Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles show.
Larry and Needles.
Show.
What's up with the rotation?
Alright.
Dude, man.
Shit.
That's okay.
I'll let you guys share that.
I'll smoke this one.
Okay.
Hey, welcome to the Larry and Needles show.
I'm Larry.
And I'm Needles.
And I'm going to work with us today.
Hello.
So, definitely the three fucking stooges.
Yes.
So, like, follow, subscribe.
Tell your friends.
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Email us.
Tell me that Needles is a bitch.
Fucking, your Nana.
What the heck?
Email me and tell me Needles is a bitch.
Yeah, that's great.
Please do that.
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Yeah, tell your friends the most important part.
Tell your fucking friends that this is the most nonsensical shit I've ever heard.
And that it's pretty cool.
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Always remember that to fucking subscribe so that we can get better with our analytics.
So now we were going to...
We alluded to this in the last episode.
We were talking about...
We were going to talk about...
The Ava tapes.
Ava.
So...
Ava was a really cool chick.
I liked her a lot.
It was one of Mark's girlfriends.
And...
They live together.
And she was something.
And...
My name is David E.
Huge alcoholic.
How much liquor did she drink every day in for?
Oh, I had to say but...
Pints of...
That skull would be all over the place.
What a loser.
All over the place.
Pints everywhere.
Oh, no shit?
Yeah.
Yeah?
All over.
Okay, how long did you live together?
Oh, god, like four years maybe?
Yeah.
Okay, so...
Yeah.
You met her at the fucking restaurant you worked at?
Of course.
Yeah.
Okay, so...
And she worked in the banquet section and you were a server.
Yes.
Right?
Okay.
Yeah.
So, and fourth...
Here are Justice Mike.
Sorry.
I got it.
So Larry decides to give and fourth a recorder.
And how big was this recorder?
Oh, the thing, yeah.
How big was it?
Because it was...
Well, it was portable pocket size, you could say, but it was big.
Yeah, I mean this thing had to be fucking huge.
It had to be like a Walkman.
Well, yeah, it was more pro.
But it was like a Walkman size, right?
Right, right, right.
Okay, so...
For like outdoor recording stuff.
So, and fourth decides he's gonna tape him and Ava fighting.
And it was basically because just for his own protection.
So, when something happened to her, he could say to the cops, look, this bitch, I didn't do anything.
She fucking jumped off the balcony or whatever, you know, whatever.
And so...
Accident would have happened.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so you guys lived together.
Now the first tape that Larry plays for me is the Christmas Eve one.
Well, that's the only one really.
Yeah.
Well, no, there's two separate ones.
Well, yeah, there's all one.
The other one is a separate one.
Yeah, but you know what?
I think those were just different.
It was same weekend.
Was it the same weekend?
Yeah.
I don't even...
Okay, so basically, and fourth works as a server.
He's got to work, what do you call it?
Christmas Eve.
Yeah, on Christmas Eve.
And she, I don't know if we talked about this already.
We might have talked about this, but we haven't talked about the things.
We might have, but it was a good...
Well, yeah.
It was some good high action on that fucking recording.
Okay, so what do you call it?
So fucking and fourth starts recording her.
And she is, I mean, a drunk...
And she's Polish.
She got a hardcore Polish...
It's almost difficult to understand her sometimes.
My darling.
But she never sounds drunk.
And it will know she does it.
But she sounds fucking possessed.
Yeah, she sounds scary.
Yeah, but she's not slurring her words.
She's not saying anything to...
Yeah, it took her a while to get to slurring.
Yeah, but this was at like 12, 30 at night.
Yeah.
Okay.
I thought it would take three or four days for her to slur.
So basically three or four days of drinking.
Yeah, but basically, so she was getting this hammered and going to work.
The first one starts off with her getting arrested.
The cops let her go.
Because she spoke Polish to them.
Yeah, because she spoke Polish.
The cop was Polish.
I talked to him.
And she said, reminded of her brother.
And drove her home.
She says...
And they drove her home.
The cop says to her, are you drunk?
And she says, of course I am drunk.
And it's my birthday.
And she fucking drunk.
And then take me and then she proceeds to berate the fuck out of you.
Oh, is she bad?
And then she starts hitting you.
And you're like, ow.
Shit, ow.
So I want to get these.
We're going to do a special.
We're going to play the tapes.
And I think we'll do like...
Commentary.
We'll stop it.
We'll do segments.
15-minute shows or something.
Like 30 minutes because it is long.
Different voices.
That might be where we start getting money.
That's how we do it.
Like our Patreon.
You have to pay for content.
For the Antwerp beating tapes.
Dude, she's hitting them.
And he's like, ow.
And he's laughing because he knows he has the recorder on.
Because if the recorder wasn't there,
talk about crying in the corner.
Because here's the thing.
She's getting enraged and you're getting more and more calm.
Her dad was a boxer.
So she knew how to fight.
Oh, yeah.
Like she was a mean, bad bitch.
Meerslav Khrishnikov.
Fucking what was his name?
Ivan Mudevich.
Oh, shit.
She was a big boxer.
He got killed by the Russian mafia.
Really?
Yes, sir.
Not throwing a fight.
Oh, no shit.
Yeah.
Wow.
You said I will not throw a fight.
I will beat anybody.
I'll die.
You don't fuck with the Russians.
No.
Well, you'd back that in the CCCP.
You don't fuck with nobody.
Right now, if they tell you to throw a fight,
they'll kill you.
Oh, well, yeah.
But it's not like it used to be to fucking...
What's it called?
Fucking...
What's the secret?
The...
KGB?
Yeah, you don't fuck with the KGB.
Oh, fuck it.
You ever seen those videos when they fucking...
The police are like...
What do you call it?
In Russia, they're like busting the guy.
You're blowing that mic.
Yeah, are you hitting your head on the mic every time?
No, no, no, no.
I'm paying attention.
No, no, no.
I'm running my leg here.
What do you call it?
So like the cops will be arresting these dudes in Russia,
and they'll just like...
Flying jump kick this motherfucker from like ten feet away.
Two boots, dude.
Boom.
Right in the fucking...
They go right down.
...in the top.
But okay, so now get back to Ava.
That's what Ava was doing at Handforth.
I'm sure your dad got a flying fucking boot kick.
So she talks about, because it's her birthday,
that day that we talked to her.
Of course I am drunk, she says to the cops.
That's what she tells the cops.
It's my...
Yeah, yeah, it's their ass.
Okay, so then the cops drive her home.
And at one point you must have got food,
because she was talking about clams.
Yeah, yeah, she wanted big clams.
Yeah, and you got them.
Yeah, I think so.
And she got mad because you only left one.
Oh, she said she...
Yeah, she passed out or whatever.
I mean, I don't know what's gonna happen.
She might die in her sleep.
She's out for all...
She's out for hours.
She's out for hours, yeah.
Damn, dude.
So she just drink herself into...
Yeah, and so whatever.
Hours go by, fucking eat the clams.
I'm sorry, man.
That's a...
Dude, that's exactly what he said.
And that exact...
Dude, that was weird hearing that.
Well, that's a lie.
Well, no, but it was the exact same tonage.
You know what I mean?
That's how it sounded on the recording.
And then...
She was just as high as energy.
Dude, yeah.
And then she proceeds to call you stupid and an idiot.
And then she's cheated her.
Yeah, cheated her.
She says, fuck me.
Oh, is she a...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You want to know?
Wait a second, you're getting a headlayering sound.
Oh, no.
That was my favorite part.
Dude, don't bust your nut, dude.
Slow down.
That is what I'm saying.
So, you want to fuck me?
So then she's just yelling at you.
And you're like, I need to go to sleep.
Please come to bed.
I got a work in the morning.
Please come to bed.
And then, fuck it.
And you're like, okay, just be quiet.
Yeah, so she slams the door, starts screaming.
You hear her from far away screaming.
Yeah, she's like screaming about fucking something.
And then you start snoring.
No, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, and then she's saying about the beers, that the beer's gone.
Or whatever's gone.
Like, she's like, you drink all the beers or something.
And...
Where's my fucking beer?
Where's my fucking...
If I want to drink two bottles of fucking vodka, I will.
And that's what she says.
She says the most awful.
So, Amphor's laying in bed at this point.
Because this was...
The in-between was the fight about that she didn't believe Amphor
if he had to work on New Year's or Christmas Eve.
So she calls up 419...
This guy needs a boom operator.
Yeah, she's got it.
411, she calls for information.
I will call information.
So she calls information and you can hear her on the phone.
Because you have to do it.
Amphor, it's hilarious that you fucking got the recorder in your pocket.
I know.
How could she know that?
She actually, she didn't know it was a microphone.
No, but you know what, though, Mark?
I listen and there must be another lost recording
because I distinctly remember a recording where she's like,
You are recording me.
And you're like, no, no.
I don't know if that's true.
I got to look through my computer.
The lost Amphor tape.
Ava just berating him.
She sees the microphone and she's like,
You are recording me.
You got that from Larry.
He's like, no, no.
You got that from Larry.
So then, yeah, yeah, she calls 411,
asks the lady if Vanuities is open on Christmas Eve.
The lady's like, I don't know.
She calls up Vanuities.
It's like, now one o'clock in the morning or something.
There's no one there.
Yeah, no one's there.
It had to be later than that.
So you go spend Christmas with your fucking whore.
And you see this girl, seeing anybody, baby.
She's 24 hours.
She's going, did you buy her a nice present?
Fuck that motherfucker.
And then all of a sudden, ow!
She just throws a right hook.
Yeah.
Ow, stop hitting me.
Ow!
He's in front of the pattern on his wife.
She was bad.
She's just gonna give you some of the punching bag.
She was like, I don't want to break up with her.
I don't want to see her anymore.
So then the whole thing goes on with Vanuities
and she literally flips on a dime
and goes to something completely different.
Yeah.
Like, no more of a completely different fight.
No more about Vanuities.
So then now you're in the back.
She got real happy when you said to her,
well, you know, my mom's not happy
when she heard you in the background call her a bitch.
She goes, and then she goes, was she,
like you could tell she was happy.
Was she, does she not like me now?
And you go, well, you know,
she doesn't think you're the most wonderful person
or whatever you said.
And then it's like, oh my God.
Then you go to your sisters for fucking Christmas
with your fucking horny girlfriend.
Oh, she's bottle.
24 hours a day with your horny girl.
Oh, man.
You're like, I've been here all day and I've worked.
There's prostitutes at Larry's house.
Remember what I said?
She thought Joe was a prostitute.
She thought Larry was a prostitute.
There's other girls.
Dude, that's between boys.
Prostitutes at Larry's house.
He's married, Mark.
So when he's married, how could they, what do you think?
His wife is letting us just go crazy in the house.
I know what goes on there.
And then she comes over and there's nothing going on.
A bunch of people get fucked up.
Playing music, that's all it is.
What are these prostitutes?
I want one.
Fucking share.
So then you guys are, now you're in the bedroom
and you're telling her you want to go to bed.
Right?
And she is fucking.
Not letting that happen.
She's hitting you while you're laying down.
At one point.
You get, you know what to do.
Yeah.
Did you hear the recorder falling around and getting crashed around?
The fucking sound's crazy.
It's a river shot.
It's brutal, man.
Yeah, you can hear everything rustling.
She do all the organs when it hits you.
He's under the covers in the bed.
She wears with her dad.
He's under the covers in the bed with the recorder going.
And she is fucking.
Dude, she was brutal, man.
She's like calling you a loser.
Crazy shit, dude.
And she's like blackout drunk.
You know?
That's a shit, yeah.
So now the scary part.
Well, actually, no.
The funny part.
The funny part is she's just arguing with you about something Christmas maybe now.
It might be.
And then she does, do you want to fuck?
Fuck me.
Yeah, fuck me.
That's what she has.
Fuck me.
That's what she said.
Why wouldn't she want to fuck me now?
Like, all of us, about five times.
And then you're...
She hit him like 10 times.
He's all bad.
He's a badder wife.
Then there's one point where you're snoring and she's like sitting at the edge of the
bed muttering shit.
You hear her saying shit.
I'm going to get my Polish made to fucking decipher what she's screaming at you and talking
about.
She's going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
You know what I'm saying?
Dude, she's right at you.
She's right at you.
You know what I'm saying?
And I'm like, oh my god.
I'm so mad that she's speaking Polish now.
Dude, she's talking to you in Polish.
I know.
So I'm going to have Ivanka.
Ivanka's going to tell me what.
Yeah.
She's going to say for this.
So then, yeah, so she says, you want to fuck?
You're like, no, I want to go to bed.
This and that.
I got to be up early for work.
So then you hear you rustling and you're going to bed and shit.
And then she's like muttering shit in the background and then you could hear her sit on the bed
and she's just like muttering to herself.
Like...
It's very scary.
And all of a sudden you start snoring.
How in the fuck can you go to sleep in?
When literally death is at your fucking door, man.
Sit on the bed.
Like six inches away.
It's dead.
He's been giving you liver shots all day and you're just going to fall asleep next door.
Yeah.
Dude, I mean, you're a fucking...
Dude, what a psychopath.
Balls of iron.
No, what a psychopath.
Like, who the fuck did you think is blackout drunk?
Yeah.
Dangerous.
So then you start snoring and she keeps on muttering and then all of a sudden she either
hits you, she hits you once while you're sleeping.
She's the best.
She brings you out of your sleep.
Ugh, there's a gut shot.
And you're like, ah.
That is very funny.
Hey, why are you laughing?
What?
Dude, she fucking hits you once and you come out of your sleep and you're like, what the
fucking...
Yeah, yeah.
Can you go to bed?
Right, right, right.
And she just starts a whole nother...
Yeah, I know.
What's wrong with you?
Yeah.
I'm just trying to sleep, bitch.
Right, right.
She was not letting you sleep.
I know.
She would not leave you alone, bitch.
I didn't sleep all night.
And it is the...
I mean, listen, we don't advocate domestic violence, but if you're our friend and you're
in court, we're gonna fucking...
Hey, if anyone has any domestic violence tapes, they want to email us an mp3o.
Wait, whoa.
As long as nothing bad happens and nobody...
It has to be funny.
It has to be funny, exactly.
We don't want a recording of someone just beating them shit.
We don't want that shit at all.
We don't want the funny stuff.
Yeah, just joke with it.
Just if your wife says some really crazy funny shit to you or something.
And they just don't put the parting where you're soccer.
Yeah, I mean, just videotape the first part and we'll edit that part out.
And maybe we'll have a little special...
Contest.
The funniest domestic...
You know, you run together the best 10 little 30-second snippets of brutality.
Oh my God, bitch.
Make a little...
So long, literally.
30 seconds?
Well, 30...
I would say 30 seconds max would be...
It could maybe be two seconds.
You know, sometimes family happens fast.
We don't want that though.
But you know, if you have like a flower and a squirty flower,
then you squirt it out and then punch her.
Okay, that's funny.
No.
So, get him...
Okay, don't wake up Mark.
I don't wake up.
I don't want to sleep under a nod like you think.
It wasn't.
I don't know how to be in a nod now, with these fucking drugs.
What do you guys fucking do?
Christ on Mayday.
It's a nod.
Can we take a fucking nap?
You need to take a nap.
He's on drugs.
Look, he can even rest.
He's looking at drugs.
So that's what it's called, now, nap time.
Nap time.
Much better.
Fucking hilarious.
So I can't take a nap around here.
Yeah, I can't sleep in the middle of a podcast.
What the fuck, man?
What kind of country is this?
Just come here and fucking waste your time.
Not that I want to take a nice nap in front of a podcast.
You just get three times more than that.
Six times you've napped already.
I mean, we had to literally lower the mic.
I'm a napper.
The mic is like two foot off the ground right now,
because you have to talk into it.
I'm so low.
I'm a napper.
I'm a late night napper.
I take like 15, 20 minutes' bursts of sleep.
Just in the middle of the podcast, though,
you couldn't shut it off.
I mean, thanks, bro.
That's what I do.
That's what he's a to my mouth.
I'm really tired.
What the fuck?
Nobody's that tired.
He's a bowl of pasta.
If you're that tired, you should have stayed over in the bed.
I was hungry.
I should have stayed over in the bed.
I don't like that.
I would have been sleeping by now.
I bet you would.
I wish it was for you guys.
We're such asshole.
Sorry.
Oh my God.
Fucking hilarious.
It's so funny.
All right.
So, at this point, fourth in the bed,
and Abe is already giving him a gut shot.
He's just working you over in this recording.
One recording is like seven minutes,
and she must hit you like four times.
And the worst is, and then last four minutes of it are dead.
She does all of it in the beginning.
We'll edit them out.
The worst is, they don't come in succession.
She throws one.
And then one time passes.
Right.
And then comes another one.
And the best is, I can see Ann Mayer making it for Flynn.
Oh man.
Here, I hear what she's saying.
Pussy.
Oh, I think it'll be okay.
She just drinks a little bit.
Fuck, she's fine.
Yeah, okay.
You know, come on, Bob.
You told yourself.
I didn't know I'd do it.
I was getting myself into it.
But how long did you know her before you fucking started?
Yeah, I mean, she was an alcoholic.
Yeah, I kind of had an idea she was.
I mean, she's probably drinking at work.
She was.
Okay, so she could mean to show her right that eyebrow is higher than the other.
Oh, fucking crooked face and shit.
She goes, she said, well, I'm not drinking.
We'd go to bed.
She goes, I'm a shot.
Oh my God.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Ready for war?
Imagine what kind of fucking, imagine what kind of, oh, the hangover.
Like you got to feel like shit throughout the whole day.
Yeah.
Well, I don't get it.
Every 15 minutes, four shots an hour.
Yeah, just about.
That's pretty, you're fucking hungry.
Dude, that's crazy, man.
32 shots and eight.
I mean, that's fucking, oh, shit.
And she wasn't a big, right?
No, no, no, no.
You're drinking the bottle of booze.
32 shots is more than a fifth of whiskey.
The whiskey is what?
I think what?
32, I think so.
I think it's 30, something like that.
I don't think she was a fucking little girl.
98 and there's, I don't mean, I don't mean like age.
She was a little girl, just tiny, which is fucking hilarious.
So, which is hilarious that she could beat you up.
What?
Oh, hilarious that she could beat me up.
She's working him over.
She really is.
What do you think?
I'm sure they taught her how to pump the bottle.
I mean, I bet she could hit hard.
Okay, so you're in the fucking, you're in bed.
And you are like, bagged.
Right, and just lay down and be quiet.
Yes.
Go out of the room and just verbally abuse you from across the room.
Start yelling down the hallway.
Yeah, just like screaming.
The craziest shit.
And then she talks in Polish, which, like I said, we got,
whatever it was, she sounded pissed.
Oh yeah.
Let me tell you, that was whatever she was saying, but I want to find out so bad.
Yeah, I was like, hey, would you ever fucking wonder what she said?
Oh, definitely.
She's calling you the white devil.
Yeah, who knows.
Pig and shit, like crazy stuff, man.
Try to help too.
You see your help is of people.
So then fucking, whoa, I, I, which one of the phone rings in one of them?
And she's on the phone and she's just hammered, like talking to somebody.
And you, fuck man.
But yeah, no, it's very silly the way that she would just say the meanest shit to you.
Yeah.
Like she would fucking, like she did not tell by like inner voice, she's drunk.
Feeling schmielings.
Well, there's some people when they get there to bed drunk.
They have to be fucked.
I'll tell you.
Here, grab the microphone.
Well, sit smile baby, let me.
So then this was like this how often?
Oh, every time.
So every night you had to deal with it?
Almost every night, yeah.
If she was over it was every night.
What's that?
If she was over it was, if she was at my house it was every night.
Oh, so she didn't live with you?
No, she saw the house in the heights that was getting condemned.
Her house was getting condemned?
Well, you know, I can't live here no more or I'm going to destroy it because somebody else was living in it.
Yeah, that's condemned.
Why, I mean, why?
Well, for once you're making payments on the mother for you.
Yeah, but they don't condemn a house because you didn't make them work, you know.
I don't want to.
They'll foreclose on it.
Yeah, no, somebody brought the land behind it or something, the gas station and shit.
They're going to change it around.
Yeah, they just wanted the house gone anyway.
No, okay, so they're going to do it by, oh, did you?
Yeah, they pretty much butter out, yeah.
Oh, okay, that's not bad.
So then she moves in with you.
She moves in with me.
Yeah.
Okay, so.
And then it was every night.
When you first, so listen man.
This is crazy that you fucking, so, Alon.
All day.
Verbally abuse you all day long.
Pretty much.
Physically abuse you every night.
Pretty much.
Mentally abuse you.
All the time.
It's the most insidious thing you've had in a while.
And then she would assault you in your sleep.
Which is the scariest part.
Too bad it's the scariest.
What's that?
I know it's on tape.
I know.
I was just talking to the kids fucking cleaning the floors over here.
I had another one assault me when I was sleeping too, I remember Gina.
Yeah, we talked about it.
All your girlfriends assaulted you.
It's real jealous of me for some reason.
You're a fucking mind-taker.
Because I'm a regular dad.
Brad Pitt's in here.
What the fuck?
Please.
Corpse or jealous.
Man, that's fucking hilarious.
All these bitches needed glasses, by the way.
What year were you dating when you were in those fucking tear-infrared?
Oh, I can't remember.
Like century was it?
What was Christmas and you were working at the fucking restaurant?
It was Christmas 1981, right?
So it had to be like what, 10, 15 years ago?
Yeah, I think so.
Like that 10 or 15 years ago.
Okay.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
That's fucking crazy.
Wait a second.
You went out with David before.
Don't matter.
Don't matter at that.
No, it was long after.
Not long after, but right after.
Oh, well then it wasn't that long ago because you were joking about D.
Yeah, it's probably 10 years ago.
Okay, thank you very much.
All of that fucking...
Well, you were joking about D at my wedding.
Yes.
People asked me, man, that comedian you hired is fucking hysterical.
I go, it ain't a comedian.
That's my friend.
Fucking.
He's just talking about his life.
He's talking about it.
How nice of us to be buried.
Mark had about 20 people in the round-of-the-matter circle listening to him for fucking an hour.
Jesus, man, what were you talking about?
That's it.
Finding...
Dude, Ava Sheep.
Like I found my girlfriend's fucking false teeth in my pocket.
Oh, man.
Shit like that.
Jeez, that's Ava had false teeth?
No, no, D.
Oh.
Ava had one of the fellas who super glued back in.
She was a bad bitch.
Yeah, she was hardcore.
She was a real bad bitch.
Yeah.
Fuck the dentist.
Super glue.
Right.
Super glue.
Just kidding.
Fucking.
She cut out a juniper bush with a stinking knife.
Wait, what?
Oh, this is the juniper bush.
Yeah, that was the juniper bush.
I was speaking Chinese.
What happened to the juniper bush?
Oh, yeah.
She said, I take hours.
I take hours.
She said, I take hours.
I take hours.
I throw away.
I said, how'd you take it out?
With steak knife.
What a bad bitch.
She's cut the keys with steak knife.
You're lucky she didn't take you out with a fucking steak knife.
You're lucky to get it on the business end of a fucking blade.
Of a fixed blade.
Because let me tell you.
There are times, dude, there are fucking times in this fucking recording when things get
dicey for you.
Yeah, it would be killing.
What's that?
I mean, she was killing.
She was killing.
She's fucking.
She didn't kill you.
She would have if you were to stay with her.
She was fucking.
Well, it was either.
It was a good go either way.
Yeah.
It was good.
You were her.
Right.
One day I was so mad.
I was carrying her out.
It was a lot of times that I'd say to them, please don't kill someone tonight.
You gotta calm down.
Right.
I would carry her.
I tried to carry her through the garage to her car to throw her in the car to drive her
home.
And I was wiggled free.
She was on my shoulder and was on the face of the garage.
The cement floor, you know what I mean?
Fell from my shoulders.
I go, oh my God, if it's six foot, her head open.
Yeah, you're going to look like a murderer.
Dice.
I'm going to be the first fucking, that'll be a murderer, right?
A murderer.
Ah.
What was that?
So how many times did you hit her with the bat?
No, it's not.
I made sure there was no visible injury.
No marks.
You're looking hands on.
Well, dude, she's already fucking working you over.
I mean, you're the one.
The cops come in.
It's going to be you the outside talking to them.
The cops did come.
Oh, did they?
Oh, the cops came several times.
For what?
For cold?
For cold.
How it goes.
We're going to start taking one of you away every other time.
Yeah.
Well, it's because of her.
We're going to jail.
Next time.
We're going to jail.
Well, but the fucked up thing is, like, you're just sitting there.
She just starts arguing with you.
Yeah.
You're just a brutal argument.
So the cops, sorry.
How about this?
How about you come and take her?
You're right.
The drunk one.
I live here.
Yeah, this is my fucking joint.
Right.
And she's drunk.
Oh, yeah.
And I mean, when you're talking about drunk, she's fucking hammered.
Right.
It's blackout.
Yeah, you saw there's no respect for the law with her.
No, I mean, she's like, I'm drunk.
It's my birthday.
Yeah.
Of course I am.
She doesn't know not to say that.
No, she's just fucking don't care.
She's pulling fucking over.
Bad bitch, dude.
Yeah.
So then she's awesome.
Well, she was awesome.
Yeah.
She was awesome.
R.I.P.A.
She was awesome.
You know, the angels carry you.
That was a bit of a spiel.
May the angels forever fill your vodka bottle.
Oh, she's so fucking drunk.
I wanted to go bike riding after her.
Oh, yeah.
She said she wanted to go driving.
Two o'clock.
She said, I wanted to go drive the car.
Oh, yeah.
She's wasting it.
Like in the middle of the night, she's going, I'm going driving now.
You're like, what?
Okay, go ahead.
I think you're going to get, I don't know, you're going to get too far.
You tell her she gets all mad.
I can drive.
I mean, you really don't want to look it.
Fuck you.
You don't want to find that out, right?
Well, I think, yeah, I guess.
I mean, she drove drunk everywhere.
Well, yeah, every time she'd go out, she'd come home with the cops driving around.
The cops would stop her and take her home.
Fuckin' Roselle police.
Shit.
Oh, this is this.
Oh, I forgot this was pretty cool.
Yeah, she wasn't getting DUI.
Yeah, we know.
Mark is a real nice guy.
What's the truth, though, yo?
Drunk girlfriend.
Oh, gee, thanks for bringing her back, asshole.
Shit, how about putting her in a drunk tank?
Because she's going to fucking abuse me in a little bit.
I'm going to be sitting there.
Because they don't want to hear her.
They don't want to hear the drunk shit.
No, they know she's going to be there.
Dude, she's just going to be sitting there.
They have to complain about that.
They're going to be sitting in the drunk tank on my fucking boyfriend.
Aw, man.
He's out with some whore right now.
That fucker.
Yeah, they definitely don't want her in there.
Just let her soak once.
The one thing she got pulled over up the down the road, they called me at work.
They called me and get her in the car out of there.
I had to call Joe.
I didn't get it.
Jesus.
What the fuck was she doing?
She goes like this, she's a cop.
So take me to the jail.
I never go to this jail.
Not yet.
You say I cannot drive, then drive me to jail.
She's like, she's a bad bitch.
She's a bad bitch.
She really is.
Like she just doesn't.
She's abusing men, abusing cops.
She's just abusing and forth.
She's awesome.
Everybody's abusing everybody.
You're feeling sorry for her.
She probably knew exactly what she was doing.
Yeah.
Oh, right.
Just because she had a language barrier doesn't mean she does not manipulate men.
Exactly, right.
She still had her own mind.
You know what I mean?
I respect that.
She's not giving a shit about nothing.
You know what I mean?
She was good for that, too.
I know I probably said this, man, but the girls in Poland were so fucking beautiful.
All right, there we go.
This is Larry's Creek Corner.
They really are.
They just were.
They were hot.
All right, thanks, Larry.
I liked it there.
For interrupting the story.
Shout out to Poland.
We got to get some Poland listeners.
Polish?
Anybody that knows somebody in Poland, call them up, tell them to listen.
Yeah, do you know what we could do?
We could just fucking randomly send out stickers to people.
Random ad dresses.
All over the country.
All over the world, I mean, yeah.
Someone will be getting fucking put to death in China.
Here you go.
Because we fucking send them a Larry Needle sticker.
Right.
She's a needlepump.
Exactly.
We could send them to North Korea.
We could send them directly to Kim Jong-un.
I don't know about that.
Dude, we could have a special and fucking talk about it in the whole time.
We've got a big look at the case from his office.
Yeah, but I wasn't told in advance to listen by them.
He found out later.
Man, you are.
The mushrooms are kicking in, aren't they?
They are.
That's what it is.
Right.
That would be pretty funny.
My skin feels like Play-Doh now almost.
Why is that?
It looks like alligator skin.
I don't know why it would feel like Play-Doh.
It feels smooth.
It looks like alligator skin.
Oh, it feels smooth.
You know when you get that ball of Play-Doh, you roll it up real nice.
Yeah.
I think it's real smooth.
So my fans feel right now.
It's fucking gross.
Just thinking of your hands.
Why are you smelling their hands, dude?
Just because they smell like Play-Doh.
They don't.
Why would they smell like Play-Doh?
Because they feel like Play-Doh.
But just because it feels like it smells like it?
I don't know.
I just want to try.
What do you mean?
You don't know.
You're a grown-ass man.
You should know that your hands aren't going to smell like Play-Doh if you ever smell like
Play-Doh.
Excuse me.
I tried, man.
What are you doing?
Hey, I mean, no weird shit comes out of your mouth.
Did you go to class?
Sweet corn.
Why would they say that?
Did you go to class for mumbling?
Mumble class?
That's right.
Where did you learn how to mumble like that?
He taught himself to fly.
You know how to mumble?
Oh, shit.
One of the best.
I'm not quite sure where they're from.
That's fucking great.
All right, so getting back to Ava.
So, I would have fucked her at that point when she said fuck me now.
Oh, God, no.
Oh, man.
Yeah, you don't want to be, man.
You're fucking playing with an alligator.
We do not want to be in those legs.
Everybody's been the ploy to kill Anne Ford in the legs.
You gotta be an idiot to fucking throw her up.
Yeah, I mean, did you give it to her a couple of times when she was like that?
Yeah.
Don't be just afraid of her.
Because, man, the last thing you want to do is catch a hook while you're fucking banging.
She's the one not fucking me good enough.
Man.
She's a boss.
They push you her good.
You're fucking good.
Yeah.
She would shit.
Oh, my God.
Jesus.
She's like, I'm fucking coal mine.
Yeah, there's some things that you...
Some things like what?
Made a little, you know, maybe a little...
Made it more mentally, physically.
Right.
What was difficult?
Being nice to her.
Oh, well, yeah, man.
I mean, it's not like you beat the shit out of her.
God, no.
She was fucking...
I felt bad for her.
I mean, I felt bad for her, but in turn...
It was funny, man.
I mean, I was like, I'm not fucking myself because it's driving me crazy, you know?
She just hits you out of nowhere.
It's so funny.
So did the other one.
He's like, stop hitting me.
So did the other one?
Oh, Gina?
Gina, yeah.
Didn't you have someone else also hit you?
No.
Oh, come on.
You could think someone else.
Sure.
Like on Jerry Springer, you think any other guys you had sex with?
No, no, that was more...
More, yeah.
I'm sure Jerry would do that, too.
I mean, any test would be a good one.
I mean...
You sure there's no other girls that abused you, Mark?
You want to get on the show and...
I'm quite sure.
Yeah.
We can't get Ava, obviously.
No, I know.
I mean, we'd have to...
She was a sweetheart, though.
It's a shame she's right here.
That bitch sure could change a tire.
Oh, didn't she change it?
Thumb pump.
You're a thumb pump, man.
She's not about plumbing.
From her plumbing brother.
She was a plumber, practically, herself.
Man.
She was more of a man than you were.
Yeah, by far.
It's a fucking...
You're getting beaten up by a drunk Polish plumber.
Why are you fighting that?
What am I supposed to do?
Your dad is a boxer.
Anything I'm going to do is...
Dude, the sound of it...
Oh, my God, she hit me with it.
It was a right...
It's hilarious.
A right on the chin?
Yeah, like right on the chin.
Perfect.
I was like, holy shit.
She probably said you have glass jaws.
Rock and the suck them robots, man.
I mean, she...
You can't believe it.
You are pussy.
You can't have no place to get...
I will kick your ass.
You don't know how to fight like...
Fight like a man, you pussy.
She's correcting you.
Oh, you're not so fast, honey.
I mean, like I said, I'm not trying to trivialize it, but it's just fucking...
But let's trivialize her.
What are your friends?
Yeah, she's a boxer.
I'm a...
Yeah, we can tell by the grunt you made.
Did she ever just flat out punch you good closed fists in the face?
No.
Did she ever slap you?
No, yeah, I never slapped you.
Did she ever slap you in like a restaurant or somewhere?
Yeah, yes, she did.
Nice.
Yeah.
You got physically insulted by her.
One time though, I slapped her too.
Bad dude.
The...
Oh my God.
You see my head?
Great done on her face.
Listen, we don't condone that shit.
Did you fuck her after that?
No.
Oh man.
Oh, I mean, no, that really changed the mood.
You shouldn't have slapped her though.
Yeah, you're really a jackoff.
I know.
I feel horrible.
I know.
I feel horrible.
I would.
You slapped me in a Polish car.
I wouldn't even slap Amber, and if any bitch deserved to be slapped in the world, it was her.
Well, I'm sure this and me, and you could have...
She should have been punched in the...
I don't know.
Listen, you should have broken up with her.
She was super fucking drunk, and she could be yelling at me.
It's not even making any sense.
Right.
She's yelling like it makes weird noise.
Noises.
It gruntles like it was almost so young.
Just to bother you.
To get off hysterics, I had to slap her.
God, every night, man, that's kind of...
She's got the old fucking movies from the 40s, where they slap the bitch and she snaps out of it.
Yeah.
Well, did that was it?
Mark, did he like the head-new slap fucking thing?
Bang.
Oh, my God.
He held onto something.
What is that called?
That's why you decided I can't even see you anymore.
You really got it all.
He's like, I need you to come here, right to this spot with the axe on it.
He's like stretching out of a hole.
He's over there.
That fighting...
What is it called?
I don't know how you think where they just slap...
Yeah, slap.
What the fuck is that?
It's not slap fighting.
All the slap hitting.
Bloody knuckles.
No, dude, the new game they have...
The new sport.
You just stand there, you stand there, and somebody slaps you in the face.
It's as hard as they supposed to be.
Oh, yeah, I've seen this before.
Fuck it, slap fast.
Knockout or something is called.
No, it's not called knockout.
Yeah, you got knockout.
No, let's get called sport.
Knockout.
You guys probably made up when you were kids, knockout.
You're nailed this smoking.
You're like, oh, let's play knockout.
What is my ass hurt?
We had boxing gloves.
It starts with boxing gloves.
Then you have to get boxing gloves for Christmas.
You're like, that's the pants off.
Don't even respond.
Yeah, that's the pants off.
Why do all the other guys...
Underwear off.
Yeah, why do all the other guys have their pants off?
Hey, kid, why are you wearing your underwear?
And then you know a loser has to take their underwear off.
Is that part of the show again?
Who's always the loser here?
And so...
Yeah.
We had a lot of fun for the kids.
Oh, man.
But it just goes on for the one...
You got to take your pants off now.
Hey, man, are you sure these are the rules?
It's time for naked pictures.
I mean, that's pretty fucking bold.
We have to have a naked picture.
You guys usually take a naked team picture.
Have a naked picture so it doesn't fly your body.
Who took these pictures?
The kid's dad.
Freased.
Oh, boy.
All right, boys.
Drop them.
There's all the people.
Photographers here.
They had the lights and everything.
Oh, my God.
You were doing child porn?
No, I don't know.
It was taking picture day.
Child porn shoes.
They had a naked picture of us on file.
What?
Who did?
The place we went to.
For your own protection.
The school that you went to?
For naked picture of young boys?
I'm making it an uproar.
Man, that's what you believe that shit.
Yeah.
No, he's being a comedian, though.
No, but that's funny, though.
I see that happening.
Can you imagine?
But I was insinuating that it was getting molested, but okay.
That's all right.
Jesus, Ant-Fort.
You got me that kind of picture day.
I just believe you took some stupid shit sometimes.
Remember your show for gym class and they just say that naked picture day.
No, I never were a kid at school.
Okay, now make sure everybody has an erection.
I'll come and help you.
You look like a fluffer for teenagers.
The teacher is the fluffer.
Our gym teacher was some kind of weird fag.
I probably shouldn't have said that.
Fluffer, whatever.
You already said that.
No, that's all right.
I got no problem with that.
It's just that he was a gym teacher was the weird part.
My gym fag.
Yeah, but gym teachers are weird.
Well, it might be going to offend the physical education instructor.
What was that?
Chinese?
No, man, what are you even talking about?
You're reading a menu somewhere?
No, I said you're going to offend the physical education guy
by calling him a gym teacher.
Just like your friend.
Whatever.
It doesn't matter.
It's just a dumb fucking label.
Both of them are.
Anyways, I got no problem with either one fags or gym teachers.
I like both.
Whatever the proper wording is for gym teacher, I like them too.
What the fuck do they want to be called?
Physical education major.
That's what you say?
I believe so.
That's a long thing.
That's a lot to get written on a fucking tattoo.
Physical education.
It's physical education.
They teach physical education.
The educating you physically.
All right, kids.
It's raining outside.
We're going to have indoor physical education.
No, he's in the shower.
Exactly.
The lights off and everybody's wrapping the soap.
One of the prerequisites is you have to have a Polaroid camera.
A Polaroid?
Imagine that.
That's how you're a fucking pervert using a Polaroid camera.
I got a Polaroid right there.
You're a pervert.
I got it underneath the toilet.
Yeah, baby.
What the fuck was that?
It's a camera on the toilet.
It's an airplane flying over.
You want to hear the flash.
You say it's an airplane.
Is that what you tell them at your house?
Are you over to the stall?
They hear the thing, the picture.
Come on.
What's that?
That thing was loud as hell.
Oh, man.
It's making up noises to cover his perversion.
It was right.
It's something that retards making plain noises
as hell as you see the flash.
Right on the top of the stall.
Why is he always starting acting like an idiot
every time someone goes in the bathroom?
Two flashes running each stall?
Right out the window.
I got you bogey at 3 o'clock.
Give me a vector.
That's pretty funny.
Chuck Berry should have hooked up with Polaroid.
Chuck Berry should have hooked up with Polaroid
and had a special Chuck Berry Polaroid addition camera.
Man, you know how many fucking flash bulbs you need
and how long do you need?
Dude, the paper alone would break you.
They used to come on a bar that went on the top.
Now, listen, I got a newer school Polaroid,
the kind that doesn't fold down flat.
Remember they used to fold down flat?
Yeah, this one stays large the whole time.
It's right there.
You might even be able to see it.
That's good for radio, okay?
It's got an automatic flash.
I mean, it's pointing like a mongover flash.
I'm showing you idiots.
I know they can't see me.
This fucking guy, I mean, he's looking at the carpet.
This guy's funny.
It prints a picture too right there.
Yeah, yeah.
The Polaroid camera like the old days.
Oh, yeah, okay.
No, I understand what the fuck it is.
It prints a picture right there.
You want a picture taken?
It prints a picture like fucking ass.
Take a picture of your junk and we'll just put it in somebody's mailbox.
Do a couple of them so we can report about it in the morning.
That'll be our t-shirt.
36 mailboxes on each other's pictures.
What was that this morning?
We tried to track down who's chef and who's baby.
I think we could crack this game.
There he is.
Oh no, it wasn't us.
The little penis.
It wasn't us, officer.
Whatever gave you that idea.
They're like, let me see your bush.
Yeah.
The bionic rat's house is still the best man.
Those aerosol bombs, we should make the rat's house.
What are you talking about?
Just like tie-in shit the aerosol cans?
No, technically not that.
We do this, we would take a wick from a lantern, like a gas lantern.
Light it on fire and we would put an aerosol can behind it.
And then we would shoot a BB gun at the flame.
And it would bust the can open and the flame would already be there.
And it would just make a huge explosion.
And so it was a good way to...
Sounds safe.
And it was funny because his back yard, the grass was off the floor.
And there was fucking cans everywhere.
And the cops, we were like, you know, time must have been in like his 30s.
Oh man.
In our late 20s.
Fucking rat in his 30s.
Hanging out with you guys, you're like 10 years younger than him.
Oh man.
Fucking RIP rat.
And so one day we blown off these bombs man.
Boom, boom.
And the neighbors are getting pissed, we know it.
And fucking, so we do one.
The cops came by and they come in, they drive by.
And so Tom, like how he is after the cops leave, he's like, back yard and we're laughing.
That's how Tom talks.
We do another one and then we all race back in the house.
And John and my brother are playing chess and Tom's playing, they're getting him singing shit.
And I'm just hanging out.
And the cops come to the door and they're like, are you guys lighting bombs?
We're getting reports from the city.
You know, we're in town with bombs, we're not kids.
And so the cops are like, could we.
The fuck.
The Scorched Earth.
Blown up shit over it.
Cans everywhere.
Like a bunch of degenerates.
They shut the fuck up and pretend they don't see it.
Dude, I mean the house is.
They just say, okay.
And the neighbors are like, not even 10 feet away.
No, not even.
They're like five feet away.
Their other backyard was.
Their grass is getting a little scorched too.
A 30 fucking foot fireball, man.
Like if you got a nice can of aquanet air, starting fluid.
Starting fluid.
Spray paint, anything, any airsoft.
The last one we did was like.
We'd be just a fireball like you came in.
And it just rattled the windows.
We were hoffing other shit.
We didn't need the fucking hoff shit.
We were on other drugs.
We were on explosives.
Yeah.
It was fun.
Dude, I mean.
Did he have a chain link fence?
Yeah, the one neighbor next to him.
Oh yeah, one side of.
The head of other sides were chain link.
He didn't really have a fence.
It was all other people's fences.
The neighbor behind can see.
Yeah.
The neighbor to the left can see.
So you guys are making bombs in the back yard.
Well, we really weren't making bombs.
We were just setting up a can and shooting a BB gun at it.
With fire.
Yeah.
Okay.
But the fire was only this, you know, it was only like a big flame.
Like a big lighter size.
I understand that.
You guys are fucking retarded.
What?
I didn't invent the game, man.
It's not a game at all.
I mean, everybody knows you could do that.
Yeah.
It's just, it's amazing to me that you're all fucked up and then you could just see the
neighbor's house right there and you could see the neighbors.
Yeah.
Like, look at these fucking idiots next door.
What are they doing?
And it's fucking rat.
Here's your best thing though.
The next door neighbors with the wooden fence, the fence wasn't there.
They had a chain link fence and they had the wooden fence put in and they had it put 10
feet high so Tom, they couldn't see in the rats yard.
And so Tom puts the fucking snow plastic snowman from like Christmas time on a pole looking
into their friends with the light on.
Jesus.
Man.
Always like all year long, summertime, Halloween time.
Why?
Because they didn't, you know, he's like, they built this fucking fence to keep me out.
So.
I'm like, okay, that's cool.
Yeah.
It was funny.
It was there for like, it was there for like 10 years.
Yeah.
This fucking plastic snowman.
It was like, you know, like a five foot tall frosty.
Oh, no shit.
Yeah.
Well, the backyard looked like a jungle.
Did you say that already?
At the end it did, yeah.
It was at Tom's house.
Well, it was back in the early days before.
The Amazon was the river.
Yeah, before Sarah was around though, it was scorched fucking earth.
It was like project nine.
Project nine.
District nine or something.
Yeah.
Like the 80s.
You didn't even know what he was talking about.
You were just laughing at whatever.
One time we fucking put a, I had like this, somebody gave me like a half stick of dynamite
and Tom's like, let's put it under the lid of the grill.
Yeah.
And the thing went like, I don't know, 40 or 50 fucking project, I was putting this
UFO in the backyard.
Yeah.
Jackass in the backyard ruined his grill.
Oh, you think?
I mean, how did it go?
Dude, it looked like he didn't kill somebody.
If that thing would have caught like a wind gust, it would have cappitied somebody.
It went up and what did he do to his grass?
Yeah.
Jesus man.
We, you know, we put the wick sticking out of the little vent hole, you know, they got
that little turning thing and just lit it and ran away and it went again another time.
It would never do it again.
Yeah, it wasn't round for him anymore.
And not only that, it put little percussion, almost dimples.
The indentations in it?
Yeah.
From the inside out, heavy duty, man.
Wow.
All like these poor neighbors.
Yeah.
They're like up here with these stupid friends and they're shooting at aerosol cans.
They're not even going, I can't see.
They were busy in the picture.
The snow was coming down.
It's super peaceful, real quiet, you know.
And Tom comes downstairs with those things.
It was, I think it was either big cans of hairspray or starting fluid even.
Very Christmas.
He says, hey, look who's going to blow this up.
Yeah, we've done this a lot already.
So it's routine now.
Everybody's blowing it up.
Everybody had a part to play.
Yeah.
Yeah, you go get that.
Right.
Okay, so ready?
It's ready.
Bam!
But the thing was often it was, it was a 30 foot fireball.
Yeah.
And the window pane shook on the fucking buildings and shit.
You know what the neighbors know what's going on.
No, no, no.
Then we go right back to the fireplaces going and playing chess and reading books and the
snow's falling down.
And here comes the cops.
Now the cops come.
I mean, the guy, everybody's sitting here playing chess and doing it.
No.
No, no bombs.
Can we see your back there?
All the snow's melted fucking.
Jesus Christ, man.
One day I come home and I have to get a taxi cab home from some place in Rosamund.
I'm trying to tell the guy where the house is.
He's just going to the street.
He's one right there with the big giant snow penis in the front yard.
The fruit cake that lived there made like a seven foot cock in the fucking front yard.
A giant dick.
At Tom's house?
Yeah.
At Red's house he did?
With the cock and balls with all the veins and everything.
Get out of here.
Every detail you could imagine.
Yeah.
It was like candy cane laying.
There was lines of cars coming around to look at it.
Until the cops said you guys got to take that shit down.
Yeah, man.
It was hysterical.
Who made that shit?
A giant dick.
Dude.
It was a big dick.
It was a beef.
He was a finook?
Yeah.
Losers.
My God.
Beef.
He had posters of George Michael on his wall.
Oh, I love his.
I love George Michael.
Fuck yeah.
Wham's a shit.
Oh, we call him.
You like him to wham your ass.
All right.
I take that.
Dude, he got busted like trying to get, he did the good old footsie thing I think.
Didn't that happen to you at the fucking National Park?
The public press room?
Yeah, National Parks you got to watch out for.
And I like to keep my victims low.
Oh, no, get you a National Park, man.
If it isn't some pervert, it's just a UFO or a 30 foot Bigfoot.
You're not going to get you an attention.
30 foot Bigfoot?
Yeah.
You got to look out for it.
I've never heard of a 30 foot Bigfoot.
30 foot Bigfoot.
Larry?
I have not, though.
This is news to me.
I mean, where do you think he's going?
30 foot Bigfoot.
He came out of Montauk.
Huh?
The 30 foot Bigfoot.
He came out of Montauk.
He came through time.
Montauk?
Time portal.
It was a CIA station.
Okay.
And?
In like upstate New York someplace I believe.
And?
Montauk, New York.
Yeah, that's where they have those crazy fucking...
There's like on a coast.
Animals washing up to shore.
Right.
So they had the Stargate there.
There's this thing.
Yeah.
I've seen the movie.
Time travel.
No, not the movie Stargate.
They got portals there.
I understand, but that's what a Stargate is.
Sure.
You've never seen the movie?
No.
You can go back and forth.
You need one to get the other.
They both work in Union.
Yeah.
But you had to have one set up right.
And so this is where they made the ship disappear.
Okay.
Do you remember when the Eldridge disappeared?
I don't know.
I don't know what you're talking about at all.
You have to explain.
The Philadelphia experiment.
Okay.
And Montauk.
They're connected.
Okay.
How?
All the electricity.
We made all the electricity.
The large amount of electricity that opened these portals.
Portals, you know.
Okay.
That's how they do it with like electromagnetic energy, I guess.
I mean, they didn't do anything fucking possible.
They did this.
They opened up these portals and these things are coming through.
You can conjure stuff up.
That's some scary shit, dude, right there.
Yes.
You can think of something that it'll come alive.
It could happen.
It could come true right there.
Well, yeah.
You could basically.
So there was...
It was 1943, I believe.
And the USS Eldridge was wired and then it disappeared in 1983 for a few minutes, in 1983, which it did.
And then a guy from the ship from 1943 hopped off in 1983.
Well, it's been stuck in 1983.
Right?
Yeah.
By luck, his name is something.
He does interviews.
Okay.
And he says he wasn't jubilant anyways.
The whole reason they had this thing 40 year window.
Okay.
The ETs gave them the chair, the Stargate.
Don't do drugs, kids.
Yeah, that's your trust.
Don't drink drugs.
The grace.
Or take more.
Well, I was just wondering how we should talk about it because I'm just...
And I'm sorry for the confusion.
You're right.
And so anyways, 40 years the whole had to be opened because the Greys needed to bring great big giant ships in.
Okay.
To fill up the underground places where they lived now.
40 years.
To this day.
Well, the rifting time.
It was 40 years.
Right.
And it had to be that big.
Wow.
Where's the ships for that big.
Wow.
Holy.
Just come over here, man.
Just tell me a second.
So they fuck these.
It's a big ass portal.
They got a ship through.
Yeah.
Right?
I guess they were spacious.
You're gonna dry dock it and then fucking send it through the portal?
I'm not sure.
They called it dry docking.
Yeah.
Down at the...
The elders.
Come on, man.
You can do it.
I saw you struggling, big guy.
I was waiting for it, man.
I thought you got me.
I was at the club.
The elders were just in the water, I mean.
At least at the kissing dudes club.
But that's what this guy said.
So you're gonna be in a kissing club.
You're gonna be in a rip on me.
What's up there, Fort?
Okay, so these are living underground at E.T.'s.
The gray ones.
And there's other ones, too.
You have to look at it.
There's reptilians, too.
Okay.
I showed another thing today about the reptilians.
This guy actually told me where the location is till they're around.
But you can get to it.
He said, you gotta go find some fucking mountain someplace and find this little cave.
We're on the cave.
You're gonna see.
And then you actually get to a section where there's a steel door.
Absolutely.
They're there.
Yeah.
There's a little old steel, old school, old working, like, you know, steel door, literally
from ages ago.
And yeah, there are little silencers behind that.
How do you get through a steel door?
You're not a reptilian.
You don't get through that door unless they take you through that door.
And you believe, I mean...
I kind of, I guess.
I mean, you know...
I don't know about shit like that, man.
He seems so fucking farfetched, doesn't it?
They're not so much reptilians.
They're more human-like than anything.
They just look reptilian.
I don't know.
They have that skin.
I mean...
Yeah, I mean, they have everybody...
Like Axema?
Like reptile skin, though.
You have reptile skin?
They have...
Vaguely.
That's what I'm saying.
Like Axema.
Not as...
As scaly as you?
Yeah.
Just right as all gone.
Yeah, it looks good, though, yeah.
You did have, like, a...
It was fun.
Like, you were an armor.
I know, no, it looks good.
You look like Cindy Lauper now.
Four years clean.
You can't be a fuck-head on.
Five years clean.
Four-year model.
I'm not leaving flakes of myself all over the stage anymore.
My potato chip?
That's what you have.
Oh, yeah, it sucks having that shit, man.
Believe me, it's no fun, though.
All right, so now that we've offended all the Axema people,
we still love you.
That was an hour?
Yeah.
We're gonna sign off.
Goddamn, man.
That went quick.
Thank you.
I'm gonna go get some of the needles that's going to help
using the Lord's name in vain.
I'll see you there.
Mark should be your example.
We're not to take drugs, everybody out there.
Fucking guy.
Mumble his way out of a wet paper bag.
Don't take drugs.
Yeah.
I'm Larry.
And I'm Needle.
Peace.
Oh.
I got one.
Oh, like, follow, subscribe.
That and Yahoo.com, Larry and Needle show at Yahoo.com.
And you can also email us if you just want to talk some shit.
Also, I just want to say, yeah, an injustice anywhere is a threat
to justice everywhere.
That's right.
Whoa, whoa, what are you doing here, Larry?
Is this Larry's final thought?
Yeah.
Are you trying to do a springer on this shit?
No, no, that's not.
Yeah, you are.
I don't like this.
You need to fucking read stuff.
That was Myron Luther King Jr.
So now you're quoting people on the show?
Just one person.
Wait, this is going to be an ongoing thing.
That's a great quote.
I just wanted to say, I just want people to keep being free, man.
What was the quote again?
Aw, man.
I was so enraged that you were just reading quotes.
No, man, it was a good one.
I hope we don't get busted for copyright infringement.
No, it won't be.
This is like a known thing that they said.
You should have cleaned it as your own.
That would have been funny.
No, because this is a known quote.
But Larry, you should have.
Yeah, you can't do that.
I want to know, man.
Okay, I made this up.
Show me who it is.
Injustice Anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
By Larry Jones.
Thank you very much.
Now we're going to get busted.
And Martin Luther King co-wrote it with me.
You guys fucking, you like holler roads.
You're helping me.
I helped Holland Oates carry in their amp one day.
That's what we need to do with your Photoshop.
You next time.
I'm going to get Holland Oates in here.
Next time.
Darrell Hall.
Jesus, and fourth.
Darrell Hall, John Oates.
Yeah, we'll Photoshop you next to him.
Holland Oates.
You and Martin Luther King.
Anyways, thank you for tuning in.
Thank you.
Thanks, Mark, for being here.
Thanks, bro.
We're for sure.
Hey, you're welcome.
Anytime.
Thanks.