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Oh, this is the right side. I've been wearing this wrong the entire time. Hello there.

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What is up? I hope you can't see my. What is up everybody and welcome back to the young

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and love podcast. My name is Darius coming to and I am the host of this amazing I think

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it's an amazing podcast on the young love podcast. We talk about all things love. We

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don't do the we don't do the toxic competition, you know, guys are better than women. We

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don't do that kind of those kind of conversations. The young and love podcast is a podcast. Again,

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when we talk about love and we don't and being young in love has nothing to do with your

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age and love, but it has all to do with your maturity and your growth over time. We talk

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about three sectors of love. That is the love with God, the love with your faith. That's

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so that's one the love with God and the love with your faith. And then we do the love that

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you have for others and then the love that you have for yourself. So God others and then

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yourself. I am excited about today's episode. I feel like I always say I'm excited about

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the episode they're about to film, but I am excited and nervous about filming this episode.

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I do have another new camera setup. It is the same camera that I always always use my

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phone. Same camera, different setup. I would usually not be showing all of, you know, this

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over here and all of this over here. But I figured I wanted to today. So now you can

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see how, you know, how much crap I have on this couch. And you can see this plant that's

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just sitting in front of the, of the camera. You can see this light here that it's on,

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but you, you know, so yeah, we're here. We're here today's episode is, first of all, if

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you're watching this on YouTube, you get an extra, extra special. Thank you. I love it

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when you all watch on YouTube. I love to see the numbers on YouTube grow. I'm trying to

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grow the YouTube channel. I'm going to say I try. I'm trying to passively grow. I'm not

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really promoting on any other. I'm not promoting on Tik Tok or Instagram. So thank you. If

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you found it, if you found this here, thank you for finding us here. Today's episode is

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a hard, I should have brought some tissue over here because I might shed a tear or two

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out. Probably not. I'm a, I might be fine. But today's episode, as you saw by the thumbnail

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by the title, there we go already. It's about forgiving God. I posted this video on Tik

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Tok the other day that went viral and I just talked about the experience of how it feels

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to sometimes be disappointed by God. And I did get a few comments and people were like,

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you, God doesn't disappoint us. I don't think that God does anything wrong. Right. I think

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that we are oftentimes disappointed because we have expectations of what we expect God

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to do. And when he does not do that by natural feeling of what happens to human beings, we

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get disappointed. There were more people who agreed with me than there were people. There

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weren't really a lot of, I might have only saw one or two comments of people saying that

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they don't, they haven't experienced that. And that's fine. It's your experience. But

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I know what it is. I know what it feels like to have expectations, reasonable expectations

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of God. I'm not talking about God give me a million dollars or God let me win this lottery

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and then you lose and you're disappointed. I know what it is to, we bear full honesty

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over in this podcast. I know what it is to pray for God to keep somebody alive. And

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that just not be the plan that God has, you know, and so something as extreme as that

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stay in something as extreme as that. When that happens in my experience for a moment

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in time, you're hit with disappointment because you expected God to be faithful in that area.

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And by definite, he was not faithful in what you expected him to do in that moment. And

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so today's episode again is about forgiving God in moments where you have expectations

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for God to do one thing and he doesn't do it. And I mean, there are times where you

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are, we are faithful to God. And we were doing what we, you know, what we're supposed to

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do, we're living the life that the Lord has called us to live. And we have a prayer or

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request. And he just does not come through in the way that we expected him to come through.

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So as we go over the next few episodes of this podcast, we're going to do, I'm going

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to call this the forgiveness series where we're going to talk about forgiving God, forgiving

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others. So forgiving God for experiences that we have had with God, it have kind of put

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us in a weird place where we are challenged in moments of being disappointed by God. And

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then moving on to write. So God, then yourself, moving on to forgiving other people who might

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have hurt you. And sometimes those other people are people who are very, very close to us,

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parents, siblings, people that we were in relationships with who have done things to

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us that we might, you know, that might have disappointed us. And just talking about the

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need to forgiving them. And then forgiving ourselves for experiences that we've had that

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are either rooted in choices that we made that put us in the situations that we're in,

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or what I find to be most common are situations that we experienced in our life that we did

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not put ourselves in. We were just put into by the circumstances of life. And because we

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did not react the way that we probably thought we should have reacted. We have held kind of

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a personal grudge to ourselves of wishing that I would have responded this way or wishing

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that I would have spoke up and said this thing. And because I didn't, you know, now

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you live with this, this grudge of unforgiveness in your heart against yourself. I was reading

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the Bible and I heard one of my friends Elaine Janelle McGyver who has a podcast called renewed

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talk or had a podcast. I'm gonna say she has it has a podcast called renewed talk. And

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she preached the sermon once and she talked about the story of Elijah and how Elijah had

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ran and hid under the Juniper tree. And I think this comes from Kings, let's see, I want

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to say Kings 18. I see Elijah Kings night first Kings 19 and that's verse four says,

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but he went himself a day journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a Juniper

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tree and he requested for himself that he might die. So Elijah was in this weird, you

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can read the story, this is not a Bible study, but Elijah was in this weird place where he

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had just, you know, a chapter previous to this chapter. So chapter 18, he was obedient

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to an assignment that was given to him by God. And then it has a result of that assignment,

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some things that happened in between, you know, chapter 19 and or at the beginning of

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I think it was the beginning of chapter 19 or the end of chapter 18. But something had

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happened, somebody had sent a message to him. He got scared and he ran away as the Bible

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tells us he won a day's journey into the wilderness. And he went under this Juniper tree and wished

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that he not wanted to commit suicide, but wish that he would just rather that he would die.

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And I thought about kind of the significance or the relation of that story to experiences

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that we might have in life where we might not always wish that we would physically die.

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But I think that oftentimes we experienced these Juniper tree moments where we get disappointed

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in God and we run and we hide in a place that is oftentimes isolated, that's lonely. And

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we spiritually sometimes mentally sometimes emotionally die or decay because of experiences

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that we've had where God has just not come through in the way that we expected God to

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come through for us. I remember I'll tell this story and I will tell this story and

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not cry is the goal. I'm not a cryer at all. But whatever this specific story gets involved,

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I'm looking around for tissue, whatever this specific story gets involved, it affects it

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affects me. And 2000 and something, maybe it was 2021. It was such a blur for me, if

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I'm honest, 2021. Last year was 2223 was Oh yeah. So then it was 2021. April. Yeah. No.

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I don't man. I don't I'm bad at dates. I think it was 2021. My grandmother was doing

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fine one day. And then the next day she wasn't. I remember my mother calling me and telling

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me that my grandmother was in the hospital. And at the at that time at the so the first

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phone call that I got, she was telling me that the doctors were not giving us any, anything

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positive they you know, and you know, basically telling us to come and get some time in while

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you can because it might not last. She might not last that much longer. I remember one

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day getting in my car and driving down to the hospital and I went in there and to see

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to see somebody who I'd never seen my grandmother hooked up to as many I'd never seen anybody

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if I'm honest hooked up to as many wires and cords as she was hooked up to in that moment

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when I saw her. And I remember walking into that hospital room and just crying. And she

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couldn't they told us that she could not hear us. I don't know if she was in a coma or again,

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it was such a blur or it's such a blur now. But I remember them telling us that she could

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not she could not communicate with us. She couldn't speak to us, but we she could hear

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us if we spoke to her. And so we're being in the hospital room with her and just crying,

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crying. And you know, towards the end of the visit with her did a prayer with her. And

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then I left and I remember just driving home and just praying, you know, like God, like

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be faithful. You know, she was an old she wasn't old at all. She was maybe 60 something,

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I think definitely not 70 60 something. And in my experience with with my grandmother,

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and I don't want to make this an episode about my grandmother. So I promise I'm gonna

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it's gonna come full circle. In my experience with my grandmother, she was funny. That lady

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loved me and she made it known that she loved me. And I knew that she would do anything

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that she could do if I needed it to be done. And so experiencing experiencing that with

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a person, I naturally was like, I can't wait till I get married because I want my life to

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experience my grandmother because I experienced her in such a good way. And then saying I

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can't wait till I have children because I cannot wait for my children to see how fun

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I would think that all the time I can't wait for them to see how funny this lady like everything

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she said was funny. And I couldn't wait to have I could wait to have kids because I

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ain't in a rush. But I couldn't wait for my children to be able to experience what I

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experienced in my grandmother. And I remember they called us and they were like, she's

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doing better. Oh, look at look at the Lord. And she eventually made it out of I think

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she was in the ICU unit. I don't I don't I don't really know much about medical terms.

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But I think she was in the ICU unit and she eventually made it out of the hospital into

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rehab. And rehab, you know, there was one day where they said she got up and walked. There

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was one day where they said she got up and you know, she was opening her eyes and being

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alert and attentive. And so obviously I felt like the prayers of the righteous man are

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availing much. And then fast forward a few weeks. I will never forget. I will never forget

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this Sunday morning we were still my church was still doing church virtually. And I would

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wake up I will I served on our tech team at the time at the time that I was, you know,

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literally attending that church. I served on the tech team. So every morning we wake

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up, you know, so one of us would log in, let the people in, you know, from the waiting

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room, let the men share our screen, share music until the service started. I remember

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at church started at 11. And so it was virtual. I wake up at 1055 brush your teeth, wash your

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face, throw a shirt on, keep your pajamas on and show, you know, from the chest up.

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I remember waking up that day to a phone call at six o'clock in the morning or around six.

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I want to say it was around four or five or six o'clock in the morning from my mother.

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And I woke up and I just like, you know, silence the phone. And I, I remember going

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back to sleep, but in the process, it took me like two seconds to fall back to sleep.

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In the process of going back to sleep, I remember thinking to myself, like this is not a good

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phone call because my mother doesn't call me. Nobody calls me at that time of the day.

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So I remember waking up again to another phone call. I think she called me the next time

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around nine or 10. And I could tell by her voice as something was up. And she called

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me and she said, you know, grandma just had a stroke or a seizure or something. She said

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the doctors are saying that she only has a couple hours left to it. And the devastation,

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the devastation that went through my body because I felt that I was praying to a God

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who could do all things was praying to a God who could solve all problems. I was praying

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to a God who could heal all conditions and to match the expectation to that phone call

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did not make sense at all. But I remember going to the hospital and we were in the waiting

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room. They put us in this, you know, this room where we were all to the family was all

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together by ourselves in this room. And I remember my mother went out to my grandmother.

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They had transported her to the hospital from the rehab center. And they had said to, you

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know, they said two people can come see her right now. So my aunt and my uncle went to

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go see her. And then they came back and they told my mom that she can go see her. And I

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remember, I remember, I remember being in the room and my mother walking out of the room

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and asking her brother, which is my uncle, why, why something? I think she was saying,

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why do I have to go or something like that? And then up two seconds, three seconds later,

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I just heard screaming. I just heard screaming and crying. And you know how like you like

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you experience something like that. And you know that it's not good, but you don't want

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to be confronted with that moment of what's, you know, what of reality. So my grandmother's

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husband, who was not my grandfather, she had married him. But that's not my mother's. That

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was not my mother's father. But she had, he had, he had left the room as well. And he

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walked back into the room and he hugged me. Nothing is funny. I'm just laughing to keep

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these tears. But he hugged me and he was like, I'm sorry. And I was like, sorry, what? And

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it was like, I knew, I knew what was going on, but I did not want to accept what was

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going on without being told what was going on. And so he hugged me and he said, I'm sorry.

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And I was like, why? And he was like, grandma didn't make it. And I remember we all went

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into the room and went from a rule of like only two of y'all can be in here to all five

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of us, all six of us being in the room. And I remember seeing her lifeless. And I just

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kneeled at the side of her bed and I just cried. And I was so disappointed with God because

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to get a phone call that what you expected God to do didn't happen is one thing, right?

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To be standing next to you, to be standing in front of, to be standing in the same room

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of a prayer that was not answered. It's a little bit different. It's a little bit different.

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And I remember just being in that room and crying and being so disappointed. I mean,

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like overwhelmed with disappointment that God did not show up the way that I expected

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God to show up. That didn't mean that God was a failure. It didn't mean that God was

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not able to answer that prayer. I was just disappointed because I had an expectation

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of God to be faithful. And in that moment, he did. And there are other moments in life,

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right? Where I've experienced things where I've had prayers very similar to this. People

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didn't die, but very similar to having an expectation of God to come through and God

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just not coming through in the way that you expected God or that that I expected God to

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come through.

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And so on all of those moments, there is a level of disappointment because I love it.

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This is not a brag and this is not a, I'm not trying to sound boastful at all or concede

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at all. But knowing how I serve God and how I serve the church, there is automatically

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and it is what it is. There is automatically an expectation of faithfulness from God, right?

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The Seekie first, the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these other things would

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be added. I had expected all these other things to be added to me to be answered prayers.

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And the reality is, right? When we talk about being disappointed by God, the reality is,

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is that the Bible talks about that God's ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not

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our thoughts. And that God knows the plans that he has for us. And it's to bring us to

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this expected end that there are prayers that God does not answer in the way that we want

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them to be answered because God knows best. I would love, and I, I have had this thought

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a thousand times, I would love to be able to have a, another conversation, one more conversation

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with my grandmother about it. We could, we could talk about crowns and I will be so satisfied

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with being able to have a conversation with her.

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But for whatever reason, it was not God's plan to extend her life more than he already

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had. And the reality is, is that initially when they said that she wasn't going to make,

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like I had an opportunity to spend time with her and I did. I had an opportunity to pray

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with her and I did and God was faithful in that moment. And so I think that oftentimes

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we cast aside the moments that God has been faithful. We cast aside the moment that God

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has actually answered prayers. We cast aside the prayers and the time that God has actually

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come through in situations. We cast those aside and we highlight the, the negative experiences

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and the negative encounters that we've had with God. And so can we really say that God

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has disappointed us when all the other times God has been faithful, God has been faithful

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and God has come through every other time that I needed him to come through. And so

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I can't allow this one experience of disappointment to shape the entire, the entire character

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that I perceive God to be in this moment of disappointment. So then with that, we have

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to understand that God wants what's best for us. And so a moment where God does not answer

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the prayers that we, the way that we want him to answer the prayers, like I have to

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always understand that God actually wants what's best for me. And so if he's not answering

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this and if he's not doing this, if he's not responding to this, the way that I would

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want him to do and to respond and to answer this, then I have to just accept the fact,

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the fact that God always wants what's best for me. And so if he's not giving me, if he's

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not answering this thing and the way that I want him to answer this thing, then it's

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because that's not what's best for me. It might feel good if I have it. It might, it

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might, it might feel a void that I wanted to feel if God gave it to me. But the reality

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is I don't, I don't think that God holds withholds any good thing from us. I just don't, I don't

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think that there is a good thing in this world that belongs to us, that God withholds from

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us. And so I have to know that if I'm praying to God for a job, for a career, for a relationship,

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for whatever it is that we're praying and we're asking God for, and he doesn't give

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us those things, it's probably not best for you to have. And there's something else out

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here in the world or whatever that God intends for you to have. And in the time that you're

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supposed to have it, God will give it to you. And then I think that there are some of us

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who have just experienced situations in life that by our, in our, in our experience of

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those situations, like it is tainted our view on how, on the, on the faithfulness of God.

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But what I've come to learn is that everything that happens or what I've come to accept

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is that everything that happens in my life happens for my good. And I think that I can

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say that because I'm able to transform moments of negativity into moments of positivity.

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It might hurt, it might not feel good in the moment, but when I have to deal with that

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thing years later, months later, weeks later, sometimes I'm able to look at those situations

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and say, how has that work? Like what did I learn in those moments where I did not feel

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that God was being faithful to me? What did I learn in those moments? And when I start

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to really peel back the layers and understand how those moments, what I, what I learned

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in those moments, I didn't understand how those moments actually were good to me. I

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understand how those moments were good for me. And the, and the reality is in the moment,

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I, I want to say this, and it's going to be like two sided in the moment, looking at

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experience, negative experiences with God, looking at them in the moment. It's very hard

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to see the positivity of those, of those situations in the moment, right? It's, it's hard to see

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the goodness of God when this situation doesn't feel good. It's hard to say, this is working

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for me, when in the reality, in the current moment, this is not working at all. It is

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hard to say that God intends everything to be for our good. When the prayers that I have

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are good prayers and God just does not answer them the way that we want them to be answered.

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Those are like the in real, in reality, realistically, it is hard to say that God is good when it

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does not feel like God is good. What I've learned though, is the discipline it takes

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and the importance of always understanding, even in the current situation that God is

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good. Like to be able to rehearse in a moment that God is good, like in the face of disappointment,

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in the face of not being able to really be like this with God, when you know, you once

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were like this with God and now you're like this with God to be able to understand even

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in every one of those moments that God is still good, that God is still faithful, that

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His promises are still yesterday, amen, that if He has spoken a thing over my life, then

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it's going to come to pass regardless of what this situation currently looks like. To be

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able to rehearse those things and to believe those things, literally in those actual moments,

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it shapes and it changes how we respond to situations as we are currently living in them.

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So we talk about forgiving God, and so when we talk about and we deal with forgiving God,

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a lot of that happens after we've overcome, after we have gotten out of those negative

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experiences, but I think that there is something to be said for being able to in the moment

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acknowledge the goodness of God even when it does not feel like God is good.

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And then the last thing that I will say, and I think that this is the most important thing,

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if you heard nothing else in this entire episode, that's okay. Hear this, forgiving God is more

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than just saying, I'm over it. Forgiving God is more than just saying, all right, whatever.

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I pray that prayer and it didn't work out. All right, let's move on. Forgiving God, forgiving

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anything is more than just moving past it. Forgiving God is also trusting Him again.

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Forgiving God is also trusting Him again. I think a lot of us will experience situations

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where we pray certain things and because of whatever, it just doesn't work out the way

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that we thought or the way that we expected it to work out. And we'll move on with the

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mindset that, you know, all right, well, that God didn't answer that prayer. That's cool.

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We'll move on and we would never pray that. I remember a very similar situation that somebody,

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I remember a situation that somebody was going through, somebody very close to me was going

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through and I was praying for them. I was praying with them and God just did not answer

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the prayer, the way that we expected God to answer the prayer. And I remember saying,

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I will never, I literally remember after that moment, situation ended. I remember I hate

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doing the whole like we got to talk around the situation. I'm not going to talk around.

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I remember somebody very close to me was experiencing trouble in their pregnancy. And I remember

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praying for them, you know, that God, like God be faithful, God be a healer, God, you

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know, whatever. And as an end result, that person actually had a miscarriage. And because

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the person was close to me, but also because I was very closely involved with the situation,

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it wasn't a miscarriage. I wasn't my kid. I was going to say I was very closely involved

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with the situation. And I'm just saying because I was there praying with the person, literally

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there at the hospital with the person, you know, and ultimately, the person did have

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a miscarriage. And I remember, and it wasn't like a miscarriage at like, you know, early

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prayer, it wasn't miscarriage. Like we know the gender, we know the name, people started

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buying gifts. I remember that night finding out that the person miscarried or miscarried.

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And I remember saying to myself, I will never pray a prayer like that ever again. I remember

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in that moment not being able to trust God and saying to my, I will never pray that prayer

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again or pray for this, pray for a situation like this again, because it will never work.

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Like it will never work. I remember being so disappointed with God that I felt like I would

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never pray this kind of prayer again. I would know if this situation happens again tomorrow

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with somebody else as close to me, I would never ever pray this prayer again because

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I tried it once and it didn't work. Forgiving God looks like saying, if this happens again

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tomorrow, I don't care how this situation turned out. If the same situation, if the

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same situation happens again tomorrow, I forgiven God of my disappointment in him that I, and

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I know he's faithful so much so that I'll pray this prayer again tomorrow if it happens

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again. And I think that we need to move to a place where we are able to trust God in

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the way that we trusted him before this situation happened. To be able to trust God to say, God,

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you gave me this plan, you gave me this vision, you gave me this dream, and I went after it

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and I never saw the results of this thing. I think to forgive God, truly to forgive God

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of disappointment is to not say, well, you know, we'll move on to something else. But

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I think it's to say that if God gives you another vision or if God gives you that vision

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again with a different perspective at a different time, to say that didn't work out before at

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one time, but I'm going to do it again now because I still trust, I still forgive, I

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still trust and forgive God of that moment where, you know, I might have been disappointed

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in an outcome of a situation where I had a certain expectation of God. Whoa, I just

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found out I passed. I was writing two papers and I passed. That's nice to know. That's

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so random. But all this to say, this was a, this was a little less heavy than I thought

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it was going to be. I was trying to keep the tears in as best as I could and I think I

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did a pretty good job at that. Talking about my grandmother is not a very, still not an

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easy, not an easy thing for me to do because she died and I designed her program, planned

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her funeral. I was at the funeral house with her mom and my aunt, my great grandmother

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and her aunt, picking out the casket. I preached her eulogy. I committed her. I should not have

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done that, but I committed her. And, you know, I was calling around looking for places to

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make reservations for the repass. It was a lot. And so I don't feel like I ever had

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the time to really sit in, sit in the moment, sit in, to sit in reality. And I think because

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of that, it had a huge impact on how I felt God showed up in the situation or did not

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show up, I guess, in this situation for me. And so I'll say to everybody to really close

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this full episode out, take some time and really think about that thing that God might

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have disappointed you with. For a lot of you, it might be, you know, something that you

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wanted. I hear like, feel people, you know, for some people might be like the child that

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you wanted that you didn't get to have or the person in your life that you lost that

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you thought would be around longer than they were around. Or some people might be like

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the circumstances of your life that you're experiencing today, that you expected God

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to change for you. And that you're still in and still in expectation that God will change

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for you. And he just hasn't up until this moment. I think forgiving God of the disappointment

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looks like trusting God again. And so I pray that you would be able to trust God again.

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I pray that you would be able to hear God again. I pray that you'd be able to sing again,

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to dance again, to preach again, to live again, to dream again, to work the business out again,

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to love again, to birth again. You know, I pray I really, really do pray and hope that

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any disappointment that has been caused from the expectations that we've had on God, I

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pray that we'll be able to move to learn why those did not work out the way we expected

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it. Those situations did not work out the way that we expected it to work out and to

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move forward into the plan that God has set out for us and still have expectations for

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God to be good. I could clap to still I forgive God of every man. Listen, I forgive God. There

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were times where I expected God to show up in a way and he did not show up in those ways.

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And I have been disappointed. But my forgiveness of those moments says even though God has

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not shown up in the way that I've expected him or that I needed him to show up in the

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past, moving forward, I still expect God to be good. I don't allow those situations.

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I don't allow those expectations that were not that that God did not come through the

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way that I needed him to come through. I will not allow those expectations to negatively

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determine how I expect God or how I see God showing up for me moving forward. I will always

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expect God to be good no matter what because God is good despite my expectations.

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Thank you guys for watching for listening to come for coming back. If you got a notification,

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you click the notification. Thank you for coming back. If you're new here. Thank you

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for watching. Thank you for coming by. Yeah, thank you for watching the Younger Love podcast.

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The next episode, we're going to talk about forgiving other people who who might have

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done this wrong, who might have hurt us and what it looks like to not forgive and what

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it looks like to actually move on and forgive, forgive people who who have done wrong things

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to us. And then we'll move on from that one and we'll end this series off with forgiving

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ourselves because I just had an experience this Sunday. The Sunday at church where I

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have had to forgive myself from situations that I had not caused to myself, but situations

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that I allowed to happen and then I lived in the bondage of those situations. Yeah. So

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again, thank you for watching. Please if you're not following us on whatever platform you're

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watching this on, be it YouTube, subscribe, Apple podcast, follow, subscribe, Spotify,

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follow, subscribe, wherever else this podcast is being broadcasted out to make sure that

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you are following and subscribing. Until next time, I'll see y'all later. I don't really

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have an outro. That's why it takes me so long. But goodbye.