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Hi everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Airway First, the podcast from the Children's

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Airway First Foundation.

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I'm your host, Rebecca St. James.

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My guest today is Randy Lee Bosloff.

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She's an author and outspoken advocate for mental health.

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She has spoken at events that promote wellness and compassionately shares experiences about

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her own mental health issues with others.

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Randy is a mom of two teenagers, a grandmother, a wife, and a competitive kickboxer.

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She's a certified personal trainer who has represented teen candidate internationally

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and even after battling cancer, she returned to coaching and competing.

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In 2017, Randy published her first book about mental health awareness and has continued

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writing and expanding her genres ever since.

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You can find her books, A Mother's Truth, Raising Unique Children, and Embracing Me

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on Amazon.com.

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You can find out more about Randy Lee at rbriting.ca.

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And now let's jump into my interview with Randy Lee Bosloff.

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Okay, thank you so much for being on the show today, Randy Lee.

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I really appreciate it.

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Thanks for having me.

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Absolutely.

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So before we jump in, I just kind of want to set the stage so parents understand, you

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know, for some people this might be a really big disconnect.

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Why are we talking mental health?

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And we will put various links in the show notes based on things we talk about and for

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help, things like that, but one thing that a lot of people don't understand is children,

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especially with airway disorders, severe learning disabilities, any kind of medical condition.

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A lot of times there's a mental health component that goes with it.

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And it's just not addressed.

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You just don't think about it.

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You think about their kids.

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They don't really talk about it.

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They don't know how to express it.

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So that's one of the things that we're going to be talking about today.

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So just kind of wanted to set the stage for everybody so they understand.

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So let's go ahead and just jump right in.

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If you wouldn't mind, I'd love it if you would just share with the listeners a little bit

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about your story and your journey with your son's disabilities and what you went through

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to get help.

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Sure.

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So my son, he's now 16.

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And he was diagnosed with autism at the age of eight.

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Prior to that, he was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, which is oppositional defiant disorder,

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sensory processing disorder.

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There was a bunch of other ones too.

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And finally, they're like, okay, yeah, it's autism.

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They just were like really pushing off, giving that diagnosis.

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They were giving everything but it.

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And my husband and I, we knew from a much earlier age that he was a little different

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than the neurotypical kids.

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And it wasn't until he started having these major meltdowns at school that people were

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believing us that something was different.

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And so once he got the diagnosis, it was good because we needed that in order for the school

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to then put proper things into place for him because prior to that, they weren't doing anything.

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And then we were able to look for additional help after that.

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When he was nine, he had his first suicide attempt.

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And it really opened my eyes to, wow, it's such a young age.

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And it was around that time that he had this big emotional outburst of just sadness, pure

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sadness.

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It was about, it was like midnight.

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And he's going on about, why am I so different?

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Why don't people like me?

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Why do they pick on me?

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And that was kind of my moment of going, well, why do you feel that you couldn't have told

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me this earlier?

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Like why did you feel this wasn't a safe environment to tell me?

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And I realized that I hadn't been sharing my story with him or with anybody really.

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I had been keeping very quiet and pretending that all you need to do in life is just pretend

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everything's okay.

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Right.

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And just keep going.

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Exactly.

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So it made him feel very upset because he couldn't keep going.

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So that was kind of the moment that I decided I'm going to start being very loud.

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And so it was a long process in and out of the hospital a bunch of times in grade seven.

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He went to a treatment facility where he lived there for three months.

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He came home on the weekends and that made a world of difference because they finally

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were able to do some different assessments for him.

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And we realized that he also has a learning disability with his reading and writing.

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And now he's 16.

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He's got his beginner's driver's license.

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He is doing very well at school.

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He doesn't actually physically go to school.

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He does all of his work at home because there's so much anxiety with the going to school and

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he was bullied for so many years.

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So that was a whole other big thing.

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But that is my short version.

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No.

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No, go ahead.

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No.

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And what's interesting is the way that you explained that he just didn't know.

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And that's one of the things kids don't know, especially because like you said, as adults,

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we're just going to push through.

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We're going to keep going and they often don't even know the words to say.

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They just know they're different, right?

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That they're different than everybody else and they don't understand why.

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So as you've gone on this journey with him, especially at such a young age, what was it

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like trying to find him help and treatment?

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Did you find this to be in it?

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And obviously you're not in the US, correct?

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I mean, Canada.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's a little bit different.

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But what was it like trying to find him the right kind of help at this age?

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A lot of wait lists, a lot of closed doors.

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So up until we got the diagnosis of autism, basically there was no help without having

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a diagnosis of something that they considered a reasonable diagnosis to receive help.

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Because ODD didn't count, sensory processing didn't count, none of those counted for getting

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help.

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And so it wasn't until we had the diagnosis of autism that the school finally made the

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proper IEP and the IPRC, which is basically telling them that he needs special support.

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And then that opened up the door to Bethesda, which is our local organization that deals

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with kids with autism, or people with autism really.

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So that opened up that door so that we could start getting therapy there.

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They did some ABA with him.

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And then there is a little bit of government funding where I am.

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Not a heck of a lot.

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It has changed over the years.

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But there was different supports that we can now put him in special camps and things like

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that, get respite workers.

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But it was a lot of, okay, where do I go?

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How do I find this?

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Because it's not the easiest thing, especially when you're going back and forth to the hospital

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and telling three doctors the same story over and over and over and trying to get somebody

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who will listen to you.

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Right.

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Right.

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And so what is that like?

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Because I think that's something a lot of parents can experience.

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I mean, as a parent, I mean, you must have felt.

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It was so frustrating, so disheartening.

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Because when we would go in, we actually changed his family doctor, which was amazing that

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we actually could.

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Because in Canada, it's really hard to get a family doctor.

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There's not enough of them because our healthcare system is tax funded.

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You pretty much stick with who you got and you're lucky if you got one.

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So we were really lucky because my husband had a different family doctor than I did.

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And so they took him.

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So that was the only reason that he got in.

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And at their office, they had a child psychologist at that time, psychiatrist.

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And so she actually listened to us.

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So she is the one that really got the ball rolling.

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But until that point, we had, we had nothing.

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Like it was just, oh, they're just, they're just young and being annoying.

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They're just, they just have bad behavior.

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I'm like, this is not bad behavior.

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This is something else.

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Right.

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Right.

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And so it's, I mean, you did one of the things that we hear from parents all the time and

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that we hear from other medical professionals, you've got to advocate.

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If you know something is wrong with your child, you keep pushing and you keep pushing.

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Yeah.

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And that I find is the hardest thing to do at the beginning because at the beginning,

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you trust everybody else.

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You trust that the doctors have the best interests in mind.

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You trust that the schools have your kids best interest in mind.

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Right.

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But what I learned, especially with the schools was they had their best interest in mind.

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If it was going to inconvenience the school or the teachers class and not to say all teachers,

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we've had a handful of good ones, but he's a great 11 now and it's only been a handful.

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If it's going to inconvenience them, they're going to tell you what's going to be better

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for them, not for your kid.

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And so at the beginning, I used to be like, Oh, okay, okay.

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Like, I have no idea.

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And then I started going, actually, we're not going to switch him class.

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Actually if you're sending him home, you're going to officially suspend him so that there

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was a paper trail.

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That was their biggest thing was if he was having a bad day, if he was having a meltdown,

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they would tell me you need to come and pick him up.

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And I did for pretty much most of grade three and a little bit, integrate four before I

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realized from talking to other parents in this situation that they're doing that so they

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don't have to have the paper trail that shows that they can't handle your kid.

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So that because every time there's a suspension, that suspension has to go to the school board.

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And so I was like, Oh, okay.

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So every time they would call me, I would say, Well, no, unless you're suspending him

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officially, I'm not picking him up and forcing them to do that.

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And that documentation was not only good for them to be held accountable, but also for

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when we were looking for other supports for him, they asked, you know, well, what proof

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do you have that this is happening?

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All of these suspension letters here.

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Got it.

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Right.

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And see, how would you know to do that for for most parents?

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Right.

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And so you mentioned support groups.

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I mean, this is a huge component of, I mean, just anything that parents are going through

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these days because it's just there's so much, you know, props to our parents.

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They did a great job, but it just seems as parents so much more complicated on so many

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levels.

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What kind of support groups were you, are these online support groups or these in person

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support groups?

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Yeah.

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So there's a couple of different ones where I am.

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There is some in person ones that Autism Ontario runs.

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I only went to one of those meetings, but I found the Facebook group of Autism parents

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was the most helpful one because when you're in the moment of going, oh my goodness, what

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do I do?

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I can shoot a message off and be like, anybody else know where I can go for XYZ?

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And then it's like, okay, it's done.

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I've got it out of my brain.

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Somebody will answer me.

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I'll have, I'll be able to have a direction.

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Right.

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That makes sense.

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So for parents that are at the beginning of this journey with their child, you know,

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they have some kind of breathing disorder or medical complication or autism or something.

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And now there's this mental component of it and they're, they're struggling to find their

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their child health and guide them through this journey.

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What kind of advice could you give them just, you know, here's where to start, you know,

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maybe here's how to approach this.

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Yeah.

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So the first thing I would say is keep notes.

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That is one of the most important things you can do even about things that you don't think

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are important.

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I remember going to one of the doctor's appointments, they're like, well, how old was he when he

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held a spoon?

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Like, I don't know.

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Like that's not, it's not a big milestone.

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So things that you don't think are important.

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If you can just keep the quick notes, like that it happened.

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It obviously notes of when the bigger things happen.

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And when you're keeping those notes, keep them in, it's called ABC.

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So what happened, the antecedent, the action that actually happened first, what behavior

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occurred then, and then what was the consequence or the basically the outcome of it.

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And that way you can just really just photocopy that and give it to the school or give it

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to the doctor and say, look, this is what's been happening.

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And do you know the frequency it's been happening?

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And you know, ideally what's caused it to then have the behavior happen.

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Because that's, at least with autism, one of the big things was, well, what triggered

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it?

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And for the longest time, like, I don't know.

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Until I started taking notes and going, there's a pattern here.

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Right.

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Right.

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So as you started this process and you've worked with your son over the years, and you

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are in 11th grade now, how has his journey changed?

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I think that he is a lot more self aware.

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So he had his first panic attack when he was in kindergarten.

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And I didn't know anything about panic attacks.

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So we took him to the hospital thinking, you know, thinking my five year old's having a

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heart attack.

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And so we found out that it was due to anxiety and it was the panic attack.

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So the first step was really putting words to what was happening.

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So when something like that would occur, it was, no, you're not, you know, you're not

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dying.

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You're anxious right now.

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You're having anxiety right now.

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So putting words to whatever is happening and trying to name those emotions because kids,

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especially the younger ones, you know, happy, sad, angry, those are what they know.

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That's kind of it.

252
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Right.

253
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Yeah.

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00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,360
So you can put names to it, like just pick happy.

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Happy has a scale of I'm content.

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I am joyful.

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I'm happy.

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I'm ecstatic.

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I'm over the moon, right?

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So each base emotion has many within it.

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So you can, you know, start to put names to those emotions with them, help them to do

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that is a really helpful one for the kids to then start to be like, I'm having, you know,

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if they say I'm not feeling good or I'm having a bad day because especially if kids are

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struggling, going to school, sometimes they'll fake being sick.

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Sure.

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And oh, I don't feel good.

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Well, why don't you feel good?

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And is it because you're sad?

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Don't feel good.

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Is it because your tummy doesn't feel good?

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Is it because you're feeling really sad about something that happened at school?

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Are you feeling guilty?

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Are you feeling ashamed?

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That's a really big emotion.

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It's a shame.

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You're listening to Airway First with today's guest, Randy Lee Bosloff.

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You can find out more about the Children's Airway First Foundation and our mission to

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fix before six on our website at children's airwayfirst.org.

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00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:56,200
The CAF website offers tons of great resources for parents and medical professionals, including

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00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:04,480
videos, blogs, recommended reading lists, comprehensive medical research, podcasts, and much more.

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Parents are encouraged to join the Airway Huddle, our Facebook support group, which was created

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00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:12,640
for parents of children with Airway and sleep-related issues.

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You can access the Airway Huddle support group at facebook.com backslashgroups backslashairwayhuddle.

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Are you a medical professional or parent that has an interest in being a guest on the show?

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00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,360
Or do you have an idea for an upcoming episode?

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Shoot us a note via the contacts page on our website or send us an email directly at infoatchildrensairwayfirst.org.

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As a reminder, this podcast and the opinions expressed here are not a medical diagnosis.

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If you suspect your child might have an airway issue, contact your pediatric airway dentist

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or pediatrician.

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And now, let's jump back into my interview with today's guest, Randy Lee Bosloff.

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That's true, right?

292
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,240
Because there is this stigma to it.

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00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:18,760
You know, there definitely is for adults and having children in the Gen Z generation, I

294
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give them props.

295
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:24,840
They talk about things a lot more than we do and they get it out there, but there is

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still this stigma, especially in school.

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And I do find too, they talk about it more, but I don't know if they actually know what

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they're saying.

299
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I would know the consequences of what they're saying.

300
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,200
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they did.

301
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,280
I would agree with that totally.

302
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:42,880
Absolutely, right?

303
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:52,720
So to talking him through it, he guides, does he, it's not really, you get to a point that

304
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:53,720
you self-regulate.

305
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:57,000
He's just more aware now and he has coping mechanisms.

306
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:04,400
Yeah, and by having coping mechanisms, you do learn to self-regulate.

307
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:09,400
So like schoolwork, because this just happened earlier today, I was trying to work through

308
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:13,040
his English work with him and he was getting very, very frustrated with me.

309
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,160
He's like, I don't remember that happening at the beginning of the book and it's the

310
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,800
end of the book.

311
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:23,080
And I said, okay, well, let's then talk this through.

312
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:29,160
And I said, okay, so we'll finish just this one question and then we'll take a break.

313
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,280
And that was like, oh, okay, right?

314
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:36,320
And it's just like, and then he can kind of calm down.

315
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:43,280
So that was an example of me helping him to regulate, but by knowing those strategies,

316
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:44,920
he has started to self-regulate.

317
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:50,400
So if he's doing an assignment that he's capable of doing by himself, like English is a little

318
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,400
trickier.

319
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,800
I help him more with that.

320
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:57,200
But if he's doing, he was doing a multiple choice test the other day.

321
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,600
So here's your computer.

322
00:19:58,600 --> 00:19:59,600
Bye.

323
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,600
Like you don't need me.

324
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,520
And but he was getting frustrated at it.

325
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:08,200
And instead of yelling at me, instead of doing anything else, he goes, I'm taking a break

326
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,200
now.

327
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,200
There you go.

328
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,200
Yeah.

329
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,360
So there does come a time when self-regulation comes.

330
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:20,160
They're still probably going to need help at times, but much better than it was before.

331
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,320
There was no throwing things, no yelling.

332
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,000
It's just, I'm taking a break now.

333
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,000
Right.

334
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,000
Right.

335
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,000
Definitely lighted in at the tunnel.

336
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:32,080
So one of the things that you have done, and we do see this with a lot of moms, it's

337
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:36,320
you're empowered now, you've been through this experience and you've written several

338
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,480
books to of which we'll put links in the show notes.

339
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:43,320
So a mother's truth and embracing me.

340
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:46,560
So let's just start with you really.

341
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:49,560
Why did you write them?

342
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,480
I'll cut that up to right now.

343
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,160
The worst feeling is feeling by yourself.

344
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:59,080
So if I've already been through it and I'm okay with sharing my story, then I should

345
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:02,160
share it.

346
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:08,760
And so a mother's truth, that's the one that's actually about raising love from being pregnant

347
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,920
up until grade six.

348
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,760
We're living through part two.

349
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:21,600
And it was really cathartic for me too to put down on paper what we went through.

350
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:25,520
And I've gotten the feedback of, oh my goodness, I see my kid in this book.

351
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I thought I was crazy, but I'm not.

352
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:28,720
Other people experience.

353
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:35,440
So that was a really big reason for doing that one because the worst part was when it's

354
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:39,680
like, okay, yes, he's got autism, which was like, okay, good.

355
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:40,920
I'm not, I'm not crazy.

356
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:43,040
I know something was different.

357
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:44,760
But then it was like, okay, now what?

358
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:45,760
Where do I go?

359
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:51,600
So this book is to help those parents go, okay, I have a guide ish.

360
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:56,480
Like it's not a, it's not a step by step guide, but it's, you know, this is somebody else's

361
00:21:56,480 --> 00:22:01,640
journey and I can, you know, kind of piece together something for me.

362
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,600
And there's worksheets at the end of that book too of things I've learned, like the

363
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,920
ABCs that I was talking about, there's a chart in there.

364
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:12,360
So you can remember it and use it.

365
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:17,360
So that's, you know, that was that one and embracing me, that's more on the mental health

366
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:18,360
side.

367
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:25,000
So that's my story of my journey of depression for the past 20 years and what I've learned

368
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:29,240
and the whole reason I called it embracing me is because it's embracing all of who you

369
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:30,240
are.

370
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,360
And that is so hard for kids.

371
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:35,920
I mean, it's hard for adults, so hard for kids.

372
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:43,400
So this book kind of goes through why I thought I couldn't to, oh, it's okay to, and it's okay

373
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,200
to ask for help and it's okay to go to therapy.

374
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,000
And again, there's worksheets at the back of that book too.

375
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,000
I'm big on worksheets.

376
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,000
I love it.

377
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:55,840
If I'm trying to tell somebody, you know, here's what you should maybe try.

378
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:59,360
I want them to be able to do it in an accessible way.

379
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:00,360
Yeah.

380
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:01,360
Yeah.

381
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:02,360
And I absolutely love that.

382
00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:03,360
That's brilliant.

383
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:11,000
So, you know, when we're talking mental wellness, especially again with children, why are we

384
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,160
missing the boat as parents?

385
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:20,000
How is this as a society that we're just missing it?

386
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,000
It's a really loaded question.

387
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,000
It is, I know.

388
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,000
I know.

389
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,840
I don't answer gladly.

390
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,800
There's a lot of different parts to it though.

391
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:35,120
So the first one is, well, we didn't have that when we were growing up.

392
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:37,560
So as parents, how do we know to give it?

393
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:38,560
True.

394
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:39,560
Right.

395
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:44,600
So it's something that we had to learn in order to then help our kids because my mom's

396
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:48,720
generation, generations before her, you didn't talk about it.

397
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:49,720
Right.

398
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,240
So that happened at home, stayed at home, and you didn't talk about it.

399
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:54,240
So that's,

400
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,120
You squish it down and you go about your day and you go up your big girl pants and do

401
00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:58,120
your stuff.

402
00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,120
Exactly.

403
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:01,400
My mom always used to say, fake it till you make it.

404
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:02,400
There you go.

405
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:03,400
Yeah.

406
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:04,400
Right.

407
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:10,040
So that's the first, I think the biggest step is you have to recognize that you don't

408
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,600
have the skills as a parent.

409
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:13,600
And I'll admit it.

410
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:17,520
I didn't, I had, I went through my own depression, but I didn't have the skills as a parent

411
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:21,160
to then help my kid until I learned them.

412
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,240
So it's not to, you know, I'm not shaming anybody.

413
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:24,240
I was there.

414
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,240
You don't know what you're learning.

415
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,240
I'm still learning.

416
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:27,240
Exactly.

417
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:28,240
Yeah.

418
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:32,440
It's a complete learning process, but you have to be like, okay, I need to learn it.

419
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:38,560
And then after that, I mean, kids are not just needing an environment with their parents,

420
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:45,120
but school bombards them, you know, media bombards them with all of these different messages.

421
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:52,120
And it's like, which one do I go to, which one is describing what I'm feeling and that

422
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,120
kind of thing.

423
00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:57,920
And like some, some kids to their friends, they want to sound either really tough or

424
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,160
they want sympathy or whatever, right?

425
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,320
Like there's different things going on in their heads.

426
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:03,320
So sure.

427
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,360
It's a, it's a lot.

428
00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:07,440
And I don't think necessarily we've missed the boat.

429
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:11,640
I think that we are now boarding that boat because it wasn't there before.

430
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:14,240
That's, that's a really good explanation.

431
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:15,240
Yeah.

432
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,400
100% agree with that.

433
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:23,360
And I think also too, especially a child that you know, you're different.

434
00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:27,800
You just, you know, you're different, whether it's autism, whether it's an airway disorder,

435
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:33,720
whether it's ADHD, sleep apnea, you know, you've got to go to a sleepover with seven

436
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,480
other little girls and you snore like a freight train.

437
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:37,960
You know, you're different.

438
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:38,960
Yeah.

439
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:39,960
So exactly.

440
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:43,560
And a kid like that, do I want to accept going to that, that sleepover?

441
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:47,240
Like I really want to go, but now are they going to pick on me after I go?

442
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,560
There's going to be anxiety around that.

443
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:50,800
Of course.

444
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:51,800
Of course there is.

445
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:52,800
Sure.

446
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:58,400
So what are some tips that either, and I guess this would be a kind of two-fold, right?

447
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:05,160
Because as parents of children that are different, we have our own anxiety and our own mental

448
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,320
wellness check-ins that we need to have.

449
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:14,440
But what are some of your favorite tips for parents as well as kids that you've learned

450
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,440
over the years?

451
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:16,440
Okay.

452
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,960
We'll start with parents just because I want to.

453
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:20,960
Why not?

454
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,840
Why not?

455
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:28,120
So find something that you enjoy doing because if you're not taking care of yourself, you

456
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:29,800
can't take care of your kid.

457
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:30,800
Right?

458
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:35,240
That's why on the airplane, they tell you to put on your airbag thing first and then

459
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,320
help somebody else.

460
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:39,640
So find something you enjoy doing.

461
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,120
Exercise is always a really good one.

462
00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:43,880
I'm not saying you got to go run or you got to go do weights.

463
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,200
I've been enjoying Aquafit lately.

464
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:47,200
It's a lot of fun.

465
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:51,880
I used to do kickboxing, which is so much fun.

466
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,280
Horseback riding, right?

467
00:26:53,280 --> 00:27:00,120
So there's other stuff you can do that isn't hitting the gym.

468
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:03,240
Journaling is another really helpful one.

469
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:06,880
And you might be, I mean, I hated journaling at that when I was going through everything

470
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:12,160
because I had to journal all my kids' issues happening.

471
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:17,440
But if you feel that you can journal for yourself as well, that better.

472
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:24,560
And then my other favorite one, other than actually going to therapy, cats.

473
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:25,560
Cats are great.

474
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:29,480
A dog forces you to go outside for a walk.

475
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:33,760
Cats are just cuddly and sweet, as long as they don't want to murder you.

476
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:34,760
True.

477
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,800
Keep their food bowlful.

478
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,640
But if you're allergic to those, I mean, my sister's got rats.

479
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:46,280
My niece has got a bird because she's allergic to fur.

480
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:51,960
But just having that companion that doesn't judge, doesn't talk back.

481
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:53,520
That's just there.

482
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:54,520
It's good.

483
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:55,520
My father-in-law always had fish.

484
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,800
He loved taking care of his fish.

485
00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:59,120
So I would say that.

486
00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:00,120
It's relaxing.

487
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,120
Right?

488
00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:02,120
You know, just when.

489
00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:05,920
One thing about dogs there is, no, it doesn't matter what kind of day you've had.

490
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:07,560
It doesn't matter what you look like.

491
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:08,560
Right?

492
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:09,560
They're going to love you.

493
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:11,000
You're the greatest thing ever.

494
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,840
And how does that not lift you up?

495
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:13,840
I mean, really.

496
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:14,840
Exactly.

497
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:16,560
So pets are awesome.

498
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:20,400
But you know, I always say therapy is always a good one too.

499
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:21,400
Sure.

500
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:22,400
Right.

501
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:23,400
Right.

502
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:27,480
And for kids, I mean, it's basically the same things.

503
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:30,800
Finding some things that they love to do.

504
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:35,880
And I mean, kids, they might have something at school, like an afterschool sport, or it

505
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:39,400
might be something that you have to find elsewhere.

506
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:44,680
Having friends, even just one friend that they can talk to that they feel safe with.

507
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:51,160
And whether that's in person or online friends, my kid struggled quite a lot to find in person

508
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:53,200
good relationships.

509
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,280
And so his best friends are actually all in the States.

510
00:28:56,280 --> 00:29:00,600
There was like one in Texas, couple in Florida, and he's been friends with them for years

511
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:01,600
now.

512
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:02,600
Wow.

513
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,440
Obviously, make sure internet safety rules and all of that stuff.

514
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:07,440
Of course.

515
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:08,440
Right.

516
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:09,440
All his friends know me.

517
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:10,680
They're all, I'll walk in the room.

518
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:14,920
Oh, my mom's here and they're all like, oh.

519
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,080
It's like they're at my house all the time.

520
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:18,080
Right.

521
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:19,080
Right.

522
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,080
Just went out and seen me and all the food in your pantry.

523
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:22,080
It's great.

524
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:23,080
It is.

525
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:24,080
That is a bonus.

526
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:25,080
Right.

527
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:26,080
So having a friend to talk to is a really good one.

528
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:29,280
And again, pets, pets is great.

529
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:34,240
And we've said it already before, having, making home a safe place to say, I'm having

530
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:35,240
a bad day.

531
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:36,240
Here's why.

532
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:39,400
Here's what I'm feeling, helping them decipher that feeling.

533
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:44,760
And if you don't have the skills yourself yet to do that, reach out to a counselor,

534
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,720
a therapist, right?

535
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:47,720
They're available.

536
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:48,720
Yeah.

537
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:49,720
For the most part.

538
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:54,080
And I don't know, did you ever run into issues trying to find, because it sounds like he is

539
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:55,280
more comfortable online.

540
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:58,520
And we do hear that a lot with kids that they're more near their anxiety.

541
00:29:58,520 --> 00:29:59,520
They're going to do better online.

542
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,120
Were you able to find therapy online?

543
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:05,280
Was that an issue?

544
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,280
It was an issue at the beginning.

545
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:08,280
Yeah.

546
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:13,840
Because of his age and, but he was okay with going to the therapist, like to leave the

547
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:19,120
house to go to the therapist because he knew that it was safe there.

548
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:25,920
So it was a big difference going to the therapist's office as opposed to going to the school or

549
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,320
to a really, really busy store.

550
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:31,360
So I think, yeah, that made a big difference.

551
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,760
He knew when he got there, it wasn't going to be busy.

552
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:34,760
It wasn't going to be loud.

553
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:37,480
He just ceases one person, but we were lucky.

554
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:42,320
COVID is really what brought online therapy to the forefront.

555
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:43,320
To everyone.

556
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:44,320
Yeah.

557
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:45,320
Yeah.

558
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:46,320
Yeah.

559
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:47,320
Right.

560
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:48,320
Thank you, COVID and Michael Phelps.

561
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,520
Those are, I give them both credit for that.

562
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,800
It wasn't all bad.

563
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:53,800
There was some good.

564
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:55,320
There were some good that came out of it.

565
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:56,320
Yeah.

566
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:58,320
And I think that was a good thing.

567
00:30:58,320 --> 00:30:59,320
Well, I think it's a good thing.

568
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:00,320
I think it's a good thing.

569
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:01,320
I think it's a good thing.

570
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:02,320
I think it's a good thing.

571
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:05,320
And I'm going to talk to my neighbors because it's all,

572
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,320
all you could talk to the people next door.

573
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:08,320
It's true.

574
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:12,320
So at the end of every episode, I just like to hand the floor back over 100% to

575
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:13,320
the guests.

576
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:18,320
Anything that you want to leave our listeners with anything you want to tell

577
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,320
parents, anything we may have forgotten.

578
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,320
Because, you know, you were the expert in this particular topic.

579
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:25,320
So I think we've kind of covered all of the, all of the basics.

580
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,320
So I think we're going to have to keep it at our basics,

581
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,320
which is the first step.

582
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:35,320
But reaching out really is the most important step.

583
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:38,320
No matter what your kid is going through,

584
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:42,320
reaching out to somebody in the right organization,

585
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,320
whether it's autism, whether it's an airway disorder,

586
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:48,320
whether it's a physical disability, whatever it is,

587
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:51,320
reaching out to somebody and saying, I don't know what I'm doing.

588
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:52,320
Help me.

589
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:54,320
Cause that's what they're there for.

590
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,320
And do a lot of your own research.

591
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,320
Just make sure that you're, when you're researching, you go, yeah,

592
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:01,320
this is reliable.

593
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:04,320
But do lots of your own research.

594
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:10,320
Don't just believe what other people are saying without looking into it

595
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,320
yourself.

596
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:17,320
And just make it, make it a safe space for them to say whatever it is they

597
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:20,320
need to say, don't get mad when they come to you and say,

598
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:22,320
I feel like hurting myself.

599
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,320
Getting mad isn't going to help.

600
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:29,320
Getting scared isn't going to help, but it's okay to be scared.

601
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:32,320
And it's okay to tell them you're scared.

602
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:38,320
What I mean by it won't help is don't be so scared that you're

603
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:42,320
scaring them into hiding it.

604
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:43,320
Right.

605
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,320
Because then we're swinging totally to the wrong direction.

606
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:50,320
So they're coming to you saying, I'm having these bad thoughts or I'm

607
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:54,320
being bullied at school, which is making me feel whatever way.

608
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:59,320
Don't act so scared that it shuts them up.

609
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:02,320
Be like, that's really scary to hear.

610
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,320
Let's talk about this more.

611
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:05,320
Right.

612
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,320
I'm here for you.

613
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:11,320
And that way you keep that door open because communication is going to be

614
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:12,320
100% key.

615
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:15,320
On my YouTube show, I always end it with my slogan,

616
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:18,320
which is the only way to end the stigma of mental health is to speak

617
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,320
openly and honestly.

618
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,320
And that is exactly what we've been talking about.

619
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:26,320
And that is actually a perfect way to end the segment.

620
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:28,320
I do.

621
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:31,320
I appreciate your honesty and your openness so much right now.

622
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:33,320
And for sharing your story and your son's story.

623
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:37,320
And I will make sure that we put the link to your website and your

624
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,320
YouTube show and your books.

625
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:43,320
Cause this is, um, it's support the parents need to hear about.

626
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:44,320
I need access to.

627
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,320
Thank you so much for having me.

628
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,320
This is really fun.

629
00:33:48,320 --> 00:34:17,320
Thank you.

630
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:31,320
And don't forget to check out our YouTube channel.

631
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:35,320
You can find a variety of informative original video content pieces as

632
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:40,320
well as video recordings and excerpts from selected airway first podcast episodes.

633
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:44,320
If you'd like to be a guest or have an idea for an upcoming episode,

634
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:49,320
shoot us a note via the contacts page on our website or send us an email directly

635
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:53,320
at info at children's airway first.org.

636
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:57,320
And finally, thanks to all the parents and medical professionals out there that

637
00:34:57,320 --> 00:35:02,320
are working to help make the lives of kids around the globe just a little bit better.

638
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:31,320
Take care, stay safe and happy breathing everyone.

639
00:35:32,320 --> 00:36:01,320
Thank you.

640
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,320
Bye.