Time to get ready for the Larry and Needle Show.
Larry and Needle.
Show.
Alright, here we are.
The Larry and Needle Show.
Where are you?
These two fucking idiots.
Hey, you're a funer.
I'm gonna go with you.
Can't fourth. I love you.
Thanks, Mike. I love you too.
Alright, how you doing, Larry?
I'm doing good, man.
I love you too, Larry.
You son of a bitch.
Fuck you, man.
What did I do now?
Why are you calling me a son of a bitch?
Fuck you, man.
That's alright though.
So, oh, I'm sorry.
The pool is opening soon.
It's gonna snow this weekend.
What are you talking about?
Huh?
Snow this weekend.
I said the pool is opening soon.
Well, snow this weekend.
It is May.
April was April, right?
No.
It's April.
Yes, it is April.
It's gonna be snow April.
You ever been in a girl with a month name?
Yeah.
What was her name?
April.
May.
June.
May.
I've been in a May that was Asian.
And fourth, you wanna make a voice?
I've been in a guy named August.
No, no, no month.
I'm sure his name was Black.
I'm sure his name was Black Timber.
Black Timber, yeah.
He was cute.
Got that BBC going on and they talking about the news channel.
No, no girls of the month.
No girl month name.
No?
You never been in a girl that didn't have a month name?
No, not in April, not in May.
In April, May, June.
Nope, not in June.
Nothing.
No.
June's a nice one.
I like girls named June.
Yeah, like reminded June Carter, right?
Yeah, June Cleaver.
June, she's a nice name.
Look at that.
Two Junes, man, that we can think of.
Oh, God, yeah, I banged June Cleaver in a heartbeat, man.
What'd you?
Barbara Billingsley, she's hot as a...
Oh, man, he even knows her real name, which is crazy.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I just got her poster on my wall.
Watch out for what he's watching.
He's in the great garden.
He's got a nice heart.
He's got a nice smoker, smokes a cigarette.
Huh?
Nothing.
Barbara Billingsley.
Those chicks back then were so hot though.
Right, they really were.
Yeah, Mrs. Beaver.
Mrs. Cleaver.
Come on.
June Cleaver, man.
But they were technically unattainable to some extent.
That was the old joke.
Ward, weren't you a little hard on the beaver last night?
She says to him, that fucking hula...
That's what she said?
Yeah.
I think you're a little hard on the beaver last night, Ward.
Ward was the father's name.
Ward, weren't you a little hard on the beaver?
Did they slip in the same bed?
Yeah.
Did you set the timer?
I think you're gonna be hard on the beaver.
Oh, I mean, did he slap his kid?
No, they weren't that kind of people.
Well, they weren't hard on the beaver then.
No, they were nice to be.
Oh, yeah.
Beaver was a good kid.
But it was the fucking 50s or 60s, wasn't it?
Yeah.
Shit sucked back then.
Aw, man.
I don't care what...
...fives this fucking tiny life.
It's so fucking family.
It's a TV fucking family.
Right, just like the Partridge family.
Or the baby, whatever.
It seems great.
All of them always seem great.
Just like if you were in the Monkeys and you got to live in that house, it was great.
Well, the Monkeys is way different than the Partridge family.
Not much.
Yeah, because fucking they were all banging each other.
The Monkeys?
Yeah, and then the lead guy was a finook and died HIV.
The Monkeys made each other?
The fucking...
What the fuck?
This guy.
My name is the Brady Bunch.
The Brady Bunch has nothing to do with the Monkeys.
No, I was just saying, though.
Oh, well, you're saying gibberish, motherfucker.
Now you're just spitting nothing but hate.
But I was just saying that the guy from the Brady Bunch died of AIDS, right?
No, I think so.
Yeah, the lead guy.
Really?
Yeah.
The finook.
No shit, really?
Yeah.
Robert Reed, Richard Reed or fucking Robert Reed.
You just can't be just naming names.
No, it would read something.
Robert Reed, Richard Reed.
Read.
Some kind of read, yeah.
Robert Reed, I think.
I just saw him on a Colombo, I think.
Robert Reed.
Yeah.
Dude, you know what's good?
The Rockford Files.
Yeah, I love Rockford Files.
That's the best fucking show ever.
Rockford Files.
Yeah, the Cold Pontiac Man.
Yeah, fucking guy.
That was the best show ever.
All beach towns and shit, you know what I mean?
He just went in cracking skulls and getting pussy, dude.
And he drank all day long.
And the cry was fucking screech out of the parking lot.
What a fucking ass and shit.
Angel of the Force.
Now those were fucking good old days, man.
He lived in a trailer and he made it look great.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, man, that guy got more pussy than fucking Grand Central Station toilet seats.
I don't know about that.
Really?
Every night of the show, he had a different woman.
Yeah, he was hot with the lady.
He was like, we're talking, those are fucking big guys.
Yeah, that was a good fucking show, man.
He was a lady.
And I'm going to tell you right now, do you think those guys back then, what a fucker.
That was James Carter.
Every show he made was great.
Wait, every show he made was great.
I thought that show was, he always was getting in trouble from the cops as well.
Sure.
Yeah, because he was in the crying scene.
Yeah, but you think those guys fuck as good as we do now?
Oh, man, jeez, I don't know.
Seriously, there was no porn, there was no nothing.
It was porn?
You know what I mean?
It was porn.
Yeah, but I'm saying there wasn't porn on your phone.
Like, these guys, all they had was stag films and shit like that.
They had been in the Prevody for years.
Well, yeah, but they were more to just get in, get your nut off and leave.
I don't know, man.
I mean, I don't know.
Oh, what's the guy from fucking Hogan's Heroes?
Yeah, he was a weird hero.
Yeah, he was a weird shit, eh?
Yeah, we talked about that.
You know the story of that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was like a sex freak guy.
He liked sex.
He had sex with anyone and anyone.
Nevis was shocked that I remember when Bob Crane died.
Sex addict.
I remember when Bob Crane died, yeah.
I didn't know.
Why was I shocked?
We never talked about that.
It was a big deal, man.
Yeah, we did.
You fucking blackout drunk.
Yeah.
You talking about a blackout drunk?
It was a big deal.
The guy from Hogan's Heroes died.
I mean, now, but dude, what do you mean?
You were blackout drunk, obviously, soon.
We talked about Bob Crane for that, Bob Crane.
Man, he was a drummer and they were showing him playing the drums and shit.
Bob Crane?
Yeah, Bob Crane was a big drummer.
He drummed.
He was a drummer.
Wow.
Really?
He was a drummer.
Yeah, he was a drummer.
I like that.
He played the drums.
No way, at Hogan's Heroes, he rocked.
That was a great show.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it was way better than these.
They showed Stogan's Heroes was great.
I love those Nazis.
Yeah, he had good shows, too.
Shoals and clings.
Yeah, the big fucking stuff.
They would just sneak out.
Richard Dawson.
They would sneak out every night.
Andrew Dawson.
Dude, Richard Dawson.
Richard, Richard.
That guy kissed more ladies on Family Feud.
Yes, he did.
He got more asses in the grand center.
Oh, my God.
Let me tell you, he was a herpes asperator.
He was a herpes machine.
He was like, oh, he's a herpes machine.
Dude, because that guy just kissed every lady.
And they had the one black guy on there.
Dude, he would kiss the way in front of their husbands.
The one black guy and the French guy, the little French guy?
Who?
Yeah.
On Hogan's Heroes.
LeBow and fucking Richard.
Oh, I know the names.
I don't know the names.
I see you don't know shit.
I just don't know their names, actually.
You don't know shit, then.
Damn, dude, why do you have to be so aggressive to me?
I love you.
Man.
I love you, basically.
And forth.
If you had a million dollars, what would you do tomorrow?
I would go to a nice warm, climate island, tropical place.
Puerto Rico?
Beach.
No, no, no, no.
Bahamas?
Yeah, maybe Bahamas.
Jamaica, even Florida, I guess.
But yeah.
Florida's not an island.
You know that, right?
Well, you know what I mean.
Hawaii maybe.
Have you been to the Bahamas, man?
Yeah, I've been to Bahamas, yeah.
Okay.
It's good.
Yeah, Hawaii's too much, though, right?
It's too much of no way.
You need cheap horrors.
NASA was nice.
Yeah, Puerto Rico, boy.
No, I ain't playing around.
Playing around.
Yeah.
Got some kind of disease there or something.
Yeah, and that's just what?
Cheap horrors.
No, I'm too old for that shit, Mike.
No, that's what we do when you're younger.
You're too old for what?
Fucking cheap horrors?
Yeah, but no.
No one that's ever do get older.
No, no, no.
No Puerto Rico for me.
I don't have the kind of money.
That's what you saved that for.
What do you mean, or have that kind of money?
I did see it on the internet.
I saw something online about these places in the islands way out there, like Thailand and shit.
Yeah, third world country.
You could live in little condos on the beach for like 420 bucks a month, man.
420 is not that big a amount.
Yeah, we were looking for people to come with a diamond bank.
Right, I mean 420.
They're looking for people to get checks and they can just keep the money in the US bank
and live there.
Yeah, and they could, yeah.
Right.
Is that what you want to do?
Yeah, I might have to.
Why?
Well, I might have to look for a place to live.
It's too expensive around here.
If you moved to fucking Thailand, I'd be so jealous of you.
I'd be in Florida living in the US as well.
Right, I might have to live in a third world country on the beach someplace.
It's amazing in Florida.
I love your mentality.
Wouldn't that be awful?
What?
That's amazing, man.
No, it's not at all.
Dude, you could eat fucking ramen and so in the young pussy.
Yeah, I know.
Eat the ramen.
Oh, my God.
Eat the ramen.
Eat that ramen.
Eat the ramen.
Eat that ramen.
I mean, do you have candy left on your Ave้iors?
Yeah, I'm really happy to eat it.
I mean, what is it you want to go about playing.
America in America?
Everything.
What.
I mean, anyone ever comes.
That is a good place for kids like me.
Um,gedam.)
Yeah, yeah.
Where were you during пошأ kilatt?
I mean, it's just a good place for kids to live.
Like in Bangkok?
It's a very good place to go.
U ізAAGHht, no, you gotta be looking for a place to live.
Like I did in my restaurant, ranked 3th.
In bell shape, there was almost three at the bottom.
Listen if you lived in if you lived in fucking Thailand, what would you do and forth?
Man imagine the drugs there right
I would help tours like you know tourists are spoken English I would help them for money
Hustling people
This is
Candy
Right I have a whole operation going in no time. I mean Jesus Christ guy knows what he likes right? I think so yeah
And that would be fun
Why the fuck?
You always want to go to your money's worth more right exactly why not you know?
And be a taxi cab yeah you go even a taxi cab yeah with the scooter yeah, it's so nicer to have a listen with this
He wouldn't have to do that. He's living like a king out there. I would be doing pretty good actually
You'd have to move to a slum, but you'll be fine. Yeah, it'd be alright
Yeah, there's a lot of Americans do this to there's plenty of what I live in TJ. Let me tell you right
There's all over where I need to be yeah, but TJ is a lot different than Thailand. It's a thorough country
They both are
Why was they show these places in Thailand? They look really nice actually they didn't yeah bad at all really really nice
Yeah, just just miles of road along the beach with restaurants and hotels
Miles and miles and miles of Russian hotels and beach and scooters parked out front
And you'd be able to afford sounds horrible. No, there's supermarkets shit. You know there's a town
I'm in that hotel you go outside. There's another hotel. There's another you know what I mean like well
It's not that it's not that way you're gonna force that funnel you to the beach. It's not like cancun hotels
Vegas you're murdered. They're not that close together. They're not that large
hotels
You try to buy a bag of little hotels, you know, I think that sounds cool right the bungalows and shit
Just a little private you should move on a cruise ship. That's what you should do. That's too expensive
But no 30 grand a year. Yeah, I heard about this. Yeah, that's what you should do. It would be kind of cool
Yeah, you can do whatever you want man. I wouldn't fucking you're an international waters
Wow
That sounds like right in here so if you were making some good bank
That wouldn't be bad. No, no, I live on this boat all the time. Yeah
People that have been doing it. Yeah, but you can live a lot cheaper than 30 grand a year. No, you can't where?
That is everything that you could eat, you know, where
Supposed to buffet 24-7 all the drinks you want where can you live for less than 30 grand II do your fucking?
Come on some mathematics. Yeah, I pay fucking
1100 for my apartment a year and that's included utilities. Okay
So that my friend
Is far what let's say $14,000 then I have food gas
Child support. I can't live on 30 grand a year. Yeah, exactly. I don't even make 30 grand a year with my check
I mean you should go down to Boys Town. Maybe you can oh you got two hands
Like oh, I thought this was a chick it's just
Couldn't do when I was waiting for the guy to well it looked out on had a lot of that too
Do we thought I was some kind of prostitute right prostitute hanging out there? Why they want to get in the car with them
Yeah, did you know of course I keep going buddy?
I'm just here for drugs. Yeah
Yeah, I'm not gay I just want to get high
They know all you gay rats like to smoke crack. Yeah, well, you know, I'm well do other things too back then it was good
They thought I was gay. You know what I mean? Yeah, because he just came here to have a good time man. Yeah, sit down
And for no you got to sit down for a minute. I got my pocket pipped
How the hooker?
Oh boy, I'm at the hotel a canal Street, right?
You know if you're driving downtown, I know how they in yeah, so I'm gonna meet them right there as you drive
To get dope. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm standing there and I'm waiting and crack we're gonna get and this girl comes up
This black lady just out of track
Out of the blue comes out no place. Hey, baby. We don't have a good thing. Whatever. She's got you know
Balls like you put one hand in my junk
But I had another hand in my pocket
Bucks came and that was pretty quick. Yeah, how does she know what pocket 80 bucks was in? I don't know
Well, she's just fucking 50 50. Yeah, she knows you got a buck's out of those
Yeah
Sick ass lick and then she asked me if I wanted to start sharing party with her friends and of course I said no
I'm not gonna get you know your money, right?
And as soon as you went around the corner, I said
Rip dude, yeah, I wrote my pocket crazy
Man, she literally that's what happened in the game. Yeah, it was a great
Country boy, but no listen. Oh, listen to that. She bumped into him grant this nuts reached in his pocket
I understand what they had the money in it. No, I understand dude. What are the chances?
How many pockets you got for yeah, so you got a quarter chance of fucking hitting
Pocket she could hit them off right dude. She fuck right. She might have felt every pocket up first
You think she got a little right? Who knows how high he was to right? He's acting like he's not Jesus over here
No, I called them I called the guy and I said do it just turn around because I just got my pocket picked and he started
Laughing do that quick man. How'd you get your pocket picked? I'm a come anyways. You can pay me later, man
I'm almost there sit tight, bro
It's got credit
It's all you know, he knows you're coming back tomorrow
He lacks my rocks. Yeah, they're good. What are you gonna do? Oh, yeah, exactly
So that's what I'm saying if you're gonna fucking. Oh my god
I mean you what are you gonna go once you get a good one? You don't leave a good one
It was something nothing was as good as when I fucking cook the rocks myself. Yeah, that was fine. Yeah, you cook your own
It's the same time, but you know, you know what you're getting you know the coke
You know what the fucking you know, it's just everything is right that way
You agree but at the same I didn't say nothing literally, you know if you're gonna do it do it right
Well, you shouldn't do drugs people. I'm a guy
Surely got the sweats. Thank you gentlemen
I'm gonna go are you leaving? Yeah, I gotta go it's late. I gotta I'm gonna get home by 10. Okay. I love you
That's right mark. You know sure. Thanks, brother
Thanks guys, you appreciate it. You got it man. I'll talk to you tomorrow
That was mark ladies and gentlemen and that was the not keep going no so Larry Needle show. No, it's not
What time is it?
We just can't release a 25 minute episode
So sure we can man
What time is it I can't tell
It's
It's counting down. Yeah, we've been going about a half hour
Alright, maybe you know 20 minutes or so we can keep going if you want
It's not like we're bound by anything. No that mark's gone. Oh, I love him for he's the best
Oh, my ass is hurting from this chair, man. Well, then sitting in another chair
I just moved over here sitting padded one. We have another mic that's hot
Man that fucking guy this is Larry Needle show part two
Yeah, man, it's such worse shape than we are in who mark. Yes. Who do you mean who that fucking guy?
Yes mark
Yeah, he's in poor guy man. He's in poor shape right now with that. Yeah. Yeah
It's terrible, but you know, I
Mean it's very terrible
his parents kind of
Blame him, you know for all the years of drug abuse that he they kind of think that he caught cancer on his own
I don't think it's because of that, but you know, it's because of everything and
There's multiple variables in his life. Oh, it's because of you know our diets and everything in the world
I mean listen man, we've been ripping heaters and doing bad things from the beginning to the end. Yeah, I mean we're still here
We've no people that have not here anymore
We're some of the few survivors and actually most of our friends are fucking dead and mark should be dead also
I'm just being honest
I
This is a survivor's episode
No, it's not a survivor's episode
See how at the end he couldn't
Out there in listening land if you notice that mark's voice all of a sudden might sound like he's off mic
That's because he couldn't sit down. He was he got up and he was jumping around whatever we got in
Yeah, that was tight. Yeah, it is very tough. You know what? It's like it's like fucking a friend
Photographing a dodo bird, but I mean we have these people in our lives that are just open books, right?
Yeah
So moving more entertaining than others
Yeah
For sure. I unfortunately get along. I don't know how I mean
You like to sniffy. No, I tolerate you. That's what it is
Tolerate
You tolerate yes, thank God my lawyer lives here because he's still only 25% on cataclysm
See exactly he couldn't say nothing
But we do get along
Yeah, I tolerate people like what's that?
Man, these are got a bag. I'm gonna get a little very very
Has a plastic bag with MP note M&M's and I'm going peanut butter M&M's
And
That's his fix
Delicious well, that's your fix now man. That's what we're looking for
We're looking for a peanut butter M&M sponsorship and Mike wants a butt plug sponsorship
needles wants a butt plug and he wants a remote control on that I want a monocoe
Sponsorship wants a monocoe
My little alcohol drink. Yeah, and he wants a remote control butt plug sponsorship
I just think of a remote control car with a butt plug
He's driving in the ladies
I mean is that rape if you don't do it
Is it rape if you ask him to sit down in that turn? No, if you drive a remote control car right up in their cooch
Is that rape?
No
Exactly if you back it in and out
Rapidly. Well, yeah, I mean Jesus man now we're talking about torque
It's a remote control car
Well, some of those things have some fucking pretty good
Torque firepower. Yeah
Powers they're all battery operated
That's a problem
You can only get some of your dildo. It's battery operated Larry you look at you a joke search and they know yeah
Coming up with jokes Larry
Did you do he'll be here? Oh man? Hey is that joint still going can I get it off of it or what man?
I hope I hope you guys up. I hope everybody out there notices how often this motherfucker
Man, you are so pale
Dude, you're so pale
pale face like a vampire
Vampire Larry at your service. No, we have what's the other one fucking Michael Douglas Larry Larry Jones at your cervix
Ladies the other one a falling down Larry
Like that one because you look like Michael Douglas that one. Yeah, and then we have another layer shit, man
Michael Douglas, man falling down Larry's good. I like that. Yeah, it's the same guy though. Yeah, Michael Douglas
Yeah, I'm falling down. Yeah, that's a great movie though. It is great movie
One of the this is one of the better ones when you can't take it anymore
You can't take it anymore. And then you know what happens you go to jail
Or you get killed. I like when those guys fucking I think he gets killed, right? I can't falling down
Yeah, I like when them guys uh
In the park the thugsters or gang members or whatever the bat they're gonna take his briefcase
They think yeah, and he's had three already fucking pissed off and crazy mad and he's just fucking
You're not taking my briefcase. Yeah, that was great. That was a good movie. It's a very good movie. He shoots up that McDonald's
That's fucking good shit
We like to fucking they were making movies about people losing it back then. Yeah. Yeah, you know you got to hang on to yourself though
No, you can't fucking lose it like that sometimes man, especially even a shithole like LA or yeah, my niece lives there
my my mom, you know, which is her grandmother is
Just like why did you move there and what's wrong with you?
And you know well not so much like that, but she is real worried about her and wishes she didn't you know shit whole place
Why are you living in a big city? Yeah, the biggest city in the United States. Yeah
And it's full of fanooks and scammers. Yeah, and fucking it's terrible. It's it's a way to get your chops though
That's where you go. Yeah
She's hanging around with fucking share. She was hanging around with Harry Styles. I let her do her thing
Yeah, you know and that's her and that is her thing. So God bless, you know, man, I could never do that
Barely want to hang out with myself, right? Yeah, I know how you feel I would share
Sit in the basement with Larry and smoke weed
Who wouldn't there's no, I mean, I don't know you want to have a contest. Let's see
All right, we'll have a contest for a listener to fucking come and hang out with
Larry and just do drugs with us. Oh, throw me my heaters. Hey, whatever they want to do. No
I don't say that they may want to fuck your ass. No, no, no, no, no
Talking drugs
I was gonna say you just can't be that face. No, I don't want to do that. We'll just it's gonna be weed only the contest
Hang out party a little listen, but we get good kind of mean so we don't need anything else besides that nose beers are gay
No, I wouldn't say that but
We just can't be getting all gacked out
You do have a tank though
Yeah, I don't want to be
We should do but you know what we're gonna do a balloon episode. I do a balloon and then you talk and then you
We're gonna do a balloon episode where needles does nitrous oxide balloons and
Um, okay. Yeah, I mean Jesus. We're you a fat. I don't want to have pinhole fucking you already have pinhole brain
Can't even say it
Pinhole that doesn't prove I don't need more pinhole
What does you do need more synapse between the fucking the synapse is getting further apart
Is that what it is?
You know the yeah, I know your fucking synapse. Yeah, yeah, yeah
electrodes between your fucking zippers rage one fucking nerve endings
Yeah, whatever the fuck you want to call it, but yeah, you're retarded
Yeah, I just ripped this fucking joint, but
Yeah, baby
You still have fun though, right?
How old are you again 63? Yeah, I mean fuck it's gotta suck to be so old
It ain't so bad man. Yeah, I mean
You don't even wreck your meat anymore still fucking rock though, dude
No, I know you do on guitar about that in Jesus Christ. You don't even fucking flick your Peter
There's so much nasty porn out there Larry
It's so good sometimes I don't need porn I have an imagination. Oh my god. Look at you
You're fucking lovely wife and everything else. You're mr. Rogers in the porn world
Mr.. Rogers fucking neighborhood around here. Yeah, that's all cuz that's all you think of is all the people in your neighborhood
Larry the best thing is when your brother was living here and I
I'm at work one day and I come home and he's like hey man
While you were at work today
I went around the neighborhood and I knocked on all the doors and I
Introduced myself and told the people that I was your roommate
And I was living here with you and Mary and I said you did what?
Like you're fucking kidding me right he's like no
Why are really nice people on this block?
And I'm like you're kidding me right? He's like no
Random people
I live in this house
Until they kick me out or I die
Excuse me, I'm on a lot of heroin right now. Let's leave here. I might not live here anymore. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna die soon
So don't worry. Oh
man, but
That was that was the best I could never do that. Could you do that? No? Oh my god
Take some balls and but it was funny then cuz then after that all the neighbors like hey
He kind of paid kind of the lubricant between you and your neighbors
The best was there was these there was this gay couple living across the street from us
Yeah, and the guy had long curly beautiful black curly hair and
The other guy had like a regular like haircut like what I have right now. Yeah, just a crew cut thing
and uh
Jays out there talking to the dude he tells him I like your wife's hair
Oh, he says it was a dude. Yeah
I'm on four bags of dope. I like your
But you know
Totally no
You're still painting them a compliment because he felt a little weird at the end
I said, yeah, and then they didn't care and they were really still cool. Yeah, cuz he's an idiot
It was a lovable
Like your wife's hair. It's a dude. How could you not tell it?
Here's the thing though the guy walked around looking short sad and short
Yeah, like the boy so high that you can tell a man a gender
He looked kind of like a girl the guy was okay looking if you saw yeah, no
He was yeah, I mean come on. He was high as shit. Well, but at the same time
I was high as shit too. I still do it was a man. He misgendered your neighbor
Yeah, your wife is hot yeah
Yeah, I wish he was here so I could rip out
Fucking but you know
Like Jim carol said people who've died right
Right a lot of people die
Everybody does it's the worst part of getting old right?
Hard to get an old
Breaking up. It's when you die. Oh, it's folders in your top. Oh, it's the best part of waking up. Yeah
What do you do? I'm trying to crack my fucking back
I mean, it's your back door right now. My bag is starting to hurt. Did you turn your butt plug? Oh
No, man, well Mary's got the controller
She fell on the setting. Yeah, he is totally fell asleep
It's just high speed for the next four hours
Yeah, I'm driving to Starbucks in the morning. I can't drive honey
My car
You got fucking yeah, it's killing me. Yeah, you get vertigo from watching the shit shake. Ah
Fucking and forth man. God damn that kid
Yeah
He's uh, he's something man. He's a loose cannon man. Yeah, I mean literally he has cancer
He's on a huge amount of methadone. Yeah, the doctors are telling you a gem out. I
Mean more than anybody I know more than I ever did. Oh
More than anyone I know. Yeah, when they were now was in TJ. They'd start to open 300
That's crazy though, but they jack you down fast, right? No, they want you to be on there forever, huh?
Oh my god, that is fucking dangerous. I
Knew that was there for
No, it's not there for a minute. It's not dangerous for the
Met uh
Methadone patient. It's dangerous to own the clinic. Yeah, that's the dangerous part
Oh, I mean they don't want to kill the junkies. They want to risk and reward
Huh? Yeah, what are you gonna do? You're gonna fucking
You got a new one to pull out that's you know, I got so many kids around here
You got no one to fold don't know when to pull out. You got a new one to run away
Hey
But I mean
These people
Mexico was crazy. Fuck. Yeah, it really is
We should do a podcast with Tijuana. Yeah, that'd be amazing. I love Mexico myself. I love but no
Tijuana I always had great times there
Yeah, I mean there's nothing to fuck with my mom my mom would go to Tijuana every summer for the family
vacation when they were kids because
We had family that most of our family lived in California and my
Grandmothers will know was my grandfather's brother. I guess and he lived in San Diego
And so they would go to Tijuana every they'd go to the Woolworths or whatever. Oh man, let me shit
You know what?
Literally is a third world country. Yeah, I crossed that border. I know when you go down fucking
It's fun man
That's when your white privilege really kicks in in those third world
Oh, not at all. I'm kidding. I mean you're a fucking
But the funny thing is I meshed and lived with people like that for two years because you're fucking low life dirtbag
Exactly. Well, what does that mean about the people you're talking about?
That's kind of horrible that you would gentrify them like that. Who would you just said I said I hung out with the kind of people
That I was comfortable with and he said I'm a low life dirtbag
So I know because I know you're saying that they're
Because I know because I know you're comfortable doing oh look at you all of a sudden you're my fucking bedmaker
You don't know what I'm comfortable with. Yeah, I do fucker. What's that? You're acting like I don't know
What's what am I comfortable with later? You're comfortable being a low life and alcoholic on drugs
prostitutes
Bangin some fucking
Horish girlfriend catching diseases back and forth and fucking I don't have diseases
Oh, okay, and so that's maybe one part
Whatever
I'm probably pretty damn fucking. This is all allegedly. I mean come on allegedly. I'm probably damn pretty accurate
Damn pretty accurate on the fucking money
You're a little bit off
Yeah, except replace the girl for empire with boyfriend. Yeah, exactly. I mean come on man right on the money
I told you dude. I got chubby cheeks guys love that
I mean fucking a they're mighty mighty chipmunk boy. Yeah, they're like mighty squeezable, dude. I mean
What am I gonna do deny a lover? I can't do that
Would you ever deny a lover?
If it was a fucking
Man, yeah, I would no and I've even turned down some I one time. I fucking was getting pressured. I'm not gonna say her name
So she'll know who she knows. There's a big fat girl laying on you
fat girl
I wasn't appealed
I'm fucking big fat girl. I wasn't appealing and she just wasn't I didn't want to fuck her, you know, and she wanted smell
No, she just didn't she was that big wasn't right. Oh, you didn't get there. You didn't get the
She didn't she wasn't cute in any way. She wasn't yeah, but just have a connection with her
Yeah, that's the thing man
There's gotta be some sort of weird
Listen dudes will fuck anything sure. Yeah, they really will and I mean
I'm not a fucking that's what I'm saying and that's like that's what I was saying. I only happen it only happened once in my life
One time once how old are you?
You
Every other time I've been like, oh, yeah, like a fucking lap dog Larry once kissed the chicken
But this chick didn't get him off which is funny how old were you?
Oh shit, dude, I was like
Well, you know what and that's another thing. I was at an age when I was flooded with pussy, too
Oh, I mean, how old were you? Like about 18, 19. Oh Jesus, man. Yeah, I'm getting laid
You'll put your dick in a fucking bag of sand. Yeah
I was fucking banging every fucking rod. I knew I actually fucked almost every chick I knew
At one point
Because
Fuck you can't have any women friends just his wife
That's why he has all dude friends now
He's moved on
It moved on. Yeah, that's all right. Don't Larry. You know what I?
I appreciate your gayness
That's all right. Thanks. You want to kiss dudes? Thanks. Yeah, just do it in the other room
Okay
I'll try I'll try and fucking keep it in the other room
Yeah, I would hope so. I mean at least keep it in the basement or the closet shall we say
Just stick in the closet when your boyfriend's come over
It's gonna be tough to hide behind the cats
It's gonna be dude once the kids the cats are gonna totally have so much disdain towards you. Why being gay?
They're gonna lose so much respect for you. No, they know I'm not gay. They know I mean they look at you
I see how they look at you. That's right. They're looking me with nothing but love
My cat Helena except who you are Larry
She would my cat Helena loves me so much. How much does she love you? Ah, man
Like a person
Like if I was her parent or fucking
And I don't know your honor. No not even more than that. She would she just really loves me
You know, I'm not a cat fan
I like your cats are cool. They're well my cats are you know what how about catapult?
You know what that means? You put a cat inside a catapult and launch it right? Isn't that what it was made for?
a catapult
Yeah, but I'm sure it's got some latin derivative that doesn't mean cat at all
But here's the cool thing that they did with the cat. What's a cool thing?
I'm a dead people dead soldiers in the catapult Trishambo after their
rotting a little bit
Hoist them over the wall to their enemy's place. Yeah, and then they would get disease. Yeah, they were disease great idea
Right. I know we need to start doing it. We need to do a little history next time. Yeah, we need to have
Maybe we'll study something and like the roman needles history
Oh, you know what the rapin and king that's kind of interesting
Yeah, you're gonna rape a man. Yeah, I'm gonna rape a man. That's a king. Oh, hopefully you can bail me out
If you do it in California do it in San Francisco, I don't know where a king's at so I don't have to get a passport
Yeah, oh, we'll probably kill you. Yeah, that's all right, though, man. It'd be great for the podcast
We can always do it last episode
No, man
Hopefully, oh, yeah, they probably would over the lake. It'll be the larry and what were you saying about San Francisco?
If you do if you uh, rape the guy in San Francisco, I'm not raping any dudes. What's that? It's fucking oh
Oh, I mean, oh
I thought you were gonna
King not a man had to sit you well if he's in San Francisco, you'll get away with it
They'll let you write out a jail same with new york. What for rape same in Chicago really?
I don't think so. They'll let you out of jail and
Instantaneously, well, I know there's no bond thing. Yeah, isn't that crazy? No bond. Yeah for like
Anus crimes
I'm just a horrendous. You know, it's weird. He's we thought years and years and years ago
That's a problem. The funding for the cops went away in Detroit, you know back in the team rocket days fucking
And I used to think it was great because
It was like kind of like the wild wild west because
All misdemeanors they didn't even bother with
So you can do anything up to any, you know, as long as it was like theft you 500
Yeah, it was all that and so we thought that was real cool
But we didn't realize how fucked up that was because you know, we didn't live there
we were only
Playing shows there and then leaving sleeping over maybe and then leaving, you know, not really you didn't live there
Like you just said, yeah, you understand the ramifications. It was but the ramifications are bad now
I realized later because it was a fucking dude used to be able to buy a house dummy, man
I was you know, I was in my
There was a program where you could buy a house in Detroit for a couple hundred bucks and he said to pay the property taxes
Yeah, it was basically a burnt-down house on an abandoned lot
And you know what there's a lot of fucking block up a lot of you can buy the whole block up for thousands of dollars
We should have did that. What are you doing over there?
We should have bought a couple of what is that is that as my shit? Yeah, why you where's your why you doing that?
I can't fucking breathe. No, man
We should have bought a couple of blocks in Detroit. Why?
Because I like it there. Yeah, but can you pay the fucking taxes on it? No, how much is it?
I don't know man. I'm not a fucking estimator. Man
If we fucking use our brains we could have started a dope spot there
We could have ran our shit from Chicago to Detroit or we could have just listen you look really good with cornrows Larry
Yeah
Ligger her
Wigger Larry
That's what it would be
It'd be hilarious. Do you just draw a soul and like puma shit? Yeah
Like uh, you ever seen um, what the fuck is that?
Oh
I shouldn't have caught my hair man. Why because I can't do cornrows right now
Well, that's where the good ones and you know the best the best is we can pretend. Huh? I need a weave
I don't have any hair. I need a weave. Well, I mean Jesus. Oh, man. That's even better. Let's go get you a
And then they can do it in a cornrow. All right
You get right on your scooters. Oh, man. You're like bow Derek
Tough to kiss dudes with cornrows deliver dope on my scooter. I could probably get a Harley if we fucking
Had good enough business
You that's not new man. I don't know what you mean if we had good enough
You gotta be there too. No, man. I don't know what you're talking about
Just gonna ride your scooter on Boys Town and hopefully somebody picks you up
Okay, no
I think you'll be picked up. No, I'm saying. Okay. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, it really is
How much you think you can get?
Oh, man, shit. I could probably get more than that. I mean, what would you have to do though? I'm beautiful
I mean blowing dudes. Yeah, oh man 500 to take it in the ass. Yeah
Oh, man. It's kind of cheap, right?
Too cheap
That's gonna be your nickname out in Boys Town too cheap
Yeah
It's too cheap for me. No, that's too cheap right there
That's what they say
No, man, all my prostitution goes the other way
I pay and get the pleasure. I'm not fucking getting fucked. I'm not sucking anyone up
I'll let someone suck my dick
Man
Hopefully a woman fucking suck only a woman, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm open. Yeah. I'm open anything
I'm living life like it's a 70
If you ever if you probably was a woman
No, I'm just joking, but you know like the 70s. I think it was probably was a woman
I think oh, yeah. Well, you would hope I mean all you gotta do is feel for nuts, right?
What kind of situation are you really just getting had?
Sure, there's times when like when there's a gay guy in your car
Okay
But I mean, you know, I mean like you meet a chick at a bar. There was this are you really just getting just had
Sometimes. Yeah, man
I have
I guess I want a little stink. I'm a pink
Don't you I had this fucking gay guy wanting to give me
Oral sex begging me one night begging you. I love it. Yeah, and uh
For under the guise of let's smoke some weed and he worked at a particular
Club we were playing at and then he started threatening me that uh, you know, our band wouldn't go anywhere if I didn't do this
Well, he was right
Now he was wrong and fucking
and then uh
I didn't know I was just like, you know, uh later dude. I gotta go and
And later we all had to get together. We did this, uh
Chicago Metalworks album. I can't remember the kid's name though. That's probably good because you'll say first and last
That's just keeping it that and everyone was coming in a little fag and everything, you know, this is back in like 1983
Yeah, it was acceptable when it wasn't it wasn't meant. It wasn't proper harmful. No, it wasn't meant to be harmful
No, they were meaning it to be harmful because I guess this guy tried to fucking
Give full a show to every fucking guy in every band that was there because we all had to come together
to do this photo session this big famous, uh
Photographer was there. I think it was Ross Halfen or something. You let him blow you. No
Oh, man, I'm gonna you missed out. That sounds like you had this big fucking beard
Okay, yeah
I hear you. Yeah
I mean, I don't know if I would have done anything different if he didn't but that was really a turnoff
The big beard. Yeah
That's definitely a turn off arm hair too
And just like big hands this big man hands like ah
Right. Yeah, but you could see some of the trannies now or um
Is the tranny okay
Yeah, you can say tranny. My dad told me you could always tell the tranny, you know, like if someone had a sex change
Because they could never change their ass totally
And they could never
Yeah that
In the hands like if you oh, yeah, the hands are a dead giveaway
Like bobby has a bobby bronco shout out
He has a friend that had a sex change from a woman to a man
Really? Yes. And when the first time I met this, uh, guy
And he's a man now
Small hands. Yes, and I knew right away that this was the guy because she hot
It's a man. Is he hot? No
He looks like a little uh
Woody Allen Jewish fellow with fucking scraggly beard
Imagine wanting to transition from a man to a woman or a woman to a man
Well, I guess this kid was born in her maffordite
You know what dad is right? Yeah
She had a pussy and she had some testicles up inside
so when when
This uh person got this sex change
They were able to fucking impregnate their wife. I don't know if that's hot or creepy. It's creepy
But I mean you're still being it, right?
Huh? You're still being it, right?
No, dude. It's a man
It's a man, baby. Yeah, it's a man
But I mean so it was a chick she had a puss. It was a chicken balls in her puss. Yeah
So I mean so what they did was they took her playing the shit out of her until they took her clit and cut it
And butterflyed a million ways to sunday. Yeah
Spread it out. So it would be along the top of the fake cock the fuck so they would have feeling when they're fucking
Oh, man. They took one of the testicles
And put it in one side of the nut sack and then took the other side of the fucking the other ball sack side
And put in an air pump to make the fake cock
get it off
Yes, and so this kid had fucking three children
Really still coming everything. Oh shit. Yeah
Wow, he's still nuts. That's amazing. He is because he was born on the boss
Finding a woman that's willing to tolerate that. Yeah, I gotta pump my dick up before we
And also check this. I guess it's a quick action just
God damn and I can't find a nice woman air pump, you know and fucking um, the other thing is
He also well now he's a he now, but when he was a girl, you know, they're going through all this trans
sports shit with lea thomas and all this swimming and everything
This kid won every track and field award first place on everything
When he was a uh woman, okay
And now he's a man. Yeah, and even though he was really a girl. Yeah
I guess even though he just because he had balls in even though it was up in his oh, I mean if you're hermafida
He still won every track and field me, but you have to have a certain amount of estrogen and hormones going through, right?
Right, I don't know bro. I mean if you're a chick you have estrogen you're a fucking male you have hormone or whatever to
testosterone
Right
Yeah
So
Do you think that this chick?
I don't even know she had she had both. Yeah testosterone and
So when when dude, I can't imagine that she went through a lot of psychological
evaluations and psychiatry like they should do and then
Started hormone therapy as she started getting these sex
Three kids man. That's outrageous dude. That's that's amazing. He actually fucked out himself
Yeah, wow. Yeah, three fucking kids. It's amazing. It is amazing. Well, I mean do you really think that when you
I mean as soon as uh as soon as the uh
Operation was done. Yeah, Robert's like tells uh tells the guy I'm not saying his name on purpose
I know his name, but I'm just gonna not say it and he tells him uh
Hey, let me see your cock, you know, who says that Robert? Oh steamboat? Yeah, and I'm like, what the fuck man?
Why would you do that? And he's like I wanted to see it and he's all fruity and shit
And I and I'm like wow and he's like, yeah, it looks good. He tells me and I'm like, geez I didn't ask dude
It looks good. How you wanted to suck it or well, I mean now can you read that was constructed?
Yeah reconstructed cock is kind of crazy. I had him make fun of him a little bit.
When you look at your own dick every day and then all of a sudden you gotta think about it's fucking busted up, right?
But yeah, this guy didn't have a dick and it's
So
Well, they made one. Yeah
Science is fucking crazy, right? Yeah, and this was science done way back in like uh
Well, you know 90s. Yeah
90s
Seconds
Yeah, 90s sex change action 90 sex change action. I like that
but
Maybe even late 80s
Really? Yeah. Oh, so it's got to be a mess then
I don't know. What do you mean? You don't know. I mean, I never looked man. Robert said it looks good
Yeah for about 80s 20 fucking 30 years later. What do you think? I don't know man. I don't know
I think it's gonna be a fucking mess. You got to get a tune up every once in a while, right?
When you run a car for a couple thousand miles time for an oil change. Yeah
But if that's what you saw over here's the other thing I can never imagine
He could fuck his wife as long as he wants and she kind of likes it because
He stays hard until he let's say it plump
Yeah, but you know what I know and I thought that's so fake and then here's the other thing
We were doing a recording session because he's also a musician and uh
It was the old days and there was a hustler magazine in my control room
And there was some really hot ass fucking bitches in there as there always is
Hustlers good. We're all going man. Look at this fucking broad and I like to fucking
Okay, all right, you know and uh the dude got like all right guys. I think uh, you know, we we
And I said, oh, yeah, the woman is coming out the woman's still there
He couldn't hear another person say how they wanted to eat her fucking asshole. You know what I mean
He actually they tend to crash but I said, you know, it was a fucking room full of
Abandoned drugs and everyone's you know, fucking you know, try to birds and we're looking at the fucking thing
And you forget that he used to be a girl because he looks like a guy. He's got a scraggly beard and mustache
So he was a girl. Yes to a guy. Yes. That is crazy, man
Yeah titties or nothing
No titties. No
Doesn't that shock you
Yeah, I was shocked
And I said leave it to bobby to be the one that knows someone like this
Yeah, like childhood friends. Yeah steamboat. Well friends with the brother when this kid was a girl
You can pick and choose your friends, eh? Mm-hmm. That's why he's uh
That's why you only have in the bag. That's why you only dated the guy for three years
Fucking steamboat I heard once her to get his stomach poke because he had too much coming in
All right on that note ladies and gentlemen
I'm coming. Thank you very much for joining us this Larry Needle show. I'm Larry
I'm I'm Larry
I got you. I love you later. Yeah. Have a great night. We love you rock on