Time to get ready for the Larry and Needle Show.
But they would continue and then of course the guy was going to make restitution.
Nothing even happened to the guy.
He was supposed to make restitution for the damage I don't think he made.
To yours or to the landlord?
To me.
Well I don't know, they were fixing shit.
What do you steal?
Nothing, they caught him.
The alarm was ringing the whole time he was in there.
He thinks he turned it off.
Oh man.
Oh because he had two of them with him here.
Exactly, he turned it back when in the aisles.
That's how he knew it was there.
You might have been a customer at one time.
Who knows, I don't know.
Alright so then get to the...
Alright so what would you do before the shoe store?
So you delivered insurance, you went door to door for insurance.
Hey how about when you had the store and the dude fucking hitting a grease pit in the back?
Beautiful.
That's a good one.
I had, you ask what other things I did, I had cheap jewelry stores.
All the black carats.
Real cheap.
Me and this Jewish guy.
A very big one second.
He was an amazing guy you know and the stores had the gates that go down in the front.
Hasidic or regular?
I'm in the city.
Hasidic Jewish regular?
No nothing, nothing.
Nothing like John Pregnancy.
He just got the cheapness.
Just pretend he was a Jew.
No, no religion at all.
Ha-za-ha-za-ha-za.
If you come here, ha-za-ha-za-ha-za.
So we were all in the black areas and we had these retail stores plus a wholesale business.
Okay.
Which I would do on the street and he would be in the stores.
We had about three or four stores.
So we got one on Halstead and Maxwell.
That's right off of Roosevelt.
Maxwell Street was a shopping mecca for all the European people that came to America.
It was like an open-air market.
That's where they shop.
I remember going down there and buying shit like before they moved it.
Oh.
Oh, Maxwell Street, yeah.
It's a sight everybody should have experienced it.
That's where all the European people shop.
Power tools, cassette tapes, CDs, stuff like that.
I'm missing hot caps.
You need a bridge.
Yeah, give me a T.
Anything.
Okay.
And the street went on and on.
As a kid, my dad was a hoarder, pick a rupper.
Okay.
He was a collector, shall we say.
Yeah.
And the tradesmen, so we had all kinds of plumbing joints and electrical wire and tile and anything
you could have as in bathroom, the tops, you know.
Sink tops.
Yeah, stupid shit.
And we would go down there maybe once every three months, maybe once in the summer.
And you had to get down there like at four in the morning, you know, 3.34 in the morning.
To Maxwell?
Yeah, to Maxwell to get a spot.
To set up.
Yeah, to set up.
To the spot.
You're not setting up yet.
Because the spots are going.
So now you lay your tarp down and he would go sit and he would go sleep in the truck
and I would have to sit on the tarp to hold the spot.
Oh, okay.
Until.
How old were you then?
I'm, again, I'm eight.
I'm nine, you know.
And how long would you sit there?
Until the sun came up, until he got up and started setting the shed down.
So, how would you get there, shall we say?
You got there probably at four o'clock in the morning, you know.
So this.
So I was up from four o'clock in the morning until the sun came up.
Dude, this is amazing.
It gets light.
Because he's napping in the truck.
I'm saying that the canvas to hold the spot.
He's napping and you're holding the bucket.
And he would, we would end up with a wad of, I'm not we, he would have a wad of cash just
selling this rusted screwdriver, an axe handle, the, you know, it just had been hubcaps that
he found.
He never stopped.
You never stopped for a fallen, I never did not stop for a fallen hubcap.
Okay.
Because in those days you had to bump the hubcap.
So he had a ton of the hubcaps.
What are they real?
They were metal back then, not like these plastic bullshit.
Oh, they were metal and if you got a guy who's missing one.
Missing one, he lines it.
This is that this is.
Every car had a specific fucking hubcap.
Well, yeah, I mean, they were all, it's 100% if you go on Amazon and buy one or you can't
go to the door and buy one.
I thought the ones that looked like they were spokes were they were just hubcaps.
Right.
They were only the little one with the three thing in the middle.
Like, you know, I'm talking the square.
All that shit, man.
Yeah.
Fucking hubcaps back.
So he would sell all that shit down there.
So I was telling him about Maxwell Street.
Oh, man.
So now I have a store right off of Maxwell Street, you know, almost on the corner.
And I set up on Sundays, Saturdays and Sundays, but mostly just Sundays.
And I have portable carts with earrings hanging and necklaces and shit.
And you put them on like a kiosk in the middle of the street.
And I got a couple of college kids, you know, I got two carts, one here, one there.
And then I got another kid.
I got a snow cone machine.
Nice.
I got a half quarter horse motor around there, you know.
I would go there.
We were member of Horthorn Melody on the corner.
I'd go over there by the train yard and buy a ton of ice for five dollars.
They'd put it right on the wagon.
Have you gone down?
And so I really had no.
In the station wagon?
Yeah.
I really had no costs for the ice, you know what I mean?
Five dollars.
I'm getting a ton of ice.
You're kidding me?
I'm getting a ton of ice.
And during the day, I don't have to wrap it or anything.
It's melting away and we're going to get the guy grinding it and grinding it.
So at the end of the day, and it was any flavor as long as it was grape, you know what I
mean?
No, that's racist.
No, it's so down.
Well, you can buy all the others, but you're going to take them home, you know what I mean?
So now I got this kid doing it and it's, oh shit, job.
Covered in flies.
It's a shit job.
When they're coming for cones, they're coming, man.
Oh yeah, you're going to fucking fly them.
So at the end of the day, the guy, yeah, 75, maybe I throw him 20, you know.
So one day he's sick, he's a no-show.
I got to run the stupid cone machine.
I took in $150.
Oh, he's fucking kidding me.
The guy was splitting with me.
He's giving up the traffic.
One cone for you, one cone for me.
I mean, I know he's stealing, but jeez.
Yeah, like come on, have a little class, you know.
So that was his last week.
He shouldn't have got sick and I missed that day.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the bad thing about a thief, a bartender or something, you know.
Yeah, honor amongst thieves, right?
They get stuck.
I mean, don't be fucking flamboyant.
There's no honor amongst thieves.
Well, don't be flamboyant, you know what I mean?
Like, if you're going to get away with a good lick, you might as well get away with it,
right?
Is there no honor amongst thieves?
I don't know.
I mean, are you a little bit...
No, that's a bit too high-risk.
You're supposed to be honor amongst thieves.
There should be some honor amongst thieves.
I don't know, man.
But they don't even trust each other.
No.
So now this particular store gets broken into.
Okay.
I'm top on the list again.
Now I'm coming from Roselle.
Oh, no, no, we're living on Augusta.
I'm not that far.
So I got to go down there at night and there's three monkeys.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, two monkeys are still in there.
We're going to have to wait a second.
Bleep.
So now they got in through a high bathroom window.
How they got up there, how they fit through it is beyond my belief.
So now the cops come while they're in there because the alarm's going.
So the one guy, he's going to crash out the front window.
This is his plan of exit.
Okay.
On the front window are sheets of plywood in between her.
And on the other side of that is folding gates.
Okay.
Even if they break the window, because I'll break the window, they're going to pair of
earrings.
So you got to do it.
So he's lambs up against that thing.
He's out like a light there.
He's gone.
He's out.
The other guy to get, there's one guy missing.
They can't find this guy.
They cannot find him.
We're in the F is he, you know, they're going all over.
I want to go home.
I give a shit.
Leave him in the building.
Leave him in the morning.
You know, he's scared enough.
He ain't going to take shit.
So now they can't find him.
Again, the dogs come and the dogs go down the basement.
I'm being honest to me, it must have been a Chinese restaurant.
I never went in the basement.
I had no reason ever to go down there.
You know what I mean?
It was like, are you kidding?
The place is so scuzzy.
And they find a guy in a grease pit.
He's up to here.
Just breathing through his nose.
They pull them out, he was like, oh my God, if he didn't catch something and died.
Used to be a Chinese place.
So then the grease has been fucking sitting there.
Who knows how long.
We are one store, we run it, there was a safe in the back.
They must have built the building around the safe.
Did you have everything in it?
No.
I had to hire a safecracker.
There's safecrackers you could hire.
The guy come in and do all the bullshit like you see in the movie.
There's people that'll buy that shit too, those old school saves.
He opened it up.
It was a beautiful thing with a big shoe down there.
Maybe it was a bank building at one.
I don't know.
It had the brass shoe down there.
You open up and you put the money in there.
You can't get your arm in there or anything.
But it was huge.
So after I had the safecracker, I was the only guy who had the combo.
I couldn't trust my partner.
I couldn't trust his sons.
He had a couple of sons working there, a daughter working there.
And so I'd have the thing because we took in a lot of cash.
So I'd just take the cash and I'd keep sticking it in the thing.
And never let him know what the hell was in there.
Then at the end of the week, I'd take it out and we'd divvy up the cash.
So that was it.
He was fine with that.
He was fine with anything.
But the safe was probably a hot item in his stay.
So that was that.
They robbed that place and I didn't lie to that shit.
The one store, our home store had like, I mean, we're like a garage door.
The thing goes down.
So if I come back sometime in the middle of the afternoon, this guy was, I mean, talk
about a pervert.
You heard Ma talk about how dirty he was and all that.
Talk about a pervert.
So if I come back, it's like the middle of the afternoon, two o'clock or something,
and the door's down.
I can't get in.
There's no way to get in.
It's the middle of the day.
You're a store.
You gotta have the key and the box.
So I go, I come back in an hour and the door's back open.
I say, Howard, what are you doing?
I know what he's doing.
What was he doing?
He says, I was interviewing.
He's getting a blowjob with all the shines coming in.
I mean, all the Negro women.
I don't know what he's doing.
Looking for a discount on earrings.
This will all be edited out, but the whole story will be edited out.
This will all be edited out in pose video.
Oh, no.
Oh, my gosh.
But that's funny though, because I mean, imagine just all that pussy just walking by
and this guy's just like, oh, man.
Being a degenerate?
Oh, well, he was just showing you don't have to talk to me like that, but that's okay.
He was actually, Pat, his own daughter's rear end.
You know, he was like, oh my God.
He what?
Pat, his daughter on the ass.
Oh, no, that's kind of creepy.
And she spoke just like a black person.
You know what I mean?
She just, the vernacular.
Yeah, the whole thing.
And every day she'd come in, she drove me nuts.
She'd take a pair of pantyhose and put them on every single day and wasn't smart enough
to throw the wrapper away.
It was like rubbing my face in it.
You know, they stalled.
Oh, she's stealing from you.
Yeah, you know, all day long, a pantyhose, a pair of day, you got a whole sale.
It's a lot of money.
Fucking A, man.
Everybody stole that.
One guy stole so much from me when they am on the street.
And now he's working for me in the store.
You know, he's there on a Saturday and I'm out on the street nosing around because I'm
selling to every black jewelry store.
I go by the, Jesus, I never noticed this store before.
So I get out of going there.
Pretty much our motif.
Our deal was we had these dozen card, it would hold a dozen earrings on a card.
And what we would do, and then a big master card, we would do instead of painting the
walls, we'd hang earrings on all the walls on both sides.
The people was like a museum of earrings.
Yeah, I think a tetraplated going, you look around, see what you want.
And you pick them off if you want them.
Buy one pair for a dollar and get the second pair for 50 cents.
Oh, look at you.
The ring up was a dollar 59.
But you did it all day long.
You know what I mean?
We had wholesale guys coming in, preachers that go to the bars at night, want to buy
a little something for the missus or the girlfriend.
You know, there was that shit going on.
Everybody's hustling.
And the, you know, buddy guys and all those jobs.
They were part of the deal.
I have a flower for the lady.
You know, he's selling.
The rosely.
Yeah.
Yeah, give me half a dozen.
I think he's a little healthy.
I used to go in the bar when I was little, the fills were you ended up hanging on yours
years later.
What is your shine box?
Go get your fucking shine box.
Yeah, exactly.
I am.
Oh, shit.
So you go and know you get the guy and he's drinking and he's up there.
He's got a lot of money on the bar and he's throwing a foot out.
He's still spending his yarn.
You know, when you're done, you know, he's wapping you wouldn't you're not walking out
of there with the quarter for the shine.
You know, you're going out of there with a couple of boxes.
Oh, he's got to make you look good.
Yeah, he's got to make you look good.
Until you're on a shaggy.
You know, he shags you.
Because what are you doing?
You know, you're on the.
Hey, you are a shoe shine.
No, you are a shoe shine.
It could be worse.
Now go get your fucking shine.
Yeah, I definitely had one.
It was like a little cottage industry for you.
You know, I had everything going.
A shoe shine boy.
Get the fuck.
You know what I mean?
How the fuck?
I mean, that is so crazy.
I made the box.
My dad made me the foot.
You know, the fucking thing.
Yeah, they put it on the top of my box.
I'm kidding.
It was like a nice setup.
And you know, I mean, how about those old shine boxes I found that I gave to you?
Yeah, there's one in there.
Geez, I want to get one to my pastor.
The guys shoes are never shine.
Yeah, that was cool.
They bother you.
And one summer I was riding amazing selling ice cream.
You know, the three wheelers with the big freeze.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
So now I got myself weaseled in there somehow.
So I get out and I determine I'm too small.
I can't, I can't pedal this.
You know, so I got a subcar.
Oh, the bike one.
Right, the bike one.
Yeah, I thought it was a rock one.
I'm on the bike.
Oh, walk a note.
So you got the bells and shit.
So I hire a guy to ride, pedal.
And I'm on top of the, now I'm about 11 or 12.
Okay, so now this guy, you're moving up in your scams.
Exactly.
I mean, now I got the ice cream shit.
You're recruiting people as big jails.
So now, my key was I would go to the parks, but you were not allowed to go in the parks.
You could go anywhere but the parks because the parks belong to, do you remember good
humor?
Yeah.
Do you remember?
Yeah, good humor bars and shit.
No, no, the trucks.
Yeah, the white ones with the tie.
The blue.
Okay.
So they own the parks.
Yeah.
Oh, they had that locked up with the city itself.
Like a fucking gang.
So I can't go in there.
Good humor gang.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, the guys, it was a big operation.
They were impeccable.
They were clean looking.
The thing, you knew you were getting hard, firm, fresh ice cream.
They were making it right on Cicero in Arlington.
And that truck with that thick refrigerator door and a latch.
Yeah, the curtain, man.
It was like a frigid air on wheels.
Right.
It was really nice.
So now I'm on my bike, so I go into the park.
And if you could just last 10 or 15 minutes in the park.
You're going to make a killing.
You are going to make a volume.
Because they're fucking.
Yeah, they're sitting down in the neighbors.
You're looking for some kid with a dime.
You know what I mean?
It's a lot of writing.
Hey, how much was a thing?
Popsicle or board?
I don't remember.
Probably a nickel or a dime.
Pretty fucking cheap.
Yeah.
Man.
So I would go there and sometimes I wouldn't get back to like 6.30 at night because I would
go home and park my thing in the thing and go have my dinner.
And then I'd ride it into the barn.
The guy was so impressed.
There's kids out there all this time.
And my thing was when you had no more ice cream, you go back and give me your returns.
What are you talking about?
I don't have any returns.
I have nothing.
Man, it's a daily thing.
When you go there, you, you, you.
I was in.
Now I show up.
Every time.
You.
Yeah, he's going to take special care of you.
So I did that a whole summer and I really had a lot of money.
And the guy that pedaled me around, he's probably a big football player or something.
How did they get paid?
Well, you get a split.
You get a split.
Front for the ice cream.
No, that's the thing.
I'm 11 or 12 and they'll let me go out like this.
I got no money up front.
So you just pay him at the end of the day?
Yeah, you bring back the thing, your ice cream cart.
He should have had a tip off because I'm going into a, it's just a storefront with a bunch
of ice cream cars.
It would be like Juman, but the door was in the center and there's all ice cream cars.
And you go and, you know, had a nice incline with the terrazzo thing like that.
The guy should have been tipped off because I had to walk it up.
I couldn't even.
I didn't have enough strength to get the thing up the, up the hallway.
You know what I mean?
In between the windows like that.
So I'd have to, you know, but it was always empty.
So it wasn't too bad.
Remember how much they sold for?
I don't know.
And I don't even know how much I made, but I'm sure it was an easy one.
But you were, but you were doing good though.
You remember doing good.
Oh, I remember.
Like you remember that feeling of, I knew that they're not going to arrest me.
They're going to shag me.
Come on.
15 minutes in the park.
You know what I mean?
Right, right.
It's a toggle song.
Come on.
Exactly.
No.
They're in the park.
So nice.
Nice.
Come on.
There's a little bit.
But I mean, what are they going to do though?
They're going to fucking shake down a little kid and a big guy riding a bike.
Yeah, you can't.
You can't.
Well, he was laying in the grass.
He's resting now.
But I mean, they could took your money.
But you can.
They're going to shag.
That's all they're going to do.
Once you're in the park, you don't even have to be moving.
Exactly.
You put up.
The big water fountain with all the things in the concrete.
That's the water.
That's like a drink.
The water all over.
You got the ice cream.
You're in there.
You're picking.
And there's probably fucking a thousand people.
We only need.
Yeah.
I wouldn't see that on the whole ride to the park.
And they just keep coming.
And all of these guys are going out on these bicycles.
So the further out you get, the better.
You know, they're going to start going around.
You know, I wasn't the only one going out.
There must have been 10 guys.
Maybe I'm maybe I'm exaggerating.
Maybe 12 guys on bikes, but you said you're only going to go in a little radius.
You know, you could see the same guy nine times in one day.
Yeah.
Just make your mind.
Again, my guy pedaled all the way to Humble Park.
I knew exactly where to go.
Because Uncle Frank would drag me there all the time.
They still have remnants of bicycle racing tracks, Joe.
Where really?
At the park in this humble park.
They had at every park.
Bicycle racing was huge.
Get the fuck out.
It was huge.
Uncle John, I don't know that because they would take us in the wagons.
Now the wood is all right of the way, but the concrete is still there on the angle.
They had wooden tracks for the bikes.
Wooden tracks for the bikes.
Yeah.
Wow.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm going to ask Uncle how much he remembers because I remember one day.
Any people anyone could race?
No, no, no, no.
That's not what you had to know.
You had to know what you were doing.
Yeah.
The incline in the track was amazing.
It's the Olympic shit.
Fast.
Yeah.
You can boom, you're dropping on.
They don't have brakes and shit, I think.
I don't know, but they're very little.
They don't have brakes.
They've got nothing.
They're just speedsters.
But now all the wood is gone.
The concrete's there, but out of the concrete, they're sticking the concrete rebar.
Yeah.
Pieces are sticking out.
Now we're going on the back of bicycles and wagons.
Uncle John's in one wagon and I'm in another wagon.
I remember Uncle John, Uncle Frank was pulling Uncle John and this other guy, Mike Devlin,
was pulling me.
And they had where you enter the thing, the tunnel, you go down and you come up like that.
Now here we are.
There's no brakes on the wagon.
It's just a wagon to the back of the bicycle.
This is stupid.
Like a red rider type of shit.
Yeah.
I'm sure it was not an off brand.
But something to that extent where it's just like, yeah.
But here we are.
I mean, this is so dangerous.
But the rebar, I can't believe.
So I knew the park from him taking me there all the time.
He'd take me to the boat house.
Radio flyer.
The flat bottom boats.
Yeah, radio flyer.
You could rent a boat at the boat house.
They come out and they pick up a couple of more guys.
Two guys rent because you're paid by the thing.
Uncle Frank would do that and take me on the boat.
Wow.
Yeah.
You go around the lagoon.
Yeah, you really do.
It's going to be a flat bottom, so shallow.
It's a flat bottom piece of work, heavy, heavy duty.
And all the parks had them.
Wow.
Garfield Park had a boat house.
I'm both here.
You still see.
I got some old photographs where we took pictures of an old car.
Well, it was a brand new car then.
Sure.
59 Chevy I had.
This guy was an amateur photo guy.
We went to the park and you could see where the boat house where they would put the boat.
You could just see the work.
It was just absolutely gorgeous.
They have none of that shit anymore.
They still have some boat houses.
They do.
Humboldt Park has one still.
There's no more boat.
Oh yeah, you know what they brought that back because they made that Laguna Beach.
They put a sand...
They found two bodies in there.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
That's why I remember it.
Yeah, I remember it.
I remember it.
But I mean, that place is a fucking hotbed for crime.
Oh no.
That used to be my park, my go-to park.
I lived on Hamlin.
This was not that far.
You went swimming in the summer.
The batch was 45 minutes and they'd have a tremendous line again.
Black and white kids were all there.
There was no...
I mean, that's where I was amazed when I see the kid diving the water and he comes out
and his hair is still dry.
You could just see the water come out of it.
And I'm like, wow.
Is that neat?
It's like a sponge.
You're a kid and you're just discovering all that new shit.
It's like cool.
I mean, I'll tell you right now, there's kids now who haven't experienced that still.
You know what I mean?
There's not that many black kids around.
I mean, where Riley goes to school.
Well, when we moved out here, my brother's kid, the scavenger guy was black.
It was the first one they ever saw.
Yeah.
People get afraid.
Yeah, they get very...
It's utopia.
It's like utopia.
If that's what you want to call a big show.
But then I mean...
Beep.
What's this you're saying?
Well, you know what I mean.
No, I'm totally joking.
It was a different time.
I know.
But I mean, you know what?
It's really digressed here.
What's that?
The times have gotten bad, very surprised.
Well, it's not even digression.
It's just that people just can't get the fuck along.
It's like the left and the right.
Just everybody wants to make each other look bad.
It turned into a competition.
And that's not what it's supposed to be.
And they forgot entirely about the people.
Well, you know what?
Hopefully trans people that are post-apolite trans people that are post-apolite.
You want a sucreptoral lozinger?
Jesus Christ, what are you doing here, fucking fool?
That'll be mine.
I'll use that one.
Aw, man, I just went on the carpet.
I even had one of those.
Do you want to see my...
Oh my gosh.
Dude, what are you fucking bledged up?
I'm just cherry.
Like golden girls.
It was a very nice time, though, to grow up.
I'll tell you that.
Well, I mean, now, fuck, man.
Everybody's so interconnected and everybody's so intertwined.
That's part of it.
I mean...
I wouldn't trade it for the world, you know?
Are you working in Chicago, still?
Sometimes.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I fucking, I know whatever.
I hate it.
I don't like working down there.
Oh, I could imagine.
Jesus.
It's the hassle all the way around.
Parking it.
It could be worse.
It could work in McCormick.
I have to drive all the fucking way down there and all the way back, but...
I mean, I try to stay away from it.
Talk about politics, McCormick plays.
Oh my gosh.
Man, you're making money just to pluck fucking the cord.
We used to do shoe shows, you know, display our wares.
And it's one shoe.
We're not bringing pairs down.
But my partner knew somebody at McCormick.
We didn't have to wait in line.
We didn't have to do anything because you got to go get a number and then the electrician
got it.
You're going to pluck something and get the electric guy.
I got caught stapling the shit on my table that was falling off.
I got fined.
You got to call the upholster.
It's a staple, you know what I mean?
You can't...
You know what I'm saying?
What a policy.
That is the most union place in Chicago.
And every guy is a felon.
Everybody's an ex-felon.
Everybody that works there.
That might be true.
Not in your occupation, but I mean in Joe and the people that are hired for work for
the company.
I'm a felon.
I really don't have any room to talk.
The people that work for the company.
In his case, he is a felon though.
I am a felon.
It just so happens he happens.
I am a multiple felon.
I admit that, I mean Jesus, I'm just going to call me out like that later on.
I hope you get a good re-entry yourself for that.
I never met a felon.
They have this thing, Big Joe.
All my friends are felons.
That's a good album name.
I like that.
That was all colorful shit, but the most colorful had to be to show it.
That was beyond.
That always intrigues me the most.
Speaking of which, I got a book called The Mab or something and it's fucking signed by
the author.
Okay.
And for you.
Oh man, that was the worst.
Michael Franceschi?
I don't know who it is.
Yeah, yeah.
He came to the Lord that guy.
And he signed my book.
No, no, no, no.
Well, I got a different book and it was signed for Jerry and Elaine.
They saw him at a party.
So glad you can come and all this shit.
Oh, it's some big, thick fucking hardcover book.
I wonder what it is.
I'll go get it.
Who the hell is Jerry and Elaine?
I don't know who this guy is.
Jerry and Elaine is Alan.
Oh, there's parents.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh.
Hey, JoJo.
Yo.
Can you grab me another one next to the fridge?
Yeah.
Thank you.
So, you're at the shoe store.
What year did you start that?
Because this is my favorite, these are my favorite stories.
Now this here, this is so, so complicated.
Oh.
Because we opened it up in 1968.
Okay.
Now, the guy that I'm with already has a shoe store further east in Chicago called
House of Italians.
Thank you very much.
Jack, this one is a.
It's called The Outfit by Gus Mooseau.
Oh, I know the book.
Oh, I see.
It's signed.
Yeah, I know the book.
It's a boy's book.
It's signed by Gus Mooseau.
Harry the Meatball.
Oh, my gosh.
Vinny the Weasel signed it.
Antonio Spiglione.
Mamma Mia.
Son of my gun.
That is amazing shit.
That's a good book.
I did read this.
Look at the size of that print.
Look at how big that book is.
Jesus, man.
It's like war and peace.
I don't know about that.
I mean, you can't make that thing a little bit smaller.
I went to lunch with my pastor.
Really?
Who is a, of Indian descent.
Indian, like what kind of Indian?
East Indian.
Or not on the head Indian.
East Indian descent.
Very learned man lived in a few different countries.
And I asked him when he came to America and he said 2002.
I says, okay, you know the word outfit, mafia, you know.
Well, I, so he knows nothing about that, you know, stuff that we take for granted, you know,
because of the history of living here all that time.
You know, there you go.
He doesn't know our history.
But there's, they also got a billion motherfuckers there and you got to watch out before you
get on the train around there.
Because they will rape you.
The Indian bros are fucking crazy, man.
They have no shame.
Have you ever seen that where the Indian guys hit on a picture on a painting and they
say, Hey, pretty lady, come on.
I love you so much.
No, they are.
They're pretty, they're pretty wild people.
But that they're pretty wild.
Yeah.
I mean, there's a billion of them.
That's why.
I mean, how many people was it New Delhi or fucking capital India?
Anyone?
No, Sri Lanka.
No, that's New Delhi.
No, I don't know.
Not New Delhi.
All right.
Whatever.
Not Bombay.
Bombay.
No.
Is it Bombay?
I don't know, man.
Maybe we should look it up and I'm just too lazy and stoned.
Yeah.
At the same time, I mean, there's a billion people that imagine like if you ever seen squalor
there, like when you look at like the Brazil, it's like, Oh, they live in these barrios
and shit.
Yeah.
But when you go to India, it's like fucking Ganges, you know what I mean?
Like there's like cattle in the water where they fucking shower and shit like that.
Yeah.
I mean, they put dead bodies down.
Yeah.
They send them down the Ganges and shit.
Fuckers.
They're drinking out of it, someone's bathing in it, someone's fucking in it.
It's really, really fucking.
Like if we went down there and drank a glass of water, your fucking asshole was melt.
Yeah.
And not to mention there's also factories dumping shit into there and everything.
Well, yeah, I'm sure the EPA doesn't exist.
It's fucking really, really dirty here.
That's not a Chicago River was.
It was so, so bad.
You see all the bodies are finding the Chicago River?
Seriously.
That's what it is.
13, 12, 13, I think they found.
They think there's a serial killer?
Yeah, man.
No, that's, you know, I know, I'm kidding.
Funny thing, years ago.
They do think there's a serial killer.
They're pushing them into like Michigan.
Oh yeah, they do.
Yeah, that's a different story.
Yeah, that's always what's going on.
What happened years ago in the Fulton market, these guys were some tough immigrants, you
know, Italians just coming over, you know, this is their livelihood, you know, all the
players are pretty much Italian.
And they'd come there in the morning and find a couple of people sleeping in their truck
or whatever.
They'd shoot them.
And they'd shoot them in the river.
That's what all these bodies are.
It was a disposal, you know.
It went on recorded.
It went on known, you know what I mean?
It's just, you know, because of people that worked, worked, no, relative worked on the
market and said you get the stories handed down, you know, they didn't take any shit,
you know, that was their livelihood.
Well, they were immigrants too.
So there's a lot of, same thing with the back of the yards.
You know how many guys got into the grinds and shit?
It's not like today, we kill a million chickens because one sneezed, you know what I mean?
They keep on going, you know.
The blood and steam coming off of there in the winter, the blood was like water flowing
there.
Really?
And that Halstead Street around 35th, you could just smell it in the air.
You live in one of them bird fucking places, chicken places or something.
It is fucked up.
Not only does it smell and all that, you hear these motherfuckers screaming and shit, you
know, it's not a quiet scenario.
They're making a lot of fucking noise and it's horrible.
They're cutting, yeah, and that cattle, they're cutting the cattle or whacking them with hammers
and you know, line up all the immigrants, end it up in the mix.
Shit, you know what, would you rather eat fucking soybeans or rather eat beef?
Oh, I'm on board with it.
No, I'm just saying, you know what I mean?
I'm not doing it like I'm doing it like I'm doing it like I'm doing it.
Any kind of code, you know, you know what I mean?
I just don't eat rare meat, that's all.
I don't mind it, but fucking at the same time, I don't trust it.
Oh my God, the way they did it was barbaric.
It's not even that the shit that they feed our animals.
When you look at other people in other countries, Italy or Spain, you know what I mean?
Like their food is so much better than ours.
When I was in Argentina and I had a steak, I was like, holy fuck, so good.
But they don't eat like we do.
That's what they're noted for, their beef.
But they don't eat like we do.
They don't go to McDonald's three times a week.
No, no.
You know what I mean?
Like they have a fucking breakfast, they have a lunch, they have a dinner.
Oh my, no.
You know, I'm looking at the line yesterday when I went to Portillo's, I couldn't believe
it.
I said, what are you giving the shit away?
I mean, it wrapped around the building, it's all the way to a makeshift.
There's guys waiting, you know, just, we're all killing ourselves here, eating the shit.
I mean, at the same time, and stuff tastes like garbage.
I'm not a big fan of that stuff.
But at the same time.
I ate a Chinese yesterday.
Everybody needs a fix, right?
Yeah.
I like that.
Hey man, let me tell you, I've had my fix before.
So I'll tell you, if food is your shit, then let food be your shit.
You know what I mean?
You want to shit, you know what I mean?
You want to stuff shit up your butt, why don't you go and do it then?
If you want to, I had a Johnny's, half of a beef with hot peppers, the peppers were
so fucking hot, and then I had half of a sausage sandwich, yeah, Mary had the other half.
And then Mary had some tamales.
Nice.
But if you want to shit, food should be your shit.
If you don't want to shit, dope should be your shit.
Yeah, that's true.
That's a good way to look at it.
Opiates are fine.
I mean, I mean, come on.
That's what he would tell us when we were kids, when we wouldn't eat.
We'd never eat dinner.
He'd say, come on.
You're going to have to eat.
You got to eat, you know what I mean?
You got to eat if you want to shit.
No, I mean, that's true, because once you're not shitin', then you got problems, man.
That's your first sign of fucking anything.
You know what I mean?
You ain't pissin', you ain't shitin', you got problems, man.
That's just anything fucking...
Tell it to Elvis.
What's that?
Tell it to Elvis.
Well, I mean, he died on the toilet.
I think it was more than just an obstruction for his anal...
All the stuff he was doing.
Yeah, I mean...
He couldn't shit.
He was on too many pills.
And I mean, plosmics and speed and opiates and fucking...
And it was all prescribed.
And all that young pussy, too.
All prescribed.
I don't know about that.
With the young pussy?
Yeah.
At that point in his life, I don't know.
It's Elvis.
He was not...
I think when you become so accustomed to the good life, you have to reach out into other realms.
And some of them might be nefarious, shall I say.
You know what I mean?
People get sick of things, right?
Mm-hmm.
You know, everybody wants something bigger, better.
And especially now, if you got a billion dollars, what are you gonna do?
You're gonna get whatever you want, right?
Well...
If I had a billion dollars...
And then what are you gonna do with the other...
After you spend the 200 million, what are you gonna do with the other 800 million?
Oh!
Invite everybody.
Invite everybody I love and buy a huge piece of property and just pay for them to just live there.
And nobody has to worry about anything.
Kind of like we're making free...
You know what I mean?
That's what I want to do.
I'm glad we're getting this on the case...
Yeah, because it'd be a bit...
In case you'd drop some ladder or something.
Oh, man!
I'm gonna say you said you were gonna take us and move to a beautiful piece of property.
Hopefully I don't murder anybody.
We got this recorded.
Allegedly.
You're gonna edit that in.
It's not ready for it.
You're gonna edit that in.
You wanna do that.
I got him saying it.
Let's time stamp this one.
Time stamp it now.
I know eventually we could have a video aspect to this.
Sure.
So then...
We should have mentioned the date.
Mark, that's $2,000.
Oh yeah, what's the date today?
$2,000 last week was my dad's birthday.
Oh yeah, happy birthday, Joe.
Happy belated birthday, Joe.
Thank you.
That's why we wanted to...
That's why Jojo and I talked about this.
We thought it would be funny as our first guest of Larry and Needle.
There's what we need to do.
What's that?
Oh, tell us so wise, man, what we need to do.
No, we just need to have the mics really jacked up and we don't even have to worry about them.
Yeah, but we still gotta listen back to this.
We will.
And that's that way none of this shit will be here.
What do you mean?
We should be sitting in this clutter because we should be sitting, you know, like...
This is comfortable, man.
I know, I told him...
So he can be getting filled up.
We need to make a film.
So I'm telling him what I want to do is I want to get like a fucking round table.
Three mics, three people, four people, and a table.
So we're all closed.
But I kind of like this.
For big Jojo.
Yeah, this is cool.
I want big Joe to be comfortable, you know what I mean?
Yeah, look at this guy.
I mean, he's in the Chibo over there.
This guy looks like he's going on a boating event at Hardee's.
I thought Mary would come down.
Where is Mary?
She's in Washington, here sleeping.
That's fine, whatever.
Ma smashed her finger today in the doors and the bathroom, the sliding doors.
Oh, your pocket doors?
No, they're not.
It's just a whole sliding mirror door.
So she slid the thing and didn't get her hand out at the time, now she thinks her finger's broken.
You mean in the upstairs bathroom?
Yeah, those big doors.
I mean, they're not heavy, but they're nice flat.
Oh, she didn't shower.
What happened?
She fell, I run in there and she was with her paw.
You know, closet doors that slide, and they slide pretty easily.
Dude, shower doors, man.
No, no, no, closet doors.
Shower door or closet door?
Closet door.
The other side of the shower is here and then the linen closet is here.
Let me just understand that.
But, whatever, not the question, probably don't remember.
If you get a fucking finger in that shit, it's still going to hurt no matter what.
Cardor, worst, definitely cardor worse.
Her finger's not broke.
No.
Well, I mean, come on.
She's not a spring chicken, though.
How old is she?
No.
79.
Go around.
I thought she was really...
No, she's not a knocked-a-jadan.
She's only 79.
She's not a hard time with that number.
How could you say that?
Bastard son.
I think Antelina's 81.
A couple of years apart.
Ma and I are five years apart.
You're older or she's older?
I am older.
I don't know, Big Joe.
I don't know what you're into.
Much older than her.
That's five years.
Five years is nothing.
No, not now.
But, I mean, when we were young, it was like, you know, when I met her, she was 17.
Okay, good.
I was hoping you were going to say it.
I'm 23.
Big Joe, I was hoping.
I'm 22 and I'm an ex-veteran.
I know.
It's just, man, Big Joe, I was hoping you were going to say a decent number.
She slid the one by me and then when I found out, one of my friends was so glad to give me that information.
Oh, thanks, boss.
If you understood anything, she would have snuck over to 18.
Because I think it was like, it probably was August or September of before she was going to turn 18.
So it wasn't that far away.
But just the fact that she lied and she's 17, you know, I don't need to shit, you know what I mean?
I'm already up to my gills and bullshit.
So to speak.
So she, I lost the lighter.
I don't know where it was.
No, he needed that one.
No, I got it.
I got it right here.
There you go.
He needs it.
I waited the six months or five months, whatever it was, and then reappeared mysteriously one night at my haunt.
Come and knock on my door.
It was like that a few days when you think about it, you know, it was this bar, restaurant, pizza counter.
All in one, it was like a...
Even though you were singing Threes Company, yeah.
That's right.
But it was, it reminds me of that time, you know, the nice time, you know.
Sunday, Monday.
Well, the ass clown, that's why...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So she took a cab over or whatever she did and she comes in there and now she's 18.
I haven't seen her in six months or whatever.
And a very, very beautiful young lady, I thought, you know, but...
And then she says, oh, I'm 18 now.
I said, oh, what a sack right now.
And then she starts to...
She says, I mean, she just bullshitting me.
She says, man, I've got my own place.
Your own place?
Oh, man.
Jesus, the fish just slipped at the face out of the boat.
Man, this is good, you know.
The fish came out of the water and slapped you in the face.
I said, well, I'll drive you home.
Oh, you need a ride?
Get into my chariot, it awaits you, you know.
So now you're driving at that time.
And I said, okay, where are we going?
What do you mean, where are we going?
She forgot she gave me the bus, Joe.
She was just taking a while.
Girl!
She lied to you.
She didn't tell you that she slipped in a cubby and an alcove in the hallway.
I didn't know that yet.
She slipped in a cubby and an alcove and all.
Yeah, she had two brothers.
They live in a two bedroom apartment.
They're two-bedrooms, but the thing only had two bedrooms.
So she's a girl, she can't sleep in with the boys.
So they have like a dining room with almost like if you had a nice dance seat in there.
It was nice.
What did you call it?
A cubby home.
An alcove.
And that's where she slept in the alcove there.
Hey, that's cool.
And in front of her was like two TVs, big pictures stacked on top of one another.
And then this is the first time I saw this.
One was for volume.
Oh, yeah, it was a hillbilly setup.
Yeah, hillbilly setup.
Papa was like, I don't know, we often never, never land.
The kitchen, oh, shoot me if I tell.
Oh, that's amazing.
That's your lubricant.
This kitchen, you used to have these handles you'd pull down, they'd break off eventually.
You had a screwdriver in there.
You'd pull the screwdriver down.
She thinks I don't remember that shit.
And in the middle of the front room rug was a hole like this.
It was like a huge, the rug was worn out and nobody's looking, you know what I mean?
From all the dancing, that was the house that they went to, you know, to do the dancing.
Dancing.
Geez, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Who are these people?
I couldn't believe, I couldn't believe the house, but it was a beautiful apartment.
And above the fireplace a huge piece of stained glass window that cranked out and, you know,
and it's time it must have been really nice.
So my were out the floor.
Yeah, they were out the rug, they danced the shit out of it.
They did dance the shit.
Her and Uncle Chris and their crew, when they tell their stories, that was always the place they went.
Imagine living underneath.
So she ends up with two sons, that's a place.
Imagine living underneath dancers in an apartment, what the fuck.
Thank God they owned it.
Oh, they owned it.
Yeah.
I mean just a bunch of people just dancing all the fucking time.
So that was 19.
So they had rock and roll music going.
1962 that was, yeah.
Damn.
And then the following year, 1963, we got married.
Mmm.
She gave me enough line until I hooked myself.
Wow, man.
What is the, I read a thing here, a quote today, the guy says, there's only two times
you don't want to want to, I might not have it, two times you don't want to argue with
a woman when she's rested or when she isn't.
That's how it went.
You know what, Joey can't really argue he's a sugar baby, so he has to follow.
And you know a sugar baby is a big job, of course.
That's JoJo, a lazy sugar baby, look at all of that.
Fuck you, putting on a little wait for winter.
I couldn't even imagine getting someone today that you could be quasi compatible with, you
know what I mean?
It's kind of rough.
It's not even that, it's just that there's so much more of their distractions, like, oh,
I don't like you, I can find someone else in a minute.
You know what I mean, like a dating app or you know what I mean, like all that shit.
It's like, I don't know.
I mean, there's nothing.
They were talking about that on the fives today about the.
The pressures on kids are higher and lower.
For what?
For everything.
Huh?
Dating.
A labyrinth.
Fucking, you know, they don't know how to spit in a game, they don't know how to pick
it up, they don't know how to actually.
Yeah, their skill.
Their relationship, because they get out of a computer and it's like, let's hook up, let's
fuck.
And they don't even, unless someone like fucking throws it in their lap, they don't know how
to work for nothing.
That skill has never been developed at all.
Yeah.
At all.
Like I go out.
Everything's done online now, so they can hide behind everything.
It doesn't really matter.
Yeah.
Why would you even try to associate with people when you don't need to?
You can just find your group on the internet.
I like hentai.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like I like this, I like that, I like that.
I don't like hentai.
And people, there's people, I heard a guy talking on one of my stations.
His wife is addicted and she won't admit it.
To what?
To recognizing what her people are all night long.
I don't know on what vehicle.
But she comes home and whips a dinner together and by seven o'clock she's on the computer
talking to her friends till eleven thirty.
She says, well I'm at home, I'm not doing, he says we have no relationship at all.
And then how much nonsense could they talk about?
What they say on the five you were going to say?
It was talked about the pressure being on guys to meet women.
It's like almost like a job interview you're going on.
You know what I mean?
Right, because what he said, there's so many fucking choices, they can go online and say
yeah.
They're so used to swiping left or right.
And the thing is they're older now too.
So they know what they want and the timing that they want.
This is all bullshit.
They overthink the whole thing.
There's no spontaneity in life anymore.
The thing that's killed us also is options.
You know what I mean?
When you can only get one or two things, we're better.
You know what I mean?
But now you get six or seven.
Yeah, McDonald's, Burger King, Taco Bell.
You know what I mean?
You can do this, you can do that.
But once we were all controlled into it, we had four channels, motherfuckers still watch
TV all day.
But you watch that and you weren't deviated from certain pattern.
You know what I mean?
But at the same time, I mean...
Yeah, that's amazing.
Just the stuff to view on television, let alone the internet.
There's so much shit on TV.
I mean this is absolutely insane.
Do you have a fire stick or what do you do?
Do you pay for cable?
Oh yeah.
I don't know.
You fucking cables are outrageous.
Oh, my own budget, yo.
No.
You gotta get a fire stick.
Neither will Mary.
Neither will I.
I want her to fucking stop and get something like a fire stick.
Yeah, Billy talks about this Roku bull shit.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
A fire stick.
Yeah, that's a fire stick.
You stream everything.
Roku or something?
Well, yeah, that's a type of device.
I think he bought it for like $49 and then you do whatever you do.
You do a box.
And he gets Amazon, you get Netflix, you get all your bullshit.
He's got a lot of shit.
More than you could ever watch.
I call him up, he's watching Gunsmoke from 1963.
Oh yeah, well that's the fucking guy.
I mean, somebody needs to watch him.
Gunsmoke.
I didn't watch it the first time around.
I love it.
Can I get one of the waters, JoJo?
But it was a long, it was a long ass thing, you know, Jo?
It was on there for years and years.
I've seen some.
One of the longest running.
Well, Gunsmoke, yeah.
I remember Bonanza, I don't know about Gunsmoke that much.
Oh, it was on forever.
It came on black and white in the 50s, then it got into the 60s, it was colored.
Very good show.
Matt Dylan.
Matt Dylan, he was so cool, Matt.
The original Matt Dylan.
I don't know what this guy looks like.
I should look it up.
His name was James Arnest.
Right.
And he had a brother on Mission Impossible.
The gray-haired guy, Mr. Phelps.
Oh wow.
That's his brother.
No shit.
Wow.
If you, now you could put it together, just getting them in your mind.
So they both had a nice, not like James Arnest.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was huge.
Years of it.
And he was the main star, man.
I'm gonna talk about one career.
Oh, who's, what the fuck was I just watching about?
Matt, whatever.
Don't matter right now.
But those old school TV shows, that's all they had.
You know what I mean?
Now we got so much shit.
Oh yeah.
This was on, this was on, this was on.
And yet they still bombed.
You know what I mean?
There was so little on there.
If I had to watch a commercial now, I get pissed.
You know what I mean?
Because I stream everything.
I stream everything.
No commercials.
You don't fucking watch regular TV.
Yeah, I can't watch commercials.
You're like a peasant.
You know?
It's crazy.
It's like listen to the radio when you're on the car.
I don't think I'd watch much TV at all.
I mean, I've watched all my other shit, but I don't know.
TV with commercial.
I could go on Netflix and stay there all night.
Oh, that's what I do, yeah.
But I mean, it's like, would you listen?
You know, Mary likes to watch Fox.
So we record everything.
Yeah, and then we both do it.
And then we speed through the commercials fast forward.
So I don't have to watch any commercials.
And then I usually fall asleep by the time Gottfeld comes on.
So I watch that the next day.
Oh, man.
Oh.
They got a whole far left weird thing going on over here.
What the hell?
Oh, no, I'm just being silly.
I'm just saying.
Like out of sight.
We're centerists.
Huh?
I'm a centerist.
And exactly tell me what that means, JoJo.
It means I like what's right.
Come on, Larry.
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
That's almost ironic and an axiomoron at the same time.
I like what's the good idea.
I don't like left or right.
I don't really give a fuck about it.
Yeah, I just want people to get the fuck along and make this country great again.
That's all I care about.
That ship has sailed though.
Is it too fucking hard to do?
Yes, it is.
That ship has sailed.
You know, just like you're saying back in like this, you know, back in the 50s, 60s.
Rome, England.
You're going to the south side and seeing jazz and, you know, it was better then than
it is now.
Right, that's the point.
Well, yeah, it was more diverse and more acceptable.
We actually went back.
And people were like, yeah.
We had a strong battle with the race relations.
Once people started intervening.
That's what I said at the beginning.
We actually have gone backwards.
He set us back at least 50 years.
No, once white people started intervening and being like, oh my God, I'm so ashamed
that black people are blah, blah, blah, blah.
They turned the white people into a villain.
You know what I mean?
You got to kiss the boots of everybody.
Get the fuck out of here.
You know what I mean?
This is not good.
Don't be an asshole.
Be a good person.
You know what I mean?
You really don't have a good leader that's spewing the right information for these people.
There's that one guy that comes on Tucker, Jason, you know, it looks like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jason Whitlock.
Yeah, Jason Whitlock.
The guy is.
Fucking cool.
He should be up there peddling that to the masses.
And that other guy, the other guy with the most Tom Thomas sound or something like that,
is another guy like that.
But that Jason Whitlock, he's the real deal.
Yeah.
He needs to be.
They don't have a leader.
Who the hell is Sharpton?
Oh, I mean, they is black people.
Yeah, there's nobody.
I mean, there's nobody.
Listen, the funny thing is Jason Whitlock would be phenomenal.
But you know, everybody, like the only people that supported black lives matter were white
people.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
They opened up their rear end.
And then what did they find out that they were robbing from their own people?
They're tying the steel.
They're fucking straight.
So.
No, that's that was way wrong.
I mean, if you're gonna, if you're gonna get behind something and you're gonna get a good
scam, I appreciate that.
You know what I mean?
And if you're gonna get away with it, good for you.
But anything too good to be true is guess what?
Too good to be true.
All right.
Fooling once, you know, fool me twice.
Get the fuck out of here.
You see this, though?
Fooling once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
Get the fuck out of here.
This guy rode over this woman that you hit.
I read it in the paper.
I'm kind of changing the subject, but he steals her car and then runs her over in the
in the insolence of the disc in Schomburg.
There's a pregnant lady that he was.
Well, she was pregnant.
Yeah.
She had a two-year-old in the car in the back of the car.
So now the guy sees the kid dumps the car, this woman here.
woman here is laying on the ground with multiple broken bones.
There she's fucked up.
Is the baby going to live?
And this son of a bitch should be out in three years with the penalties that they have.
You know what I mean?
And he's on a prior, but he won't get that kind of time.
This woman's going to be crippled the rest of her entire life.
And maybe lose her baby too.
Probably that too.
But at the same time, mom shouldn't-
Realizing these events and these guys are just getting off with a slap on their hand.
You think it would be easier if we just started a company that would murder these people for
like $5,000?
To do what?
Self-defenders.
Murderer.
That would be our thing.
Well we need, what the hell's his name?
Justice.
We need street justice.
No, no, we need the guy, Dexter.
Steven Seagal.
Dexter.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We need him.
We need-
A lot of Dexters.
What's the guy?
Charles Bronson.
Remember?
Oh, the English guy.
Or no, Death Wish.
But he made-
Put him.
But when Nutsy probably made ten of them.
Yeah.
You and Death Wish.
Two, three-
He's a bad motherfucker, yeah.
I mean-
That we- but it's going to turn to that.
You're going to see vigilantes.
I mean, look what they did to the guy in Arizona for shooting that person.
They put him in a million dollar bond.
Yeah.
The cops are there?
Yeah, it's bullshit.
Could I get to see my wife?
Did you see that they- somebody paid it for them and now they have to defend-
Oh man, somebody should have paid it instantaneously.
Oh, you big mouth.
And they did.
They got him.
But I mean, at the same time, what are you going to do?
You're guarding your property.
Right?
Yeah, that's terrible.
What is yours anymore?
It's like, what is yours anymore?
I mean, who wants to walk into a barn and see two Mexicans or three or four or whatever,
you know?
I don't care if you're a guy or not.
I hope it's a restaurant, Joe, because that's the only time I want to see that.
The one lady-
I don't want to see them scramming my age.
Yeah, exactly.
They were actually coming into her house.
Exactly.
Squatting and all that shit.
Coming in and actually-
And intimidating her.
Yeah.
She pulled out the gun, she's standing at the door and they still keep coming and she's
like, fuck, what do I do?
Kill them?
I mean, what are you going to do?
You got to protect your property.
But then you get in trouble for fucking murder, man.
Yeah, I can't protect your shit.
Yeah, but they're on you.
It's horrible.
Well, they get that Kyle Rittenhouse kid.
Now they're going after his-
And now they want him.
His life, his money and all that shit.
Well, I mean, at the same time, you can't be flagrant for the shit when you're a murderer.
You know what I mean?
Why not a murderer?
Well, he murdered someone.
No, he didn't.
They were fucking going to blow his brains out.
Okay, but listen, listen.
If it's fear of life-
The one kid in the middle of his skateboard.
Listen, I'm not trying to butt heads with you here.
The guy killed somebody.
He's a murderer, right?
Yeah.
You don't see it like that?
He didn't kill anybody?
He's a killer.
Even if- yeah, he's a killer.
But he's not a murderer.
He's a killer, protecting himself, which, hey, you know what-
He was in self-defense.
The other people were murderers.
Listen, this man fought.
Where did you fight Big Joe?
In the service?
Yes, sir.
Oh, no.
No combat.
No combat?
None at all.
Damn.
Well, this guy fought.
Right in between.
Yeah, between dudes' legs.
No, I don't know that.
I was in California for two years.
Really?
Yeah, camp Pendlin.
It's so beautiful there.
Right by Vista?
Yeah.
To the Vista?
Right by Vista.
Camp Pendlin's 20 minutes north of Vista?
Oh, I don't know.
I don't know.
That's right.
We were about, I think we were about 20 minutes out of San Diego, the back entrance.
The camp Pendlin's-
The ocean side was like-
The ocean side takes 30-
The ocean side and the other side, that's where we fought by.
Yeah, there we go.
But it's-
Vista, not ocean side, yeah.
It's huge.
The boardwalk up there.
You could travel for days on it.
Big piece of property.
How big?
100 miles.
How many?
Oh, Camp Pendleton?
Probably 100 miles across.
Shoot.
Camp Pendleton owns the ocean too.
Oh my gosh.
So it shoots, they have like-
Because I lived over there with Kiki and fucking they would have exercises?
Yeah, exercises, bombings and shit.
Wow.
We invaded Catalan Island.
Nice.
Catalan wine mixer.
I didn't get to see anything.
Catalan Island's crazy.
We came in on those boasts that go down in front and all that.
I wanted to redesign it and have the exit be in the back.
Every time they open it-
You think it's fucking Normandy that everybody would get goddamn smoke?
But the problem was, yeah, the problem was it's too deep back there.
A lot of guys broke their legs.
Yeah, we thought they'd come over there.
Sure.
And the motor, where you're gonna put the motor up in front and they could kill it.
You know what I mean?
You'd have to move the motor and shit.
The scariest one when we came in on the-
I did a lot of invading.
Helicopter, the ones like this and then the ones that seal completely.
It's like a big metal coffin.
If the engine dies, you're dead.
No, man, it sounds great.
It's a 12 cylinder Chrysler engine.
You know what I mean?
And the thing is that these are from the Second World War and as he drops in, he submerges
you know a little bit.
So, the top of it gets wet and the water, you gotta get your hand over the barrel.
You can't drop a salt water in that barrel.
You're done.
You're being a fuck up.
The rig, you know what I mean?
The rust, oh my gosh, it's just so you're sitting there like that and the water's coming
off your helmet, you know, ping-pong-pong-pong-pong.
And you're praying to God that you come out of a big ship.
The front of that opens and these things start coming out of it, you know what I mean?
Oh my God.
It's like little monsters they were, but big, you know?
So, LBT's and LST's, I don't even know what it stands for anymore.
But it's a big, it's not that big.
It's not big enough for, you're gonna get sick.
I would go up on deck and wait in the chow line.
I never made it to chow.
Because the water line, I've never been on a boat to think.
Oh, you get so sick.
I was so sick.
And then we're in four high with the sacks, you know.
That's swinging whenever you're laying in the thing, you know.
It sounds horrible.
Four high, my gosh.
Oh, oh, oh.
Where do you shit?
You gotta be young to do that.
You ain't shaving.
You're...
Oh, shit.
Yeah, you gotta get, pick your shots, you know.
You took a shit somewhere when you took a dump?
Yeah, you had to go somewhere in their washroom.
They had washrooms, you know.
Oh, but imagine taking a shit and it just comes up and hits in the air.
Oh, well, oh, you mean the thing.
Oh, I know what you mean.
Oh, okay.
I guess the water holds it down.
I don't know.
No, I didn't know.
If you're on a boat that's doing that much moving, you ain't worried about shit.
No.
You worry about living.
I just didn't know where you would shit though.
It was like, man, I thought...
It was not a handy thing.
There's too many guys on there.
But you're only on there for this period of time to make the invasion.
The landing.
So I don't...
Not much shitting going on.
I think maybe over nine...
Not a lot of shit going on.
And then you make the landing.
You drop that.
And then we came in by helicopter one time.
That was fun.
The helicopter, he's going to drop the Jeep, you know, they got the straps on it.
The fucking thing rolls down the hill.
Oh my gosh.
And it was like...
They had like referees if you got shot or something.
So I got shot.
Really?
Like you're game.
Yeah, yeah, I was tagged.
Like if you've ever seen the dirty dozen, remember the scene where they had to capture
the general, the dirty dozen?
You remember that movie?
I don't remember.
I remember the dirty dozen.
If they make it, they can mute their sentence, but most of them aren't going to make it.
I think...
Right, right.
Yeah.
It was a death mission.
Right, right.
You can walk on there.
And they got the craziest mixture, guys.
Steve McQueen, right?
Steve McQueen was in there?
No, no, that's the great escape.
Oh, okay, yeah.
No, this was a real good cast, but yeah, and by the time it was all over, the ball had
a guy, Telysa Vallis was in there.
He was a madman.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Telysa Vallis was a shit.
And John Casavetti, they had every weird old Don Sutherland, every weird actor in Hollywood,
they put him in the movie.
Yeah.
Which was good.
I was in the movie.
But I forgot what movie I was talking about, so it doesn't matter anymore.
It doesn't matter at all.
I forgot.
I lost my place wherever that is.
All right, what time is it?
It was probably important, too.
Yeah.
What time is it?
I don't know, man.
Oh, here, I know what time it is.
I got my watch.
Eighteen.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah, it was a good time.
Oh, so now, yeah, I know.
Now I got injured now, I got a tag on me, and I got to be carried.
Oh, right, right.
Yeah, so now, so you take two M1s and you put them through the sleeves of a Skivvy jacket,
and it makes like a nice seat, you know.
I got my arm around both of the guys like that, and I'm busting their balls.
They're not a carryman.
They flip me over backwards.
Now, I really am injured, you know what I mean?
It's like they threw me off the chair.
You can't do that.
Yeah.
The military's a lot different back then, eh?
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah, you guys, that's a closeness with those, with the guys.
You didn't have to know your pronouns.
Pronouns?
Jesus Christ, man.
There was not even an inkling of what was going to happen.
I know.
I mean, none.
It brought the guys so close together because, you know, it was the people in charge and
then you, you know, oh, yeah, you don't think we could do this?
We're going to do this, you know.
It's almost like they dared you to die.
They were, they were pretty awesome guys.
Jeff Black telling me, uh, his, they must have not liked his dad or something.
He got his ass kicked all the time.
Like they punch the shit out of him, beat his ass, the DI would punch him in the face
and shit.
I've seen obscure whacks, you know, like if you got your hand on a rifle wrong.
You'll whack your back or your knuckles or something, but I've never seen somebody just
punch in the shit out of him.
Yeah, he said, well that's what, and that's what I said to Jeff and I said, are you serious?
He got punched in the face.
Wow.
He's like, yeah.
And I said, didn't your dad?
And I said, no, I never heard any stories like that.
No way.
They must not have liked your dad.
I said, it was maybe not.
They would get you another way.
It's like, if they catch you and you didn't shave high enough, if you didn't get this
one, well then they make you put a bucket on your head and try to shave.
They don't touch you, but you're going to come out pretty nicked up, you know what I'm
saying?
So they got other ways of doing.
I never saw somebody just physically, you know, start punching a guy.
They'll call you out if you want to fight them.
Sure, sure.
But I've never seen them do that.
I didn't think so.
Nobody ever stepped out either when they challenged me.
I wouldn't even get wood either.
And one little guy, it was a French name, a Le Sur.
I'll always remember, he was from the Second World War.
This guy probably knew more bullshit than, you know what I mean?
Didn't matter what size he was.
You could be some big Utah mother, you know.
And he told them, you want to go?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
Nobody stepped out.
No, I mean, back then you can get away with that.
Yeah.
Well, they were cracking down on them because eight guys drowned in Parris Island.
They're doing a swamp nighttime thing.
Luckily, we didn't have any swamps there.
We were kind of dry.
And they lost eight recruits.
But in the old days, they were pretty harsh on them, you know.
There was a movie made about the Marine Corps.
They don't play it.
And it had the Sergeant Friday.
The D.I. voice.
You know, because you're mad at them getting those orders and shit, you know.
The guy from Texas, when the one about the guy says, there's only queers and stairs
in Texas.
And I don't see any horns on your head.
And he told the guy, you think it's old?
That's old.
What's it from?
One of those movies that you did, the instructor.
Full Metal Jacket?
Maybe.
Yeah.
Is that Oliver Stone?
Full Metal Jacket?
Yeah.
He was really a drill instructor.
And he became a movie star from that movie.
What the fuck was that guy's name?
Kind of obscure name.
He had that voice though.
Gunner, Sergeant or what the fuck was his name?
Whatever.
Yeah.
He had a really weird name.
Right?
Yeah.
And I don't remember the name.
But that was a good movie.
Geez.
Yeah.
I mean, the fucking Pyle, what's his name too?
Gomer Pyle, he had to be a Marine.
What the fuck was his name?
Gomer Pyle, USMC.
The guy's name that played?
Jim Neighbors.
No, not Jim Neighbors, not that Gomer Pyle, but the one in a Full Metal Jacket.
Oh.
There was a Gomer Pyle?
No.
What's that?
There was a Gomer Pyle?
Well, they called him Gomer Pyle.
Oh, I see.
I see.
Yeah, there was.
Oh, after Gomer.
Geez, I don't have a clue.
I don't have a clue.
He was in law and order for a little while.
He was in law and order.
And then, man, I don't know why I'm talking about this.
Sorry.
Yeah, I never saw him.
I don't know.
You guys don't know what I'm going to say.
I've seen the movie, but I don't remember the guy.
I don't remember it at all.
Oh, man, fuck that.
I don't remember something.
Man, I can't believe I forgot his name.
I'm stoned into the bone.
Man, I had to make out a bull too.
I was going to do that.
You got some edibles.
Yeah.
If you want some.
No, thank you.
They're really good.
They don't need them now.
They don't have any control.
No, I don't want any.
Yeah, they're so, they're very good, though.
I'd rather eat weeds than smoke it, but, you know, who am I to say what I should do?
I don't know.
I like bulls.
Do you like bulls?
Yeah.
Well, nobody asked you.
So Nick sent me a big article about Willie Nelson has edibles and he's eating only edibles.
Oh, he's not smoking anymore?
Well, yeah, because he's fucking making money.
They probably told him to stop.
They told him to stop where you're going.
What are you doing, man?
Call him down.
And it's ruining his image because people are coming out of his tour bus or in his house
and it's not filled with pot smoking.
Dude, I'd rather eat it.
The article ended with him saying that he needs some weed-scented candles.
That he needs people to shut the fuck up and leave Willie Nelson alone and let him do his own shit.
Yeah, he can do whatever he wants.
He probably was told by the doctors.
Willie Nelson wants to shit out his fucking coffee table.
He got to stop.
Let Willie Nelson shit out his coffee table.
Okay.
I mean, I think he's older than me.
I think he's like 87 or something.
And motherfuckers got one foot in the grave.
But at the same time, and what are you going to do, tell me?
I don't know.
You never know, man.
Willie looks all right to me.
You never know what he's like 90 years old.
Yeah, and he looks the same now as he did 25 years ago.
Exactly.
I'd never barely remember what he's saying.
You say he's drinking Adrienachrome?
No, I'm saying...
Yeah, you just said that.
Adrienachrome clip it.
That's our clip right there.
See when the first time on, I went to Branson, all those guys were there in those days.
Willie?
Yeah, I got to see Willie.
You know, he said that this...
I barely knew him, but I didn't know of him.
I thought he was kind of popular.
He says that this time he usually go off and come back on and do a couple more songs, but
I'm afraid you guys might leave, so I'm going to keep on singing.
He said that and I always stuck with me.
I said, but I saw Loretta Lynn Conway Twitty, they had big names in those days.
Now they got some Japanese violin player.
Hold down that...
Try to fucking get it together.
And they had one of the big attractions, well this is before you guys, the times...
What's that?
Shepard of the Hills, it's a book.
It's still around, but it's from the 20s.
Oh boy, here we go, Joe Joe.
But the thing is, they have, where the movie was shot, you know what I mean?
It's almost like Sacred Grounds out there in Ozarks.
Oh nice.
Yeah.
What's it about?
Oh, I said Corny, John Wayne movie, you know, it's before he became John Wayne, you know,
playing like a straight part and you see how primitive it was and you know, that shit.
My God.
But they had the grounds, you know.
Some of those movies just stunk.
They had you having to fucking be a goddamn settler just ride through the woods.
Oh my God.
What a shit-hole job.
You probably got gonorrhea because you're banging whores and drinking whiskey.
Yeah.
And now boys, you know, catching up with a herd and you're getting drunk and blowing your money on whores and having this...
They were always going to save some money and buy a spread, you know what I mean?
It does wranglers.
Yeah, that's the old storyline.
I mean, at the same time, what are you going to fucking get out there?
They never quite saved that money though.
The best movie there ever was.
So did the Cowboys.
It's a very old movie.
It's called Red River with John Wayne and Montgomery Cliff and it's a father.
He's the father in it.
This is an adopted son that he found on the prairie, you know what I mean?
Oh my God.
This is why we need a producer, JoJo.
This and now they're taking this herd to Kansas City from some, I forget exactly where.
Colorado or something?
I don't know, Red River, wherever.
But the storyline is so, so good and it's with the herd and you know how silent you got to be.
It was a great movie.
What a horrible...
Of course they turned against each other.
At the end is he's going to kill the kid and sight him.
Horrible existence.
I would never want to go through that.
Oh my gosh, no.
I would shoot myself in the chest before I went through it.
The brain, you're never inside, don't worry.
Yeah, just fucking eat my ass.
I'm not laying in the dirt when it's raining outside.
Mosquitoes and filth and they're dirty though.
Oh the guys.
Those poor women that were raped by those filthy bastards.
Jo, let's not get too crazy here.
At least take a shower.
I mean they were asking for it if you know what I mean.
Take a shower.
I was to get them in the water.
They were at the same time in the water.
They're fucking...
Ah, the wild west is just amazing.
People could just live like that.
Like think about it.
Oh those were the true people.
And how about the ones coming from another country?
They didn't know where they were.
They didn't speak the language and now they got to get some guy to...
A Wagoneer guy to take them across this thing and you know...
Fucking west.
Less than half of them are gonna get there.
You know.
Yeah.
There's a thing called 1883.
Absolutely.
It's about eight episodes.
It's a limited thing and that's exactly what it is.
These people are from Germany.
Netflix.
Pardon me?
Netflix.
Paramount.
I'm too poor to have paramount.
Yeah but this 1883 man, that hits right on the head.
It's a pre-prequel to Yellowstone.
You've heard of Yellowstone.
No, yeah.
Oh, the pre-prequel.
The Kevin Costner shit.
Yeah.
This has got nothing to do with Kevin Costner.
This has got a dynamite cast.
There's too much TV on big Joe.
There really is too much TV.
Like I like this shit but I like this but you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I can't...
Sensory overload.
Well exactly.
There you go.
I can't sit and watch one program sometimes.
That's why I go to a movie.
Oh, and then I go on my phone and I look at the news and I'm fucking doing this and doing
that.
Yeah, you guys are worse.
Yeah, I don't know.
Nah, you don't want to hear me.
I look at the email and one day there's...all I'm doing is clicking it off.
It's going somewhere, I'm sure.
I don't know.
You know.
Thousands of them.
Geez.
You won this.
You've just been hacked.
You just...
Yeah, exactly.
Your system is gone.
I think it my calls me up the other day, she's like, I got a text message or Amazon account
got hacked.
Fuck, man.
Excuse me.
I'm like, you don't even have an Amazon account.
I'm like, I control the fucking account.
I really do.
Like I got everything I need.
She's like, well I just wanted to make sure.
I'm like, don't respond to that shit.
No.
What do you mean she's like...
I had one the other day.
She's like, I'm going to text them back.
I'm like, what are you doing?
Don't do that.
I don't know anybody.
You know what I mean?
Like fuck, man.
What's going to happen in 40 years from now?
You know what I mean?
You can't go to the bathroom without someone looking up your pee hole.
You know what I mean?
Oh my God.
There'll be some crazy shit photographing it, right?
Yeah.
Now they just found out there's some kind of polyurethane, the long name PFS, in toilet
paper.
No.
Well, you know what?
The solution, don't wipe your ass.
I don't fucking get a bidet.
Which a bidet is cool.
Okay, I can roll with that, but I don't think that everybody's going to switch.
Did you see AOC?
She never saw Bade and she went some country and...
She likes how it felt on her big ass and her pussy.
Jesus, okay.
No, I didn't see that.
Did you ever see the one of the guys?
That wasn't her.
There's AOC, my favorite big booty Latino.
And then she's going on her phone.
That guy back there said there's AOC, the big juicy ass.
And she's saying...
She's a big juicy ass.
And the guy didn't say that though, but she wanted to make sure he knew she had a big
juicy ass.
She has a big set of titties and a nice, fat ass.
What are you going to do?
You know what I mean?
Her face isn't that...
But yeah, her body is banging, no doubt.
It's fucking...
I don't care what she thinks about, but I mean her body's banging.
Me too.
I don't care what she thinks about either, bro.
Fucking...
But it was just funny because her fiance, her husband, was right there.
And the guy didn't do a fucking thing about it.
He didn't say anything to the guy.
He didn't...
He picked up their little dog.
He had like a little fucking...
I like little dogs.
Whatever.
The guy should have said, hey, don't say a shit about my fucking girl.
Really?
Jeez.
He's going, oh, there's AOC with the big Latino booty.
Well, yeah, she's got a big fat ass.
I know.
And big fat Latino titties.
I mean, what are you going to do?
Not look at them?
You're not going to say nothing about them?
It's just that it was funny.
He's a big joke.
He needs that water.
I'm going to blow my nose.
You need to blow your nose?
No.
Why would I need to blow my nose?
Probably my dad.
No.
Why would he need to blow his nose?
I don't know.
You weirdo?
You think you're some people might.
All right.
Should we wrap this up in a minute?
No.
Okay.
I'll press stop.
All right.
Hey, big Joe.
Thank you very much.
That's going to be two episodes.
Yeah.
Amazing.
Thank you very much, big Joe, for coming and increasing us with your presence.
Thank you very much.
I'm really sorry you're all the sun is gay as hell.
But we'll get over it.
Maybe Nick will come over without his shirt on and cure the disease.
I'm talking about you, Nick.
But yeah, Joe, Joe, you ready?
All right.
Love you guys.
Thank you very much.
Good night.
Thank you very much.