Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles show.
Larry and Needles.
Alright, welcome to the Larry and Needles show.
I'm Larry.
I'm Neal.
And today is a very special...
We're doing this as a test right now.
To see how it sounds. Now stop it and play it.
Oh no man, I can see the levels are working right there.
Oh shit, you're gonna load it?
Yeah, we're gonna load this right in the machine.
This will be the fucking podcast.
Alright, cool.
We're...
Needles.
Yeah, that's Needles.
I'll give you a coating right here.
Yeah, the plastic doll.
It's a plastic coating.
It should be metal, man.
We're the kids at...
I'm on my way.
We're good, man.
Mike and Joey jumped in the car.
Yeah, we're gonna go with Mary.
I'll be there in about 15 minutes. I'll just be.
Okay, bye.
Alright, so we're in the car with Mary right now.
I'm going, Mary.
Okay.
Thanks for driving.
I know we always talk about Mary's driving,
and so we decided she has her...
She's in the left lane.
Yeah.
Completely in the left lane.
And we're not in England.
And doesn't ever see Belle done.
She's putting her seatbelt on.
Thanks, man.
And we often make fun of Mary's driving,
so we thought it would be good to do an episode from...
From the car.
If we die, then you guys are lucky.
Hopefully, no shirt nicks.
Please take this card and download it to our website.
Yes.
And take the little prano practicing and guitar
noodlings on this recording.
What was that mean?
And riffs and shit.
Yeah, and...
You just can't even riffs.
Well, no, I'm talking about other things that are on this card,
on this recorder.
The drum piece ain't gonna sound crazy.
Release the unloading masterpiece.
This really isn't cool for Mary.
No, it's cool.
There's a cat on a leash.
Oh, my God.
It's a cat on a leash.
No, it's a dog.
Oh, no, it looks like...
What's the hurry?
Stop it.
No, it's a tree.
Mary just stopped in the middle of the street.
Just looked when she saw it was a cat on a leash.
Slow down for pedestrians.
Huh?
The sign said, slow down for pedestrians.
You stopped right in the middle.
And that's on school days.
So, Mary just thought that that chihuahua was a cat on a leash.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
One for one.
Here's a nice family up here, a mother pushing a buggy, and then another...
And the thing is, we're...
A little older kid.
They have also another cat on a leash, but don't run over these people.
I think it's a Pomeranian.
But they don't have sidewalks here, so it's unincorporated.
So, let me tell you, these people are very lucky that Mary is driving the other way.
What did you just say?
Jesus.
There's no sidewalks here, so if you walk...
Now, this is a little unincorporated area.
It's not just like death trap.
You got to later leave.
Yeah.
We'll just spark one.
All right.
We're going to share...
What are you doing?
Go ahead.
I'm fine.
Yeah.
How was dinner?
Good.
Yeah?
My wife went out with one of her friends.
Is this not...
Did Andrea move?
Is that one of her kids there?
Or is that some new people there?
Yeah.
Why are you asking me?
I'm asking my wife.
My shoes are...
Oh.
So, anyways, normally me and needles have our...
So, the speed limit goes up to about 40 to 45 years.
Yeah.
So, we got to watch.
But normally me and needles have our own joint, but since we're sitting in the backseat
of a car together...
Actually, we have our own joint, but we should probably smoke one.
Yeah.
Because we're driving.
Because I trust you, here we go.
So, now, we're right by a very, very nice golf club, which is pretty cool.
Do you see what they did?
Look at the...
Toro all the fences down.
It's fucking amazing in there.
It looks beautiful, man.
Golf is pretty cool.
I like it better than baseball.
I never fucking played golf.
Baseball makes me sleep, but now they take on that new pitch.
But golf keeps you awake?
Well, I think there's more skill to it.
I like one-man sports, you know what I mean?
Just like you.
Yeah, okay.
Wrestling with one dude.
Yeah.
Probably should probably go down.
No, we can't though.
It's going to the wind.
Yeah, well, we're very...
It's not my sport, really, but look at the greens though, man.
Look at them, particularly, see what they think.
It's amazing, man.
It's very nice out.
Mary, how fast is she going?
It feels like we're going 20.
Yeah, we're going...
No, she's going the speed limit, actually.
35?
Yeah.
Well, we're the only person...
We're doing good.
I think the cops are behind us working pretty good.
Usually...
This is where our fucking Kiki was talking about.
He rolled over over there.
You know what, when we were kids, this street used to be a lot curvier and a lot hillier,
and they actually straightened it out a little bit, a little bit, a little bit,
because every year at the end of the school year, a couple of kids would get fucking killed
on the street, so happy to be done with school.
It's very windy, and at night, it's fucking dangerous.
Well, especially if you're all fucked up as a kid.
Like I said...
Which we were.
Kiki came on, and he...
This is where he crashed over here.
This is...
Feels like we're going very slow.
Yeah, I know.
It's okay.
Is it just me or is it you?
No, she's doing what she's gotta do.
I just said what it just feels like.
Yeah, that's her...
I like that, though.
You don't like that?
Hey, you wanna go in there and show Mike this shit?
So Mary just pointed to the right, and then her left hand almost steered us in that...
In there is the...
Scottish right.
The Satanic church, yeah.
Sorry, I shouldn't have said that part.
We're gonna go in there.
And do what?
We're gonna check it out.
She bring a goat in there and see what they do.
Well, they probably fuck it.
Really?
Yeah, and then eat it.
Is that what Satanists do?
Yeah, don't they?
I thought they...
Well, they sacrificed.
B-seality, a little B-seality, a little sacrifice, all that shit.
What are you, an approving band?
That's what it sounds like.
It's what they do.
Who does?
They.
The fucking...
You see, my lottery tickets.
Oh.
Like a million?
Huh?
Twenty and a Powerball is 250 million.
250 million Powerball.
Wait, Mary, what would you do if you won the lottery?
Nothing.
She would do nothing.
I hope you'd give me some.
Fuck that, man.
I could go to the die.
She buy me a car, maybe...
Oh, no, that's always easy.
You on four wheel.
You're bad enough on two.
Oh, Mary.
And you start turning tricks.
Hey, Mary, would you buy me a...
You'd probably buy me a Harley, right?
Yeah.
If you won the lottery.
Yeah.
You can't do right with a scooter.
The two-dane screw, she says.
Yeah.
I can ride the scooter, man.
You can't?
We do a big barely.
Dude, I even wiped out in years, man.
But when I did, it was...
But when I did, man, it was bad.
Yeah.
Hey, were you at the window down?
Yeah.
Why?
Oh, yeah, that's true, because of Mary.
Oh, yeah.
Just for a crack for a second.
Okay.
So, man, it's really nice out tonight.
Right now, it's...
I don't know what the degrees are.
It's in the 60s, 60-ish range, 64, 62 degrees or something.
Currently, Mary is driving Larry and Needle.
And she's doing a good job, too.
We're getting on a highway now.
Oh, yeah, we're definitely...
This is where shit is gonna get crazy.
Yeah.
You know, the extreme truck on Wolf Siding, he's on his phone.
Yeah, yeah.
Give you the number, 800-303-WOLF.
Yeah, yeah.
Call him up and tell him he's on the phone.
Yeah, yeah.
Complain about that guy.
And now we have entered the on-ramp to the highway.
God save our souls.
Here we go.
SOS, save our souls.
Yeah.
What's that?
You're acting like you've never driven on a highway.
Okay.
Yeah, but it's not that you've never driven on a highway.
It's how you drive on a highway.
We never podcasted on the highway.
No, no, she's gonna merge in a minute.
She's gonna merge into another car in a minute.
No, don't say that.
No, I'm kidding, man.
No, you don't kid about shit like that, man.
Yeah, you do.
No.
That's the funny shit.
That's not the funny shit.
The stuff that could happen and kill you.
No, that's not the funny stuff.
You know, tapping nuts, titty...
Oh, titty twizzle.
The funny thing is, hey, Mary, you ever notice how the logo on that car looks like a fucking
owl?
Don't you see that?
Yeah, the Mazda.
Looks like an owl, doesn't it?
I think it more looks more like a bat.
Right?
I don't know.
To me, it looks more like an owl.
So we're doing pretty good.
We're in the middle lane right now on the highway.
Mary's got it under control.
Yeah.
Nobody sends her a cat meme or she doesn't need to find her phone.
Yeah.
When she gets texted, we're all doomed.
Can I get a cigarette at my place?
Yeah, yeah.
Now she has needles for a cigarette.
So I'll give Mary a heater because she is my lawyer and she advises me to do it.
There he doesn't like it, but...
Yeah, it's a nasty fucking habit.
Yeah, just like having you around.
Stupid.
Here's Wolf siding again.
Is this motherfucker still on his phone?
He does soffit siding.
Fiasca.
I couldn't read it.
Fiasca.
Fiascos.
He does fiascos.
Fiasca, dude.
Fucking hilarious.
Fiasca.
Fiasca is your dumb ass.
It's not even the least day-go thing ever.
Fuck yourself.
Fiasca.
Hey man, I don't fucking put in fiasca all day.
I don't even know what they are.
What is it?
None of your business.
Fuck you because you don't know either.
No, I do.
They fucking... when they build a soffit.
Oh, okay.
What's a soffit?
A soffit is when you build out the wall.
You re-enact like the other wall and you build out the cabinets on the floor.
Holy shit.
What?
He actually explained what a soffit is.
What's the fiasca?
You know what's fiasca, Mary?
All I'm gonna fiasca her.
I put a little XD on her mouth.
Yeah.
Where we getting the... oh, here we go.
Alright, so we're getting off the highway right now.
Mary's doing very well.
Oh my god.
There's not a lot of traffic.
It's seven o'clock.
Yeah, it's really an easy time to be driving.
Oh.
Hey Mary, do you think you can pull the window down when you're ripping the heaters?
Dude, it's like you're gonna get a lot of heaters.
Mary, do you think you can pull the window down when you're ripping the heaters?
Dude, it's like you and I, it's like remind me of beating in the back seat with fucking
the heater.
Grandma?
Grandma, have the window rolled down a fucking quarter of an inch just ripping heaters, man.
You guys are being the chokin'.
And the back seat with a fucking cream Cadillac, Coupe de Ville.
Being the shit out of each other?
Being the shit out of each other.
And she would just be ripping heaters, man.
And she drank.
Nice.
While she was driving.
I don't remember that.
Look at this tow truck, man.
That's a bad motherfucker.
He's towing a box truck.
Well, that's, yeah, that's a big, big box truck.
That thing is like...
No short towing.
Eh, man.
Shut up.
No short towing.
Towing.
That motherfucker will towing.
And I worked for a tow company, man.
I had to do some shit on the highway once.
Yeah.
Because we worked, when I live in California I worked for a tow company.
Uh-huh.
And...
How could a junkie like you work at a towing company at that time?
I just told you I had a job for a towing company, so somehow I needed a...
What the hell did you do?
I just shot dope and worked for a towing company.
Yeah, but did you have a license and shit?
Yes, man.
I had to show them my license.
You just don't go work for a tow company.
I don't know.
They gave a license and you're like, no.
They're like, all right, cool.
Here's a job.
I don't know.
Frenchy worked at the place for years with no license.
Well, that's how Frenchy gets there.
Working on cars and shit.
Moving cars around.
Well, I mean, that's a little bit different.
I had to drive a tow truck.
They had to check my record.
Man.
You know what I mean?
Man.
And Mary's not looking at the road in the middle of the road right now.
It seems like a very serious...
Not that she's fucking with her phone.
And Mary just realized it.
She's going to text right now, just completely against the law.
And as her client, I do not recommend that.
All right.
She put down the phone and signed it against the taxi.
Put this one.
Man, am I fucked up?
If you're...
Mary's fucking...
The thing is, Mary took three of them.
Three capsules and she's driving perfectly.
Well, maybe not perfectly, but pretty damn good.
It says no left turn here, but she's going to make one right now.
Oh my God.
Holy fuck, Mary.
Holy shit.
It really does say no.
Oh my God.
It says no left turn here.
And she's really...
Holy shit.
Look at this.
Oh my God.
Okay, folks.
They literally said no left turn and a huge side.
And Mary said, I know.
Left turn in a huge site and Mary said I know
And we don't know
Here you go
Hey, we're making a podcast clear I got this little portable
I'm not very interesting you wouldn't want me my son's got a lot of he can give you a lot of good shit
Okay, I thought he's probably high right now
See you're already interesting. Yeah, that's what I talk about my life
Yeah
I
Mean to go in and look in the look at a cat here
Put that here you want to take this joint? Yeah, I got it. I'm gonna go look at the cat in the house
This is really wild going on a field trip like this
Okay, so um this I did meet Philipp, it's something like this
You know
Joe habtino
What
We're nears ago
You know
Hours
He had a hair, he said this big puffy tail
and he gets said.
Oh, he had knots?
Oh, he's scared.
So they shaved him down and made him.
Oh my God, is he cute.
Isn't he a dork?
Yeah.
He's a little scared.
He just got low and ran into the couch.
He's like, well, man, what's going on?
I want to do your part.
He is fucking cute.
Isn't he?
But he's scared.
Yeah, he's cute.
He's scared of his own shadow.
Let's get used to the house again.
Sure, sure.
Yeah, I need to back him up.
Oh my God.
His tail, I hope his tail comes back in.
It will.
The cut, isn't it?
He is cute, man.
Is he still a little cute?
I just met a cute little white cat.
He's like a dog.
What kind of cat was he?
Persian?
He's Persian and Siamese.
Persian and Siamese?
But he's like a dog.
Like, he follows me around, eats all day long.
Nice.
I just came out from the fridge.
His ass is right next to my wife's.
Wow.
That means I'm eating all day, too.
Me and the cat.
Well?
Raise that as we're going home.
We want to see you sometime.
We have to get together after my surgery.
All right.
That's really fucking crazy.
I know.
What the fuck, man?
I know.
You know what?
I don't, I found it because of my headaches.
But they say it has nothing to do with my headaches.
But I do feel like I can tell now.
Like once you know it's there, then I like all these weird shit.
Do you think it's something to do with the shot?
I mean, they think I've had it for a long time.
I've probably had it for about 10 years.
You think they're lying to you?
Who knows?
And that's why the MRI time, just hoping, like, I keep praying
I'll get a phone call.
Oh, guess what?
We're wrong.
Oh, god.
Wouldn't that be nice?
We don't have to cut your head open.
You're OK.
Fuck, man.
There's a little tiny bird in this tree.
It's so cute.
We have them all over our house, these little birds.
Did I take my phone in?
Because knowing me, I'm a space cadet.
Did I?
Yeah, you did.
You took it in?
Did I?
I think you took it in.
I'm going to call it?
I don't. I'll find it.
No, she took it in and I watched it take it in.
I swear to god.
But yeah, after all that, we'll get together.
Yes.
We'll go on a little bit.
Cool.
A little weekend away.
OK.
I'll need to do that.
I can't believe you two are sitting in the back.
I've been practicing the piano a lot, you know.
Every time I call him, I hear he beep, beep, beep.
That goes, all he does.
I wish I had that mind.
You just want to listen to music.
We have a beautiful mind, like that movie,
with the guy at the math.
He does all the math problems.
He's got the beautiful mind on music.
OK.
He's the math guy.
Ramanu- Ramanu-sion?
No.
The fucking, what's his nuts played on?
Matt David?
No.
No, you know the Indian guy Ramanu-sion?
Yeah, but no.
I'm talking about.
It's not him.
Jared Butler?
Jared Boe.
What was that little actor?
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, beautiful mind.
Russell Crowe.
That's it.
Russell Crowe played beautiful mind.
No.
This was another one where the guy was the janitor,
like, Harper.
Oh, Matt Damon.
Yeah.
Now, fucking, how are these apples?
Or how do you like them apples, or whatever you say?
Nice.
No, that's not what he was aligned in the movie.
When he met the girls and got their number.
But that's who you remind me of.
Nice.
Beautiful mind and music.
Genius, in other words.
Yeah, kissing dudes all day long.
So that's it.
You guys heard Claire, you guys out in computer land.
She just said Larry is a fucking genius.
Yeah.
She barely knows him.
Let me tell you.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
Breaking and entering.
Listen to breaking and entering, too.
Yeah.
Well, he needs to promote us, then,
if we're going to get him.
He's got to promote the Larry and Needle show.
He's got to.
How many listeners?
I can't, there are a lot.
You know how many we have?
How many?
High five.
He's got, I think he just broke like 1,000 or so.
Holy fuck.
He's been doing it for about three years.
Yeah, we just started last week.
We need to do it right now.
No, no.
This is Mary Mike Killis in the car episode.
Yeah.
She's driving.
Her driving is horrible.
You know what you got to do?
Like, what's that other guy?
My name is, now you know I got a brain tumor.
That guy who's funny in the car when he interviews.
Jerry Seinfeld?
No.
The other guy, Kiroki.
Oh, Kiroki.
Kiroki.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
The guy that called everyone out for being fucking petafied.
The British guy.
The guy who said you're all a bunch of fucking petafied.
James Corbin.
Fucking.
Late night show.
Yeah.
The chubby British dude.
The guy who drives around with like.
He's got one down here.
Yeah, yeah.
Seeing together.
Yeah.
It's a merry old happy guys around here.
You're fine.
That's what we're doing right now?
There's two more kitties over here in the window.
I'm going to pull up.
There's two more kitties here.
What are you doing?
Mary will drive the car to the cat.
So Scott's for bitching and stopping.
You're going to walk.
She drove three foot to look at these cats instead of walking.
She took a left here.
Yeah, she did.
Mary does.
Oh my god.
So for all our listeners, Mary just pulled up three foot
in the car just to look at two kittens instead of walking.
Sometimes we do.
But they tell Philip I pulled over one time.
I know guys.
We were smoking a giant joint and she fucking did it.
And I'm like, what are you doing?
I'll pull you over.
OK.
OK, she says.
OK, she doesn't give a fuck.
I didn't care.
I wish I had you personally.
Yeah, but not her driving skills.
Thank God.
Oh.
Well, that's how I might know.
We're safe, though.
We're safe.
You drive better than that, right?
Well, my husband was probably better than that.
Yeah.
I think I'm a little better than Mary.
Man, look at that.
She admitted that.
And I mean.
That's just a little.
Yeah.
She won't go ahead on.
OK, tomorrow.
She's the best.
I love Mary.
Tomorrow, babe.
That's why I married her.
Tomorrow.
I said she's the best.
Tomorrow is going on.
You ain't going to have hair around.
Sorry.
We're going to go.
We're going to the open mic tomorrow night.
Oh, yeah.
We'll stop by and we'll be back, Mary.
OK.
We'll have Laura.
OK, babe.
Oh, the Broward House.
Yeah.
All right, so now Mary's backing out.
Let's see.
There's no cars.
Oh, oh.
Oh, there is a car.
Yeah, there is a car.
She didn't notice for that time.
Do I see a stop?
Well, that's good.
You know, it's like, oh, go ahead.
There's no car.
No.
Not both of us.
Mary's hauled with liars.
All right.
And you know what?
Mary has what?
One, two, three, four, five.
Seriously?
Seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13 town stickers on her window.
Seriously.
These are all these windows.
Instead of one, she has 13 township stickers on her window.
So now we could take a right.
Oh my god.
Holy fuck.
She just flew down in front of a whole bunch of cars
and they're speeding fast.
Holy shit.
We're going to die.
Because I can't have money.
And it turns into a one-layer road.
Holy shit.
Because it has 20 fast cars.
How far behind is it?
That's why it's not.
You're going to die.
This is what?
Jesus Christ.
Holy shit.
Where are they?
I know.
They're nowhere near us.
Not anymore.
No.
They're way back there now.
Oh, Mary rolling.
They were pretty close.
They got the car to the car out.
It's all I can say.
We need to do rent.
Make sure we should get a limo and let Mary drive it with people in the back.
That would be pretty funny.
They would love me.
Here's where you're going to go tomorrow.
They would love me.
Yeah, he's after he's playing tomorrow.
Yeah.
Right there.
Look at that.
The ironing.
The place is nice.
I like it.
I saw Corey Feldman there, which is pretty funny.
Yeah.
All right, so now we're getting on the highway.
I saw that boy's there too.
All right, the sun is getting ready to set.
Literally grab that in the pussy bar.
And now it's holding on.
Holy shit.
Fucking handle.
No, you're a fanook, so the pussy bar.
And then so now we're on the highway.
Mary's gaining speed.
I'm going to freak out.
Because we're merging.
Yeah, not yet.
We're going to freak out.
She can't get over the right lane.
It's nice and happy.
There's people on the road.
All right.
All right, so we have merged in the traffic.
Which is funny.
But I got to say, man, for, you know, our car, here's this car, 13 motherfucking billet stickers.
You know what that means?
That car is a fucking faithful ass bitch.
And my wife, you pull out in front of cars going 70 miles an hour from a dead fucking stop.
And we'll die.
And punch it and fucking handle it.
This car is the shit.
It's probably rusted the balls underneath the fuel all the time.
Somebody taps it.
Oh yeah.
Exactly.
The way you just contradict yourself.
But the motor is ready to rock.
I don't care about the motor.
I care about the frame.
Well, frame, Schmane.
No, the frame is what's the structure of the vehicle.
What are you trying to say?
I'm trying to tell you fucking science.
You think the frame is going to crumble or something?
Yeah, after all these years, 13 years with all the salt and corrosion bouncing around.
How many times has this carbon hit or hit by someone?
Oh.
Mary, how many times has she been in?
Maybe three.
She said maybe three.
That sounds like five to me.
That's at least 10.
Okay, he went high.
Peter smashed it.
That was the first one.
What was that?
Peter smashed it.
Oh yeah, when he drove it in the ditch.
Peter smashed every fucking...
Well, you shouldn't have let him use your car.
Well, I know.
I understand.
The test for time is the test for measures.
He was begging Mary and I told her not to.
I wouldn't.
I mean, he drove into a ditch.
Like a ditch.
Fuck man, yeah.
Like a four foot ditch, right?
Yeah, like a concrete four wall thing where the car had to be lifted out by a helicopter
and shit.
I don't even know how...
He couldn't even get out of the car.
I remember saying Mary...
He couldn't open the door and see him and fucking...
Peter, did you see that?
For some reason, Mary just went to the right lane.
I didn't know this was like...
What do you mean, Heather?
Now I do.
I thought it was a...
I'm afraid.
So Peter had escaped to the sucker hole.
Peter was running in the lane.
Running in the lane half way back into the lane.
And then he was like, it's free.
Continues?
Nah, that's all.
He was such a deep hole that he couldn't open the doors.
He had to get out through the sucker hole.
Man, is that the part where you say, hang out at the deep hole?
No, that's where you fucking hang out.
Real snappy, Larry.
And then took king of comebacks over here.
Did you hang out there?
All these nuts in the mud.
You two laugh at yourselves a lot.
I'm not laughing.
You're just ripping on Larry while he's...
So you know we made it off the highway.
Look at that.
Mary, would you drive a limo?
What's it to you and me in a limo?
Mary's our driver.
I think you're doing great, Mary.
This fucking asshole.
It's too big.
I didn't say...
I just said she should be our limo driver.
No, I would not want to be a limo driver.
That'd be amazing.
Well, that's the whole thing of a limo.
It's just giant.
Yeah, it makes no turns with the limo.
Yeah, but people can fuck out your lane.
Mary, you're stopping in the middle of the street.
You're already accustomed to stopping perpendicular.
There's three cars in the middle of the road.
We'll get a huge limo.
With a pool.
No, I wouldn't even ask if this was crazy.
I wouldn't be dead in traffic.
She'll slam on the brakes and then slip out.
Look at the sun setting.
It's very pretty.
Yeah, I'm just gonna surround.
You know what this costs from Global War, Mary?
See how it's so orange?
Yeah, but see how it's...
They call that a Nazi summer.
White, brown.
I mean, that might not be the technical term,
but I heard it once or twice.
Global warming is fucking bullshit.
Is it?
Yeah.
I mean, I...
Do you hear?
I mean, listen.
You gotta be nuts to fucking blow that bullshit.
We get two seasons here.
You know what I mean?
Well, actually, we get four, but...
Four.
We get four, but two technically.
Yeah, winter and summer.
Damn, dude.
Would you fuck her?
Yeah.
She's pretty old, I guess.
Yeah.
She's... Okay, she's ripping heaters.
She's ripping heaters like a motherfucker.
She's fucking driving a fucking $90,000 Mercedes.
I mean, her skin was hanging off like her tennis bracelet.
But listen, if she's ripping heaters at that old,
she's probably doing baby blood.
Yeah.
Which, hey, I'll take a hit every once in a while.
That's what makes you survive, right?
Um, I don't know, you know.
We're gonna get it.
Where you gonna get it?
From her.
Oh.
I just told you that.
Look at that.
That's so weird.
See how it's like a circle?
Yeah.
Yeah, like the sun.
My wife is pointing out...
It's usually doesn't look like that looks like a planet.
What does?
Yeah.
It's...
Where the sun is.
Yeah.
See above the lights?
Yeah.
It's like a round circle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what's looking to the sun.
That's where the right is.
Yeah, very like another planet up there.
Oh, you guys were loony.
I saw it.
No.
Fuck.
You wanna go and see the temple?
Yeah, yeah.
Not into it, but we're gonna go into the park and see.
Just pray before we get there.
Yes, it is.
It's not a satanic circle.
Dear Jesus, put a hedge of protection around us.
Look at how big this place is.
Especially me and my wife.
Yeah, they built it up.
And if you need to take someone, take needles.
They built up all the harm to Christ's hour.
Please take me to Disneyland.
They built this up to cover my house.
Wait, wait, shut it.
Shut your mouth.
They built this all up and planted these plants to cover it.
Yes.
Well, it's a forest.
No.
Yes.
Look around you.
There's Swampland right there, Larry.
Look at that.
There's water.
Yeah, well, look at that.
Look at that right there.
That's a building.
That's the satanic temple.
No, it's not.
What do you think it is?
Dude, the fuck it ain't.
What do you think they do in there?
What do you think it is?
They don't know what it is.
I mean, I mean, I read the sign.
And what is the sign?
I don't want to say it out loud.
Okay.
It's a Scottish right.
All right, well, Larry, you'll just do it.
Okay, listen, wait a second.
Yeah, they grew all this shit here.
This was not here.
And?
Now me and Mary...
It's kind of blocking your view.
Yes.
That's right.
Look at here.
We can drive right up to it.
Oh, but last time we did, remember, Mary, remember when they came running out of the
building?
First of all, why is no one here?
Right?
No one's ever here.
Why do they have flamingos up?
One day they had a big, um, flack.
You've been flacked.
Blooming down.
All right, keep going, man.
You're getting on camera right now.
That's okay.
What are you doing?
We're not okay.
They got a stone mason's thing.
One time we came here and they had a carnival.
There was a carnival going on in my house.
Yeah, that's awesome.
I want to be a carnival.
You couldn't come, though.
It was only for little devil children.
I'm kind of hungry.
It was only for little devil children.
I don't know what that means.
You got to elaborate on that one, Larry.
That's what it was, man.
These people are devil children.
And this is very eerie, this lot here.
Yeah, that's where they bury the bodies in there.
Yeah, but the thing is we used to ride our bikes around here when we were kids.
Was this always this eerie?
You know what I mean?
No.
Well, this used to be, it was all forest.
This used to be adventure land.
And then we were, yeah, this was adventure land.
The adventure land was crazy.
Man, that's so funny.
The rides were...
I don't know what that is.
It's kept up beautifully.
The rides are the exact...
Yeah, it took church.
Yeah, it took a year once in a while.
Yeah.
I don't know that we need to look that up, though.
But you know what?
If you look it up...
No, watch out, wait a second.
We're going to merge on the road here.
It's a Masonic...
Masonic temple.
Yeah, they had a...
It was that shit up, man.
Supposedly, those are satanic fucking churches.
That's what they say.
And what do they do at these satanic churches?
They're worshiping.
They have rituals.
Yeah, they do rituals and they worship.
You know what, man, listen, if I'm going to put my clothes on,
I don't want to go put on a robe and have to do a ritual
and then have to put my clothes back on.
I mean, I want to be at home and then go on my couch.
What?
It's a good thing you're not in there, then.
Yeah, I know.
I mean, what do you think they do on those rituals?
I don't know.
Blood all over each other and bang?
Well, no, my uncle had.
They might sacrifice kids?
Yeah.
Oh, come on.
We don't know.
That might be furthest from the truth.
What might they do, honey?
They might sacrifice children for all we know.
Thanks.
I wonder what goes on here at the Medina Temple.
See, there's a lot of things.
And how about this?
I don't know.
She can't...
We have to bleep that out.
How about the Chinese?
I mean, the Indian monkey looking statue at this church.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
Yeah, what's...
There's so much shit going on.
What's his name?
It's like a god from India.
Yeah, the monkey is cool.
The monkey.
Who's the monkey?
The big statue of the monkey.
That's the bop's old house.
The place is...
The Indian church.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, like Vishnu shit?
Yeah.
But they got that monkey.
You never saw the monkey, man.
We all got a monkey there.
I'm a monkey.
Whatever.
It's a rolling stone.
You didn't even say anything, you say whatever, fucking you dick you.
No, hey, fuck you.
Listen, that monkey.
That monkey.
They needed to have that monkey be intact.
And the green is a crack.
There was a crack in the marble.
Crack in the marble?
They said we can glue it and they're like, no, you know, we gotta have an entire one piece.
This monkey's gotta be made out of.
Hey, we're doing pretty good here, man.
Like, we're getting pretty good today.
We did good time.
We're making an illegal left turn, driving in the middle lane about six or seven times.
Wow, we were smoking in Chagannic.
Slamming and fucking the brakes about two times.
And we're still alive.
So, I mean, we're almost home, but you know, this is when things happen.
This is when people die when you're like a mile away.
Like, when you're a mile away.
You know what I mean?
You're so much got killed.
Right as I would say.
Mary took a real tight left turn there.
She's even giggling.
She's like, I try.
Wait till you try it.
Oh, wait till I try it for her.
To the hounds of hell.
They are doing some work on this house.
Let me show you.
Which one, Mary?
I'll show you.
Which one is the left one?
This one is the left one.
This one is the right one.
This one is for these children.
I knew you'd do it.
I don't mean nothing.
Now we're taking a different road to the house.
They've redone all these houses on this block.
Yeah, that one's cool.
To the left.
This one to the right is redone.
To the left.
To the right.
To the left now again.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I would love to live there.
This one is here. That's a McMansion. Look at this what they're doing. They're putting in pavers here
Nice, but look how much of the patio they're doing. That's a nice simple ranch. I mean they didn't tear down and rebuild
Yeah, it looks okay. Oh the drive. Oh see that's
Holy shit look at how deep these lots are yeah, this is a nice block
But Joe, does this still?
This is a Medina Joe, right? They don't have water. No, yeah
Yeah, this is a Medina. Yeah, so we don't want to look at that. Ah shit. We got to blur that out too. Oh, we don't
Okay, fucking we don't have to live here. I like this. I love that house right here. Yeah, this one's great
I like the cherry blossoms tree. It's very simple. Yeah, and I like this one. Hey, well you want to kiss?
Look at that guy looking at you Lord. This looks like a Frank Lloyd Wright
Ah, yeah, I don't like stucco. I like it. I don't like stucco. I like the little Japanese thing. Yeah
Yeah, listen here. We're gonna turn the microwave on you. Yeah, this is cute.
Look at that little pavilion for their golf cart. They made a garage. Oh my god, they got a carport for their golf cart
Oh no, see that's where I like right there. I like to come back and steal the lions from the south. Oh, Joe, you can see our house right now
We're not finished. Uh-huh. You can see our house through there. Oh, yeah. Our backyard
Larry just furiously whacking his meatball back here. He just falls asleep for some reason
You can see our house through the backyard. Oh, good, so Mary's marriage in here and we got a car doing about 50 behind us
That was a nice tour, Mary. Thank you. You're welcome. I appreciate it. I love that. You know what?
What?
The dictatorial or else?
Just fucking uh, yeah.
I'm kinda hungry.
What?
What's your name?
They have a lot of fucking lots out here.
Like this guy over here.
This guy here.
I wonder what she took it to.
In between George's house and the guy right there.
We think that he killed his uh...
Oh yeah, that's a good story.
Barry, what happened again man?
He killed his wife?
Oh no, the wife killed the guy.
And she just said he left.
Yeah.
And he said why would he leave?
He was sick.
Right.
In the wheelchair and all that, where did he go?
Go ahead dude.
And she said he ran off with his caretaker.
Well there was another guy.
She said he fell in love with the caretaker.
And George said he did it in what, three weeks?
I just saw him.
He was in a fucking wheelchair.
How did he leave with the caretaker?
Yeah.
And he left all his stuff here?
And then all of a sudden...
Oh fuck, almost killed those two kids.
Man, that's the second time I've seen that today.
It's dangerous.
They shouldn't be doing that.
Two kids on a scooter, they were crossing down by the fucking lake street going to Dartons.
It's not good.
Yeah.
So anyways, this lady made up a story.
Oh, this is Samurai Mike.
Aw shit man.
That looks like a high school, a grammar school kid.
Yeah, they ain't him.
He doesn't even say my name.
That's an actual child.
Fuck Jim suit.
Anyways, so back to the story where we fucking...
Are we gonna go home?
I forgot.
Yeah, we can go home.
So fucked up.
We're talking about George's neighbor may have killed the husband.
Oh yeah, George's neighbor killed the woman.
Not for sure.
Not for sure, but pretty damn sure.
Are you gonna slice a pizza around here?
Yeah, maybe it's this place by Pud's.
You guys wanna slice a pizza?
I don't.
No?
You don't want one of that?
Oh, you guys ate.
Yeah.
What do you got?
No, we can just go back home.
Let's go back home.
I'm gonna get you pizza.
Let's see if this place has pizza by the slice.
Yeah, sure.
You know who might have pizza?
I'll let needles buy me a slice of pizza.
You know who might have pizza by the Italian pizza kitchen?
Oh, so Mary's completely left lane and your dodge to wrangle almost as it is.
Italian pizza kitchen?
The IPK?
It might do it by the slice, but let me check this other place out first.
I wish every girl did it by the slice.
Let's see if the midget is working.
Let's see.
Ah.
Now we're just calling and now we have to bleep that out.
Jesus, Larry.
You know what?
I'm gonna have to sit with you and edit again.
What do you mean?
What's wrong with saying the midget?
It's the restaurant.
It's the racquet, sorry.
And then we just, oh, and now Mary's completely in the left lane and took, we had to go around
a right turn.
I was in the right lane.
Mary took like an F1 driver doing 200 miles an hour, completely in the left lane.
Like she was driving British and then shot out of there right into the right lane.
All right, so now we're back on the same street.
I'm gonna take you.
I know Mary, I appreciate it.
I'm just having fun with you Mary.
There's a Rosal pizza station.
Oh, Mary likes the gal.
That should be the name of the restaurant.
Mary likes to gamble with her life.
There's gonna be a Vietnamese restaurant placed there.
Okay, so Mary's now just pointing at buildings in the middle of the road, changing lanes without
a turn signal.
Which one, Mary?
We're past it.
I know, but I thought it opened already.
Man, that place, you know, it's right next to a fucking train station.
Right next to a train station and in between apartment complexes and fucking houses.
You think a place like that would thrive, but they just can't get it right.
They need to open up a whorehouse there.
Yeah.
You know?
That'll fucking work.
Fuck legalizing weed and mushrooms.
Let's legalize prostitution.
Hold on, don't kiss a legal.
It used to be pizza, now it's burritos.
What?
Ah shit, they changed it.
Fire burrito.
Oh shit.
This month it was pizza.
Last month it was pizza.
I don't know about last month, it take more than a month maybe, but.
Don't take them long.
Oh shit, well it looks like you can't get a good slice of pizza around here.
Nah, that's a shame.
Should we go to DQ?
Uh huh.
What about that shit?
I have to go for a fucking blizzard.
I'm gonna ask you what you can go for, you can go for these nuts.
I don't feel much of a fucker, that's what you can go for.
Blurr, blurr, blurr, blurr, blurr, blurr, blurr, blurr.
Larry kisses dudes.
Here's the pizza.
Nope, so Mary.
Kitchen.
Yeah whatever.
I don't think they serve slices here though.
Why do they use stupid, I don't know if they do anymore.
They have a walk in, do you want to go in and check out?
No, not really, I mean look out for this guy just backing up, Jesus.
Mary runs this joint, let's just go, we can go back home and if worse comes the worst,
I'll take a swim now and go for a bike ride to go to the store.
We can do a bike ride episode too.
I did not, no, I don't know, we take the Schwins out, we each have a microphone.
Wow, you see that, the lights just all turned on.
Yeah, cause there's a timer on them.
Yeah, there's a timer on them.
The city controls those lights.
What caused our 1913 doing here?
I bet you it's not a time right now.
This place is packed, look how fucking packed this place is.
Holy shit man.
Matt wants to go there.
They changed the money, the wind's coming in next week.
What is this, the Metro, I'm not even gonna say it.
Matt wants to go there.
Holy shit dude, did you just see that?
I think they changed the menu.
Wow, that was some crazy shit right there.
I'm not gonna say what it was cause...
What?
Services? Asian services?
Say what you're talking about?
And the building was for sale.
You wanna buy it?
Asian family services and they couldn't pay the rent.
Here's the...
Yeah, that place is good.
Your place.
Burry.
This is the place where the guys with the helmets live.
Dan's is for sale.
No it ain't. That's the old people's place.
I know, I'm joking.
But they used to live there though.
They used to have a couple of them in there.
I don't like to live there, man.
How can I live there?
Oh look at these people, what are they doing?
Are they stealing mattresses or throwing out...
Look at all the stains on that mattress. Jesus.
What do you mean what are you gonna do?
At least hide it and put a mattress in it.
Yeah, but I mean that's like...
Didn't they in Italy...
She went to the Legion Hall.
But we have the girls sheets out and she had her period.
Yeah, that's what I meant.
I really know that's what you're thinking.
Oh, we're on the same wavelength thing.
Oh, I'm the dirtbag when you said yeah.
Oh, you want me to get pizzas?
I'll get some pizzas over there.
Yeah, get a jacks.
You get a jacks in your mouth.
What a jack up.
You know I love nurses man, especially in strong...
You're gonna need a nurse, little motherfucker.
Oh, you can jerk off all over me and then now I got AIDS.
Yeah.
You're gonna need a nurse.
Fucking Larry.
Look at how there's no cars anymore, you notice that?
Like no more like...
Look at the truck, the empty...
They don't sell them.
Well, I mean them to stay in there.
I would love to buy that place and live in there.
That would be pretty cool.
Man, the amount man, there's my...
There's my ghost walking around in there.
Huh? Robbo's ghost is in there?
No, Turbo's ghost is in the house in the middle.
Yeah, in Jack at, see, 25 year anniversary.
Who?
At house, there was hearts on the lawn.
25th anniversary?
It's a 25th year anniversary, it looks like there's...
Why would people announce that?
I never understood that.
Why would you put your...
Look at this guy, this guy looks like he's up to trouble.
Woo, did you see that hoodie?
If you wear that hoodie, you have no remorse.
What did it say?
I don't know, but it was like bleached.
You know, like stain, was it stain washed?
White wash, what is that called? White wash, jeans, stone wash.
Yeah, it was like white stone wash with black and red letters on it.
It either said like some sort of like aggression or something like that.
I mean like, armbar.
Choke your mom.
He did look aggressive.
Yeah, he looked very aggressive with that haircut too.
Yeah, with that haircut.
It was almost like rushing, yeah.
I think that we should kidnap that guy.
Oh, we should kidnap this girl up here.
Yeah, Larry's looking, there's no girl.
I'm everything is fine.
Fucking asshole.
Drop you two off.
Here's an Amazon drug.
I take, when he runs into the house, we'll go running into the Amazon drug.
No, why is he stopping right here though?
I mean, this guy's damn son of a man.
You're driving us into Mary.
Oh my God, listen, I'm going to tell you right now.
He isn't Jewish.
This is Tony anyway.
No, it's not he, it's a she, first of all.
Who was it?
Second of all, that's not, whatever.
You know, but she might be smart because she can't turn her truck around down here.
Oh, she's a fucking idiot if she can't turn her truck around.
You shouldn't disparage women like that, Larry.
Yeah, well.
You know how I feel about women's rights.
You know how I feel about it.
Do you want to get the mail?
Yeah, I'll check the mail.
All right, well, here we are, Mary didn't kill us.
No, we got this.
We love Mary.
Yeah, she got her phone back.
Oh, I'm such a fucking stoner.
You got the mail.
Larry already got the mail and he's retarded.
No, that's all right.
No, he knew.
Cindy gave me some shoes she was going to give to Goodwill.
She never wore them.
Okay, do they fit?
Yeah.
No, you want to wear them?
Fruit can't go, I do.
Oh, that's a topic I want to talk about.
I'll show you them.
When a guy...
These are cute though, right?
I've also looked at needles.
Oh, nice. I like those.
They're leopard print.
White souls.
How come when a girl wears guys underwears,
okay, but when a guy wears girls underwears,
they're like, oh, what a weirdo.
Why do you think?
You've never seen a girl in guys underwears?
Yeah.
Okay, they're kind of cute, right?
But when you get caught with a lacy thong on,
it's kind of weird.
What did your mom say the first time she walked in?
She said, why do you have your stockings over your head?
I said, I'm trying to rob myself of my innocence.
All right, we love you.
Welcome to L...
Later from the Larian Needle.
Take us out.
Yeah, I don't know if this is going to be used, but...
I don't see.
Thank you for tuning in to the Larian Needle Show.
Have a great evening.
I'm Larry.
You guys, laugh at yourselves a little hot.
Larian Needle Show.