Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles show.
Larry and Needles.
Alright, here we are.
Welcome to the Larry and Needles show.
I'm Larry.
Hi, I'm Needles.
Hi. Hi, I'm Needles.
So I got this thing here.
What is that?
If you fucking step out of line, man.
Oh, you bought a taser?
It casts.
Taser's out.
No way.
What the fuck, dude?
You just let it lay fucking idle.
I ain't gonna fucking taste myself.
It's too far for me to fucking taste you.
Was that even English?
You sound like Don Vito.
Hey, man.
You and him talking too much.
Oh, let me see that thing, Larry.
Fucking A, man.
You brought toys?
It needs a new battery, but...
That's no big deal.
And I'm not tasing myself.
Why is there electrical tape on it?
Because there's the bottom is broken.
Dude, it's called a tiger shark.
A tiger shark.
That's amazing, dude.
You should do a rap album to the sound of that.
Don't...
It might be affecting the microphones in a bad way.
Get that fucking thing away from the mic.
Damn, dude.
Have you used it yet?
No.
Where'd you get it from?
My friend Mark gave it to me,
and not Mark, our podcast buddy,
a different Mark.
Mark G.
Oh, okay, cool.
Well, shout out Mark G.
Thanks for the taser.
In case Larry gets out of line,
I'm gonna use it on him.
Yeah.
Because sometimes he gets overtly gay,
and I gotta get him away from me.
Fuck.
If I get gay.
You said it, I didn't.
All right, Larry, what do you got for me tonight?
Speaking of gay,
here's something that's really interesting I saw.
China force feeds their boys testosterone
to make them more powerful,
and actually in the last decade,
in the last 10 years,
their average height has grown three inches.
Yeah, but...
In 10 years, dude, that is fucking crazy.
They want a bang.
Now, meanwhile, our fucking people are getting weaker and weaker,
with Adderall and other fucking drugs
that are keeping them weak and dumb.
Yeah, we're all dependent.
And it's creating drug addicts.
I saw this thing where it said there's actually
five-year-old drug addicts.
They don't know they're drug addicts,
but you're starting to give kids pills at an early age.
And they grow up on methamphetamines
in their fucking...
Well, Pfizer said that they want every person
in the United States on these three pills.
I heard five.
Well, three.
Okay.
Well, I'm sure they would like it to be five.
I mean, you got cholesterol.
You fucking...
You want your Ad-E's, right?
People like Ritalin.
Ritalin's good.
It's not good.
It's not good for us, man.
And so while China is getting stronger and stronger,
we're getting more and more pusified.
What are they going to do?
They're going to attack us?
No, they won't have to,
because they'll just fucking...
We'll just lay right down for them,
because we're a bunch of pussies.
Ah, you...
Fuck you.
Don't you talk about the U.S. like that.
You're about to get slapped, dude.
I'm not talking about the U.S.
I'm not talking about myself.
I love this country.
I do, too.
These colors don't run, boy.
I'm just talking about the...
I agree, but I'm just talking about the kids.
You just said you're going to lay down.
No, I'm not going to fucking lay down.
What are you, you're a French.
You're cheese eating surrender monkey.
Fuck you, bitch.
What the fuck, Larry?
Why would you say that?
I'm just saying that the people are fucking weak.
The kids that are of fucking military age.
Well, you can't trust the blue hairs.
Right, right.
I understand where you're coming from, Larry.
That's all.
That's all I'm saying.
Okay, but I mean, think about this, nothing fucking...
It's just amazing to me that in just 10 fucking years,
their average height is three inches taller than what it was.
Okay.
That is fucking crazy, man.
Well, I mean, is this for every...
Think about how much testosterone...
Just the boys.
They're force feeding them testosterone.
They don't want to fucking China.
Their birth rate is going to be...
Remember how they...
They might want to fuck...
Remember how they implemented that thing?
I don't want testosterone.
One child?
Yeah.
And now fucking China, their population is going to decline.
And they dropped that law.
You could have as many kids as you want now for a minute
until they fucking tell you no again.
Dude, speaking about dropping laws, you want to hear something silly?
You're going to love this, Larry.
I can't believe this was a bigger news story.
So, do you think hapless morons are running San Francisco?
Yeah, I do.
Okay, so...
I do.
In 2016, they passed a law that banned the city from doing business
with states considered insufficiently...
How should I say...
Insufficiently woke?
Yes, well not woke, but...
They don't meet the standards of certain gay rights or certain...
Exactly, because so it started out...
Energy rights or green rights and shit like that.
So basically it applied to states that declined to embrace an aggressive pro-LGBT agenda.
Isn't there more on LGBT?
Isn't there like a Q...
LGBTQIA+.
Is what?
LGBTQAI+.
Really, what's the A thing for?
I do not know what it's...
I guess ass fucking?
Ass sex?
I like ass sex, I'm not gay.
No, I know, but...
I don't know what it means.
What is a plus stand for?
Didn't we talk about this the other day?
I guess you cover any other fucking weird thing you want to do.
I mean, if I can hide any weird thing I want to do under the guise of a fucking plus sign,
let me tell you, sign me up.
Right?
But, so then...
And also that limited voters rights...
And so illegals...
Technically that's what that boils down to, right?
Yeah.
Is that...
And also abortion restrictions.
Okay?
Okay.
There's a quote from the person who wrote this bill and that's...
Okay.
Put this...
This was meant to punish the sins of radical right wing governments.
Isn't it crazy that a government within a government is acting against...
Yeah.
Like, our fucking country is fucked, man.
Yeah, yeah, it's fucking crazy, man.
It is crazy that it's sort of like a civil war to some extent, right?
Sort of, yeah.
Without us knowing it.
And without taking over of shit, but it's like a city deems itself so high above the
other government they can block other states.
Yeah.
And not only that, though, the people that are suffering is the people in the...
Well, San Francisco...
Cities are doing this and it's not really punishing anybody but themselves.
It's the dumbest fucking thing I ever heard.
Why would you do that, though?
But you know, there are a bunch of fucking idiots.
And San Francisco is a shit hole now.
You used to be great.
The CEOs of it fucking...
You used to be a great guy.
People are shit.
Great ways to go pick up guys, man.
The Tenderloin.
San Francisco.
Yeah, you go to the Tenderloin.
That was your nickname when you were on there.
Tenderloin.
Just the L was capitalized.
But it's...
I can't...
I'm such a simpleton when it comes to politics that it's like I can't believe.
I know.
And so are you.
Fuck you, man.
You're not exactly working for CNN here.
Let me tell you.
You're working for CNN.
They got to fucking lie, man.
That's their job.
All of them lie.
Fox lies.
CNN lies.
CNBC lies.
Fucking ABC lies.
All fucking lies.
You want to hear the truth?
Dude, we should start the LNN Larry News Network.
Yeah, you want to hear the truth?
You tune into the Larry Needle show, man.
We fucking...
I don't know about that.
Well, we're not fucking lying.
We might be fucking saying the wrong thing.
But in our heart, we think it's right.
I mean, we'll bleep that out.
We'll put a train whistle on that.
You know.
But that's right.
I want you to get all fired up, Larry.
Hey, I got one for you.
Involving Bibles.
I know you know this.
Hopefully they were burned.
Close.
They were hiding...
Wait, wait, wait.
Stop.
They were hiding drugs in them?
No.
Okay, wait a second.
I'm wondering why I can't read.
I need to just like...
So, okay, wait a second.
It's involving...
When, how long ago?
It just happened like this week.
So they're not burning them.
This fucking week.
No, no.
They weren't being used to smuggle drugs.
No, no.
It's funny.
Okay, well then tell me.
A state lawmaker.
Oh.
And a state representative.
And ironically, an ordained fucking Presbyterian minister.
That don't mean anything in my book.
I know.
Stephanie Hamilton.
Oh, it's a chick too?
Yes.
Oh, wow.
So she's used to stealing the Bibles from the House representative's lounge, private lounge,
in Arizona.
Wait a minute.
They stole it from a government building?
Yeah, so listen, they got security footage of her taking two Bibles.
Were she putting her cooch?
It would be nice.
Yeah, it'd be hilarious.
But she didn't even...
And she took it from these display tables where, you know, people would just read them
when they needed it.
Because it's where they make laws and shit.
She's a minister.
Yeah.
And she stole Bibles?
She fucking hid one of them, you know, and then she went off camera and you couldn't see
what she did with them.
But then later, one of the security guards found one in the...under one of the cushions
in the couch.
So she was just hiding her...
Maybe Jesus, Jesus told her to do that.
...or taking them and hiding them so people couldn't use them.
I don't know about that.
Yeah.
Oh.
They were in the very same room she took them from.
Oh.
Yeah, she wasn't stealing them.
No, she was just hiding them so people couldn't fucking use them.
What a fucking cooch.
Is she hot?
Did you see a picture of her?
I mean, what do you mean okay?
I'm okay.
We would definitely do her.
For a Presbyterian minister on a scale of one to ten, what do you think she was?
Presbyterian minister scale, she's like a seven.
Okay.
I like that.
Shift hitting?
Yeah.
She's pretty good.
It was a...
It was a grannie...
It was a munch shot?
No, it was a grannie fucking filmed from the security cameras at the place.
Nice.
Now listen to this.
Uh-huh.
This is the third fucking time that they've been...that they've gone missing.
In March, a security guard found one under a cushion and another one in a refrigerated...
Dude, she's a serial hider.
Yeah.
And the other thing is that's the whole reason they had to install the cameras in the first
place was because of the first two fucking times the Bible got stolen.
So she doesn't steal them.
She just moves them and hides them in like probably places that any person can find.
Yeah.
And you know...yeah.
Right.
But it's gonna take them a while.
You're not gonna really look in the refrigerator for the Bible or something.
Oh, I mean, yeah.
You had to put God on chill.
But here's the funny thing, man.
Oh, what's the funny thing, Larry?
You know, cause it's a Christian thing and nobody gives a fuck about Jesus anymore.
But could you imagine if that was the Koran, the Muslim motherfuckers or any other religion
for that matter?
Any other religion besides Christian, it would be a hate crime.
They'd be going fucking crazy right now.
Well, it sounds like...
It gives a fuck because it's Christian.
Christianity.
Yeah, it doesn't even get on the news.
It's a dying religion.
Unfortunately, a lot of people are gonna be sorry.
It's religion.
You know what?
A lot of people...
It's just religion, Larry.
Okay, well...
You go to church and then you pay to go to church.
I don't pay.
No, but you pay to go to church.
I don't pay shit.
When they pass that fucking fucking around, dude, you throw a couple fucking bucks in there.
No, that's the fucking church.
That's bullshit.
That's the church I'm talking about.
God is great.
Yeah, I'm not talking about the church.
I'm talking about God and Jesus, just the Bible.
I mean, but this technically is a vessel that has been...
This person went to school to be a fucking prophet.
Who?
Any priest.
They go to preschool.
You can't go to school to be a prophet.
Well, but you know what I mean?
These guys are fucking held to a highest regard until they got fucking boys.
But you agree with me, though, that it would be a big fucking hate crime if it was the
Koran or any other fucking book.
I mean, it sounds like if they had like a black secretary and she saw this, she might
have thrown a fit.
She might have.
You know what I mean?
But there wasn't.
And because it was, you know, it's in a government building.
Okay, so like this happened three times.
Three times.
And then they just...
It's not a...
So this is a fucking...
What is that called?
She's a serial hider.
I just said that.
Well, what the fuck are you asking what it's called for?
No, no, no.
Oh, man, you've lost...
Maybe you've lost my...
Fuckin' Liberace.
What the fuck, dude?
Speaking of Liberace, you see those albums?
I do.
I fucking love Neil Diamond.
How do I get nights is a great album.
There's a couple more for you in that stack.
Yeah, I see a fucking...
All right, so RIP to a friend of the show, Jerry Springer.
Oh, yeah.
Jerry, we love you, baby.
Fucking A, man.
You get tons of horrors in heaven.
So, guy died 79 years old.
Yeah.
A couple days ago.
These motherfuckers can't wait.
He's in the ground for two days, or he died two days.
They're already bringing stories.
He ain't even in the ground yet.
They're bringing stories out about him.
Nice.
All right, you ready?
That's what we like to hear.
Dirt on fucking dead people.
Let me tell you, you're about to bite into a juicy steak.
We got no respect for the dead.
If you did something wrong, we're calling on it.
I'm not talking about that.
I got no respect for them either, though.
No, I think Bob Weir is pretty fucking cool.
Well, yeah, I mean, yeah.
People are all right.
He's pretty fucking cool.
Yeah, fucking...
The drummer stepped out of the tour for this summer.
Stepped out of fucking life.
And I got tickets to see him in Chicago.
Needles isn't too happy about this decision.
If I fucking see that guy in the street, man, he better fucking watch it.
You're gonna beat him up for me?
Yes, dude.
I got your back, bitch.
I got your back, brother.
I got you to pay fucking pricey tickets in a hotel room down in fucking Grand Park.
Fuck.
So, this fucking guy dies.
All right, producers, fuck, you can't wait.
Salacious stuff comes out, shall we say?
RIP Jerry.
Jerry's a palatious friend of the show.
We love you, Jerry.
All right, so, producers said that the real job was to get pretty girls, strippers, and
porn stars for Jerry to sleep with.
Well, fuck, man.
What would you do if you were Jerry?
Fuck it, married, and just do that?
Yeah.
I mean, but he was married.
Oh, well.
What do you mean?
Is it to your condoning cheating on spouses?
No, I'm not condoning it, but I mean, it's all right.
Clip it.
I guess I am condoning it.
Yeah, well, I mean, I'll tell your wife that.
I don't think she's not gonna be...
She'll probably be...
Yeah, I don't think she's gonna be too pleased with that, Amp.
She knows I'm a fucking asshole.
No, I mean, being an asshole and a cheater are two different things.
I know, but she knows, you know.
All right.
The fucking...his producers, listen to this, man.
This is a great band name.
It's not really cheating if you're with a stripper.
Do you penetrate her vagina with any parts of your body?
With your cock.
So it's cheating, man.
I mean, you are a God-fearing man, and you don't know this.
I know.
I mean, let's use your big toe.
I think Jesus will let that slip.
All right, so...
Because, you know, he loves perversions.
Yeah.
Jesus.
I mean, his mom was a whore.
And how, dude, you're going to hell, man.
Hopefully in a handbath.
No, you are.
Don't worry.
Like I said, Larry, I'm gonna fuck it.
I'm gonna ride.
I'm gonna be jet-skinned.
I'm gonna ride through hell.
Jet-skinned on a lake of lava.
And a wife-beater.
And some really short shorts, dude, from the 70s.
And my nuts just hanging up.
Oh, man.
That's all right, man.
So then, listen, man.
His producer stated he was morally bankrupt.
What a great band name.
Morally bankrupt.
That's why I should be.
Shout out.
I had that record.
All right, man.
I mean, his producer stated this.
That's great.
You're a legend if your producer states.
Like if people around you are just like, yeah, this guy's morally bankrupt.
I mean, that is, goes in the...
Well, you could kind of tell he was a dirtbag when you watched the show, man.
He was a pervert and fucking...
I mean, he had the craziest people.
And, oh, you want to know what, Larry?
The majority of his guests weren't real.
No, I know.
Actors and people that want to be on TV.
Yeah.
But isn't that crazy?
Though they would go...
People would fight and shit.
It was one of the...
I mean, Jerry Springer, man.
They would chant his name.
Jerry.
Yeah.
I mean, this fucking guy.
So excuse me.
Now, I mean, friend of the show, Jerry Springer, shout the fuck out, because I'm going to
tell you something and you probably know it.
But I mean, this is a fucking dude's rock, man.
They really do.
So while he was fucking a city councilman in Ohio...
Yeah.
He got caught writing checks to prostitutes.
Yeah.
In 1974.
Nice.
This is a year after marrying his wife.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, writing a check to a hooker.
Because back then you had the balance for checkbook and I know people don't know what
that means, but money and money out, you had to actually complete...
You had to do mathematics.
You tallied it up.
You know what I mean?
And that's how you...
And you had a certain amount and you couldn't fucking go over that.
Well, the bank wouldn't tell you how much you had.
You had to...
Well, you knew how much you had.
Well, you had to have a statement, you know what I mean?
You gotta know how much you have.
Which is...
Dude, writing a check to a prostitute.
Yeah.
My man.
Because you...
I mean, think about that.
Actually during the day you can go to the bank.
This is some late night shit.
You know what I mean?
Well, you know...
It's awesome that there was a fucking prostitute that's gonna take a check, man.
Well, back in 1974...
She has a pretty fucking cool check.
She probably was a regular.
Yeah.
But he got...
She valued Jerry.
And I should have looked up the logistics of this fucking transaction between this lady
of the day or night and Jerry Springer.
To get a better idea of what's going on here.
So, my bad for not doing that, but I just say, shout out to Jerry Springer.
Yeah.
Cool guy.
He was a lot less delicate.
He died in Chicago.
He died in Chicago?
Yeah.
He was a lot less delicate than Maury Povich.
Maury was like concerned.
Jerry wanted the motherfuckers to fight.
That's what I liked about him.
Well, they used to have security guards ready for that shit.
They didn't throw chairs at Maury.
Steve Wilkowski.
Yeah.
And then he got his own show.
So, why...
He was in Chicago because we got the best hospitals probably.
So, he just thought he's either going to get shot by underage black youth or he's going
to die in it.
Go out to glory.
He wanted to fucking a little gusto with his life.
Which is hilarious.
Yeah.
I mean, that show ran for...
I showed a wrote that down, but that was fucking a staple.
When you would stay home from school sick, you would watch the Jerry Springer show.
Yeah.
And actually, I would be late for work watching Jerry Springer.
Well, you're a complete dirtbag.
That's why.
I mean, that's a fucking...
Speaking of fucking complete dirtbags in crime in Chicago, that's a good segue you
set me up with.
There you go.
Look at that.
People are spending $85,000 to bulletproof their cars and up to $100,000 and more to
bulletproof their SUVs lately.
Like the cartel.
Yeah.
Like the cartel.
Like regular people are doing it instead of politicians or fucking gangsters.
Yeah, but these are people of power though.
No, no, regular people.
No, come on.
I'm 100 Gs dude.
They had a guy on TV.
What channel?
It's just people with money.
I don't fucking know, man.
It was...
God, your facts stink.
It was a guy...
Listen, he was the owner of the company and he had it...
It was based in Utah and Atlanta.
In...
Utah?
A weird place.
Utah.
They don't have so much money.
They'll go anywhere.
They'll deliver the cars or whatever.
But people are getting like...
If they can't afford to do the whole car, they're getting like just the driver door.
They're bulletproofed to my ass and shit.
But listen, here's the deal.
If you're gonna...
Okay, the odds of you getting...
The cartels have them.
They're gonna help you.
Okay, you're gonna get car jack.
Yeah.
If you're gonna get car jack, you're gonna get car jack.
It's not like the cartel...
It gives you a false sense of security though.
The fucking cartels, they're actually gun fighting with the police.
Yeah.
So that's why they need it.
I don't...
The first thing...
Okay, listen.
People are doing it though.
This is what the fucking guy told me.
I don't understand why that doesn't make any fucking sense.
If it's just a normal person, why would you do that?
Because people are fucking scared that living in...
Then move!
I don't know what to tell you, man.
I'm not fucking doing it.
It's not me that's armoring.
I fucking go around on a fucking motorbike.
If you need to shoot me, I'm easy to get.
Backwards through Boys Town.
Fuck.
I'm not the one fucking armoring up my car, asshole.
It's these other fucking people.
Well you brought the fucking story up, Larry.
I'm telling you about it.
Well then give me details.
I'm telling you the details.
People are fucking afraid.
This fucking guy.
They're getting jacked up and fucking...
Aw, man.
Dude, I know they're getting jacked.
The crime is up 42%.
Okay then.
I understand.
That's how you concede?
Okay then.
You fucking asshole.
You put the fucking bomb in the towel.
I want to know more details about it.
So, okay, so you're gonna pay...
So you live in the city.
Okay?
Now you buy an SUV.
And then you spend a hundred grand.
I know.
It sounds dumb.
Why wouldn't you just take that hundred and move to a new place?
You live in the city.
You could probably...
I mean...
I agree.
But I don't know, man.
Cities aren't all that cracked up.
Tell them.
Maybe the story's bullshit.
Every city...
The guy was fucking saying it, though.
Every city in the United States is a shit hole.
Maybe he's on TV saying that so he could fucking get people interested in fucking bulletproofing
their cars.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I mean, marketing's fucking...
I don't know anybody that has a fucking gun.
He put it in your head, you ass clown.
And look at you're talking about it.
That's fucking...
There we go, man.
This guy's a pitchman.
There we go.
You got a bulletproof your scooter.
You dumbass.
It's already bulletproof.
Yeah.
Too bad I ain't gay proof.
I got another one for you, man.
I bet you do.
Let me hear it.
I was looking at the internet.
It's just some fucking little short videos and shit.
This guy had these really cool things.
What the...
They were these sleeves for bullets.
You could put any size bullet in a revolver.
He had like a 45, a 38, a 22.
Really?
Yeah.
These rings that the bullets slid into that matched the chamber of the gun.
But they like 3D printed or what were they?
No, they were metal.
Oh, okay.
They were metal.
Really?
And the guy was fucking...
He fired off six shots of six different fucking rounds and he had a little set of these little
adapters for bullets, man.
It was amazing.
That's pretty crazy.
Yeah, it was cool.
Guns are really, really fucking cool.
You know what I mean?
Like we need guns, don't we?
Yeah.
I mean...
Obviously...
I need a gun when I'm around you.
I don't know if I could say this...
Without fucking coming out of the closet?
No, no, no.
What do you call it?
I don't know if I could say this with confidence, but I feel like mental illness has gone up
throughout the years.
It has.
And then...
You know why?
Because it's okay now.
You can't fucking call anyone out on it.
Well, it's not that it's not okay.
It's back then they would take these people, they would lock them up and they would give
them the treatment that they needed.
Now it's okay to fucking act like an asshole.
It's their thing.
Well, I don't know about acting like an asshole.
I'm talking about being crazy.
Yeah.
Acting like an asshole.
And then now let's bring guns into it.
Right.
Everybody should...
I mean, listen.
There are states that have laws now where you don't have to have a concealed carry to
conceal carry.
Nice.
And that's fine.
You want to know what...
If you can thwart something from happening...
Here's the thing though.
Fucking...
Godspeed and let the Lord be on your side.
Most of the places though where you're going to need a concealed carry where there's fucking
crazy assholes that are going to come at you and fuck you up are the blue cities.
They're run by...
Well, they are.
There you go.
They are, man.
They are.
That's just the fucking bottom line.
I've been...
I fucking was in a band, man.
I go on to...
I don't know what they have to do with gun laws and mental illness.
I've been to all these cities.
I know which cities are fucking crazy.
But they've always been crazy.
Now they're out of control.
Yeah.
Now here's the problem though.
They are not fucking keeping anyone in jail.
They're letting them write out the fucking district attorneys, the fucking prosecutors.
That's what I'm looking for.
The prosecutors are being light on crime.
So the crazy motherfuckers aren't getting the treatment they need.
And so craziness is going up and it's getting more and more relevant and evident because
it's in your fucking face.
You're seeing it.
Like you said, in the old days these motherfuckers got locked up.
In asylum and shit they had a shot therapy.
Right.
And now they're soft on crime and so this crazy...
Fucking all the bottomies and shit.
Just like Paulie, my fucking neighbor.
He was fucking crazy.
The bottomies.
He had a fucking steer clear of that motherfucker.
Well, okay.
But...
He fucking needed to be locked up.
But you know, people are just...
Perpetuates a situation that you're in.
Yeah, man.
Fuck yeah.
At the same time, when you think about it, there's also a lot of drug addiction that
goes in there.
There's a lot.
I mean...
And when you're fucking crazy and you're addicted to drugs and shit, that don't help.
It's like, would you want to live downtown?
Fuck no.
I don't want to live downtown.
No, not anymore.
It used to be cool.
Maybe when I was in my 20s, I would have wanted to.
But now, fuck that.
Yeah, when you were in your 20s, I mean Jesus Christ, did they have a electricity down there?
Fuck off.
But now it's a fucking shit show.
Yeah.
I mean, property values are through the roof.
Crime is through...
Every single fucking thing is through the roof.
Yeah.
I mean...
It's fucking weird.
You gotta...
I mean, like you said, people are...
Citizens are making their cars bulletproof, which I don't understand how that helps against
carjacking.
It doesn't.
It really doesn't.
And that's the thing.
I've known the bulletproof glass company in the Armour company.
It was Armour Max or something.
It was called.
Yeah.
And he even said, you know, it'll stop a bullet and stuff.
You say from that, but someone's gonna fucking yank you out of your car.
Yeah, I'm not getting nowhere.
That's fucking that.
Yeah, that's...
There's no fucking...
You know what saves you?
Lock in your door's asshole.
How's that?
Yeah.
But even still...
Let's start with that.
And then they tap and then they shoot through the glass.
Okay, that's three.
You should be gone by that time.
Yeah.
And then they get out of the car.
Yeah.
The cartels have bulletproof vehicles for a reason.
They fucking go on assault vehicles.
Because they're gonna be in a gunfight any minute.
Exactly.
Would you bring a knife to a gunfight?
And you knew you were gonna go gunfighting?
I mean, fucking A, man.
You know, I was talking with Mark, you know.
You guys know Mark out there in Computerland.
In...
Computerland?
Yeah, whatever the fuck you was...
Yeah, whatever the fucking old man doing in Computerland.
Podcast, son, I don't fucking know.
And he wants to go...
You know that Noah's Ark thing where they have a replica of Noah's Ark in Kentucky?
Yeah, he was...
He wants to go there.
We should go there.
We should go there with him and fucking do a remote...
Do a podcast?
Yeah.
Where is it at?
It's in Kentucky.
How far is Kentucky?
Keep bringing your son, too.
It's fucking...
I'm not gonna bring my son for a weird boys' trip to see the Noah's Ark.
No, Mary will go and shit, too.
Okay, well, then I don't know what that means.
No, Noah's Ark, it's a life-size replica of Noah's Ark and he wants to go.
And who built this?
Some guy and...
Wait a minute.
It's an attraction.
And they have...
You think?
Yeah, and fucking...
So you go there and you know Mark is gonna be hysterically funny there, asking all kinds
of questions and shit.
But he was...
But you know, he was a russier, our guy.
Okay, wait a second.
Let's get back to this Noah's Ark thing.
You're just blowing over this.
Did you do any research on it?
It was just funny.
Yeah, yeah.
My parents went there.
They said it was great.
I think it was about fucking eight years ago, my parents.
And it's a life-size...
A life-size replica.
I lit needles and used an air-coats right now, replica of Noah's Ark.
Which I don't think is real.
Well, I really don't.
That's one of the reasons we're going to have...
I mean, God told this motherfucker to build a boat.
Yeah.
Have you ever seen the Noah's Ark with, man, fuck, where Noah kicks ass?
God damn it, is it Gerard Butler?
I don't know, it's one of those guys.
Like Noah's a badass.
He was a badass.
But no, he's like karate fighting people and shit.
I didn't see that.
It's like Kung Fu Noah.
I didn't see Kung Fu Noah.
I gotta look that up.
We need to fucking produce it.
But anyways, Mark was talking about...
We were talking about different food that is like American staples that used to be...
This is people...
It was actually slave food like ribs and ham hocks and fucking hogs have.
Like the garbage that the slave masters would give to the slaves like the scraps.
Yeah, throw away.
They didn't want that.
And it's all fucking like an American staple now.
Yeah, but that's how anything is.
It's all cyclical, Larry.
Everything comes back in style eventually, right?
Geez, that what happens?
I don't know if that's the case, man.
Listen, if somebody gives you something, you're going to fucking find a way to make it better,
right?
But that's what I'm saying.
The people thought it was shit and then they gave it...
Soul food, baby.
And then fucking they made it into a thing and now it's good.
I love soul food, man.
I know, that's what I'm saying.
I was just pointing out that all that shit was in the old days garbage.
Well...
And now it's fucking good.
It wasn't garbage.
They were going to throw it in the garbage.
They were giving it to the slaves.
They were going to eat, right.
Exactly.
You know what I mean?
They deemed it unfit for human consumption.
There you have it.
Is that good?
That's what I'm talking about.
Sorry I used the wrong fucking word.
But the funny thing is...
No, what are you talking about, Larry?
I love you, man.
No need to act out like that, man.
Now you're showing your mental illness.
Fuck you.
But the best...
When you think about it, like the Eskimos...
Is that even right?
Eskimos...
I think you can't say that anymore.
It's Inuit.
You can say Eskimos, man.
Can you say Eskimos?
Yeah.
Okay.
So, the Eskimos, they're always notorious for using every single part of the animal.
You know what I mean?
They would make soup out of the tail.
They would use the innards.
Sure, sure.
You know what I mean?
Like, every...
Like, they wouldn't eat...
Every single piece.
They wouldn't eat it.
They were fucking making buttons out of the bones.
Yeah, they wouldn't eat it, but they would use every single fucking part of the thing.
Every single fucking thing.
The hide.
The fucking...
Which is crazy when you really think about that, because those guys are fucking weathered,
motherfucker.
Oh, man.
I mean, that's literally...
That's some hard working.
All the time.
But it's fucking winter.
Imagine...
All the time.
I mean, I can't.
You'd fucking...
I'd kill myself.
I fucking kill myself.
We're sending Larry to Antarctica.
The fuck we are.
We're starting to go fun.
The fuck we are.
I ain't going.
Yeah, you are.
Well, Ford, I'm gonna be like B.A. Barakas, yeah.
I ain't going.
Knock you out.
You know, when the A-team used to do that.
Yeah.
And you just wake up in Antarctica, you gotta fucking...
You're just in your fucking Eskimo, your Inuit outfits.
No, fuck that.
I'm not.
Fuck that.
That would be hilarious.
Larry and Antarctica.
They don't have enough fucking long underwear for me to go there.
You just coat yourself in blubber and then find an Inuit wife.
That would be very silly.
So yeah, man, there's another thing going on in Portland.
What's that?
Oh, man, Portland stinks, too, man.
It is fucking getting worse and worse, too.
Let me tell you, bro.
It's getting worse every day.
There's no, there's no law going on right now.
Okay, you know, they have a law.
Hey, Larry, thanks for the notes.
I love you.
Oh, hey, thanks.
I love you, too.
Thanks.
They have a law where if you fucking offend...
Oh, boy.
A homeless guy...
Where is this?
Portland?
In Portland.
In P-town?
In Oregon, actually, the whole fucking state.
Okay, wait a second.
The whole state.
I gotta take my hat off for this one.
Well, a guy set up on a tent in front of your fucking store.
Okay.
They're shooting up or they're fucking or they're shitting and you don't like it
and you say to them, hey, buddy, get the fuck out of here.
They can sue you for a hundred...
For a thousand dollars.
No.
Yes.
It's gonna be the new fucking thing, man.
Oh, it's gonna be a new thing.
It's called right to rest law.
Right to rest.
The right to rest.
And where is this, Portland?
Actually, the whole state.
Dude, listen, man.
The whole fucking state, man.
Portland used to be cool.
I know.
The fucking Oregon used to be cool.
Now they got these weird...
I mean, didn't they have that fucking zone?
The on-time zone?
Yeah, the on-time zone.
It was like on-time zone.
And like shit went crazy and people got murdered.
Yeah.
And there was some got murdered.
Someone got raped and shit.
And then they wouldn't let the ambulance in.
Oh, yeah.
They wouldn't let the cops in.
The guy fucking died.
It was like, didn't they take over like a police station or something?
Yeah, man.
It was like a government building they took over.
And these fuckers just rolled over.
Yeah.
I mean, get the fuck...
Listen, man.
And then they put the jams.
I don't give a fuck if you're blue or if you're red.
Fucking aim, man.
That's fucked up.
You gotta live here.
So here's the law, man.
You can't...
Talk about shit and where you fucking eat.
Like at my house right here.
If I want to build a fence in my front yard, it's gotta be X amount of feet away from the
sidewalk.
That's understandable.
You got an easement, you know?
Yeah.
Okay.
These motherfuckers are set up.
Whose motherfuckers?
The homeless people in their tents and they build their little houses and their shacks
in this area that the person who owns and pays taxes on the property cannot build anything.
Yet, if you tell them to get out of there, if they feel like you offended them, and that's
a pretty loose standard, I think.
If you're offended, you can sue.
Hey, you can sue for anything.
That is fucking crazy.
You know what I mean?
You can make up bullshit, man.
You can be...
Listen, I'm gonna tell you how to cash in right now.
You'd be a black person and be like, this person was racist.
You get paid.
You could literally go down the street like the mob and just go from fucking place to
place.
Builds the business to business and say, I'm gonna say you told me I was a fucking...
There's a deal.
Pay me out in cash.
Or I'm gonna fucking ruin your name.
Bismurt you.
Yep.
You're a black person.
And nowadays with the internet...
Right to rest.
So if they want to fucking set up camp right in front of your house...
I'm gonna tell you something.
You can't sell them a move.
Listen, I was homeless for a little while and I understand what it's like to do that.
And I was in a bad situation.
But you didn't shoot up in the guy's fucking vestibule or shit in the fucking vestibule
in front of the store.
You had the common sense to go in the fucking...
50-50 on one of those and I'm gonna let you gas layer.
I know you didn't shit in the fucking guy's vestibule.
Ding ding ding.
So what the problem is is that people are getting away with shit.
You used to be afraid of the cops.
Yeah.
Now you're gonna say, oh, fucking...
Like how about the film we were watching the other day?
The guy was shooting up the other guy right in the neck.
Oh yeah, Kensington and Philly.
Right in the fucking street, man.
In front of everybody.
Nobody fucking cares.
I saw one film and showed these kids coming out of school.
This black dude is sitting in a lawn chair, banging dope.
Where's this at?
It might have been in...
It was either Chicago or San Francisco and it was on the internet.
Dude, Larry, I am so jealous of that guy.
The girl was fucking awesome.
I know.
I'm so jealous.
He's just living the dream, man.
In a fucking chair, sun's out, just fucking banging some fatty even though.
Not being fucking nervous at all, man, not a fucking care in the world.
And just a disclaimer, I don't know if everybody thinks Larry and I are not on any street drugs.
No, not at all.
I hate to fucking pull the fucking mushrooms and some alcohol, but we don't do street drugs
no more.
So, next...
Okay, but at the same time, that guy's living the greatest life he's ever gonna live, man.
Yeah, for a fucking junkie.
Did he have a wife beat around?
Yeah, he did.
Aw, man.
He had a wife beat around.
I'm so envious of this guy.
He had sweatpants and a wife beat around.
Jesus Christ, dude.
This is my property, motherfucker.
Come and give me.
You wanna talk about amendments?
I can do whatever I want in this.
Where was he a thousand foot from a school zone?
He was right there.
And the kids were coming out of school.
Dental murky waters.
And it showed the little girl holding her hand over her eye like when she was walking
by, she didn't wanna look at him.
Like, she was holding some other person, obviously.
Like a parent or somebody like?
No, I don't think it was a parent.
I just think it was...
Got chiled even more.
I think it was just an activist guy, you know.
Oh.
Pushing on the internet.
Well, they have those scapes, those safe school zones.
You've seen the guy walking around with the tattooed neck, right?
And he goes up to people and he's like...
Man, that's very fucking vague, Larry.
Well, no, he's like a Hispanic guy.
I see the guy that's like...
And the next gang member, he's real cool and he goes up to guys...
I don't know what you're talking about.
Well, he goes up to guys on the street in San Francisco that are shooting up by the school
and it's like, hey, dude, what the fuck are you doing, man?
Yeah, you should start beating their asses, man.
There's fucking kids here.
What are you doing?
That's what fucking used to happen.
You know what they do?
They get the fuck out of my shit.
They shut them the fuck off and they keep fucking shooting up.
Yeah, because they have rights.
They don't fucking care.
No, and there's a whole gang of them.
And now this fucking...
You know what we need?
This poor guy's probably gonna get sued next time.
You know what Disney has?
Disney has gangs.
Disney has gangs?
Yes, people that are actually fucking...
Like they wear club patches and shit like that.
Man, I didn't even think I was gonna bring this up.
The Mickey Mouse Club Gang?
No, shit like that, dude, and they're fucking very brutal to each other.
But I forgot how I got on this.
Oh, yeah, the people shooting up in the street.
Listen, my fucking kid goes to school here.
There's a fucking deal.
I'm gonna beat your ass every fucking day until you get the fuck out of here.
And I'm gonna get four more dads on the block to back me up.
And then you know what's gonna happen.
We're gonna get the fuck out of here.
Right.
I mean, obviously now, like you said, you gotta watch out about the law.
But you have children here.
Yeah.
This is what these kids are seeing every day, a guy should know.
But you know what one good thing about it is though, is these people are so fucked up
that the kids won't do drugs.
They'll say, I remember when I was a little kid and I saw these assholes all fucked up.
I'm not gonna, you know, hopefully that'll deter them.
Yeah, hopefully.
You know.
Yeah.
But I mean, you got some, I mean, that fucking guy, I mean, listen, man, you want to get
high in your front yard?
Dude, shine on you crazy diamond.
Let me tell you.
Out there in a wife peter by your school zone, that shit's not gonna fly for once.
He wasn't in his front yard though.
He was just sitting in a lawn chair in a pub.
Maybe he was high.
He was in the city.
But he'd shoot up?
Yeah.
He was shooting dope right in front of the kids, man.
Was it his house or was he just?
No, it was like a park.
He was part of his own lawn chair to the park?
Yeah, or he found a lawn chair.
He was sitting like in between the school and the business.
Shout out to that guy, man.
RIP to that guy, actually.
He's probably died right now.
But a man, dude, they have the balls to do that.
It gives me anxiety to fucking think of that.
Yeah, I wouldn't fucking do it.
Like, oh my God.
Like, listen, man, in my worst of my worst, I fucking passed out in a couple times and
got revived in a couple spots.
Sure.
I was on City Blacks, fucking Western and Grand once.
But we were just talking about that, like with Amy Winehouse, man.
She would leave the house fucked up, boy.
Man.
I can't imagine that.
Like, I just want to be inside.
And not only would she leave the house fucked up, but everybody knew she was.
And then they'd take a picture of those fucking gatch on and shit, dude.
Like, literally, there's pictures of her fucking very, very despondent.
Well, we were watching all those movies for a while, you know, on the Internet of Amy
Winehouse.
About what?
I was at least, and I saw movies of her smoking crack in the bathroom stall.
Damn, you trying to get me wet, Larry?
Yeah, she was a fox, man.
Yeah, I mean, the best.
She was a mess.
That's what was cracking me.
She was a mess, man, but she was a fucking great talent.
A Courtney Love kind of guy.
She was a great talent.
Look at this guy.
All right, here we go, Larry.
He's spilling vodka out of his plastic bottle.
Why do you keep breaking the fourth wall, Larry?
Because I just like that you drink this cheaper shit.
You have a card on my hand, and it burns.
These are real man hands, Larry.
I got cuts, too, bitch.
Yeah.
Look.
From cutting yourself.
Remember, don't go across the street up and away, Larry.
I'm gonna kill you.
How about this, man?
How about what, Larry?
Go, go.
No, keep on going.
It's just, it's so crazy that the homeless can sue business owners.
Yeah.
For $10,000.
That was terrible.
I mean, where are they gonna cash that check?
They gotta go to cash.
Do they have IDs?
Maybe.
You know what I mean, like...
I don't know.
I'm sure they got IDs.
Yeah, not like a good street walker, though, eh?
Yeah.
How about this, man?
How about what?
I mean, he wants to fucking go green and make EV tanks, electric vehicles, tanks, and all
the vehicles there.
Oh, because that makes a lot of sense.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, I'm not gonna even let you finish this story, Larry.
No.
I mean, this is hilarious.
And they had the fucking, uh, Grandholm, the fucking Queen of Transportation saying
how they're gonna do it, and then they had a general...
He's like, are you retarded?
Hard way, he's going, where are they gonna charge this fucking thing?
Fucking...
He goes, sometimes we spend like 20 seconds and put a little bit of fuel in there.
Wait a second, wait, wait, wait, wait, where are you?
Okay.
Just take it enough to go.
I'm an electrician.
Where are you gonna get power from?
Exactly.
You're gonna go on the battlefield?
You're going to go on Syria and Iraq or anywhere else where there's no electrical grid.
In the desert?
Yeah, you're in the fucking...
Well, what they do is they can fly batteries in, and they can...
You know what I mean?
They just said that the general was on TV saying, that is fucking ridiculous, but they showed
the...
On the upside, on the upside, Panzer Chocolates shot at home.
What do you call it?
They would be silent.
You wouldn't be able to hear the tanks.
Yeah?
The tank motor is very loud.
Yeah, think about that.
You can sneak in with the fucking...
War is pretty fucking loud though, anyway.
What is?
War.
Yeah, but when you're...
The tank crew is usually the first people in.
They clean the shit up.
I mean, I might be speaking out of turn here, but I think that's how they did it.
I mean, I've seen some more movies and shit.
I mean, I know that's how they try to recreate.
And not only that though, we did do that.
Imagine Storm and the Beaches and Normandy.
Oh my God.
Have you ever seen...
Those guys had balls of iron, man.
They fucking, they would drop that hatch and bullets would rain upon them, man.
In a fucking pan and fire.
What is that?
Saving Private Ryan?
I didn't see it.
Saving Private Ryan?
I didn't see that.
You didn't see it?
No.
Oh, we gotta watch that, literally.
It's so good, man.
I see it.
Literally, they pull up in the water.
It would be those Saving Ryan's privates back in the 90s.
Okay, well, was it about two gamers?
I don't remember what it was.
It had something like a gay porn.
No, it wasn't gay.
Yeah, okay.
It wasn't a gay porn.
Imagine, they were showing us a regular porn.
These guys would jump in the water and they had so much gear on.
It might have been so old they had fucking bushes even.
Man, I like a good bush.
Yeah.
I do too.
You know?
Oh, but listen, these guys would jump in the water and they had so much gear on they
would drown.
Oh yeah.
That's the other thing.
My dad told me a couple guys when he was in the Marines back in the day, a couple guys
drowned with all the gear on.
Shout out Big Joe.
Just in training.
Yeah.
Just training, they fucking drowned.
Couldn't fucking swim.
And he said, you know, all these clothes on and fucking boots and fucking guns.
Gear and guns, man.
Fucking dude.
Andy said a lot of guys.
Shout out to the boys, man.
Yeah.
Those, that generation, man, them fucking guys fucking hard as nails, man.
Andy said a lot of those guys would break their legs because the boat was going up and
down so hard.
You'd jump off of something and it would be coming out and you weren't ready for it.
Yeah.
I don't think you got to worry about breaking bones.
The bullets are the one thing that's going to get you, man.
That's just one of the other things that would fuck them up.
Another thing you don't think about.
Death or glory, baby.
Death or glory.
Okay.
Next.
I mean, if you want to talk about Will Thomas.
Who?
Leah Thomas.
Who's that?
The guy that's cheating at the women's swimming.
Oh, you're going to bring this old story up?
No, I just want to say one last thing about it because it was funny because-
Wait a second.
You just said it.
You have to respect it with its pronouns, Larry.
The story.
Him, her, her, she, they, them, I think.
He was fucking mansplaining to what feminism was to the women.
He was mansplaining.
I'm mansplaining when you open your legs though on a subway.
No, that ain't mansplaining.
No.
Mansplaining is when you explain something to a fucking woman.
Anyways-
Wait, wait, wait.
That's very vague.
Explain what?
You know, like-
But this guy's explaining what it's like to be a woman.
That's just something that the woke says.
Like an activist, you know, or somebody would say he was mansplaining like, you know, if
it was a feminist saying that or something.
That's one of the things that they say.
Jesus Christ, these people are grasping at straws that you can't even have anymore because
of the goddamn turtle.
I just think it's funny.
I just think the whole thing's funny and I want to bring up one more fucking thing.
What's that like?
This guy sucks royally.
Who?
As a fucking swimmer, he was ranked-
Oh, the-
462 in the men's league for three years as a man.
And then in a fucking senior year, switched over to-
Decided to be a fucking-
Fucking girl.
And he's ranked number one.
And-
And he still has his cocking balls.
He's not even really a girl.
I told you about that weightlifter.
You gotta cut that shit off and have a period.
A period before I fucking-
So I think this was in Canada.
Shout out, Canada.
That this fucking transgender person went to the women's weightlifting.
Yeah, you said this.
Like championship, yeah.
Did we already talk about this?
Yeah.
Now, I saw another one, though.
Okay.
They were playing volleyball and this fucking guy, who supposedly was a woman now, blasted
a fucking spike so hard in his-
Yeah, with the violin, yeah, they busted her nose.
Fucked her up, man.
She got caught in the chops with that one.
She gave her concussion and everything.
And there's video.
I saw another one, though.
But there's video, which is hilarious.
Like she's fucking blasted.
She's a little cutie-potootie, too.
And another thing, I saw one where it was-
They're getting aggressive and it was a basketball thing.
It was maybe just a high school and this kid fucked this girl up, you know, throwing
an elbow.
What?
And actually fucking knocked her the fuck out playing basketball.
Two women?
Well, it was a boy who said he was a woman.
Oh, transgender.
Yeah.
You can just come out and say that, Larry.
I mean, Jesus Christ.
I said that.
You've already-
I said that.
You've already showed your affinity towards the trans community.
I love transgender.
I just don't think they should fucking-
Lip it.
I don't think-
I just don't think boys should play fucking sports against girls.
That's all.
Well, I mean, listen.
It's cheating.
It's all about chromosomes, right?
I mean, we're really going to talk about this stupid shit.
No, man, that's it.
I just-
I just wanted to say about it.
Dude, listen, man, I'm just a normal fucking blue collar dude.
I really don't give a fuck.
Normal blue collar transgender dude.
You know, I just want my kid to fucking have good schooling and I don't want to have to
worry about him getting shot up at school.
Right.
That's it.
Well, I bust my ass off every day, man.
And we should have- listen, the fucking pursuit of happiness is down the drain.
I know.
And that's a big fucking part of the fucking United States, man.
I mean, life and liberty, those are two things that-
You gotta pursue that.
Those are two things that you fucking- that's why you own a pistol.
Life and liberty.
Right.
I want to keep my life.
I want to keep my liberty.
I want a gun.
Right?
Yeah.
That's it, baby.
I mean, you can't fucking- you got to be able to protect yourself.
We should get a sponsorship from like-
Smith & Wesson.
Scouts just thinking that exact fucking brand.
That would be hilarious.
The Larian Needle Show sponsored by Smith & Wesson.
And then we'd have to do like a promo read on some 38 that they have.
Yeah.
It's a ladies 38.
Yeah.
Larry loves it.
That's right.
My prison purse.
Prison wallet.
Prison purse is good too.
I like that.
That's when you definitely know that you got your pockets out when they're walking.
You got Kool-Aid on your lips, Larry.
They like the cherry flavors, you know what I mean?
Did you ever see that video when they talk about tossing salad?
No.
You know what that is?
I know what tossing salad is.
What's tossing salad, Larry?
When you're getting your ass eaten now.
By another man.
Yeah.
In jail.
Yeah, while you're beating off.
Oh, I don't know about that.
I mean-
That's what I thought.
I thought you had to be jacking off too.
Yeah, I mean that's definitely, that's the epitome of tossing salad.
That's getting your salad tossed.
But they would use like jam or honey.
I thought you had to be in the toilet too.
That's a blumkin.
That might be the title up.
Up for the title.
But they would use like jam.
Every time me and my wife were out to dinner and they mentioned the toss salad, we look
at each other and just laugh.
It was like every time I drive-
I'm sure the waitress is thinking the same thing, right?
Yeah, it's just funny to say.
Actually, she probably doesn't know what it means.
Oh yeah.
The majority of people don't know what that means.
It's like every time I drive-
All of my little life friends know what it means.
Every time I see like an ATM, I always think I ask the mouse.
Me too.
Larry, that's from the dirtbag level.
This is the age that we've grown up.
Especially when it's blinking ATF.
I'm like, damn.
I'm like, that is one hell of a massage parlor.
I got to give me a membership.
Do they have membership?
You can frequent flyers, frequent hormone.
You're a punch car.
Yeah, man.
You got to carry that in your wallet.
It's a no-no Larry in the world of underworld sex stuff.
Can't carry a punch card with you.
Unless it was said Subway.
It's only for the most hardcore.
If it said Subway.
Yeah, some kind of hidden brand.
Yeah, Brown's Chicken.
That's it.
Something would be-
Chicken is better than Subway.
But something that's completely funny.
You got a Jewish guy and then it's like-
I don't know what the Jews, they can't mix it into the-
Blacks and bagels.
A black guy from like Soul Food.
More jelly.
Jeanine Solfoo.
Shaquanda Solfoo.
Yeah.
They all got the different cards, but they know what it means.
There's a little fucking logo hidden on there.
You ever been to a Rubin Tug?
No.
Fucking weird, man.
I've been to a Rubin Tug.
Never.
Never?
No, but I fucked for Ossetudes that I didn't get charged.
All right, we might have to train whistle that out.
I didn't get charged for you though.
I never had to pay, man.
Huh?
I never had to pay.
Yeah, that you paid with your VD that you got.
That's how they stun you later.
They're like, you're a good lay now, but two weeks from now, let me tell you.
You're going to be literally foaming at the tip.
You need a kind of sillin' shot and rabies shots.
Like 12 in your gut and one in your sack.
Oh, man.
But, okay, maybe you shouldn't be divulging this much information,
but I'll let you keep going if you want.
No, that's it.
That's it.
Oh, that's all it was.
You just rawdogging prostitutes.
Well, you know, it was before AIDS and shit.
How old was this?
It was a while ago, man.
Yeah, when did AIDS, when did...
Oh, man.
Yeah, but you're not that old.
When did AIDS really come around?
When AIDS came out, I was fucking scared out of my mind,
because I was in the band and I'd fucking, I'm banging all these different chicks
all the time and I was like, oh my God, oh my God.
So you think you would just bring condoms?
Yeah, but that was...
Man, did you hear that?
My mind damages already.
That hesitant pause.
It went on for, yeah.
I think I blew your brain out.
It was literally your eyes rolled back in your head there.
It was mind blowing.
You're like, oh my God, it's that easy.
I mean, the Greeks were doing it.
Well, here's the thing, man.
It was like, oh shit, what if I already have it?
It was a big scare.
So you're just gonna spread it?
Yeah, and then you didn't know.
Yeah, you're just gonna spread it.
A lot of times, haven't you ever been fucking and you're done?
You're patient zero.
You know, and you pull your dick out and the only thing left on the condom
is the ring around your dick and it's shredded.
That happens all the time, man.
And fucking, you're like, oh fuck.
And the girl's like, what's wrong?
And you're like, nothing, honey.
And you're trying to fish rubber out of her pussy and shit.
You know.
I had to go.
You know what it's like.
You want to hear a story?
Sure.
Okay, so I was having sex with this girl that I met.
We had a condom on.
And next thing you know, there was no more condom.
Couldn't fish it out.
Had to go to the hospital.
Oh my God.
I mean, this is a true story.
And they had to use, I was literally in the room with her
and they fished out the rubber from up inside her.
Huge forceps, man.
And then I made a joke that I want those as roach clips
and the guy did not appreciate it.
They were a little huge Larry.
I mean, they just, if, dude, bigger than the baby grabbers upstairs.
Dude, I would have, the baby grabbers, they were bigger than the baby grabbers.
Oh my God.
These were OG baby grabbers.
Dude, these things, let me tell you.
I could add a feather to it.
And I would hang it from my rear view.
Like the old school ones at the carny we talked about.
Dude, all that thing was missing was like a peacock feather.
I knew it was one of the greatest roach clips ever.
They were fucking,
shout out to her, choose a trooper, huh?
Shout out to Slutty McGee.
How'd you guess her name?
You're son of a bitch Larry.
That's not funny.
Now she's going to contact me.
Shout out to her two kids.
Thanks for liking it in the bot.
Slutty.
That's a jam.
I saw a good meme today.
My buddy Chris sent me.
For the grave?
No, not from the grave.
It said, if Taylor Swift.
If Taylor Swift is my girlfriend,
her next album would be about doing cocaine and butt fucking.
Man, she's not that kind of girl.
You gotta drug her to get what you want.
I said if she was my girlfriend.
Yeah.
I don't know man.
It was a fucking meme dude.
I know, why are you still looking at memes?
What?
How old are you ass clown?
I'm an old man, that's what we do.
Yeah, dude, fuck yeah.
What do you do?
I know, you look at the pictures,
but you don't know what the memes say.
I know you can't read, but...
Why wouldn't that burn or not?
I mean that was just so bad,
that I'm just going to let you fucking simmer on that one, Larry.
Whatever.
Let's just be quiet for the next minute.
Let's have a moment of silence.
No, he's just spilling stuff.
Dude, spill man.
It's the lid still on there dude.
It's alright dude.
Oh shit, Larry lost the feed.
The feed.
Alright, so it's probably a good time then right?
Yeah, I guess we can man.
It's 57.30.
Oh, like, follow, subscribe.
Like you always said, we're not on drugs,
we're not trying to rob you, just send us your address,
we'll send you a t-shirt.
The Larry and Needles show at yahoo.com.
You can email us if you want.
And I also want to give a shout out to Matt.
And if you don't want to eat an ass.
If you don't want to eat an ass.
Alright, I want to give a shout out to Matt.
I also want salad today.
And toss a salad baby.
Have a tossed salad, go to your local place
and ask for a tossed salad.
Put your ass cheeks out when you order.
Like Ace Ventura.
Can I have a tossed salad?
I want to give a shout out to Matthew, Russ,
and also a new listener, Tiffany Woodcock.
Thanks for listening honey.
Hey, did you get her permission to say her name?
No.
Ah, Larry, we're going to get sued.
For the last episode of Larry Needles show.
So, hopefully,
because Larry made another bad decision.
Bad business decisions.
Ah, man, it's okay.
That's alright. I don't know if she wants to be
associated with this show.
She does.
Shout out Matt.
Shout out Russ.
Shout out Woodcock.
I like Woodcock better.
That's what we're going to call her.
And our followers, thanks for fucking
following us, man.
Subscribers, listeners.
Tell everybody about us.
Tell your mom.
Tell your mom not to listen.
Send them care of needles.
Yeah, man.
I would love that.
Peace.
I'm Needles.
Larry Needles.