Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles Show.
Larry and Needles Show.
Man, we're idiots on drugs.
I need to find someone to teach me how to get an RSS feed.
If an RSS feed, I can find a podcast...podcast total.
What the hell's RSS?
Hey! Grotten set.
Alright, we're back people. Larry and Needles Show. How's it going? We got Kiki today.
I didn't know we were fucking starting right now. Why would you just start the show?
I thought we were. Yeah, what the fuck were we waiting for, man? It's not now.
There's a train whistle.
That's the fucking train whistle. Your mic is too far away.
Yes, I have the record. Needles has the record.
Needles is going to have to get close to your smile.
Try to beat that, assplos.
Oh, don't touch my shit, motherfucker.
Yeah, you fucking morons.
Stars and stripes. Try to get past them.
I say morons plural, but I'm leaving you out of there. And myself.
I'm gonna kiss you guys. Don't do it for me.
Maybe later. Maybe later.
This guy's out on his phone. What are you looking at?
Guns.
Dude, I'm a drifter with guns. I just put some new trigger springs on my seat.
Nice. Nice hair trigger.
We don't know anything about guns.
I was just saying, tell me what I'm looking at.
I know about guns. Bullets come out, they fuck people up like crazy.
You should put your arm off your head.
And they're fun to shoot. Dude, I got that.
I mean, this fucking guy too.
Well, you guys know the gun that won the west, right? Do you know what they call the gun that won the west?
Colt 45?
No, it's the lever action.
Oh, yeah, yeah. The rifle.
Because it was the fastest thing.
Winchester.
Yeah, it was like the fastest thing.
It was the TV show, the rifleman.
Yeah, it was the fastest gun. Like you can fucking shoot as fast as you can fucking...
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, well, that was DZ-Rome gun by the after.
Yeah, but still, like that's a badass fucking gun.
I mean, that's what changed the fucking west.
I mean, it changed fucking shit history, dude.
Bad ass gets you killed.
Oh, man.
If you're all flashy...
It's like Iron Maiden, live by the sword, you die by the sword.
You just quote in 80s medals, babe.
Fucking hate, dude.
This fucking guy over here.
Bruce Dickinson.
And they shall say, welcome to the Larry and Needle show.
Is there a special guest?
Yeah, right.
Did you do that?
Yeah.
This fucking guy is drunk.
Holy shit.
That's great.
Okay, so...
I know. If there was only a video camera on his bottle of Tito's, of PAPS...
Fucking dirtbag, motherfucker.
Yeah, yeah.
Little big wet spot.
He spilled shit all over the fucking place.
It looks like you pissed yourself.
Like your legs are spreading out.
Man, now you're just gonna rip on me.
There's no reason.
You know I didn't piss myself. It doesn't have to.
Aw, don't fucking cry.
I don't know you pissed yourself.
It looks like you did.
Yeah.
Because you spilled shit all over your sloppy fucking bastard.
That's all that matters.
All right, now that we're done with that segment, let's move on to the next segment.
Who says we're done with that segment?
Yeah, that's a stiffy.
That's what she said.
That's all right.
What do you got? Your own fucking...
It's like electrolyte shit.
This guy's like you with folic acid.
These fuckers drink folic acid.
I'm telling you, dude, if I don't drink electrolytes or calcium, magnesium,
I wake up like four o'clock in the morning with fucking leg cramps.
If I don't drink it, I get leg fucking cramps.
Me too.
Why is that? You need to be more hydrated.
Dude, I drink... that's all I drink all day is water.
Me too.
You gotta have a little...
Yeah, yeah, what do you got? A blistering nose?
I spilled a little.
I don't worry about that.
Bro, you're getting old, dude.
You're gonna wake up, take a piss at four o'clock in the morning, fucking...
That's really... that's getting old.
Yeah, dude.
That's what it is to you.
Yeah, motherfucker.
You're a fucking sugar baby.
You have no idea.
I don't know what it is to wake up with fucking this.
This fucking guy.
And you too.
I know what the fuck...
I know what's going on.
What do you mean you know what's going on?
I'm a sugar baby, so I fucking don't wake up to piss.
I just fucking lay in bed and...
You just said an idea.
No, you said it.
What?
Idiot.
Our buddy Chad, he's having prostate issues.
We would have to blur out names.
We were friends.
Well, I'm not giving last names here.
Everybody knows.
You said his first name.
I'll refer to him as my last name now.
Everybody forget you heard the first name.
Yeah, yeah.
Now, what do you... Yeah, he's having prostate issues.
It's a whackerman.
What's that?
Whackerman?
What the fuck are you talking about?
You just messy names now.
He's got a nice handlebar monster.
Oh, nice, nice.
Dude, I got a fucking business to do.
I think I know who you're talking about now.
Oh yeah, you've seen him before.
First of all, it's Nanya.
Second of all...
Oh, fuck.
It's Nanya.
Hey, prostate is a fucking everybody's business.
Yeah, I mean, it's your fucking lick in it or finger in it.
Yeah, but I don't want anybody else to really know what's going on.
Hey, life is tough.
I didn't bring it up, motherfucker.
You brought it up.
You should probably... Who brought it up?
You did.
Oh, did I?
Yeah.
If you didn't, you didn't know.
Jeez.
Fucking...
It's like fucking sitting with the mad hatter.
Where the fuck did all my lighters go?
I don't know.
He has a mobile.
Look at it.
That's a mobile for a crack, baby.
Oh, look at that dude.
That's great.
That's real.
If you have a drug addicted baby, it ain't that above the...
It's still in, like, toys in airplanes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's fucking glass.
That's like a dutch hotel.
That's like a Dave Chappelle skit.
My life is a Dave Chappelle skit.
I don't know about that.
I do.
When Dave Chappelle does the cribs, is it everybody has their shoe closet?
Well, I got fucking a sweatshop in my basement.
They're making me my shoes.
They open the door.
It's all Asian fucking women making shoes for them.
Not the world.
I'd rather have suits, though.
Shoes, eh?
Dude, I got a killer Armani Customs...
Two killer Armani Customs suits when I was in Thailand.
Nice.
For 120 bucks each.
That's not bad.
Oh, dude.
Oh, it was a shit.
Now, there were nice suits, too.
I wish they still fit.
Maybe they'll fit me.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe they'll fit me.
Yeah, like, a couple of these bigger than you were.
Too bad I gave it to my Mexican buddy, Begg and Kelly.
You fucking traitor.
Yeah, dude.
Nah, it's alright, man.
I just burned a hole in them anyway.
Why?
Fuck it.
I mean, all of a sudden, Larry just got really racist.
Yeah.
I didn't get racist.
Yeah, I heard it.
What the fuck did I say?
Did I say something bad?
I'm gaslighting, Larry.
How old's your old man?
84.
84, dude.
Yeah, he was good.
He's a silly dude.
You got a lot of stories.
That's the best part of life, right?
We all have stories, right?
Well, dude, that's what makes life good.
Well, it makes it interesting, right?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We don't pick who the fuck we are.
We don't, you know what I mean?
We can't pick our families.
We can't pick where we're from.
Well, we're all molded by our fucking experiences, man.
Yeah, definitely.
Every thing that happens to you affects you onto the next stage, dude.
You know?
When you're that old, you fucking just got a lot of shit accumulated.
Yeah, like, you're an old fuck.
I'll get you over there.
I got stories too, a lot of them I can't say.
Yeah, you can't remember them either.
That's right.
That's the problem.
He's like, man, I got stories.
I can't remember them.
And I did some shit back in the day.
Yeah, but you did.
He was in the scat.
He didn't tell you that.
That's the good shit.
Well, that's what he likes.
He's got a proclivity for scat.
You're a scat.
Look at him. He didn't say no.
I didn't know because why would I defend the lies?
He'd object to that shit.
He'd defend the lies.
He knows exactly that.
And now he's like, oh, those aren't lies.
He gets all British all of a sudden.
Fuck off.
How about that?
That's even better.
Did you defend yourself?
He just said they were taking it like a man.
Fuck my fucking dick.
Yeah, now you get extremely gay, Larry.
Calm down.
I mean, what do you mean?
Do you think that's funny?
I love it. I love to make you...
Oh, yeah, he does.
I know. I do.
I love to make him laugh. I love to call him gay.
We had a summer of gay once. It was hilarious.
We had a summer of gay your whole life.
I wish, man.
That day, dude, I could just fucking literally go on Grindr right now,
find some dude to blow me, and then go to bed.
You said that's not what you did.
Yeah.
I mean, would I be here right now?
No, you got a fucking...
Well, that's just if I was gay, did I be knee-deep in ass 24-7 if I was gay?
Would you be a bottom or top?
It'd have to be the top.
I don't know what that entails, even.
It entails.
I'm gonna be shocked.
People are like, are you shocked in your dick in someone's ass?
Well, I mean, obviously, you know this, and...
Well, I made self-explanatory bottom or top.
No, but you got it all. But you sucked my dick. Does that make me gay?
I don't know.
I know for sure that you are.
That's a clip right there.
Larry.
Larry getting loose.
That's all right, though.
You know, it's what it is.
I don't know what that means.
And that's another getting back to the other thing that we were talking about last week.
What's that, Larry?
The perversion of everything, it just leads back to, you know, the gay shit.
They want everybody to be gay.
They want you to think that that's fucking...
I want everybody to be gay.
They do. The fucking establishment.
Who's gay?
He's right.
Look at what they're doing.
Look what they're doing.
Transgender, like, in the children's dances.
Perverting.
They're having these crazy fucking transgender dances.
You know what, the thing is, it goes not worse shit going on in this world.
No, but seriously, even the heterosexual...
They don't bring little kids to fucking show.
How about if there was a fucking deal?
Very small percentage of what's going on.
But it's still going on.
It's being shown by the news if the news didn't glorify it.
No, but the news doesn't show it.
The news doesn't show it.
They don't show it.
How do you know that?
You see it on the internet and shit.
Yeah, because people see it.
They fucking post it.
You know, Mary sees it on all her fucking websites.
No, did you just see who won?
Like, Joe Biden gave, like, Woman of the Year to?
It was a transgender dude.
Like, a woman of the year.
It's a lie.
This is why we need a producer to have that shit.
No, I'm just saying, I don't want to have to do it while we're doing this.
The first year Bruce Jenner was Caitlyn Jenner,
the first year he became a woman,
he became Time's Woman of the Year,
or ESPN's Woman of the Year.
Who did?
That's Bruce Jenner.
Does he have his balls cut off or no?
No, but he's still a woman.
But he...
I don't think so.
Imagine being a woman for fucking 50 years,
and then all of a sudden, Caitlyn becomes a woman for one year.
She's Woman of the Year?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's kind of fucking up.
Your man, your whole life.
You win the fucking...
A W is a W. You fucking take it or you don't?
Yeah, well...
I don't care what fucking game you're in.
Well, Caitlyn, I was taking it for sure.
But you're taking it away from someone who deserves it.
Hey, when the fuck are you gonna judge who a W is?
You know what I mean?
Like...
Oh, I'm gonna judge because it's not a woman.
Exactly.
You're looking at it from the other side.
Wait, wait, wait, did you see another saying?
You put 100 women and 10 men on an island,
you're gonna have babies.
All the dudes are gonna fuck each other?
No.
Joey's dream island.
100 women and 10 transgender women,
or trans women on that island, guess what?
They're all gonna eventually just die out.
What's that telling you?
They're not women.
No, that's an AI shit, though.
I'd like to...
That's a good game show right there.
It ain't a game show.
Yeah.
It's the fact of the fucking mathematics.
Wait a minute.
Are you quoting mathematics on mushrooms?
Dude, man, you think I'm some kind of moron?
I didn't say that at all.
Why would you say that?
I don't know.
You get like on my mushrooms, I should be paralyzed or something.
I can't think.
I can look at your eyes, see your legs propped up there.
Why would I think you're paralyzed, Larry?
Oh, geez.
See what I got to deal with?
He's like, I'm paralyzed.
It's not even up there, it was a job to explain the needles and things I say while we're looking
for a helper.
You're a translator.
Yeah.
Dude, did you see the experiment that was approved?
I forget the guy's name, but he was...
Man, this is gold.
To give fucking DMT nonstop for, I think it was like five hours or something.
He's our Alex Jones.
I don't know if there's a Harvard experiment.
He got approved by the fucking government to fucking constantly...
Like basically give somebody a DMT trip.
Like a drip, not trip, a DMT drip.
The intervenious drip.
Of DMT.
Why?
Like talk and see what we're having.
Experiment, done the fuck there.
See if they can fucking talk to aliens or fucking shit.
I don't know.
That's how you talk to aliens?
Dude, man, you know, that's the way, here's the thing, man.
It opens up psyches and opens up avenues and parameters and everything.
You fuck around these drugs, man.
And it unlocks shit that would never be on the same conscious level.
Now what it does is it unlocks other dimensions that we don't fucking belong in.
Well, there's subconscious levels and there's ultimo...
Yeah.
Everything, it's like, you know what I think about when I look at like a tron.
You know what I mean?
When everything's just like...
Yeah.
Well, there's shit going on all around us, you know.
Thanks, Larry.
Another dimension.
Do you know who Stephen Greer is?
No.
No, he used to be a...
I should probably, but...
Well, not a key...
Maybe like head of security or something.
Like even back in the Clinton presidential areas, he was like a attache to the president.
Okay.
I heard it's all sort.
But he has a lot to do with UFOs and like contact with all these different beings.
Okay.
He's got a really cool fucking documentary.
Like close and...
I forget what their holiday call...
Or...
I forget the name.
Another fucking fact check corner with Key.
He just goes...
He's just like, man, I got this great movie, but I don't remember who produced it.
I don't remember where it was from.
If you Google Stephen Greer...
I got that name, though.
Stephen Greer.
You got that one.
People that know they hear Stephen Greer, they agree.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Because he got a lot of Stephen Greer fans right now.
Yeah.
He's huge, man.
Did you get the Stephen Greer collecting cards?
The Bubblegum cards.
I can't believe it.
No, but dude, I know what you're saying.
Oh, yeah, you do later.
Dude, they fucking hire people all the time, like remote seers, people that are able to
get into these other dimensions and fuck around with these aliens.
Dude, wait a second.
Did you just say people are going into dimensional?
Yeah.
And these aliens...
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You just can't brush it off like they're gonna be like...
I'm getting into it.
I'm talking about it.
Well, either can you, if you both believe this theory...
Well, I can't re-gird...
It's not a theory.
I can't re-girditate the shit.
What I'm asking to re-gird...
Re-gird...
Anyway...
My mouth got re-girditated right there.
See, all these aliens, quote-unquote, that they want you to think are from outer space,
are actually devils from another dimension.
Yeah, man, you're losing your kill.
Well, they could be devils.
There's some devils and some not.
But it's, yeah, they're inter-dimensionals.
Yeah.
That's what they're coming for.
They're not from another fucking planet.
Yeah, but you're saying they're from the core of the Earth.
No, I'm saying they're from right here.
No, those are the reptile people.
Yeah, right here.
Right?
The reptilians up in the core.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
You guys should kiss.
There's seven types of fucking reptilians.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's horrible.
I didn't even know what they were talking about.
No, but they actually see like the, what do you call that shit, fucking...
What's that?
Seeing, what do you call that shit?
Man, literally you said the timer.
Yeah, bitch.
You know, the good time.
Oh, that's all.
That's all.
No, what do they call that?
Were you, you're a sea shit?
Yeah, touching...
Clariforient.
Clariforient, but I forget what they call it.
They call it remote sea.
Remote viewing.
Yeah, remote viewing.
The government spent a shit ton of money on this and they found some people that could
really do it.
Yes.
Dark side of the moon.
Like really, really like they're there, dude.
Yeah, hardcore.
Well, dude, what do you think the Nazis, like Adolf Hitler, they had the woman, the blonde
chick, I forget what her name was, like Alastor Crawley, but I forget what the one woman's
name was, but she spoke to these fucking beings on the other side and got a shit ton of information
and like instructions for stuff for Hitler and the Nazis.
Like this was no joke.
They fucking were hardcore into this shit.
Yeah.
They're just so unfortunate that Kiki fits right in with us.
I just can't re-gurgitate all the fucking names.
You just did though.
But I mean, that's a hard though, man.
We appreciate that.
But they look into, like, dude, they were fucking hardcore.
Why do you think like Hitler was like looking for fucking all like...
Searching the earth.
Searching the earth for fucking, what do you call it?
What do you call it?
Artifacts.
The Holy Grail.
All that shit.
They did, he was looking like Indiana Jones, even though it's fictional shit.
It's based on reality.
Listen, man, everybody makes up tales.
The Bible is a fucking...
The Bible is a historical fucking book.
Okay, it shall be, but there was not as people, as cold as these people, as reverend as they
should be, shall I say.
I don't think that Saint...
They don't hold anybody in reverence except for Jesus and God.
They were fucking...
This guy went to work, he was a fucking...
No, but yes and no, but dude, if you look at like...
No, listen, this guy went to work, he was a fucking...
Carpenter.
Plumber or something, they went and banged whores.
Now he's a saint because he hung out with Jesus.
Well...
No, he was saved.
Well, I don't know who you're talking about.
You're just apostles.
I don't know if they were...
That's their story of banged whores going to be in a plumber.
I'm just generalizing, I'm not...
Very general.
Man, you guys really shut the fuck up when I said that.
I don't know what you're talking about.
A screwball.
A Jesus screwball.
I mean, that's the Italian dream right there.
No, man.
You're a plumber, you bang up some bar.
The mankula can suck in.
Yeah.
It was child support, right?
He teaches you the way.
And he tells you...
If you give him a method of conception, do you have to pay child support?
I don't think he had to.
No.
Well, would you?
I'm just saying.
Well, would I pay child support?
No.
Depends what era it is.
You guys are killing me.
You gotta ask a fucking question that makes sense, first of all.
I know, that's probably my fault.
I mean...
Yeah, we're blaming you on this one.
I know, I'm troubling myself on this one.
You're bringing in child support in the fucking 10th century.
Exactly.
Let's see.
Let's see, it's 31 AD.
Do I pay child support?
31 AD, prediction in your answer.
I think you just fucking knocked up anyone you wanted and walked away back then.
Oh, no, boy, here we go.
This is gonna be a lot of bleeps going on in here soon.
No, man.
Larry Field.
He thinks they're talking about the old mages.
This is what you should be able to do.
The good old days in Sodom.
If I was a lord, my name would be Larry.
Larry the Lord.
And then he just does what he wants.
Tell us, Larry, what you doing?
Lord of the ladies.
Yeah, he wishes.
This guy is the king.
You guys don't know shit about this thing.
This guy is the king.
You saw me spit games off there, check the fucking bars.
You saw me.
You fucking bet down with me in a second.
You saw me spitting games.
He did.
I got Larry's back.
Larry's got it.
This is fucking, Larry's been married for 30 years.
Well, it doesn't mean you don't have game, man.
Yeah, you know what?
Hey, he's been all over the world.
That's true.
I've been in a band for longer than I've been married.
Well, that was back in the 80s and 90s, too.
Yeah, and all the way up until the last time I fucking...
Up until 2011.
You know, up until 2011.
Michael Douglas and what the fuck is this?
What are you guys gonna glass his up?
Yeah, what movie is that?
Oh, Falling Down?
Oh my God, Falling Down.
That was great, dude.
Yeah.
Let's fucking get all these guys his haircut, dude.
Falling Down, Larry.
That's the name of the episode.
Falling Down, Larry.
I like it.
You better like it, you pollocker.
You gotta leave.
I heard they were building a fucking...
Spit shit up, Poland, son.
I've been there a few times.
I heard it's good times, though.
It is, man.
I partied balls in Poland, but again,
nothing's better than the USA.
Yeah, the US is the shit.
Yeah, I mean, a lot of these people don't have fucking cold water
and they don't even know the difference.
I mean, hot water.
They just got cold, well...
Dude, dude, dude.
I brought that down for myself, man.
Motherfucker.
Fucking skate boots.
Holy shit.
Who's smoking the green Paul Maul?
Is that a Paul Maul?
What kind of ghetto fucking bastard do you think
is smoking that shit?
Mid-flavored over there?
My fucking clothes, cigarettes.
My grandfather used to smoke like red non-filter Paul Mauls.
I've never seen it.
To put them in an early grave.
Thank God.
You're for a good time, not a long time.
Yeah.
And then see you in hell.
Yeah.
I'll see you both there.
Oh, man.
I won't be there.
I'm gonna try not to be there.
He totally ripped out of me.
Dude, the devil goes to heaven and be like,
hey, we got your buddy down here.
You want to dip your balls in this?
Exactly.
That might be the only way you see me.
Come by for a dipping.
All right, I guess I could fit him in at two o'clock.
What do you fucking fanooks things happen when you die?
The minute you die, what happens?
Who knows?
No, no, no, no, no.
You need to go up or down, bro.
Bullshit.
Your soul goes somewhere.
Your soul goes somewhere, your body is a fucking shell.
Your soul goes somewhere, what do you think?
You may get reincarnated as a fucking rat.
Okay, now look at...
You're hot, bro.
Here we go.
Who knows?
Okay, see, now we have a mission.
It's a possibility because it ain't over when you die.
No, there's no possibility
because you know what these fucking gods there are?
You don't know how...
There's only one god.
There's only one.
Did you ever see Bill Ma, religious?
Nope.
If you go around the world and listen to all the religions,
they all basically tell the same story
in just different names.
So what does that tell you?
There's one god.
Everybody just uses different names for the people.
Because they're from different places.
Exactly.
The story is the same.
It's just the names are different.
Because they are from a different place.
Exactly.
I grew up going to a Catholic school.
Catholic?
I went to Catholic high school,
but I did not like the vibe.
Well, no, I don't vibe with it either.
But God, religion,
all that,
I definitely am a believer.
And as I get older,
I definitely understand a lot more.
Do you ever hear about the Book of Enoch?
Yes.
In the Bible?
It's a removed book.
A forbidden book.
Unless you're down in Africa.
Ethiopia.
Because they still practice the book of Enoch.
What's that?
The Book of Enoch.
It's a book from the Bible.
It's a Bible.
How was it omitted?
There's multiple testaments.
It was omitted because the people that put it together
said we're not going to let the people hear this stuff.
It wasn't part of their agenda.
Right.
They had an agenda too.
What agenda though?
Who?
To control the masses.
They've written the Bible
to how they wanted it.
People have had an agenda since day one.
But the same person that wrote this book
wrote these other things.
It's not the same.
It's written by somebody else.
But how did it get incorporated
in the same scenario with all these things?
Initially because it was back in the day.
That's when it was written.
Somebody that's got power
said these are going to be the books
that are certified
and recognized.
The Book of Enoch actually talked about
space people and different...
Can't the Catholic Church
just let him get away with molesting children?
That's how you know that they're evil.
That's how you know that the Catholic Church
is a bunch of fucking devils.
But they were trying to cover it up
sending these priests just away.
And they fool all these people.
All the old ladies that believe
that it's old.
Hey, Jojo, what the priests tell you,
fool me once.
Fool me twice.
You're a delirious.
Look at him shout out for ways.
He's so fucking...
Enoch fucking
supposedly went up in space
and saw the earth
from above.
And saw that it was round
and it was a ball.
It was far enough up there.
Then what happened?
Well, I don't know the whole story.
There's a lot of different things about...
I listened to it on tape a few times
actually, like read out loud.
You're like theories, alright?
It's all theories.
It ain't theories, man.
It's writings of a man.
Exactly from his experiences.
I think Enoch is actually
Moses' father.
Yeah, Moses' father.
And then Moses,
gave birth to
what's his name?
The boat. Noah, right?
Noah.
Moses was Noah's father.
Man, this is all fiction, though.
It's not fiction, man.
Even if you look back,
they can now prove
that there was a major flood.
Scientists, geologists
can prove
that there was a major flood
back around
20,000 years ago.
I think it was 20,000 years ago,
basically when the Bible said it happened.
If you look at the Sphinx,
the water corrosion,
they don't have water in the desert there.
They had it 20,000 years ago.
They can prune from lasers and shit now.
Not even lasers. You can look at it.
You can see the marks on the Sphinx.
I understand what you mean.
It's like water erosion.
Nothing can cause that except water erosion.
I know, but it's the same.
Even in the Americas,
the Grand Canyon, all that shit
was formed from major flooding.
Anything is possible.
Anything is possible, but we're proving
that this isn't fiction. This is non-fiction.
This is real shit that happened.
It happened.
Exactly. It has happened.
We'll keep on. That's a problem.
We have nothing we can do about it.
That's why you gotta repent?
That's why the reptilians take you down to change.
Man, we just became
a weird podcast.
The reptilian.
Wait up.
I love it. I love it.
Do you know the Hopi Indians?
Man, listen. I do, yeah.
Dude, the Hopi Indians lived in the middle
of fucking nowhere, desert,
and they fucking have cave paintings
of like ant figures
on the fucking wall.
And the story is that
these ant people came from underground
in the caves, took them below
while the fucking earth flooded
and brought them back out
when it was night.
This is the Hopi Indian story.
But at the same time,
do people live there?
Not anymore.
But the Hopi Indians did though.
No one could live there and there's a reason.
But how did they live there before?
That's the thing.
They lived there for hundreds of years.
But then the thing is too,
if you look at now,
like pictures, you can look down there.
They can see that the Hopi Indians,
they had special like
ceremonial fucking places
that like line up with Orion's belt.
Perfect like launch to
to New York South.
That's like any ancient aliens episode though.
But what's that tell you?
How the hell did these people know about this stuff?
I mean, even the Dogon tribe
in Africa, they knew about
Sirius B.
What a boil right?
They didn't physically see but they knew
it was the same.
But what it boils down to is Kiki thinks
that people from above
have helped us advance
100%.
I got no disagreement with you.
But these people from above,
they may even be our future selves.
They know you can time travel.
Who the fuck am I?
You can say whatever you want.
Time to us is a forward moving
call.
The arrow of time.
If we went fucking in a time travel
trip to fucking, let's say
fucking five years into the future
and then we come back,
how many light years?
That five years would probably be like fucking
500 years on earth.
But we would be the same age
but everything on earth would be 500 years in the future.
That's how time travel works.
Yeah.
You go into the future for five minutes
and every minute is
100 years.
If you go back, all of a sudden everybody
you know would be dead.
If you have any scientists listening to this,
could you please
review Kiki's math?
I'm going in a layman's term here.
It was long for you and Kiki to do math.
I fucking agree.
And even better, Larry.
There we go.
That's all the backing you have.
This guy can't even answer.
You know all these scientists and like
physicists,
they know for a fact
that there's at least 12 dimensions.
We can only see a few of them.
You have lost me and I'm on mushrooms.
Yeah.
Seriously.
Yeah, I know. I can tell.
And I'm out there right now.
I mean, Larry's a fucking,
I mean, I can't stop looking
and he's writing me a Michael Douglas.
The other thing is,
he's a god.
Jesus Christ,
it just looks like he gave up.
Stop kissing your guns.
It makes it really weird.
I sit in that chair.
Son of a bitch.
The other thing is,
oh, tell us Larry.
Shut your fucking pile.
These scientists can figure out
everything these days.
They got mathematics figured out so fucking well.
I mean, they know everything.
They could figure out everything.
Except,
oh boy.
One thing.
They can't figure out.
They call it the singularity
or they call it the God particle.
Yeah.
The truth is,
there's no mathematics that could figure it out.
Because fucking God did it.
And there's no mathematics to it.
It's boom,
done, perfect.
Here's the earth.
Here's the universe to help the earth fucking stay
jiving.
In the whole galaxies,
in the whole fucking everything else, man.
You know what I mean?
That's crazy.
We need to play fucking
da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
The Jimi Hendrix songs.
Which was something I...
I can't...
I'm on the watchtower.
Yeah.
I gotta find my way out of here.
Oh, yeah.
The Joker too, that's hilarious.
It's a song that should have been played.
But I...
He's a fucking baby killer.
A baby killer.
You're the one who throws the what baby
into NASCAR track.
No, on the NASCAR track.
Not in the bath.
A sacrificial baby.
Well, I mean, you said it.
I didn't say it.
I don't remember.
Just like, love letters to Kim Jung-un.
Yeah.
We were going to start a band called Latino Kids with Knives.
Dude.
That's fantastic.
And it was like, him playing guitar
and me in like a little drum set.
And then two Mexican kids
doing bottom-flat and knives.
Yeah.
Dude, seriously, that's a goal.
Dude, I don't know.
You got guys fucking...
I noticed this.
The butterfly.
Stabbing pinatas?
No, not at all.
Just fucking...
Dude, that's gold.
I know, but Lydian doesn't want to do it.
He's gay as fuck.
No, he's smart.
I'm not in the good gay.
It's to do with brains.
What is it, Latino Kids with what knives?
Yeah.
That's a hit.
Yeah.
And they got these fucking butterfly knives.
And they really know how to work them too.
We've talked about this for an hour.
That's the sad part.
Actually, we had a couple of...
A pipe dream.
Couple of knives we were practicing with.
Logistics have been handled.
This is so high on every drug you can think of.
But yeah, that was a fucking...
Oh, you know what we're going to do?
We're going to get a nitrous tank down here.
I can see that working.
Not for you.
Jesus, dude.
I'm not fucking sniffing that shit.
You're sniffing it.
You can put it in your butt hole.
Whatever.
I don't need fucking pinholes in my brain.
That's what this idiot is.
That's a last thing you eat later.
That's to turn him into a maniacal laughing idea.
Let's work out the cock on your mouth.
The amount of tanks we've sucked down over the years.
Oh, that sounds kind of gay.
Tanks.
Oh, man.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, well...
Oh, Larry just went for a tank and something.
Yeah.
I mean, look at that.
Man, fucking Larry falling down.
Falling down, man.
I'm as nice as could be.
Is that another Mike Hagan there?
Huh?
Is that a side mic?
Nice, little extra.
You got a good setup down here.
Those mics aren't on now, but...
No, that's for our music.
In case I need to bug it a different time.
You need to lock the door.
There's another Mike over there.
When they come in, they want to lock the door.
Yeah, this place is completely a Mike.
Holy shit.
It's funny.
It's fun down here.
But actually, those mics hanging up are...
One up here, the nice one,
is for when we do our live
with the band over the internet.
Which we're doing Saturday.
And then the other ones,
I used to just record the band
when we were doing practice.
Fucking...
Man, do you look like Michael Douglas
falling down?
I can't get over it.
I want a fucking...
You want a fucking Watt Larry?
I want an Egg McMuffin.
We stopped serving breakfast one million dollars.
Oh, man.
That's when he loses it.
That's when he fucking loses it.
Who wouldn't throw it at that point in time?
We need to use the 80s.
It's like 10-01.
You know they watched the other day? Animal House.
Holy shit.
Is that a rape then?
Fucking...
The shit they got away with.
That's what college is.
Did you ever experience that, Joe?
Man, Joe, Joe, you're so old.
When did you go to the Black Night Club?
Yo, my man!
You mind if we dance with your girlfriends?
Yeah.
It was fucking...
It was at the Orders of Nights.
Orders of Nights.
Yo, look at that. Larry pulled it through.
A little bit softer.
And you made me want to shout.
Baloo-she was...
I mean...
Isn't that what college is?
No. It was.
Nah, man. Now it's all just fucking...
I don't know what this is about.
I went and played a gig at DePaul.
Oh, yeah.
He went to a fucking...
He went to a fraternity party challenge.
There was like 300 kids in the fucking...
It was like in a lecture room.
The kind where the seating is round.
You know, around.
Yeah.
There was a lot of kids there.
And the kid that we were, you know...
Me and Robert went and backed this kid up.
He sang and played guitar.
Was it like that one or something?
It was like, you know, it was a talent show.
It was a sorority party.
It was six sororities and six fraternities.
That's cool.
Down at U of I. Or UIC.
Yeah, you can see it.
No, it was at DePaul.
DePaul. I'm sorry.
And this grown man...
I'm with another grown man.
See, college kids. Nothing wrong with that.
Yeah, we were in.
It was funny because...
I need my lawyer.
Dude, I don't fucking touch none of those girls or nothing.
I'm not...
I'm not a fucking pervert, though, either.
Put that on your grave stuff.
You know, I got fucking...
Well, how did it turn out?
I was in my old life.
I'm fucking much older than that.
I'm not a fucking weirdo like you.
But it was good, man.
Government says it's legal.
Anyways...
The kids loved it. They fucking went crazy.
What did they love?
They loved this kid, Drew.
He fucking got a little crown.
They gave him a fucking...
Mr. Hartthrob.
A grown man in front of all these 18-year-olds.
What did I say?
I didn't fucking...
But he helped the young kid get laid.
Yeah, I know. I understand.
It was fucking...
There must have been 10 or 12 hotties.
It's economy. It attacks me.
I was like, dude, it's like shooting fish in the barrel right now.
For you, if you fuck this up, I'll kill you.
Dude, let's just go for him.
I taught you how to...
I taught you how to rock and roll now, fucking.
Take those skills and fucking put them to use.
Damn, man.
Exactly. You should teach him some...
things to do.
Oh, I'm not gonna fucking go in the bedroom with the kid.
Yeah, that's weird.
I don't know why you would say that.
I didn't know what you were talking about.
I mean, holy shit, dude.
What are you talking about?
I mean, you probably won't...
You're right. Touch her there. Touch her there.
Yeah, right. Let me see what I'm gonna do.
This guy's hands.
Give him directions.
All right.
He'll say, I'll show you.
Let me show you.
Yeah, get out of the way. I'll show you.
I can't larry.
You're doing it wrong here.
Can you really take your shoes off, Larry?
Keep your socks on.
He's all got his shoes.
You want me to take my shoes off?
I'm comfortable.
I'm comfortable too, man.
Lucky I got my pants on.
Oh, my God.
Don't get that comfortable.
But you gotta keep...
I got my shoes on.
I'm fucking done.
Who's the guy?
What's that, Larry?
I gotta keep my shoes on because of all the shit
you spilled everywhere.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm gonna put him right back on.
Man, you know what fucking ass clown?
Yeah, I didn't spill it. Don't call me an ass clown.
Oh, no.
You're the fucking idiot that spilled the shit out of her.
I mean, you got all this other area over here.
Dude, fuck off.
You're an idiot.
You got to spill shit in people's house
and then fucking tell them
you got all this other area.
What a fucking asshole.
I mean, he said,
he's down here.
Fucking dumbass.
I love it. I love it.
Oh, man.
He loves it.
I love Theo Vaughn.
I've been listening to a bunch of his shit lately.
He's okay.
He calls like candy cat people like Mentos.
We don't like to talk about people
comedians on this podcast,
but he's an American.
He's funny though, but he's like,
he was a sawed-off human.
That's pretty good, dude.
That was for a midget?
No, a mental.
A retired person.
We have to fucking train whistle every single sentence.
Train whistle?
What are you?
How do you know this?
Handicaps are people's shit.
Shit.
I'm gonna fucking light her, Larry.
Kiki,
State of the Union. These guys are left.
What do you think about it?
I feel left out.
Well, I mean, look at them.
I mean, Jesus Christ.
I lean more towards the right.
I want less government.
Well, Senator,
Jojo, tell them your outlooks on terrorism.
I mean, I don't like either of them, really.
I don't like either of them.
They're both different wings in the same blood.
Yeah, exactly. It's all bad.
It is. It's all bad.
It's all bad.
Without the fucking evil middle bird,
both wings wouldn't be there.
Yeah, I think they're about to crumble, man.
I was talking about the crumble.
The government.
How so?
Shit, man. The dollar.
The most funded thing in the fucking world?
Dude, the dollar.
It's crumbling.
Wait, we went from under a trillion dollars in debt
to now we have over six trillion dollars in debt.
We will never,
never be able to pay that money back.
So you know what that means?
That means
that the dollar may lose its reserve currency status.
No shirt, Nick,
would know what he's talking about
because he fucking works for banks.
No, I mean, if you look at right now,
if you look at Iran,
Brazil,
India, Russia, China,
there's a, I forget the other,
there's a few more countries in there.
They've all,
all these major banks have been stockpiling gold right now.
Oh, why wouldn't you?
I mean, precious metal.
No, but they usually don't.
They've been buying gold
at a rate that hasn't been seen in like 50 years
since Nixon took the dollar
off the gold standard.
And they're doing that because the Saudis
are starting to accept a different
currency for oil now.
The only reason the American dollar
can be the main currency anymore.
It's not going to be the reserve currency.
The only reason it is the reserve currency
is because the Saudi government
takes American currency for oil.
So everybody has to pay the dollar
in oil. That's the number one commodity
out there. And the only reason they take
the dollar for oil
is because I think it was back in the 70s.
I forget who
arranged a deal with the Saudis.
We'll give you protection
in your crazy little area around you
and you don't have to worry about anybody ever attacking you
if you take the dollar
as a standard.
Standard for oil. And that's what made
the US dollar the reserve currency.
Kind of like the metric system.
Has nothing to do with the metric system.
I know, I'm joking.
But now...
I don't like the metric system.
I know what I'm looking at.
The Saudis are starting to take
the Chinese Yuan,
the Ruple, everything
for oil now.
And they never did.
But now they can convert it
directly to gold.
Because nobody wants anybody else's
currency. The Chinese are corrupt as fuck.
Their books are cooked as
cooked can be.
But gold is gold.
You say they're Sichuan?
You weigh it? It's not this much.
Even the Chinese gold, you gotta melt that
shit down to make sure there's no lead or anything.
Whatever weighs similar to gold,
they put additives in there.
It's like anything.
But the thing is, that's what's
happening. Once the Saudis start taking
something else...
Listen, these fucking countries
know what they're doing.
No, no doubt. What do you think
our government, they knew exactly what they're doing?
When he took it off the gold
standard, that was a fucking
all of a sudden print
as much money as you want.
And the thing is too, we don't have to
pay our debts because guess what?
All we have to do is print money to pay our debts.
So nobody, I mean, nobody
can really say anything. That's the thing.
But now, people are getting
tired of it. China, Brazil,
India, they're getting
a lot stronger. They have a lot of
fucking...
No, but I mean, they have...
And when they make use of these other fucking
monies,
the standard, and that's going to
be set, our dollars
is going to be worth fucking shit.
I mean, it'll still be worth some, but not
like it is now. But I mean, look at
what our monies worth now. It ain't worth
shit. Dude, I was in Florida
buying a carton of decent eggs
like whatever, to pass to your raise
bullshit, ten dollars.
Come on, for a fucking carton of eggs? No fucking
joke, ten dollars.
Supply and demand.
But yeah, it's about the same carton out here
was like seven, eight bucks I think. But it's crazy.
I know, I go to fucking all these up
in my fucking parents. But it's crazy, man.
When was the last time you bought eggs?
Last Sunday, when I went shopping
for my parents. How much are they?
A dollar and ninety-nine. Yeah, but you got
you know, kind of chickens are... Are you fucking kidding me?
You know, kind of chickens are laying those eggs?
Those fucking chickens are fucking handicap.
Do I really fucking care? My dad is a stroke.
My mom's fucking... Are you eating
those eggs though? No.
Well, there you go. I don't touch eggs.
Because dude, those eggs are fed like plastic.
Seriously.
And it's plastic in it to some extent.
Listen, you know what, we've both worked
in the construction field and some of these.
How about this, man? But wait, wait, stop, listen.
You've ingested so much.
The plastics are worth...
Hey listen. Not purposely though.
The plastics are what makes the people
confused sexually.
That's what makes homosexuality
prevalent is the plastics.
Geez man, you are going to be a little
bit late now. They did a test where they
fucking entered these frogs
where they had the same levels of plastics
that the human had.
Well, they did chemicals.
And they started fucking having homosexual sex.
Turned them gay.
No, dude, that was a huge Alex Jones
conspiracy. But the chemicals...
But it ain't a conspiracy.
It's the chemicals that were changed fucking up the mind
and turned them all gay.
Confused you, doesn't know...
You don't know what you want.
You don't even like pussy anymore. Could you imagine that?
Yeah. Speaking of pussy, where's that brothel?
On that note, what time do we have Larry?
Look at you clock watcher Jones over there.
I was high as fuck.
I know.
You're about five minutes until...
You got ten minutes.
Hey, guess what?
You know what? Larry's gay as fuck.
So he's not going to the brothel?
No, he is. He's just a d6.
He's so fucking, fucking...
Childish.
That's not even funny.
It's never going to change.
Well, you get mad.
He loves it even more.
I'm not mad, though. The thing is...
You're in a fucking podcast.
You think people want to hear some funny, that dumb shit.
That's all.
That's all I care about.
There's other dirt bags.
Oh, man.
The whole life is just a big...
They're laughing.
Where's my lighting, you mother?
It was probably in your ass.
That's a fucking train whistle.
He's got a train whistle everything.
So yeah, man. The plastics made these animals confused.
And they started fucking having homosexual sex.
Who said this, dude?
No, this is true.
Some doctor Sue said it, dude.
What the fuck do you think I'm making this shit out?
It was in the Bible.
Did you even see, like, there's feed...
Now the feed that they feed pigs...
They're allowed to have a percentage of plastic in the fucking feed.
You'll have a handful of feed.
You'll see chips and plastic in the stuff.
Oh, man.
You're just as fucking... How are they allowing this shit?
And then you fucking...
And then that plastic absorbs into the animal,
becomes part of the fucking meat,
and now we're eating it.
Now we're really fucking talking about goddamn meat?
Yeah, well, next thing you know, you're gonna be sucking dick.
I don't think that's how it works.
It is how it works.
No, it's not maybe for you, but not for me.
No, that's not what it's gonna work for you, too, man.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Listen.
I don't even fucking read meat.
I don't really do.
That's not what the boys in Boys Town said.
I don't even fucking tackle about them look at your face,
but I always go,
now every time I look at you,
you look like Michael Douglas and Fallon Doe.
Dude, on the package, when you buy that meat,
there's two pigs, like gay pigs,
humping each other on the meat.
Where? That doesn't explain it.
On the meat? What do you mean on the meat?
When you buy meat from the store, there's two pigs fucking each other on the meat.
Man, who's that?
I shit.
Dude, when you buy steak,
it shows two cows fucking.
Yeah, dude.
I think it shows a pig fucking a cow.
Jesus, dude, what are you weirdos into?
Look at you both laughing.
Look, an inside joke.
I don't know.
Some kind of fraternity.
Whatever.
Oh, yeah, exactly.
That's how they brush it off, whatever.
You brush it off.
It is.
It is your mama.
Yeah, you wish.
She would tear you up, dude.
I'm gay.
That is a good shirt.
This fucking asshole thinks he gets it.
That's a good shirt.
I didn't fucking...
You said I'd get anything.
You're a total fanuc and you deserve it.
I don't know your time.
Don't be quiet.
Asshole?
How'd you meet this fanuc?
This fucking asshole. Here's what happened.
I'll tell you.
This fucking lowlife that I did drugs with.
Frenchy.
I told him, don't bring anyone.
Yeah, and I said, don't ever...
Yeah.
Don't even fucking bring anyone to my house.
He brings them by.
One day he comes over with him and I said to him,
I thought I told you not to come home with anybody.
He's never alive.
This is...
He's sitting there all like...
I was like, old junkie.
And that's it.
And then fucking psych-inviting in a vampire.
Sonny's showing up by himself.
Yeah. Exactly.
I'm dancing, you know.
His brother's sleeping over at my house.
What the fuck did these guys come from, man?
Only two of us.
I mean, it's not like there's nine.
There may as well be nine.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
You know.
No, I don't know, because I'm the guy you're talking about.
No, he knows.
No, he doesn't know.
You're a fucking ass club.
I'm on the walker.
I mean, this isn't a goddamn origin story for needles.
Dude, I remember walking in.
I remember I was working a night shift.
I walked in.
I think it was like one o'clock in the morning.
All the lights are off.
I see a broad spread eagle on the couch
with a glow stick disappearing.
Reappearing.
Disappearing.
He was banging his son's chicken.
Oh, jeez.
I'm not going to say her name.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
I know he's a fucking dirtbag.
Oh, yeah, because I took a friend of that night, too.
Oh, my God. Jesus, man.
Those are fun times.
Yeah.
Everybody used to come to our place, too,
and it was on the station, wasn't it?
It was on 24-7.
It wasn't spice at that time.
It was some good.
It was like custom.
It was like $40 a month.
It was obscene.
But it was great.
Every married friend would come over
just because they went to watch a porn in my room.
Oh, my God.
It was a good time.
I never jerked off with the room with another man.
Thank God.
Really? Well, yeah.
Oh, Jesus, man.
It was a forced bid off.
All right.
This is going to be a weird one.
You're a fucking weird one.
They're all weird ones.
No, this is going to be a good one.
It would have been better if you weren't so fucking gay,
but it'll be okay.
We'll be able to salvage some shit.
God gave me two hands.
One for each dick, Larry.
He didn't even have to edit it though.
He just put them straight out of there.
We wouldn't have to edit anything.
I just said,
I'm going to listen.
Seriously, I'm going to listen to this episode.
But don't say that because you just create work for us, man.
Yeah, but I listened to it.
I'm going to listen to it now for five hours.
I don't have to go to work tomorrow.
We need more mushrooms.
It's like a fucking nut.
It is good stuff though.
That's what you got to put in the fucking...
Shit, we're still hot.
There's some more whistles.
Oh, Larry likes to suck dick.
Which is a little bird.
He likes to watch.
I like the peeping aspect.
Now you got to fucking...
How do you do it?
How do you put it online?
We have a server.
Come on, Larry.
Shut this off. We're just taking up space.
Good night, everybody.
Thanks for tuning in.
We love you.
Larry Needle's show.
Yeah, all that jazz fuck off.
We had...
I don't know what we talked about.
Jesus.
It's all about Jesus.
Everyone comes back to Jesus.
They better not.
Jesus.
That's what they all come back to right there.
$100 Benjamin, baby.
Man, where's his brown phone?