time to get ready for the Larry and Needle show
Larry and Needle show
left wing Larry over here
what I will say is performers that make money is what they do
when Jay Bird worked in Wisconsin and they would they pull the milk out
have you ever seen it? it's just got like a puss in all the time
it's disgusting
if anyone really saw it they might not want to show it
after I saw that I would be like oh you can't fucking
it's like drinking tequila and you throw up on it
actually it really wasn't because they would strain all the mucus and all the puss on it
it's a little bit different
alright so then these fucking guys meet at 420 under Louis Pasteur statue
alright and they would smoke weed in this dude's car
multiple trips they would do so they would keep on doing the same thing every day
right
420 this and that
so then this lady made a tie-dye this is 1972
that knew these guys
right and it said 420 flag with a cannabis leaf in arts and crafts classes
EOT, I don't know what EOT means E-Y-O-T
E-Y-O-T
I should have looked that up
we used to pick this girl up for summer school every day at the exact same time in the summer
and we'd be smoking pot like seven kids in the car and we didn't realize
until like three weeks into it that we were directly across the street from the fucking cop station
every fucking day
how about when John broke into the evidence room in Lombard
yeah yeah
a friend John literally broke into the evidence room in Lombard and got weed
it got weed? why would you grab weed?
he got it he got it out of the evidence room
and why?
you know I'd be grabbing fucking everything
well I could access everything wasn't easy
weed was what he could get
wigwams you know what I mean
fuck
um
it might not have been
we're just gonna look up the word you got
alright so here we go so then getting back to the 420 thing
so at some point in the 70s these kids threw a claim to throw the first 420 pot party
nice
in the early 70s
how do you spell that?
a ceremonial token 420 pm
so one of the guys knew Phil Lesh
oh nice
he's a bass player from the Grateful Dead
you don't gotta tell me that
so well I'm just telling
oh I know you're telling the people
damn Larry why you gotta get so fucking aggressive man
alright relax
422 man you hear what we're gonna do with this guy
this guy's the fuzz
so then the dead so he knows Phil Lesh
and that's pretty big fucking street props
to know Phil Lesh
no well yeah so then
he became a roadie and then the dead might have helped popularize it
so then 1990 when covering a dead show
this guy from high times
Steve Bloom encouraged readers to smoke in unison at 420 pm particularly on 420
April 20th
that's how it started
at Bolina's Ridge
who made this up this 420
hey get close to the mic you fucking monkey
well look I found out what Eod is
what is it
an island
yeah but I think it's an acronym
and a small island is especially used to refer to river islands found on the river
oh man
and it's tributaries in England
Eod's are typically formed by the deposit of sediment in the water
in England
or sedimentary islands like
okay well did you look at it
did you look at it
you look at it
yeah maybe you should look up Eod acronym
I'm dead sure
yeah I don't think they're talking about a fucking island
or whatever
bullshit you just ramble up
well that's what it says definition of Eod
how did you have it spelled
E-Y-O-T
E-Y-O-T yeah
it's E-Y-O-T-A-I-T
okay here we'll try another one
what's the meaning of Eod
why must you always disagree with me every time
we're not disagreeing with you
every time I come on you gotta shoot me down
and read what it says here
exactly what it says you can see it for yourself
what's that
the Eod is a sedimentary island
there's no acronym for this one
there's a definition of the word Mike yes
you look up E-Y-O-T acronym
yeah E-Y-O-T acronym
there you go what does that say
well there's definition of cinnamon
cinnamon
synonym
cinnamon
that's your name in Boys Town
cinnamon shorts
oh yeah that is good
I'm cinnamon
okay
I got one for ya
okay what's that Larry
do you know that in Minneapolis
that's the first U.S. city
why would it happen in Minneapolis
that is having a Muslim prayer call
five times a day
yeah that's old news though I don't think that passed
yeah that's old news
I think it did pass that's why it's news again
on this day
George Floyd happened
tie in to Minnesota
Derek Chauvin
fuckin what do you call it
what George Floyd happened on April 20th
2020
fuck me running man
I mean you have to be a real fast
fucker
homo-factual to catch up to you
here's your acronym
oh you know what
so I wanted to do this thing where I wanted to do
I want people to send in drawings of Larry
so I just realized
this the other day
Larry and no shirt and nick looked like the Menendez brother
you do
they actually do
yeah you're right
with your hair cut back then yeah
shirt and ties on too
in this band with this kid Derek
and he used to call us the Menendez
back in the day
wait till what's happening
oh it's got to write down that story
about the guy from Manuto getting molested
by the Menendez dad
really
so maybe the Menendez brothers aren't lying
I used to work with Menudo a lot
did you?
here's your acronym of your EOT
alright there we go
look at this anforth microphone
there it is here's the acronym of EOT
okay
we're waiting mother fucker
I know man you lose it already
holy shit I'm not even out
no I lost the page
don't do your drugs kids
give me a minute it'll come right back
ah
here it is here it is
alright I don't want to erase you
set the timer Larry
okay you ready for the acronym meaning of
ready
are you ready out there?
a massive land that is surrounded by water
and is smaller than a continent
you just read that
dude that's what you asked me to do
this is the acronym
and now this is the acronym
so I'm here with the acronym this Michael
and it is that
oh my god
maybe it is but
yeah it's definitely not
so
why don't know why you find it so damn hilarious
hahahahahaha
look at anforth
alright Larry
how about
we lost
you didn't have to give me more mushrooms
we lost a follower
but we gained a couple more
followers man we got seven
seven? seven but I think the numbers are
all over it
I was reading though how the tally
things shout out to our seven listeners
oh shout out Ross
shout out to Ross yeah man our biggest fan in
Arizona I miss you man
hopefully you'll be on the pod soon when you get in time
yeah Ross will be on I know
their motherfuckers sick
next
nothing that's it
yeah it's a
pretty exclusive elite club though
I gotta say the 7 people
are truly the
7 elite
truly an elite club with only
7
fucking followers what are you on
fucking super glue
I wish man we should do a super glue
although we'll do
cement
we'll do a rubber cement
modeling glue
testers glue episode you got the tank don't you
where's the tank at
we have to go to our friend's house
another a yacht
a yacht especially
within the river Thames and its
tributaries
there's where you guys are
within the river Thames and its tributaries
you're a fucking creep
no
you're just gonna blow pants out about the yacht
that's all he's gonna do
harbor that makes no sense to you
yacht tax with hand for me
I don't know but let me give the guy from Winnie the Pooh
who does
EOR
deep water horizon
2010
yeah no it was a rig
blew up the oil right
came from the ground
it was the biggest oil spill ever
I don't remember
it was spewing up from the bottom of the ocean
man that was something else
yeah that one is gushing
you know what here's the thing
I want to get down about oil
I want to talk some shit about oil
I love oil here's Larry's theories
I do I love oil it could be better
you like to roll in it
listen it helps us
it could be better it could be even better
oil is great
they say that to charge your car
charge fuck charge
do you really fucking believe that
oil is from dinosaurs
right from the past
dude oil is something that the earth
naturally fucking makes
I know people think that it's
fossil they call it fossil fuels
to scare people like it's
you know there's only a finite amount
man that shit is fucking getting
it's not made by man
no it's not made by man
it's made by the earth
exactly so what they're acting like
it's dinosaur
bones and there's only
why couldn't it be
it's compressed
well then why in the fuck do we find
dinosaur bones
why do they have a fucking dinosaur skeleton
when you walk in the museum downtown Chicago
old stuff that's getting mashed
and squished together and twisted around
they come fucking oil and all that shit from everywhere
I don't know the exact logistics of it
but if you look at it centralized in one area
there's no oil shit over here
I just want to put it out here
so maybe there was a big migration of dinosaurs
or whatever I don't know man
I'm not a fucking scientist
dinosaurs, shmianosaurs, the dinosaurs
you brought it up sucka
no no the dinosaurs were cool and I like the bones
and I like the stories about it
that they had down at the museum of science
you know why they fucking had
sue, you know why the thing is
fucking painted black like that
that's some kind of thick
fucking
coding to protect the people
from the radioactivity
that dinosaur
what you talking about willis
was tested for radioactivity
and the bones were like through the sky
they had black coding
that's why it's black and not white
yeah why were they irradiated though like that
I don't know that was either
some kind of nuclear explosion
we'll look that up then Ian
for since you're going to be our producer
well here's what we got
there's oil and gas are formed from organic material
maybe deposited as sediments on the seabed
then broken down
and transformed over millions of years
if there's a suitable combination of source rock
a reservoir of rock, cap rock and a trap
I think that's a lie they tell us
no that's so exact that makes it
so you'll just believe anything that's written on the air
yeah sure I will
just what you're saying Joe, what you're saying happens
it makes it, it's making it
it's just constantly getting ground up in the oil
dude the earth is constantly shifting
so I might be wrong
okay it's 4
you can see 420
alright
it's not just some kind of
it's not like water which is getting squeezed out of everything
420, 1889
alright
it's been formed
here's how is there any soil management
Hitler died in like
the 70s or 80s
and I think it was like 1983
in Argentina
Larry what facts do you have to support this theory
or reverse?
do you fucking really think that
he died at the end of World War II
the being Larry's brain for 5 minutes
they're still carrying it on the knob's
it's a monkey with the slap
and the cymbals together
those pages that they used to drive in
at the circuits with the motorcycle
so the monkey's in the middle
and there's a squirrel riding the motorcycle
in one of those globes
there's a squirrel riding the motorcycle
in your brain
they're saying
oil for his motorcycle because it's going to run out in
2050
what is? the oil
so we can always go to gas?
we need oil to make gas
we're not going to run out of oil
natural gas sucker?
oh natural gas yeah
ass clown
can you run a motorbike on natural gas?
you can run anything they run buses on natural gas
oh wow
warm small oceans from millions of years ago
extremely small
dead or again
everything is getting crushed around and turning into oil
just it happens
turns into this liquid goo that we're able to use
we're not going to run out of it
we're not going to run out
1871, Japan's first government operated
postal service opened
from Tokyo to Osaka
1872
Japan's first fucking postal
employee killed fucking people
and went postal
is that what happened?
I was going to say we put them in the microwave
but that was a little later
but
that was what 1946
45?
I don't have my facts
hey we're going to be fucking
microwaved real soon here
we're going to get microwaved real quick here
what do you mean?
dude you can't just say dude
after I say what do you mean?
no facts
you have to come with facts
they're fucking rattling poons, cage and shit
these are the worst facts I've ever seen
we got troops
in fucking Ukraine
right now fighting Russia
there's mercenaries there
no no no no
you ask fucking troops
you ask troops, not mercenaries
this is the greatest time for a mercenary
you love the killer
no listen if you're good at your job
you're a fucking killer
this is perfect for you, you're a contract killer now
you know what I mean?
you got to kill the people you can only kill
you can't just kill anybody
how about the Geneva Convention?
do they get paid a lot of money for that?
do they get paid for the convention?
I don't know
the Geneva Convention Larry
happy 420 to our listeners
the Geneva Convention is just a bunch of rules
that they have to abide by
for war right?
what about mercenaries? they get paid a lot of money?
what's the other mercenaries to make?
same price army pays them basically
well it's probably what the army pays them
you finally put your phone down and you're asking all these questions
and for the producer and fact checker
well first of all
you need a college education
to be a mercenary so you're out
he's definitely not in shape
to be a mercenary
well yeah
you need to be a 19 year old fucking or 20
I'm an intelligent person Larry
30 year old
I don't think you can use my skills any longer
I go strictly to mind
at 18, 19
like bodyguarding and shit
you had to be like a navy seal dude
you don't have to be a navy seal
you're fucking sealed with a green beret
I was talking to that guy
David Goggins you ever heard of this dude?
no
man I just watched a snippet of something about this guy
he's the only person
to ever go through like navy seal training
this training
for the air force
training
the army ranger training
nobody else has done all of them
well when I was a kid
the same kid
the same kid that Mark
smashed in the face one day when we were tripping
his dad
was in the army, navy
air force and the marines
no shit huh?
yeah Bob's dad
all four branches
he might have got kicked out of them all
he was quite the alcohol
yeah he was in
all four of them
I wonder if they give you four checks
and he had tattoos
from all four
the old time fucking
like my dad's fucking
yeah like my dad's tattoos
old fucking shit
that's amazing those guys were tough as nails though
fuck yeah
fuck around back then man
shit if they tattooed him with a knitting needle
well the way it is going right now
they're tough as fuck
my grandfather was in world war two
my grandfather my mom's father came to our house
one day and we had boxing gloves
in the garage because the neighbor McCare
had boxing gloves
I'm surprised he's fighting by a little ring too
but anyways
we had the gloves and we were boxing
my grandfather challenges
the box
who? you? anyone who wants to fight him?
nice
all of two he's been in world war two
old you know bald old man
I don't know that's funny
grandfather my mother's father
did anyone fight him?
he was in world war two
how old are you then?
I don't know
two old to fight teenagers
really? but he wanted to
not back then though
he was a teenager
he was 40
he played with the gloves
you think he's worried about fighting teenagers
he was ready to fight
and they squared off and grandpa got up
and just yeah I fought in your army
and Bobby got scared
and wouldn't fight him
of course they're pussies
he was ready to fight this old man
that was burned in his memory Larry
did you see how he just did that?
that's one of those memory things
how old were you then?
I was 6th grade
14th
13th
my grandmother
he was old but he was 70s and 80s
we don't give a fuck about his age anymore
God let's move on
we'll be on that
next story
my grandmother had a cousin
Paul
oh fuck man
what an idiot
man there got me
oh I had four
go ahead Joe tell us what you guys
oh maybe it's your own god
oh Larry
fucking idiot
okay keep going Larry
anyways my
great uncle was a spy
man and he got captured
in world war 2
he's fucking dead dude
there might be like a blood vendetta
on the
that'd be great if they passed it down the way
and where was he from?
he was
from the united states
where'd he go?
I don't know where he never fucking talked about
he never fucking talked
about any of the shit
but you know he's a spy
they captured him and tortured him and shit
he had
fucking scars and wounds all over his
fucking body man
my mom told me
stories about it but I was too young
to really remember details
with something about him being
a fucking tank or something
you know
just
like a tank of fucking liquid
or something
like a torture animal
I don't know some torture device
you're just rambling on right now
you're not listening you fucking idiot
I was totally listening but you just kept going
alright and?
that's it man I was just
fucking crazy we had a spy
in our fucking family and this motherfucker
he was now your narkin amount of the world
yeah he's dead dude
my grandmother's lung
everybody that's involved in this story
is a long fucking dead
so it doesn't matter if I say it
but yeah man this dude was hardcore
would you be a spy if you had to do gay stuff?
no I really wouldn't
what's that?
I really wouldn't you really wouldn't
you would do it without having to be a spy
yeah I was gonna say
I'd be a spy
I mean my god is it gonna blow my cover?
yeah that's what they're gonna call you
yeah exactly
you got no choice you gotta do this
you gotta blow this dude
that's one way to find out huh
or to blow your cover
look at that son of a
you know why you're covered if you're blown
so get on your knees
how do you do it from behind
oh my god
alright
and forth the spy
spy versus spy
guy versus guy
I'm a pretty good spy dude
you're not at all
it's just scary when your shadow's scared
I've figured out all kinds of shit
you'd be surprised when I know
yeah but who would have fucking told
no I think something's wrong with my girlfriend
has ripped me off in shit
or when there's something's not right
like girlfriend
like when the credit cards
the mail wasn't coming
I couldn't get the mailbox key
what's that
I couldn't get the mailbox key
what are you talking about
I couldn't I moved into this apartment
there we go
he's talking about when this woman stole his identity
oh you want her down
no she lived with me I don't know what she was
no hunting was involved
but I could never find the mailbox key
there was a key to get the mailbox
and I could never
she settled put it right here
and it was never there you know I could never find the mailbox key
never for a long time
never what for a long time
the mailbox key
aren't you fucking listening to me
oh man
who had the key
see I was at the keys
she was not letting me see the mailbox
I couldn't get in the mail
and finally
finally
somehow the key I find the key
there's the key
I couldn't get in the mail
somehow the key I find the key
you found it where
right there in the kitchen
she must have left it out
accident
the keys were there
this bitch was sneaky as fuck
her middle name was shady
it was a long time so I saw that key
so I went to get the mail
and there was
a big black dildo
right next to the big black dildo
there was
the
credit card bills in my name
right next to the dildo
the dildo was old
yeah we were kind of living together
we were banging her
yeah but still
it's no need to fucking steal his identity
3, 4
3, 4 of them dude
3, 4 of what? credit cards
from stores
5000
damn you have good credit back then
she did it to more than
4 or 5
oh yeah she did it to everything
what do you mean? every single store
that you go in
you go in target and ask you to get a card
did she fuck good? yeah sort of
but she was a little dude and ugly man
Jesus
she really was
I used to call her Matt's face
I thought I could like her
at first I liked her
she was kind of sweet
what's that? she was cute
in a way but in a way
I can't lie to myself
I can't do it
and I'm certainly not an Adonis or anything
yeah you're an Adonis you're a dime piece
I couldn't go out with her any longer
she was bad dude she was a miserable person
you think? yeah
I mean she stole your identity
I was all a Matt I think
was she on drugs? probably
what do you mean probably? she lived with you
she didn't fucking do him in front of anybody
dude she worked
Joe continually
Larry? okay so then she would come home at one point
for a short while
she would be a shower
dude you never fight I mean
but listen to this she would fucking work three shifts
they had three shifts at the place
she'd work all three
and not need a fucking break or nothing
it's like holy fuck man
how old was she?
60 something she said she was my age
how old was she? she claimed to be
wait wait wait wait wait
yeah she said she was like 62 or something
how old were you in food?
she said I'm your age
don't put it by your ear yet
ask him
I was 52 maybe
no earlier
no this was God
this was a God I can't remember
what year it was
right when you got married when did you get married?
okay
oh shit man
I mean answer the question
2003 I'm trying to think man
you're fucking gay
you can't just sit there and make daddy
I don't want to say the wrong thing
my wife will hear this
and say this asshole lives in the home
and I'm fucking married
it's okay they know we're talking
03 so this is 03 we lived
I couldn't get rid of her
she claimed to be a year younger
than I was at the time
and the bitch looked like she was easily my grandma
what are you doing begging her to do
a mistake
she stole her by daddy
she lied she bamboozled me
she bamboozled
money at first she was paying for the buy-in
she was paying for the super 8
to whoever credit cards those were
could it get charged anymore?
she was just working your ass
yes
hey listen listen
I beg you
listen listen
her son and her dad
moving to Mark's house
and the giant pit bull
and then they leave
and leave dogs behind and shit
she left about four dogs behind
how long did it take them before they left
it took me years to get them out of there
you were living with her family
no she lived with me
I had a house with a swimming pool
you were living in a house
with a family
like he was dating her
and then her dad
so you had a family
her family
within two years I had the father to son
and the son's great big up-nation dog
that's what all you need
she had 25 credit cards
in his name
I mean what are you getting
I'm clipping along
giving her money to go pay the rent
I said here honey because it was just on the street
taking the money
as we move in we come back from dinner one night
I'm all happy
and we hop out on the sidewalk and there is
there is the landlord
the landlord
and his wife
they got the early bird special
they're coming home from dinner at
4.30
and the landlord
is the ex chief of police
wait what did you just say
the landlord
the landlord's husband actually
is the ex
just retired
chief of police
for Palatine
took a long while to get there
the lady the actual land lady
that Dean rented the place from
was a good customer of mine that he knew from the restaurant
because there was a lot of realtors that went there
and shit because the merge company and everything
so it was kind of like
no one could believe it was happening
they knew it wasn't really me it had to be this fucking bitch
Dean
so sure enough dude
here they come
we want our rent I'm like what are you talking about
and Dean tells me right in front of these people
yeah retired
Palatine police chief
and some squared up business woman
legitimately renting homes
making a living here
tells them right to their faces they're lying
they're trying to scam more money
they're fucking kidding me
amazing
how about your mushroom story in Jamaica
I love that
this fucking guy stayed there another 10 years
10 years
man if you want to go away I couldn't get rid of the fucking bitch
you know how to kick him out
there was one place that you realize
you were gonna get fucking
how about telling them
you were gonna get fucking
how about telling
telling needles this story about when they came
and took all this shit out of your apartment
oh my god the coaches
did what
we work at the restaurant
okay and right in the next right across street
in the strip mall is Aaron's rental
furniture right
we got this important
the apartment in Lombard the one that I never saw the middle of ski 4
the first three months rent on
the first place he couldn't find the key for
right it's a few months later now
and we work right across the rental
place and these go every day after lunch
they sit down every day after lunch
you know I'm gonna walk over and pay for the
coaches I'm gonna pay for the rental furniture
now I'm gonna go pay the rent on the couch
she took care of everything
and we should have been more involved
well two or three times we since you do it
since you're just this
here I am at home one night
she's at work I'm sitting at home
and there's Aaron's rental chair
and I'm sitting at home
and there's an Aaron's rental truck
comes down the street
someone else rented some furniture
comes around the culvert sack
pulls right out front of my house
oh it's in our building
next thing I know
it's at my door
and they're here to repossess the couches
you got repo'd by
Renes and what else like a computer
and a TV no that was other stuff
that she wanted from me later
that was we that was stolen
the couches were gone
I mean yeah that was I got a cushion
we're gonna sit where's her dad
gonna sit I gave him a couch
I gave him a couch that's the thing
Mike that's the thing where are you gonna do it
first fucking fight well no all the family didn't live
there yet oh the dad lived there at the time
oh there we go there we go
and the dad came first right away they were
really good at it they were really good at it with the six
it was a guy it was a gripping family
it was a kind hearted scene
nah man they were white like white trash
no Billy's no Billy's Florida
Florida Indiana Panhandle
Florida and the Indians
Florida Indians
if you're a transplant from
Florida Indiana to Florida and then you come over here
yeah well she had warrants
at least that's where all the warrants were
so white trash were muted trying
that's where all the warrants were issued from Indiana
and Florida
oh it's a good tale just goes and goes and goes
dude we've actually had some new ones from
Chicago after she met my heart
she's fucking just scamming this guy
back and forth oh it was something else
dude how about the veterinarian
what about the veterinarian
and the mistake on the
oh man okay so
she brings all these dogs over because she
joined some kind of dog save a dog thing
she can't help but bring all the
dogs on it slow down
slow down
slow down and you know like some dog rescue
I know I heard everything you said
how many dogs
so she catches dogs how many
two or three okay
at first
what was the one with the little abandoned dog
that would beat up Lulu she could even see
she was tiny pissing herself
all the time one eye
and then what and then the back legs didn't work
they got a pit bull a giant
pit bull in the house
no that doesn't come in he wasn't there yet
oh what was the dog's name the pit bull's name
Nibbler yes
he ate volcanic rocks
the big fucking red one
he would chew the rocks down
what was his name Rocky Nibbler
Nibbler
he dove in the pool
funny he dove in the pool and under the
fucking water and come right at ya you could
even go right for a drunk drunk
he didn't want to claw up on ya he was drowning ya
you know he was fucking drowning ya
you think your chick banged the dog
that's why she rescued him
little nibbler they don't see
they don't see so anyways
the dogs get worms the dogs got worms
oh jeez Joe Mary say
we'll take him to our vet he'll take care of you guys
okay we will all the way to Joe Mary's it's kind of far away
man
and uh oh sorry
fucking dummy I know I've got to forget
man yeah obviously
and uh
so you know what
happens they just
okay so the dogs are there
I think they're maybe they're a day
not even whatever
she says I'm gonna go back and pick them up
and everything's paid
Larry
you can't do this
we're in the middle of a pod kick
what's up Mary what
keep going they could dogs get worms what are you gonna do
right so they get uh
uh
I think it's paid for I think they're done you know they're fine
they're at home they're having they're doing they're all better
they're feeling great everything's cool
and it's like a week later the phone rings
and I get it for
a change and it's the veterinarian
yeah well it's nowhere as $800
is for the dogs
I mean okay yeah you got a bill
for the dogs yeah I had a bill
said receipt on it paid and everything
I thought they said they were gonna cover oh she
signed your name no man
she came back with a fake fucking receipt
they look like it was from the
fucking that and everything
she paid yeah
scheming dude
on her last day of work still alive
yeah who knows probably
doing time I don't know she like
locked up in Indiana somewhere
she was on the extra guy
found out that she'd been on probation
from Indiana that's what she's gonna
appear originally hiding out probation ain't bad
from Indiana probation she was already on probation
probation ain't bad but if you blow it
it becomes something oh well yeah I mean
obviously we're coming up with a
she blew up her probation she was trying to do up here
and then she knows whatever happened to me
she was gone to Florida
yeah why not
she got picked up because she said some
driver
to pick some up stuff and rose out from the
house and it was a bunch of clothes she had
ordered from a Cadillac warehouse
still had the tags on them and the
computer she bought
but all this stuff that never got paid
for it was all this is
stolen merchandise nice
man this lady's fucking got man
she's a shady lady
but get this right so we put
at the back of this guy's truck
he's got to go up to Canada and come back
first wait what?
we put this guy's semi truck he comes up with a
semi-chill truck to our house
he's fucking clothes, mom wants clothes to stay in
wasn't there clothes but we put the clothes in the truck
what she would do is she would steal
she would order some trucking companies
she would order all these clothes in marks
in marks name no no no
the guy drove over semi truck he had other
trucks too he would just make a stop
and we would jam these clothes on
a truck for her you and all you're an accessory
at this point I just want to have my house
anyway so you hear that? at first I tried
to get this nurse that cop I tried to keep the
computer she made the guy come back for the
computer huh made the guy come back for the
computer I didn't give him the computer and
the guy came back for it she made him come back
for it fucking semi truck back through
Roselle to get the computer but it was
all stolen merchandise so he's at the
border of Canada and they see this
stuff you know because they just check the load
and they they kind of like
they're there checking loads and it's
all stolen
oh really in the back of this guy's truck
this poor fucking slob all made bad
manifesting shit well no all the
shit she gave him was stolen
yeah but they got to have manifests for everything
right he's not even like shit has to match
especially if you're crossing a fucking
master or something he's gonna be spending
wife shit whatever you know it would make a big deal
but yeah no they can't even cross the border for a funny
thing but it's it's had the store
the guy was a big big big trouble of course
now yes yes it's always D that's
how they picked up her she wound up getting
oh that's how they got her
that was her fucking down
that was her Icarus yeah she flew too
close to the thought yeah probably had to do
something for that one they got actually
Indiana for the face
of probation thing which was
so she's on probation for
wouldn't it was no she had a good time
after that well still in good
vision was for well here we go you should be
well she said that she was
the district manager
for Steinmark remember store Steinmark
nope yeah I do
they want her to be in this fucking catalog house
yeah and
she apparently been right she had a corporate
checkbook of Steinmark's
and she was making her own
checks for herself sweet that's
an old school scam
yeah and this was old time
fuck you know I mean like there was
back then no cameras no nothing
you could get away with their husband
multiple places maybe Steinmark because he was
Gary Stein her husband
yeah listen man
if you find a good lick what do you do you run it till it burns
yeah yeah
you know I mean that's not much of a lick but she did kind of
hang out and have a good time for a little while
it's a pretty good lick for her she lived in a house
with her dad and her
son with a cool
$1000 to build his race car
the rent money I figured out once I went to the kids
race car I heard he told me he was building it
when she came to live with us
he was an enforced finance
the fucking uh race car
which is never gonna run
he's trying to get his name on the car
trying to build a race car right here's the kid
she's getting an enforced cash advance
here's this kid fucking
I'm paying for his fucking race car
needles this kid
has got little fucking goofy tattoos
and these earrings and fucking
no job
and I say what are you
gonna do
I fucking work my ass off
no
the hardest working sugar baby
in business anyways
anyways
I said well what are you gonna do
for a job he says I'm gonna be a race car
driver so what are you
gonna do until then
an enforced credit card
I would be a loser
he would really have
I'm gonna race that escort
what kind of car did he buy
did you ever see it
it was some charger or something like that
what he was building but it had to be a real fucking mess
they ripped in for a thousand sort of
racy and tea
oh no
this kid was so he sat in the lazy boy
oh fucking summer long
watch racing
let his dog fucking pee right in the house
that's horrible
you have a backyard with the fence
man let the dog out
exactly that's what I was like dude
whatever that's some lazy shit right there though
I mean come on
yeah that doesn't mean I mean you let the dog out
yes I agree
that's just being a fucking
if I see the dog he's gonna have a mouth
right that's just
you sit down in the car and put the dog out and don't get up to do it
you fucking asshole
I mean did he piss in the house
that was a problem
you're gonna mark your territory
ridiculous dude it's a giant pit bull
that's my couch question
yeah how big was this pit bull
fucking it ate rocks dude
it didn't mean nothing
it was big it was like the biggest fucking
it was like half a ton
it looked like it was half a rock wile or the fucking thing
was it big as ike
almost as big as ike
it's called the American stretch fire share
that's what I had
yeah that's what he had
it ate rocks
it ate rocks, it was like ike wasn't that stupid
nah this dog was dumb
how did he get fed enough or right or something
no he don't even come on
they fill all the bottoms of mark's doors
in every house
every doorway in the house
that one dog
this is a little bit
nose coming through the door
why?
he's just chewing on the door
he's not around it
you're on the other side you just see the nose
in the teeth
they're not too cool man
dude how could you live in a house
with a horse like this
the fucking door gets smaller
and smaller oh he didn't chew the door
the doors get all busted
up at the bottom they weren't busted
up at the bottom of the door they were fine
they weren't
he doesn't remember that
I'll take Larry's word for it
aww
how about when all them punk rock assholes
moved into your house
yeah then they hit punk rock assholes
and moved into the house
how many? this guy's friend
this is a band
this is fucking Dave
I knew right away
he didn't want to pay 600
then he tells me
okay I'll pay a six
then he gives me four
has a party
a seven year old man living there
they're playing punk rock music
one kid's got a
the one two one two
miss a thing
what do they call a kid
we got nowhere
he died
what was his name though
I want to shout him out
his name was uh
Biggums Biggie
he was missing from the D down
no
I think he had a play in his head
he didn't have any leg
because Ava came over the morning
I was
who's Ava? Mark's other awesome
girl friend
who's Ava? I've never heard of her
oh my god
he didn't even say anything
he just laughed
she was the best
I don't know about was she the best
or you say that in a sarcastic way
she was the best
she was a handful
to say the very fucking minimum
but she also was
good hard
she was the best
she eventually stepped in front of a fucking
truck
committed suicide
but she always said
she really walked in front of a truck
she always said to her to die by truck
she said I will die by truck
she would say all the time I will die by truck
oh were you shooting foreign?
from Poland
she had a pole like that's how she talked
she had like jazz I got bored
how old were you
just a couple years ago
how old were you?
it was probably about 10 or 12 years ago
10 or 12 years ago
and you lived with her?
we were both in her 50's
she used to tell you she was going to kill herself?
she lived by North Avenue
right behind the bar
no no no
she had a house but she lost the house
I mean where did she live?
she lived there for years
and but anyways
she was trying to kill herself
I've been waiting on the front door
what do you mean she was trying to kill herself?
she was running across Lake Street
she was fucking trucks
she was drinking but she was coming from around the back of the house
she was drinking or drugging?
yeah she was a real bad drunk
I mean fan force
I mean Jesus
I tried to put up with it
and then what happened?
I can't
you can't do it
yes Ava
I'm leaving
Mary's got to go pay the house cleaner
okay honey
we're going to work at 2 o'clock
beautiful day we'll go for a nice bike ride
okay darling okay
and you come up and she'll be so plastered
that you'll do a bike ride
what did she drink?
school
shout out to Ava
what happened?
you were with her when she killed herself?
no
we actually broke up about a year before
we still talked a lot
I was even thinking about getting back together with her
if she was doing good
do dating an alcoholic is the worst thing you ever did
it's impossible
if you drink a blackout
if you drink a blackout drunk
she could go over 4 days
and be working
but you can tell there's nothing in her eyes
the cops came with the computer
they tell what you're doing
couldn't find her
they got this computer
they were trying to find out what her name was
there's a police computer
that just comes next to you
and it excelses you everything
wait what?
what the fuck is this?
I got questioned with it when Timmy died
man they pulled out the laptop
and they questioned me and my parents house
my dad was cool enough to call me and he said
hey Larry the cops are here
looking for you
do you want to go to your house
or do you want to talk to them here?
is it a lie detector?
they can't be in the miserable court
I know but they still use it to see
where they're at
they do it
that's illegal
they do it
you fucking ass clown
your wife is a lawyer
and you wouldn't even go
it was brand new
we were like what the fuck was that
and then later I found out about it
you guys are idiots
no I'm not
okay now I'm intrigued about Ava
they couldn't even find her
she was so plaster drunk
that she wasn't even showing up
as like being on this thing
being on what?
the computer thing, it picks up you
it picks up everything about you
it's very sensitive
it's kind of like you two guys
you kiss and lower it to 4-10
she was blank
she was completely blanked out
your eyes were dead
more than just her eyes
but I mean you know what
when you're with a hardcore alcoholic
and I'm sure everybody's seen a hardcore alcoholic
we were looking at one
your eyes were just blank
gone, you're not there
I didn't bring a mirror in here
is he drunk side of a plastic fucking vodka bottle?
why you keep breaking the fourth wall
remember the day
she got picked up in the morning at work
I had to call you to drive her car home
I always had to call them to get her
they're not gonna let her drive anymore today
she was cute enough to not fucking get DUIs
all the time but we always had to go pick up her car
and shit
she's super drunk in my house
I throw her out, she's all drunk
how'd you throw her out, like the fresh prince?
just tossed her out
she got in her car
whenever they do something
she got in her car and left
she got her car and left
oh my god how much time did she have to
come back, come back like 10, 15 minutes later
without her car
without her car, got blood all over her
she's like, where's your car
oh please give me a ride
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
fuck, you can give me this bitch
Larry what are we at
we're over time
okay that's where we're gonna end it okay
alright
thanks for tuning in to Larry and Needle's show
I'm Larry
I wanna thank Mark
for being such a dirtbag
oh we're gonna do another episode
definitely and for they love you
oh we're gonna do volumes on Ava
we gotta do another hour
thanks for listening
like, subscribe
we're gonna set that web address up
but Larry and I
ate too many mushrooms
yeah that's very good
we gotta do it guys
thanks for listening to Needle's show