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What is up, everybody? Welcome back to another podcast episode.

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If you're new here, this is the Young and Love podcast, a podcast where being young

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in love has absolutely nothing to do with your age and love, but has all to do

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with your experience and your growth in love over time.

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My name is Darius Covington.

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I am the host of this podcast.

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I am excited about today's episode.

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I feel like it's going to be a little transparent.

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Usually I draft out a whole I'm sure you'd like the last two episodes.

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I don't know if you can see this, but usually

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I would draft out a whole like, you know,

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a whole a whole what is it called?

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I would draft out my notes to better help me prepare to

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remember and know what the heck I'm about to speak on today.

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I don't got I don't I don't have a lot.

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I feel like this was an easy topic for me to kind of relate to in pastime.

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So it's easy now.

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I don't have there wasn't much effort into preparing for this.

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With that said, though, I feel like there

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might be a lot more moments of transparency that I that I would be willing to give in

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past episodes because I was already prepared.

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But nonetheless, as you can tell by the title of this episode,

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today's episode is about our spiritual relationship with God.

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Here at the Young and Love podcast,

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we talk about three different strands of relationships.

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The first one is our relationship with God.

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Second, with our relationship with others.

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And then the third one is our relationship with ourself.

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Last episode, we talked about dating in 2023.

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So it was a relationship with others before that.

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We talked about being alive on purpose.

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It was our relationship with ourself.

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So now we're hitting that they're kind of working backwards, I guess, or middle outer

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middle outer first.

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So today we're talking about our relationship with God and how it feels or what we do,

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what you can do being very transparent and saying,

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I'm a Christian, but very often times this is not me saying this,

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but this has happened in my life.

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But I think that there's somebody out there who's watching this or will watch

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this in the future who might be able to say that I'm a Christian and I feel like I

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pray and I do all the things, but I still feel like God is far from me.

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I still feel like God doesn't hear my requests.

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I don't feel like God hears my prayers.

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Sometimes the presence of God, you know,

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you get to watch every a bunch of other people feel the presence of God and not

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necessarily be able to tap into that and feel that for yourself.

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And so we're going to talk about that.

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I want to give my experience on what I felt and then how I kind of.

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I don't want to say overcame feeling like God wasn't

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or I don't want to say how I overcame feeling like I was far away,

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but more of how I what I did in the season that God felt the furthest.

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So sometimes if we're honest and some of us might even be in the season right now

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where God seems far with the prayers that we pray feel like they go up and then slap

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right back down, the serving and the tears and the requesting

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things from God and just wondering if God is there.

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Might be in a season of our life where like

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it doesn't feel like God is around us.

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And I think oftentimes the response that we get from people when we say things

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like that is that they always say, oh, God is, you know, God is always with you.

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God is always following you.

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We don't leave God.

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We don't move away from God or God doesn't leave us.

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You know, God doesn't move away from us, but we sometimes by our actions.

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And I think sometimes while that is true,

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I think sometimes life just happens and life happens so much.

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And it doesn't I haven't moved.

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God hasn't moved.

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But there's just been so much of life that has come in between us.

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And I think that people should acknowledge the fact that.

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You can be in the same spot and God can be in the same spot,

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but because of life situations that have happened, it can feel that they separate

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or that they stand in between you and feeling the presence of God.

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And also, while that is also true, what do I do?

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What are we supposed to do in the meantime,

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in the waiting time with feeling like God is far away from us?

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And I remember,

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I remember personally feeling, you know, living life and growing up in my life

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and feeling at times God was super close, God was hearing my prayers.

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He was hearing my request.

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And whether or not he was answering them the way that I wanted to did not define

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my feeling of whether or not God was there or not, there was just a feeling that I had

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that I felt like God was answering my prayers and in the prayers that he did

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not answer the way that I wanted them to be answered.

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I still felt like God was answering them and I still didn't feel like he was far

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away, but I remember in times, you know, even just growing up in my dynamics

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of my housing dynamics, I remember in those times,

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oftentimes feeling like God was far away.

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I remember being in college.

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I remember being in college and thinking

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about my career and what the next move was and oftentimes praying and asking God

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for clarity and feeling like this man ain't giving me no clarity.

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I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing in college.

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I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my career.

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And even beyond, you know,

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and even beyond the physical aspects of the housing and the physical aspects

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of my career, even sometimes mentally feeling that God just, you know,

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was avoided of me looking at other people.

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And I know that we talk about how we shouldn't look at other people's grass.

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I remember looking at other people's

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relationships with God and looking at looking at other people's, you know,

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their careers, looking at what they had going on.

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And I know the saying comparison kills,

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but looking at other people and just feeling like God was absent in my life,

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even though I was serving the church, even though I was serving God,

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even though I was faithful to God, there were a whole lot of times that I felt

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like, bro, are you are you here?

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You know, are you are you here with me?

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Am I alone?

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Is it just me?

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Because it doesn't really seem like you're all that close to me.

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I remember especially moments in college,

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a moment in my career of really wondering what in the world,

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what in the world am I doing right now?

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What am I doing?

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Looking at other people and social media, obviously,

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we know social media is a highlight of people's lives.

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But looking at social media and seeing people have these great jobs,

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living their best life and feeling like

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and feeling in a sense that I wanted that, but I wasn't there.

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And if I'm honest, looking around at the time, I was like,

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I don't know that I'm ever going to.

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I don't this pathway.

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This pathway don't look like it's going to get me there.

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And really, like, you know, not feeling like God was the closest to me

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in those moments, and it felt like trash and it felt terrible and it felt terrible

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as as a person who grew up in church, a person who served in the church.

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I served on the praise team.

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I served on the choir.

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I was a youth minister.

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I what else did I do?

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I was an usher at one point.

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I played the drums at one point.

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I played the piano at one point.

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I was an adjutant at one point.

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I was a workshop leader at one point serving on all these different things

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and then turning around and being like, oh, where's God at that?

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You know, that that oftentimes felt devastating.

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It felt terrible.

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And there were moments where I was like, I'm not I'm not going to go back.

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I'm not going to go back to serving the way that I serve.

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I'm not going to go back to being as committed as I was, because if I'm honest,

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the people that I was looking at that was living their best life were people

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who didn't believe a thing about Christ, and if they believed they weren't,

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you know, they weren't as committed and they weren't serving in the same

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capacities that I was serving in.

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And I think in those moments, I started to really

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I feel like that's when I really started to learn.

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Their life is their life.

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Their blessing is their blessing.

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Their, you know, their their success is their success.

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But also understanding that just because just because God is silent doesn't mean

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that God is not around and sometimes the best moments in relationships,

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not the best moments, but sometimes very good moments in relationships is when

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you're just with your person, you all are not talking.

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You all are, you know, she's on her phone.

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I'm on my phone.

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We're just chilling and hanging around each other.

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And in those moments, I can feel her there.

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And I think that sometimes we have to appreciate the moments where God is not

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silent, but God is present and he's not saying much.

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I think that there are times that God has called us to a process and we go

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through the process that we're supposed to be going through.

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And it's not necessary for God to coach us through the process the entire time.

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It's necessary for him to be with us the entire time.

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But I don't think that he coaches us and he's screaming at us and he's yelling at us.

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And he's answering every request that we have the entire time, because the reality

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is that if God saved me from everything that I asked him to save me for,

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my testimony would hold no weight.

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My testimony would hold no depth.

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And so I can say that now because I'm out of those situations.

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But knowing what I know now, and that's

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what my pastor talks very often times about using moments as reference points.

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And when we are able to look back on past

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times in life and refer to the moments where God was there, God was helpful,

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I didn't see him, I didn't feel him, but I'm out of that situation.

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I made it out of that situation.

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We can use those moments as reference points to understand or to remember

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that even in this season that I feel alone, that I'm not actually alone.

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So I think to you, to the people who feel

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that they are in a season or a moment in life where God feels far.

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I made a video on TikTok yesterday and I posted it.

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I posted it yesterday, made it yesterday.

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And it said that if you're in a season, you feel like God is far.

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Or if you're in a season, you feel like you're praying things and God is taking

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too long or you're just having to wait for whatever it is to come through.

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Then wait for it.

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I think every blessing is not supposed to be an overnight blessing.

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I think every miracle, every breakthrough,

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they're not supposed to be overnight things.

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In the waiting period, God is teaching us patience.

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God is even in the process of what we're

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going through, God is teaching us lessons in the process.

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And so in the midst of us waiting, learn from the process, learn while you're

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in the waiting, not just learn about how to navigate through the situation,

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but learn who God is even in the process of waiting.

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Learn who you are in the process of these situations.

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And again, speaking from a past, like out

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of certain situations that I had to wait on, I appreciate the fact that I was able

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to be patient enough in those situations because the amount of information that I

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learned about myself, the amount of information that I learned about

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dealing with other people, the amount of information I learned in my relationship

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with God has changed my life because I was devoted or I remembered or I was

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serious about waiting on God.

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And then while I was waiting for God, even in situations now,

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while I'm waiting for God, while I'm waiting an expectation for God

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to answer these prayers, while God might seem far now and I'm waiting

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for the presence of God to remind me, hey, OK, he is there.

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You know, everything's going to be OK.

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In the moment of the waiting, I think that we have to be optimistic and prepare.

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And oftentimes that is preparing mentally and speaking ourselves or imagining ourselves

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in a different space, in a different place or wherever it is that we expect to be,

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wherever it is that we want to be.

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But then I think that there are some

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physical things that we have to do in the moment of preparing.

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Sometimes that looks like cleaning your house up, being prepared.

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If you're waiting for something to come into the house,

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cleaning the house, cleaning the closet out, throwing out old things so you have

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space for the new things that you're praying for to come in, preparing,

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getting, getting, getting your finances in order, different things that we have to do

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in the process that, yes, God might seem far.

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But if God were to reveal himself to me today,

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if God were to answer the prayer that I have today, am I in a place to receive it?

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And how do we get in a place to receive what God has for us is to prepare for what God has?

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There's a song by Jonathan McReynolds and it says, fun fact, actually,

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I sing this song in church and I wish I wish we were a Zoom church back then

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because it would have been recorded and I could embarrass myself.

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But I sing Jonathan McReynolds,

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I find space for what I sing, so make room.

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And

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I had told the organist,

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I had told the organist to to to bring it down an octave because Jonathan McReynolds

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sings like a soprano woman and I could not I knew that I could not do that.

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I asked him to bring it down and I did fine.

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And we got on the last note of the song.

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How does how does the song end?

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Whatever, I don't remember how it ends.

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But however that however the song ends, that last note that I sung,

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I took it back up to the original octave and then taking it to the original octave

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in my voice while the organist was playing in a lower octave.

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I wanted I just I wanted to go lay outside in the middle of the highway.

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And I've never seen that song again.

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And every time it comes on the radio,

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I turn it because I am reminded of the embarrassment that I felt.

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But if we don't make room for if we don't

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prepare and make room for the expectation that we have,

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how can God give it to us?

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And I think I think that we oftentimes hear that.

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And it sounds like a physical thing.

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But I think that there are some people I think that there are some people who when

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they say God feels far, they don't mean anything physical.

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They're not talking about blessings.

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They're not talking about anything tangible.

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When they say that God feels far, I think they literally mean the presence of God

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feels far.

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And the emotional and the mental impact

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that that can be felt when you don't feel the presence of God can drain you.

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There is so when I say prepare and make room, I think that there is a spiritual.

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I think that there is a spiritual.

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What's the word that I'm looking for?

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I think that there is a spiritual process of preparation that can be done.

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And what does that look like?

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That looks like making time, making space for God in your life.

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I think if you feel that God is far,

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that God is distant and it's nothing financial, it's nothing tangible.

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It's just literally feeling like the presence of God is void in your life.

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What are you doing?

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What are you doing or what have you done

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to make it feel that God is distant in your life?

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I don't necessarily believe that people have to go to church every single day

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or every single Sunday.

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But I think that if you feel that God is voided,

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maybe you need to amp up the amount of times you go to church in a week or in a

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month, amp up the amount of time that you spend with God.

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And what does that look like?

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That looks like prayer.

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That looks like the music that we listen to.

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Looks like the people that we surround

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ourselves with and then, of course, studying God's word and understanding more

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of who he is. And then the last thing I'll say is to find joy in where you are right

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now. Bible says the joy of the Lord is my strength.

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It says the joy of the Lord is my strength.

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I think that when we take on the joy of the Lord, there's a weakness,

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there is a voidedness, there is a sadness, there is almost an emotional

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or mental even depressive state that we find ourselves in when we feel

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when we feel that God is far, when we feel like we're walking through the fog.

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I think that when we are able to find

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moments of joy in our life, we are able to first mentally get

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ourselves together, to emotionally get ourselves together

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so that although we still feel far from God, even those moments sometimes,

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we're able to feel far from God, but in a way that doesn't deteriorate

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who we are, in a way that does not take away, that does not drain the energy of who we are.

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There's nothing like,

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there's a lot, I think that there are a lot of people who oftentimes,

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instead of going outside, instead of being able to find joy and being able to find

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happiness because it is a hard thing to do, oftentimes will go in a room,

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close the door, turn the lights off and be under the covers on their phone and just

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isolated and alone all the time.

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All that does is comfort the negative emotions that you have.

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All that does is coddle the feelings, is coddle the void that you have.

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Going outside and finding moments of joy,

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going outside and finding moments of joy doesn't always solve the problem because

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you eventually have to come back home.

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But what it does is that it gives you a moment of escape.

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And after a while, enough of those droplets of joy, enough of those spaces of joy

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come in and they outweigh those negative emotions.

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The joy of the Lord is my strength.

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They come in and they push those negative

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feelings, those negative mental thoughts out of the way.

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And when we are able to push sadness and depression out of the way and replace it

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with joy, then we're taking on the personality of who God is.

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And I think that when we take on the

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personality of who God is, though God might still seem far,

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though the answers might not have been given in those moments,

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though God might still seem far, I think along the way, it rejuvenates our

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mental state, it rejuvenates our spirit in a way that even though God

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does not seem tangible, he doesn't seem close.

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I've learned how to enjoy this process of learning who God is and taking on the

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characteristics of God.

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And then I think that that pushes us to a state for us to be able to go and find God.

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And again, he's not far from us, but I think it metaphorically gives us

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the tenacity or it gives us the rejuvenation, the rejuvenated energy,

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I don't know, to go out and to actually find God.

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I think that when we wait and we enjoy

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the process and we find ourselves, find God in the process,

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I think that when we prepare for whatever it is that we're in expectation for,

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prepare just for the presence of God and our life, make space for things,

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make space for God.

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And then when we

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when we find moments of joy to drown out those negative feelings that we have,

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I think that all those things help us to understand, help us to get to a place

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where the process of feeling that God is far

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isn't so hard to bear, isn't so difficult to go through.

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But I ultimately do think that God does not move from us.

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God does not turn away from us.

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I think that there's no matter what we have done,

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no matter the things that we've said, no matter the things that we thought

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or the things that we think, I do not believe that God moves from us.

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I'll say this and then I'll close the episode out.

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I know a person who was at a point of time in their life where they felt that God

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was far, they felt like they were walking through the fog and that they just could

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not like their relationship with God had just burnt out.

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They were they were at like a spiritual a spiritual burnout.

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And I remember asking this person,

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what is it that you think is making you feel this way?

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Lately, I've just been doing things

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and I've been saying things that I know that God isn't proud of.

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And what I've learned, especially in recent years,

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what I've learned about God is that there is nothing that I could do to make God hate

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me, there is nothing that I could do to make God dislike me.

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I don't think that I hold enough power

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to make God hate the thing that he created and sent redemption for.

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So I think that if you find yourself

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in a moment, if you find yourself in a season where you feel like the things

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that I've done, the things that I've said, the actions, the choices,

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the decisions that I've made, like God, God, God, God wants nothing to do with me.

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God doesn't want me.

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I feel like God is abandoning me or that God wants to abandon me

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for the decisions that I've made. Like none of that is true.

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None of that is true.

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It does not matter how far we have run away from God.

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The moment that we turn around and change our mind, say, actually,

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I want this relationship, I want to have this relationship.

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I want to have this relationship back.

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The moment that you turn around, God is standing right there with open arms.

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God has not forgotten about you.

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God has a plan for you.

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God is proud of how far you've come and he trusts you enough with the rest

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of the plan and he trusts you enough with the rest of the plan,

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even in the midst of you not understanding what exactly that plan looks like.