time to get ready for the Larry Needles show
all right
you got a classic out Larry?
yeah yeah
where'd you find it?
I'll tell ya
it's a real good show
I uh, welcome to the Larry Needles show
I'm Larry
I'm Needles
how the fuck are you doing?
we got Mark here with us today
Don
Don Enforce
Hey, what about the Weebles bro?
we're excited
dude
um
don't worry about the fucking weed
are you doing Enforce?
okay, okay
good times Rick
you getting nice out?
yeah yeah
oh yeah
beautiful, beautiful day
yes it is
um
so we were just talking about fucking Biden falling again
I mean
if that was my fucking pop-up
I feel sorry for him
yeah yeah
that's funny
well at the same time it's like this is the
I mean
I hate talking politics
cause I know nothing about it
well not really
this isn't really politics
it's your old man fell
well but at the same time it's like is he competent enough
is he competent enough to run this country?
god no
I know
but he's not running it anyway
who the fuck is competent enough to be a patsy for the United States?
well he's good enough for that
well and that's what you really look at
hey that's not
no hey don't put that there please
but I mean do you really want
it might spill man
I mean what do we want out of this country?
like freedom isn't free right?
right that's right
so we all have to pay a price
if it's not into pomp or groceries or
I'm too old to go
I'm paying them
but they know
huh
but yeah no
that was the weirdest statement
I know that wasn't even a holy fuck
you're paying the price for freedom by higher gas
and you know that's not paying the price for freedom
that's no
yes it is cause it fuels everything
no that's just paying the price
I mean I'm saying metaphorically
you're taking it literally
it's not freedom I don't think
you don't think this is freedom?
well I mean the higher these prices
I mean you can't go kiss dudes in fucking Fallujah
so you'd be out of there
he'd be coming over there
I almost got killed
the Fallujah's probably got a good thing with that too
I mean I was just throwing a country out the first one
I thought of
there's a lot of countries like that
the Fallujah's don't like Fanooks
no
but I don't think it's okay with me
I'll tell you
you would think they would because Fallujah almost sounds like
Fanook in another language
Fallujah sounds like a weird sexual move
I'm gonna Fallujah you have to
or something I caught man I was on tour honey
and I got Fallujah
we can't fuck for a couple weeks
Xidi
yeah some kind of Xidi
like a snake charmer
this thing's spitting
I'm sorry I think there's something wrong with you
you gotta
me?
no no these people that are like that
they have serious mental disorders
who does?
Fanooks
oh
you think so?
no
dude
you're like a member of the same sex
something wrong with me
not only like a member of the same
people fucking
listen
no
a man who wants to dream is to do whatever you want
it's not the American dream to do that
that's the American dream
I mean you can't write that give us your
what does it give us your tired your cold
your fanooks
I mean it may okay you know what
I guess so that's what it says so okay
I mean you gotta be tolerant
do what you want oh I'm tolerant enough
I don't think it's right I don't think they're normal
there's something wrong with them
it says right on the
at Ellis Island by the Statue of Liberty and shit it says
exit the boat ass first
who's your woman?
really?
who says that?
wow
mouth first
yeah exit on your knees please
I mean right that's what you want to do
do it but I don't
I don't
you're not right there's something else wrong
I think you're confusing some things
no
yes I think you're confusing being a
I don't even know what the term is
transsexual
nope nope regular straight out
gay?
yeah
okay but what about women?
serious problem there as well yes
although I don't
both genders that like to be with
same genders yes there's a problem in your brain man
you think so?
oh yes
okay now what would you compare to
like drug addiction?
no that's a problem with your brain
no no more of that
but yeah of course it's addicting
I'm just saying that
either you have an addictive personality
maybe you're
sure some of it
that's probably some of it
yeah I don't mind watching you know porn
with two chicks but I would really want to watch
two guys but you know some people work
right and so there's still something wrong with you
and you do that
it's cool if they want to
wait there's something wrong with Larry if you watch his two chicks trade for
well no I'm just saying
wait I'm asking you I'm asking you
two chicks trading for some of them
he's maybe a little weird for watching that
but it's
why is he weird?
at least not watching two guys
I don't seek it out I'm just saying when it pops up
right I get it I know what you mean
but
I mean some people like chocolate some people like that
yeah you know I mean
I'm not against it I'm just saying
you're not right and I mean you know
personally I try to avoid it like it never gives
there's people like that I don't really
associate with them I guess
or try to really deal with them because
you're something's always wrong it's just no I don't
inflex circle is very tight
well here's the thing Mark's got a fucking bad taste in his mouth
no pun intended because
he was a waiter for many years
and he worked with a lot of gay guys
and he thought they were nice and they were that
they were his friends and then they would stab him in the back
and he always something with these
every time
so that's why
but you know what people not everybody's good
not everybody's bad
right I agree I believe I like I say you do it like
but always turns out that there's not only are they this way
but there's really something else wrong you find out
you know so now you're telling me that all of a sudden
you just had a fucking insight that people have mental issues
because it's all about mental right
well yeah I mean of course your state of mind is all it's your state of mind
it's all in your mind
it's like a fanook state of mind
like a New York state of mind
here you go Neil
right
he's like that later again
um but I mean he who cast the first stone likes to kick the packer
hmm
he's like you know because the funny thing is that these
these Republican guys or these Democrat guys
they're like oh my god we hate the gays and then all of a sudden they get caught up in some weird scandal
yeah
do you think that's
yeah that's you know it's not I mean it's no it shouldn't be
no but again if he's gay and that's what he wants to do
it's fine with me
okay
it really is
you know and here's the other thing how about this fucking guy on the west side man
and what was it Chicago and Kedvale
well there's something wrong with him too he's really he's got some mental issues he's using Kedvale
well of course you're trying to make him out you know white supremacy or something you know
right
what guy was it
but here's the thing you know he's just doing his thing that ain't good though
well that's not it
well first of all
you climbed onto the roof with the flamethrower with two propane tanks
yeah
um
he would blast him off at night when he got dark
Ukrainian flag and upside down American flag
okay so what we're talking about is local news in Chicago
yeah take it
um
no
move my fucking notebook you ass clown
oh you wanted the bomb
nah
okay
so what we're talking about is local news in Chicago
because I think it's gonna mask the violence this weekend
right
cause last weekend
cause last weekend was a motherfucker we broke records
12 people killed
52 I think shot
yeah something like that
and they broke the record for the year before
but it was like something like either a five or eight year record I can't remember
well no the year before was only 11 killed they killed 12
no I know what they're saying for the number shot on this memorial day that it was a record for like a couple of years which is bad
but this guy had the upside down American flag
he had a Ukrainian flag
he had a flag with the number one on the red one on the green background like an army flag
and then he had a smiley face the yellow smiley face and then like a homemade swastika on plywood
yeah
with yellow brown background
yellow background with a red swastika
and it was probably about five foot by five foot
yeah
I don't know how he hauled that thing up there that's pretty god damn heavy
it was probably four by four and you're gonna go to hell for you some large things
alright so god damn that's heavy
yeah so here's the thing but the guy was screaming out you know fuck the
oh yeah the recording going over and over
fuck by him
he lives in a raw fair
fuck the place
fuck the police
yeah he lives
let's get the context for this
in the motherfucking lizard
yeah like
big time man this motherfucker lives in the hood
and you used to live there when you were a young kid
yes I did
and it was predominantly white
well yeah it was about you know it was about like you know half and half
it wasn't segregated
no but it wasn't like it is now
no no but now it's fucking dangerous
now it's well it's always been dangerous since a certain time for at least 20 years it's been dangerous
more than that probably
oh more than 20 years
but it's a dope spot sure you know like where I used to live there's gym shoes hanging over the fucking
uh wires and whatnot
high tension lines
yeah high tension lines
yeah
yeah I mean that's what signifies where someone dies
where you should bet
where you should bet on the murder number on the weekend
who said that
in the morning I would take a bet what do you think it was you know
who you could
yeah it worked
wait ten
the last time you worked
this was years ago
yeah so there weren't that many murders
no there was this has been going on for years Mike I would pay attention
we spent on the murders in Chicago
oh yeah this isn't a new thing
yeah it's nothing new dude
remember two people found dead in the car
I was like 13 people shot this week
since there was a child this has been happening
we are the technically we're the third largest city in the United States
we're putting up first city numbers
right
you know what I mean
we're going on shops and around
per capita we don't fuck around
well actually no
it's not good though
no no no per capita we are like 15th on the list
okay
St. Louis
oh yeah
Gary Indiana
yeah
you know what I mean like
because it goes per capita
we went on tour with the
I went on tour with this girl band a couple of winters ago
and we played a gig at St. Louis and I asked them
why the fuck did you book a gig here
even the people
even the people in St. Louis asked us
where you guys from Chicago
they're like
why the fuck are you playing here
yeah
and I said you should never play there again
no offense to our St. Louis people
but man it was a fucking shady place
I went to St. Louis million years ago
and it was shady then too
well it's not that it's shady
well it was younger a lot younger
it's not that it's shady
it's a part
okay so
I was scary
let's just play
scary
doesn't every place have to have a place for low income people
yeah
okay
but now I'm going to tell you something right now
tell me
Gary
right by the highway
yeah
get on the highway go to Chicago
get off the
you know what I mean
so what are you going to do with it
it's a rough route
yeah
you know what I mean
you can move drugs
oh yeah
you know Chicago and Illinois specifically
I mean
Indiana
Chicago is a good spot
Illinois technically
it's a hub
yeah it's a hub
a drug hub
you get 90
you get fucking 70
or whatever it is going west you know
it's a good spot to fucking dish everything out
yep
I mean
east west north south
we are a gluttonous country
love drugs man
especially you
huh
I'm a gluttonous country
yeah
you're the gluttonous country member
the most cocaine
who we love to indulge
oh god
hell yeah
anything
cocaine consumption
what's that
lead the world in cocaine consumption
no I think that's Europe
I don't know about that man
I think Europe might be cocaine
well really
do you want cocaine in the US
and anywhere else in the world
well okay
they don't smoke crack and shit
what do you mean
I mean they do but not the furious rate
that they do out here
how do you do
the purity out there is way better than here
I'm going to tell you that right now
yes
okay
UK is a fucking
I think they have Amsterdam right there
I mean every time I did
dude they have
they have water
they don't have as many cells
they don't have as many cells in Europe
you know what I mean like there's a lot of
they haven't got the sales force
in Europe that we do here in America
huh
the same sales force
how do you
sell the cocaine
I mean do you work for this company
I'm just assuming
yeah exactly you make an ass in yourself
and there's probably the reason why
no because you know
you buy more you sell more
I mean dude
there's a need for you
I just saw a thing
tons of coke in US man
okay cool that means tons of coke
all of a sudden
Australia's one of the biggest
I mean
I mean there are a lot of coke there too
really
yeah a lot of coke there too
I've never been there
I saw a whole thing about Australia and
cocaine just the other day
but I did
cause they finally had some other
in Europe
a lot of different countries
exactly
right
cocaine
they take a lot of cocaine
everywhere
listen do you think
you think we're just
just because we're associated
with Mexico by proxy
no
you know what I mean do you think
that we're not
the drugs that come into this country
I mean you've done drugs that are
so stepped on
yeah
so
I also did coke in South America
I mean you gotta
I mean fucking
they go to the source right
yeah that was
that's the best thing to do
that was a mess
yeah I
not that stepped on
I'm too old to do that now
but it was always a dream of mine
what's that
to go right to the source
the kids are doing it for me
on the cocaine
and smoke a giant joint
that's literally smoke
that's made out of paste
yeah
the actual base itself
I knew that was your dream
I was younger
yeah I mean when you're on that shit
it's like you think about it
I mean of course
yeah
and I was on that shit
not a thing to admit it
I've tried everything
they showed us one movie
this black dude
walking down the street
smoking a giant
he wraps a fucking
oh my god
giant rubber treat
like leave
around the
around the place
and he's lighting
and he's taking a huge crack at
that's just smoke
yeah
and he looks at the camera
and it's supposed to be a deterrent
you know
they're like oh man
I wanna smoke that motherfucker
just what you want
anybody I wanna be right now
this dude right there
I was like what a fucking
if you were time travel
that's the spot
you wouldn't kill Hitler
or do anything like that
the bottoms of his feet
looked like sandals
they were so thick
they were probably whiter than you
yeah they were fucking more
now
he's walking
walking
I like this walk
and smoke this giant
this is a walk man
giant paste joint
big paste joint
if you have any listeners in the
Columbia
in Columbia
can you please send a
sample of
Donnie and I
can you please send a
sample of
Donnie and for some paste
yeah
you're gonna wrap
no we're gonna put it on his
fucking
it was wild
because
it was wrapped in this leaf
so the leaf didn't even burn
because the leaf was
like a
tobacco leaf
no it was something else
it was green
so it didn't even
so it didn't even burn
but
it was like a giant crack
like
and yeah but it
held it in
oh god didn't hold it in
dude
so it burns
this dude was blowing out clouds
man
he was just like
so true
there's a fucking TV camera
which back in the day
was pretty huge
and he looks right at it
he's so high
he ain't even paranoid
he just fucking
rolls out of his chin
and looks right at the camera
okay
like the chickens has
needles is right
Albania
5.91%
England Wales
England and Wales
3.9%
United States
2.9%
that's the cocaine
we really don't want to
disparage our Greek listeners
by showing you how
Albania
2.34
I know you got problems with them
they do the most cocaine
in the whole world
who the hell
Albania
5.91%
yeah but what's the per capita
how many people live in fucking
Albania
I don't know
but I know we're
not ampoules
we're just retiring
yeah okay yeah
hey
listen we're going to start a
patreon to send Donnie
Enforced to fight in Albania
that's a good point
it's the percentage of residents
the percentage of residents
like you in the
school kids
yes yes yes
so 5.91%
check out the legal limit
what's the legal age
where as the United States
it's 2.9%
or Enforced
we've got a lot more residents
Donnie Enforced
slow down
2.9% is probably more
than all of Albania
Donnie Enforced
slow down
check out the legal
sex age in Albania
yeah how
what's the sex age
why I'm past legal
type it in your phone
I'm not being sex age
yes he with the
the age of consent did
needless to know the
lowest possible age
I'm not doing that
I'm not looking that up
please type that in Donnie Enforced
no
what are you doing
with the age of consent
and then type in
Jad Van Ayer and Amsy
I already got the
free basis after
bikini
is your make up
.98%
bikini's job
Casey Anthony kisses
so I still think
US leads the world
because I mean
come on
we've got probably
9 times as many people
I don't know
I tell for that bong dude
what are you doing
I don't know how big
Albania is
I bet he's not that big
how big is it
why the fuck
didn't you
put up with Donnie
approximately
10 million
20 million
no
oh I don't know
well then look it up
ask Donnie
what the other fucking time
I mean do you think
you know what
I was reading this thing
that cocaine's going to be
the new drug
because of what's going on
with the other opiates
and shit
but now they're putting fentanyl
and cocaine
you know you're going to have to
cook it up again
and make fucking crack
you're going to have to
throw a fentanyl in it
what do you mean
do you think that's
going to take away the fentanyl
I don't know
it should right
I mean what's that got
to do with it
if you cook up a spoon of dope
does it fucking go away
when you put it in the needle
if there's fentanyl in it
yeah it goes right
yeah but it won't burn
in the thing
it won't form into the chunk
and burn probably
that's what happens
you take a lot of stuff off
so maybe yeah right
like if it doesn't get stuck
in the middle
oh you're talking about yay
yeah if it doesn't get stuck
in the middle of the rock
yeah sure
you could separate it
yeah but if it does
what are you going to do
you're going to hit that
listen man it's mixed in
yeah there's no separating it
now that's a drug
that we should come up with
a drug that separates the
fentanyl from your fucking drugs
yeah
pending needles and literary shows
yeah pending
that's a good thing
yeah because here's the thing
man you know it ruins everything
it's a chemical
you have to find a chemical
that can work against it right
yeah or a chemical that kills it
but doesn't fuck up any other drug
so you can still have your fun
you can become billionaires
oh yeah
like vodka
yeah but here's the other thing now
you just yell out vodka
was that Eva coming through you
that's the chemical
alcohol
I know what vodka
you want to separate
your fentanyl from your coke
just use alcohol
yeah but here's the thing man
how the fuck are you going to
stupid it was a drug in for
to sell it by the ground
how are you going to know which one's what
what are you going to know
how are you going to know what's what
for one thing
here's the thing
what you do is you add it
and mix a tint to it
right
so it's got to turn it brown
no they got shit like that
to test your shit
well they can test for it
but yeah
but then you know what
you're still going to get
a couple granules
that probably mix it
it's all fentanyl
we're very heavy on the drug talk right now
yeah okay
how about this man
my wife was reading this to me off
this fucking website
because
you know
she follows her shit
I'm a fucking
yeah and plus this story
because I was a musician
she said all major records
all major record labels
and every fucking record
that you have ever heard
they take the master tapes
they have like some kind of fucking
satanic priest
they spells over them
and put spells into it
every single fucking
yes
every one
and now I found they had to believe
but no it's true
and then
how do you know that's true
because they had
she didn't do it
yeah I was there
I was in the room
and the fucking gold records came off the wall
they were spinning around the room
that'd be awesome
like the plates
you know
I spin in the plates
he's just doing like
the eagles
and Fleetwood Mack
and fucking the Beatles
and fucking
yeah man
and so
how many plates do you think Lucifer could spin at once
fuck as many as he wants
and here's the thing
awesome how many with his tail
dude
man we're talking
we're talking fucking like an idiot
Lucifer sells numbers
you're fucking
yeah he does
and fucking here's the thing
David Crosby was like asking
do you guys still
he was asking one of the record guys
like capital
fucking one of these
Columbia one of these
big Warner Brothers
I think it was
and he's like
hey do you guys still do the
you know the spells
and the prayers over the fucking recordings
you can just come out and say that in basket
well yeah he asked that
and the guys like
oh hell yeah
well he knew about it
yeah and the guys like
oh fuck yeah we still do that
and
he said
nowadays
most of these guys
if not all of them
had to be some kind of witch
or warlock
or some fucking thing like that
right
or else they don't even get signed man
well I mean
they had to
there's a view
I'm just saying
experiments that they fucking did
and what was that book we were talking about
where they gave all the motherfuckers LSD
Jim there's pictures like Jim Morrison
with his dad who was a fucking
captain or something
and the fucking war
like all these kids were all intertwined with some sort of
isn't that you think that's a coincidence
you think that's a coincidence
no not at all I just said it wasn't
alright okay good
I'm glad
but what was that valley
not San Fernando
was it San Fernando
when there were all the bands were
it was like the beach boys
it was uh
Laurel Canyon
thank you Larry
I don't know if he was a general mark
but he was way the fuck up there
in the military
no he was like a captain or something
of course
well there you go
that explains a lot
okay thanks for catching up
yeah okay
so
but Laurel Canyon yeah
there was a book about it
how they fucking
they like
introduced LSD
to all these performers like
David Crosby's family was fucking loaded
yeah
who's a rich boy
yeah so like
all of them were
everybody was
that's what it is a lot
one common thread
they had money and new high people
yeah and you know
you know
you ever see the houses in Laurel Canyon
man
there ain't no one come there boy
it's like Hollywood Hills
yeah dude
it is fucking nice
wow
you can do whatever you want
this were like the Beatles would hang out
and fucking no people
you can do whatever you want
well yeah dude
it's a
it's a whole another world
it's a whole another society
it's a secret society
if you want to have a sacrifice party
you can do it in Laurel Canyon
you can do whatever you want
I bet you can
yeah
in origin
you can have it
you can do that everything
up in the hills baby
yeah
up in the hills
the freaks come out at night
and they hide in the hills
and you know what else
they do
they don't have cats
they don't have cat sized rats
huh
they don't have cat sized rats either
oh like the west side
yeah
man
those rats we used to see
holy fuck
they look like dogs actually
yeah
they're fucking cats
they're fucking huge man
dude I thought it was a raccoon once
it was a fucking
30 pound fucking rat
I looked down into a garbage can
just kind of walked into a can
and I jumped 10 feet in there
there was a rat in there
so huge
oh my god
I used to fucking stay at a
fucking recovery home in Humboldt Park
yeah
and we would sit in the backyard
with the BB gun and shoot rats
nice
it was amazing
they're fucking huge dude
we would put lights up
we would have these lights
oh
like we would set these lights up
and they would go right by the
garbage cans and we would pick them up
I would visit my grandpa
and he lived in the west side
but still lived in my old house
that I lived in when I was a boy
and Augustin killed their
shout out to the hood
and fucking
downtown
and he was banging his shovel
before he went in the basement
like what the fuck are you doing
he's like oh the rats
oh my god boy
that's awesome
they don't bite you up
but you don't want to get bit
but my grandpa for some reason
he wasn't scared of nothing
but that was the only thing
he didn't really go for
they're fucking dirty
they've been in garbage all day
the expressway
viaducts
the grass
you know on the sides of the expressway
the hills the grass
I looked over one night
one of those
I was sitting in a park like
standing in a lot of rats
and I looked over the edge
down there
and you can see
just a whole city
of these holes and trails
of the rats where they live
there's a whole like city of them
I like when you see them
crawling up the fucking
sides of the buildings
I like when they steal food
that night in Greetown
when they steal food
it's amazing
somebody leaves like
a half a piece of pizza
and the garbage
and the rat takes it out
and it's running with it
everyone knows
pizza rat
yeah see that's what I like
rats are
hey how about this fucking shit
how about it Larry
how about this
I also want to say
everything I said is a legend
oh wait a second
shout out too
shout out to Tiffany
no well our listeners
our followers
all our followers
subscribe
it really pains my heart
to say that
because we're not like this
but I don't know what we're doing
I mean okay
okay
how about this
satanic whore
fucking Allison Mack
was a smallville TV star
and she was convicted
in a sex cult
when they burned the people
oh we had to do something
you knew about that
yeah I knew about this
okay and she was
I knew I didn't have
so she was saying this before
you knew that she was
she sold
children of the clintons
and the rock child
you knew about that
you knew that
is that verified
allegedly it is verified
it came out of this bitch's mouth
right yeah
I mean I don't know
yeah again dude
I don't either
I mean it's all about you
she could be a fucking liar
yeah
that's why I say allegedly
how many women have you met
that are liars
most of them
how many dudes have you met
that are liars
most of them
exactly so
well I don't know
that's I don't know
yeah you don't know exactly
so tell us what your far-fetched
idea is about in the next
I'm fucking calling
no that's just it
that just blew my mind
well no but there was more
there's more to that
is there
yeah there's the guy
I forget his name
but he had done it before
too actually
I don't know
he came back around
with this new idea I guess
and he was like
listen man
I'm gonna tell you right now
I'm gonna self-help guru guys
I don't mean this in all sincerity
but shout out to a good
and it was devil worship
shout out to a good cult leader
yeah
you know what I mean
like come on dude
you fucking
you are on point
yeah
Koresh
the heavens gate dude
yeah
he was like
the heavens gate
I just saw
Jones on thing this morning
yeah
I mean you have to be
a certain type of individual
you just have drills
yeah
he had the suicide drills
he pretended
they were coming
he had this thing like
they're coming to get us so quick
kill yourself
yeah
he ringed the fucking alarm
they'd have to run out
who was that
James Jones town
James Jones
yeah Jim Jones
Jim Jones
guy in the massacre
yeah he used to have drills about it
before
the famous people
they have the video of him
shooting the
oh yeah
the senator
I remember having
I remember he was there
having
a real view of everybody dead
it's a fucking everybody drank the Kool-Aid
that's where it comes from
yeah
hey I got another good one
I don't think it was Kool-Aid though
I think it was
yeah Kool-Aid
I think it was a cheaper version
ah yeah it was probably an off brand
some Diana brand
actually I don't know if it's from
the acid test the Kool-Aid comes
I don't know
or from
the motherfucker probably didn't even add sugar
Jim Jones at Kool-Aid
man it's so crazy that you could
the people are such lemmings right
oh man
you know what happened
now it stopped
his son
ran up and kicked over the table
that the Kool-Aid was on
it was all right there
I never write about that
yeah and he fucking said enough is enough man
what the fuck
but I mean they moved into fucking
Africa
no they were in Guyana
that's in South America
it's the northernmost country
like right next to
Columbia and shit
North America
North of South America
yeah
North South America
South of North America
no
North South America
yeah
anyways
not
not Mexico
no and shout out to the Jim Jones survivors
and we pray for the families that are still
fucked up from that shit man
I know you're out there
we love you man
anyways
like follow and subscribe
tell your friends
and tell them we fucking sympathize
with the Jim Jones survivors
no
we do man
opinions
of survivors
yeah
those people got fucked man
they got screwed
they got tricked
they got fucked
they got tricked man
but it's double man
they got a foil man
they've never seen a guy
giving three card money
yeah dude
when I was a kid
my dad took us to New York City
and said let's do this
and he said you think you could
you know and he let us play a couple rounds
and it's like
he was fucking like
70s yeah
yeah
and it was like
it was fucking really cool
yeah it was fun
and my dad said
you'll never ever fucking get it
and I said wow
I'll slay the hand baby
yeah and the dude was fucking good
just like with anything
it's all slay the hand
set up on the top of a fucking cardboard box
you know what I mean
yeah
look outside
it was fucking great
fucking
it was great
I remember when I did that
the guy had the table
attached to his waist
nice
so when he needed a dip
fucking tear it off
and run
like one of them
just a cardboard
no it was just a card board
I understand
I get it
and they had lookouts
and it was amazing
watching these people
just getting fucking skin
the thing from a
dude they make some fucking
cans it would be
they make a serious fucking amount of money
all the whole thing is
is the
serious amount of money
there's a big scam
they make a lot of money
it's a giant scam
it's not like
I'm the only one
but it's the whole thrill of
you know what you're getting into
yeah and that's like
1970's fucking New York man
you're not gonna win
you don't win that
that was fun
sometimes they'll let you win it
but then you're gonna
well they have to let you
or they'll run
there's gonna be a guy next to you
that wins it
that's with them
oh yeah
so it's doable
I'll play
let me try
it's his brother
look at it's hot right now
fucking throw it
you don't notice that
they got matching tattoos
or something
no that's right
or they're just
their skin color matches
something like that
how about this man
in New York City
speaking of New York
they want to put
key asks
in these fucking
stores
for criminals to get
to register for help
instead of like
robbing and joining
maybe instead right now
you want to fucking
sign up for
I can't stop stealing
I'll have a change of heart
while they're walking past the key
walk past that ceiling
please help me
to go where you're going up
yeah
oh I have a change of heart
exactly
I'm stealing everything I see
I can't stop
so that's one of the things
they're gonna do man
and it's really fucking
kind of dumb man
I'm horrent
very jolly safe
yeah
we shall say that
it's very one sided and blind
like you think that
there's actually an interview
with that guy
with one of the
with a shoplifter
uh huh
and he said that
stuff comes
you really fucking think
that I'm gonna ask for help
when I can steal
exactly
well the other thing
I told you that it's
when you can't steal
that's when you ask for help
then it was
389 people arrested
22,000 times
and I've gone over this already
yeah so
you know those people
I'm sure at one point
what
have been offered help
no yeah they got a problem
no they're not
they go to jail
and they release them
they go to jail
they should put the key
in the fucking lock up cell
alright
no we're not an idiot
what they should just do is
you know what
I'm gonna be honest
I don't know what they should do
no I know
but it's just dumb
I know what I'm saying
what do you think
what do you suggest
literally that we do
for this country
I wish I had an answer bro
I really don't
I don't either man
I wish I knew
but one thing I know is
you can't
you can't let these motherfuckers
not dude we can't be
out fucking Middle East
I was a booster
that's what I did
I know
I know you were
and I know what it's like
it actually does make the most sense
if you think about it
I know but here's the thing
here's the thing
the guys that are getting arrested
this amount of times
were between
389 people
alright great
it's 22,000
the rest of us
split between them
well those people should have got some time
and that would have been
22,000 less times
you're bringing this up again
they saw a lot more
I was just saying the motherfuckers
could have been locked up after
I don't know the third time
yeah I mean right
don't let them get arrested
50, 60 times each
no they're bail reform
what are you gonna do
you're not a college teacher
you can't do nothing
yeah that's what I'm saying
I don't have an answer
you can't be mean about it
I'm not complaining
the first thing is okay
motherfucker I'm bringing it up
for the podcast bitch
listen you change bail reform
and then all of a sudden
everything okay you change
so from now on
when you steal fucking a
instead of $500 worth of shit
$1000 worth of stuff
now
motherfuckers are going in with calculators
now is a detainable offence
okay so now you've upped it
so now people can go in the store
and take twice as much
right right right
okay and now we live in a society
here's what has to happen
okay they're gonna make it so
that you can't steal
yes and for the automated
windows everything
you won't be able to go in a store
there'll just be no fear at all
you're living in the past brother
you're living in the past
what are you talking about
this happened in the past
they literally make it
so you can't even go in a store
and take someone off the shelf
and if you see the targets in San Francisco
every single thing is locked off
you can't steal
you literally can't steal
proving your point wrong
they're making it so
they're going shopping
and they ask for everything
you can't fucking steal
you just won't be able to take anything
man
what the fuck is wrong with you
oh
so what are you doing
hahahaha
but yeah
you can't steal
you just won't be able to
you won't even go shopping
you won't be able
I remember going into a fucking mall
doing all three of themselves
stealing batteries
and going out to Humboldt Park
and selling them
yes of course
you know what I mean
sure so I know
I think I remember stealing batteries with you
yeah they were worth a lot of money back then
they're still worth a lot of money
well yeah
but now they're locked up
right
you can't steal right
so there goes that job
but you can't even get eight pack bottles anymore
what is going to be the apex of all this shit
yeah well it's more getting just
it's like a closing of
I don't know
because you know
locking it up doesn't stop them
they just fill up the cart and fucking leave
well yeah you won't be able to go to a store
it'll be just like you can't even come in here
just what do you want
what country do you think leads
also wait locking it up just deters
regular customers too
they're like oh fuck it it's such a pain in the ass
yeah but they have to
no I know
regular customers
but it still cuts down
I've gone to get something it's locked up
I don't even fuck I'll get it somewhere else
you want to pay fucking twenty dollars
for a fucking bar deodorant
no
of course not
you want to pay fucking fifty dollars for a case of water
right so they have to stop the stealing
anywhere they can
what should mean just stop the stealing
they're gonna just you know
stop the steal that should be
that should be the
right the hashtags that will all be automated
automated system or something
you won't be able to really get anything
automated systems don't work
nothing works
you know what works brute force
that's it
well so I said chop off their hands then
no that's not capital punishment
that's brutal force
I've probably faced that punishment
um yeah no that's horrible
I think that's horrible
but it doesn't make a lot of sense
it really does make sense
so there you go
you know I mean just
then for the person
I don't know man
for the person that's stealing
I mean think about it
that was a good one
I don't know
if I was to steal something like you know
they would chop off my hand
maybe sometime for this
dude this is Saudi Arabia man
so I should have steal
because you could get your chopped hand off for that
if a country wasn't this cool
that's what would happen
listen everybody that's high on drugs
and needs money and doesn't have a job
and can't understand it
I understand it
I believe I understand
I understand why they steal
and I don't blame them for stealing
and they're gonna make it
because that's the same
do it
that's the same fucking thing
which is gonna really make things completely different
but that's how
see that's how they get this going
this is how it was happening
is they you know what I mean
now for your protection
you won't even be allowed to go in a store
nobody
see how that works
see what they're doing
yeah like this
you know
keep you safe
you know
safe from what
all this stuff is getting bad
or people are the crime
so keep us
all the crime
just the crime thing
it's the crime
there's a crime problem facing it
everyone knows there's a crime problem right
it's like this
where's your crime problem
and then it comes to the safety situation
where for your safety
you really
you're gonna be like fences
well when you take the train
they're like
there's our safety
yes they're already doing it
they've been doing it for years
you know what I mean
this crime is saying
it's gonna be your safety
it's gonna be less and less freedom
basically
under the guise of
safety or some protection
safety
some word they'll use
like those strived shoes in the hood
where the
McDonald's or whatever
you gotta turn the thing
and your food comes around
and the bulletproof
yeah I mean you've done that before
yeah yeah
everything's gonna be like that
the South Central Lady Susan
yeah everything's gonna be like that
so we should go to Harold's
across the street from Commissary
yeah across from
from Commissary Park
yeah
everything's gonna be like that
there's a lot of places like that
two inches of bulletproof
and there ought to be that way
and this was fucking
95 96
mm-hmm
like this is when the shit was real
man
oh it's been like that for a long time
it's gonna be like that
everywhere
yes yes
if you even got it off
fuck
mm-hmm
if you can even go out at all
if I don't even be able to go outside
or something
or certain hours or something
there'll be restrictions and shit
you live in the city almost
it's gonna get bad real fast man
we don't have to worry
yeah I don't like you really don't care for it
I like it
I like it but I don't
you know it's alright
why's that
I don't know
I like the space more
around here there's more space you know
yeah you can fucking wander
yeah
and do whatever you want
straight corners
city stops
it really thaws
there's nothing wrong
well
unless you're a junkie
or you're you're born there
and that's all I'm just gonna say
I was born there
so I always love
I'm fascinated I love the city
when I go to my old neighborhood
even though it's totally terribly dangerous
and fucking
you know I just
fucking reminds me when I was a little
oh
listen to this
I was in a friend's house last night
in Hoffman Estates
okay
about
10 o'clock I go outside
they have a heater
motherfuckers start cranking balloons
oh your favorite thing
you heard it somewhere else
in the
like a cul-de-sac my friend lives in
so there's probably
did you figure out
houses and
yes I knew exactly where it was coming from
I'm like I'm like a navy seal
when it comes to fucking gas
yeah
you heard the thing
hissing like shit
did you go
they were using a fucking
got cracker
or they were using a whipped cream container
did you go make friends with them
no no no no no
and then
and you could hear it
my five minutes later
they start using an impact wrench
taking tires off
wheeeee
you know when you go to
an entire shop
and then all of a sudden
hissing
and then more fucking
it is where my friend lives
after 10 o'clock
it gets
crazy
sounds fun
it's very funny
they're working on cars
and doing whippets
oh well
you ever done a whipet
have I
can I get my car for you
can I get my car fixed by these guys
I wouldn't
they fixed my car
oh they're doing tires
ass clown
can I get tires with these guys
yeah I mean I'll send you over there
they'll probably have their way with you
because look at you
that's cool you know
all your tires are gone and your ass code
hey alright man the guy wants tires
that's code for you know what
so you're here for the tires huh
I know the code I'm gonna send you out there
I know the code
I know the code I'm gonna send you out there
like where your short is short is short
look at your chops and shit
yeah sir
here you want a puff ass clown
can I take a hit of the bong
no
go right ahead
oh you can Mark
go ahead
let ass clown go first
busting the rotation
yeah definitely
ass clown is first
it's lit
go ahead puff on it
needles is taking the bong hit now
thanks
ah boy
you know it's really was a fucking great day today
I gotta tell you
nice and hot
I went around
you like that
ah yeah you know
go ahead there Mark
thank you thank you
took a nice little ride on my motorbike around town
it was fucking
beautiful
I uh
I got the thing
I got the thing going full blast
and I was going 60 miles an hour
and uh
you went a little faster
and that was when I fucking was going down
downhill
downhill with the wind
with bending down
no breaking out
oh yeah yeah yeah
in uh to be more fucking strong
yeah and I still
I'm such a fucking fat ass now man
I couldn't go ahead
no man
I hit the max speeds
no and I know it's not
cause the bike needs a tune up or something
I wouldn't buy one
maybe it doesn't
I wouldn't buy one cause it's not fun for me
it's just no fun
I don't go fast enough
you go 20 miles an hour
I realize there's nothing to tell
I'm holding the bike back
fucking gym suits got a bike
he spent like 5 G's on the motherfucking thing
and he goes uh you know like 50, 60 miles an hour
and it's a bicycle
right right right
it's a fucking bicycle man
I tried riding a bicycle the other day
but my bicycle was actually a little scared
you tried riding a bicycle
I got you love riding bicycles
maybe it was the way I was sitting on it
maybe I needed to just
I had a bicycle not an electric bicycle
you got scared on a grown man
I got scared on a bicycle
yeah my own bike I bought it just last year
even I lowered them for years
but last time I got it
it was
no I didn't like it
fuck you
new dance wife
I'll try again maybe but I was not comfortable
they know what you need
he needs one where you lay down
you know what I mean
I know
and they got the fat
the fat guy
that's called a recumbent bike
I'm not buying one of those fucking things
he's definitely a recumbent boy
I know a thing
you can get one of those flags
the orange flag
like the 70s
the big dick on it
yeah
it says hello sailor on there
I kiss tips
for tips
there you go
tips for tips
tip for horn
wait wait
for that
tip for that
here's another here's another ancient story
oh here we go
and you know I got all these old ass stories
because you fucking got in your little car thing
and we didn't do episodes for a couple days
and I got a bad plug
okay well here we go keep on bringing it back to the other
three weeks ago
the NAACP guy
he's telling blacks
what's his name
his name is Leon Russell
Leon Russell okay
surprisingly because that's the name of a
that's a solid name
that's a solid name because there's a white
cat
that's a keyboard guy
that's been around since
fuck man
he's playing
dude you know a cat that plays the keyboard
yeah and his name is Leon Russell
and I just bought one of his
I just bought one of his albums the other day
man he didn't even let that one fucking settle for him
and he just cut right through it like a Mexican landscape
anyway
man
and he's kind of a total hypocrite
because he said
who is?
this Leon Russell cat
because he told blacks not to go to Florida
that it's very dangerous
what?
for anybody not just for blacks
well no but
why Florida is dangerous for anyone
but he's saying it's dangerous for blacks
and he lives there
that's the best part
it's the motherfucker who lives there
why is it dangerous for blacks?
it's not
oh yeah I never thought
he just doesn't want the blacks there
why?
I guess
I mean he tells his own people don't come here
I guess yeah
you know what I mean like
hey listen
don't come over guys
there's no pussy here
and there's like nine girls
yeah yeah
and there's no coke either
and just don't come it's dangerous
yeah yeah
you might get bit by a snake
all the black people are like
oh fuck that
yeah there's snakes
oh fuck
there's snakes
there's alligators
magic and snakes
that's the truth
I don't know man
everybody tastes with the snake
the guy comes up to the front
the baby's the snake
oh lord
lordy lordy lordy
all my love
they kept going
all my love they were doing it
snake was long gone
they're still
oh lordy lord
where was this
we were the taste of Chicago
and it was packed
you know
some guy
getting through the crowd
was going through the crowd
with the bull constrictor
I turned
I turned a marathon
that asshole does that dude
I know I turned a marathon
I said that snake will be dead
by the end of the night
you want to know what's worse than
Satan's snake guy
yeah
I'm telling you right now
who the fuck carries a snake
through a crowd
well
Satan was your bird
snake guy
he parted the fucking seas
man
yeah cause he's snake guy
yeah he's parted on earth
to the
on the
on the on earth
snake guy
there we go
we have found something
about satan snake guy
it was hilarious
like NASA
not a space association
actually
I'm gonna throw my water bottle
at you
Nazi American Science Association
everyone just moved
right out of his way
literally he's right
yeah cause the guy had a fucking snake
yeah
it's like holding a gun
pretty much
you know
I got the fuck out of his way
look at my fucking snake
like what the fuck dude
this is downtown Chicago
there's like a million people there
you know
we're not in the jungle
it was crazy
you know I'm gonna tell you
the last time we went to fucking
the taste of Chicago
man I was walking through a crowd
and the guy in the wife beat
her a big fat guy
uh huh
and we were so tight
that the guy like lifted it
and he was like
he was like
the guy like lifted his arm up
cause he was taller than me
and he was like
and literally was like
uh what's that movie
along came Polly or whatever
the guy brushes up against
his fat sweaty titty
oh fuck man
I'm going to go like a day time
dude
what's that
this was during the day time
oh really
yeah
I don't really
I don't really get out there
you have to go during the day time
cause once it hits night
I don't know
it's ever gonna crack
get the fuck out of dodge
yeah
you know what I mean
the plan works are going on
there's two
you really want to know who's the band that night
and it kind of depends on the
I'm actually proud
the band breathes in
it's fucking Jesus was playing
downtown during the day
we're still dangerous
I would not go
yeah it's still packed with two wee people
it's disgusting
dude I had a
they change for
some fucking
what do they call it
the things they have
their hair all the way
the guy
dreadlocks
corn dog
dreadlock
they're all my fucking corn dog
wait a second
whoa
wait a second
whoa whoa
slow down
what did you just say
a corn row
got wrapped around your corn dog
that is the name of the episode
and the guy's got the fucking
and second
wait a minute
the dreadlocks
was dreadlock
why do you
was it a girl or a guy
some guy
some girl
slow down
okay
so it was a guy's dreadlock
wrapped around your corn dog
in your hand
and it was probably all
it was a guy wearing a
wife beater
I was sweating
wasn't it sweaty
yeah it was hot night
hot
you know it was in a sweaty
corn row
actually those were dreadlocks
dreadlocks
and sure
and I got this corn dog
and the guy's shaking his head
and sure enough
here comes his red
the fucking thing wraps around
your dog
right around the fucking
the fucking
did he pull it like
the fucking
you're starting to lawn mower
no you took it out of my hand
I kind of fought to get it back
but I said well fuck it
I just let it go
what do you mean wait
I go ahead
no you
he was pulling out of my hand
the dreadlock
the wrap around there was
coming out of my hand
and I tried to get it
well I'm not going to eat it now
I just let it go
you know you should have let it
no you should have let it
you should have not pulled it
and let it be part of his hair
on him
well that's why
he has some birds living in there
right
and then he got it
it knocks out of my hand
yeah it ripped
right out of my hand
I had it fucking sick
so I never went to a crowded thing
and I went there getting a crowd
I always went like in the morning
when they first opened
then leave
I never go to a crowd
what band was playing
it wasn't the main thing
it was like some guy in a reggae stage
or there was a reggae guy playing
on some stage
oh first of all
I don't fault this guy with the dreadlocks
he was at the reggae stage
why are you in a corn dog
at the reggae stage
that's what I mean
you have corn up was right there
dude you're making white people
look really bad right now
that's what I mean about
make sure you know who the entertainer is
when you go
you couldn't tell
when you walked up that they were playing reggae
yeah I was like what kind of guy was there
what are you doing
did you get robbed on the way out
hey I want to ask you
were you sticking out like a sort bomb
not really
what do you think I'm getting at
at least
I wasn't that seriously noticeable
but yeah
cause you were not now eating a corn dog
no this was a million years ago man
yeah it wasn't a million years ago
it doesn't make any sense
well let's see
you're having a really tasty Chicago no while
and he was wired on coke at that time
yeah exactly
no not at all
you're just like in a corn dog
no
you're living at Tom's house
you lived at Tom's house
he lived at Tom's house okay
that was a long long time ago
15 years
no dude you're talking like now
30 something
that's about all the memories I have
I don't really have much after that
before you got so many heavy drugs
right pretty much yeah
back then we did cocaine
we sniffed it once in a while
we go crazy but
Mark wasn't a full blown dirtbag
he blocked out all his memories before that
no I spent like 20 years
and then wait and then
you blocked out
did you even meet Epstein and forth
he blocked out
I wanted to go to the Virgin Islands
he blocked out 19
whatever islands
you know the islands whatever islands are called
I'd like your makeup but I'll go to any tropical police
he also blocked out
1971 summer camp
huh?
71 summer camp
what happened in 71 summer camp
nothing happened in camp
you just want to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
not what happened I know of
not happening to me anyways
you know of me here smell my flower
what happened to you
the camp was a good time
you're like how'd they get this fudgy wudgy
why is my butt hurt
we went to summer camps
nice summer camp
of course you did that
that's why I'm saying you don't remember that one year
because you blacked it out
it was so bad
oh god no no
no that's alright man
you can tell us the other four
you remember that one
no surprisingly it was with the YMCA so I'm you know
oh man
we were fine
that wasn't a one year song about that
after school we'd have to walk over there
wait for a mountain picture from work
so we'd go in this YMCA
and hang out
they had a game room
they had a pool actually
you didn't get to sleep over
no no
it was a swing pool
I mean you're really fucking towing the line
if you sleep over at the Y
no no
they made a song with Fanooks about it
Fanooks kidding
I heard it
I'm just saying you really want to sleep at the Y
this was a
eat at the Y
they had a pool
yeah that's even worse
pool tables
that's code right there
yeah totally
what was that in for
it was fun it was nice
it was an Elgin right by
you live in there
Lord's Park
you're Lord's Park is
what's that
yeah yeah
it was right by there
kind of by the school
I like they had the W
A M Y C A
there was one of those two
but we went
it was right there
we had to wait for them out to pick us up
so we'd go there and hang out
for a couple of hours
and it was fun
they had games and shit to do
you could swim if you wanted to
we stopped swimming after a while
after the fucking lifeguard tried to drown you
we got tired of swimming all the time
so we started just hanging in the
wrecker room and playing pool
needles is a fruit
I'm not a fruited one man
we already talked about this
if I could be gay I would totally be gay
we learned to play dice
the guy tried to play dice
man this was like a real good place
what was that mean
we went and they go swimming
in the end and played dice
either the warriors hung out here
or the guys
and then I showed them
then I learned how to
you plug up the change
you see the candy wrappers
you learned how to unplug the toilet
you put a candy wrapper up
they called it
oh yeah you plug up the phone
and you get your money for your candy
from that
we would do that with my little brother
that's why
in the old phones man
they had a thing you'd pull down
to get the money out
you could fill that and fucking
were you talking about payphone
yeah just like you did
I was actually pretty bad at that place
and I was like probably
so you learned how to play dice
did they let you smoke
no
not yet
once they got a little old
no no
before I could have
I'm sure if we had a cigarette
they said you can't smoke until you're 10
yeah
if I had smoked he probably wouldn't let me
no one would watch us or anything
sure I'm sure there was no supervision whatsoever
because you guys weren't getting molested
well they don't know
he doesn't remember
no we weren't getting molested
we were not getting molested
he was like hey
why does this cool aid taste funny
no no no
and then mommy I slept the whole time
right right right
for some reason I was really tired
I was waking up go home tired
sleeping in the car
no no no like that it was fun
very nice
I liked it actually it was fun
you liked what
going to the wine
oh no
so stupid
I apologize for that
well I'm sorry
I was talking about me
I mean I was going to say it was molested
get the fuck out of here man
I know no
okay
that was just okay
why would you say it
honestly
because it's funny
that shit
oh it's not
yeah it makes us both laugh
that's who we're going to get
one Donnie
shut up
Donnie I don't know if we're getting shut down
why don't we just think it out
welcome to the mall
okay let me put this on
why am I going to be the one that got molested
fuck you
you were molested
oh
are you not just throwing that on me
seriously
think about it folks
he was a molested one
I'm saying everyone's molested
seriously now
you really think
I don't think that's going to feral out with the listeners
well you know
I got to tell you
if it wasn't for like some older chicks molesting me
when I was young
I am grateful
allegedly dude
come on man
allegedly
I was fucking glad
and I'm really kind of jealous of these kids today
they get to fuck their hot looking teacher
yeah how about that shit
you see that man
yeah yeah
isn't that great
it's fucking happens a lot man
it happens a lot more lately than it ever has
I'm going to tell you right
the biggest thing is not even that
usually it's the guy teacher getting in trouble
fucking girls
nowadays it's a hot looking chick
right and that's why I'm so bad
I don't think it's that terrible
me either like I said
if it wasn't for the guy with the young girl it's bad
underage
yeah but if it's a chick with the young beauty
totally legal
totally
this is too young this kind of strange
I want to wear a lary fan
too young this kind of strange or whatever
news and opinions expressed throughout the scene
well it's a woman and a younger man
and it doesn't matter
forget though if he's legal age
well no here's the thing
legal we're talking legal
he's going to want to fucking do it
in what country though
yes so definitely
and he's not going to be wounded emotionally
right
like a girl will
he's going to be fucking blamed
he's going to be telling his friends
why am I wrong
man I got to fuck the teacher
what's that he's right about
well that's the teacher
I don't know what he's upset about
I'm happy he's a clam
no he just said something
he tells his friends
or black girls
and then they tell their friends
well yeah yeah yeah
it's around
unless they trade nudes and snapchats
and then he shares them
well now you're talking
you know that's catching a giant scandal
I'm talking fucking I got a kid
you know what I mean
like there's shit like
you don't understand
well you're afraid your son's going to do it
I mean listen you do understand this a lot
dude Mike it might be the best thing for him
maybe we'll marry this teacher
and you know
oh my god what are you nuts
well come on
we have a nice relationship
oh no
what the fuck are you done
well she's a shit
I love it
why not
a nice relationship
yeah
with the child
okay I mean
the child grows up more
finishes school the teacher's
no he's supposed to fucking
I mean
he goes to like spend the summer with her
and then bouts audio
still has soccer dance too
but he's got soccer camp too
well she teaches
teacher do you drive me to soccer
yeah she's off
she's not working
Riley's not going
having any frizzes
his teacher's now man
amazing
you gotta fucking
a babysitter you don't have to pay
all that
right that too that right
and the kids getting educated
all summer
three babysitting
everything you can imagine
with that situation
go to your teacher's house
please take him teacher
take him
yeah sure just use him
I mean these childs
actually I did have dates with my teacher
I used to take in
yeah but they were trying to teach you
you know the girl teacher
used to go out with her
okay
how old were you
um
I can't even
I still live in stream
we went to elegant school
so around the YMCA time
and yes
if he was good for four days in a row
she took him to McDonald's
kind of like that
right now I was like a
um
a tutoring situation
of course it was
right and I would go
I knew you didn't actually have a fucking date
with your teacher
sure as a teacher
from the school
it was a teacher at the school
but we'd go after school
and I would have to teach with her
learn something from her
then we would go to the rainbow ice cream shop
and have ice cream and stuff
she'd be on the time
wait a second so she would take you from school
yeah all the time
we had a great time
I liked her a lot
we had a kid
she was a younger girl
okay how old were you
she was a younger teacher
and how old were you
much younger
she wasn't like an old lady teacher
like I had
she was younger
how old were you
I was suppose before
I came to here
this fucking guy doesn't know
he doesn't fucking understand timelines
I mean
I don't know
I'm like I forget how old I am
I was
let's see
was it high school last year
no it wasn't high school
I was much younger
dating my teacher
when I was in maybe fifth grade
fourth or fifth grade
wait a second
yeah yeah I went on dates with my teacher
okay wait
okay now I was in
I went to the ice cream shop
on Barrington Road
in Streamwood
me and Mrs. I can't remember her name
he could say that
it doesn't fucking matter
yeah she's probably not even there anymore
um
we don't live there
in Streamwood
who cares if you fucking named her
we would go there
you're too paranoid
hey let me tell you
alright so let's fucking
I actually did
I really wanted to get closer
there was a kid when I was in third grade
seriously you already how much I like girls
then
okay now listen
listen there was a kid when I was in third grade
I'm fucking so lost right now
listen you motherfucker
shut it
there was this kid Terry Carney
he bit me in the arm one time
can you say his last name
I don't give a fuck
this kid bit me in Drew Blood
I almost needed fucking shots
he was an asshole
he used to drink fucking
Elmer's glue
anyways
this kid was so fucking wild
in class
and so crazy
that the teacher would give him a gold star
if he could be good
for an amount of days in a row
and then bring him to McDonald's
off school grounds in the car
to McDonald's
it was pretty bogus for everyone else
it was good all the time
it was like you cunt
why don't you give me some fucking McDonald's
no this kid wasn't getting molested
he was like a wild fucking animal
no shit huh
sounds like it
I mean he would be like trying to molest an alligator
I'm gonna tell you right now
man
who the fuck is gonna stop being bad
for a gold star
this kid didn't go to McDonald's very often
well I'm just saying
he was bad a lot
well I mean
he went twice when he used to go
I'm an instantaneous bad guy
I want my shit now
this kid was insane
I'm gonna go amok
or you give me a Snickers
you know what I mean
I won't want one every day
you know I make the teacher
put the teacher on the arm
but this kid didn't put that much thought into it
he literally was a fucking wild maniac
what happened when they went to McDonald's
him and the teacher
I can't imagine
they must have strapped him down
with some kind of special straps
would the family go with them
no
it was him and the teacher
yeah
but how'd they strap him
I don't know
maybe they said if you're not good
you're not gonna get the McDonald's at all
so you better fucking be cool in the car
remember they used to fucking hype up McDonald's
when we were kids man
they took us off of the run
maybe they like sometimes go get it
and bring it back for them
I don't know what they did exactly
I'm not a ball pit
no I never been to a play place
a McDonald's one
no
remember the fucking Mayor McChese
and they used to have like
the primary character
I never jumped in a ball pit
you used to jump in a ball pit
you were that young
you were a ball pitter
yeah
you were the ball pit kids
I'm a fucking bite
there wasn't even
one of my girlfriends
kid a kid that wanted to always go
right when they started building those play places
McDonald's, McDonald's
I'd be like shut the fuck up
shut this fucking thread up
no they just wanted to go to the fucking play place
the park
they think it's the fucking park or something
they love the nuggets
that shit is A
McNuggets
there's four
no there's five different molds
and that shit is a
a paste that they injected
and that shit is so fucked
it's chicken alright
it's processed
yeah very alright
it's just processed beyond process
it's the last little bit of the chicken they have
you know beaks and shit
they paste right
it's like just like yeah
alright hey
shout out to Ross
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Lou Ann
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shout out to
Chrissy
shout out to Jay
and everybody that likes us
everybody else that likes us
and everybody that's listening
hey you guys are some cool motherfuckers
no I really feel like a douchebag saying that though
what
I don't know I feel like we're pandering
fuck you I really mean it
because the people that listen to this
it takes a special motherfucker
it's so hard to take you seriously
when you get them fucking
I don't want to eat out
I really am dude
and on the couch sometimes where I pass out
no I wouldn't
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uh Yahoo
Larry and Needle show
the uh yeah what man whatever
it's the Larry and Needle show
and yeah
oh no Larry and Needle show
yahoo.com
something like that
this is gold
yeah
alright we all love you
thank you
you'll find us somewhere out there
I'm sure
peace
Larry and Needle show