Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles Show.
And...
and...
I'm Larry and...
and...
Larry and Needles.
All right.
Welcome to the Larry and Needles show.
I'm Larry.
And I'm Needle.
How you doin'?
Yeah, how you doin', man?
And you know what?
I'm doing pretty good.
It's gettin' nice outside.
Yeah.
It's amazing.
I love it.
and Mary like my cruise all over today yeah and your scooter no no man you take
the scooter out man walk you're not trying to get any dick yet it's not that
wait till spring yeah it's like after Memorial Day you can't wear white
exactly the only thing you can wear is brown if you know I'm gonna get dick until
it's at least 80 out oh man that's kind of hot though oh I like it hot I mean
well but sex you know what this but sex in the heat is the worst yeah yeah I
know you know that's why you said yeah but I mean come on do you think that
gets any better than just but you know what though if I was gay like I said
before it's the greatest thing ever you can just go on these apps and literally
be in a bar and find it dude like 20 feet away and just do your thing and then
you go to bed so how many guys you go with the night or a week yeah it'll leap
here and how many days are in the month there's 31 you know what I mean my
numbers are skewed right right listen nobody has deeper pockets and jeans
shorts when you run your roller skating and fucking holes right but man you're a
very good circle spinner yeah I was watching you know that I was watching
TV the other day and they have all these fucking commercials and for what here's
what I had written Donnie to want you to see well you shouldn't say that out loud
Larry next time just keep that to yourself whatever yeah you're lovely
Peroni's disease oh yeah the bend in the dick yeah yeah here and here's how you
get it from scar tissue yeah from whacking your meat what the fuck are you
doing your cock what they have scar tissue that's how much are you whacking
your shit not even I don't think it's from that I'm not a fucking doctor but
how do you get scar tissue on your dick that's what I mean I mean you know
obviously listen put my dick to the ringer I haven't fucking never heard dudes
breaking their cock no you never have no dude seriously when a chick's riding
you and you have a long enough piece which I don't I wish I knew these guys
pain literally they squat down and you bend your cock in half and blows it out
the side oh fucking shit I mean I'm not lying it sounds horrible yeah I mean
what do you think sounds more horrible it sounds like bullshit though I mean
that kid it's not I'll look it up on the internet I can't raise your cock we
should have no shirt Nick foam this in yeah well if anyone's ever done it it
would be yeah he still has no shirt all right but at the same time I mean if you
bust your cock that's a game changer oh what about John Bonet no no no John
Bonet now Lorraine a bobbitt yeah that dude's dick off yeah and then they so
a new one on yeah made porn sure of course well what else are you gonna do
after that not sure you're disfigured cocked to the whole world yeah I mean
there's a 50-50 thing here Larry you either time to cash in everyone
you're just figured anyway would they pay him probably how much you think they
paid I have no idea probably 50 grand and that was in what the 80s no 90s late
90s probably not even late 90s it was early 90s because I had a job deal guys
so that is dick cut off I think she went to jail I think she did too dude she
cut his dick off and threw it on the side of the road yeah that's a big piece
that's fucking rough but I mean I did she cut his cock off or his balls too do
you think I don't know I don't she castrated him no she just cut his dick off
and she threw it out the car window she was driving down the highway she just
threw that thing out like an old-style can
fuck an end over it yeah fucker in the ditch it's like a montage it's like she
throws it out the window it's like black and white like the dick's fucking life
is you know he's having flashbacks of his entire life like they do on those
movies where your life flashes before your eyes before you die all the
twats and whatnot and shit that he's been so he has like goes real fast before
he hits the fucking I wish I was smarter I could tell you what that was
yeah um somebody will tell us but I understand what you mean though he has
like retroactive memories yeah you know my life flashes before your eyes that's
all it's not retroactive I don't know what that fucking well I mean I don't
either but I mean I just came up with that yeah it sounds like a retroactive
pain bonuses but it's not even retroactive it's like old memories I
mean yeah it's like flashes before his eyes before the end he has an epiphany
he thinks it's a lot of good times yeah yeah yeah we I guess so how did you
survive driving with Mary today oh my god man dude there's a word for one here's
what I did I fucking got really high yeah and then put your earphones in I
didn't have the earphones in but I didn't I didn't pay too close of attention
to what she was doing because it's kind of hard to break in every fucking rule
though it was cars go talking about my lawyer like we're fucking mad yeah I'm
like wow you're just so fucking oblivious oblivious to the rules of the road
thick traffic on North Avenue she's just breaking like 500 feet oh look at that
house hey he's like look at my phone someone send me a cat meme and then
you're like how am I still alive so I just killed you Mary will in the car hit
my seat belt on well that's not gonna save you from a head on no but I mean
once she goes into oncoming traffic might help no I mean if you want to keep
all your liver and organs in some spot maybe nice it would be I will not really
though I mean it'd be think about that I was watching this thing about a storage
like hunter guys or you're going to the Crack baby mobile yeah you need a lighter
um so I was watching this guy and he buys like used storage containers I mean
and it was one and I mean I listen I don't know if this is real or not but I
know and he found this one that a mortician used to own uh-huh and it had
all the paints and all this shit and all the mechanics that this guy needed
sort of tools of the tree amounts the shell I say the kooch amounts of
mortician oh dude they had a huge pump that was used for taking the blood out
and then you put wiki stick in mm you know they mean what was it she called
um and bombing fluid yeah the embalming now I rolled your blood out and you put
the week I wrote drummer Derek his mother was a worked at a funeral home
okay and we we were trying to get him to get us a jar of that shit he all
the fluid yeah and he was real you know clean-cutting straight and religious and
he didn't know anything about getting high exactly even more to you know and so
he almost brought it to us and then some one of his friends you know cuz his
cousin that he lived with God fearing friends well no his cousin was in a
gang oh he did so and so what he told them they're gonna get high with that
shit and then so he didn't bring it to us he's like man my cousin told me you
guys are gonna do with this yeah he was black and I was just hoping you weren't
making a really racial insensitive voice no no that's exactly that's exactly
what he sounded like that was it that was Derek's exact voice okay man I don't
want you guys to be getting high on that he's like he cared about us you know he
sounds like easy and urkel yeah he was a good guy he was great he was the best
drummer I ever fucking met really oh my god yeah shit a DH what's DH hell oh
yeah no no yeah no he wasn't like the age for a girl he was more like he was
like a jazz guy that could fucking do any oh he was the funkiest motherfucker
yeah like he could have been in he could have been in the drama for like
parliament and shit if he needed oh he was funky he was fucking funky as shit
well how old was he when you kissed him I don't know he's a couple years younger
than me though yeah when he quit our band man he left in your band yeah yeah he
used to play with us because he loved my brother the way my brother played bass
and fucking when he left our band he fucking went with David Sanborn who's
that he's like a famous jazz saxophone guy he plays on like David Letterman and
shit all the time he sits in with the band and you want to hear a cool story
sure so I was listening to a podcast today called a man I hate doing this
shit but because you'll love it you'll think it's great so it's called we might
be drunk it's Mark Norman and San Maril two greatest comedians out there right
now and they had a guest on right and so this guy starts talking about like he
he did like comedic sets he's a comedian that's their guest yeah Mark Norman
San Maril the guest the guest does a set stoned a set on mushrooms a set drunk
and then a set sober and now a 20 minute set 20 minute set that's what I was
gonna ask you how long are the sudden he gets into this thing he's like hey so I
go to do this thing at this comedy club it's on 83rd Street and Fifth Avenue I
think and then he's like so I'm going through my mom's stuff this and then I
come home from college one day so I'm going back in the story and he's
listening to the Velvet Underground and she says oh I used to live with the
Velvet Underground oh my god she dated Angus the first drummer oh wow which I
so Lou Reed John Kale this guy Angus and I can't remember if there was another
guy played their first show together at this comedian's mom's show it was
like some weird hippie-dippy show cool man and they said the the Velvet Underground
to commercial stupid avant-garde shit you know what I mean like flick your balls
on a string for 30 minutes everybody commercial I don't know but it's funny
the Velvet Underground were the least commercial yeah but here's the thing
yeah commercial as they were Lou Reed was always able to write a great song so
it's well I mean Lou Reed seemed on commercial because it was so good but
they were all about debauchery at that time oh yeah man I mean like you couldn't
even I hate to know what I mean I gotta stop saying that but they couldn't get
anybody besides Andy Warhol to do anything for him sure which is amazing I
mean that book that you let me borrow that I read that please kill me I mean
these guys were shitting and pissing and fisting and fucking shooting up speed
dude like yeah for days just doing debauchery stuff yeah like stuff we
couldn't even fat like everybody thinks we're soaked to pray right now what's
weird though it's fucking Andy Warhol camera do all that shit they have
cameras right that was the good part Andy Warhol was a taper but they didn't
have like Andy Warhol was probably even like haha I don't need to release this
stuff well no he had cameras but it wasn't like cameras of today where
everybody had a camera yeah but I mean no matter if you're high stock and low
stock you have a camera now yeah that's right and even people I know I understand
everybody's got a camera but what makes you want to record I don't want to record
anything I don't want to record nobody I don't want to get into anybody else's
life why I don't know what for a fictitious thumb or an arrow or a heart he
was trying for something he was looking for some kind of art man who was Andy
Warhol no I'm not talking about that anymore we've gone past who we're talking
about talking about likes and shit like that like you just said like everybody
has a phone online yeah yeah I don't even fucking look at my phone fucking I
don't go on barely barely go online once in a while I check my Instagram about
once every two weeks yeah it still tells you you're gay yeah and then fucking
just bending over it's about it man I have no other social media my
screen time is approximately three minutes a day you know they give you
that weekly fucking man that's crazy that you know that that means they still
have you Larry yeah well no waiting for that ding on Sunday ding and Sunday you
know I'm talking about yeah no it's there on Sunday morning I don't hear a
ding though well it makes a noise okay yes clone I don't know what you mean you
don't know either how do you know that it's because it's already on there when
I wake up I look at my fucking phone to see what time it is actually I look at
my phone and see how cold it is outside you watch gay boys three hours this week
and then I didn't watch it any hours man fucking websites the rest of you what
man I'm mentally fucking ill besides that I'm mentally hard because yeah okay
mentally I am healing because of abstaining from oh boy screen time
because that shit does nothing but fuck you up even an adult that has his wits
about him somewhat still gets fucked up from that well there's like you said
they want likes and if they don't get them they fucking feel all but hurt and
shit there's facts actually proven that staring at your phone for a certain
amount of hours a day is not conducive to a healthy lifestyle yeah no it's not
I mean I'm not a fucking idiot we all understand this I mean they make
glasses now because they're saying that when you go to sleep or before you go
to sleep you're looking at your phone and yeah that screen color on it that now
it fucks with your sleep schedule yes yeah man I'm not a conspiracy theorist
I understand a lot of things I really don't I mean a lot of these things were
not meant to understand you should stop fucking with your phone a good well I
mean before you're ready I love putting in my ass and having you call it on
vibrate I know but you shouldn't do that while you're trying to sleep is what
I'm so well that's the best time to do it I mean what else might do on my work
I mean I want to have my kid soccer game though but like if you really do want to
take a nap or go to sleep isn't it crazy not look at your phone do you know
that you can buy butt plugs or dildos or anything of that sort and you can
connect it to your phone literally control it that is wonderful so if my
chick was at my kid soccer game while I was sitting next to her I can control her
butt plug that's great scores or does something no vibrate
pulsate how long intervals I understand I know you understand you want to get
you one for Christmas I'll control it we just need proof you're putting it in
Larry okay the proof is in the pudding yeah but I mean do you think I think the
thing is that we're gonna be we're gonna forget what real we're gonna be aware
we're gonna be aware of what reality is no I know we're really not it's really
crazy remember when the news was like already came on it came on man like came
on excuse me 12 3 7 you know what I mean now the motherfucking day 24 it's
entertainment news anymore that's right they turned him into like shows it's a
news show it's not even a show but I mean there's a left news and there's a
right news yeah there's no neither one of them are true there's no singularity
between all lies well it's all fake man listen if they're telling us who the
only the sorry thing is we just talked about the phone the only news that is
real now is people recording shit and uploading it to the internet that's right
you want a hood fight you want to and you know you got a waffle house that shit
too though but yeah that's that's the truth that's the realest of the news yeah
yeah I mean there's no comparison right yeah none when you drive past a car
crash I don't give a fuck what you say you do or you don't do you still look
at it for one second no I didn't today I was so fucking
still look at it for one second and you're like I refuse I actually made a
conscious choice today it's funny you're saying Larry on the cross you're
saying this because I said fuck this man these fucking people I wanted to I wanted
but the problem is that was the one time that was the one time today when
Mary was driving that I told her right now I really wish I was fucking driving
and I felt bad though cuz I kind of made her feel bad cuz I really I don't
want to be those people man I was a dead I don't I have no idea I mean they have
a tarp out I have no idea man what do you mean you said you drove those looking
trying I just saw this you know the lights from the cop cars I was just looking at
your vision chocked maybe I see anyway yeah that's exactly I mean fucking a can't
fucking see well that's not good you shouldn't admit that we're driving I
can't even see with my glasses well I mean look at those fucking things a little
better fucking what did I call you before the guy from falling down mm-hmm
literally falling down what was his name man I'm not telling you if you don't
know it's just literally falling down from now I don't care about the fucking
I mean does it really matter I'm still gonna rip on you and call you gay okay
so cuz that's so fucking original and hilarious thank you very much I
appreciate that you said that you fucking ask the calling to bring the
fucking showdown Larry yeah why you want to start talking about chest now show
down what way to bring the show down oh okay fucking I thought we were having a
show I'm like this fucking ass monkey yeah no we're not gonna do fucking Akito
what the fuck is that Akito it's some Japanese show to show down oh you know
here you got to do some Harry carry Harry carry isn't either announcer no well
yeah but there's another one that Japanese when they kill themselves oh yeah
yeah Harry carry that's when you're disgraced no that's what I call a
fat girls kitty a hairy carry but I like that yeah well thank you very much like
them so people shoot up schools good or bad oh it's great I know right yeah
because something nice thing about it is when they do it is then there's gonna
be a copycat crime you know within 13 days or so that's always nice to I mean
come on you really think somebody's gonna go shoot a school I don't know man
it's they put it on TV they say it happens I mean it does happen it must
happen I mean I will say them fucking guys that went in there and completely
you can see the video which is amazing like listen cops are trained to do a
job mm-hmm okay Larry what are you trained to do you play guitar you're a
musician yeah you're you run a recording suit how long have you been doing that
shit man 20 years oh 30 on Nikki and the pervs okay so but 40 if you're
trained to do something it's reaction if you watch the video listen man these
people are heroes and you know what I mean like sure to diminish the fact that
no man people went in there without self-serving anything like you could see
the video guy opens a trunk right but what would you do you know I would jump
in there and I would do if it was my job yeah but even if it wasn't you knew
there was kids in there I would still be the fuck if they killed me guess what if
they shot me the guy next to me would kill that person because I distracted them
that's what I'm saying you know what I mean like I will fuck I commend them
highly yes and it is their job yes but it's a horrible job yeah it's better
you're a sugar baby you got a way better job than they do I'll say I mean Jesus
Christ the fucking guy over here start criticizing the cops
leftist over here you said you liked about her like her to suck it like
her titties but yeah here big but too oh there you go look at you
said perfect thanks Larry now we're cancel hopefully we get five more likes
but yeah huh there we go yeah yeah so when you have a job to do right you got
to do it no matter what in a Paul McCartney living let die if you got a
job to do you got to do it well yeah and guess you're the other fella yeah
and and and it's just chaos after yes think about that seriously okay listen
give him fuck chaos baby fucking it Duncan donuts you me you're a cop with
fucking no shirt Nick we're all just having a donut fucking chilling there's
a shooting at a school right now and you three are the closest get the fuck
over right now and subdue the attacker all the children are out of the building
we think you are the first you three are in the first on-site you hurry up and
finish your donuts and get over there I mean in a perfect world come on Larry I
mean nowadays everybody has bodycams and the donut lady is gonna be like yeah the
guy finished his fucking I know you can't even do that you lazy cop yeah yeah
but that's if there's a school shooting an active shooter no you got to get the
fuck out of there with all your doughnut so the motherfucker opens his trunk body
cam kicks on when he gets out of the car grabs shit goes into school his
fucking boys get on left and right flank the rooms go the fucking hey does the
body cam turn on automatically yes okay well I don't know how they do I don't
know I don't know how they work I don't know if it's when your motion starts so
say you're sitting for a minute you get up and then the body cam starts probably
you know what I mean like there's a voice activated tape recorder something
something to that extent by hate saying that also here to that extent you need a
lighter yeah um here but thank you Larry um but then they go room the room
sweep the room sweep the room no kids no kids motherfucker bam bam bam that's all
you hear body cam comes in the room shooters on the ground where were all
the kids though they got him out of the fucking building who did who got a
man's staff there's an active shooter drill think about there were 200 kids in
that building okay six three children man oh three fucking nine year olds man
upside down that's 666 and then three people that were 60 Larry or 61 there's
another Larry and then they killed three children Larry no I know I'm just
saying it's a fucking satanic ritual this shooting that's what it is man it's a
big satanic ritual I am completely dumbfounded you just said that yeah you
believe they're all six transgender six year olds and transgender woman went
into a school and happenstance killed three fucking children they might not
even but not wait wait stop stop they might happenstance stop they might not
evolve by nine I just stated okay that's my false reporting okay well maybe they
weren't okay so now what if they're six eight and nine well no what are you gonna
do they were either all nine or about to be nine that doesn't fucking go with
your theory upside down then 666 yeah but they weren't even not this fucking you
can't put eight and a half on the fucking star of Satan Jesus Christ whatever
whatever you're the one that came up with this theory maybe I'm wrong well
there you go thank you what I noticed when I look at Larry I just when they
showed the stats on TV to me I just noticed 666 and then 999 and it just
part of you see 666 when they showed their ages yeah the one teacher was 61
one was 60 60 so then the three sixes you know you're doing Sudoku for
lives right I was doing Sudoku on the TV yes and this is your theory that you
came up with well it's just you know you know what they say there's no such thing
as a fucking coincidence yes there is are you're kidding me right no they say
that there's no such thing as a coincidence okay give me give me an
instance of a coincidence I don't know there is none I can't think I'm gonna
tell you right now I think deja vu is more than coincidence right I'll tell you
that but you want to know what I listen to podcast the other day and the guy was
saying that deja vu might be the memories of our old family so generations
they're saying I'm not America say they're saying but I listen to another
podcast somebody and they were saying that we have seven generations in our
brain wow so right now from from right now to today back seven generations well
I'll tell you man when I would go on tour with the band and I would go to some
places and like Germany or somewhere and I feel like man I fucking been here
before I know this place same thing in other places yeah cuz your family's on
Nazis he exiled that's our new thing can't get canceled for that only oh okay
so you're not in Germany yeah did you any do you watch a Shizer video we talked
about this yeah no no but I know we want to shit on you joking puke video on
TV and regular did anybody has to piss on you no no no my god what kind of trip
to Germany is this you went through the view went through the worst trip advisor
if you're gonna go to Germany Jesus criminy you at least want to get pissed
on right now I kept the sex American style yeah I don't like and you don't
like all the excrement and fucking filth well I mean feel one thing extra man I
don't like extra minute all that you're talking about shit and piss no yes
because I'm fucking that's excrement stating what Germany is known for Shizer
video right listen man I don't want to get shit on ever no I mean you ever get
a fucking poop on your helmet you know I mean that's what happens when you go
spelunkin if you know what I mean but I mean for someone to fucking shit on you
you're gonna pee down no man I don't want no one to pee on me couple times I
used to do it with this girl was dating the shower and I would open the shower
curtain and piss fucking fawni fucking retard why am I a retard I mean it's not
like I was chewing concrete I just pissed on a girl I'm not wearing a wrestling
belt fucking walking around town yet yet no man like I said hopefully if I
fucking I'm gonna tell you something right now how is your quality of life
right now pretty good man I'd say it's pretty good fucking amazing right yeah
you're alive yeah you can wipe your own ass right yeah it's pretty you don't have
to cheat you when you want to shit and piss you can do it you can feed yourself
yeah I have this I have this situation where it's like would you want to live
after something traumatic happened to you and you're in a wheelchair man I don't
know that's a tough one you know well if you couldn't take care of yourself and
your quality of life was fucking nil let me say five percent you can move one
limb would you like to live man okay first of all who's gonna take care of
you I don't know yeah I would have second of all do you have the money for
people to take care of you no I would have to die what would you want someone
to kill you I guess so yeah because now you fucking really kill myself well you
couldn't how do you kill yourself you can't know how to even able to exactly
wow well man it's a conundrum yeah shit I know I know you know what though the
problem is that love trumps a lot of things it really does you know what I
mean jellybean fucking love trumps ailments and fucking anomalies and
abnormalities right yeah a hot chick that's got one arm wait what about a
hot you're paying a hot chick with one arm yeah you wouldn't think about that
how many chicks would bang a dude with one arm
having a fucking tides are turning but so what I'm saying is that if something
ever happens to me Larry yeah and I get put in a wheelchair man I hope you would
take me out oh man okay I know it's a lot to fucking think about it the
quease on someone I can't you can't what I can't give me an answer for that well I
know it's funny and I give it all to my boys and my boys just give me all seven
capsies and I fucking eat it and no one knows which one it is no yeah I mean how
are you gonna do it I don't know man I haven't thought about a wheelchair you
can't do nothing you know what I mean like why can't they just fucking show you
a dope spot and do all this stuff and get needles and stuff and we all know you
don't like needles yeah but as much as needles if you're gonna fucking you know
if you're gonna do it that way yeah but that's random it's like a fucking
firing squad one guy you know what I mean like nobody's got the fucking nobody
has the burden yes exactly no one is on them to be like no one's got the burden
of responsibility that's what that's not even the burden of responsibility it's
the burden of responsibility man responsibilities well I want to be
responsible for if I want to die though it's not you know I mean like right you're
gonna I mean no one cast a live with that burden right but I mean it's very
difficult to think about life you know I mean nobody like everybody's like oh I'm
gonna die like bitch you might have a stroke mm-hmm motherfucker you might have
a heart attack and be retarded you might not die yeah you like you know we know
our boy who fucking OD'd remember he did all them fucks we do and he didn't die
and he's still I mean this is 20 something years ago not 20 something but
15 12 15 years ago okay he's still vegetable his mother still has to fuck
and then guess what happens when his mom dies he's fucked yeah I just want to be
taken out yeah I mean that you know nobody's mom is gonna fucking take him
out huh nobody's mother is gonna take him out though not unless you may I barker
there is no love there is no love like a mother's love yeah like seriously if you
just ask Casey you couldn't make a drug like a mother's love right I'm being
serious and I know you know what I mean like if I could get a drug of mother's
love just that you know what's even heavier than that man and you know what
Casey Anthony listen she's a hot fucking queen yeah this she was acquitted of all
her crimes so please do not be smirked Casey Anthony's character in front of me
Larry didn't be smart you just did you totally say what did I say bad about her
I didn't say that I didn't you're not right Larry I don't like this one words
of my mouth right yeah yeah take them out of your mouth oh that's all right
though we could do a little needle area needles dp such which would be funny
asked them out with needles yeah man I mean exactly it'd be a tranny you want
to be a tranny no could it be a tranny oh I want to be a tranny no banging me in
the ass a tranny ask the mouth oh I mean I want some tits a grab on to yeah
no I can't be well let me if you're gonna make the parameters for this no I
ain't involved I was just talking about your ass right yeah okay that's all right
I can understand that I just can't believe left this Larry what can't you
understand $4 a gallon for gas $10 for fucking eggs what can't you understand
how we're just getting raped as a society and everybody keeps on putting up
with it listen I'm a peon in this world I really am I have no clout I can't
really do anything no shit I just me either I just do drugs with my fucking
idiot friend and we talk on the microphone which I love more than
anything and I love Larry but yeah what the fuck man we just gonna keep on
getting ass fucked there's no uprising Larry I know well it's like there's no
nothing man everybody's so pusified and and you know no I don't go to go you
show up for a thing you go like say January 6th they show up for a little
fucking first of all and they put them all in jail man first of all listen
people have been in jail for fucking two years Larry I'm gonna listen man
I'm living a fucking society right now I can't even get my lawyer down here for
this cuz she's gonna be on your side first of all that is a federal building
so what man no it's not so no so what second of all listen people were let
into that building by cops well and by I'm working and by federal worker
um allegedly yeah all of them were allegedly so what do these people do
when they get in there okay nothing they walk around I mean some lady that
well the funny thing that happens the guy that shit on Pelosi's desk was pretty
funny no one took a shit on her desk yeah no there was a guy who crept on her
desk no no no none of that happened nothing that lady that stole her lap
the only thing that happened was that girl got shot by the cop yes cuz they're
on federal property no yes man what do you mean people didn't deserve that and
they don't deserve what they're getting right now and that's not the first time
people have been on federal property when it was a gay fucking rights thing
they go on there and go crazy and no one fucking gets in trouble no one
because they're all on the left Larry they storm the fucking place they were
pounding on the doors they are fucking going wild they weren't doing that on
January 6th but they were doing it when they fucking had their little I forgot
what it was but it was some kind of fucking trans rights thing they were
going fucking crazy nobody fucking got in trouble not one person but did they
go inside the Capitol yeah they were inside the Capitol they were inside
fucking going crazy man pounding on doors and fucking screaming chanting a
lot more fucking violent and wild than well then I apologize because I'm very
educated on this situation yeah and these people are our fucking political
prisoners actually you know what though it's because they just came up with a
thing that said but the Biden people want to give you 20 years in jail if you
say anything bad about the shots if you say anything about COVID online all
right so hey listen we're doing right now it was a farce and the shots stink
come and get Larry and I that's in there and they're gonna fucking I'll tell you
that you can get for 20 Bong hit road fucking sweet meth water 6490 20 come and
get Larry and I because we are ready for you very yeah but you know and these
fucking people are it's like China or Russia you know back in the fucking
fifties where they were literally you know the Cold War man was a way crazy war
yeah and people fuck the imminent threat of things happen if the Cold War was
good because it made us realize that democracy yes communism bad and now what
cold war is over and these kids don't fucking know and also communism is okay
the Cold War made us the Cold War and I'll be a stockpile all of our weapons
and now we just gave them all to Ukraine that's the other thing they want to give
you 20 years for if you say anything bad about Ukraine so we just gave all our
money to all of these facts are straight ball oh listen to you they are and
fucking all our weapons we left in Afghanistan and no their weapons humvees
and all the other video yeah billions and billions of dollars we didn't leave
the keys though how are they gonna start them
what are they gonna do jump start it you can't start start one vehicle off
another without it yeah the best was there's a great story it's just bad all
the way around listen there's a great story about a guy there's a great story
about a guy might have lived in New Jersey somewhere around that they had
this truck a Toyota truck and some things happened and he literally saw it on a
video for like Isis or Al Qaeda his truck wow someone bought it and shipped it
over my god isn't that amazing we're gonna have to man I need to do better
research for this I can't but we're gonna do it on the fly though that's why
we need a producer right yeah so I'm gonna look up these facts well yeah I mean
fuck fat-checking is about 33% of this podcaster 88% is all that's what the
people do at home is fucking figure out how wrong we are well because we're gonna
put this out and then it's gonna they can listen to it in fact check we're doing
this on the fly exactly that's what I mean the people at home that's their
job okay the fact-checking part and then they could see how wrong we are about
everything which will be pretty much color wrong about everything you know
what should we call her fit the script those I don't know man have fun for a
second Larry Jesus dude you want me to think of a name right now well oh my god
how hard is it to think of a name oh man why I thought you could have already
thought of one with your complaining I don't know okay well then we shall move
on the almighty dollar yep it's not as almighty man gas is all my years it was
four dollars for a gallon of gas today fuck man isn't that crazy yeah and I'm
not comparing it to anything but I can get on TV and says how he lowered gas
I'm not doing this I'm not comparing it I'm not saying anything I'm not
comparing it either I'm just saying it's funny how you're putting the blame on
someone we're getting ripped it while yeah it's not my fault we're paying that
much for gas and it ain't your fault let's man it was your fault I just beat
you up and make you lower the price yeah I think we could figure out who's
fault it is man oh you know what listen there's fucking so many players in this
game so many variables that you can't even the amount of hands you'd have to
sniff just to get close I know I'm actually doesn't even know what's going on I
really do wonder who actually been a lobbyist I wonder who makes the fucking
decisions who is the ones that fucking tell him what to say people who control
the money yeah I wonder who exactly they are well I mean the Rob child's well
I mean that's just an easy answer there's so many people the fucking these
people and like but there's somebody right there up on top telling him
exactly what to do yeah because they have cash they have money well so does
when you have money you can make people do whatever you want you can manipulate
the whole fucking world which is amazing think about that you ever see
Inception no that's a great movie but never saw I think if you interject any
money any kind of money into any situation from low-level prostitute to
anything you know what I mean when companies using there's a dynamic sure
because that's all you know yeah well level prostitutes
that's my bad name so but then you go all the way up to supermodels and all
these people this is high price orders well but I'm just saying you introduce
money to anybody like okay I can go down the street right now I can go next
door and be like hey I'll give you 250 granny let me bang your wife or you let
me move you know they mean like people are willing to do anything for sure sure
if they're not then you have to use force
allegedly I wouldn't I wouldn't put a price on shit man I'm beyond that I
think I wouldn't what do you mean I wouldn't give a price I wouldn't that
cost about 200 bucks what does cost $400 that you know they mean like you put
up someone gave that to me and someone gave that to Robert fuck off and I
wouldn't you know what I mean but here's the other thing man I wouldn't
take I wouldn't do give my cat sell my cat for a couple million dollars I
wouldn't sell my cats for all the tea in China I wouldn't do you're an idiot
first of all well we all know that love if somebody was just like hey I love
a million dollars talking about mother's love earlier and I'm telling you
that's I I know what you're saying and I feel who the fuck is Mick Jagger right
but yeah I understand what you mean so I wouldn't listen anybody can be
bought or sold for anything I wouldn't sell out Mary for any price either man
I kill you but yeah I wouldn't I mean fucks gonna be my lawyer I just wouldn't
know what's gonna I know most people would shenanigans I know a lot of people
would in all the fucking my silly gigging almost all of them would what be sold
out for almost anything and fucking yeah I've 99% of people in the world would do
sure 99% of them think about that I mean I gotta look for that one percent man
no those are the mother bikers they want to just repeat your ass I'll fuck you no
what do you want percent the one percenters bikers man look at all Larry
please listen that's a different one percenter what the bikers I know man
how many times you gonna fucking Riverdance on my joke fuck you you know
Riverdances I'm I don't dance the inflat or something like that you don't
remember like skip I'm gonna show you Tom fool or they fucking dance around
just kissing dudes you guys all hold me I remember when I was in second grade
great time yeah and are you gonna elaborate yeah we would say all the
same little fucking jokes that you're saying now yeah but you laugh at them
still so you don't fuck you I know just call me out on this why do you call me
out so much man it's my I mean if you are coming get me why don't you tell me
I'm gonna hold up in the basement well the feds come no man they'll find you
no not at all well obviously there's not like the Taj Mahal in here they're
gonna find anybody now out of places there's really not but there's a lot of
places that booby traps though yeah you know what I mean yeah always fucking
what's a good movie smash a good booby trap you think you could smash him in
the head with a fucking telecast what's a good booby trap Larry Jesus Christ I
don't know you can barely wipe your ass and eat MMS at the same time I hope you
don't wipe your ass and eat MMS at the same time well I okay you're not supposed
to what's a good booby trap Larry I don't know what would be let's see we
could I mean spikes coming down the stairs sure yeah that's not boiling
shit dropping from the ceiling you know I mean somehow we manipulate drop from
way somehow we manipulate when the cops come down the stairs that dildo goes
right into their mouth yeah that's a good idea
or come up on like a break we can I retract a dildo on a rake handle so
many steps on the rake the dildo goes right in his mouth you know what I mean
yeah you need flak around for that Larry you can't do that on the stairs we'll
put it down here on the fucking we're gonna have a bent fucking rake fucking
bat and pending that'll be a Larry design a bent rate dude that's a girl dude
that is pretty funny Larry you know they step on the rake and the dildo goes
right in their mouth as it gets to I mean they're gonna see the dildo on the
ground they're not gonna notice the rake and they'll step right on the rake
but you're gonna see the dildo with like this camouflage clock and then all the
sudden I mean listen man your fucking math does not add up dude dude I'll draw
a diagram for you you're gonna lay right I mean this is a weird fucking hugs
bunny commercial hugs funny that should be your this little that should be your
never you want to get on street name in Boys Town
hugs funny hugs funny yeah cuz I don't go for the waist thing over the nuts hugs
funny actually I hug them from behind right by their ass and they don't mean
funny enough in a comedic kind of way oh I know they mean it was like the most
depraved kind of yeah like I'm the kind of guy it's gonna put a thumb in your
ass right away funny way but not really funny well I mean Jesus Christ I want
to know where you're bent you know I'm not here to fuck around well also you
know you got to check for check the oil man I don't know man it's kind of weird
that's why I was when I worked at the when I work with Marty and I did the
hardwood floors and I'd be bent over sanding the fucking corners and this is
another porno category and he'd stick the broomstick in my ass and go
quote low quote low wait a second not in your ass well no but you know but he
would put it you would take the stick and poke you in the butt yeah and say
quote low I mean this guy came from prison also I mean he understood what a
court low man yeah he was really funny I don't do that motherfucker I get real
mad at him and shit I bet you you did yeah tickled your fans oh yeah I loved
it oh you said it again Larry clip it in one time a one time I fucking fell
asleep in that I'd get all fucked up and I fell asleep in the van on the way to
work and I don't know I guess somewhere in Buffalo groves they have buffaloes
and he woke me up when we were you know he waited until I naturally woke up and
I wake up and I'm like where the fuck are we and he's like we're in Canada you
asshole he goes yeah he goes I wanted to see how long you would sleep and I
figured I would just keep driving until you woke up and we're in fucking Canada
and I'm like come on man we're the fuck are we dude and he's like we're in
Canada man and I was all fucking disorientated I didn't know what the
fuck was going on and yeah there was buffaloes there where I don't know where
we were it's like Buffalo this is Buffalo Grove Illinois
hanging out with Kiki too long the story didn't go anywhere wherever you at I
don't know no I mean it's a whole fucking crux of the story we were in
Buffalo Grove Illinois I think wherever they have buffaloes around here he
brought me there until I don't know where the fuck they have buffaloes around
here I've never heard of that I know the elk he brought me to where there was
buffaloes I mean come on what kind of drugs were you on Larry I wasn't on any
drugs I was hungover from the night before man and what kind of drugs I
don't know every kind yeah I mean fucking hey you weren't even your God's
right I mean it's like a trailer park boy story no man there was buffaloes where
I don't know where the fuck we were we were in Buffalo Grove I guess doesn't
mean they have buffalo where the fuck do they have I don't know it's your story
that's why it was so you making me the bad and that's why it was so easy for me
to believe we were in Canada because I didn't know where the fuck you were
probably sleeping for like two hours did you look at a watch or the clock I
don't know what do you mean I don't know what time it was I mean I think you were
raped you were totally you were sex traffic so anyway no see you don't look
you were passed around thank you for tuning in to the Larry we love you
I wasn't passed around and we'll talk to you next time