I thought it was you.
No, it's you fool!
It is? I thought because I was last week with Deadpool and Wolverine.
Oh shit!
Whoops!
Caleb doesn't even know his own system.
Or our own system, whatever.
I am so dumb.
I was looking at you like you're the idiot.
What is up bros?
Welcome to the all bros.
Look who did this homework, bitch.
Oh man, I am Caleb.
And I'm the smart one I guess this episode, Jonathan.
And we are a couple of bros on a mission to give you guys the most detailed movie reviews
out there with as little bias as possible.
Welcome to the all bros.
This week on the podcast.
There you go.
It's a podcast we do.
Good job.
This week on the podcast we will be breaking down the 1979 classic Alien in preparation
for next week's episode, which will be our breakdown of Aliens with a very special guest.
And then maybe if we're on the Alien hype train, we might do Alien Romulus after that.
Who knows?
I definitely want to see an Alien or whatever the face hugger.
I definitely want to see that go down someone's throat next day.
That's what I've always wanted.
Yeah.
Dude, have you seen that freaking trailer though?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Like when she takes that light to her back, I'm like, dude, no, absolutely.
So grossed out, so grossed out, dude.
But like so cool though.
Like it's gross, but it's cool as hell.
It is so cool.
Um, anyway.
Um, that is a possible future episode and all the more likely with how much I enjoyed
this up this, uh, movie August, August may turn into the week of eight or the month of
Alien.
So anyway, we'll, we'll, we'll figure out how that goes eventually.
At least these two weeks are going to be dedicated to the Alien franchise.
Um, but first up, we got a couple of things in weekly watch that we're going to discuss.
And I thought that was a bug and yeah.
So without further ado, let's say we get on in and let's do it.
All right.
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All right.
Kicking this episode off in weekly watch.
Um, I actually watched some shit this week that he did and watched way more than me.
Yeah.
Well, so.
So a couple of these have been from previous weeks.
So it's just, yeah, it's, it's once that I've missed, but I did want to like discuss real
quick.
Um, so yeah, I, I included a couple more.
So this is like my past couple weeks, weekly watch, cause I keep forgetting.
I need to find a system to remind myself of, of this.
Like I need to send myself a text message or something.
Like I don't remember shit waiting on their mind.
I was going to say, I wish that like freaking streaming services had the thing to where
it says like previously watched, but then I remember all of them have the like watch
it again thing.
I forgot about that.
So nevermind mine.
Isn't like mine only does the watch it again on stuff that's been, that's older on my watch
list or stuff that I've watched.
Oh, it doesn't have any of the new stuff.
Okay.
So maybe there should be a thing that you can see your previously watched.
Yeah.
Or at least the history.
Yeah.
I feel like, I feel like I remember at least HBO, I think used to do that.
I'm sure they did.
Yeah.
It'd be a nice feature, but I also understand why that wouldn't be a nice feature.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
Um, but yeah, anyway, but kicking off this week's weekly watch, uh, first thing I want
to talk about was the first thing I watched was the multiverse of madness after kind of
doing a whole, um, Wanda vision binge.
Um, yeah, I was feeling a little nostalgic for some reason.
I wanted to restart phase.
What is this four or is this five?
This is four.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I wanted to kind of like restart phase four.
Uh, so I went back and rewatched Wanda vision and I had a good time with it.
The rewatch abilities hard, at least on the first few episodes.
Um, once they start getting more into like what's happening behind the scenes, that's,
that's when it gets a little bit more interesting.
Um, but yeah, like I was able to finish this honestly, I think the same day.
Damn.
Yeah.
Well, like actually that's not true.
I split it up between two days because I started it.
I got to the episode three, three or four, and then I finished the series off the next
time I watched.
So it was pretty quick, but I was on a, a Scarlet witch kick.
Uh, so I decided to watch doctor strange and the multiverse of madness.
Like I'm almost immediately after watching or finishing the Wanda vision.
But I got to say the, the twist of her becoming a villain wasn't quite as out of the blue
as I feel like I thought it was in, uh, my first, our first watch, even though the writers
said that they never watched one division.
That is horse shit, dude, freaking the Marvel movie should be required viewing by anyone
working on it now.
Oh yeah.
That is bullshit.
Ooh, freaking way to get me heated.
Like a couple minutes into this.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
We're not even 10 minutes in.
This is a new record.
Yeah.
But a little, yeah, not quite as like out of the blue.
It made sense, especially with like the end credit scene and her reading the dark hold,
but I dug it.
The multiversal travel was, was pretty cool.
I wish we got to see a little bit more multiverse in this because all we got to see were three
doctor strangers, one completely alternate dimension.
And obviously like a little quick jumping through of the different, like it wasn't even
like a montage.
There's just a quick, but, but, but, but, but like where you see him like traveling
through the different universes and it's like, Oh, like you were paint in this universe.
Like freaking dumb ones.
Oh yeah.
But it was, it was good.
I freaking loved America Chavez.
I thought she was, she was as fun as she's ever been.
And yeah, freaking, Oh, actually we get to see like four doctor strangers.
I keep forgetting about the bad guy one.
Oh yeah.
He looked cool as hell.
Yeah.
There were some fricking sick ass lines from this though, when he's like, when he's talking
and he's like, have you ever had, like, cause they did, it's something I didn't catch the
first time it's whenever you dream, that's a portal into your other lives.
So that like a dream, a dream is a gateway to your other lives and your other dimensions
and stuff.
That's why Dr. Strange had a dream about what happened with America Chavez and, and everything.
And so he, the bad guy, Dr. Strange was like, have you ever heard or had a dream where you
were falling from a really tall building and then like, Oh gee, Dr. Strange, his eyes get
wide and he's like, that was probably me and I'm like, that goes hard, dude.
Like that's fricking scary.
But yeah, I enjoyed it.
I had a good time that rewatch.
Funny enough, I, Iris was sitting on the couch during the fight with the giant eyeball monster
thing.
Yeah.
And I forgot how graphic that was.
Oh shit.
And she was, so she was playing on her tablet doing like ABC mouse or something and just
kind of like zoned out doing her own thing.
And she, like, I look over at her cause I'm like, I'm trying to see if she's like, has
any interest and none.
And the scene comes where Dr. Strange takes the fricking lamp post, launches it into this,
this giant eyeball and then rips it out and it like falls to the ground.
And I, I was like, Oh, that was kind of graphic.
And I look over at Iris and she's kind of sitting there behind her tablet, just wide
eyed.
I'm like, Oh shit.
And then she just like, just mortified.
And then she like looks over at me and I'm like, it's just pretend baby.
And she's just like, okay.
Oh shit.
I'm like, I really need to be more careful about the shit I turn in front of her.
Oh man.
Yeah, it was just so funny seeing her, like her little eyes just super big, just, and
then just look over at me.
Was I supposed to see that?
Yeah.
And I paused it.
I was like, what you doing, baby?
And she's like, practicing my letters.
It's okay.
Good.
Let's keep doing that.
Let's not pay attention to what I'm watching.
I think mommy's calling you.
Yeah, but I enjoyed it.
I just go around.
So I'm giving a $5 Tuesday.
I think it's definitely, there's a lot of moments that are, I feel are made for the
big screen.
But so I think that would make it the ideal experience, but fair enough.
Yeah.
I don't know if I'd pay full price to see this in theaters again.
All right.
Next up, I watched the man from uncle.
I actually finished that today, like half an hour before we started recording this movies
bullshit.
It's so dumb.
It's like, I didn't realize that this was supposed to be a comedy until Netflix told
me after the movie was over.
But they set up a bunch of comedic moments, but it's freaking a Henry Cavill and army
hammer in this.
And they just play it off so suave that no one, they just played it off so straight laced
and it was boring.
The action sequences were cool.
The action sequences were really cool, but they try to make this funny and it wasn't.
And knowing that, coming out of it, I was just like, okay, this wasn't horrible.
And then I saw it was supposed to be a comedy and I'm like, this is freaking dumb.
Because they had multiple sequences where they ruined by being too suave.
And it pissed me off.
Not because it was suave, it's because it was supposed to be funny.
And then there was maybe one scene in the entire movie that got me to laugh.
Damn.
Yeah, it was bad.
But the twists were so dumb too.
For those of you curious about it, the way that they pulled off these twists is they
showed you footage of the twist happening, but then they would cut out the audio.
And so it would just be completely blank audio.
And then they would continue on with the story.
And then they would do a quick little flashback like, oh yeah, guess what?
And then they would cut back to the exact same scene that we just saw with audio.
And this is ridiculous.
Excuse me.
Yeah, that's really dumb.
Yeah.
And there was a bunch of sequences where this chick was driving in the car with her uncle.
And the camera was outside the window.
And you could see their mouths moving and the subtitles were going.
And then she rolled the window down and then you could hear what he was saying.
And that was one of the freaking twists and turns.
You eventually go back to hear what he said.
And I'm like, this is ridiculous.
Yeah, that's really stupid.
Yeah, it was so dumb.
So it was a big miss, like really big miss.
So like I said, the only thing cool about this was some of the action.
So I'm giving this a nothing better to do because this is one like you have to watch
with your brain off.
All right.
But if you read too much into it, it is just too much.
Yeah.
Then the last thing I watched and this one was from a little while ago.
I rewatched the pacifier and good on Walt Disney for trying to do an action sequence.
But that freaking bankrupted this movie, I'm pretty sure, because that was where at least
85 percent of the budget went because there was like there was a freaking a boat.
There was a helicopter.
There was four jet skis.
I think that was it.
And then they had like this whole little action sequence that was acted so poorly.
And then you have like the rest of the movies shot in in a house.
Yeah, it is ridiculous.
It is all types of ridiculous.
Vin Diesel was all right.
Like he wasn't giving it his effort whatsoever.
I don't know, man.
Like freaking when it came to the Peter Panda dance, he was totally giving it his all.
Dude, this is the movie.
I will say single handedly murdered his comedy career.
This was an odd period of time for Disney, too, because you had like this movie and then
what was it?
The Tooth Fairy with the Rock?
No, so it was the game plan.
The game plan.
Yeah.
And then, no, the Rock did a Tooth Fairy movie, too.
He did, but I don't think that was Disney.
Was it not Disney?
It might have been Fox, which is now Disney.
I don't think it was Disney.
I could be wrong.
Oh, yeah, it was Fox.
OK, so yeah, technically it is Disney now.
Yep.
Yeah.
So you get these like.
Yeah, it was an odd period of time because it was just like they get a big buff, dude,
and have them interact with children.
Yeah, pretty much.
It was super weird, dude.
Super weird.
And this movie was no different.
Good on them for trying to incorporate some stuff because I think like the their dad gets
frickin murdered.
You don't see anything, but it just like they allude to the fact that he's frickin killed.
And then they frickin sneak in that like this frickin emo kid is some secret Nazi because
he's trying out for a play doing the sound of music.
Oh, yeah.
Yet the only.
Oh, man.
This is the thing that got me.
I'm like, the only thing that you have in your locker is the frickin swastika armband
and not like, I don't know, the rest of the costume.
Like what?
The frickin was it?
I think the nanny, though, she was frickin hilarious.
Absolutely.
I loved her.
Yeah.
The kids.
I feel the kids.
The kids were funny, too, especially the little girl when she would do like the cross-eyed
thing and make the little brother cry.
Yeah, dude.
She I was looking like when we were writing out our recommendations, I was looking at
the like the cast and everything.
So I was trying to see what I knew her from.
And like I knew her from like I know all of her work other than like maybe one or two
projects.
But she freaking peaced out shortly after like of the acting game shortly after this
movie.
Yeah, because I can't remember which came out first, this or cheaper by the dozen.
I want to say cheaper by the dozen was later.
Okay.
But yeah, because I know I don't know if she still is, but I remember seeing her on TikTok
a couple of years ago, and she explained why she left acting and everything.
So I think she wanted to become a writer like she more so enjoyed like the writing aspect
of the film industry, but she didn't want to stay in the film industry growing up.
So she decided to become a writer.
Good for her.
Yeah.
Just looking the last movie that she okay.
The last movie she did was cheaper by the dozen to which was the same year as the pacifier.
And then, yeah, one of her first projects, she was an extra in some short, but her first
real project was cheaper by the dozen.
The first one she did one episode of two shows.
Then she did the pacifier cheaper by the dozen to and then she did 11 episodes in Hannah,
Montana.
And then she freaking just do straight on out of there.
Oh, man.
Which good on her, dude.
She acted for a total of probably three years.
She quit in her prime.
So you know what?
Good on you.
Yeah.
Like, good for her, dude, because I feel like a lot of other kid actors, like they get stuck
in that shit and then they just deep dark pit of despair.
Yeah.
Which is really sad.
It's really sad.
Yeah.
The two older kids, they actually went on to be a little like they kept doing acting.
Because I feel everyone knows Brittany Snow, or at least, yeah, people do.
Yeah.
I don't know about the two younger boys, but the oldest boy, he is in like a SEAL Team
show and Fire Country or something like that.
He looks so different now.
It's wild.
He kind of like bulked up.
So it like completely changed like his face and everything.
And he has like a big old burly beard.
Like it's freaking nuts.
Okay.
Sorry.
I have to see this really quickly.
Yeah.
It's wild, dude.
It is wild.
But yeah, this one's kind of like a nostalgic classic for me.
So I'm giving this a stream it.
Yeah, dude.
You're not kidding.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
I told you.
Freaking completely different, right?
Like damn, that is night and day.
Holy shit.
All right.
And I think that's all that I watched this week.
So now what do you got, Rose?
So for me, oh shit, oops, sorry.
So first off, because, you know, after watching Deadpool and Wolverine and us getting the
final closure on the Fox universe, it made me nostalgic.
So I decided to watch Fantastic Four.
And you know, I know this movie gets a lot of shit, but I still enjoy the hell out of
it.
It's still a fun time from start to finish.
This is the movie why the Fantastic Four is my favorite team when it comes to superhero
teams.
I love these four characters.
It's just, yeah, it's like what I find funny is like I've talked to like, I don't like
like what's your what is your opinion on Dr. Doom in this movie?
Like, do you like the iteration?
I like him.
Yeah.
Okay.
I think the actor is perfect.
I think the interpretation is slightly off, but they're okay.
Because I think they gave Dr. Doom some sort like electricity power.
And that's not his shtick.
Yeah.
Like, he's actually he's actually a magic based character.
Like he does a lot of magic, but he's also like hyper intelligent and stuff.
So that's what makes him such a big threat.
And why putting him up against Reed Richards is such a like a good pairing because Reed
is often able to outsmart him.
And his plans are also so intricate that it takes Reed so long to be like to like outsmart
him.
So I feel like that interpretation didn't necessarily clash.
Fair enough.
But yeah, I really liked his Dr. Doom.
Honestly, dude, his look was perfect, dude.
So badass.
I don't know about you, but I feel the final fight was a little too fast.
A little bit.
Like literally he said like after like the four come together, he goes like, this is
gonna be fun.
And like literally less than five minutes later, he's like cryogenically froze.
God damn, that was fast.
Yeah, it is a bit fast.
And I feel like it's I don't know.
I enjoyed it.
I still do.
I like I think they just what this movie did.
And this is why I don't necessarily hold the super fast conclusion against this movie.
It's because they spent so much of this just building up the characters, which I really
appreciate.
Yeah.
Like give me a cool fight.
Once it's overstayed, it's welcome.
Like freaking wipe your hands of it.
Like, yeah, be done.
Like it doesn't need to be like this super long, intricate fight because I feel like
sometimes like that could be the case where a fight goes on for too long.
I feel you leading with that.
I mean, I haven't.
So I started the second one, but suddenly came up.
So I was only able to get a half hour into it.
So I'm going to finish it by next week to talk about it.
But I've seen so many people complain about that saying, oh, it's only an hour and a half
long.
It like moves so fast.
You barely get any times with the characters.
And I'm thinking, okay, if you're watching the first one, you get so much time with establishing
these four that I'm totally fine with them.
Julie literally 15, 20 minutes in just jumping straight into the action.
And the silver surface already there.
Yeah, I'm perfectly fine with that.
Dude, honestly, like that is perfect.
Establish your characters.
You don't have to put them in some crazy ordeal.
Establish your characters.
And then from there on, just freaking get into the action.
Yeah.
And I think they had pretty good character moments where Reed and Sue were talking about
like bouncing and then how Johnny was dealing with that.
And then like his freaking conundrum with having like the complicated powers with like
swapping with Silver Surfer.
Like that was pretty freaking nuts, right?
Yeah.
The only thing about the rise of the Silver Surfer that I didn't like was how Galactus
looked.
Yeah, I will definitely give you that.
That was very lazy.
Yeah, extremely lazy.
But it did not bother me.
Like outside of that.
I thought Silver Surfer looked sick.
I thought all of the Fantastic Four looked sick.
Dude, when he first glides through the building and even John is like, now that's cool.
Like I freaking got as giddy as I remember as I was when I was a kid.
Like, oh my God, I love that scene so much.
Dude, I remember watching that like a million times in commercials and shit.
And I still got freaking hyped when that happened.
So cool, right?
Oh my God, I love it.
Yeah, like dude, there's not much you could beat about this Fantastic Four.
Seriously, like the cast is great.
The characters are well established.
Doctor Doom for how they portray him is really good.
And we've already discussed that the sequel is also good, but we're not going to talk
about that one.
But this one is just I have so much like I have so much.
It's that I had so much fun as a kid watching this one so many times, like out of the like
done wrong.
Watch the X-Men movies, of course, a lot as a child.
But like this is the one with the Fox movies that I always came back to.
I I'm honestly shocked that I didn't destroy the DVD that I had of this as a child for
how many times I watched this.
It's a good one.
It is like one.
Like I remember like some of the toys that I had from this movie, the video game.
Yeah, so I never played the game.
Was it good?
I thought it was.
I had a good time.
What I found funny is so I was watching like some old gameplay from it on YouTube and they
showcase like the the character trailers and I was watching the one for Mr. Fantastic and
they were literally going over like all of they were like sugar coating his powers, like
making like holding your hand with it.
And I'm just like, can't you just say super elasticity?
I think that the audience isn't dumb that we can understand what that means.
Yeah, no shit.
You have to hold our hand.
Just say super elasticity.
That's what he has.
Oh, man, dude.
I love playing as the Fantastic Four in Lego Marvel.
So I hate that.
I swear they weren't in the second one.
Or was that X-Men?
No, the freaking X-Men were in it either.
That was bullshit.
Yeah.
Avengers 2 was only MCU.
OK, yeah.
OK, I remember that.
Yeah.
So they took out Fantastic Four.
I think the only one they had was like Spider-Man.
That's dumb.
Yeah.
Yeah, that freaking pissed me off.
Yeah.
Because Lego Marvel, the first Lego Marvel will never be beat.
Oh, absolutely not.
That is my favorite Lego game to date.
I wish that they incorporated some of the mechanics in future games, like the super
jumping for like Hulk.
I freaking love that.
But yeah, like that game was so good.
I'll even say it's better than the third one.
Wait, OK.
Sorry.
So is the third one considered Lego Marvel Super Heroes 2?
Uh, good question.
Is it Lego Marvel, Lego Avengers, and then Lego Marvel 2?
Hold on.
I'm looking it up.
Because now you got me confused.
Because I don't think there was a Lego Marvel.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So yeah, the first one is Lego Marvel Super Heroes, then Lego Avengers, and then Lego
Marvel Super Heroes 2.
OK.
But that one was also like it didn't include a lot of characters I feel should have been
in it.
Like you said, it was more.
It was a lot more so focused on the MCU.
Yeah.
Lego Avengers was absolutely focused on the MCU.
Yeah.
Which, you know, made sense.
Let me see if I can find like a full list.
So yeah, the OG one had pretty much all the heavy hitters like Iron Man, Galactus, Blade,
Black Panther, Mr. Fantastic, Human Torch, Skrull, Mystique, Modok, Saber 2, like all
the big hitters.
Avengers, on the other hand, trying to see who they had.
Well, not what I wanted to look at.
Yeah, this one had a lot of DLCs attached to it.
Yeah, they had like a red hole.
Like this one had a lot more unknowns.
Interesting.
Yeah, like a lot more unknowns.
And then Lego Marvel Super Heroes 2, it was kind of the same deal.
Like outside, like they had kind of a lot of Spider-Man characters.
Yeah.
But I don't think they had any X-Men.
A lot of these are freaking Spider-Man characters.
And Sam surprised.
Yeah, they got like Mystique, Ben Reilly, Spider-Ham, Miles Morales, Spider-Man, Britain.
Yeah, this one was not.
Yeah, I like, I prefer Lego Marvel Super Heroes, the first one out of all three of those games.
I felt the story was off the hook.
I felt, I used to love riding around New York City as Ghost Rider.
Yeah, that was bad ass.
Yeah, and they ruined that in the other games.
Like they made the vehicles too hard to steer.
Yeah, that's dumb.
Yeah, it was freaking ridiculous.
And the only thing that I wish that they would have had is Speedsters.
Or wait, did they have a Speedster in the first one?
I don't know.
I feel like the first Speedster was Quicksilver and Avengers.
Yeah, I think you're right.
I need to replay those games.
I bet Iris would freaking love them.
Yeah.
I could definitely see that.
But yeah, I miss those games.
And having the Fantastic Four in them is the best.
Agreed.
But yeah, love this movie, love this cast.
And so, gonna give this a stream it.
Hell, yeah.
Guys haven't seen this.
What the hell's wrong with you?
Yeah, go check it out.
I have one more actually that I added in at the last minute.
So recently, the Nostalgia Critic released his episode of his critique of Disaster Movie.
So he got me intrigued to watch it again.
And you know what?
When I was a kid, I thought these movies were funny because of the potty humor, for how
stupid the humor was.
And now being an adult, the humor is just bad.
It's just so bad.
And these movies, the two writers and directors of these movies were actually writers of or
on the original scary movies, when these parody movies were actually good.
But once the Waynes brothers left and other writers left, these just kept going down and
downhill from date movie to epic movie, Meet the Spartans, disaster movie, Vampire Suck.
Oh my God, that just got so much worse.
I feel this is the crowning jewel when it comes to their worst ones, because I was telling
Caleb that most of the movies that are parodied in this movie because they had to make sure
that this movie came out in 2008 when all these movies were popular, they literally
watched only the trailer to get the story with these certain franchises.
And that is just freaking stupid.
And who can forget the I'm fucking song at the end of the movie?
Just so bad.
It's so bad.
So if you watched this as a kid and thought it was good, just know that it was not.
We thought it was.
We thought it was good because we were too young to be watching it.
True.
That's a good point.
That was honestly it.
We were too young to be watching it.
We knew that.
And so we're like, oh, yeah, like, you just don't get it because it's an adult movie.
No, we don't get it because it's stupid.
Yeah.
So it gets a don't bother 100 percent like freaking good.
It's so, so bad.
And you know, honestly, if anyone has like if anyone can defend this movie or like most
of these movies like epic movie, you know, actually, OK, a lot of these suck.
Date movie is one of their better ones.
Like, and it's not good.
It is not good, but at least it's actually watchable.
I feel.
But if anyone can defend disaster movie, epic movie, we're not going to talk about the scare
first, at least the first two scary movies, because those are actually good.
But if you can defend some of these movies like, please, I really want to hear your defense
because they suck.
Yeah, I like to miss a kid.
But as an adult, I realize how fucking stupid they are.
Dude, they they are.
They absolutely are.
And yeah, if you feel like you could defend them, we will do a full blown episode of of
them like for like for one of these movies, whatever movie that you feel so hard to do
for one of these.
Yeah, I could imagine.
So yeah, if you guys feel like you could defend it well enough, we will do a full blown fricking
episode, we will do the whole shebang, the whole fricking shebang of watching the movies
or like whatever movie you choose.
Just imagine if like DJ actually had to get defense for one of these.
I doubt it.
But you know what?
That would be a fun as hell episode.
It would.
I feel like I know DJ well enough that he wouldn't have a good defense for this.
Thank thank goodness.
OK.
He's trying to be contrarian, I bet he could.
But I don't know if he's that contrarian.
Oh, shit.
It should be funny, though.
Yeah.
But yeah, that's all I got for weekly watch.
Hell, yeah.
All right.
Well, with that, that wraps up this week's weekly watch portion.
So with that, we will move on to this week's breakdown where we will be discussing the
1979 classic Alien.
Moving into this week's breakdown, if you guys are new to our breakdown system, we have
split movies into eight different categories that we individually score to come to a final
Albrose letter grade.
The eight categories that we score are story, writing, acting, character development.
But with this being a horror themed movie, we're going to be changing character development
to logic and just making sure that the movie follows its own logic, because I feel like
that's more important than character development, at least in terms of horror, at least.
Next we'll be talking about effects, the music, the costumes, and then we will give it our
own personal score at the very end.
All these numbers will get magically added up and spit through our algorithm and give
us a letter grade to compare this movie to others of a similar grade.
So if you have not seen Alien, you have had plenty of time to do so, but we will be posting
that spoiler warning as we prepare for our favorite segment that we like to call Reading
with Rose, where Johnny Rose will be reading the entire synopsis for this film and, like
I said, spoiling the entire movie.
So if anything's spoiled for you beyond this point, sucks to suck.
Exactly.
All right.
So yeah, without further ado, Rose, you want to take it away?
Love to.
The commercial space tug Nostromo is returning to Earth with a seven member crew in stasis.
Captain Dallas, Executive Officer Kane, Warrant Officer Ripley, Navigator Lambert, Science
Officer Ash, and Engineers Parker and Brett.
The ship's computer, Mother, detects a transmission from a nearby moon and awakens the crew, following
company policy to investigate any systemized transmission indicating intelligent origin.
They land on the moon and Dallas, Kane and Lambert head out to investigate the signal's
origin.
The party discovers that is from a derelict alien spaceship.
Inside they find the remains of a large alien with a hole in its torso.
Mother later deciphers part of the transmission, which Ripley determines is actually a warning
message.
Kane discovers a chamber containing hundreds of large eggs.
When he touches one, a spider-like creature springs out, penetrates his helmet and attacks
it and attaches itself to his face.
Dallas and Lambert carry the unconscious Kane back to the Nostromo.
As the acting senior officer Ripley refuses to let them aboard, citing quarantine regulations,
but Ash overrides her decision and lets them inside.
Yeah, this movie would have ended a lot faster if they would have let Ripley go through with
not letting them back in.
Honestly, it makes sense why, like, at least now.
True, yeah.
I was so pissed.
I'm like, you bitches.
No, seriously.
I'd be like, screw you guys.
I'm hiding out in the goddamn escape pod.
You guys can go screw yourselves.
For real, like, seriously.
While Parker and Brett effect repairs on the Nostromo, Ash attempts to remove the creature
from Kane's face, but stops when he discovers that it's extremely corrosive.
Acidic blood could hurt Kane and potentially damage the ship's hull.
It eventually detaches itself and is found dead.
After the crew return to space, Kane awakens with some memory loss, but otherwise seems
fine.
During a final crew meal before returning to stasis, he suddenly chokes and convulses.
A small alien creature then bursts from his chest, killing him, and escapes into the ship.
After ejecting Kane's body out of an airlock, the crew attempts to locate the creature with
tracking devices and kill it.
Brett follows the crew's pet cat, Jones, into a landing leg compartment where the now fully
grown alien attacks Brett and disappears with his body.
The crew determines the alien must be in the air ducts.
Dallas enters the ducts with a flamethrower intending to force the monster into an airlock,
but it ambushes and seemingly kills him.
Lambert implores that they abandon ship and flee into an escape shuttle, but Ripley, now
in command, explains it will not support four people and insists on continuing Dallas' plan
of flushing out the alien.
Accessing Mother, Ripley discovers the company has secretly ordered Ash to return with the
alien for study and to consider the crew expendable.
She confronts Ash, who tries to kill her, but Parker intervenes and clubs Ash, knocking
his head loose and revealing him to be an android.
The survivors reactivate Ash's head, who confirms the company's orders and states that the alien
is unkillable, while expressing his admiration for it and taunting them about their chances
for survival.
Ripley shuts him down and Parker incinerates him.
The remaining crew decides to self-destruct the Nostromo and escape in the shuttle.
However, Parker and Lambert are ambushed and killed by the alien while gathering supplies.
Now on her own, Ripley initiates the self-destruct sequence but finds the alien blocking her
path to the shuttle.
She retreats, attempts unsuccessfully to abort the self-destruct, flees back to the shuttle
with Jones, and narrowly escapes as the Nostromo explodes.
As Ripley prepares for stasis, she discovers that the alien is aboard, having stowed itself
into a narrow compartment.
She dons a spacesuit and flushes the creature out.
It approaches Ripley, but before it can kill her, she opens an airlock door.
The alien manages to hang on, but Ripley fires a grappling hook gun to push it out and then
fires the engines, blasting it away into deep space.
After recording her final log entry, she places Jones and herself into stasis for the trip
back to Earth.
Oh man.
Dude, I'm just gonna come out right and say it.
I really enjoyed this movie.
I thought the horror elements of this film were fantastic.
You cannot beat the classic 80s, early 90s prosthetics.
That being said, I have some problems with the movie.
First and foremost, is actually part of the ending.
The process of self-destructing the ship, 100%, should be very complicated.
It should not be an easy thing to do.
To set up the self-destruct.
It should not be equally difficult to turn self-destruct off.
Man's got a point.
When she was putting all that shit, like basically doing what she did in reverse, I'm like, nah.
There should just be a, boop, change my mind button and that's it.
It should be easier to turn the self-destruct off than it is to turn it on.
So I watched this with Brielle because she is a big fan of all these movies.
So I was narrating this and she's just like, this process feels super complicated.
I'm just like, you gotta imagine that this is probably a multi-million dollar spacecraft
carrying even more value in its cargo.
It should be difficult to self-destruct this thing.
It should be.
And then when she ran, saw that the freaking alien was near the escape pod and then goes
to turn it off.
Nope, it should not be that hard.
It should not be a freaking reversal process to turn that shit off.
I understand movies got a movie.
I wish that she would have just gotten like, I don't know, cornered or something by the
alien and then just wasn't able to get to it in time because her going through the whole
process of turning the self-destruct off.
I'm like, this is too much.
Imagine if the cat just kept getting in the way.
Would not work.
That goddamn cat.
I love that cat.
There was a moment at the end or towards the end when freaking she leaves the cat and it
literally comes face to face with the alien.
I'm like, you are not going to kill this cat.
I swear to God movie, if you kill this cat, I'm going to lose my mind.
Thankfully, they didn't.
Thank God.
But that cat would have been bait.
Are you absolutely kidding me?
You have, you put a seven minute time window on this whole escape plan of yours and you
decide right then and there when you're on freaking easy street to freaking to bounce
out of the safety of the escape shuttle to go and save a freaking cat.
That was the freaking.
Oh, I hated that cat with a fiery passion.
I loved that cat.
Favorite character of the movie.
Oh, my.
That cat pissed me off something awful.
That cat was all she had left, man.
Oh, man.
She probably calling the cat by his name.
But yeah, other than that, Jones, that's that.
Like I said, the cat was a big point of contention for me.
I can let that go.
The self-destruct sequence was a bit much.
I can also let that go.
My only true issue with this movie was that it was a little long.
And it was just because the freaking it.
I have to forgive it because of the times.
Every movie, their opening credits are ridiculously long.
Yes.
It's crazy thinking back to the time that this came out and that's how the credits were
literally show before the movie even started.
Because I mean, that's how it is with Halloween that came out a year before this.
You just have the glowing pumpkin and you're showcasing the actors, the writers, directors,
all that stuff.
So like, yeah, like, like, don't get me wrong.
I love that.
You know, it's cool to show the appreciation for the creative side for the movie that way
instead of for most people that don't even watch the credits.
They just up and leave right after that.
Whereas you make them watch it.
You make them show respect to these people.
I'm totally down for that.
No, but it does, you know, like sometimes add to the like, OK, like, like, I'm not trying
to sound like a dick, but like, you know, like, can we get the ball rolling?
Like, come on, I want to I want to get to the story.
Dude, I freaking when the alien title screen was coming on, it was like already like you
could see alien like all the way.
Right.
And Brielle said, hey, could you go check on Levi real quick?
I had enough time to go into that room and basically like soothe a he wasn't crying,
but he was like awake and I was just trying to see them back to sleep, soothe them back
to sleep.
And I came back and the damn freaking title screen still wasn't freaking done.
And I asked Brielle, I was like, did you pause it?
And she's like, no.
Are you shitting me?
Too much, too much.
I will say, though, like, I mean, the first the real for my first real introduction to
like the way the alien logo comes into play was seeing the trailer for Alien Romulus.
And I have to admit the way that they just like subtly just keep adding pieces to the
the logo or the word alien is just so freaking badass.
Like it's like all over the place.
Like first you get the first you get the first part of the A, then it goes to the L, then
it will go all the way to the end.
And it just keeps like freaking like bouncing around.
I freaking love that.
I think it's so freaking cool.
Yeah.
It's cool.
It took too long.
No, that's that.
That's fair.
Like, honestly, you know, like coming back to, you know, Halloween, as much as I love
that opening, you know, maybe it takes a little bit too much of a time to zoom in on the pumpkin.
Do we really need to like go inside the pumpkin's eye?
No, we didn't.
It was the same shit with this dude.
I'm like, this movie is taking a long ass time to freaking movie because like, I swear,
it was like for like five minutes at least.
Like, they like it was an opening sequence of these freaking I'm assuming they were
automated like, like autopilot, like drivers that for whatever reason have heads were like
sitting there and then they're having stuff like projected onto their face while they
were like entering in information and whatnot, information that we couldn't freaking open
up and or not open up, just decipher.
And yeah, it was that it was like bouncing back and forth between different of the autopilots
and like for five minutes, dude.
And then shots of outside of the ship, which straight up, those bitches were were taken
from Star Wars.
I would put money down on that.
Those are Star Wars reject ships.
And you will not be otherwise.
I can't argue.
Yeah, the OG Star Wars came out in 1977.
This movie came out in 1979.
You don't think that they went to George Lucas and said, hey, can we borrow some shit?
And he was like, here, here's a reject idea or a reject ship that we had or like a prototype
one, because there is a ship out there straight up that was thrown with some Christmas lights.
You will not convince me otherwise.
It was it was cool, though.
Like the ships looked fantastic.
I'm like, obviously, they're stealing processes from Star Wars here.
They'd be dumb not to.
You know, get on you really, Scott, for that.
Yeah.
Other than that, there was a lot of moments I feel could have been clipped like there
was seriously like a 30 to 45 second sequence of Ripley.
Right.
Yeah.
OK.
Yeah.
I was thinking you're talking about any Weaver's character.
Yes.
Yeah.
There was like a 30, 45 seconds of her taking this code or whatever.
And she's wanting to like decipher something.
But she's sitting there with her leg propped up on her her dashboard for like 30 to 45 seconds
doing nothing but listening to the beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
Like I'm like, let's go.
Like are you kidding me?
Like, can we speed this up a little, please?
It was it was a lot.
This movie, it had the pacing issues.
That's my only true complaint about it.
No, that's fair.
Yeah.
Like the first up until so before the we get introduced to like the alien egg and, you
know, like why this movie exists, the alien, I feel that like don't like don't wrong.
Like, you know, I really liked the crew.
They were honestly like cool ass people and the way they bantered off each other was actually
like really funny.
It's just I'm I will fully admit I'm not the hugest sci fi guy.
Like you know, I enjoy Star Wars.
I enjoy Star Trek, but it's not my favorite.
And so unless like, you know, like big action stuff is happening, like what happens when
the alien comes on board?
I kind of get a little bored with the whole like, you know, like, oh, you know, like,
mother, why are we here?
Like, oh, what should we do?
Run these coordinates, you know, all that kind of stuff.
I'm sorry to say that kind of stuff is just boring to me.
So the first 20 minutes, I'm going to be honest, like I might have nodded off like
once or twice.
I don't blame you.
I don't blame you for at all.
At all.
It it was very, very slow paced.
But once the alien stuff kicked in, it was like we were there and they took it.
Oh, definitely.
They did take a couple beats to kind of like slow down a bit.
But I didn't mind those as much as I did like the beginning.
Like pre alien shit like could have been cropped down significantly.
True.
I like there's a cut out there, like an ideal modern day cut where this movie's an hour
or 20 minutes.
Obviously not full feature feature length, but you got to do what you got to do.
Like you could crop a significant amount of this movie and still have a very, very solid
movie.
And that's like my biggest props to it.
Because once we were in it and got past all the freaking fluff, like we were in it.
Oh, yeah.
100%.
And the story still holds up really well.
I think the good thing about some of these like super futuristic things is you can have
technically outdated technology, but it still feels futuristic.
Yeah.
So that's something I really appreciated about it.
And the horror elements, dude, this shit still freaking startled me.
Oh, yeah.
Freaking when the alien bursts out of the guy's chest, like, oh, yeah.
The freaking face hugger too scared the living bejesus out of me.
Oh, yeah, I did same.
And then just like the alien itself when it came and it was just like snatching.
I don't know what it was snatching, but just it was scary, dude.
Like scared the shit out of me.
And then when she's on the escape ship and she's like she like walks over to this panel
and then it moves.
I was like, oh, my gosh.
Like freaking hide.
And then she went and hid in like that that closet.
And I was like, oh, shit, this is Halloween all over again.
That would be actually like really funny if really Scott took a little inspiration from
Halloween for that scene.
Yeah.
But I mean, the story structure wasn't bad.
Like a lot of the science stuff, like it made sense a lot.
Like some of the twists were crazy, like Ash being an alien or not an alien, an android.
That was pretty nuts.
Dude, I freaking was laughing because I was like looking at him and I was like, why does
this dude have freaking crazy written all over his eyes?
And then like when he started sweating, I'm like, I was like, is he sweating milk?
And Braille's like, yeah, it kind of looks like it.
And I was like, gosh, the dude's a freaking platypus.
And then turns out he's an alien.
And I was like, OK, cool, cool, cool, cool.
And I loved when they popped off his head and then they're just like, we need to reattach
it.
And they were like having struggles, like keeping it up.
And then when they finally did, I'm like, ah, now it's the actor again.
You could tell obvious.
But I like that shit.
I thought that shit was so funny.
It's so well done.
I love that.
Frickin you know, after he shuts down completely before Parker leaves the room, he flame throws
him.
I make sure that he flame throws the shit out of him like like char broiled his ass.
That was that was hilarious.
He's so good.
He's like, I think you're good, man.
I think he's good.
Oh, man.
Yeah, dude.
The the biggest thing story wise, I'd say, like I really enjoyed was the was the reveal
once Dallas died and Ripley took over control of the ship and she found out what Mother
was saying and being like, yeah, this cruise expendable.
I'm like, oh, shit, dude.
Yeah.
Like that was nuts.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, OK, damn.
Yeah.
And then frickin Ash coming in like a creeper being like, now you know.
And I'm like, yeah.
Like what the shit, dude?
And then when he frickin like started malfunctioning and shit and like attacked Ripley, I'm just
like, good hell.
Yeah.
Like this dude's frickin nuts.
I still thought he was human and just like going through some sort of like mental episode.
I'm like, is this actually the alien like taking over his body or something?
Like same thing.
I was like, this is pretty crazy.
And then she like bashes him in the back of the head with the damn like fire extinguisher
and then his head pops off and I'm like, whoa, like this got super graphic.
And then, yeah, reveal these and Android and like, dude, good hell.
Like they like they they did good.
They did really good.
Like keeping this timeless.
So I was I was pumped.
I was all here for the story.
It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.
Like I said, major pacing issues pre alien.
Once they get the alien, there's only like a moment or two where it ends up being really
slow.
So story wise, this is what I'm at a pretty strong 80.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to be a little lower than you at a 78.
That's fair.
That's yeah.
You know what?
Now that I'm looking at it, a seven or an 80 does feel a bit much.
I'm going to go 79.
I'm going down one 80 just doesn't feel right.
All right.
Moving on over to writing.
Pretty good dialogue.
I'd say freaking when Ash's name, right?
The Android.
Yes.
I'm freaking when he like says, you know, like, oh my God, he points out, you know,
like, oh, you know, it's it said that you were expendable or, you know, I can't change
the outcome of what's going to happen, but you have my condolences or some shit like
that.
I'm like, damn, I'm smart ass Android.
OK.
Yeah, no shit, dude.
They had some pretty decent dialogue here.
My personal favorite is when Ripley was talking to Ash and being like, yo, you freaking undermine
my authority by allowing this dude to come in, not following proper quarantine procedure.
Like we can't have that.
And he's like the conversation between them was so passive aggressive and I loved it.
Yeah, that was great.
But yeah, I felt like I was like, these people are freaking idiots.
Are you actually kidding me?
This dude is freaking possessed by an unknown creature with an unknown origin.
Like absolutely not.
I freaking loved when Parker and Brett brought up before they decided to go investigate the
you know, the alien and everything.
He's just like, you know, I didn't sign up for this, so we're going to get paid extra
for this, right?
Like we're going to get more incentive for this.
And they're just like, well, no, when you when you signed your contract, if anything
like this ever came up, you can't just bail and say, no, we ain't going to do it.
You still have to go through and like see if there is other life in that specific area.
But just how much they were like on the pushing like, okay, like we're going to get paid extra
like right.
Like for what we're already making, we're going to make more on the side, right?
Like that's going to happen.
Dude, I was fully on his team with that.
I'm like, you should be getting paid extra for this bonus travel.
This is bullshit.
Oh, man.
Or frickin when the was the cat's name Jones, right?
Yeah.
Frickin it bursts, it bursts out or he bursts out of a hiding spot and then frickin was
it Brett?
He's just like, oh, OK, it was it was just the cat.
And they're just like, well, go get him.
Don't just frickin don't just assume, oh, he's fine.
You know, like nothing's going to happen.
Go frickin find his ass.
Dude, if I were him, I'd be like, screw that cat.
You go find him.
That cat means nothing to me.
Was it ever established whose cat it was?
No.
OK.
It was just some random ass cat.
Dude, that ship had some sketchy shit about it because I'm like, there's a lot of water
leakage for a spaceship.
Yeah, fair.
Like are you kidding me?
Like when he was like putting his face on the water and everything, I'm like.
That feels like it shouldn't be there.
Oh, man.
The dialogue was good, though.
I really liked it.
And then the whole mother revealer just kind of turning against them really enjoyed that.
And I love.
Oh, sorry.
No, no, no.
Go on.
I especially loved all.
I mean, you know, it was, you know, you really it was very subtle because, you know, mother
would barely give him anything.
But all of the interactions between Dallas and Mother, I freaking loved the writing with
those.
Yeah, like I freaking loved it.
What are my chances?
Insufficient data.
Like, dude, you are royally screwed.
Dude, Dallas pissed me off so bad, though.
I'm like, he has such a oh, that's not my job attitude.
Yeah.
And I cannot stand people that have that attitude.
I'm like, this is like when he's like, yeah, that's above my pay grade.
I'm like, no, it's not.
You're the captain, buddy.
You are.
That is exactly your pay grade.
If it's not your job, who's the hell job is it?
Yeah.
You are out of your mind.
Oh, man.
Like every time he freaking talked, I'm just like, go freaking.
Ah, like, uh, Brielle spoiled that she Ripley was the only one that lived like pretty early
on because she was she was asking or it was like right after Ripley was like, oh, yeah,
we're following proper quarantine procedure, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I'm like, she is smart.
And then she's like, yeah, that's why she's the only one that survives.
And I'm like, everyone dies.
She's like, oh, yeah.
Whoops.
I'm like, OK, cool, I guess.
Hey, Jones survived, too.
Don't forget the cat.
Oh, my gosh.
Um, yeah.
The writing, I feel like I did enjoy more than the overall story.
I felt like it was really well written and made us feel how we were supposed to about
these characters.
I can definitely agree with you there.
I really like the interaction between Ash and Ripley after his head was like chopped
off after like they reactivated him.
I really like that.
That was really good.
Yeah.
So this is one I feel like an 80 feels a little bit more deserved.
I'm on the same page.
All right.
Moving on over to acting.
First up, we got Sigourney Weaver, who played Ripley.
We got Tom Skerritt, who played Dallas.
John Hurt, who played Kane.
And he was the one with the face hugger, right?
Yep.
OK, cool, cool, cool, cool.
So we got Harry Dean Stanton, who played Brett.
Ian Holm, who played Ash.
Yafet Kato, who played Parker.
And then Veronica Cartwright, who played Lambert.
And then did you have one more?
I think that was it.
OK, cool.
Um, I'm going to come out and say it.
Lambert pissed me off.
I did not like her.
Fair.
She is the sole reason freaking Parker died.
True.
She could keep her shit together long enough to freaking move.
And Parker, you know what?
Kind of on you, too.
Sometimes you need to know when to cut your losses
and freaking blow a bitch apart.
Damn.
You have, in an emergency situation,
where something is going around murdering all of your crew,
you get, you know what?
Because I'm being nice, you get three warnings.
It's like, hey, Lambert, move.
Move out of the way.
Lambert, you might want to get out of the way.
Bitch, you better want to get out of the way.
And then you freaking barbecue her ass.
You get three warnings.
And that's being nice.
You know what turns off after three?
My conscience.
I am not playing.
This is life and freaking death.
And if you are getting in the way of my life,
then I'm sending you to Jesus.
That was amazing.
Oh, man.
She got me so worked up.
I did not like Lambert whatsoever.
She was the bane of my existence.
And like I said, I absolutely blame her for Parker's death.
Yeah, you know what?
Fair enough.
And she was so whiny.
Just like, oh, why do we have to do that?
We're 10 months away.
You're in cryo sleep, bitch.
Hey, you're not going to remember any of this.
Or it's going to breeze by.
I know.
If you had to stay awake for those 10 months,
yeah, that would kind of blow.
Yeah.
But if you're awake or if you're in freaking cryo sleep
for that long, freaking stop complaining.
No, seriously.
You're out of your mind.
But anyway, I hope that that was how she was written.
Because the actress, she played it well.
She did.
Yeah.
She played her role well.
And I hope that she was meant to be whiny.
Yeah, I hope she was meant to be whiny.
Otherwise, I feel real bad about the rant I just went on.
Oh, man.
Anyway, what's your top three look like?
So number one, definitely got to give to Sigourney Weaver.
She was fantastic, as she always is in everything that she does.
Absolutely.
Two, I'm going to actually give to Yafet Koto.
I think that's it.
I said Kato.
But whatever.
I loved him.
I thought he was hilarious.
And I was sad when he died, especially because it was.
Thanks, Lambert.
Yeah, appreciate that.
But yeah, freaking loved his performance.
He was great.
Number three, I'd probably give to Ian Holm.
Played Ash.
He was super.
He played an Android very well.
Did a really good job.
And just the freaking last remark
that he has before they shut him off for good is such a like, wow,
you are a smart ass and a jackass.
I know.
Didn't realize they could freaking program sass into you.
Seriously.
Freaking fantastic.
So yeah, would be my top three.
I would actually swap your two and three.
I'd put Ian Holm as two.
I loved his performance as Ash, especially once the reveal
happened that he was an Android.
Freaking love that shit.
And then yeah, Yoffit Kato, I'm given number three.
I loved his character.
And I'm, like I said, a little better towards Lambert.
Oh, shit.
I think I might be a little bit more
bitter than I even initially thought.
Yeah, damn, dude.
Like, shit.
I am not playing when it comes to life and death.
Dude, Brielle and I were having this discussion.
I am not the type of person to be a first encounter,
or encounterer, whatever you want to call that person.
Like in Star Trek and how they always show off,
like, oh, this is a first encounter, observe and report.
I'm not going on a planet that is unreported.
I am more of a settler.
I will be a homesteader on this new island or this new planet.
Like, hey, you need someone to come and find the building
materials on this planet that has already been deemed safe.
Or it doesn't even need to be 100% safe.
Just give me a record of what to look out for.
Like, if you give me a freaking, oh, these are the poisonous
plants, these are the poisonous, or these are the dangerous,
whatever, like, regions, animals.
Like, if you give me all that information, I'm totally cool.
I do not like the idea of the unknown.
Fair enough.
So I am a homesteader slash settler.
I am not a first encounter person like that.
So I would have been all types of pieced out and be like,
screw your shares.
We're not picking this bitch up.
But yeah, that's something I learned about myself watching
this movie.
I'm like, no, absolutely the hell not.
It's like, oh, we don't even know if this is human.
No, thanks.
I'm like, you're like that SpongeBob meme I had on my head
out.
On my head out.
I do not play, dude.
I do not play.
Oh, man.
All right.
Where are you sitting with acting?
Sorry.
I just don't know.
I'm just sitting here.
Sorry.
I just had a...
It all went black once I got a reload.
There we go.
Acting.
Just because...
I feel like everyone did a really good job.
So acting, even though you did not like Lambert at all.
And I mean, I honestly, like not as much as Lambert, but
Dallas, I'm sure he annoyed you as well.
Oh, Dallas pissed me off.
So I think I'm just going to be like a couple of points
higher than my writing at an 82.
I'm actually a little bit lower than that.
I'm at a 79.
Damn.
It didn't quite crack.
Like, the acting was okay.
It wasn't like top tier or anything.
I don't think anyone like blew my mind with their acting
ability in this.
I think...
Sorry.
To me, it came off as like low budget horror movie acting.
I feel that that can be like good acting.
I mean, freaking Jamie Lee Curtis and Halloween.
But I get where you're coming from.
I think just maybe what boosted me up a bit, and you know,
she wasn't in this until a couple years later, but
comparing Sigourney Weaver's performance in Ghostbusters
to that being just, you know, like a comedy performance
to like her being actually like serious in this and
like the final girl.
It was such an interesting change for me and was like
really cool.
And so I loved seeing that acting change.
So I feel that did boost me up a little bit because of that.
That's completely fair.
Sigourney Weaver, freaking, she can act.
100%.
Yeah.
All right.
Next up, we got Logic, which is just making sure that
the movie followed its own logic.
And just went, like goes from there.
Which honestly, I feel it did.
Like, barely well.
The only thing, and this isn't even like really a logic complaint.
It's, I wish we would have gotten to see more of what the
alien was doing to people.
And I'm sure that was probably a budget thing.
I can imagine.
They probably spent a shit ton of money on the
aesthetics for
A, the face hugger, then the freaking alien popping out of the chest.
Then the alien costume itself.
And then a good portion, I bet, went to Ash's prosthetics.
They probably just didn't have any more to give.
Like, I mean, I don't know how big of a budget this was in 1979,
but the budget was 11 million.
Damn.
Yeah.
Let's see the
Inflation calculator.
All right.
So this are 11 million.
Yep.
And what month did this get released?
May.
Or wait, no, I'm sorry.
September.
Wait.
Yeah, sorry.
May.
All right.
May of 1979.
Has the same buying power in June of
2024.
Please use values less than 10 million.
Seriously.
All right.
Let's say let's do 10 million.
Oh, wait, is that okay?
Actually, let's just do one million.
That's one hundred thousand one million.
Oh, and 79 didn't
change my frickin year.
May of 1979, June, 2024.
Gosh, I have to do a shit ton of math for this.
Four, three, nine, four, three, five, four, five, four,
times 11.
All right.
So that's the equivalent of 48 million dollars.
So I mean, that's not actually a budget.
Yeah.
So this is how I did.
Or this is what I had to do because they're frickin being bitches and won't let me do
transaction or estimations over 10 million.
I just did one million and that had so the one million in 1979 has the same buying
power as just under four point four million.
So, yeah, four point four million times 11 is around 48 million.
Okay.
So that's that was that's my math.
So if anyone wants to double check me, please don't.
Goodness.
Other than.
So I'd say the only bit of logic that doesn't quite sit well with me is Dallas.
Dallas was not an Android.
He knew what was going on.
Like all the shady dealings and they said the crew is expendable.
You mean to tell me that you put yourself at risk because a frickin computer told you
that you were expendable.
It said the entire crew is expendable.
I'm like, absolutely the hell not.
Guess what?
You are.
You part of the entire crew.
You dumb shit.
Yeah.
Like the survival instincts of Dallas are just non-existent.
He's no captain to me.
Absolutely not.
It's like, oh, Captain, my captain.
Like nothing.
But I think they did really well at not like over explaining how the alien works.
I think Ash did it perfectly where they're just like, oh, this is the perfect specimen.
It kills without mercy or without conscience.
It is the perfect specimen and whatnot.
It just built up the alien so well as you're just like, oh, shit, like this is some hardcore
like stuff that's happening right now.
Yeah.
I can't think of any times where they like shifted away from the logic.
I can't either.
Maybe the only one and this is just I don't even know what kind of complaint this would be.
It's the shedding of the skin and then it's just like super frickin big.
Like I feel like there should have been more stages.
Yeah, you know that.
Yeah, that's true.
Because like honestly, when that first happened, I'm just like, wait, were there two aliens on board?
Yeah, like I think they should have made a bigger deal that it was shedding and becoming larger.
Like I think it would have been interesting to find more and more of those husks.
Yeah, that would have that would have actually been really cool.
Yeah.
What else?
Yeah, I can't really think of any other like improvements to the logic there.
They they they they kept true to it like and I feel like this is maybe going to be incorporated more in future installments
where maybe that like the logic that they use is shifted around or maybe continuity is a little off.
The birth process for these damn aliens is ridiculously complicated.
Fair.
Like you have an egg that contained the facehuggers, the facehuggers feed on I guess oxygen breathing life forms.
They take that unless that's like just some way for the creature to adapt.
Like who like I don't understand that at all. Yeah.
But yeah, you freaking get facehugged.
You're freaking taken aback or like taken over by this art like you get an alien pill injected into your body that comes in freaking reverse collie ma's you
like through the chest, which that was freaking crazy.
Like that whole scene was nuts, dude. Like I'm just like, oh shit. Like when with the I I wonder I want to do more research on this scene because it feels like that that pack or like the blood packs that they use to like I feel like one of those burst early.
Like because it seemed everyone was taken off guard. Yeah.
Yeah, like everyone's jump was so genuine. Like I'm like, I feel like that had to be a misfire.
I always find that like those kind of things are like always fun to like find out like I forget.
It's one of Alfred Hitchcock's movies, but there's a part where like one of the actors has to shoot a gun and I guess one of the kids that was one of the extras did not like the sound of guns.
And so if you look in the background, the kid is just like literally holding his ears. The whole scene because he doesn't want to hear the sound.
Oh man.
I mean, logic wise, I feel like they did a really good job.
Like being just setting up the rules. No, no, absolutely. Freaking like the the alien popping out of the chest, especially also reminded me of I don't know if you've seen this clip from the nightmare nightmare on Elm Street movies, but freaking when Freddie is like pushing through one of the kids chest and then he just slices the kid open just crawl just crawls out of the body.
I don't know if I've seen that one. It's it's it's fucked up. It's cool, but it's fucked up.
Yeah, I.
I think some stuff like I don't feel it would be like a proper reaction to this alien. Like so when he pops when the little alien pops out of the chest and then just kind of like jumps out and scurries away. Everyone just kind of like it's just sitting around.
Yeah, I'm like freaking chase that bitch.
Are you shitting me like what are you doing?
He's just like, oh, this cattle prod should do it. I'm like, no freaking flamethrowers and shotguns.
That's the way they go. Yeah, bitch.
Oh my gosh. And I understand why they didn't be like, at least now because ash being an Android and whatnot. Yeah.
But still, like I was I was livid. I'm like bad decisions all around.
But I enjoyed it. I feel like this is this is in the 90s for me at least I'm like 93 for some of the minor issues here and there.
Like logic wise I feel like they were pretty consistent.
Yeah.
I don't I I really can't talk myself down from that. So I'm going to match you.
All right. Next up, we got effects and spoiler alert. I am a big fan of prosthetics, prosthetics and practical.
That's the best. Oh my gosh. You cannot be practical, dude.
No, never. That is something that that will keep this movie timeless.
The prosthetics because the prosthetics look so good. Yeah.
I am I will say this. I am going to dock a little bit because I feel like the the motion isn't quite there yet because it's very obviously some dude in a suit.
Fair. Like, you know, maybe it's just because I mean, I haven't seen Alien Romulus.
But watching that trailer and then this and like comparing how the the face hugger is in that movie to this, it just I don't know.
Like, it feels a lot more violent in that one. And to me, that makes a little more sense.
And it just seems a lot more brutal also in the in Romulus when it like frickin like attaches your you know, goes into your mouth and you know, goes down into your system.
It's the no, no, no, I'm not going to make that joke.
No, I get you, though. It's because the it's a it's a curse of the times, though, like the face hugger.
Like they weren't able to apply that kind of mechanics that they're able to with what I'm assuming.
And I would be shocked if the frickin face hugger is warrant prosthetic or practical in the Romulus trailer because those look like they're real.
Yeah, that. But that frickin trailer just oh my God. Sorry. Getting away from that for just a minute like that.
I mean, it's like a trailer like if you've never found the alien movies disturbing, what's that trailer like that?
Shit is messed up. Hell, yeah, dude.
They don't frickin play. No, they did not.
Just like Caleb doesn't play with bugs. No, I don't.
I understand like wholeheartedly that there's limitations to the times. So it's hard for me to like get a dig on that or like to take points away from like just for their limitations.
And like this is how I am with like what their special effects in general. Like you kind of have to be a little forgiving.
Of 100 percent of those. Yeah, so I am. I'm definitely going to be taking away just for the motion because I feel like they could have gotten the motion a little bit more
alien and not so human in a suit just kind of like jumping around like I think that was a bit weird.
It's clear that I personally, I mean, just from what I've seen with like not only Romulus, but also I feel like the Alien vs Predator movies.
It definitely seems like they got their footing with that as the movies went on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.
So this is one I'm also going to be fairly high on. I think the practical effects hold up really, really well. So I think I'm going to be giving this in 95.
I think I'm just going to be slightly below you at 93. Actually, no, 94.
All right. Moving on over to music for something as iconic as Alien is, I feel like it should have had a pretty bitching score.
Yeah, you know, honestly, for how hyped up this movie has been since I've been as long as I've been alive.
And like this is like the epitome of like horror sci fi movies. I was expecting like Halloween levels of soundtracks, but we did not get that.
Or at least I didn't get that. No, not even a little bit like the music fit, I guess. It was. Yeah.
But it wasn't as iconic as I thought it was going to be. No, not even a little bit like that. I'm giving this a five and even that feels a bit strong.
I almost put that at like a four. Same here, man. Yeah, five as well.
Like it is. This is like a four and a half. Honestly, it's just the score was just it was just so unremarkable.
And maybe I'm given the reason I'm going to give it a five is because I feel like I'm giving this movie a hard time for not having a super amazing score like Star Wars or
literally any other like major franchise. Like I'm giving it a hard I'm giving it a hard time, but I.
The it was music. That's all I can really say. It was music. Yeah.
And that's that's around where I put what I put at five.
All right. Costumes. I mean, we got to include the frickin alien because that was technically a costume.
Yeah. The clothes that everyone else was wearing were a little meh.
Yeah. Like, I'm assuming it's just because Sigourney Weaver was a hot ticket back then, but I don't think I really needed the whole strip tease with her.
That I don't know at the end. Yeah. Did that really need to happen?
I would like to talk to the costume department because whoever put her in those frickin underwear was not doing her any favors.
True. That's done wrong. Sigourney Weaver is a beautiful woman.
But I don't know. I felt like we really didn't need that. And then you got quite a few shots of where you could literally see her.
Her butt crack. Yeah. What the fuck is up with that?
I was like, OK. Dude, like, no frickin joke.
And listen, no complaints, but that that shit was not flattering.
Yeah, it was a bit much. And I was like, OK, you guys took this a little too far.
Yeah. Like too much. Like too much.
But yeah. So other than other than that, like the very unremarkable clothing that everyone else was wearing next to the frickin incredible suit or practical suit that the alien was wearing.
This is a tough one. Yeah. I'm between a seven and an eight and I can go either way.
I'm personally at a seven. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, it's going to get average down, but I'll I'll give it an eight just for shits and giggles.
I think the I think the practical alien suit does enough for me, even though it's not in it very much.
Like, I mean, we only get like three or four shots of it, right? Yeah, it sounds right.
Yeah, it's it's not a lot. It's a it's a small handful.
But I think it it warns that fair.
It's just the right. Like I said, the rest of the suits were just. Yeah.
All right. Last up personal scores.
Let's let's hear yours first. OK, so I'm really shocked that like I had never seen this movie before until now for how, you know,
hyped up this movie is when it comes to horror sci fi films. This is the epitome of it.
Many people consider this a masterpiece. I'm sorry. I'm not that way. Don't get me wrong. I really enjoy this movie.
I think it's a good film, but I do have pacing issues like Caleb.
Both of us pointed out the first 20 minutes I I fell asleep
once might have been twice. But, you know, once the alien is introduced, then the movie definitely picks up.
And so I everything after that, I appreciate from like the characters are actually good from the characters are decent from there.
I don't know if they're actually like that. They're not that great.
I mean, I think that's the thing about the characters and other type in other movies.
But for what we're given, the characters are decent. The alien is badass.
And what what they're able to do with the alien and, you know, where the alien comes from, how it is born, how it matures, all that stuff is honestly really, really cool.
And I think the sequel to this aliens and maybe even Alien Romulus, I will say after I'm very interested in now, now that I know how an alien is, I really want to watch Alien Versus Predator because I've never seen that.
So I'm very, very interested now. Same here. I, I, this was a good introduction to this franchise.
Because this has led me I have enough of an interest where I'm not totally dreading watching to.
Yeah, there we go. Yeah, I like that.
And I'm assuming with to being like, I want to say five years, it's like five or six years after this.
I'm hoping that the pacing is kind of improved. And that one's more action thriller.
Okay, cool. So they they've shifted genres, which I've I'm okay with because like 80s action movies like come on.
Yeah, can't go wrong with those true that I am kind of glad that it seems like they're going back to their roots with Romulus.
And so that's also very intriguing. And so it just it makes me kind of want to re like explore this whole universe of aliens, predators, like all that shit.
Speaking of I I made a joke that I don't feel was truly appreciated. But to my wife, while we were watching this, when Lambert was killed and the alien was like had already bushwhacked Parker
and came back to Lambert and its tail was like kind of sliding up her leg and then just kind of like all you hear is just screaming and shit.
I I started laughing and I told Brielle, I'm like, can we just agree that the alien totally violated Lambert?
And she's like, what are you talking about? And like what I'm talking about is this alien being a predator.
And she she's just like the predators are completely different species. And I'm like, this joke obviously went way over your head.
I got it.
Okay, that's good. I like that. I needed to get that joke out.
Oh, man. Okay. That was good.
Anyway, that was good. Bravo.
Yeah. So personal score, I think.
I'm going to be a 78.
No, I'll be a 79.
That is funny because I am out of 78.
Son of a bitch. What the fuck?
I swear I feel Caleb enjoyed this movie more than I did.
I did.
And it's just, I don't know. It's just like, like, let's just say I do like the other ones like equally.
This is probably not one that I'm going to come back and like re-explore.
Dude, that's like I have no plan of like come. Can I change my personal?
Nope. Too late. God damn it.
You son of a bitch.
Oh, man.
All right. Going through our scores real quick.
Starting off with story, we ended up averaging out to a 78.5.
Writing is sitting at an 80.
Acting got a little point bump sitting at an 80.5.
The character develop or the logic of this movie, I should say, is sitting at a 93, something that I feel like they followed really well.
The special or the practical effects with this ended up scoring a 94.5.
The music is sitting at a five out of ten and the costumes are sitting at a seven out of ten with the personal score coming in at a 78.5.
So with that, the final Albrose letter grade for Alien 1979 has come out to a.
A B minus.
OK.
I'll take that.
I will take that too. That is.
Completely fair. Yeah.
I would I'm not like a soft B minus like hard B C plus. I like that.
It's perfect. Yeah. So this is sitting at an eighty one point eight seven percent. Not bad.
Yeah, not bad at all. Like that's.
Genuinely surprising, like not that this was like a bad movie or anything.
I'm going to say for how much shit talk we did from the movie.
So our cutoff was is actually an 80 percent for B minus.
So this ended up scoring one percent above that.
OK.
Yeah, not bad at all. Yeah. So an eighty one point eight seven percent that puts it on the exact same levels as being the Ricardos.
That's the I love Lucy. Yes. OK. OK.
Yeah. And I don't totally disagree with that. Yeah. Same here.
I'm sure I'm sure you're going to have a lot of people that disagree with that.
Probably.
All right. Let's see. Let's go. It's below first.
So this is sitting below Indiana Jones in the Dial of Destiny.
OK. I can agree with that. It is below spiral.
OK. It's below Star Wars Rogue One.
Fair. It is below it. Chapter two. Yeah. Fair.
And it is below the unicorn store. Fair.
Yeah. Go on the opposite or just to compare to a movie that's kind of closer to its age.
It's it's below over the top. OK.
Then go in the opposite direction. It is above the bad guys.
OK. It is above Harley Quinn and the Birds of Prey.
OK. Or just Bert. I guess it's not Harley Quinn and the Birds. It's just it's about Birds of Prey.
It is above the Matrix Reloaded.
All right. Which I think is the second one. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's the second one.
It is above Despicable Me 4.
All right.
And then it is above the Chronicles of Narnia, the lion, the witch and the wardrobe.
Fair enough. Yeah.
I'm trying to see if there's a movie that's closer to its age that we can compare it to.
My my question, I can't remember what we gave it.
What did we give the original Halloween? The original Halloween? Yeah.
Because I swear if this movie ended up higher, I'm going to lose my shit.
Halloween 1978 is at a B plus. OK.
OK. All is right in the world.
Yeah. But I think good, good placement. Yeah, I agree.
Yeah. There's a couple like little wild cards in there, but I don't mind it.
The only like the closest one that we have like that's within this like the B minus.
That's like the closest is the Super Mario Bros from 93.
OK, so it is above that one. OK. Thank God. Yeah.
Which I can absolutely. Yeah.
OK, so our taste isn't that bad. No, it is not that bad.
But yeah, so anyway, that wraps up this week's breakdown.
We hope you guys enjoyed this episode.
If you want to check out more of our stuff, be sure to follow and subscribe to us wherever you listen to podcasts.
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And with that, next week we'll be breaking down the sequel to this movie Aliens.
With a very special guest and yeah, so you guys can look forward to that.
I feel like I'm missing something, but I think you covered it all.
Yeah, I think I did, too.
But yeah, so anyway, with that, we will catch you guys next week.
Deuces. Peace around the world for generations.
What the shit? I don't know.