What is up, everybody? Welcome back to another podcast episode.
If you're new here, this is the Young and Love podcast, a podcast where being young
in love has absolutely nothing to do with your age and love, but has all to do
with your experience and your growth in love over time.
My name is Darius Covington.
I am the host of this podcast.
I am excited about today's episode.
I feel like it's going to be a little transparent.
Usually I draft out a whole I'm sure you'd like the last two episodes.
I don't know if you can see this, but usually
I would draft out a whole like, you know,
a whole a whole what is it called?
I would draft out my notes to better help me prepare to
remember and know what the heck I'm about to speak on today.
I don't got I don't I don't have a lot.
I feel like this was an easy topic for me to kind of relate to in pastime.
So it's easy now.
I don't have there wasn't much effort into preparing for this.
With that said, though, I feel like there
might be a lot more moments of transparency that I that I would be willing to give in
past episodes because I was already prepared.
But nonetheless, as you can tell by the title of this episode,
today's episode is about our spiritual relationship with God.
Here at the Young and Love podcast,
we talk about three different strands of relationships.
The first one is our relationship with God.
Second, with our relationship with others.
And then the third one is our relationship with ourself.
Last episode, we talked about dating in 2023.
So it was a relationship with others before that.
We talked about being alive on purpose.
It was our relationship with ourself.
So now we're hitting that they're kind of working backwards, I guess, or middle outer
middle outer first.
So today we're talking about our relationship with God and how it feels or what we do,
what you can do being very transparent and saying,
I'm a Christian, but very often times this is not me saying this,
but this has happened in my life.
But I think that there's somebody out there who's watching this or will watch
this in the future who might be able to say that I'm a Christian and I feel like I
pray and I do all the things, but I still feel like God is far from me.
I still feel like God doesn't hear my requests.
I don't feel like God hears my prayers.
Sometimes the presence of God, you know,
you get to watch every a bunch of other people feel the presence of God and not
necessarily be able to tap into that and feel that for yourself.
And so we're going to talk about that.
I want to give my experience on what I felt and then how I kind of.
I don't want to say overcame feeling like God wasn't
or I don't want to say how I overcame feeling like I was far away,
but more of how I what I did in the season that God felt the furthest.
So sometimes if we're honest and some of us might even be in the season right now
where God seems far with the prayers that we pray feel like they go up and then slap
right back down, the serving and the tears and the requesting
things from God and just wondering if God is there.
Might be in a season of our life where like
it doesn't feel like God is around us.
And I think oftentimes the response that we get from people when we say things
like that is that they always say, oh, God is, you know, God is always with you.
God is always following you.
We don't leave God.
We don't move away from God or God doesn't leave us.
You know, God doesn't move away from us, but we sometimes by our actions.
And I think sometimes while that is true,
I think sometimes life just happens and life happens so much.
And it doesn't I haven't moved.
God hasn't moved.
But there's just been so much of life that has come in between us.
And I think that people should acknowledge the fact that.
You can be in the same spot and God can be in the same spot,
but because of life situations that have happened, it can feel that they separate
or that they stand in between you and feeling the presence of God.
And also, while that is also true, what do I do?
What are we supposed to do in the meantime,
in the waiting time with feeling like God is far away from us?
And I remember,
I remember personally feeling, you know, living life and growing up in my life
and feeling at times God was super close, God was hearing my prayers.
He was hearing my request.
And whether or not he was answering them the way that I wanted to did not define
my feeling of whether or not God was there or not, there was just a feeling that I had
that I felt like God was answering my prayers and in the prayers that he did
not answer the way that I wanted them to be answered.
I still felt like God was answering them and I still didn't feel like he was far
away, but I remember in times, you know, even just growing up in my dynamics
of my housing dynamics, I remember in those times,
oftentimes feeling like God was far away.
I remember being in college.
I remember being in college and thinking
about my career and what the next move was and oftentimes praying and asking God
for clarity and feeling like this man ain't giving me no clarity.
I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing in college.
I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my career.
And even beyond, you know,
and even beyond the physical aspects of the housing and the physical aspects
of my career, even sometimes mentally feeling that God just, you know,
was avoided of me looking at other people.
And I know that we talk about how we shouldn't look at other people's grass.
I remember looking at other people's
relationships with God and looking at looking at other people's, you know,
their careers, looking at what they had going on.
And I know the saying comparison kills,
but looking at other people and just feeling like God was absent in my life,
even though I was serving the church, even though I was serving God,
even though I was faithful to God, there were a whole lot of times that I felt
like, bro, are you are you here?
You know, are you are you here with me?
Am I alone?
Is it just me?
Because it doesn't really seem like you're all that close to me.
I remember especially moments in college,
a moment in my career of really wondering what in the world,
what in the world am I doing right now?
What am I doing?
Looking at other people and social media, obviously,
we know social media is a highlight of people's lives.
But looking at social media and seeing people have these great jobs,
living their best life and feeling like
and feeling in a sense that I wanted that, but I wasn't there.
And if I'm honest, looking around at the time, I was like,
I don't know that I'm ever going to.
I don't this pathway.
This pathway don't look like it's going to get me there.
And really, like, you know, not feeling like God was the closest to me
in those moments, and it felt like trash and it felt terrible and it felt terrible
as as a person who grew up in church, a person who served in the church.
I served on the praise team.
I served on the choir.
I was a youth minister.
I what else did I do?
I was an usher at one point.
I played the drums at one point.
I played the piano at one point.
I was an adjutant at one point.
I was a workshop leader at one point serving on all these different things
and then turning around and being like, oh, where's God at that?
You know, that that oftentimes felt devastating.
It felt terrible.
And there were moments where I was like, I'm not I'm not going to go back.
I'm not going to go back to serving the way that I serve.
I'm not going to go back to being as committed as I was, because if I'm honest,
the people that I was looking at that was living their best life were people
who didn't believe a thing about Christ, and if they believed they weren't,
you know, they weren't as committed and they weren't serving in the same
capacities that I was serving in.
And I think in those moments, I started to really
I feel like that's when I really started to learn.
Their life is their life.
Their blessing is their blessing.
Their, you know, their their success is their success.
But also understanding that just because just because God is silent doesn't mean
that God is not around and sometimes the best moments in relationships,
not the best moments, but sometimes very good moments in relationships is when
you're just with your person, you all are not talking.
You all are, you know, she's on her phone.
I'm on my phone.
We're just chilling and hanging around each other.
And in those moments, I can feel her there.
And I think that sometimes we have to appreciate the moments where God is not
silent, but God is present and he's not saying much.
I think that there are times that God has called us to a process and we go
through the process that we're supposed to be going through.
And it's not necessary for God to coach us through the process the entire time.
It's necessary for him to be with us the entire time.
But I don't think that he coaches us and he's screaming at us and he's yelling at us.
And he's answering every request that we have the entire time, because the reality
is that if God saved me from everything that I asked him to save me for,
my testimony would hold no weight.
My testimony would hold no depth.
And so I can say that now because I'm out of those situations.
But knowing what I know now, and that's
what my pastor talks very often times about using moments as reference points.
And when we are able to look back on past
times in life and refer to the moments where God was there, God was helpful,
I didn't see him, I didn't feel him, but I'm out of that situation.
I made it out of that situation.
We can use those moments as reference points to understand or to remember
that even in this season that I feel alone, that I'm not actually alone.
So I think to you, to the people who feel
that they are in a season or a moment in life where God feels far.
I made a video on TikTok yesterday and I posted it.
I posted it yesterday, made it yesterday.
And it said that if you're in a season, you feel like God is far.
Or if you're in a season, you feel like you're praying things and God is taking
too long or you're just having to wait for whatever it is to come through.
Then wait for it.
I think every blessing is not supposed to be an overnight blessing.
I think every miracle, every breakthrough,
they're not supposed to be overnight things.
In the waiting period, God is teaching us patience.
God is even in the process of what we're
going through, God is teaching us lessons in the process.
And so in the midst of us waiting, learn from the process, learn while you're
in the waiting, not just learn about how to navigate through the situation,
but learn who God is even in the process of waiting.
Learn who you are in the process of these situations.
And again, speaking from a past, like out
of certain situations that I had to wait on, I appreciate the fact that I was able
to be patient enough in those situations because the amount of information that I
learned about myself, the amount of information that I learned about
dealing with other people, the amount of information I learned in my relationship
with God has changed my life because I was devoted or I remembered or I was
serious about waiting on God.
And then while I was waiting for God, even in situations now,
while I'm waiting for God, while I'm waiting an expectation for God
to answer these prayers, while God might seem far now and I'm waiting
for the presence of God to remind me, hey, OK, he is there.
You know, everything's going to be OK.
In the moment of the waiting, I think that we have to be optimistic and prepare.
And oftentimes that is preparing mentally and speaking ourselves or imagining ourselves
in a different space, in a different place or wherever it is that we expect to be,
wherever it is that we want to be.
But then I think that there are some
physical things that we have to do in the moment of preparing.
Sometimes that looks like cleaning your house up, being prepared.
If you're waiting for something to come into the house,
cleaning the house, cleaning the closet out, throwing out old things so you have
space for the new things that you're praying for to come in, preparing,
getting, getting, getting your finances in order, different things that we have to do
in the process that, yes, God might seem far.
But if God were to reveal himself to me today,
if God were to answer the prayer that I have today, am I in a place to receive it?
And how do we get in a place to receive what God has for us is to prepare for what God has?
There's a song by Jonathan McReynolds and it says, fun fact, actually,
I sing this song in church and I wish I wish we were a Zoom church back then
because it would have been recorded and I could embarrass myself.
But I sing Jonathan McReynolds,
I find space for what I sing, so make room.
And
I had told the organist,
I had told the organist to to to bring it down an octave because Jonathan McReynolds
sings like a soprano woman and I could not I knew that I could not do that.
I asked him to bring it down and I did fine.
And we got on the last note of the song.
How does how does the song end?
Whatever, I don't remember how it ends.
But however that however the song ends, that last note that I sung,
I took it back up to the original octave and then taking it to the original octave
in my voice while the organist was playing in a lower octave.
I wanted I just I wanted to go lay outside in the middle of the highway.
And I've never seen that song again.
And every time it comes on the radio,
I turn it because I am reminded of the embarrassment that I felt.
But if we don't make room for if we don't
prepare and make room for the expectation that we have,
how can God give it to us?
And I think I think that we oftentimes hear that.
And it sounds like a physical thing.
But I think that there are some people I think that there are some people who when
they say God feels far, they don't mean anything physical.
They're not talking about blessings.
They're not talking about anything tangible.
When they say that God feels far, I think they literally mean the presence of God
feels far.
And the emotional and the mental impact
that that can be felt when you don't feel the presence of God can drain you.
There is so when I say prepare and make room, I think that there is a spiritual.
I think that there is a spiritual.
What's the word that I'm looking for?
I think that there is a spiritual process of preparation that can be done.
And what does that look like?
That looks like making time, making space for God in your life.
I think if you feel that God is far,
that God is distant and it's nothing financial, it's nothing tangible.
It's just literally feeling like the presence of God is void in your life.
What are you doing?
What are you doing or what have you done
to make it feel that God is distant in your life?
I don't necessarily believe that people have to go to church every single day
or every single Sunday.
But I think that if you feel that God is voided,
maybe you need to amp up the amount of times you go to church in a week or in a
month, amp up the amount of time that you spend with God.
And what does that look like?
That looks like prayer.
That looks like the music that we listen to.
Looks like the people that we surround
ourselves with and then, of course, studying God's word and understanding more
of who he is. And then the last thing I'll say is to find joy in where you are right
now. Bible says the joy of the Lord is my strength.
It says the joy of the Lord is my strength.
I think that when we take on the joy of the Lord, there's a weakness,
there is a voidedness, there is a sadness, there is almost an emotional
or mental even depressive state that we find ourselves in when we feel
when we feel that God is far, when we feel like we're walking through the fog.
I think that when we are able to find
moments of joy in our life, we are able to first mentally get
ourselves together, to emotionally get ourselves together
so that although we still feel far from God, even those moments sometimes,
we're able to feel far from God, but in a way that doesn't deteriorate
who we are, in a way that does not take away, that does not drain the energy of who we are.
There's nothing like,
there's a lot, I think that there are a lot of people who oftentimes,
instead of going outside, instead of being able to find joy and being able to find
happiness because it is a hard thing to do, oftentimes will go in a room,
close the door, turn the lights off and be under the covers on their phone and just
isolated and alone all the time.
All that does is comfort the negative emotions that you have.
All that does is coddle the feelings, is coddle the void that you have.
Going outside and finding moments of joy,
going outside and finding moments of joy doesn't always solve the problem because
you eventually have to come back home.
But what it does is that it gives you a moment of escape.
And after a while, enough of those droplets of joy, enough of those spaces of joy
come in and they outweigh those negative emotions.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
They come in and they push those negative
feelings, those negative mental thoughts out of the way.
And when we are able to push sadness and depression out of the way and replace it
with joy, then we're taking on the personality of who God is.
And I think that when we take on the
personality of who God is, though God might still seem far,
though the answers might not have been given in those moments,
though God might still seem far, I think along the way, it rejuvenates our
mental state, it rejuvenates our spirit in a way that even though God
does not seem tangible, he doesn't seem close.
I've learned how to enjoy this process of learning who God is and taking on the
characteristics of God.
And then I think that that pushes us to a state for us to be able to go and find God.
And again, he's not far from us, but I think it metaphorically gives us
the tenacity or it gives us the rejuvenation, the rejuvenated energy,
I don't know, to go out and to actually find God.
I think that when we wait and we enjoy
the process and we find ourselves, find God in the process,
I think that when we prepare for whatever it is that we're in expectation for,
prepare just for the presence of God and our life, make space for things,
make space for God.
And then when we
when we find moments of joy to drown out those negative feelings that we have,
I think that all those things help us to understand, help us to get to a place
where the process of feeling that God is far
isn't so hard to bear, isn't so difficult to go through.
But I ultimately do think that God does not move from us.
God does not turn away from us.
I think that there's no matter what we have done,
no matter the things that we've said, no matter the things that we thought
or the things that we think, I do not believe that God moves from us.
I'll say this and then I'll close the episode out.
I know a person who was at a point of time in their life where they felt that God
was far, they felt like they were walking through the fog and that they just could
not like their relationship with God had just burnt out.
They were they were at like a spiritual a spiritual burnout.
And I remember asking this person,
what is it that you think is making you feel this way?
Lately, I've just been doing things
and I've been saying things that I know that God isn't proud of.
And what I've learned, especially in recent years,
what I've learned about God is that there is nothing that I could do to make God hate
me, there is nothing that I could do to make God dislike me.
I don't think that I hold enough power
to make God hate the thing that he created and sent redemption for.
So I think that if you find yourself
in a moment, if you find yourself in a season where you feel like the things
that I've done, the things that I've said, the actions, the choices,
the decisions that I've made, like God, God, God, God wants nothing to do with me.
God doesn't want me.
I feel like God is abandoning me or that God wants to abandon me
for the decisions that I've made. Like none of that is true.
None of that is true.
It does not matter how far we have run away from God.
The moment that we turn around and change our mind, say, actually,
I want this relationship, I want to have this relationship.
I want to have this relationship back.
The moment that you turn around, God is standing right there with open arms.
God has not forgotten about you.
God has a plan for you.
God is proud of how far you've come and he trusts you enough with the rest
of the plan and he trusts you enough with the rest of the plan,
even in the midst of you not understanding what exactly that plan looks like.