food Fight.
I disagree. But go ahead.
Dude. Have you seen that movie.
It's a waking nightmare and I think it should be treated as such.
And it does not deserve an F. OK.
Listen you can tell I haven't even seen the entirety of a food fight.
And let me tell you something.
There is nobody that hasn't seen food fight is like the room of animated movies.
You can't it's it laps back around to like higher on the list.
It is not going to be enough.
It does. You're wrong. You're wrong.
Out of your fricking mind.
You're going to tell me that is not room levels of insanity in that movie.
Yeah. But I like.
Yeah. But that's all you need.
It's self absurd. Yes.
But it doesn't back around to good.
Neither does neither does the room. But people still have lapped it back around to good.
Even though it's like bad good.
Food Fight is animated the room.
You will not sway me from this. What is your other F movie.
Is it also Scott Pilgrim versus the world.
No it's We Can Be Heroes.
It was that Netflix shark boy and lava girl sequel.
Oh my God. I was not a shark boy and lava girl person.
But I was sad for all of you that were.
Because that was nonsense.
Dude that was rough.
And so it's so food fight is sitting at a 48 percent.
So it like failed hard.
And We Can Be Heroes like got by by the skin of its teeth.
Like it's it's barely not a D minus.
I'm going to be watching Food Fight in its entirety.
And I'm going to start my own movie podcast where you're wrong.
It's going to be called Caleb and Rose are not right.
The podcast where I watch food fight every episode.
We go over the finer points of food fight.
Yeah. So like all of our D.
So our D plus to F movies we only have like 10 in that category.
So it's like even though it seems like it's low it's like not quite.
Well it seems it's like right in the middle because you said how many 222 or something like that total.
Yeah. Two hundred and twenty two.
So 10 of those are below a C minus.
And then the rest of them are so two hundred and twelve are a C minus and above.
Yeah I think that makes sense. That makes sense.
I didn't want it to be so low but I'll take it.
I'll take not I'll take not food fight.
Yeah. Well let's see all of our C.
So so our C minus or any movie with the C.
So that's C minus C plus we have 56 of those total anything with a B.
We have one hundred and fifteen. God dang it.
And then our A minus and up we have forty one.
Excuse me. Yeah.
This is fun. I like it a lot.
I agree.
I mean like I said it might be a little biased there but.
I mean kind of but I mean I don't know.
I'm glad you still include the personal grade.
And again when you're being honest and not just loving Kumail Nanjiani being in a movie.
I think you get the good.
Which one was that. That was the lovebirds.
The lovebirds.
And I'm pretty sure that scored that high.
It scored way higher than it should have because I was like again stoked on my boy Kumail becoming a movie star.
Because did we have four grades on that one because it was me and Beth and I think we graded separately.
I'm holding.
Yeah sorry. I'm trying to find it.
So it scored a B plus.
Yeah but did you separate my.
My grades from everybody else's because I bet you mine was like wildly higher than everybody else's.
I did not.
But I mean I'm not hating where this is at.
No I mean listen. So like right now this is like with like all the ones that we did after.
It's above the Lego movie too.
It's above Black Adam.
Spoiler alert. Captain Marvel.
Sing too.
I mean listen I thought I mean even I don't know I don't know if I would have felt the same way if my boy wasn't in it.
But like it was a good movie.
Like I remember talking about it saying it was like a good like action weird like comedy romance thing.
So I don't know. Like again I.
But I think that was like the one of the first ones that we did with you guys.
I'm pretty sure that was the first.
And I.
Check your shirt.
Yeah I'll look at the back.
I yeah I just didn't.
I don't know I remember being nervous I remember being like I'm messing this up because I'm like I give it a 70 and you're like we're actually doing this one out of 10.
Mike oh god.
Yeah we haven't come up with like a good way to like.
Explain how we do it we're just like yeah.
Just join us we'll let you know.
Yeah pick and you'll find out.
Anyway.
Yeah so I think Super Mario has a decent home where it's at.
I agree.
Like there's nothing below it that I.
I disagree with and there's not very many things above it that I disagree with.
Well I only I only have one disagreement with any of it and that's again where Scott Pilgrim lies.
Yeah Scott clearly that.
That's the forever struggle with us.
Truly if you can get that guy on your show again please let me be on it because I would love to dissect what in the world that would make him be like you know what I love.
I love just horror trash but I hated this frickin movie clearly a see get out of my face.
It's all jokes but kind of kind of kind of.
Kind of hate you a little bit but not really.
We get it.
We absolutely can.
Well, already then, so that concludes this week's breakdown of Super Mario Bros 1993.
DJ would you like to tell everyone where they can find you and all that you do when you start doing it again.
Yeah, I mean, if you wherever you're listening to a podcast type in the untrained I or dragging the table, and you will hear.
If you listen to dragging the table you'll just hear my dumb voice talking about nonsense, or you could listen to a good show that I do with my wife called the untrained I that again has been.
We've been a little derelict in our duties.
This year, but I mean the plan is to be back.
We're not we're down but not out. So, you know, listen, listen, listen, it's not a it's a good show, or at least I think it's good. So what about that.
And, yeah, I think that's it, dragging the table, the untrained I be there or you're stupid.
Yeah. And we will be posting everything that DJ does in the episode description.
And we will be seeing you again hopefully in a couple weeks to talk about the other Super Mario movie.
I am excited like I know we kind of got down on it a little bit about like you know who should be voicing what, but I am I do have high hopes for this move that movie and yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
So you guys can look forward to that in a couple weeks, and then next week.
We will be talking about Dungeons and Dragons honor among thieves.
Vic's gonna be there whoa wow wow wow.
I'm into it.
I'll try. I'll definitely try.
Hey, listen Vic you won't you won't.
You won't do it Vic.
I knew you wouldn't.
Caleb said he could beat you up and now I kind of believe.
Unless you do the show.
All right well with that we will catch you guys next week.
I'm Caleb for my co host that abandoned us.
Rose.
This has been the all bros podcast and deuces.
Love you bye.