Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles show.
Okay, here we are. Welcome to the Larry and Needles show. I'm Larry and I'm Needles.
And uh, we're gonna- This is a special episode. Yeah, this is special. You better get closer to
your mic, homie. Okay, uh, we're gonna burn- I'm gonna burn frankincense incense. This is the
shit that Jesus smelled that they brought. Oh, it's the other one. Muir and fucking um, gold.
That was to be the other thing. No, it was gold. Gold, they brought him gold. No, those are three.
Frankincense. Frankincense to baby Jesus. Muir. Yeah. Muir. And gold. Those are the three things
they brought him. And what happened to him? They fucking nailed him to a cross. No, that wasn't
worth it. What's the exchange going on? I mean- I mean, cooperate for that. What happened in the
interim in between a lot of shit happened, but you know, I mean, the crux of the story is-
What's the crux of the story, Larry? He was born, they followed the star, they brought him all these
presents and then they killed him. Well, I mean, he's a pariah, hey? Yeah. I mean, isn't that- somebody
shit smells really good though. It's like the best- it's the closest thing. Do you remember
like when you were a kid in the fourth of July to light the fireworks, you- they had those punks?
Yeah. The punk things. This is the closest thing to that- that smell. I gotta get-
You ever ate there over there, Larry? Yeah, I haven't had that before. Would you lose, Larry? Ah, poor Larry.
Very unprofessional. That's right, it's Larry. It's the Larry and Neal show. All right. It's the Larry
and Neal show. So you had these things smell very close to the punk. What's that? The- the punks,
remember those things? They smelled so good. But they were the- wasn't that-
You used them to light firecrackers and shit. Yeah, but they were fucking uh, chiba sticks, right?
Punks, they were just the sticks, right? Yeah. Yeah, so it was uh, technically it was fucking uh,
incense. Yeah, but- but it was just strictly for kids to light. No, it's not, I mean, really?
Yeah, it was made to light firecrackers. They were actually called punks. I know, I know exactly
what we're talking about, Larry, but I can't believe that. Yeah. I mean, you're just a punk, though,
you know? Yeah, they're- they really- and they had this smell and then the rumor always was,
you know, they're- they're made out of horseshit. What's made out of horseshit? The incense, the punks,
you know? The punk-turbine out of horseshit. Yeah, that was the fuck. I think you're made out of horseshit, Larry.
Well, we were good to have it said, man, of horseshit. All of a sudden they came back onto you.
I mean, how else could you bring this story back to you? Why the fuck does it smell like an Indian
diner in here all of a sudden? Because I'm burning this fucking shit, man. What are you burning?
I mean, fucking it, you're gonna start serving mama galoot or what are you doing over here, dude?
I mean, Jesus Christ, I just wafted over to my nose. What the fuck, man? You have to tell your
part. It smells good, right? No, it does not. It does not smell good. I mean, I'm looking for a
fucking cat over here. Right before we started, I said I'm lighting the stuff that Jesus smells.
Oh, well, you said frankincense. You didn't take fucking punam, jabi fucking bullshit weird dot,
man. Listen, I'm not gonna do an Indian accent. That's the kind of shit that-
Because I don't want to fucking defame our characters, but you know. But that's the kind of
shit that, you know, that's the part of the world Jesus was hanging in. So-
Well, part of the world is that, Larry? Poon, jabby type shit. Oh, India is that what you're saying?
Poon, jabby type shit. So now we got Larry's geographical search. Where is Jesus?
Where did you find him today, Larry? So he's in the Poon, Jabby district?
Yeah. I mean, the Ganges, man, you don't want to take a fucking bath in that shit.
I don't think he lived there. What do you mean? That's a river.
Yeah, no, he didn't hang there. He didn't go that deep down. I think he was more like,
you know, like in Iraq and shit. That's- I mean, I don't know what the fuck that means,
go deep down. He didn't go that far south. No, okay. So he went more north, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. The Lord our Savior did not go towards-
I said deep down, that wasn't really- Yeah, you know, that's what I'm saying.
The Lord our Savior did not go towards the Gaza Strip? No. But he did like some Gaza Stripers.
Oh, don't don't don't. There we go.
But at the same time though, I mean,
what do you think this guy was partaking in, shall we say, Jesus?
Oh man, he was just chilling. No, he was walking around. He's walking around.
Putting out good vibes, fucking telling people, you know. I mean, he's just rolling joints for
everybody. He was turning water in the water. Look at this, three for ten.
I got dubs. He's totally selling free roll. Jesus can roll a great blunt.
Probably. Well, I mean, fucking A's, he's a son of God.
Probably really can roll a great blunt. Well, would you not expect anything less from him?
I mean, look at this, Jesus like- I mean, so that thing's horrible. Oh my God.
Are you gonna pass it later or are you gonna get the fucking dochi?
You're so far away. I know. So far away. I have my own there.
I had one there. My lawyer took mine and brought it up to you for some reason.
I don't think I shall seek your counsel any more. Do you need a joint really?
Huh? Do you need a joint?
Oh, okay. So yeah, today I was minding my own business and needles showed up with some fucking
mushrooms and then some ketamine and next thing you know, I'm all fucked up and-
And then I fall allegedly. Yeah, allegedly. What the hell was that? A ghost?
And did you see that? Yeah.
They're fucking crazy, dude. I didn't touch nothing.
No, I know. It looked like a whole bunch of shit was moving.
Dude, this thing just moved. Wow. Did you see that?
Yeah. Dude.
And it's not from the drugs. Anyways, he did bring a bunch of shit today and I'm not that
fucked up, but that thing did move. That is fucking weird.
Oh, don't burn down the house, man. That's right.
So what else, man? What's going on?
No, man, that was weird. I'm sorry, man. That was really weird.
What's happening?
I mean-
Well, you gotta ignore it.
Dude, it was right next to me. I mean, how can I fucking ignore that? Like seriously?
No, I know. That was- I mean, seriously, dude, I don't know how to mushrooms and drugs right now.
And this was a fucking ghost fucking podcast. Dude, I'm on a fucking-
We would be- already we hit the jackpot. We'd have to save this episode from the last.
Dude, Larry, what the fuck just happened?
I don't know. I don't know. Did you see that?
The thing went back and forth. The stand moved.
And I'm not even-
You're nowhere near it.
I mean-
You're like three feet away from it. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck happened.
Well, should we talk about Chris then for a minute?
I don't know, man. Maybe Chris is down here. Well, Chris is definitely down here.
I mean-
You know, Chris is my homie that I was in a band with and he was probably the best guy ever, the best-
Yeah, but this guy killed himself.
He killed himself.
And I have all of his musical equipment. We were in a band together and all of his stuff is still in my house here.
And Mike is kinda-
Damn, that was weird, man.
Needles is saying that he thinks that Chris was moving the fucking mic stand a little bit for him there.
Man, man.
Hey, I'm fucking-
You know what? We were talking about-
Hey, whatever. Need be it is, shall I say.
But it's all good.
We're all good. We're all good here. So-
Wow, I can't get over that. Have you ever had a spiritual experience like that?
Yeah, we're just living in vessels in a spiritual realm.
You and I are just a vessel for something else, right?
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, you know what? I mean, obviously boys like you and boys, too. You're just a calm vessel, you know what I'm saying?
You're taking the seed line right to fucking hell.
You're so fucking funny.
I got the little line that says, fill to here.
You're filthy. Oh, they go fucking hell.
Yeah, yeah.
They go, when you water it, they go.
Right, right.
You don't want to overfill.
This is how much calm I can handle.
Right, fill to here.
My stove pipes can only fuck.
Full little line, it's just full.
But that's all right, though. You know your limit, though.
Exactly.
Some people don't.
One container full.
But, man, they really tweaked me out for a minute. That's all right.
All right, don't be afraid of the ghosts, Sam.
No, I'm not afraid of nothing, but that's very silly, though. At the same time, though.
Hey, at the same time, we're burning frankincense and Jesus is with us.
So any ghosts that are here are fucking friends of mine,
and they're all going to be cool.
That's the way I look at it.
Well, I mean, they better be cool if it was your house.
We got a big problem.
You're too drunk to drive home, so you're going to have to sleep.
That's why I'm sleeping over.
I'm totally sleeping over.
Ghosts are your problem, too.
The ghosts are the least of my problems right now.
It's called ketamine in mushrooms.
But at the same time...
At the same time, what?
So high.
Oh, man.
Yes, Larry.
At the same time, you could be with two guys at the same time.
Oh, man.
I don't think I can take a dick in my ass on my mouth at the same time.
What?
I don't think I can really take a dick in my ass in my mouth at the same time.
No, but I think you say at the same time too much.
Quit saying at the same time.
What does that mean, though?
You just insinuated at the same time.
What the fuck does that mean?
At the same time.
Yeah, I mean, well, you just insinuated that it was two with male individuals.
Well, no, because you keep saying at the same time.
And then one in my ass and one in my mouth.
At the same time.
So now from now on, every time a guest says at the same time.
At the same time from now on.
I don't think about them getting a dick in their ass.
At the same time.
But who should we go, though?
Well, kind of a male.
Should we do Ron Jeremy in the ass?
At the same time.
Ron Jeremy in the ass from behind.
At the same time.
And then a midget in the front.
What's a midget porn star actor?
But at the same time, you know, I don't even know where I'm going with that.
I don't even know either.
You know, so I feel like at the same time, it's just the thing that people say to just
say, you know what the fuck you're talking about.
Listen, ask clown, who would be the...
Okay, listen, so if you were going to get fucking double teamed by dudes,
it is the midget in the front and Ron Jeremy in the back, right?
Dude, I don't fucking think about those scenarios.
That's what I'm thinking about right now.
That's fucking weird.
I know, I'm weirdo.
What do you expect me to say?
You are fucking weirdo.
And I'm getting my wool.
So if there's anybody out there, any psychiatrist listening right now,
please.
Or any fucking anybody.
Or better, help that guy.
Any professionals that can fucking help.
I know.
Perverts.com or anybody out there.
Really?
Because I'm a deranged individual.
I don't know, man.
What you're trying to say?
A little.
Yeah, I think so.
I watched a chick being a dog the other day.
That's fucking gross, man.
That is absolutely fucking sick.
Dude, that's bestiality.
I'll tell you one thing.
Jesus wasn't fucking walking around telling people,
hey, check this out and fucking, man.
How do you know that, man?
Oh, because I have a-
There were a lot of dogs around back there.
Dude, you know what?
What do you mean, though?
What's going on over there?
Why are you fucking-
You're fucking gonna burn, buddy.
You're gonna burn now.
Dude, bestiality is not good.
How do you know?
It says in the fucking Bible, dude.
Have you ever done it?
No.
I don't know.
I don't know what's next.
Okay.
I mean-
Dude, it says in the Bible,
you shouldn't fucking have sex with an animal.
Okay, all right.
Larry Flint.
I call you Larry Skint.
And keep going, though, whatever.
What are you gonna say?
Nothing, man.
Go ahead and fucking watch videos with girls fucking dogs.
I don't care, man.
You're going out, buddy.
Obviously you do.
I'll send you the link.
It's just sick, man.
That's fucking not right, bro.
Everything's sick in this world.
The perversions are wild, man.
Anything is open nowadays, right?
We can do whatever we want with no repercussions.
Well, that's what you think.
If you go punch a cop in the face, obviously you're-
There's gonna be repercussions, man.
Every action, there's an opposite.
You got that right, buddy.
Yeah, you know what I mean by fucking speaking on a class here, but-
You know.
No, I don't know.
That's a problem.
Obviously you're watching videos with fucking frauds.
Oh, man.
What was this lie?
Dude, it was so much-
Or did you see it in person?
Somebody sent me this video.
It was amazing.
I was like, oh my god.
Oh, god.
And I just had to look at it.
I was like, why?
Where is this woman at in her life?
Why is she-
Well, she's probably at fucking gunpoint or fucking-
No, there was no gun in the video, Larry.
Not on- not on camera, off camera.
You're not behind me.
You know.
There were, but you know what though?
There were lots of flash bulbs flashing.
So I'm thinking that was-
Dude, it's a fucking-
It's a fucking, fucking sick shit.
Dude, listen, man, I don't seek this stuff.
Sometimes somebody just sends it to me and I open up the link.
What do you want me to do?
Ah, man, what kind of asshole friends do you have?
A lot of assholes.
The same friends you have.
Hey, Jesus Christ.
Fucking awesome.
Larry does right over here.
They're fucking insane stinks, dude.
I want to put this out there to everybody.
It's like an Indian diner in here.
Just because this idiot watches people fuck dogs.
Doesn't hear an eye, dude.
I didn't even watch people fuck dogs.
What is that?
What were you-
What did you just say?
Somebody just sent me something of something weird.
I didn't say anything of that extent.
It sounded like you did.
We're going to have to do this back to the shit.
No, man.
I'm not into that shit at all.
Oh my God, this fucking guy, man.
Seriously, if there's any help-
Anybody that's a psychiatrist or a fucking social worker or something,
fucking help us out here.
And your second-
This guy needs fucking help.
You have to be hot.
Five hands of fire.
There's a sex worker, blonde.
You have to be high heeled.
Preferably, you don't like the word underwear.
Maybe you want to send me nudes at work.
I can deal with that.
But hey, government job, pension is a pension.
I ain't enjoying it.
That's all right, though.
Right there.
Fuck it, man.
Because you're a sugar baby, so you don't know what a job is.
You just sit on the couch-
You just take times or so fucking tight.
I had to fucking maybe get a job, man.
Do it once.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
Exactly.
That's the worst part of it all.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
Yeah, you should go work at Starbucks.
Fucking Larry the Fanoo.
I already love me.
That's why you have to dance.
I pull up and I say, hey, I have a-
I get one half a word out there like,
hey, Larry, what's up, man?
It's like they know you're on drugs.
See, you don't even get a little word out.
That's what it is.
Be with a significant other.
And you guys know that what it's like.
That bitch is like, eh, she's like, ah, that bitch is drunk.
She's on dope.
Nah.
Fuck.
Even from a text message, you can tell sometimes.
She's like, hey, I got a fuck.
Nah, but you know, they're cool because I just pull up and they're like, hey, Larry,
and they just get my shit ready.
And those kids are really cool though,
because a lot of times they don't charge me.
They give me free shit.
The funny thing is you're-
I fucking love them and they're great.
It's hilarious that you're Larry.
And you have this following at Starbucks.
And you know what?
In the middle of nowhere,
they say hi, they say, tell Mary I said hi.
And she said hello Mary.
The fucking Mary.
How many times has Mary gone in there?
She only's been there a few times.
Yeah, she was saying like, it's how big my lawyer's presence is.
They're like, say hi to Mary.
She's been there four times in the last five years.
And you go there every day.
$27 a fucking pop this motherfucker spends.
Hey, this motherfucker, toot toot nigga, spends a lot of money there.
But at the same time, it makes Mary happy, right?
She doesn't kill her.
Oh man, don't do that, dude.
I don't want to fucking do editing.
Shut your fucking-
Man, you just missed that.
That was like a minute ago.
Yeah, I know, but I'm realizing I'm gonna have to do all this editing.
All right, just watch your mouth, asshole.
Fucking shagger.
That was a sneaker I just threw in there.
There we go.
Fucking cops.
I spoke to Mike to make sure it was there.
Yeah.
All right, so in the basement.
Mushrooms, Mary.
Yeah, well, we fucking went practice last night in Elgin.
How was that?
What kind of music you playing?
Punk Rock.
It was a-
What kind of punk rock though?
1977.
Specific, very specific year.
That's a very specific genre.
You know what I mean?
Like you can't-
One fucking year, you can't go beyond that.
I mean, come on, man.
I mean, Jesus Christ.
Hey, man.
There was a lot of-
And I know you're laughing at it, Larry.
That's what makes it silly, because you're an-
Well, here's the thing, though.
How many times are you gonna learn anyway?
You're retarded, motherfucker.
You know how retarded that is.
Exactly.
Look at you laughing there, kiddo.
And Larry's a hot rod on the fucking guitar.
Let me tell you, man.
He fucking smokes and none of you bitches
want to fucking challenge Larry to a guitar solo.
Oh, shit.
That's what we should do.
That's our new thing.
Oh, fuck, man.
You fucking challenge Larry to a guitar solo, man.
Oh, shit.
We have shredders coming out of the hood for you.
We love you all, and we want all your guitar solos.
And we need a producer.
Because these episodes aren't going anywhere.
We're just going out to the Elks.
So, fucking A, and?
Yeah, and it was pretty fun, man.
And we rocked pretty good, and we learned a few new songs.
And I made a little recording with my little fucking portable
recorder that I love playing with.
And that's Tascam?
Is that the one you dropped in the toilet?
Yeah, I dropped the thing in the toilet,
and then I put it in a bag of rice.
Yeah, because you're fucking Asian.
It's like three days.
That's very racist.
You know that?
And it dried out and started working.
And it's all herrored.
But check this out.
Every time I shake it, I shake it,
and it sounds like a maraca now.
And fucking every time I open up the.
All right, calm down, Bob Dylan.
Every time I open up the battery compartment,
a little bit of rice comes out each time.
Man, this guy's got yellow flares.
And a couple nights ago, I had a dream
that I was unscrewing it.
And I opened it up.
And about fucking 50 pounds of rice came out.
Like so much.
And then all of a sudden the village came on fire.
Yeah.
And I was just like, fuck, man.
And then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then.
And then the village starts on fire.
What are you talking about?
Like Vietnam.
Oh.
Fucking guy's nuts.
Yeah, I am.
What the fuck are you talking about?
There must be some kind of way out of here.
And there's just flames just going across a village.
You know what I mean, Joe?
I didn't see that one, man.
You didn't see it really?
No.
Man.
I know it's a movie now.
You're putting the Hendrick's song in the Vietnam, the flames.
But I didn't see that one.
Yeah, you can understand what I'm saying.
Yeah.
I mean.
What are you saying?
I'm like shot like a guy from a time or something.
The worst war ever, right?
Vietnam.
I don't know about that, man.
They're all fucking pretty bad, dude.
Yeah, but I mean.
They're all bad.
The least feasible.
Well, what do you mean feasible?
Like, what, in what way?
I mean, with our intentions going back and forth,
the funny thing is, man, I wish I had that.
We had no idea what the fuck we're doing when we pulled out
of Iraq just now.
Biden has fucking bad in his asshole.
Do we go to Cambodia and fail?
Right, right.
But they realize how lucrative and how much money you make
after World War II.
We have been in a fucking war somewhere continually
the whole time.
We have not been in a war.
Well, war makes money.
Yeah.
It drives prices up.
It makes people fucking work.
You get the fucking broads with the arms up with their,
what is that, headbands on?
Riveter Rosie.
Yeah, everybody, you know what I mean.
But at the same time, do you think the government is good
for us?
Because I really don't.
No.
I mean, it's the same.
I know they're not.
Come on, dude.
Do you think they have our best intention?
Fuck no, man.
I mean, fucking hey.
We're just two fucking dudes on the barge in the basement,
right?
Okay, you know what?
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
And the government doesn't even have good intentions.
They don't even have any intentions.
But if the road to hell was paved with good intentions,
are you really going to see the road to hell,
or are you just going to hell?
No.
Well, on the way to hell, the road you paved was good, right?
But you still end up in hell.
Well, I'm just saying, though, you got to pass that road
as like the perdition, shall I say?
No, I'm just saying, the fucking government,
you said, can we trust the government?
No, dude.
They have no intentions at all for us.
All they have, their only intention
is to fucking make money off of us.
The government?
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
This whole fucking bipartisan shit.
Power.
It's all about power.
Well, it's a power struggle.
Like, how the fuck do you do?
And the Republican and Democrat thing is all bullshit.
It's all fake bullshit.
Both sides are fucking bad.
Both sides are fucked.
Well, it's not even that both sides are bad.
It's people are bad.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
The people in the top are corrupt,
and both sides are corrupt.
And you know what?
I wish I was a smarter fellow to be like, hey, I can quote
Teddy Roosevelt and this and that.
And that's why they fucking hate Donald Trump so fucking bad.
But I mean fucking hate, man.
I'm a simpleton.
You know, well, here, I'll tell you this then, dummy.
That's what hated Donald Trump so bad, because he was not corrupt.
He was uncorruptible.
He had enough money.
I know, but.
You know, and so they didn't like that motherfucker.
Yeah, they were fucking presidents like that before.
And so Jimmy Carter.
No, no.
Carter was a pussy.
Listen, man, I'm going to tell you.
Everybody has a great initiative going in there,
but there's just a pop or a fucking state.
No, Carter was an asshole all the way from the beginning to the end.
But listen, tell me what great president has ever been.
Fucking cock sucker, Carter.
I fucking couldn't stand that bastard.
I remember the motherfucker.
Is he still alive?
No, thank God he just fucking died.
Did he?
Yeah.
He's fucking burroasting in hell right now, baby.
Jesus.
He's burning like a motherfucker.
What did you say?
Why would you say that?
I mean, where do you think he's at?
I don't know, man.
I think you're the fucking name of the motherfucker, man.
Dude drinking a PBR on mushrooms.
What do you want me to do?
Yeah, exactly.
Now who the fuck are you?
Try looking at this leopard skidding rod.
I am looking at the leopard skidding rod.
I'm gonna fucking sit right here.
I mean, all of a sudden your jury judge
and executioner over here.
Fucking right, man.
Where's Jimmy Carter's family?
Get the kid in the mall out here.
Are you gonna start picking and choosing?
Allegedly, I'm the jury and executioner.
Man, that's a real shiny badge you have on your hip.
What is that one for on your left side there?
Your right side there.
What is that?
That's Dee Dee.
Dee Dee remote?
Mm-hmm.
And it goes down.
Oh, shit.
Dude.
But that's right though.
We like the Ramones.
We like Panko.
Oh, we love the Ramones, man.
What else is there to do with that?
The best.
The Ramones are like, uh, the Beatles.
Really.
They're better than the Beatles, man.
They're better than the Beatles.
Because they were never the American Beatles.
It's like the American Beatles.
You know what I mean?
Like, everybody went crazy for the fucking Beatles.
The Beatles are okay.
Yeah, but they're no Ramones.
Well, no.
But I'm just saying like.
They're no fucking Ramones.
Here's the fucking thing.
The Ramones for sure.
They are sitting in your living room.
You got nothing.
What are you gonna, the muddy,
I mean, I don't even know what the fuck was going on at that time.
Muddy waters is pretty dope.
Man, but I'm just saying,
what kind of music was going on at that time?
When?
When the Beatles were around.
Yeah.
Well, before like, when they first fucking came around,
when they first started in England,
they were listening to the shit-calls.
Okay, so those are Rolling Stones.
Which stink?
They were listening to the Blues.
I like the Stones.
Yeah, they stink.
They were listening to Heavy Blues, the Stones,
and the Beatles, I don't know what the fuck they were listening to.
I like Donovan.
Donovan's a fucking idiot.
How about fucking Velvet Underground?
Yeah.
Now that's-
Yeah, there we go.
That's a little bit better, but I mean,
at the same time, was the fucking Velvet Underground going on
with the Beatles or no?
Yeah, they were simultaneously going on.
Yes.
With that whole British invasion shit?
No, no, no, no, no.
Matt, they had no-
I should know this stuff.
Like the Velvet Underground was like around Sergeant Pepper Era.
Yeah, but I mean, earlier than that, though, even
John Hale and all that shit, like,
those guys-
Andy Warhol stuff.
Yeah, those guys were fucking still freaking out,
doing fucking methamphetamines and fucking having wild gay sex orgies in New York.
Yeah, they still like-
Dude, that fucking-
They're still doing their thing.
And-
What was that book called?
They latched-
Killing the
They latched onto the Velvet Underground,
because they were a bunch of freaks and fucking degenerates,
and it was perfect, you know.
Well, I just had a way to get your shit out, eh?
Huh?
Music is a way to get your shit out,
literally and physically.
Yeah.
Metaphorically, shall I say?
If I didn't fucking-
If I didn't play, I mean,
I fucking think I'd fucking have to kill somebody.
Seriously.
Man, allegedly.
Allegedly.
Jesus Christ, Larry, what are you doing over here?
My god.
You get a lot off, man.
You get a whole LLC on the sun.
It's real fun playing New York.
Next thing you know, the feds are coming in.
It gets a lot off.
You, me and the cats.
These are my disciples.
He got nine outdoor cats.
They're all wearing the same nikes.
Yeah.
That got 38 cents.
No.
He exiled.
I know you got that one, Larry.
I'm sorry, I love it.
Larry's got a lot of cats.
So, yeah, you know.
But that's right, though.
I mean, life goes on, right, though.
What the fuck are we gonna do?
We just keep on doing, right?
Yeah, dude.
Fuck, man.
I mean-
That's all you can do.
What can you do?
No, it's not all you can do.
I know you got to fucking hurt and struggle and fucking fight and punch and bite and kick and stuff.
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
That's what you gotta do.
Yeah.
You know.
It's not like it used to be, though.
There are no-
No, nothing is.
You can get away with a lot more stuff back then.
I hate to say it's not like it used to be.
Everything, well-
Like I'm reminiscing on the old days and I'm not reminiscing on-
Everything's on camera now.
Yeah, exactly.
That's what I'm talking about.
But there's not many repercussions.
No, there are repercussions.
Besides maybe like getting cancelled-
People fucking videotaping you.
By a bunch of cunts that fucking, you know, get their feelings hurt.
Because you said the wrong fucking word or because they're gay or some fucking bullshit.
Well, I mean, what are you gonna do about that?
You can't control the fucking-
The-
At the same time when you commit a serious crime-
What's that?
There's not really big hard jail coming for these motherfuckers.
Well, people get offended by the most minimalistic-
They get offended by the minimal shit, but yet the big shit is just getting
swept under the rug these days.
It always is.
You know, in Chicago-
I mean listen, man, we're a fucking pawn in everybody's game.
Huh?
We're a pawn in everybody's game.
And I know you don't like to hear that.
Well, uh-
And that's the truth.
Well, we know that.
We are all pawns in everybody's game.
And nothing's ever gonna get better.
What are we gonna do?
Gas hits $5.
Oh, I'm gonna pay it.
Groceries fucking up the roof.
Oh, I'm gonna pay it.
What are we gonna revolt?
We're gonna rebel.
Well, you gotta eat, man.
And you gotta fucking get somewhere, but here's the thing.
But I mean, you gotta get somewhere, you gotta start at a point,
and then you gotta fucking-
People are fucking taking their fucking-
Belts in a notch, man.
That's for sure.
Man, liberties are out the roof right now.
Hmm.
What do you mean by that?
Our civil liberties are fucking out the shitter.
Yeah, they suck.
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Life.
Listen.
Life, yeah.
I don't care how much money you're making right now.
Life isn't that great right now.
Life is great, dude.
No, I mean, listen.
It's great, dude.
I'm gonna tell you right now.
It's good to be alive.
If you lived in the city,
how great would your life be if you bought a place in the city,
and every day you gotta walk down on Michigan Avenue,
and then you gotta worry about 50% of the time
you're gonna get robbed, raped, stabbed.
It's still, man.
I'm just telling you, this is all fucking shit.
It's still great to be alive, man.
I'm tired.
It's a plane.
How about, but how, you know, how much worse is it really?
How much worse is it really than it was five, 10 years ago?
It's a lot worse right now.
When we were always down there continually every day, day and night,
you know, gigs, partying, fucking getting high on the street.
It's not that though.
I'm talking about just a normal family walking down the street.
Yeah.
And then they get jacked up.
Next thing you know.
They're jacked up.
Gang violence.
And then what?
What are you gonna do?
It's a fucking crying shame.
You ain't gonna do shit.
That's the thing you can't do.
That's nothing you can do about it.
Well, you know what you need?
More cops.
Man, you need more cops, man.
But here's the other thing.
There's no respect for cops.
They fucking smoke cops.
But the problem is, is that there's always a respect for cops.
No, I have respect for cops.
But I'm saying that.
It was just hilarious.
The irony in that statement.
The irony of it is incredible.
It's because it's went out because I, as you get older and you become less of a criminal,
you start hating the cops less.
You know, it kind of fucking, it's like a seesaw.
It balances itself out like a scale.
And now that I'm an old man and I don't do anything wrong anymore,
I really fucking don't have that many problems with the cops anymore.
But you know, I mean, there's certain assholes, of course, here and there.
I mean, there's an inferior character everywhere.
But you know, we can't control the public and we don't want to control the public.
Fuck no.
But at the same time, everybody at the same time,
you don't want to fucking have motherfuckers wild and fucking shoot.
But there's a motive.
There's always a motive.
Do you know what I mean?
Sometimes there's not, though.
No, there's always a motive.
Listen, the drugs aren't even that good on the street right now.
No, no.
And people are robbing people.
For shit.
But it's not even.
For nothing.
There's more violence.
There's violence just for violence.
In between gangs and.
Well, no, not the gangs.
I'm just talking about mental fucking illness.
There's violence just for violence now, it seems sometimes.
But listen, these, listen.
Just people getting fucking whacked out.
When you're brought up in a certain area in the city.
How are you going to change it?
I don't know, man.
Because I'm not from there.
I don't know how to change it.
I don't wake up every day there.
I don't live every day there.
I don't know, man.
All I know is I've been, I was previously buying drugs in the same spot for a decade.
All I know is I was born in the spot and lived in the spot
that where you would be buying drugs.
But you weren't born in it.
You were born where it was.
But that was back in the day.
No, that was back in the day.
Right, the city changed immensely.
Fucking.
It was a K-town?
Yeah, and I forgot where I was going with this fucking story.
Kill their.
I don't even care as fuck it.
No, that's all right though.
But at the same time, we can't do nothing about it.
And that's just how it is.
What do you want to do?
But you know, at the same time, we can drive downtown right now and do whatever we want.
It's an open air market.
And that's why it's like talking to the fucking mad hatter with this fucking guy.
Listen, man.
Fucking idiot.
We can drive 15, 20 minutes downtown right now.
Man, it would blow your mind.
Fuck it.
Dude, it would blow your mind what's going on down there.
Not really though, dude.
I've been around the fucking world.
It would be like the 80s.
People out in the street.
I know so.
Right now, you're telling me if we drove downtown, 15 minutes.
Clip it.
Let's put the mic on and drive downtown.
Seriously?
Yeah.
No.
I'll go if you drive.
No.
Oh, man.
But what are you trying to say?
What's going on?
What are you, the fucking war zone down there?
People fucking doing donuts in the street.
Donuts?
What are you, crazy?
Yes, well, they're fucking killing each other down there.
We live in the murder capital of the United States.
I know, I know.
Well, we really don't.
We're in the summer.
So here's the thing, though.
Here's the thing, though.
When we play these gigs, we play in all the different neighborhoods,
and we play shows with the band and shit,
it's always been the murder capital.
It's been the murder capital for the last fucking 20 fucking years.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, dude.
Yeah, it has.
This is why we need no shirt, Nick, as our producer.
No, I'm telling you.
No, you get to ask your lawyer, my wife.
Yeah, I fucking call him that.
It's been the murder capital for quite a fucking while.
She's on 3.5 and 25.
So, you know, and we, you don't notice it when you're doing shit,
when you're out doing shit.
Dude, you don't notice it when you become conscious of it,
and you start getting scared of it, that you start fucking noticing it.
Remember when we used to go down there all the time?
Yeah.
It's not like it used to be.
Well, I guess nothing is.
I guess nothing is.
You know what else, too?
I used to walk around fucking New York City from Stem this turn,
fucking east, west, north, south, never fucking, never scared anywhere.
Yeah, but that's 8 million people, though.
Come on.
No, dude, now it's fucking crazier.
It's a lot fucking crazier.
Well, the odds are more fucking.
Last time we went to, well, last, last time I think it was, I don't know, 2017.
We played a show in Brooklyn.
It was fucking crazy, man, on the street.
This kid got stabbed right in front of us.
Well, I mean, there's 8 million people there.
It's like fucking our closest comparison is India.
You have 8 billion people.
Well, no, but listen, listen, I remember fucking years ago, 10, 15 years ago,
when Giuliani was fucking, am I saying is it Giuliano?
Giuliani.
Giuliani was bare man.
And that shit was tight, brother.
Well, he shut everything down in Times Square.
Shut the mouth down.
He did all this shit, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I've been there before it was shut down and it was fucking hell.
You remember the quarter peep show?
Yeah.
We put the quarter in and the window goes up.
Yeah.
I went that in San Francisco down on Broadway.
You put a quarter in, there's like two broads.
You've been alive.
Rubbing their fucking cooters up against each other.
Yeah.
And then they had like a window and I could see my boys over there.
The fucking weirdest thing was one time I was fucking, you're in Amsterdam and
fucking Mario made me go into this fucking, come on, come in here.
Can you gotta come in here Larry?
I'm like, dude, I don't want to fucking go in here.
And it's like a live fucking sex show.
Yeah.
And it was, it was the weirdest thing.
It was church pews in this fucking little weird little fucking theater.
And they made the women sit on one side of the room and the men sit on the other side.
That's really weird.
Yeah.
I mean, come on.
People are fucking on stage.
There's a weird guy walking around on the flash like making sure nobody's beating up.
He was jerking off.
Yeah.
Man.
I'm like, dude, why are you bringing me in this fucking place?
That's even, that's like the most corrupt place ever.
It was so fucking gross.
It's full of sinners.
The whole fucking place smells like pussy.
People are fucking weird.
Well, not even that, but why would you, I mean, if people are there to watch people
fuck on stage, why would you separate them and then put a light in?
It doesn't make any sense.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know what I don't know.
When I went to Amsterdam, I saw a live sex show.
It wasn't that great.
No, I didn't think it was that great either.
No, I mean, I looked at the guy and he was like, yeah, whatever.
We got to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah.
You know what was weird was they had this thing where it was like each one of them had like
five or three or five.
I don't know how many minutes to fill, but it was like maybe 10 acts.
Boom.
A guy, a girl, a girl getting banged by some guy.
And then that's boom.
And then the next people come on and they do some fucking.
See, I didn't know.
This was really, really like a fucking, like a fucking weird sex freak circus.
Fucking.
I mean, it kept on going, right?
And it kept on.
It's a business.
And it never fucking stopped.
The show continually goes.
So if you stay long enough, you see the same girl come out and get banged by the same dude.
Old school porno.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Look, you get the same clip over and over.
And this guy's got to fucking get a heart on every time at this fucking time.
But that's your job.
Yeah.
I mean, could you get a heart?
I mean, listen to me.
It was ridiculous.
Yeah, I couldn't really.
It was terrible.
I'm a fucking.
Dude, man, I'm never fucking ever doing anything like that again.
That was the fucking.
I never do.
You guys kissed in there?
No.
It was terrible.
It was gross.
You and Mario.
Yeah.
And I said, Mario, man, you need a fucking psychiatrist.
But he took you somewhere and now you got a story, though.
Yeah, I guess.
You know what I mean?
That's the best part of the story.
But it was really, really fucking very raunchy.
But he took.
He took.
You would have never went there on your own.
No.
Exactly.
I would have never have went there on my own.
That's for damn fucking shit.
I mean, listen, we all wonder.
That's why we have friends, right?
I guess so, yeah.
And it was fun, the time in Amsterdam.
I don't know if that particular moment was the greatest,
but yeah, it was weird for sure.
We keep on talking.
We talked about Amsterdam the last time.
They were trying to shut down the red light district.
Oh, man.
It's asinine.
They're tired of fucking people.
Key word, ass.
Asinine.
And fucking tired of people destroying their city,
which I can understand.
Well, you've seen it when the fucking,
they had these things, they pop up out of the street.
Yeah, the pissers.
Yeah, the fucking little floor wall thing.
People are just pissing everywhere.
Dude.
Pissed.
The fucking streets are flowing with fucking piss.
So much fucking piss.
I was in a bar in Amsterdam.
The fucking bathroom was so fucking dirty
that I literally stood in the bar,
opened the door, and just pissed into the room
that the toilet was in.
And the bartender fucking didn't even,
nobody even said anything to me.
They understood.
You know what I'm saying?
No, that's horrible, because you're American.
Dude, it was.
You should have more respect for their fucking bathroom.
It was fucking bad.
Yeah, well, you're a bad fucking egg.
This is the fucking dirtiest fucking bath
I've ever fucking saw in my life.
Jesus Christ, I love Amsterdam.
I just stood in the bar and pissed into the fucking room.
European drugs are way better than American drugs.
Yeah.
They really are.
Just like the Fanook drugs.
Fanooks have the best drugs.
I did some fucking great heroin in Germany.
Yeah.
I did some great dope in fucking Amsterdam.
Let me tell you, this shit was Afghani.
We should have a little Twitter.
I did a lot of drugs in Afghanistan.
I mean, in Amsterdam.
I thought it was in Afghanistan.
Yeah.
I'd like to touch gam-hands, man-hands,
guy-hands, and kissing dudes.
That's what all boils down to.
Dude, literally, you got the other reefer or what?
Fucking, uh, Niels just can't keep me out of his homosexual fancies.
No, I can't.
I mean, Jesus, you're all,
Dolgents in my dreams.
You're like the fairy lizard who always gets arrested
for smuggling drugs in their asshole.
I told you when I got fucking strip search in the fucking airport.
No, you did.
Oh my God.
You got strip search in the airport?
Yeah.
Can't underword it, Yama.
I had boxers on.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
I was in, uh, I was in Frankfurt, Germany, leaving,
and I had a fucking MXR Distortion Plus and old ass.
You fucking ass.
No, it was in my carry-on luggage and it looked like a, it was a-
I know what you're talking about.
Oh yeah.
It was a foot pedal for distortion.
Yeah, for, I know, for fucking guitar and-
It looked like a bomb detonator though.
I know, it does.
It looked like, well to them it did.
Yeah, the journey-
It was right after 9-11 and shit, you know.
All you did was put your arm up and they would have been fine.
No, they weren't fine with it.
And next thing I know, I'm in a little fucking jail cell
underneath the fucking, uh-
Oh yeah, I bet.
I was in the fucking jail in the fucking airport.
In the shower?
You were in the shower?
No.
Dude, I was fucking scared and fucking, uh,
the dude was fucking literally gonna look up my ass next.
He was putting on rubber gloves.
Well did he?
Dude, he came like an inch from looking up my ass.
Another guy came in from the room with the fucking pedal
in his hand going, it's okay.
It's speaking in like Italian.
So you were naked in front of a bunch of dudes.
And they were fucking-
They were getting ready to look up your ass.
Yeah, yeah.
And over the phone.
Over the phone.
They were on the guitar pedal.
Yeah, so then the next time we went,
so then the next time we were coming back from Europe,
I said to Steve, I said, hey man,
could you put this pedal in your carry on for me?
Yeah, yeah.
Can you put this pedal in your ass?
I wanted him to go through the experience,
but they fucking, he passed right through.
Yeah, imagine that.
Yeah.
Cause we're like, oh, this guy doesn't look gay as hell.
I don't think he's smuggling anything in his prison wallet.
Like later he does.
Man, is that the last chip?
Where the fuck did mine go?
Man, the mushrooms are good.
This is the one you handed me, motherfucker.
Oh, that's good.
What the fuck do you mean?
So yeah, man.
Another time I fucking got busted.
I didn't get busted, but I got fucking detained.
And I had O'Hare in the fucking basement in the jail.
In Germany basement.
And they ransacked your ass.
They went through your bubble.
I got fucking, I got detained in O'Hare.
I didn't get, I didn't really get put in a cell in O'Hare,
but I got fucking detained in a fucking room.
And they're questioning me over and over,
because why don't I have any luggage?
And I said, because I didn't fucking want to bring any luggage.
I didn't, you know, I just brought what I had on my bag.
I went to Europe with no luggage.
And they just fucking not going for that, you know.
They fucking, they were fucking not going for that.
And you think they have any luggage?
And Mary's waiting for me outside and all the people,
she said, everybody left the term, you know,
the international section.
I did the same, I was gonna ask for the money.
And she said I was the last guy to come out
like an hour after everybody else.
And she's like, what the fuck took so long?
And I'm like, because I thought I was going to beat the system
by not having luggage and I'd be real fast.
And they fucking detained me, because of that.
For what though?
Fucking asshole.
Because you look like you got drugs in your ass.
Fucking jack-offs, man.
I mean, Jesus, you look like a fun boy.
That's what you look like.
I'm like, look at this fun boy.
He's coming out of his stove.
He's got more zippers than a car.
Dude, I was wearing a pair of pants like this
when I went to Arizona.
Dude, you got 47 zippers on there.
I was going to see the stones in California.
Yeah.
There was 20.
I was going to see Russ first in Arizona.
Yeah.
And the black lady, the fucking, the,
the metal detector keeps going off the airport
and the black lady tells me,
these is the worst possible fucking pants
you could have wore on an airplane.
Okay, calm down, right here.
The thing is plastered down like the painted desert.
What are you talking about, pal?
My hair.
My hair is?
No.
I lost the joke, Larry.
Oh, man.
The painted desert is Arizona, Chachi.
Yeah, yeah, you're not on mic anyway, brother.
Needles isn't on mic.
He doesn't understand the concept of microphones anymore.
Anyways, we love you.
It has been a great time talking to everybody.
Thank you very much for joining us tonight
and we'll see you tomorrow.
Larry Needles show and, uh, hey man,
what would Jesus do and smoke one for me too?
Larry Needles show.