1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,500 What is up, everybody? And welcome back to the Young and Love Podcast. 2 00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:07,100 I am Darius Covington, the host of this great podcast. 3 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:10,500 The Young and Love Podcast is a podcast where being young in love 4 00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:14,900 has absolutely nothing zero zelch with your age and love, 5 00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:19,740 but has all to do with your maturity and your experience in love over time. 6 00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:23,240 Here at the Young and Love Podcast, we talk about love in three different forms. 7 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,500 We talk about the love with our faith, the love of God. 8 00:00:25,740 --> 00:00:27,400 We talk about the love with others. 9 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:31,840 And then we talk about the love that we have with ourself. 10 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:36,440 Whoo. In addition to all of that, there are a lot of relationship 11 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:41,740 podcasts out there that oftentimes kind of y'all just be mean to each other. 12 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,500 They're mean. The men are mean to the women. 13 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:45,740 The women are mean to the men. 14 00:00:45,740 --> 00:00:48,140 This is not ever going to be that kind of podcast. 15 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:52,140 Even as we grow on the continued shooting episodes and start having more people 16 00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:55,200 come on the episodes, it will be known and be real clear 17 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:59,560 that this is not that podcast where you're going to be hyping on the other sex, 18 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,800 the other gender. That is not our goal. 19 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,120 That is not the vision. 20 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,320 That is not the plan for this podcast. 21 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:09,720 If you're tuning in, you know that I 22 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,320 I think I'm supposed to be uploading podcasts every Thursday. 23 00:01:12,620 --> 00:01:14,860 And really, I do like one Thursday every other month. 24 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:18,160 And then I just reappear all of a sudden. 25 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:22,460 But I am trying to keep myself on track for the rest of this year, 26 00:01:22,460 --> 00:01:24,060 every Thursday for the rest of this year. 27 00:01:24,060 --> 00:01:25,160 I don't know how many. 28 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,420 So we have, I guess, I think tomorrow is the last Thursday. 29 00:01:27,460 --> 00:01:29,500 Today's Wednesday, the 27th of September. 30 00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,500 So this will be uploaded on the 28th. 31 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:34,020 Right. So we have that Thursday. 32 00:01:34,020 --> 00:01:35,600 We have the four Thursdays. 33 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:38,520 I think let's just estimate the four Thursdays in October, 34 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,960 four Thursdays in November. 35 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:45,960 That puts us at nine episodes and then four for the December. 36 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:48,400 So what is that 13? Right. 37 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,660 What's about 13 more episodes to get out? 38 00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:54,360 So if you've been listening to the podcast, 39 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,700 you know that the last episode talked about if you haven't watched it, 40 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,060 by the way, go back and watch that because it'll kind of catch up 41 00:01:59,060 --> 00:02:00,600 to where we are right now. 42 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,600 The last podcast episode talked about forgiving God. 43 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,660 This episode is talking about forgiving others. 44 00:02:07,020 --> 00:02:10,860 And then next week's episode is about forgiving yourself. 45 00:02:10,860 --> 00:02:13,600 So we're going on this journey of forgiveness in the first episode. 46 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,060 I talked about moments where we might have been hurt or impacted 47 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,120 by things that God allowed to happen in our life. 48 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,960 And I use my grandmother's death as an example of something 49 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:26,760 that happened in my life that I obviously was not ready for, 50 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,960 I was not prepared for and how that affected my relationship with Christ. 51 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:33,360 And then you can always watch the episode and apply it to different ways 52 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:35,620 that things happen in your life. 53 00:02:37,460 --> 00:02:41,320 That might cause you to be kind of, I don't want to use the word 54 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,560 like strained from God, but that might put you put your relationship 55 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,720 back with God in a weird kind of situation. 56 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,160 Your faith is a little shaky now. 57 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,160 You're trusting him is a little shaky now. 58 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,360 You're just trying to figure it all out. 59 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,360 That was the first strand of this forgiveness series. 60 00:02:56,360 --> 00:03:00,120 The second strand of the forgiveness series today is about forgiving other people. 61 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:03,820 I recently made a tick tock post. 62 00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:06,160 If you don't follow me on tick tock. 63 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,660 I don't know what you're doing, but I made a tick tock post 64 00:03:08,660 --> 00:03:12,760 and I talked about forgiving other people being hard sometimes 65 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,960 because we are oftentimes left, especially as we get older. 66 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:21,100 We're left with the responsibility to forgive people who never apologized to us. 67 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:24,100 And and you guys will see in a couple of episodes moving forward, 68 00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:27,000 I did an episode with my mother that will be coming out in a few weeks 69 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,800 and discuss with her some things that have happened in my life 70 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,800 that I had to forgive people for who never apologize. 71 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,800 And sometimes it's because they didn't even know that they had to apologize 72 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:42,200 because we don't always communicate or at least let me take a moment. 73 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:47,200 I don't always I did not always communicate when my feelings were hurt by somebody. 74 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,900 And I didn't always know how to communicate that those things. 75 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,960 And there were different experiences that I faced in life that also shut my mouth 76 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,260 to expressing how I felt or what was going on. 77 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:03,000 And so as I grew older, I started to realize you hold in a grudge against people 78 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:09,260 or a person who you never told that you were upset with. 79 00:04:09,660 --> 00:04:12,040 But the way you act around them, the way you show up around them, 80 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:16,160 the way you speak to them is very. 81 00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:23,800 Clear that you have an awe against them that you need to fix. 82 00:04:24,660 --> 00:04:29,340 So before we hop into the depths of this episode, you all know, I love the Lord. 83 00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:32,060 And if you don't know, I love the Lord. 84 00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:34,860 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 85 00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:37,040 I want to start off with a scripture 86 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:41,140 that talks about forgiveness, one of the most popular scriptures 87 00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:45,440 that we know that we know of in the Bible is a scripture 88 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,960 where Jesus was hanging on the cross and they were casting lots with his clothes. 89 00:04:49,260 --> 00:04:52,700 And this scripture specifically comes from Luke, the twenty second 90 00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:56,240 chapter in the thirty fourth verse, and it says Jesus said. 91 00:04:57,540 --> 00:05:02,000 It says Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing. 92 00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:06,400 And then it says, and then they divided up his clothing by casting lots. 93 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:10,860 The reason why that scripture resonates so much with me 94 00:05:10,860 --> 00:05:14,700 and why I feel like it's important to talk about in this episode 95 00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:19,060 or to dive into in this episode is because what I just said earlier, 96 00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:21,300 sometimes we're we're left to accept apologies. 97 00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:24,460 And I'm pretty sure if you're watching this, you might also be on. 98 00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:27,660 I don't know that I would necessarily call this my journey, 99 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:31,060 but you might be on a journey where you are getting older and realizing 100 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,000 things that have affected you in your past and people who might have hurt 101 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,120 you in your past that you haven't forgiven. 102 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,560 And so in this scripture, Jesus specifically says these people 103 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:44,700 don't know what they're doing, but he's asking God to forgive him. 104 00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:46,600 And in a way, right, Jesus is God. 105 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,520 He's granting, he's gracing these people with forgiveness 106 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,860 because they don't even know what they're doing. 107 00:05:51,860 --> 00:05:54,700 And how many times have we found ourselves in situations, 108 00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:58,520 whether it be relationships where your boyfriend did something 109 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:02,020 or your girlfriend did something that you didn't like and it hurt your feelings 110 00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:05,120 or broke your heart or the way that relationship ended, broke your heart 111 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,760 or they cheated on you or they lied to you or they disrespected you. 112 00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:11,360 Same for experiences that we have. 113 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:12,820 We talk about church hurt very often. 114 00:06:12,820 --> 00:06:15,260 Same for experiences that we have in church. 115 00:06:15,260 --> 00:06:17,760 And oftentimes the safest place that you think to go 116 00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:20,600 sometimes can be the place that hurts you the most. 117 00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:24,960 And then situations that might happen with your family, 118 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,060 where your family member might or your family member 119 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,900 might say something out of the way your mom or your dad 120 00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:33,020 or your sister or your brother or your aunt or uncle might say 121 00:06:33,020 --> 00:06:35,860 or do something out of the way or a friend might say or do something 122 00:06:36,060 --> 00:06:37,500 out of the way to you. 123 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:42,200 And they might not know the lasting impact that it has on you. 124 00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:47,020 Because oftentimes we feel like we are so far removed from that situation 125 00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:50,320 or from when it happened that we don't speak up about certain situations 126 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,100 that happen. And so we're left to having to forgive people 127 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:57,120 who don't even realize that they did anything wrong in the first place. 128 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,820 Where is my water? That's a lot of words. 129 00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,820 Intercession. What? 130 00:07:02,820 --> 00:07:04,820 Intermission. Do. 131 00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:10,960 So, yeah, so that scripture resonates with me in a way that is very 132 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:13,820 that there's a lot of passages that talk about forgiveness 133 00:07:13,820 --> 00:07:15,300 or that talk about grace in the Bible. 134 00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:18,400 But that passage specifically points, shoots out to me, 135 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,900 or that that scripture specifically shoots out to me. 136 00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:23,600 Because could you imagine that you hang out on a cross, 137 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,720 and these people are literally about to murder you and ripping your stuff apart 138 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,820 and casting lots with it? 139 00:07:31,820 --> 00:07:33,420 And you talk about forgive these people. 140 00:07:35,420 --> 00:07:37,120 People have done much less. 141 00:07:37,860 --> 00:07:41,120 People have done much less to me, and I have the hardest time 142 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:43,600 or I've had the hardest time forgiving them. 143 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:48,720 Growing up, I held I held I held very, very tight unnecessary grudges. 144 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,220 And so specifically for myself, though, 145 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:55,820 I was at a church service at my church a while ago, a while ago, 146 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,720 and my pastor, Bishop S. 147 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,720 Way Unger, preached a sermon called. 148 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:01,820 I don't have it written. 149 00:08:01,820 --> 00:08:03,720 I think it was I think it was called used by God. 150 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,520 If I can find it, I'll put it in the description. 151 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,520 I might also say it in the last episode as well. 152 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:13,220 But he preached a very, very heart pricking whatever sermon 153 00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:16,920 talking about being used by God and talked about how the man 154 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,720 there was a man in the Bible at the gate called the man of the Bible. 155 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:21,820 There was a man in the Bible at the gate called Beautiful. 156 00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:23,220 He was lame. He couldn't walk. 157 00:08:23,220 --> 00:08:24,520 He couldn't move. He was paralyzed. 158 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,520 So the disciples turned to Jesus and they asked him. 159 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,520 He said, Why is this man? 160 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,420 Why was this man born paralyzed? 161 00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:32,020 Why was it? Why was he born lame? 162 00:08:32,020 --> 00:08:37,220 And Jesus looks at the disciples and he says to them or excuse me, 163 00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:40,320 they they say to Jesus, you know, is this man, was he? 164 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,020 What was it something that he did? 165 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:45,320 Was it something his parents did to have caused him to be in the situation 166 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:49,220 that he's in? And Jesus is like, Oh, no, this this happened 167 00:08:49,220 --> 00:08:51,320 to this man so that God might be glorified. 168 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:54,620 It's not because of anything he did, not because of anything his parents did. 169 00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:57,820 But this is all those also that God can get the glory. 170 00:08:58,220 --> 00:09:00,720 And my pastor broke that passage down 171 00:09:01,420 --> 00:09:05,020 and talked about how sometimes we experience different trials or tribulations 172 00:09:05,020 --> 00:09:08,520 in our life. And we try we are always trying to. 173 00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:12,020 I am always trying to place a blame 174 00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:16,320 or responsibility is a better word, because it's not necessarily like what you did. 175 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,620 Blah, blah, blah. But place a responsibility on why is this situation? 176 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,920 Why is this situation like this? 177 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:26,420 And oftentimes we try to place responsibility on these things 178 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:30,020 where in this passage, we learn that some things just happen 179 00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:32,620 because that's the way that God intended for it to happen 180 00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:35,620 so that God might get the glory out of our life. 181 00:09:35,620 --> 00:09:38,120 And so as I was standing up while he was preaching that message 182 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:41,120 and going through that and just started to think about a situation 183 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,720 or the Lord pressed it on my heart, a situation that like 184 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:49,220 I had been holding a grudge against a person for literally 18 years 185 00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:53,020 or 18 years. I was holding a grudge against this person 186 00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:56,520 that they didn't know about because I did not communicate. 187 00:09:59,620 --> 00:10:03,620 But also that they were not actually responsible for 188 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:08,720 and when I went when when the Lord took me on that that journey, that experience 189 00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:12,720 and started ministering to me and saying this is not that person's fault. 190 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,420 It's not even your fault that these things happen. 191 00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:20,520 But your responsibility, whether it was their fault or not, 192 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,620 your responsibility is to forgive. 193 00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:25,420 And one of the things the pastor says all the time 194 00:10:25,420 --> 00:10:27,720 is that forgiveness is not for other people. 195 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,820 Forgiveness is for you. 196 00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:33,620 Think about how many times, right? 197 00:10:33,620 --> 00:10:35,820 I think a lot of the girls might be doing this thing 198 00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:39,920 where you get into arguments and you think about things 199 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,420 that you could have said, but like by the time you come up 200 00:10:42,420 --> 00:10:45,720 with these grandiose ideas of comebacks, you could have given 201 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:47,020 or which I'll be calling it like reads. 202 00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:50,720 You could have been given you're in the shower thinking about these things. 203 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,420 You're going over the argument in the shower. 204 00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:54,920 You're laying down in bed going over the argument in the bed. 205 00:10:55,220 --> 00:11:00,820 Here you are. So consumed with this situation that happened. 206 00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:02,120 You can't even take a shower in peace. 207 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:05,320 You can't even go to sleep in peace. Same is likewise 208 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:08,420 to different situations that we face. 209 00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:11,120 Where we are on where we where we are holding grudges 210 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:14,020 against people who we have not forgiven that we show up 211 00:11:14,020 --> 00:11:17,820 in different capacities in our life that we cannot fully. 212 00:11:17,820 --> 00:11:19,220 I'll never forget. 213 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,620 I was at the altar the Sunday before that and one of the ministers 214 00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:24,720 came up to me and she was saying she said the Lord wants to enlarge 215 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:25,320 your territory. 216 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,620 He wants to, you know, increase your increase your boundaries 217 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:28,720 or your borders, whatever. 218 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:33,820 And she said that and I was like, hmm, okay, you know, 219 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:39,120 just not really what I need to hear because I mean to me 220 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,620 when you say increase your territory, it sounds like, you know, 221 00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:42,620 God is going to give you more money. 222 00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:44,220 He's going to give you more access or whatever. 223 00:11:45,020 --> 00:11:48,320 And literally I went from praying with her and I just went 224 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,320 to the altar was praying by myself and the Lord just started 225 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:56,020 to speak to me and say in order for you to move forward to 226 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,920 enlarge to be in an enlarged territory. 227 00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:04,420 You are going to have to let go of grudges that you had against 228 00:12:04,420 --> 00:12:06,920 other people and against yourself. 229 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,020 We'll talk about that yourself peace next week because I think 230 00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,920 that is probably the most important part and probably the 231 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:12,920 first step in all this. 232 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:18,620 But once I realized that like the grudges that I hold against 233 00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:21,620 people who have not a pot now, it's one thing to hold people 234 00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:23,420 responsible for their actions. 235 00:12:23,420 --> 00:12:26,320 It's another thing to hold a grudge against somebody for something 236 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,120 that they did that they didn't know they did or something that 237 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:32,120 they did and they know they did and they didn't apologize or 238 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:33,620 something that they did. 239 00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:34,720 They know they did it. 240 00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,020 They didn't apologize. 241 00:12:36,020 --> 00:12:39,820 Then it becomes my responsibility to move on from that situation 242 00:12:39,820 --> 00:12:43,220 because when I don't my interactions around that person are 243 00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:47,620 like we can be two separate people two separate groups at 244 00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:51,320 the same restaurant at the same church and how I act how I 245 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:55,220 respond, you know with that person in my vicinity. 246 00:12:55,820 --> 00:12:57,720 It shifts my actions that shift my thoughts. 247 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,920 It shifts my motive shifts my emotions and I think that when 248 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:04,820 we don't let go of forgiveness or when we don't let go of grudges 249 00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:08,920 and when we don't forgive other people then it affects how we 250 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,620 show up specifically for myself. 251 00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:18,020 I didn't realize how I was showing up towards this person in 252 00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:23,520 an unforgiving way until I realized that like I had like I 253 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:28,320 didn't like sorry like sorry to you because I am holding a 254 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:31,220 grudge against you and you don't even know and oftentimes what 255 00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:35,920 I find to be true is that a lot of times people who hurt us 256 00:13:36,220 --> 00:13:42,320 have been hurt a lot of times in the same ways that they have 257 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,120 hurt us because it is a response. 258 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,720 It's a trauma response. 259 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,520 It's a it's a it's a I feel like it sounds so tricky to be 260 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,720 like it's a generational blah, but when I think when it does 261 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,520 happen in family, I don't have my mother has never been like 262 00:13:57,020 --> 00:13:59,220 Kick me out the house, but I think that sometimes we hear 263 00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:01,620 stories about you know, your grandmother kicked your mother 264 00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:03,420 at the house and your mother kicked you out the house and 265 00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:05,720 then you grow up and you end up kicking your kid out the house. 266 00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:09,320 Sometimes I think those generational things like continue 267 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:12,220 to carry on but it's because like that's what your parent 268 00:14:12,220 --> 00:14:15,020 that's what your mother knew and when you don't learn any 269 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:18,820 different you continue to do the same thing over and over 270 00:14:18,820 --> 00:14:21,920 and over again when you don't break that that that that 271 00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:26,220 bondage of forgiveness you continue to pass on the traumatic 272 00:14:26,220 --> 00:14:32,020 experiences that you faced to the generations that are to 273 00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:36,220 come. So again forgiving other people isn't for it. 274 00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:40,120 It's not I think for them like I'm forgiving you but I'm 275 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:43,620 forgiving you for me even if you tell me sorry and I and 276 00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:48,320 I genuinely accept your apology cool, but like this is for 277 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:51,620 me and I think that some people might might have experience 278 00:14:51,620 --> 00:14:55,220 or a lot of people due to the comments in the DM's that I 279 00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:59,620 get from you. A lot of people have experienced traumatic 280 00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:03,020 experiences in relationships and I say traumatic but that 281 00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:05,920 traumatic is such a subjective word because cheating for 282 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:09,220 one person can be traumatic and being lied to, you know by 283 00:15:09,220 --> 00:15:12,620 another person could also be traumatic but a lot of people 284 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:18,220 have experienced situations in relationships where they find 285 00:15:18,220 --> 00:15:21,220 it hard and I I I never been hit on. 286 00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:25,520 However, I would feel some kind of way if I was cheated on and 287 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:28,820 I probably wouldn't be able to film this episode if I found 288 00:15:28,820 --> 00:15:33,920 out that I was cheated on but I do think that even in that 289 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,220 that we have and I don't think it's a Christian thing. 290 00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:37,720 I don't think it's a Jesus thing. 291 00:15:37,820 --> 00:15:42,720 I think it is a I want to live my life free from you kind 292 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:46,120 of thing and I want to be able to walk in that in large 293 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,720 territory and walk in those increased borders. 294 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,520 I think in order to do that, we really have to have forgiveness 295 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:53,920 and have grace for other people. 296 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,520 Again, I do believe in holding people accountable. 297 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,020 I believe in holding people responsible. 298 00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:00,320 I believe in being held responsible and being held accountable 299 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,920 for my actions and things that I might have said or did to 300 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:07,620 you that might have hurt your feelings, but I also think that 301 00:16:07,620 --> 00:16:12,420 we have to learn to apply grace to people because the reality 302 00:16:12,420 --> 00:16:13,720 and I just figured this out. 303 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,120 This has been a this has been an interesting week interesting 304 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:16,620 two weeks. 305 00:16:16,620 --> 00:16:22,220 I just I think I just figured out that like we all trying to 306 00:16:22,220 --> 00:16:23,020 figure this thing out. 307 00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:27,820 We are all trying to figure this thing called life out. 308 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,120 We're all like none of us have ever been here. 309 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,720 One of the elders at my church elder Brittany, we filmed a 310 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,220 video for her and she one of the things she said stick out 311 00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:35,420 to me. 312 00:16:35,420 --> 00:16:38,320 She said like none of us have ever been here before so we're 313 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:42,320 all navigating our own emotions and sometimes in that navigation 314 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,520 of our own emotions. 315 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:47,920 We hurt people without even knowing we hurt people and sometimes 316 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,020 let me sometimes I have said things that I knew were going 317 00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:54,620 to hurt somebody and it's I'm not saying this as an excuse, 318 00:16:54,620 --> 00:17:00,120 but like I never been here before like I like at 21. 319 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,620 I probably said something that hurts somebody or at 25. 320 00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:03,020 I look at that. 321 00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:06,420 I'm like dang Darrys like you could have you could have said 322 00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:08,320 that a little bit like you could have said what you meant, 323 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,920 but you could have said it a little bit differently. 324 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:13,020 You could have timed it right or you could have just kept 325 00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:16,320 your mouth shut altogether in general, but even giving grace 326 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,320 for myself to me like all right, like, okay. 327 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:19,920 I'm learning. 328 00:17:20,420 --> 00:17:21,620 I've never been here before. 329 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,520 I've never experienced this before. 330 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,120 So giving myself grace in that area, but also holding myself 331 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,920 accountable to say if you do it again. 332 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,120 Yeah, you been this your first time on this earth, but it's 333 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,020 your second time doing it saying the same thing or doing 334 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:38,720 the same thing at some point you have to learn to to do better 335 00:17:38,820 --> 00:17:39,620 to do better. 336 00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:44,220 Then in our forgiveness of or in our forgiving other people. 337 00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:48,820 It is it's one thing to say I forgive you. 338 00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:55,920 It's another thing for your actions to say I forgive you. 339 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:58,720 I think sometimes we can apologize. 340 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:02,520 We can accept apologies or we can say I've forgiven this 341 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,420 person and we really haven't forgiven them. 342 00:18:05,820 --> 00:18:08,320 I think there's a difference between forgiving somebody and 343 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,520 moving on from something right. 344 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,520 We people talk about forgiving and forgetting or forgiving 345 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:13,220 and forgetting. 346 00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:18,420 I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't my name ain't Jesus. 347 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:19,120 I don't know. 348 00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,920 I don't have a see a forgetfulness to throw you'll you'll 349 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:26,020 stuff in so I'm going to remember and oftentimes right. 350 00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:26,820 I'm a work in progress. 351 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:27,420 I've only been here. 352 00:18:27,420 --> 00:18:27,820 This is my phrase. 353 00:18:27,820 --> 00:18:28,120 I'm here. 354 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:31,020 Oftentimes I find myself. 355 00:18:32,220 --> 00:18:33,220 Or I have found my thing. 356 00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:33,820 I'm doing a lot better. 357 00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:40,420 I have found myself reacting to people based off of my experiences with them. 358 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,120 And so there are some people who have done things to me who 359 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:48,920 have apologized right and I've forgiven them. 360 00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:51,220 I guess I haven't really forgiven them. 361 00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:54,520 I just moved on from the situation like I moved around the situation 362 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,120 not really focusing on it anymore. 363 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:59,320 But in reality what I did was I moved around the situation. 364 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:00,320 I never buried that thing. 365 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:01,120 I never threw it away. 366 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:02,020 I never settled it. 367 00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:03,020 I never dealt with it. 368 00:19:03,020 --> 00:19:04,120 I just moved around it. 369 00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:08,420 And so every time I come around you I'm reminded of that situation. 370 00:19:08,620 --> 00:19:13,320 And so naturally my body reacts to you right. 371 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:17,120 So naturally my body reacts to that experience with you my mind my 372 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:21,320 mental it reacts to that experience with you my emotions even react 373 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,020 to that experience that I had with you. 374 00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:32,420 And so I've learned or I am on this journey of learning that forgiveness. 375 00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:35,120 Oh, sorry. 376 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:42,320 And so I'm learning or I'm on the path of learning. 377 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:45,320 I think I'm doing a really good job being more aware of the fact that 378 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:50,720 like forgiveness looks like something and if you forgive somebody then 379 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:55,420 now granted let me say be wise right be wise. 380 00:19:55,420 --> 00:20:01,920 We ain't trying to forgive people just to get you know hurt again. 381 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:05,620 And I think that there are certain situations that we face where we 382 00:20:05,620 --> 00:20:08,120 can forgive somebody and our actions look different. 383 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,920 That doesn't mean that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to be 384 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:12,120 around you at all. 385 00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:15,520 Don't mean I'm being around you 24-7 don't mean that you have access 386 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,820 to talk to me doesn't mean you have access to my to my space anymore 387 00:20:18,820 --> 00:20:20,020 just because I've forgiven you. 388 00:20:20,020 --> 00:20:24,420 But the look of forgiveness you got to wait sir, but the look of 389 00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:27,420 forgiveness might look like if I pass you on the street. 390 00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:33,920 I'm not I'm not terribly reminded about that situation or if it's 391 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:34,620 a smaller situation. 392 00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:37,320 It might be like, you know, you stole $5 from me once in your life, 393 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:41,120 but you know, if you ever need $5 again, I'll be here to give it 394 00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:41,520 for you. 395 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,020 But being wise being wise. 396 00:20:44,020 --> 00:20:45,520 I think forgiveness. 397 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:49,120 I think forgiveness has to come with wisdom. 398 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:56,620 I definitely think that we are to forgive if Jesus was on a cross 399 00:20:56,620 --> 00:20:58,520 and they were killing him and he was forgiving them. 400 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,220 I think that we are to forgive people as well. 401 00:21:01,220 --> 00:21:07,720 However, that word just keeps coming up be wise and your forgiveness 402 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:11,720 and knowing that you don't want to put yourself in a bad situation 403 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:16,420 where you are negatively affected by somebody who you knew had it 404 00:21:16,420 --> 00:21:22,220 in them to do this thing again being wise, but also genuine 405 00:21:22,220 --> 00:21:26,420 forgiveness looks like I completely like I'm not just over the 406 00:21:26,420 --> 00:21:29,420 situation, but I completely forgive you for the actions that 407 00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:31,820 you did for the things that you said for the experiences that 408 00:21:31,820 --> 00:21:33,920 we had together that might have hurt my feelings. 409 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:38,920 So the reality is so the reality is and I stated this a few 410 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:43,420 minutes ago in the middle of this episode is that as much as 411 00:21:43,420 --> 00:21:49,920 we are trying and attempting to forgive other people. 412 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:54,520 I think that forgiveness is done. 413 00:21:54,520 --> 00:22:04,620 Well, When we learn how to forgive ourself first, I think oftentimes 414 00:22:04,620 --> 00:22:06,420 we hold grudges against ourself. 415 00:22:06,420 --> 00:22:12,320 There I say we are upset of decisions that we made or things 416 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,720 that we allowed to happen when the things that we did not do. 417 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:21,020 I think the most important person to show grace to my might 418 00:22:21,020 --> 00:22:23,120 be the one that you have to wake up to every morning and go 419 00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:26,420 to sleep with every morning and even when your spouse isn't 420 00:22:26,420 --> 00:22:27,720 around you're still with that person. 421 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,120 That person is yourself. 422 00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:37,920 So I think that I'm only as I say this very often when I talk 423 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:38,620 about relationships. 424 00:22:38,620 --> 00:22:41,420 I'm only as good to you as I am to myself. 425 00:22:41,420 --> 00:22:45,820 If I don't even take care of myself, I'm probably not going to 426 00:22:45,820 --> 00:22:46,620 be a good boyfriend to you. 427 00:22:46,620 --> 00:22:48,520 Yeah, I'm probably not going to be a good husband to you. 428 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:52,920 If I'm not aware of my own mental state, if I'm not actively 429 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:54,920 like thinking about Darius, how are you doing mentally? 430 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:55,820 How you doing emotionally? 431 00:22:55,820 --> 00:22:58,220 I get married. 432 00:22:58,220 --> 00:22:59,920 I'm probably not going to be asking about your mental. 433 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:04,120 Your emotional state because I even worried about mine. 434 00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:07,620 It's I think for the challenge for us is and again, that's 435 00:23:07,620 --> 00:23:10,020 the next episode in the last part of the series. 436 00:23:10,020 --> 00:23:16,920 The challenge for us is to forgive ourselves of experiences 437 00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:22,220 that have happened that we either blamed ourselves for and 438 00:23:22,220 --> 00:23:24,020 we really weren't even responsible for them. 439 00:23:24,020 --> 00:23:28,220 We just again needed to find somebody to be responsible and 440 00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:30,620 just made sense that we were responsible for those things 441 00:23:30,620 --> 00:23:36,520 but also to for the situations that I was responsible for 442 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:36,720 that. 443 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,620 Like I did allow that to happen. 444 00:23:38,620 --> 00:23:40,720 I allowed that to go on for too long. 445 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:48,920 I didn't speak up when I had the chance and sitting in sitting 446 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:57,420 in that experience sitting in now that experience then and 447 00:23:57,420 --> 00:24:01,920 understanding that like I hope I wish this would come out 448 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,620 of my mouth the way that I am like formulating it in my 449 00:24:04,620 --> 00:24:08,920 brain but sitting today in an experience that happened in 450 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:12,420 the past that you blame yourself for in realizing like that 451 00:24:12,420 --> 00:24:15,120 person then is this person today. 452 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:18,820 So in order to move past that situation you have to forgive 453 00:24:18,820 --> 00:24:20,920 yourself today. 454 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:28,220 Because I can never I can we can talk about forgiving other 455 00:24:28,220 --> 00:24:28,520 people. 456 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,820 We can talk about letting going of letting go of grudges. 457 00:24:30,820 --> 00:24:33,720 We can talk about forgiveness being a look but if I never 458 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:38,920 forgive the person who was the closest to me being myself. 459 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:48,820 Then I'll never truly be able to forgive other people and 460 00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:51,520 when God took me on this journey of forgiveness man like 461 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:56,820 it was literally like a back-to-back thing in the church. 462 00:24:56,820 --> 00:25:00,320 It was like one week the next week the next week and in that 463 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:03,520 first week God like dealt with me with situations that 464 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,020 happened in my life that I blame but that in reality those 465 00:25:06,020 --> 00:25:08,620 situations like I had they were my fault. 466 00:25:08,620 --> 00:25:11,720 I had nothing to do with them and when God dealt with me on 467 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:15,520 that he then took me to the next week and he was like so now 468 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:16,520 that you're good on yourself. 469 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,920 I need you to be good on these other people too. 470 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:27,320 Yeah, so this forgiveness series is almost is almost up. 471 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,720 It is it's not triggering. 472 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,720 It's just reminding me of that that forgiveness journey that 473 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,820 God took me on first in order to give this out. 474 00:25:34,820 --> 00:25:39,320 So again that first episode if you haven't watched it, please 475 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,620 go back and watch it is about forgiving God. 476 00:25:41,620 --> 00:25:46,420 I think forgiving God is just as important like we I 477 00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:47,220 we cannot forget. 478 00:25:47,220 --> 00:25:49,520 I don't think we can forgive and give truly give grace to 479 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,020 people without God. 480 00:25:51,020 --> 00:25:54,320 So giving forgiving God first and then this episode. 481 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:54,920 Thanks for watching. 482 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:58,320 If you're here this forgiving other people forgiving them is 483 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:03,220 what it's called and then the last episode is forgiving yourself. 484 00:26:06,820 --> 00:26:09,720 Wow, thank you guys for watching this episode. 485 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:13,320 Again, we are trying to hit every single Thursday but 486 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:18,320 the rest of this year because that will end season one of 487 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:22,620 this podcast and I'm going to take some kind of if I do it 488 00:26:22,620 --> 00:26:23,220 back to back. 489 00:26:23,220 --> 00:26:26,420 I'm going to reward myself to some kind of hiatus and that 490 00:26:26,420 --> 00:26:29,220 could literally just be me going to the park, you know, 491 00:26:29,220 --> 00:26:31,920 instead of filming the podcast episode and so season two is 492 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:36,920 going to require a lot of a lot of logistics that season 493 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,820 one does not require because season one I just I just set 494 00:26:40,820 --> 00:26:45,120 down with a camera and a computer and a microphone and 495 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:48,320 a light and I got to do this and so season two season two 496 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:49,420 is going to be a little bit different. 497 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,320 But if the podcast picks up if it does well and I feel like 498 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,120 oh we get a little less you for another season then we'll 499 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:57,620 do another season until then. 500 00:26:58,120 --> 00:26:59,720 Thank you guys for watching this episode. 501 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,420 Thank you for watching the podcast in general. 502 00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:03,820 If you're watching on YouTube, thanks for watching on YouTube. 503 00:27:03,820 --> 00:27:06,420 I try to keep the visual going that makes that is what makes 504 00:27:06,420 --> 00:27:12,220 a podcast the most stressful part of podcasting but I try 505 00:27:12,220 --> 00:27:14,320 to keep the visual going because I am a visual podcast 506 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,820 watch a watcher if you have a podcast and you don't have 507 00:27:16,820 --> 00:27:18,120 a YouTube channel for your podcast. 508 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:19,420 I probably don't watch your podcast. 509 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,020 But thank you all for watching. 510 00:27:22,020 --> 00:27:23,820 If you're watching on YouTube, if you're watching on Apple 511 00:27:23,820 --> 00:27:26,320 and Spotify, let me just say this real quick. 512 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:30,420 I checked them them them Apple them Apple numbers and I 513 00:27:30,420 --> 00:27:32,120 checked them Spotify numbers the other day. 514 00:27:32,120 --> 00:27:35,420 I don't know who your people are. 515 00:27:36,620 --> 00:27:39,720 But y'all y'all y'all y'all supporting your boy y'all 516 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:44,320 support your boy and y'all y'all y'all and in the continent 517 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:47,420 of Africa and I don't remember what the countries are. 518 00:27:47,420 --> 00:27:49,120 I just know that they're in Africa. 519 00:27:49,620 --> 00:27:52,220 Y'all are y'all like big time y'all big time support. 520 00:27:52,220 --> 00:27:53,620 Now y'all know me in Africa. 521 00:27:54,420 --> 00:27:55,920 The people know me in Africa. 522 00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:56,420 That's great. 523 00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:00,920 Anyway, anyway, thank you all for watching the podcast. 524 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,920 If you enjoyed it, go ahead and leave a thumbs up interact 525 00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,520 leave a comment down below until next time we are shipping 526 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:06,720 over. 527 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:08,920 I'm probably literally about to air drop this video to my 528 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:13,020 laptop and shoot right over to filming the forgive yourself 529 00:28:13,020 --> 00:28:14,320 episode right now. 530 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:33,320 Peace out.