Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles Show.
Larry and Needles.
And I forgot to film you, Larry.
You know you're not. Listen, welcome to Larry and Needles Show. I'm Larry's.
Wait, I'm fucking Needles, man.
That's fucking Needles over there, and I gotta tell you, man, we got a special guest tonight that is a
motherfucker of a...
She's a tornado, in the Pandora's Box wrapped up in a enigma.
We were doing a fucking...
We already did a podcast.
We did a podcast, and something happened with our machine. Either I fucked up, or something happened, a ghost, or something.
Larry didn't fuck up. Something just happened.
But anyways...
It was Jesus.
She fucking took Needles, left fucking slide off, and beat him about fucking six times.
Yeah, cause I said goddamn.
I might as well get him in now.
Sorry. Forgive this fucking moron, cause he does not know what he does.
No, forgive this moron.
He's gonna go to hell.
But anyways, and...
So now take two.
Yeah, so this is gonna be take two.
And you know what, it was a fucking shit show, to be honest with you.
Yeah, we were talking about our little brother, Soul the Court, pounded coke.
No, you don't have to bring it up. Jesus, I can't...
Man, I was talking about Steamboat and fucking Needle in the corner.
We had Steamboat and Nina down here, and they were just talking and fucking making noise.
Like a fucking nightclub in here.
Yeah.
So now we're gonna do another one. Listen.
Jay is upstairs taking a piss right now.
You know what I wanna do? We need to start taking donations.
I wanna get a float in the Gay Pride Parade.
Okay.
And we'll do a big needle, and you're inside the needle.
Okay.
You know what I hate?
You're trapped in there until the parade ends.
So there's a huge syringe.
Fuck.
You don't like that?
I don't know.
I might do it.
I'll go for it.
Yeah.
Fuck, you gotta try everything.
You wear like a fontanini or something, like they got one piece.
I got a fucking go on.
You're just trapped in there.
Ah, shit.
That's alright.
It's like one of the money fucking chambers without the dollars flying around.
Dude, there's a fucking way to beat those things.
Because the rotation of the wind goes a certain way.
Okay.
So I watched this video.
A guy took his shirt and he took it off.
A certain way.
Well, it took his shirt off.
Uh-huh.
And so what happens is when you put, okay, so it's a motor.
So the fan goes a certain way.
Do you know what I mean, Lair?
Yeah.
Um, you got that joint or what?
I brought down some weed.
I got about, I don't know, half a pound here.
Well, I mean, why the fuck are we saying that live on the air?
Because, man.
Okay, so, um...
My friend gave it to me.
And then...
So then...
Should I say his name?
Yeah, that is his last name too.
Nice old tell him what he's doing also.
I mean, fucking A, Larry.
So, excuse me.
Um, what do you call it?
Alright, so here she is, ladies and gentlemen.
Jay, so...
Yes, Mr. Needles.
So when he took his shirt off, the way that the money was going in the money booth, he
just collected it all in his shirt.
You know what a money booth is?
When they're blowing the money and they're mowing the dollars and everything.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so this guy showed how he did it and he just took his shirt off and put it in
one section because the money spins and he just collected all the fucking cash.
Right, you just go to the store somewhere and it's from Alex from the fan.
How about, you ever see the guys take the borrowers?
Did you guys introduce me?
Yeah, so...
How did you introduce me?
We were talking about how great you were when you were upstairs taking the piss.
Oh, Lord, if they're lying, I'm gonna go back and record this and yell.
Why would you record it?
How about listen to it?
You don't have to record it.
Yeah, you can listen to it.
If y'all...
You hear us fucking lying.
Right, if I hear them and they said anything crappy, then y'all get to know them, remember
their voices.
You said gosh damn.
No, I didn't.
Come on, what did you say about me?
Rough girl.
I said you're a fucking dope ass bitch, you ride or die, motherfucker, and you're crazy.
Jay's one of the last...
And I said how in the last...
Thank you, Needle.
I said how in the last Lost episode that you took Needle's slide off and beat the fuck
out of him with it.
That is true, I did.
I got one in before.
I'll tell you what a dinosaur I am.
I didn't know what slide meant.
I'm picturing a slide, you know, like a projector.
Like a slide whistle.
There you had to tell me slide, me slippers.
How much of an OG relic?
So you have slippers though.
Non-woke dinosaur I am.
Yeah.
Non-woke dinosaur.
That's why we love you.
As true as I am asleep, calm as asleep, fine.
Ah.
Compared to what?
Being woke?
I'm just saying I ain't woke.
Well, I'm a wake.
I'm a wake.
Not woke.
I find it very ironic that they use it as a woke.
You can always tell because you fuckers are not awake.
I'm a wake.
You all are not awake.
We're awake as shit, man.
I know what's going on.
We're awake, but they call themselves woke.
Yeah.
Who does?
Oh, right, right.
We're awake.
We are not woke.
Who calls themselves woke?
No.
Here's the thing.
Jay?
When you just woke up, you're all fucking tired and you don't know what's going on.
I already been awake.
For 100,000 fucking years.
I'm saying I'm awake.
I'm not woke.
Meaning, you know, isn't that what they call the term on the liberals?
Woke?
Yeah, I don't know.
Well, I'm awake.
I'm awake.
And I know my path.
I think it's definitely in the opposite direction of theirs.
Well, but I mean, everybody has an agenda, right?
Absolutely.
Would you stop drinking your beer if they fucking let somebody on there that you didn't like?
Yes, I would boycott the beer.
You bet.
Well, by the way, I'm very drunk.
Okay, thanks very much for telling us that.
I would boycott.
Okay?
If they were made up of us.
I don't know what to talk about.
Yes, I would boycott.
So, if anybody wants to come to 123 Sweet Candy Cane Lane, Larry's giving out hand-eaten
blowjobs.
I'm drunk, and I'm fucking easy.
Woo-wee!
I saw Larry riding on his scooter backwards.
Yeah.
He was jutting and strutting.
Yeah, he had my shirt off, and I had my fucking shorts on.
Oh, fuck yeah, I've been riding the scooter.
You want to hear a good scooter story?
Yeah, Larry's a big bicycle rider, a very habit swimmer.
No, I don't know about that.
Yeah, he does that.
He's a big bike rider.
It's like 10 minutes, Dad, they're riding their bikes.
The fucking tour demands.
They enjoy it.
No, he's got a scooter.
You want to hear a good scooter story, Jay?
Sure, tell me your scooter.
Okay, so Larry and I, when we were in the throes of what we would call addiction, shall I
say?
Uh-huh.
We got a Larry scooter.
So, yesterday?
No.
No, no, no.
I've been clean for a long time.
You're just kidding.
I'm just kidding, people.
You're a busmer.
See, it ain't funny when I do it, huh?
No, no, it's cool.
No, I just want to say, though.
We talk a lot of drug shit and we fucking make fun.
But the truth is, is I have been clean for three fucking years.
That is harsh.
I've been clean for three hours.
No, you're talking to some OGs, one in our 50s.
I know.
We've been there and done there.
But right now, I'm on mushrooms and I'm smoking weed.
We're Chicago sober.
We get to do mushrooms.
Yeah, Chicago sober.
Okay, I like that.
Chicago sober.
Okay, so fucking Larry and I do our thing and we go for a scooter ride.
On the same scooter?
Yeah, on the same scooter.
With this riding bitch.
Yeah, with my arms around him.
Ew.
My arms are around him.
It was a little gay, but it was fun.
And I'm passed out.
And I am too.
But we come to it a traffic light and there's a family in a miniband.
J, we were on fucking like, I don't know where we were.
We ended up in somebody's back.
You guys are.
I'm telling you, double Larry's.
How in the fuck did we get here, man?
Larry and Larry show.
I fucking, uh, we were in somebody's back yard.
We were literally in someone's back yard at like a graduation party.
Oh my God.
And all my scooter needles was on the back and I'm like, holy shit.
So we like, and then we ended up by the retention pod.
J, we drove, I rode over a fucking little like bridge over like a backyard stream.
It was bridge over troubled waters.
Definitely.
What does it matter with you two?
A lot of things.
I mean, but we own them.
Oh, that's right.
It was the drugs.
So I wake up and we're at a stoplight and he wakes up and there's just a family in a minivan
looking at us.
Look at them fucking fruits.
And we were on Lake Street and fucking a Lake Street and worked like a Thornton goer.
At Lake Street.
That's not, is it?
What's that?
Is it legal to ride a scooter on Lake Street?
Yeah.
Without a license plate.
Yeah, man.
I got a license plate.
Oh, you do?
Yeah.
I'm floating a legit driver.
We were just high on dope.
We were driving dirty.
All the drugs were, they pull us over and they're like, you guys have drugs on you?
Nope, they're in us.
They're already in us.
But it's a good story though.
Oh my God.
That's pretty fucking funny.
That is.
True story, Nina.
Thanks, Nina.
You know what?
I'm really glad those days are behind you boys.
Yeah, you know what though?
They were fun while they lasted though.
I'm so glad you survived.
I'm so glad you came out the other end.
It's possible.
Me too.
Yeah.
It's still dirt bags.
It's policy blank.
Well, yeah, you're always going to be a dirt bag, but it is possible to survive.
It is possible to survive.
It's possible to come out the other end.
Well, yeah, shit.
There's only other two ways, right?
It's just like when you get shit out the maggot at the car show.
At the car show.
So many people have passed away going.
Yeah, coming blood all over you.
Here you go, coming blood stuff.
Oh, down to the street.
I just threw needles his own giant joint.
Here's a giant joint for Jay.
I love you, Larry.
I love you too, Jay.
This is how we rock here at the fucking Larry and Neal show.
If I actually really kept a strength from myself, it'd last me a month.
Oh, man.
You can cheer with me.
I'm the lightweight, yo.
You're not like Randy, right?
Well, I'm a two-hits, I'm good.
I don't do that oil either or none of them pads.
The oil, that shit's fucking crazy.
I don't like it.
Why not?
I don't like it.
Well, first of all, when I take a hit at those, I call them crackpot heads.
My son would just crackpot heads.
What does he have?
You know, like the kids.
Oh, the dabs.
The dabs.
What the fucking blowtorch?
Shit, it's like you're cooking up crack.
It's pot, get a crackpot.
You should need fucking propane and a whole fucking cake.
If we're going to break out of torch like that, man, let's fucking make some cocaine.
Someone's going to stay up all night.
Exactly.
The fucking relation our times.
Okay.
I was shut up.
You know, you get a buzz when you smoke with me.
All the blood rushes right to my face.
I can feel my face gets hot.
It gets red and shit.
Jay, I got an adult rush.
I had a really buzz, but then it wears off and like, I have an adult version of that.
I have an adult version of that apparatus where you don't need all the torches and shit.
Well, yeah, they got all kinds of things.
Yeah, and it's just an electronic thing.
You put the body in the hands and you do a fucking nice dab hit and you're fucking sailing.
I don't like it.
It just doesn't sit.
I just don't prefer it.
I do.
You concentrate.
I like smoking dabs.
I like smoking weed.
I don't like the dabs.
The dabs are okay.
I'm old school.
Give me a corn cob pipe with real weed.
Corn cob pipe.
And a button nose.
The fucking Jim Crow over here.
Smoked out of corn cob.
When we would go on tour.
Jenny Boatman would be buried with a full bowl.
Listen, when I would go on tour in Europe with the band, I would fucking get a bunch of
corn cob pipes, smoke out of those.
Because they always had hash out there and fucking, you needed a pipe.
And when we would cross the border, I would just give the pipe to some groupie at the
last town and fucking move on with my clean shit.
They're nice to porrace and smoke a lot of tea.
So there's an American crossing the border with a bunch of pipes that are on the east.
I like a standard method.
Yeah, well at least, you know, they kill you have drugs on you, right?
They know I'm going to get drugs.
I usually, the drugs will be gone before we cross the border.
Well, nobody else did them.
Right.
I would do all the drugs.
You're like, hold on to this for a minute.
Put this in your prison wallet.
We've got to cross the border, bud.
Yeah.
Hold this for me.
It's in your base case.
It wasn't mine, dude.
Trying to explain to some fucking...
Telling the cop that ain't my guitar case.
No, man.
Shit, I don't play bass, brother.
There's just a bunch of shit in there.
There's everything you can think of.
Sometimes the cops would pull us over and look in the van and just be like, ah, fucking
forget it.
It would already be such a mess and they'd just be like, fuck it.
So much paperwork.
We'll let you boys go.
Have a nice day.
They're just going to have to search it, though.
They're going to move all that shit.
Yeah, it would just be a big pain in the ass for them.
I would search a shit.
I'm afraid I'd be pricked by something and...
I don't...
I don't kind of fucking...
Larry never did needle drugs, though.
None of those guys did needle drugs.
No, man, we didn't fucking shoot, though.
They never fucking needle drugged.
Cut your hand out of crack pipe.
I caught my fucking index finger on a crack pipe one night, the night before a tour.
Only once?
It's only happened?
Goddamn, Jay.
Spit in the trees once.
Holy shit, man.
Hey, that one slipped by, too.
That's the one time he remembers.
Yeah.
Well, I remember because I had a giant gas across my finger and I'm thinking, fuck, man,
I need that finger on almost every single...
I need it on every single cord and every single riff.
That's his moneymaker.
I'm sure.
I played through the pain, Jay.
You played through the pain.
I played through the pain.
You have extreme...
Idiocracy.
I don't know if y'all know what Larry looks like, but he's not like a gigantic...
Oh, no, we're trying to have a contest between the fans.
No, don't worry.
Mike points out that I'm a fruit digger.
His hands look like they're...
Yeah.
He looks like a...
Like you're a handshoey.
Yeah.
Look, they're so cringey.
They're so cringey.
Fucking sheer odd.
Is this Mike good or no?
His hands aren't really, really...
Have a seat there.
They're like giant fucking giant man.
Hey, we got another special guest here tonight.
Recurring gas.
We do another OG, if you will.
OG fucking gas.
Oh, and for...
He's all chelped up on pizza and he's ready to roll.
How you doing, Am fork?
This motherfucker came over the free pizza.
Hi, Mark.
How you doing, Am fork?
Okay.
You want to smoke some weed?
Yeah, I have weed.
I have weed.
Okay, yeah.
It's the correct baby.
The correct baby mobile.
Sure.
There we go, Jason and now, Mark.
I'm doing great.
Right?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You should do it.
I'm just starting to bring up a lot of Am ports.
I was going to say, here we go.
Here we go.
He didn't even sit down for fucking one second.
So this is Mark Am ports.
Again, who's known me since I'm 11.
I'm not making Marky.
You know, I mean, we should give people an idea really how long we've known each other.
Yeah, yeah.
Just let the listeners know.
Larry and I are...
Am fork smokes out of a tobacco pipe.
I'm 53.
He's smoking.
I'm 53.
Larry, you're going to be 55, right?
Dude, I'm 56 already.
Oh, that's right.
I'm 54 in October.
Oh, that's sad.
Man, you're an old ass bitch.
That's me.
I am.
So he is 56.
You're lucky that someone's willing to break your neck.
Mike, you're six years younger than us.
Something late.
Were you 77?
Let's try to let the fucking...
When were you born?
Yeah, he's 77 years old.
I'm a bicentennial baby.
Were you born in 1977?
No, bicentennial was 1976.
1976?
I'm a couple months older than that.
A bicentennial baby.
Bicentennial baby.
So you're born in 77.
So Mikey, I didn't hear him say bicentennial.
Listen, smart ass.
I didn't hear 77.
I'll be a fucking wiser.
You're talking to a goodie, your asshole.
I'll be a fucking wiser.
So, Needle's over here is seven years younger than me, eight years younger than Joey, but
he also...
It's been decades, dude, now.
20 years.
20 years younger than me.
Yes.
I mean, because you were a teenager.
Yes.
And now I'm 50.
I mean, so we got decades.
Now, Amport is...
OG, motherfucker.
He's Larry's age, two years older than me.
Amport is older than me.
Are you older, Mark?
How much?
Just about a month.
A couple of years.
So when you hear all these stories, you know, these are like stories.
So he's a year older, almost.
Not quite.
Just a year?
Not quite.
About 10 months.
So what I want to say about 10 months.
What the fuck up with the story?
I think it's one of the funniest stories.
Yeah, let's hear the story.
Who cares how old we are?
Mark is very, very mellow, okay?
If you know him.
He's real fucking mellow.
If you make him nervous, he can get a little squirrelly, but he's real...
Real mellow, right?
Amport is really mellow.
Not violent.
He's not mellow.
No, that's bullshit.
He's violent.
Not triple-broked.
Even he's laughing at that.
I know.
That's not really violent.
He takes a lot for Mark to get violent.
No, it doesn't at all.
Not that much.
When we were younger, it did.
I've seen him kill him.
I want to bring up the story, Mark.
I beg the differ, but go ahead.
Yeah, I wasn't there.
I want to kick a person out of the car.
I want to bring up the story of when Nick Hulman fucked with your radio and he finally stabbed him.
Oh, man.
Were you there then?
No.
You guys got to tell the story.
I remember just...
I know, but you...
We don't want to live through that.
All right, never mind.
My story sucks.
Mark's moving along.
He's getting the shit out of his roommate for leaving the stereo on.
Oh, I am, by the way.
That stupid look he had.
What look did he have?
He turned the stereo on.
He's in a fucking beating.
He's looked at you like such a wager.
I mean, a high song, a sound of Shiner.
What kind of ways is that?
And I was like, what happened to you, Hulman?
He's like, Ant-Force.
I'm just like, what?
I fucking almost peed my pants.
I laughed so fucking hard.
I couldn't fucking believe that.
I'm like, Ant-Force, no.
Yeah.
Yeah, then I asked you and you're like...
Ant-Force got a dark side.
He's fucking with your radio or doing something with the stereo.
You were roommates.
Sometimes I get stabby.
No, he fucking got...
One day he fucking says,
we're sitting there and our buddy Bob is walking up
and this is like a good friend.
I don't want to say anybody's...
Oh, I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
He just causes editing to me.
You know him.
Tall, blind kid.
He lived down the block.
Okay, okay, go ahead.
And hey, listen.
Hey, hey, listen.
Shut up.
Listen, listen.
Okay, I'm there.
You know who I'm talking about.
Yes, I do.
Okay, so he says to me, man,
I feel like punching this motherfucker in the face, Mark says.
And I'm like, oh yeah, okay.
And so he walks up to me and he's like,
hey, what's going on guys?
And bang, Mark punches him in the face.
I'm like, dude, what the fuck, man?
He goes, I told you I wanted to punch him in the face.
I said, I thought you wanted to.
You didn't say you were gonna.
I do remember hearing about that.
We were all tripping on asses and shit.
Oh, yes, I was.
And that wasn't it.
You're going to blame it on that, but...
I don't remember.
I don't know.
It's okay, though.
Poisoned people on asses.
We still love you.
That doesn't sound fun.
Man, you're getting hit while you're getting hit.
We were shocked.
I was shocked.
Right, then you were, because I'm telling you,
it wasn't that.
He was not a jerky, like a violent guy.
Oh man.
Yeah, you were a little brother.
He was on my nolter and drugs.
You were saying you were, maybe, but other than that.
Leave the guy alone.
Right?
Did you set the timer or no?
No.
Son of a bitch, Lair.
That's right, let's just go.
We'll roll.
This is going to be a family episode.
Do you know you're in the recording?
Yeah, and it doesn't matter if it goes over, man.
I don't care, we'll release it as a little, you know.
Extended version.
Extended play with Jay.
Oh my God, what a trash corner.
Fuck yeah.
All you gotta do is put a name on it, put a spin on it.
Make it a spin on it.
It's producers.
Jay gets her neck broke during sex.
Something like that.
We are blessed and grateful to have our guest tonight.
I'm using a meeting.
What is the actual fuck?
A meeting with your mother.
Shut up, ladies.
All right, all right.
I'm sorry.
Oh, look at now she's turning on you.
In the fucking sore spot.
Larry, that's a boot crash.
Man, Jenny, nobody says about God behind your back.
That's a steel toe boot.
All right.
Don't be a Weisenheimer.
A Weisenheimer.
I swear to God, I'm from the 40s.
No, I am.
What did she say before?
It's like 1940s.
Yeah, Weisenheimer.
Jiminy Christmas.
Yeah, Jiminy Christmas.
I say, what's wrong with that?
I said Jiminy Christmas all the time.
It's got to be in April.
Oh, he's using the Lord's name in vain.
I didn't.
I got one came out.
That's one.
Three strikes and I'm out of my chair.
Give me five.
Mike's three strikes.
I'm out of my chair.
And as I say to the kids, if I get out of my chair, I'm going to make it worth it.
That sounds like a sexy.
That's one.
Everybody take a tally.
One.
One TD for Medals.
All right.
You can play a shot game.
Hey, why the fuck did you call me out there?
You're going to slip by.
I'm not going to say anything.
Well, not that I know you're going to get punished.
I am going to call you out.
You called the first one though.
You're a snitch.
I didn't hear that.
Hey, man.
It only matters if I don't.
I ain't a snitch.
This ain't fucking some drug deal.
This is just you getting your ass kicked.
It's worse than that.
I got to deal with Jay right here.
You don't have to.
I gave you the formula.
I mean, you know what?
I gave you the formula.
You got the formula.
I gave you the formula.
What's the formula, Jay?
The formula is if you say this a third time, I will get out my chair and make it worth
my time.
Nice.
You now have the formula.
The choice is up to you.
You can either say, fuck that.
The best thing she pulls the slides off and then hits me with them.
Or you can find out because I mean what I say and I say what I mean.
She's an OG of fuck around, find out.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Jay's an OG of that.
Fuck around and find out.
You don't take side-lipped from no one.
Wouldn't the world be awesome if everybody fucking really did that?
Yeah.
Matt really said and Matt what they mean.
Yeah.
There's no fucking.
Don't be a fucking pussy.
I'm a lot of shit.
But there's no.
You're not a pussy ass bitch.
I'm sorry.
Beg your pardon.
I said you're not a pussy ass bitch.
Oh, I didn't hear the knot.
I know.
Jesus, would I tell you you're a pussy ass bitch?
I didn't hear the knot.
I mean.
What is your language?
Jesus Christ, do I really want to get beat up?
Holy shit, that made my hands.
Hey, stop fucking narkin' me out, Larry.
That.
This isn't cool.
I thought you just said.
The name of the episode is Larry Nark's Needle Louse.
I thought like we just said.
Oh, lordy.
That's not cool, man.
I thought you called that.
I thought you were saying I was a key word.
You know what?
I think my hands literally sweat.
That's how quick you blow.
Oh, man, you're gonna hear your ass beat.
AJ, you know what?
You know what?
It's Larry off of violence.
What?
Violence.
Larry likes violence.
I know.
It's funny too.
As long as it ain't happening to him.
It's always funny.
I don't like when it happens to me too.
Again, I mean, you know.
He commits violence on his job.
My resources are unlimited, boys.
It costs no money.
You know how to get it.
Beat that thing like a red stepchild.
Red headed.
Like a red stepchild.
I don't know what that means.
The alien baby.
Oh, man.
Who are we beating like a stepchild?
Anybody you want, man.
Nobody.
You are.
That's not nice, though.
You shouldn't have either.
Mike was saying.
I like red heads.
I like real hair out Jay's hands.
You like gingers?
Sure.
One of my closest friends is a ginger.
Oh, boy.
And I'm wrong with it.
You love it?
I just don't.
I never got the stigma.
I mean, I'm a dude.
I never understood why you would say a red headed.
Why?
You don't like red headed bitches?
No, a chick.
It's sexy.
But I'm a dude.
Just like these little curly, tough, red hair.
Well, I mean, that's what you see when you're sucking dick.
I don't know.
Where does a stigma come from?
You know, right?
I mean, listen, Larry.
I don't think you can see it.
There's no different.
I mean, we all pick red.
Right.
That's what I think, too.
It never made sense to me red headed step child while you would equate that.
Wow.
It's just some comedians that are in like the 80s.
Yeah, something that's right.
Why pick out red headed?
I mean, why?
Well, because some comedians are subliminal.
Like a red step child, though.
It's like it's not yours.
A red headed is a furthest from you.
Like a redheaded, how's that?
Better?
Like you have blonde hair, redheaded is the furthest from you.
So it's easily relatable, shall I say.
Okay, I see.
Like you're different.
What do you mean it's kind of a furthest from you?
I mean, like the word Karen is like.
Well, you know what's funny is I know a couple girls named Karen.
I know a couple.
What's that?
I know a couple Karens that are actually named Karen and they're not Karens.
They're actually fucking.
Man, that was a mouthful right there.
Let's talk about the stigma in our current.
But you know those cons that go crazy.
Okay.
Whoa.
Jay, you're going to let that fly?
Put it back in the box, man.
Man, that's as bad as a GD.
Oh, my God.
Holy shit.
Larry jumping from one to two.
This son of a bitch over here.
I stand with the women.
I don't know what I'm saying.
Those fucking.
I don't like that.
Bitches that fucking go crazy.
Get him, man.
I'm a fucking lady.
Don't get him, boy.
Get him, Jay.
You cheag.
I'm sorry.
Who talks like that in front of a lady?
Oh, Larry.
He has no respect for women.
No shit.
Shame on you, dude.
You know what I mean?
Way out of line, Larry.
Fuck you, deals.
Oh, you don't like that, do you?
You take the medicine.
It's expired, but you don't like it.
I mean, whoa.
So you don't like cunts?
Do you believe that Jay that he would say that in front of you?
What in the fucking animal?
What a fucking animal.
It's not as bad as the Lord's name in vain.
Oh, now you're trying to just diminish it?
I'm a lady.
I know, okay.
Come on, that's filthy.
So it's okay to say pussy?
No, sir, it is not.
Oh, we can't say pussy.
I'm getting ready to show you guys what it is.
And then it's gonna be mine.
She's gonna give you the ham and cheese.
I'm getting ready to grab both you guys by your ear real quick.
Fuck my bitches.
I'm about to make both you guys eat my ass.
Now stop it.
I don't like that, boys.
I don't like that.
You reason fucks.
Oh my God.
Oh, okay.
Fucking Jay, you're the one who had the fucking five fucking finger bruise.
Even the thumb?
I said five finger.
That's a feat, dude.
You're like Bruce Lee.
Five finger death punch.
Yeah, dude.
She fucking gives you five bruises.
Your thumb's stuck behind there.
How did she get the thumb in there?
How do you hold your thumb out like you're hitchhiking?
Oh man.
If anybody doesn't know at home on the fucking listening devices.
Oh yeah, please follow us too.
Kick the fucking shit out of somebody, man.
Yeah, but please follow us.
So Apple, Spotify.
I've never done it without a warning.
If you like our stuff, follow us.
And also we want to give a shout out.
We got six followers out there.
We love you fucking people.
You guys fucking rule.
I don't know why you're listening to us because you probably got better views than you.
I do know why you're listening to us, man, because you fucking smart people.
The six smartest motherfuckers out there.
Cheers to you, Larry.
Oh, I like that.
I like those degenerates.
They feel like lifers.
Butter him up, Buttercup.
What's wrong with you?
Butter him up, Buttercup.
Mark, in for it, fuck, stop.
In for it.
Talk to him so much.
Y'all forgot he was here, didn't you?
No, he's on his phone, in for it.
What are you looking up?
Don't worry about it.
I said he's introverted.
Hey, sit by the microphone.
We're finding better material.
In for the Slammage.
Coming out.
In for coming out.
What's that, Jake?
Nothing.
I said he's coming out.
I know, look at him.
So, Jake, the phone spies on you.
Yeah, what's the point?
About what?
What are you talking about?
I'm always watching those UFO documentaries.
Oh, I'm so into that.
Jon Bernay Pictures.
I'm so into that.
Four hour long movies.
Four hour long movies of Jon Bernay Ramsay.
Oh, jeez, Larry.
Oh, my goodness.
Jim and neat Christmas.
What in the Filth and Call?
Sick motherfucker.
Incredible.
So, obviously in the room, only one of us actually grew up through the four decades.
That we all knew each other.
There's some scary shit on Mark's phone.
Oh, man.
He's laughing.
That means it's probably true.
What do you got in your phone?
Right.
Oh, you must slap him.
It's alien, all right.
Are you a slept hand, Finn?
I love slept hand.
It's alien to everybody except him.
Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
Young beautiful aliens.
What is that?
Young beautiful reptilians.
What kind of weird pulling into him, Fort?
Larry's crying.
I guess it's laugh.
It's already crying.
What are you watching, Ann Fort?
Reptilian sex.
He's watching reptilians.
Would you bang a reptilian, Ann Fort?
Would I bury a reptilian?
Would you bang one, not marry it?
How did he constitute a mirror?
Would I marry a reptilian?
Would I tell you if they're going to bang him in my solarium?
Fucking me, this guy over here.
Holy cow.
Oh, my God.
Got my gatter.
Conversation took a lot turn at Albuquerque.
I don't even know what that is.
What does that even mean?
Oh, my God.
Hey, I want to say thanks to needles for giving me these mushrooms today.
Oh, that's right.
You're welcome, Larry.
Those are our rooms I forgot.
Oh, my God.
Fuck. Hey, I was out riding my scooter.
Backwards than usual.
Yeah, I was riding my scooter backwards through Boys Town.
With this dick out.
It's amazing how each fucking wolf looks like that.
No, I was riding my scooter to Walgreens today.
Getting needles a fucking 12 pack that he always cons out of me somehow.
What's up with the smirching of character?
This is unacceptable, Larry.
The fucking colors were so vivid and awesome, man.
It was fun.
Fucking gorgeous.
And there was a bunch of kids walking down the street.
And then I thought of when Mary said to me, yeah,
my needles doesn't have as fucking well.
And I'm like, oh boy.
And then I busted out laughing and these kids looking at me
and I'm fucking totally true.
But I'm like, they probably think I'm so fucking crazy, you know.
With that mustache, they thought you were trying to pick them up.
Yeah, you kids want some candy.
You got your fucking, you got your dick in a payday bar wrapper.
Oh, man.
Hey, listen, he just said with the mustache, don't get all wham about it.
Fuck you.
I love wham.
I don't want him to do it.
Don't handle barry like a sudden.
Oh, I said wham.
I said hand about it.
Don't get, because the way they did it.
Didn't George Michael Freddie Mercury had it right?
No, I was talking about like the handlebar, you know, go team mustache.
Hey, Jay, if I want to grow handlebar.
Okay, Chester have that.
You know what that style is?
It's called a child's bike.
You want to why?
Because Larry's a pedo.
Speaking to the mic.
Galactic Federation of Subterranean Cities.
All right.
Three Subterranean Cities.
Where?
Middleware.
Center of Earth.
But you can't fucking.
They got spaceships, they fly around.
Mark, the location of the where?
Where is this located?
Well, you're reading the article.
Well, I'm not even really understanding what it says.
Now you're just speculating on her show about underwater reading.
I listen to her like, but I'm just trying to do it.
You know, I can't tell you.
I don't know.
You don't know what?
Well, why you tell us a story?
We don't know.
It just says what it says.
He just read it.
It reads what it reads.
So Mike.
Okay, well, that was good.
What's the next one then?
Yeah.
Needles is at what?
Two Lord's names in vain.
One Lord.
What are you talking about?
I heard so far.
I thought he said it twice.
You can't nark me out.
He said the C word.
This guy says the C word.
The C word isn't the Lord's name in vain.
So what do we say?
Larry doesn't like women.
We can't say the C word.
C word, the C word, JC, GD.
What do you say, vagina?
Pussy flies in this basement.
Pussy does slide around in this basement.
No, flies, not slides.
I was thinking of sliding.
You're all luscious.
There's snap words that are appropriate in front of a lady.
Whatever.
Like what?
The P word in the C word.
Pussy's that bad.
It is.
It's very raunchy.
It's raunchy.
Like, hookers are cool with it, but I'm standing on a corner.
What about what do you say?
Like, cooter instead?
Hookers are cool with it.
They're cool with that kind of filthy talk.
But if you're a lady.
That's it.
Just hookers are cool.
No other lady.
I see you on the other day.
Hookers are cool.
They're those words in the presence of a lady of women.
It's not cool.
I'm old school.
It's not cool.
Man, this lady I saw the other day, Jay, they weren't talking too nice to her.
Well, like I said.
That's someone peed on her.
There are some women that don't mind, but if you are a lady, it's not cool.
It's not.
You guys know that.
Is that not lady like to get peed on?
What'd you just say?
Get over it.
It seems like that.
It's not lady like to get peed on.
But I'm a hypocrite too, because I'll say I'm a fucking lady.
I didn't ask you.
Don't fucking swear, Kate.
Well.
I'm a bit of a hypocrite.
You can swear, man.
It's okay.
Everybody knows me.
I just don't.
I don't like a lot of dirty, cocky stuff.
What were that?
I don't like cocky.
I don't like the raunchy stuff.
But sometimes, you know, someone's being just a fucking cock sucker and there's no other
words for her.
See, now that don't bother.
And sometimes, sometimes somebody's being a fucking cunt and there's no other words.
Oh, Larry, man.
See what's Tuesday.
Look at him trying to get one by you.
Me and Mary say that all the time each other.
See what's Tuesday.
Oh, Jesus.
That's an old one, though.
That's an accurate thing.
Mary, see now here's the thing.
You can insinuate it.
The word itself is just a raunchy word.
But sometimes that's the word for somebody.
I suppose.
Right?
And it's just me and my preference.
You never got to know me.
You guys know me.
You know the reaction.
It's just like when someone's a fucking dick.
You know what I'm being me.
You know what I'm saying?
I know it can't ever stop me, but I'm not going to ever fucking say something when you do.
It's nature all.
It's natural.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
It's cool.
It's enough out of you.
Oh, man, that's not how you treat your chest.
Wow.
Jay, if you want to punch him, I will totally thank you.
Wow.
No, I would like to fucking...
What?
What would you like to do?
I would like Mike to fucking...
I would like needles to accidentally use the Lord's name and train it going.
No, I'm not going to do that.
I'm just fooling who can piss Jay off.
I'm more concentrated on you.
I'm in a tennis match.
Y'all have to...
If you wouldn't call me out, I'll slip a couple in, but I can't do that anymore.
I don't like this fucking dog and pony show over here.
Anyways.
That mug is hilarious.
What else is going down?
What was that?
What?
Was somebody's phone vibrating over there?
No.
It's me.
I'm just fucking around my jacket looking for cigarettes and shit.
You guys are shrooming and I'm the one hallucinating.
Yeah.
How many...
Man, we had a really good practice today.
By the way, for the record, I had that.
You're what?
It did sound pretty good, right, Nina?
I was listening.
What's the band name?
It's a twing.
It's got a chronic needle's thought of it.
Y'all always sound...
25% Royalty.
Needles wants 25% here.
I don't know.
Does he really want 25% of my debt?
I'm just going to take 25% of the pool.
On this section, you know.
And I just hang out in there by myself.
Oh, fuck.
I got a grill and shit.
I got a little thing floating around in there.
And fourth.
What?
How you doing?
Good.
You're real quiet tonight.
Yeah, okay.
The Galactic Federation is real.
I have that shit from Israel's Space Force, so...
Israel's Space Force?
Yeah.
So the Galactic Federation is real.
What's that?
You know, like Star Wars.
I know.
I don't think it's Star Wars.
They're trying to show you...
You know, the Federation, like Star Wars.
Dude, this sounds like some real fucking...
When they're all in that fucking thing and they're all in this...
That's not a shit.
Right.
People from real other planets are...
You got to talk into the microphone, sucker.
Yeah, there are many people that believe that.
There's a whole core of...
There's a lot of people that believe a lot of shit.
It's real.
Nothing's real, Jay.
It's all...
You know what it is.
Joe, I think it's...
People think it's...
Listen.
Well, no.
No, listen.
Forget the nephalums.
Those are giants.
That's cool.
Let me tell you something.
Out of the aliens.
The fucking aliens are not from other planets.
They're fucking devils.
They're devils.
Jesus, it's not, Joey.
They're devils on this fucking earth.
Nephalums were the fallen angels that came down from heaven that followed Satan.
No, no.
The nephalums, listen to this.
The nephalums were the babies from the fallen angels.
Those are the babies from the fallen angels.
That crossbred with their maryspittin'.
Don't be fucking up my shit.
Maryspittin' knowledge.
The fallen angels came down.
They procreated with women because they were hot and they had nice fucking booties.
Right.
But they were the fallen angels that followed Satan.
Did they have booties back then?
Oh, yeah, dude.
Probably because they had fucking nice booties.
So, their parents, the fallen angels, they got all sent down when God saw that.
He was like, yeah, that is...
He was like, this shit is done.
They got sent down to the deepest, darkest place of hell.
That's where they're waiting still for judgment day.
Right.
But they're offspring of the nephalums.
Whose way are you?
And they were super human strength.
Right.
They started as giants.
But as generations, the bloodline got thinner and thinner.
Right.
But they're still fucking evil.
They are.
Satan, don't let's not forget, Satan has every power but to give or take life.
So, they are the children because they're still roaming the earth because they still have
no place in heaven and they don't even have a place in hell.
That's what I really believe.
I believe in you.
Like a purgatory first thing.
Wow.
They don't have a place in heaven or hell.
Holy fuck, Jay.
That sounds kind of cool.
The weather might be good there.
Damn, funny hands.
The Lord cast their parents literally to the deepest place in hell.
That's what it says.
Sure, sure.
The deepest, darkest depth and that is where they still live.
I believe that.
I fucking believe it.
But their offspring, because they were lost, they had fallen from heaven.
Right.
They fell to the earth.
Well, no, they were already fallen.
No, their parents had fallen.
Their fucking parents were fallen.
They were the product, the kids that the parents.
Okay, now wait, wait.
They were in abomination.
Right, but they were in abomination, but is it the kids fucking fall, that the parents
were assholes?
It's not about blame, it's about purity.
No, I know.
We're a flesh.
We're all of sin, though, Jay.
Right, because we're a flesh, but the angels, Joey, they're not.
It's a whole different thing.
They're spiritual beings.
So now the spiritual beings, even though they were fallen, they're spiritual beings.
Hey, you believe this?
The Lord never, ever, ever met.
Some fictitious ass shit.
No, this is history.
Yeah, it's history.
History, because they were, that's why they had the superhuman strength.
That's why the giants were so smart.
That's why they had the technology.
All that shit is because they are literally, they were fallen angels.
Here's our, and an angel has all knowledge.
Our mascots down here, Harmony, our cat.
So it's not that, it's not that they were good bad.
They were just, it's simply an abomination.
Sure.
Okay, so they haven't, they're not in habit.
They're not in habit.
So, they still wander.
Because their parents were fallen angels though, and were kind of evil.
Do you think that the kids are going to be evil?
Oh, it's very evil for me when it gets to everything.
Okay, do you think the kids are going to be evil automatically?
It's not, it's not even about evil, or it's not about evil.
I know it's not, but I'm just saying, what do you think?
I don't know.
I wish, it depends.
I'm sure they all vary in personalities.
Right, right, right, right.
So now they have half soul.
You believe all this shit, really?
They're half spirit.
Fuck yeah, I believe this.
They're literally half spirit, and they're half soul.
A spirit doesn't have a host, a body.
It's a spiritual being.
Well, how does it fuck a woman and get her pregnant if it's not having a body?
Because they've fallen down, they can do that kind of shit.
No, come on, that doesn't make sense.
It's history.
You need nut.
I don't have the technical answer.
Right.
I mean, you can't fucking bring us nine-tenths of the way there.
It isn't that.
They can't even be procreated.
Right.
Maybe they manifested themselves as angels.
I mean, angels do.
There have been angels that come down.
Well, obviously, there were movies about that shit.
I don't know, like, skinwalkers.
They can change form.
Yeah, okay.
The giants.
They can do whatever they want.
They're angels.
So maybe they just change form.
There goes harmony.
Oh, okay.
I mean, all of that, obviously, they were in physical being when they were.
How do you know this though?
Because they did probably.
I don't understand how you know this.
I know.
That's where the giants came from.
I understand that.
Oh, man.
It sounds loud.
So it's like, it's like, it's just a place for them.
They're just in a bubble.
I mean, just make a public service announcement to all the listeners.
The Beatles is definitely fucking going to hell, everybody.
Oh, I hope not.
Don't say that.
I hope not too, man.
This motherfucker better be packed.
Like I said, man, I will pack a wife beater and just a pair of board shorts.
You're gonna wish you had less than that.
Okay.
All right.
Oh, man.
Oh, that's a sign.
The fucking square just fell out of the dust.
Yeah, because you were a square.
You're not to do it over, silly.
I know.
Yeah, Larry's hammered.
I just like saying that he's not though.
No, I'm pretty hammered.
And fourth.
Yes.
Kimo.
Not yet.
When you go and bet.
I see my doctor.
Talk to the mic.
May 10th.
Jeff's birthday.
Jeff's, uh, Jay's sister's husband.
My brother-in-law.
I don't know.
My brother-in-law.
Who was our original drummer in our band?
We were in fucking grade school.
The fucking best rock and roll band ever in the world.
Riff Raff.
Fucking right.
Riff Raff, baby.
Right.
Better than Lil' Mickey and the Pervert.
Little, well, Lil' Mickey and the Pervert's was special.
We were fucking good.
That was the side.
There's eight people in there.
That was the original gig though.
Yeah, that was before we met Jeff.
That was brilliant.
Jeff moved in from the city around here, uh, probably like fourth grade.
All right.
And he had some Beatles or Led Zeppelin t-shirt on.
I think it was a Zeppelin t-shirt.
He looked like a walking shaggy.
It was like back in the day though when it was, uh, but no, he didn't look like that
back then because we were little kids.
Forgive me for interrupting.
And he had a fucking iron-on fucking Zeppelin shirt where it showed Zeppelin standing in
front of like a limousine looking all cool and fucking, I said, Hey kid.
Hey kid.
He liked Zeppelin.
No, yeah.
Cause I didn't know him and he was new in school.
He's like, yeah.
And then like you like the Beatles and he's like, yeah.
And so we started hanging around, you know, like the Stones.
Yeah.
We were talking about Easter, how in school, like if you guys got in trouble a lot, they
would like try and separate you.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
And you and, you and he asked, you got some, just, yeah, they did that with me and me and,
uh, Larry over here.
Yeah.
That they purposely made it so you weren't in the same classes.
You weren't in the same classes.
Yeah.
So you get away with more shit back then too.
Yeah.
Well, one time we were both in the same class and we got separated and the teachers like,
since both of you guys are assholes, you don't want to learn.
They didn't exactly use asshole, but you know, I don't remember what they said, but.
Both of you guys want to waste your time.
Yeah.
So you both sit in the back, back.
No, it was some other fucking C and fucking.
So she sat Jeff in the back corner and one side and I sat in the back corner on the other
side.
So like there would be two girls whispering.
And so we would go.
And it would sound like the whole, and we'd both do it.
It would sound like the whole class was murmuring.
The teacher would be like, shut up.
You know, she didn't know what the fuck was going on.
Yeah.
We would fuck with that fucking C word.
Damn.
I appreciate it.
And your honesty, that you were a complete asshole.
Yeah.
And they didn't want you in the class.
No, they didn't.
They're like, these two assholes.
You're like, oh, we really weren't assholes.
Like you just said.
And then you're like.
Well, we were assholes.
That's not the wording they put it in though, because we were in fucking grade school.
They couldn't say your assholes.
Well, I'm sure they said these.
I'm sure in the teachers' moms, they said it.
Yeah.
Fucking asshole.
I remember Mr. Weiner telling me, how you guys, Mr. Weiner.
I bet you remember Mr. Weiner telling you.
Okay.
You know, I swear to God, I will fucking scar you.
Take it back.
I'm gonna take you to check it back.
Take it back.
Take it back or the show must go on.
All right.
Mr. Weiner was the band teacher.
I'm gonna take you to check it back.
All right, Mr. Weiner was the band teacher.
Yeah.
And he had a nice Weiner too.
Two down his trumpet.
God rest his soul.
He's passed now.
But anyway.
And his assistant was Mr. Cox.
It was not.
They're lying.
Okay.
So Mr. Weiner, I was in a singing class.
Mrs. Fuzzy.
All right.
That's it.
I'm gonna hurt.
That's it.
Stop now.
I'm sorry.
Don't hit me.
She's gonna hit me.
It's the effect.
It's the gyat thing.
Oh my God.
I told her I wouldn't do it.
Oh, you're the best, Jay.
Thanks for not beating Mr. Weiner.
We have a Mr. Weiner.
Mr. Weiner was the band leader.
And Joe and Jeff, I'm sorry, Larry and Jeff were in the band.
They were in the closet.
So I was with Miss Iken.
And they had to share.
We were the singing group.
They were the band.
And we had to share the same music room.
It was a small school.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Remember?
Yeah, I remember that.
So we would sing in the band.
Or band would go first.
And then anyway, so they were really tough.
The chorus would go.
The band would go.
And I was really, really very close with my music teacher, Miss Iken.
So I would stay up all the time.
Who had a fucking huge rack.
And one time we got a bunch of stuff.
And we had a fucking huge rack.
And one time we got her phone number at home.
And we fucking left all these perverted messages on her answering machine.
Oh my God.
She immediately knew it was us.
What kind of preferred message?
She knows, she had big fucking tits and everything.
I'm sure you said that.
Yeah, we said everything.
You're like, I want to see your big fucking tits.
You didn't know.
Shame on you boys.
You wanted to see her the next day?
Oh my God.
Dude, you can arrest him for that nowadays.
She can't assault.
You know what?
She doesn't even live far from here.
We should call her man.
I literally have her in my context right now.
Oh, let's fucking.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
She's my favorite teacher.
I would never ever let you around.
She was my favorite teacher too.
One time she took us.
She was cool.
She was cool as fuck.
Listen to this.
She was so cool.
She took us to the sticks concert.
Paradise fucking theater.
Wait, what did you do that?
Our teacher took about 12 kids.
She had a class called History of Rock.
And she took us to the fucking sticks concert at the Rosemont horizon.
What?
Yeah, man.
Did she drink?
No, she just was young and cool.
Did she drink a minor?
No, dude, we were in fucking seventh graders.
She was drinking with a stick show, dude.
Hey, there was a bunch of other kids there.
I tried.
She tried to figure out how to make anybody else.
She literally made up this class and had a class and it was on History of Rock.
We got credit for it.
It was awesome.
I'm in sixth grade.
I had to get permission.
She showed us Jesus Christ Superstar, the movie.
Uncaught member.
Yeah.
Man, we are.
Jesus was on the bar.
So here's what she would do.
She showed us Tommy.
And check this out.
This chick was cool.
She would play these fucking records and then she would break them down musically and talk
about what it meant and the lyrics and the fucking music and everything.
So she was kind of advanced and shit for like a grade school teacher.
Yeah, I would agree.
She was trying to make the kids cool and so the kids that were really cool, she took to
a concert.
Yeah, the truggies and the doper.
Yeah, that's what it was.
And she told me and Jeff and she said, if you guys show up high, you know, I'm not going
to let you go.
And of course we were high.
And she still let us go.
Yeah, what is she going to do?
Say no.
And you know what she did?
Listen, you know how everyone's lighting the lighters in the 70s?
She handed out packs of matches to all of us.
And we were lying matches.
She was dope.
She was fucking dope.
She handed out packs of matches.
She was probably only dangerous.
Yeah, but you know, she was cool.
Probably only like 22, 23 years old.
She had a big rap.
Big fucking tits.
And also, wait, check this out.
Also, she had a fucking, yeah.
And she also had a fucking guitar class that I was in.
And I was real good in that.
And she said, you got to get graded on a different scale area.
You're fucking already know how to play.
And I was like, oh, that's bullshit.
You look at me.
Yeah, you're right.
I am in a different label, honey.
How on a blow job?
She would never say these a lot.
No, I wouldn't say that.
I was about fucking 11 years older.
I would see the bigger one.
She would have left one.
And Jaylee, anyways, me and Jeff fucking stole like four fucking of these
Yamaha acoustic guitars from the school that were real nice.
And of course, we immediately got caught.
And the next day, and the principal was like, look, you guys,
if you just bring the guitars back, I won't call the cops on you.
How's that son?
And we're like, oh, we didn't take them.
And they're like, we know you fucking took them.
Yeah, look at you two stoned her.
We saw you both.
We fucking took four guitars because we were kids
and we just took what we could carry.
One in each hand, each.
And fucking, so we brought the guitars.
Bro, you broke into the school?
No, we just walked out of school with them after school one day.
We didn't have to break into the school.
We just walked out with them.
So he stole them.
And so, but we brought them back because we got busted.
They were like, if you guys don't want to get arrested, you got to kiss.
And they were like, all right, sure.
You start kissing the cops.
He's like, I meant him.
I think I was in her class when it was the last class of the day.
And when Reagan got shot, and me and Jeff's gumped,
and we were right around that.
Me and Jeff jump up and give a high five to each other.
We're like, fuck yeah, maybe we'll get a day off of school tomorrow.
And then all of a sudden, they made us stay after school that day.
And they're like, they had a great talk to us.
Like, you guys, this isn't funny.
The president got shot and shit.
You fucking commie bastard.
But you know, we were little kids.
We didn't fucking know.
It's been looking about politics.
It's the seventh grade.
We were looking to get a day off of school.
We didn't fucking care.
We would love it or leave it later.
We'd get the fuck out of here.
They were 12, 11, 13 years old.
Man, I love it.
They just were thinking, yeah, they're going to get a day off.
Yeah, we were asshole punk rocker kids.
We didn't care what the news thing was.
They just wanted to be off school.
Yeah, if the guy dies and we get a day off, so be it.
Great.
That was fucking going to be awesome.
But he didn't die and we didn't get a day off.
And he still didn't go to school the next day.
No, we did.
We went to school the next day.
I think you were in eighth grade because I was there for that.
Oh my God.
Little Larry in school.
Yeah.
Celebrating the fucking Reagan getting shot.
Yeah.
Now he wants to celebrate and get shot.
Well, you know, we weren't.
To some extent he was.
And to this, and to now, looking back though,
Reagan was one of the greatest fucking presidents we ever fucking had.
And it was Johnny Ramone's favorite president.
Yeah, but he started the war on drugs.
Oh, that was bullshit.
So going back to the full circle, all I'm going to say is this is how long my story is.
And then finally going to get it out about a half hour later.
About what?
Mr. Weiner used to tell us.
Yeah.
Mr. Weiner used to tell us.
I mean, you guys.
Well, it's the man.
Richard.
It was Richard Weiner.
No, it was Blake.
Dick Weiner.
His name is Blake Weiner.
But he told us we knew Mr. Weiner and Mr. Mordini.
They lived together.
Oh man.
And they were fucking confirmed bachelors.
Dick Weiner.
Oh, right, right, right.
The punks.
He was like, oh, we always know their high.
Smoking joints.
I'm going to school.
Right.
Well, one time they saw.
That's my story.
That's how long it was.
Just that.
That was all the edges.
Dick Weiner.
Yeah.
Well, it was.
We were talking about how to separate.
The teacher saw how he didn't hide in the way to school.
Yeah, but they lived together.
The best part of that story is they lived together.
Yeah.
He was a music teacher.
Yeah, they had a hot talk.
Wait, he was a music teacher and the coach.
Don't you say.
Yo.
And the coach.
Yeah.
Dude, come on, man.
I mean, that's some real 80s shit right there.
That was like a fucking sit down.
Two coaches lived together.
You don't think they were fanux, Jay?
Yeah, they were.
But the answer is no, they were not.
Blake was a little bit.
Did you bang one, Mr. Weiner?
There were just two bachelors that were.
There were just two starting teachers.
You know, it was just like bosom buddies.
Needles.
They weren't fruity.
They were just like bosom buddies.
Oh, eccentric.
Yeah.
They just like cock sucking and ass ramming and shit.
Well, you took it to that level, but that's okay.
I mean.
You have to point out what the gay community does.
Call it a spade of spade.
There's no proof of any kind of.
No confirmation of that.
There's no confirmation because we didn't have cameras back then.
But first of all, I could put together two fucking two.
No, you just have a filthy little mind.
Young teachers living together ones named Mr. Weiner.
And that.
This shit don't write itself.
No.
You know what I mean?
That they would pay money for that nowadays.
Yeah, porn movies about like that.
Totally.
Not sure there was none of that.
Mr. Weiner ever hit on you?
No, but he hit on me.
No, I'm kidding.
No, you're not.
But what happened was Mr. Weiner checked us out.
He used to come over and smoke cigarettes with my mom.
I'm not kidding because we fucking because we had the band as kids and we were already fucking good.
And he was like, man, you guys are fucking good.
Yeah.
And then he would come over to our house and watch us play house in our house.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And then he'd drink beer and smoke cigarettes with my mom.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
I mean.
And then he would come and drink with us up at the fucking bar sometimes.
Yeah.
And he was like, when I was older, you know.
Oh, nothing wrong with that.
It's not like I went there with the guy.
I would just see him at the bar and be like, holy fuck, there's my old teacher from grade school and go get drunk with the guy.
It's kind of weird, but okay.
He was cool.
I remember getting drunk.
He was a magician, you know.
I remember getting drunk with my...
Jesus, man.
Why are you going to be anti-semitically?
With my science teacher, freshman year, at the Cabaret Metro, when you guys played there
with Eotope and who was it you guys played with?
Exciter.
Exciter Eotope.
Exciter, man.
That was a kickass, man.
Exciter Eotope.
The violence and force tour.
And you guys fucking played with them.
I mean, we were in high school.
Exciter.
I was a freshman.
Mike, you were like...
He was a freshman.
He's a freshman.
So you were only a sophomore or no, you wouldn't be a junior.
I don't know.
But anyways, Needles, you would have liked this, man.
The album cover showed this like hot chick dressed in lingerie trying to keep out some kind of killer with a fucking switchblade,
blood smeared on a white wall, you know.
And the fucking album was called Violence and Force.
Exciter.
They're from Canada.
We were so fucking cool as that.
Exciter.
That was a big show.
My science teacher.
That makes sense, though.
They're from Canada.
Yeah, they're from Canada.
He's awesome as well.
He let me fucking pick the grades not only for myself.
I don't know your science teacher, but I'm glad he was at the gig.
Exciter sounds like fun.
He was awesome.
It's a good name.
Yeah, they were a good band, actually.
I mean, Canada.
I don't know.
I mean, Canada.
They were devilish, real heavy metal, rockish, satanic.
Exciter.
Oh, is everything boiled down to Satan?
Yeah, it was.
Is that how you judge things?
No, that's what they, that was their fucking thing, man.
Satan?
Well, yeah, their thing was evil.
Satan, they had songs about witches and fucking raping chicks and fucking murdering people and shit.
They're coming up like murder junk.
Oh, right back to GGM.
They're like the murder junkies.
Yeah, rapics look one of the things we talked about earlier.
Whatever, it was a big deal.
That was a really big deal.
You guys played a cabaret and a metal.
You were, you were so young.
Yeah, I played there a few times since then, Jay.
I'll let you know.
Yeah, I know.
What?
I'm, I'm teasing you.
I fucking love you.
I'm sorry.
Are you in a band?
I played there with the mess.
Are you in a band, sir?
The mess.
Anyway, teacher, I'm sorry.
Teacher, like you said.
Yeah, he was a good teacher.
I was a freshman.
Yeah, Wiener.
Mr. Wiener.
Yeah, he croaked Wiener.
What happened to him?
What happened?
He had AIDS.
What happened to him?
AIDS?
No.
What was it?
Alcoholism?
Yes.
I was going to say, he didn't want to know each other.
Either AIDS or alcohol.
It's not.
I'm not saying it's funny, Jay.
I feel a little sad.
I'm not saying it's funny.
I loved Wiener.
Clip it and send it.
That's going to be the name of the episode.
Mr. Wiener.
Oh, Larry.
Why are you just throwing softballs over here?
That was a lot.
Jesus, Larry had a really...
I just happened to fucking be with some buttocks.
Let's do it.
Bring me back.
Oh, Jay.
So what's the name of the episode?
It's called The Wiener.
So let's talk about some other shit, man.
Well, any other shit you can't...
Any other shit you can't...
He's really quiet.
Hey.
You fucking...
He's talking to the other...
...for a second.
He's really quiet.
Hi, Mark Amforth.
Well, you don't have to...
Well, I put away all the alien information.
Well, no.
Why would you do that?
I want to hear what you're thinking about over there.
I put it all away.
I know.
The best is he's reading stuff and he starts talking to himself about it.
Right.
And you could hopefully pick it up on the mic.
Trump was dealing with the Federation apparently.
The Federation of what?
The Alien Federation.
The Galactic Federation.
Oh.
That's the alien.
So Galactic Federation is about the aliens.
Right.
Okay, so...
It's a group of characters.
Let's see, Nina.
It's not...
I mean, that's a character, yeah.
But I mean, we're talking about real life stuff.
You just can't say Obi-Wan Kenobi.
And I love it.
He wanted to reveal that...
Nina's number is this one.
They don't want to do it, guys.
Why not?
Is that it?
No, well...
I don't know.
It sounds like that fucking article in reading is pretty vague.
I hope it's not some groupie.
They don't know any other Nina.
We have two conversations going on here.
Don't be so sure about that.
Hey.
Oh, that's not a working number.
It might have been some Hiller.
Hey, ass clown.
Here, wait, wait, wait.
I got another Nina.
What are you doing over there?
That's Dean Bow.
I don't think you have Nina's phone number.
Fuck yeah, I do, man.
You think I'm some kind of fucking cheater?
Are you really dialing phone number?
You're making a phone call right now?
Yes, I asked to do it.
She wants me to call upstairs and get some cigarettes thrown down the stairs.
Oh, did you see her tobacco bag?
Why isn't Mark going up and getting a fire?
He's not...
Yeah, go get Jay's cigarettes up there.
Hey, did you see her tobacco bag?
No, I have to roll.
I want Nina to throw me down to her.
Go get Nina to throw down two of her cigarettes for Jay.
Will you please, Mark?
No problem.
Thanks, Mark.
Yeah, make the guy with cancer go upstairs.
Well, no, but he's not saying shit, man.
Jesus, man.
We need to fucking man these microphones, motherfuckers.
You guys got fucking chemo when you're making a go upstairs to get a tobacco bag.
That's right, man.
You know why you're stinkin' pity?
Huh?
He don't need your stinkin' pity.
That's right, man.
You should kick that motherfucker when he's down.
We are wrong that we made a go upstairs.
Oh, hey.
Look at these guys loving people.
Don't be a P-word.
I would never.
Don't be a P-word.
Who, me?
Yeah.
A princess?
I already am.
Pussy.
What can I tell you?
No pussy.
I know you fucking Larry.
Hey.
He can handle walking up the stairs to get you some cigarettes.
Yeah, just walk it down.
It's important you need to fucking smoke, damn it.
Listen, he can't die here.
That's a...
I don't know what I mean.
I don't know.
That won't look good.
By the way, this is one of the only studios out there where you could smoke whatever the
fuck you want.
Do whatever the fuck you want.
There's no law here.
There's nobody coming down on you.
So Larry will smoke your pole in the fucking recording room.
Totally essential.
Hey.
And I don't know.
I don't have a comeback for this fucking jag off.
Can I also say and inform the audience when I say out of line that that comes straight
from Joe's mom, who I love and respect.
That's where I get it.
And that's why I love saying it.
You're way out of line.
You're out of line.
You're way out of line.
Who's out of line?
I'm not out of the yelling.
Yeah, whatever.
Who's out of line?
That's a coin phrase for Mrs. S.
Who?
Oh.
You're saying too much.
Shut the fuck up.
Oh man, Larry.
Is that a way to talk to her guys?
Especially a lady of that stature.
All right.
Let's talk about something else.
Well, I want to see her punch you in the face.
That's what I wanted to do.
Yeah, keep on antagonizing her.
Oh, what are you doing?
Oh shit.
She got up.
Oh, she's getting the cigarette from Nina.
She's gonna punch Nina.
Oh, you all saw me get up and punch her, Jeff.
Yeah.
He just clocks Nina.
We thought you were gonna fucking kill someone.
It should be a lit.
Did I just get set up?
Huh?
No, Nina, you're safe.
You're safe.
I actually just needed you.
Last time we fought, I kicked your ass.
Damn.
I bet.
Nina's talking shit to Jay.
Her is her dad, Daddy Pro.
Oh, I weren't that tall when I said it.
Yeah, let's hear about when Nina kicked your ass.
It was the last time I ever drank tequila.
Apparently, I said fuck you to my mom, too.
Oh my god.
Oh, man.
I was possessed.
I don't remember any of it.
Holy shit.
She was possessed by your mom.
I was even out of it.
She was possessed by her mother, Peter Love.
She was knocked.
You didn't.
She was, you didn't.
Daddy Pro was like, kick her ass, she's picking the bitch.
AJ, did it come in a plastic bottle?
No, no, no, no.
Beat me up.
I was swat like, that was terrible.
That was terrible, me walking.
I don't remember.
Yeah.
Horrible.
What were you doing?
Doing shooters?
Was it an opaque plastic bottle?
Jay, I don't know.
I don't know.
It was just tequila.
I never drank another drop after that night.
Nice.
That was the very first on the list of my Satan syrup scroll of things that I never, ever,
ever will ever drink again.
How many things are on that list?
Pretty much all liquor.
Really?
Yes.
Anytime I did something that was totally out of, I said, after you to my mom.
Really?
Wow.
I didn't call it, but apparently I did.
You were black out drunk.
You were blacked out, yeah.
Yes.
See, that's her, now you know how needles feel.
Right.
Right?
Walking around in a blacked out fucking state.
Right, but because I did that, I never, I, to this day, I'm not having another drink.
Blacked out all the time.
I will not drink, you know, like any, I just stick to beer.
Thank you.
Shit, man.
So I have a full list that's Satan's, Satan's syrup list.
I can handle booze, I mean, but here's the thing.
For me, it was.
I never, I never got blacked out drunk.
I only blacked out from dope, but you know, again, it wasn't really blacked out.
I could, I could remember the next day what I did that night, but a week later, I had
no idea what the fuck I did.
So it was like blacking out whole, you know, period of time.
I just don't miss the days of waking up and having to hear from your dopey friends what
you did.
And I, I don't miss that at all.
I don't miss that shit.
It's been decades.
Yeah.
I used to fucking feel bad too.
I could walk past a mirror and say, what the fuck are you looking at, bitch?
It was terrible.
You said that to yourself?
I was not a good looking girl.
She got in a fight with herself.
I could.
She was just punching mirrors.
Yeah.
Punching mirrors.
But it's decades, that was 20s, decades, decades.
Hey, why don't you tell us about the time when you came in and knocked over the thousand
gallon fish tank.
That was my 21st birthday.
And that was all Russ's fault.
That was Russ who took me in Schauburg and brought me to every fucking bar and got me
a fucking free drink.
What's awesome about that is that every bar as the night went on, Russ made sure he got
a man spook and he would write a little footnote.
All right, Jay, here's your first bar.
By the fourth or fifth, I mean, you know, fourth, I was 21.
Just turn, I was, it was my 21st birthday.
So you were fucking hammered.
I didn't go to bars a lot.
I only drank so my parents beer and shit.
Right.
Nina, she had balls and she looked like she could pass even go in with me.
Well, sure.
I was a chicken shit.
So I didn't do that.
Nina was looking for a guy.
And I was in the way because I'm a nervous wreck.
So for me, I was legal, I was 21.
Fuck you, Nina.
No, she didn't get nervous.
Sit there, Nina.
Right.
In front of that microphone.
I was a chicken shit and she was not.
So you got all fucked up and you came home for a birthday.
Progressively in the math books, it'd be like, all right, Jay, this is your fourth bar.
You got this.
Oh shit.
All right, Jay, dude, that's not a bar.
We got kicked out.
Let's get to the point where you fucking knock over the fish tank.
But Larry, bars would give you free drinks on your 21st birthday.
Sure.
It was a fish tank on my parents brand new leather couch.
Oh fuck.
It was a brand new carpet because they were trying to pull one off.
Oh man.
Brand new, new leather couch.
And you knocked the whole fish tank over?
Yes, she did.
Russ, apparently, after it was all, he brought me home and it's that knee walk of shit.
He brought me home.
He threw me in bed.
He threw a blanket over me.
Stay in there, you drunk ass.
It said it's over.
You're all in your safe and good.
My parents were in Florida.
On my 21st birthday, rap brought me to the limelight.
My parents were in Florida.
Yeah, we picked up some whore.
I just knee walked and I ended up knocking over the fish tank.
Cop vanirial disease short.
But Russ took pictures and...
Allegedly.
Russ chronicled every bit of my drunkness through the matchbooks and through that.
So all I know about, this is what I know.
The matchbooks.
There's a picture of me in the bed.
I'm in the bed.
You're drunk.
Yeah, I'm answering you the question.
So it's a picture of me.
I only know it through the series of pictures that Russ took, which he got developed in
the hour bucket.
Back in the day when he had to take your pictures and get them developed.
Russ is the game for the hour service.
And we know that Russ is a Jew bag.
So he actually paid an extra.
Yeah, but if he wants to fuck with you, he'll pay.
Oh yeah, you betcha.
He couldn't wait to bring them over the next day.
Also, no, Russ ain't a Jew bag, dude.
I gotta tell you something.
I'm saying it's not his money.
He brought me to Rolling Stones.
We were kids.
Okay, but he's brought me to Rolling Stones concert to play for the tickets.
He prides himself off.
That was fucking very expensive.
I don't mean that he's not generous, but back then.
We all had the fucking bleachers.
Right.
It was a picture of, here's what I know about the fish tank.
It's me.
I'm in the bed.
Russ brought me through me in the bed just closing off.
Nina, please don't play the drums.
It's me.
First picture is me throwing the blanket off.
She's playing the drums over there.
Second picture, I'm on my knees.
Third picture, I'm knee crawling.
Fourth picture is me sitting next to the fish tank, knocked over.
I'm holding my hair up and stuff, smiling and looking at it like, holy shit, I'm in big trouble.
That's all I know.
I remember because I was fucking either hanging around with your sister or your brother, probably
both of them, and fucking came over the next day and I'm like, what the fuck happening here?
And Jay was the fish killer.
Dude, they had a huge fucking fish tank.
I'm talking big.
It was an octagon fish tank, so it was like a vertical octagon.
No, it was not the leather one.
It was the classic 70s one with the wood.
Yeah, they had that.
That's what it was.
Okay, so what?
It was that brandy.
All the fish died.
Hey, Jay.
All the fish were flipping around on the fucking floor.
Wait, wait, wait.
The fish are knocked over.
They're flopping around.
Did anybody see them until the morning or did all the fish die?
Russ kind of cleaned it up.
No, the fish died.
They were all done.
And then what did the fish do?
I don't have any.
I got one.
Right.
That's cool, but I got my balls rolling.
And I knew I was in trouble, but this is the picture.
It's like this.
Fish tank and I'm like this.
So did you break the fish tank?
No, it was literally laying out of side with nothing but a few rocks left.
Oh, laying out of side all over the brandy.
Did it have like a bunch of rocks and intricate bullshit in it?
I wouldn't say too intricate, but your standard bullshit.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, just like fucking iron.
Your standard little arch for the fish to hide.
And then what happened?
Did you get beat the next day?
I don't hang that in the mic.
I'm so much on Godly pain.
I can't tell you.
What's that?
The next morning when I woke up, the pain was on Godly in my head.
Really?
Oh my gosh.
What about the fish though?
You kill all these fish.
Well, their pain was unbearable.
And I'm shitting a fucking brick is what I was doing.
And then what happened?
Your parents came home.
They were gone for three more days.
We did the bus.
We could to clean it up and that was it.
And then from that odd, like high school.
Well, what they say they noticed, right?
Oh fuck yeah.
Yeah.
They noticed.
I mean, it smelled like a fish fry in there.
She's blowing by the best parts of the story.
It's fucking my house.
You're like, I didn't get drunk in your house.
I just passed out.
I got drunk somewhere else.
No, I said it was all Russ's fucking fault.
Oh, fucking Nuherk.
How big was the fish chain?
Hand for it.
700 gallons.
Oh, Larry's saying 1,000 gallons.
25 gallons.
That's a huge difference, Larry.
I got three of my mother's.
It was still a lot of water.
Screamed at me.
It's a lot less than fucking 700 though.
Yeah, fucking.
What's that bad?
What sucked is though I was the fish killer then for the next guy.
Well, you technically are the fish killer.
I mean, I would, if the,
Oh, it's Jay's birthday, put away, you know,
two way your fish tags.
I couldn't live without it.
It was like,
It's the way it gave you, like,
you didn't kill the fish.
I'm worried.
It's like that one time when you kill one hooker choking her out
and you're known as the hooker choker out.
I mean, that's a lot of words to type on the newspaper, man.
I laugh at that.
The hooker choker out.
That's a mouthful, Larry.
I'm just hooked a choker.
It's a lot less money to put a choker out her.
Yeah, that happened.
Well, no, because you could hook,
you could choke the hooker and not choke her out totally.
Well, I mean, you know, you choke him,
let him come back, you choke him.
Thanks, Larry.
Larry's killing Porter over it.
I didn't know shit about that.
This, what's this?
What gets Larry hard?
Jay will tell you about getting choked.
What's that?
Jay likes to joke people.
Oh, they said, man, dude,
you're walking a fine, thin line.
What are you, possessed?
What the hell is wrong with you?
I can poke you.
Get out.
Yeah, the stupid.
You are talking suicidal.
Jay's gonna rock your world.
It'd be hilarious.
I literally can't reach him.
I know.
I don't know what's happening.
He's just mocking you right in your face.
You really are.
All right, I'm not.
I love you.
It doesn't mean she can't hit you.
I've hit people I loved.
Wow.
I must be really stoned because I didn't get out for that.
What happened?
I didn't get up.
What?
What happened?
What the fuck did I do?
You inferred I was some kind of filthy hooker or something.
No, I did not.
What did you say?
I remember saying that.
We didn't say the word hooker, but you said,
oh, Jay will tell you about that.
Yeah, he called you a whore.
What an asshole.
Oh, yeah, me getting choked.
And then you corrected yourself.
You guys are acting like I'm nuts.
Exactly what you said.
Yeah, he said, I didn't say you were a filthy hooker.
Oh, yes, he did.
The hooker's getting like to get choked.
It was all lead in.
Yeah.
The hooker's like to get choked.
Man, he called you a whore.
That's not what I meant, though.
Inferred.
Oh, yeah.
That's even worse.
You guys are fucking...
Close enough for a beating.
This is the most uptight fucking guess we've ever had.
We're all woken here now.
Don't fucking let him fool you.
You all know.
They know what they're getting.
You know what you're getting.
Yeah, we knew what we were in for.
It's a fucking shit show.
They're hoping that she fucking beats needle again with his own shoes.
They're always going back to that.
We already addressed that elephant in the room.
That was fucking good, man.
Yeah, that's all right, though.
We were all there for one half.
I don't really beat on them.
I wouldn't beat on them.
You hit me with my fucking slug.
I crack you with your shoes.
You already did.
Oh, my God.
That was paranoid.
Remember the day like, did parents even say crack anywhere?
Like for what?
They could crack your kids?
I cut it out before I crack you.
Man, no.
Parents can say whatever the fuck they want.
Another old-school thing.
What's that?
I love that word.
Cracking kids?
Oh, no, don't make me pull that one.
I freaked out because I was so scared from earlier, my fucking...
I thought, you know, I want to make sure that...
I was still hot.
Yeah, I want to make sure that shit is hot because I got paranoid for a second.
I'm all fucked up and I thought, man, did I do things right?
Did I fuck up again?
That's all right, though.
But it's cool.
We got another episode.
It's all good.
We can make...
And we can do as many episodes as we want.
But anyways, we should probably cut it here and say thanks for tuning in to the Larry and
Needle show.
We want to thank Jay for being here and she'll definitely be on again.
Thanks for having me and loving me.
I love you, Jay.
Love you too, baby.
Hey, we'll do it right now.
But I just got to...
Oh, I love you.
I love you too, baby.
Larry and Needle show.