Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles show
Cast it blows him away
So then the next guy comes out of the house
Well, no, well, no this guy comes out shooting oh and we're all deep in the line
Why take her the line all online right now, baby. Who moved the line? Does something come move this line?
What do you mean did someone come move this line? There was a shootout right in front of us security tight ago to
Security something was no you're watching. They didn't have security
They were just awesome guys came out and everybody scrambled and you know what the next day we went back and it was fun
This is usual. Yeah. Yeah. All right
That was needles telling a story about a motherfucker getting shot in the line waiting for joke shotgun with a shotgun
Welcome to Larry needles show. I'm Larry needles and that's mark markers with us again both in the house again
420 love you in fourth. Why must you assist and say?
I was man, but he says the other way you do that. Well, you already signed a waiver. I didn't say anything
For the record, I've said nothing
I'm gonna sign some at gunpoint after the show
I've signed nothing to that nothing. I'll talk to my lawyer. Don't worry. You'll owe us money
I haven't even said I've signed. Well, you should be doing good. How's your 420 going today? Oh, really good?
I
Need to be up and out for a change. Yeah, he took my lighter that motherfucker
I mean guys got cancer let him you got a few lighters over there
This is my next chemo treatment. This is mine cuz nobody wants it. What's your next fucking brain?
Your next psychiatric evaluation, no, I heard he's transitioning from a male to a female
I got to get the thing on
They second I think I do something. Yeah
They're gonna cut your weiner new vagina. Yeah, I'm having a sex you gonna be a training
Yeah, I'm gonna dominate girls tennis. He's an insult
tennis is all
I have a feeling that the girl tennis player could still be
Amazing that he wants to be a tennis well, I'm asking you
This way to be more fair. I love how the women grunt when they take a 50 year old
I like when they grunt
Bill change the new girl train him and then compete against the champion man
You would look like the world's worst woman the world's biggest fucking
But if I won then we got some argument for these transgenders would you wear a wig?
But until then they've got no argument doing they are cheating and that's horrible who's cheating the people that are changing their sex to win
competition well, did you see that thing about the weightlifter?
Huh, yeah, a trans man a trans woman. I don't know man. Fuck a guy with a cock that changed into a woman
There we go. You want to be eating the fuckers?
It's beating the fuck out of women's weight. Well, no, so then this guy said he was a man to a female this big big
Weightlifter guy and they let him in and he crushed it by like a hundred
Yeah, yeah, so now they'll never touch they'll never touch that fucking record
Applauds that guy, right?
Yeah, that guy should be fucking you get away with it
That guy yeah, but that guy's kind of a fucking con for fucking doing that
You're taking it away from women man did the same thing took an advantage and
But if you see an opportunity, let's call spade a spade though
That is exactly calling a spade a spade the guy fucking right was a man
Opportunity why wouldn't you take it? Yeah? Well, I mean, you know
Opportunities that you don't take just cuz they're fucking there process that goes into that
I'm gonna enter a contest
I'm gonna enter this competition I'm gonna tell everybody I'm a female but I have a man's physique and
And then I'm gonna beat these women by the hundred pounds
It's like that fucking William Thomas kid. Who's that? Leah Thomas the swimmer?
You know, oh, you know what listen man
Well, could a man transition to female and then beat a man do you think can a man's way second way wait slow down for
a man's transition to a female transition to a female
Okay, you know a female but still races against men. Well, it depends on their body type their physics. Yeah
I'm a man that turns into a
Even if they're on hormone
Yeah, you'd be the same contest. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean
Regardless of the sex change and let's say one ahead with your Michael Phelps got caught up in a trainee thing
They should have a did he yeah, but not in a sports training thing in his
No, they weren't doing underwater aquatics. You know, are you fucking getting caught up in some training?
Didn't the cops fucking pull you over one night some tranny in the car
What's that in for these are great, dude, you ever been with the tranny? Yeah, they're wonderful. They're hilarious, dude
I love trainees really oh man every mile the tranny before
Huh, I don't have fun, dude. They really are fucking fun, dude
You ever be with one not personally sexually or anything. No, but they're fun to be with didn't you take training around
We had one for blackjack dealer one night was excellent. She's really cool. Yeah, this thing and then
I think that's a politically correct name. Yeah
It was a thing she was
She was a man girl girl man. I couldn't even tell him what she was trying to do
Wow, but she was great. She was like a she was a blast. Yeah
It was like a gay woman
Okay, enough with your descriptions what happened with this story. I've also worked in play
You know where I work the rest of such would be the gay thing gay night whatever sure
And the gay people are really a lot of fun bed and plus the secret club you're in
You know, I think it's secret club Bobby, but the trainees are I know they're the real fun. They seem to
I guess I think a lot of shit so they try to enjoy life. Yeah, exactly. You know, we'll do this
I don't think about it. That's very fucking bold to do that. Yes. I love it for I mean listen
I don't even I couldn't ever even
I'm being serious and these motherfuckers want to press up like chicks man more power to you man
I think they fucking love it too. Well, here's the thing though when they're out doing that
That's when it's fucking party time. So of course they're having a great time
That's the time to have a great time. You might as well have a good time, right?
When really do right?
But we're so old regular tables. I wait on shit. You know what I'm saying? You don't hear a funny story
I went on a trip one time with why you waited on a lot of trannies
Oh, sure. Wait a second. Listen
I went to Philly with this guy used to work with when I was in the law firm on Lisa drive shit
Uh-huh, and we were like driving around after the club. There are all these chicks and shit and
My the dude wrote he was a black dude, huh?
And it was he was the greatest dude and he rolled down the window and this chick sticks her head in and she's got an
Adam's apple
Apple yeah, and the Adam's apple
I mean like and it was so funny and oh man and the chicks on the other side of the street were like
You and words need to come over
But man the Adam's apple on this broad was so it was a big chick too man
Well, obviously it wasn't a chick. It was actually a man. Yeah, it's a man, baby
We go we just talked about this Yobi you talked about Yobi. Who's talked about you?
Go in for today
No, no, no, no, no, we talked about it. I didn't tell him it. I don't know we want to explain it to us actually cuz I don't
Fucking story
What do you mean you what are you about the international incident in Jamaica with that fucking oh the mushrooms
Wait, where did you go where the guy wanted you to fucking?
Wait a minute, no that place wait a minute slow down
Wait a minute
And for what did you just say that some guy wanted you to push a chick off a cliff?
We were gonna push off the cliff you even say wait
You didn't answer that question wait a second. Maybe we should know I wanted him to push her out the cliff
Allegedly, allegedly, what could have pushed off the cliff you wanted to yo
Probably shouldn't ask that question cuz
So long just it's just a lick yet again. He said oh, yeah three times
No, what about the guy that fucking wanted you to rub fucking suntan oil on him?
He came out of the room
And it's hog
You know here's how I get it you do it. No, that's why I say he's naive
He's like a sweet Catholic. No, I don't think I've had a lot, you know, I don't think I had a lot
What does that mean?
Like I work in a hotel I'm a cook in the hotel
And this guy is blowing ever the bar manager is this young kid Andreas. He's Greek fellow. Oh
Oh boy, you know what they like well
Shit didn't occur to me
Cool kid. I don't play whether he's sure he had a motorcycle
Oh, was he young kid just out of college had a
Mickey Mouse degree in restaurant management, you know just some geek but his father
Own a chain of laundry man
Okay, okay, I live in some fucking mansions
No, let's not say the name
He
So anyways, yeah, let's get to it nice suits, you know really dressed nice and shit and
Amazing
He was cool. He worked in the bar and you get shit for the guests, you know, I'd be making stuff
He bring the guys the girls like so wait a second. So okay
So so you're the head chef or you're just a cook. I was like a head chef. Yeah, okay
So you're the head chef. Yes, you got this
This egg grease guys. They're like this Greek god that then enjoys your company
With a bunch of other people before Jamaica him and the cocktail waitresses
Man, this guy gets these ladies posted. Yeah, yeah, what did you make like he's laying pipe somewhere or another?
for a couple months before
before you know, yeah and
So I couldn't go for I had that damn girl from G. Love ever oh god another crazy broad probably
Yeah, I mean and for Jesus the loves
I'll tell you about her in a minute. Oh
Remember the gene Gina. She sounds like a yeah
Any gene out there? You're a crazy broad anyway, so you're you're going with Andrea's
They got Jamaica. They have a lot of them doing a great time
You know, so and he wants to go back already because the weather wasn't that nice when he was there with them
You know first time. Yeah, I'm gonna go back because getting to be nice weather now, especially
You know, it's a different time you want to come with a super cheap right now
Fly for 250 this was years ago round trip 250 to Jamaica hotel
400 bucks bring the radio and a pair of some drugs. Yeah, it was a black radio
It's a Vaseline and a dildo
So I'm gonna get some jerk chicken if you know I jerk chicken jokes
This is great though, but here's what I did
I bet so yeah
So keep going though. We go I get there. It's beautiful islands warm hot got everything
I've never been any place in my life. Andrea's takes a shirt off first, but then you kiss
We get to the place and it's a real nice place. So opens right up to the oh
It is like a romantic sure
Any one of these cliff island this is really overly the sexy muse sure man that way it's from yeah, so
Not to mention he fucking slipped Viagra into the water right right who did
Even have it back then
Yeah, beautiful marble we don't want to say that you all
Read down to the grass and the staircase of the cliffs and the waters are beautiful. Yeah, and it's beautiful
It's great the place is awesome, you know
The guys gonna get the guns and everything
It's like I did get you the way the guys can get you some weed. Yeah, right away. Yeah, first thing
He fucking lines up because he's
I mean, yeah, then you'll find you gotta have weed you'll get coke minimum. Yeah, we got coke later
Yeah, exactly. See I know this guy said snort snort the coke off my day
Everyone is the place uses the world
We sit there and the guy comes out and dress and he's put his baby oil on
Wait a minute, but you push him out my back. Oh
No and for
You're just
No, I did it of course, you know, oh you didn't oh
Why wouldn't you?
Rub your bad if Larry asked me to do what I do with the Larry I've done it before actually I never had any man
Oh, yeah, I've got Larry's back many a time. No, we should have won off for that. Son, Taylor
I don't know. I was my cancer. No, I don't fucking put that shit. Do you do man?
I think that sunscreen I mean once you bent over you like put it on my gooch needle. I was like, all right, dude
He was like you're the boss. I wasn't gonna rub the guy down. Okay, huh anyways, put your head up when you
So anyways, he's not now
He but he seemed kind of depressed actually, huh? He's gonna seem kind of depressed who did the guy well with the gay guy
But he wasn't gay
We're having much fun
He don't go anywhere
My dick or blood on my knife, you just lying around, you know, it's a beautiful place
So what happened I mean you're not now
We were actually good then it was another we went twice actually be in a trace. Holy fuck wait a second
Yeah, I think I went back with them. Yeah, did you fuck them? No, no, no, no blow them. No, no, no like that jerk them off
No, no, no, no, the first time I was there that we went to the real fancy hotel the hedonism
Where oh yeah and forth is he did home the fuck out
Do you really think we're gonna believe you guys enough Gates acts when you went to he didn't ism?
No, we did it cuz we got the hedonism and it was a little party of course
It was partied I started talking to this lady and forth went to hedonism. Yeah
I was talking to this lady from England and I do some but you make an accent and this dumb fuck wait a minute
Whoa, yeah, did you just say you used a Jamaican accent? I do some but you make an accent man. You you wait a second
Yeah, man, I'm talking about the Jamaican
You are the whitest guy I know you used a Jamaican accent
You're this Larry. Yeah, this is atrocious. He's fucking nuts. Yeah, this guy. He's like the Austin fucking awesome powers
Kid with her and making out with her. She was so great with her right you know and
She needed glasses obviously. Yeah, well, so I'm sure she wasn't that good looking
What are you doing?
Sorry
Nice body and everything you know how old was she?
Oh, they're softer. She was like that softer old in the English. She was that softer old. I've never heard it described like that
You know you know
So anyway, that's softer old. Yeah softer. I mean that's a yeah, you can smell that man pretty much
But oh still dude, dude, I believe he's so anyways. She was good. She was fucking right for it, man
She was right. Yeah, I mean like that
Huh, she paid him money money to do what have sex with her and did you take it after sex like took it how much?
$50 was it good? Did you make her?
Yeah, I could have got more but I think I got more I could have got a lot. Oh, yeah
Oh, wait a second. You were in the same resort with her though. No, no, no
I was a guest at this resort and where was she from this resort?
So you were in the same resort with her asshole? I just said that my resort so wait a second
I was so you had to see her
Wait a second. How often did you see her Larry? Wait a second? This was the first night
Okay, so then you saw how long did you stay there?
Then I stayed at that resort for three more days. So did you see her again for those three more days?
Yes, yes, she paid you for more sex. Oh, yeah, cuz you weren't that good
Well, that's not why you need to get away from how to be a fucking right
Yeah, no, I'm not a jiggle-o is wise. What happens? I mean did you fucking her ass?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no
Man, you're not a treat a lady
But yeah, I could have
Because even though the hotel guys were telling me
Man, I know what you're doing, man. You could do it, man. You could do it, man
Oh, wait a second
The other jubakers said yeah, people live here and do that hang around and fuck women from behind
Yeah, sugar babies just like him
All day long
Yeah, fuck babies. Isn't that what they call them?
It's a fuck baby. It's not what I call myself. Yeah, I mean, Christ, last time you touched yourself, ain't it?
It was popular
Anything you want to do down there, dude, it's just beautiful. Oh, and forth. I don't like to hear that. Mark can get laid
That's a very famous thing, man. You can do whatever you want. Hi, Mary Mary's here everybody
Every time the car, if your car breaks down on the road, you know, they help you the first person that stops by
I try to eat your ass. Helps you because they can't get around you if they don't
Well, what do they have? Shoulders?
No, no, nothing. Very often. He stays in really really third. I think he goes to fourth world communities
Countries
Well, there's third world countries and within the third world country he goes to the fourth world communities
I'll give you that. Yeah, okay. I'll give you that one. That's you explained it. Yeah
The grill was really nice
Whoa, whoa, whoa, we're not racist on this
It's called the grill
I know it's one of these
So the grillions
What were the grillions like?
The grillions?
They're not called the grillions. That's what they should be called
The grillions
That's amazing right there, the grillions
I always call them the grillions
I thought six negrillions
Nigerian? No, it's Nigerian
Anyways
They're one Nigerian through and through
They're nice. They're not all ripoff artists. A lot of the scabby is done
Not all of them are, but they will do it if they can
If they can
If they can fuck with you, they will fuck with you
Listen, if you show weakness, who's not going to take fucking advantage of you
That's what it's about
You're either a vicar or a fucking perp
You know what I mean?
Right, they say the same way
Either the perpetrator or the perp
What?
That's the same way. That didn't make any sense
Thank God they're taped
I threw one at the guy who fucked with me
You know how he's the perpetrator
I threw a fast one at the guy who always asked you for a dollar
Hey, give me a dollar, let me give you a dollar
If the guy says give me a dollar, I say you give me a dollar
He doesn't double take it
Yeah, but I've been here for weeks handing out dollars
What else is someone giving me one now?
You've been there weeks handing out dollars?
What kind of weird fetish is that?
And?
They like that
They like what?
He thought that was great
Panther?
Yeah, that, you know, you give me a fucking dollar now, man
And then what happened?
You didn't give me a dollar
He just walked away and you're like, I'm waiting to meet my dope dealer
They never asked me for another dollar
My dealer is going to be here in ten minutes
No, I'm waiting for him
God, no, I need to get a dollar
I was on tour with these cats from this guy
These cats from this kid was blind
I forgot the name of the band, but he was real good
And he would run around the stage
He had like a headset for the microphone
And never go off the edge of it
But anyways, I think they were from New York or something
And we were, it was in Philly, we were playing a gig
And this bum comes up to us and he's like, can I have a dollar?
And they're like, get the fuck away from us, you know
They just exploded on this fucking guy
I was just like, wow, man
I, you know, they're never going to get a dollar out of me
Because I never have a dollar
But for one thing, I just never would explode on someone like that
Well, I guess you tell them that
But these guys would just like
You'd explode on a lot of dudes like that
These guys were just brutal though
They were like, we fucking are so sick of these fucking bums coming up to us
Asking for money
Listen, man, there's different levels of aggressiveness with homeless people
Yeah, there really is
They're aggressive in fucking St. Louis
Yeah
I haven't been there lately so I wouldn't know
But I haven't been anywhere where there's a big fucking congregation of homeless people lately
And I plan to be like that for a long time
Fuck the city
There's a lot of them in Vegas but they weren't bad at all
Vegas is bad, man
There's a lot of them but I had no problem with them
I did go to, when I went to Vegas
There was like a lady with her kids out on the strip
Begging for money like two in the morning
Oh, yeah
And the fucking kids are just like ramshackles
There's a lady with a kid strapped to her back at Harlem and North
Walking between cars
That's close to home, I'm talking about Vegas, but okay
Right, but there's a lady with a baby strapped to her back
What's her name?
I don't know her name, bitch
Oh, shit
I don't go that, I don't make that right
Betty?
I don't make that right, but if I did I'd know her name
Actually, no, she's on the other side
It's like, how much you're banging you with the baby on your back?
God, no, you're kidding
Looks like a biscuit
No fuck for words
And how do you do it?
That's a weird three-way
The other guys, the black guys, they give them money
Because they keep it clean
They had fucking shit
Harlem and two 90s
And they keep it all clean
So when they come for us, there's needles that fucking set that one down, man
They load the cannons with all that shit to blast
Listen, man, I'm here for good time, not alone time
Yeah, well, you'll be spending a long time in prison
Nah, man
I'm not a prison guy
No, okay
I'm happy just being me
And fourth, why?
Why are you so gay?
So now we're all gonna like, joints at the same time and no one's gonna talk
I mean, come on, you keep talking and fourth
Yeah, no one said you could stop talking, man
I know, Mark
Yeah
What is that cute girl in Neetra when you were on vacation?
Yeah, let's talk about Neetra
Oh, yeah, we should go
No, no, no, no, no
Talk about Gina
Yeah, Gina
And then we'll talk about Neetra
Neetra had the nicest ass with the Gina head, but
Let's talk about, let's talk about Gina
Yeah
Well, she's got ass shaped like cherries
And her head shaped like a penis
Man, hear that?
That's his love right there
Neetra had a head shaped like a penis
He hasn't talked about a woman like that yet
She had a head shaped like a penis
She'd walk in front of a truck
Anyways, let's talk about Gina
Yeah
Where'd you meet Gina?
Gina was just playing violent, man
Italian girl, I don't know what her problem was
She was jealous, she was obsessive
Where at?
She may have been probably fooling around on me
No, no, no, where were you at?
Where would this start?
Where did you meet her?
How?
She was going to college
Where'd you meet her?
You met her in college?
I was going to the Olive Garden
Yeah
School of sauteing
What is that?
I was at the Olive Garden
So wait, she was what?
She was a waitress at the Olive Garden
Oh, Anne Ford's got a thing for waitresses
And you know what I mean?
We're going to meet them at work
He brought that wears an apron
Anne Ford's will bang
Yeah
Kind of, yeah
She smells like a grease fucking pit
Hillfocker
Okay, so keep going with Gina
I pull him out of Denny's, dude
Believe me, 3, 4 a.m.
A couple of weeks
One girl, yes, sounded Denny's was such a dog
She took it as an offense that he asked her out
Yes, and she got mad at me
I thought I was kidding
Hold on, we're talking about Gina
She was the best, dude
Except what she was doing at 4 a.m.
What's with her blade?
Who did?
Hadidia, she was young
Man, okay, so let's stick with Gina for a second
Anyways
Okay, so what happened with Gina?
She was just boned
She was a drunk?
No, no
She do drugs?
She drank
But that was back in the day
We were too young for her to be a drunk yet
Yeah, we were in our early 20s
Yeah, what are you talking about?
21, she's so pretty young
She's not lost 19
60 people by that time
What happened with that?
Yeah, but I'm saying we just didn't have a
You know, the girl was younger than us
And she wasn't old enough to be a
Cackling bar whore yet
Right, so she had drunk and turned into one
She might have turned into one
Yeah, she has, yes
And then what happened, though? She died?
No, no
She wanted to have kids and everything
What was her name? R.I.P. Gina
She was super jealous and just, you know, jealous
And followed her
And how old were you?
She just went, beat me up a lot
Hit me a lot, did beat things to me
You like hit me a lot
Smashed him in the face
Dude, he's been a battered wife forever
Yeah, I'm a battered wife
I mean, they're out of the fucking three to four
Stores, you can tell us
Okay, wait, this is the best
This is the best, he was sleeping in his bed
She got down in the bed
And kicked his head with both feet
To the side of the head
Double kicked his head
Put a hole in the drywall
Through the, yeah
And why was that?
I can't remember
Yeah, because I don't remember my spasm
I don't remember my spasm
I never, yeah
Ever since I kicked in the head
He has remembered my spasm
This motherfucker's got CTE
He's not even fucking too strong
I never get this girlfriend, you know
I've never even think before that
She's a complete wimp
I remember when she smashed the giant fucking picture frame
She smashed the giant picture frame
I broke my water in her box
Oh, that's what he said
She smashed the giant picture frame in his face
Yes, stitches and shit in his face
Really, she hit, wait a second
She almost, dude, slow down
Wait a second, a picture frame, like a square
A big fucking thing
It was like the Declaration of Independence
No, it wasn't
Yeah, it was done with the hands-up frame
Yeah, that's what was behind it
You explain, what was it?
It was about
No, wait, what kind of picture
I don't know what the picture was of
But it was a fathered back
How wide was it, how tall was it?
Oh, she's like, it was a picture
She hit the face with a picture
She hit you with a glass
In the middle, like, she hit you with the frame
No, where's her left
She literally had her left hand on the left side
Or right hand on the right side
And pushed his face into the glass
No, it didn't make more like a swing, like a bat
But hit him in the face with the glass
Yeah, so she
Yes
And the glass broke
It was about an inch
But there's this much room
Between the glass and the picture behind it
Oh, her face explode?
Yeah, she put a big gas in my fucking car
Oh, look at him, he died, dude
Did you fuck with her after?
Seriously, I was gonna have to kill me, but I had to go last
But I had to go last
Aw, did you bang her afterwards?
No
Why not?
That was it, that was it, that was it
That was the last time we had any kind of big ups
And then you never hung out with her again?
No, actually, no
One time we were sitting in the living room
She tried to, wait a second
Wait, wait
So she tried to kill him
And he actually didn't go back to her
No, I just
It's kind of hot
Well, that was like the third time she tried
First time she tried
One time, I worked with this girl to hide
Wait, wait, wait, wait
Just let's get to one story with Gina
We're sitting around the living room getting high
And fucking she walks up
We were just smoking weed
And she walks out
And Mark goes, what a fucking bitch
She hears him
And she comes back in and dumps a fucking 32 ounce
Big gulp over his fucking head
In the middle of the living room
No, he didn't punch her
He said, yeah, yeah
Are you punched her?
No, I didn't punch her, no
And what'd you do?
What could I do?
Who cleaned it up?
That's shy of you
He did
Aw, man
And then she storms back up
She was just mad
She was a hot little fucking mama, man
She had a great little body
Yeah, but she was a psycho
She was a psycho, yeah
She was dumping pop in the house
It wasn't even Mark's house
It was Rat's house
Oh, okay, everything goes there
Yeah, she really thought she was special, I guess
Oh, yeah, you made her feel special at that
She wanted to feel a little special
Then I could cheat her, I think
Okay, start bringing back the news
She was a, you know, I don't know what she was
She was a hillbilly
She was a hillbilly, too, actually
Yeah, these are the people you attract
Have you not noticed the trend?
What are the things you're going to tell them?
No, you're going to say about this bitch at the Hyatt
Oh, yeah
I work with this cocktail waitress at the Hyatt
With the restaurants here at the Cossack
Anybody who wears an apron
Yeah, no, she was really cute
I never went out with her
She had her own boyfriend
Yeah, she had her own boyfriend
Like she owned him
Yeah, she wanted to get her own boyfriend
We only saw each other at work
And one summer day
She's waiting out for her
This isn't in paint to picture
Yeah, it's a beautiful summer day
Beautiful summer day
We've worked together
The blossoms were
Yeah
What underwear does she have on?
No, she's wearing a green
Emerald little short cut cocktail waitress dress
And underwear
Sprinkling the sun
Just probably black, you know
Just probably
Yeah, she wasn't like, you know, but yeah
I don't remember, I ripped them off
I don't know, paint a picture of that
No, anyways
If you're trying to fulfill our listeners
Stop, man, anyways
We've worked together for years
But never once
But now, all of a sudden
We've worked together all ever
And she's waiting for a ride to come and get her
I'm waiting for Gina to come pick me up
Yeah
And she's like
Why are you waiting for her to pick you up?
She's gonna pick me up because my car is broken down
Oh, okay
Because you never license it
Yes
And so she's on one bench
At one side of the hotel
Entrance way
Yep
It's an entrance to a side entrance to a hotel
Yeah, I understand you
Big space, you know what I mean
She's on one bench here
Door away
And I'm on the other bench
Here
Right over there
Door's over here
And here comes Gina with her Camaro
Of course she's got one
Fuck, yeah, Gina rocks, dude
She's a rock, alright
She's a bad bitch
She was a blonde
Shout out to Gina
She's got her hair going
Man, look, he really dates women that are out of his league
Oh, man
If Gina, oh my god
She was a hot mama
Yeah, she was pretty hot, but
I'd make her drink
I'd make her drink, you know what I mean
I like to rock, you know what I mean
That was the one I would want to go for
But I've seen her not go to her ass cut to size like a cow, dude
Oh, man
I'd still fucking do her
Sounds very good, man
She drove a Camaro, she had her fucking fat ass
And her ass right now
Let's go, honey
Whoo, I want to sniff that driver's seat
Smoking
And it's done
So
I forget it
What was I saying?
What were you saying?
She pulls up and her Camaro
You're talking about Gina with that ass
She tried to rock this girl down
She tried to rock the car
Right up towards shit
Who?
The cocktail atress
Gina
Yes
She drove the car to who?
The cocktail atress
So where?
They were sitting on the benches, man
Oh, and she drove up the, all the way up
Oh, to the back
Sidewalk
Like a foot away
She got lifted's legs
What are you fucking talking to my man for?
No, she went to her
Oh, she tried
Threatened her
Did she bang good?
This chick sounds like she rocks, dude
Yeah, she did, yeah
Yeah, she did
But it wasn't worth it, believe me
It was ridiculous
No, it's always worth it, it's always worth it
No
The ends were justified by the memes
Like a movie or something
No way
Uh-uh
The ends are justified by the nut
No, it's not
Listen, man
No, no, no
I wouldn't have made a difference, no
No, but this was a long time ago
Right?
Yeah, a long time ago, yeah
How long ago?
Oh, God, I was still 30s, this baby
Oh, yeah
But she was young
She was only 19, 20, 21, I think
Jesus Christ, Danforth
Woof
Let me tell you, you love the fucking danger zone
Why don't you tell us about Laurie?
Well, there was Laurie, oh my God
Every single one
I mean, this is like a fucking
Jack Caroline
Laurie looked like Lucy from Trailer Park Boys
Yeah, she was basketball
Yeah, she was fucking hot
The four tits are after before
She was not too small
She was smoking out after you, Laurie
A little too smoking out
When Lucy had the spiked out here, dude
Yeah
Because Laurie was kind of a punk rocker chick
She had a fucking body, man
Yeah
But the smoke was still
And what she do now, she tried to stab you
Until you saw the head
Until you saw the head, what do you mean?
She had a weird head?
This chick, I need your...
Oh, anyways, we do this good
Chuck, we almost said her last name
Yeah, but he's telling four stories at once
I gotta talk about it, I gotta talk about it
Well, then tell us
I didn't notice it
I never noticed it also
Something pointed out to me that it ruined the whole thing
It ruined it for me
That she had a peanut head?
She had a weird head, dude
And it went like this
And it was just like a peanut
Did she have a smoking body?
Oh, my God
She was fucking weird
It's Larry says, yeah
Smoking body, legs
Couldn't get past the peanut head?
I was fucking weird, oh man
When she noticed it, I couldn't help it
I couldn't
You're a real fucking weirdo
I could, there was no way
The peanut head just cracked up every time I saw it
I mean, you should nut on her peanut
I was...
She was never gonna suck a dick
Double nut
She'll tell you too, she's never gonna suck a dick
What do you mean she's never gonna suck a dick?
How do you know that?
That's what she says
Well, I'm sure that's long gone, man
That's inter-original right now
Listen, women only have two things
She will not suck a dick
Blowjobs?
Don't tell me she's suck a dick
You were ass too, but you know what I mean
I don't want to hear her, she's doing that
They don't want it in the ass, really
Why are you, what are you saying?
She's trying to bring to her uncle
What are you talking about?
Chick's Lake in the park
Not for me, they don't
We have a baby, Larry
You have a wife
And they'll disparage Mary like that
That's ridiculous, no, I don't know
Fucking...
Yeah, I'm not gonna fucking bang my wife in the ass either, dude
That's good to know
Thanks for telling all our listeners, Larry
I mean, you just had to get that out
That's for versions
That's satanic perversion
No, it's not at all
Oh, yeah
That's a lot of variations
So you're gonna tell me, listen
It's not the right way to reproduce
You don't reproduce it
Oh, thanks, and for the enforced doctor corner
Yeah
Procreate
Procreate the butt
Wow
I didn't know that
You can't reproduce in the butt, thanks, man
How can men get pregnant then if you can't reproduce in the butt?
Right, well, you can't
But it's to procreate, that's why
You know, go first and go...
Oh, man
He's on the Don Vito
He said go on, fuck, yeah
Go on, and further, father
Make more kids, go have babies, whatever
He told the Jews
Procreate Jews
What is your Jewel?
You're supposed to have babies
And make the people of the world
The idea is to have children
And not associated with any views of MMM and Ford
You want to have children
You're supposed to make children
And that's not a way to make children
And therefore it is wrong
No, it's not wrong
Because if you don't want to have children
Well, you don't want to have children
There's one way to do it
But no, there's not an option
He doesn't give you the option
Well, if you don't want to have babies
You do it this way
No, it's not an option
Everything's an option, and Ford
That's why there's two holes
You have two options
I mean, you fucking ass clown
You can explain that one to who you have to
You're the asshole
Listen, I'm going to tell you
There's a reason the Greeks did the Greeks
Man, a lot of them earned a boy love
That's why the Greeks got taken over
Because they got all in bad
How about eunuchs?
Ass sucks, and then they fucking stopped having babies
Right, they couldn't reproduce themselves
And fucking who?
And then the army got weak
Because it wasn't enough guys
You had too fucking gay with each other
The bloodline and shit?
Yeah, no, all the gay sex
And then they started having as many fucking
Right, that's hypothetical
Okay, no, it's not
What the fuck do you have?
History
The both of yous don't know that shit
They didn't have any
They gave you two fucking ass clowns
They gave them more children
It's not enough children that were strong, too
Well, because generations have to take time
Degeneration's in your case
You're right, but it's exactly right
You're a gay bitch, brother
I mean, this guy's not an out over it
Look at him
I'm not not an out over it
I'm so much more happy for God's sakes
Holy shit, you guys are something else
Jesus Christ
Amazing
And we love it so much
Fucking non-binary corner of the world
The rest of our lives are gonna be knotting out
Everything a fucking do to them
It's not an out over it
Yeah, you're not an out over it
It's not an out
Stop not an out over it
I had a forward to it
What's the time?
We got time
He finally realized
It's 19 minutes left
Niels wanted to see how long it would take
Hey
What are you doing, man?
Don't be fucking honest, A-Ball all of a sudden
Jesus Christ
Peanut Head was the best man
You made a couple of Lincoln facts
Peanut Head
Peanut virus, same thing
You're a girlfriend
I worked with her at the macaroni grill
Okay
And happened to say I was going to Fort Lauderdale
for a particular time
Another Florida girl here
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Man, you find the same kind of trash woman
in the bikini contest
One teacher contest
And there's a nature across the pool
Jump up and out waving at me
And she was in the bikini contest?
No, she was not in the what teacher contest
She could have been
She should have been, could have been
Yeah, but she wasn't that big of a horse
So that's good
No, she was too young, yeah
But anyways
What do you mean she was too young?
And first you keep saying that
And you're like she was 32
No, she was 26
She was 18
Mark was like 40
I'm going to add two less years
Sit down
The only reason I recognize her
is because she had a little Mickey Mouse tote bag
like only a child would carry
and then I saw her take the case before
And first you really are not pleading your case
in a rare amount of time
No, I know, I know, I know
Right, come on, man
I know
People were saying
Well, we're rollerblading now
Roll by that man
Guys are checking her out
Whistling, check out her going
She's with you
You're like how's that swab with her
Right, yeah
Yeah
You're not there to bug me in 20s
Get a little thumb in a bush over here
No, not even
I'm in the bathroom
They're shaking my hand
Man, you almost have a huge stick, man
You're like, no I don't
I have no money either
She's dancing, she's eating her as a shit
She's getting beers
Passing up to her
She's having a great time
How old was she, 18?
So she shouldn't have been drinking
No, she hasn't been drinking
No, she's contributed to the situation
Rollerblading
You think you can get it right
Go order the statues
We're any cops?
Then listen
Rollerblading
Fucking rollerblading again, man
I wrote the statue of limitations
I knew that she was
We were completely hand over hand
I knew she was young when she
went to play shoots and ladders
She wants candy land, right?
No, she wasn't that young
She wanted to play Trouble
I'm sorry
Remember when I put it on here
I used to have a stop to get her
Oh my God, imagine Anne Forth being with that
19 or 18, 16 year old
She wanted the really exact blue pack
A 20 ounce very fine apple juice
Oh, Anne Forth, this sounds like a child
Right, she wanted the very fine apple juice
She wanted an apple juice
Yes, a 20 ounce very fine apple juice
Really is extra blue
Oh, and marro mediums
Sounds like a child from the streets of New York
Yes, we have to get her
She was, she was like a street kid
Oh my God
Marro models and an apple juice
She was a real joomily
And I wanted a little Debbie
I wanted a little Debbie
I wanted a honey bunny and a cosmic brownie
My mother loved her
My mother thought she was just a doll
Of course, your mother couldn't believe
that you fucking attracted someone that
Exactly, she was like Jesus man, this is retarded
This bitch really must need glasses
Fuckin' a drug to see that
Yeah, we got her own
So, and yeah, she could play pool
Oh yeah, Anne she fucking walked around
with some big fucking Rottweiler
Yeah, she was in a short little Rottweiler
She brought it to my house one day and the thing
How the fuck Anne Forth, do you get these
crazy broads in your life
She shot pool like a champion dude
Like a champion, she was like
She was like Minnesota to me
She could hit her ass when she shot pool
No, I didn't beat her ass
I wanted her to bend over to the table
Oh yeah
Hit her ass while she shot pool
Oh, no
We went to a bar one night
We went to a bar one night and she started
playing pool with this dude, some kid
as far as I can tell
and she went to a few hands
whatever and then she comes over
Wait a minute, that's poker ass
Couple rounds, whatever happens
You know, she wins
Couple games
Okay, we're gonna go on a couple rounds
Yeah, well, yeah
She's like, we're gonna do some coke with this guy
Oh, nice
Okay, and he's got a fucking freezer bag
Big dick, right?
Oh man
He's got a what?
He did fucking coke
He wanted to fuck her of course
Yeah, well
Of course
And then you're robbing him
He wanted to fuck her so bad
he even turned this dirt bag on the couch
Yeah, and then you're robbing him
Exactly, exactly
But she didn't go with him or anything
Beautiful
Yeah, she's amazing
She's just a child
She talked to anyone
Oh my God
She was a child, he says
She has a child or she was a child?
She was a child
Oh my God, Antforth, this case you are pleading
I have to get my little brain
No, her brain was out of a child
Oh, no, you changed, changed, yeah
She was this guy
Her brain was out of a child because she was a child
Listen here, Nambla, calm down
This is Nietzsche
Poor Nietzsche
We went to Great America
Great America?
Oh boy
I have to take a piss
The slowest day ever
There was nobody there
It was great
Okay
You keep talking
What happened, man?
No, the rides were like, walk right on it
No waiting
And that's it?
Yeah
That's the story
A lot of them were open
So we had smoking joints and shit
We had a great time that day
Yeah, that's fun
It was lots of fun, yeah
So you're contributing to the delinquency of a minor
Smoking joints to the Great America
Oh yeah, I didn't mind
Hell no, man
She was caused to want to take her across state lines
In the hotel room
Did you?
Yeah, we were in Florida together
Oh nice
We had a hotel room with her
She wanted to go to this
But she went there by herself though
No, she was there
She was already in Florida
She was in Florida with this other guy
That had an apartment there
But he was hitting on her so hard and so bad
But it's so awful that she literally wanted to leave
You know what I mean?
And did leave for a while with me
Stayed with me for a whole week
And wanted to go to Disneyland
And I had the money at the time
I should have done it
I could have stayed another month in there in Florida
Oh man
I really should have
You should have married that fucking bitch
And
But now I had to get back
So she left with me
She left a week later too
I'm not going back to that guy
He's a real asshole
So that's how fucking neat you got involved
Yeah, it was cool
Crazy
Yeah, yeah, I would do it from back in the morning
And it kind of went on a few times
Because she just lived in Greenbrook
You know
And so whatever
And then, yeah, I would run into her in Florida
I would have blew that one time
It was fucking amazing
We were in a blast
It was so much fun
I should have stayed longer
Yeah
It was a blast
So did you take her over any other state lines?
No
He's transporting minors now
Isn't that what he's doing?
He's like a fucking Jack Johnson
That's his white women
What's that?
You say they're your kids
Oh, man
Jesus, and fourth
You don't want to reveal the tricks of the trades
Come on, man
The gentleman is saying it's just nevermind
No, yeah, now
When the cop asks
What's Namla's doing to this girl
You say she's her mind's on her
Man, Namla's going to be here about five minutes
To shut this guy up
No, dude
Come on, I got nothing against children
Oh, man
Listen, man
You're going to use two hands to shovel this guy
I don't really have anything for children
Because their heads are too much like peanuts
Man
Damn, so fucking good
I don't have a thing for children
So one day we were in the upstairs
And the niche was here
And she's got her dog with her
Yeah, diamond
And my girlfriend, Amber
She said, what was the dog's name?
Diamond
Like a stripper
Yeah, yeah
And Amber
And I'm afraid of a fucking flea
Whatever, but this dog was a little fucking scary
Yeah, further the flea, yes
I thought it was terrifying
Oh, yeah, I mean, it was terrifying
And it was out of control
She couldn't really control it
She was a hellhound, yeah
And I said, you can't bring this dog in here anymore
Because she wasn't in the room
In the fucking dog head
My girlfriend trapped in like the bedrooms
To try to bang her?
Barking in the hallway, you know
Real fucking mean
Yeah
So I had to fucking be noble
And step up and shit
And I didn't want to get bit by this motherfucker either
But I had to pretend
You had to stick your finger in the tass
She wanted to be a good guy
She wanted to bite none, yeah, sure
She was
I went to her house
And she called me upstairs, right?
Yeah, there's that fucking dog
Dude, I was not getting up the stairs with it
I said, ah, I'll just wait down here
Because that dog was not letting you up the fucker
Well, you think when people know they have a vicious dog
Right, they'd be a little more
You come out upstairs, I'll hold my dog
So he knows that you're not an injurer
I'm gonna have to put my dog outside
I mean, listen, if you have to hold your dog
Listen to this, I had this girlfriend Marcy for years
And she had this dog Bingo
And the motherfucker was so vicious
Yes, Bingo was being
That I never even fucking
Like, they had to chain the dog
In the garage before I could come in the house
It was like a fucking wolf
Oh, well, that's their fault
It was really a
Listen, man, when you buy a fucking dog
You know what you're getting
But you know, they had it for like protection
Hey, I'm gonna buy a wolf
They had it for love, the dog loved the family
No, I mean
Well, it was three girls and a mom in a house
Timmy, when he got the wolf
Right, it was all girls in a house
And they just had a vicious dog
I don't know if it was actually a wolf
It might have been like a fucking big dog
And they had to lock it up in the garage
It was so mean, yeah, they couldn't control it
Yeah, yeah
No, those dogs were meant to protect
And that's what it was for
We're not trained properly, though
No, and it wasn't
Then he would arise
It's already a quick check
This is the chick
I told you this is the one that stabbed her sister
Remember I was telling you that story?
They were fighting
They were just bad bitches
They were fucking
The bitch stabbed her fucking sister in the back
Oh, yeah
The one sister broke her nose, punched her in the face
Broke her nose and broke her fucking arm
Broke her arm behind her back
And she stabbed her
To get her to stop
She stabbed her with a fucking hair cutting scissor
Man, I knew rank is a
Hey, Tim, hold her for a minute
We had some dishwashers stab each other
Dishwashers
All those knives, what are you expecting me to do?
God, of course it's a big fight
Man, that is really racist
Why is this so racist?
Hispanics can't be around knives
No, they're road knives all the time, they're actual knives
That's the stabbing of her sister
That's pretty crazy, though
Imagine stabbing no certain issues
Imagine taking your brother's arm
Imagine taking Jason's arm and bending it behind his back
That's pretty easy, now he's all boned
I'm just saying
So brutal to your own brother or sister
Where you're breaking their fucking arm
That is fucking wrong
Your name was his birthday
Shout out to Jason
RIP, Jaybird
I'll let a little tidbit into information
Not to bring it down really quick
My brother died at leukemia a couple years ago
I like Jaybird
Yeah, that's fine, love Jaybird, next and forth
Jay was good at it
I don't mean miners like coal miners
Meanwhile
We're talking about miners or women
Yeah, we're talking about a girl
I bet you Jay liked miner women
Oh man, what the fuck was that dude?
You can't be smirking the dead
Yeah
Why do you mean to be smirking nobody?
You just said it out loud, you're the one who said it
I don't know if I always be smirking
I don't know if you just said it
I'm just saying when I say like you girls
My god, you're taking it a little too far
Oh, I'm taking it too far
You're the one who said it
You're being disgusting
How am I being disgusting, man, fourth?
Is there any more underage girls you want out with?
No, of course not
That you know of
Here's what it was like the other day
One night we go to Navy Pier
She asked us everything, you know what it would mean
I want cotton candy, I want a balloon
I want a T-shirt
And I got my hand full
She goes, it's lemon fucking chill
And I'm holding on to this lemon chill
I'm gonna sit and say 40
40 and I'll over you
Yeah, it's 40 degrees outside too
I'm freezing, holding on to this shit, man
And?
I put her all down, I said, look
You gotta take some of this shit, I cannot carry you
And you went home and banged her
No, no wonderful banged her
In the ass, allegedly
We were just joking, we were totally joking
The other whole
No, I never banged her, man
Her peanut head just totally turned me off
Man, that's great
I don't know if that should be the episode named
What, she's not gonna get her food times and shit
Like she'd pass out here
She'd pass out here
But, whatever, Jay, I think of course
But that peanut head was something else
She had a peanut head
Dude, how could you not get past the peanut head, dude
It was totally peanut, dude
Larry, what did she look like, was she okay?
Yeah, dude, she, her mind
And he couldn't get past the peanut head
This guy's a fucking new guy
Well, he was used to my girlfriend who was like a supermodel
Oh yeah
But a bitch
Oh, a real bitch
Okay, I don't know why you're gonna say that
Caniving, bitch, really
Yeah, she was like
Everybody's up slow, everybody is caniving
And everybody is playing
She would do shit against Mark on purpose
Well, good, I love her, man
I wanna get her on the pod
She was such a loudmouth bitch that
When she moved out, I'd go, hey, Amber
All the neighbors got together, I don't care if she hears this
Neither fuck her
I said, all the neighbors got together
When they found out you moved out
You have to be so violent
You just be like, I don't care if she listened to it
Okay, whatever
So now it's not nice if I say fuck her
Listen, it's 420, I don't want that vibe around here
Alright, she's damn it
So anyways, I told her, yeah, you know
The neighbors got together when they found out
You moved out and they had a block party
And she got all sad and was like, really?
I couldn't fucking say, yeah, I had to say no
I'm only kidding
I almost started crying
My lord
But, I mean, listen, tricking bitches
If you wanna talk about girls
Trick bitch, it can be called
Well, did she cheat on you?
No, she was a trick bitch though
Oh, yeah, she was a trick, alright
Now, Antford's coming from a guy over here
Who talked about, he's got one girl that committed suicide
And the other ones, Jesus Christ
I probably didn't even mention it
No, none of my girlfriends committed suicide because of me
No, she didn't do it because of Antford
We all know that
Lori would have put something in Tracy's house by now
I'm sure she has
Yeah, one day I come over to Mark's where kids were like
Still teenagers and he had an apartment, you know
And I see his girlfriend crying in the hallway
Starved naked, not a fucking stitch of clothes on
In the corner
And I walk in and I'm like, dude, what's going on?
He's like, oh, nothing, let's get high
Dude, what about her outside?
Oh, yeah, I got in a fight with her
And I'm like, so you fucking
Wait a second, dude
Naked
No, I had thrown out naked
I had thrown out this, she's out there naked
What do you mean you don't know your girlfriend's outside the house naked?
You smashed your bong and shit
I mean, dude, you don't know that
That's the bong and shit, but I don't know
Big deal
She got out there naked, I thought she was
What do you mean you don't know?
She went out the front door, you were in the same apartment
Yeah
I don't know
She went out the front door in this apartment
No, she was in the hallway
She was outside the hallway
She was in the apartment, hallway left naked
Outside of the apartment
She was in the hallway
Span the kids looking at her like, look at that nice looking white lady
Oh, Jesus, come on, Larry, you're a fan of this man
I had no idea she was out there, I would never put her out there
And she's crying and I'm like, Lori, what's going on?
Put your fucking clothes on, what the fuck, man
Why, did you do that to someone else?
No, of course not
It was Lori
Dude, I don't, I don't
You don't remember, that's okay, I enforce
You didn't black out rage
Listen, someone will struggle with different things
No, I didn't even drink, I didn't black out rage
I sure there wasn't one of my black out friends
Who are you talking about?
You
I didn't do that
I don't know, I don't remember this incident
What do you mean you don't remember this incident?
He doesn't remember, he put it out of his mind
I really don't
Lori was pretty, man
She was pretty, she was pretty
Listen, a pretty ass chick will bring you to the depths of hell
There is nothing worse than a dope sick bitch
Oh, dude, that is a thing
Nothing worse, and I hate to be vulgar like that
It's not right in front of me, I mean
Needles is talking from experience
She went off with the doctor, that's how hot she was
Yeah, cause she can get prescriptions
What the fuck dude?
If you go to the source
They would do a coke again
Yeah, you get medical coke now
At the Kyropraitor College in Lombard
Fucking hand force, just on a roll, eh?
She had a car in everybody else from the college
It was awesome, but of course, what do you expect?
She runs off with the doctor, man
Well, yeah, cause the fucking doctor can give her what he wants
Alright
That sounds like a good place to end it, man
Thank you for tuning in to the Larry and Neal Show
Man, we're gonna do another episode
Definitely with Danforth
I think we need to fucking do some editing
Alright, that's fine, thank you guys for listening, man
I'm Larry
I'm...
I got him, man, I know
I'm Larry
I get you, man, I love you
I love you, Danforth
Yeah, we wanna thank Mark, man, he's a great guest
And he really wasn't
He's our best guest, man
He really didn't take underage girls over Stainline
They were already there
That was awesome
That was just...
A shamakari
They were already across the line
He just met him over across the street
She was, she was right there
They were waiting for him right on the line
It looked like he was like, seriously, look here
Just played with boys with all those girls
Aw, man, I thought this was just character, like that
I'm kidding, man
Fuck you, Larry
Alright, how was that?
Thank you
One night we went to...
You know what they had one night?
We wanna do something fun, maybe they'll inledge, you know
So we ask around and this guy tells us
They got this place, this is bar they have boxing night
Shut it, Larry
And you go in there and you can sign it up and box
Who you wanna fight
You and your friend wanna fight
Tonight they had the bus boy
Who was fighting one of the bartenders
Jesus, man, that sounds like a real...
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